Volume 70 WEATHER Number 122 Tis nobler in the minds of men to' suffer the slings and Tuesday. arrows of outrageous April 1.1975 fortune . . . Duke University The Chronicle Durham, North Carolina Edens phased out. Forest relocated

By David Arneke business and finance, that the The relocation of the Duke Forest University "will sell the land the took a giant step forward last night as Forest is on, but still keep the trees by the Residential Life Committee (RLC) relocation them to a new location." and the Educational Facilities Com­ RLC chairman Olaf Stackleburg ap­ mittee (EFC), in a rare joint meeting, peared pleased with the meetings re­ voted unanimously to tear down the sults. "We like the trees, ya," he com­ dorms in Edens quadrangle and con­ mented. "We couldn't let this won­ vert the land into a new subdivision of derful resource of the University go the forest. for the sake of a few small, cramped Since the announcement over spr­ little room, you know." ing break that the Duke Forest would George Williams, chairman of the indeed be sold, speculation has EFC, commented, "it is a move, I swirled around the cryptic statement think, that is precisely harmonious of Charles Huestis, vice-president for with the sense priorities the student body demonstrated their support for Art|s,,s con tion 0( ,he ,„,,„,„ j. 0sborne Q Air „,.„,, Room „, ,he nuorlnonact coirora IA/OOL'C ._ r Cahow will over the past several weeks." soon to be forgotten $8 million new James P. Bonk Memorial University The support he referred to includes Center. (Artist's rendering by Holly Brubach) the February MSA rally on the main stay honcho quad and the recent RLC poll of 10 liv­ ing groups on the desirability of living in Edens quad. The survey, conducted in admissions by RLC member Roger "Whip" Lash of J.B.'s dream fulfilled: By David Arneke BOG house, was taken in House P, Acting admissions director Clark Stonehenge, Maxwell House, Cahow has been named permanent Buchanan, CC, ATO, Phi Delta Theta, Ivies accept Duke admissions director, according to re­ Southgate, Wilson and Epworth. The liable sources. one-question survey read: "Would By Steve Garland formed observers have suggested that The official announcement has not you rather have your dorm torn down Duke's 49-year effort to become Duke probably had to trade its Law been made yet, but the leak drew to relocate the forest, or Edens quad?" more than just a university for grits School to Princeton along with major quick responses from a variety of stu­ The results were: and the nouveau-riche may soon academic programs to be named later dents. "Cahow? No couldn't be," Tear down Edens—1,197. come true. According to a highly Details on why Duke has finally scoffed Kevin Moore, the student Tear down my dorm—3. placed source in the Duke administra­ been accepted to the Ivy League have member of the search committee. "He What is Edens quad?—77. tion, the major announcement of this not been released but sources indicate wasn't even one of the five finalists we "This is truly an occassion where year's 50th Anniversary celebration that the Duke conversion to the Ivy submitted." informed student opinion has made a will be that Duke has been accepted as tables in determination of financial Moore was correct, according to re­ significant and meaningful contribu­ a member of the Ivy League. aid may have been the main factor in liable sources, but administration tion to the decision making process at When contacted yesterday in the Ivy League's favorable response to sources would not comment on the Duke," noted Lash. He cited the California where he is conducting a Duke's application. matter yesterday. representative nature of the survey, fundraising campaign (University, of One highly placed Harvard ad­ "Cahow? Never heard of him" n which included every type of living course) Duke President Terry Sanford ministrator is reported to have said . marked Provost Frederic Cleaveland. group, the high percentage of returns refused comment on the issue but (Continued on page 8) (Continued on page 5) (99.6 per cent) and the unanimous chukled cryptically, "We're phasing vote of the committees, as indicative ivy in this year." in of the interest of students. Terms of the acceptance have not been disclosed but Duke is said to Chancellor John O. Blackburn re­ have given up a lot for the prestige of marked that he was very pleased with becoming an Ivy League School. In­ (Continued on page 8) Captures assailant Bonk gets bonked By Dan Neuharth FLI-PIE. announced yesterday it is open April Fools came a day early for James for business—at rates cheaper than those Bonk. of its competitor. Bonk had just adjorned his third period Bonk was the second professor to be Chemistry lecture when a masked, pie- chosen a target for a flying pie: a week ago slinging "hit-man" came flashing through psychology professor Irvin Alexander was Gross Chem Auditorium, smattering hit squarely in the face as he gave a large Bonk's right side, from head to toe. with group lecture in Zener Auditorium. lemon creme. Alexander did not give chase, but he did But Bonk quickly recovered and jumped show up at the next class session well pro­ on the heels of his surprised assailant. tected, wearing a fencer's mask. chasing him out of the huilding and into PIE-DIE was formed two weeks ago by the woods surrounding it. cornering him students who read articles of similar in knee-deep water. groups nationwide. It is patterned after a The episode was the doing of PIE-DIE mafia-family, with hit-men. lieutenants, Ltd., a handful of students who will "hit" and a godfather. with a pie anyone on campus, including In yesterday's episode, the chemistry University President Terry Sanford. But class of about 200—some of whom had Bonk: wiping it off. (Photo by Jay with PIE-DIE only in its second week of paid for the contract on the popular pro- Bonk: 'Asinine.' (Photo by Jay An­ derson) Anderson) operation, another pie-throwing family. (Continued on page 8) Page Two The Chronicle Tuesday. April 1.1975 SPECTRUM* and UNC-CH will be available in Ihe SPECTRUM POLICY: rar's Office and the Duke Environ- tions for players of different ability (in­ Events, meetings, and other announcements may be J Center during registration. April cluding beginners!]. Information: Sieve Whit em an 684-5848. placed in SPECTRUM, provided that the following rules YOUNG SOCIALIST ALLIANCE— Meetrng Wednesday in 101 Union. FOOD DAY are adhered to: All items which are to be run in SPEC­ Everyone interesled is invited. p.m. a! Watts St. Baptist Church. Come W R ITERS.'Read e rs/Li s te ro ers—Anyone CUMBERS: Thurs. will be the absolute TRUM must be typed and limited to 30 words, and they and help with the oiganization Q| Food must net be typed in all capital letters. There are The Free University course. Historical Day. April 19. call Alice. 