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1993 Amicus Curiae (Vol. 3, Issue 11)

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Copyright c 1993 by the authors. This article is brought to you by the William & Mary Law School Scholarship Repository. https://scholarship.law.wm.edu/newspapers Weekly World Ambulance Chaser, centerfold.

AMERICA'S FIRST LAW SCHOOL

VOLUME Ill, ISSUE ELEVEN THURSDAY, APRIL 1,1993 TWENTY EIGHT-PAGES FDA Chief to Speak at M -W Graduation By PETER KUBIN other Bush appointees. " Who?" Many students at Kesslerholds degrees in both Marshall-Wythe echoed third­ law and medicine, and has been year Cathy Clemens' reaction to the FDA head since late 1990. the annOWlcement that David Upon his appointment, Kessler Kessler would be this year's law wasted no time launching a school commencement speaker. number of highly visible Kessler, who was appointed by enforcement actions, starting George Bush to head. the Food with the seizure of thou sands of and Drug Administration, has cases of "Citrus Hill " proven to be an aggressive and reconstituted orange juice that sometimes controversial carried the misleading label administrator of the agency. "fresh." The FDA has made Apparently garnering more news during his tenure a number respect in Washington than at of times, most notably for their M-W, Kesslerrecentlyaccepted overhaul of the federally an offer to retain his position, although he offered his See DRUGS, page 28 Carter O. Lowance fellow Roger Mudd (with Rod Smolla) will staff photo resignation along with many moderate tonight's Bill of Rights symposium. Judicial Council adds" Comment" section to Honor Code By PAULA HANNAFORD Prosecutor in Honor Code litigation. The by the Judicial Council with little debate. (3L) announced that the SBA had voted During a meeting of occasionally debate centered on whether the School One permits the ChiefJustice to postpone to extend the term ofsecond-year Judicial intense debate, the Judicial Council voted Prosecutor should act primarily as a fact­ an Honor Code trial for cases involving Council members' appointments to two on Monday, March 22, to add three fInder during Honor Code trials, or allegations of cheating to allow the years. Current second-year members Comment sections to the M-W Honor whether he should be a' 'zealous advocate professor to grade a sufficient number of will be retained into the next academic Code in an attempt to clarify ambiguities for the Honor Code" and argue for examinations to form an opinion about year unless they make a specifIc request revealed in the wake of Kevin Kroner's conviction of persons accused of Code whether cheating has occurred. The to be relieved. Broaddus also announced (3L) Dec., 1992 Honor Code trial. violations. After failing to come to a second Comment permits Judicial that she had requested, but had not yet The new Comments address the consensus, the Judicial Council concluded Council members to keep a collection of received, written proposals from the standard to be used by the Probable Cause that the Honor Code authors were "helpful notes" about Honor Code Honor Code Revision Committee Panel in examining whether sufficient " intentionally ambiguous" on that issue, procedure for future Judicial Council organized by John Brownlee (2L) to evidence exists to warrant a trial, the and decided to leave future interpretation members to use in interpreting various institute reforms to the student-run Honor timing of trials in cases involving of the School Prosecutor's role to the sections of the Code. allegations of cheating, and the keeping discretion of future Council members. Also during the meeting, Judicial See REVISED, page 8 of records concerning the application of Two other Comments were approved Council Chief Justice Susanna Broaddus Honor Code procedures for reference by future Council members. The most contentious debate occurred Kyle Short wins SBA presidential election over the proposed Comment to clarify the By DOUG MILLER enthusiasm to do the work. " select new members of the Judicial probable cause standard. The Judicial Kyle Short (2L) was elected President Other write-in candidates to receive Council to administer the Honor Code. Council voted (9-I) to accept a low­ ofthe Student Bar Association in elections votes included Dave Pernini (2L) with Both groups of nominees must be threshold standard for advancing an Honor held Tuesday, March 30. He ran nine votes, John Brownlee (2L) with two confmned by a vote of the executive Code investigation to the trial stage. The unopposed and received 146 votes during votes and Dave Delk (2L) with two votes. board of the SBA. majority of the Council members agreed the seven-hour polling. Twenty-four other write-ins with only " Increased involvement is one of m y that the proper standard to apply was Short, who also ran for president last one vote each were counted. biggest goals," Short said. "The whether "reasonable people could spring, served on the SBA this year as co­ Perhaps the most significant job for committee structure has been pretty loose disagree" about whether evidence existed chair of the Social Committee, and the new SBA President will come in the in the past, and l' d like to see that ti ghtened warranting a trial. The lone dissenter, representative to both the Board ofStudent next few weeks as Short nominates co­ Fred Jacob (2L), argued forcefully for Affairs (BSA) and the Graduate and chairs ofthe various standing committees See PREZ, page 26 adoption of a higher standard. "Either Professional Students' organization which serve the SBA. Short must also [the probable cause determination] means (GAPS). nothing, or we need a higher standard Short said his lack of opposition was ---Inside this issue than j ustwhetherreasonable people would due to his lengthy involvement with the • Profs vote to post exam schedules • Crossfire debates record labeling disagree," said Jacob. SBA. " IthinkpeoplesawthatIhadareal pre-registration. Page 3. restrictions Page 8. The Judicial Council also unanimously interest in doing the job," he said. '.'It's • Trading Cards: M-W Star Trek • Photo essey: M-W social events voted down a proposal to include a not just a resume builder, for me. I think fanatics. Page 11. documented. Page 21-22 •. Comment clarifying the role ofthe School people know that I have the energy and 2 ======Thursday, April 1,1993 THE AMICUS CURIAE Out of Our Heads From the Editor's Desk ... This May, along with the commemoration and recognition of Do you remember the story Justice Susanna Broaddus, What possible motivation our three years of hard work, we will celebrate the 300th ofMarburyv. Madison? A lame­ Cartee has effecti vely eliminated could be behind such a facially anniversary of the College of William & Mary and the 200th duck President John Adams any other second year from con­ inexplicable and unprecedented anniversary of the first law degree. Leading the Class of 1993 packs the federal judiciary with tributing to next year's Judicial move? We could pretend that it in this historic occasion will be David Kessler. That's right, members of his Federalist Party Council. Broaddus claims [see is an innocent act meant to rec­ David Kessler. on the night before his term in story p. 3] that there is still room ognize distinguished service. For those of you who don't recognize this household name office expires. to add interested rising third Then again, here are a few --or haven't read the news story on page one--Kessler is head of Every good law student re­ years. If she took the time to facts for you to ponder: This the Food and Drug Administration. In a nutshell, his claims to members the case because it es­ read §2.01 of the Honor Code school year has seen more de­ fame are mandating accuracy in nutritional labeling and banning tablished judicial review. Most she would know it mandates that bate over Honor Code and Judi­ breast implants. Admittedly, this characterization may not be of us also remember thinking the composition of the Council cial Council procedure than any perfectly fair, as Kessler is certainly the first FDA Administrator how sleazy it was for John Adams is limited to only seven 3Ls. year in memory; The current to give the agency some real teeth. However, his talents and to try to lock up the federal At any other time, this action Chief Justice has refused to lead abilities have little bearing on the graduating class as a whole bench with "midnight justices." would be just an irresponsible any public discussion or inquiry and the historic significance of this particular commencement. 200 years later, in their last gaffe. However, this year has regarding this debate; a grass­ Certainly, Mr. Kessler sounds like an interesting speaker for act as this law school's popu­ seen the Honor Code and Judi­ roots reform committee pre­ anyone interested in health law issues or administrative law. larly ele'c'tedrepresentatives, the cial Council in the center of sented numerous suggestions of The Law School Speakers Forum would have done well to get 1992-93 SBA voted to extend great controversy. Aresponsive Code revision to the Chief Jus­ him to speak at one of its sessions during the school year. the appointments of all current and representative SBA should tice two months ago; The Chief Unfortunately, the requirements for a commencement speaker second-year members of the Ju­ have opened the entire process Justice was asked to present the should be something more than strong interest shared by a dicial Council for another year. to public scrutiny and debate. possible revisions for Judicial limited audience. Any graduation speaker should have a broad No one ever asked the seven 2Ls Instead, they idly sat by while a Council consideration and pos­ appeal and should speak from experience in an area of relevance if they still wanted the job, but it grass-roots committee did their sible student referendum; the to all law students. is now theirs unless they quit. job for them. Finally, the SBA Chief Justice never formally Perhaps the suggestion of Ice-T as our commencement Like Adams' last minute effectively boxed out any sec­ asked the Judicial Council to speaker was a little too much for some to handle, but the court-packing, tillS last act by ond year who may have been consider or vote on any of these wlderiying idea has some merit: Considering the significance President Joe Cartee and the SBA inspired by this year's events. suggestions. ofthe occasion, the 1993 commencement speaker should reflect is permissible under the SBA The reasoning behind the It is too late for this SBA to the nature of the celebration. constitution. However, just be­ reappointments is that the cur­ lead the charge into public in­ cause something is permissible rent Judicial Council has done quiry and debate, but the least doesn't make it right. Judicial an excellent job. This justifica­ they could have done was not Council appointments have tion is utterly unresponsive to stonewall any future refoon. never been done in this fashion. the unprecedented nature of this Cartee, Broaddus and the 3L THE AMICUS CURIAE Each SBA President has tradi­ reappointment. Furthermore, it reps will be gone, yet Marshall­ M>\RSHALL-WYrHE SCHOOl.; OF LAw tionally made all appointments is inconsistent with the pastprac­ Wythe willhaveaJudicial Coun­ for only one year, allowing the tice of this SBA. At least one 2L cil reflecting their priorities, not "Dedicated to the complete and objectiFe reporting ofstudent news and opinion" new President and SBA to ap­ member of the 1991-92 Judicial those ofthe current SBA. How point the entire Council when Council was not invited to serve does that principle behind the Editor-in-Chief: Kevin Kroner elected. Thus, each Judicial asa3Lin 1992-93. Cartee didn't Rule Against Perpetuities go Managing Editors: Marc Bernstein, Leeanne Morris Council reflects the priorities of seem too interested in rewarding again? It's something about the Production Editor: Debbi Holmes the current SBA administration. that 3L's good work when he world belonging to the living, Assistant Editors: Paula Hannaford, Megan Kelly Acting at the request ofChief took office last Spring. not the dead. News Reporters: Features Reporters: John Crouch Bob Dickinson Letters Bob Dickinson M.A. Donald To the Editor: fellow students in order to create Council will be comprisedofthe Margret Hardy Susan FitzGerald During one ofmy daily gossip a proposal that reflected the Chief Justice, seven third-year Andrew Herzig Erich Kimbrough sessions on the naugahyde, I had concerns of the student body, students and seven second-year Peter Kubin Ben Landon the displeasure of hearing about the disregard for these proposals students). Denying other Laura Livaccari Suzanne McGrath two actions taken with respect to is horrendous. Not only will we students the opportunity to serve John Lohmann Phil Nugent the Honor Council. First, the have to wait another year for any is reprehensible. I also find it Doug Miller Fred Ochsenhirt revisions and recommendations substantive discussion or disturbing that next year's SBA Kirstin Mueller Jeffrey Regner Sarah Newman Steven Youngkin that were made by the ad hoc. revisions, but the work of the president and members have committee Jed by John Brownlee committee is relegated to the already been denied the Sports Gurus: Eric Chasse, Bill Madigan were never presented to the back-burner. Surely this is not opportunity to make Photographers: Teresa Brazzel, Kyle Short, Debra Zeitler current Honor Council. the respectthat sucha committee appointments pertinent to their Production Assistant: Brett Loney Secondly, Joe Cartee deserves. administration. Our SBA Cartoonists: Bob Dickinson, John Lohmann, Jeff Regner, Josh Sacks reappointed all of this year's Additionally, while I know organizations and councils Midwestern Correspondent: David Ziemer justices to another term. I write that Joe Cartee acted completely should reflect the judgment of Renaissance Woman: Dee Cohen this letter to convey no disrespect within his authority in the current SBA, not the last and Vic Tayback as Mel or criticism of the current reappointing the present justices, one. members of the Council, but I I find it hard to believe that he We are privileged to have an Editorial Policy am extremely critical of the actually took such a step. The Honor Code and Council at The letters and opinion pages of the Amicus Curiae are unilateral actions taken. current justices did do a Marshall-Wythe and it is dedicated to all student opinion regardless of form or content. According to John Brownlee, commendable job this year and certainly one of the hallmarks of Every student viewpoint can find a place in this publication, in Susanna Broaddus received the I do not mean this letter as any this law school. However, even accordance with our motto. Opinion articles are not edited for committee's recommendations criticism of their performance. the best systems need to be content, only spell checked. seven weeks ago. Since then, However, there are other updated and changed Letters to the Editor are not intended to reflect the opinion the proposal has not been students who want to serve the periodically in order to assure of the newspaper or its staff. All letters to the Editor should be prtsented to the C0uncil so that school on the Honor Council effective and accurate results. submitted by 5 p.m.on the Wednesday prior to publication. they may decide if a full student and if all of the students accept Unfortunately, it looks like any We cannot print a letter without confirmation of the author's referendum is in order. 10 light the reappointment, there will be such changes will be slower in name. We may, however, withhold the name on request. of all the work the ad hoc only one new 3L on the Council coming than we had hoped. Letters over 500 words may be returned to the writer with a committee members did and all next year. (Article lJ, Section Sincerely, request that they be edited for the sake of space. the time they spent polling their 2.00 of the Code states that the Judy Conti (2L) Thursday, April 1, 1993 THE AMIcus CURIAE ======3 Outgoing SBA reappoints Judicial Council to another year By DOUG MILLER President and confirmed by a vote of the but he said, "It creates problems in this [Cartee]'smotives were in the right place; The SBA has extended the fullexecutiveboard. According to Cartee, case because when the SBA picked us last he felt comfortable that they would appointments of all the second-year appointments can be made for either one year it was only for a one-year term. continue to do agoodjob, "he said. "But representatives to the Judicial Council year or two years. "In this case I thought TraditionaIIythe incoming SBA president I would have waited and let them apply for another year. The action came at the the wise thing to do was to appoint them appoints members of the Judicial Council along with everyone else. This way locks last meeting of the SBA held March 17. for one year and see how it went," Cartee and one would expect that the new SBA people out ofthe process who might have According to SBA president Joe Cartee said. "Now that they have shown what a president and executi ve council would developed a real interest during the year. " (3 L), the vote to extend the appointments good job they can do, I wanted to extend have that same opportunity. " Cartee said he felt comfortable with was intended to reward their exemplary their appointments for another year." Susanna Broaddus (3L), the current the SBA's action. " These people have performance during the current year. "I The appointments, which fall within head ofthe Judicial Council, downplayed done a tremendous job, and they deserve have been told that the second-year reps SBA bylaws, have caused some the concern. "Normally there isn't this to be reappointed," he said. "It was have all done an outstanding job, and I controversy. Fred Jacob (2L) who is one huge mass of people applying, so I don't within our power to appoint them for two would really like to be able to extend of the Judicial Council reps said he think a lot of people will get shut out. years to begin with, Ijust felt the prudent these appointments when we ask who is worried the extension might deprive other Also, there is no hard rule thatthe Judicial thing to do was make a one-year interested in serving again. " he said. The 2Lsofthechancetoserve. " Idon'twant Council has to be half2Ls and half3Ls, appointment, and based on their full executive board of the SBA approved to sound ungrateful," he said, " but so if there 's someone who really wants to performance, extend it." the extended appointments unanimously. allowing us to stay without ~aving to do it the new SBA could put them on." In addition to Jacob, the The Judicial Council administers the reapply may have dashed the hopes of Newly elected SBA president Kyle representatives who were reappointed law school's Honor Code, as well as SBA some other 2Ls who wanted to have the Short (2L), who was at the SBA meeting, were Tim Bird, Nancy Delogu, David elections and referenda. Judicial Council chance to get involved." Jacob agrees also had regrets about the message the Hopkins, Katie Horton, John Lockard, representatives are appointed by the SBA with the idea of a two-year appointment, appointment sends. " I am sure Joe and Julie Reynolds, 2Ls. Gay officers attack ban ~~----~~------~------~ By JOHN CROUCH servicemen, young and The military enfo rces its gay uninformed , would have ban through blackmail and lying, admitted being gay and been according to Air Force Capt. prosecuted. Knowing ills ri ghts, Greg Greeleyand NavyLt. Tracy he declined to incriminate Thome. They described their himself or discuss private experiences as officers and as matters. The Air Force conceded gay men to about I -0 students in that they could not prosecute. a panel discussion held Tuesday, but indefinitely suspended hi March 23. sponsored by ::,tudents dis harge for being for Ethnic. Ra ial and Cultural . 'un ooperati \'e.·' Exposure in Harmony. Professor Rodney the pres' and in Congress finally ' molla al'o at on the panel and iuduced tlle Alr Force t discussed the con-titutionality discharge him honorably. o f the military's ban. "I ,\Till not be blackmailed. G reele. and Thorne and . . . the Air Force found that em phasized that they came from out." said Greeley, addressing onservati\e. small-town the argument that gays are a backgrounds. Thorne was a security risk because 'pies can fighter pilot trained at a cost of blackmail them . In fact. he said. Greg Greeley, Tracy Thorne and Rodney Smolla discuss tbe --Gregg Scwind S2 million. When he stopped the only major blackmailer of military ban on homosexuals. repressing his homosexuality and gays is the U. S. military. He gradually let it come out, the cited a Pentagon study willch found that gays had better service that strong cohesion is a product soldiers in the Gulf War (during a y placed him in command of found no evidence that records. of training and combat, not a which the ban was suspended), a chi li cookoff and a Xerox homosexuality had ever caused "Unit cohesion," another prereqwsite for them. They cited machine. a U.S. serviceman to reveal argument for the ban, was hotly exam ples of combat cohesion See GAYS, page 10 Thorne's treatment was secrets. Another study, he said , discussed. The officers stressed between openl y gay and straight slightly ridiculous but Greeley's experience was far uglier, and, he said, more typical. While Faculty approves exam scheduling changes working at the Pentagon, he By DOUG MILLER exam schedule used to be exams for classes which are came from the SBA which slowly realized he was gay. A unanimous faculty released prior to registration, but held at the same time, since we purports to represent student Disappointed that he could not approved a one-year trial " it evidently caused a lot of know the same person can't be opinion, and they apparently serve hi s country willIe living proposal to provide students with conflicts which are a real pain in two classes at once. " thought it was serious. " ills li fe honestly, he sought a exam schedules prior to for faculty to have to deal with." "We can 't guarantee that After the vote Acting Dean discharge. All went smoothly registration. Associate Dean In order to avoid the conflicts there won't be one or two classes Richard Williamson reminded until, on the appointed day, the Conrue Galloway said a draft and resulting difficulties with which result in a lot ofconflicts, faculty that the proposed change WashinglOfI Post 's front page exam schedule had already been exam security, the exam schedule but we have a much better was for only one year. "In order displayed a picture of Greeley prepared to implement the was withheld until registration chance ofreducing them now," to continue the new system the leading a gay pride parade. change for the current numbers were known. Galloway said. faculty will have to take some A very nice man from the Air registration procedure. To reduce the number of The proposal passed with further action next spring," he Force explained to Greeley that The vote came during a potential conflicts, GaUoway has Iittleruscussion. Professor John said. After evaluating the new they would not prosecute rum if meeting of the faculty held changed the way she plans the Donaldson questioned how big procedure, faculty can either vote he admitted he was gay, revealed Thursday, March 25. Professor exam schedule. "There used to a problem it really was. "Iftills to adopt it permanently, or do who he had had sex with, and Trotter Hardy, who heads the be an attempt to schedule around is only a few students I tillnk nothing and let the trial period named at least two gay airmen, Academic Status Committee, the concentration of2Ls or 3Ls we're wasting our time. Ifit's expire and revert to the old system. so they could be briefed on the subm itted the SBA-written likely to be in a course without ten percent then maybe we In other business, the faculty risk of blackmail by foreign proposal to the full faculty after much attention paid to when the should be talking about it," powers. Greeley was skeptical. ills committee approved it. classes were scheduled," she Donaldson said. Hardy See EXAMS, page 8 Greeley says most gay According to Hardy, the said. "The new system wiU group responded that "the proposal 4 ======Thursday, April 1,1993 THEAMIrns CURIAE Kevorkian a killer at Cook-Off; PSF pledges top $11,000 By JOHN LOHMANN Scott Lesmes (IL) three shades The Public Service Fund held of red. " I was later to learn that it's annual Chili Cook-Off what Rob and Sonya were Friday, March 26. The event is referring to was " Uncle sponsored by PSF each year to Kevorkian's Downright Deadly cap off pledge week and to say Chili," the entry of Rob Walsh thanks to those who have pledged (2L) and Scott Layman (lL), support for PSF's public service which would eventually win the stipends. Hottest category. The event was a smashing Other winners included success. There were at least 16 Jimmy Entas ' and Paul com petitors in the Cook-Off, and Possinger' s (3Ls) " Jim and the attendance was wall-to-wall. Paul' s Stomach Acid and Music was provided by the Duffs, Furballs," which took second in who played a mix of folk, rock the Hottest category; " Spotted and progressive. The weather Owl" by Maarty Sangers (3L), held out through the Cook-Off which took second in the all­ despite ominous clouds. around Best category; I began my review of the " Kennedy's Dark Incontinent" Cook-Off in the beer line. The by Bill Kennedy (lL), which beer, well, it was cold. While took first place for Best Name; standing in line, Rob Church and " Persistent Vegetative (3L) burst forth from the crowd, Chili" by Sean Sell (3L) which --Kyle Short A huge throng sampled a variety of chili-like, gastro intestinal atrocities sweating profusely and cutting took second place in the Best at the Public Service Fund's annual Chili Cook-Off. ahead in line. He left after his Name category. long draught, mumbling The best all-around chili, something about the "Dean's Mean Green Chili" just stand here and take the favorite from Professor Grover, pledging over $50 received a t­ " Kevorkian.' , belonged to Dean Overy. About credit.' , she, eternally judicious and fair, shirt. The pledge drive was I asked around and Sonya this distinction, the Dean said, Professors Grover and Felton said only, "they're all lovely, I organized this year by Dave Speilberg (lL) told me that this " My wife made the chili, my were the official judges this year. have to say." Pfeferkorn (2L). same " Kevorkian" had " turned secretary made the sign, and I When I tried to pry a personal Among the other entries This year all the pledges are included " Black Angus in a going through the school' s Pensive Mood," " Road Kill," annual fund. Dalke explained " Sex," " Sensual Assualt," and that for each student to pledge "Uncle Chester's Laxative through the annual fund, PSF Magic." receives an extra $1 0 in the fonn The winner from the previous of a matching grant from an two Cook-Offs, Joel Wurster generous alumnus. (3L) was also competing this The net take this year was year with his "Moter City $11,777. This figure includes Powerhouse Chili." Tom Book the $10 matching grants. While (3L) said of Wurster's entry, "If an impressive amount, Dalke he doesn't win, there's no said that this was below last j ustice. " Wurster grunted in year's figure and said "I'm just approval, adding, " This chili's a little disappointed." He got some wang to it. " clarified, stating, " the individual Dave Dalke (3L), the