page 2 the paper march 21, 2018

The Walkout, pg. 3 Ronald Reagan, pg. 9 Jessica Jones, pg. 15 F & L, pg. 21-22 Earwax, pg. 23

the paper “Which Disney character are you?” c/o Office of Student Involvement Editors-in-Chief Fordham University Colleen “Flounder” Burns Bronx, NY 10458 Claire “Yzma” Nunez [email protected] Executive Editor http://fupaper.blog/ Michael Jack “Sid from Ice Age even though he’s not Disney” O’Brien News Editors the paper is Fordham’s journal of news, analysis, comment and review. Students from all Christian “Genie” Decker years and disciplines get together biweekly to produce a printed version of the paper using Andrew “Zazu” Millman Adobe InDesign and publish an online version using Wordpress. Photos are “borrowed” from Opinions Editors Internet sites and edited in Photoshop. Open meetings are held Tuesdays at 9:00 PM in McGin- Jack “Launchpad McQuack” Archambault ley 2nd. Articles can be submitted via e-mail to [email protected]. Submissions from Hillary “Coco” Bosch students are always considered and usually published. Our staff is more than willing to help new writers develop their own unique voices and figure out how to most effectively convey their Arts Editors thoughts and ideas. We do not assign topics to our writers either. The process is as follows: Meredith “The Little Mermaid IS MY LIFE” McLaughlin have an idea for an article, send us an e-mail or come to our meetings to pitch your idea, write Annie “Dopey” Muscat the article, work on edits with us, and then get published! We are happy to work with anyone Earwax Editor who is interested, so if you have any questions, comments or concerns please shoot us an e- Marty “Eeyore” Gatto mail or come to our next meeting. So, why come write for us? We are a constantly evolving publication, and have been since Features and List Editors 1972. We provide an outlet of expression otherwise unavailable to Fordham students. Writers Katelynn “Cub Simba” Browne are free to say whatever they want, whenever they want. We are also pretty cool people, to be Olivia “Mary Poppin” Langenberg completely honest. So please come hang out with us. You’ll have a good time, we promise. Copy Editor Robin “Dory” Happel our aim David “Hunter from Bambi” Kennedy the paper is Fordham University’s fully student-run, free speech publication. Our aim is to Gabby “Belle“ Curran challenge our writers and our readers: we want to make you think. We provide an outlet for all students to express themselves, whatever their passion may be. Whether it’s commenting on a Contributors social issue, writing a factual news article, making people laugh with a humor piece, composing Mary Freeze, Emma Cassidy, Cleo Filis, Cadila Vaz, Stew Epstien, Katelyn a personal narrative, giving advice or ranting about something that makes you feel a certain Cody, John McClatchy, Phineas Flynn, Perry the Platypus, Saint Patrick, Birds, strong way -- we have a place for you. Because of our platform as a free speech newspaper, we Annoying Oranges, Jessica Jones, Walt Disney’s Frozen Head, Warra Chan, tend to push the boundaries of university journalism by talking about important social issues, Skulls with Crows on Them, March Sadness, Ronald Reagan, The Ram (jk they expressing otherwise silenced voices and opinions, addressing Fordham policy and administra- do jack sh*t for us), Lasagne, The Easter Bunny, A Sad VHS Player, Banana tion, and starting serious conversations about what is important to our student body. Here at Nut Muffins Sans Nuts, BRYAN, Go-Kart Mozart, Mall Madness, Sharpies, Zello the paper, we encourage creativity and uniqueness, spark dialogue and discussion, and foster the App, Airplanes, Rasal Flatts, Spring Weekend Rumors, Otters?, A Duck with a community where students are free to fully express themselves. Good Intentions march 21, 2018 the paper page 3