4S9-13B3 evenings. other iunk. Bring your uniform, on a Survey of Detective Fiction, will meet on ;s Unlimited! typewriters availiable in room 304 Flowers. Items should Wed. at 7:30 p.m. in 105 Union Topic is Durham NOW program meeting: be typed on 8* by 11 inch paper, ia paragraph form, and -Women in History'1, with Joan Scon of ZOOLOGY MAJORS: Please rei items which are to appear in different sections of SPEC­ All welcome. Ihe History Department. UNC-Chapel departmental evaluations by this Hill. Wed. 7:30 p.m.. at lhe Episcopal Stu- Collection boxes are in Bio-Sci, I TRUM must be submitted on separate pieces of paper. dent Center. Alexander Ave. Everyone and East Campus Libraries. DRAMA COURSES: This summer and They should be delivered to our offices by 3 p.m. on the fall,' the drama program will offer full credit courses in Beginning and Ad­ day before they are to be run. hems for events wilt run on vanced Acting. Directing, Stagecraft and GENERAL P'SCES needs new c, the day before, and the day of the event, and general an­ will speak Wed. night in the Student Educational Theater. For further informa­ year. If you want to be nouncements will run for two days only. Failure to com­ Union at UNC at a. Her topic is "What tion, contact iohn Clum. 502 Allen. CO-REC TENNIS PLAY DAY to be held peer counseling and 01 Every Heterosexual Should Know About a ] ply with the above wilt result in the item not being run. Gay Liberation." Sponsored bv Carolina on Saturday. April 12. 1975. Open to all PP v now for traininj and no event which charges admission will be allowed. Cay Association. students. Entries open: March 31. Mon- plication pick-up am

NEWMAN COMMUNITY: The TODAY Hospital Visitation Group will meet al 8 Wed. a.m. in the Newman Center. Elec­ ZOOLOGY MAIORS: Please return INTERVIEW for student positions on your departmental evaluations by Friday. UFCAS Faculty Advisory. Curriculum MAJOR ATTRACTIONS Gal in 01 tions for next year's officers will lie held next Sunday, April 6th. Make nomina- Collections boxes are in Bio-Sci. Perkins and Courses. Committees; University Altentioo ALL HILLEL STUDENTS: and Easl Campus Libraries. Athletics Council; Educational Facilities e need a cook for this Friday nitc's (sic) Committee: and STAB Chairperson posi- nner. otherwise no dinner. If you want Coordinator of Res] New man Center. ANTHRO MA|ORS: PAT CTCONNER Many lonely elderly people in Durham tion. Thue., Wed. and Thur. Info, and ap- help call 684-2505 and leave your wish lo visit with younger people. Help plicationsat ASDU office, WILL SPEAK ON JOBS AND ANTHRO me on the tape by Wed. afternoon, • brighten their lives. Call the Volunteer TODAY AT 4:30 p.m. IN RM. 136 SOC. m.. Memorial Chapel. ServicesBureauat68B-8977orf,Bfl-909't. The Annual DURHAM OPEN CHESS The FOLKLIFE FESTIVAL is coming Duke Chapel. Iiursday. 5:15 p.m.. TOURNAMENT will be held April 5-6 in Memorial Chi . Duke Chapel. Information on ENVIRONMENTALLY the Social Sciences Building. US Chess University Cor 305 of the Foreign Languages Bldg. All in­ RELATED COURSES offered Fall 1975 at Federation membership required, ob- m for further details teresled students and present members should attend.

HOUSE COURSE "AMERICA AND ITS On Tuesday al 7:30 p.m. s MILITARY" will meet on Wed. at 7:30 Center in the Community I p.m. in Room 014 Languages Building. Purefoy Road. Chapel Hill Urban evenings at 684-2709

University Room Special b jamesA Bmsse| Tuesday THE Daily Crossword v A Double order Spaghetti ACROSS 32 Opera's 54 Hunchbacked 25 Declares With Meat Sauce 1 Indigo Giuseppe jester 263 — and go There will be an advance meeting for ; Crisp Tossed Salad with Dressing 5 Start of 33 Meteor 56 TV group 277 Muse of T.M. MEDITATORS tonight at 7:15 spumante 34 Small suff. 57 Biblical poetry room 027 Perkins Lib. Recent tape Garlic Bread 9 Pythias' 35 Greek residence 283 Overlap M.M.Y. from Switz. will be played. Peach-Lemon Cloud Pie friend letters 58 April - after A or Ice Cream $1.80 14 Center 36 Boys 59 Roman and B Iced Tea or Coffee 15 Lake bird 37 Sandarac cavities 29) Otic TOMORROW SERVING HOURS 16 Storehouse 33 Backroad 60 Kind of 30) Pummel I Iron: comb. 5:00---6:30p.m. 17 Opera's hazard graph 31 troubadour 39 Ladies' men 61 Kind of form 19 Helmet 40 Step; part force 33I Ancient 20 Andreas or of a case DOWN region in Antonio 41 Irregular 1 Drama parts Asia Minor 21 Sahl 43 Tragic Moor 2 Doli-wife 363 Fashions 22 Links sites 44 Perplexed 3 Kind of 37f Solar disc 23 Make 45 A lair will 39) Giuseppe's CLASSIFIEDS 24 Fades away 46 Subjects 4 Bibi. book showcase 25 Bond and 49 Sheltered 5 John Jacob 40) Make hard Smart 50 Soak and family 42I Nader aide 28 Jolly fatty 53 Plowed land 6 Pledged i "— Grecian We are looking for a house FOR SALE Solution to Yesterday's 3uzzle: 7 Knave's Urn" ANNOUNCEMENTS booty 3 Ethical this summer. If you can = help, call Mario or Ken, ex. FORMAL WEAR SHOP. D A W H • e A 8 | s 0 * 'l 8 Chem. suff. Horatio AMEN 9 Costliest 3 - phone or 5249. Durham' oldest. All suits in. BEE 2.LL '- •HILLL 10 Inactive maple tree stock. Most experienced in E SIS Pacifist, non-sexist day care TL]A"M 11 Dennis's 1 Algerian fitting. Save several dollars | 1 5 S u 1111 SE S center, small scale, near C 0 P 1 E R|e auntie city Lakewood, to open in May, IRON A i RE 12 Aboveboard 3 Puff DISCOUNTS ON STEREO TAKE lEi i Ethiopian Parents of 3-5 year olds or EQUIPMENT. Full factory 13 Court persons interested in pre­ ET E| ; oIT E • Tl A . vie dividers heroine WANTED: Apartment for warranties. Call Terry at 0 £ jTl I ri[E S school education call 18 Violin ) Portico one year for young, married 684-0088 for prices and in­ I Indians 489-4361 evenings. C £• P 5 EJT maker formation. H|S > 11th w E LL •; • . 22 "- Goat- . " J •••. ••" • j boy" president 1973 MGB-GT. Dark purple, y E A|5 Taking the Medical College JL 23 Goals I Esteem: si. Admission Test? MCAT gold interior. 13.500 miles, 24 Ladies j Newt Review Course. Inc. in' ABORTION. BIRTH CON­ excellent condition. Call Durham can help you pre­ TROL INFO & REFERRAL, Charlie at 684-3146 or 5 6 s pare for the competition. NO FEE: Up to 24 weeks. 383-5005. A * ') i, ft S T l * A tf) a w Qualified faculty teach General anesthesia. Vasec­ R u n T A p £ seven 4-hour sessions, with tomy, tubal ligation also t o fc % ft 't thorough treatment of re­ LOST 202-298-7995. T R o v A T o R. E R m E T current MCAT problem FOUND; White, female ft areas. Carefully timed prac­ cat with black and gray 5 A 0 K T|& * £ E. H S tice tests, and relevant spots and gray striped tail. home study material in­ House for rent al) year. Air "•* i e sB conditioned. furnished. Call 383-3670. Mt <\te tjrb cluded. Registration fee is T %• N L S $130 and book deposit re­ four bedrooms, two 'ft % *mp ft Ti * P fundable, is $20. Both paid bathrooms, cheaper than o m L £ Central Campus. Call Mike LOST: Notebook, no name, « £ a. 0 e rBO at first sesion. Call 383-4622 with PPS 116 Dyilabus • H<- for information, or attend 688-7161 between 8:00 p.m. T A L E R and 12 p.m. taken from CI table Tuesday c s«fr » ft e. first meeting Sat. Apr. 5,1-5 night at 6:30. Please leave at V* o R D 7 t K p.m. Holiday Inn, Eastgate, PISCES (sexuality Flowers Desk or call * rBil sB=s •** Chapel Hill. o 4ft ing center) needs new staff. 286-9439. s P A T> > cMc T C L L t> Pick up applications out­ S 0 Europe-Israel-Africa-Asia, side Pisces office (101 UK c * Bit e >JI S Travel discounts year Flowers) and return by 6 i c £ T T Agency, Inc.; 4228 First R. A *•*\ c 0 «• \t 0 the fall. collar. If you lost her, call * ft Avenue. Tucker. Ga. 30084., 1_ 684-1975. N i D H •* o O L Phone 404-934-6662. t ft 1 e WANTED a N T K A p A R A t A s K VW GOT THE BLAHS? Luxurious two bedroom MAJOR TUNE-UP $10 © 1975 by Chicago Tribune N ,Y. News Synd. Inc. townhouse, one and one- PLUS PARTS. MUFFLERS summer r All Rights Reserved half baths, available Apr. 1. I N--S T A L L E D . five minutes to Duke, 15 REASONABLE PRICES -europe minutes to UNC. $190/mo., WITH MONEY-BACK call mornings or after ll GUARENTEE. CALL P.M.. 489-8711. 