ARTSFEST Cheap as Chips What arty things are happening in on campus this week? It’s national chip week, read all about it! 7 35

“Keep the Cat Free”

21/02/14 Issue 1569 felixonline.co.uk

NekNominations Immigration Bill has THIS ISSUE... - a fifth reported fatality second reading in Lords SCIENCE Maciej Matuszewski News Editor

fifth person has been reported as having died after taking part in A NekNomination online drinking game. Twenty year old Nottingham resident Bradley Eames posted a video of himself downing Attack of the venom- two pints of gin to Facebook. He died a few days, reportedly from proof ants 6 alcohol poisoning, though police have indicated that post-mortem toxicology tests were inconclusive. NekNomination involves individuals posting videos and BOOKS images of themselves drinking large quantities of alcohol to the internet and then nominating their friends to do the same. The game is claimed to have begun in Australia but has HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT recently found a lot of popularity in the British Isles. official figures”. Labour government carried out an Its critics maintain that it uses peer Joe Letts The Peer also pointed out problems consultation into a similar plan to pressure to force vulnerable people Editor-in-Chief that the introduction of the “health “exclude visitors from free primary to perform dangerous stunts. Mr surcharge” would cause for the care” but also that the research carried Eames’ death follows that of London economy, possibly dissuading skilled out by the government to support the hotel worker Isaac Richardson, he second reading of the migrant workers from traveling to the bill “gave the impression that front- Exploring the Picocon Cardiff resident Stephen Brooks and Immigration Bill took UK. line staff in acute health services had Irish citizens Jonny Byrne and Ross place in the House of Lords Meanwhile Lord King of come up with systematic observations conference 24 Cummins. Byre, a teenager, is said to last Monday. The reading Bridgewater countered the argument about migrants and their use of the have thrown himself into a river as stretched over a seven- by suggesting that: “it is no good for NHS. In fact, what it revealed was that part of his challenge. Thour period during which the Peers the country to feel that there is no there was no systematic observation, The BBC reported that the creators discussed several aspects of the bill, concern about problems that are and that quite often people were of the NekNomination Facebook including a lengthy discussion about coming up over illegal immigration simply asked questions on the basis of ARTS page have made efforts to counter the prospective problems facing and abuse of the immigration system. their appearance or nationality.” the dangerous effects of the game. In overseas students due to the bill. It is our responsibility in Parliament Marissa Lewis, Union Deputy a statement they said: “We made the Key opponents to the bill included to help command public confidence, President (Welfare) observed the decision a few nights ago to no longer Lord Patel and Lord Winston, both otherwise we will face a much more progress of the debate over the course continue to run the page the way it was of whom are Professors that hold serious situation in the future”. of the evening. Lewis authored the originally set up. All videos have been university Chancellorships. In response, Lord Winston gave Union’s submission of evidence to removed and we’d like to continue as During the debate Lord Patel pointed vocal evidence about his experience as the Select Committee on Science and a Neknomination awareness page, out that: “…international students in an overseas post-doctoral researcher Technology’s inquiry into the effects highlighting the dangers surrounding higher education contributed £10.2 in Belgium and also spoke about how the immigration on international the game.” The scandal has also billion to the UK economy. …To give several of the students he had met students, which was based on a paper prompted the creation of the ‘Random some more detailed figures, as regards while visiting top universities in the brought to Council last December. What’s happening at Acts of Kindness Nomination’ the total entrants by subject from USA were “convinced that we are not The bill is scheduled to go through website, which encourages people to non-EU countries, in STEM subjects open for business”. the Lords Committee stage on March ArtsFest? post videos of themselves performing there was a drop in 2011-12 of 8% and Additionally Baroness Barker 3, followed by a report stage and third 17 acts of charity. a further 2% in 2012-13. These are pointed out that not only had the reading before receiving Royal Assent. 2 FRIDAY 21 FEB EDITOR’S PICKS

GAMES COMMENT FILM Future Gaming Plugtime Lego Movie This week we take a look at Another week with Plugtime, This week we have a review the future of Gaming this week it’s the LHC. about the new Lego movie. Everything is awesome.

Errata Hey, you! Just because Last week we printed the wrong version of the left music page. We apologise for the we’re in February, it error to both our readers and the author, Stuart Masson. We also put a puzzling date on the puzzles doesn’t mean you can’t page :) get involved in Felix! What’s On? There’s still plenty of Friday 21st: Live Indie Bands (AYB and Crystal X) in time, so pick up a finger Metric, also available on icradio.com OR Vocal Evening with MT Soc and A Capella and send us an email. If societies from 7PM (part of ArtsFest). you had come this LOLCAT OF TEH WEEK: More from teh Lolcat editor week, you would have received an apple pie.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. THIS BROUGHT Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2014. WEEK WASTO YOUBY Editor-in-Chief Joe Letts News Editors Nida Mahmud, Aamna Mohdin, Maciej Matuszewski Features Editor Shiladitya Ghosh Wellbeing Editor Marissa Lewis Business Editor James Tsim Science Editors Philippa Skett, Keir Little, Fiona Hartley Environment & Health Editor Lawrence D’Silva Politics Editor Kartikeya Rana, Jash Rughani Food Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Michael Chung Comment Editors Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey Arts Editor Arianna Sorba Photography Editor Gordon Kam Fashion Editor Cécile Borkhataria Books Editors Maciej Matuszewski, Eva Rosenthal Music Editors Simon Hunter, Riaz Agahi, Stuart Masson Television Editors John Park, Emily Fulham Film Editor John Park Games Editors Maximilian Eggl, Calum Skene Technology Editors Maximilian Eggl, Yong Wen Chua, Osama Arawa, Clubs & Socs Editor Nida Mahmud Charity Editor Ben Fernando Travel Editor Chris Richardson Sports Editor Kunal Wagle Online Editors Philip Kent, Annina Sartor, Stephen Ball Puzzles Commanders Kingshuk Dasadhikari, Oliver Price Copycats Stephen Ball and Annina Sartor Copykittens Tom Rivlin, Xiao Zhang, Ellen Mathieson FRIDAY 21 FEB 3 Editors: Nida Mahmud, Maciej Matuszewski, Aamna Mohdin NEWS [email protected] Office of Fair Chemistry & Materials Departments Union submits portfolio of evidence to Trading claims display year on year NSS College’s Residential Experience Review sanctions on participation increase students in debt the NSS a year early since Ipsos MORI Joe Letts has been unable to remove them from unlawful Editor-in-Chief the survey. Nat Kempston, the Union’s Deputy President (Education) told Felix: “NSS Joe Letts he Chemistry and Materials participation is going really well so far, Editor-in-Chief Departments have shown I am pleased with the progress in the Imperial College Union a marked improvement majority of departments. Life Sciences Everyone in this picture seems to be having a positive experience! Slightly suspicious. from the number of final are not promoting the survey until fter analysing the year students who have March when they have finished their terms and conditions Tcompleted the National Student Final exams so this accounts for their consultation. Therefore, the evidence of over 100 UK Higher Survey. At the time of writing, low participation rates. Therefore it Nida Mahmud was taken from survey data and areas Education Institutions, Chemistry had achieved 93.54% is Mech Eng, Maths and Physics that News Editor to be investigated were suggested. The the Office of Fair participation, 23.9% higher that last are the departments we need to focus review submission document contains TradingA (OFT) concluded that almost year’s final figure. In comparison the on. This year we have put the graph he Residential Experience is a detailed 63 page document 75% included sections that could stop department of Materials has seen a on Blackboard so students can view review was announced by in which the Union “highlight[s] students graduating or progressing to smaller gain of 4.46% over last year’s participation rates easily, as well as College at the start of the evidence from a wide range of sources the next year of study if they were in 78.87% figure. keeping other publicity methods from year. The aim of this review which are relevant to the wider student debt to their institution. The Department of Earth Science previous years. is to improve the residential experience”. The OFT stated that “the blanket and Engineering (ESE) remains at the The Faculty of Natural Sciences Texperience students at Imperial have. Some points that were suggested use of academic sanctions in top of the leaderboard with another are offering £5 for every student The Union were asked to submit to the panel included reviewing the such instances, regardless of the year of full participation from finalists. who fills in the NSS, which goes to evidence for the review, which was cleaning provisions in halls, the high circumstances, could breach consumer On the other hand Biology currently their Dep Soc or towards an end of bought to Union Council last week cost of rents for postgraduate students protection law”. needs over 69% of students to fill out year party (Maths), and many other and approved for submission. living in GradPad and a potential rent The circumstances in which students the NSS in order to reach last year’s departments are offering rewards The Union’s evidence was split guarantor scheme for students not can be sanctioned include owing fines 80.61% high. for participation (Bioengineering are into three categories: Undergraduate living in Halls. for late library books or childcare There was some controversy at the giving out t-shirts!). We will see where Halls, Postgraduate Halls and Beyond The Union also explained its main services and non-academic debt. start of the session when some students departments end up on April 30!” Halls. A draft was taken to the Union’s recommendation, which was that “the A paper submitted to the Union’s were temporarily unable to fill out the The National Student Survey, Executive Committee for discussion, review group commission full scale Executive Committee last August survey because the government had commissioned by the Higher where the spectrum of information and extensive consultation with the revealed that no student at Imperial not processed changes to their degree Education Funding Council for was approved and the Deputy student body based upon a specific set has been prevented from graduating length. England, started in late January President (Welfare) was asked to write of options, all of which are realistic of progressing because of outstanding Additionally, some students and is set to close on April 30, final the report. to achieve”. academic charges. (including those on year abroad years can access the survey at: www. However, the time frame given to To find out more about the schemes) have been forced to fill out thestudentsurvey.com the Sabbatical officers to undertake Union’s submission to the panel, this work was very short, and they download the document at www. College indirectly were unable undertake a full student imperialcollegeunion.org/rer. invests £785,000 Sponsored Editorial in tobacco industry Student Discounts At Nida Mahmud News Editor Fresh Hairdressers 70m from South Kensington tube arlier this week the London Student revealed that Imperial College has £785,000 indirectly invested in tobacco companies. This Econflicts with the extensive cancer Men’s cuts £22 (normally £35) research done by Imperial academics. All over clipper cuts from £10 The investment is split between Women’s cut and rough dry £28 investment firms, the College has a Women’s cut and salon finish £505,000 share in British American blow-dry £38 (normally £55) Tobacco, a £182,000 stake in Imperial Highlights from only £40 Tobacco group and £98,000 in Reynolds American. Imperial Medic image of a man had a feature that may Sorry CASH only! We spoke to a College spokesperson diagnoses Da Vinci’s have been pathological. who released the following statement Vitruvian Man Notably a lump in the left groin FRESH hairdressers are offering about the investments: “It is Imperial region, For an adult male that the best haircuts, prices and Appointments available Tuesday to College policy to neither undertake Leonardo was depicting, a lump in service in South Kensington. Saturdays 9.30 to 6.30 research to develop or promote Joe Letts the groin of this nature is most likely tobacco products nor to directly invest Editor-in-Chief diagnosed as a hernia”. The surgeon Please call 0207 823 8968 to We are only 70 metres from in tobacco companies. then went on to suggest that the book an appointment and ask for South Kensington station at 15a The College Endowment has a drawing could have been based on a student discount. Please bring Harrington road, South Kensington, responsibility to optimise investment the cadaver of a man who might have your student ID we look forward to SW7 3ES 0207 823 8968. return to support the College’s mperial surgeon Mr. Hutan died from a hernia. Mr. Ashrafian, seeing you. academic mission, and it therefore Ashrafian has recently diagnosed a Clinical Lecturer in Surgery has We use the best styling products Check out our website: holds some investments in managed a picture of Leonardo Da Vinci’s also recently published an academic from Wella, Moroccan Oil, L’Oreal. www.freshhairdressers.co.uk funds. The College has no control over Vitruvian Man, saying in an paper about Arius of Alexandra, the the composition of those funds, which email to the Huffington Post: first reported mortality from rectal change on a continual basis.” I“I noticed that Leonardo da Vinci’s prolapse. 4 FRIDAY 21 FEB

