A HURLERS TALE CHARACTERS: TOM - Windgap Hurler - 1951 Wears an old long red sleeved woolly jumper Long white shorts Ordinary dark socks Hobnailed boots His hurley is dark coloured and old looking. He has an old brown ball. DICK - Windgap Hurler - 2001 Wears current Windgap jersey, shorts, socks, helmet and Adidas boots. His hurley is present day with insulating tape wrapped around it. He has a present day white hurling ball. HARRY - Windgap Hurler - 2051 Wears red lycra top, ski pants and full frontal helmet. The sponsor is “Soft Micro Computers” His hurley is plastic. The ball is present day but painted illuminous yellow. SCENE: The three hurlers stand on stage and talk individually about their hurling era. Direction as required * * * * * * * TOM: The year is 1951. My name is Tom, I’m a farm labourer. I earn about three pounds a week. I was up at six this morning milking the cows, feeding calves, hens and pigs. Went to the creamery on the horse and cart. Came back and carted out the cow house. Then I dug spuds for the dinner, thinned turnips, cocked hay, scarted ditches and that was all before dinner. Look at the welts on me hands... (Shows the palms of his hands) What will I do for relaxation this fine summers evening? I tell you what.. I’ll cycle down to the cross field for a few pucks. DICK: The year is 2001. My name is Dick, I’m a computer programmer. I earn over £40,000 per annum excluding benefits and bonuses. I have a company car. A lovely black “Beamer”. I was up at seven this morning because I wanted to make an early start and beat the traffic into Waterford. I had a busy day. Three meetings and wrote a dozen lines of code as well as debugged the general ledger-payroll Interface which had communication problems. I was home by six. Tonight, I’ll grab a bite to eat and head up to the field for training at half past seven. HARRY: The year is 2051. My name is Harry, I’m a professional hurler. I make about 2 million Euros per season excluding endorsements. I was up at eight this morning... I couldn’t sleep... About 10:30, I went to the all weather training facility at the Lamogue Cross. I trained for two hours before breaking for a light vitamin lunch. At 2:15 we went to the players meeting room at our floodlit stadium in Tullahought to discuss tactics for our next game. The stadium has a capacity of 40,000. The pitch surface can be packed away and the roof closes in so that rock concerts can take place. Tonight, for relaxation I’m going to boot up my virtual reality computer and relax in sunny Barbados. © Copyright 17 May 2001 Author: Seamus Norris Page 1 A HURLERS TALE TOM: I play for Suir Rangers, a Piltown based team in hurling and I kick football for Cotterstown. There’s no such thing as parish rule. DICK: Just parish priest rule TOM: A bit of respect, young fella. In fact we won the northern junior football this year. Well, it was after an objection, even though those chancers Spike Rangers thought they had us bet. Then do you know what? DICK: What? TOM: We bet Castle Rovers from Goresbridge in the county final after that. Anyway the local hurling team in the forties around here was St. Joseph’s from Tullahought. I did some good tough hurling with them. Both Suir Rangers and St. Joseph’s are junior teams. DICK: Some things never change. HARRY: Yes they do. TOM: We have no pitch of our own and Joseph’s used to hurl in Powers field up in Tullahought. Six nights a week. Two hours hard hurling followed by at least six laps of the field. You had to be tough especially after a hard days work. One of the older club men trains the team. Himself and four selectors. Tough task masters. DICK: I play for Windgap We‘re a junior team. We have our own pitch and club rooms up in the village. A typical training session involves warm up exercises, laps and sprints for about 45 minutes. This is followed by a game which can vary from three goals in, to a full match, if enough of the lads turn up. Our trainer is from a neighbouring parish. We look after his expenses. After training we have a shower, a chat and go home. TOM: We had some heavy showers in 1951. It was a bad summer. HARRY: I play for Windgap. We’re sponsored by the multi-national computer company, Soft Micro. We’re one of the strongest clubs in Europe. I turned pro a few years