Fordham Joins National Walkout against Gun Violence by Gabby Curran Thousands of schools held walkouts demanding change Copy Editor of students evacuating the school and would be a vast understatement. heads high, others looked down at the It was a chilly, but cloudless day, on The situation is made all the more Thankfully, students are refusing to ground, all silencing ourselves for the March 14th, when members of the tragic considering Cruz’s less-than- stay silent in the wake of the massacre. same cause. I couldn’t tell you what Fordham community––following in veiled penchant towards violence. Marjory Stoneman Douglas High every single person was thinking during the footsteps of over 30,000 other those 17 minutes. They never really tell students across the nation––gathered you what exactly to think about during on Edward’s Parade to commemorate a so-called “moment of silence.” I the one-month anniversary of the personally thought about what had shooting that took place on Valentine’s happened, of course, but also about Day at Marjory Stoneman Douglas my days in high school, how our own High School in Parkland, Florida. As professors would hold yearly lockdown the Keating bells struck 10, crowds of drills that nobody really took seriously. students and staff members filed out I don’t think it was because we were of classroom buildings and clustered by heartless, or ignorant; I think the the fence facing the Lombardi Center severity and terror of the situation we to stand in solidarity with the victims were preparing for was just too scary to of the shooting, as well as the students genuinely contemplate. We were lucky actively fighting for urgently-needed to never have had to huddle in the back gun reform laws. The atmosphere of a classroom in true fear, hoping the was chatty and social, yet solemn–– door the professor had just locked this was not, after all, a casual get- would hold up against a shooter’s fists together put together by CAB. There or their artillery. was symbolism behind this gathering; Several of his former classmates School’s own students––most notably When the 17 minutes were up, there was a message to be conveyed, commented on Cruz’s reckless Emma Gonzalez, whose speech at a another student speaker stepped to if a representational one. Ten minutes personality, and he reportedly had Fort Lauderdale rally shortly has gone the top of the gymnasium steps and later, two student speakers took to behavior issues that began in middle viral since its publication online–– thanked everyone for coming. However, the top of the Lombardi steps to thank school. Disturbingly, in September are spearheading the movement for he rightly stressed, this is only the everyone for coming out, and to read off 2016, Cruz posted a Snapchat of him gun reform, and letting nobody get first of many steps that should be the names of the 17 students and staff harming himself and threatening to in their way. Fordham University’s taken towards preventing something members whose lives were abruptly cut buy a gun. The state investigators, community, too, has joined the ranks like this from ever happening again. short on February 14th. 17 minutes of clearly in a stroke of qualified wisdom of young citizens who refuse to accept He then urged Fordham students to silence ensued, punctuated by 17 rings and justice, concluded that he was “at the government’s callous value of the start letter-writing campaigns, contact of the Fordham Victory Bell. low risk of harming himself or others.” archaic Second Amendment over the their representatives, and continue to This sequence of events is A YouTube account under his literal lives and futures of America’s youth. actively speak out against gun violence. unfortunately nothing new––with name was also found leaving violent When the 17 minutes of silence This walkout was the calm before 17 killed and 17 more wounded, and threatening comments on videos began at approximately 10:10, an the storm. This walkout should be the the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High such as “I’m going to be a professional earnest and solemn silence fell over calm before the storm––a moment School massacre clocks in as one of school shooter.” To make matters the students in attendance. We would for us to grieve what happened, the deadliest shootings in American worse, the AR-15 Cruz used was be lulled into a moment of deep and to remember the lives of those history, only third behind the Virginia obtained legally. Cruz’s own parents contemplation for 59 seconds before unjustifiably taken too cruelly and Tech massacre and the Sandy Hook knew about it, and misguidedly the intermittent clang of the bell would too soon. This walkout should, as the shooting. The perpetrator, 19-year-old thought that all it took to prevent their remind us of another student lost to a student speaker reminded us, be but former student Nikolas Cruz of Margate, son from misusing it was to establish preventable tragedy. There was barely the first step we take, before we take Florida, was arrested and taken into rules about keeping it in a lockbox. To a sound as we stood in the cold, hands actions that are direly required of us for custody while hiding amongst a crowd say that this tragedy was preventable in our pockets. Some of us held our this to never happen again. page 4 the paper march 21, 2018 Democrat Conor Lamb Wins PA Special Election by Andrew Millman Former prosecutor won a Trump-backing congressional district News Editor The Republicans chose state able to differentiate himself margin among the affluent On Tuesday, March 13th, legislator Rick Saccone, who had enough from the national Pittsburgh surbanites, winning back Pennsylvania’s 18th congressional been in public office for several Democratic brand, which is toxic many white working-class voters district held a special election to years and won his seat from an in places like Southwestern that the Democrats lost to Trump, replace former Representative incumbent Democrat, while the Pennsylvania, to pull off one of and also bringing new voters to the Tim Murphy, who resigned last Democrats chose former federal the biggest political upsets in polls. Lamb’s victory was seen as October. Murphy, a member of the prosecutor Conor Lamb. As the race recent memory, perhaps only a major rebuke of President Trump Republican Party, had reportedly tightened, national Republicans rivaled by Doug Jones’s victory by the national media. Trump is encouraged his mistress to abort frequently criticized Saccone as a in the Alabama special election. still deeply unpopular across the a pregnancy and had several other bad candidate with a “porn stache” The race went down country, and his multiple campaign ethical issues. The sex scandal and attempted to portray Lamb as to the wire and was incredibly trips to the district did not help had been a brief embarrassment really a conservative, because he is close. Lamb defeated Saccone Saccone and may have even for the party of family values and pro-gun, pro-tariffs, and anti-Pelosi. by just over six hundred votes, hurt his candidacy. With Trump’s particularly for Murphy, who had He is also personally pro-life, but pro- or about 0.2% of the roughly unpopularity, Congressional claimed to be pro-life. House Republicans face a dauting task Speaker Paul Ryan and the rest ahead of them in trying to maintain of Congressional Republican their hold on both the Senate and leadership quickly convinced the House of Representatives in Murphy to resign, and the incident November’s midterm elections. was quickly forgotten. The There are almost 150 congressional district was not expected to be in districts across the country that contention, because Donald Trump Trump won by less than his margin had won by over twenty points in the Pennsylvania’s 18th district. the 2016 presidential election, While the district that Lamb and the Cook Partisan Voter Index, just won will not exist this time which measures the partisanship next year, Conor Lamb will be an of congressional districts, incumbent congressman, and rated the district as R+11. The will run in a newly-created district eighteenth district is composed that is leans much more towards of the affluent Pittsburgh suburbs Democrats and includes more of within Allegheny County and three the Pittsburgh suburbs. Saccone, predominantly-white counties in meanwhile, plans to run again for southwestern Pennsylvania on the another district that will be slightly- state border with West Virginia. The less Republican than the district he district had been gerrymandered just lost to Lamb. Despite this, it is to elect a Republican very likely that these two political congressman in 2011 when enemies will both be serving in the Republicans controlled the Congress together this time next state government after the 2010 choice when it comes to public policy. 227,000 votes cast. Late in year. The election result is just midterm wave election. Just a few However, this misses the fact that the night, Lamb was declared the latest sign that a “blue wave” weeks before the special election, Lamb was against the Republican the apparent winner by most could potential come in the 2018 the Pennsylvania Supreme Court tax bill, supports entitlements such major media outlets, but a midterms, in which Democrats ruled that the gerrymandered as Medicare and Social Security, and recount and legal challenges are poised to retake both the congressional districts violated pro-ACA, in addition to supporting are expected from Saccone House and Senate, as well as the state constitution and created gay marriage and most other major and the Republicans. Saccone multiple governorships and state a new district map for the midterm liberal litmus tests. Lamb tailored his did not concede on the night legislatures. elections, effectively eliminating policy agenda to fit his constituency of the election and remained the district. However, the special and focused more on the values defiant, walking off stage to election went forward to choose and culture that he shared with his Eminem’s “Not Afraid,” which who would represent the district’s constituents, having been born and was…something. Lamb won constituents for the next year. raised within the district. He was by increasing Hillary Clinton’s march 21, 2018 the paper page 5 Trump to Make Talks With North Korea by Katelyn Cody Trump and Kim Jong Un to meet in May Staff Foreign Policy Expert American citizens will not even give up and a scary red button is pressed very tensions throughout the world with On Thursday March 8, the world got their assault weapons? soon after, plunging the world into North Korea. This announcement from a little bit weirder as the North Korean Assuming that the meeting chaos. Option two: these grown men the White House of Trump accepting delegation to the U.S. announced that goes on as planned, the event will act like two kindergarten bullies on the an invitation from Kim came very soon their supreme leader (are we living in a join a list of historic beginnings of playground who decide to team up to after the groundbreaking decision superhero action movie?), Kim Jong-un, U.S. relationships with communist make every other kid’s life a living hell, for both North and South Korea invited U.S. president, Donald Trump, countries, including Ronald Reagan’s then two scary red buttons are pushed to compete together at the Winter to meet with him in North Korea. It got meeting with Mikhail Gorbachev in and the world plunges into chaos. I kid, Olympics in Pyeongchang under a even crazier when the White House 1985, President Nixon’s visit to China but I sincerely hope that the outcome unified Korean flag. released a press statement later that in 1972, and President Obama’s move of this meeting leads to a little bit more We can only hope that day stating that the president had to restore relations with Cuba. This peace in our world. Maybe we won’t something good will come out of accepted the invitation. Now the two would also make our only two contacts be woken up to Tweets about Kim this meeting. Perhaps, this will open super villains of Earth’s very own real with North Korea, Donald Trump and insulting Trump by calling him “old” North Korea up for talks with other life comic book will be meeting, and Dennis Rodman, which I think says when Trump would never stoop so low nations, ending their long period of plotting world domination? something about the state of the world as to call Kim “short and fat.” Doesn’t isolationism. Maybe even leading According to the press in itself. this sound like kindergarten bullying to to more acceptance of Western release from Washington, which we It will be especially you? In another one of the president’s ideas and culture, so their country know is a lot more legitimate than a unprecedented as the U.S. and North infamous early morning tweets, he no longer seems like they are using 140-character Tweet, the meeting is Korea are two countries that have referred to Kim Jong Un as “Rocket George Orwell’s 1984 as a guidebook. set to happen by the end of May and repeatedly threatened nuclear war Man,” which is absolutely offensive to Perhaps, it will in fact lead to the that they are looking forward to the upon each other, sometimes in the the 1972 classic rock masterpiece that nuclear disarmament of the country, “denuclearization of North Korea.” form of 2 am Tweets. Now I see two is “Rocket Man (I Think it’s Gonna be a allowing those living in South Korea, What makes the White House think possible outcomes for this meeting. Long, Long Time)” by Sir Elton John. Japan, and Hawaii to breathe a sigh of the North Korean government will give First: one of them storms out of the However, all joking aside, this relief. up its nuclear missiles, when regular room (let’s be honest, probably Trump) could really be a signifier of decreased Fordham Students Rally Against White Supremacy by Annie Muscat Controversial Photo sparked campus-wide outrage Arts Editor distress, but Fordham administration’s coffee house’s safe space policy. The and “No Justice, No Peace” echoed in On Monday, March 12 at 1 pm, negligence to condemn the altercation between the students and between mostly impromptu speeches a relatively small but impassioned students also exacerbated tensions. Rod’s co-president was filmed and delivered by students and faculty. group of Fordham students and Fordham Students United shared widely circulated, even being featured Students walking by responded to faculty assembled in front of the the uncensored photo along with a on Fox News. Consequently, the Rod’s the protest in various ways. Some Cunniffe fountain to stand against lengthy caption on Facebook, posing co-president and the coffee house in yelled out words of encouragement, white supremacy at the university. the question: “How can minorities feel general received violent threats from while others ignored or even sneered Students held posters, chanted, and safe on campus when white nationalist across the nation. It was later found at the group. few expressed their frustration into a groups empowered that the event “I think [the reactions were] pretty megaphone. Some signs read “Zero by militarism and was instigated exemplary of the typical Fordham Tolerance for White Supremacy: Neo- state violence are by members of apathy I see,” commented protestor Nazis Must Be Held Accountable” actively harming Fordham’s College Claire Del Sorbo (FCRH ’19), “people and “Racism is a Social Sin” in bold, POC, LGBTQ folks, Republicans as just aren’t invested enough in how their confrontational letters. immigrants, Muslims, a ploy to defame school is treating students of color and The protest was organized by Fordham Jews, etc.?”