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Shofar Sept 2015

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Shofar Sept 2015 Volume 15, Number 3 September 2015 • Elul 5775/Tishrei 5776 Shalom from Rabbi Chalom The Stress of Celebration by Rabbi Adam Chalom ([email protected]) Sometimes the happiest occasions of your life can be the most stressful. I love participating in weddings: the beautiful flowers and decorations, the creative invitations and mementos, the joy of young (and sometimes, not-so-young) love. And for most guests, the experience is an overwhelmingly positive celebration of their friends or family. But sometimes, behind the scenes things go awry. Yet it goes much beyond “bridezilla.” In fact, I can recall very little drama or attitude from either brides or grooms in my ceremonies. The people actually getting married seem to respond to their wedding day as I did to mine — there’s no more wedding planning, and any small details that go wrong don’t matter because I’m getting married today! No, the drama and stress comes more often from their families: parents and siblings. Sometimes it’s control issues — whose wedding is this, anyway? Sometimes it’s jealousy for attention: you might not believe the wedding dresses or jewelry I’ve seen on some brides’ mothers. Sometimes it’s family conflict, in which divorced partners have not been in the same room for a decade and everyone fears a blowup. And it’s not simply the stress of putting on a major event — one wedding in 2003 had to change venues at the last minute because of a multi-state, multiple-day power outage. Everyone pulled together to get it done cheerfully. Why the misbehavior? Most likely, the stress of a once in a lifetime event brings out the best, but also the worst, in the existing family dynamic and individual personality. Those who are already insecure will demand more attention; those who are anxious will try to control even more. And the reality is that for all the pre-ceremony drama, 95% of the time when the lights are on and the processional begins, everyone behaves themselves during the ceremony and most of the reception while the public is watching. That 5% can be truly awful and painful to those involved, of course. But the power of public shame can sometimes tame even the worst family jerks, at least until they start serving drinks at the reception. To truly celebrate someone else, you need to be aware of yourself. This day is not the day to settle scores, to make things about you, or to continue a family vendetta. This is often easier said than done. If these people were already that self-aware, they might have resolved some of these issues much earlier. The #1 rule of being in a wedding party, as attendee or as intimate family, should be “do no harm.” So the next time you find yourself backstage in a wedding, do all you can to keep the peace, and to keep everyone’s eyes on the prize: a celebration of love and a beautiful future. The Shofar The Monthly Newsletter of Kol Hadash Humanistic Congregation Affiliated with the Society for Humanistic Judaism 175 Olde Half Day Road, Suite 123, Lincolnshire, IL 60069 847/383-5184 • [email protected] • www.KolHadash.com Office Hours: Monday-Friday — 10:00 AM-5:00 PM b) Kol Hadash Humanistic Congregation View from the Chair Staff, Officers and Committee Chairs by Steering Committee Chair Rabbi Sheila Sebor Adam Chalom, [email protected] ([email protected]) Youth Education Director Dawn Friedman, [email protected] Dear Kol Hadash Family, Music Director Happy September! Even Ellen Apley, [email protected] though it’s finally warmed Executive Assistant up, camp and vacations are Jeremy Owens, [email protected] over for most of us, and the Officers back to school sales have Steering Committee Chair been in full swing. So, too, Sheila Sebor, [email protected] are the many activities at Kol Steering Committee Vice-Chair Larry Dworsky, [email protected] Hadash — from Sunday School to clubs to Shabbat services. Treasurer Mike Lippitz, [email protected] Look for our events throughout this Shofar, on our website Secretary and in our Weekly E-mail. And of course, I hope you are Stacey Max, [email protected] looking forward to High Holiday Services in just a few weeks. Committee Chairs & Other Volunteers Before that, please join us at our Meet-the-Congregation Book Club Shabbat Service (August 28) — a great warm up for our choir Stacey Max, [email protected] and a great way for you to introduce friends to Kol Hadash. Community Service Committee I particularly want to encourage all of you to consider Susan Addelson, [email protected] attending our New Members’ Wine & Cheese reception at our October 2 Shabbat service and the Progressive Dinner Development Committee David Hirsch, [email protected] (October 17 — see flier in this Shofar). They are coming up Finance Committee