“What Will We Say?” Written by Death-Row Prisoners

Written by Death-Row Prisoners

140 W. South Boundary Street | Perrysburg, OH 43551 March 2013 | Vol. 15 | Issue 70 (Bi-monthly)

Publishing compassionate and introspective articles “What Will We Say?” written by death-row prisoners. hen we die, as we stand before God, Consider these questions we’ve just been Wfor heaven’s crown to gain. As God looks asked, consider them today! Before we stand in back at our life, oh friend, what will we have to the presence of God, lost without words to say! say? Hebrews 9:27, “And as it is appointed unto Did we do evil, did we do good, did we take men once to die, but after this the judgment:” time each day to pray? As we look back upon 2 Corinthians 5:10, “For we must all appear our life, oh friend, what will we have to say? before the judgment seat of Christ; that every Has the Blood of Jesus been applied to our one may receive the things done in his body, soul, are we free from sin and shame? Did we according to that he hath done, whether it be fight the good fight, did we keep the faith, and good or bad.” is a crown of righteousness ours to gain? Revelation 20:12, “And I saw the dead small and great, stand before God; and the books were YOU DON’T opened: and another book was opened, which NEED A REASON is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, TO HELP PEOPLE according to their works.” A thought from the heart and the Word.

IN THIS ISSUE: u Editorial: From the Heart A Message to Youth u Editorial: Compatriots u Letters to the Editor A Worth In Redemption u Victims Voice What value is this life Worth remains unseen Deceived by youth The powers that be unflinching u Unity of Purpose Cast away so simply Hope fighting the good fight u Simple Pleasures No hope in the condemned Strength continues anew u The Soul Kitchen A broken life unforgiven Birth awaits the sleeping The spirit speaking freedom To again value and have faith in me u How Could I Have Known? In hope there is unrest u You Are There Redemption hiding its face The flesh aches in sleeplessness Nick Acklin u And More... Alabama Death Row Visions of a desired tomorrow Atmore, AL Fear of deception lurking once more Eluded by a second chance. www.compassionondeathrow.net Letters Editorial: From the Heart to the Editor