. The post the apparent left- students who speak out against the Students United (@fustudentsunite), garnered substantial leaning coffee university. which advocates for social justice by attention with over house. The demonstration came to an raising awareness about pervasive 1,300 comments, During end after a little over an hour. The issues on campus that disadvantage ranging from stark Monday’s participants slowly dispersed, but not marginalized people. The anti-white disapproval to finding humor in the demonstration, fliers were distributed before joining hands and reciting Black supremacy demonstration occurred in action. to passersby, exhibiting the image of Liberationist Assata Shakur’s call to direct response to the recent surfacing Two of the pictured students are the Fordham students with the Kekistan action. While this specific protest may of a photo depicting Fordham students members of Fordham’s College flag and outlining the demonstration’s have been confined to one hour on posing around a Kekistan flag, which Republicans, who last semester, purpose and concerns. At its peak, the a chilly Monday in March, Fordham emerged as a white nationalist meme engaged in a campaign at Rodrigue’s demonstration included around 30 Students United and others have made and has been flown alongside the Nazi Coffee House, during which students participants; yet they made up for their it clear that the fight against racism at war banner at neo-Nazi gatherings. wearing Make America Great Again modest size in sound. Enthusiastic Fordham is far from over. Not only did the picture itselfincite hats were accused of violating the chants of “Black Students Matter” page 6 the paper march 21, 2018 Faker than Move Over LSAT: GRE Now A Part of Law School by Cadila Vaz Top law schools begin accepting GRE Tests Truth Staff Grad Assistant of students who were admitted based By Andrew Millman The SAT and ACT are well known their school setting. Dean Minow said solely on their LSAT scores in 2016, that, “All students benefit when we standardized tests that play large and they deemed that if they were roles in the college application can diversify our community in terms Trump brings back Myspace to have reviewed their applications of academic background, country of process. For some college students, based on their GRE scores, those a bachelor’s degree will complete origin, and financial circumstances.” The country was in shock this students would have been admitted their educational career but on the This seems like a motive week when Twitter finally banned under those circumstances as well. other hand, many go on to pursue coming from a place of well meaning, Donald Trump, the President of the Following the example of the University other degrees by choosing to enroll but is there more to this change than United States, from its platform. The of Arizona, many schools have said in graduate school. Much like the beneath the eye? social media company initially sus- that students can apply by submitting undergraduate application process, Expanding their pool of pended his account after a series of their GRE scores, including several graduate programs require students applicants may also be a way for law defamatory and incoherent tweets of the country’s top law schools, like to submit the grades they received on schools to raise their numbers. When directed at Barack Obama, Hill- Northwestern, Georgetown, Columbia, a standardized test as well as their comparing the number of LSAT takers ary Clinton and Malala Yousafzai, and Harvard, recently announcing this GPA. However these tests can be a throughout the years, schools can see among others. He also said that the change in their admission process. bit more specialized than the SAT and that there has been a great decrease country needed a new flag because ACT. of test takers. The hundred- the current one “sucks” and pref- There are thousand students who took erably it should “have gold, lots of four main graduate the LSAT last year is a bit less gold like my buildings.” school admission than the hundred and seventy After conservative backlash, exams: the GRE, thousand students who took the account was temporarily re- MCAT, GMAT, and the LSAT in 2009 and 2010, so instated for less than two hours, LSAT. The MCAT surely law schools have felt their during which time Trump tweeted and GMAT are pockets getting tighter through that Twitter “is run by crazy social admission tests for the years. While there are over justice warriors and violent Antifa medical school and two hundred law schools in militants.” He was officially banned business school America today, many smaller from the platform after that tweet. respectively. The law schools have buckled under After that, the president was in a Graduate Record the pressure. bad mood and considered firing a Examination, It is important to note few more staffers and cabinet sec- commonly known that GRE scores are also valid retaries to make himself feel but as the GRE, is for a total of five years. This was distracted from that when his accepted by many means that it is possible for son-in-law Jared Kushner and policy schools to enroll in students already enrolled in a advisor Stephen Miller suggested their masters and graduate program or, who have that the president set up a Myspace doctoral degree already graduated, to apply to account. programs. The law school if they wish to do so, The task of setting up his ac- Accepting GRE scores will LSAT has been the admission test as long as they are applying within count on the outdated platform was make applying to graduate school necessary for law school applications this five year period when their test difficult for the technologically-illit- easier for students. For example, if a that is, until recently. scores are still valid. There is not erate septuagenarian, but with the student is on the fence of attending Offered four times a year, necessarily a specific major required help of Education Secretary Betsy law school or another graduate school the Law School Admission Test has or preferred for consideration into DeVos, he was able to do so. Once program that requires GRE scores, existed since 1948, and was taken by law school in order to bring together the president figured it out, he was that student will only have to focus on a hundred thousand people in the last future lawyers in an environment back to tweeting in his normal, er- one exam. Moreover, students have year. The LSAT has held a monopoly where there is a student body with a ratic manner. The end result has more opportunities to take the GRE, over the law school admission diverse educational background. In a been better for everyone. Trump as it is administrated about once process, but its hold is loosening. likewise fashion it may benefit to have can post crazy shit online to his every month. With this flexibility in This year, several law schools have students with bachelors and master’s heart’s content and most people their schedule, students can take the announced that they will begin to degrees learning with each other. can just ignore the irrelevant site. exam when they feel they will be the accept GRE test scores if students Since the acceptance of GRE Well, almost everyone, poor Jus- most prepared. wish to submit those scores instead scores in lieu of LSAT scores is very tin Timberlake sold his ownership Additionally, only having to of LSAT scores. recent, it will be interesting to see how share in 2016, before Trump’s ac- take one standardized test will allow During the past year, the things will play out for law schools: count brought millions of new white students to allocate money to perhaps University of Arizona was the first will this process actually diversify the supremacists to the site and inflat- use for tuition costs, as they would law school to make this change, student body? Or just pad the total ed the company’s value. be saving at least $180, the cost of number of applications submitted to effectively admitting students in this taking one LSAT. Harvard Law School fashion. The school went through a each school? I’m sure we’ll find out in Dean Martha Minow has described the following years. process of examining the GRE scores this tactic as a means of diversifying march 21, 2018 the paper page 7 Betsy DeVos Exposed on 60 Minutes Realer by Emma Cassidy Education Secretary gets an education Staff Educator Lesley Stahl: Have you seen Florida school shooting and whether Secretary of Education Betsy Than the really bad schools? Maybe or not teachers should be armed. DeVos faced heavy criticism after try to figure out what they’re . her 60 Minutes interview last doing? With the social media movement week in which she was unable Fact Betsy DeVos: I have not, I have that has uprooted due to the deadly to answer questions about By Claire Nunez not, I have not intentionally school shooting in Parkland, Florida. schools in her own state. DeVos visited schools that are DeVos has often found herself Chipoltle Streak is Over sat down with veteran journalist underperforming. staring down the barrel of angry Lesley Stahl to discuss the steps So, a man from Ohio named Lesley Stahl: Maybe you students. 17 people were killed she has taken in the past year Bruce Wayne, yes, the Batman should. at the school shooting at Marjory and to weigh in on recent issues name, ate Chipoltle for 500 days Stoneman Douglas High School, surrounding gun control. straight. That is a lot of Chipoltle and now people want answers to shits-- too man if you ask me. Like, During DeVos’ thirteen their questions about gun reform. why would anyone willingly put minute interview, the education With little over a year passing themselves in the position to have secretary was stumped in the since her Senate confirmation a burning bumhole for 500 DAYS?! face of questions about school That is far too long, but this guy did hearing, DeVos has collected no choice and campus sexual it. shortage of critics. From the start, assault. DeVos’ also seemed to You may think this is weird. I do. Democrats and some Republicans lack answers to questions asked Batman ate burritos and bowls for were hesitant to welcome President 500 days straight with no rest. The about the performance of schools Trump’s choice of cabinet member cool thing is Batman did it to break in Michigan, DeVos’ home state. with open arms due to Devos’ a record. The previous record for Lesley Stahl: Have the public lack of experience as a school the longest Chipoltle streak was schools in Michigan gotten 426 days. Also, too long in my Betsy DeVos: Maybe I should, administrator or as an elected better? humble opinion. but Bruce Wane yes. official. Betsy DeVos: I don’t know. was out to break this very random DeVos failed to answer many Critics of DeVos fear for what her Overall, I-- I can’t say overall that record-- it is probably the easiest of the journalist’s questions, reforms will do to public education. record to break. Let’s be honest. they have all gotten better. or did so with little research DeVos is a known advocate and Chipoltle actually donated Lesley Stahl: The whole state is and statistical background. donor for private and charter schools $4,260 to a Seneca-based not doing well. As one of the richest and and has little-to-no interaction Financial Assistance for Cancer Betsy DeVos: Well, there are Treatment group. They did this most controversial member of with public schools. She said, “we certainly lots of pockets where amount because Bruce Wayne President Trump’s Cabinet, her should be funding and investing in this-- the students are doing well actually spent an average of $10 responses added fuel to her students, not in school buildings, and-- a day at Chipoltle. He mostly enemy’s fire. not in institutions, not in systems.” ordered bowls, according to his Lesley Stahl: No, but your DeVos took to Twitter to Many believe the reason Betsy Instagram (follow our dude: @ argument that if you take funds defend herself from critics of DeVos wanted to be secretary of mrwaynethbat). I cannot even away that the schools will get her interview and attack 60 education was so she could promote imagine how much sodium he has better, is not working in Michigan consumed in the past year and a Minutes for cutting out some school choice, offering parents where you had a huge impact and half. That is horendous. of her school statistics. She options other than traditional public influence over the direction of the Well, Batman is done with tweeted, saying: “also missing schools, such as private and charter school system here. eating Chipoltle for now. He is from @60Minutes: students at schools. She has proposed massive totally ready for something new Betsy DeVos: I hesitate to talk charter schools in Detroit are cuts in public education funding and and is about to begin a new about all schools in general doing 2x better than their peers. wants to shift billions to alternative journey sans the Mexican food because schools are made up The reforms are helping, but players like private, parochial and chain. the paper sincerely wishes of individual students attending Bruce Wayne luck out there. We there’s so much more to do. We charter schools. them. wish we had your stamina to eat all must help all students be better Last week, President Trump is Lesley Stahl: The public schools of the beans and rice. prepared for strong futures.” expected to appoint her as head of here are doing worse than they Along with questions about a new commission on school safety did. the status of Michigan schools, charged with developing policies to Betsy DeVos: Michigan schools Stahl also asked DeVos prevent school violence. need to do better. There is no questions about the recent doubt about it. page 8 the paper march 21, 2018 You’re Fired!: Tillerson Out as Secretary of State by Christian Decker The latest casualty of Trump’s March Madness was fired while on the toilet News Editor CNN: “Trump “thought it was the “moron” behind closed doors. The hasn’t been strong enough with Kim Jong At what seems to be a daily right time for the transition with media sure had fun with that one. Un and hopes to have a “strong team” occurrence at this point the White the upcoming North Korea talks According to CNN, Tillerson had ready for when the meeting in May arrives. House is involved in yet another and various trade negotiations,” a never really seen eye to eye on any issues Trump has reportedly had a better controversy. Secretary of State Rex senior administration official said, in the first place. He also didn’t have working relationship with Mike Pompeo, “Every Evil Oil Baron in Western adding that Trump asked Tillerson many allies in the White House except for and reportedly has wanted him in the Movies” Tillerson was fired by to step aside on Friday. A senior possibly Chief of Staff John “What Sexual position for months. Supposedly they are President Trump. According to sources, White House official later clarified Misconduct?” Kelly and Jim “Stop Calling “on the same wavelength on many issues.” Tillerson didn’t even know he was that chief of staff John Kelly told Me Mad Dog” Mattis. It was rumored that Presumably, these issues include how to fired until the President, in his infinite Tillerson that he would be replaced the three had formed a “suicide pact” in approach North Korean and Kim Jong Un wisdom, tweeted about the firing. but did not specify the timing.” which if one of them was fired, then the as well as how the country should handle According to this tweet, CIA Director other two would quit terrorism and well as interrogation tactics. Mike “I Get Off to Torture” Pompeo, on the spot. It seems Although it seems that the timing would be Trump’s choice for Secretary that this is not the for this firing is bad, it looks like Tillerson’s of State with Gina Haspel becoming case however. Trump tenure as Secretary of State is not going the new director of the CIA, the first felt that Tillerson and to be missed. Reportedly, experts on woman to do so. Here’s the full tweet: himself “did not see both sides of the aisle criticized his “Mike Pompeo, Director of the CIA, will eye to eye” on most State Department as underperforming. become our new Secretary of State. issues. It was also According to CNN, “Tillerson’s cost cutting He will do a fantastic job! Thank you reported that Tillerson has led to the agency’s senior tiers “being to Rex Tillerson for his service! Gina did not agree with depleted at a dizzying speed,” and “a Haspel will become the new Director Trump on anything and decapitation of its leadership ranks,” of the CIA, and the first woman so wanted to do things his Amb. Barbara Stephenson, president of chosen. Congratulations to all!” own way, according to the American Foreign Service Association This hiring and firing comes CNN. “I have a lot of (AFSA), a union for US foreign service on the eve on the President’s meeting confidence in my ability personnel, wrote in her group’s publication. with the North Korean dictator Kim” I to create the conditions “There is simply no denying the warning Can Violate More Human Rights Than for successful signs that point to mounting threats to our My Dad” Jong Un. This has raised negotiations between institution -- and to the global leadership some eyebrows because it is crucial two very disparate that depends on us,” Stephenson wrote.” that you have a good representative This comes at an apparent stretch parties,” Tillerson said, adding that he While the ousting of a Secretary at this meeting to ensure that things of long disagreements between and others were working to prepare of State seems like a big deal, it is only go smoothly. Having a former CIA Tillerson and the President, with Trump to deal with Kim. “But I’m not one of a string of resignations and director as the face of the U.S. foreign Trump citing the Iran Nuclear deal the only guy working on this. Others replacements that have been going on at policy might not send a great message as an example. This firing also are working on this as well. We have an the White House recently. It also brings into to the North Korean government. comes off the back of comments obligation to prepare the President for question of whether Education Secretary Furthermore, Mike Pompeo is also a Tillerson made about the death of a that meeting and I think there is some Betsy “The Principal You Hated in High proponent of waterboarding and other former spy dying. Tillerson inferred ground work we can do ahead of that School” DeVos is competent enough to torture techniques used at prisons that the Russian poisoned this spy. that will help with that preparation.”, continue working. These questions come such as Guantanamo Bay on terrorists Surprisingly, the firing occurred quoted from CNN. It has also been seen after a disastrous interview in which or suspected terrorists. Sending just a day after these comments that the biggest reason for Tillerson’s she could not answer basic questions someone who likes torture could were made, according to sources departure is the North Korea situation, about the education system. Only time also send a red flag along with him. surrounding the White House. And Unsurprisingly, the President and the will tell what is next for this White House. Apparently, Trump thought of course, who could forget when Secretary of State did not agree on a this was the right time to fire Tillerson it was reported that Tillerson had proper method of dealing with the North as illustrated from this quote from allegedly called the President a Koreans. The President felt that Tillerson march 21, 2018 the paper page 9