co-cbair pledges have been very generous, of PSF, also commented on it's j ust that the number of pledge wee k. The event, pledges is down. It'sreallycJear according to Dalke, is the largest that a lot of people just don't s ing le fundraiser for the have jobs." organization. Members of PSF When asked about the quality staff the lobby table for a week, of faculty contributions Dalke King Tower (I L), Patrick Hanes (former2L), and Charles Griffith (2L) --Kyle Short eliciting pledges from students responded favorably, stating, donated their musical talents to PSF for the afternoon. and faculty. Everyonewhogave " We've had strong support from received a button and anyone the faculty." Despite their best efforts . .. Moot Court team wins Vanderbilt national tournaInent By PAULA HANNAFORD Saturday to a massive team hangover. in. " Ramsey was also pleased with the the judge. Added Kroner, "it didn't hurt Beyond all hope or expectation, the "As we gradually began to feel better, team victory. "Coming home with the us any that Joe had written his student M-W moot court team of Joe English, our arguments got better and better." trophy almost makes spending the week­ note for Law Review on the conditioning Kevin Kroner and Heather Sue Ramsey Ramsey and English said they en­ end with Kevin worthwhile." of government benefits." (3Ls) defeated NYU Law School and joyed the weekend. "We had a lot of fun Arguing for the State in a case involv­ All three were surprised by the an­ captured first place at the National Con­ and met a lot of nice people," said En­ ing the conditioning ofgovernment ben­ nouncement of their victory. "I had stitutional Law Moot Court Tournament glish. "Some of the other teams were efits and fundamental rights analysis, already congratulated NYU on their win at Vanderbilt University on March 27. very serious about winning, but even English and Ramsey bested the NYU after the final round-and even offered to "We hadn't prepared very well, and with the hangovers, we were just smooth. " team in the final round with Ramsey's buy them a beer;" said Kroner. "When our brief was lousy. But once we got to "The key to winning a moot court novel legal reasoning that "an indi vidual the judges finally announced at the ban­ Nashville, fortune smiled on us and we tournament," Ramsey added, "is to make has a liberty interest in his right arm," an quet that they had decided in favor of the really hit our stride." said Kroner, who sure that the number of bars you drink in argument that had the apparent effect of Respondent, it took a few minutes before attributed their good performance on exceeds the number of rounds you argue shutting down any further questions from we realized that that was us. ' , Thursday, April 1,1993 THE AMIcus CURLAE ======5 EPA director explores High Court's environmental record By KIRSTIN MUELLER permits from state environmental decision that the Court wants to avoid. interpreted tbe Clean Air Act. The EPA, On Wednesday, March 24, Barry agencies. The Clean Water Act stated The National Wildlife Federation during the Reagan Administration, Breen, the Deputy Director of the EPA that all federal agencies must comply challenged the legality of sections of the adopted a reading of the Clean Air Act Office of Enforcement, spoke on the with the requirements of the Act, which Federal Land Management Act in Lujan which gave complying facilities more Supreme Court and its environmental included obtaining permits. The Court v. National Wildlife Federation (1990). latitude. In Chevron v. Natural Resources record. held that federal agencies were not Justice Scalia, writing for the majority, De/ense Council (1984), the more lenient Breen was formerlytheeditor-in-chief required to obtain permits, but merely said justiciability was lacking because no interpretation was challenged. The Court ofthe Environmental Law Reporter at the had to conform to the conduct required by particular agency action was being deferred to the Executive by holding that Environmental Law Institute in the Act. Nowaiverofsovereigninununity challenged. The government cannot be any reasonable interpretation was Washington, D.C. is implied by executive acquiescence. sued for overall land use policy. The acceptable. Breen said that the topic of Congress then broadened the waiver Court said it would not do an overall In each of the Supreme Court cases, Environmental Law could not be more to require federal agencies to comply review of a government program even if the environmental interest lost. Breen timely. "There is a growing realization in with the procedural requirements of the violations of the law were rampant. said, "The threshold question is whether America that we have under-attended to Act. In Us. Department 0/ Energy v. In Lujan v. De/enders 0/ Wildlife environmental politics is different from environmental law in the past. " Ohio (1992), the Supreme Court held that (I 992), Defenders ofWildlife challenged other political issues. If environmental Breen discussed Supreme Court Ohio cannot rme the Department of the endangered species regulations. The politics is the same as other American environmental cases with regard to three Energy for past violations. The Court Court did not reach the case on its merits. politics, then Congress is the place to areas--sovereign inununity, standing and held that the language in the congressional The Court held that Defenders ofWildlife address environmental issues. If justiciability--and about the Court's Acts was not clear enough to open the lacked standing because, although a environmental politics, however, is deference to administrative agencies. government agency up to fines or particular regulation was being different, a new way of lawyering about In two cases involving the Clean Air sanctions by the states. challenged, no particularized injury was environmental issues is needed." and Water Acts, the Court held that federal The standard used in the sovereign asserted. The Court said that vindicating Breen argued that environmental agencies are subject to state regulation inununity cases is analogous to that used the public interest is the job of Congress politics are different because the losers only to the extent that Congress clearly for extraterritorial jurisdiction. The Court and the Executive. Breen said the Court on environmental issues are often those and unambiguously waives sovereign will apply the lawonIy ifCongress clearly will not hear a case unless a particular with the least amount of political power, immunity. In EPA v. California (1976) , and unambiguously states that the law is government act is identified and a and environmental issues have to do with the Court narrowly interpreted the applicable. The Court will decide no particularized injury is shown. responsibilities to future generations language of the Clean Water Act to find close cases. Breen said the sovereign The Ford, Carter and Reagan which have no representation in the that federal agencies need not apply for immunity issue is largely a political Administrations had each differently legislature. Law Watch By JOHN CROUCH and whose trial the prosecutor re­ The U.S. Supreme Court has let violating an injunction by block­ ishment. (USA Today). MARGARET HARDY jected two jurors under 23 years stand a lower court decision that ing clinics. He cited D.C. tres­ INTERRUPTUS . . . William GUN DEALERS LIABLE . . . old. The Court held that young gives recovered sunken treasure pass laws. (Daily Press). and Tonya Parker sued the Mid­ A California state appeals court adults do not constitute a group to the insurance companies that CALIFORNIA LOGIC ... land, Mich. Holiday Inn whose has ruled war gun dealers can 00 Illal could bring an cqual protec­ insured the s:hipment 130 years Leshbia Morones's employer employee barged iII on them on held for injuri.es occurri.ng after tion challenge for}\ll")' selecti.on. ago. The case involved the SS cannot dock her pay for being their wedding rnght. They Clalm a gun that has been sold to an (Wall Street Journal) . Central America that sunk. in late 5 1 times in six months ruled post-traumatic stress syndrome adult is given to a minor with the DISCRIMINATION 1857 and was discovered in 1987. an Oakland, Ca\., Judge ruined their sex life. Not to be dealers ' knowledge. This ruling SETILEMENT . . . Potomac The gold on board has been esti­ Friedman said tbe mother of fi ve outdone, the hotel says the places upon the gun dealer the Electric Power Co. bas settled a mated to be worth between $400 suffered from inadequate child Parkers were negligent in lock­ duty to ensure that they are not class action lawsuit that alleged million and $1 billion. (Wash­ care and public transportation, ing their door with the button on selling guns to individuals who, the company had discriminated ington Post). whicb were social problems, not the doorknob, and should have by federal law , cannot buy them. against blacks and women who LYNCH LAW . . . 46 Missis­ personal ones. (Liberty). double-locked it and posted This group includes minors, fel­ worked there and applied to work sippi jail inmates, all black, have ARKANSAS FOLLIES . . . signs. (National Law Journal). ons, drug users and the mentally there. The company will pay been hanged since 1987. Rev. William Meine sued the Correc­ ACID TRIP INSURANCE . . . ill. (Wa/l Street JOIln/al) . 538.3 million to approximately Joseph Lowery called for "in­ tions Department, which re­ Karim Talhouni's mother's KING'S PRIVATE LIFE 20,000 plainti ffs, minus the $12 vestigations of the investiga­ leased him ten months after the homeowner insurance covers PUBLIC . . . A libel suit was million attorneys , fees and costs. tors. " (New York Times). Arkansas Supreme Court re­ maybem from his "bad trip" to dismissed against Rev. Ralph In addition to the payment, the COMMERCIAL SPEECH . . . versed bis conviction. Wardens Cambridge, Mass., since he took David Abernathy who, in his company also agreed to make The Supreme Court struck down say no one told them. Mean­ LSD expecting' 'mild euphoria recent autobiography, wrote that changes in its hiring and em­ Cincinati's ban on sidewalk racks while, Benton Co. jail inmate and increased energy," said the the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. ployment practices. (Wall Street for advertising tabloids. Justice Ross Chadwell filed acivil rights state's top court. Justice Joseph spent part ofhis last night with a Journal) . Stevens said the law was not suit against the sheriff for let­ Nolan said Talhouni, "a wildman woman other than his wife. The SMALLCL~lSTOBACCO narrowly tailored to the city's ting him escape. (USA Today). out of control," was inexplica­ suit was filed by the woman who SUIT . .. A unique tobacco aesthetic and safety concerns, RACIST SENSITIVITY ... bly led to the bed of Glenn Scott, was assumed to be the one re­ industry lawsuit is scheduled to since it did not affect newspaper Finding that racial sensitivity a stranger. He urinated on her ferred to in the book, although be heard in a Washington state machines. (Washington Post). trainer Debra Sapp discriminated and tried to shake her head off, she was not mentioned by name. small claims court. The plaintiff A HOUSE DIVIDED : . . against Laurie Fitzgerald for arguing that "the bitch must The district judge dismissing the is seeking S 1,153, the amount he Tappahannock Judge Joseph dating a black man, and against die!" Leaving by a closed win­ suit held tbat Rev. King's pri­ says he spent to quit smoking Spruill told George Brooks to Aaron Hazard for defending her, dow, he was found "thrashing vate Ii fe was a mll-tter of public including the cost of nicotine rebuild his house or go to jail. a Colorado jury awarded them about, like a fish out of water, in interest thereby requiring the patches, doctors' visits, and a When Spruill awarded the house S2,350,000. By not hiring them the broken glass." (Law Re­ plaintiff to prove the author was health club membership. Be­ to Brooks's estranged wife, as pluralism workshop leaders, porter). grossl y negligent in printing cause the case is being heard in Brooks mashed it with his back­ Sapp's em ployer refused to con­ FLAKES ... An arsonist filing sometbing that was not true. small claims court, Philip Morris, hoe, lamenting that Spruill' 'ain't tract because of race. (Law Re­ a bogus claim may sue his insur­ (Wall treet Journal). the defendant, is prevented from paying me no mind." Brooks portell· ance company for its distress­ JURY EXCLUSION. . . A using the impressive array of had worked I 6-hour days and 7- NEW DEFENSE . . . A Ft. ingly unfair investigation, 1 inth Circuit U. S. Court of Ap­ attorneys that usually defend day weeks to put 570,000 into Payne, Ala. jury found school Wyoming's Supreme Court held. peal s has ruled that jurors may them in larger cases. A sales­ the house. (Richmond Times­ principal Joe Lemaster not li­ State Farm's investigator asked be excluded from serving be­ man wi th Philip Morris will be Dispatch). able for punishing Robin Odum, how many com flakes were in cause of their young age. The representing the company. (Wall PRO-LIFERS FINED ... D.C. 10, by hanging him by his ankles the box before the fire, and how case involved a murder convic­ Street Journal). Judge Louis Oberdorfer fmed with a jump rope. Lemaster much salt was in the shaker. tion of a 21 -year-old man in SUNKEN TREASURE . . . Operation Rescue S282,610 for explained that it was not a pun- (Lawyers Alert) . 6 ======Thursday, April 1,1993 THEAwcus CURIAE Sullivan works to align W &M quality and reputation By KEVIN KRONER law school currently is, and the I think it would be great to ment that all three of them don't want to predict how large [The following is the secondpart way it is perceived in some have first, a person with some made. I'm wondering what it's going to be from year to year. of an inten1iew with College places. Although, it is a very sensitivity to the law school's are the plans of adding fac- Dean Williamson tells me it is President Timothy J Sullivan, highly regarded law school right culture. I don't mean someone ulty? about even, in applicants, up till reflecting on his first year in now; it really is. If you go out experienced with the law school, Right now, I can't tell you now, as compared to last year; office} and talk to people in Virginia or I just mean someone who has that there are any specific plans. nationally they are down four or Amicus: We've already started around the country, in the pro­ grasped the kind of forces that I'm not saying that there aren't five percent. to broach the subject on the fession or otherwise, you'll get, have shaped the law school and going to be, but that it just hasn't During your tenure at law school level and the Col­ I think, a very positive response. brought it to its present situa­ loomed up on my radar. It is Marshall-Wythe, how closely lege level, but I was wondering Is it just a matter of con­ tion. Someonethatdoesn'tcome something that we need to ad- did Marshall-Wythe follow about your impressions of five tinuingthe to the dress, that is, think about and those national trends? or ten years down the road. work that "r think the law school ten school with consider how we might deal with Mostly we exceeded them, What is 0[1 our horizon, first at has been ' an inflex­ it. But, right now there is no in tenns of increasing applica­ the law school and then, at the done over years from now, should be rec- ible, pre­ concrete plan to expand the fac- tions. If you look back over a College? Not just facility ex­ thepastsix ognizedas one ofthe country's conceived ulty in any significant way. six- or seven-year period, the pansion or enrollment expan­ or se\'en set ofvalues Is that going to be up to the national trends went like this sion, but what is on your list for years;oris great law schools." and try to next Dean to drive for, if he or [holding ann parallel to floor] the next ten years? the r e impose she chooses? and we went like that [holding Sullivan: I think the law school, something different, a reallo­ those on the school. So I guess I'm sure it is. ann at 45 degree angle). That ten years from now, should be cation of priorities that we are I'm suggesting someone with Is the law school at a criti- was quite a gap. Although in recognized as one of the going to need to do in order to flexibility and sensiti vity, who's cal stage right now? We've each year there might be some country's great law schools. keep moving forward? not rash in his or her kind of been talking for a while about change, but overall, that was the What is the key to raising it I can't see the future that manner of thinking. That's the the law school moving up in trend--asignificantIylargerper­ to that next tier? clearly, you know. I know that first thing. stature. Is there a risk of either centage increase in applications I don't know that I would the institution is essentially Then, I think it would be very we move forward now or we than is true for the nation. want to use that phrase "next healthy, and the people in the desirable to have a person of fall behind? Perhaps that answers my tier," but a key to making it faculty and the leadership of the national stature, a person who's A healthy institution evolves next question, but, during your what I have just described would law school will have to make committed to good teaching and and is capable of change, or it time at the law school, what be continuing to develop a fac­ judgments based upon circum­ to the broader education of the does fall back. But, also, good were some of the things you ulty of top quality, that contin­ stances on how to maintain that students of the law school. institutions don't aspire to change were most proud of accom­ ues to be very much interested in state of health. It's hard to know Someone who is interested in quickly and transfonn them- plishing? teaching and also in making its just what will be required. In a the law school continuing to have selves in a short period from one The faculty's confidence in mark in the top levels of legal case like that, you need people an impact on the legal profes­ stageofdevelopmenttoanother. itself and its ability to make scholarship; a student body prob­ with wisdom and judgment to sion, not just academia. Some­ So, I don't feel this is a critical decisions collectively on tough ably much like the one that we make the right decisions to make one who has, what I just call, stage in the law school's devel- questions that will affect the law have; but, that, as an institution, sure that the school continues to "leadership ability." The ca­ opment, except in the sense that school's future. I think I helped is recognized more widely than improve. pacity to relate to individuals it is always critical that sensible create an atmosphere where that it now is as a place of very high That brings me to another and groups of people, to moti­ people will be making decisions happened. I think the develop­ quality. I think. there has been area 1 wanted to ask you about, vate them to do better than they that affect what the law school is ment and the maturing of the tremendous positive change in and that is the new Dean .... think they can do for the benefit going to do--that, by and large, Institute of Bill of Rights Law is the way the law school has been [Without discussing any spe­ of the school. means the faculty. something of which I am very perceived in the last 15 years. cific candidates,) what do you At the risk of asking you to We talked earlier [last is- proud. I don't taka personal But, there still is a little gap, it think Marshall-Wythe's needs look into a crystal ball, what sue) aboutthe increasing num- credit for them, but these are seems to me, between what the are from the new Dean? do you think are going to be ber of applicants on the under- things that happened when I was some ofthe things coming down graduate level to Virginia's there that I am proud of. The the road at the law school t:lat colleges and universities; but, development of the Legal Skills are going to require the lead­ with the program. ership skills that you are talk­ glut in the "There has been tremendous The tre­ ing about? legal field mendous Well, I think continuing to and how positive change in the way improve- recruit and retain top-flight fac­ the reces- the law school has been ment in the ulty, [and] continuing to build sionhashit perceived in the iast 15 years. Office of within the faculty a sense of lawyers, Career common enterprise that causes do you But, there still is a little gap. Planning people to work together coop­ thinkthere ., betweenwhatthelawschool [and Place­ eratively in ways that are atypi­ is going to ment]. I cal of a lot of law schools. That be a currently is, and the way it is was looking is a major challenge. I think change in perceived." at the news­ doing everything possible to the ability paper, this enhance the employment oppor­ to draw quality applicants for last one. I was amused. If you twlities ofour students. Third, is the law school as opposed to could have seen the Career Plan­ raising increasing amounts of the undergrad campus? ning Office in 1985 and com­ private funds to support the law I think we've built a suffi­ pare it to today; it's the differ­ . Locatred in the heart school's aspirations in ways that ciently attractive program. I ence between. what was that the state is never going to sup­ mean, there are going to be fluc­ thing they made in Eastern Ger­ of the historic area. port. tuations in the level ofinterest in many, the car? Ample Parking One ofthe things that struck coming to law schools in general The Skoda? me as interesting when I inter­ and ours in particular. But, I Something like that. It is the viewed all three of the Dean think the quality ofthe program difference between something candidates, was that all three here is sufficiently good that, like that and a top-flight Lexus. of them commented on the unless the bottom drops out in I mean, it's a tremendous im­ undersize of the faculty. the market for places in law provement. But anyway, I think Yes, it's smaI ler than it should schools, that we'll have a very be. strong applicant pool, period, See SULLY, page 25 ~~~~~Merchant's Square' Williamsburg. VA' 253 -1847 That is exactly the com- for the foreseeable future. I Thursday, April 1,1993 THE AMIcus CuRIAE 7 Attorney-fathers discuss balancing family and law career By SARAH NEWMAN both Iawyerand family man. All the group seemed to appreciate panel members also had advice work at home, these lawyers may Balancing a legal career and three panel members commented the opportunities they have had about which fields oflaw might not be a likely candidate for the a family was the topic qf a panel on the time constraints ofraising to get more involved in their be more "family-friendly" (i.e., partner track. discussion held Monday, March children and still getting office children's Ii ves and the allow more time to be spent at Each panelist agreed that the 22, by Mary and William as part work done. Felton and Devine home front. horne). Devine suggested estate choice to balance a job and of the group's ongoing stated that during busy periods The panelists advised that the planning, Felton mentioned real parenthood is not an easy one celebration ofWomen's History they often work late at night and wish to have a family and estate and criminal work, which but something that takes much Month. Last semester the group early in the morning in order to participate in it is something takes less time than civil cases. planning and discussion. One heard from several female spend more time with tbeir which should be considered in Each panelist has made must consider who will take care lawyers about the effort invol ved families. choosing a job. Issues such as certain adaptations in their ofthe children, how much money in juggling both a career in law Felton, who married while in location and size of a firm may lifestyles in order to balance a they want to earn, what sort of and a family. This most recent law school, feels that traditional influence the time spent in the career and family. They location they want to live in, discussion presented the issue gender roles may bave changed office and away from horne. mentioned having acquired part­ how much flexibility they desire from the male point of view. in the past few years. The other Both Devine and Tarley advised time help with the housekeeping, and what sort of legal career The three panelists included panelists agreed that today it is being up front with employers and Tarley and his wife take goals they have. All expressed Professor Walter Felton, and M­ more common for men and about one's commitment to the turns between office work and great satisfaction with the joys W alumni William Devine and women to share the burdens of family and discovering a firm 's staying home with the children. of fatherhood. Devine said he John Tarley. Each has taken a tbe home and workplace more attitude about family time. Some The group suggested that feels having a child has been different approa h to playing the equally. Far from feeling firms are more progressive and although some firms may allow "the most challenging and dual roles of both attomey and negati vely about these changes, understanding than others. The a family man or woman to do rewarding ex perience I' ve had. ' , father. Felton is a divorcee and single parent of two. Devine, Can't remember the French you took? who works at a Norfolk law firm, has an infant son. His wife is Non-law school courses offer alternatives also a lawyer, but has retired By BOB DICKINSON provided that the course does said that students have taken a took scuba diving. The class from her firm to raise their child Feel like you're back in high not cover essentially the same plethora of non-law school consisted of an hour of class­ and to do volunteer work and school--same old faces, same material as any course offered courses over the years, includ­ room instruction and an hour of other activities. Tarley and his old teachers? Had enough of the by the law school. Any second ing such offerings as history, pool instruction. Laura said that wife are also both attorneys who case method? Consider taking a or third year student may, with French, and acting. In addition there was an option to perform decided to leave their jobs at big non-law school course! prior approval of the Academic to taking courses for credit un­ the checkout dive either in a law firms to start their own Law students may take a Status Committee, receive up to der the policy above, Jackson quarry here in Virginia, or in the practice which allows them the maximum of six hours in other three credit hours for any Col­ said that students have audited Bahamas--the Bahamas was time tbey wish to spend witb CoJlege departments and ha 'e lege course that is related to the many classes outside the law more money, but more better. their two children. them count toward their law de­ study or practice of law and school which could not have been The group audited the class, it's After briefly introducing gree. Any third year student which does not essentially du­ taken for credit, courses such as unknown whether anyone tried tbemselves, tbe panel took may receive up to three credit plicate tlle subject matter of any music lessons and scuba diving. questions from the audience hours for any course requiring course offered by the law school. Laura Kerrigan was among a See GUT ALERT, page 28 regarding their experiences a::; intellectual accom.plishm.cnt, Regi s;t~ar Lizbetn Jack"on eroup of 10 law students who SBA Candidate Statements

