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JANUARY 28, 1992 THE RETRIEVER / PAGE 11 A reporter has a Job to do Tammy Faye tells all white satin dress, walking right past (from TAMMY, page 10) my rent-a-car! 2 a.m. bar—nothing will ever match In a flash, I was on my feet. the Showdown With Tammy Faye. "Mrs. Bakker," I said, "I'm sorry Covered with mud and smeared for your trouble." with grass, on that fateful afternoon She stared at me. in 1989,1 retired immediately to the "These prison walls remind me local Holiday Inn. of the Book of Job," I said. "He (Over the years, I've done some suffered, too, didn't he?" of my best thinking at the Holiday; She stopped walking. there's something about those "Mrs. Bakker," I said, "I'm from plastic-wrapped glasses, and that People Magazine. Won't you tell marvelous paper strip they hang America about your suffering, and across the toilet bowl, that sets my the suffering of Job?" brain to racing!) And she did. Sitting on the bed, I planned my Amazingly, unbelievably, stag- next move. geringly—she jumped in the rent- I knew one thing, by now: I a-car and let it rip! For the next wasn't going to spend another day 45 minutes, while the rain pinged on the courthouse lawn. What was on the roof and tape recorder the point? No matter what hap- whirred, she told the entire story pened, I'd never get more than a of her life as the daughter of a paper few words out of Tammy Faye at mill worker in rural Minnesota . the courthouse—not with that pack . her life as a fiery young preacher of journalistic carnivores lurking . and then her later, well- about! publicized life, with Jim, as a TV Instead, I devised a clever evangelist who allegedly stole mil- scheme. lions of dollars from their fans. I knew the Feds were holding Jim "They're persecuting me and Bakker in a medical prison facility Jim," wept Tammy Faye, "just like at Butner, about 40 miles up the the early Christians were persecuted road. by Rome!" Why not park my trusty rent-a- When the interview finally ended, car outside the gates, in the hope and she drove off, I sat trembling that Tammy Faye would try to visit at the wheel of the rent-a-car. Photo Courtesy RAVE Records her man early in the morning, I was about to win the Pulitzer The music group Antiseen should be Antiheard. before the trial got underway? Prize! | The next morning, I pulled up During the next few frantic beside the barbed-wire-enclosed hours, I typed out 30 pages of notes prison, turned off the engine, and . and sent them winging to the Raited. moguls at People in New York. See what's new in the Soundgarden ! Incredibly, miraculously, And the result? another car arrived within 15 The magazine, which had. already (from SAMMY, page 10) Magnifico! "The Ass Trilogy" is an SOUNDGARDEN: "Badmotor- funk band. They can also really r(iinutes ... an automobile driven decided on its editorial "slant," anorexic's nightmare: 3 altered finger" (A&M) This should be the play, and are more diverse than by none other than Tammy Faye! thanked me for the interview—and industrial quality in Roger Miller's tempos and mixes of the same great CD to bust Soundgarden's name all most. Cool turntable twister. ', She stepped out, and approached then used exactly one quote in the work that makes it grind. This new song. (Bonus track: Mr. Hayes' over the map. It's about as heavy There's also a 5 song CD single out, LP is certainly difficult to pinpoint. the guard at the prison gate. whole story: "Jim has been denied Gimp Leg) Also on LP. which includes the mean funk of It's got it's dance and pop shades, as early Sabbath, as groovin' aS i In a quavering, weepy voice, she his Constitutional rights." Zeppelin, fresh and alive, due in "Esse Quam Videri," with the heavy asked him: "They've got my hus- but more importantly, it's the mix, and a couple each, of unre- ONE QUOTE! MONKEYSPANK: "Blue Mud" part to Chris Cornell's soaring, fully band in there . can't I go in and evolving world of Roger Miller and leased and live tracks. Guitar his guitar. Always a challenging (Merkin) For starters, this gets my primed vocals, and the band's dark see him?" Later that week, crapped out in nomination for Best Cover Art of players will dig this. , | The guard was careful not to look experience. sonic depth. Unique lyrics too (see the Holiday Inn again, I flipped on '91. Musically, Spank's more at her. the "CBS Evening News." And single: "Jesus Christ Pose"). Barely IRON PROSTATE: "Loud, Fast & focused this time around. "Nasty • "Sorry, ma'am, nobody's allowed there she was, Tammy Faye, telling