1-967-7414 EVES. Tuesday. April 1,1975 The Chronicle Page Three U. S., S.E. Asia bid Lon Noi a fond and cheerful farewell By Sylvan Butterfield Outside the iron gates of the palace, he remarked. "In the past couple of years (C) 197S NYT News Service glassy-eyed citizens keep a silent vigil as its' been pretty good what with sponging PHNOM PENH, Cambodia — All is they await the exit of this perennial figure off the Americans, you know. Those boys quiet now in the Presidential Palace here, on the world political scene. Some carry in the CIA, they really know how to treat a following the announcement that Marshal their sons so that they, too, may witness guy right." Lon Noi will flee the country in the face of the historic occasion: the twenty-seventh The paralytic leader, hauled out by the advancing insurgent Khmer Rouge troops. government turnover here in last three military occasionally to attend ceremonial University Chancellor John All that remains in the baroque years. Some have brought religious functions, apparently still feels the effects vestibule of this colonial villa are two bat­ artifacts to pray for the departing leader. of his National Assembly speech last Blackburn dozes through a recent tered Samsonite suitcases, a framed pic­ Some carry sidearms, hoping for one last week. He gave his first public address in ASDU meeting, and who can blame ture of school chum Henry Kissinger, and shot at the non-universal ly-beloved chief three months before the restive legislature him? (Photo by Jim Conner) the fleeing septugenarian's spare cane. of state. last Thursday, and worked himself to the Yet it seems as if the entire population point of exhaustion in dodging the stones of this beseiged city has turned out for this hurled toward him by opposition-party epochal event. In the end, perhaps they lawmakers. But he remains cool, un­ Real World bespeak more than any other sign the moved, inscrutable. (C) M7B NYT New* Servka Democratic Leader Mike participatory process that the aging, "Aw, that's okay," he grins. "They were BEIRUT, Lebanon — Yasser Mansfield denied charges that the decrepit leader had sought all his life. just blowing off a little steam. Anyway, my Arafat, leader of the Palestinian bill would mean the end of the na­ All here realize the signifiance of this secret police had them all shot yesterday."" Liberation Organiztion, revealed tion's two-party system. "Hell, at decision: with the departure of Lon Noi, Eastern correspondents chuckle at the here today that his homeless na­ my age, 1 can only stand one party the world political community will lose president's light banter, though the tion had struck a bargain with a night," he quipped. not only an able statesman, but the first gallows-humor tone seems to disturb Israeli Prime Minister Yitzkah cheif of state in this century whose name Western journalists. However, eyeing the Rabin to divide the Jewish state in­ is spelled the same, both forward and heavily-armed security guards in the to two sectors: the Russian and the WASHINGTON — Secretary of backward. In addition, the fragile health of doorway, they too join in a hearty laugh. Polynesian. Denying that the South State Henry Kissinger announced the 78-year-old former rice merchant and And what now for the deposed leader? bazaar hawaker has put the Far East on a Sea Islanders had been included in that the latest phase of shuttle "Oh. I don't know. The CIA is usually state of perpetual alert, as the effects of his pretty good about finding us jobs close to the pact in a "tokenislic fashion", diplomacy will take him to boyhood syphilis become increasingly home. Maybe the Philippines — and I hear Omaha, Nebraska later this week Arafat noted that the buffer zone pronounced. If No! dies of his diseases they're having some trouble in South will be patrolled by equal numbers in negotiations with the state of during the remainder of his term, he will Korea. Nosiree, no San Clemente for me!" of Soviet T-54 tanks and big men Wyoming. Officials in Cheyenne be the first Southeast Asian chief ex­ The inscrutable little man with the cane with long spears. are demanding that Nebraska cede ecutive in the last thirty-two years to die of laughs shrilly once again. The security the restive "panhandle" section of natural causes. guards nervously twitch their trigger WASHINGTON — The House the state, citing traditional ties that Musing with Western correspondents in fingers, and the journalists join in a hearty Democratic Caucus voted today to western Nebraska has had with its the old imperial throne room over brandy chorus of joviality. bring out of committee a bill which bordering Wyoming. Kissinger is and cigars, Noi waxes philosophic on his Another one of those days in Phnom would abolish the Republican Par­ not optimistic on the chances for brief reign as Cambodia's president. Penh. And maybe the last. ty. While the legislation is expect­ peace in the Midwest, and ad­ "It hasn't been all that bad, you know." (Continued on page 9) ed to pass easily through both vocates a return by all partis to the houses of Congress, the White negotiating table in Montevideo, House has hinted that it might face Uruguary, with talks chaired by a Pesidential veto. Senate joint Syrian and Israeli control. Golden arches® coming to Gothic Wonderland By Rick Wain These are minor details which I'm sure and Lawrence Toppman can be worked out," said Emmet Meakin, In a surprise move today, it was an­ the McDonald's representative. "Any nounced that Saga Food Services, long serious misgivings were laid to rest when time managers of the Blue and White we introduced our expanded breakfast Room, the Cambridge Inn. The Oak Room, menu, perfect filler for an average stu­ and East Campus Union, has lost its ex­ dent's booking needs." clusive contract with the University. The company representative was quick - "We held out as long as we could," said to point out that to aid in the original soon-to-be-ex manager of the dining halls transition period next semester, surrogate Oscar Berninger, "but spiralling food costs Ronalds would be stationed in all outlets and stagnant student tastes are too much of the Dining Halls, "with balloons and for us to handle." other free gifts to sort of help everyone get While the details are yet to be finalized, acquainted." he added. it appears that McDonalds, a fast food "It's going to be hard to say good-bye to chain (over 16 billion sold) will have com­ our famous Seven Layer Casserole." said pletely taken over the management and Berninger, "but even I can't knock their day-to-day running of the dining facilities service." by the beginning of the fall semester. The reduced number of items on the "We had a lot of proposals from various menu appeared a detriment to some, but restaurant chains throughout the country," Meakin pointed out that this was essential said Sayad El-Naga, manager of the East in order to keep the prices down. "Besides Campus Dining Halls, "And some very at­ there are 64 possible permutations with tractive offers from pizza magnate our famed Big Mac, 128 if you ask for a throughout the world. But in the