Editor: Shiladitya Ghosh FEATURES [email protected] Student Volunteering Week is here! What can you do to spread joy in the community?

with weekly meetings to decide the Georgian supplementary school as a vulnerable people. Heather Jeffery, to try something new. As well as on- Rachel Tait aims and put together a programme Science and Maths tutor. Nearly all Soup Run Coordinator, explained, campus events, you can get involved Projects Officer, Imperial Hub of events to engage a wide range of the students have Georgian bloodline, “The Soup Run gives Imperial students in our local boroughs of Kensington their fellow students. They were also most of them cannot speak English the opportunity to do something and Chelsea and Hammersmith and committed to showcasing the efforts very well and can’t understand some completely different to their studies. Fulham, as well as in Westminster, ext week is Student of current student volunteers and scientific terms due to the language Volunteering in the community is Camden, Hillingdon, Islington, Tower Volunteering Week have partnered with a number of barrier. I try to use simple words or personally rewarding and it makes a Hamlets, Southwark and Lambeth. (SVW), a nationwide student groups to raise awareness of synonyms to explain a concept when difference to the lives of those in need.” celebration of the their opportunities throughout the they feel confused, and I have found Maddy Maxwell, a second year Beyond SVW power of student week. You might not realise that there graphs and videos to be very useful. Medic who is coordinating SVW The good news is that the fun Nvolunteering. Imperial College are nearly 3,500 Imperial students Two months ago, the school set up through Imperial Hub, said: “We doesn’t stop when the week finishes. London is one of many universities who volunteer through the Union wifi, so we are now able to show believe that the number of Imperial You can continue to make the most celebrating SVW, with activities or Imperial Hub. From delivering students the relevant images when student volunteers and the impact of your time at Imperial and get to coordinated by students from Imperial the Union’s services and activities to they have no idea what a word means. that they make is underestimated, so know the community you study and Hub’s Local Action Committee in tackling social and environmental In addition, sometimes I use Russian we’re looking forward to using SVW live in. By volunteering, you can make collaboration with the Union. We’re issues, these students demonstrate to assist tuition because most students to showcase the diverse positive a difference to an issue you care about aiming to showcase the diverse a commitment to going above and there speak Russian; it is unusual, but impact that we can make in our local or ignite a passion you didn’t know you positive impact that we can make in beyond for others. it does work! Nevertheless, all of the communities, inspire new or further had; it will provide you with a wealth our local communities, inspire new In preparation for the week, the volunteers are always trying their very engagement with social issues, and of skills outside of your academic or further engagement with social SVW team interviewed Imperial best to help these students.” highlight how easy it is to get involved life and is a great way to boost your issues, and highlight how easy it is to students who volunteer in a range There is no doubt that the as a student both during the week and employability. It’s flexible, hugely get involved as a student. The week of different projects. Sijia Yu, a first volunteers make a positive impact beyond.” rewarding and gives you the chance is organised by students for students, year biologist, is involved in Imperial on the pupils they tutor. A teacher in Interacting with your local to experience a new industry or sector and whether you volunteer weekly, Hub’s Schools Plus programme. She North Kensington told us, “Our pupils community outside of the lecture – you can even gain an accreditation in the holidays, or not at all, there’s is one of 150 Imperial students who enjoy working with Imperial students theatre, laboratory or library can be for your efforts through the Union’s something for everyone. provide 800+ hours of free tuition because they are passionate about hugely valuable and SVW is all about Imperial Plus scheme or Imperial For students on Imperial Hub’s Local each term to disadvantaged pupils their subjects. Having young tutors giving every Imperial student a chance Hub’s Social Leadership Award. Action Committee, it’s exciting that in local schools and community means that pupils can relate to them the week has finally arrived. Planning organisations. She described her and we really appreciate their time for SVW began back in November experience: “I volunteer in the First and efforts.” Getting involved in SVW is simple… Another student that was Student Volunteering Week 24th Feb - 2nd Mar interviewed, William Brown, a 1. Check out the full programme at www.imperialhub.org/svw or Looking for an excuse to do something good? Chemical Engineering undergrad www.imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on Sign up online at imperialhub.org/svw and chair of tutoring project TEAM 2. Sign up to an event that interests you – remember, no previous 10am-1pm Students emphasised the skills experience required! Monday Get fit & make a Good Deed Day LSE 12-2pm you can gain from volunteering. 3. Receive a confirmation email with final event details difference with Good Gym Target Toss Monday “Volunteers learn at least as much 4. Go along to the event, meet new people and make a difference Join students from across London on Challenge a friend to a game of Queen’s a run (options from 2-14km) to a community lawn darts for your chance to win Lawn as their pupils. Our volunteers come 5. Share your photos and experience with us on Facebook or Twitter organisation that needs your help. good deeds and SVW prizes 12-2pm from many different backgrounds (#SVW2014) SVW stall everyday Get a skills boost 12:30 Mon and all have different reasons for Sherfield Meet current volunteers, take with Imperial Plus & Fri, Foyer joining, but a common theme is part in interactive activities, grab a 5:30 Mon, A range of skills based training Top 5 reasons to volunteer lollipop and sign up to events Tue & Thu the strong desire to help those less workshops will run through the week. Sign up to the organ *You must be registered for Imperial Plus fortunate and our project as a whole is a very powerful manifestation of • Take a break from the lab and library. donor registry ongoing Entertain the Elderly 2-4pm ———— It takes less than a minute, and this desire. Tuition teaches patience, Students improve their grades and skills when they volunteer Join in with a zumba session Tuesday you could help to save a life! • followed by tea and cake at a Kensington professionalism, flexibility and Volunteering is flexible and a great opportunity to gain work experience www.tinyurl.com/thankyouforlife local community centre Olympia time management skills – all very ———— 76% of HR Executives agreed skilled volunteer experience makes a Bike workshop Spruce up a important for a student’s personal job candidate more desirable 12-1:30pm 1:30-5pm community garden Wednesday Join the Bike Users’ Group on development.” • Use your knowledge and skills to benefit others campus for tea, biscuits, bicycle Wednesday Become an Urban Nature on campus ———— advice and help with repairs Islington champion at an Islington Matthew Proctor, a second year Hundreds of Imperial students support local young people facing community garden with London Get out of the city & 12:30- physicist who volunteers at the educational disadvantage each year via Imperial Hub 5:30pm Hang out with history 10am-1pm Imperial College Cooperative • Have fun and meet new people back to nature Wednesday Spend a morning gardening Thursday ———— Enjoy a fun and active afternoon Hillingdon stall on Thursdays in Sherfield, Meet people outside of your course and hall who care about the at one of Britain’s oldest and Brompton volunteering at a nature reserve most distinguished cemeteries. Cemetery shared similar views. “I think same issues you do Charity shop takeover • Be a coding champion student volunteering is an excellent Gain transferable skills you can evidence in job applications Join our team of student ———— 1-5pm 2-5pm opportunity to meet new friends and 87% of employers think that volunteering can have a generally shopkeepers and spend an Know how to code? Share your Wednesday Saturday afternoon helping at some charity passion & skills with local children develop your skills. It gives me the positive effect on career progression for people aged 16-25 Hammersmith on campus shops in Hammersmith on campus for a few hours chance to work with a brilliant group 3-6pm Help feed the homeless of intelligent, interesting, and funny Food glorious food Thursday 10 simple good deed suggestions Spend an afternoon selling Sherfield A rewarding way to end the week. students who are very passionate fairtrade & organic produce to Foyer Join Soup Run volunteers to collect about their work. It’s also fun. With students with Imperial Cooperative food & distribute it to homeless people. such a tough degree that sometimes ——— Put your spare change in a charity donation box 5pm Also... * Spare a moment to share a What does volunteering Sunday gets overwhelming, working on the ——— Donate food to your local food bank problem - or provide a solution! mean to you? ——— * Look out for the turquoise stall is something I look forward Donate old clothes to a charity shop instead of throwing them away balloons! Students from around the UK are blogging to every week and it’s just such an ——— Take your old magazines to a hospital or doctor’s waiting room about what volunteering means to them, * Questionnaire and you can share your story too. enriching experience that I’d highly ——— Sign up to be an organ donor * Free lollipops www.thesvwblog.wordpress.com recommend to anyone thinking ——— Pick up litter you see on your walk to campus ——— imperialhub.org/svw about volunteering.” Have a quick shower to save water Off campus, the student group ——— Sign up to the bone marrow register Soup Run provides food, drink and ——— Reuse your plastic bags for supermarket shopping company to local homeless and ——— Offer directions to a tourist who looks lost FRIDAY 21 FEB 5

@feliximperial FelixImperial FEATURES Tomorrow’s Media Moguls

IntoUniversity

ast term two classes of Year 6 students visited Felix Science Museum Review by Mahfuz Jonny Pratt and STOIC to show us all who was going to take on STOIC President our roles in 10 years time. The classes visited the Ahmed L Science Museum and recieved a talk from actors dressed as Eugene Cernan (the last man on the Moon) and Michael Faraday, then came to the Media oday I am going to write a review of the Space section in the Science Museum. It is located Centre to film a news story and write for Felix about their experience. You haven’t seen happiness on Exhibition Road, South Kensington, London, SW7 2BB. It is a science and technology until you’ve seen 10 year olds trying out a green-screen for the first time, and it really highlighted the centre, plus it is free! fantastic facilities we have here at Imperial. The visit was organised by IntoUniversity, a charity which What I have experienced at the Science Museum in the Space section is the way the aims to encourage disadvantaged young people to apply for further education. information was presented; they have captions, photographs, diagrams, models, even Ttelevisions. I myself think that this is a good way to present information. Science Museum review by Ibrahim This area appeals to adults because it doesn’t give lots of information, it gives a good amount of it, to fit in pictures and displays; and it is also much clearer to understand. and Sadiqul This area also appeals to younger people by giving them displays and models to help them understand what they are reading about. e were reviewing the Energy section of the Science Museum. The subject of the The Earth display has to be the best display in the Apace area because it is the main attraction plus gallery is Energy. There were activities and educational, interactive games, this it gives us the most information. makes you interact with the gallery more. It makes adults walk around and look They have extra facilities in the space room like seats, information pads, safety barriers and a at it. The gallery makes teenagers and university students take part and learn. background image to create the effect of space. They are very good facilities for both adults and The gallery teaches you how energy is useful and how to make it. The Science children. MuseumW facilities are very good; they have 3D and IMAX cinema, cafes, toilets, shops and a theatre. What I enjoyed the most about the Science Museum was the different facts they gave about space, The thing we enjoyed most was the electric pole that zaps you if you touch it with your fingernail. We because it helped me to gain knowledge about space. also enjoyed meeting Michael Faraday, he showed us the plasma ball, when you turn it on there are What I think could be improved is maybe to make it even darker than it already is and hang some zaps of energy, and if you touch it there is one massive shockwave. We don’t think anything should be planets from the ceiling such as Jupiter and Saturn. That would make it look more realistic. improved in the museum. We recommend the museum to everyone, we think anyone who has been I would recommend the Science Museum to someone else because there is so much to see and will come back and say “I enjoyed it 100%!” The best bits were definitely the different types of games learn about science and technology; for free! and it has made us think that all galleries should have games. Get Ready for RAG Week!