ALICE DONUT: "The Ass Tril- like last year's monotonous A&M Aging Rapidly" (Skyclad/Box 666/ ogy" (Alternative Tentacles) Now I Scratch" or "Dartnap" could be the inside." the nation: "Jim has been denied debut. Middlesex, NJ 08846) No holds know why Baltimore has taken such catchy singles. Within the funk, ; "But . that's my husband in his Constitutional rights." barred, old punk rock, reeking of there!" I groaned. I made a fist and a liking to Alice Donut. They've got boogie and tribal grooves, there's MORDRED: "In This Life" the necessary ingredients for some strangeness goin' on. An eerie Ramones at times, "rock 'n' roll ' "Sorry, ma'am." struck my own mouth with it, four (Noise) Mordred goes to the edge nursing home," from some pretty She began to cry. A light rain also times. "Nuge," I moaned again and supreme satisfaction: feedback darkness especially looms over grinding guitars, infectious groove, much.of the last half. The percussive of metal carrying face slappin' funk witty characters beyond thirty years began to fall. And here came again, while the rain fell against the along for the ride. It's a good ride. Tammy Faye Bakker, tall and panes, "where did your sad life go catchy melody, astounding lyrics unity on a few tracks breathes with old and still into crankin' out the blonde and elegant-looking in a so wrong?" and a chorus or two in Espanol. a tribal authenticity. Yes, they are a transformed metal jams. Classic liner notes. Looking for A Few Good Men"? Find 'em at the Theatre and intelligent enough to over- (from PLAY, page 10) come the obstacles of being a woman in a man's Marines. Lt. Scott Sowers plays the part of Galloway's perkiness and persev- the evil Colonel, an overzealous, erance give Lt. Kaffee a motivat- fascist, racist, sexist, devious ing kick in the butt to continue militant monster you love to hate, his fight for what is right. In who represents everything despi- between wise-cracks, the pair cable about the oh so macho, work together to understand the callous and inhuman Marines (he psychological mysteries of the was my favorite). Battling semi- powerful military culture. courageously against this sinister When the action climaxes in the force, which blocks the way to his courtroom, all of the culprits in own self-discovery, is the Naval this military fiasco are exposed, defense attorney, Lt. J.G. Kaffee, and an insightful light is shed upon played by Michael O'Keefe (whose the individual characters, as well credits include the films The Great as on the power structure and Santini, Caddyshack and a wife skewed military code of ethics. named Bonnie Raitt).In the tra- Ultimately, this play documents a dition of the Bill Murray school real side of the military — one of laid-back, flippant one-liners, that's rarely addressed in the Lt. Kaffee successfully lightens the outside world — and invokes both atmosphere by adding an element anger and pity in the audience of civilianism. Occasionally, members. Hiding behind a mil- though, he must call upon his itary code, sometimes the line assistant and friend, Lt. Sam between right and wrong becomes Weinberg, to provide the voice of blurred. reason and dry wit. The attorney unwittingly allies himself with a A Few Good Men, directed by determined and confident Naval Don Scardino, runs at the Morris officer, Lt. Galloway, played by Mechanic Theatre through Febru- the sparkling Alyson Reed. She is ary 9, 1992. Call (410) 625-4230 dedicated to her job, and strong for ticket information. Photo by Gregory Schwartz Spock and friends were a little mad at the Retriever for failing to run the second part of the "Star Trek VI" review. Boldly going where the U.S.S. Retriever went once before Star Trek: The Undiscovered Film Review THE RETRIEVER it, this is the final outing of Captain Enterprise is chosen to act as a My problems? Well, there's not Kirk and his gallant companions. peace envoy to the Klingon Empire, much interaction between Spock by Teddy OK, let me rephrase that. // had which has fallen on extremely hard and McCoy, which has long pro- better be the final outing for these times, and is in need of the Fed- vided Star Trek with much of its NEEDS Durgin old-timers. Why? Because it's a eration's help. humor. Their exchanges are missed. Retriever Editorial Staff perfect and (please, forgive my But not everyone wants peace, of There's also a subplot with Spock Trekese) logical conclusion to these course, and Kirk is set up in a and a Vulcan lieutenant (Kim characters adventures.

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