end, plain bun." McDonald's highly successful promo­ When asked what would become of the tional package won us over." Dope Shop, Berninger chuckled, "Those While it is true that McDonald's ad­ guys think of everything. Would you vertising campaign is one of the most believe that by this summer the Dope highly visible and successful in the na­ Shop will be converted into a hallway cafe tion, it is doubtful that the trustees will go affair serving both exotic hard and soft ice along with all of their proposals. cream novelties. Particularly grating to some might be the Tastee Duke will feature as the proposal to replace the stature in front of specialite de la maison the "Big Buck." a the chapel with a rotating effigy of Ronald huge cigar filled with different flavors of McDonald, the company's standard ice cream and topped with maraschino bearer, or the highlighting of some of the cherries. Great Hall's traditional stone arches with "You deserve a break today," quipped gold neon. Meakin. "so get up anil get away." Thanks, world Letters: X, V, R, O, L, M There are lots of good things in and we were the ones to teach them. America, and plenty of them are at But we digress. On the home front, of laughs- But look behind the mask? Ridi Duke. Sometimes, in the hubbub and there are a dozen silver linings to Slo-pitch Pagliacci, and all that. Who can tell out throng, we forget our blessings. But every dark cloud. Next year, we won't To the edit council: there that my guts are bubbling like seltzer sometimes, too, we are reminded of have those dirty, smelly monkeys It's a shame and an outrage and a real water and I feel like my suit doesn't fit and them as we sit blissfully under an oak around to defecate in the forest and bad deal that Duke is not. how you say. go­ I'm going to drop dead on stage? Pretty tree in some sylvan paradise, and the make things unpleasant for the squir­ ing to have the trees school any more after funny then, eh? That would be a real little chirps of birds ring gaily on our rels. Come to think of it, we may not this year. I am very much in lament of this, smash, wouldn't it? But no one cares. They ears. have the Forest, either. as after all. I am a graduate honorary of this never do. Take my wife, please. At these times, we rise to give But what a boon! For who has not institution and I would like to see it up­ Henny Jungf rau thanks to our maker, full of the joy arisen at six in the monring, wishing hold its record for academic excellence. that knows no abounding, and eager he could find a 7-11 in which to shop I would like to clear up a few miscon­ to share our happiness with others. for viands? And who has not lament­ ceptions that may have arisen when I last Caboose visited Duke. First. I did not give a rabid This is one small attempt at such ed the lack of gas stations around Totheeditcouncil: beaver to your President Sanford. The sharing, a brief moment of gladness Don't touch that dial, folks! We've got campus? Now such distressing an­ veaver was in the best of health when f stacks and stacks of red hot wax. It's a big which we'd like to share with you and noyances will be removed, as busi­ presented it to Stamford as a token of my yours. These are things we can all be ness comes to the Duke campus, br­ esteem when I arrived, and it was his sub­ \m that everybody's sure enough diggin'. thankful for. inging with it all the beneficial sequent failure to, how does one say it, Faster than a steam shovel! It's from way Saturday night specials are still aspects of the American way of life. give the little creature its shots that caused up there where the air is rare: the big available and in plentiful quantities Further, Duke and Durham will be in­ it to bite the Mrs. Sanfort and chew the numberone!Woooooooooooooo! — the right to bear arms has yet to be furniture. Second, I am afraid that my Doug Irwin tegrated into one big living area, as WDUR Radio abridged in this great land. we of the ivory tower grow closer to speech did not go over too well, and I There are no more bison blocking wished to make it clear that I meant no ill our brothers, those who work the soil will by speaking entirely in French. I do the progress of the grand iron horse and fill the factories — the backbone not think that one student's criticism of Dovetail and cluttering up the Great Plains. of our nation. me — that I am, as he put it, a windy son of Teddy Roosevelt's rugged visageyet The arts are flourishing at Duke. a bitch who couldn't speak English — is Totheeditcouncil: adorns lovely Mount Rushmore. We Fred Theater, contrary to the rumors valid. I am quite at home with this tongue, It really pisses us off the way you always still have beautiful pictures of the spread by scandalmongers, will not as I think I have demonstrating. Third, I put down the administration. What do you roseate spoonbill to look at and show be converted next year to a room for did not refuse a plate of fried possum that know? Now us, we're administrators and our children. the interrogation and incarceration was presented to me at the Stanfrod home we think we have a slightly different, and on the evening before 1 left. I had little A valiant candidate for our nation's of political prisoners. Nor should it. better, perspective. It's tough being an ad­ chance to accept it, as the President ac­ ministrator. We have to make decisions highest office, a man of the There is plenty of dorm space for cidentally served it on my shirt front, most grassroots and the muichpile, is such a purpose, in addition, Sanford every day that effect not only the course of of it dribbling down my trousers. A lamen­ people's lives, but sometimes the course of among us girding his loins for the up­ has pledged to support funding for table accident, I assured him. I was cer­ history itself even. There's a lot of pressure coming political struggle. We can ral­ the new School of the Ocarina, de­ tainly sorry later to hear of the theft of his on us as we prepare a new generation to ly round his flag, once called "Ex­ signed to make Duke a foreruner in car. step into our footsteps and follow our celsior!" but now desigated as musicians of that istrument in the shoes. We've got a lot of damn things on This will, I hope, clear up the misun­ our minds. We try, you know, we really "Don't Tread on Me" (a snake in one years to come, lain Hamilton has derstandings between this lovely land and do. Just give us a chance. Meet us half way, part, his forked tongue encircling a already been commissioned to write myself. For as our Wapaneck Indians are and we can work it all out, okay. willow), safe in the knowledge that a piece for the opening of the school, fond of speaking, 'The buffalo who thinks Sanford is at the helm. and he has responded nobly with his he can fly is certain to get up early in the You don't and we'll wipe this campus Too, we know that he will have the (Tedium: A Concerto for Droning afternoon." Thank You. up with your ass. suport of all men who want reform Voices, Blockenspiel, and Dozing Pierre Elliot Truedolt Terry Sanforb. and crusading government, men like Audience.) Canadian Important Person President's Office Robert, newly elected head of the Fred Gertze, Barony of Krueger, whose reputation We are the alma mater of the only Belly Perkins Library in the groves of academe boosted living