Dave Delk - SBA Vice President 1993-1994 Candidates for SBA offices Having served on the SBA as a I L student represen­ tative and as vice president for the past year, I have the Vice President: Dave DeIk (2L), Ian Alberg (IL) experience and knowledge of SBA procedures neces­ Secretary: Erin Brewster (IL) Charles Griffith (2L) sary to continue to perform effectively. As with almost Treasurer: Third-year representatives (2 positions available): no declared candidates. any vice presidency position, the role of the SBA vice Second-year representatives (2 positions available): Michael Cox, Rodney Archer, Julie Patterson president is amorphous and is more or less defined by the willingness of the vice president to accept responsibility Charles Griffith - SBA Treasurer Erin Brewster - Secretary from the SBA president. The vice president must be All yes, here I go again leaping into the political fray The secretary of the Student Bar Association has the willing to perform many of the SBA's less glamorous both willingly and hopefully (I beg of you) victoriously. responsibility of helping to keep the business affairs of roles (soliciting student opinion surveys for example) As if the joy and honor of serving as a second year the group in order and should also make certain students while also providing the president with input on any representative were not enough, I now wish to be your are aware of the activities of the SBA. He or she is also matter which concerns the law school population. Treasurer for the SBA. The time commitment and a member of the Executive Board and is therefore Next year is an extremely important year for both the responsibilities will be greater, but no less satisfying. I ultimately jointly responsible for the successes and/or SBA and the law school. Another dean search will be simply do not have enough to do. failings of the SBA. conducted next year. The SBA needs to insure that all My qualifications? I have not inhaled (at least not in I have just completed a year as a lL class students and student groups are represented fairly on the recent memory, say 9 or 10 years--well beyond the reach representative and I believe I have a good grasp on the student dean search committee. Moreover, the SBA of my failing short term memory); I have never hired things the SBA has accomplished and those things that must be able to effectively solicit student opinion on all domestic help, alien or otherwise; I don't even know still must be done. I have had the opportunity to the candidates who visit the law school and transmit Gennifer Flowers; and I have never traded hams for participate in both dean and faculty interviews, the these opinions to the appropriate sources. Another sausages. Numbers do not scare me, only letters (I was planning of social acti vities, the budgetary process and major goal of the SBA next year will be to get Marshall­ a Physics major), and I can operate a calculator (slide many other services provided by the SBA. As secretary, Wythe back invofved with the ABA. An increased rule, too, but who cares). I'm a full fledged member of I would try to adequately represent all Marshall-Wythe involvement with the ABA will not only promote our the A.C. (Anally Correct, i.e., Law Review) and thus students and to aid in providing continuity to the SBA law school but will enable our SBA to interact with derive great pleasure in dotting my "i's" and crossing in order to keep the organization running smoothly. SBAs at other law schools to improve on what the SBA my' 't's" . Lastly and most importantly, I love the smell does at Marshall-Wythe. ofmoney--your money, my money, our money--so you Experience will be an important factor in determin­ can be sure that I won't lose or misplace any of it. ing how successful the SBA is next year. The law school As an SBA representative, I have taken my position needs people who are not only committed to making the seriously while still having a lot offun, whether working law school experience a little more pleasurable for with the administration to change the class registration c5CJ3.9'l Ciedions .9'lpn16.1993 everyone but also enhancing the reputation of Marshall­ procedure or selling tickets for Barrister's Ball. My Wythe outside the Williamsburg area. I would like the approach as Treasurer will be no different. Cast yotU fxJld in lire /cU"J. opportunity to continue to serve as vice president. Thank you, God bless and vote. 8 ======Thursday, April1,1993 THE .AMIcus CURIAE Barrister's Ball: Quality Band and Quantity Alcohol By LAURA LIVACCARI frightening experience with the the topic of the Final Four. dismay of many students (and the fashion competition from and ANDREW HERZIG harn(orwasthatSpam?)biscuits, Most couples, after a round of delight of the administration), Casper was more than even a set Slow ticket sales during the those with the munchies chose drinks and a few snacks, headed most articles of clothing of Star Spangled Banner week were no indication of the to refrain from further to the dance floor. Casper remained intact. Fashion kudos suspenders could overcome. turnout at this year's Banister's experimentation with the food. whipped the crowd into a go to those women who dusted Their gold lame tuxedo coats Ball. However, a group of third year dancing frenzy that ultimately offthe sequins and sported outfits dazzled the eye under the The Williamsburg Lodge men did spear Swedish meatball led to the near-disrobing of worthy of more densely spotlights. ballroom played host to over after Swedish meatball while several members of the law populated areas than the ' Burg. Between musical sets, 200 for the social season finale engaged in sublime banter on school community. To the Unfortunately for the men, Suzanne FitzGerald (2L) turned for the second consecuti ve year. the spotlight on an appreciative Despite widespread fear and crowd, exposing even the most dread of the reported return of intimate of moments. Just as she the band from Fall from Grace, learned how to change the color this year's Barrister's ofthe beam, however, a mystical entertainment, Casper, provided Voice came forth and spoke unto quality tunes ranging from the her these words: " Please don't Godfather of Soul to the King of play with the lights! " Pop. Though the attendees To the delight of partygoers, managed to get along without one of the two bars was them, two groups were strategically located at the conspicuously absent. To our entrance, allowing a rapid, knowledge, the faculty did not double-fisted start to the send even one ambassador to the evening. It is unclear whether function. Also missing was the the easy access to drinks was due bulk of the second year class, to a drop in overall alcohol much of which was patiently consumption after the graduation waiting by the phone for the of Richard Brooks or merely the Client E " time bomb" to skill of the bartenders. explode. Apparently, most 2Ls On the other hand, people must wanted a last chance to wow have made their way to the bar Fred Lederer while in pursuit of more than once as demonstrated Matt Warren (2L) scowls, "Hey man, I was just about to make a move." ~yle Short the lucrative Legal Skills T A by the crowd at the hors Jennifer Ramey (2L) parties on! See photos, page 21. positions. And those 1Ls thought d'oeuvres table. After a they had no lives!

professor is really the realization reduction to two hours of Family approval by eight of the 14 Judi­ EXAMS, from page 3 of that potential." Law. Professor Fred Lederer, REVISED, from page 1 cial Council members, followed Barnard defended the single while praising Professor Kay by a referendum by the entire approved an interpretation ofthe standard s),stem. "I think it Kindred who teaches the course, S)'stem. student body. bylaws which sets the same gives us a real competitive spoke frankly about his Brownlee disputed Brownlee explained that he standards ofreview for granting advantage, especially with fast­ frustration with the law school's Broaddus' claim by responding preferred to wait until next year tenure and promotion to full track scholars like (newly hired inattention to family law. "We that he had previously made before presenting the professor. But they also professor) Rakesh Bhala. So we have yet to come to grips with formal presentations of the Committee's proposals to the approved a request to the Faculty can say, 'Look, come here, its the problems with family law. recommendations both to the full Judicial Council again because Status Committee to propose not going to take forever to get In some fashion we ought to Judicial Council and to a so little time remains in the language providing for two anywhere.'" consider how we might resolve subcommittee appointed to school year and the proposed standards, with a higher one for Professor James Moliterno our need to teach family law consider Honor Code reform refonns are so comprehensive. promotion to full professor. That said the standard is only the same better than we have." proposals. Brownlee was critical "Our proposals make a request was introduced by on paper. "When I was going The faculty also heard a of Broaddus' refusal to recommendation for an elected Professor Charles Koch. "The through this, in spite ofthe single report from Associate Dean Faye participate in the Committee's Judicial Council, " said decisions are different in my standard, the subtle message was Shealy about the applicant pool hearings on Honor Code reform. Brownlee. "It's difficult to ask mind," he said. "Tenure means they were two separate for next year's first-year class. "[Judicial Council members] the current Council to disband we recognize the potential of decisions. " She reported applications were John Childrey and Bryan Bonner itself, especially because many that person to make a significant The faculty also acted on down 2 percent, compared with (3Ls) were both extremely of the reform proposals were contribution to scholarly eight amendments to the 7 percent nationally. The number helpful ·and offered very good prompted by flaws uncovered research. But promotion to full curriculum, including the of minority applicants was up. information about the Honor during the Kroner trial. We ...... Code and its procedures," prefer to wait until next year Brownlee said. " But [Broaddus] when new Council members can wouldn't let them vote on consider the proposals anew. " Escapefor- Committee recommendations, Brownlee expressed dismay and she repeatedly refused to at the SBA decision to extend participate herself. She has made the Judicial Council appointment • European Style Coffees • no effort to change the existing terms and its implications for system. " having the reforms implemented • Authentic Espresso Drinks • Among the reforms recom­ next year. "The Judicial Council mended by the Revision Com­ hasn' t done a good job of • Homemade Baked Goods • mittee are provisions for an evaluating the Honor Code elected Judicial Council, in­ System. They are not thinking vol vement by first-year students about the interests of the law and faculty in Honor Code adju­ school--only about their futures Williamsburg Crossing dication proceedings, and the on the Council. I think we all right of individuals convicted recognize that [the Honor Code 5251 John Tyler Highway for Honor Code violations to an System] needs more changes (804) 229-9791 appeal hearing before the entire than the few that the Judicial M-W student body. Changes to Council has done to the the Honor Code System require Comment sections." THE AMIcus CURIAE Crossfire Thursday, April 1,1993 9 Record labeling informs consumers without limiting access restrictions designed to inform consumers and facilitate or antisocial musical lyrics will be inspired to commit purchasing decisions. such acts today or even tomorrow. However, sociological By Ben Landon Opponents of labeling argue that album purchasers and psychological evidence indicates that such lyrics should know about the contents of an album before may facilitate or justify violent and antisocial behavior Requiring recording companies to place labels on choosing to purchase it. This argument fails for two in the future and that those lyrics certainly do not their albums indicating the nature and content of the reasons. First, a purchaser often does not have the enhance respect for society and its institutions in the music on those albums when that content is likely to opportunity to listen to every song on an album before present. The general health of society and of the family offend large segments of society in no way violates the deciding to purchase it. Typically, an album will be on certainly is worth protecting. First Amendment's free speech imperative. As long as sale in stores before all of its songs have been releaSed What type oflabel, then, ought to be used? Clearly, album labels are not permitted to prevent expression, individually. the best alternative is to require all of the lyrics of every their mere presence cannot offend the First Amendment. Second, parents have an absolute right to determine song on every album to be printed on the outside of the in fact, to the extent that such labels better inform what their minor children may listen to and purchase. album's package. This would present the contents of the consumers, they are beneficial since an informed Engaged parents will know which albums their child is album openly and neutrally and allow the consumer to consumer is better able to make appropriate individual listening to, but they may have no idea what those make the purchasing choices that he or she deems consumption choices. albums contain without actually listening to them after appropriate. Simple space considerations seem to Our society frequently requires companies to place the child's purchase. While minors are entitled to some foreclose this option, however. In the alternative, a one labels on goods which they produce or seU to inform and First Amendment protections, parents clearly have a sentence statement to the effect that the album contains protect consumers. In effect, we have chosen to require legal right as well as an affinnative duty to regulate their language which some people may find offensive would those engaged in commerce to be forthcoming regarding children's activities within the context ofgood parenting, be appropriate. the nature and content ofproducts which they choose to and labeling assists in this endeavor. The notion that the act ofrequiring labels is censorship sell. Thus, food companies must place labels on their Opponents of labeling further argue that labeling in and of it self is absurd. Labeling does not in any way products clearly indicating nutritional content; albums is not appropriate because hearing offensive prevent anyone from speaking or expressing anything. pharmaceutical companies must place labels on their lyrics does not cause any grave and immediate harm. Rather, it merely affords the adult listener and the child products indicating chemical content; and tobacco This argument also fails. While there likely is no listener's parent or guardian the opportunity to choose companies must place a warning on their products immediate harm, a label's restriction on speech is whether or not to listen. The First Amendment requires noting that the surgeon general deems smoking to be sufficiently minimal in light of the potential long-term only that one's ability to express oneselfnot be abridged; harmful to the smoker's health. hann to justify labeling. Indeed, labeling is used in other it does not mandate that others pay attention or even that Recording companies should not be entitled to special contexts where the harm is remote; for example, smoking they acknowledge the speaker's existence. Finally, it treatment in this regard. When a musician places music cigarettes will not harm the smoker the next day or even should be stressed that labeling in no way prevents in the stream of commerce, that music is no longer the next week, but prolonged exposure significantly consenting adults from listening to anymusic whatsoever. entitled to unlimited First Amendment protection. increases the chance that a smoker will encounter The sole purpose of labeling, as well as its sole effect, Rather, that music ceases bemg pure an an<1 becomes ceItaill types of health problems in the more dist!lnt i~ to Iceep ccmsumers informed and to protect the weakest commerce which should be subject to reasonable future. Similarly, not every child who listens to violent members of society. "Parental Advisories:" no more than subtle censorship the First Amendment. Second, they claim that labels do equally without merit. Record labels do far more than no harm, and serve only to inform purchasers of the inform parents of explicit lyrics. They all but prohibit By Fred Ochsenhirt content of a record. These arguments are but a fiction possession of these recordings by anyone under 18. that allows the censors to think of themselves in a more Over 1,000 record stores refuse to sell labeled records to In the 1980s it was heavy metal: Ozzy Osbourne, sympathetic light. minors. In one of the 2 Live Crew cases, a record store Judas Priest, and Megadeth. A series of well publicized The black and white label seen on many products in owner was indicted for carrying labeled albums, even victories may well have led an optimist to conclude that any record store is no more voluntary than your actions though the recordings were kept in a box behind the the First Amendment would win out over those who would be if I held a gun to your head. The recording counter and only sold to adults. There are more ominous would censor music. Unfortunately, the censors have industry(RIAA) adopted a "voluntary' 'labeling system stormclouds on the horizon: an increasing number of but broadened their attack in the 1990s to include rap: in 1985, following a media campaign by the Parents store owners are being prosecuted for selling albums N. W.A., Public Enemy, Ice-T,and 2LiveCrewhaveall Music Resource Center. The PMRC billed itself as a like "Body Count," which contain explicit language been recent victims. Those who cherish the right to free group of Washington "housewives" who were only but certainly nothing that is even arguably' 'obscene." speech are justifiably afraid. trying to protect the children of America. In fact, the Finally, and most frighteningly, certain state courts The censors have utilized two separate methods of PMRC consisted ofthe wives of influential members of have begun tohiot thattheywould be willing to view the late. First, the self-appointed arbiters of good taste have Congress (do the names Gore, Baker, and Hollings ring presence ofa warning label on a record as a presumption attempted to brand some music as "obscene," which a bell?) One month after approaching the RIAA, the that it is obscene. would thus allow the music to be banned and would PMRC was able to force Congress to call a hearing on The intent of record labels was never to create a allow criminal prosecution of the performers or the evils of rock music. The Senate Commerce rating system whereby children would be prevented distributors. The recent war against 2 Live Crew is an Committee included 5 members whose wives were from possessing certain albums. In fact, such a system example of this approach. Second, there is the members of PMRC. does much to defeat the purpose of many of the labeled omnipresent" Parental Advisory Explicit Lyrics" label. Thus, the voluntary labeling system was born, a records: to carry a political message to America's youth While the attempt to classify music as obscene is product not ofan industry willing to police itselfin order in the hopes that a new generation can effect change. An obviously a harsher penalty for violating the current to protect consumers, but of an industry living in fear entire class of citizens are prevented from hearing definition of acceptability, it is in fact the second that Congress would pass oppressive laws. In addition, albums that contain even the slightest bit of profanity or censorship approach that is the more insidious. Most the RIAA was supporting a bill that would discourage anger toward the establ ishment. Ifthat is not censorship, people can recognize that calling music obscene is the copying of commercial recordings, and was fearful then what is? With any luck, the argument about generally ridiculous, and as such only the most sexual of that this bill would be derailed by Congressmen with ties "voluntary" labels will soon be moot, as several states recordings are at risk. The labeling of records seems to the PMRC. Finally, the uniform label used today was have indicated that they would pass a mandatory labeling harmless by comparison. This "hannlessness" is what adopted in 1989, not in order to ensure uniformity, but law if the "voluntary" one is ineffective. Presumably makes the labeling of records such a threat to free because state legislators threatened to pass laws such as this means that if their children continue to listen to that expression. the one considered by Missouri, which would have evil rap or rock music, then more stringent means of Advocates oflabeling use two arguments to legitimize imposed civil liability in any case when a plaintiff was censorship will be necessary. At that point, the censors their particular form ofcensorship . First, they claim that "harmed" by a recording. will lose their cop-out, and the courts will be able to call record labels are voluntary, and as such does not violate The second argument used by would-be censors is these labels what they truly are: censorship. THE A~OJS CURIAE Featured Commentary Thursday, April 1,1993 10

