HUGH CORN WELL Has his bails removed SAMMY HAGAR hits Britain SKIDS in colour KATE BUSH COMPETITION HUGH CORNWELL pc by PAUL COX IF' A disco in St Tropez refused John entrance II would have thought he'd PAUL heave a sigh of relief at this news but no, he was determined to wiggle his bum to the jungle rhythms). The irate John promptty went around the back SEES and pole vaulted over the well, only to discover there was a 20 foot drop and made a teensy bit of a mess of his tootsies. RED The wiry Kenny Everett was in forming people of his own athletic prowess in various directions (I'M too (and buys it) much of a lady to tepeatl. Plus, horror of honors there were boys dancing with boys GOSH. WHAT a thrilling week, comments about the Revike awful • Wan Krer one of the few what with the glortous Indian party on Richard Brennen', barge (I felt like an extra in the Long Ships) as members of the Patti Smith Summer, the golden sun beating Mr Ronald Herbert said "apart from bend who doesn't weer gins down on Yates' rippling IOCks. I the noise there was adiabolical mess knickers or steel Penes sat in the garden eating boxes of numeious beauty aids, left in the street. - What was this Mr Kipling mince pies (getting in auditioned for logy Poes mess Ipondered , Bits of Fay Fife's band at Rockfield on the mood for Christmas) and wig perhaps' The "Scottish punk Saturdey. Poor boy is now reading 'True Romance'. So this hand's party, as it was called didn't probably totally confused week, the column will be extra rust annoy the natives of Pad- between Patti ming a tesn mower on her legs and inspired, like it was written by dIngton." The handsome press officer, Mr Eugene Manzi added, sticking Wry old someone watching a moose in sharp °blest in nine.« "Richard Branson, who owns the spats singing 'Heatwavd. Apparently. Patti has told her boat, wasn't aware of the party. rin bond to go and oleo with sure he isn't going to be happy about «moor* else Male she I LOVE a man who's decisive and the situation 'as his boat was used neeee a solo album Is there strong Ion swoon/ and won't take no without his knowledge." Th. ICan r'Ct piece t for an answer. In fact, a man like the almost believe, as Irn sure that if delightful Paul McCartney. who Ricioepoo' had known his Duende THE CRICKETS gig, in honour of was recently making a video of one was going to be overrun with Buddy Holly week, at the Ham. of his stunningly romantic toons. He drunken thugettes, he would have rnersrnith Odeon was preceded by a pOlitely asked Farmer Cries if it would removed all pieces of evidence party that started at 6.3e so the be OK to film some of the epic in a pertaining to his secret hunting, Chckets could be in their beds. elloe field of Ochgeies that the red shooting and fishing career, having beeboes by 11 at the latest. Present at the gig wore the won derful McCartney family. includIng the devastating Linde, who was sporting a rather impromptu looking quiff, in order to fit in with the fifties feel of things She spent ages discussing horse riding with vartous guests and Iwas dying to know what her pc:Moors looked like on that PAULA'S PAGE svelte figure but t decided d was probably wiser to go and inspect Andy McKay's sIdeboards, which are flown to a ch.., n Canvey, wnere work on a lurgh, Jots Mitchell album sort of porgy like Dracula's. Clan.» has gone out for a rave up Ithe wages were good) Anyway one Lol Cierne was complaining about with Roberto and Fergel (whom day nature called (as it does with Arnencan audiences who sit in the she's only out with because he owns boys an awful lot/ and he walked into bar snoozing at his gigs until the last a pink sut). The DJ, who's naturally the loo, only to find Joist 's producer long and then they eventually in love with Clarissa, and hase chip heavily involved in communing with stagger in to slump in a seat like on his shoulder because his name . the toilet and Joni sitting on Me sank baboons He then told mise loads of Tristan Pill ISO would you n'est peel flattering away like only an American things about his Gizmo, Well. Iwas puts on a particularly virulent pas a boiler can. getting pally worried, Imean s what doble record and Juan (who's rather does any girl feel when a boy starts overweight at the moment due to his THE DELIGHTFULLY cute Elton describing his Gizmo at great McCARTNEY tries to raise acheer from the audience false teeth) conks out in a heap on John had he birthday