Maria Goryaeva and lifeskills centre in London for single homeless people aged 19 mission: get as far away from Imperial College Union as possible ICU Rag Vice Chair to 65; Breakthrough Breast Cancer, a force of thousands of people in 36 hours! The catch? You can’t spend a penny doing it! Whether across the UK working together with a single-minded ambition you hitch hike across the channel or head to Heathrow to blag a to stop women dying from breast cancer; and Practical Action, a free flight this will be one of the best weekends of your life! Start AG Week 2014 is coming! RAG gives you a unique charity that uses technology to challenge poverty in developing getting your team (2-3 people) together now. Make sure you sign opportunity to have the time of your life, while doing countries. up on our website icragweek.com. something good for the world.This year we are supporting Everyone loves a cheeky weekend away, and we’re offering For more information and tickets, head over to our website R three great charities: Caritas Anchor House, a residential you exactly that! 1-2nd March – it’s your time to Jailbreak! Your www.icragweek.com, and GET EXCITED!

ur opening event n Wednesday 26th on Monday 24th is dress in pink and in n Friday we are going not the one to miss! teams of up to 6, take to ppppaaaarty! As For the second year n Tuesday 25th we on the capital for our n Thursday 27th, if staying on your running we’re putting are hosting Imperial’s pink themed collect. we will be holding a feet wasn’t difficult Oa crane in the middle of campus, but first ever Man vs Food OArmed with a list of tasks ranging five-a-side football enough after a few this time we’re going higher. The championship. If a from easy to challenging and normal tournament on Ocheeky drinks, on our bar crawl you’re legendary Bungee Jump is not for the bungee jump is a bit to outrageous your job is squeeze Queen’s Lawn, with a going to have even less control over faint-hearted – but you’ve got to face Omuch for you, come try something donations from the unsuspecting Otwist… all the players will be wearing your legs! Find a friend you don’t your fears in front of all your friends everyone loves – eating! In the Union general public. giant bubble suits! No injury faking mind getting a little cosy with because and take the plunge in the middle of Bar, the ultimate culinary challenge There’ll be a prize for the team that here, even the most brutal of tackles you’re going to be tied to them all campus all in the name of charity! will be taking place, a rivalry of the completes the most tasks and, more will just result in you bouncing off one night! You’ll also get a crazy awesome And if you are not jumping then come ages… Man vs Food! You will be tasked importantly, that raises the most another! Make sure you sign up on our t-shirt + club entry at the end of the along to Queen’s Lawn at lunchtime to with eating half a chicken as fast as you money. There’s no need to sign up,just website icragweek.com. night all included – aren’t we kind? watch the jumps and munch on Krispy can to be crowned Imperial’s gastro come along! Kremes. king/queen! Did we mention that it’s Remember, on Wednesdays we wear Nando’s we are talking about here…? pink! 6 FRIDAY 21 FEB

Editors: Philippa Skett, Keir Little, Fiona Hartley SCIENCE [email protected] Ants in your pants? That’s crazy... Christopher Yates reveals Texas’s invasive venom-proof ‘crazy ants’

razy ants may sound like a Flappy Bird spin-off, but in fact this species of ant is slowly taking over Texas, thanks in part to Ctheir ability to neutralise the venom of fire ants. The red imported fire ant, an invasive species introduced to the USA in the 1930s, has a fearsome bite that causes painful red irritations in humans and is used to kill other insects. Their venom contains various alkaloids, which can lead to allergic reactions in some cases. Whilst most ant species are unable to displace the fire ants, crazy ants can detoxify their venom, the fire ants’ most powerful weapon. They do this using formic acid, which they produce and rub on themselves whenever they are affected by venom. Researchers found that preventing ants producing formic acid by coating them in nail polish led to venom killing around half of the ants, compared to just 2% when the ants could produce the acid. Thanks to this acid defence, in 93% TEXAS A&M UNIVERSITY of the cases where fire ants and crazy ants are competing for the same food, leave humans undisturbed. Crazy damages to wildlife and livestock, and ride in a car. believe they house evil spirits, are the crazy ants will be successful. They ants, on the other hand, will nest in annoyance to residents. Thankfully, it Crazy ants aren’t the only ants to areas containing only lemon ant trees. can even oust fire ants from their anything available, including cars should take a while for the crazy ant to use formic acid, whose name comes Lemon ants inject formic acid into nests, giving the crazy ants a ready- or fuse boxes, where they can short- completely take over the USA, as they from the Latin formica, meaning ant. the leaves of other trees in the area, made home to enjoy. circuit electronics. can only spread at a rate of around Some ants spray or inject formic acid leading to the leaves dying. The ants Unfortunately, whilst fire ants can Having first arrived in Texas from 200m a year, although this can be as a form of defence, while others even can cultivate their preferred trees over leave their mark with a painful bite, South America in 2002, crazy ants have accelerated if transported by humans, use it as a herbicide. In the Amazon, areas up to 1,300m2, with colonies of they tend to stay in their nests and spread throughout the state, causing for example by accidentally hitching a ‘devil’s gardens’, named because locals over 3 million worker ants. The pseudoscience shaking the Shroud

on it, and is believed by some to have on something called “piezonuclear why did his team just happen to James Bezer covered Jesus after his crucifixion. In fission”, a phenomenon whereget an apparently wrong date that Science Writer 1988, carbon dating on the shroud enormous numbers of neutrons can corresponded with the earliest concluded that it originated from be released by applying mechanical historical records of the Shroud? around the 14th century, considerably forces to rocks, supposedly causing In the greater scheme of things, longside UFOs, later than the accepted lifetime of iron nuclei to break apart. Carpinteri stories like this are pretty irrelevant, homeopathy and all Christ. This, one might assume, should is definitely a world expert on this: he but they highlight an important issue manners of conspiracy have been the end of the matter. came up with the idea several years ago about science in the media. This story theories, the Shroud Not for Alberto Carpinteri, and still may well be the only scientist has been covered by several major of Turin has long however. In his paper, published in who believes it to be compatible with news organisations including The beenA known as a perennial source of the journal Meccanica (of which he is the laws of physics. Huffington Post, The Independent, pseudoscience. It has almost certainly the editor-in-chief), he suggests that Aside from the suspicion that The Telegraph, USA Today and, lived up to its well-earned reputation a huge number of neutrons released this paper may partly have been obviously, The Daily Mail. These this week. An army of journalists by an earthquake in 33AD may have a (remarkably successful) way of are all respected news outlets (OK, have flooded the internet with stories disrupted the ratio of carbon isotopes getting more publicity for the author’s maybe not The Mail...), and yet their about a new paper explaining why and led to a much more recent favourite theory, there are more journalists still can’t be bothered to radiocarbon dating may not have estimate of its age. fundamental problems with the idea do a bit of background reading before given the “right” answer when aging The idea of a large neutron flux of neutrons affecting the Shroud. publishing an article. In this media the religious icon. It already sounds affecting the shroud was first discussed When it was suggested in 1989 by culture obsessed by headlines and suspicious, doesn’t it? in the letters pages of Nature in 1989, R.E.M. Hedges, one of those who first good stories over factual accuracy, For anyone who doesn’t know, the but Carpinteri is the first to put performed the carbon dating on it, how can the lay readers possibly get Shroud of Turin is a burial shroud that forward a possible explanation for how he argued that why wasn’t everything an informed view of the truth behind A 14th century selfie? has the outline of a person imprinted it may have arisen. His theory relies else in the region also affected and any science story? FRIDAY 21 FEB 7

Editor: Kartikeya Rana, Jash Rughani [email protected] POLITICS Wave of Change in Indian Politics Kartikeya Rana looks at a new dawn in Indian democracy

rather disenchanted population. of varying opinions which have been The movement was unfortunately aired openly. This has led to slight Kartikeya Rana unsuccessful and the demands of the scepticism on the level of organisation Politics Editor protestors were not met. However, within the party. However, it has a number of people in the forefront also shown that opposing opinion of the movement decided to form a is respected, which is a fresh change ndian politics has gone through political party with a slightly socialist for party politics within the country. the most tumultuous period inclination. Even though the party Furthermore, they have been in the last few years. A greater is only a year old, the Aam Aadmi governing on the streets, which has anger and discontent with the Party, or the ‘Common Man Party’, led to people questioning whether the incumbent establishment as well has managed to form a minority party knows the difference between Ias a growth of severe crimes around government by winning the Delhi administration and activism. the country has led to a growing State Elections. The success in the Regardless of all the criticism, change in the way politics is conducted state elections has given them the however, the party has changed the in the country. With general elections confidence to run for National way politics is conducted within the approaching and serious anger rising, Elections which are to take place this country. Finally, the major parties it is only a matter of time until India year. are feeling slightly vulnerable and are starts showing signs of a tidal change People have shown a lot of forced to take some concrete steps in its political process. confidence towards the AAP due to to improve the state of the nation. The Indian population has shown its stance against corruption. A large The incumbent government recently grave discontent against the current number of people from all over the passed their own version of the anti- political establishment. Over 30% country have decided to join. The idea graft bill which had caused the protest of MLAs (Members of Legislative Gallery.oneindia.com of having people with a clean profile in the first place. However, it has been Assemblies) and MPs (Members join Indian politics has led to the deemed weak and ineffective and has of Parliament) have criminal cases and other acts of hatred are seen to imagination of the country. Support reinstating of a lot of hope which had been facing major criticism from all pending against them. Furthermore, be a frequent occurrence due to the for this movement was garnered been lost. However, the party has also fronts. It will be interesting to see the Indian parliament is seen to animosity between different peoples. throughout the country and there was shown initial signs of a lack of political how the chain of events prior to the be dysfunctional, with frequent This has been a source of ‘vote-bank’ a growing hope of change within a awareness. The party has a number upcoming general elections plays out. adjournments and no useful bills and politics wherein political parties legislatures being allowed to pass by support a certain group of people to the opposition due to a fear of a loss of ensure or bank on a number of votes support. However, the way politics is within a particular region. This leads conducted in the country is gradually to divisive legislation and further changing due to a number of reasons. division between racial groups. This India has seen a number of events has been the case in the state of Uttar taking place which have greatly Pradesh, where the ruling party’s aggravated the disillusionment of the racial prejudices led to rioting and people against the political system. resultantly displacement of a large Crime in India has been on a steady number of innocent members of the rise in recent times with an inactive Muslim minority. The maintenance police unable to solve crimes. This of this division is used to ensure that has been partly because of a lack of such parties remain in power. resources being provided to the police India also has a major income as well as due to rampant corruption inequality between the rich and the within the police itself. Issues of rape, poor. According to the Organisation murder and racist attacks have led for Economic Cooperation and to a growing sense of vulnerability Development (OECD), the top 10% of the Indian populace. The anger of wage-earners in India make 12 was shown by the people in the state times as much as the bottom 10%. A elections which showed the highest major role in this situation is played turnout in recent years, with an by corruption. India has shown a lot of electorate turnout above 60%. anger and discontent towards the level India is a country with a range of of corruption in the country. In 2011, cultures, languages, religions, and an anti-graft movement asking for the castes. This has led to major divisions establishment of an anti-corruption within a broadly secular nation. Riots ‘Jan Lokpal’ Bill had caught the

CNN NEWS Union Page

RAG Week!