It's a MAD World Censorship as a vehicle for ideological oppreSSIon• thought controllers such as the PMRC. the sets and the creatures for the original African-Americans from their By M. A. Donald All in all, commercial heavy metal is Alien movie) that had been exhibited in neighborhoods, courts, and schools, are really as meaningless and trite as top 40 art galleries world-wide. OOPS--sounds aghast to find their angry voices in their pop music. In the quest for loud, like redeeming artistic value to me. The children's bedrooms and on their kids I spent all ofmy teen years listening to aggressive, music, that was also Christian Supremacist prosecutor who minds, by way of the local record store, music that, at its most mild, annoyed meaningful, I encountered American brought the case almost won out though, and some headphones. In a country others. My first deviant jag was into punk. This may seem contradictory to since the record company narrowly where the war on drugs is such a thinly commercial heavy metal. Marketed some; the primary image conjured by the escaped going under after the raid of veiled, out-and-out race war, it's no toward hormonal teenage angst, Iron word Punk in relation to music, is one of offices and homes, and the ensuing wonder that those in power seek to repress Maiden, Judas Priest, and Black Sabbath the drugged and over-marketed shock expenses of legal defense. the voices they have helped create-voices replaced The Beatles, and Crosby, Stills, monkeys, the Sex Pistols, and other Since then my tastes have grown to born of drug violence, police racism, and and Nash, in my personal "Heavy meaningless groups of the flatulent late encompass literally all types of music, economic hopelessness. All the while the Rotation. " '70s U.K. incarnation of punk. The especially rap, which, aseveryone knows, censors step off under the guise of A clear division was formed between American version ofthe early to mid-80s is the latest target ofcensor-mania . I have " protecting children from harmful tastes acquired primaril y from my parent, was driven by groups like the Dead some serious problems with some rap material." The same old story. and tastes acquired on my own, which in Kennedys, and Minor Threat, whose lyrics material, which is not to say that I think The pervasive notion that parents can a l4-year-old's world means, from my read (and they often had to be read to be it should be subject to censorship, broker, not only ideologies, but ideas friends. The fact that my mother was understood) as an intelligent, incisive commercial or otherwise. I think elevator themsel ves to their children, as both tolerant and fairly rebellious in her and funny manifesto against the muzak has prompted more suicides than perpetuated, not only by churches, but own right were conducive to exploration consumptive complacency of the '80s. any other form of music, but I don't also " famil y values" political parties, of such things, as was having a job and Naturally the fussbudgets with nothing support criminal or civil prosecution, or and their Supreme Court appointees, who resulting spending money. better to pay attention to, and those whose warning labels because of it. treat the minds of the young as some sort This sort of music was offensive financial prosperity was tied up in My main problem with some rap is of property, is just plain refusal to primarily to my friend's hyper-religious marketing to the weaknesses and what I see as lPart of its effect on a group understand the human animal. Having a parents and to school administrators. insecurities of teenagers, reacted against that comprises much of its commercial society that has certain ideologies because That's wh y we liked it. With its portrayal a genre of music which loudly, and in no audience. Unfortunately, listening to all others have been routinely excluded of violent battle, violent sexuality, uncertain terms said that clothes, cars, " gangsta" rap seems to allow white, from discussion and exploration is so demonic beasts, and general loudness, religion, and parents were irrelevant, and suburban, middle-class youth the comfort incredibly intellectually dishonest when church-mongers and Christian loudl y asked those who disagreed to ' 'take of a singular vision of young African­ compared to having a society that has Supremacists saw it as leading young your social regulations, and shove them American males as violent, gun-toting, explored competing ideologies and found sheep away from the fold. up your ass." Many ofthese same groups, misogynistic drug and alcohol abusers. them lacking. Doing this requires lazy School administrators, listening only known as "straight edge" also decried Much of the enjoyability of "gangsta" and under-developed thinkers to move to the most vocal of the above group saw the use of alcohol, tobacco, and other rap, comes from its uncompromising be yond the lethargic confines of the visions of hwnan sacrifice during art harmful substances, to the chagrin ofthe severity, in this case, the severity is familiar. class and set about banning t-shirts and a beer and nicotine overlords and a society generated by the severe and dire The illusion that one's children think recently invented device, the sinister that winks at drug laws and three martini circumstances facing inner-city African­ and feel the "Right" things is so much Walkman. lunches. American young men. The negative easier and cheaper than confronting the This obvious failure of adults in The Dead Kennedys, about whom effect I point out above is probably offset reality that the nature of the human mind positions of authority to understand that more has been said without the sayer by the voice-giving empowerment ofrap , is to question, and to grow. Censorship, banning and censoring only increased the having even once heard them than any and the consciousness-raismg function in all its forms, embodies devotion to this rebel appeal of these things, was my first other entity that ever existed, were that can accompany it. Also few things illusion, whether the parent is biological real, in-my-face, objective demonstration criminally prosecuted for distributing are better at promoting affinity than a or governmental. of human stupidity and the brain-addling obscene materials to a minor before the shared interest in good music. The The latest round of censorship of that results from holding petty authority. members of2 Li ve Crew were old enough difference between me and a censor is music, at root, is an unwillingness to This was an incredibly valuable lesson to see an R rated movie without their that I'm content to voice my criticisms confront the very real situation faced by which has continuously aided my moms. Tums out that the obscene poster here, for what they're worth, rather than African-Americans today, and the role of understanding of government, organized includedi..tl the album was a world-famous threatening to do so in the state code. the would-be censor in making things the religion, and mere would-be tyrants and piece ofart by H.R. Gieger (who designed Many racists, having excluded way they are.

together, as " a daily chore, not Greeley and Thorne acti vists do not represent or help many to Leavenworth, and GAYS, from page 3 a sexual experience." emphasized that the military is military gays. He said he did not would be outed in a few weeks. Several students asked how good at training its " captive " want to change society" or Professor Rodney Smolla Students asked about possible servicemen in general felt about audience" not to act prejudicedi, " break the rules, " but only to said that though the officers were separate barracks, or keeping gays and the ban. Greeley citing its unique success with make the rules apply equally. " heroes ," constitutional Iy they gays from combat. Thome thought that most mid-level race relations. They also Gays who make unwanted were as bad off as women and pointed out that combat was the officers, who are responsible for explamed that problems the ban 's advances or disrupt the chain of blacks before 1954. The only reason he joined the Navy, enforcing the ban, opposed it. supporters foresee, such as command can be thrown out like Supreme Court would certainly and the purpose of his $2 million Thorne emphasized that attitudes fraternization and gay marriage, anyone else, 1110rne said. let the military punish sodomy, tralllillg. He said separate in the Navy were just like are already regulated by the Both officers criticized the smce most states outlaw it with barracks would feed paranoia, anywhere else, and he was not military and state governments. practice of " outing" public the court's approval. A federal making a big deal out of bothered by a few jokes. Since Thorne was 0ptimistic that fi gures who conceal their court in California has held that something unexceptional. He coming out he had been in the current controversy homosexuality, but Thome cited Wllike sodomy, homosexuality thought any kind ofspecial status transferred several times, always people would find out that most one exceptional case where he is not a behavior but a status or or affinnative action would be preceded by a reputation as " the gays, especially in the military, thought it was deserved. He said condition defamed by " baseless even worse than the ban. He gay bomber," yet people still are " normal people " like a gay Commandant ofth e Marine generalizations ." Smolla shared noted that gay and straight obeyed his orders and treated himself. He said " obnoxious, Corps had gone ona " rampage" this view but doubted it would soldiers had always showered him respectfully. flamboyant," hypersensitive against lesbianmarines, sending be upheld soon. The Weekly World A~I(]Bl(JLA\NCJE CHASER

VOLUME III, ISSUE ONE EIGHT PAGES, 75 CENTS

By JEFFREY REGNER statement in student hanging files early Eric Estrada will be speaking to the this week informing students that more graduates of Marshall-Wythe at this information on the speaker change year's commencement. Alleged gradu­ would be distributed. ation speaker David Kessler was mys­ Kesslernot only won admiration from teriously pulled from the docket this women who wanted better breasts and week. The FDA Commissioner gained their boyfriends but also from consumer widespread notoriety for tightening up groups confused by misleading orange breast implant regulations. A student juice labeling. " Orange juice companies was quoted as saying, "the tighter the would label their product as 'fresh orange better." The decision to have the b0- juice,' " said one leading consumer who gus-boob boss speak was praised was confused. "But not all orange juice despite the fact that both Clinton and is orange juice because some orange juice Bush liked him. "And wouldn't it be is not orange juice. Even though a juice --staffphoto great if he brought beer, I mean really is orange, sometimes it should be labeled, Luckily, the presses were stopped good beer, like Keystone beer," said 'orange breakfast-drink with a full day in the nick of time. Too bad the an unnamed source who uses many of supply of vitamin C;' sometimes it should headline isn't true! the drugs investigated by the FDA. Law Students for Distribution ofTiny See ESTRADA, page 26 Pieces of Paper (LSDTPP) released a Students Triumph!!! Legal Skills Gods Overthrown!!! By ERICH KIMBROUGH them in the belief that the only apparently suffering from DT­ In what is being hailed as a path to true enlightenment was like withdrawal symptoms from major victory for M-W students, through continued exposure to being deprived of ethics hypos. t he Legal Skills office legal memoranda, appellate "They were like zombies," Elizabeth was shocked when she discovered her announced today that it will briefs, alternate conflict said Levy ofthe students, "Alan teenage daughter's pregnancy. After the youth missed henceforth require Legal Skills resolution and other Legal Skills Duckworth actually ate my homeroom for a week because of early morning nausea, st udents to complete a minutia. Apparently, the Yogi! 's copy of the Model Rules." Elizabeth became concerned. "I didn't know what to do," significantly increased number message was the expression Fortunately, cooler heads said the troubled parent, " So I did what any parent would o f assignments. The of deeply held beliefs of the M­ prevailed when Acting Law do in my situation. I read her diary." announcement follows weeks W students. School School Dean Richard Elizabeth was unprepared for the sordid tales of her of protests in which M-W administration officials Williamson arranged to have daughter's adutterous tryst of Feb. 13 with the mysterious students staged a sit-in at the estimate that 97 percent of the sample ethics questions from "HRH." Upon confronting the teen, Elizabeth learned that Legal Skills office and chanted, student body has joined the the Virginia Bar Exam air­ the initials stood for " His Royal Highness the Prince of " We want more! We want cutt organization that the Yogi! dropped to the students. Wales." Elizabeth furtherverified Prince Charles' paternity, more!" and " Client B, that's for now heads. T oday's announcement by stating that neither Unde Woody from Connecticut nor me!" Soon after the spring the Legal Skills office was Unde Joey from Long Island had babysat recently. Protest organizers say that semester began, the Yogi! accompanied by a detailed The daughter, Lolita "Mattress Back" Slutowski, said they are thrilled. "I'm thrilled," called on his substantial plan of the new Legal Skills that she had no idea that she could get pregnant her "first said one. following to stage a series of course-load. The Yogi! and his time." When questioned further about her sexual The protests, which began rallies to protest the paucity of ranking clerics were still experience, Lolita insisted that she was a virgin until in early January, are believed student exposure to Legal dissecting the plan late last Charles came to visit and claimed that she simply could not to have been the brainchild of Skills. Some of these rallies night to make sure that there resist the Prince's British accent. She said a lot of girls at Legal Skills guru Frederic tumed ugly and were marked will be enough work to occupy Williamsburg High wear beepers. Lederer. On Jan. 1 ofthis year, by violent clashes with students over vacation periods. The youth revealed that she was frightened after she Lederer shaved his head, administration officials. In one Yogi! spokesperson Bill Schultz missed her period, so she consutted the yellow pages to donned ceremonial robes, and memorable battle, Professors (1 L), also known as Mr. Legal find a nearby dinic providing women's health qare. Because declared that he had changed James Moliterno and John Skills, said that "preliminary the nearest abortion center is located in Norfolk, and Lolita his name to Yogi!-Bagwan-O Levy were forced to use tear indications are that our only has a leamer's permit, she opted for the "Birthright of Most High Master of the Legal gas and flame throwers to fend demands have been met, but Williamsburg" abortion atternative. Skills. The Yogi!, as he now off a group of crazed 1 Ls when in a sense, no amount of Legal insists on being called, then they tried to seize proof-sheets allegedly set out recruiting from unpublished Legal Skills See COUP, page 2 students and indoctrinating texts. The students were 2 ======Thursday, April 1,1993 THE AMBUlANCE CHASER THE WEEKLY WORLD From the Editor's Study ... AMBULANCE CHASER* The Royal Court Emperor Napoleon: Kevin Kroner Josephine Are you kidding? Mary Queen of Scotch: Leeanne Morris Prince of Pun Marc Bernstein Princess of Policy: Paula Hannaford Duchess of Doolittle: Megan Kelly Lady D: Debbi Holmes

Lords a Leapln' Maids a Milkln' Mark Capron Susan FitzGerald Bob Dickinson Alisa Lewis Mark Donald Marcia Stuart Rich Hricik Erich Kimbrough John Lohmann Bill Madigan Jeff Regner Josh Sachs David Ziemer

*The Weekly World Ambulance Chaser is a newspaper Registration Revised Again!!! parody, not to be taken seriously. By Lot o. Milc room 119. An unidentified jani­ dred or so recent graduates M-W officials today adopted tor found the body three days expressed deep concern for a proposal to modify registra­ after first-year registration . Lowing's health, and men­ MAILBAG! tion proceedings for the third Authorities still await Lowing's tioned their eagerness to as­ To the Editor: Oh, the pain you all have time in as many years. Re­ recovery from a deep coma to sist in any tort actions filed on I am writing this letter out of caused me with your cruel little marking that prior reforms had confirm suspicions that Low­ her behalf. desperation. It has become taunts. not gone far enough, Registrar ing had been hiding inthe room In related news, a swift-act­ painfully clear that I am com­ The truth is, I was born to Liz Jackson outlined the new in an attempt to evade registra­ ing administration official yes­ pletely misunderstood by my boogie. I yearn to run naked plan: future students will not tion Nazis when she spilled her terday authorized a thorough classmatesand, indeed, by the through fields of wildflowers, register at al/, but instead will coffee on an exposed wire and search of the building in order entire law school community. I dance till dawn in hip-hop Euro­ be randomly assigned to al/ of electrocuted herself. Lowing's to ascertain that no other stu­ am racked with sorrow and clubs, get a tatoo of Hillary theirrourses.Oneanonymous incessant muttering, " No! No! dents had met a 1ate similar to find myself sobbing uncon­ Clinton on by butt, open a acting official asked the Amicus Anything but Schae1er's sec­ Lowing's. Forunidenti1ied rea­ trollably every night as I try to HOOTERS franchise in the to mention that slipping a few tion!" tends to confirm the sons the refrain " Bad boys, fall asleep and escape, at least Bible Belt, and, most of all, bills in the right places could theory. Doctors speculate that Bad boys, whatchyagonnado? for a few blissful hours, my Ek'lrn the respect of my peers at garner the student some ex­ only a deep aversion to dying Whatchya gonna do when they joyless existence. beach week by being the only tremely minimal degree of in­ intestate, instilled by an anony­ come for you?" echoed My name is Bill. Bill Wilder. graduate to still be able to sing fluence in the decision process. mous property professor, has through the halls as W&M's And I'm a wild and crazy guy. the words to "Baby Got Back" A second proposal ourrently kept Lowing alive so long. It is finest made another suprising Or, at least, I'd like to be. You after two bottles of Cuervo and under consideration takes its unclear how the accident will discovery. What law school see, for some unfathomable 15 belly-button oyster shoot­ cue from the current first year affect her registration ranking. denizens had long believed to reason, I have earned a reputa­ ers. course structure and the over­ Comment from former be no more than a tacky lamp, tion as somewhat of a close­ Please, let me out of the subscribed To Kill A Mocking­ classmates was varied . One was found not to be inanimate minded, tea-totalin' , NRA closet!! !!! I'm tired of pretend­ bird Class. If approved the student, Mo o. Herd (2L) , after all. In actuality, M-W role supportin , women bashin' ing to be somebody I'm not!!!! plan would institute a non-stop wished to express his grati­ model Elvis Presley has been kind of guy. Go figure!! ! You I have no choice; I was born round of musical professors in tude to Lowing for not entering residing in the stUdent lounge may have heard of some of my this way and have been fight­ all law classes. Administration registration. " I was one of the for over four years. When asked nicknames: "Bill the Pill," ing my true identity for far too ass-kisser Bertha Stier (1 L) in­ last 50 people in the class, and why he chose the spot, the " Slick Billy," One half of the long now. From this day for­ troduced the plan in response I just know that iftheir had been King responded that he had " Fascist Twins" (along with my ward, I am Bill "Hey Little Girl, to the popularitry of the mul­ one more person in front of me, been hoping to sli p into regis­ roommate, Jay " Hey, My Fam­ Want Some Candy?" Wilder!!! tiple professor replacements I never would have gotten that tration undetected, but as of ilyisfromLynchburg" Dugger), -Sincerely, made in Jan uary for 1L classes. spot in Evidence." Two hun- yet had been unsuccessful. and "Oh, THAT Guy." Bill "Born To Be" Wilder Stier commented that having a different professor at each class which students are required to arguments, where the Client B -The Client B murder case, in meeting would create variety. COUP, from page 1 file amicus appellate briefs for cases are presented to an which the student finally snaps Additionally, Stier felt that ig­ all ofthe Client B's represented ancient English tribunal. and brutally murders, norance as to who would write Skills would be enough. Legal by the associates in theirfirms. -The Client B fraternization dismembers and then eats and grade exam questions Skills is our spiritual -The Client B legal memo, in which the student Client B. would helpto put students who nourishment. It illuminates the malpractice suit, where investigates the ethical According to spokesperson had not had a given professor footpath that all students must students are sued fortheir prior ramifications of having sex with Schultz, the Yogi!'s campaign previously on an equal footing follow in order to be at peace work on Client B cases. Client B. does not end with this victory, with those who had. with our Universe ." -The Client B quantum meruft -The Client B paternity suit, however. Cult members are Jackson presently plans to The plan includes action, in which the students where female Client B's sue working on plans to force the make the final decision on the numerous s upplementary sue to recover fees that the male students and female administration to require Legal musical professors plan in assignments which will be Client B has refused to pay. students sue male Client B's Skills work of all M-W 1995. She justifies the wait by required of M-W students. -The Client B civil code trial, for child support payments. graduates. As was noted by citing the 1992 registration trag­ Among the more notable where students will try their (Anyone wishing to change Schultz, " Legal Skills is my life. edy: the discovery of 1L Bessie additions to the Legal Skills Client B cases in front of moot gender roles may do so). Tihe thought of putting Legal Lowing's apparently lifeless curriculum are: French judges. -The Client B transmission of Skills behind me when I body in the electrical closet of -The Client B amicus brief, in -The Client B aula regis disease suit. graduate is really terrifying." Thursd ay, April 1 1993 THE A'vIBULA"CE CHASER ======~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~3 r: -- - - -'- . - - - - - . --- . Expansion Swindle Revealed!!

