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Friday November 13th 2009 The Independent Student Newspaper since 1947 Issue no 706 | varsity.co.uk Single featuring University Library could be renamed after benefactor Stephen Hawking alastair appleton released

Tilly Wilding-Coulson Reporter

This week, Third Man Records, released its newest project, single ‘A Glorious Dawn’, which features Professor Stephen Hawking, Fellow of Gonville and Caius College. Third Man is the label of break- through acts The White Stripes, Whirlwind Heat and Jack White’s spin off venture, The Raconteurs. The single is made up of excerpts from Carl Sagan’s award-winning 80s television show, ‘Cosmos: A Per- sonal Voyage’, mixed with samples of Hawking’s synthetic speech and various instruments. It was created by composer John Boswell. Sagan earned his worldwide fame through publication of popu- lar science books in addition to the renowned television show. The single is a tribute to Sagan, r college who died in 1996 at 62. November find it turned into a branch of Tesco it can enhance its collections and often depends on getting fund- 9th would have been Sagan’s 75th Claire Gatzen with an internet cafe, if the Gen- develop the services provided to its ing but it is very important that birthday. Senior Reporter eral Board fancied that idea. What users. the funder can’t control the ques- Hawking, author of A Brief History is there to stop someone literally “This proposal is no different to tions that are asked or suppress of Time, suffers from amyotrophic buying the library? What sort of those already undertaken by most the results if he doesn’t like them. lateral sclerosis (a variant of motor AWestminste row has erupted following a uni- message would be sent out?” major research libraries. If Bill Gates did want to name the neurone disease), and communicates lateral decision to sell the right She also suggested that the “External donations are about Library after himself mightn’t he by way of a speech synthesiser. He to name Cambridge University Library might have breached helping the Library maintain its want to press for more IT resources has been in the news most recently Library after the highest bidder. University protocol, telling Var- global position and enhancing the and fewer books? for stepping down from the position of The Library is offering what sity, “There is a code under which services provided, not detracting “I’m sure Anne Jarvis is sincere Lucasian Professor of Mathematics. it describes as “the ultimate com- benefactions are supposed to be from them.” in what she says but when deals The single’s accompanying video memorative naming opportunity” considered. It was created while I Evans, Emeritus Professor of have to be done to get huge sums of can be viewed on YouTube. to raise funds in exchange for exter- was on the University Council. Did Medieval Theology and Intellec- money, how confident can we be that nal sponsorship. anyone even glance at this before tual History, also told Varsity that the University will stick to its guns? But Professor Gillian Evans, a agreeing this ‘offer’? We’d all like she was concerned about the conse- It took money from GKN [a global Simon Blackburn member of the University’s Regent to know.” quences of the rebranding plans for automotive and aerospace manu- House governing body, attacked the University Librarian Anne academic research. facturing company] and allowed Co-operation should be move, arguing that a commercial Jarvis defended the move as a valid She explained, “Cambridge has a GKN representative to join the at the heart of human tie-up would damage the Library’s attempt to boost fundraising. She accepted benefactions for cen- committee that chose the new GKN relations reputation and adversely influence stated, “it is completely normal turies but in recent years it has professor.” academic activities. for an institution of this calibre to recognised that it is important to Opinion amongst students Evans expressed anger that Uni- explore the full range of fundraising check that the money is ‘clean’ and appears to be divided. A third- versity staff had not been consulted options open to it. The University that the benefactor does not want year Historian supported Professor about the renaming plans, telling Library is home to some of the most to attach strings to it, which could Evans’ stance, telling Varsity she p9 a Regent House meeting, “At this important collections of books and compromise the University’s proper thought the move was “ridiculous”. rate, one might set off for the Uni- manuscripts in the world. It contin- academic activities. versity Library one morning to ues to seek external support so that “Academic research these days Continued on page 3. 2 Friday November 13th 2009 News Editors: Avantika Chilkoti, Emma Mustich and Beth Staton News www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

emma mustich In Brief

CUR1350 nominated for two Student Radio Awards CUR1350, which broadcasts student radio from its studio in Churchill College, was nominated for two Student Radio Awards, for Best Student Radio Chart Show and Best Outside Broadcast (for its coverage of May Bumps this year). The Awards ceremony will be held on November 24th. CUR1350, which features programmes by students from the Univer- sity of Cambridge and Anglia Ruskin, has been successful at the awards before, winning four awards in 2004, and receiving nine nominations (the most of any station in the country) and three awards in 2007.

May Ball regulations released by Council Cambridge City Council released their annual guide to running May Balls this week, provoking concerns that nglia Ruskin University held its graduation ceremonies at the Corn Exchange on Wednesday and Thursday this week. Graduates crowded Bene’t running such events may be Astreet in dark blue and gold graduation gowns, with relatives and friends. The university was founded in 1858 when Victorian writer and critic John subject to further restrictions in Ruskin opened a School of Art in Sidney Street. It was not until 2005 that the enormously expanded institution was given its current title. the future. The guide reasserts much of last year’s stipulation for running May Week effec- tively, including sections on Cambridge MP David Howarth to stand down at general election noise pollution, drug restric- tion and hypnotists. Despite complaints after last year’s to earth, David has proven to be Jesus May Ball, however, it is Gemma Oke the perfect MP for our city and our not thought that the restrictions Senior Reporter University” he said. will mean enormous changes for Howarth entered local politics in planning events. 1987 as a councillor for the Castle The MP for Cambridge, David ward in Cambridge City, becom- Department of Howarth, has announced he will ing the leader of the City Council stand down at the next General in 2000. Architecture building Election to focus on his career as an As well as serving as the Liberal sold academic. Democrat Shadow Secretary of State A building on Chaucer Road, Howarth announced last Thursday for Justice, Howarth has also played home of the Department of that he will not contest his seat, won a significant role in formulating Architecture’s Martin Centre in 2005 with a 10% majority over the Liberal Democrat economic policy, for more than three decades, second-placed Labour candidate. and in environmental committees. is being sold by the Univer- A Fellow of Clare College since Recently he has campaigned sity. The asking price for the 1985, Mr Howarth lectured on Land against the introduction of tuition 10,000-square-foot Victorian Economy, Law and Economics fees and ID cards, and voted very building, which has an exten- between 1988 and 2005. He stressed David Howarth (right) with members of the Cambridge Student Liberal Democrats strongly for an investigation into sive garden and is close to the that he would continue to serve the Iraq War. Botanic Garden, is £3.5 million. constituents until the next General to support the Liberal Democrats Clegg praised Howarth as “a politi- Howarth was one of few to escape The building and its accompany- Election is called. and Nick Clegg and I wish the cian of huge integrity and intellectual the expenses scandal, as the only ing cottage are not listed, but “After nearly 22 years of elected party all success in the future. I also ability”, while Dom Weldon, chair Liberal Democrat MP outside “they are within a conservation public office, the time has come for look forward to continuing to play of the Cambridge Student Liberal Greater London to commute from area and the main residence is me to concentrate on my other life, a role in the party’s policy-making Democrats expressed “a heartfelt his constituency for Parliamentary recorded as a building of local as an academic” he said. process.” sadness” at David’s departure. sessions, rather than claim a second interest.” “I will continue enthusiastically Liberal Democrat leader Nick “A wise thinker, yet very down home allowance.

Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947 and distributes 10,000 free copies to every Cambridge College, to ARU and around Cambridge each week.

Get involved Editors Robert Peal & Anna Trench [email protected] AssociAtE Editors Jenny Morgan [email protected] & Laurie Tuffrey [email protected] NEws Editors Avantika Chilkoti, Emma Mustich & Beth Staton [email protected] commENt Editor Dan Hitchens [email protected] sport Editors Will Caiger-Smith & Olly West [email protected] FEAturEs Editor Zing Tsjeng [email protected] Arts Editor Laura If you would like to find out how Freeman [email protected] thEAtrE Editor Lauren Cooney [email protected] rEviEws & ListiNgs Editor Paul Smith [email protected] FAshioN Editors Charlie Lyons, Joe Pitt-Rashid & Lara Prendergast to write for Varsity, come to one [email protected] of our weekly meetings. sENior rEportErs Clare Gatzen, Anna Harper, Helen Mackreath, Gemma Oke & Matthew Symington [email protected] sciENcE corrEspoNdENts Sita Dinanauth & Mingjuan Tan science@varsity. co.uk Food & driNk Editors Tanya Iqbal [email protected] thEAtrE critics Nathan Brooker, Abigail Dean, Chris Kerr, Joel Massey, Jemima Middleton, George Reynolds & Alasdair Pal [email protected] News: Monday 4pm. Sidney music critics Edward Henderson, Tom Keane & Pete Morelli [email protected] JAzz critic Jonathan Lifschutz FiLm critics James Garner & James Sharpe [email protected] visuAL Arts critic Florence Sharpe Sussex College bar. [email protected] cLAssicAL music critic Guido Martin-Brandis [email protected] LitErAry critic Eliot D’Silva [email protected] vArsitv Editors Richard Rothschild-Pearson & Fred Rowson [email protected] dEputy vArsitv Editors Phillipa Garner & Alan Young [email protected] oNLiNE Editor Max Raleigh-Reckless Smithwick magazine: Wednesday 5.30pm. chiEF sub-Editor Colm Flanagan sub-Editors Lauren Arthur, Timothy Leung & Angela Scarsbrook [email protected] dEsigNEr Dylan Spencer-Davidson [email protected] dEsigN coNsuLtANt Michael Maypole Pub (20A Portugal Derringer Place). busiNEss & AdvErtisiNg mANAgEr Michael Derringer [email protected] boArd oF dirEctors Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Dr Tim Harris, Mr Chris Wright, Mr Michael Derringer, Mr Alternatively, email the relevant Elliot Ross, Mr Patrick Kingsley (VarSoc President), Miss Anna Trench, Mr Hugo Gye, Mr Michael Stothard, Miss Clementine Dowley, Mr Robert Peal & Mr Christopher Adriaanse

NEWSPAPERS section editor (right) with your SUPPORT Varsity, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications also publishes BlueSci and The Mays. RECYCLING ©2009 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise ideas. Recycled paper made up 87.2% of the raw material for UK without prior permission of the publisher. Printed at Iliffe Print Cambridge — Winship Road, Milton, Cambridge CB24 6PP on 48gsm UPM Matt Paper. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office. ISSN 1758-4442 newspapers in 2008 NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT RECYCLING News Editors: Avantika Chilkoti, Emma Mustich and Beth Staton Friday November 13th 2009 3 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk NewsS Caius JCR in charity funding controversy » Proposals to withdraw funding for religious and political organisations withdrawn after protests

of Amnesty as ‘political’. The GCSU Representatives from Caius Beth Staton have now retracted the proposal and Amnesty stressed the inclusive and News Editor replaced it with a completely revised participatory nature of the organisa- statement, issuing an apology for tion, and the fact that “human rights the motion which, they admit, was affect us all”. A proposal to cease JCR funding “badly thought through”. “Caius Amnesty welcomes the for religious, political and charitable Verity Trynka-Watson, who leads GCSU’s efforts to achieve greater societies has caused uproar amongst a Christian group at Caius and is clarity with regard to the funding Caius students this week. also an Amnesty member, said the of societies” said society member The terms of a motion, submitted proposals exposed a “fundamental Emma Johnston. by the Caius Student Union (GCSU) misunderstanding of neutrality”, “Yet we must emphasise that President, would have rendered although she did regard the inten- Amnesty International is an societies such as Amnesty Inter- tions of the GCSU as “essentially apolitical, impartial organisation, national and the Christian Union positive”. independent of any government, ineligible for funding. After a heated “Union does not mean uniformity, political ideology or religious creed. campaign from members of both but the acceptance of diversity,” she Caius Amnesty is thus open to all societies, the proposals have been said. members of the College, regardless revoked. “Cutting off funding to political, of their political affiliation.” Amnesty fell into the category religious and charitable societies Society representatives are of societies “which do not directly suggests that the normative model currently in correspondence with benefit GCSU’s members”, render- is anti-political, secularist and Union representatives, and a ing it beyond the remit of Union non-interventionalist. Neutrality is reworking of the proposal is being funding, according to the motion’s maintained by considering all groups put forward. terms. equally.” “We want to base funding on It was also viewed, by some, as The motion was proposed after The current Caius JCR team requests, but also allow students to running a political agenda which did students requested funding for be able to question funding decisions not reflect the views of all students. charity squashes, leading to a need societies were exclusive, or imposed the meeting, would only be voted should they feel that funding is Religious societies such as the to clarify the Union’s responsibil- ideas upon the rest of the student on by the JCR executive committee imposing certain views on students, Christian Union (CU) were also ity for funding societies whose aims population,” said Sophia Parkinson, of 16 elected representatives, and or misrepresenting the College,” excluded on the grounds that they lay beyond a direct benefit for Caius the GCSU secretary. was proposed by only one member, said Parkinson. were “not open to all members of the students. “With regard to this, societies President James Polyblank. “Societies form because enough College”. Of the charitable organisa- Correspondence between Society with ideological positions repre- The debate has revealed a profound people are enthusiastic about their tions, however, RAG was allowed members and the GCSU is currently sent a more dangerous kind of difficulty in defining the roles of JCR specialist interest to want to meet funding, on the grounds that it ongoing, and a model is being consid- exclusivity.” funding, and the definition of a ‘politi- together,” Trynka-Watson added. allocated its money “on a democratic ered which takes into account both Members of both societies rallied cal identity’ for societies. Although it “This is equally true of all groups basis”. the importance of neutrality and the in opposition at an open meeting on is common for party-political groups within College, and to see the politi- Fierce opposition from societ- JCR’s role to fund opportunities for Sunday, but the discussions were to be excluded from Student Union cal, religious, and charitable societies ies, however, questioned both the all students. pulled after concerns of unconsti- funding, only four other Colleges cut out would be a sad loss of many implied responsibilities of JCR “The motion arose from concerns tutionality. The motion, released to extend the political classification to organisations which greatly enrich funding and the specific classification that students might feel that many the student body just hours before groups like Amnesty. the lives of students.” Cambridge students win MIT genetics competition UL seeks major benefactor

» Seven students come first of 1700 competitors at iGEM Continued from page 1. She said, “Stunts like this just end up the future.” eroding the credibility of esteemed A spokesman for the University competition are charged with Their project involved the creation institutions. Cambridge is an said, “Any proposal for a major Emma Mustich “conceiving, designing and imple- of cheap distributable biosensors academic institution and shouldn’t be benefaction, including the recognition News Editor menting a synthetic biological that could be used to detect heavy selling itself for commercial gain.” of a major donor through the renam- system using standard, interchange- metals through visible colour output. A second-year Economist was less ing of the Library, would be subject able DNA parts or ‘BioBricks’ and Their findings could potentially be concerned, “Surely the University to the normal stringent University Seven students representing operating it in living cells.” applied, for instance, to help detect can stipulate restraints on the influ- approval processes. Cambridge were awarded the Grand The members of the success- quantities of elements like arsenic in ence sponsors have in the running of “At this point in time, the Univer- Prize at MIT’s iGEM competition on ful Cambridge team were Mike third-world water supplies. the UL. It’s important that the UL sity is not in discussion with any November 2nd. Davies, Shuna Gould, Siming Ma, The team has been featured receives all of the money it needs potential donors regarding a benefac- The international Genetically Vivian Mullin, Megan Stanley, Alan prominently in the American news in order to continue providing a tion that would lead to a proposal for Engineered Machine competition Waldbridge, and Crispian Wilson. media since their win on November top-class service to all students and renaming the Cambridge University (iGEM) was attended by 112 differ- Their advisors were Jim Ajioka, 2nd. Vivian Mullin was interviewed academics.” Library.” ent teams comprising 1700 students Jim Haselhoff, Gos Micklem, James live on National Public Radio (NPR) In a statement on its website, Classics professor Mary Beard in all. Teams came from universi- Brown, Tom Ellis, and Duncan last Friday, and the entire team it said, “Oxford has its Bodleian, commented on her blog, ‘“The Tesco ties in Europe, Asia, Latin America, Rowe. was asked to take part in two photo Harvard has its Widener, Yale has its Library’ doesn’t exactly trip off my Australia, New Zealand, and the They won not only the Grand shoots for an upcoming feature in Beinecke, Manchester its Rylands. In tongue very easily. ... [But] I’m sure I US. Prize, but also came first in the The New York Times Magazine. Cambridge, the University Library is could get used to it – if it came with a Competitors in the iGEM Environment Track. iGEM started out as a month-long one of few such institutions of equiv- few million pounds to keep the library course module for MIT students in alent stature in the Western world as great it has always been.” January 2003. Over the past several that remains unnamed. years it has become more and more “This represents a unique oppor- prestigious. Now internationally tunity to recognise an exceptional recognised, the competition requires and transformative benefaction in students to use a set of “biological perpetuity. It is also an extraordi- 52 Trumpington Street parts”, given to them at the begin- narily timely opportunity. In 2009 Cambridge CB2 1RG ning of the summer vacation, and Cambridge celebrates 800 years of combine them with items of their the quest for understanding our world FREE CHELSEA BUN own design to “build biological and ourselves, through scholarship. With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop systems and operate them in living “Its University Library has, for OR cells.” centuries now, been at the heart of FREE MORNING A team from Imperial College this quest – and it remains so today. London finished in the top six, Astonishing in the scope, significance COFFEE/TEA (9am-12pm) winning awards for both Best and sheer scale of its collections, the With any cake or pastry in the restaurant Manufacturing Project and Best University Library is the nerve- on presentation of this voucher Human Practices Advance. Bristol’s centre of learning and information at and proof of student status Cambridge’s iGEM team celebrate victory at MIT team won the prize for Best Model. Cambridge, and alive to the needs of 4 Friday November 13th 2009 News Editors: Avantika Chilkoti, Emma Mustich and Beth Staton News www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Student concern over Mandelson’s fees review » NUS criticise party response to the tuition fees question

30,000 to 141,118. Jamie Pollock The announcement of the review A year of controversy Reporter panel was met with disapproval from student union leaders. They view the This week’s investigation is just assessment, which won’t be completed one of a mass of divisive reports The row over tuition fees was until after the next general election, examining the problem of tuition reignited this week, when Busi- as an opportunity for Labour and fees in the UK. ness Secretary Lord Mandelson Conservative MPs to postpone com- At the end of September the CBI announced the set-up of an inde- mitment to a policy on tuition fees. Taskforce, a lobbying organisation pendent tuition fee review to assess Writing in a letter published in The for business, recommended the “balance of contributions to uni- Guardian, The National Union of Stu- the fee cap be increased to versities by taxpayers, students, dents (NUS) said it was “appalled by £5000 by 2012, a suggestion graduates and employers”. Labour and Conservative attempts greeted enthusiastically by HE The long-awaited review, intended to duck difficult questions on student representatives. to assess the “balance of contribu- fees and finance at the next general The report stressed that tions to universities by taxpayers, election.” businesses should provide more students, graduates and employ- Dom Weldon, Chair of Cambridge Business Secretary Lord Mandelson reviews the situation sponsorship and internship ers”, was originally arranged to win Student Liberal Democrats, joined in opportunities in a bid to increase over Labour backbenchers in 2004. the attack. “Whilst Labour and the CUSU President Tom Chigbo is a sig- That the Liberal Democrats might Former education secretary, Charles Tories try to increase tuition fees and natory. Aside from merely criticising provide an electoral option for frus- the number and vocational quality Clarke, guaranteed a future assess- student debt, the Lib Dems are the the policy, it threatened to mobilise trated students has been undermined of graduates, particularly in ment of the policy in response to a only party standing up for students,” the power of the student vote in uni- by uncertainty toward its policy of science and technology. concern that tuition fees would deter he said. Weldon has reasserted the versity towns and cities. scrapping tuition fees, voiced at their Other recommendations include students from poorer backgrounds “party’s commitment to scrapping “In 2005, the student vote made September party conference. removing the current interest rate from applying to university. fees”, claiming that the Liberal Dem- a significant difference in towns and Pointing to Nick Clegg’s “repeated subsidy to provide student loans Despite these worries the number ocrats offered a “natural home for cities across the UK,” it said. “Our indications” that the Lib Dems at their cost of borrowing, and of students applying to univer- students”. message is clear: candidates must should drop their opposition to fees, lowering the income threshold sity has increased. This year, those The Liberal Democrats may be vote with us, or students won’t vote the Cambridge University Labour for maintenance grants. Although denied a place at university rose by buoyed by the NUS letter, of which for them.” Club has maintained that “no party claiming that such measures would has a monopoly of virtue on the not reduce demand, the report issue.” George Owers, CULC chair, said that the Government should has said he is “absolutely against postpone its 50% HE participation any lifting of the cap on fees”, and target, instead focussing on Fly Round the World asserted the belief that “the current performance at school level. status quo is wrong”. The report was welcomed by The NUS letter also expressed HE bodies, including the Russell for Under £1000! great concern regarding the compo- Group, who described the system sition of the review panel, which is to of student support in England as consist of four leading business con- “one of the most generous, and London » Dubai » sultants, the vice-chancellors of both expensive, in the world.” Bangkok » Sydney Birmingham and Aston universities Wendy Piatt, the group’s and Rajay Naik, former chairman of London Melbourne director, echoed the need for (overland) the British Youth Council. » Auckland increased funding and the focus Dubai (overland) Commenting Naik’s inclusion, the Christchurch » Dubai on “quality rather than quantity”, Bangkok NUS President Wes Streeting was » London but said the group wanted to “be “pleased that the Government has one hundred per cent sure about listened to our calls for a student the impact of any changes” before from Sydney 7-stops voice to be included on this panel”. making their own proposals. Auckland There is concern, however, over the She seconded the report’s Melbourne independence of the review team. Christchurch claim that 2007’s introduction rTWLON20 £755Price includes taxes “We are in no doubt that a review of variable fees had not affected panel dominated by business and access because “Educational Round the World Experts is committed to finding you the best deal. university leaders is designed to under-achievement – not finance We guarantee you: stitch up students with yet another – is the key reason for a lower inflation busting hike in tuition fees,” proportion of working-class Your own dedicated The widest choice Streeting said. Travel Butler The appointment of Lord Browne, students in higher education”. The widest choice of airfares and Cambridge alumnus and former A free service offering total airfare combinations on sale in Chief Executive of BP, to head of support throughout your travels. the UK plus all the travel extras, the review, has provoked a mixed those concerned that such a move Low Price Promise from hotels to tours, insurance reaction. might stifle the opportunities of and more. Lord Broers, the University applicants from poorer backgrounds. If we can’t find you a cheaper airfare of Cambridge’s Vice-Chancellor Andy McGowan, CUSU targets in the same cabin†, we will beat it*. between 1996 and 2003, praised the school officer, reiterated the prob- ! decision on the basis that Browne, lem of increased top-up fees: “I am known to be one of Tony Blair’s very concerned about the impact favourite industry representatives, that higher fees may have on widen- Gift Voucher FREE would bring “formidable intellectual ing participation, in terms of adding rigour” to the review. to a fear of debt and a market where Make a booking with Cambridge 3 Month Australian Student leaders, however, may students choose universities based Round the World Experts for your Tourist Visa!^ doubt the capacity of a businessman, on how much they cost”. FREE Australian tourist visa. whose Desert Island Discs luxury The selection of two univer- was a lifetime’s supply of “great sity vice-chancellors to sit on the cigars”, in leading an independent review panel will do little to com- Call your local Cambridge Round the inquiry into the funding of higher fort concerned students. A survey World Expert today on: Visit Cambridge Round the World education. of vice-chancellors in March of this In talking of how students become year revealed that, on average, they Experts in the Flight Centre High “choosier and more demanding con- would like to see the ceiling on stu- St Store at 50 Sidney Street, 01223 321 946 sumers” as they pay more for higher dent fees rise to £6,500. Cambridge, CB2 3HX www.roundtheworldexperts.co.uk education, Lord Mandelson has The University of Cambridge con- framed an ongoing debate surround- firmed they would not comment on Conditions may apply, subject to date restrictions and availability, the prices are guides only please check with your consultant for confirmed prices, availability & specials. *Low Price ing the shaping of a market in higher the issue until the review is released. Promise will be honoured if there are seats or group of seats still available to be booked in the same cabin as per the itinerary contained on the competitor’s quote. For full terms & conditions & the definition of †cabin, visit our website. Offer is subject to change at any time. ^Only one voucher per booking. Not redeemable for cash. Must be used education. Talk of a higher ceiling on Students are likely to wait in uncer- at Cambridge Round the World Experts store. Can not be used with any other offer. Redeemable for new booking only & must be booked with Round the World trip. the maximum tuition fee has worried tainty until then. » Chris Lillycrop steps down over Graduate Union difficulties