Letters to the Editor are welcomed A Message to Youth the gross overrepresentation of young African from all prisoners (this includes They call you violent and troubled children. Youth who are at a high risk of incarceration American males incarcerated. So many I non-death row prisoners) and the or becoming a homicide or recidivism statistic. met revealed a horrendous history of being outside community. Some come from good homes with one or both subject to physical, emotional, and sometimes In submitting letters, we ask that parents, with love and guidance, while others sexual trauma in childhood. They don’t need compassionate and introspective are in a not so good situation with poverty, long prison sentences. They need psychiatric guidelines apply to your sexual, physical and psychological abuse, treatment, especially psychotherapy. In communications. torture, bullies, and/or bad foster homes. Many too many jails and prisons this need is not addressed.” As long as this persists and Limit size to 400 words or less. are confined or headed that way unless some inmates aren’t given employable skills, Letters may be edited for clarity changes are made while others go in and out of recidivism will persist. and space considerations. the system. This editorial is dedicated to you. Incarceration and recidivism affecting our I close with a message to the children and CONTACT US AT: youth are at epidemic levels. It’s clear more our own inner child. Love yourself. We love you. You – your life is precious. God loves you. Letters to the Editor prisons and longer sentences alone fall woefully If you were hurt, don’t COMPASSION short as they seem to blame yourself. Let 140 W. South Boundary Street put a band aid on the symptoms while go of the shame and Perrysburg, OH 43551 ignoring the root causes. guilt. Please openly COMPASSION OUTSIDE The foundation is discuss your pain with COORDINATOR the most important qualified therapists. [email protected] aspect of any house. Otherwise denial will TEL: 419-874-1333 The foundation of cause bigger problems FAX: 419-874-3441 family and raising kids later. Choose to no longer be a victim of WEBSITE ADDRESS: all starts at home with parents. Good or bad that foundation is crucial to youth’s mental the past, but to overcome. Choose to be free. www.compassionondeathrow.net and emotional development which affects Forgive those who hurt you. their behavioral patterns, self esteem and their Take inventory of your life. Evaluate your bad choices and learn from your mistakes. Ask PUBLISHER responses to life’s issues. There is overwhelming research that affirms that psychological and yourself who am I? What type of person do I Compassion physical trauma in youth lead to a host of want to become? What changes do I need to CO-EDITORS behavioral problems. make? What would I like to achieve and what are my goals in this short life? Who and what Abu Ali Abdur-Rahman The US Supreme Court opined that negative influences do I need to part ways with? Marcus Wellons youth are at a time and condition of life Remember the music, books, movies, videos and ASSISTANT EDITORS when they may be susceptible to influence the crowd you choose all affect your thinking. Al Cunningham, and psychological damage. Considering the Choose wisely. Focus on your education. It Charles Henry Diller, quantum advancements in medicine, giving us opens doors. Listen and heed advice of parents, the ability to forecast the maladies that unborn Konstantinos Fotopoulos, teachers and those over you. Respect and obey will inherit, could not profiling and early Siddique Abdullah Hasan, authority. And very importantly pray. God can intervention with troubled kids be easily within and Melvin Speight make a big difference. Prison and death row our realm of possibilities? In over 20 years of COMPASSION is the worst place to be. Violence and sexual ADVISORY BOARD ministry/counseling I have listened to countless assaults happen every day in prison. I have two Death-Row Prisoners horrific stories from guys who suffered sexual comrades on death watch awaiting execution at abuse and the worst forms of physical abuse as CONTRIBUTING WRITERS present. I’m keeping it real with you. You have kids from the people entrusted to love and care Nick Acklin, Perry Allen Austin, a great opportunity to turn it around. Don’t for them. These sometimes come from guys Al Cunningham, Tai Chin Preyor, blow it! Greatness is on the inside of each of you who did time together in juvenile facilities, then John Robinson, William Silvia waiting to be discovered. at adult prisons and then end up on death row and Duane Allen Short together. This is recidivism at its worst and the Marcus Wellons Please Note: Any opinions expressed very thing Compassion is taking an initiative on Co-Editor in this publication are those of the to curtail or stop. Georgia Death Row Jackson, GA individuals writing them and not of Dr. Steven Moffic is quoted in a recent Compassion or other staff members. Smithsonian magazine article, “I have seen 2 Please see page 6 for editorial by Co-Editor Abu Ali Abdur-Rahman Letters to the Editor:

Good Morning Reality I asked the inner Helper Guide to use me, You are being filled with Spirit and Grace. thinking on how to help others. Send your then waited but not for long. I am bringing Be done with your old ways. I give you a submission to the Letter to the Editor c/o Holiness and joy to your awareness. Who brand new life where all you need is Me. Compassion. Great thinking could be the am I? I am Spirit within your soul. You are answer to winning. And what’s the prize? I am not thinking about Me when I think just like Me. I am Holy. You are Holy. You’re Since we are not thinking about ourselves about you. We have a nation that could Holiness in my Holiness. I have a task for here the top three entries will simply be benefit from our experiences. Selfishness is you. Push aside doubt and stand under the printed in the May issue of Compassion the root of misfortune. Together let’s agree, banner of Love. I am performing a Miracle but you will receive the good feeling that making a decision using egotistical for those who fear death. Be courageous of knowing that you probably helped and self centered thinking is an error to my soul. My children have eternal life. I am someone else with your essay. correct. Do only this: choose to think healing your mind of fear and transforming better ideas about everything, and you What do you think? it into a peaceful state. My children wake will automatically think better thoughts up from your fearful dreaming. I have Charles Henry Diller about yourself. happy thoughts for you to ponder. Do not Assistant Editor of Outside Communication Here is an opportunity to enter be afraid. I am hearing with you. You are Dallas State not condemned but loved. I give you My Compassions letter to the editor challenge. Correctional Institution Kingdom to replace the world you made. Using 150 words or less give us your best Dallas, PA