iLederer Plans Personal Pal'ace! -- same advanced materials forelegs raised high in the air L . normally seen protecting fast (the horse's, not Fred's). Fred By MARIE CURIE found through a re lentless bomb shelter three miles below food salad bars from will be dressed in a loose fitting As was reported earlier, dumpster search at Lederer the earth's crust. This crisis inadvertent drooling. For the loin cloth, slightly aloft on the Professor Fred "Freddie Baby" headquarters, by retreat, stocked WITh an 18 convenience ot Lederer & wind. In one hand is an uplrtted Lederer chairs the committee extraordinarily talented blue­ month supply of Fred fashion­ Posey's TA's, there will be military sabre. In the other that commissioned the print"sniffing hamsters kept in wear, also oontains enough positioned a pairot boots worn hand, held by their hair, will be a rchitectural vision for the Williamsburg on retainer from office supplies from which Fred by him for them to lick. the heads of those who Fred expansion of Marshall-Wythe. the RCIA (Rodent Central can reconstruct his divi ne Legal 2. THE HAIR SALON - This failed in Evidence, just because Reliable sources now indicate Intelligence Agency). Skills empire. small room will be Fred's he could. that the plans released by the KEY TO EXPANSION MAP: Positioned several feet in personal boutique. Though 4. THE PROP ROOM - Here committee several weeks were (seepage 6) front of the throne is a set of the interior decorating will be will be the storage facility for m erely a ruse to hide from the 1. THE THRONE ROOM - kneelers, made of solid granITe, done in a post-modern Paul the multitude of propsthat Fred law school community Fred's The largest of the expansion to allow the fawning faithful to MITchell style, Fred insisted on likes to parade around in front true vision. In his continuing rooms, this cavernous shrine pay homage (and throw having the red and white of his classes. Included in this quest to solidify his power and features a godly throne forged supplemental income). rotating barbershop pole storage faciltty will be all of his influence and fueled by his from solid gold with crushed Designed for durability rather outside. The salon will be toy guns and knives, the pa ranoid megalomania, Fred velvet cushions. The throne than comfort, these kneelers staffed by the only man who complete Beverly Hills 90210 secretly drew upand submitted SITS five feet off the polished allow space for up to two­ could create a coif like that, action figures set, and his his own plan. The Weekly World marble floor, so that Fred may hundred admirers. Separating Gary Larson . collection of crotch-less military Ambulance Chaser has look down at all who approach, the kneelers from the throne is 3. THE STATUE - The new uniforms. o btained a copyofthese highly for who is worthy to consider a three-inch plexiglass screen and improved courtyard would 5. THE T.A. QUARTERS - confidential, politically sensitive themselves his equal. which will not only prevent not be oomplete without a life­ These small dank rooms will and utterly disturbed plans, One safety feature of this overzealous worshipers from sized statue of the man, the house the Lederer & Posey which were submitted to and throne is that in the event of a approaching too closely, but myth, the Fred Himself. Cast in teaching assistants. Despite ultimately approved by the nuclear attack or a revolt, th is will also prevent the breath of bronze with a marshmallow Board of Visitors. The specially designed seat and the lowly to mix with that of center, this statue will feature See PALACE, page 6 information that follows was pedestal will drop through the Him. The screen was fashioned Fred on a fiery steed with taken from handwritten notes floor to a lead and concrete from th~------, r------~-- -._. ---- ._. - ---~.....,..,----.-.-.-- .-.-- Parking Watch Dog becomes new Offer!!!

IParkingWoes Solved!!! -. In particular Conoverfeltthatthe premier wouldn't do to let those 6 a.m. ass­ ~ ~ - - - -_. - - .. _.. - . - '" -... - -_. -- . - - - -- parking spaces available in faculty circle kissers take all the 0001 spaces. And In a surprise move, Acting Dean Additionally, the Offer will assume should contain a student space or two. anyone who actually buys a 'hunting Dick Williamson has finally decided to the role of Event Disorganizer and However, Conover said certain license' should be barred do something about. M-W's .oarking Student Avenger. Onspedaloccasions safeguards should be erected. "It automatically. " cnsls. After reiecting proposals to such as standardized testing Saturdays, redesignate existing spaces orto create the Event Disorganizer will be new places, Dick adopted an alternative responsible for hiring high school bands l2()d Sm()lla pr-esents plan. Beginning next semester, M-W to march around the building playing a film by [?()d ~m()lla will endow a new poSITion, Little-Yellow­ loudly, in order to discourage over­ stan1nQ Chalk-Mark-Wiper-Offer. eager undergrads from cluttering up Parking Watchdog Bob Dickinson, our valuable spaces. Similarly, upon War-r-en EeatlY as V()d ~m()lla 3L, is the leading contender for the completion of the impending tennis poSITion. When asked to comment on facilities, the Event Disorganizerwill be his job prospect, Dickinson grudgingly charged with recruiting 1 Ls for interrupted an exciting game of participation in Rain Dances, inorderto Minesweeper to explain that his lower attendance rates. experience as the Amicus Curiae's As Student Avenger, Dickinson parking expert and WITh the Parking would have to keep a special watch for Appeals Board eminently qualified him tourists. On spotting one of these for the job. "It'll be really neat to get unsuspecting morons, the Student paid to sit around the Amicus office Avenger would gleefully direct them to playing games for most of the day," a spot far distant from their destination. said Dickinson. " Besides, I'm tickled to After a rousing chorus of Mama Tried, death to finally get a job offer at all." famed chartreuse Dickinson exclaimed, But the job will not be just fun and "I can't waIT to watch those fuckers get games. The Little-Yellow-Chalk-Mark­ on the ferry." Wiper-Offer will be responsible for more Students speculate that the Offer ******* ALS{) STAVI:!I~C3 ******* than just an hourly pass down South may provide a more credible channel Sonny Bono as Tim Sullivan; Omar Sharriff as Dick Williamson; Michelle Pfieffer as Faye Henry , removing offending tire of oommunication with M-W authortty Shealy; Aunt Sea as Connie Galloway; Leslie Nielson as John Donaldson; Matlock as Walter markings. The Offer must also issue figures. Suggestions coming from the Fe/ton; Jesse Jackson as Alemante Se/assie; Bluto & Popeye as the Evidence Professors; id iot tickets. These tickets will be doled Offer may be accorded greater validity. Bugs Bunny as the voice of Neal Devins; Groucho Marx as Rob Kaplan ; Heinrich Himmler as Jim He/ler; Don Knotts as Peter Alces; Lindsey Wagner as Lynda Butler; Tom Petty as out among area drivers who lack Among current ideas is a proposal to Dave Douglas; Benny Stolwitz as Ron Rosenberg; Steven Wright as Mike Gerhardt; Otis parking skills. Anyone occupying more use building expansion funds to erect a Campbell as Paul LeBel; Kathy Bates as Linda Malone; Mary Poppins as Susan Grover; Joe than one complete parking space (i. e. , parking garage. To red uce the costs of Quigley as Paul Marcus; ZsaZsa Gabor as Alisa Lewis; Bob's Big Boy as Ted Atkinson; Stevie a car WITh a four-foot clearance on both this endeavor, builders could simply Wonder as Dave Dalke; Joe Pesci as Kevin Kroner; John Brownlee as the SBA President; bumpers) must pay a fine. Revenues, adapt the structure now used as the Bill Cl inton as Kyle Short; Stimpson J. Cat as Fred Jacob; Chuck Norris as Judo Conti; of course, will accru e to Dickinson. In grad housin g complex. This would Charles Grodin as Doug Miller; Joan of Arc as Marcia Stuart; Billy Dee Will iams as Bryan Bonner; Loni Anderson as Serena Spencer; Rush Limbuagh & Pat Buchanan as Jay Dugger addition, Dickinson will translate license have th e incremental ben efrt of reducing & Bill Wilder; Doogie Howser as Sean Hogle; Norm Peterson as Mike Vadner; Cliff KJaven plate numbers into names and post a parking competITion. as Pat Connolly; Hulk Hogan as Jimmy Entas; Rob Lowe as Paul Possinger; Homer Simpson list of offenders in the law school. In the alternative, 3L Scott Conover as Bob Dickinson; Arnold Becker as Rich Hricik; Richard Dreyfuss as Joe Cartee; Nick Nolte Students will be encouraged to deliver suggests that al ums condition future as Mark Donald; Dick Vitale as Bill Madigan; The Invisible Man as Matt Rea; Charo as Luz whatever incremental physical and bequests on M-W's willingness to Nagle; Major Dad as Dwayne Smith; David Bowie as Bill Kennedy; Farrah Fawcett as Teresa verbal abuse they deem appropriate. convert faculty spaces for student use. razzel· Chewbaccca as Alan Duckworth· Hot Li s Houlihan as Marta e 4 Thursday, April 1,1993 THE A~ULANCE CHASER (:======~===a===t'===s===fta===[[===-~CW=====!~tft===e===~~ca=d=e=m=ic~c::::a::::ta::::[o::::B~~~~) Temporary message from the acting prc)visional interim dean This is a great law school, a really [what? ... oh ... ok] Well, actually those fantastic super high-quality place to were student applications. but we did study the law. have five nice applicants before. Now, you may have heard talk that Unfortunately, they actually visited there are too many state supported Williamsburg, then two dropped out, schools ir. Virginia, orthatthe center of and well, the other three must have had budgetary attention is located in something wrong with them because Charlottesville; to this we say they didn't drop out. "Nonsense! The more the merrier!" We invite you to send in the Y'all come! application (and fee) . We would be Don't pay too much attention to the happy to have you here, and who fact that the law school can't find a real knows, our newest "Associate Dean" Dean, I mean, we had thousands of only has a bachelor'S degree, perhaps applicants, honest. No ... really, wedid we will consider your application for our Acting Dean Richard Williamson . . . what, excuse me for a second administrative vacancy as well. Unique history &tradition Several of America's Jefferson, also being better at greatest early leaders studied sports and not being located in in the Wren building. a swamp. The Wren building Of course this was before was burned up several times Hawaii was invented as a place by soldiers, errant tourist bus for the very rich to banish their crashes, and terminally bored adult children while they had law students looking for cheap affairs. thrill:s. Also the Wren building has Once again, William and nothing to do with the law Mary recovered and is world school. famous amongst Virginians. After that, the War Between The school is in a nasty snit the States happened, and with Harvard and others over Virginia became the which is actually the oldest law laughingstock of the non­ school in the country and with Confederate world except for UVa. over who's Honor Code D.C. yuppies looking for cheap is oldest, and who can say houses with yards. U.Va. tared "Thomas Jefferson" the most better since then, due to better time!S in one brochure. We can The Wren Building marketing, and having more prove we're oldest: our budget portraits and statuesofThomas is in 1779 dollars. Student Profiles Freddy Fratboy Nelly Nova Graham Geek Clarissa Cow chose Marshal!-Wythe because I became interested in law school I chose Marshall-Wythe because of I was chosen for this student profile my Alma Mater didn't accept me, and when interning at the Large Important­ its great Legal Skills program. Also because I had absolutely nothing because of the strong Greek­ sounding Political Service group (UP because they accepted me. Legal skills negative to say (nothing to say about backslapper presence in the student Service) in THE CITY. I realized that teaches me all those " people" skills I anything, really) , and because I had the body. Greeks from large diverse moving up a notch on the food chain of somehow never picked up along the desirable physical and ethnic/ universities will feel at home at W&M social leechery would require a law way, like talking to people (clients) and demographic characteristics needed where the entire undergraduate student degree. I hate THE BURG , but appre­ playing dress-up. Now, when I go back to deceive prospective applicants into body looks and acts exactly like the ciate that I don1 have to spend an hour to my high school reunion, I'll reaJly believing that this school is not the persecuted Greek population at those in THE CAR. Totally unable to choose show those guys who used to beat me backwater, confederate, hickdom "other" schools. Both local bars cater between Georgetown and THE UNIV., up, and all those girls who WOU ldn't go mixed with D.C. yuppie spawn to this clientele, and everybody does I attended both. Thank god I got ac­ out with me. They'll all be sorry now crossroads nightmare hell that it is. So intra-murals! Excellent. cepted and didn1 have to go to Mason. that I'm a big lawyer! Nyah-Nyah. there. Thursday, April 1,1993 THE AMBUL..... "ICE CHASER- 5 1993-94 CURRICULUM: MARSHALL-WYTHE SCHOOL OF LAw The Theory of Theory. First Amendment Lab. Personal Agenda I-IV. Spring (3), Mr. Schaeffer. Spring (3), Mr. Smolla. Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer, Mr. Lederer. Advanced introduction to philosophical matters Activities will consist of a series of field trips to Students conscripted into this legal skills firm will underlying the theories underlying the law. Semester establishments likely to need First Amendment pursue such law related activities as Trial Advocacy will be devoted to the thorough examination of one protection. Students will analyze, first-hand, appeals support, Bailiffing, babysitting, dry cleaning pickup, key case, its tactual background, historic and political primarily to prurient interest and look for redeeming photocopying, etc. Class meets on an "on-call" elements, syntactical structure, the font used to print social, political or artistic value. Students will be basis. it up, the elemental and sub-atomic composition of graded only on class partiCipation. Features colorful the ink and paper, the strong and weak nuclear forces texts, meets irregularly. Very Important Law Classes. which bind our universe together and the conceptions Not offered 1993-1994 of " God" inherent therein. Especially helpful for bar Art I. This is the generic heading for important courses exam preparation. Fall (3) , Mr. Rosenberg. not being offered so that we can have sixteen different Explore various mediums including chalk and flavors of Con Law. Courses not being offered Legal Obfuscation I. chalkboard and paper and pen. Learn the creative include: White collar crime, Divorce & custody, Estate Fall (3) , Mr. Marcus, Mr. Donaldson. techniques of drawing plat maps, and easement planning, Corporations.II, Entertainment, Insurance, An introduction to classical legalese. Subjects diagrams. A must for a career in government or Land use control, Local government, and Health covered include " cite-speech", name dropping, Latin children's publishing. policy. Lexicology, and technical tongue twisting. Prerequis;tes: Kindergarten. Prerequisites (recommended) Form-over-substance Con Law I-XI. seminar, Technobabble I. Bondage and Servitudes. Abundantly offered 1993-1994 Fall (3) , Ms. Butler. We're sorry there aren't more. Twentyfirst Amendment Lab. Students will learn the important legal art of All of these courses are Con Law in disguise, no Fall (1), Spring (1) , Mr. Pauls humiliation, submission, and S & M. Subjects range matter what their titles: Con Law I & II, Crim Pro I & Students will examine firsthand the results of from dominant and servient estates, creation of a II , Con Decision Mkg, Prop & Con, Selected Con Amendment XXI. Class meets Thursday nights and dominatrix, the rule in Shelly's lace, and the rule of Prob, Family Law, Mass Media law, Sel Const. Probl., early Friday morning in the bathroom. purple-turgidities, to pleadings and prayers for relief. Federal Courts Things to do in the 'Burg: M-W & community activities Law school activities: involvement in the law school While the honor code might preclude recommended. Big Bill and the Little Woman (Men's community and impressive titles and outright falsehoods, nothing can be Law Society) activities for inclusion on resumes. Each done if a stUdent simply forgets where Theater Objectives of this group are to week the organization will vote to the Wren Building is located, or, due to The community library holds a recognize and support issues unique change its name and will elect new hearing loss, mistakes a request for puppet show every thursday at 9:30 to men going into careers in the law, officers. Students sending out job " Directions to the Pottery" for a.m. Nottomiss-Legal Skills Fairy Tale given the whiny, panty-waist, PC social seeking letters that week, will be elected "Directions to Yorktown Battlefield". A Theater. atmosphere endemic to law School. for a one-week term. Also, each week, request relating to "Busch Gardens" Rated X. Activities include beer, sports, guns, a "Journal" will be photocopied and can easily be innocently contused tOf good ole boy networking, and " avoiding editors selected. an offer of either sex or beer. Students Night Life harassment lawsuits" seminars. Also, are encouraged to fulfil their civic duties If you are interested in loud, crowded watch-dogging the " Cheese & Community actfvftles: while entertaining peers within earshot. bars playing endless Guns-n-Roses to Macaroni" group. Open to any law Tourist Assistance packed houses of lost frat-boys, then student with enough balls. Because of the unique drive­ Restaurants visit Paul's. If, however, you prefer a Motto: " I'm done, fix me a through horseshoe shape of the Law The city offers a wide array of loud, crowded bar playing endless sandwich." School driveway, tourists often feel that pancake houses and a Taco Bell. While Guns-n-Roses to a packed house of it must have been designed that way to you can stop almost anywhere, on any lost frat-boys, you can frequent the Moot Court facilitate a drive-through information road, and find a pancake house, the Green Leafe, conveniently located next All students are invited to partiCipate service, similar to a fast food window. value menu at Taco Bell is door. in the BUSH-ROD moot court competition in the fall of their second r------~ year. Moot court provides students the •I ApPLICATION • opportunity to memorize boring cases I for two weeks before being reduced to I Will you have a bachelor's degree? [] Yes [] No blubbering masses of tearful humanity I before arrogant and merciless third Date of application to U.Va. years and insultingly unprepared alumni Date of rejection judges. Participants will be critiqued Kindergarten grade(s) on hairstyles, makeup, stance, Have you ever been arrested for a crime? [] Yes [] No perspiration volume, and, in the event of a tie, knowledge of the material and Were there young girls or alcohol involved? [] Yes [ ] No oral advocacy skills. If Yes, tell us about it (enclose photos)