News Editors: Avantika Chilkoti, Emma Mustich and Beth Staton Friday November 13th 2009 5 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk NewsS

News Feature Homeless, but not helpless Homeless in Cambridge Anna Fahy reports back from a night on the job at PAUL SmITH Jimmy’s Night Shelter

At first, entering Jimmy’s Night has resulted in their current situa- Shelter is like walking into any Col- tion, whether this be with a partner lege Common Room. Comfortable or with family. This expiration of sofas surround an array of large support has no exclusivity; whether tables, and bowls of biscuits and they are scientists, business pro- sweets have been placed randomly fessionals or just out of college, the around the room. only thing that the guests of Jim- This comforting and welcom- my’s have in common is the lack of ing atmosphere reflects the work somewhere to live. that the volunteers at Jimmy’s The unusually large number of offer each night to the homeless in tourists in Cambridge, combined Cambridge. with the city’s position on the train Inspired by Jim, a man who spent line as the first stop from London, the majority of his life living under means that it is the destination of the M11, the shelter has provided choice for a large number of Eng- nightly accommodation, food and land’s homeless. conversation for local homeless since Through working with other its opening in November 1995. agencies in Cambridge, such as the Although the shelter has several Street Outreach team and St John’s Richard Rothschild-Pearson paid members of staff, it primarily Ambulance, guests are given the VarsiTV Editor runs with the help of around 200 vol- necessary help to regain the confi- unteers, with some travelling from dence that is so often lost through as far away as London and Peter- their circumstances. borough in order to contribute. The shelter has two ‘move-on Volunteers can work either the eve- houses’, with room for seven people. ning, overnight or breakfast shift, in Here, guests can stay for up to two which they cook and serve food and years and are taught things such as sheltered accommodation over sev- generally keep the shelter in order. how to manage their finances. Cur- Richard Rothschild-Pearson eral years while Jimmy’s tried to However, given the isolation of rently, four of the seven inhabitants VarsiTV Editor 24 improve his health. After building the majority of the shelter’s guests, are back to working full time. average number of guests, per night, at up a better condition of life Nick was “the most important thing we offer The opportunities Jimmy’s pro- Jimmy’s Night Shelter in 2007-8 able to agree that he wanted to get is a human face”, commented Jane vides the homeless are invaluable; Big Issue sellers, buskers, and even his life back on track. Six years later, Heaney, the Jimmy’s Co-ordinator volunteers and staff work to ensure the odd beggar occupy our streets, he is in permanent accommodation, of Voluntary Services. that their guests can move on to appealing to us with the familiar has a family and volunteers at the The demand for Jimmy’s services function successfully in society. phrase, “Can you spare some change £1,190 Shelter. is extremely high, and with 31 beds, However, despite this, there are mate?” cost, per day, of running Jimmy’s Night What seems important in reha- the shelter is normally full. Last year still those who the shelter cannot Why is Cambridge, a town with Shelter bilitation, in addition to help from alone, 350 of Cambridge’s homeless help. One volunteer, Ted Welsh, such wealth, also the home to so groups such as Jimmy’s, is a degree had to be turned away. remarked on the sadness he felt on many in such a vulnerable position, of personal motivation to stop living Although many of the shelter’s occasionally seeing former guests and should we spare the change? on the streets. At a certain point it guests come from the street, Heaney return to the street. It is often – wrongly – believed 13% is up to the person to improve their cites the “hidden homeless” (people But the safety, warmth and, most percentage of guests at Jimmy’s in 2007-8 that the only cause of homeless is aged between 20 and 25 own life, and it must be said that living on the sofas of friends, in hos- importantly, compassion that Jim- addiction problems. Whilst drug some do not choose this path and tels, or in unsuitable housing) as a my’s provides has helped literally and alcohol abuse is a major issue, remain in the cycle of homelessness. particularly prevalent issue. thousands of homeless people since mental health problems or simply Homelessness in Cambridge is The majority of the guests that its opening and, in the last few years, losing a job and financial stability 483 not going to go away. If we want to Jimmy’s sees have experienced some the number of people living on the are also contributing factors. The Number of people ‘sleeping rough’ in england help those in need, it will entail more form of relationship breakdown that streets has decreased considerably. in June 2008, according to the Department challenge of those groups who wish for communities and Local Government than simply sparing some change to re-establish people into perma- here and there.We must commit to nent accommodation is to find a way devoting our time and our support Cambridge & Chelmsford to restore the factors required in to addressing the standard of condi- running a normal life. 0 tions for those who have to live life Cambridge & Chelmsford Jimmy’s Night Shelter told us Number of people ‘sleeping rough’ in rough. about one guest they called ‘Nick’ cambridge, according to the same report (a FREE Eye Examinations search three weeks later placed cambridge Concerned about homelessness? VarsiTV who had become homeless due to third, after Westminster and the city of FREE Eye Examinations addiction problems with heroin London, for the number of people sleeping will be uploading its homelessness inves- at Anglia Ruskin University Eye Clinic and alcohol. Nick was in and out of rough) tigation next week on www.varsitv.co.uk. at Anglia Ruskin University Eye Clinic You will receive a comprehensive eye examination where your CUSU’s Streetbite anyway!” Outside Sainsbury’s, the steam from our flan- visionYou will will receive be tested a comprehensive and you nels attracted eight more people who came to us for willeye examinationbe screened wherefor various your On a drizzly Friday evening, I set off to Trinity Hall for food and beverages (and sleeping bags, should they be eyevision diseases. will be testedWe will and also you will be screened for various my initiation into Streebite: a student-run organisation sleeping rough unexpectedly). advise you on looking after eyeyour diseases. vision. We will also designed to offer people on the street a bite to eat. Streetbite is a very simple procedure, which simply advise you on looking after Our first stop was the kitchen, where we boiled water takes tact. Just be friendly and ask people how their Contactyour vision. lens appointments are also available. and picked up soup sachets. Armed with the necessary evening is going and they’ll tell you how many Big Issues Contact lens appointments supplies, I took to the streets with a more experi- they’ve sold (generally not enough) and how many areWe alsooffer available. a full range of enced volunteer, whom I’ll call Ryan. Leaving behind sugars they’d like. The only problem was our shortage competitively priced frames, the cocoon of the College’s sumptuous courts, we of supplies: we ran out of food and hot water after just includingWe offer a a full wide range selection of of designercompetitively and traditional priced frames, styles. approached the people who inhabit an almost parallel half an hour. The sandwiches were made by Ryan and including a wide selection of world in Cambridge. In a city where your eyes seem help- out of his own pocket. Unfortunately, Streebite is mostly Bookdesigner your and free traditional eye test today styles. lessly drawn to the students that rush to and fro in their funded by student donations and sorely lacks contribu- to take advantage of our special prices.Book your free eye test today black gowns, we focused our gaze on the map assigned tions as well as volunteers. Its organisers are currently in to take advantage of our special to volunteers, which designates popular spots for Big liaison with other similar charities in Cambridge to raise Theprices. clinic is open 9.00am to Issue vendors. funds and awareness with the big Streebite Sleep Out on 5.00pm Monday–Thursday, 4.30pmThe clinic Friday. is open 9.00am to The first one we encountered was over the moon to Parker’s Piece this November 28th. The point is not to 5.00pm Monday–Thursday, see Ryan and told him there were not enough people emulate: it is to emancipate, by dissipating some of the 4.30pm Friday. like him out there. He laughed off our advice to hold stigmas attached to homelessness, and raising money To make an appointment drop in to the clinic at East Road, Cambridge. Or call his cup more carefully, lest he be scalded by the coffee, for more help and better shelters during times of eco- To make an appointment drop in to the clinic at East Road, Cambridge. Or call

joking that: “my fingers are too frozen to feel anything nomic hardship. patricia mckee 0845 196 2070 Media Production 4582/10.09/DT www.anglia.ac.uk

0845 196 2070 Media Production 4582/10.09/DT www.anglia.ac.uk 6 Friday November 13th 2009 News Editors: Avantika Chilkoti, Emma Mustich and Beth Staton NNews www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

Politico Varsity Profile: Peter Bennett Jones “Doing something fun, worthwhile, that makes a difference, and getting paid for it” –PBJ personifies the golden generation from 1970s Cambridge

The success and variety of Peter is producing something of quality Bennett-Jones’ (pictured) television, and personal interest and he has theatre and film career establishes resigned himself to the unpredict- him as part of the golden generation able nature of his business. “If you of creative media talent that came can, take a punt when you’re young out of Cambridge at the end of the and the more rewarding and success- 1970s. As chairman of Tiger Aspect ful your working life is likely to Television, PBJ is responsible for be”. Jones recognises the instabil- The Wilberforce television shows such as The Vicar ity of his work as key to its vitality, Society: A student of Dibley, The Catherine Tate Show, providing him with inexhaustible think-tank Blackadder and films such as Billy intellectual stimulation which he Elliot. And if that doesn’t suffice, claims boils down to the “different this dexterous Cantabrigian is also ways of telling stories”. The Cambridge political scene head of two major talent agencies – As the producer and puppet is one of extremes with the PBJ and KBJ management – playing master, working behind the scenes, main players caught in a war sentry to the likes of Rowan Atkin- PBJ is involved in a number of of attention to score the most son and Eddie Izzard. The best way projects all at the same time – from publicity. While Cambridge to describe Peter Bennett-Jones’ job films, documentaries and sitcoms, to University Labour Club urges is as a facilitator, identifying, nurtur- stand up, sketch shows and theatre. you to support the plight of ing and realising talent. Jones, always the opportunist, the striking postal workers, After bumping into an “old friend” describes the threats facing the Cambridge University Conser- in his first week at Cambridge, the media from shifts in advertising, as vative Association revels in “old friend” being Roger Michell “part of the intellectual challenge” champagne quaffing and white who went on to direct Notting Hill, and he pinpoints the sector’s mutabil- tie – associations that their and being coaxed into auditioning ity as its most exciting quality and counterparts in Westminster for a play, PBJ quickly discovered the key to its pervasive influence in are desperate to move away an “extraordinary stepping stone” modern life. from. While such brinkmanship in Cambridge drama, taking advan- PBJ’s involvement in Comic Relief works well for the few at the tage of university resources such as also has him “using powers of the top of the tree, learning their the ADC, Footlights and Edinburgh medium for something that is demon- craft for a career of outmaneu- Festival. Through these institu- strably a good thing”, testifying to vering and backstabbing, what tions he gained experience of how the importance and influence of the about those who actually want to operate theatre production in its media in “prompting a generation to discuss some policy? various forms as well as learning how to think about the world in a wider Perhaps us Cambridge to manage the performers and help context and consider their responsi- students could even offer them to fulfil their greatest potential. bility to others”. Jones’ most recent something new to the political Evidently, both the environment and endeavor, the Open Up campaign, is establishment given that we people at Cambridge provided the aimed at political reform. will one day leave the infamous springboard to PBJ’s media career. clockwise: the cast of The Vicar of Dibley and of Blackadder, eddie izzard and PBJ By refusing to limit his activities Bubble and be seen, however Then, as now, the Cambridge to any particular genre and indulg- debatably, as the bright young theatre both attracts and cultivates Working and spending time with the the opportunity to encourage and ing his instinctive drive toward things who will one day step up talent, gathering people together likes of Douglas Adams, Nick Hytner, develop, was the greatest privilege exciting talent and innovation, Jones to take the country forward. and providing them with the means Griff Rhys Jones and Richard Curtis, Cambridge offered and he admits has been able to successfully recon- Daunting, but that’s not to say for making innovative theatre. Jones Jones found friendships and working to “realising only in retrospect the cile his working ambitions, doing we can’t make a start whilst describes how, within his creatively relationships which have anchored truly exceptional, rare nature of something “fun, worthwhile, that we’re still cushioned by the minded friendship group, infamously him throughout his 30 year career. those talents”. makes a difference and getting paid cocoon of the Bubble. nicknamed ‘The Snake Pit’, ideas According to PBJ “the concentration Jones’ formula for success is for it”. rosa sinclair-wilson The Wilberforce Society aims were sparked by a deadly combina- of talent and energy” that his gener- “working with gifted and similarly to establish itself as an influen- tion of collaboration and competition. ation represented, talents he had motivated people”. For him, success tial political think tank on the national scene. The twist being that it would be the only student run think-tank in the country. With no agenda to push and no Hi! Society: The Draghounds affiliation to any institutions, this novel society simply wishes Cambridge University Draghounds - The only student run pack of draghounds left in England to convey a range of broadly centrist viewpoints from some If you’ve ever been for a stroll in dragged across the country by a take part in a non-riding capacity, day’s work, as well as the assurance sharp and independent young the Cambridgeshire countryside hardy runner. The sport is blood- with spectators most welcome. Of on the Draghounds website that minds. and witnessed a pair of red-faced less and has been heralded as an course, becoming a runner is also “The hounds are not out to kill you!” The eponymous man himself, students legging it across hedge and alternative to fox-hunting. But the a possibility, though this involves matthew symington William Wilberforce, was a ditch to escape a pack of ravenous Cambridge University Draghounds traversing 10 miles of open country Cambridge student and one of hounds, then the chances are that have no agenda other than the thrill at speed. Surprisingly, volunteers To find out more about the Cambridge the great visionaries of the early you’ve encountered the Cambridge of the chase. are entirely forthcoming. The secret University Draghounds have a look on 19th century in his successful University Draghounds. Started in 1855, these days the might be the £30 payment for the their website at www.srcf.ucam.org/cudh/ campaign for the end of British For many of us this is the closest society meets every Sunday between involvement in the slave trade. we’ll come to experiencing the mid-October and April but there are On a smaller scale, this think thrill of a Draghound chase; most difficulties – the society does not hire tank wishes to shake up the of the members actually come from horses so participants must have Cambridge political scene, at outside of the University. But this their own. However, the price for least so far as actually discuss- is something the Masters of the taking part in the hunt and tea after- ing some real policy. Founded in hounds are aiming to change with wards is just £15 for students. February this year, they claim the help of some calculated social The Masters encourage people 50 active members and a rising events, including their annual ball in to learn to ride at Cambridge. It profile. For all interested, their Lent term. would be more than possible to next meeting will be held at For those of you uneducated in become proficient enough to join 4:30pm on Saturday Novem- this rural pursuit, drag-hunting is the Draghounds within three years. ber 14th in the Andrew Room, a horse-back sport which involves But one could also become involved Sidney Sussex. oli mcfarlane using hounds to chase a scent in the social aspect of the club or News Editors: Avantika Chilkoti, Emma Mustich and Beth Staton Friday November 13th 2009 7 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk NewsS

Cambridge College Spies King’s Watch Murray Edwards This Wednesday, a group of 25 Year Six students from Old Ford Primary School in Tower Hamlets were given a fl avour of Cambridge University through a trip to Murray Edwards College. The visit was organised by IntoUniversity which looks to help the pupils of schools in deprived areas of London. After days spent exploring London, the Tower of London and the East End area, the children were encour- aged to consider their future plans. Their day at Murray Edwards was an extension of this, – a close to the week’s course. The children spent the day completing a quiz which led them Students are sure to have noticed the banner around the College’s premises and after making (pictured below) dominating the facade of presentations on their week and enjoying a King’s College since Wednesday. College lunch, they were presented certifi cates Love Lockdown The post-swap love-making of The banner features illustrations by Quentin for the week’s course by the college’s Admis- Blake which make up part of the tapestry one mysterious cat was brought sions Tutor clad in her to a humiliating end last week. Blake recently presented to nearby Adden- Gonville and Caius College gown. In postcoital attire consisting of brooke’s hospital, depicting key faces from the only a scanty t-shirt, our hero University’s impressive list of alumni. Part On Wednesday evening a building of Gonville located the lavatory in the well- of the 800th year anniversary celebrations, and Caius college, which is currently under renowned College of threes. the hanging will remain in place until January. renovation, was hit by a reversing lorry. Only on turning back did he Blake, who attended Downing College, did the Signifi cant damage was caused with part of fi nd those tricky double-doors pen and ink watercolours as a personal token the brickwork falling out of place. The impact locked hard, less welcoming of thanks to the University. A favourite among occured on an overhanging part of the build- than his lady friend had been these illustrations is included in the banner ing on the corner of Trinity Street. “A truck just minutes before. Forced into a trip to the Plodge, the kind – ironically, the portrayal of an unimpressed reversed around the corner, there was a loud Porters overlooked the bare- Henry VIII listening to King’s College choir. bang, and large rocks fell from the new part of faced cheek of our Casanova The College was approached by the commit- the building” said Simon Glasson, an eyewit- and lent him a coat, saving this tee for the 800th anniversary as they will host ness from Caius. “Someone could have been licentious lothario from the the fi nale to the celebrations. standing underneath. I was terrifi ed.” wintry morning. In four years time, would you trust this man as your Doctor? University Choking the Chicken One elegant lass, perhaps less fresh than is to be expected, took University College University of St Andrews our most revered curry house London Watch by storm. Mid-swap, she made Last Friday, Alex Wilson, a fi rst year student her introductions to the chap on studying French and Spanish at the Univer- the right with a most unusual The Investment Committee of UCL has sity of St Andrews, died after falling off a opening. Under the wraps of the curry-stained tablecloth, she announced that it will divest its remaining University of Vienna 60 foot cliff. The student is understood to be proceeded to spank his monkey, £440,000 of shares in arms company Cobham the fi fth person to die at this spot in recent to hold his sausage hostage, to plc after pressure from the student campaign The biggest student protests for decades are years. Wilson and a friend were taking a tickle his pickle, to apply the group DisarmUCL. DisarmUCL was founded underway across Europe (below). They began shortcut to a bonfi re party on Castle Sands breaks – euphemize as you wish. in 2006 and in 2007 the group wrote an ethical three weeks ago in Vienna after the Austrian beach. His body was found washed up on the Mid-tease, however, her insides investment proposal which led to the estab- Minister for Knowledge and Research told shore near the St Andrews Sea Life Centre gave way and our leading lady lishment of the Ethical Investment Review universities to make savings because there shortly after. In public announcements, the spewed both down herself and Committee. The Campaign Against Arms has been too large an increase in the number of university described Wilson as a bright and her victim before being escorted Trade told the London Student that it was students at Austrian universities. Students at popular student, much loved by his family and back to her domicile where the technicoloured yawns contin- “wholly inappropriate for an institution run for the University of Vienna occupied a lecture hall friends. The Royal Society for the Prevention ued. Superb. the public good to have any links to this deadly in protest against the ‘marketisation of educa- of Accidents (ROSPA) has advocated the need business” and it was “thrilled” with the news. tion’. Students prepared a list of demands, for measures to raise awareness of the cliffs in Service with more putting on a programme of talks and perfor- the area among the university’s students. mances and maintaining a huge web presence than just a smile Oxford University through blogging and Twitter. The movement An undisputable perk of known as ‘Unibrennt’ (the university is Southampton Solent working in a college Buttery Student Demetrios Samouris has been fi ned burning) is now spreading, with occupations is the possibility of a spot of flirtation. Every year, one £80 for dropping an extinguished matchstick at thirty-four universities across Austria, University lady treats her favourites to Germany, Switzerland, the Netherlands and on the streets of Oxford. He was spotted by lingering winks and discounted a council environmental enforcement warden Poland to date. HANNA WEIBYE Southampton-born Radio 1 DJ, Scott Mills, meals. Following a series of during a zero tolerance litter patrol. The fi ne lined up alongside graduating students in suggestive texts this Venus and the patrol are a result of the city council’s Southampton Guildhall last week to receive took the next step, placing her “Cleaner Greener Oxford” initiative. Nonethe- his honorary Doctor of Arts. Having left school hands down one young Adonis’s less, Samouris described the fi ne as harsh. aged 16 with only a handful of GCSEs to become shirt while serving a smoked However, Natalie Hughes, the council’s environ- the youngest ever commercial radio presenter, salmon starter. Spurred on by mental enforcement offi cer, told the Telegraph: the university presented him with the degree this advance, Adonis responded with a cheeky buttock squeeze “We need to change attitudes... They just don’t for his services to broadcasting. By picking as the roast lamb was dished think what they are doing is wrong. That is up the honorary degree from Southampton out, only to turn and fi nd not the exactly what we are trying to address”. City Solent, Mills is following in the footsteps of cheeky visage of his beloved but council chief executive Peter Sloman added Craig David, Shane Warne, Fiona Phillips and the bemused face of the Cater- that this campaign is not a one-off. Charlie Dimmock. JOSIE FILMER ing Manager. 8 Friday November 13th 2009 News Editors: Avantika Chilkoti, Emma Mustich and Beth Staton News www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Alan Turing Campaign Furore over Old Combination Room lift

proposals, a University spokesper- “don’s parliament” was not consulted receives CUSU support Matthew Symington son said that the plans had been on the matter. Earlier in the week, Senior Reporter formulated using architects with Professor Evans said, “They started “experience and skill in conservation drilling a large pit in a 14th century played an active role decoding the and listed buildings” and that the room without consulting Regent Jessica King Enigma cipher machine, a corner- fl oor affected by the lift only dated House, because they kind of forgot Reporter stone of German communications. Several Fellows protested this week back to the 1930s. He added, “Under to do that. The ‘Turing Machine’, developed after plans to install a new lift in “one the Disability Discrimination Act at Cambridge, forms the basis of the most beautiful” rooms in the the University is legally bound to of much of the modern theory of University were revealed. provide access for the disabled to its A Cambridge campaign for a computation, and Turing’s work at A pit has already been dug for buildings.” commemorative bust to Alan Turing Manchester University from 1951 the lift, which will help handicapped Yet this hasn’t convinced the in gaining momentum this term. was pivotal in the development of people to access the Combination University’s academics who, at a So far, at least 117 students and artifi cial intelligence. Room on the Old Schools site. The discussion at the Senate House on staff have pledged at least £5 toward In 1999, Time Magazine named building came into use in 1400 and Tuesday, voiced their opposition to the bust, and CUSU have publicly Turing as one of the 100 Most Impor- was licensed by Pope Boniface IX. the lift. At the meeting, Professor backed the campaign. At present tant People of the 20th Century However, work began without Anthony Edwards of Gonville and the only memorials to Turing in for his role in the creation of the consultation of Regent House – the Caius College claimed, “I have seen Cambridge are a black and white computer. governing body of the University on the plans, and nothing will persuade photograph in the King’s basement Turing was convicted of the then which College Fellows sit. me that this lift would not in its effect and a computer room. criminal offence of homosexuality, University offi cials claimed that the be a substantial alteration to the most Turing’s work in computer science or ‘gross indecency’, in 1952, which “unobtrusive and sympathetic” alter- precious room in the University. played an instrumental role in both resulted in his chemical castration ations were “relatively minor” and as “There is already a lift in the Old Professor Gillian Evans modern theory of communication and the cessation of his work in such it was “considered unnecessary” Schools. Is that not suffi cient disabled and achieving the outcome of World Cryptography. Two years later he to consult the Regent House. access to the fi rst fl oor? The fact that “Regent House could call for War II. Following arrest and perse- took his own life through cyanide Speaking to Varsity, Professor it starts a few steps above ground the work to stop. Cambridge has a cution for homosexuality, however, poisoning. Gillian Evans, who has championed level would need to be rectifi ed, but governing body of 4,000 academics he took his own life on the June 7th Summerbell was keen to stress the protest, asked, “How can it be there is plenty of room for a ramp in and they can stop anything like this. 1954. that the campaign was not accusa- ‘sympathetic’ to ruin a room dating the car park.” Regent House has slumbered for The campaign was inspired by tory towards the University. “There from 1400 quite unnecessarily?” Much of the offence over the issue years, but every so often it opens an a national petition in September, are a number of reasons why Turing Responding to criticisms of the has been taken due to the fact that the eye and wakes up.” which resulted in a public apology hasn’t been offi cially recognised from Gordon Brown. Cambridge yet,” he said. “The circumstances campaigners have determined to get surrounding his death are only part 150 students and alumni to pledge of that, although the campaign is before the end of Michaelmas. closely associated with LGBT. Dan Summerbell, a campaign “Much of Turing’s work was organiser, said the University’s highly classifi ed wartime intelli- 800th anniversary was an ideal time gence, and the signifi cance of a great for the campaign to take place. deal hasn’t been recognised until “We’re campaigning for the recently, because of modern comput- Great offers University to match the amount ing developments.” raised by staff and students, which will mean that students’ donations for Students will effectively count for double,” To get involved in the campaign by he said. making a donation, students can visit During World War II Turing www.pledgebank.com/alanturingbust