An Ode to Ronald Reagan, America’s Greatest Union Leader By Jack McClatchy Staff Gipper Old Ronnie is finally getting the recognition he deserves When I think of the working class organized labor president in recent and cherished from this day forward in President and the air traffic controllers and who really has their best interests history, if not all time, and this decision the U.S. Department of Labor’s Hall of went on strike in 1981. When Reagan at heart, a single name keeps crossing by the Department of Labor cheapens Honor.’” was running for President against that my mind and I can’t stop seeing their the work of everyone I just mentioned Leaving the quotes around “heroes” filthy liberal Jimmy Carter, he courted smiling face. and dozens more. alone, let’s take a look at just how and secured the endorsement of the It’s not César Chávez, who organized The Secretary of Labor, R. Alexander Ronnie left that lasting impact on air traffic controllers’ union which migrant farm workers in California and Acosta, cited Reagan’s stints as leader organized labor. meant he would listen and negotiate Florida in the 1960s and 1970s. of the Screen Actors’ Guild (SAG) in the First, let’s get the good out of the way with them in good faith, right? It’s not Eugene V. Debs, who 1950s and 1960s and added that he before I get the mountains of hate mail Wrong. He ordered them back to work founded the American Railway Union, is the only President to lead a union that Republicans send whenever their in 48 hours, and when over 11,000 did the Socialist Party, and the Industrial (which is true, I’m shocked whenever patron saint is criticized in any way. not he fired ALL of them and arrested Workers of the World, either. this Administration tells the truth in As leader of the SAG, Reagan did the organizers. He said that they It isn’t Bayard Rustin, an openly spite of itself). organize a strike over a dispute about violated federal law by walking out on gay black man who was the payment for reruns of previously their federal jobs, never mind the fact organizational mastermind of the Civil recorded films and television shows. that this exact thing had happened Rights Movement and the March on Hollywood executives relented, and almost forty times in the preceding Washington. now actors who have anything in two decades. He also spent billions of It’s not even Mother Jones, who co- syndication can thank him. dollars to get air travel and the FAA to founded the Industrial Workers of the Now that that’s out of the way, let’s its pre-strike levels, which was a whole World, and was an organizer with the now look at how Reagan screwed over hell of a lot more than he would have Knights of Labor and United Miners workers, members of his own union, spent if he had just, you know, listened Union. and anyone who stood for workers’ to the striking workers and maybe No, there’s a person who stands head rights in any way. raised their wages a little? and shoulders above them and has There was that time when he was an That’s right, the great union leader been shunned by almost everyone who FBI informant and handed over a list St. Ronnie Reagan was a strikebreaker believes in a minimum wage, collective of names of people in Hollywood who and used scab labor to replace the bargaining, or a right to strike. were either communists or communist thousands he fired. That doesn’t Who is this titan of organized labor, sympathizers. That looks bad, but I’m sound like a good union leader or even who really stuck it to the fat cats of In a News Release on the sure he did that because he wanted remotely pro-organized labor. industry and always stood up for the Department’s website, it wrote: to be sure that only he would defend I guess since we’re adding decidedly little guy? “‘From humble roots, to Hollywood, the worker and not those dirty pinko anti-labor people to the Department of It’s Ronald Wilson Reagan. Or at least to Sacramento, to Washington, commie bastards. Labor’s Hall of Honor, how about we that’s what the Department of Labor President Ronald Reagan left a lasting There was also that time when he name Jeff Sessions and Mike Pence thought when they added him to their impact on America,’ said Secretary was Governor of California and vetoed as some of the greatest LGBTQ+ Hall of Honor, which “posthumously Acosta. ‘President Reagan was deeply the Agricultural Labor Relations Act in advocates, George Wallace as an ally honors those Americans whose committed to the ‘heroes’ (sic!) of 1974. Who was organizing for that bill? for civil rights for blacks, or maybe distinctive contributions to the field the American workforce. He will be Why, it was César Chávez, the one and Pat Buchanan as a vanguard for of labor have enhanced the quality of remembered in our nation, across the the same who sits with Reagan in the women’s rights? Maybe they are all life of millions yesterday, today, and for globe, and throughout history for his Hall of Honor. just misconstrued as being opposed generations to come”. unwavering commitment to the fight As if those two times show how to the issues, just like the Great Satire must truly be dead. Reagan for liberty. I am proud that President Reagan shouldn’t be in the Hall, there Communicator. was probably one of the most anti- Reagan’s signature will remain honored was also that one time when he was page 10 the paper march 21, 2018 The March Madness Holiday America Needs By Jack Archambault Being in class = March Sadness Opinions Editor about looking around at people’s the Super Bowl, but neither of those system for deciding when Easter is. As I write this on March 16th, I computer screens and seeing 60 days are nearly as important as the As for how March Madness Weekend am in the middle of the second of percent of them populated by images third Thursday and Friday in March. would affect employed adults, my my two favorite days of the year. of a game between Cincinnati and There are a few reasons why we solution is simple. Just give them I am talking, of course, about the Georgia State. I feel a sense of kinship need this holiday. First, nobody who the two days off. For a country that two days on which the first round among all the people who are holding cares about March Madness is even already offers its workers among of the NCAA basketball tournament their breath, hoping that Loyola- relatively focused or productive on the fewest paid vacation days in the (March Madness) takes place. Over Chicago can upset Miami, knowing these days. I’m not focused at school, world, how much would two days off the course of these two days, 32 really hurt? basketball games are played, and I So how could anyone object to need to watch every. single. one. It is March Madness Weekend? I can no coincidence, then, that these are think of a few ways, but the main also the two days of the year when one is that such a holiday would only I am at my least productive. I’m not further the worship of athletics and going to explain just how bad that got the exploitation of college athletes. To this year because I think my parents the former I say, we have holidays for read this, but as a hypothetical let’s plenty of people who don’t deserve say that I have to read a 220-page one. Would a holiday celebrating book by Sunday and I haven’t started Coach K. really be so bad? I mean, it yet. My lack of productivity is roughly we already gave one to Columbus. As equivalent to that hypothetical lack of for the latter, it’s high time that big- productivity. time college athletes got paid. Maybe People have proposed having a holiday based around that we all have minor sums of money and while I’ve never had a job during college basketball would speed up holidays for opening day riding on the outcome. Nobody will March, I am certain that it would that process. of the baseball season, remember most of these games in be a similar story. Second, March My only worry with March Madness two years, let alone two months, but Madness Weekend would be non- Weekend is that we may have missed or for the day after the one thing is certain: right now, the disruptive to our existing structure of our opportunity. After all, wouldn’t Super Bowl, but neither entire world revolves around them, school breaks. This year, Fordham’s the time to start it have been during and professors be damned, I am spring break runs from Thursday, Barack Obama’s presidency? If any of those days are nearly going to fully immerse myself in the March 22nd to Monday, April 2nd. President were to establish this as important as the third experience. But wouldn’t it be great if That is roughly a week and a half, holiday, wouldn’t it have to have been I didn’t even have to damn professors and it encompasses Easter. What I the one who loved basketball and Thursday and Friday in to enjoy these two days? Wouldn’t propose is this: start spring break on filled out a bracket every year? Alas, March. it be nice if the world, or America at the Thursday when March Madness even if it is unlikely that The Donald least, could actually revolve around begins, and have it run through will be our March Madness savior, March Madness? Easter. Of course, this would require we can still look to the future. When When it comes to class, well, you Enter, the new high holiday moving Easter to the last Sunday in LeBron James makes his inevitable can just forget it. Oh, I’ll go. But only for basketball fans. March Madness March, and sure, this would fly in the run for the White House in 2032, so that I can watch basketball on Weekend. People have proposed face of thousands of years of Catholic America can rejoice in knowing that my laptop for an hour and fifteen holidays for opening day of the tradition, but my idea can’t be any March Madness Weekend will be at minutes. There is something magical baseball season, or for the day after more confusing than our current the top of his to-do list. march 21, 2018 the paper page 11 Woes of a Budding Intern By Katelynn Browne “Those snot rags are lucky we take them in” - employers, probably Features and Lists Editor experience is valuable, it does not grateful for the opportunity to work for that company. Any young adult in mean that good work from your where I’m working, but I’m lucky this country knows this. Back in December, I began the interns should go unpaid. They are enough to be able to afford to work The problem is that not everyone extremely taxing process of writing a giving up their time and their means an unpaid internship. My parents are can afford to work a summer, or any resume, and started my search for a to make money in order to work for able to cover my expenses. semester for that matter, without summer internship. Unbeknownst to you and better your company. However, there are people who are pay, which can later affect certain me, I set my hopes too high because Most of students are in debt, and not as lucky as I am. In order to get students’ ability to find good jobs I really hoped that I would land a paid the summer especially is the time that a job these days, you need to go to after they graduate because they will internship - knowing to a degree that students make most of their money. college, an incredible commitment not have any “relevant experience.” it was unlikely, but I didn’t realize how I usually make a couple thousand of time, as well as money – money This demonstrates that unpaid difficult it is to even get an internship, internships are inherently classist, period. which provides an unfair playing field As someone who has been working for poorer students. In addition, it a paid job since the age of 15, I further perpetuates the debt issue for had learned from an early age that I all students with loans. How on earth deserve to get paid for the work that are you supposed to start paying back I do. I’ve lifeguarded at minimum your loans, when you have no choice wage for about four years, and I’ve but to work without pay? worked as a swim instructor at a few I can’t imagine any of these dollars above minimum wage for two employers would want to work a forty- years now, and despite my age, (and hour work week every week for three my complaints about my job), I was months for free. I can’t imagine they’d treated as someone worth paying want to commute to Queens 2-3 for my skills - even if the skills were times a week for a job that does not things like being able to stare at water pay, then work 20-25+ hours at a job for hours on end, or never mastering that pays minimum wage. Employers putting on rubber gloves quickly need to empathize with their interns, enough to tend to a child’s skinned rather than think them to be whiny, knee, the child’s mother watching entitled little assholes who are lucky me with ridicule and anger at my they even took us on in the first place. incompetence. This country needs to continue to Now as I enter the “Real World,” work on its labor laws. Many states, it has become evident to me that dollars working over the summer, which a lot of people do not have. such as New York, are heading in the employers do not value the work which helps me pay back my loans. Then while you’re in college, you have right direction by raising minimum that young people provide them. Luckily, my unpaid internship is part- to get an internship, the majority of wage to a living wage: $15/hr. Now, If employers have the opportunity time. Unluckily for me, it’s in Queens, which are unpaid, and in the case I believe that it is important for to legally not pay their workers, and I’ll be driving probably a little over of the rare paid internship, you are legislators to work on passing laws they often will opt not to pay them, an hour each way (total driving time unlikely to have the skills, required that protect young adult workers - by because, you know, capitalism. They looking something like two and a half year or previous experience to earn paying interns a wage. Please stop pride themselves by saying they offer hours per day I go into the office.) And that internship. Most paid internships exploiting the youth. us “valuable experience” and offer don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely require that you have previous us credit. However, just because interning experience in order to work page 12 the paper march 21, 2018 Hey Professors, Stop Calling on Me By Olivia Langenberg I’ll raise my hand when I’m good and ready Features and Lists Editor there are few things school-related They’re probably half as nervous as I that I’m too sensitive or that I need to I’m trapped in Faculty Memorial that I dislike more than being singled am when they ask a question and no get past my fear of public speaking, let Hall on a Thursday morning, shifting out by a professor. As you can probably one responds. Quick problem solving me tell you this. It’s one thing to be in a uncomfortably in my seat every two imagine, small parts of me crumble would encourage you to just pick on conference room with people you work minutes, unable to stop thinking about off and die when I see participation Megan in the front row who happened with every day, talking about your job breakfast sandwiches. I’m copying being 10-15% of my grade when I get to be making eye contact with you at that you presumably know how to do. down the notes from the PowerPoint, a syllabus. This is for a couple reasons. the time. But what if Megan actually It’s an entirely different thing to be in a tapping my pen against my chin, and One: I hate the way my voice sounds had no idea what the answer was? Now core class with 30 people you’ve never drawing random lines in the margins of and every time I speak out loud in front everyone is twice as uncomfortable, talked to before, being singled out to my notebook. The professor asks the of a bunch of strangers, I imagine them and poor Megan has to stammer out participate when you don’t want to. class a question, and I do everything in internally laughing at me and making an “Uh, I don’t know..” and deal with I’m slowly learning how to overcome my power to slip into the void to remain fun of me to their friends after class. the shame of admitting you’re lost in my anxiety in classes. I’m beginning to invisible. The lines in my notebook are Two: I naturally assume I never actually front of the whole class. I’ve also heard participate willingly, and I’m trying to be suddenly the most interesting thing know the right answer, so I have to be from professors before that sometimes more confident in my ability to answer I’ve ever seen! But then, it happens. absolutely certain that I know it before they call on people who don’t tend questions. However, that process is A giant spotlight shines down from I ever raise my hand. Three: Why on to participate in order to give them a interrupted every time my name is above and hits me directly in the eye. earth would I ever want 20 random delicate push. Well, here’s the thing, drawn from a handful of cards, or I’m There’s nowhere to run now. I’ve just people’s eyes on me at 10am on a Professor Smith, there’s probably a “randomly” called on to participate. been randomly called on even though Monday? And four: perhaps the most reason that student doesn’t participate, Please, I’m begging. Stop calling on me I’ve done nothing to suggest that I want important one, if I didn’t raise my hand, and I can guarantee that your delicate if I haven’t raised my hand. I will when to answer this question. I don’t want to answer the question. push was more of a forceful, terrifying I’m ready. As a person who is both easily Simple as that. shove. startled and exceptionally nervous, I understand why professors do this. Before anyone comes at me saying Journalism Has Betrayed Me, It’s Okay I Guess By Hillary Bosch Who needs a positive public image when you have haikus? Opinions Editor good and compassionate people (and nutrients she gains from eating street This past week, a publication distressing and heartbreaking of is really well done 90% of the time), I trash, which is why college in New (we do not speak its name here my college career, I have officially figured I’d write a bit more misleading York was such a big draw for her. She at the paper) published an article moved through all the stages of grief. stuff about me. My print media public has a pet ocelot in her dorm that only about me. I think it was intended to Anger was the worst, mostly for my image is already shot so why not take eats frat bois and discarded Under be complementary? Perhaps even roommates and boyfriend. Sorry y’all. it a step further? Please enjoy my the Tent tickets. admiring? However, upon reading But now I have reached acceptance revised article and feel free to reach In her free time she is the President it this past Wednesday, I found it to since they pulled the article from their out to me with any questions about of T.O.P., Two Orange Pandas, and be insensitive, inappropriately toned, website. Thanks guys, didn’t want to my #cool habits and hobbies: a member of F.E.T., Flamboyant and: here’s the kicker. It was written have to explain that in a job interview Hillary Bosch is an FCRH junior Energetic Trains. She also writes so poorly and edited so haphazardly 15 years from now. swamp monster who hails from the poetry, but only haikus about that it accidentally implied I was Rather than continue to crap on this semi-submerged city of Metairie, slurpees. She has included her finest both sexist and racist. It did not publication which is run by genuinely Louisiana. She survives solely on work below: explicitly call me a racist, but it could be inferred through misleading Oh sweet cola ice pronouns. Misleading pronouns: you What a perfect drink mixer know, that thing you learned not to do I stay up all night in middle school grammar class. As if that weren’t enough, the writer Oh dream of sugar cold misinterpreted quotes, fabricated a Home at 7/11 quote, and even miscredited a sexual Is my aching heart harassment acknowledgement/ survivor support movement to the How I long for you, wrong people! I told the writer the right It’s 20 degrees, and yet names, I guess she just liked other It’s your touch I crave. ones? It’s as if they had a bonfire using the textbook on journalistic Moral of the story: vigilant journalism ethics to make marshmallows, burnt is imperative, and anything less than the marshmallows, wiped them on a honesty is worse than haikus about piece of paper, and then published it. slurpees. Although the 24 hours following its publication were the most emotionally march 21, 2018 the paper page 13