ex-President of the United Totheeditcouncil: him to prominence among the solons States. Our country needs ex- I don't understand what all the fuss is Rental of our Congress. presidents, and we can be proud that about the Goat Watching society. Sure, we go out in the woods with a few goats, Altruism still flowers in this land. Duke is doing its share to see that Totheeditcouncil: Faculty members of alt denomina­ they are forthcoming. maybe take a picnic basket, make a day of it, you know what I mean? But we just I don't really care about the University tions have agreed to grant each other Just as the country respects its Center. If the seniors don't want to give former leader, so we respect our watch them. Me and a few other fellows, full tuition benefits for their progeny we watch them cutting capers on the roll­ their money for it, I've got a better idea. — a noble deed. leaders here at Duke. May they ing lawns and then we go home. Oh, I Why don't we all pitch in and throw in a Carl James' firm hand still steers flourish forever! Even nationally we know what you're thinking. You can't just thousand apiece and see if we could get the ship of sport securely through are renowned, a thought that must watch a goat — there has to be more to it. Richard Nixon to come and speak at the shoals of wisdom, prudence, please the most distant alumni. Who How many men could control themselves graduation, He wasn't really a bad guy at honesty, and good judgement. was it that spared no time and ex­ if they were alone in a meadow with a few all, you know. He went to Duke. too. Yeah, Another skipper might occasionally pense to raise the mighty Monitor attractive goats, out where no one could to law school. We'd probably get written hear or see them? But it's not true. It isn't! up in the Washington Post even. Gee. fall prey to the sirens who woo men from its watery grave? Duke! Whose towering hospital catches the eye of No one has ever been able to prove Jonathan Miller, 75 from these rocks, but James has anything! You have no proof! Chairman. Young Voters the nation? Duke! Whose President stopped his ears (eyes, and mouth) FortheGipper with the wax of greed and self- stood next to the fabled George Sorry, I got a little carried away there. assurance, and is in no danger of McGovern when that pundit received It's just that, when Flopsy is concerned, I don'l let anyone play around with her foundering. the Democratic nomination? Duke, Flanders Duke, and Duke again! good name. We've got too much to lose to Another Solomon has entered the let rumors fly around about us now. If you Totheeditcouncil: Oval Office, to dispense wisdom tire­ These are, after ail, just a few of the see me out there, make a little noise and You guys are really dumb. The guy you lessly for our people. We are still as­ wonderful things in this world we let us know you're coming, will you? And said was me was my brother. Not me at all. sisting Cambodia to maintain its have to be grateful for. I might have if we meet, remember, you don't know I'm the guy you said was him. Where did freedom, despite the jeers from un­ included Lawrence Welk. The anything. you get that picture anyway? If you guys patriotic scoffers, men who would Waltons. "The National Enquirer." Sir James M. can't get us straight, I'm going to send my probably have balked even at the in­ Veneral diseases. Newts. Roman Barrie-Bryant brother over and see if he can straighten you guys out. tervention in Vietnam a few years noses. And many more. But when Wimple ago. We are economically above Old Father Time seems to be passing Mike Magee you by, and life just looks to hard to To the edit council: Football Office water; there is plenty of gas for those Sure. I'm famous. A big comedian. Lot« P.S. We aren't even twins, you know. pleasant drives in the country we you to make it, think of the good missed so much when we had to con­ things around you and look up to serve fuel. Thank goodness that's all Jesus and say "Thank you Father for behind us. all of this, and I want to help you and We still have Bobby Fischer, while the Chronicle keep the good things The 1975 Boekmans the Russians only have poor old alive and fight the evils of our society Lowest batting average of the year: David "the Grit" Arneke Boris Spassky, who's probably aton­ and here's my check made out to Wettest day of the year: Chris Colford CASH. Box 4696. Duke Station. ing for his audacity in challenging Most useless farm implement of the year: Charles Demosthenes the finest nation in the world by Durham. North Carolina, 27706." Say rousting salt in the Siberian mines. A Amen. And remember folks, keep Worst new flavor of the year: Lawrence Toppman heavy price to pay — but the those cards and letters coming, and Most disappointing album of the year: Rick Wain Russians had to be taught a lesson, be happy. Have a real "nice" day. J Tuesday. April 1.1975 The Chronicle Page Five Topp of the heap— Mitzi kiboshes career _By Lawrence Toppman They say the Hollywood trucking, Mitzi! side, will still retain the the play from their knees, slagpile is the toughest Marcel Marceau was in crispness and clarity it had but too many people were place to make a living in the town just the other day when he was alive. leaving at intermission and world. It makes 'era; it drumminmg up some sup­ Inasmuch as the usual pine staying in the lounges," he breaks 'em. But it can never port for his new idea, a box was thrown over in his said. Well, Joe, you may not tame the spirits of the great mime theatre for the blind. case for a silk-lined coffin,, have hit it this time, but stars who fight their way to "Why should they be left it looks like he's had the never say die! the top. Even if they fall out of things just because best of treatment in his One sad note in today's after a while from the they lack a cornea or two?" hiatus away from his work. column: stagehand Cosmo cinematic heaven, their asked the angry MM. "I'm Needless to say, the Met "Skip" Weidmeyer was place in the firmament of tired of having my blind has brought back long-time killed Thursday when a our hearts is assured. friends come up to me all spokesman Milton Cross to camel fell on him backstage do the announcing for, Case in point. Mitzi the time telling me that deaf during the production of Corpso's masterpiece. Once JjeFron, the blond bomber people can enjoy my show John Dexter's Cleopatra. All again, operagoers will have whose winsome warbling at an unfair advantage. So I I can say is, if this is stage Anne Newman, Chronicle editor-elect, and pre­ the privilege of hearing his won the affection of a finally decided to teach a realism, I don't want it! See dulcet tones echoing sent editor David Arneke arrive at annual million spellbound fans workshop for the blind, you next time. through the Texaco editorial Inaugural ball Saturday night. (Photo by every time she cut another maybe give them a chance microphones'. "Hello, this is Jim Wilson) platter, was signed to a big- to enjoy the mime: it is, Milton Cross, coming to bucks contract by movie after all, a universal art you dead from the stage of mogul Jack Warner. Rumors form." the Metropolitan Opera." -Cahow in- flew fast and furious about What only a few insiders What a treat to see two great (Continued from page 1) a possible romantic link-up though, they can. "God damn it, I know is that Marc has been performers reunited in this between the pair, but "Admissions director? 