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An Alan Turing memorial in Sackville Park Comment Editor: Dan Hitchens Friday November 13th 2009 9 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk Comment the eSSay: Getting along Fine

he fundamentals of human only behave generously or justly life do not change very new times demand new habits of thinking about ethics, out of personal fear. It would be Tmuch. Shakespeare’s seven says siMOn BLacKBURn. and philosophers, biologists better if they behaved generously stages of man from As You Like because others need their gener- It (‘first the infant, mewling and and economists have started to agree on one thing: osity, and justly because they puking…’) still characterise our value justice. progress from cradle to grave. The co-operation should be at the heart of human relations Recent philosophy of ethics has dilemmas that faced Antigone and devoted a good deal of attention to Agammemnon might face any of us Michael lovett the emergence of co-operation in today. Fortunately we each of us human societies. This is a particu- possess some resources that enable larly timely topic when nations may us to cope with life: principally have to learn to co-operate over the resources cemented into our such matters as scarce resources, language over time. If we know degradation of the environment, the words someone has been using and climate change. Biologists about us, we can tell whether it was and economists used to be the real criticism or praise easily enough: pessimists here, supposing that if I hear I was called mean, pedan- since we have all had to survive in tic, cowardly, irresolute, greedy, a Darwinian struggle for existence, selfish, or a thousand other things we must all be selfish and grasp- I can infer hostility or contempt; ing at heart. And then there is if I was called instead generous, an excellent argument appealing kind, resolute, courageous, just, to our own self-interest: if others and far-sighted, then I can permit restrain their energy consumption, myself a smile of contentment. well, it is better for me to use what David Hume, the greatest moral I want, while if others do not I philosopher Great Britain has ever would be a patsy to be the only one produced, asked himself how traits doing so. If everyone argues like get onto these lists of vices or that, no co-operative solution can virtues. He decided that a person’s emerge. virtues are “qualities of mind useful Fortunately even biologists or agreeable to himself or others”, and economists have realized that while vices are the reverse. He since co-operation can emerge, believed that all we had to do was We might wish to import Tunisian religion. Some people think that governs the universe is to have there cannot be a Darwinian to adopt a “common point of view” politeness and export London’s religious belief is a necessary a little bit of skin cut off here or theorem saying that it is impos- with those in the circle of people tolerance, and perhaps there are underpinning of good behaviour. there. The current fashion for ‘faith sible for it to do so. And since we affected by an individual’s nature, places that are civilized enough to I do not. Religious teachers may schools’ is perhaps an understand- are needy animals, dependent to see whether the person was have the best of both worlds. Civil- praise the kinds of virtue already able reaction to the generally feeble on the co-operation of others for admirable and commendable, or ity and tolerance would each be on mentioned, just as secular teach- state of education in this country, virtually everything in life, that regrettable and avoidable. When Hume’s list. ers do. But they are also likely but in itself can be nothing but is just as well. But whether our it comes to life, we know the kinds Again, it is often feared that we to insert evil with the good: the a recipe for division and discord social natures will carry us into the of people by whom we hope to be currently live in a climate where belief that their particular sect is in society. ‘Interfaith dialogue’ is unimaginably large-scale co-opera- surrounded. people are quick to detect rights, the best, and that the others are sometimes touted as a remedy, tions that will be needed to make a So far so good, but surely times but much slower to detect correla- godforsaken and inferior. Religions but it is a pity first to create the difference to the rate at which we change and don’t we change in tive duties, or quick to regard unite their followers with what fracture and then to try to put a seem to be depleting the environ- them? Certainly the moral climate, themselves as victims, but slow to Hume called “frivolous obser- splint on it. The lowest denominator ment on which we depend, remains or perhaps micro-climate, changes, take responsibility. If we decide vances” which are team badges common to all religions is going to to be seen. and of course varies from place that this is so, then we might want that all too often take on more be the kinds of virtue that Hume to place. My wife and I recently to change the ethical climate. It is a importance than civility or even indicated, so much better not to add discovered that a teenager is far slow process, not usually achieved humanity. the team badges in the first place. Simon Blackburn is the Professor of more likely to offer up a seat on a by exhortation or sermonizing, but We can all see for ourselves If it is suggested that people Philosophy at Cambridge, where he bus to an older passenger in Tunisia by the slow and patient business that kindness, for instance, is a who live in fear of God are likely was a student more years ago than he than in the United Kingdom. But of showing people, from early on in virtue, but it takes a special revela- to behave better, then the reply can remember. His career circulated you are doubtless more likely life, a better way. Aristotle was the tion to learn that the infallible is first that this depends on what via Oxford and the United States back to offend someone by dressing first to insist that we become virtu- way to commend yourself to the qualities they have invested their to Cambridge, and he is the author of a outlandishly in many parts of the ous by practising virtue. infinite, unchanging, all-knowing, God with, and secondly that it is whole lot of books. More detail can be world than you are in London. I have said nothing about self-caused, necessary being that a pity if, for instance, they can found at www.phil.cam.ac.uk/~swb24/

prejudices: ‘dead dogma’. of our common humanity”. Someone into his community with a much human flourishing. But we do not Overrated Almost all well-educated people, else said in the Independent that less healthy attitude to others, really experience life as a series Week 6: John Stuart Mill Mill argued, hold their opinions in “Mill’s words should be our words”. especially to women. That is harm, of choices. We were never given a ignorance. They have not troubled We should certainly admire Mill, is it not? Drug-taking has similar choice about which society to grow to think through the arguments for not least for his intellectual courage consequences: there is manifestly up in, which family to be born into, their views; and “they have never and the clarity of his writing. a difference between a city where which political system to be a part thrown themselves into the mental But On Liberty itself needs to be 5% of the population take drugs of; and we have very little choice position of those who think differ- challenged. Here is the core of and one where the figure is 25%. about the nature of the institutions ently from them, and considered its argument: “The only purpose In fact, everything we do affects (the University of Cambridge, for what such persons may have to for which power can be rightfully our society; and it is hard to use instance) to which we belong. say”. Mill thought that in his time exercised over any member of a Mill’s principle unless you think Freedom of choice does not this was largely true of Christian- civilised community, against his – to borrow the words of another amount to much without the inner ity; in our time, it is largely true of will, is to prevent harm to others.” overrated individual – that there freedom of being reconciled to liberalism. You have probably heard that is no such thing as society. Mill’s these unchosen accidents; and we A liberal who did want to inves- quoted, usually with the implication Victorian opponents noticed that cannot flourish without drawing tigate the roots of his beliefs might that it is impossible to dispute. point; so have some modern left- on our culture’s vast resources, its turn to Mill’s hugely influential But it is difficult to say what wingers, such as John Gray, who, customs, institutions and collective s it John Stuart Mill’s fault that essay On Liberty, whose 150th “harm to others” might be. despite being the author of Mill on knowledge. These are the deepest he is overrated? Not neces- anniversary it is this year. The The porn-user, irritated by Liberty: A Defence, admitted that and hardest questions in politics; Isarily. This great liberal did tributes have been generous. his conscience, might well tell On Liberty’s central thesis is ‘a anyone who wants to pretend that say, after all, that a once-vibrant Someone claimed in The Guardian himself that what he is doing ruinous failure’. political aims are easily defined system of thought can eventu- that “The principles of On Liberty doesn’t harm anyone else. But as Mill emphasised freedom of will find in On Liberty a comforting ally become a hollowed-out set of can bring us together on the basis feminists point out, he goes back choice above all, as a means to voice. dan hitchens 10 Friday November 13th 2009 Comment Editor: Dan Hitchens Comment and Editorial www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

Dictatorship, slavery, and the

Established in 1947 collusion of Western companies: Issue No 706 Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge, CB2 3RF yes, Burma does still matter Telephone: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 760949 received 82% of the vote. The army men and women, children and even Ali Khan refused to relinquish power and pregnant women were forced to started imprisoning and suppress- work on the government projects. ing dissident voices. Before and Later it was discovered that Cash for Honours after the elections many multi- Total, a part-government owned write this article now rather national companies had bases French oil company, was invest- The University Library is, despite the air of stress that infuses it, than earlier for a very simple in Burma. A sense of ‘corporate ing $1 billion in a pipeline to reason: Burma is again ‘slow responsibility’ and image only carry natural gas from Burma to a timeless haven of education and procrastination. It is a darkening I news’. It received a publicity blitz affected some companies as late as Thailand. During Bill Clinton’s maze of corridors, musty stacks and elusive classmarks. As you with newspapers around the world 1997. Pepsi, Amoco, Reebok and presidency Stanley Roth, aide to approach it, there is a certain comfort to be found in the sight screaming ‘tragedy’ when it was Levi-Strauss are just a few of the Senator Stephen Solarz, was sent of that phallic block of brick, and when you are enclosed within devastated by Cyclone Nargis. companies that did business with as a goodwill envoy to Burma. its wings, whether north or south, there is a sense that nothing Now it is back to business as usual the generals. Pepsi went so far as to Roth was a supporter of the Khmer external can harm you. You may even begin to love the overpriced for the junta and the media, with say that their work with the State Rouge in Cambodia. During this and ugly tearoom, the refuge of the sociable slacker. But can you snippets of news occasionally being Law and Order Restoration Council time, despite the US imposed ever imagine asking a mate if they fancy a four pm rendezvous in published about Amnesty Interna- (SLORC) was ‘missionary work’. sanctions on Burma, UNOCAL was the Deloitte or Tesco tearoom? No, didn’t think so. tional or the heroics of aid workers. The Japanese continue to give ‘aid’ allowed to go ahead with its project It’s a sad day when you realise that absolutely everything in A senior American diplomat, Kurt with Total. this world revolves around money. You can read all the poetry you Campbell, recently went on a ‘fact- Granting a Nobel Prize to Aung like, but it won’t ensure you can repay your student loan in ten fi nding’ mission to Burma, offi cially San Suu Kyi was the most anyone years time. Sure, other universities have named their libraries for the Union of Myanmar. He was was willing to do for Burma. Unfor- money. But we all know that just because Oxford does something graciously given permission to go tunately, it is not longer clear what is no reason we should follow suit. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could by the ruling junta. (Apparently the Nobel Peace Prize stands for, remain the exception? Wouldn’t it be nice if the UL didn’t have to there are still places in the world having been awarded to a man who be tainted by corporate devils? Then again, perhaps this is only where America asks for permission is at war in two countries and is naive sentimentality. Perhaps the UL is not the eternal sanctuary before going.) Campbell has already fi ghting proxy wars all over the of learning immune to material pressures we all thought it was, astutely observed that it will be a world. Lonely Planet encourages after all. “long, slow and painful” process. people to go to Burma as tourists, In Burmese Days, George Orwell despite Aung San Suu Kyi’s calls narrates the machinations of U for boycotting all commercial activi- Po Kyin. ‘U’ is short for uncle, an to the junta. Countless Chinese ties with Burma. Obviously, cutting honorifi c still used in Burma today. companies have investments in all ties would merely isolate the Who is the Greatest? U Po Kyin’s struggle to become a Burma. The Chinese government generals even more. Perhaps the member of the European club while is directly involved in controlling fi rst step would be for China and It seemed like a very simple idea last week, but providing a short ruining the career of the native the energy sector, Burmese banks, India, both of whom have enough list of the ten greatest Cantabrigians from which readers can vote Dr Veraswami is reminiscent of fi nancial institutions, mining compa- political and economic clout, to has proved to be a contentious task. Our ill-informed offi ce debates what is happening in Burma today. nies and other key areas. Recently pressurize the generals to open up over such subjects as “How many Irish people did Cromwell really However, the ‘Europeans’ are now there was a Sino-Burmese agree- the Burmese political system but kill”, “Did Wordsworth write Kubla Khan?”, “Who is Robert playing a decidedly different role. ment to build a multi-billion dollar maybe it is not only the generals Walpole?” and “Is Nick Drake better than Charles Stewart Various world leaders have made gas and oil pipeline. To see the list who want to prevent outside inter- Parnell” had to eventually tackle a pretty considerable question: it a point to talk about freedom, of companies operating in Burma, ference in Burma. democracy and civil liberties but type ‘dirty list Burma’ into Google. Burma is a hauntingly beautiful what is greatness? it seems that some countries are The building of infrastructure country with its teak and mahogany Initially we decided that greatness could only be conferred overlooked. The junta has been in projects like dams, railroads and forests and glittering pagodas; but posthumously, but then we wondered whether that wasn’t a little power illegally for 18 years and pipelines was well documented its people are ignored and continue too conservative. Also, achievements in different fi elds proved it has not once been mentioned in by journalists and various human to suffer silently. Rangoon, which diffi cult to compare. The comedic genius of Peter Cook looked the ‘axis of evil.’ Perhaps this is rights organisations. The working ironically means ‘end of strife’, will rather feeble when stood alongside the statesmanship of Nehru because the ‘evil’ is focused inwards conditions were heinous. Accord- be free only in the dreams of the or the philosophy of Russell, but then again he did invent modern on the Burmese people. ing to human rights organisations, Burmese people and Burma will British satire as we know it. We resolved that defi ning greatness The generals held elections the number of people used as slave once again be lost in the haze of our was a question for minds far greater than our own, so now it’s over in 1990 and lost to the National labour per day was as high as memories: forgotten, as it has been to you. Vote at www.varsity.co.uk. League of Democracy, which 60,000 during the last decade. Old for over forty years.

College Choir for coming under a veiled sneering at Paris ’68 and its completely ridiculous hail of abuse aftermath) has the generosity to Corrections and Letters to the Editor from radical pro-Palestinians. give a place to these ideas, to allow If the choir tour had been to for a multiplicity of voices to be Clarifications Afghanistan for some reason, would heard, rather than to simply declare pparently Federico before the start of the Spanish anyone have suggested that the them as ‘largely discredited’. In our article ‘Choir’s planned tour Garcia Lorca’s The House Civil War. College endorsed the Taliban? If Oliver Southall causing discord’ (issue 705) we Aof Bernardo Alba is a Liam McNulty they had visited America two St. John’s wrote that during the 2008 Israel “blistering critique of the Franco Homerton years ago, would they have been Palestine conflict “1,400 Pales- dictatorship” (Review, November showing support for the Bush The offensive factual inaccuracies tinian people were massacred”. 6th). I was aware that Lorca moved A choir visiting Israel and the Pales- administration? Clearly the fame in ‘Choir’s planned tour causing We would like to clarify that this in the Spanish avant-garde milieu tinian territories brings the two of Cambridge has led this group discord’ only serve to reduce the number includes Hamas militants. closer together. By opposing these to place massive implications on quality of this publication. I do not In addition, we wrongly wrote kinds of visits, the PSC oppose an otherwise normal and beautiful accept Varsity’s decision to act as a that since the Six Day War, Israel exactly the things which foster cultural activity. mouthpiece for the PSC. Was this “has continued a policy of military understanding, and understanding Elizabeth Kershaw a comment piece masquerading as a occupation in [Gaza].” Israel unilat- fosters peace. We can use cultural Queens’ report, revealing Varsity’s political erally disengaged from the Gaza but not to the extent that his and academic co-operation to create alliances? Or was this just symptom- Strip in 2005. powers of creativity bestowed upon the wider co-operation which is a I wonder whether Robert Grant atic of rushed student journalism? him the gift of prophecy. Perhaps prerequisite for peace, instead of the is aware of the irony of having Either way, the pro-active inter- your reviewer meant the dictator- PSC’s attempt to turn everything his anti-theoretical posturings faith work of the Clare College ship of Primo de Rivera from 1923 into a political stunt which can only published in a student paper (Essay, Choir Tour was unreasonably dimin- until 1930. Sadly Lorca did not end with anger and division. November 6th). His own ‘theory’ of ished. I commend their project and live to see much of Franco’s brutal Joseph Sanderson anti-Theory seems to me defeated wish them luck in their efforts to Email [email protected] by period in power, dying as he did Jesus by its own publication: at least the build bridges, not boycotts. Wednesday lunchtime for the chance to in August 1936, and fi nishing the studentship which he would so Jake Witzenfeld win a bottle from the Cambridge Wine House of Bernada Alba a month My sincere sympathy to Clare vehemently censor (with his thinly- President, CU Israel Society Merchants. Letters may be edited. Comment Editor: Dan Hitchens Friday November 13th 2009 11 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk Comment

Not-Sci

Why your granny wants to murder you

ince, like so many of my readers, you are highly Ssexually attractive, would you mind sending me some photos? No, not that sort of thing. I actually meant a map of your genome. ‘I’d like to get into your genes’ is a great line to use on me, by the way, because as a geneticist it really is all I’m interested in. Romance is crushed by the power of the selfi sh gene. It’s genes that want candlelit dinners and like that sweater that brings out the colour of your eyes: they want to repli- cate themselves during sex and can be set free into the world to continue their selfi sh cycle. But what about the genetic agenda of your family? Accord- ing to research published last month by biological anthropol- ogy researcher Molly Fox and We need education for its own sake, Lord colleagues at the University of Cambridge, even your grand- Mandelson, or there will be no innovation at all mother may harbour selfi sh intentions. Fox suggests that faulted, they are trying to increase ‘outside’ education is not the only mobility, but this misses the point. grandmothers are programmed Charlie Bell the number of work placements life – in fact, the only reason we Social mobility begins at the core, to prefer their sons’ daughters for students, while also building have education is that thousands at the root of education, and univer- to their sons’ sons. The data, up better links between universi- of people work within the sector, sities have been removed from drawn from seven societies ties and small businesses, in an not in think-tanks or quangos, but that Government department. The around the world from the 17th ust over a week ago, the economic landscape which is far on the cutting edge of research, main reason social mobility is not a to the 21st centuries, grimly Government published its from rosy. But their intentions within both science and the arts. reality is not that universities are found “a relationship between JHigher Education Framework, seem to be dubious. Although they Without these people, there would necessarily elitist; it is because the X-chromosome inheritance and the latest report from the newly do, of course, deserve a return be no innovation and no advances in education system does not prepare grandchild mortality in the created Department for Business, for their money in the form of business. But the academic world is the country’s best minds, at a presence of a grandmother”. Innovation and Skills (BIS). The economic growth, this is not the scorned, both by the public and by young age, to realise their poten- This makes logical selfi sh-gene framework, spearheaded by Lord only way a good university system the Government. The Home Secre- tial. Punishing excellent research sense since her granddaugh- Mandelson, was entitled ‘Higher can benefi t the nation. An obsession tary’s recent fi ring of David Nutt, centres for something that is, to ter’s genes through her son will Ambitions’, ironically so since his with skills over education is not the head of the Advisory Council a very large extent, out of their carry a copy of her X-Chromo- ambitions for the UK’s education a path that will lead to an overall on the Misuse of Drugs, demon- control, is an utter outrage. some and her grandsons will system are pretty low. better-educated population, and strated this point: if research and A major problem with the current not. Other studies have found The report’s key buzzword, indeed workforce. knowledge really are the top of the system is the number of degrees that ‘love’, measured by action splashed across every section, Government’s agenda, they could do which themselves do not lead to taken to ensure offspring seems to be ‘employability’. Univer- worse than listening to those who transferable, employable skills. survival, is directly correlated sities are seen as fundamental to “An obsession are at the forefront of education. The move to create a fi fty per cent to genetic relatedness. our ‘knowledge economy’; they are It is of course arguable that the university attendance rate sounds Such an absolute correlation the Government’s big opportunity with skills above idea of education for its own sake good in principle, but in practice is bleak and cannot apply to to make money from a system that is a very middle-class, ivory-tower it fails when not all courses lead gay couples, adoptive parents, they support both fi nancially and education will not view of the world. The problem to worthwhile skills or education. step-parents and those who politically. However, they seem is that, at present, the opportu- University attendance should equip choose not to have children. to miss a key part of what has lead to a better nity for anyone on any kind of people with a rigorous, academic Does it only apply to those always, and always will, create the workforce” budget to do further research is education, and it is this that the with children and paternal world-class education system that limited, even with the bursaries Government should be trying to grandmothers? What would we have – and that is education for and schemes available. And it is, give to the fi fty percent. The skills be interesting but slightly education’s sake. The skills vs. education debate of course, far harder to do an arts people need for ‘employability’ controversial is a study on The fi rst obvious move in this has sprung up in recent years, and PhD – and perhaps this is because should not need to be taught – they those with both non-biological direction was the removal of seems only ever to elicit a black science will always be better should naturally be part of any and biological children. The universities from the ‘Education’ or white response – which funda- funded, as it is considered more degree worth its salt. If the Govern- true infl uence of genes on department, and their placement mentally misses the point. The valuable to the economy. The great ment really wanted to increase the relationships is unclear, within the new BIS, with business Government’s stated aim is to equip minds of the arts, therefore, are education of people in the UK, and although they can occasionally and skills being the key words. graduates with the skills they need considered expendable. One of the the UK’s academic and business explain why your grandmother And this is where the Government for life outside of education, be it Government’s proposals to widen standing in the world, it would give knits your sister’s fl eece fi rst seems to see universities, fi rmly teamwork, public speaking or social participation for research is to the education that people need, to and why the postman has placed as providers for businesses. behaviour. Once again, there isn’t a provide greater funding to those equip them for work in research, in an unusual interest in your Their work in this area can’t be single mention of the fact that life institutions that encourage social academia and in the business world. schooling. SITA DINANAUTH Dow Sustainability Innovation Student Challenge: 50% OFF! £6,000 OUR NEW WINTER MENU Bonjour! Your local French favourite, Prize Brasserie Gérard, would like to welcome you in with an incredible As part of the Dow 2015 sustainability commitment, Dow Chemical, in offer of 50% off all food to celebrate association with the University of Cambridge Programme for Sustainability Leadership, are giving 3 students the chance of winning £6,000 in recognition the launch of our new winter menu. of research that contributes to global sustainability. Entries must: This offer is valid from 9th - 22nd 1) Focus on sustainability 2) Be interdisciplinary in their approach November 2009. 3) Offer a technical or business oriented solution 4) Be Graduate-level ongoing research 5) Demonstrate excellence and innovation Entries are by a max. 500 word description of your research project, Download your 50% off voucher at including an explanation of how it meets the interdisciplinary and sustainability www.brasseriegerard.co.uk criteria and why you believe you should win. Terms and conditions apply. The deadline for entries is Monday 1st February 2010 and should be emailed to Alexandra Brunner at the Cambridge Programme for Sustainability Leadership: [email protected] Entries will be judged by a panel of leading academics from within the University in early February and winners will be contacted directly. Please include your name, contact details, and department. Good luck! Edit this paper (or sections herein)