RAG Week is one of the most exciting weeks of the year. Not only will it be seven days of challenges and fun but it will also make a huge difference to the lives of hundreds of people locally, nationally and worldwide! RAG can’t make a difference without you - getting involved in any of the RAG Week 2014 events will help them raise more and more money for their chosen charities! Whether you’re spectating, sponsoring or participating, every little helps.

RAG Week 2014 will be raising money for three charities: Caritas Anchor House, Breakthrough Breast Cancer and Practical Action. More information on these charities can be found on the Imperial College RAG Week website.

The events over the week include:

Monday 24 February, 10:00 - 18:00 - Bungee Jumping at the Queen’s Tower Tuesday 25 February, 20:00 - Man vs Food in the Union Bar Wednesday 26 February, 11:00 - 19:00 - Wear Pink starting at Metric Thursday 27 February, 12:00 – 17:00 - Bubble Football in Metric Friday 28 February, 21:00 - 3-Legged Bar Crawl in Soho Saturday/Sunday 1/2 March - Jailbreak To find out more about any of our charities or to get involved in any RAG Week 2014 events Book your please visit www.icragweek.com.

Do a good deed STI Clinic STUDENT Imperial College Union will be hosting a free sexual health clinic run by the ACADEMIC CHOICE Terrence Higgins Trust on Thursday 27 AWARDS February, from 11:00 until 16:00.

The clinic will take place in the Nominations close Activities Spaces, Union Building, Friday 28 February Beit Quad. Services available include Student Volunteering Week (SVW) is a nationwide celebration of student rapid HIV testing, Chlamydia testing, Eight awards in total will cover volunteering. Now in its 13th year, SVW brings together organisations from all Gonorrhoea testing, condoms, lube all faculties, departments and sectors to promote and celebrate the volunteering efforts of students across and advice. campuses, as well as all modes the Universities and Colleges in the UK. SVW 2014 takes place from 24 of study – Undergraduate, Taught February to 2 March, and we’re running the following activities: The clinic welcomes all students Postgraduate and Doctoral regardless of age, gender, sexual Research. Every student at • Good Deed Day – win a good deed! Monday 24 February, 12:00 – 14:00, orientation, study type or country of Imperial will have the chance to The Queens Lawn origin. recognise the innovation, skill, • Mass Volunteering: London Wildlife Trust Wednesday26 February, 12:30 engagement and energy of the – 17:30 Appointments can be booked in staff they learn with. Nominate • Volunteer Information Stand Monday 24, Tuesday 25 & Thursday 27 advance and a walk-in service is also as many people as you like in February, 12:00 – 14:00, Level 1 & 2 Sherfield building available. To book an appointment or as many categories as you like • Charity Shop Good Deeds Wednesday 26 February, 12:30 – 17:30 get more information about the clinic, – if your nominee is shortlisted, • Brompton Cemetery Clean Up Thursday 27 February, 10:00 – 12:30 please contact Zoe Richardson, at you may win a free invite to the [email protected]. SACAs Award Ceremony on For more information about the events, find them online at Thursday 15 May! imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on. For more information about Student imperialcollegeunion. Volunteering Week, visit imperialhub.org/svw. org/advice imperialcollegeunion. imperialcollegeunion.org/volunteering org/sacas

imperialcollegeunion.org FRIDAY 21 FEB 9

@feliximperial

FelixImperial COMMENT Confessions of a GTA: Part 11 heck out of these kids, but what I was was rather interesting to see what they concerned about was asking those had done differently. Yes some were The GTA tricky questions. I mean I never knew more flashy and enjoyable than others, Anonymous where they got them from. How did but only one was terrible. This group they know about the agricultural in- had tried to source materials from a dustry in southern Chile? Seriously? small Central America country where So having jotted down a few things the material does not actually exist. resenting as an relating to the project, I headed on Having been there and tried to find it undergraduate was always down to see and hopefully destroy myself, I know. Surely that would be horrific. A lot of it had to do what they had come up with. But again on Google? When I questioned them with that we (were all given that irritating thing called compassion about it, they seemed to think the sus- the same project. Having reared its friendly head. They were af- tainability of this resource was more Pto sit through at least 10 presentations ter all 1st years and looked scared out important than that it actually existing on exactly the same thing, whilst of their minds. As the first one started there already. I think they were plan- noticing everything the other groups I looked down at my mark sheet to ning to impose a new million industry had done better, was not only boring find it was completely useless. Just on the poor locals within a week….. but galling all at once. However, what I three boxes with content, style and These students obviously got marked thought suspect about the whole thing clarity. How do you asses those things down immediately, while those with a was the marking. Yes, I saw the nicely without seeing all of them first? Yet, rather slick presentation that winged prepared marking sheet for the guest I was determined to write something it a bit more conservatively got my markers, but none of them ever filled for each group so got stuck in, even if vote. So the confession this week has them out. Somehow too the groups most of them there was just a “good”. to be if you are presenting something, with the flashy presentations without The thing was they were in general make sure your facts are straight. If much technical detail always seemed good. Though the familiar boredom you don’t know perhaps you should to do best (luckily for me….). did slowly creep back after about six “look into it later at greater detail”. Or Thus, I was filled with a sense of of them, it was not as bad as before. I there will be someone in the audience justice when asked to help asses one had not poured my blood, sweat and who will tell you (perhaps very nicely) of these days. I was going to mark the tears into it for the last few weeks so it winging it - deviantart.com you are an idiot. Reconciling science with poetry is his own handiwork, no one else’s. singers of the famous Westminster argued that it was beautiful precisely He taught students always to pursue To describe in so precise a form Boys Choir begin their daily service, because of this uselessness, because beauty in their work and would often Rory Fenton the motion and very existence of all their hymns reaching into every nook it was done for its own sake, not reject proposed theories on the basis Columnist fundamental particles of nature, the of the Abbey, exhorting listeners to corrupted by practical concern. that they weren’t beautiful enough. same stuff of which we are made, direct their attention to heavenly Perhaps the problem of science, and I His approach to physics was to play is an act of uncommon genius. For matters. “There is no equation for the know this sounds strange, is precisely with abstract, pure mathematics and am sat at a pew in Westminster Dirac, however, it may also have been salvation of your soul,” they seem to the fact that it is quite useful. Often see if any physics popped up. His Abbey, filled with a sense of awe an uncommon act of sacrifice; the say, although such arguments would very useful. There was never a disease underlying belief, almost religious and reverence. Unlike the elderly dedication of his life. hold little sway with Dirac, an ardent cured by a novel nor a planet probed in its strength, was that the laws of lady to my right, her hands I have with me, to aid my pilgrimage, atheist and humanist. by a poem but in being useful, science nature should be beautiful and simple. clasped in silent petition, I am a copy of Dirac’s Lectures on Quantum The dead poets’ concern, however, runs a risk that art does not; that Dirac’s field, quantum mechanics, is Inot here for prayer. I am, however, Mechanics in which he lays out in just would not be heaven but the heart; it ceases to be for its own sake. This notoriously complicated. Particles are here on a pilgrimage of sorts in an 87 pages the mathematical ideas that strangled, they might say, by the makes it better at attracting research also waves, electrons are said to be in attempt to understand the power and lead to his equation. The ordering and constraints of scientific rigour. This grants but could explain something of more than one place at a time, even limits of science. logic of Dirac’s prose is impressive and argument was most strongly made why science is seen as an ultimately in more than one universe at a time. Five steps to my left and I will be carefully chosen. If asked by a student by William Wordsworth, himself unfulfilling pursuit by many. Obtaining useful results from this stood over what remains of Charles to clarify a point during a lecture he memorialised in the Abbey; Can science be rescued? Is it possible often requires crude approximations Darwin. Four steps forward and I would simply repeat what he had said, to find the beauty of art within science? and simplifications. It seems that at will come face to face with the death word for word, and continue with the Sweet is the lore which nature brings The Bristolian commemorated by that its most fundamental, physics is at its mask of Issac Newton. But it will lecture. As far as he was concerned, Our meddling intellect diamond-shaped stone could have most useless. This may be the spirit take a keener eye to spot the object he had already expressed the idea as Mishaps the beauteous form of things something to teach us. Although in which the heart of science can be of my pilgrimage. Set neatly in the clearly as it could be stated. We murder to dissect quite literal minded and blunt in rediscovered. Could science pursued floor between Newton and Darwin He was just as inexpressive in his his approach to life, Dirac’s idea of for its own sake, the less useful the is a small, unremarkable stone square personal life, speaking only when Part stanza, part slap, this is a science was of science as an art, with better, be not just a way to better about twice the size of my head. This necessary and answering with one direct attack on those who, like Dirac, mathematics his brush and his paint. equations but to rediscover a sense of is the nation’s memorial to the greatest word sentences. So private was he that dedicate their lives to science. When beauty in the subject? British physicist since Newton and the many of his closest friends never knew Dirac uses his equation to dissect the The choir has finished and I realise man behind much of the final year of what his middle initials – A. M. – universe, does he also murder it? Is a I’m at risk of staying for a church the physics MSci; Paul A. M. Dirac. stood for (it’s Adrien Maurice). In this life lived for science empty of beauty, service. I perform one quick lap of I have come to pay homage and end sense Dirac embodied his own subject of true meaning? Was Dirac’s? the Abbey before heading out into up spending a while just sat watching of physics with his life. Direct and to The question cuts to the very heart the warm evening. I have no definite tourists pass the stone. Despite its the point, never more than necessary. of what has been troubling me since answers but I wouldn’t expect any simplicity this stone square is surely Wandering further around the the end of my physics degree last year certainties when trying to understand the most effective and beautiful Abbey I find myself in Poets Corner, and what brings me here to the Abbey; a quantum physicist like Dirac. memorial in the Abbey. final resting place of Charles Dickens, was all this science worth it? Hidden Nevertheless, my secular pilgrimage Kings, Queens and statesmen have Alfred Lord Tennyson and other to most visitors, this debate seems to has given me a glimpse of these Two relied on the skill of artists to convey, greats, and can’t help but wonder who wage in the Abbey itself. The Romantic Tribes in silent war. Could Dirac’s perhaps fabricate, a sense of their chose the better path in life. Certainly, poets vs the materialist scientists. Can belief in the beauty of physics and importance and success in life. Dirac’s there would be some buried in Poets they be reconciled? science for its own sake provide a memorial displays the power and Corner who would be quite hostile Oscar Wilde, a much too outlandish bridge between the two? beauty of his life’s work with just the to the work of the scientists buried poet to find himself in the sacred vaults My head full of thoughts, I leave 6 letters that form his most famous nearby. of Westminster Abbey, famously Westminster Abbey to its more equation; the Dirac Equation. This The clock strikes four and the declared, “all art is quite useless”. He huffingtonpost.com traditional pilgrims.