Amicus Curiae Where have you lived in your entire lifetime? Staff duties include production of From To State inane columns, reporting stories on City parking, smoking, muckraking and peer humiliation. Privileges include laser printing, special exam taking If you have not lived in Virginia your whole life, why the hell not, Yankee? ______facilities for editors, and deciding which Do your parents make a lot of money, and will they give us some? [ ] Yes [ ] No students will be trading cards. If No, please attach a personal statement explaining why we should accept you anyway. Generic Resume Padding Activity Ethnicity - please check one (1): Organization 1 [] Homogeneous, white, upper-middle-class, risk-averse, authority worshipper G.R.P.A.O. provides students with I [] Other the opportunity for meaningful ~------~ 6 Thursday, April 1,1993 THE A~U L"""iCE CHASER By BILL MADIGAN I THINK SHE GOT Trials & Tribulations By Josh Sacks NswS THE POINT . . . In It'1~ , 1\K., "'E,~e I vii I Clinton, Iowa, 24- o year-old Kenneth 00 ~ I l)o~,,.l" r»=" c>F ot cA"€M"" Irwin was jailed for , I cutting off the toes of his girlfriend, 20-year-old Tamra n\o€" Oo(Jfl1''''c of Sibley, for beating him at darts. (USA Today). WrJ I!"kr ~Pn>l'!-· DON'T LOOK UP WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN . .. "What Bird Did That? A Driver's Guide to Some Common Birds of North America," helpsyou "quickly and easily identify that magnificent splay on your windshield." (Entertainment Weekly). US ED TO HAVE IT ... A federal appeals court upheld a $325,000 jury award to Robert Fischer, who claimed that an electrical shock he received from a Pepsi-Cola machine in Omaha, Neb. ,. in 1987 left him impotent. Fischer's wife was awarded $35,000 for loss of services. (Daily Press) . f\ JJ I ... ,.) ~~\ p'<:PQrc.s ~r GOOSESTEPPINGTOANEWBEAT .. . In response c..\QS6. (().lQh."'" '1.r ~\.u.·sB 1,,'<.1 to a study of his college's race relations, Citadel .. :ol .for :5PO-"\5'-'. (PM"" Soon .. ' President Claudius Watts ordered the school's band \-.ere..' ~ " !,~,• ...., •. ~ e~" '-' , '1"'~ es? to play " Dixie" at football games in a manner that "will S.o.c... \'..5. r""$ s" ~odcL."'1\ not be taunting." (Associated Press) . SAVE YOUR RECEIPT . .. In Great Britain, 5,000 prostitutes have formed TAWANA PLAY FOOTBALL . .. A Union tabby, Max, in the microwave, but says it was just for Offpro, an organization Bridge, Md., high school permitted a female protection as he and Thomas Sanders stumbled that will police the sex student, Tawana Hammond, 17, to try out around the house after a drinking binge. "I didn't industry. If a customer is for its football team under the pressure of a intel)d to hurt him. I was afraid he would get hurt with ripped off or reports poor­ federal statute that bars school discrimination us moving around in the dark, so I put him in the quality service, he will (]fths on the basis of gender. On her first microwave," Protokowicz explained. " He was only in receive compensation in scrimmage, Tawana, a running back, was there for about five seconds. When we pulled him the form of a cash refund tackled and suffered massive internal out, he was alive, but he didn't look too good." or alternative service from injuries. She filed a $1.5 million lawsuit Protokowicz says he mistakenly turned on the oven one of Offpro's members. And the offending prostitute against the county board of education for its alleged while trying to switch on an overhead light. Sanders will have her seal of approval revoked. (Reason). failure to inform her of how dangerous football is. has now filed a disciplinary complaint with Maryland IT'S ALL IN WHERE YOU SIT ... The Kansas (Daily Press). bar officials, noting that turning on th~ microwave is Supreme Court ruled that a 17-year-old boy, who CATS IN THE 'CROWAVE, BUT NOT THE a four-step process wIlen 11t:1 WaS 1S ;,npregndted h;:s t ?-Yed.,--old baby' SILVER SPOON . .. A Maryland attorney that requires sitter, is liable for child support (Washington Post) . faces possible disbarment after breaking into settings and DONUT STOP PEDALING ... Southern Illinois's the home of a client's estranged wife and entering times and Tour de Donut is a 30-mile event in which cyclists microwaving the family kitten to death. other controls. subtract five minutes from their overall time for every Stanley E. Protokowicz pled guilty to breaking (Student Lawyer) . doughnut consumed during two 10-minute breaks. and entering the home of Nancy A. Sanders. "SHE TURNED Said John January, this year's winner, who downed He was sentenced to 40 hours of community ME INTO A NEWT a dozen doughnuts: "I think I found my event. I'm a service, fined $1 ,000 and made to pay the costs of ... I GOT BETTER" ... A self-proclaimed witch has mediocre runner, a mediocre biker and a lousy counseling the young Sanders children, who found come out of the broom closet, demanding that a swimmer, but I'm great at eating doughnuts." their pet baked. school district ban "Hansel and Gretel" because she (Greensboro, N.C., News & Record). Protokowicz admitted that he put 7-month-old says it encourages witch killing. (Washington Post).

6. THE INNER SANCTUM - Hidden bullies, Fred as a cubscout at age 25, PALACE, from page 3 behind a large tapestry that backdrops etc. He can turn nowhere in the room BABY CHUCK, from page 3 the throne is His quarters. Though without being able to gaze upon The the shackles bolted to the wall, these sparsely decorated, the walls and Visage. After a free pregnancy test confirmed rooms have a cheery, homey feel to ceiling are adorned with a variety of 7. GIFT SHOP - Here visitors to the Lolita's darkest suspicions, she went them. The sunlight that filters through pictures of him in various stages of his shrine will be able to purchase all their for counselling at her local parish, St. the bars on the windows give these life: Fred as an infant, Fred on His first Fred souvenirs, including the "I Ucked Bede's. abodesof the damned a subtle warmth. day at school getting beaten up by the Boots, and Uked It" t-shirts; PSF­ The priest told Lolita that he'd be type spill-proof coffee mugs with the surprised if she didn't burn in the eternal cover made in the shape of His face (the flames of Hell because she had coffee comes out of the nostrils); and engaged in premarital sex, but he was the Fred hand puppet, so you can slip glad to see that she hadn't used any your hand inside him and play the birth control. - .1 dictator in your home . When asked to comment about the . ---.J ~ - ;) ~: incident, Prince Charles told us, "She's When the staff of the Weekly World no Camellia, but I wouldn't mind living ~i-: Ambulance Chaser revealed this in her trousers either." devious plot to the Board of Visitors, Elizabeth, who is trying to turn the one member responded " But he episode into a positive one, now heads promised us free t-shirts and the Fred­ a support group, (POPT) Parents of opoly home game." Another, aghast at Pregnant Teens. The group invites Ubrary the plans, noted "We thoughtthe whole other unstable people to join them and 1 6 presentation was just a joke, I mean, share their stories. with that hair and all. We were just Elizabeth also chairs a committee humoring him." The Board has pushing for more sex education in promised an internal audit of the entire schools, beginning at the Head Start - matter. level. Thursday, April 1,1993 THE AtvrnUlANCE CHASER 7 Naugahyde by Bob Dickinson

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Life After Law School Everything you need to know you learned from Elmer By DAVID ZIEMER Then one day, I let my guard down officials would call a foul. I asked a The most striki ng similarity between Midwestern Correspondent and allowed myself to be taken to a fellow spectator why. " Can't hit the hockey and law, however, is the divi­ People have a need, for some rea­ hockey game. Big fucking deal, hockey puck cross the blue line to your own sions of each into three easily divisible son, to declare their favorite sport to be is, in these parts. Normally, I refuse player. Got to skate cross it yoursetf." and cx>mpletely unrelated sections. Dur­ somehow purer than others. The afi­ such invitations with the reply, " Sorry. I Suddenly, I understood. The proper ing the first period of the hockey game, cionados oftheir sport, they maintain to can get drunk in a bar instead, and the foundation must be laid before the player I had no idea what was going on. My be superior to the rabble who favor less 12 stupidest people in the joint won't be can introduce his evidence into the first year of law school, I had no idea pure sports. Thus, one sport is called licensed toswing four-foot sticks around goalie's teeth. what was going on. My first year of law the sport of kings, and anotherof gentle­ people's heads." But, there I was, Other rules continued to bother me, practice, I committed so much mal­ men. Others, we are told are a sport for watching a bunch of grown men skat­ however, I noticed that a player could practice, I would be bankrupt if my " MEN!" Okay, fine .... Baseball, of ing around an ice rink. It was reason­ hit an opposing player in the knees with clients understood one-tenth of it. course, is the sport of fanatical, yet ably amusing, but it struck me as rather his stick 8, 9, 10 times and no foul would After the first period of the game, boring, statistic-obsessed pinheads, pointless. Nobody scored any goals, be called, until the abused player got however, I had all the rules explained to and politics . .. well, people who take and field position iust changed back fed up, and struck his attacker back in me. I took two minutes. Before second politics seriously are frequently quite and forth.1he feeling I had was remark­ the chest. "Then they would both get year began, somebody told me to tor­ partial to baseball as well. ably similar to that of my first semester sent to the penalty box. I found this getthe whole semester and just memo­ As is usual when I observe some­ Property class. I would learn some rule, highly upsetting until I remembered the rize an outline. Each one took two thing I find marginally insightful, but of of utmost importance, only to discover clean hands doctrine in equity. The days. By simply asking for a little guid­ absolutely no relevance, I have de­ that all civilized states had abandoned procedure also struck me as similar to ance, I understood everything suffi­ voted great thought to this matter. I it decades ago. Even in Virginia, that in trial. If you don't object to a line ciently. I cx>uld kick back, drink heavily, have concluded that we must have a progressives expected it to be repealed of questioning, your opponent will just and rightly enjoy the vicious and point­ "Sport of Lawyers." Atfirst, this resolu­ by the turn of the century. The 22nd, of keep at it. When you do object, the less game. My appreciation of hockey tion caused me substantial consterna­ course. "So why am I here?" I would judge will call you both out of action to increased pretty much too, after I learned tion. Which sport could be appropriate ask, just as l did at the hockey game. the bench for a discussion. Then the the rules. As far as practicing law goes, for such a moniker? After all, we are a Then the rules of the game became matter is resolved according to arbi­ very diverse group of people; at least confusing. A player would make what trary rules, without regard to which of See HOCKEY, page 8 that's what the admissions people say. looked like a perfectly fine shot, but the the parties has fucked over the other. Collect them all! This week: Trekkie's of the law school! More clip Inl save Marshall-Wythe tradin ~~------~

Ted Atkinson Dave Hopkins Debbi Holmes Rod Simmons April THE AMBUlANCE ~8-======~==~=:=~=~======complained about my leave you stiff. During Thursday, the ad, 1,1993He says Hs nothing,CHASER but I performance. On our trips don't engorge yourself with can't help but feel that he's to Intercourse, PA., I always your own pleasure. Be rigid in holding something ' back. ~sk Ira Impotent arrive first, H you get the your devotion to her. If that What could It be? Is It bad? picture. I feel bad that she doesn't work, just think Does It mean Hs over. isn't satisfied, but I don't Baseball. - Miffed Dear Ira Impotent, glass of wine. Now is not the know what else to do. What Let me be blunt. I've spent time to be presumptuous or can I do? Dear Ira, Dear Whiney, much too much time In law over-eager. Work into it. Use --Early O.K. Here and now, settle Perhaps he is being honest school, and In this asexual foreplay. Finally indulge Dear Woody Not, It. How long do I have to hold and nothing is on his mind. environment have been far yourself and perhaps even use You may feel bad about her her afterwards? Perhaps he is simply indulging long without a date. As a some exotic oil to show how satisfaction, but I feel worse -Ima Dunn in the sweet harmony of result, I've had to take much you care, Importantly, about you. You give a bad afterglow. Perhaps he is matters into my own hands­ don't just fall to sleep. Hold reputation to all men. Plus, if Dear Antsy, overwhelmed and intimidated - literally. While I've yourself awhile and then fix you don't straighten out, she'll Hold her??? by his strong emotions, by his disproved my mother's yourself a sandwich. You'll soon go looking elsewhere. I love and adoration. adage of going blind, It has find it feels like the first time. don't mean to be hard on you, Dear Mr. Potent, Then again, when my become more like a habit. I but she does have a bone to Lately after sex with my partner says afterwards, " A can't leaf through a 'J.C. Dear Ira Impotent, pick with you. You might be a boyfriend, he becomes penny for your thoughts," my Penny catalogue without I am ashamed to say that solid guyotherwise, but be firm withdrawn and qUiet. I can't response is " ham and being alone. I can be my girlfriend has recently with yourself here or she might get him to share his thoughts. cheese." aroused by reading through Miller's definition of obscenity. It has gotten to By Jeff Regner the point where I don't really Free Body Diagram enjoy It but stili sit up watching "Joe Bob Brigg's Drive-I n Theater" fora glance to J ; SM ... ~s .for of T & A. Help me. /

act itself but in its frequency. It I'!. J c.."' ; ... J . no longer holds any special meaningtoyou. Ofcourseyou can get no real pleasure from something so casually undertaken. Think of this as a relationship; try to put the old magic back into it. Why not treat yourself to a special evening out. Plan a special night and refrain for the whole burn out, ceasing to care if my ger on hockey games to pre­ beginning to comprehend: If week leading up to it. You will HOCKEY, from page 7 clients win, lose or go to Hell. ferred shareholders. Don't be you understand the rules and be surprised by your Lest you think, however, taken aback; pay attention. The behavioral stimuli that govern anticipation and excitement as nowadays, like Ren and that this column has been man's not just floating in a the lives of those toothless the days draw closer. Then get Stimpy would say, "We're not merely a feeble attempt to stream of consciousness; he primitives on skates, you will yourself all dressed up; don't hitchhiking anymore, we're spark your amusement, per­ KNOWS what you, as a sec­ understand the laws that gov­ spare the good cologne. Take riding!" mit me to impart a small prac­ ond-year law student, are only ern us all. yourselfouttosomeplace nice By the start of the third pe­ tical hint. Some day, you'll be to eat, then perhaps a movie. A riod of the hockey and law in Professor Schaeffer's Cor- Joe SomeNilJe Joe 5c>

I Rod is so obsessed with I I Debbi watches Star Trek, I I Dave is a Star Trek purist Ted is a proud Star Trek. I Star Trek that he no longer I I The Next Generation to see I I "The Next Generation is OK, fan. He recently tried to. saysgoodbye,just"Uve long I I her main man, Jean Luc I I but Deep Space Nine ought impress a date by showing. and prosper. " I I Picard. Her walls are covered I ItobeDeepSixed,Now! That her his personally I Recently the FBI has taken I I with pictures of the Captain in I I show is crap!" autographed picture of. aninterestinRod'sobsession I I a variety of poses, and she I I He longs for the days of James "Scotty" Doohan. • as he has been working late I I can identify any episode in I I Spock, Uhura and Sulu. It seems that the picture. atnight"developingweapons I I two seconds or less. :: "Let's be honest-the original was not the only thing that: for the Federation to end the: : "I just love a man in a I I was the best. And besides, Ted wanted to show her.• Romulan menace." I I uniform. Jean Luc, if you're I I Kirk would have beat the shit Speaking under anonymity • I I reading ... Beam me up, Big I lout of that French pansy she said, "I got out of there in • • I Boy." I I Picard." a hurry when he said, 'Wanna I • I • • see my phaser?'" • • • III .. --~------.... _------_ .... ------~---- .... _------_ .. THE AMIcus CURIAE News Briefs Thursday, April 1,1993 19

Mary & William, Law Students for Choice approve merger Amicus Announces New Editor in Chief Members of Mary & William and Law Students for Choice have The staff of the Amicus Curiae and the Publications Council are voted unanimously to merge, creating a new gender-equality group. The pleased to announce that Leeanne Morris has been selected as the Editor­ comprehensive group will have several committees working on different in-Chief for the 1993-94 school year. issues and projects. At a kickoff meeting next Thursday, April 8, the Leeanne' s experience and hard work for the Amicus enabled her to group will choose a name. edge out the competition (i .e., no one else was dumb enough to want the job). We would like to wish Leeanne the best ofluck in continuing the Six Finalists selected in W &M Provost Search tradition of excellence earned overthe past three years. Congratulations. The Provost search committee has narrowed the application for Provost down to six: Gillian Townsend CeU, Provost and professor of History at Lafayette College. Mary Sue Coleman, Vice Chancellor of Colonial . Graduate Studies and Research and Professor of Biochemistry and Biophysics at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Daniel One-Hour /1 Fallon, Dean of the College of Liberal Arts and Professor of Psychology at Texas A&M. Samuel Gorovitz, Dean of Arts and Sciences and Photo Professor of Philosophy at Syracuse University. Dorothy Buckton Portrait Studio James, Provost and Dean of the Faculty and Professor of Government at Connecticut College. Dalmus A. Taylor, Senior Fellow for Policy for the American Psychological Association. Tuesdays and now SATURDAYS, The six candidates are expected on campus for individual visits are W&M Special Days between March 22 and April 9. Bring your film in for processing and receive either FREE film or FREE double prints!! 1993-94 Legal Skills TAs named With our new PORTRAIT STUDIO open, you can be sure Congratulations to: Bill Connolly, Marshall Dukes, Nancy Delogu, ~ that your class pictures look GREAT!! Toni Friess, Chris Johnson, Joan Kane, Bill Kennedy, Chris Koomey, A.& Make an appointment TODAY Dave Pernini, Jonathan Pond, Julie Reynolds, Phil Runkel, Rick .- PASSPORT PHOTOS IN MINUTES Schwartzbard and Kammy Wilson. Great for applications, too! Additionally, Marc Pentz and Jonathan Rotter are stuck with the 229 3001 431 Prince George St . dubious honor of working with Fred Lederer as the Trial Ad. T As. - across from Baskin Robbins