Applications are invited to edit and section edit Varsity in Lent 2010. Application forms are available for download from varsity.co.uk/jobs

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Positions include: News Editor, Comment Editor, Features Editor, Arts Editor, Reviews Editor, Sport Editor, Fashion Editor, Science Correspondent, Theatre Critic, Music Critic, Classical Critic, Film Critic,Visual Arts Critic, Literary Critic, Food Critic, Photographer, Illustrator Magazine Editor: Laurie Tuffrey Friday November 13th 2009 13 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk Vulture

Theatrep20-21 Reviewsp24 We interview three of the biggest Speech Debelle is theraputic names of British theatre Vulture at the Junction Arts, Features, Reviews Putting the Boot in Little Boots has come on a long way since she was posting piano covers on YouTube. David Pegg hears about life on the road, sci-fi and the diffi culty of buying windows.

ith you in a minute.” adopted the stage name Little As I saunter nervously Boots, and began accumulat- “W into her dressing ing YouTube subscribers with room, Victoria Hesketh, aka Little bedroom videos of pop piano Boots, is stabbing angrily at her covers. iPhone. I sit awkwardly on an After writing her own material, adjoining sofa, wondering how to she got in touch with American address her (Vicky? Miss Boots?), producer Greg Kurstin, a contact as she mutters under her breath, cultivated during her formative editing away at what sounds like indie days. Together they began a rather terse e-mail. After a work on her debut Hands, when, tumbleweed-strewn minute or so, without warning, she was declared she casts the device aside, in the the BBC Sound of 2009, and hurled direction of her Mac. An Apple into the spotlight. Under strenu- person, perhaps? “I dunno. It’s ous pressure to fi nish the record quite fun, but it’s a shit phone. in time for a summer release, she Good at everything but making began the media rounds, including calls”. Perhaps not. a memorable appearance on Later... Midway through her UK tour, with Jools Holland, during which and following on from a marathon she wielded three instruments at blitz of 33 summer festivals, Little once. Having undertaken that kind Boots is at the Junction, and in of journey in the space of a year, spite of the fatigue is preparing such a sense of ‘two halves’ must to battle her way through another surely be especially pronounced? gig. “I’m quite tired”, she admits, “It’s a mix of a lot of emotions. “but you just get that superhuman Bits that were pressurised and strength every night, then crumple full of expectations, bits that were again.” Exhaustion disregarded, is amazing and euphoric, bits when it worth it? “I really enjoy perform- you just wanna cry and quit and ing, and all the creative bits I love, run away. It’s a very bumpy ride.” but it’s just all the travelling, and She shrugs, “But I don’t think I’d all the bullshitty stuff. There’s a swap it.” real two halves of it.” As I chat to her, her diminutive Prior to Victoria’s meteoric frame skulks into the corner of ascent to fame, she sang and her sofa, generating the distinct synthed in the eyeshadow-tastic appearance of someone who’d all-indie girl band Dead Disco. defi nitely rather be asleep than Their limited but acclaimed reper- suffering through another pre-gig toire earned them solid reviews, interview. “At the moment I just positive word-of-mouth on the stay in bed” she replies, when I scene and a recording contract inquire as to how she spends what in LA, but the trio split up after little downtime the tour affords the two other members discov- her. “I’ve just bought a house ered Victoria’s secret – guerrilla though, so I’m spending a lot of pop, clandestinely written, as a time talking to fl oor people and response to label pressure to fi t a window people”. “It’s a mix of a lot of emotions. Bits that were pressurised, bits when you just want to cry. But I don’t think I’d swap it.” Victoria preferred style. She subsequently Hesketh on the mixed blessing of being a pop star. returned home to Blackpool, (continued overleaf) Friday November 13th 2009 Features Editor: Zing Tsjeng 14 Features www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

paul smith I try to wince sympathetically, and for We’re gonna get the full extended version myself as a small child quite easily.” the first time, her face lights up. “But I’m so for the trip to France next week and watch Victoria attended Leeds University, and happy doing that! I just want to stay home the whole thing. It’s like 12 hours,” she says, came away with a First in Cultural Studies, and bake and paint nowadays.” With glee, she with obvious yet perverse relish for someone admitting in shyly hushed tones that she was elaborates upon her plans. “I LOVE garden- who admits that she talks all the way through “a bit of a swot”, but proud that she made the ing, but I haven’t really got the gardening most of the party scene. “I had a great time situation at the new house sussed yet. I had at uni. I was really cheesy: I think that’s the a huge grapevine and loads of tomato plants “I had a great time best way to be. Especially in first year. I was before. I reckon I’ll go round next summer your absolute cheesy, by-the-book fresher. and take some cuttings to get them going at at uni. I was your I was dressed up as a bunny or a schoolgirl the new place. It’s really de-stressful.” Not every week, and went to all the shit parties. akin the music then? She disagrees. “Putting absolute cheesy, by-the- Loads of my friends were all too cool for a lot into something then seeing the results, school, and I had a fucking wicked time. The reaping the rewards – it’s kind of a similar book fresher, dressed uni ski trips were the best memories. They cycle. I once said making an album’s like up as a bunny or a were amazing. The ones where all the unis go growing cabbages”. to the same place and just trash some poor Trying to steer the conversation into differ- schoolgirl every week” alpine village? Yeah, ski trips were awesome. ent waters, I ask her about films. “I watched Love that shit”, she murmurs fondly. The Abyss the other night. The submarine So what does the future hold? “We’re film with aliens, remember? It was fucking even films of standard length. Her album touring up to the end of the year, and there’s great. I like fantasy films, Lord Of The Rings. art, stage design and music videos are laden lots of promotion for the new single. It’s with symbols, stars, and constellations, and I really busy up to Christmas, and then I’ll ask if she’s into sci-fi. “Anything a bit space, have a little bit of time off hopefully. First anything a bit fantasy,” she nods. My nerd half of next year’s gonna be a US tour”. The heart skips a joyous beat when she confesses thought alone seems to exhaust her. She to being a Star Wars fan, although it’s quickly glances away when I ask about future album followed up with the inevitable caveat of ‘not plans. “I’m not in any rush. I don’t even feel a diehard though’. like doing one at the minute. I need to just We move on to television. “We watch Curb clear my head and get away from it.” Your Enthusiasm all the time on the tour Time is up, and I try to round off with a bus. I like Spooks as well. I like anything feel-good question. Out of everything, of what with spies in. If I wasn’t a musician I might is Little Boots most proud? She looks faintly be a spy. A spy gardener”. Armed with or uncertain. “Erm,” she ponders, “I’m pretty without shears, did she ever apply to MI:5? proud of my Gold Disc. Maybe that. My “Nah, but I reckon I would’ve done if I’d not house? I feel like I really worked for it. It’s done music. It’d be quite fun. I don’t know there, and I own it, and that’s amazing.”And if I’d be very good in the face of death. But with that, she returns to her maligned iPhone Victoria Hesketh, aka Little Boots, at the The Junc- I reckon I’d be quite a good spy. I’m quite to finish thrashing out that e-mail to the lino tion. Insert joke along the lines of ‘these boots were Casual dress, Little Boots-style. small, quite good at hiding. I can disguise people. made for walking’ here. Baroque and Roll David Allen considers Cambridge’s often over-looked and wilfully old-fashioned Academy of Ancient Music.

ovent Garden. The Met. English Baroque Soloists in persis- Vienna Philharmonic, in which he Sydney. Glyndebourne. tently advocating the adoption of absolutely forbids the orchestra CThe Sidgwick Site? This period practice and techniques. to play with unnecessary vibrato, may come as something of a Their success can be measured by emasculating the traditional Vienna shock, but one of the world’s most the sheer volume of recordings that sound. A comparison between the important orchestras resides here the four groups have made. The Haydn symphonies of Rattle and his in Cambridge. The Academy of AAM set down innumerable discs forebear at the Berlin Philharmonic, Ancient Music was founded here for Decca under Hogwood, includ- Wilhelm Furtwängler, reveals far by Pembroke alumnus Christopher ing the complete symphonies of lighter textures, and much greater Hogwood in 1973, with the aim of Mozart and a wildly-praised series playfulness. Norrington has been playing baroque and classical music of Handel operas and oratorios. accused of over-zealous tinkering on ‘period’ instruments; that is, All are worthwhile listening for with the greats and a defiant disre- on instruments built to a similar an alternative take on the stock gard for authority. At last year’s specification as the ones Handel and Classic FM easy-listening canon. Proms, Elgar’s First Symphony was Mozart wrote for. More recently, working with new dispatched on a modern orchestra Violinists play their gut-stringed Music Director Richard Egarr, but without vibrato, directly against instruments without vibrato and one of the world’s most accom- Elgar’s recorded wishes, vibrato with differently shaped bows, plished harpsichordists, they have swelling proudly. But by and large, giving a coarser sound. Wind embarked on a project to record baroque orchestras are now accepted players play without vibrato, creat- all of Handel’s orchestral works on as part of the norm. ing a less rounded tone. Timpanists Harmonia Mundi, already garner- The AAM continues its association use hard beaters on drums made ing several Gramophone Awards with Cambridge, as resident orches- without modern materials. Horns and nominations. tra of the university. Its programmes and trumpets have no valves, Just as important, however, is the are performed at West Road Concert making them less flexible and more influence that period practice has Hall on the Sidgwick site (not quite difficult to control. The conductor had on more mainstream orchestras. the full red-carpet and chandeliers is often found not on a rostrum, Largely gone are the days when a Gaston Le Roux opera experi- but directing from a harpsichord, Mozart symphony would be played ence, but the acoustics are good) guiding a much smaller orchestra at with sixteen first violins. The influ- before heading to sold-out events quicker tempi. The flautist wears a ence of the seminal Beethoven at the Wigmore Hall and across doublet and hose, the harpist a ruff. symphony cycles of Norrington, Europe. Under Egarr, the music the The AAM are at the forefront Hogwood and above all Gardiner, Academy makes is as joyful as ever of a revolutionary movement that can be heard in many of the last before: their latest disc of Handel turned loudly evangelical. Together two decades’ other recordings. Trio Sonatas sees players revelling with Hogwood, they joined Take, for instance, the prominent in dance rhythms and dissonance. The English Concert (directed timpani of Bernard Haitink’s latest Ancient, but modern. Just don’t by Trevor Pinnock), Roger series with the London Symphony expect a collaboration with Katherine The Academy of Ancient Music’s next concert (Saturday 21st November) features Norrington’s London Classical Orchestra, or the exhilarating brutal- Jenkins or Paul Potts anytime this soprano Carolyn Sampson for arias by Handel and Purcell. Student tickets are £5 on Players and John Eliot Gardiner’s ity of Simon Rattle’s discs with the century. the door. Arts Editor: Laura Freeman Friday November 13th 2009 15 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk Varsity Poll

Lord Byron John Maynard Keynes John Milton Jawaharlal Nehru Poet, revolutionary, Economist, socialite, Poet, Protestant, Politician, freedom massive dandy Cambridge die-hard mouthpiece of God fighter, revolutionary

1788-1824 1883-1946 1608-1674 1889-1964 Trinity College King’s College Christ’s College Trinity College

Pros: the great Pros: number cruncher Pros: wrote some Pros: brought India out romantic who hung out with the really nice lines of poverty, defeated Cons: had sex with his Bloomsbury group Cons: gigantic ego the British Empire half sister Cons: economics is Cons: he was a NatSci boring

emember Byron, if you must, for his eynes challenged the paradigm that ilton may not have convincingly ot only did Nehru achieve one of the melancholy and depraved life story; free markets automatically provided justified the ways of God to man, but highest-ever firsts in NatSci, but he Radmire him for his sardonic gesture Kfull employment and replaced it Mhe did make Satan sexy. In Paradise Nalso defeated the British Empire. of keeping a bear as a pet at Trinity after with ideas from his masterpiece, “The Lost, he took on the biggest subject in Gandhi’s protégé and de facto leader of being told by the College authorities that General Theory of Employment, Interest Western culture, and produced the greatest, the Indian independence movement, he no dogs were allowed; but give him your and Money.” He advocated interventionist most ambitious poem in English Literature. spent over a decade in British jails fighting vote for his writing, which is the only policies for tackling recessions and estab- Considering he was blind, he did really, for freedom for his 300 million country- reason anybody cares about the other lished that demand and not supply governs really well. Whatever message we take from men. The first and longest-serving Prime stuff. Byron was able to laugh at the most economic activity. Also, Keynesian economic his work, whether we see him as a heretic, a Minister of the world’s largest democracy, serious things – ageing, literature, sex, thought has re-emerged in the latest finan- Puritan or a player (his third wife was half he set the nation he inherited onto its path religion, war – because he knew also how cial crisis, used in the government’s series his age), we could all do well to remember to prosperity and became a key figure in and why to take them seriously: “And if I of major bail outs. Keynes, “the father of his words, which have become a Bible for post-war international politics. A hero to laugh at any mortal thing, ‘tis that I may macroeconomics”, revolutionised economic rebels everywhere: “Better to reign in Hell, millions, this Cantab is one of the towering not weep.” DAN HITCHENS thinking. SARANYAH SUKUMARAN than serve in Heaven.” ROSE CHENEVIX figures of world history. TANJIl RASHID

Samuel Taylor Coleridge Charles Darwin Poet, philosopher, Vote now for the Scientist, naturalist, fitty romantic 1809-1882 1772-1834 Christ’s College Jesus College Greatest Cantabrigian Pros: told us where we Pros: opium addict came from Cons: wasted genius got to www.varsity.co.uk and have your say. Cons: Hitler was a fan

cribbler, babbler, hypochondriac, orn into a wealthy family, Charles junkie, hack, agitator, overweight, Darwin abandoned would-be careers Sself-pitying genius. This madman Bin medicine and theology to pursue his brought us The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, interest in the natural sciences. Despite an what more do you want? He also brought undistinguished academic record at Christ’s, about the greatest change in the history of To coincide with the 800th anniversary celebrations, we are launching a Varsity online Darwin went on to produce his groundbreak- English literature (with a little help from his poll to decide who was the greatest Cantabrigian in the history of our University. To ing theory of evolution, now absolutely mate Willy). He walked for miles and miles, start the debate, we have devised a shortlist of ten candidates from which you can vote. fundamental to much of biology. Although chatted for hours and hours, and produced In the spirit of diversity, we have tried to select widely from different walks of life. It has Darwin’s religious views changed throughout fragments of brilliance. Coleridge was so cool been an arduous process, and many of the great and the good have not made the cut. the course of his life, his theory is also seen he never even graduated from Cambridge. as revolutionising the relationship between And half way through he accumulated such Newton and Darwin survived where Hawking did not; we chose to Cook instead of Fry; science and religion. So, who remains one of laddish debts he changed his name to Silas and Cromwell, ironically, got the chop. Writer or economist, politician or comedian, history’s most influential scientific figures? Tomkyn Comberbache and ran away to join philosopher or feminist: the race is on for us to decide who is the Greatest. Vote now at You know which Cantab to vote for in this the army. How great is that? ANNA TRENCH www.varsity.co.uk. The poll closes at midnight on Wednesday November 18th. survival of the fittest. MINgJUAN TAN

Isaac Newton Germaine Greer Bertrand Russell Peter Cook Scientist, physicist, Writer, feminist, CBB Philosopher, humanist, Comedian, writer, apple lover drop out brain box legend

1643-1727 1939- 1872-1970 1937-1995 Trinity College Newnham College Trinity College Pembroke College

Pros: discovered Pros: her work for Pros: prevented Pros: that greta garbo gravity gender equality Wittgenstein from line Cons: gravity is quite Cons: the last four pokering Popper Cons: you would not obvious years Cons: analytic philoso- want to marry him phy, really?

Isaac Newton is a strong contender for, if e know, we know. The lady off Big ussell was the founding father of the efore there was Stephen Fry there not the greatest ever, intellectual thinker Brother? Go back to 1971: gender rigorous and systematic “analytic” was Peter Cook. Fry once described the world has seen in the past 300 years. Wdiscrimination and unequal pay Rstyle of philosophy, which to this BCook as “the funniest man that ever Arriving at Trinity College as a sizar in were still rife, and the women’s liberation day characterises most philosophy depart- drew breath”. Well, as usual, the bloody 1661; when the mathematics he required movement was only just beginning. Against ments in the English-speaking world. clever clogs was onto something. The for his theories did not exist he invented it, this backdrop, The Female Eunuch ridiculed Perhaps the leading liberal intellectual of first truly great Footlights man, Cook and these equations are still used by every sexism regularly taken for granted in no the 20th century, he stood for Parliament is practically the reason why the club is physicist in the world today. His laws uncertain terms. Sure, she’s squandered as a suffragist, was imprisoned for pacifism famous. Add to that Beyond the Fringe, of motion have withstood the scrutiny that good work on lame TV appearances in World War I and was a highly vocal Private Eye and Derek and Clive and of centuries of brilliant minds and he is and her views now only range from ‘mildly advocate of nuclear disarmament. Active you can basically credit him with modern regarded as the founding father of modern controversial’ to ‘batshit crazy’, but Greer till the end, he wrote to the UN Secretary British comedy. Before all that though, he physical science. Perhaps comparable only is possibly the most self-actualised female General shortly before his death at the age was funny. He was so funny that he makes to Einstein, Newton was simply a genius. personality in Britain, always relentlessly, of 97, to support an investigation into allega- Justin Lee Collins look like a total prick– SITA DINANAUTH offensively and defiantly herself. zINg TSJENg tions of US torture in Vietnam. JOEl MASSEY oh wait, bad example. NATHAN BROOKER 16 Friday November 13th 2009 Fashion Editors: Charlie Lyons, Joe Pitt-Rashid and Lara Prendergast Friday November 13th 2009 17 Fashion www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk Fashion

Shot on loacation at the Cambridge Museum of Zoology. Models: Dave Shone, megatherium americanum lavier, lexodonta africana, felis leonis, giraffa camelopardalis. Suit by Esther Rankin; Shirt by TM Lewin; Ties and bow-ties by Gucci, Liberty, Emmett and Ede and Ravenscroft; Handkerchiefs by C REA TIO N Ralph Lauren, New and Lingwood, Hackett and Emmett. 18 Friday November 13th 2009 Features Editor: Zing Tsjeng Features www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Seven Deadly Sins of Cambridge Week 6: Wrath

n the case of this week’s chosen sneakers, switching the orange a whisk’ and then mere hours later have been safely repressed for about each mishap that has befallen theme, I am definitely more juice with bleach and other such all is calm, you are watching How marriage counsellors to rake over you since the age of fourteen. Both Isinned against than sinning. I harmless domestic pranks. I have To Look Good Naked together and years later. However at university outcomes will leave you so embar- make people angry – it’s a gift. My so much sublimated aggression that bitching about the fatties, while any such healthy slanging matches are rassed that your shame will eclipse stammery indecision, lackadaisi- my stomach ulcers have stomach deep psycho- logical just not the done thing – it’s all your anger, problem solved. cal manner and tendency to eat ulcers. It was not always thus – wounds about the bitter, long term grudge. As an amoral acquaintance of nothing but a jar of Nutella a day in early adolescence I smashed a Also, as I heard a girl telling a mine told me earlier in the week all week and then wander round bottle of HP sauce against a wall friend on the way to lectures this ‘We’re in our early twenties – now the kitchen saying thoughtfully to in the course of a light-hearted morning ‘I know he’s going to come is the time to do hateful, hurtful, everyone ‘It’s so weird, I just feel dinner table debate, and was known round tonight, and I just don’t have destructive things while we’re so queasy but at the same time for carelessly tossing my sisters time to be angry afterwards, I’ve still pert and rosy cheeked enough very hyper’ – all of these things are clothes from a third floor window if got work to do.’ Giving in to the to get away with them.’ In this designed to bring out the boiling I felt slighted. But I soon realised wrath is hardly an option when you stressful, libidinous, booze-soaked rage in others. Most of the time I that almost the moment you allow have to read all of Strind- environment, it is inevitable that am perfectly inoffensive, even nice your anger to take hold, the mood berg, pipette mouse everyone you know will be unrea- to have around the place – like an dissipates, and then viruses into test tubes sonably horrible at least twice a embroidered throw cushion, I blend you’re left scraping for six hours or make term to someone they love and tastefully into the background. But brown sauce out of a cardboard scale cherish. So don’t hold back – scream then someone will ask a favour of the carpet with a model of Manchester at them for being a heartless cretin, me, or a supervisor will request spatula or picking Town Hall. So you but then move on, because you evidence of some thought going on mini-skirts out of store up the Feelings will doubtless do something as in this blonde head of mine, and all the flower beds, until you can go out misguided next week. However, if civility crumbles away. finding it difficult to and drink a liver- you do absolutely insist on cling- I am simultaneously incredibly recall exactly what shrivelling amount of ing on to your resentment, do it in infuriating and also extremely riled you so much in gin wearing a dress that style. Don’t get mad, get even – unsatisfying to be angry with. I the first place. is basically a glorified top skywrite the bastard’s name over won’t react, I just blub quietly University wrath covered in sequins. You’ll town, put laminated posters of their into my knitted jumper while is very different to either wake up next to someone misdeeds up on every spare railing scheming my revenge for later – cuddly domestic fury. At inadvisable wearing only a Led and bribe heavily for a deroga- leaving rancid prawns in the fridge, home, my mother can scream ‘I Zeppelin t-shirt, or tell every girl tory mention in a regular student putting tiny rocks in my attacker’s should have aborted you with LUCy NURNBERG who comes into Kambar toilets column. Victoria beale

Shadow Puppet Guide KATE WINSLET According chrISTMAS rEcordS SAcKING dAvId NuTT MorrISSEy Storms out to the UK Film Council, worth Trendy again? Hardcore band Chief drugs advisor fired of Liverpool gig after being about £60 million to the Fucked Up are recording ‘Do for suggesting drugs like hit by a plastic bottle of beer British economy. Jack should They Know It’s Christmas?’, cannabis be downgraded. from a not-so-charming never have let go. featuring indie favourites The Government: ruining man. hoT Vampire your next drugs party. NoT MouSTAchES Grow Weekend, TV rISK: ThE MovIE The one for charity tache On The Radio LEvI johNSToN For incredibly boring event Movember. Varsity and Broken PLAyGIrL Erstwhile board game is now idols include Dali and Lord Social Scene. babydaddy to Sarah Palin’s set for the big Kitchener. daughter will strip off for the screen. What’s nude mag. Will we see full next, G.I. Joe? tundra? Oh, wait... Week 6: the camel My week by Roger Bodsbury, Gap year punter*

Monday Tuesday Wednesday it. Took one punt out then went Woke up this morning to find Mum Wore a bandana today. Found a spandex sari today – home. Thought I’d go into the had washed my Converse – what Had a big American tour group combined it with my Nike hi-tops. shadows, so I laid low and watched an idiot. Was in the garden till as soon as I arrived at work. Gave Sartorial elegance at its best. Also ‘Neighbours’ with Mum before she midday scuffing them up again. them the usual stuff about the quite a good expression of my took me to Pizza Hut. Just to make things worse, I’d run Mathematical Bridge and then status as a neo-spiritual guru in out of Vo5 Bedhead styling wax. told them that Queens’ College a town throttled by the western Friday Couldn’t decide what to wear but was named in memory of Freddie analytic tradition (according to Laura was wearing Jack’s then found Dad’s old dinner jacket Mercury. Got asked why I wasn’t this professor I had on the punts hoodie today. He’s such an idiot and bow-tie. Combined it with my at uni and told them I was on a today). Took out a Chinese family – overheard him telling Sean Quicksilver surf shorts. Punt chic gap-year, just trying to learn more as well. Told them that Michael that he was thinking of becom- at its finest. about the world. Don’t know if I Douglas founded St Catharine’s in ing an estate agent. He’s just Also quite a good expression of will apply, I’ve just felt so trapped 2000 to commemorate his marriage going to end up working for the my status as a laid-back bohemian in the rat-race since I left sixth to Catherine Zeta-Jones. Not sure man. I don’t need those guys in an uptight town. form in July. they knew who she was. Went for anyway. Was on Wikipedia Took one punt out – an old Welsh Just nice to hang out with some drinks at The Anchor after work – today and found a place called guy and his Vietnamese wife. Told chilled out guys like Jack and Sean asked Laura to go to Thailand with Goa. Looks amazing and I bet them that they don’t let more than and Laura for now. We’re just a me but then Jack pointed out that Jack’s never even heard of it. two swans live on the river at any group of chilled out idealists trying it’s got pretty commercial since Just sand, sea and a community of time since William Wordsworth to escape the matrix. Tried to talk this time last year. Apparently all like-minded ideological explorers was attacked and killed by a flock to Laura at work but couldn’t get the students go there – good of him trying to liberate themselves from of them in 1948. Talked to Jack and away from Jack – he’s a great guy to look out for us like that. spiritual oppression (according to Sean about their trip to Thailand but you’d think he’d notice the the hostel website). I can’t wait. – sounded pretty spiritual. Really sexual chemistry between us and Thursday They might even have punts. want to go. Might ask Laura to take a hint. Laura and Jack are going to come with me. Cambodia together! Can’t believe * As told to Joe Pitt-Rashid CLAUDIA STOCKER Features Editor: Zing Tsjeng Friday November 13th 2009 19 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk Sex, Food and TV Food and Drink Come Katie Forster hits the Cambridge bars in search of Together the best happy hour in town.