soon, and I would like to welcome all of you at either, or Mike Lippitz, [email protected] better yet, both of them. They are great ways of following up Helping Hands on the good feelings generated by our High Holiday services Contact [email protected] and onegs. IT Committee Bill Brook, [email protected] If you haven’t already sent in your membership renewal, please consider this a gentle reminder. In addition to Kol Hadash Knitters Victoria Ratnaswamy, [email protected] attending, there are some wonderful opportunities at this Marketing Committee time of the year to get to know more members by Mark Friedman, [email protected] volunteering a little time to help make our services even more Membership Committee enjoyable. Whether you choose to usher or read, schmooze or Andrea Friedlander & Sheila Sebor, [email protected] donate, you can help our community with your contribution. Movie Group In the spirit of volunteering, spending a little time working Leora Hatchwell & Susan Addelson, on a committee is a great way to meet other members, have [email protected] some fun and strengthen them with your ideas and comments. Shofar and Website Editor There are several committees that would be happy to have Mark Friedman, [email protected] your help, so if there is one you are interested in, send a note Theatre Club Mark Friedman, [email protected] to the committee chair (they are listed to left of my column) Winers (wine group) and let them know. I am sure you will get a swift response! Mike Lippitz, [email protected] Although I have mentioned it before here, the Strategic Youth Education Committee Planning Committee has finalized a survey to be sent to Karen Jackson & Kim Stone, [email protected] everyone, and we will soon be asking for your opinions and comments. We will use this information to improve Kol ❈ Hadash, so that it can continue to be a source of strength and The Kol Hadash Steering Committee meets once a month, pride for all of us. usually on the first Thursday, 7:30 PM, at the Kol Hadash office Although I plan to wish you a Happy New Year in person upstairs conference room. Check the calendar in this Shofar or on our website to confirm this month’s date. Members are soon, I want to say it here now. My best wishes for a happy, welcome to attend Steering Committee meetings. Contact the healthy and sweet New Year! Shanah Tova! SC chair for information. The Shofar newsletter is published monthly and is mailed to Sheila Sebor all members. An electronic version is available at www.kolhadash.com. If you would like to contribute content to the Shofar, contact Mark Friedman. - 2 - b) This Month’s Events at Kol Hadash Shabbat Service: Balancing Freedom and Security Friday, September 11, 7:30 PM • North Shore Unitarian Church Fourteen years ago, America’s illusion of invulnerability was shattered on a clear day in New York City. Since then, we have grappled with the proper balance between individual freedom and collective security — how much privacy can be violated to detect and prevent terrorist activity? Join us for a fascinating discussion. High Holidays 2015 Rosh Hashana Evening • Sunday, September 13, 8:00 PM Rosh Hashana Morning • Monday, September 14, 10:00 AM Rosh Hashana Family Service • Monday, September 14, 2:00 PM High Holidays for Tots • Sunday, September 20, 10:30 AM, at Deerfield High School Yom Kippur Evening • Tuesday, September 22, 8:00 PM Yom Kippur Morning • Wednesday, September 23, 10:00 AM Yom Kippur Family Service • Wednesday September 23, 2:00 PM Yom Kippur Memorial & Concluding Services • Wednesday September 23, 3:30 PM All services held at North Shore Unitarian Church unless otherwise indicated. For details, see pages 4-5. Book Club: Lovers at the Chameleon Club Wednesday, September 16, 7:30 PM • Kol Hadsh Office Francine Prose’s novel Lovers at the Chameleon Club takes place in Paris during the 1920s and captures the moment as the exuberant Twenties gave way to darker times. All are welcome to join the Book Club for any meeting! Questions? Contact Stacey Max ([email protected]). Shabbat Service: The Life and Death of Moses, Part 1 Friday, September 25, 7:30 PM • North Shore Unitarian Church As the traditional Torah reading cycle draws to a close shortly after the Jewish New Year, we can look back on the literary biography of Moses, the most important character in the Torah (after God). What are the themes in the different stages of his life that can provide inspiration for us? Winers, September 26, 7:00 PM • Home of Leora Hatchwell & Tom McCune All are welcome to join the Winers for our informal and fun gatherings. Just bring a bottle of wine and an appetizer to nibble on! For location information Oct 2 New Members’ Wine & Cheese and to RSVP, contact Mike Lippitz Oct 3 Bar Mitzvah of Jack Gold ([email protected]).
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