FRIDAY 21 FEB 11

@feliximperial

FelixImperial COMMENT

Another week passes... Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2014 – It’s Time to Speak Out

no matter who you are. Nonetheless, is an important step in admitting Emily-Jane Cramphorn battling an eating disorder alongside your struggles to yourself. Moreover, Writer the gruelling workload and recovering alone is impossible - my intense pressure of College life is friends have helped me so much, inconceivably arduous. I simply could without them I’d still be in a very dark Felix not manage both, something had to place. Secondly, think about what you Editor-in-Chief umbers. To the average give. Studying requires concentration want from university. Having an eating Imperial student, they and cognitive clarity. Eating disorders, disorder not only affects your grades are part of everyday when unmanaged, abduct this. You but it also engulfs the whole student academia, to others become nothing more than a hollow experience. Do you want to look back they are enthralling shell consumed by consumption. and regret wasting ‘the best years of Nand engaging, but for some of us they Fortunately, I was able to identify your life’ staying in to avoid calories? represent a punitive regime by which the downwards spiral in which I was My third recommendation is to go to we live. Numbers are our self-worth, caught and with the support of friends the GP, get professional support. Do our being, our everything. Kilos, and family I chose to embark on the not take no for answer. Do not go back calories, clothes size. Small numbers path to recovery. I felt ashamed; I when ‘you’ve lost more weight.’ Early are our friends, zero is our deity. We had come to university three years intervention is key, let the GP and are more common than you think: we free of treatment. I thought I was your demons know your problems he weather is still horrid. have eating disorders. recovered, how did I end up back in are just as serious as anybody else’s. Seriously, you’d have Eating disorders affect approximately entrails of anorexia? It was a place I Furthermore, I strongly suggest thought that things 1.6 million people in the UK yet they swore never to be again. I realise now speaking to your senior or personal would have cleared up are still not understood by the masses. that this doesn’t matter - what matters tutor: it helps to remove some of the by now. Personally, I know of at least 4 people is that I identified the problem and I academic pressure. TAnyway, this week’s been an who suffer, or have suffered, from an am making positive changes. I am Finally, make yourself rules. interesting one, with a hugely eating disorder at Imperial, yet there tentatively embracing university life Sensible ones, healthy ones and stick successful “Rep Week”, including is no support available or awareness once again. I am not recovered by any to them. Having a routine makes food the Rep Conference on Wednesday. on campus. I struggle to understand means, but I am in control. more manageable. We also have another Photo of why this is the case: Imperial is the I wanted to write this article for The road to recovery is a long one, the Week and more lonely hearts perfect breeding ground for eating Eating Disorder Awareness Week it is far from smooth, and there are from Catnip :) disorders. It is high pressured and not only to raise awareness but to days when giving up is so appealing. If you want to get involved with competitive; everybody strives to share my story with others who are At university there is nobody there Felix, don’t forget that it’s not to be the best. Everybody wants to be suffering. To let them know that to make you eat, to stop you from late to do so, all you have to do is perfect. Personally, I have found this they are not alone in this, that if they purging or tell you sit down. You have send us an email (there are email environment triggering and earlier chose it, there is hope, and to share to take responsibility. You have to addresses all over the paper) this year found myself in the grips of some advice on how to survive at make positive changes for yourself. and tell us how you want to get anorexia once again. university with an eating disorder. My You have to recover because you want involved. Having an eating disorder is a first piece of advice is to speak out, do to, not because you are being forced. Until next time! terrifying and isolating experience not suffer alone. Telling other people Ultimately, you have to take control. 12 FRIDAY 21 FEB

Editors: Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey COMMENT [email protected] Communist Manifesto Turns 166

surpassing Egyptian pyramids’ it has Thus while every previous revolution The main value of this chapter is Marxism has continually proved Christy Kelly also substituted ‘exploitation, veiled has ‘but established new classes, that it highlights some of the more deficient are in its relation to women Writer by religious or political illusions, new conditions of oppression’, ‘the sustained failures of Marxism. It is and in its explanation of the national [with] naked, shameless, direct, brutal proletarian movement is the self- only appropriate to present them here, phenomenon. The discussion of the exploitation.’ conscious, independent movement of though detailed discussion will be family in this section is ultimately Then we come to the first central the immense majority, in the interest delayed until my third article. However of little interest, roughly taking point of the analysis: ‘the bourgeoisie of the immense majority.’ it also serves to qualify the Marxist over the conclusions of Free Love o celebrate the 166th cannot exist without constantly Thus in summary: ‘Hitherto, every relation to property. Many who lack advocates in France and Britain, more anniversary of the revolutionising the instruments of form of society has been based … on conceptual clarity, both Marxist and thoroughly dealt with in Engels’ The publication of the production, and thereby the relations the antagonism of oppressing and non-Marxist, confuse the ‘bourgeois Origins of Family, Private Property Communist Manifesto, of production’. The reason for this lies oppressed classes.’ This antagonism is socialist’ Proudhon’s ‘Property and the State. However, it is worth I shall be writing a three in the development of the bourgeoisie: the dialectic that provides the motor is theft’ with Marxist doctrine. remembering that, via Engels, Marxist Tpart series on the Manifesto: on its ‘At a certain stage in the development force to history which has led ‘either However, Marx is very careful to theory had at least some recognition theoretical contents, on its history of [feudal] means of production and to a revolutionary re-constitution of point out: ‘the distinguishing feature of the oppression of the greater and impact and on its flaws and its exchange … the feudal relations of society at large, or in the common of Communism is not the abolition of part of humanity. Meanwhile, the position in Marxist thought. What property became no longer compatible ruin of the contending classes’. property generally, but the abolition comments in the Manifesto on the should never be forgotten about with the already developed productive The bourgeoisie has distinguished of bourgeois property’. That is, it is nation and nationalism are from a the Manifesto is that it contains a forces; they became so many fetters. itself as the most revolutionary not so much property that is theft as clearly internationalist position which specific political program and its They had to be burst asunder’. But the class to date. However it remains the private ownership of the means too easily dismisses the efficacy of style, brash and powerfully polemical, very productivity of the bourgeoisie an oppressing class whose very of production (and exchange). Thus, nationalism as an ideology. reflects this. It is also, as Marx and becomes its own downfall, ‘the revolutionary tendency leads to an when ‘We Communists’ are accused This yields a third, and perhaps more Engels pointed out, in many ways epidemic of over production’ leads intrinsic instability in the capitalist of wanting to abolish ‘Hard-won, general, deficiency in Marxist theory, antiquated. Of course, it deserves to more or less periodic crises that mode of production. Simultaneously, self-acquired, self-earned property!’, the inability to properly explain the remembering on account of nothing beset it which ‘[put on trial] the the industrial proletariat proliferates Marx ironically states that ‘there is no role of ideology in the development other than its historical importance; existence of the entire bourgeois as the bourgeois mode of production need to abolish that; the development of history. Though we have in brief but the Manifesto is more than an society.’ The crisis can be overcome by spreads and polarises class of industry has to a great extent the theory of reification: ‘the selfish interesting historical relic: it retains the ‘inforced destruction of a mass of antagonism, while it organises and already destroyed it’. Similarly, ‘You misconception which induces you in broad outline the most profound productive forces’ or by the ‘conquest becomes more conscious as it is forced are horrified at our at our intending to transform into eternal laws of understanding of the movement and of new markets.’ Thus ‘the need of a into association through economic to do away with private property. nature and of reason, the social forms transition of societies in history. constantly expanding market chases centralisation. The bourgeoisie need But in your existing society, private springing from your present mode of Thus it is as a relevant political text the bourgeoisie over the whole face of to exploit the industrial proletariat property is done away with for nine- production’, we also have the rather that I shall make this exposition. This the globe’ and ‘it compels all nations, for their own survival, yet they no tenths of the population … In a word too simple: ‘What else does the history justifies, in my view, the exclusion of on pain of extinction, to adopt the less need to force the proletariat you reproach us with intending to do of ideas prove, than that intellectual the final two sections of the book, bourgeois mode of production … it into a position where it will develop away your property. Precisely so; that production changes its character in Socialist and Communist Literature, creates a world after its own image.’ its class consciousness and resist is what we intend.’ This conclusion proportion as material production and Position of the Communists Meanwhile, ‘in the same proportion this exploitation. This immanent is based on the antagonism between changes’. It is claims like these which in Relation to the Various Existing as the bourgeoisie, i.e. capital, is contradiction in the bourgeois mode ‘capital’ and ‘wage-labour’ which, in are at the bottom of many of the Opposition Parties. These sections developed in the same proportion of production will ‘inevitably lead to its the forms presented in the Manifesto accusations of ‘economic essentialism’ deal with historically specific matters is the proletariat.’ This occurs as fall and the victory of the proletariat’. lack conceptual clarity. This will be levelled at Marx. This is a real issue that require discussion but not the lower middle class sinks to the further discussed in my third article. which requires discussion, and I shall necessarily representation. This is true level of the proletariat, outpaced Proletarians and Communists Two areas where (classical) attempt to do so in my third article. to some degree for the second section, by machinery and out-bought by but it is here the problems with the large industry. The proletariat, ‘must Manifesto are concentrated and so sell [itself] piece-meal, [and is] a shall be presented in the interest of commodity, like every other article of parity. commerce’. Also, the efficient division of labour and the development of Bourgeois and Proletarians machinery have reduced the dignity of work to a mere mechanical procedure, If one wanted to express the essence thus alienating the workers from of historical materialism in one line, themselves. With the development nobody puts it better than Marx: of industry and the concentration of ‘the essence of all hitherto existing the means of production (in factories societies is the history of class struggle’. etc.,) the proletariat becomes more Marx then goes on to emphasise that numerous and more class-conscious, the development of the bourgeoisie though things do not always go has polarised previously complex so smoothly: ‘This organisation of class societies into the opposition the proletarians into a class … is between proletariat and bourgeoisie. continually being upset again and Then after a brief description of the again by the competition between the actual (economic) development of the workers’. bourgeoisie, Marx then links this to However, all revolutionary hope politics: ‘Each step in the development rests in the hands of the proletariat. of the bourgeoisie was accompanied For the bourgeoisie, the proletarian by a corresponding political is the only necessary class because advance of that class’. This political while ‘the other classes decay and advance has not been peaceful: ‘The disappear in the face of Modern bourgeoisie, historically, has played Industry; the proletariat is its special a most revolutionary part’, ‘it has and essential product’. Furthermore, pitilessly torn asunder the motley as the ‘proletarian is without property’ feudal ties that bound man to his they ‘cannot become masters of “natural superiors”’. Marx’s tone is the productive forces of society, ambiguous, so while ‘[the bourgeoisie] except by abolishing their own has accomplished wonders far previous mode of appropriation’. wikia.com FRIDAY 21 JAN 13