party last lengths Then at the end of our the floor, thus getting him out of the week. The party was on a yacht on COnverSatiOn. ne said it sold very well ATTEMPTING to become blonde as series for at least the next month. faced farmer owned. He was refused the Themes called Queen of the in America, yvhIch explains a lot, Just thank God. in no uncertain terms, so the strong, over, so to speak, in Ibiza last Thames or Queen of the Nile Well it about the best looking boy there weekend twas temporarily stunned determined Mr McCartney bought was deftnely Queen of Something, was. of course, Nick Lowe. into silence by the fairly horrific sight the field promptly. ending arguments • While the rumours run rife The boat was decorated With very At the moment Iani preparing a of Whispering' Bob Harris leaping on the point. Naturally their stun- eiound town that the people festive fairy lights arid Egon (who's double page spree) of rock stars around liku his wobbles were alight ningly athletic pd Tony Braineby is on the Seta sleeve are in fact something of an authority on underpants, so Iwas terrified to ask in the unfortunately named disco. strenuously denying this tale of male Vis Alberto@ was on °burette) had exactly 100 hand anyone so obviously statuesque as rode informing her In- wealth. Coons. What made the whole sight picked guests What baffled me was Nick to pose but naturally, he said terviewer and the nation the, particularly awful, was his crushed the seating plan Ifelt like Margaret her main interest was he'd be delighted (he's so roblel. He velvet, lime green trousers and the Thatcherpoo at one of those HIDEOUS THOUGHT of the week preparing notes on why even promised to ask the usually white suede blouse he had on with a frightfully clever summits she's fer all you aesthetes out there. people shave According to inebriated Wieckleas Eric d he'd dreadful frilly thing down his back It always climbing. Picture this the extremely spotty Me blonde VW front al the pose. Tragically, Nick is once again looked as though a lizard had at. serious preparation on Elheboots' cake was rather gory, it Judas Priest group roller skating in alone in London, despite having got tat hed itself to poor Bob's wondrous bristles, a song we emerge resembled a scene from 'Alien when the States chased around the rink by himself married (hiss, wail etc) physique. for the Slits new album. rolled rs by the bearers In the middle hysterical gels Ina doubt also with because his vedette is on tour to of d were twq bleeding great mar. pizza faces-)trying to to off any bits America, land of wide open spaces TALKING OF men who wear folly IWAS talking to a young man last roan feet, in memory of his manager of clothing they could nab, or even a and cow poking. shirts. Juan Marlyn, the other man in week who works as an engineer in John Reid's recent accident For bit of lavatory chain off of Rob Also piesent were Mrs Buddy my novellete. 'Cold Wind Over one of the large over air conditioned those of you who don't recall this Half ord's fiat land I thought people Holly and Buddy's mother, a cheeky Clapham', this week drags himself London studios and was recently at memorable tale I'll recall it, only toed to get clothes off hand blonde in short socks some bands like Cheap Trick I. The gig went frightfully well with Wings, the Crickets and numerous other people milling around singing loudly. Backstage Imet Don Ever*. THE Boomtown Rats resident_ stud, who was rust about to go onstage whoops, t mean tour manage.. A meeting at the and sing some of his former hits. He Robbie McGarth, has recently been tried to persuade me to sing 'Hey sweating blood over the booking of TWO years gone and decidely not forgotten Last Sunday. September 16, Hey Paula' with him but fortunately hotels for the Rats. upcoming tour of was the second anniversary of Marc Bolan s untimely death and in for the audience, Iwas striken with recognition of the fact the faithful paid their homage. the nation Thr r proving IcelY amnesia and forgot those wonderful difficult lespectally with hi heavy Pat Bolan, afficianado and editor of 'Rain', one of the many excellent smutty schedule) as he found when Bolan mags. informed nie of the plans for the day "It may sound funny Still, the show went on and there trying to convince the manager of a but some of us are going down to the tree on Saturday night to be there at was plenty of flashing lights and hotel o Manchester.