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It's Only Rock & Roll Refuseniks Unite! Costello goes classical and Sting swings By PHIL NUGENT wasted. Prime examples were cess of their salad days since given name, Declan MacManus, Costello is enjoying once again Spy magazine recently had a Sylvester Stallone giving up the they turned their backs on the which sounds appropriately se­ confounding expectations. This story in which they mocked all action flicks to do serious drama musical mainstream that brought rious for this collaboration with much is true: his new album is those entertainers of modest tal­ (or was it comedy?) and Chevy them fame and fortune. Elvis the Brodsky Quartet. The B.Q., quite a departure, and that's say­ ent who having made it as B­ Chase giving up SNL for a glo­ dumped the Attractions, Sting in case you haven't heard, are a ing a lot when you're talking actors, decided to turn their backs rious career(?) on the big screen. dumped the Police, and they have world-renowned British string about Elvis Costello. This guy on what made them famous, in Musical refuseniks Elvis been card-carrying refuseniks quartet more used to the likes of isn't just mixing pop and classi­ order to pursue serious theater, Costello and Sting have devoted ever since, doing whatever each Bach than rock. (Actually, they cal, but he does Broadway as where they felt they really be- the last decade to proving that one can to shake that hateful, yet are most famous for their perfor­ well. Certainly, The Juliet let­ longed. - their talent is not modest, that it indelible image as a mere pop mances of Shostakovich.) Yet, ters made me think not infre­ Of course, they usually can carry them wherever they singer. no matter how well known they quently of " Guys and Dolls." flopped. Spy called them care to go, and that their early Elvis Costello and the Brodsky were among the classical music The conceit behind this al­ refuseniks, for refusing to hang fans will either grow with them, Quartet, The Juliet Letters crowd, the B.Q. certainly never bum is that it consists ofsome 20 out with the one who brought or get left lx:hind. While they Costello, like a good did the Tonight Show B.C. (Be­ "letters," in song form, to all them to the dance, on the un­ certainly haven't flopped in refusenik, is growing weary of fore Costello), and they seem to founded assumption that their (most of) their musical journeys, his nom de plume, and he really be enjoying their new celebrity See, UNITE, page 23 unbounded talent was being neither one has repeated the suc- wants to be known by his God- among the masses as much as Point olNo Return symptomatic of the death ofHollywood By STEVEN YOUNGKIN murdering a cop and sentenced using identical shots). After a Furthermore, the movie has repeated implausible and The death of Hollywood to die by lethal injection. She is while you're convinced that you trouble overcoming basic unbelievable scenes. originality is now very much at saved at the last moment by the are seeing the French movie implausibilities. For example, The movie is not without its hand. The symptoms have been Government which offers her an dubbed into English. why was she being taught how to good points however. Harvey present for many years, but it is opportunity to become a Unfortunately, something got eat at dinner parties and work Keitel is appropriately menacing now becoming all too clear that professional assassin. She lost in the translation. While computers during her training and scary as "The Cleaner," a major movie studios might not accepts, mostly on the fact that Nilcita had a kinetic quality to it, when all she is ever asked to do man who cleans up other have the ability or the desire to they will kill her if she doesn't. Point of No Return is more is pick up a gun and shoot a assassins mistakes by bathing come up with any original ideas. After being transformed into a sluggish. person? Further, in one scene, the victims in sulfuric acid. The lastclSd of trying to show the sophisticated bdyand becoming Not only is it not 2 good the Govenunent sends her on :;an s.:od thing is, Keitel is. not audience something new, they an assassin, she then discovers translation, it is not even a good assignment to assassinate for introduced until the last quarter win instead do sequels, remakes, that she's not all that enamored movieooitsownmerits. Bridget some unspecified reason. What of the movie and there is not ripoffs and updates. This year is with it and starts trying to decide Fonda is uninvolving in the lead makes the scene unbelievable is enough seen ofhim . The action especially true. So far we have how to leave a job where the role. She never really convinces that they also send along her scenes, what few there are, are had Teenage Mutant Ninja only retirement plan is death. us that the drugged out "wild boyfriend who knows nothing also well paced. Unfortunately, Turtles III, Body of Evidence The movie is not so much a girl" and the sophisticated lady about Fonda's career. The fact Keitel and the action scenes are (ripoff ofBasic Instinct) and The remake as a scene-by-scene were ever the same person. They that the Government would put not enough to overcome what is Temp (latest entry in the translation of the French movie. are so different that it seems as if everyone in that stupid of a basically an unoriginal, "BLANK from Hell" series). The scenes follow exactly the she was assigned two different pOSitIOn is completely uninvolving, unmemorable and In the remake category we same order · (sometimes even characters to play. unexplainable. The movie has unnecessary remake. have Born Yesterday, The Van ishing, Sommersby, and Inadmissible Evidence mixes law and fiction Poiht ofNo Return all debuting in the same month. This is By BOB DICKINSON trial rioting looms OIl the horizon. twist, Friedman provides the reader opening and closing probably the biggest group ofall In his earlier best seller, Manhattan Assistant D.A. Joe Morales with the best ofdefense statements in their entirety. The because it directly and blatantly Reasonable Doubt, author Philip Estrada is assigned to prosecute counsel, the heroine of same is true ofmost of the direct steals from the original. Friedman gave the reader an Morales in the new trial. Reasonable Doubts, Kassia and cross-examinations. If you Occasionall y a filmmaker redoes inside look at a murder The task seems Miller. can't get enough oftrial practice it (as inthe case The Fly) because prosecution from a defense insurmountable. Three years Friedman does an excellent in your courtroom dramas, this he has a new spin he wants to put perspective. His newest book, after the crime, leads have gone job of getting inside Estrada's book is for you. onto the story or he knows how Inadmissible Evidence gives cold; witnesses are unavailable, head and showing the intensity The one weakness ofthe book to improve upon it. Most of the similar treatment to the or their testimony has changed. of conducting "the trial of a is its depiction of Estrada's time, though, the remake is prosecution. And, of course, Estrada must lifetime." Estrada must consider personal life. His relationships simply a lot easier than coming Hispanic community leader make his case without the key everything from evidence to to his mother, dead father, and up with an original idea. The Roberto Morales was tried and evidence that the appellate court ethics. He is faced with moral siblings just get in the way of the fact that they assume the convicted for the murder of his ruled inadmissible. onflicts between the law and story. I was especially annoyed audience is so stupid that they anglo mistress, Mariah Dodge. At 548 pages In the loyalty. by hiscoast-to-coast relationship won't realize that the director is Two years after that verdict, the hardbound copy the book is not Legal issues and the with his girlfriend. adding nothing new or different New York Court of Appeals has too long. It is a page turner, a techniques of a trial lawyer are Friedman, an attorney to the story is nothing short of remanded the case for a new story that you don't want to end. presented in a fashion that must himself, has written a novel that insulting. trial, holding that the judge made The first half is devoted to the be challenging to the layperson, provides abundant detail of Point afNo Return is a good errors prej udicial to the investigation; the second halfto as the book is not insulting to interest to the law student. That example of Hollywood's defendant. The charges ofracism the trial itself. The reader is those with a smattering of legal the book is a best seller is laziness. It is a remake of the that roared around the first trial introduced to police detectives, knowledge (read 3L). evidence of its appeal to non­ 1991 French movie La Femme are sure to become even more fellow prosecutors, the judge in Friedman's trial presentation law-types. It would be interesting Nikita and stars Bridget Fonda pronounced in the re-trial: the the case, and members of the is supenor to any other to know what a real-life as a woman who is convicted for specter of Rodney-King-post- victim's family. Inaninteresting courtroom novelist. He gives prosecutor thinks of the book. 21 Thursday, Apri11,1993 THE AMIcus CURL-\E ======

\Barrister's \Barr

r~cr+cr~ lr!ff .. K~r 5~crr+ Tom Hanrahan ('92) are so excited they could bust!

Kammy Wilson (2L) and an unidentified beau swab tonsils on the dance floor.

...

Sue FitzGerald (2L) shows offher good grooming habits as Casper rocks "No Paul, they are not as big as mine." Paul Possinger (3 L) is questioned Barrister's. about his feet by Serena Spencer (IL).

Lisa O' Donald (IL) and Robert Kaplan (IL) were all "Ob My God! It's Bond, James Bond." (Drapers' Scholar Karen Scott and 3L smiles. Brett Johnson.) 22 ======Thursday, April 1,1993 THE Awcus CURIAE Libel Night

Photos b)l Debreth beitler

What's this? Hardly!!!

loeQuigley (3 L)? Or Paul Marcus? Shocking! ! !

Jeremy Phillips (IL), Ted Atkinson (IL), Richard Hricik (3L), and Kyle Short (2L) Greg Schwind (3L) as Neal Devins was good enough, funny ~scussed various issues as the McGlaughlin. enough ...

Carson came out of retirement to perfonn "the Amaz~ 2L Chet Nunoo-Quarco and the Chickohominy Rhythm Band got the crowd Camac." (IL Ted Atkinson and 2L Kyle Short) moving. Thursday, Aprill, 1993 THE AMIaJs CuRrAE ======23 Williamsburg-JamestownAirport: Wings comes to the 'Burg ByJANETBRECKENRlDGE the runway, with the added thrill of the Montgolfier, a roast beef and provolone ing them back. However, because of Greeting Sportsfans! This week's res­ possibility ofan explosive crash landing. sandwich served with au jus (the menu these two screw-ups, Fred Jacob thought ... taurant review column should be of spe­ (Of course I'm kidding about the crash recommends using this for dipping but the service was inadequate. Personally, cial interest to all of you aviation enthu­ landing, although I know some sickos at you could probably find other uses for it); I think Fred just didn't want to tip. (Just siasts. My panel ofexperts and I tried out the law school who probably would enjoy the Billy Mitchell, a roast beef turkey, kidding Fred). The service was actually the restaurant in the Williamsburg­ seeing such a disaster.) The menu con­ ham and cheese sandwich; the Glenn good, and considering that there's only Jamestown Airport, which is located just sists ofapproximately IS sandwich com­ Curtiss, essentially a Reuben; and the three or four tables, it can't get but so bad. off of the road that leads to the binations, three entree salads, a house Warhawk,a chicken salad sandwich. We The sandwich combinations range in Williamsburg Winery for those of you salad, soups (including a soup ofthe day), also sampled the Sidewinder Chili and price from$3.S0to$4.9S, the salads from who did not know that Williamsburg had chili and desserts. Most of the food has the soup of the day, vegetable beef. The $2.50 to $S.SO, and the soups and chili its own airport. really cool names like The Gus Grissom chili was good tasting, meaty and not from $2.50 to $3.7S. There are three When our fearless Editor-in-Chief salad, or the Sidewinder Chili. very spicy. The soup was also good but cheaper sandwich plates, the BLT, the asked me what establishment I was re­ Our group stuck with the Sandwich according to Fred Jacob (2L), it wasn't hotdog and the grilled cheese, that run viewing, and I told him the Airport Res­ combinations and the consensus was that beefy enough-to quote Fred, "I want to about $2.00 . There are also desserts that taurant, he looked at me as if I were loony the sandwiches are pretty darn good, see chunks of animal flesh in the bowl." are about $2.00 a serving, but we were to and said, "Isn't that plastic food?" Of especially if you order them on the fresh Overall, we were pleased with our meals. full from our meal to try any of them. course, his response was based on the baked bread, which is in my opinion the Krista Pollard (2L) ordered the Reuben Basically, the reasons to come to the typical culinary experience of most air biggest selling point of the place. Each sandwich which is normally served on Airport are not because the food is tre­ travellers. But, I am pleased to say that sandwich comes with a choice of chips, rye bread instead ofthe fresh baked bread, mendous or the meals are real bargains. I my infonnants have not let me down and potato salad or cole slaw. I thought the and much to her chagrin, the waitperson think the Williamsburg-Jamestown Air­ this is not your typical airport gross, potato salad was a little tasteless, and it forgot to specify to the chef that she port Restaurant is worth eating at because dried-up, tasteless, franchised, inedible was a strange tan color, but it was ok. I wanted the fresh bread, but she was a it has a nice cozy atmosphere, it's off the anti-food kiosk. had an Otto Lilienthal,aturkeyand cheese good sport about it. Also, the waitperson beaten path, the people who hang out The Airport Restaurant is a cozy sand- sandwich which was very good and quite switched Fred Ox's (2L) and my drinks there are friendly, and I find it very wich shop with an entertaining view of filling. Other selections included the up, which was easily remedied by switch- relaxing to sit and watch the planes. Now that s an opera: Virginia Opera shines with Tasca By SUZANNE McGRATH spellbound, before bursting into this exceptionally well, not efforts seem to have succeeded, popular West Side Story. In Break out your evening applause. The result was a resorting to basic translations as the age range of concert-goers addition, it will perform the not­ clothes and opera glasses! For thoroughly absorbing and intended merely to get the idea at the last performance was to-be-missed Turandot in those of you who will be lucky compelling production. across. Rather, it has attempted surprisingly broad. November. enough to remain in the area Perhaps in recognition of the thoughtful translations that Next season (the Opera's For those who are curious next year (and you thought that fact that its location presents preserve the nuance ofthe lyrics. 18th) could well tum out to be enough to go to an opera, but not meant you were unlucky), you special challenges for attracting In addition, the company has the Opera's best ever as it moves at all sure that you'll like it, still have a chance to take in a audiences, the Opera has kept ticket prices at amazingly to a new opera house in Norfolk. Puccini's Turandot is a sure bet. performance of the very seemingly made every effort to reasonable levels. Regularticket For its first season in the new Set in ancient China., the opera impressive Virginia Opera. The make itself accessible. For \lrices started at $29 this season, location, the com\lany has guarantees a wealth of exotic com pany has been lauded by the example, it has followed the but student tickets were also planned a diverse line-up (again costumes, sets, and action that New York Times as "tops by any growing trend of using English offered for $15. Subscription with a view to broad audience are sure tq entertain you even if standard" and its production of supertitIes projected on a screen packages for next season, which appeal) including Mozart's Don the music doesn't. Tasca last month at Chrysler above the stage to enable the go on sale April I and include Giovanni (the Dangerous And, of course, it 's also an Hall in Norfolk merely audience to follow the dialogue. tickets for all four operas, can be Liaisons of the 18th Century) excuse to get out of the 'Burg on reaffirmed this fine reputation. The Opera has managed to do had for as little as $SO. These and Bernstein's consistently Friday night. Tasca is Puccini's perennially popular tale of the Costello's voice accompanying most adventurous album, and the hook-laden and familiar­ doomed affair of opera singer UNITE, from page 20 them, singing what are more much of it is familiar, but it is sounding single, " If! Ever Lose Floria Tosca and her lover show tunes than pop songs, the upbeatandenjoyable. Certainly, My Faith In You," is a good Cavaradossi. A member of the sorts of people, on all sorts of concept of The Juliet Letters itisadefiniteswitchfrom Sting's benchmark for the feel of the artistic avant garde and a rebel, topics. Besides the love letters gets less strange with time. Not last effort, the very somber and album. Sting's recurrent theme Cavaradossi becomes a target of involving Romeo and Juliet, the only is it unique; the musical confessional Soul Cages. Re­ of loneliness and alienation has Scarpia, the sanctimonious chief missives include a chain letter, a union works. Costello is to be sponding in the past to the criti­ not disappeared: Police classics of police who uses the painter in suicide note, a letter from be­ admired for his creativity and · cism that he repeats himself, "So Lonely" and "Message In an effort to manipulate Tosca, yond the grave, and that staple of courageousness, and ultimately, Sting has said that he regards A Bottle" are succeeded here by with whom he is obsessed. modern existence, an acidic let­ for his skill in pulling it off. songwriting as not that different the similarly melancholy, "It's Although the plot is simple, it ter to one's lawyers (" Jacksons, Sting, Ten Summoner's Tales from painting, where it is not Probably Me," (from the Lethal takes the themes of love, hate, Monk, and Rowe"). Themati­ Sting is back, with his fourth unusual for an artist to paint Weapon 3 soundtrack) and the desire , and revenge to new cally, nothing binds the songs studio release as a solo artist, several scenes of the same land­ ironic, "You'll Still Know Noth­ extremes as the despicable together except Costello's trade­ each one putting more distance scape, with subtle variations ing 'Bout Me." One surprise: Scarpia hatches his plot to ruin mark anger, angst, and romanti­ between himself and among them. So, be advised: the album lacks politicizing; Cavaradossi, while at the same cism; musically, they are a seam­ "Roxanne." Sting iso 'tas much Sting's songs do not all sound Sting has dropped the efforts to time forcing Tosca to surrender less web, courtesy ofthe Brodsky of an experimenter as Mr. the same, they are instead varia­ save the world in order to better to his perverse intentions. Quartet. Costello; rather, he's stayed tions on a theme. cultivate his garden. This has Virgin ia Opera' s version was People either love or hate close to his original roots as a Love and hearts continue to provided us with a good harvest beautifully produced, a much this album. As a devoted fan of jazz guitarist since breaking up be big themes for Sting, which is of Sting staples: mellifluous more professional and satisfying Costello's early work, I started the Police nearly a decade ago. perhaps not surprising for the melodies, intelligent songwrit­ offering than one would expect out in the latter group, but the So, for the man who may yet go newlywed that he is. Yet, Sting ing, and pleasurable music from to find so far from a major songs have a weird wayofingra­ back to calling himself Gordon will always be the King of Pain: a consummate craftsman. metropolitan area. The sets were tiating themsel ves with those Sumner (hence, the pun in the magni ficent, the costumes who are open to a decidedly Chauceresque title), his new al­ Sfhe opulent, and the voices powerful unusual, genre-shattering experi­ bum is even more ofa departure and moving. Twice after ment. The Brodsky Quartet's from the Police-era pop than his shattering arias, first by Tosca string arrangements are beauti­ other solo efforts. Amicus Curiae and later by Cavaradossi, the ful, and even though it is ini­ I like it. Ten Summoner's wm NOT meetbeforethe'ostjssue~ audience hesitated a moment, tially disconcerting to hear Tales is definitely not Sting's THE A)'{!Cl)S CURIAE Events Calendar Thursday, April 1,1993 24