Editor: Simon Hunter, Riaz Agahi, Stuart Masson MUSIC [email protected] Review: Bohren & der Club of Gore Riaz Agahi looks at the German band’s new effort - Piano Nights

fter more than album, and according to the band, listener than the booming register of almost invariant backbone. piano such a big role in their music. twenty years of their best since 2002’s Black Earth, a grand piano. My main criticism is that the In spite of this, Bohren & der Club plugging away with a which is widely considered to The result of the dominant new album can get a little monotonous, of Gore have produced another great familiar sound, one be their opus. I have to add that piano based approach is something perhaps Clöser’s piano playing isn’t slab of ambient doom jazz, which that combines jazz, Black Earth is a pretty adequate that, in my opinion, is less dark than versatile enough for such a dominant meanders beautifully throughout drone,A doom and many other genres description of Bohren’s sound in their previous aesthetic , one of the role in the music, with the result that the album, giving a piece of work into an agonisingly slow rhythm, general, as (although they more or piano melodies even reminds me of many of the tracks sound the same. that will please die hard fans and Bohren & der Club of Gore released less preceeded this development so Vince Guaraldi’s ‘Christmas Time It’s possible that this will develop new fans with a love for slow, an album earlier this month which it’s nothing more than a coincidence) Is Here.’ This may be something of further should they continue to give emotive jazz alike. does little to change this sound. it reminds me of a darker version an unflattering comparison, but only Their classic sound has been of Earth’s recent work. To have serves to underline the new sound, affectionately refered to as ‘a black this as their best since Black Earth something more light and airy . metal fan’s lounge jazz act’. I have of course leaves out, among other Having said that, structurally, to admit I don’t quite agree with albums, Beileid, which is one of my Piano Nights is really not much that, maybe a doom metal fan favourites and features the familiar different from Bohren and co’s would be more appropriate than and (sometimes) comforting voice previous releases. The music is like a black metal. Both subgenres capture of Mike Patton in a cover of ‘Catch lot of music I review, quite repetitive, the bleakness of the music, but for My Heart’ by German metal band often giving the impression that my money doom metal is more Warlock. If this happens to suggest the music is about to stop solely by appropriate, as it describes the a sense of humour, forget all about virtue of the sheer slowness of the quintessential aspect of their music; that, because Piano Nights, despite music, and the empty air between the glacial pace at which it unfolds. what I find to be quite a funny each drum beat, which must be Piano Nights is the band’s eigth album cover and the album name, about 6 bpm. is a seriously cultivated This is not to say that it lacks a direction for the band, variety of moods. In the course of one which began with this slow, meditative journey, the Christopher Clöser’s listener encounters both comforting boredom induced jam on ambient-esque sax tones (although a grand piano before a the band disapproves of this show in Moscow. label) and more sinister sounding The band’s studio moments. iterations resulted in Piano Nights is a brilliant album the use of a Yamaha for chilling out or working to, with electric piano, which its homogenous soundscape that I guess leaves a lighter throws out interesting moments impression on the of emotion with quite a minimal,

the first music printers, Petrucci, and three fingers: 1. The declamation – its harmonies are much richer as the so his music gained unprecedented the fit between note and syllable, 2. imitation occurs at the interval of a fifth Emiel’s Guide to distribution, in fact the first volume The syntax – how each part of the text rather than the preceding octaves. The dedicated entirely to a single composer relates to each part of the music, and stanza on humility is split between two was printed for Josquin. After he retired 3. The illustration – how the music pairs of voices – the sound becomes Classical Music in France, his fame throughout Europe parallels the meaning of the words. smaller and sparser, setting up the next steadily grew. (I have borrowed these from the stanza which has a full homorhythmic Emiel de Lange So what is it about his art that musicologist Richard Taruskin). texture and is almost dance-like in its inspired such Each of the triple meter. This is a work of genius Episode VII - Josquin reverence? five stanzasin both its overall conception – the We can turn describes a relations between stanzas, and in the to the first different event smaller textural details which have Josquin des Prez, or Josquin for for a long time. ‘classic’, the in Mary’s life been crafted down to the syllable. Every short, was an artist of mythical Born somewhere between 1840 first piece of and the music parameter of the music is fully under proportions. This was partly due to his and 1855, Josquin’s biography has music widely poetically the composers control and crafted to massive talent, but also partly a result proved difficult to piece together. He considered to illuminates paint the words in sound. I encourage of the changing humanist culture. is first mentioned in 1466 by his true be great and it’s meaning, you to listen for yourself! At the start of his career music was surname of Lebloitte in the will of his timeless – giving each Josquin explored new territories still grouped with geometry and uncle who leaves him a plot of land. unsurpassable stanza a in music and produced effects which arithmetic in the Quadrivium of At this point he was a choir-boy in in what it different had not yet been heard. Theorists taught subjects – something natural, Picardy and likely studying under our was. This character. and composers look to his scores and following divine laws. friend Ockeghem. was a motet For example, study the way in which he achieved By the time he died in his home- After working in the service of called Ave when ‘all these to this day, but most importantly region of Condé-sur-l’Escaut in various Milanese families he became Maria … Virgo things in – his immediate influence on the Northern France, music was an Ars in 1489 a member of the prestigious serene, which heaven and next generation was staggering and poetica, a poetic art whose beauty lay Papal choir – a recent restoration Petrucci earth are filled catalysed the innovations which gave in the breaking of rules to expressive of the Sistine chapel revealed his printed in his with joy’, the rise to our tonal system. For example, ends. The composer came to be signature carved into walls of the first collection texture is the homorhythmic declarations came viewed in a modern sense as a poet cantoria! At the Vatican his style of 1502. It filled by all the to be viewed ‘vertically’ as chords with of sound, blessed with talents from achieved maturity and he had recalls Mary’s voices. Thetheir own properties rather than a mere birth. In the writings of the humanists absorbed the light secular music life and the 2nd stanza intersection between independently and theorists who brought about this of Milan and fully developed his music and concerns moving lines. Next week we will delve change, that archetypal composer writing of sacred music. Josquin was words fit like the birth of into this and explore how his successors was Josquin, and he would remain so the favourite composer of one of a glove with Mary and took up the mantle. ARTSFEST Exhibition Blythe Gallery, Sherfield Level 5

Photo of the Week Photo: Mask making Credit: Gordon Kam Email your photo to [email protected] FRIDAY 21 FEB 15

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FelixImperial ARTS The Blind Astronomer Is science emotional? Clara Clark Nevola interviews theatre maker Tom Espiner about the play Going Dark to find out

oes the life of a man relate often brought on by loss of sight and excitement about science is a to that of a star? Going (Charles Bonnet syndrome), elements powerful tool. Dark tells the history of which were incorporated in our the universe as the story play. We also spoke to RP Fighting Could Going Dark be a good model of how we perceive it, Blindness, who gave us insights into for Science Communication in Dcreating a deeply human, emotional the details of going blind. Research is, the future? Or was this a one off and immersive piece of theatre. and always has been, a major part of instance of science reflecting the The play is centred round the life our work. human story you wanted to convey? of Max, a planetarium astronomer, who gradually loses his sight due To what extent to you think that I believe that the story comes first to Retinitis Pigmentosa. His ability the increasing public availability and foremost, and there must be to work decreases, his relationship to scientific knowledge is making plausibility in the emotional story. I with his young son changes, and his people blind to its wonders? think it’s a very good way of bringing identity as an individual is altered science understanding into the public and questioned. Sound&Fury, a We have a plethora of science domain, but it’s hard to achieve – a collaborative theatre company, have communicators nowadays: I grew up balancing act. Audiences are smart created with Going Dark a startlingly with Carl Sagan, who for me was one and they will pick up on something immersive experience, allowing the of the best science communicators being didactically rammed down audience to enter the heart of the ever, and of course Brian Cox is all their throat. I do think one should developing Solar System, the mind over the place – instilling wonder for strive to bring art and theatre of a blind man and the emotions of anyone who wants to see him on TV. together with science. a child. Initially we thought we could get After its first UK tour last year, an astronomer to give a talk at the Going Dark has been described Going Dark is returning to London Young Vic: the scientist as showman as “an Imax without the pictures”, with a run at the Science Museum. is a well-established model and it’s as it is an incredibly immersive I interviewed the co-founder of great to see that, from Humphrey experience thanks to the sounds Sound&Fury, Tom Espiner, to find Davy on, that tradition is alive and and minimal lighting you use. out how Going Dark came to life and well. But we wanted to take a step How much does your work rely on what the link between art and science in a different direction: we wanted a advances in technology? is, and might become. human element. Theatre is, as well as a place to educate, a place of stories Ever since we started we’ve wanted How did the idea for the play come and a place of emotions, and we to push the boundaries of the about? How did the link between wanted to meet that challenge. technological elements of theatre going blind and space discovery It’s very difficult to achieve this, but – partly because technology is emerge? we wanted to intertwine a compelling getting better all the time. It has story with some good hard core to be used with caution as you can It’s an idea which had been on our science facts, and finding a way in easily overdose; once again, the core minds for a long time. There were which they could relate to each other. elements of a good story are essential. several impulses but one of the first And when you do that, you draw The more refined and delicate you ones was a real attraction for the together audiences which wouldn’t can be with sound and light, the more building of a planetarium: it’s a tool usually be together, all in the same detail you can bring out. for education and helps our scientific EDMUND COLLIER room, sharing a story and getting Some people have described our understanding of the universe, but different things out of it. work as immersive theatre: the Going Dark tells the emotionally gripping and visually immersive story of Max, a it’s also a sort of secular temple, an planetarium astronomer with a young son, who gradually loses his sight. There’s almost a tendency for sound is spatialised and massive so intimate environment in which a lot scientists to become part of a sort that the audience is actually plunged of self-reflection happens. You’re of exclusive priesthood: they’re in a sonically into the scene, and we confronted with the infinite, the very cosmological understanding and our Birmingham Physics and Astronomy group of people who, thanks to years conjure up a sense of place, shared large, the wonderful. own understanding of our daily lives department for nine months, of study, can understand things in by audience and actors at the same We were also really interested in the as we interact with the world. So: life speaking to various astronomers great detail, and come to see great time. Our sound designer, Dan Jones, idea of bringing together light, sound through the eye and universe through and physicists. As I was exploring beauty which often can’t be explained has really studied how to achieve and darkness, all key elements of a the telescope. what they were doing there I became to others, as a lot of mathematical exactly the right reverb, harnessing planetarium and of our own work. naturally interested in how vision knowledge is needed to appreciate it. the audience’s imagination and Because of our previous interest in How much of your play is based on works, and how so much of the So it’s really important that people try transporting them to the scenes; all darkness we wanted to create a play scientific research? universe that we now understand and to communicate that by finding the the technology we use is there to about the senses and our perceptions, study does not rely on sight alone, right type of metaphor or language to serve the story. We would like our particularly the hindering of visual It started with late Prof Richard using instrumentation that sees enlighten us. audience to think “I was really there”, perception. Gregory of the University of Bristol, wavelengths that we don’t. I guess Dr Francisco Diego, vice president not to think “that sound technology We also started to find that there a neuropsychologist who spent his for anyone who does science that’s of the UK Association for Astronomy was excellent!” were some interesting parallels whole life studying the relationship just par for the course, but it’s still a Education gave one of the post- between the way in which we, as a between the brain and the eye, and very wonderful thing to explore and show talks and said that in our human race over millennia, have seen optical illusions. He’d come to see present to an audience. character we had created someone Going Dark will be performed at and understood celestial objects, one of our previous plays and was We were funded by the Wellcome who instilled wonder like the old- the performance space of the Science the scale of the universe, and the really interested in how in the dark we Foundation to work with experts in school communicators did – a style Museum from 5th-9th March 2013. dynamics of light, with how we could create images and sensations in their field: we approached Dr Fitch, of science communication which Tickets are £20 for adults, £8 for relate to what we see in the world our mind’s eye. a psychiatrist specialising in visual just isn’t around as much anymore. students, and are available from the around us: a correlation between I also did a residency with consciousness and the hallucinations Which is a shame: evoking wonder Science Museum website.