the paper’s view Ask Bob and Judy

Love is stronger than hate. Giving advice to a lost generation There has been a lot of controversy with schools lately. From the white supremacy scandal on our own campus, to the fact that young Q: Hi B & J, I recently got a new roommate, and it’s people can get guns so easily and bring them to school; there is a been difficult. How have you managed to live together lot of hate in our world. People do not pay attention to the needs of others. It is rather upsetting to many of us here at the paper. We are for 30 years? constantly in awe of what is going on in our own country and we cannot Bob: You know what helps take the edge off? Spending do anything to really make a difference at times. We try our best to a little extra time at work and getting a little some- influence our writers to act in solidarity, but are we successful? Not always. thing on the side (*wink wink*). One thing I strongly believe in is that love is in fact stronger than Judy: Well after a while, I just got used to his hands hate. We should all strongly condem hate. It is much easier said than smelling like other women’s feet. He’s a masseuse. done. We can send our thoughts and prayers, but that does not make a And if he bothers me, I just scream “I COULD HAVE true difference in our world. We need to get down to business and take love more seriously. Love each other. It seems so simple, but it isn’t. I PICKED MIKE” and he leaves me alone. Pence. What know it isn’t a babe. We have this guy, Stew, who writes the paper all the time. Stew has no affiliation at all with Fordham. He didn’t go here. He didn’t teach Q: I’m looking to have healthier eating habits, gotta here. He really just likes writing us letters to the editor-- sometimes he even addresses them to me, Claire. Picture it: “Dear Claire”. Anyway, get fit. What to you eat to stay healthy? Stew wrote us about love and how dudes should pick girls. Despite Bob: Every morning I sit down to a nice midwestern the weird undertones of the article, Stew made a point: we should only style breakfast: cornbread, corned beef, creamed corn, surround ourselves with people who are nice and caring. Forget money and fame. We need to support those who support love. regular corn, cornmeal, candy corn, popcorn, corn chips to dip in my creamed corn, a glass of high-fruc- And that is all I want to say this issue. Love more. Love freely. Love tose corn syrup, all while listening to Korn proudly. xoxo, Judy: Carrots, turnips, and hot juicy stinky hot dogs. Claire And mustard plops all over my shirt! HelllllYeahhhh Editor-in-Beef

Hello Fordham! Dr. Journalism here to give some spicy hot tips on good Do you have a question for Bob and Judy? We’re journalistic practices. Today’s lesson is on interviews! Interviews are a form ready to give advice to you damn snowflakes. of journalism where a writer asks subjects a question and then documents Email us at [email protected] for life advice their responses. As such, it’s quite easy to give accurate accounts about what transgressed. After all, the only thing you need to do is write exactly and a cool hat. what the interviewee said! Of course, you might run into some roadbumps; for example, you might completely fabricate quotes and pretend as if the subject said it verbatim. Other mishaps could include sensationalizing childhood trauma for shock value, or (and this is a big no no) you could insinuate that the subject has been accused of bigotry, even if this has never occured. You see, in the journalism world, this is what we call “slander,” and should be avoided, generally speaking.

I don’t mean to startle anyone with these these tips, these mistakes are very uncommon, and would only happen if a publication had their head very far up their own ass. Most importantly, I trust you to make the best decisions about your writing, and I can rest easy knowing that any reputable publication would see these mishaps from a mile away. After all, that’s why we have journalistic ethics in the first place!

I hope that these hot tips help you in the future! And remember, if you wanted to make up stories, you could have just written a novel. love, MJJM Doctor of Journalism page 14 the paper march 21, 2018 Fordham Should Invest in the Planet, and Not Just by Buying Flowers By Robin Happel Divesting from fossil fuels is the path to sustainability Copy Editor they do, investors should be prepared to rankings from the National By 2016, solar was growing faster In recent years, fossil fuels have to pick up the tab. And, even beyond Association of College and University than any other form of power, and become something of a pariah in such financial losses, there is the Business Officers.) While Fordham’s Bloomberg predicts that the global American politics. Class action suits, public relations perspective. endowment is obviously unable to market for green energy will only most famously Juliana v. United Boycotts often begin slowly, but compete with the likes of Harvard and continue to increase. Trump’s tariffs States, echo the lawsuits that broke build rapidly. From the current Yale, in short, perhaps we could chart cannot fight the market forever, and the tobacco trust. Spearheaded campaign to cut ties with the NRA a new course, and become a leader neither should we. by either youth activists or coastal to how colleges divested from South in socially responsible investing. By transferring more of our cities, such lawsuits argue that Big Africa during apartheid, there are Additionally, our relatively lower rate endowment into mutual funds Oil should be liable for the damage countless examples of how a fringe of return means there is a lessened that foster clean energy start-ups, it has done to the planet. And, like cause can become front and center opportunity cost in switching to such Fordham can plan for long-term Thalidomide or Big Tobacco, it should within weeks, or even days. While ventures. Compared to some other returns, rather than continuing to pay for its public deception about divesting from fossil fuels may seem schools, we can perhaps afford a put its chips on coal and other dying the true danger of its products, as its unrealistic now, it would perhaps slightly higher degree of risk. industries. (Currently, it should be decades-long campaign of climate be better to divest before public In finding additional in- noted, fewer Americans work in the denial finally collapses. pressure mounts, and ties to fossil coal industry than work at Arby’s.) Once thrown out, such suits are fuels become a potential liability. If vestment firms that sup- Additionally, publicizing divestment now more and more mainstream, Reagan’s tacit support for apartheid port sustainable power, would encourage more green signaling something of a sea change drove so many deans to divest in the initiatives on campus, and perhaps in the courts. This month alone, the 80’s, what will Trump’s clamoring for Fordham can truly live even spur undergraduate and faculty Ninth Circuit unanimously ruled that coal jobs do? The outrage over pulling out the ideals of Lauda- research into renewables. By creating the Juliana plaintiffs had standing. out of Paris may well be a watershed a campus climate favorable to clean Chevron’s $9.5 billion dollar moment, much like the Dirty Dozen to si. We can put people energy, Fordham can potentially profit damages ruling is currently being campaign in the early days of the and planet over profit, more than by maintaining something reviewed in Canada, and potentially environmental movement. Recently, of a culture of silence around our own across every continent Chevron has for example, Governor Cuomo and NYC and carry on our code of investments. Columbia University offices in. BP is still paying perhaps Comptroller Scott Stringer announced cura personalis in all we scientists have been instrumental the largest corporate settlement that they hope to divest their roughly in the development of catalytic in American history for its oil spill $390 billion in combined assets, do. converters and coal scrubbers – who in the Gulf of Mexico. And, should and “decarbonize” public pension knows what our own faculty is capable the Juliana plaintiffs someday win funds. The World Bank is phasing out of, with the right encouragement? their constitutional claim, the U.S. funding of oil and gas exploration. Through impact investing Assuming, in the absence of more government itself could be called The Norwegian government recently practicums in the Social Innovation detailed financial statements, that upon to divest from fossil fuels. proposed pulling one trillion dollars Collaboratory and countless classes Fordham is indeed largely divested In a recent interview with The Ram, out of fossil fuels, claiming that future in the IPED program, Fordham from fossil fuels, it should pressure its Fordham’s Chief Investment Officer returns are too risky. Even the family teaches its students that the free sister schools to similarly divest, and Eric Wood stated that Fordham only that founded Standard Oil is now market can be instrumental in social invest more actively in renewables. indirectly invests in fossil fuels, and selling their stocks, and calling fossil change. Shouldn’t administrators For years, the Alternative Investments such investments are a relatively small fuels “morally reprehensible.” Which practice what they preach? By Club, Fossil Free Fordham, and other portion of the overall endowment. side of history should we choose? expanding the existing 50-30-20 student societies have pressured the Like many schools, Fordham invests Already, colleges across the program and investing 20% or more administration to invest more in green conservatively, and prefers not to country have begun to divest from in socially responsible causes, the initiatives on campus, and Fordham’s sell or shift portfolios when possible. fossil fuels, and countless more are administration can lead by example. participation in PlaNYC has been But is investing in fossil fuels – even considering selling off their shares. In finding additional investment firms a great success. By publicizing the indirectly - really the safest option? By being a bit ahead of the curve, that support sustainable power, current scaling down of fossil fuel As more class action climate suits Fordham arguably gains in PR what it Fordham can truly live out the ideals investments, and working more openly succeed – which, given the current lacks in financial rankings. (Notably, of Laudato si. We can put people and with the Sustainability Committee momentum, seems almost a foregone according to a report compiled by the planet over profit, and carry on our to review our current investments, conclusion – the effects on investors American Association of University code of cura personalis in all we do. Fordham can lead the way among could be catastrophic. Following a Professors, our Moody’s bond rating This is not to say that investing Catholic colleges in fulfilling the false claim that they were paying is below Notre Dame, NYU, and in clean energy is necessarily Pope’s vision of a Church committed damages for the Bhopal disaster, Villanova, and our endowment has unprofitable, however. Renewable to combating climate change. We can Dow Chemical stocks lost $2 billion been performing worse on average energy is currently growing much become a paragon of people over in market value in a little over twenty than the S&P 500 since 2010, faster than fossil fuels, and countless profit, and planning for the future of minutes. Although the share price resulting in potentially hundreds of investment firms, from Bill Gates’ the planet beyond our gates. rebounded once the announcement millions in losses. Compared to other Breakthrough Energy Ventures to the was revealed as a hoax, someday colleges, our yearly returns since the over $4 billion firm Riverstone, are such rulings may start to stick. When 2008 crash vary widely, but seem hoping to cash in on the inevitable mostly middle of the pack according market switch as coal collapses. march 21, 2018 the paper page 15