back and I’ve never looked back. Our trainer was an international hurler in the 2030’s and won a hurling world cup medal in 2034. You know, Ireland have won every world cup to date. Our training sessions and diet is all scientifically designed by a team of top class scientists at the research laboratory situated here at the Slatequarries. The aim is to achieve the ultimate standard on a consistent basis. The better I perform the more I earn. DICK: We call that prostitution.... TOM: Hurling was a tough game in the forties and fifties. We had no helmets or protection. We’d cycle to some farmers field, those of us who had bikes, tog off by the ditch and jump into a nearby stream if necessary on a hot summers evening. Sometimes the grass was so high you’d lose the ball in it. There was plenty of ground hurling though. DICK: Hurling is one of the fastest games in the world. Unfortunately it’s still virtually a single nation sport dominated by a handful of counties situated mainly in the southern half of the country. DICK Everyday facilities are improving with almost all clubs owning their own pitch and dressing rooms. Television coverage is growing and financially the © Copyright 17 May 2001 Author: Seamus Norris Page 2 A HURLERS TALE G.A.A. is a lot more lucrative. With increased T.V. coverage the sky’s the limit. God knows what effect this money will have over the next fifty years. HARRY: I know too, but sometimes the fans call me God. Since the G.A.A. allowed professionalism in 2026, the sport of hurling has grown world wide. However it is still dominated by Ireland. When Sky took over the T.V. rights from RTE, money poured in from all over the place to benefit the game at all levels. It’s amazing the statistics they do. Apparently, I hit the ball once in the last game I played and it travelled all of twenty yards. TOM: Young lads. It’d take four of ye to pull a buchal-lawn! HARRY: Anyway, underage is the only remaining part which is still amateur. This is expected to change at congress next year. It is planned to have a trial professional league for under-14’s. They’ll be able to earn about 60,000 Euros per game. TOM: In the fifties it was tough. DICK & HARRY: So you said. TOM: You’d have to be dead before they’d allow a sub in. DICK: They brought in a new blood rule this year. You have to go off if you have a blood wound, but you can bring in a sub who is not included as one of your five subs. HARRY: It’s a real squad game since they introduced the specialist team rules. We have one fellow who comes on to take the frees and they goes off again until the next free. I’m telling you he wouldn’t want to miss many or he’d be sacked. TOM: We finance the club through dances. We run a great one down in Ashgrove, Mooncoin, Met the missus there. DICK: You met Granny at a dance in Mooncoin? Janey Mack! We got a lot of money from the national lottery to build our clubhouse. Outside that we depend on membership and club functions such as cards, race nights, raffles, the hurlers co-op draw, dinner dances and sponsorship from local companies and individuals to keep the club going. I met the girlfriend at one of the club functions in a Kilkenny Hotel. HARRY: You met Granny in Kilkenny? Janey Mack! Since our club was bought out by Willie Gaps Soft Micro computer company, we have become one of the richest clubs in the country. A season ticket costs 20,000 Euros. My first wife had a season ticket. My second had two. TOM & DICK: Janey Mack! TOM: In my day we only had four seasons. DICK: Ah sure the seasons are gone mad now. You wouldn’t know what season you had. HARRY: Whatever about the season’s, the scoring has changed too. You now get six points for a goal. DICK: If we scored a goal, we’d drink six pints. TOM: We could barely afford a pint. © Copyright 17 May 2001 Author: Seamus Norris Page 3 A HURLERS TALE But it was a better game. More ground hurling. Better men. A tougher game. DICK & HARRY: So you said. TOM: Stronger men. Skilled stick men. This is the golden era. The fastest and best team game in the world! DICK: Our game is fast and skilful. Tactically superb. Unabated excitement. This is the golden era. The fastest and best team game in the world! HARRY: Our game is all about tactics, speed, skill, strength and stamina, oh and money too.