Boys who are girls who like boys to be girls who do girls like they’re boys who do boys like they’re girls... When love leaves you in the lurch, hate sex will not let you down.

’ve been told that it’s well worth possibility?” into her. It took a while to realise having a scathing relationship “Maybe he has – what do you call just how good Wonder Woman Irow every now and then simply it? Charisma?” felt, and just how loudly she was for the intensity of the make-up sex “What a horrible waste,” I said, coming. The walls trembled. Fuck, that follows. Having never loved “of good wine.” it was good. And at the end I rolled anybody quite enough to hate them, It took me a while to work it out. over, and spoke to the ceiling. “I am I’ll have to take the experience I thrashed Charlie at squash and furious.” of Kris for gospel, who broke up I didn’t smile when they played Wonder Woman left the next Here’s looking at you kid: we’ll always have Cambridge with a boyfriend three days before Journey in Cindies. I shot down morning in costume. Quite a walk they were due to spend a fortnight a garrulous fat girl in a seminar of shame. I was still standing at veryone loves a good to dance, presumably to match the together holidaying in Sardinia. because she was wearing a beret. the threshold when Anna’s door cocktail. Girls can pretend bar’s slightly questionable music. That’s a very small island for two And on Wednesday, I had the best opened. PanzerFresher lurched out, Ethey’re in Sex And The If you’re into happy hours people who loathe each other. She sex of my life. wearing a Welsh rugby shirt and City whilst boys feel like James but don’t like having to down arrived back, all golden tan and epic I met her in the queue for the Van board shorts. He grunted at me. Bond. Third years drink them your drinks before dinner then Facebook album, and I asked her of Life. She was wearing a Wonder Anna and I stood at our doors and to get a fl avour of the glamorous Brown’s (23 Trumpington St) how they’d got along. “Awfully,” she Woman outfi t and she shoved her watched him go. “It’s November,” I lives ahead of them (they hope), offers bargain £3.50 cocktails from said. “Fucking dreadful time.” And cheesy chips into my hands. “You said, once he was out of ear range. and freshers love them because their signature list all night from then – “best sex of my life.” have them,” she said. “Barbeque “You woke us up last night,” she you can’t taste the alcohol. So Sunday to Wednesday. The selec- I found out who Anna had popped sauce ruined them.” Romance said. “Apocalyptic. Medal-worthy.” where are the best places in tion is good and the drinks are the virginity wine cork with from redefi ned. “A certifi cate’ll do.” Cambridge for a classy martini or mostly delicious – the apple and Charlie. Sober through rugby It took a while to get past all of “Good night, obviously.” a lethal long island ice tea? lychee martini is refreshing and initiation, occasional partner of the lycra, and once there I could “Not really,” I said. I nodded The Vaults (14a Trinity St) has not too sweet, with subtle fruity the forgettable fi rst year bicycle. only think about Anna and her after Panzer. “Good night?” a long list of cocktails to drink notes helping the gin slip down “PanzerFresher? Is that a physical wine, and that great oaf ploughing “No. Not really.” in classy surroundings, and a nicely. However, steer clear of the two-for-£6 deal during happy ‘Brown Eyes Blue’ unless you’re hour, which luckily lasts all night after a potent and bitter blue – you know, the taller of the two on Tuesdays. At other times concoction that is not for the faint- – saves the reputation of a couple the drinks are a little on the hearted. Ta Bouche (10-15 Market BOXED of friends by taking what he pricey side, explaining the lack Passage) is another swanky silver- ingeniously terms a ‘wank-bullet’ of students when we visited on bar cocktail joint serving a good for their web-based transgres- a Thursday night. £6.25 bought choice of expertly-mixed drinks. IN sions, he sums up our sordid, a small but very alcoholic lime ‘Sex on the Beach’ is large, thirst- superfi cial generation in a word. Daiquiri which was like drink- quenching and fruity; their mojito The weekly guide He’s summarising with one, ing a triple shot of white rum was suitably minty and fresh. If hilarious epithet the generation with a splash of lime. There are original cocktails are what you’re to staying in and that delivered the internet; that also imaginative house cocktails after, try a drink from their switching on coined the phrase “I’m on the with interesting (and sometimes speciality menu: the ‘Apple Pie’ train”; that wrote essays on their disturbing!) names, ‘The Sexual is a tasty creation that is just as ver taken a wank-bullet? laptops; that reduced the RSVP Predator’ with pomegranate the name promises, the cinnamon Yup: I have. As in, yes, to ‘Yes/No/Maybe’; the generation liqueur and Cointreau packing a syrup suiting anyone with a sweet EI’ve taken the blame – that condensed friendship into very tasty punch. Comfortable tooth. on more than one occasion – for covering for a friend’s frustrated sofas and attractive lighting add Best for cheap prices and someone else dumping a batch of jizzing. “Jez,” I mouth at my to the bar’s atmosphere, but it’s drinking in a historical venue, the porn on my hard-drive. Traumatic. MacBook Pro, “you Noughties probably best not to get pennied Cambridge Union Society Bar (9a But more on this later. hero.” And he’s even got a little here considering the price and Bridge St) offers two of the same I’d had it with Peep Show. mime-gesture to go with it: a potency of the drinks. cocktail for £5 from 6-8 every Search: Seasons 4 and 5 were dead to me: vigorous masturbatory hand- The Regal (38–39 St Andrews night. The quality of the drinks, bulletproof+barlow+spin repetitive rehashes of seasons motion followed by a pistol-fi st Street) has cocktails on the other although mixed by students, is 1-3, more of the same drudgery pointed at his temple, Russian- end of the spectrum – cheap, high, a particular favourite being about the two loser fl atmates, roulette-style. Television gold. sweet and sticky if you spill them. the cucumber martini. If you can’t Mark and Jeremy – that diptych Narrative-wise, nothing is that A jug of ‘Woo woo’ (vodka, archers get enough of the drinks at the of berks who fail, fail again, and new: Mark’s having a baby with and cranberry) to share is £7.60 bar you can try one of the cocktail- fail worse, professionally, romanti- his ex-wife, Sophie, true, but and very drinkable, at least more making workshops, every other cally and socially, all accompanied he’s still a romantic failure; Jez so than the ready bottled ‘mojito’ Monday (even numbered weeks by a drone of self-depreciating is once more having an ill-fated fl avoured alcopops at The Place this term). You will be taught how monologues. Season 6? I’d rather affair with an exotic but attached (22 Sidney Street) which leave to mix the cocktails yourself and watch Friends, I thought. woman; and they both lose their you with a bad taste in your you get to drink everything you But how wrong I was. Not jobs, several times. But the chuck- mouth and an uncontrollable urge make – for better or worse. only does Armstrong and Bain’s les are back. Take the scene of the latest incarnation mark an end series: Super Hans – surely the to the laughter drought of the least paternal crack addict on the Mister Ann’s on Mill Rd last Friday. Get previous two series, but it’s a box – reveals he’s been the proud Connections your hands off that cheap cutlery densely-written return to the father of twins for several years. and around me. boy w/ long hair. germane social commentary of the Twins? “Yeah, the twins. The Last Wednesday, outside King’s. fi rst three seasons that cut apart fucking twins.” And how old are To you-know-who in Café Project Me: black coat, black hair, you: Lou Barlow of iconic alt-rock band the web 2.0 generation. And for they, Super Hans? “Dunno. About from you-know-who in Café tweed jacket, DMs and bow tie. Dinosaur Jr. covers La Roux’s reasons of space I’ll refi ne this seven. What’s ‘fünf’ in English?” Project. Do you know who? (x) ‘Bulletproof’ on acoustic guitar. sweeping assertion to just one Genius. Dump this on my hard- Stop dressing like a pretentious twat, I’ll go out with you. Who knew electro-pop could word: wank-bullets. I’m talking drive any day. RODNEY CASSOCK Want to send in your missed connection? sound so tender? Skip ahead to about wank-bullets. E-mail [email protected]. Saw you (Strokes T-shirt) in Sally the 1:00 minute mark; he rambles. Because, when, like me, Jez Peep Show is available on 4oD. The best ones will be on VarsiTV. Friday November 13th 2009 Features Editor: Zing Tsjeng 20 Features www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] From Cambridge streets to West End stages Cambridge drama: love it or hate it, it’s spawned some of most exciting British directors and creative minds. Lauren Cooney talks to Simon McBurney of Complicite, Dominic Dromgoole from the Globe and John Barton from the RSC about their journey from ADC barflies to avant-garde artist, Shakespeare practitioner and national theatrical treasure. john haynes john haynes robbie jack robbie Tsukasa aoki L to R: Complicite’s production of Endgame, McBurney’s adaptation of Haruki Murakami’s The Elephant Vanishes, and Dromgoole’s productions of Romeo & Juliet and Love’s Labours Lost.

ur revels now are ended”, quoth the international drama school with origins buildings will surely court attention”. naked and honest. “It can’t be about directo- Hamm in Beckett’s Endgame, in Commedia dell’arte clowning. To be fair, Dromgoole has a point. “I think rial ideas – it’s got to be about human beings “Oechoing the same bleak acceptance Whilst McBurney comes off as part-rebel everything should be approached as a new in the moment, and that’s what writers write of death first coined by Shakespeare’s and part-Shakespearean fool, John Barton play. Whereas at the RSC you are react- are for; not for the directors to come up with Prospero in The Tempest. Only Hamm, in more than satisfies the wise-man stereotype. ing to four hundred years of performance something… It’s very easy to do something the shape of modern-day theatre hero, Mark As a Cambridge undergraduate, the 81-year- history, when we do Shakespeare here our theatrically new, but it’s totally fucking Rylance, is muttering this to Clov, played by old Barton refused to do the Tragedy paper our ambition is to say ‘no one’s done this pointless.” Complicite’s Artistic Director Simon McBur- in Part II English. “There’s no such thing as before’ and come to it with freshness and Maybe it’s because Dromgoole is the baby ney, 400 years since Prospero’s expiration. tragedy, particularly with Shakespeare– it’s immediacy”. He believes that the architec- of the three – he graduated The revelry of the stage doesn’t ever a Greek title”, he maintains, so he switched ture of the Globe demands shows that are in the 1980s – or maybe it is seem to dwindle – despite fears of reces- to Anglo-Saxon, aced the exam, and became because he was a student sion, cinema, and an endless recycling of a fellow at King’s in the early 1950s. during a period snoring boring classics. And for many, He probably would have stayed there if of recession the Cambridge drama scene seems to be chum Peter Hall hadn’t asked for his support a step-shuffle kick into stardom. It has in forming the RSC. Hall had only directed played nursery to household names with one Shakespeare play during his time at fantasy résumés that read: ‘brief ADC fling; Cambridge, and Barton’s proficiency was Footlights legend; did Edinburgh; picked an asset the company craved. As Barton up by the BBC; Artistic Director of the explains, “Hall wanted to create a more Old Vic; Nine Academy Awards’. Dominic permanent ensemble, he wanted everyone Dromgoole, current Artistic Director of the to be expert with the text”. Globe, Simon McBurney, the founder and artistic director of experimental company Complicite, John Barton, co-founder of the “I’d dyed my hair pink, RSC (centre, from left to right) are three such directors who assumedly spring from I was busy attending these origins. I met up with the three alumni to discuss their varying physical, philo- anti-Nazi rallies, and sophical and meta-theatrical paths from the Cambridge streets. taking a lot of drugs.” McBurney is the only one who was born Simon McBurney and raised in Cambridge. Consequently, attending Peterhouse “didn’t hold the same The emphasis on ‘expert’ is what differen- mystique”. He flitted indiscriminately from tiates Britain’s two most famous mainstream sheiLa burne TT

show to show, making people laugh. As Bard-centric establishments. Barton is a jack robbie with the fantasy résumé, sooner or later paragon for the RSC, having directed every the Footlights got wind and invited him to single Shakespeare play at some point, some participate in their Revue. “I wasn’t very many times. Sipping tea in his London much of that world”, he admits, “it was home, he maintains he is not lecturing me the era of punk: I’d dyed my hair pink, I on theatre, but there is no doubt that I am was busy attending anti-Nazi rallies, and listening to an ‘expert’. taking a lot of drugs”. While the Footlights Dominic Dromgoole, on the other hand, were thrashing out endless wordplay, chats to me with his feet up on his desk. His McBurney wrote ‘situations’ without words, office backs directly onto the Globe, sharing and showcased his work in the Corpus a wall with the theatre – which is plainly Playrooms, which he co-founded with friends. evident from the clashing sounds of an Eliza- Sitting in his dressing room at the theatre bethan band entertaining schoolchildren. where Endgame is showing, dressed in a There is much debate about the standard grimy white tank-top costume and tanking of shows that take place in the Globe. up on food, McBurney looks every inch the Barton, for example, refused to sit on maverick practitioner. “[At Cambridge] the council for it, declaring “it is there I had the feeling I was treading someone for the tourists”. Of course, Dromgoole else’s path or dancing to someone else’s vehemently defends it: “It is not kitsch, tune”. So he ran away to Paris, to L’École and there are not that many tourists Internationale de Théâtre Jacques Lecoq, in the audience…any interesting L to R: Dominic Dromgoole, Simon McBurney, John Barton Features Editor: Zing Tsjeng Friday November 13th 2009 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk Features 21 A Brief History The Globe Theatre, London ANDy bRADSHAw

L to R: Patrick Stewart in Barton’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Judi Dench as Viola in Barton’s Twelfth Night, and David Tennant as Hamlet in an RSC production.

where most of his university mates gradu- directors make their own path and break key to good directing lies in “good casting”. ated into unemployment – either way, he free from the shackles of the text, having Barton and Dromgoole are sensible about talks about theatre with cut-throat cynicism. started off in Cambridge with impressive the art of directing, valuing the ability to He studied Classics at St Catharine’s and academics and one of the finest libraries in crack open a text and facilitate a company then switched to English, which he calls “a the world staring them in the face? over any kind of directorial vision. “[The Destroyed by a fire in 1613, the origi- total doss”. He wangled his way onto the Of the three, McBurney’s theatrical latter] is pretty few and far between,” nal Elizabethan playhouse was built by ADC, Marlowe, and Mummers committees history is the hardest to get to grips with. Dromgoole says. “I’m not one of them. Most Shakespeare’s playing company, the Lord (which specialised in bringing heavyweight He describes Lecoq as a thoroughfare for people that claim to be are horrendously Chamberlain’s Men. Its modern recon- shows up to Edinburgh), squeezing out weird and wonderful theatre and perfor- fraudulent, and their work is a hodge-podge struction, approximately 230m away from budgets of nearly £2,000 for his shows, some mance acts at odds with his staid academic of other people’s ideas.” The advice he offers the original site, was opened in 1997 by of which he spent on ‘hammers and nails’ background: “It was a huge liberation to see is practical: “what you learn as a director is American actor-director Sam Wanamaker. (booze and speed). people making theatre from scratch”. So how to cast, how to get the right groups of Described by Dromgoole as “the most Except for a devastating blip when his there’s always unconventional schools like people together, how to get them working: successful theatre in the western hemi- application to direct the European Theatre Lecoq, which have a habit of unleashing all treat people like grown-ups, don’t fuck about sphere”, it sold 5.5m tickets last year and Group was rejected (“it seemed at the time sorts of inspiration. He compares the course with them. Make sure you are the right under Dromgoole’s direction has been so definitive, as to whether you were going to RADA: “They say, ‘we’ve got to do these sort of clownish, but that you have the right premiering new work alongside Shake- to be alright or not”) , it sounds like he had sort of authority to make decisions as well”. spearean plays. a blast. Dromgoole makes clear that directing is Upon graduating, Dromgoole worked as “It’s very easy to do something to ‘learn’: it is a humbling process. everything from a barman to an agricultural On the other hand, it doesn’t exactly The RSC, Stratford-Upon-Avon consultant. He was in and out of the praised something theatrically sound inspiring. According to Dromgoole, Bush Theatre as an assistant before becom- if you’ve got the balls to stand in front of a ing its artistic director at age twenty-six. He new, but it’s totally group of people and take control then you is ‘alright’ now but his path was certainly will make a fine director. But don’t hand in not clear-cut. fucking pointless.” your director’s toupee if you’re a sensitive So how do burgeoning Cambridge Dominic Dromgoole mouse with a passion for bringing texts to life. There is an infinite abyss that yearns plays, and you have got to learn to act in to be filled by the avant-garde. It’s no them, and they will prepare you for the surprise that McBurney’s experimental profession’. [Lecoq] didn’t really care approach invites more room for directorial about the profession, what he cared creativity. “I wanted to make theatre that about was life and how you create it.” I didn’t see,” he says. He looks outside the McBurney’s company is named text and turns to the space, the actors, and Founded by the 29 year old Peter Hall at after one of the three founding the audience: “the audience in the end liter- the then-titled Shakespeare Memorial principles of Lecoq – complicité ally creates the theatre, because theirs is a Theatre in 1961, the RSC has long been is French for togetherness – and it creative act, because it’s so obviously fake”. the stomping ground for British thesp is based entirely on collaborative In this respect he agrees with Dromgoole’s royalty like Ian Mckellen, Judi Dench, and work. In fact, if there’s one thing all ideas about the openness of the Globe, under- Patrick Stewart (all of whom were di- three directors have in common, it’s standing that “you can create a world on rected by Barton). The RSC has enjoyed a their admiration for the talents of stage, where the whole theatre is in a sense bit of a renaissance lately: after languish- their peers and their emphasis on absolutely alive”. ing in £2.8m debt for the early 2000s, it collaboration and respect. But nowadays you don’t have to go to the has turned its fortunes around under Despite Barton’s wealth of experi- Globe to have that kind of immersive experi- Michael Boyd’s artistic direction. Barton ence, he comes across as pragmatic ence. The avant-garde has been co-opted continues to serve as Company Advisory and appreciative. He talks of a hugely by the mainstream, with the National Director. successful production of Troilus and Theatre commissioning plays by companies Cressida he directed in 1969 starring Ben like Punchdrunk and Complicite. The RSC Kingsley and Helen Mirren, saying, “it was remains as a stalwart emblem of high art Complicite, London their doing, not me. I could do it because and academia, the ten-year old Globe is still SARAH AINSLIE there was the finding its feet, and companies like Complic- talent ite straddle the border between convention around.” and the avant-garde. For John Steinbeck said that “the theatre him, is the only institution in the world which the has been dying for 4000 years and never succumbed”. For every stifling rendition of Wilde or Chekhov, there will be another that is smartly directed and beautifully observed; there will also be a smattering that are outrageous, brave, and progressive. Set up in 1983, Complicite has been So, whether you are an audience member heralded as having “irrevocably changed sitting tight and suspending their disbelief, the face of British theatre”. The company opening up a new Cambridge theatre space, integrates physical and visual theatre and or hanging by a thread from the Bridge uses dazzling audio-visual technology to of Sighs after another rejection, take great acclaim – though critics say that the heart: you are responsible for prevent- company sometimes favours style over ing theatre’s death. You can run substance. Although the company line-up from East Anglia to Paris through changes frequently, McBurney remains the Forest of Arden, via a disused artistic director. Recent collaborators warehouse, and onto the West End include world musician Nitin Sawhney. stage. But above all, as Dromgoole puts it, “get some bloody sleep”. L to R: Dominic Dromgoole, Simon McBurney, John Barton 22 Friday November 13th 2009 Arts Editor: Laura Freeman Arts www.varsity.co.uk [email protected] Empire State of Mind In the place photographed by a thousand tourists and backdrop to a hundred films,Emma Hogan talks to artists Jordana Zeldin and Sam Bassett about uncovering the unknown sides of New York City