Jessica Jones: Certified Fresh by Michael Jack Jack Michael by Michael Jack O’Brien They do Trish dirty though Executive Editor a detective adventure to uncover the them, and the show does not shy away which Jessica spends most of her time Ahhh Netflix, you narcotics dealer truth. Throughout the season several from reminding you of this constantly. hunting down is interesting enough; you, you know exactly what you’re common themes are played out From Hogarth helping Jessica with legal however, it can never truly be “great” doing when you release an entire through three unique and oftentimes troubles, to Jessica literally punching a as it stands in the shadow of Kilgrave, season of Jessica Jones at the same separate plotlines. Jess, battling hole straight through a sex offenders the mind controlling man in purple time, you know that I’m a college with her past, struggles to shake Tesla. Each girl has their own style and played by David Tennant (WOOOO) in student and therefore I’m obligated her “lone wolf” attitude and become methods, learning from one another to the last season. By no means am I to stay up until 3am and binge watch more trusting of others help. Trish, deal with an oftentimes hostile world, saying that these characters are bad, the entire thing. I’m beginning to think half celebrity and half investigative it’s all very #MeToo, and I’m sure this as a plot device IGH works well in the that Netflix wasn’t built by people journalist, must battle with ghosts of was completely intentional. I’m also story because for most of the season, looking to make money, but instead by a child star past of sure that there will we only hear about the good deeds that time vampires hellbent on depriving sexual abuse and be no shortage of the organization did, adding sympathy the world of sleep and productivity. drug addiction. “die hard Marvel to what could have easily been a Well, congrats Netflix, it worked. And the strong fans” (read: bog standard “evil corporation”, but Jessica Jones season 2 starts but sometimes assholes), that compared to the shows former big off in traditional fashion with our ruthless attorney are itching to jump bad, it’s simply lackluster. titular protagonist taking pictures of Jeri Hogarth must on twitter and All in all, I highly recommend Jessica something she shouldn’t be taking come to terms complain that the Jones season 2, with the caveat that pictures of and then giving a noire with what her series has been you watched the previous season, style voice over as smooth sax plays in accumulation of oversaturated and for that matter, a fair number of the background. She is then paid for power really means with the feminist the previous Marvel Netflix series. some menial P.I work and proceeds to in the face of life agenda or Multiple plot points and character drown her sorrows at a bar. Jessica, altering events. something similar. motivations would be confusing if the in her true form, is clad in a leather These plotlines As a word of watcher hadn’t been informed in the jacket and blue jeans with Doc- come together extremely well and advice, if you want to enjoy the show, past, and to this point, the family of Martins; an outfit which, despite it breathe life into a show that could just ignore it. shows works much better as a larger being the middle of the summer during be criticized for being too formulaic. While Jessica Jones’s story is body of work than as single, isolated the show, she will never take off. One Watching Jessica Jones, I understand compelling, its antagonists/antagonist vignettes. Whether or not this is a starts to wonder if she’s constantly why these particular stories were leave something to be desired. In turn off is up to one’s interpretation wearing this getup because she’s reserved for longer series instead of the beginning of the series, we’re of good television. Do you like short, still haunted by her past, or if she’s blockbuster films, the difference in introduced to Pryce Cheng, a rival well rounded stories that are tightly just doing it as a political statement, tone is palpable, and in addition, the P.I and all-around douchebag who I wrapped up? Or do you enjoy longer because it’s 90 degrees out and she development for these plots is a much assumed was going to be Jessica’s winding television, slower burns? That doesn’t CARE if you want to wear your slower burn than that of a “Marvel male counterpart in a “battle of choice is up to you. Despite this, I had romper to work, BLACK LEATHER FOR Movie”, it’s why Daredevil works as the sexes” kind of way. However, fun with the series, Jessica is always a EVERYONE, BITCH. a series, but an Iron Man TV outing five episodes in and he’s still used joy to watch, and her supporting cast Of course, this all changes when as would most likely not go over well. sparingly, mostly as a punching bag for do a fantastic job of rounding out the this show usually goes, a demon from While each woman in the series has the rest of the cast instead of a capable series, creating a great adventure to Jess’s past is dug up, and with her their own struggles in life, there is a rival to Jessica. As for the series other binge-watch. adoptive sister Trish, she must go on visible sense of solidarity between villains, the shadowy IGH organization page 16 the paper march 21 2018 Bluegrass Is A Valid Music Interest And Here’s Why Events by Claire Nunez This is the hill Claire will die on What: NYC Feminist Co-Editor in Chief transported into the soft, crisp grass of music. There is just something about Zinefest I am a little afraid to be writing this the mountainside; the fresh air blowing a guy singing, with a straw cowboy Where: Barnard Hall, 4th right now. Will this change the way my hair gently into my face as I play hat on, about tractors and beer that people view me? My reputation is a fiddle with a floral print dress on. makes me incredibly angry. How can floor, 3009 Broadway already questionable. I am totally going That is probably just a weird bluegrass a genre squeeze out so much money When: Sunday March to lose respect because of what I love… fantasy I have, but that is the vibe the on tractors and wagon wheels? It is 25th 12-6 pm and that is bluegrass. I love bluegrass music gives me. ridiculous. I cannot stand country music. I was once totally ashamed So why is it that I keep my music or the Instagrams of people How Much: Free! of it, but now— I still kinda am. Why love of bluegrass in the dark? To be who go to those summery concerts Why: It’s a pro-women, am I afraid to tell the world that I am honest, I am a bit scared that people wearing flannels and cowboy boots in trans positive meetup for infatuated with banjo strums and raspy will either 1) think ill of me for being 95-degree weather. It is an absolute voices? Well, the answer, my friends, is a fan of bluegrass or 2) think ill of the NO from me. all ages! not at all simple. genre for having me as a fan. Either But bluegrass is different. It is not My music as pompous. It is What: TEDxFordham: choices are not often more low-key and considered to be calming. There are Breaking Down Barriers “good.” Actually, I no exclamations that Where: Fordham Prep, listen to pretty basic beer is in fact the best Leonard Theatre and lame songs beverage on earth, nor and artists. I have are there professions When: Wed. April 4th, @ been described as a of love to a scarecrow. 5:30 pm “pop music hoe” by Bluegrass is more How Much: Free but people who think they folksy and relaxing. know what they are Whenever I listen to it, spaces are limited talking about (they I either feel really calm Why: Features speakers may actually have or like I want to do of various backgrounds an ear for musical some light dancing— notes and tones, but I yes, light dancing. I talking about how they think all of this is very love the way it makes broke barriers to succeed subjective). I listen to me feel when I listen the likes of Katy Perry, to it, and I think it an inarguably terrible is time for me to let What: Washington Sq. artist; the Jonas people know that I Spring Fair Brothers, Lady Gaga, love bluegrass. Where: Washington Sq and literally whatever I am very much done is playing out of the with caring about what North from 5th Avenue to radio at work that people think. If you University Place only gets one station. decide to criticize me When: Sunday, March 25 My only redeemable or bluegrass because fanhood would I like it, that is very so How Much: Free! probably be Hozier— much a you problem. I Why: Outdoor fairs are and I don’t even know am going to live my life always a ton of fun the last time he came and listen to my banjo out with new music. music and have a I listen to “Take Me bluegrass band at my To Church” probably wedding and maybe a hundred times a even learn to play the week. Isn’t that sad? fiddle. I am coming Someone sign me up out of the bluegrass for What Not To Listen To because I closet. I will not care could use a music-style makeover. way, I am scared of the perceptions of if people think it’s weird. I really think Bluegrass is different to me. I others. I am generally a very confident people have the capacity to be tolerant listen to it when I am just hanging out and independent woman who does not enough to let me listen to my damn or studying. I just like the sound of it. give a flip about what people think, but bluegrass music whenever I want to. It The soft strumming of a guitar or the for some reason, bluegrass gets me. is cool. If you don’t like it, oh well. I soothing yet abrasive voices give me Maybe it is because I somewhat am going to keep bopping along to the some sense of calm. I am not from the associate bluegrass with country smooth strums of the guitar. bluegrass country, but I am instantly music and I hate, HATE country march 21, 2018 the paper page 17 Mary-Kate and Ashley is a Lie and So is Your Childhood Shows by Colleen Burns They’re just not realistic, okay?!?!? Where: MMAA Sprin Co-Editor in Chief here because there is just no way two end up in police custody for trespassing Paris, Rome, London, New York City, different sperms fertilized two different on private property. Have no fear, this Alumni-Student Cabaret the Bahamas, and a nonspecific desert eggs, and both girls just happened to is not the only time the fraternal twins When: Sunday, April 8th in Mexico. What do all these fun, get the same face. find themselves in jail. at 2-3:30 pm romantic places have in common?! They are all settings of prime Mary- They do not look like just sisters. Holiday in the Sun: This one opens How Much: $15 Kate and Ashley movies that you once They look like the same person. ARE with the twins angry with their parents suggested donation held dear to your childhood. As you THEY THE SAME PERSON? Ok, I won’t for surprising them with a private jet Why: Watch performers get older, you may feel a need to be go there. Of course there are two of and a vacation in the Bahamas! How #retro and re-watch some of these twin them, but what else could they be completely inconsiderate of their relive their favorite classics, especially if you are spending lying about? If they are lying about the parents to not respect the twins’ shows! a semester abroad. identicalness of their identities, they wishes to go to Hawaii with their ought to be lying about something else. friends. Love Interests: One twin battles But beware; I bestow upon you my Megan Fox for hottie Jordan. The other What: The Orchid SHow most heartfelt warning: And you know what else is a lie? twin is fascinated by cute but dumb Where: New York THESE MOVIES. Every single movie is Scott, who—you guessed it—is being Botanical Gardens If you do not wish to ruin your set in a different, romantic place with coached by family friend and secret childhood memories and admirer Brian! Adventure and When: How Much: $15 innocence, for the love Crime: I told you jail was not Why: Who doesn’t love of all sparkles do not re- a one-time thing. They land seeing gorgeous flowers watch any Mary-Kate and themselves in jail trying to Ashley movies. There are solve the mystery of stolen in a cool green house only two types of people and smuggled *artifacts*. who should re-watch these What: Broad Comedy once thought to be glorious The Challenge: Set movies: 1) If you enjoy somewhere? in Mexico, the Where: Soho Playhouse reading the redundant plots twins are forced to reconnect When: Monday March 19 and predictable outcomes on a dual reality TV-show/ 2018 - Monday March of Sarah Dessen books scholarship program (where and are blind to nauseating can I sign up?) after not 26 2018 cinematography 2) If you speaking to each other for How Much: $20 take great joy in mocking art, TWO WHOLE YEARS. Hating Why: Enjoy hearing bad acting, and the failures each other from the start of other people. and fighting through most these women give biting Only these people will be of the plot, this movie takes commentary of our able to successfully watch the cake for the “we look the society through song and Mary-Kate and Ashley same but have completely movies without feeling their different personalities” twin dance. childhood slip away. trope. Love interests: One twin secretly dates another Before delving into how Mary-Kate an unrealistic (and usually shallow) contestant, and the other twin secretly and Ashley became walking money reason fot why the twins are there. dates an intern. Forbidden love is the machines, something needs to be They all contain what I am going to call best love! Adventure and Crime: This said. Something that might make you the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen Movie reality TV-show is basically Survivor. feel betrayed. Something that might Trifecta: adventure or mystery, sisterly Enough said. make you question science itself. I’m hate or love, and boys. See below for only going to say this once: Mary-Kate examples (spoilers ahead, not that you Seriously, the list goes on: Winning and Ashley Olsen, daughters of Jarnett care). London, When in Rome, Our Lips are and David Olsen, are fraternal twins… Sealed. All of the movies are essentially HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? THEY LOOK Passport to Paris: Mom and Dad the same. Just slap on a different name IDENTICAL. ship the girls off to Paris to visit their for each twin, new city, love interest, grandfather over Spring Break in hopes and EITHER sister or parent drama. I respect science. My parents are that the girls will become worldlier, Let’s not get crazy. Suffice to say, these scientists. I’m pursuing a minor in as they have been acting out and movies do not uphold the same values Environmental Studies aka climate disrespecting authority! Love Interests: as Full House. If you really want to re- change is real. That’s how much I two French boys of course! Adventure watch a Mary Kate and Ashley Movie, believe in science! But come on, and Crime: Exploring Paris is not watch New York Minute. It is the only someone had to have messed up enough. In this blockbuster, the girls one that made it to theaters. page 18 the paper march 21, 2018 Please God Let Ganondorf Be in the New Super Smash Bros by Meredith McLaughlin I know my fears are irrational but if he isn’t there my life is over Arts Editor man, sometimes he attacks Hyrule was a last-minute addition to Melee’s I could actually play as my favorite At long last, Nintendo Switch owners in the form of Ganon, a horrible pig roster, so the game devs just gave character in my brother’s fighting have finally gotten the ultimate boon: monster. Breath of the Wild opted to him all of Captain Falcons moves, but game. I knew about his disadvantages, Super Smash Bros. for the switch. In push Ganon’s design a bit further by made a bit more heavy and powerful. yet I dedicated months to unlocking the most recent Nintendo Direct, the making him a half robot spider, half When Brawl came out, Ganondorf was the secrets of maining Ganondorf newest edition in the beloved franchise ghost demon pig that inhabits Hyrule incredibly slow, and his most powerful in an attempt to prove to the world was teased, while promising to include Castle until you decide to face him. move, Warlock Punch, took so long to that he was a viable fighter to play the Splatoon characters in the new So obviously, the Breath of the Wild charge that it was nearly unusable. as. Once SSB4 came out, he was the roster. While all of this is very exciting, iteration of He could also only character I could play as and win. I am concerned that my own personal Ganondorf barely jump, I physically cannot play that game as interests won’t be met. The trouble would be hard making him any other character. starts with the fact that they clearly to play in a vulnerable My only hope is that the new SSB will showed they’d be using the Breath of party fighting anytime he choose to improve Ganondorf rather the Wild design for Link in place of his game. His was in the air. than lose him. Perhaps this time they’ll Twilight Princess design. Now I love best design As a result give him abilities that are reminiscent Breath of the Wild, it’s a fantastic game is inarguably Ganondorf to his powers from the Legend of Zelda, and I understand why they’re using it from Twilight was placed rather than just make him a Captain for the new SSB. While I think that using Princess, so dead last on Falcon clone. I fear they might just the updated design is the right choice, the best thing the Brawl tier make him an assist trophy, where you my real fear is that I won’t be able to SSB could do list. Of course can summon his Breath of the Wild main Ganondorf anymore because he is just keep these are all iteration to help you fight for five measly technically wasn’t in Breath of the Wild. that and update Link and Zelda. complaints that weak, undedicated seconds. Ganondorf means to much to For the uninformed, Ganondorf is the Ganondorf has been a playable fighter players make about Ganondorf. me, and I can’t bear the thought of him main antagonist of the Legend of Zelda in SSB since Melee, unfortunately he’s Twilight Princess is my favorite game of being discarded. Ganondorf better be series. While in most of the games he’s gotten a bad rap for being one of the all time, and after playing it in middle in the new super smash brothers or I like this 8 ft tall green wizard thief worst characters to play as. Ganondorf school I was so happy to discover that will take Nintendo America hostage. FET’s Playwrights Festival was a Huge Success for College Writers by Hillary Bosch The three plays were well recieved by audiences, which is cool Opinions Editor his own life. Phil masterfully brought packing to prepare for college and, in at lunch, getting toys in the mail, and This past weekend, Fordham radio entertainment to the stage and doing so, find mementos and memories not understanding their first periods. Experimental Theatre hosted its pulled the audience in with his poetic of their months of evacuation. As the At one point, the character of Kelsey Spring Playwrights Festival. A bastion and eerie script. main character Bridget (played by even asks “are we coping properly? of student-written theatre, FET hosts a Tim’s show, Owe My Heart! was Emma Keely) remembers her past, a Should we be… crying or something?”, Playwrights Festival each semester in a musical he wrote and composed physical manifestation of her memory to which the other characters respond order to showcase student written, one himself about a man whose day is tells stories of the Storm to the audience that humor is a way of coping. Disaster act plays. This spring, FET was proud to disrupted by the unsettling truth that as a character named “Young Bridget” is overwhelming and everyone present works from FCRH juniors Tim someone out there owes him money. played by Lucy Skrebutenas. Through responds differently, but I wanted this Mountain, Phil Thompson, and myself! With a stellar cast of FET’s best play to show that although we have Phil wrote a Twilight-Zone-esque comedians, the characters go on an FET hosts a Playwrights different experiences in life, we feel show about a man driving in the middle adventure to a deli, make a friend from Festival each semester pain and triumph quite the same. of the night, struggling to stay awake by the sewer, and eventually confront the I could not be more proud of the listening to a radio show for late-night man who owes the lead, played by in order to showcase five actresses who participated travellers titled K-Round. This show Kevin O’Malley, money. On top of the student written, one act in my play. They understood how was stunningly experimental, as the actors’ fantastic performances, I think much this piece meant to me and only person on stage for most of the what impressed audiences (and me!) plays. artfully combined reality with their show was just the lead character Mitch, the most was the entire band playing own character interpretations. played by Matt Schumacher, driving his on the side stage complete with drums, discussions with her two friends #KappaSaunaLouisiana car. The other actors lent their voices to keyboard, bass, and Tim himself on and eventually her mother, Bridget The semiannual Playwrights Festival the radio in his car, reading their lines guitar! Owe My Heart brought together concludes that although Katrina was is easily one of the most incredible offstage. The melodical, calming voice all the best parts of theatre: comedy, a traumatic experience, it was also an events at Fordham: art written by of Nate Crawford was that of the main live music, singing, and deli meats. opportunity for growth and strength. students, directed by students, radio show host, who told a variety My show is titled Standing Water, I did not intend for it to be a sad play. performed by students, enjoyed by of stories to Mitch and the audience. a semi-autobiographical account of In fact, the characters joke about all students. I was honored to be a part of The show blurs the lines of reality and my experiences following Hurricane the little things that happened during it, and I hope to see works by Tim and dreaming, as Mitch starts to notice the Katrina. The play opens with two girls the evacuation like buying ice cream Phil in the fall! radio voice talking about things from march 21, 2018 the paper page 19 Netflix’s New Series Is The Coming-of-Age Story We’ve Been Waiting For by Olivia Langenberg Everything may suck but this synopsis doesn’t! Features and Lists Editor outed 20 years ago, especially when all play spin-the-bottle, which results knows Luke wants it. Also, the most Netflix released yet another original you’re 15, and you aren’t even entirely in Luke and Kate in a closet together. lighthearted scenes of the show occur back in February called Everything sure how you feel. Meanwhile, as Kate The two do end up kissing, but Kate simultaneously: Emaline, Oliver, Tyler, Sucks! and I’m here to spoil it for you. eats lunch in the bathroom and tries to immediately blurts out “I think I’m a and McQuaid read on the internet that The show is set in 1996 in Boring, remain invisible, Luke is scheming with lesbian” afterward. you can get high from eating a bunch of Oregon, which is actually a real place, his friends about how to ask Kate to be Episode Five: nutmeg, so they do it. Haha. though it was filmed in Oregon City and his girlfriend. Yikes. He makes a music After Kate’s revelation in the closet, Episode Eight: Portland. The show revolves primarily video to Oasis’ “Wonderwall” because Luke decides the best plan of action is FIELD TRIP!! The movie squad heads around the stories of Luke and Kate, a he knows how much Kate likes the for the two to continue dating so that no to California to shoot some scenes at freshman and a sophomore at Boring song, and plays it during the morning one thinks the rumors are true about Dominguez Rocks. Unfortunately, Oliver, High School. Surprise, surprise, these announcements. Kate, completely Kate being gay. Uh… she is though. I the movie’s star, thinks he’s a hotshot kids are played by real 14-year-olds and caught off guard, stammers a “yes” to started to get really frustrated around and he takes off for New York. Emaline not random 24-year-olds pretending being with Luke, though it’s clear to us this time, but I digress. Unfortunately, is devastated. She has a moment with like they still look young enough to pass that she probably isn’t that interested. there’s a really sad scene at the end Kate in their hotel room, admitting that as high schoolers. I’m going to take Episode Three: of the episode where Luke is at Kate’s she was incredibly reliant on Oliver and you through each episode, give you the Luke and Kate’s relationship is in for dinner with her dad, and Kate plays doesn’t know what to do now. The two of highlights, and hopefully explain why full swing, and Luke tries his best her mom’s favorite song on the piano. them almost kiss (!!!), but ultimately are I got so emotionally invested in this to be romantic for Kate. She’s in an While Kate sings, Luke realizes he interrupted. Kate, still trying to be there short-lived Netflix original. uncomfortable situation, though, and might be falling in love with her. Oh, no. for Luke, takes him to a Blockbuster in avoids most physical contact. So much Episode Six: Hollywood, revealing that she tracked Episode One: so that when Luke leans in for a kiss in This episode was arguably the most down his father. It doesn’t go well, In the first episode, we meet our the auditorium, Kate pulls the fire alarm emotionally exhausting. Luke gets though, and Luke blames Kate. typical freshman outcasts- Luke, our to avoid it. The sprinklers go off and tickets to see Kate’s favorite singer, Tori Episodes Nine & Ten: protagonist, and his friends McQuaid everything, which ends in a disaster, as Amos, to surprise her, and the two take Luke is still acting like a complete and Tyler. The boys are eager to get the auditorium has water damage and a trip to Portland. Kate wonders why asshole, which is only elevated when involved and meet girls, despite being the drama club can no longer put on Luke would do something so thoughtful he realizes his mom has been dating incredibly nerdy and awkward around their play. Unfortunately, Emaline and for her, and you guessed it! It’s what Kate’s dad. He demands they stop such girls. They ultimately join the A/V her pretentious boyfriend Oliver saw boyfriends do. Kate has an epiphany dating, which makes EVERYONE club, which is primarily in charge of Luke running out of the auditorium, so at the show when she sees two girls ELSE upset. Kate and Emaline admit the morning announcements. Here, the perpetrators can’t stay anonymous kissing. She tells Luke they need to their feelings for each other. I literally Luke meets Kate Messner, a shy for too long. Though Kate was the break up, to which he doesn’t respond exploded at this point because I was sophomore who just so happens to be one who pulled the alarm, Luke takes well, and the two have a pretty difficult so proud of Kate, and for how proactive the principal’s daughter. The two bond the fall for her because “that’s what fight. Kate tells him that he needs to she became in her own life and in her over the fact that they both have been boyfriends do.” Ew. accept her the way she is, and that he dad’s. She realizes what Luke has done raised by single parents. From the first Episode Four: never really liked her anyway- he just and scolds him for destroying their episode, it’s clear that Luke has a crush Feeling the pressure from the drama liked having a girlfriend. parents’ happiness. Luke has a change on Kate and this might not end well. club, Luke tries to figure out a plan Episode Seven: of heart, and ends up changing the And why is that? Because Kate has her to ease tensions. With the help of his Luke is SUPER pissed off that Kate ending of the movie to reflect his and eye on someone else. And she’s a girl. friends and Kate, Luke presents the idea broke up with him, and he literally acts Kate’s friendship. He reconnects his Episode Two: of a movie to the drama club. He hopes like a monster to everyone around him. mom with Kate’s dad and everyone is Now we’re really starting to explore that A/V club and drama club can team Kate, coming to terms with her identity, happy! Emaline and Kate have a sweet the sexual identity of Kate. After an up to create something the school has removes the posters of famous guys moment in the auditorium where they altercation with popular drama club never seen before. Emaline and Oliver, in her room and replaces them with kiss and dance to music. Just when you girl, Emaline, in the locker room, rumors the clearly dominant personalities of posters of women she admires. She think everything is all well and good, are spread around school that Kate drama club, hesitantly agree, but not pierces her own nose, and in a moment the show ends with Luke’s deadbeat is a lesbian. I was born in 1998, but I without messing with the freshman a of pure empathy, begs her dad to dad showing up at his door. WHAT!!!!!!!!! can imagine how horrifying it was to be little bit. Emaline decides they should fund a trip for the movie because she WHY!!!!!! EVERYTHING WAS GOOD!!!!! page 20 the paper march 21, 2018 figured it was about time to feature ourselves.....