Thursday, April 1 Wednesday, April 7 APRIL FOOL'S DAY Pass the Beer!!!! Prohibition ends, 1933. And then they rested ... : "Big Bang" theory published, 1952. A real flake: W.K. Kellogg born, 1860. Bad day for the Shah: Iran decalred Islamic republic after Shah Golden voice: Billie Holiday born, 1915. deposed, 1979. Financial aid advice: 8 a.m., in Dean' s Conference Room mRL Student Symposium. Judaic Studies Lecture: "Why the Allies Did Not Bomb Com monwealth Center Seminar: ' , Jekyll and Claude: The Erotics Auschwitz, " Rabbi Jacob J. Schacter, Manhattan Jewish Center, of Patronage in McKay's Banana Bottom," Rhonda Cobham­ Morton 342,3:30 p.m. Sander, professor of Black studies and English, Amherst College, Writers Festival: Readings by Michael Mott and Hermine Pinson, Botetourt Theatre, 5 p.m. Washington 102, 4 p.m.; reading by novelist Jamaica Kincaid, Faculty Discussion: " Southeast and South Asia," Donald J. Ewell Recital Hall, 8 p.m. (Author will have a book signing session Baxter, associate professor of government; Vinson H. Sutlive Jr., at Rizzoli's, 5:30 p.m.) professor of anthropology; and Mario D. Zamora, professor of Swem Library Film Festival: " Desk Set," Botetourt Theatre, anthropology; Tucker 120, 7 p.m. noon and 7p.m. Music: Ugly Kid Joe, at Flood Zone. Music: Dave Matthews Band, at Flood Zone, Richmond. Something Strange, at Twisters. Thursday, April 8 Friday, April 2 Dirty Harry: Clint Eastwood elected mayor of Carmel, California, First Modern Missionary: Charlemagne born, 742. 1986. "Just the facts, Ma'am:" Jack Webb born, 1920. Writers Festival: Joint reading by Helen Schulman and George The First of Spring Break: Ponce de Leon discovers Florida, Garrett, novelists and short story writers, Botetourt Gallery, Swem claims beach front property for Spain. Library, 8 p.m. Exam Conflict Forms due, 5 p.m. Music: Judy Collins with the Richmond Symphony, at the Orchesis: "An Evening of Dance," PBK, 8: 15 p.m. No admission Mosque. charge. . Music: AAE, at Flood Zone. Friday, April 9 But some people still fight the war ...: Lee surrenders to Grant Saturday, April 3 at Appomattox, 1865. "Stella, Stella!!!" Marlon Brando's Birthday, 1924 Gin Blossoms: W.C. Fields born, 1879. Yeah, right: UN. demands Argentina withdraw trom Falklands. \Vriters Festival: Leoture on oontemporary poetry, Dana Gioia, Orchesis: " An Evening of Dance," PBK, 8:15 p.m. Free. Washington 102, 4 p.m. ; Dana Gioia and Agha Shahid Ali, Ewell Music: The Rembrandts/ at Brown's Island, (Chili Cookoft) Recital Hall, 8 p.m. BS&M, at Flood Zone. Good Friday Eddie Money, at the Boathouse, Norfolk. Saturday, April 10 Sunday, April 4 Humans with no social skills: APSCA formed, 1866. Daylight Savings Time! "What a pretty iceberg." Titanic sets sail on maiden, and final Cold War: NATO established, 1949. voyage, 1912. O-Rings: Maiden voyage of Chall anger space shuttle, 1983. Music: Boy 0 Boy, at Flood Zone. Palm Sunday Music: Room Full of Blues, at Flood Zone. Sunday, April 11 Easter Sunday Bingo!! Benevolent and Protective order of the Elks organized, Monday, April 5 "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Casanova's birthday, 1725. 1876 . Jungle Fever: Pocahontas marries Colonist John Rolfe, 1614. What about upper management? Jackie Robinson first black Wythe Lecture: Dean Robert Scott baseball player in major leagues, 1947. Music: Sonya Da Da, at Flood Zone. Monday, April 12 In the name of God: 4th crusade sacks Constantinople, 1204. Tuesday, April 6 Russkies: Yuri Gagarin becomes first man in space, 1961. Passover. Hillbillies: King Charl es II signs Carolina Charter, 1663. Swem Library Film Festival: " Desk Set," Botetourt Theatre, Oysters: Brigham Young marries 27th and final wife, 1868. noon and 7 p.m. Nice place for a 7-11 : Robert Peary reaches orth Pole, 1909. Italian Cinema: " Travolti da un Insolito Destino Nell' Azzurro Faculty Lecture Series: "Entering the Modern World: William Mare D' Agosto (Swept Away) Wertmuller 1974, Washington 201, and Mary, 1919-1 945," Richard B. Sherman, William E. Pullen 2 and 7 p.m. Free. Professor of History, Washington 20 I, 7:30 p.m. 1993 Higher Education Lecture: "In the Spirit of Jefferson: Women's Studies Evening Forum: Film: " Rosie the Riveter," Ren~wing Higher Education to Serve a Changing World, ' Ernest with comments by Elsa Diduk, professor emerita, modern languages, L. Boyer, president, Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching, location TBA, :30 p.m. Reception to follov,. No Bot~tourt Theatre, 7:30 p.m. M usic: Mudhoney, at Peppermint Beach Club. admission charge. 25 Thursday, April 1,1993 THE AMIcus CURIAE ======~======The World Almanac®Crossword SULLY, from page 6

that was important. Also, the develop­ ment ofa very strong alumni program that involved large numbers of our ACROSS alumni [and] the development ofpri­ 1 Flying salt­ cae (abbr.) vate giving and the way it improved. 4 Looped fabrie Those are all things I can be proud 9 Guml of. 12 Spoil 13 Downy duck We never got around to tbe five 14 "aeWelt role to ten year plan for tbe College ... 15 Pirate 17 Compasl pl Well, you know they are pretty 18 Waiting mu h out of fashion now, with the (2 wdl.) 19 Egg-shaped decline of communism in Eastern 21 Sul*lalive suffix Europe. I don't know that I have a five 22 Surrealist to ten year plan. painter 24 Stat .. Well, wbat do you see coming amel&ng 26 Disney down the road? World (e) 1992 by NEA, Inc. site I think the goal has to be threefold: 30 Utah ski First, building the best public under­ resort 31 Poetic graduate program in the country. preposition 32 Type of 40 Big 10 Bitl 01 fluff broth.r [Second,] establishing centers of bean sandwich DOWN 11 S/IeIIMM 37 Tea excellence at the graduate and profes­ 33 ...1 de- 41 "in.ral from wind 38 Pllt and 34 Used to be 42 Fashion 1 Center of 16 - Rica future sional level that are truly of national 35 Watene .. designer shield 20 By way of 39 Lodger 36 FOfCed pay- Donna - 2 Satyr 22 EI- 42 - fu distinction, selected centers of excel­ mentof 45 Docked 3 Musical (Ieg.ndary 43 Uly g.nus 39 Scrapas 48 Rubber tree group source of 44 R.lax lence. The law school is clearly going 49 Serious 4 Loyalty gold) 45 Glv. out to be one of them. quality 5 Chee .. 23 Surface sparingly 52 Numbers coaling measure, 46 "1"Ket! of Finally, developing the resource (abbr.) 6 Fr.shwat.r 24 Renown the comics 53 Behave fish 25 Furz. g.nu, 47 Group 01 two base to support that. It's not very theatrically 7 Regard 27 Chilck:ar. 50 ..ed ical 54 Air1lne info 8 Planist­ placII 'suffix complicated, those three things are 55 Obtain Garn.r 28 Trickle 51 Throw what we have to do in the next five to 56 Fencing 9 Forearm 29 - and .ndl slowly sword bone 31 Jug ten years. , 57 D.pr.... d 35 Mos.,' an's spirits & sports : Come Enjoy Great Food and A .Great Time At O'Callaghan's Listen to Live Entertainment, Shoot a Game of Darts, And Watch Your Favorite Sports On Our 10 Foot TV Screen 20% Discount (excluding alcohol) with I~ Live Entertainment Wide Screen Football Every Thursday: The ~C~ T{)urnament is in Live "azz with high gear! ~atu..-al Ijlend Come watch your favorite teams on our Big Screen TV. Every Friday and Saturday: Most Events Televised Live Ijands Check local listings for game times . Located at 4854 LonghiII Rei, at the corner of LonghiII and Olde Town Rds. In the Oide Town Square Shopping Center 229-6910 or 229-6821 . Open everyday from llam 'til2am •• THE Awcus CURIAE Sports Thursday, April 1,1993 26

Intentional Fouls Notes from Eric's journal on tIle road to the Final Four By ERIC CHASSE 2. Ross PerotlJimmy has this year's Kentucky squad. ways (which should be no more took Michigan to the last 20 Now that the Final Four is .. Laycock Decisiveness In dispatching of the Southeast than two more games). minutes ofthe Elite Eight before . well ... final, and most ofus are Department: Bobby Cremins bracket by about 30 points a 7. Glass Slipper Department: finally, and gracefully, bowing totally out of the money in our once again has proven that game, the Wildcats have turned Despite the fact that three number out. Bobby Knight took a team respective pools it's high time flexibility is the most overlooked a lot of doubting gums into one and one number two seeds with no power forward to the that the greatest show on earth and guarded commodity an believers. ultimately made it to the Final brink ofthe Final Four, and Cal's (with apologies to P .T. Barnum) NCAA coach can possess. 6. Love To Hate ' em Four, the tournament did have Todd·Bozeman made everyone got a little press here in. the 3 . Miss Congeniality Department: Bill Walton its share of Cinderellas. Santa forget all about .. . uh that guy Amicus. And so, without further Department: the Atlantic-l 0 recently called the Michigan Clara pulled the biggest shocker they fired. ado ... turned more than a few heads by Wolverines the most of the first round, but anyone 9. Jeane Dixon Department: I. Same Stuff, Different Day advancing all four of its teams underachieving team that he had who follows Arizona basketball As strong as Kentucky is playing, Department: The A.C.C. once into the second round, and ever seen; I'm not sure what 01' must have known that the 'Cats' there is little that can stop them again proved that it is the sending two to the Sweet Sixteen. Bill has been drinking, sniffing, early exit was merely a matter of from sending the Michigan Fab strongest conference in Ameri ca, 4. Pepto-Bismol Department: smoking or otherwise imbibing time. Western Kentucky Five into the annals of hi story as bar none, placing four teams in Although the tournament started lately, but back-to-back trips to extended its remarkable season the best team never to win a the Sweet Sixteen. Even after slowly, by the middle rounds the Final Four don't connote the into the third round before damn thing (no conference perrenial Final Four invitee Duke there were upsets a 'plenty; term underachieving iin this succumbing to a strong FSU championships, no national and reigning A.C.C. champ anyone with an admittedly guru's mind. squad in overtime. And who championships--sorry B1). In Georgia Tech made early logical Final Four of Seton Hall Words that do readily roll off among us, besides Alisa Lewis, the other half of the bracket, departures in the initial rounds, Arizona, Duke and UMass (all of one's lips when discussing the picked George Washington to look for the Heels to turn the strong showings by the Cavaliers third seeds or higher) was crying ' Fab Five' however, are' 'show­ advance to the Sweet Sixteen? tables on Kansas and repay them and Florida State easily in his or her Wheaties after the boating," " undisciplined," -8. Ernie Pantuso for the loss in the Final Four two established the conference's first weekend's games. , ' lacking in fundamentals" and Department: T here were years ago. dominance over such wannabes 5. Second Coming of John " classless ." Sure, they have as tremendous coaching jobs, as In the finals, I would expe t as the Big East (all teams gone Wooden Department: No team much or more talent than anyone should be expected, in all a close game bern:een two deep by the second round) and the Sll1ce Wooden' s legendary in the nation, but it is these labels brackets, perhaps none more and talented teams, but the Pac-lO (two Jason Kidd shots UCLA squads of the 1960s and that will continue to detract from noteworthy than that of John W ildcats' perimiter shooting ~ way from being shut out of the 70s has made as dominant a run their garnes and haunt them until Cheney, whose Temple Owls, will be the difference: Kentucy Sweet Sixteen altogether). at the national champi nship as they finally go their -eparate 17 -12 entering the tournament, 4, Carolina 79.

of E~f1'ada Dn E nc hilodo s: 1..199 ) ic; a 0<: ~h'l-in lL~ rouiP-nt_ o<:'t!-QAi:za.tmo..s:.. " l L." STRADA. from page I reporter for the forthcoming Res!atemem PREZ, (rom page I don 't think tbat j ust because an (Secolld)4Tacos t\993). Estrada'sTaco organizati n bas a political or religious L' C labeled ·tlorida citrus drink made Bell ' olJeagues \\'illie Nelson and lip. I'Jl be asking the Vi e President of purpose. that we have to deny them all from realliYe oranges: ' and sometimes it Hammer. fonnerly M.e. Hammer, did the SBA to pro\'ide a report from all the funding. " Short said. ,.Fo r example, if should be labeled, 'natural orange t1avored not comment on the selection of Estrada committee heads so we can discuss their they're putting on a program that gives all beverage made from orarlge colored fruit as speaker, but Nelson did ask if anyone acti viti,es in the meetings, oversee and students some food for thought, it might from trees. '" The leading onsumer at the Law School could help him with his follow !Up on programs," he said. deserve onsideration." went on to say, " Ne xt we hope he clears taxes. One specifi c change in the Another recommendation Short up the 'on fusion over blueberry pie A noted psychic at Marshall-Wythe organization of the committee structure offered was the reation of a series of labeling. " infornled this reporter that neither Estrada will involve a weekend ses-ion in which information sessions for new students. The LSDTPP, in an effort to increase nor Kessler were the first choice for SBA members will make plans for the "We need to get everyone, particularly student awareness of littering in the graduati on speaker and that a dark stranger entire year. " The semesters fl y by so the new lLs, involved. One way to do building, stepped up distributions to from abroad is in my future. Famed fast, " Short said, " it's sometimes two that is to have a meeting where we layout everything that the SBA does, all the student hanging files. cinemagraphic and television luminary months in before we even know what our Second-choice Eric Estrada was Benny Hill was originally chosen. The agenda is. I'd like to have a weekend events, all the committees, and chosen to replace the mock-manlmary invitation extended to Hill was withdrawn retreat right at the start, with all the organizations we're involved with--then magistrate after careful deliberation by after it was learned that he passed away a membelfS of the SBAandall the committee they could make an informed hoice an ad hoc committee just before lunch. year ago. Student leaders were chairs to layout a plan for everything we about how to get involved." He added, Estrada, also a leader in Food Law, was disappointed saying that they had hoped want to change, all the social activities "I'm concerned that students don't fully recently quoted as saying, "Ma'am have this would be a banner year for skirt­ all the referenda. That way we can hit the understand what the SBA does. Most you got a license for that taco?" Estrada chasing Englishmen speaking at the ground mnning. " people know us from the big parties, but explained that Food Law involves more college. Short said he was also interested in what they don't realize is that we are than just taco licensing but also public Estrada, in a move praised by revisiting some of the more controversial student government." nuisance law and immigration law. The administrators and students alike, areas ofSBA activity. With regard to the In addition to nominating committee Oliver Wendell Holmes of Tacos noted submitted an application for the position Honor Code, which has come under chairs and Judicial Council members, the that the tortilla crunching offender in his of Dean of the Law School. He said that criticism from students this year, he said SBA president serves as a representative Taco Bell commercial, " Woke up the his first act would be to patrol the lobby he would consider changing the structure of the law school on a number of neighborhood," with the unlicensed on his motorcycle and wave to people. A oftheJU!diciai Council. "Maybe it's time committees and boards. This year, for enchilada and was conspiring to " Run fundraiser to pay for replacing the busts to look at whether we should have elected example, SBA president Joe Cartee served as president of GAPS, sat on the standing forthe border. " of those two old guys in the lobby with members of the Judicial Council." he Estrada further explained that a soon­ life-sized wax replicas ofPonch and Jon said. He also pointed to the work of the dean search committee, as well as to-be-released commercial will show the will be held next week. The LSDTPPwili ad-hoc Honor Code review committee represented the student body before the taco offender's sentencing in federal be putting information into student "John Brownlee and his group have put ABA's student division. The president district court and extol the merits of the hanging files as more paper becomes in a lot of effort, and I would hate to see also runs SBA meetings and supervises death penalty for taco abuse to a snappy available. Anannouncementof~trada ' s that wasted. " the work of the executive board of the SBA and all standing and ad hoc jingle. acceptance by the Search committee is Thefle may also be a review of SBA The fast food pedagogue and author not expected until the fall. policy regarding the funding of political committees. Thursday, April 1,1993 THE AMICUS CURIAE 27 Amicus computer-like ran kings Sports guru picks Parrots and Just Do It to bring home cups By BILL MADIGAN ring. and I L Court Jestors met in a second what happened to the last guy that tried to .... BASKETBALL .. . Seton Hall, Arizona, Black Letter Law finds itselfin the round game in the Men's C bracket. "compliment" team captain, Lee "Don't and Marshall-Wythe, how the mighty number three spot. As one of the few M­ Despite being at home in their namesake Hang On The" Rimier. have fallen. Despite having 13 teams in W teams with breath still in their lungs, division, Men's C fell to the mighty On the number five rung is the the playoffs, M-W, as of this writing, has Black attributes their higher ranking to a Jestors, who will carry the M-W torch blasphemous Madigan Sucks. In order a mere five teams remaining, and one of good playoff game plan, and the fact that from here on. not to encourage such heresy, I won't those fi ve may be among the living only the teams above them dropped like flies. Hoops, the Rockets, what about mention them, except to say that they because they have yet to play. But before In round one action, they turned Green to 'em. Ugly, well, it goes without saying. ended the regular season at 2-1- 1. Proving we get to the carnage, let's get right to the jello in a 33 -25 triumph. Led by the They were sobered up by Drunk Leading thatthe above-mentioned unmentionable point: the mid-playoffpolL Even though inspired play of Steve "Nothing At" the Blind. There's irony there somewhere. is libelous at best, Mother Puckers, by the time this article gets into your Staker, Letter recast a poor offensive FLOOR HOCKEY . . . The public has featuring the name not-to-be-used-in­ greasy little paws the playoffs will be showing into a "defensive struggle." In demanded it, the earth trem bling with the vain, is 2-2. Led by the offensi ve mastery over, I am presenting this to you in the round two, they separated Buddies and cries of the masses, as they shout in of law husbands, David "Go Jump Off midst of the third round. And in honorof Weasels, 36-34, in a game that can only unison, one simple, yet profound, request: The" Pearson and "Richie" Rich Dye, April Fool's Day, I will once again fool be described as close. Ivan "Norman" a floor hockey polL the Puckers ended their regular season myself into thinking that I know what I'm Bates was the key to the team's success, 1. Kroener Still Sucks with a 9-0 spanking of Unsportsmanlike talkin g abou t. despite playing with an injury he suffered 2. Bruins Conduct. I. Stuttering Parrots in a bizarre gardening accident. 3. Sticks in the Crease Kennan, also at 2-2, scored two 2. Just Do It In the fourth notch are the 4. Don't Call Me Fat shut-outs before being penetrated by 3. Black Letter Law Leftovers, who failed to take advantage 5. Madigan Sucks fellow M-W's Sticks in the Crease in 4. Leftovers of the extra prep!.)"'..\'b'\ .!ec¥'t'\..t>-'-~ru._ ~(\\ Reubens, Sailors, Beethoven, the only instruction the student basic. I wouldn't recommend it lower than " B" in an under- Mozart, Corned Beef, & Pastrami. will receive. "One semester is -maybe an upper level humani­ graduate course, and a upon the not enough. I suggest that stu­ ties class instead. " receipt of a passing grade in a Also N. Y Cheesecake, dents start first semester second Speaking of getting in over graduate course. Tim Belevetz Homemade Soups and Lasagna. year and take it every semes­ your head, students should per­ observed that William and Mary ter. " In order to profit from the haps consider taking Scuba Di v­ is notorious for a low under­ Our Famous class, Kevin said tbatdaily prac­ ing as a prerequisite to Early and graduate grade curve. With this French Onion Soup Au tice is necessary. A nylon string Medieval Christianity. Rob in mind, several students com­ (classical) guitar is required. Barbour(3L) is presently taking mented that they sought out the Gratin (nightly) "The class gets you started. I this class from Professor Tho- teacher and discussed the grad­ learned to readmusic, and I think mas Finn, who isthe Chair ofthe ing policy in order to establish a I can use the books I bought to ReligionDepartment. "It'sheen certain level of confidence that maintain what I've learned and much harder than a law class," they could meet the requirement. continue learning on my own." said Barbour. Although there is Liz Jackson said that in addi­ Tim Belevetz (3L) had a no examination, students must tion to the courses noted above, double major as an und~rgrad-­ produ e 13 three-page research students have taken anthropol­ political science and French. papers during the semester, and ogy, government, languages and "After four years away from it, a 10-page paper before the end a variety of physical education I just wanted to refresh." Tim of the semester. The reading courses. Those students who has taken Advanced [French] assignments from Professor wish to take a non-law school Join us and relax with Writing and Survey of French Finn's textbook run 30 to 40 class should talk with Jackson. good food in a pleasant Literature. He said that the pages, and a 400-page book was They will need to get prior ap­ classical music atmosphere. workload was comparable to a assigned over spring break. proval from the professor (a form law class. "It's enjoyable; I " Professor Finn is unbelievably for this purpose is in the registra­ 467 Merrimac Trail (Rt. 143) recommend taking six hours knowledgeable, and the under­ tion package), and then register open 11 a.m. Sundays noon outside of the law school. " graduate students are very intel­ through Jackson, not through the 229-7069 Christine Renda (3 L) audited ligent. The class meets in the main campus registration. an intermediate French course Wren Building. " Barbourmain­ If any additional incentive in order to " brush up." She had tains that he is enjoying the class, for taking a non-law school Now featuring a daily taken one college level French and he recommends taking an course is needed, consider class previously. Drawbacks? undergraduate class, although Goulburn's experience. One of special for William and " The class was at 8 a.m. Mon­ with the caveat: " It's not a his classmates in accounting was day, Wednesday and Friday." cakewalk. " the daughter of a federal judge. Mary Students with Christine swears she attended "To audit or take it for credit- Goulburn will be clerking for class regularl y, although she did -that is the question." Karen the judge this swnmer. Why current LD. not do the language labs (a must Castello (2L) is taking Basic doesn't OCPP tell us about these if one is taking the course for Acting from Professor John recruiting opportunities?