Dear Editor. I’m extending my regards and respect to you and everyone Two Submissions to Compassion: at Compassion. I do want to congratulate your contributing writers for Tear Drops in the Rain the wonderful, eye opening work you do. It is educational and inspiring to all who read: your poetry, reflections, and stories told by victims of Tear drops in the pouring rain. I hide my fears, my tears, and my violent crimes like mine. Thank you for the unconditional labor of love pain. Locked away the secrets of my heart; wishing I had a brand you perform. Below is one of several submissions. new start. So many things I’ve seen and done, walked through Rebirth the fire, had some fun; experienced love, burned by the sun; played with magic though sometimes tragic; soared with eagles, To dwell in the heart and mind with God, and not to be held surfed some breaks; God forgive me my mistakes. Now I’m old in bondage by any outward affection, is the state of a Spiritual yet none too wise; seen infinity in star filled skies; time to close man. The more a man is at one with Him, and becomes of a my troubled eyes and rest. Everything passes. Forever lost in single heart and mind, so much the more, and higher things time; like teardrops in the rain. he does out of labor; for he receives the light of wisdom from above. Our spiritual progress and perfection does consist of Prison Is giving ourselves up with all our hearts and minds to the Divine Prison is loneliness in a crowd, hunger that can’t be fed, thirst will; not seeking our own interest; either in great matters or in never satiated; desires unfulfilled; Prison is emotions that can’t small; either in time or in eternity. We have to learn to despise be felt; beauty not appreciated, talent undiscovered, love gone outward things, and to give ourselves to things inward, for in un-expressed. Prison is knowing abandonment, feelings of great this way we are able to perceive the Kingdom of God within loss, despairing continually. Prison is the grain of wheat that fell us. Blessed is the one that gladly receives the impulses of to the ground; the sowing for a better harvest; the realization of the Divine whisper, and gives no heed to the whisperings of a brighter tomorrow; the womb waiting for rebirth. Prison is the this world. Blessed is the one that enters deeply into inward way we/you do our time. The thoughts you cultivate, the feelings things and endeavors to prepare himself, more and more, by you feel, the emotions you harbor. Prison is what you make it. daily exercises, to receive the Heavenly secrets. If we perfectly overcome ourselves, we shall very easily bring all else under Melvin Rashe Forturne control. To desire no outward things produces inward peace, SCI Fayette Labelle, PA so the forsaking of ourselves inwardly joins us unto God. Who has a greater combat that he who labors to overcome himself? The perfect victory is triumph over our self.

Hector Cifuentes Centinela State Prison Imperial, CA 3 A Different Standard

Gail Rice’s brother Bruce Vander Jagt , a Denver police officer was shot and killed in 1997. The killer then used the officer’s police service revolver to commit suicide. Gail writes, “I worked in prison ministry for 18 years prior to Bruce’s death. I knew there was a different standard of justice for poor and minorities. Only later did I see capital punishment as wrong… if we can judge people as worthless or as having no right to live, we become very much like the murderers we condemn. The death penalty is about vengeance, not justice. As a Christian committed to restorative justice, I am convinced that capital punishment is in no way restorative.” For more information visit www.mvfhr.org Gail Rice Bruce VanderJagt