Jordana Zeldin’s photographs of torn subway and billboard posters taken on her Brooklyn/Manhatten commute

id-way through having lunch with or walls of Harlem brownstone houses. And subway entrances, and hovering on walls. of working in a city. Both Bassett’s films an eighty-year-old, born-and-raised Levitt’s contemporary (and mentor) Walker These turned out to be his ‘tape sculptures’, and Zeldin’s photographs have the quality of MNew Yorker, she leaned in, and told Evans was, like Zeldin, a photographer-as- abstract designs he plasters over the city letting you into New York secrets, making me something I only half knew: “Every day, commuter, using a camera hidden in his coat at night-time, trying to lift our eyes up the unnoticed – that which hovers in the I see something in the city which surprises buttonhole to take photos of unsuspecting and engage with the landscape. There is corner of your eye – appear. As Zeldin says, me. There’s always something new.” Two travellers sitting opposite him. In such a something in the grace and movement of his “if you just pause, or look down to the side, very different artists, photographer Jordana way, Evans, Levitt, and Zeldin in their wake, ‘tape sculptures’ which reminds me of the you are probably going to notice something Zeldin and (self-styled) ‘humanitarian, artist, captured those transitory moments, such as arc of a plane, or of the curve of a ball flying you would not else have seen.” filmmaker and photographer’ Sam Bassett awkward glances between train passengers, through the air, and so it is not surprising to both attempt to capture something of the that make up a life in a city. find out that Bassett has been a private pilot fantastic, fragmentary, and surprising city of Zeldin cites as her two main influences since the age of eleven, nor that he was the New York. the two greats of American colour photog- captain of the Syracuse University National One morning, when taking the subway raphy, Saul Leiter and William Egglestone. Championship lacrosse team. from Brooklyn into Manhattan, Jordana Like them, her work (in Subversions but Bassett’s eclectic background explains Zeldin noticed a medical advert for the particularly in a series of dreamy, Sofia why his most recent project is so wonder- removal of bunions, which had been defaced Coppola-esque Polaroids) has a particular fully eccentric. Seven Feature Films is a with the ‘simple, elegant marking’ of project which “seeks to truthfully explore someone scrawling ‘LOL’ onto it. She took and celebrate America’s rich cultural history a photo with her iPhone, the only camera “Every day I see of individuality.” In attempting to do so, she had to hand. And so began her eight Bassett has created documentary films about month Subversions project, documenting something in the city figures and people he knows or came across, snapshots of graffiti over the city, using her only connected by their “underdog-eqsue iPhone. ‘The iPhone is the tool of the modern which surprises me” characters”. When asked to describe them, commuter,’ says Zeldin, ‘and I wanted to Bassett started with a story of a figure remain a commuter on this project, which gentleness to it, the colours becoming inten- called Cowboy Stan, who is a “kind of pack- became about being a traveller in the city.’ sified yet also, somehow, softened by late rat East Village character”, and of Bettina, a The resulting images are startling in their afternoon, East Coast sunshine. Similarly, “great thinker, unknown and unrecognised”. simplicity and beauty. And, in looking at like Egglestone’s photographs (of diners and But further than that, he wouldn’t say – the them, you get the sense that something has porches and people in Memphis, Tennessee) films should speak for themselves. And, in been covertly captured, Zeldin focusing Zeldin concentrates on the little things – her a way, they do: each character is unique, in on an encounter between an image and series on Brooklyn Flea Markets could have ranging from Bassett’s ninety-three year an anonymous person, a fleeting reaction. been taken by the eye of an avid collector, old grandmother Constance, irate poet Instead of staring blankly at an advert, and Zeldin describes the ‘thrill of the find’ Ira Cohen, Viva Stormé DeLarverié who someone has come along and added to it, or in photography, searching for images as you threw the first punch which started the torn it away to reveal another one beneath. might rifle excitedly through vintage clothes. Stonewall riots (which, in turn, launched Such an action could go unnoticed, were it Sam Bassett’s work also continually the Gay Rights movement), to the manag- not for the fact that Zeldin has brought it engages with New York, yet in a very differ- ing director of the Hotel Chelsea for over sharply into focus. ent way. A striking figure – over six foot tall, fifty years, Stanley Bard. Bassett, through Zeldin argues that “to survive in New with long blonde hair and a gentle voice – I documenting his friends and family, does York you cannot take everything in, so the met him at the Hotel Chelsea (made famous, capture something of the particular brand of way I cope with that, photographically, is in part, by Sid killing Nancy, by the two Chelsea eccentricity, of the peculiar people to zoom in.” In doing so, Zeldin continues Dylans – Thomas and Bob – living there at you find in a city. Yet, when I was watch- a New York photographic tradition. In the different points, and by Leonard Cohen’s ing ‘Ira Cohen’, even with Cohen sitting a 1930s, photographer Helen Levitt (perhaps immortalizing song, Chelsea Hotel #2), where couple of rows ahead of me, I still did not feel most famous now for providing the image he is the last permanent resident, living on that Bassett’s film necessarily captured his of a gaggle of street children, used by The the rooftop with a view over the lower west subject entirely, instead just showing a brief Walkmen for the cover of their first album) side. As we walked around the Hotel Chelsea moment in one person’s life. took images of children playing in the street, area, Bassett pointed out various markings But perhaps this is the point, and one of Bassett’s ‘tape sculptures’ on (top) billboards, sidewalks, or of their chalk markings on the pavements that appeared on billboards, wrapped around the (sometimes oddly freeing) restrictions and (bottom) the entrances to subway stations Reviews Editor: Paul Smith Friday November 13th 2009 23 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk Listings

Seasick Steve 2012 sunday november 15th, the corn the vue, daily 12.00 12.45 15.40 16.30 19.20 exchange, 19.00 (sold out) 20.12 Fri/sat/Wed/thurs late 22.50 (23.40 not thurs) One string guitar-playing, Jack Pick Daniels-swigging 1984 was published in 1949. 2001 of the ex-tramp called was released in 1968. Pick The 2012 is out now. Can we week Steve. It’s sold of the Music out so you’ll just hold off the nightmare week have to catch the after future much longer? Film party, all night, outside Featuring star of Must Sainsbury’s. Love Dogs, John Cusack. Varsity Aaaaarrrrgggh. Week Music Talks Film & Nightlife Theatre Arts & Events The Men Who Stare At Saturday November 14th The Wizard of Oz Ongoing Exhibitions Friday November 13th Goats Mr Scruff adc theatre, Fri-sat 19.45 (£6/9) Fitzwilliam Museum Life Drawing Nothing like a bit of Joni Mitch- the vue, daily (10.10 sat/sun only) 12.30 the junction, 22.00 (£10) (Free) the shoP, jesus lane, 14.00-16.00, (£2-4) 14.50 17.10 19.30 The world’s most famous Kwik ell to waste away the winter Special Display: Matthew Boulton Draw people. They might even get It’s a film about men who stare at Save alumnus. Expect many hours hours. Come and hear her sing and the Industrial Revolution naked for you, all in the name of goats. Did you see how we deliber- of chillout twiddle. Keep it unreal. ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ (until March 21st). art. ately misinterpreted the title for and a host of other classics on the Sculpture promenade comic effect? Eh? No, come off it... dramatically different ADC stage. Monday November 16th (until January 31st). Laser Photonics Bright Star What’s Wrong with WolFson lecture theatre, churchill arts Picturehouse, Fri/mon/tue/Wed: Angry? People’s Portraits college, 19.30-21.00 . (Free) 13.30, 16.00, 18.30 (not Fri), 21.00, sat: 12.30, girton college, until december 1st. Major Lazer himself, Dr Bill 16.45, 21.30, sun: 16.30, 18.30, thu: 12.00, 14.30, adc theatre, Fri-sat 23.00 (£4-6) (Free) O’Neill talks laser-matter inter- 20.30 Still don’t know? What’s taken you Millennial Royal Society of Romance between Keats and actions, optical engineering and so long! Come discover the answer Portrait Painters’ collection on Fanny Brawne burns bright from manufacturing process technolo- to this very important question. long-term loan to Girton, depicting dusk until dawn. Oh gosh. I’m gies. Pon de floor. ordinary people from all walks of a poet and I’m aware of it. See The Caucasian Chalk life. review on Page 25. Circle Monday November 16th adc theatre, tues-sat 19.45 (£6/9) Head Gardeners: The Sunday November 15th Helen Ameida: Inside Me An Education Live Modern Jazz with Brecht + Freshers = Good Times, Forgotten Heroes Of arts Picturehouse, Fri/sat/thu: 12.00, hell’s yeah! There will be the kettle’s yard, until sunday november 14.10, 18.30 (not thu), 21.10, sun: 14.10, 19.00, Andrew Bowie Quartet 15th, 11:30am-5Pm. (Free) Horticulture 21.10, mon/tue/Wed: 12.00 (not tue/Wed), cricketers, 18 melbourne Place, alienation effect, and there will be Last chance to see this exhibition seminar room 1, dePartment oF history 20.30-00.00 (Free) 14.10, 16.20, 18:45, 21.10, thu: 16.20 Freshers, all on one stage! before it closes on Sunday. Brilliant and PhilosoPhy oF science, 13.00-14.15 Andrew Bowie: “Could you list (Free). Go and be educated. It’s quite good. selection of works where she tests this as often as possible: it makes a Just what you’ve been waiting for: Black Comedy the limits of the artist as subject Harry Brown difference to the crowd we get?” a special talk on Alan Titchmarsh, adc theatre, Weds-sat 23.00 (£4-6) through striking use of colour, line the vue, Daily 13.30 16.00 18.30 21.00 Fri/Sat/ Varisty: “Sure, Andrew.” Freshers on the stage late and well George Bush and Robert Plant. WeD/thurS 23.30 and space. My name is Harry Brown, and I Watch the crowd swell. past their bed-time/Cindies-time/ Tuesday November 17th am a geriatric vigilante. Starring puke-time. Teach First Presentation Michael Caine. Sunday November15th Oasis @ Fez Marvin’s Room trinity hall, 19.00-20.00, (Free). COrPuS PlarOOM, tueS-Sat 19.30 (£5-7) Fancy selling your soul to Lucifer Fez 22.00-03.00 (£4) Find out who is wasting their life in a Faustian pact? Teach First Liam Gallagher’s talking about away, in this startling mocku- is for you, then. Find out how to forming a new band. But will his mentary about 14th century get involved and expect a special new musical project have club architecture. appearance from the Seven Deadly nights named after it? No chance. Sins. Equus Tuesday November 17th Pembroke neW cellars, tues-sat 20.00 Tuesday November 17th A Place To Bury (£4-6) Lumière – Lithographs by Rupert Sheldrake: Strangers Daniel Radcliffe, Alfie Allen – can Odilon Redon Morphic Resonance, The Living the Portland arms 20.00-23.00 (£6) Cambridge provide a decent bit of FitzWilliam museum, seminar room 35 Collective Momory, and Friday november 13th, arts Picture- Apparently the noisiest band in the hot totty to rival these celebrities’ It’s too cold to stand shivering in the Habits of Nature house, 19.00 world. They sound like The Smiths naked bods? the sculpture pavilion; go inside the The Arts Picturehouse hosts the Pharmacology lecture theatre, tennis arranged for sand blaster and Fitz to see the substantial exhibi- court road, 20.00-21.00. (Free) UK première of a documentary pneumatic drill. Look Back in Anger tion of lithographs by the French Professor Rupert Sheldrake (below on 1932-33 Soviet Ukraine Terror- judith e. Wilson, Weds-sat 20.00 (£5) Symbolist. right) talks on his hypothesis of Famine tonight. But will there be Remix gig headlined by the people formative causation, followed by a a red carpet laid outside Spoons? Wednesday November that run them Oasis clubnights at Gandhi’s Children stimulating after lecture discussion Probably not, no. 18th Fez. archaeology and anthroPology, doWning street, until monday november on life as a bear, yellow scarves, Swingle Singers 30th, 10:30-4:30Pm (Free) the corn exchange, 19.30 (£14-25) red jumpers and badger friends. Encounters At The End Blueprint David Macdougall documented Not to be mistaken for a group adc theatre, tues 23.00 (£4-6) Of The World the life of the boys in a New Delhi of Single Swingers, these “eight OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, Fisher building, st john’s college, home that provides food and thursday november 19th, 21.00. (Free) remarkable voices” sing songs OMG.... Squeal time!!!!!! shelter for 350 children on film. Sticking with the apocalypse, by Bach, Mozart, Chopin, Chick this South Pole documentary has Corea, Sting, John Lennon, Björk breathtaking views of chilling as part of the Cambridge Music Knighton Hosking: landscapes and zombie polar bears. Festival. No orgies. Paintings churchill college, until saturday november 14th ( Free) This Sporting Life Closing tomorrow, this exhibition is christ’s college, thursday november Thursday November 19th 19th, 21.00. (Free) Two Door Cinema Club well worth a visit. Paintings, sculp- Lindsay Anderson’s gritty classic the Portland arms, 20.00 (£6) tures and Chinese ink drawings Tanya ‘Baby T’ Iqbal: about rugby league in Wakefield, “Don’t believe the hype” Public by the ‘New Generation’ artist, are Takeaways where both teams always throw Enemy said, but don’t miss this gig. executed with a vibrant piquancy, WWW.varsitv.co.uk (Free). everything at it, and the kitchen These lads from Northern Ireland while not undermining the profun- On VarsiTV: Check out this vid and sink. Bosh! are worth looking out for in 2010. dity of the subject matter. check the joke. Bye bitches. 24 Friday November 13th 2009 Reviews Editor: Paul Smith Reviews www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

music New Releases

paul smith Bowling For soup Robbie Williams sorry for partyin’ reality killed the video star  

Never judge an album by its After spending three years in the band’s appearance. Every so Nevada desert waiting for us to often, however, their appeal forget his rapping on Rudebox, coincides. Robbie Williams returns with a Bowling For Soup are getting more conventional record. old, but they’re in a swimming Guy Chambers’ song writing pool, obese and tattooed, on attempts to recreate the expan- their album art, and they’re still sive ballads that formed Williams’ producing tinny punk-pop songs popularity. Unfortunately they for nine year old boys to rebel no longer reflect the increasingly to. Sorry for Partyin’ deals with bizarre, mental world of the man that middle age crisis: to party singing them. The results are on or to turn all suburban and bland songs that have a tendency pay the bills? Sometimes it’s just towards overlong tunelessness. downright crass. BFF juggles the There are successful moments. desperation to remain straight Williams’ high tenor on ‘Morning speech debelle at the Junction on tuesday: is her mercury in retrograde? with the expression of affection Sun’ channels Bowie but is labori- for a friend. “I’m trying to say I ously slow. The close harmony speech Debelle found acclaim at a bash consid- The crowd, if you could call it love you in a heterosexual way.” on ‘You Know Me’ evokes 50s pop ExposurE Music AwArds! EAst, thE erably more low-key than the that, was small but more than Thanks for the clarification. but is drowned in sickly string junction, tuEsdAy novEMbEr 10th Mercury. ready to step into Speech’s world. There’s irony here, but never arrangements. The incoherent  Not your conventional rapper, There were moments when she was quite enough. Still, Sorry paranoia on ‘Bodies’ boasting she opened with ‘The Key’, backed aware of the size of her audience, for Partyin’ is worst when it panicky delivery and an incongru- by her boys, The Therapists, on encouraging sheepish onlookers attempts sentimentality, usually ous chorus has the record’s most eople say I’m good, but drums, double bass and acous- to shuffle up and christening a in regards to a hot ass jiggling successful melody. they could be being nice, tic guitar. Although a talented bespectacled gig-goer in the front out of the door. “The memories Robbie should embrace his “P right?” Despite winning wordsmith, she didn’t spit out her row ‘Zane Lowe’, but the disap- stay forever,” sings Jaret Reddick madness and stop trying to the 2009 Mercury Prize, modesty lyrics at the expense of the strong pointing turnout didn’t perturb her on ‘Me With No You’, “like resurrect the past. edward has not escaped Speech Debelle. melodies explored by her jazz band for long. Banter with previous act tattoos.” Ouch. abigail dean henderson Friendly Fires and Florence & the instrumentation. Honesty about Metis (winner of the award’s best Machine were on the shortlist but her roots rings out in lines like local live act, despite confessing Weezer Yeasayer Speech Therapy, her debut, spoke “So as the chapter close that’s how that he’s waiting for his British raditude ambling alp the loudest to the judging panel. the story goes/As I’ve grown I’ve passport in the post) also dispelled   Debelle, real name Corynne learnt that friends turn to foes”. any awkwardness. The odd intro- Elliot, a 26-year-old rapper from Speaking of roots, she followed duction to her songs wouldn’t have London, certainly lives up to her up with ‘Wheels in Motion’, gone amiss, though. name. Her lyrics hark back to released as a duet with Roots “Honesty is courage and since I her tricky upbringing including Manuva. He couldn’t make it, but got the heart of a lion then there’s a spell living in hostels, but she’s as Speech promised, “My boys no sense in lying”. So she declares not one to sit in the corner and can do his part just as good”. She on ‘Finish this Album’. We’re not cry. Headlining the Exposure wasn’t lying. Her influencs of going to lie and we’re not just being Music Awards! East, a showcase reggae, hip-hop and soul fused nice – Speech Debelle, you’re more of talent from East England at together brilliantly on songs ‘Go than just good. lara prendergast and Even a superficial assessment Yeasayer is set to drop a brand The Junction, she justified her new Then, Bye’ and ‘Spinnin’. alice hancock of this album, from its pun on new album in February, but outmoded slang, to the red track- they’ve advanced a terrific teaser suits donned by the band on the of a single with ‘Ambling Alp’, a cums 1 Launch concert and built to a fine climax, though subtly controlled by Biggins, the inner sleeve, prompts the conclu- release that has all the experi- wEst roAd concErt hAll, sAturdAy ultimately the performance was a orchestra extremely impressive in sion that Weezer have failed to mental joy of their debut album novEMbEr 7th frustrating one – because the crisis its unity and accuracy. The ravish- escape the 90s. All Hour Cymbals yet showcases  of the first movement had not been ing slow movement had magnificent If the blatant nostalgia for a an exciting new feel and bold convincingly enough conveyed such sweep and real emotion, with this time when curtains referred to a style of attack. ritten’s Sinfonia da a beautiful epilogue didn’t seem drive and strength of feeling being hair style rather than drapery is A stand up and fight anthem Requiem is one of his most earned. again replicated in the restless self-knowing, retelling the same about the black American boxer Bstark and powerful works, Chen Chen was the soloist in finale. This Symphony can seem dweeby jokes that made their Joe Louis battling Max Schmel- his protest against the war that Beethoven’s third piano concerto, prolix, but all parties conspired 1994 self-titled debut a cult hit, is ing (an unwilling Nazi darling) was devastating Europe at the and her highly poetic and sensi- here to produce a truly outstanding decidedly facile coming from fully and Primo Carnera (alias the time of composition. tive reading of the solo part was performance that enthralled from grown men. “There may come a ‘Ambling Alp’), the song has an The opening Lacrimosa was a pleasant deviation from the start to finish.guido martin-brandis day when we have nothing left energetic Ali shuffle and rousing appropriately bleak and dark, but norm for this stormy concerto michael Derringer to say”, Cuomo laments on the vocals that get you worked up and it lacked the searing primeval role. The orchestra seemed under- opening track: that day has long ready for a scrap. The Memory power and thrust that make this rehearsed, Beethoven’s uncluttered passed with songs such as ‘The Tapes and DJ Rupture remixes movement the truly terrifying and textures proving to be a brutal Girl Got Hot and I’m Your Daddy’ included with the single actually shattering experience it is meant test on ensemble and tuning for the now possessing the sinister edge manage to amp up the dance and to be. The Dies Irae, a dazzling players. of an excessively physical uncle. brawl of an already outstanding orchestral scherzo, featured some In Vaughan Williams’ London Evoking high school parties track. great ensemble string playing Symphony the niggling problems and hormone rushes of first If Yeasayer’s forthcoming LP and conductor Carlos Del Cueto that had beset the orchestra in crushes, all of which one hopes Odd Blood is all the quality of imbued the movement with a real the first half all appeared to melt are mere, mere memories for this superb, unexpected release, sense of urgency and direction. The away. The gleaming, effervescent Cuomo and the gang, Raditude we’re in for a stunning sophomore conciliatory Requiem Aeternam orchestral textures and ever-shift- feels both inauthentic and infan- album from one of Brooklyn’s featured some exceedingly beauti- ing tempo markings of the first tile. tom keane best bands. peter morelli ful playing from the flute section movement were masterfully and Reviews Editor: Paul Smith Friday November 13th 2009 25 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk Reviews Arts Comment FilM And ArTs Fantastic Mr Box Office. The latest Bright star over-protective Scottish mentor a film based around verse and arts picturehouse played by Paul Schneider) tryst documentation. It was brave and crop of films for the  with Abigail, the maid, but this effective at times when the poetry serves to make Keats and Fanny’s and letters were recited aloud, but Peter Pan generation affections seem super soft and this was certainly over-done. Of his is the first frock in sweetly superficial: there is only so course ‘Ode to a Nightingale’ is sad Woolwich or Hampstead much hand pressing from either side and dramatic, but I don’t want to “T to have a triple-pleated of a wall you can take. Indeed, Mr feel paralysed and stuck in my seat Alice Newell-Hanson mushroom collar”, says Fanny Brown’s actions with Abigail then when it is repeated over the ending (Abbie Cornish) to Keats (Ben stick out like a sore thumb. When credits. Whishaw) in one of many VERY Keats tells Mr Brown that they I wish Campion had chosen to f you love Karen O, if you away from the less palatable FUNNY costumes. Jane Campion’s will send whoever made Abigail film half the story (preferably the know Futura bold from themes of Sendak’s book: “I was Bright Star takes a look at Keats’ pregnant to the butchers, Mr second half) because some scenes IHelvetica, and if your other just trying to make a movie that life through his love affair with Brown in top-to-toe tartan takes felt rushed and clipped too short, interests include plimsolls and felt like being that age.” dressmaker Fanny Brawne, based on a panto villain presence, and I and there was much I’d have liked self-conscious punctuation, then Mr Fox’s family dynamic is on a biography written by Andrew find myself wanting to scream ‘he’s to ‘muse’ over in the relationship’s you’re probably excited about also far from perfect. Dahl was Motion. beeehiiind you’. build up. Keats tells Fanny, “there this year’s crop of kids films for never afraid of the dark. George There is no doubt that this is very There are huge moments of grief is a holiness to the heart’s affec- adults. But, then again, who Clooney’s all-singing, all-dancing beautifully filmed, with sweep- and swathes of sincerity from all the tions”, but in Bright Star Campion wouldn’t be? Fantastic Mr Fox hero is, at worst, an unforgivably ing seasonal changes, panning leads that make Bright Star enjoy- never allows this sentiment to was so good that it’s just as well bad father. This more realistic shots of romantic wanderings over able viewing. A lot happens in this fully flourish from a caterpillar Where The Wild Things Are is on outlook on family life is, in part, Hampstead Heath, and intimate film, and you do develop sympathy into a beautiful butterfly resting its way to fill the void of excite- what denies these films straight- nuzzlings as Keats curls his louche for the characters. There are also on Fanny’s bosom. The ‘butterfly ment. Tim Burton’s Alice in forward classification. legs and chiselled jaw around vast snatches of poetry and letter scene’ in which Cornish seems Wonderland also fits the mould, The trailer for Tim Burton’s Fanny’s nooks and crannies. Swoon. reading, which will surely come in momentarily and suddenly suicidal promising a dark reinterpreta- Alice spells out a parallel Despite taking a good fifteen useful for any student wishing to drowned in a sea of dead butterflies tion of a children’s classic. But, movement away from the adult. minutes to get used to the ridiculous- brush up on their Romantic trivia. is priceless comedy: See the film whereas Burton’s high-budget Yes, Johnny Depp is there with ness of Fanny’s attire, the aesthetic But this was arguably the film’s if only for this, and for Whishaw’s Disney production may appeal a maniacal grin. Yes, there are of this film is light and sumptuous, greatest flaw: all too often it felt as apish but undeniable hotness. lauren to a younger audience, autumn’s toadstools and eerily striped and Campion has clearly opted for though Campion was constructing cooney offerings are strategically plants, but everything feels a subtle focus on nature and human marketing themselves to an older slightly more sugar-coated. nature, rather than letting loose generation. As the giant opening credit with poetical passion. The scene Originally planned for release proclaims, adults will be in in which Fanny and Keats follow in May 2008, Where the Wild theatres to see Tim Burton’s young Toots after stealing their Things Are was postponed by latest film but this will be no first kiss is reminiscent of a game of Warner Bros amidst concerns Edward Scissorhands. ‘Grandma’s Footsteps’. Whenever about its suitability. There were The entertainment industry Toots turns to look, the recently even rumours of a possible is shifting towards the family officiated lovers freeze, and we can reshoot, threatening a projected market and this means a tactical appreciate the immensity and fragil- $75 million. Given the pairing rapprochement of the adult and ity of this moment as it is paused and of director Spike Jonze and children’s genres. The audience elongated. co-writer Dave Eggers, the age range for these films will be However, this moment is fleet- film’s decidedly adult tone is drastically increased by their ing, and suddenly we are expected unsurprising. Jonze’s previous cult directors and highly-stylized to believe the couple are stuck in projects have hardly been easygo- production. Pitching their films a yearning, aching, hopeless love ing– witness 1999’s Being John to catch both their older fan base for one another. Keats’ debt and Malkovich– and Eggers’ own and a slice of the family market consumption are tearing them background rules out a tale of guarantees financial success: but apart, and yet it isn’t quite clear conventional familial bliss. Most are Jonze, Burton and Anderson how they got together. Campion importantly, though, Maurice being more calculating than their chooses to limit the appearance of Sendak’s book is itself a chill offbeat exteriors would suggest, sexuality to Mr Brown’s (Keats’ Jane Campion’s Bright Star: Two Stars. And a half. exploration of childhood anger. and at what cost? For our genera- When asked if he thought tion, who grew up hardened by Jonze’s film was too frightening Watership Down, the creepier The Men Who stare At a satire? If it’s a comedy, why is is on a mission in Iraq, followed by for children, Sendak replied: “if elements of these children’s films Goats there this political overtone? And if the intrepid reporter Bob Wilton [you] can’t handle it, go home. might be welcomed but they also vue it’s satire, why so ridiculous? (Ewan McGregor). Along the Or wet your pants.” Whether or dilute the output of more subtle  We follow the development of way, we discover how the hippies not the film is that frightening adult cinema. It is perhaps the psychic soldiers. Men, who are infiltrated the army, why Angela remains to be seen but Jonze’s adults and not the children who trained to use their superpowers Lansbury is an asset to military screenplay has explicitly not shied are being talked down to. bout half-way through The to detect the location of missing intelligence, and also about the Men Who Stare at Goats, generals, non-lethally disarm hideous lengths to which American Ait begins to dawn on you combatants, and murder goats with soldiers mistreat prisoners. that this is a film that doesn’t their eyes. Lyn Cassady (George That’s right: it is a film with a know what it is. Is it a comedy or Clooney), a retired Jedi Warrior, serious message. When you’ve cast George Clooney and Kevin Spacey, it has to have one. But trying to make a point about torture in the midst of such outlandishness merely trivialises instead of satiris- ing. No one was taken in by the opening statement, “More of this is true than you would believe.” Of course, the film cannot be condemned because the concept is inappropriate. It can be condemned when it ruins the comedy. It was quite funny in parts. But once it turned into a lecture by a German explaining the antics of Charlie Chaplin, only those not already acquainted with the comic potential of spiking the water supply with LSD will be laughing by the end. Is it worth your while to stare at the screen at Men Who Stare At Goats? Probably not. James sharpe The new King of the Box Office: The Child Who Never Grows Up 26 Friday November 13th 2009 Theatre Editor: Lauren Cooney Theatre www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