hey it me liv! i’m a sophomore from omaha, nebraska majoring in digital technology & emerging media!! i’m also minoring in english.

but you didn’t come here for that.... let’s get to the good stuff. • i have a secret love for the song “rockstar” by post malone. i’m sorry. • i’m deathly afraid of owls and for some reason they keep popping up in infomercials lately and i HATE IT • all of my male celebrity crushes are exactly 6’0” which kinda freaks me out but at least i’m predictable • i used to be insecure about not liking strawberries so i just told people i was allergic to them even though i’m not (i like them now tho) • prior to like a week ago, i genuinely thought stephen hawking and stephen king were the same person and i can’t believe i’m actually that stupid • my favorite jonas brother is joe. always the best bb i gotta find u

look it’s katelynn!!! also a sophomore from westchester majoring in new media & digital design and communications & culture.

here are some paper-exclusive facts: • sometimes i forget how to talk. talking? i don’t know her. speaking english whomst? not i • i believe myself to be a egg • i have a mediocre art instagram follow me @katelynnarts • i dress exclusively in sacks. sacks on sacks on sacks (liv note: she always dresses well i don’t know what this means) • i stay bitter forever like one time i got detention for talking during a fire drill in sophomore year of high school and i’m still mad about it • my favorite history fact is that peter the great held a wedding for his good friend who was a dwarf. he invited all of the dwarves in russia to attend. i think this fact humanizes peter the great •my favorite past-time is sleeping but also i fear death but death is just sleeping forever? so...? march 21, 2018 the paper page 21