FRIDAY 21 FEB 17

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FelixImperial ARTS ARTSFEST! The Critic Laughs

Tower to blare out a few classics Jingjie Cheng Alex Savell one lunch time (1pm Monday 24th); Writer Arts & Ents Board Chair and, for a slightly classier feeling, try the String Ensemble Concert in the Business School Foyer at lunch What: Richard Hamilton es, the biggest event of (12pm, 21st). Where: Tate Modern, SE1 the Union’s calendar At the Union itself, MTSoc and A When: 13th February - 26th May has arrived. And I don’t Cappella will be showing off some of Price: £14.50, concessions £12.50 mean the Big Elections. the highlights of their year so far as ArtsFest sees our well as, if rumours are to be believed, scientists’Y paradise turned over to a few special new numbers they’ve ichard Hamilton. Father our Artistic under culture for a week been working on (UCH, 7pm, 21st). of pop art, experimenter of something different. But for me I’m particularly looking of consumer design, The festivities this year include forward to the two final nights. On right? If that is all you lunchtime concerts, an art exhibit, Wednesday the 26th we’ll be hosting associate with this icon singing, dancing, comedy, colour, the ArtsFest Showcase, where dance Rof twentieth century British art, this noise and fun. This will be at least and musical societies will be putting massive retrospective at the Tate will the 5th ArtsFest; records go back as on an extravaganza. On the 27th change your mind. As far as it is even early as 2010, a time where, as far as in Metric will be the light hearted conceivable to encapsulate the works of ArtsFest was concerned, even the ArtsFest Afterparty where we will an artist as prolific and far-reaching as internet didn’t exist. But it’s been have more dance, music, rock, and Hamilton into a single exhibition, this growing and learning every year. much more; hopefully including showcase does a good job. To most of In my tenure as Arts and Ents the newly minted Imperial College us, Hamilton is known simply as the Chair I’ve already been impressed by Comedy Soc as compéres and “father of pop art”, with the figure cut- so many talented clubs and societies performers for the evening. Oh, and outs and domestic interior of his iconic performances and I really hope as the bar will be open… but you’ll all 1956 collage Just what is it that makes Richard hamilton 2005 many people as possible will seek out only be going for the performances, today’s homes so different, so appealing? this showcase of what’s on offer. right? heralding a new era of art that draws The Blythe Gallery, for those that So yes, the clubs in the Arts on popular culture as inspiration. This the collage that is now recognised as merely tongue-in-cheek – or perhaps, don’t know about it, is squeezed in and Ents board have been busy. exhibition, however, offers us a glimpse the first piece of pop art. For such a Hamilton is pointing out the rising on level 5 of the Sherfield Building. I’ll probably be getting some hate into the colossal scope of his work – significant work, Just what is it… is commercialism of our times and the It’s a lovely little arts space where mail now from the people I haven’t from his printmaking experiments somewhat underwhelming, no larger creation of useless products that are PhotoSoc, LeoSoc and Calligraphy mentioned: ICSO and Choir off as a student at the Slade to numerous than a coffee-table book. The work marketed as essentials. The critic laughs and Oriental Painting are putting doing there epic performance of War political paintings to a roomful of itself is matter-of-fact – the male nude at itself. on a show with the theme of masks Requiem at Winchester Cathedral Polaroid portraits of himself by other gazes impassively at you, in hand a Here was an artist who also actively which runs for the whole length of for instance, and the Imperial Fringe artists, we are introduced to a man large phallic lollipop while his domestic engaged with the society around him. the festival. I try to make a point Arts Experiment. So look busy, who was actively engaged with the background is an uneasy collection His provocative political paintings span of heading up there every now and because what other excuse could you world around him and whose sense of of pop culture references. It is hard to several rooms, with one of the most then to see what’s about, and to possibly have for not coming along? adventure shone throughout his career believe that this was one of the first memorable being that of Tony Blair take a moment to notice that not Oh and before you start claiming – sometimes irreverently. works amalgamating ready prints and in cowboy garb, standing over rough every space at Imperial is used for a you’d rather spend your money on It is always interesting to see how drawing from consumer brands and terrain with a pistol in each hand – blackboard full of equations or some Snakebites in 568 everything going an artist’s work evolves over time; it pop culture. Yet, the idea of painting Hamilton’s way of protesting against sort of lab. ArtsFest is the perfect on on campus is going to be free, reminds us that the creators behind over and embellishing ready prints British involvement in the second Gulf opportunity if you’ve not taken a so that’s 100% of your hard earned are human, whose interests and values would underlie most of Hamilton’s War. Not one afraid to hide his strong look before, just drop by any time for student loan being put towards the grow and change. We are given the future works. opinions, Hamilton tackled subjects a quick break or over lunch. universal lubricant of science and unique opportunity to observe the His fascination with the interior is ranging from a colourful disfiguration If you want something a little louder the arts. development of Hamilton’s ideas and explored further in the installation of Hugh Gaitskell, leader of the Labour we have plenty to offer you. In one So from Wednesday the 19th we are techniques from his earliest works Lobby, which contains a wall-sized Party in the 1960s, to his installation of, in my opinion, the better college going to be going loud or going home in the 1950s to his final painting, painting inspired by a postcard of a Treatment Room, a space reminiscent decisions of late, we’ve been given all the way through to Thursday 27th completed four days before his death Berlin hotel lobby. The viewer walks of NHS waiting rooms with Margaret the go ahead to shove IC Big Band of February. Come get involved and in 2011. Organised chronologically into into the small room carpeted like in Thatcher’s silenced election broadcast out onto the balcony of the Queen’s make some noise! eighteen rooms, each room shows a the painting, and sees himself in a pillar of 1983 being shown to a patient bed. distinct theme or period in Hamilton’s covered by mirrors, at once drawing the Can the people be cured by the image artistic career. audience into the uneasy, sterile setting of the ruler, and how powerful are mere Of the multitude of artworks on of the hotel lobby and blurring the lines words which can be easily muted? show, his installations are by far the between the viewer and the viewed. This retrospective also brings us most intriguing. A cheerful jukebox At the end, we get the impression of to a deeply personal level with the music greets the viewer in a small a man who changed with the times, room “Polaroids and Portraits”, which room dominated by the installation always eager to try out new techniques. contains a wall filled with Polaroids Fun House, done in collaboration with From the cutting and pasting of his first of Hamilton himself, taken by fellow architect John Voelcker and artist collage to the digital prints of Maps of artists and friends. The artist does not John McHale for the 1956 exhibition Palestine (2009), which showed the just respond to his environment but This is Tomorrow at the Whitechapel difference in Palestinian land area interacts with it as well in this unique Gallery. Blown-up film stills tower over between the UN Partition Plan and take on Hamilton’s own person. In the us while wall-length optical illusions the actual extent of Israel-Palestinian same space are Hamilton’s portraits of crowd our vision; the sensory overload occupation at time of printing, close friends Dieter Roth and Derek compounded by a large crowd milling Hamilton was a lifelong experimenter. Jarman – photorealistic faces touched about in the confined space. We are Hamilton’s irreverence is refreshing. by abstract, bold strokes. reminded, while looking up at Monroe’s One of my favourite pieces is The The retrospective is so vast sometimes iconic pose next to a cameo appearance Critic Laughs, a product he created it is slightly overwhelming. But it is of Van Gogh’s sunflowers, of the which mounts a pair of dentures onto dense with pieces that reflect the state aesthetic value of media and everyday an electric toothbrush. The actual of art and the world in the past 60 years objects. product is on display, complete with – a must-see for anyone interested in It is for the catalogue of that its case, instruction manual and even contemporary art and the life of an Artsfest 2014, coming soon to a tower near you! exhibition that Hamilton created a hilarious commercial. Perhaps it is extraordinary innovator. 18 FRIDAY 21 FEB

Editor: Arianna Sorba ARTS [email protected] Not such Happy Days...