Unity of Purpose arly on in this process I concluded I continue, perhaps dumbly, to trust. I learned door of understanding to the outside world. that to depend on no one, to be that if you try to live in the past, the future, or Together we can do so much more than we independent and care for myself, was even attempt to figure out what will happen can individually. What is needed is unity Ethe safest and best policy. I had it all figured tomorrow, life is hard. But if you live one day of purpose and sharing! My friend Abu Ali out that the least amount of help I had to ask at a time, this day, today, life is much simpler. Abdur Rahman often eloquently makes for the better off I would be. I was tired of You can’t just isolate yourself or you become that point and gently cajoles others to share trusting people, being betrayed, being hurt, miserable. You’ll waste your todays trying to their life experiences. Family members of and thought the solitary approach would understand your yesterdays. The “if onlys” murdered victims bravely and publicly tell protect me from more pain. I was wrong; and “what ifs” will consume you. of their healing and opposition to capital but it took me a long time to realize that. Death row is an experience that is difficult punishment despite the histrionics and Although I am still often disappointed by to share with the outside world. Society drives organized criticism of others. people who make promises they don’t keep, past these prison walls every day and scarcely The personal stories and experiences of takes notice. Amazingly, even with all of the individuals on death row also educate our different backgrounds, each one of us and provide real insight that enlightens has communality. Although we have vastly people. So many poignant stories are buried different life experiences, we are, all of us, very behind these walls that people need to hear. inter-connected. We are all strangers, yet we Think about the good it will do, please share are all together. your experiences. Unity is hard to describe. Expressed in music it occurs when every note is in harmony. In politics it comes about John Robinson Kansas Death Row through debate and compromise. Expressed El Dorado, KS mathematically, it is a number: One. As one each of us has the ability to share, open the 4 Simple Pleasures: here is a common saying that goes u To be able to shower, use the restroom, and take care of other personal matters in private, something like this: “You don’t without being observed and/or interrupted. know what you’re missing until u To eat a meal that is not dried out and ice cold, or dried out and burnt to a crisp. A meal you’veT lost it. I believe this is especially true that tastes like something other than cardboard. for most of us in here. The simple pleasures u To wear clothes that are clean and don’t smell like they’ve been stuffed in someone’s that most people enjoy and take for granted gym locker for the past few weeks. To not have to worry about whether we’ll pick up a (I’m guilty of the same) suddenly become hitchhiker like scabies or staph. painfully clear and missing from our lives u To be able to see the sky without having to look through a little slit in the wall, or through when we come to prison. rolls of razor wire and fencing. u To breathe in clean air and feel the wind and rain on your face. u To see nature going on all around you; the squirrels playing and foraging for food; the wasps building their nests; the birds raising their chicks. u To hear the sound of children laughing and playing in the distance, and see other people going about their daily routines. u But most of all, to feel the touch of another human in kindness, to see a friendly smile and hear warm words of love from family and friends. To be secure in the knowledge that you are loved and cared for. To have someone share the fear and doubts you have, and help chase them away, and tell you that everything will be all right. Some folk just don’t know what Perry Allen Austin they’re missing until they’ve lost it all… Texas Death Row the simple pleasures. Livingston, TX

Please Donate to Our Scholarship Fund... Death Row Prisoners Donate Art FOR SCHOLARSHIPS

Untitled by Angel Medrano u Arizona Death Row | Florence, AZ 8” x 10” Colored Pencil Price: $75 includes shipping and handling