1 thought he knew they were going to do that," blind himself from birth in magnificent specimen of LeFron nixed them with the was the registrar," said Chancellor both eyes. "Can't see a god­ the late author's work. shouted Roy Weiss, a member of the John Blackburn. "Or is that John traditional "We're just good damn thing," he once told last Trinity College dean search com­ friends." this scribe in a personal in­ Speaking of opera, as we Fein?" mittee. "Yeah, hell, they do that all the Then, at the peak of her terview. "I'm just staggering were, China's cultural ex­ "Clark Cahow, yeah. I talked to him time." career, Mitzi disappeared. around out there like a bat change program with the once but 1 didn't think he was really Cahow, for his part, was keeping Nobody knew where she with blinders " He went on U.S. is bringing the newest going to get it," commented ASDU quiet on the mater. Calls to his office to confide that a good bit of went — or why. This was gem to spring from the pen President Rick Glaser. "He wasn't were rebuffed with the terse announ­ two years ago. And, though his routine consisted in of noted composer and even one of the guys we picked, was helpless attempts to make cement that he was signing the we'd never sen her in a sometimes-warmonger, he? Can they do that?" film, we pined for her, his way offstage ater his Mao Tse-Tung. The new 1,000+ admissions acceptances According to some students, wishing the glitter of handlers put him out under piece focuses upon wheat- which will be mailed out soon. Sunset Boulevard would the lights. "All those move­ growing in that lovely land catch her eye again. Even­ ments you see, me waving where the lotus blooms, as tually, we all had to assume my hands and all like that, the protagonist, What Set, Dance premieres here what none of us wanted to those are just ways of mak­ attempts to raise wheat ac­ think: that she'd gone to put ing sure I don't bump into cording to an intricate pat­ By Holly Brubach for "Les Sylphides," rear­ the first movement, a bit her footprints in the cement anything or knock myself tern of lunar cycles. The For the 50th anniversary ranged their order and bored by the second. 1 of that big Graumans over," he said. "Someday work is full of catchy tunes celebration here this direction, and set them to a yawned. I scratched my Chinese Theater in the sky. I'm gonna throw those guys and has a boffo storyline — month, dance artist-in- score by John Cage in a this stomach. The third move­ out there and see how they watch for the famous rice- residence Carol Richard has new work to be entitled ment picked me up and set Suddenly, a couple days like it." I was anxiously throwing scene in which personally commissioned "Take a Chance." me on the edge of my seat. ago, she was rediscovered, awaiting more info on two peasants are trod upon four of the foremost choreo­ —a sequel to Alwin But I'm being absurd. I very much alive, in a little Marc's progress behind the by their own oxen. I predict graphers in the American Nikolas' "Foreplay" entitled should be taking about this suburb of L.A. Seems she'd footlights, but I couldn't see big things for China, China dance tradition to mount "Afterthought." In an in­ choreographer's cultural been through the working my way clear to asking him Harvest Moon. their works on the Duke terview yesterday, Nikolais importance." girl routine — the glamour more questions just then, as Dance Group. All four of heralded this work as "the life was not for her. The re­ his sportive German Joe Papp, that zany im­ -^Deborah Jowitt, The the artists are engaged in a logical conclusion of my sourceful songbird had Shepherd, Balzac, was presario of the Broadway Village Voice. choreographic progression dropped out of the spotlight munching my tibia. Sorry stage, popped into my of­ reinterpretation of their —"These dancers are fly­ to become a sanitation about that. fice just the other day with classics in honor of the af­ over the years." The work ing. The systifying effect is engineer! "Driving the a new idea which might fair. Already in rehearsal, involves a set of three over­ created by the interrelation orange truck was one hell of The grapevine has it that just be too ridiculous even the new works will be lapping slide projections, of the dance to the music a thrill," she recalled with the late Richard Tucker of for the Great White Way. performed April 16 in Page hung with costumes, and here. Whereas the leap's the winning smile of the Metropolitan Opera fame, Pappy wants to develop a auditorium as part of this lights changing to elec­ spring is generally on the chanteuse that we all loved. is returning to the stage to new type of theatre — year's annual Duke Dance tronic music, with no dan­ downbeat to create the il­ "Didn't have to sit under perform the title role in the theatre in the rhomboid, he Group concert. Works-in- cers. lusion of weightlessness, those damn lights all the world premiere of the opera calls it. Seems he wants all progress include: Three renowned • dance Balanchine has previously time and smile at all those II Morte. by that Italian the actors to stand at a 75 — Martha Graham's critics flew in from New emphasized gravity by stooges." Mitzi plans to stay wizard, Arturo Corpso. The degree angle to the stage, 'Night Journey," to be York Saturday to preview choreographing the landing "on the route," despite pro­ giving the audience the ef­ opera, which will debut at performed entirely in the the premieres during a on the downbeat. Here he testations from the wily fect of being placed in a that lovely New York dark. dress rehearsal. Although has outdone himself—the Warner that she hasn't rhomboid. "The idea may —the joint efforts of NYC reluctant to pass judgment dancer's spring is timed for earned the advance he gave prison. The Tombs, will be be the easiest way of ex­ Ballet choreographer until the night of an accented beat in the in­ her and that she still has the conducted by the (de)com- pressing the notion of cos­ George Balanchine and performances, their initial troduction and the dancer key to that hotel room in poser at its inauguration. mic imbalance, I don't Merce Cunningham. Cun­ responses were: never lands until after the Pasadena. Whatever Opera fans are betting that know," he opined. "I tried ningham has taken the —"Graham's new work piece is ended."—Edwin becomes of it all, we wish Tucker's voice, which was using tilted stages and forc­ original phrases of will be the highlight of the Denby. The New York her lots of luck. Keep on in its prime when he was so ing the audience to watch untimely taken from our Balanchine's choreography season. I was fascinated by Herald-Tribune. In The Hoof'n'Horn Production of Meridith L Marcellus is Margo Kate Kiley is Eve J. Schauer is BUI Tom Gooding is Howard Jennifer Nielsen is Karen (^Applause Kevin Patterson is Buzz Laurie Hankins is Laurie April 4,5 8:30 p.m. Dave Meoli is Duane Tickets ($3.50, $3.00) available at Page Box Office. (684-4059) and on the quad. Page Six The Chronicle Tuesday. April 1.1975 'Ya don't mess around with Jim Bonk'

I

The hit: Bonk the jock ducks, narrowly avoiding a blinding c The pursuit: an aging tennis coach pusues an out ol shape hit. House P hornle.