View from the TheaTre Groundlings The Wizard of Oz for the songs; this was true of production. (Anyone who saw the good thing. adc mainshow most of the cast. Robert Jacobs’ kidnapped Dorothy strapped into All that is asked of a stage  Scarecrow was idiosyncratic and a wheelchair will forgive me that version of The Wizard of Oz is to endearing. His raspy delivery jibe at the musical’s PC creden- let the beloved songs speak for hose of you old enough to and subtle, jerky movements tials). Sharpe’s disembodied voice themselves. Sadly, these were in remember walking into your concealed an inexplicable lack alone exuded a palpable magnetism the main drowned out by their own TCollege’s Halloween Bop of straw. Jonathan Padley’s lion, that made his relish for the part bleary backing music, to the extent last year to find that everyone had part thesp, part fashionista, was a evident. But the fact that a guy that once or twice the singers come as Heath Ledger’s Joker will highlight. Sara Boomsma perhaps behind a curtain with a microphone stopped trying to compete. understand. That is understand took her job description rather too was able to upstage the main cast Having the Lion cower behind a and empathise with what it was literally, and her Tin Woman had members did not reflect well on the sign with the MGM logo on it was like to discover the cast of The none of the character displayed by production as a whole. a nice touch. But the production Wizard of Oz with their faces Jack Haley’s Tin Man in the MGM The puppet Munchkins designed spent too long hiding behind a smeared with red and white clown movie. by Annie Brooks were unques- homage to 1930s Hollywood, and Cambridge Theatre make up. Directed by Nick Waters, James Sharpe carried the tionably the highlight of the too much effort imagining that it this musical was keen from the production as the Wizard of Oz, production, but even the engag- was “you know… like … dark”. here’s nothing like a start to stand out as something together with Ben Kavanagh as the ing and initially hysterical scene The spirit of the original was lost good bit of bacon in the different, even something dark. Wicked Witch of the West – yes, featuring them dragged on consid- somewhere along the way. Walters Tmorning. I’m pretty Anyone unfamiliar with the the clever reversal of gender norms erably. Waters obviously realised should have kept to the yellow sure I am going to wake up story could do no better than was all in a day’s work for this in rehearsals that he was on to a brick road. chris kerr every day this week with watch Victor Flemming’s 1939 film a big salivating smile, and version. The optimistic, escapist some drool on my pillow. We Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer movie, with gat A LOTTA meat for you: its twee ‘there’s no place like home’ tasty prime hunks, and slabs message, has a special place in of newly cut flesh. Whatever countless hearts. your tastes, especially if you Waters makes it clear in a note are a veggie or fruitarian, can in the programme that he chose be catered for in the kitchen not attempt “to replicate the iconic of Cambridge comedy and MGM production on stage”. This is tragedy. an understandable decision – why Firstly, the time is nigh for try to emulate such an intimidating our Fresh Meat, who have treasure? But it was also a risky been slaving away all term one, given that a sizeable part of on two ADC Freshers’ shows, the audience to any Wizard of Oz The Caucasian Chalk Circle show will have largely made the and Black Comedy. Come and journey to the theatre just so they judge them, applaud them, can hum along with the songs. and smile at them wisely, as Present anything deviating too far they join the ranks of the from the expected menu, and the Cambridge thespian cattle- audience will be alienated. market. Georgina Hunt was a solid but If you fancy some home- forgettable Dorothy. Still, her grown chops then you voice delivered what was required george woodhams should look no further than Tuesday at the ADC. Watch five suitably all-singing A rather tall, bearded chap called dignity and barely restrained fury. all-dancing moving meat-men Smoker Pierre also deserves a mention. I’ve Pride and Frow also combines an understated cover a set of pop-classics. adc theatre not seen him before but he really set with hints of elegance very  Prejudice This is Blueprint. According warmed the room up with some arts theatre effectively at times, with only a to manager, band member and funnies after a particularly damp  few picture frames, the odd chaise general lad, Ed Stephenson, ime was when you knew patch early on. One to look out for. lounge and the wooden frame of don’t miss out on the chance of where you were with The sketches were, on the whole, he insipidity and yet the a piano, the stage is mercifully seeing “Cambridge’s original TCambridge comedy. It was actually quite good. There was noise; the nothingness uncluttered. boyband, strut their irres- something the Footlights did and a really funny sketch-sequence “Tand yet the self-impor- However, there are a lot of things tistably cheesy stuff on the it involved a couple of chaps sitting about the transition from the actual tance of all these people.” As Toby going on in this production that ADC stage for one night only, by a desk and calling each other medieval mace to the mace spray Frow’s production of Pride and make it...well, a bit weird. Promises in their first ever ticketed ‘Perkins’; it was bloody hilarious. that featured some sound character Prejudice reached its eightieth, of greatness are ruined by strange public gig”. One night only and Now, with successful revue nights work from the cigar-sucking James interval-less minute, I was begin- decisions: the eavesdropping and on the brink of selling out: if popping up at Wolfson and Selwyn Moran. Moran also featured in ning to think that I could apply gasping of the ensemble during you want the opportunity of and all over the shop, comedy in what to my mind was probably the Miss Bingley’s famous remark important conversations are tearing off your underwear Cambridge is anyone’s game. evening’s strongest sketch, about to it, but several moments in the bewildering, and key moments are and flinging it in a man’s face Last night’s Smoker was inevita- a new Da Vinci Code film in which second Act save it from such a subjected to unwelcome hamming- without any risk of pregnancy, bly going to be a mixed bag because, hero Robert Langdon confronts the condemning. up. Scenes are fast-forwarded STI, or a slap, then you should well, that’s just the nature of the mighty power of the, ahem, Angli- To all you Austen-philistines, a to such an extent that the plot is probably queue for returns. many-headed, many-limbed revue can Church. rich man comes to town, a mother spread thinly and the merging of Equus is on at Pembroke- beast, isn’t it? Overall, though, the The evening finished on a high tries to marry her daughters to scenes becomes ridiculous. The and it involves a naked man standard was pretty good. Keith too, with what can only be described said rich man, rich man’s even unwelcome arrival of the Collins in and a horse. Slap that back. Akushie kicked the evening off with as a tweed-clad madman ranting to richer, arrogant friend eventually Act II is followed swiftly by Lydia Veggies (and meat-lovers) some excellently crafted stand-up. perplexingly hilarious effect about wins the heart of heroine. There Wickham’s arrival, Mr Bennet’s head to the Judith E. Wilson A wee skit about the nature of a copy of Madame Bovary he had are scenes between the Bennet proposal, Lady Catherine’s arrival, studio to see Look Back in Jay-Z’s 99 problems brought the inscribed on the back of an egg. girls and their mother (Susan and Mr Darcy’s snogging Lizzy, Anger. Free goji berries on the house down. Another stand-up that All in all the night was fairly solid Hampshire) that are carried off with barely a pause for breath. door. Finally, there is some I thought particularly note-worthy but the schedule did have one or very sweetly: the scene of Mrs It just smacks of a gratuitous more mentally meaty theatre was Dannish Babar, who displayed two boggy pools of lack-lustre. And, Bennet’s hysteria following her farce: occasionally funny and on at Corpus, in the shape some incredible quick-wittedness, if I’m being honest, I’d say there daughter’s elopement is suitably endearing, but seeking cheap of Marvin’s Room. Director, taking board game titles from the were a few too many titters and not touching, and the exchanges that laughs and lacking subtlety. I Ellie Awford says rehearsals audience, then proving that each one enough howlers to really beat down Elizabeth Bennet (Katie Lightfoot) wanted to love it, and if I pretend “have been very emotionally stems from the grisly machinations the contenders to the Footlights’ has with her father and with Lady I’m not a geek I can see the good intense, often leaving the cast of post-revolutionary France. He crown.nathan brooker Catherine de Bourgh maintain bits, but in truth I was just a bit on that edge between burst- completely ruined Mousetrap for me. their respective needs for quiet underwhelmed. jemima middleton ing into tears or laughter.” Features an ex-Pampers baby. GuIDE TO STAR RATINGS:  Kansas dust bowl  Rusty Tin man/woman  Average Auntie Em  Off to see the lauren cooney Wizard  Ruby Slippers Theatre Editor: Lauren Cooney Friday November 13th 2009 27 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk Theatre

theatre Creative Writing Competition entering the stage once again to when walking in on Steven and What’s Wrong with find Steven victimised by thugs in Linda in a suggestive tangle, all angry? blazers. Yawn. awkward swaying and averted adc lateshow A nice 90s tackiness was at eyes. Steven, however, was just  play, but it was offset a little by too grindingly obvious, a melodra- the set’s cheap streaks. A lonely matic stereotype of teen angst; Jason Donovan poster is good; a James Frecknall’s comic timing t’s a brave, brave title. And half-painted bed base is not. And seemed a perpetual beat out. He a lot of people were keen to the same uncertainty applied to wasn’t helped by a plethora of the Ifind out just what exactly the music. There’s nothing like a worst sexual innuendos ever to die was wrong with Angry, because blast of ABBA to raise the bitterest on stage. “Don’t rub it in,” John this was the largest audience I’ve critic’s heart, but not when it stops mutters, during one lovers’ tiff. seen at a late show for a while. playing several seconds before an “Why not?” Steven asks. “It’s good The answer, unfortunately for actor turns off the stereo. for the complexion.” Just think them, was quite a bit. Patrick Still, laughter wasn’t only for back to your primary school disco, Wilde’s script reeks of First Play technical bumps. Lowri Amies and you’ll know exactly What’s Syndrome, its worthy message put in a great performance as Wrong With Angry. Vengaboys Each week we set a different creative writing exercise. The people who submit the preached by one-dimensional Linda, Steven’s dumpy friend were playing and teachers were running-up and winning pieces have their work printed in the next week’s Varsity, characters amidst a painfully and deliverer of the best school standing in the corners; there were and the winner is rewarded with two free tickets to an ADC Theatre show. unfunny script. It would have disco rejection speech ever to be some good dramatic moments, but taken an ingenious production to witnessed. Matt Kilroy’s bumbling the embarrassments weren’t quite pull it off, and Jacob Shephard’s Mr Carter, too, was hilarious worth it. abigail dean Week 6: direction didn’t hold that kind of katherine waters compensation. Free Verse Daniel Radcliffe’s been the recent pin-up of naked school boys on stage, but here we’re back in 1992, pre-Harry Potter and pre-Sexual Winner: Untitled Offences Amendment Act of 2000, which finally ruled gay sex at 16 by Leila Morad as legal. Sixteen-year-old Steven Carter has to deal with an age of around you the city climbs skywards, consent stretching up to 21, along- how ironic- side crass bullies and a crush on I grasp for something concrete. seemingly unattainable head boy Bent to the light John Westhead, who’s harbouring that guilds silhouettes hidden desires of his own. Steven’s a glint in the eye mum is determined that sex be built on the old ‘something beautiful’, and there’s frowning on the past certainly none of that here. This compelled by the wind is a Basingstoke of toilet cubicle down streets that shift sideways encounters and bigoted teachers into severed space intent on moulding their school boys into ‘gentlemen’. The excep- time is expensive tion is Hutton (Adam Lawrence), effervescent, whose mentoring attempts led you overtook me into the past tense. to soliloquies rendered banal by you flew through bay windows that inexorable sincerity. He exclaimed faced out to sea- ‘Bastards!’ a good dozen times, the disarray of life unspent ahead, deepening the distance.

little in awe. But his Irish brogue shambolic stage act, encompass- a current undercuts life itself- Wolfson howler soon revved up to deliver musings ing punch lines without jokes, and still waters wolfson bar on all things prophylactic (is Johnson’s hilarious chorus member turn turbid,  ‘protection: for a new generation’ bereft of the rest of his cast. Previ- really the best slogan for a safe sex ous headliners of the Howler have and the tide changes. uh duh. Duh duh. This is campaign?) and he finished with included That Guy From The the sound of the Varsity confidence. Inbetweeners (Greg Davis), and You- empty and deflated and- again asking Deditorial team, in a sinister Footlights regular Lucien That Guy From The Ricky Gervais if it was true. move reminiscent of Ceausescu’s Young’s experience in front of the Podcasts (Robin Ince); organis- Romania, accompanying critics microphone was telling: his ers have continued in much the to every show this week, to make well-rehearsed novel same way, with That Girl sure we are, erm, paying atten- inspired by the North, From That Mitchell and Runner Up: Spaces tion. Thankfully, my armed guard exploring important Webb Look, Jo Neary. In turned out to be rather nice, questions like ‘Who a 40 minute set primarily by Tim Waters although I still envisaged perching lives there? Where composed of characters, nervously on the end of my chair, is it? Why is it?’ was there are some astonish- pen in hand and looking studious, well-delivered and ingly funny moments: and awaiting my impending death received. But don’t a presentation on sex (as a journalist). worry, he’s from toys from a nervous Fortuitous then, that Wolfson’s Newcastle, ‘so it’s secretary and a scarily Second Runner Up: Wardrobe superb Club Room is both a ironic’. This somewhat accurate Bjork impres- reassuring stocker of Scampi Fries, grating self-aware- sion are among the by James Coghill and a venue perfectly conducive to ness was totally highlights. But stand-up: a low-ceilinged, softly- absent in easily while the lit affair, which reproduces the the best support setting may intimate setting of a comedy club act of the night: be staunchly to great effect. So it was perhaps oft-improvised and comedy unsurprising that many of the Next week’s competition: Prose Poems. Prose Poems take the practices of poetry fantastically original club, Neary’s – its imagery, rhythms and vocabulary – and print them in the form of prose. Cambridge-based warm-up acts comedy from Daran fragmented Poets as various as Baudelaire, Walter Pater, Frank O’Hara and Geoffrey Hill started nervously. Johnson and Liam sketches would have excelled in writing them. Follow their lead and do the same. Good luck! After 15 minutes of imperious Williams. It would ironically be Send submissions to Eliot D’Silva at [email protected] no later than 9am riffing from slick compère Ed be difficult to pick much more suited on Monday, November 9th for the chance to win two tickets Gamble, John Gallagher, lacking a highlight from to a Smoker. to the following week’s ADC main show, and see your work printed in our next issue. the same quick thinking, looked a their deliciously alisdair pal

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to buy tiC ketS: A free Darwin-Day http://www.act4addenbrookes.org.uk/wineshow/ or at Cambridge Wine merChantS branCheS Smart Men Haircuts from £8.50 lecture Laptops & PC Repairs By Dr. John M. Student tiCketS only £20 Phone Unlocking Accessories Hellawell Instant Passport/ID Photos BSc. PhD. CBiol. Address/contact FiBiol. MCIWEM Want to advertise your event here? 79 Regent Street [email protected] Cambridge City Centre 8:00pm Thursday 19th November 01223 337575 CB2 1AW Tel: 01223 324460 Knox Shaw Room, Sidney Sussex College, Website: www.smartservicesltd.co.uk Cambridge. CB2 3HU Games & puzzles Varsity Crossword no. 514 Sudoku Kakuro

1 2 3 4 5 6 21 Rejecting part of intestine, having The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the total in one condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1-9, and never ingested second breakfast? (6) digits 1 through 9 exactly once. use a number more than once per run (a number may reoccur 7 8 22 Penguins, perhaps, as brides (3,5) in the same row in a separate run). 23 One of the points of wearing shoes? (8) 9 1 5 4 8 2 24 Improvement in exercise tech- 23 6 20 3 4 9 10 nique (4-2) 2 1 10 6

Down 5 4 2 3 6 7 11 1 Teacherly pig caged with love, in a 5 3 9 4 21 11 way (9) 24 2 Undue, and brought together with 7 6 19 10 12 one exchanged for a homophone 6 2 5 7 19 thereof (8) 3 10 13 14 15 16 3 Gather queen into cabinet (6) 3 5 7 1 9 19 10 4 Mode of transport and a larger 8 7 17 mode of transport’s several groups 10 3 of these, perhaps (8)

6 7 9 3 2 4 www.puzzlemix.com GARETH / MADE BY MOORE www.puzzlemix.com GARETH / MADE BY MOORE 18 19 5 Matter which Shakespeare might have said on Sue’s arrival? (6) 20 6 Fund, perhaps, which might have to be cut down (5) The Varsity Scribblepad Hitori 21 22 8 One entering into business with verbal assault (6) Shade in the squares so that no number occurs more 12 American pissed off, having heard than once per row or column. Shaded squares may not be anal concern (6,3) horizontally or vertically adjacent. Unshaded squares must form a single area. 23 24 14 I get less fanciful than poets (8) 16 Comprehensively documented me following men, perhaps (8) 17 Sounds like gassy love might be a 3 3 7 3 4 7 1 test of stamina (6) 18 Scramble lets us scrap (6) 5 2 5 6 1 3 4 11 Wrapped in spreadable paste, dis- Across Clia is exceptionally revealing to tributed drugs to a type of student 19 7 Singer vocalised for money (6) talk to (6) (12) 7 1 6 5 5 4 1 8 Somewhat meatiest occasions for 20 Gambles with a part of the local 13 Inspire the French to overcome eating (3,5) infrastructure (5) classifi cation (6) 3 5 2 4 2 1 6 9 Chap meeting test of strength, Last issue’s solutions lacking tug boat designed for 15 Element of quick cricket match, in 1 7 4 2 7 2 2 1 2 7 6 3 8 5 4 9 total (6) 14 21 4 7 6 1 5 2 3 2 4 12 9 2 4 1 8 3 7 confl ict (3-2-3) 4 5 1 2 5 3 4 1 3 6 4 6 5 18 ‘All along the Watchtower’ begin- 14 4 8 3 9 5 7 2 6 1 10 Give a point to fi gure (6) 1 6 3 4 24 14 7 4 2 4 5 1 6 7 3 5 1 6 2 4 9 8 3 7 7 7 2 2 3 8 5 1 6 9 6 4 3 4 2 1 ning with opening tempo (3,5,4) Set by Hisashi 2 1 16 1 4 2 3 2 7 5 7 7 4 24 4 8 1 2 4 7 9 6 5 3 7 9 8 4 3 1 2 1 6 3 4 1 5 Answers to last issue’s crossword (no. 513) 14 5 7 1 8 9 4 3 2 6 Across: 7 Nevada, 8 Neutrino, 10 Electron, 11 Lepton, 12 Proton, 13 Sublimes, 15 Dawdle, 17 Neutron, 20 Bird fl u, 21 Hermes, 22 Gandhi, 24 Namesake, 25 Jiujitsu, 26 Grisly. Down: 1 Well-bred, 2 Watch- 2 1 8 3 3 5 7 2 1 4 7 2 9 6 5 1 3 7 8 4 26 tower, 3 Hadron, 4 Onanism, 5 Gullible, 6 Crap, 9 Niobe, 14 Internship, 16 Leftists, 18 Overkill, 19 Quantum, 20 Bhaji, 21 Homage, 23 Dojo. 6 3 9 8 6 6 1 6 2 4 3 3 4 8 7 2 6 9 1 5 2 6 1 5 5 6 3 www.puzzlemix.com GARETH / MADE BY MOORE Sport Editors: Will Caiger-Smith and Olly West Friday November 13th 2009 29 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk Sport Crossed sticks in frustrating draw Sport in Brief Modern Pentathlon » Hockey Blues’ promotion hopes dented despite high-scoring game CUMPC had a fl ying start to the year with victory in the Novice their infl uential centre forward soon having only recently rejoined the “We now face an uphill struggle to Varsity match, beating Oxford CAMBRIDGE 5 responded with two goals in quick action, received another yellow retain a chance of promotion, although 2464 – 2228. Cambridge, the succession to leave the Blues trailing card for an alleged stick tackle. it was encouraging that we were hosts, posted the top 4 scores behind. The ensuing period brought As the game wound to a close, the able to score so many goals today, with Brad Dixon and Laura CROSTYX Cambridge three penalty corners, Blues retreated into their own half, both from open play, and set pieces. Plant, both experienced pen- 5 two of which were duly converted Crostyx pressing for the equaliser. With a focused week of tathletes, closely followed by by Saunders. The third, however, The match culminated in the award training we’ll be ready novices Matt Commin and was a source of controversy; a of a Crostyx penalty stroke, which to go again, and we Hennie Dixon. Dan Quarshie powerful Madden strike, blocked en their hitman duly dispatched to look forward to facing Sports Reporter route to goal by the defender’s body, make it fi ve for him, fi ve for Crostyx Bishop’s Stortford Athletics inexplicably led to the award of a and fi ve for Cambridge. this coming Cambridge ran out comfortable Crostyx free hit. Captain Jackson Saturday.” winners in the annual Freshers’ The Blues experienced another set- Having taken control of possession spoke of the side’s Varsity at Wilberforce Road as back in their promotion push last in the second half, the Blues conceded disappointment: a poor Oxford ceded to a prom- Sunday, only reaching a draw with an early short corner from a counter ising Cambridge squad. Lizzie third-placed Crostyx in a ten-goal attack and were punished by the Thompson took home a fair thriller. Coming off the back of two Crostyx talisman who fl icked high into amount of silverware, winning convincing wins, and placed second the roof of the net to level the score at the 400m and 100m hurdles, in the division, the Cambridge side three each. Once more, Cambridge 200m sprint and high jump. went into the game as favourites. upped their game: Parkes found the Christian Roberts took home Victory, however, was not forthcom- net with a low and hard shot from the prize for the men’s 400m ing, and though credit must be given the top of the circle, bringing a fourth hurdles, as did Tom Elton in to the tenacious opposition, a hand- goal, and vice captain Bell promptly the discus. The fi nal score in the ful of pivotal umpiring decisions set up Lee for a fi fth. men’s competition was 114-76, ultimately proved decisive. Unfortunately, the game was to the girls equally impressive with The game started at a ferocious take a few more unexpected turns. a tally of 110-75. tempo, and the direct approach from Defender Sampson was yellow- Crostyx saw the ball occasionally carded for disrupting play, giving Queens’ Ergs breach the Cambridge defence. the opposition the gift of an extra There were victories for the men However, it was the Blues’ fast man: the resulting pressure led of Fitzwilliam and the women of passing game that brought the fi rst to the award of a penalty corner Anglia Ruskin in Queens’ Ergs goal, as Lee found the bottom corner for an adjudged deliberate foul, on Tuesday night. The ever- to fi nish off a slick attacking move. and the Crostyx flicker netted a improving Fitz team, boosted EMILY MATTHEWS Crostyx were not to be silenced, and fourth. Moments later, Sampson, Simon Sampson and Nick Parkes fi ght for possession against Crostyx in recent years by a redesigned boathouse, defiantly with- held challenges from Wolfson, Churchill and John’s. Mean- while, the Catz women let slip a Blues women fail to break the curse strong advantage to allow ARU » Losing streak continues for hockey girls after another agonising defeat to clinch the title. Rugby Union containment of set pieces was of the D and was unlucky to miss the In their fi rst away match of the CAMBRIDGE 1 impressive. Even as West Herts far post by inches; however, after a season, the Blues lost 38-20 to besieged Cambridge keeper Vicky another West Herts strike found the London Scottish. Missed oppor- EMILY MATTHEWS EMILY Evans, the Blues looked sure-footed net just before half time, such hopes tunities and a failure to execute WEST HERTS in defence, although their inability seemed unfounded. were what separated the two 6 to then distribute led to frustration The second half followed almost sides in a frustrating defeat among the front three, whose exactly as the fi rst: Jess Hume was for Cambridge, who will look dynamic runs went unrewarded. denied by a quick-footed keeper, and to extend occasional patches Varsity Sport It was with fi fteen minutes to spare sustained pressure on the West Herts of promising play to the full 80 in the fi rst half that West Herts were goal did not have the same results minutes in time for the Varsity fi nally rewarded for their pressure, as the opposition who managed a match. The Ladies Hockey Blues continued drilling a short corner slip into the further three in the second half. on their losing streak against West left hand corner. This was shortly Returning after being sin-binned for Herts, a team over which they dem- followed by a second as the umpire a cynical tackle, Bec Langon found Absolutely nothing to onstrated superior technical ability, awarded a penalty stroke after Evans the goal after a well worked string pace, fi tness, and determination, but unintentionally obstructed play, the of passes and a searching cross from do with Cambridge by which they were outplayed in ball slipping under her pad. Jess Hume. organisation and fi nish. For a moment, Cambridge looked Unfortunately, such inspiration A tense weekend of fixtures Despite having lost their number like they might come back into the was patchy for Cambridge, who were saw Sabadell Femení head to one runner to a dislocated shoulder game after Rachel Quick picked up a ultimately let down by a lack of polish the top of the ‘Divisió d’honor’ The ball slips under Vicky Evans’ pad to concede a penalty the previous week, Cambridge’s beautifully measured ball on the top in their distribution and fi nishing. of the Catalan FA’s women’s indoor 5-a-side football tourna- ment as they overcame close The Anorak rivals Les Corts UBAE. In the men’s league, Askaxu Tril. ler, named after Michael Jack- Men’s Hockey Football Round 2 draw: Rugby Union son’s ‘Thriller’, were the fi rst Division 1: Cuppers Round 1: Catz vs John’s Division 1: and only team to take all three Churchill 1-3 Emma CUCY 0-7 St John’s Girton vs Homerton (Week 3) points on the opening day. Girton 17-22 Jesus Downing 1-9 Old Leysians Girton 2-0 Magdalene Long Road vs Sidney Finally, Varsity is glad to John’s 89-0 Catz Jesus 3-5 Robinson Homerton 5-0 Clare Hall Darwin vs Downing announce that communicative Churchill vs Emmanuel Downing 15-10 Trinity St John’s 1-1 Churchill Clare 2-4 Long Road relations have been CCCC vs Trinity P W D L GF GA GD Pts Trinity Hall 2-4 Darwin reestablished with Real Peterhouse 3-7 Churchill Caius vs Selwyn P W D L F A D Pts OLD LEYSIANS 3 3 0 0 25 2 23 9 ST JOHN’S 5 5 0 0 258 8 250 20 Santander. Following last ROBINSON 3 2 1 0 15 7 8 7 Christ’s 2-5 Emmanuel Fitzwilliam vs Jesus TRINITY 5 3 0 2 102 83 19 14 week’s report on the Colombian DOWNING 4 2 1 1 10 14 -4 7 CCCC 4-2 Robinson JESUS 4 3 0 1 147 60 87 13 JOHN’S 4 1 1 2 7 10 -3 4 Corpus Christi 0-9 Trinity League Division 1: DOWNING 4 3 0 1 73 44 29 13 football club’s secrecy, the EMMANUEL 2 1 0 1 4 4 0 3 Caius 2-1 Queens’ (not played in week 3) GIRTON 5 0 0 5 41 174-133 5 misunderstanding has been CHURCHILL 4 0 1 3 3 21 -18 1 King’s 1-2 Selwyn Catz 1-7 Jesus ST CATHARINE’S 5 0 0 5 15 267 -252 5 resolved. Full reports from JESUS 2 0 0 2 3 9 -6 0 Fitzwilliam 5-1 Pembroke Àlvaro Gómez Hurtado will Cuppers (Round 1) resume next week. Queens’ 13-2 Pembroke Byes: Catz, Sidney, Downing and Jesus Your weekly guide to College sport 30 Friday November 13th 2009 Sport Editors: Will Caiger-Smith and Olly West Sport www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