We are in Need of Prisoner Drawings & Paintings All proceeds from sales of artwork go to college scholarships for family members of murder victims. Please make check out and mail to: Compassion Art for Scholarships 140 W. South Boundary St. | Perrysburg, OH 43551 5 Now Accepting Compatriots Scholarship Editorial: Applications or some time now we’ve been granted not complying with their stated teachings. Some A portion of the funds from subscriptions and the opportunity and the privilege to of us sit back and watch while the confused, undesignated donations to Compassion are express ourselves, sharing our personal the despaired and the abandoned fall prey to given as college scholarships to immediate Fexperiences. We have come far you and I. I unforeseen traps. Those are the same traps family members (parent, grandparent, child, extend my deepest appreciation for your input. that deceived us. If we do not participate in the grandchild, sibling) of murdered victims. May you be graced. solution no legislative body, no set of ill conceived If you or someone you know is a U.S. citizen It is easy to say, “don’t follow me” or apply threats will stop our young people from entering and is either attending or planning on attending the scared straight tactic. It is my opinion these the “halls of hell” which we are now enduring. a college or university (academic or religious) strategies are no longer effective. I assume we are We all have an obligation to those who are as a student and had a family member mur- in agreement that to attract the troubled youth of troubled and we have the ability to sway them dered, please submit an application. today will take much more than words or a tactic from the pain we’ve had to endure. used a couple of decades ago. If we do not appeal A question to you now, “what kind of question To Obtain an Application: to them with the knowledge of our experiences do you think we need to ask these young people Write and adopt them as our young brothers and that will perhaps generate questions from them COMPASSION 140 W. South Boundary St. sisters regardless of the shade of their skin or to us? Our outside coordinators are thinking Perrysburg, Ohio 43551 creed; if they do not feel our sincerity, the law as about a video so that we can put a face on love. Call 419-874-1333 it stands, will aid in destroying them, as it has Do we stand together in the name of our young Ask for Compassion’s office helped to destroy many of us. Do we just sit back brothers and sisters? It only makes sense. Peace Visit and let that happen? be with you. www.compassionondeathrow.net We were taught hate and discrimination as well as not to compromise and that it’s OK to Abu Ali Abdur Rahman harm one another. These ills are affecting the Co-Editor youths whether they are white or black, brown Tennessee Death Row Death Row Prisoners Nashville, TN Please Write To Help Youth! or red, Christian or Muslim, agnostic or atheist, Compassion is gathering essays written by Catholic or Hebrew. Many in these groups are death row prisoners on words of advice on how juvenile offenders can best avoid going back into prison. Recidivism rates are very high among youth and your words of encourage- ment and wisdom may save a young person The Soul Kitchen from having to reenter the prison system. This The pool in its silence awaits soul Awakening begins book, like “Today’s Choices Affect Tomorrows The mind is quiet The patterns of soul upon the waters Dreams,” will be sent without charge to at-risk of ego expand out youth in juvenile detention facilities throughout The heart is open Creating change, an aspect of love the United States. Send your submission to: Soul visits as a soft rain upon the still, clear pool Embraced in the heart, ego ceases New Book Compassion to control the life stream 140 W. South Boundary The waters of the ego embrace the Perrysburg, OH 43551 soft tapping of soul Soul becomes the guiding force that moves the waters Soul’s language of light, and the tapestry of the ego The pool, in its active silence is self-loving soul Unite merging into form To Our Readers: Life begins. Anything death-row prisoners write may Form expounds into infinite possibility jeopardize their future appeals. Knowledge Integrating through the heart of these facts may limit the scope of a Ego awaits love here prisoner’s expressions. Creating the awakening being Tai Chin Preyor Texas Death Row If the waters of the ego are still and Livingston, TX clear, silent and open All stories are subject to editing for grammar, sentence structure and clarity. The gentle falling rain of soul is love realized 6 Thank you to our donors who are making this publication possible. LEAD DONORS ($5000 OR MORE): Father John Graden Word Consultants St. Thomas Aquinas, Derry, NH Catholic Diocese of Toledo, OH An Anonymous Friend Alvera Sams Ken & Elizabeth Green, Kansas City, MO People of Faith Against the Death Penalty St. Mary Catholic Church, Defiance, OH Ken Cappelletty, Perrysburg, OH St. Charles Borromeo, PT. Charlotte, FL Pastor Rick Jaycees, Ellsworth, KS Sisters of Mercy, Cincinnati, OH St. Katharine Drexel, Frederick, MD SILVER DONORS ($1000 OR MORE): Ursuline Convent of the Sacred Heart Rev. Nicolas Weibl An Anonymous Friend Catholic Diocese Jefferson City, MO Rev. Stephen Blum Holy Family Parish, Calendonia, MI Dr. & Mrs. Steven Fox Emmanual Church, Dayton, OH United Church of Christ, Cleveland, OH Margy Paoletti Sisters of St. Francis, Tiffin, OH St. Anthony of Padua Fargo, ND Corpus Christi Parish, Toledo OH Sisters of St. Francis, Sylvania, OH St. Rose Parish, Perrysburg, OH Charles Shaw Rev. Rick Friebel Ramona Ripston Rev. Neil Kookoothe BRONZE DONORS ($500 OR MORE): Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet Marietta Jaeger Lane Saint Rita Church, Rockford, IL Sisters of Notre Dame, Toledo, OH Rev. James Peiffer Anne Barbeau Gardiner Sue Schroeder Rev. Doug Hennessy Rev. Charles Ritter Martha May Rev. Donald Feicht Walter Foster Rev. Neil J. Moore PATRONS ($100 OR MORE): Charlie & Peg McDaniel Carol Kraus ALSO St. Michael Ridge Catholic Church, Defiance, OH Sisters of the Precious Blood Carl & Lorena Hyde THANK YOU St. John Evangelist, Lima, OH TO OUR Rev. Richard Notter Holy Trinity Church SUBSCRIBERS Martha Baldoni Rev. Edward Oen Charles Diller Peace Foundation St. Clarence Church, North Olmstead, OH Rev. Nelson Beizario Grace Universal Community Church St. Johns Episcopal, Howell, MI St. Thomas Aquinas, Toledo, OH Catholic Diocese of Youngstown Sisters of Mercy of Americas Good Shepherd Church, Toledo, OH Arizonans to Abolish Death Penalty Rev. Arturo Perez-Rodriguez Eugene Schmitt OSF Mission Activites Alison Davis Constance Laessig