C 0) c o = t: _>• The Chronicle and Freewater » £ * Present John Simon 111: film critic for Esquire Dine :it: ' £ J= ^ -^ speaking on at the f| S 'The Sorrow and The Pity:

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', Willaims wrote about the play, a Broadway Pulitzer-Prize winner in Sunday, April 6; 8:15 p.m. 1955, "I'm trying to catch the quality of experience of a group of people, the coudy, flickering, evanescent—fiercely charged— : Page Auditorium interplay of live human beings in a thundercloud of crisis." The world of the live human beings in William's thundercloud usually (Formerly being held in Cameron) requires the morphine of mendacity. The movie version (of which Williams himself approved), directed by Richard Brooks, brought Tickets—$6.00, $5.50, $5.00 together five "stars" from different areas of show-business; their combination with Williams' play resulted in a depth and intensity of Those already holding tickets may exchange performance from each which has made their characterizations them for tickets at Page Box Office. theones to be remembered. Presented by Duke University Union Performing Arts Committee Tuesday. April 1.1975 The Chronicle Page Seven James given new ten year pact; $10 million dollar expansion planned By Steve Garland James announced no firm plans on eliminating the de­ University Chancellor John Blackburn announced ficit, but is said to be .considering eliminating all "extras" yesterday that Athletic Director Carl James' contract has in the department, such as non-revenue sports and >• •-'•••?/ been extended for 10 years beyond its present expiration women's sports. mmt:M&, date at the end of the coming year. James was named Athletic director four years ago when • The chancellor also announced that because of the the former athletic director Eddie Cameron (a loyal Duke "continued improvement" of the Duke football team plans athletic official who was named after the Indoor Stadium) have been made to expand the seating capacity at Wallace retired: : : :: Wade Stadium to 100,000 in anticipation of overflow Since that time sports at Duke have made a miraculous crowds in the future. turnabout. Formerly a traditional national powerhouse in In announcing the plans for the stadium expansion football and basketball, Duke's fall from national athletic Blackburn said that the cost may be close to $10 million, attention has been precipitous. Duke has moved from the but he added that he plans to go before the 1976 senior plebian "win-at-all-costs" philosophy to the more class and ask for $1,000 pledges toward the new stadium. aristocratic "win-at-ali-costs-but-lose," philosophy. Both decisions are slated to be rubber stamped at a James' major achievement as athletic director ha been to closed meeting of the Athletic Council scheduled for next preside over Duke's climb in non-revenue sports status, Monday. while offering them little assistance along the way. When contacted about the actions yesterday, the facul­ For example, it is reported that when he was told that ty, administration and alumni members replied in chorus, cross-country runner Scott Eden had made the All- "Sure, we knew about the decisions a month ago." Stu­ America team in his sport he said, "We'll, we're proud of dent representatives replied simply. Huh?" all our athletes here at Duke" and then turning to a person In a prepared statement read to lhe hastily called press on his right, whispered behind his hand, "Find out who conference yesterday, Duke president Terry Sanford said, this Scotty guy is for me, and what's cross-country." "We are pleased with the continual improvement shown The specific details of James' contract were not report­ by Duke sports teams during Mr. James tenure as athletic ed, but he is expected to receive a substantial raise in director." salary due to additional funds made available with the Sanford went on to cite the "openness" of James' ad­ abolition of theForestry School and the Primate Center. ministration and the careful, thoughtful way in which he The inference comes from an offhand remark made by Crowds such as these are the reason for the makes decisions. Pointing to the basketball situation San­ James at his press conference when he said jokingly. "You planned $10 million expansion of Wallace Wade ford praised James for bringing "stability" to the basket­ can't make a monkey outta me." Stadium (Staff photo) ball situation over the past three years. "James innovative handling of the basketball situation, bringing in three coaches in three years, is a brilliant dis­ play of the fluid stability which we have strived for in this Sloan resigns as State coach administration," he said. Norman." In his acceptance speech, James thanked all those peole By John Feinstein Only hours after the Sloan resignation. Smith, who is who supported him, saying "Thanks" and shaking hands RALEIGH—Norman Sloan has resigned as head basket­ spending the weekend hunting with referee, Fred with both of them. He also said that he would strive to ball coach at North Carolina State University. The veteran eliminate the costly Duke University Athletic Association "scoreboard" Hikel. issued the following statement. mentor, who has coached the Wolfpack for nine years deficit. "Norman Sloan will join the basketball staff at the submitted his two word resignation to athletic director University of North Carolina this fall. I have every con­ Willis Casey yesterday morning. fidence that Norm can be as much of an asset to our pro­ The concise, but to the point letter submitted over gram as an assistant at Carolina as he was as head coach at Sloan's signiture said "I quit." State. The task will be difficult indeed, but I think Norm Although Sloan refused to elaborate on the specific re­ is capable of almost anything. Smith also added that asons for his sudden departure, rumor has it that the move Sloan's first task would be to choose the team's wardrobe stems from the NCAA's refusal to grant David Thompson for next season. four more years of eligibility. Sloan had also requested It is expected that Sloan will take over the duties of that the school be allowed to put Thompson on the Carolina assistant Bill Guthridge, whose main job over the payroll as an assistant player-coach, and pay him a salary last eight years has been to harass opposing players and of 5 million dollars a year. hand out towels. When the NCAA decision was announced Sloan was When told of this, Monty Towe, speaking from his pre­ quoted as saying, "It's ridiculous. They're ail out to get sent job as a Disneyland elf, said, "I think, based on by ex­ NOW, SCHOLARSHIP ASSISTANCE FOR us—the whole thing is a conspiracy. I'm sick and tired of perience. Coach Sloan is a great choice for that job. He YOUR JUNIOR AND SENIOR YEARS, the lousey administrators around here. I'd like to drown could really fling a towel," Towe gushed. them all under the shower." It is rumored that the opening on the Carolina staff PLUS CHANCE TO BECOME A LEADER Before he resigned. Tates Locke, whose former Clemson ocurred when Guthridge decided to run for head IN THE NUCLEAR ENERGY FIELD. team is on probation for the next 50 years for recruiting cheerleader. violations, offered to trade his whole ineligible team to Smith also said he hoped Sloan whould be willing to Tuition, books and