Add to this the fact that St John’s of us have taken a signifi cant step If St John’s’ domination of has a high proportion of private and backwards. Referee Tony Kennedy public school students, who tend remembers a time, only fi fteen to have a stronger rugby playing years ago, when College rugby college rugby is to end, we must tradition, and also a large number of was good enough and prestigious students in traditional rugby play- enough to attract four hundred look at the root of the problem ing subjects. Helen Watson pointed spectators per match. out a high proportion of engineers, Kennedy said of St John’s that to feed their hungry rugby squad ability was “irrelevant” to an for example, and indeed only 22% of “it’s not their fault - it’s everyone Ed Thornton and that they will be found out and application and added “admissions the team are studying arts subjects. else’s failure.” In today’s Cam- stripped of their bulging trophy decisions are solely driven by con- Given this, with a yearly intake of bridge, where academic standards cabinet. Surely it is the fault of siderations of academic excellence 175 freshers, there are bound to be are all that matter, the level of Col- the admissions tutors at St John’s, and potential”. a few top class players. lege rugby has fallen. If we want hile at Fitz, as at most letting in applicants based solely More pertinently, a huge number It is also undoubtedly true that to reverse this trend and reclaim a colleges, we struggle to on their prowess on the fi eld and of the best rugby players apply to playing in a highly skilled squad sporting tradition that goes back Wfi nd fi fteen players week ignoring their more academic but St John’s. Over half the Red Boys helps an individual excel, giving the for centuries we must recognise in week out, the Red Boys of St less physically gifted counterparts, asked in a Varsity questionnaire had Red Boys the edge in training up that St John’s are a symptom of the John’s College Rugby Club not only right? played rugby at or above county potential stars. One team member modern problem and not its cause. have enough for two full teams but Yet the picture of their success standard before making their appli- called it a “self fulfi lling prophecy” Within Cambridge we can do noth- their strongest team would be made is not so straightforward and there cation. Part of the reason for this is in which a high standard of rugby ing but work hard on and off the up solely of players who represent are no signs that applicants swim- that good players are aware of the attracts more players who subse- fi eld to promote college sport. This the University at some level. They ming in sporting achievements have College’s rugby record: two thirds quently improve. is the only way to draw the best have won the league for the last any advantage over those who have of the team said rugby was a factor The uncomfortable truth is that rugby-playing applicants away from eight years and Cuppers for the last never stepped foot on a rugby pitch. in their decision to apply to the Col- John’s have not gained their posi- St John’s and regain a healthy and fi ve and this year could see another Dr Helen Watson, the admissions lege and over a quarter admitted it tion at the top by improving beyond competitive league. double for the boys in red and tutor at St John’s, said that sporting was the major factor. any other College, but that the rest white; they have already thrashed closest rivals Jesus. The last time John’s lost a match was in 2006 Dream Team when an under-strength side was defeated by Pembroke. Potential John’s Cuppers side: This split between John’s and the 1. Blues* (Alex Cheetham) rest of the University sucks the fun 2. U21s (Chris Hall) out of what should be a competitive 3. U21s (Mike Shephard) league and makes College rugby 4. U21s (Charles Baird) less enjoyable for the John’s players 5. U21s (Andrew Barrett) and their apparent opposition alike. 6. LXs (Richard Lum) Indeed, Rob Wells, Red Boy for 7. U21s (Tom Stanton) nine years, admitted that “you start 8. LXs (Rob Wells) to feel like there is no upside any- 9. U21s (Ben Wilson) more. If you win no one is surprised 10. Blues (Fred Burdon) but the next time John’s lose will be 11. U21s (Mathonwy Thomas) gutting”. Who is to blame for this 12. Blues (Sandy Reid) unfortunate situation? 13. U21s (Lloyd Rickard) The bitter, jealous side of every 14. U21s (Shao-Chun Lin) College rugby player in the Univer- 15. Blues (Ilia Cherezov) sity secretly hopes that St John’s *denotes highest level played. The LXs is the University 2nd team. are somehow cheating the system TIM JOHNS Women wipe the floor with Woodbridge » Cambridge’s female footballers take no prisoners in full-scale massacre at Fenner’s

this persistence in attack, particu- possession and territory once more. on the wing. At last a fourth goal was edge of the penalty area, rounding off CAMBRIDGE 5 larly from Byrne on the right-hand With their coach urging them on added, as a neat one-two put through an excellent performance. side, who won several corners for her from the sidelines, they continued captain Leesa Haydock, who found Against strong opposition, this will side from which they were at fi rst to surge upfield, and it was only the net. With time running out, Kate have been a very satisfying win for W’BRIDGE unable to capitalise. They had to wait their fi nishing that let them down, as Robinson scored a fine individual Leesa Haydock and her team, and 1 until the half-hour mark for the next Byrne continued to work tirelessly goal with a superb strike from the especially for Maisie-Rose Byrne, breakthrough, which again resulted who was deservedly named woman Frankie Brown from some excellent play by Byrne, of the match. Given that Wood- Sports Reporter to put through Trigg-Smith who bridge were sitting near the top of coolly slotted the ball home. the league, Cambridge should have Cambridge’s female footballers pulled Whenever the visitors managed nothing to fear from anybody if they off another impressive performance to get some possession, they were continue to play with such a high to destroy Woodbridge Town in a quickly closed down, allowing Cam- level of fl uency. 5-1 victory on Sunday. A besieged bridge to resume their assault and Woodbridge simply had no response an almost unbroken presence in their Cambridge University AFC (4-4-2) Goals: Trigg-Smith (2), Winslow, Haydock, Robinson to the dominance of the Cambridge opponents’ half. After a few more Subs: Watson (Winslow), Bellfi eld (Trigg-Smith) midfi eld, and were seemingly chasing narrow misses and one shot cleared shadows for the majority of the game off the line, a third goal was added on as the Blues ran riot, scoring fi ve the stroke of half-time, as some good excellent goals, including two from link-up play was neatly fi nished off HAENZI debutant Romy Trigg-Smith. by Trigg-Smith. Despite a frantic start, the early The contest essentially over, pressure from Cambridge did not Cambridge emerged somewhat com- GRIFFITHS MURPHY HOLLINGSWORTH ELDRIDGE produce the seemingly inevitable placent after the break. The passing goal, with several near misses and became untidy, as Cambridge were some athletic work from the Wood- content to cruise along, and they BYRNE HAYDOCK (C) TRIGG-SMITH WAINWRIGHT bridge keeper keeping them at bay. were duly punished ten minutes With fi fteen minutes gone however, into the half by a long-range effort patient build-up play around the box from the Woodbridge captain. This ROBINSON WINSLOW was finished off crisply by Trigg- seemed to provide the impetus the Smith to put Cambridge 1-0 up. The Blues needed, who suddenly regained TIM JOHNS visitors found it diffi cult to contain their focus, and began to dominate Goalscorer Kate Robinson takes on the Woodbridge Town defence Sport Editors: Will Caiger-Smith and Olly West Friday November 13th 2009 31 [email protected] www.varsity.co.uk Sport CUAFC clinch a draw against Bedford » Blues’ winning streak comes to an end after fi rst half errors give away two easy goals

better shape than during Sunday’s taking to the fi eld as the Blues des- poked the bobbling ball home from With the squad desperate to win CAMBRIDGE 2 Old Boys’ Game, when the defender perately attempted to reinvigorate about a yard. Jubilation and relief promotion a single point was not an was hauled off early on as the alcohol themselves. surged through the Cambridge squad ideal result; however, as Gwyther from Saturday’s reunion meal took An anxious fi nal fi fteen saw Wolke on and off the pitch, the intense pres- rightly said after the game, “if you BEDFORD its toll. introduced, ‘Ze German’ making an sure put on Bedford during the last can’t win, don’t get beaten”. The fi ght 2 The fi rst half was a scrappy affair, almost instant impact as he effi ciently half-hour fi nally paying off. and desire shown to get back into the Baxter’s low free-kick on the edge WILL CAIGER-SMITH game displayed a tenacity and team of the area giving the Blues an early unity which bodes well for the rest Vince Bennici lead which they were unable to prop- of the season. However, as Johnson Sports Reporter erly build on. The Blues struggled said: “We shouldn’t have been in that with organisation, the fluid 4-5-1 situation in the fi rst place.” The Blues system adopted by Bedford causing will have the opportunity to right this For this week’s league clash with Cambridge a number of problems next Wednesday as they face Bedford Bedford, three changes were made defensively, while in attack the fi nal again, this time in the cup: hopefully to a squad that delivered an impecca- pass remained evasive. The passing they can do it within 90 minutes. ble performance the previous week. was sporadic and inconstant; stand- Fresher Ross Broadway, who has in skipper Hartley’s “must have a showed great promise for both sides, winner Blues!” call at every goal-kick Cambridge University AFC (4-4-2) Goals: Baxter, Wolke earned his fi rst start for the Blues, was the only thing which the Blues Subs: Burrows (Broadway), Wolke (Rutt), Michael Johnson while striker Aki Laakso returned did with any consistency in the fi rst- (Amos) to the set-up in place of the injured half. Kerrigan, and Max Wolke saw his As the half unfolded the Blues hard work and fi ne form in training started to battle harder, but a lapse rewarded with his maiden call-up. in concentration allowed Bedford FERGUSON With the talismanic Stock ruled back into the game before the break, out due to illness, Matt Amos was Gwyther’s uncharacteristic hesita- drafted in to partner Laakso in tion allowing the Bedford striker to MARK JOHNSON GWYTHER DAY MAYNARD attack. Amos’ ‘streamline’ fi gure and beat keeper Ferguson to the ball. It fi tness were questioned by squad was clear that changes needed to be RUTT BROADWAY HARTLEY BAXTER members assembled on the sideline, made at half-time, especially after an Burrows stating that when he asked early looping volley crept past the

Amos whether he had done any run- fi nger-tips of Ferguson and left the AMOS LAAKSO ning since recovering from his head Blues trailing. Johnson was forced to injury the reply was, “not even for ignore his groin strain as he replaced the bus”. James Day looked to be in Amos in attack, with Burrows also Michael Johnson is closed down after an impressive run through the Bedford defence

only protection. Victory on ice in Cardiff The Sporting World Yet the beauty of bolo criollo lies Week 6: Colombia in its sociability. A high number of boleras are suspiciously close to » Ice hockey Blues recover to clinch win he fi rst thing that came to spin in and gaining as much height university campuses; many a top mind as a Brit entering the as possible in order to get a decent player has refi ned their skills pre fi nd their skating legs. Indeed, the Tbolera (bowling alley), venue grip on the ground as it lands. This and post-lectures, often beginning CAMBRIDGE 10 away side soon found themselves in of bolo criollo (literally Creole leads to signs announcing fi nes worryingly early in the morning trouble when defenceman Teal Bond- bowling), the centre of sporting of 5000 pesos (about three beers) and resulting in frequent naps in aroff and winger Owen Randlett took and social culture in the Santander for hitting the fragile-looking class. Hundreds of organised tour- CARDIFF successive minor penalties for cross- region of Colombia, is just how corrugated-iron roofs which cover naments take place in the same 7 checking and roughing respectively. much success one built in London the target. spirit despite some intense rival- As a result, Cardiff quickly found could have. It also means a torrid time for ries, but above all this is a night themselves with a 3-1 lead after the Bolo is perfect for your average the garriteros. These brave souls out. Lanes are not paid for by time Varsity Sport fi rst fi ve minutes of action. Wanting British sportsman: it requires the return the bola, tidy up the target, – as long as the drinks or food are to stamp their authority as the home brute force and learned subtle skill and have the important task of fl owing, bowling is usually free. side, they continually drove the net of an experienced Sunday League announcing how many sticks were My entrepreneurial plans made Facing the tough Redhawks from and picked up loose rebounds. footballer; it has the feel of a game felled, but they spend most of their in the hazy mist of yet another the Cardiff University, the Men’s The rest of the fi rst period was a of darts down the pub with your time dodging wayward (and by lost match (do not begin to accept Blues ice hockey team proved their entirely different story, however. A mates; it is a chance for the vil- the end of the night they really bets from the locals, beer does not pedigree on Sunday evening with late rally from Cambridge saw them lage cricketer to fi nd a use for his are wayward) attempts from less improve your aim despite what you a 10-7 win in a hard-fought match. reverse the scoreboard before the occasional off-breaks; and, more professional players. My shout might think at the time) have hit a The long journey to Wales was made second period after a swift succession importantly, a beer in your hand is of ‘fore’ was not appreciated as major snag, however: how do I get especially sweet for Soohong Park, of goals by Graham Courtright, Dan a necessity. I came inches from testing the past the Council Health and Safety whose solid goaltending earned him Tavana, and Andrew Buddle took the The game involves launching a strength of the hardhats – their Offi cer? OLLY WEST not only his fi rst victory in a Cam- games to 4-3. heavy metal ball (bola) underarm bridge jersey but also the man of the Rough play continued to be a fea- to the other end of a sandy gravel match honours. ture after the restart and Blues track to knock down three wooden Park faced a total of 47 shots over forward Taylor Burns was given a sticks placed in a line, one in front three periods of work but was more major penalty and game misconduct of the other, facing the thrower at than up to the task, making sev- for fi ghting with a Cardiff player after a distance which typically depends eral high-quality saves against an a fi erce battle in front of the net. upon space available but usually aggressive Cardiff squad who were Blues assistant captain and offen- is at least the length of a cricket searching for their second victory of sive leader Peter Morelli set up two pitch. Yet before you think this the year. of the fi rst period goals and went on seems like a budget version of The Welsh team came out strong to score three goals himself while tenpin bowling, the bola must land against the Blues in the fi rst period, Tavana, Buddle, Kevin Musselman, within a certain area a metre or so throwing a number of bone-crushing and Adrian Camacho-Fielding con- in front of the wicket, as it is most body checks. Cardiff skated hard in tinued the attack as Cambridge took easily described to a Brit. an attempt to capitalise on the fact control of the game and held on for an Your best chance of knocking that the Blues were playing their impressive victory. down this wicket is from the side, second game in three nights and had The Blues will have to wait to rebounding off the wooden board put up with a four hour bus journey extend their winning ways until behind it, meaning rolling your to arrive at the match. November 21st when they face-off fi ngers round the bola to have it An unenviable job: the garriteros put their lives on the lines at Bolo Club San Lorenzo This was perhaps a factor early against Cardiff at Peterborough in a on as the Light Blues struggled to what should be an exciting rematch. 32 Friday November 13th 2009 Sport Editors: Will Caiger-Smith and Olly West SportS www.varsity.co.uk [email protected]

Women Bowling & footballers Beer: the demolish ultimate Woodbridge in combination 5-1 victory at in Colombia Fenners Footballp31 SPORT Columnp31 World of Hurt for Oxford women » Woman of the match Georgie Hurt nets fi ve goals as Cambridge demolish Dark Blues

EMILY MATTHEWS ball distribution behind the goal, front going into half-time. CAMBRIDGE 10 searching for the perfect pass that Gotla started the second half as she never really presented itself. But had ended the fi rst, netting herself a following an Oxford counter-attack second goal, before being sin-binned OXFORD 4 that this time broke down without a for the less glorious contribution of shot on target, Cambridge’s defence a violent body-check on an oncoming launched a long pass some 80 yards Oxford attacker. The ensuing free to their captain, Ellie Walshe, who shot was converted by Oxford, who Tom Woolford had lost her marker. After collecting completed their comeback shortly Sports Reporter the pass and spinning inside the last after as their blocked shot somehow defender, she was fouled. With ample managed to creep just over the goal space all around her for the restart, line. Despite a conference between BUCS Southern Premier League she fi red low to pull Cambridge the two referees, the goal stood and leaders Cambridge came from behind level mid-way through the fi rst half. the game was once more balanced in impressive style to defeat second- Cambridge’s breakthrough thus at 4-4. placed Oxford 10-4, maintaining came through a rushed ‘route one’ The level scores injected the their 100% winning record. After approach rather than the slow build- urgency that a cruising Cambridge a sluggish start, Cambridge gradu- up they had so far employed. needed, and Hurt once again showed ally upped the tempo during the Four minutes later, another her class with a nimble-footed dash fi rst half before an under-fi re Oxford pedestrian Cambridge build-up into the fan that confounded Oxford’s ceded to sustained attack in the was punished by Oxford who found defence and gave Cambridge the lead second, Light Blue talisman Georgie themselves with an unmarked once more. Walshe and Hurt then Hurt (below right) taking fi ve of attacker on the edge of the arc. At exchanged lightning-quick passes to Cambridge’s ten goals. this point Georgie Hurt seemed to give the latter the chance to complete Cambridge dominated take the game into her own hands; her hat-trick. Cambridge’s two-goal possession in the early rather than dither- lead restored, it became apparent stage of the match but ing on the edge of that the next goal would be crucial. even after some eight the fan, she made And it was Cambridge, now threat- minutes of continu- her strength tell ening in every attack, who took it, ous possession in and as she twisted with a neat pass to Laura Plant who around the twelve- and turned her way planted the ball fi rmly in the bottom metre fan they could past three defenders right hand corner. only muster a limp and unleashed a shot A desperate Oxford now commit- shot that barely past a helpless Oxford ted women and energy in attack, rolled to the Oxford goalkeeper. but despite their best efforts they keeper. Thirty With the score at 2-2 were ill-disciplined and not selec- Captain Ellie Walshe darts past a distressed Dark Blue defender seconds later and Oxford were cruelly denied tive enough in their shots. Hurt duly Oxford had opened taking the lead again after a pair added her fourth and snaked through with the performance of her team: be harder. It tends to be quite a the scoring with of shots hit the wood-work within from the right hand side for her last. “This was a brilliant team perfor- level playing fi eld.” On her excellent a brazen counter- a minute of each other. Cambridge But it was the captain’s second goal mance. The freshers played really second-half performance, Georgie attack that made a made their lucky break count that was arguably the Blues’ fi nest well, especially Alana Livesey and Hurt explained, “I got annoyed mockery of Cambridge’s with a clever assist from Ellie as Walshe burst through a narrow Laura Plant. And our experienced because I couldn’t get them in the early wariness. Walshe, who scooped a high ball gap between two Oxford defenders players and were so important to the fi rst half, so I was defi nitely going to Cambridge tried the to last year’s other co-captain, and scored from a tricky angle and team as well.” She warned, however, get them in the second. It’s always patient approach again the tall Gen Gotla, who collected reasonable distance to wrap up the that they couldn’t take their form fun beating Oxford.” Let’s hope the from the restart and contin- and shot in one fell swoop to 10-4 victory. for granted looking forward to the same can be achieved in Oxford next ued to frustrate with good ensure Cambridge were in Captain Ellie Walshe was delighted Varsity match in February: “It will February.