Compassion is sent free to all 3,200 U.S. Death-row prisoners. Half of subscriptions NO DONATION and undesignated donations are given in college scholarships to immediate family IS TOO SMALL members of murdered victims. Please send your donation today! Thank you! Compassion Donation | Participation Form A portion of your donation will be given in Enclosed is $ for the donation/subscription checked on the left. college scholarships to family members of murdered victims. q Please keep my gift anonymous. q Benefactor – $10,000 q Lead Donor – $5,000 Name q Gold Donor – $2,500 q Silver Donor – $1,000 Organization q Bronze Donor – $500 q Patron – $100.00 To $499.00 q Subscriber – $50.00 Address q Prisoners Not On Death Row – $25.00 q Other City State Zip Please send tax deductible contribution to: St. Rose Peace & Justice / Compassion Day Phone Evening Phone 140 W. South Boundary St., Perrysburg, OH 43551 7 NON PROFIT ORG An Appeal St. Rose Parish US POSTAGE to the 215 E. Front Street PAID Perrysburg, Ohio 43551 PERRYSBURG OH Outside PERMIT 112 Community Printing and Postage Paid for by: Compassion

A portion of all subscriptions and undesignated donations are given in college scholar- ship form to family members of murdered victims. Please help us. Contribute now so that we can maintain free distribution of Compassion to all 3,200 death-row prisoners. See form on page 7.

How Could You Are There I Have Known? ou can’t complain your way to happiness. The more you try to do so, the more miserable My mind is free, my body is caged Yyou make yourself. I live to roam out on the range Yet the minute you stop looking backwards and begin to look forward, your whole world Where the grass is green and the birds do sing can change. For no matter what may have happened to you or around you in the past, this Where the sky is blue and the sun always beams moment is yours to create. But when the night arrives the moon is high Things will not always go the way you want them to go. Yet that does not have to stop Sleep will come and give me a ride you from leading a rich and fulfilling life. Sometimes in a car sometimes on a bike People will be rude and inconsiderate. Yet that does not have to stop you from finding But always changing night to night something to value and appreciate about those people. And I’m so happy when my mind stays moving You have the amazing ability to find the good in a world that can often be disappointing Keeping itself always roaming and sometimes even frightening. You can focus on what works, on what has real value, and Rolling on and on of its own free will your very focus will strengthen those good things. But I fear the day when both fall still. Though you cannot force anyone to make you happy, you Here I sit in my cell can enjoy happiness and fulfillment at any time and in any Wanting to scream what the hell place. Just put your thoughts where you want to truly be, After just walking down the hall and you are there. How could I have known how far I would fall? Al Cunningham William Silvia California Death Row Florida Death Row San Quentin, CA Raiford, FL