Everyone at some point or CATastrophe Pt I exercise gave me the frighten! I Santa????? another has been told interesting by Colleen Burns behaved, so um yeah that was by Michael Jack stories or lies by their parents. I didn’t find out until I was 14 that my parents’ successful and I don’t have a lot of good “parents We asked members of the paper my cat didn’t really go to the farm. traumatizing parenting tactic. lying to me” stories. One thing to share some. These are their I know that’s a common parent lie I do remember is the Sherlock stories. DUN DUN but, like, I just never questioned My Feet Too Fat Holmes style adventure I had to it. Like it made so much sense by Annie Muscat embark on to find Santa. Santa, Bird Omen to me because my parents said Heelys were fantastic. They made my parents told me, could move by Robin Happel she was there so she could poop you the coolest kid in middle school. at the speed of light and that’s My dad told me seeing a raven wherever she wanted. (At the end Alas, I wouldn’t know because my why he could deliver presents so in the road in front of you is an of her life she had health issues mother was determined to hinder fast. This all changed when at 8 omen of car trouble. He used to that caused her to poop whenever my would-be popular image. I was years old I found a receipt in my live with first nations people in uncontrollably.) My friend was the a wee lass who just wanted to roll moms purse while I was stealing Alaska & ravens are traditionally one who told me my cat was dead. around town, respecting women money from her (I was a shitty kid) considered to be very powerful. and making money. My mother for something I put in my letter STORY TIME: SEDATED BY MY had the audacity to LIE to me to Santa. I needed to go deeper, Squirrel Boy OWN PARENTS (NOT CLICKBAIT) when I told her I wanted Heelys. so I followed the paper trail, and by Katelynn Browne by David Kennedy She told me they didn’t have them scoured the house for some clue My dad told us that the previous For about 5 years from when I was in my size and she kept betraying as to whether or not Santa was owners of our new house let their 6 to when I was 11 my parents me until Heelys were old news. My real. Eventually, on Christmas child out on the back deck to play. would give me a pill every morning relationship with my mother has Eve, this led me to a crawlspace His mother sat outside with her without explaining why, and I never been the same. All because in our basement, where I found son, watching him play. She heard never questioned it. It was Ritalin. she wouldn’t let me get shoes with a boatload of presents, signed the phone ring from inside and the My parents just didn’t want to wheels. “From: Santa.” I guess being a kid wouldn’t come in with her so explain to me that I had ADHD, but detective’s grandson has its price she left him outside. While the kid I never even asked. Every morning An Original Groupie Experience right? was out on his own, the squirrels there was just “my pill” next to a by Olivia Langenberg from the forrest behind our house gummy vitamin shaped like Fred I can’t really remember any weird CATastrophe Pt.II took the kid, and turned him into Flintstone. It seemed so innocuous stories from my parents, but I by Marty Gatto halfboy/halfsquirrel and no one next to those gummy vitamins, but remember an awesome one from I found out over Christmas that my ever saw him again it was amphetamines. one of the administrators at my parents put down our cat when They say that when you see the high school. She was a big Billy we were kids, pretended she ran trees swaying in the backyard, Boarding School More Joel fan back in the day, and she away, and looked for her with us. that’s squirrel-boy, jumping from Like BORING SCHOOL or cut class with some friends to tree to tree. FRIGHTENING SCHOOL go find his hotel downtown. Long Whistling for Elton John by Cadila Vaz story short, she ended up hanging by Meredith McLaughlin Sid the Sloth My parents would always tell me out with Billy Joel in PERSON in You guys know the song Benny and by Gabby Curran they’d send me off to boarding HIGH SCHOOL and got a ride back the Jets? So, like, there’s this part As a kid, my mom told me that school if I ever misbehaved. That to school in his limo. Talk about in it when a guy audibly whistles if I grimaced and a gust of wind scared me so much, especially true street credit. Yeah, she got a few times and my dad told me blew across my visage, my face since I had it twisted, thinking that in trouble for it, but what a story he was the guy who did that and I would stay like that forever. Maybe boarding school was the same to tell. It inspired me to chase my believed him for years until he told that’s why I look the way I do. thing as boot camp! Rigourous groupie dreams. me he was lying. page 22 the paper march 21, 2018 “Firepower,” comes screaming at Young Fathers’ last album White Men you in a ready-to-rock mood straight are Black Men Too. The album kicks off, followed by “Lightning Strike” to off with, “Fee Fi” a tribal, percussive keep you on your toes with some kick- track full of subdued violence, followed ass riffs and solos. They also added by the brooding and melodramatic “In some seemingly political tracks, “Evil My View.” The quick and constant beat Never Dies” and “Never The Heroes.” on the song “Toy” towards the end of Although political tracks in this day and the album sounds like drum-and-bass age can be stale, Priest succeeds in not by way of a metronome with a low, being too over the top or overt in their eerie hook between frantically rapped references, which makes the tracks verses. ten times better. Picking a best track The album still makes room for on this album was extremely difficult, transcendent moments with low because every song is just fantastic, rhythms, like on the gospel inflected but the best one in my opinion has to song “Lord” or the marching drums be “Rising From Ruins” and its intro and church organs on the final track, track “Guardians.” The song is about “Picking You.” The song “Holy Ghost” is uniting in order to fight an enemy, an onslaught of vocal hooks over the which can also have some political wonkiest beat on the whole album. undertones, and the song makes you Young Fathers have an unbelievable Voyeur,” is an ominous, forward track feel just awesome. Priest proves that talent for taking a song that sounds like of Montreal about how Barnes ghosts a girl named heavy metal is definitely still alive and it was made on one man’s computer White is Relic/Irrealis Mood “Symbol.” The track reflects on his for- kicking. and turning it towards holiness. I Marty Gatto mer relationship and his self-destruc- couldn’t say if it’s an improvement on of Montreal, singer/songwriter Kevin tive drive that brought it to an end. Favorite Track: “Rising From Ruins” their last album, but it is something Barnes’s brainchild, has just released new. another album entitled White Is Relic/ Favorite Track: “Paranoiac Intervals/ Irrealis Mood. This album is a more Favorite Track: “Holy Ghost” natural dive into electronic sounds for Kevin Barnes. It’s a sort of logical follow-up to his previous album, which was a headfirst jump into EDM. White Is Relic/Irrealis Mood has a more naturally electronic sound, with a pop-beat foundation new to Barnes’s work. Furthermore, the titles of both the album itself and the tracks that compose it are of two parts. Each title is divided with a slash, effectively giving it two names. This quite interestingly affects the listening experience. Kevin Barnes’s music always tells stories, mostly about his hectic personal life. The fact that each song has two titles is derived from each song telling two different stories. In the Judas Priest Young Fathers first single, “Paranoiac Intervals/Body Firepower Cocoa Sugar Dysmorphia,” Barnes sings to a love- Christian Decker David Kennedy interest whom he wants to take under Logic Before this album, I really didn’t Young Fathers, an Edinburgh his bizarre, artistic-intellectual wing, Bobby Tarantino II have much experience listening to band that defies classification, just but then devolves into his expression put out another album that takes Michael Jack O’Brian of his own bodily insecurity. In “Writing Judas Priest besides a few songs. However, in the 18th studio album cheap sounding instrumentation The Circles/Orgone Tropics,” Barnes The young Atlanta based rapper for this legendary pioneer of heavy and turns it into something grand expresses a general dysphoria through Logic is back again with a follow up metal, I felt so empowered. The entire and exultant. They’ve been active for asking questions and responding to his 2016 mixtape Bobby Tarantino band has still got it after all these ten years now, and this is their 5th with the chorus “not a lot.” “Plateau with the ever creatively named Bobby years, especially Rob Halford, the lead full length album. Filled with frantic, Phase/No Careerism No Corruption” Tarantino 2. Logic is an interesting singer, who still sounds crystal clear. persistent percussion, lo-fi, electronic is a duplicitous track that sounds bird, as there is oftentimes a clear Somehow the band has managed to instrumentation, and vocals that partly like an electro-homage to David delineation between his mixtape work retain that classic 80s heavy metal go from raspy hip-hop to reverential Bowie’s iconic vocals, but pleasantly and his more expansive, ambitious sound, while bringing in more modern soul, this album manages to make its surprises with a clean, heavy EDM full album projects. While I certainly elements with today’s technology and arrangements sound busy and chaotic chorus. The final track on the album, enjoyed BT2, I feel as if this lack of innovations. The title and first track, in spite of their catchy simplicity. “If You Talk To Symbol/Hostility Cocoa Sugar is decidedly darker than ambition shows through. Along with march 21, 2018 the paper page 23 sharing a title, BT2 really does feel like sound is very indie rock with a twist of Charlie Puth Ft. Kehlani a retread of ground that Logic has al- pop, infused with some 80s glam. Here “Done For Me” ready covered, and while Logic still has Come the Aliens is the first album Wil- Olivia Langenberg Mario’s Sentimental the ability to captivate audiences with de has released since 1995, and since his energy and clever wordplay, one then, she has become fascinated with Charlie Puth just released another Indie Playlist of the best songs on the record is the the night sky and generally fears be- song from his upcoming album Voice- absolute banger 44 More for this very ing abducted by aliens. That certainly notes. This is a funky little tune that reason, Logic does not seem to have comes through in the song “1969” with acts almost as a conversation, as Puth any large, overarching message with all of the tech-y space sounds accom- and Kehlani sing to each other about this body of work. Of course, this was panying her voice. It was a little diffi- a relationship between two people who to be expected because as mentioned cult for me to actually understand what just aren’t on the same page anymore. previously, “Album Logic” and “Mixtape Wilde was singing about because her The lyrics in this? Nothing special. It’s Logic” are oftentimes two completely annunciation is not the best; however, very chorus heavy. I’ll admit, I didn’t different artists. A large majority of the I absolutely adore her overall sound. pay much attention to them. I was fo- songs on this mixtape are typical hip It is unapologetically 80s. I really like cused on how catchy this song is be- hop bangers that are not afraid to wear “Pop Don’t Stop” because it is basically cause it’s produced so wonderfully. I’ve their influences on their sleeve, which I begging for more pop music. As a pop known about Puth since I was in mid- have no problem with. Speaking of in- junkie, I strongly identify with Wilde’s dle school, and I’ll tell you the guy has fluences though, we need to talk about plea. Wilde’s songs spill out her weird- evolved like crazy and it’s awesome to 1. After slice - ivory the opening skit for the album, a two est and most random thoughts out in hear. minute Rick and Morty sketch where electric guitar notes and raspy poetry. waves the titular characters are arguing about She sings about aliens and candy on This is a typical Top 40 kind of hit. I what music to play while they go on this album. I cannot imagine an artist have nothing wrong with that; I love an adventure. I love Justin Roiland as that I more strongly identify with. My pop music. It’s the kind of thing that 2. Distant Days - rose much as the next person, but the skit only problem with Wilde’s album is that comes on at the gym and it makes you dive was so cringey, it honestly put a sour some of her songs seem to drag on for dance on the elliptical a little bit. After taste in my mouth. All in all the album way too long. I think that she could’ve hearing the same chorus like six times, serves its purpose, it’s entertaining, shaved a minute or so off of some of it does have me wondering: what has 3. pain - the war on but I won’t pretend that this is a mag- her tunes, but I am all for artistic ex- this girl ever done for Charlie? I don’t num opus by any means. pression and won’t judge. Overall, think Kehlani’s part in the song adds drugs Here Come the Aliens is a solid 80s al- anything special, but it pushes the nar- Favorite Track: 44 More bum that has been released just a few rative, and I like her, so it’s fine. Mostly, decades too late. this song shows how Puth has come 4. your dog - soccer from putting out covers on YouTube that he mixed in his bedroom to produc- mommy ing genuinely pleasurable songs that are guaranteed a spot on the radio. Is it an amazing, revolutionary song? Of 5. no going back - yuno course not, but it doesn’t have to be. It works. And sometimes that’s enough. 6. listening in - dr. dog

7. manicure - sports

8. girl - toro y moi

9. seattle party - chastity belt

Kim Wilde 10. prom song - surfer Here Come the Aliens blood Claire Nunez Who the heck is Kim Wilde? Honestly, I have no idea, but she is not awful. Her sound is very indie rock with a twist of pop, infused with some 80s glam. Here page 24 the paper march 21, 2018