educational fees are ali in­ Sloan for the rights to the ineligible Thompson, but Sloan help in making up Carolina's non-conference schedule. cluded in this new NROTC Nuclear Propulsion Can­ demurred. Last year Sloan managed to get State games with such didate program. Along with $100 a month to help In accepting the resignation, Casey said "I've always powerhouses as Buffalo State- Western Carolina, and you with your living expenses. And on top of that said Norm Sloan has a lot of class . . . and someday so­ UNC-Wilmington. you have an opportunity to build a rewarding career meone's going to find it." Perhaps former Duke coach Bucky Waters summed for yourself in the fast-growing nuclear energy The first someone to get a chance at finding that class things up best when he said, "I guess the people at State field. will apparently be North Carolina coach Dean Smith, an must have feeling in their gut that the people over here old buddy of the man known affectionately as "Stormin felt when I quit." To qualify, you must have completed one semester each of calculus and physics, or two semesters of calculus and have a B- average or better(C+ if Carolina engineer or hard science major). Depending upon your performance, you will be in­ terviewed during your senior year for the Navy's um Herbie Nuclear Program and for training as a Navy Nuclear Officer. Presents If you can qualify for the demanding yet rewarding nuclear field you can anticipate five years of Hancock employment as a regular Navy officer. Tuesday, April 8 For full details on this .^ew NROTC Nuclear Propulsion Cand idate program, contact the NAVY Memorial Hall, UNC ROTC Unit, HOSocial Sciences(Phone684-3841). Be someone special in the Navy. 8:00 p.m. Tickets available at Chapel Hill Record Bars and the Carolina Union Page Eight The Chronicle Tuesday. April 1.1975 —Ivy League- -Pie Fli Die- day he didn't think he'd need one. (Continued from page 1) (Continued from page 1) fessor—cheered both the attack and the The Don said his group has pie- that Duke's new financial aid alloca- with the Ivy League and give 10 chase. throwing ethics: no badly staining pies, tion policy will "keep the rabble out" scholarships. Duke will, however, use The first cheered the pie man as he like blueberry, and all pies thrown at pro­ by allowing only "affluent" students the same rules that the Ivy League chased Bonk around the front of the fessors go at the end of the class. come to the University. uses and give scholarships to students podium and threw the pie. The class then He said the group was set up to "bring The move to the Ivy League is not with special talents—especially streamed out of the auditorium following Duke back to life" and make people laugh, expected to cause overnight changes talents at putting balls through hoops the duo. cheering Bonk as he chased his including the professsors who get hit. at Duke, but some are already ap- and across goalines. assailant across a parking lot and into the Bonk yesterday called the idea of pie- parent. In a move to bring Duke's Student opinion in general appears woods. throwing groups "asinine." facilities up to Ivy League standards to be favorable to the switch. Com- The pie-man gave up running when he PIE-DIE's rates range from, depending ran into a knee-deep stream that was too on the risk involved in each target, $10 to the RLC in a closed session has voted ments from students randomly select- $20 to students. $20 to $30 for professors, to rename the main quad "Duke ed on the Duke Yard ranged from "Oh, steep to climb out; Bonk was only feet behind the student, who identified $50 to $100 for administrators and a Yard." ivy. That will be nice," to "Go to Hell, himself as Dave Shain, a freshman who "special Terry" rate of from $200 to $300, In sports Dukewill come into line Columbia, go to Hell!" lives in House P. for Duke President Terry Sanford. "Don't ever try to run from an athlete," FLI-PIEs spokesman said their newly set —Edens out— puffed Bonk, as he used his lecture notes rates are: $8 for all students, $20 to $35 for to clean the lemon creme off his ears. chin, professors, $35 and up for administrators (Continued from page 1) and $175 and up for Sanford. worse either, now, will it? elbow and pants. the result of the vote. "I think that for "I'm an athlete," responded Shain. FLI-PIE says they will keep their profits once and for all Duke University has "A thousand spaces short, two' all to themselves, while PIE-DIE claims to thousand, we'll get them in "I'm better." quipped Bonk. shown the world just what kind of an Shain will face judicial board charges of give a third to a half of their profits to effectuve, student-oriented decision­ somehow," he smiled. "We always assault and battery, which could result in hunger relief charity. However PIE-DIE ad­ making process we have. The students do." suspension, said Bonk. "He'll also pay the mitted they have so far sent no money said they wanted to keep the forest, The move to renovate the Edens dry cleaning bill," he added. from their contracts to charity, and said dorms and turn them into trees After the incident Shain said he has quit they hadn't decided when or how they and we [the administration, which is wouid db so. here to work for the students] took the originated with the EFC. Williams his job as PIE-DIE hit man. declined to comment on what build­ "This was my first hit. and the company FLI-PIE is asking students who want ball from there and carried it right contracts fulfilled or to join to call down the road to where we are now, ings will be the next on the list of never told me that I might get chased," he possible relocation sites. Speculation said. "It was the last thing on my mind, 688-9833 between 8 and 10 p.m. wherever that is." Students contact PIE-DIE by writing to has centered on the East Campus gym, and he could really run," Shain said of Asked about the effect of tearing Bonk, a crack tennis player . box4782D.S. down over a thousand living spaces, the recently-vacated AROD building, Dean of student affairs William Griffith and Fred Theatre, often mentioned as A PIE-DIE spokesman said of Monday's Blackburn replied, "Well, it certainly chase: "we've gotta expect minor setbacks said yesterday of the pie people: "All of won't help the situation, but it won't the new site of the forest's mushroom once in a while, these are the risks of a hit them would be subject to a possible charge change the situation much for the laboratory. man. It's his problem, there's nothing we of assault and battery." He said pie- can do for him now." throwing is potential dangerous, and un­ The head of PIE-DIE, who asked to be der University Regulations the heads of identified only as "The Don," said very the pie groups could be charged as ac­ elaborate preparations are made in each cessories to assault, even if they PIZZA hit. Hit men usually wear raincoats, themselves through no pies. gloves, dark glasses and a ski mask. They Penalties for assault range from a even take a taste of the pie before okaying primand to suspension. it for throwing, he said. I TRANSIT 1 "I did our first hit, on Alexander," said the Don. He said he even had a getaway car AUTHORITY waiting behind Zener. Shaifl said yester­ 493-2481 J-iu£. it uhi CHAMPAGNE !WMCH

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