bell rings at intervals, giving Winnie cheerful voice has subsided into a inability to change her condition, her our nearest and dearest, as they sit Clara Clark Nevola her sleeping and waking times. No resigned drone, and the blare of her isolation, her loss of memory. oblivious? Writer explanation is given for this odd set waking up bell rings again as again, For those willing to find them, there I won’t draw these conclusions for up, and though Winnie refers vaguely forcing her to sit up and open her are many metaphors in Happy Days: you, but I urge you to go, and see for to a previous life there is the feeling bleary, sleep deprived eyes. Happy are we all being suppressed by the yourselves. What: Happy Days of being immersed in a timeless, Days shows a woman being tortured. ever moving sands of time? Are we all And if all gets too much, the Young Where: Young Vic, SE1 unchanging landscape – the only Physically tortured certainly, but far being progressively being buried in a Vic has a really good bar, the Cut. You When: until 8th March movement the sand that trickles down more gruesomely mentally tortured hole, relying on our daily routines to might need a fortifying drink at the Price: Various on Winnie, slowly burying her alive. by her husband’s indifference, her survive? Are we all screaming out to interval to steady yourself. The next bonus of this Young Vic production is Juliet Stevenson, isclaimer: do not book nominated for five Olivier awards tickets for this as a and four BAFTAs, screen and theatre February blues pick-me- actress and a truly fantastic Winnie. It up. The poster’s colourful, is thanks to her that this surreal, vague the title’s promising, outline takes life as a terrifying reality Dbut the only comedy you’ll get it the of overwhelming existential panic. bleakest of tragicomedy. As she sits there, buried in the sand, Having said that, if you’re of sturdy she prattles away, sounding like a disposition with an interest in 1960’s middle-class, 1960’s housewife with surrealist theatre, step right up. her constant references to the small To start with, you will be given two mercies in life, her reliance on her hours of one of the most celebrated handbag and her affectionate and avant-garde plays. First performed in irritated references to her husband. 1961, Samuel Beckett’s Happy Days But in her circumstances, these seeks to portray the condition of the commonplace instances take on modern woman. The whole of the two an anguishing meaning: the small acts are focused entirely on the main mercies are meaningless, as she is character, Winnie, with occasional dying under the heat and the sand, comments or grunts from her her handbag includes hairbrushes, surly, detached, newspaper-reading mirrors and a revolver, her husband husband. sits uncaringly as she panics under the Throughout the play Winnie is rising tide of sand that covers her. progressively buried in sand, unable Her post-war cheeriness is to move, under scorching heat, while interspersed with rising panic, her husband, who mainly lives in a nonsensical comments and her hole hidden form the audience, can gradual loss of memory. By the second crawl around. A jarring, ear-splitting act, Winnies strident, forcedly- JOHAN PERSSON Turandot: finished but flawed the greatest strengths of this work, and to emotional spectacle rather than Emiel De Lange as Calaf passes the riddles we await piercing brilliance. Writer with great anticipation what musical Whatever does exist of Turandot illumination of the soul will occur for is presented brilliantly by the Royal us, as the dismayed cold Turandot is Opera House. In this production, What: Turandot thawed by Calaf’s love. which is nearly 30 years old, the Where: Royal Opera House, WC2 This is the point at which Puccini full spectacle is unleashed. The When: until 10th March died of a heart attack, after undergoing stage is beautifully designed with Price: Various cancer therapy in Brussels, and while some stunningly vivid imagery, the the libretto was completed, this final, hundreds of dancers and actors all climatic scene was not. Based on his fabulously costumed and the props uccini’s Turandot was “the written notes, it is thought that Puccini give a very convincing ‘ancient China’ end of the great tradition” – ever conscious of his contribution feel. Puccini’s mysterious grand score of Italian opera. Ever and place at the tail of the Italian is played with practised and familiar, popular, it is the grandest tradition – had intended a rapturous if perhaps a little careless, ease by of them all, and yet it is transcendence comparable to that of the orchestra under Nicola Luisotti. Pdeeply problematic. Set in a mythical Wagner’s Tristan or even a mystical While the cast was generally excellent China, at its simplest the tale concerns transformation a la Parsifal. Others as is typical, Alfred Kim in the role a Prince, Calaf, who wins the heart have proposed that Puccini was simply of Calaf was a little disappointing. of the Princess of China, Turandot. not capable of writing this immense Forgivably, he struggled with some of However Turandot is proud – a symbol psychology into his music, although the diction, but his voice lacked charm of the feminine of modern times, in his final letters to the librettist he and seemed as cold as the character unwilling to make an object of herself claimed to have the music already of Turandot. The real delight of the through marriage. She has insulated formed in his mind. Whatever the case evening was Ailyn Perez as Liu, Calaf’s herself from the world of men, and might have been, the impossible task adoring servant girl who sacrifices set a challenge; three riddles must be of completing the opera was given to herself for him. Perez sang this role solved to win her hand, and the price © ROH / TRISTRAM KENTON another Italian, named Franco Alfano. as a sweet, unassuming girl and with of failure is death. The opera opens the icy Turandot. a minister tellingly warns him that The results are, to put it mildly, great beauty. For those of you who with the execution of an unfortunate Calaf’s love for this inaccessible, “Turandot does not exist! Only the disappointing, and we must content wish, despite its flaws, to see what prince, whose head is displayed with even frightening, woman is difficult Nothingness in which you annihilate ourselves with an unambiguously Puccini’s final and grandest opera is all the many other trophies, yet somehow to understand or empathise with. yourself!” The insightful and complex triumphant and simplistic ending about, you are unlikely to find a much Calaf decides he has fallen in love with Perhaps it is a narcissistic one – as psychology of these two characters are which limits the power of this opera better production than this. In hard ...... out wet Friday 28th February, 1930-2230 £5, Streatham Ice Rink tinyurl.com/londonvarsity PTO for more centrefold

24 FRIDAY 21 FEB

Editor: Maciej Matuszewski, Eva BOOKS Rosenthal [email protected] Charles Stross Joseph Henderson talks about the popular Picocon 31 guest

I am writing about Charles Stross the general quality of Stross’s writing because of the upcoming Picocon in these essays is better than in his science fiction convention, which he political essays. will be attending as one of the Guests Likewise, when Stross discusses of Honour. He has contributed to writing, and the publishing industry, the Science Fiction and Fantasy field he does so as a knowledgeable insider. with his novels, his blogging, and his When Stross makes a statement about roleplaying work. publishing or science fiction, he does so Of these three things, the roleplaying in a community that is interested in and work is perhaps the least notable. follows his words. His articles generate Stross worked on first edition Dungeons interest, and almost every one of them and Dragons, and created some of the will have extensive commentary on game’s iconic monsters. Drawing from other blogs. the works of Moorcock and Martin, Of course, Stross’s blog might never Stross created the Githyanki: cruel have grown to such popularity were and impious mind-controlling slavers it not for his very notable writing. I that lurk in underground caves and have not read all of his works, so I shall seek to kill their old racial enemies. confine my commentary to those that The Githyaki are still a part of D&D, I have. For those who wish to read his and have appeared in the Neverwinter works many are available online, and Nights 2 and Baldur’s Gate II computer almost all published on paper can be games, but Stross no longer writes for found in the science fiction library in roleplaying games. the Beit West Basement.

Charles Stross won the Locus award “... Halting State in 2005 for writing the Accelerando, is suffused with a compilation of nine short stories. Stross’s technical skill as a writer was WORM IN APPLE Stross’ wonderful less developed in Accelerando than later on, but his ideas are well worth reading. imagination ...” Over three generations the dysfunctional Macx family lives through the transformation of human identity Stross (and various guests) also blog and society as technology transfers on the popular antipope.org site on sentience from the natural brain to the the subjects of science fiction, Stross’s synthetic computer. As the series goes convention attendance, futurism, and on, each generation finds themselves international relations. Stross has also falling behind the more aware and posted an autobiography on his blog, efficient intelligences they create. which I will not try to replicate here. Stross is not particularly optimistic: Stross can describe his life much better people are not necessarily protected than I can; this article is better used for from the future, and technology creates commentary. a new economy, where posthuman On the topic of international intelligences ruthlessly exploit every relations, Stross describes himself as resource they can find. “just an interested layman”. His opinion, From Accelerando, and those other as a layman, is relatively informed and Stross novels that include them, my his writing is populated by many links most vivid memories are the sex to other parts of the internet. scenes. His sex writing is not titillating, but is generally useful for character development. The sex in Stross’ novels “ [The Atrocity Ar- is often out of the mainstream, and chives are] a very BDSM elements feature heavily. Seeing the characters enjoy unconventional amusing look at sex gives the reader an interesting exercise in empathy, giving a route to modern bureaucra- empathy through their private desires. cy struggling with The Eschaton novels involve a space opera setting. Faster than light travel Charles Stross – writer, blogger and king of the internet. magical horror ...” is developed, and can even be used for time travel. However, the “Eschaton”, an in danger. The plot of the novels is like development. to create a cool situation to write about. Futurism is addressed in many entity from the transhuman future, acts that of a spy thriller as UN agents try On his blog Stross has complained that articles, mentioning such topics as to prevent violations of continuity that to avert catastrophe, while secondary The Halting State duology are far too much in the Halting State series the singularity, Bitcoin, the internet of might threaten its own existence. characters describe the culture shock police thrillers, set amongst the near seems to be coming true. The novelty of things, space colonisation, and a judge Nonetheless as colonies with different and transformation. Once again, the future, post-independence, Scottish the police using World of Warcraft to who masturbated while sitting in court. technology interact, causing huge sex scenes are memorable, but I think police. This isn’t a reflection of wishful spy on criminals lost its lustre to Stross Stross manages to discuss futurism culture shocks, desperate and ignorant they are more like an out of place thinking on the part of Stross for when he found out that the NSA did with far more attention to evidence, so people take risks that put many worlds comedy than important character Scottish independence, but an attempt exactly that, so there will be no more FRIDAY 21 FEB 25

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sequels. professional turned into a special agent. Lovecraft’s acceptance of racial mixing, The novels are much like other police The first novel, The Atrocity Archives and overcoming horror, The Shadow procedurals, but Stross’s contributions is a good read if you like the idea of a Over Innsmouth is still clearly about See Charles Stross at are not to be underestimated. The technical professional griping about the horror of being mixed race. To first novel, also called Halting State, bad management and saving the world paraphrase George Orwell, while we is suffused with Stross’ wonderful with a few fantastic creatures thrown may dislike racism in Lovecraft’s work, Picocon 31 imagination, with interesting “crimes in. and wish it were not there, it would be that don’t even exist yet” keeping the The Laundry really gets interesting absurd to deny its existence. The Jennifer reader intellectually engaged. with the second book in the series, Morgue also uses the Deep Ones, but Charles Stross will be joined by Sarah Pinborough The sequel,Rule 34, is much more The Jennifer Morgue. The book is an the racial criticism is no longer directed disappointing. The novel commits the intelligent and very aware parody of against them, but against the prejudice and Professor David Southwood on Saturday sin of using ‘evil sex’ to characterise James Bond novels. The Jennifer Morgue they receive for the circumstances of the villain, which is dull, and relies on also benefits from social commentary. their birth. February 22 at Imperial’s annual science fiction this ‘evil sex’ extensively. Rule 34 also It questions and challenges the sexual The Jennifer Morgue is followed by The attracted critisism from Christopher cliche’s of Flemming’s novels and the Fuller Memorandum. This is much like and fantasy convention. Priest when it was nominated for a standards still held in many of the The Atrocity Archives, but in every way Hugo. Priest’s criticism was brief and inspired works. better. The alien intelligences are more denigrating, so I mention it more Much more subtle is the racial intriguing, the office politics more Picocon 31 will feature Guest of Honour talks, a for the sake of history than because commentary of The Jennifer Morgue. H dynamic and cutthroat, the action it is valuable. Naturally the criticism P Lovecraft is rightly remembered as faster and more exciting. panel, silly games, quizzes and the destruction of inspired plenty of discussion, and an excellent horror author, but modern The Laundry series has also had anyone wishing to particularly flatter readers often choose to ignore the less several short stories published online. I dodgy merchandise with liquid nitrogen and a Stross might wear a t-shirt made in desirable underlying themes of his will not go into these in detail, save to response, which bears the caption: work. Lovecraft was a racist and much say that Equoid is absolutely excellent. giant hammer. “INTERNET PUPPY NO CAN HAZ of the horror of his work was based on If, after reading this, you are interested N O M S ”. his fear of racial mixing, cultural decay, in Charles Stross then I suggest you get inherited evils and other discredited online and read Equoid. The convention is open to all and registration Even more contemporary than the concepts. Halting State duology is the Laundry In Lovecraft’s The Shadow Over At this point there is little left to say. starts at 10:00 in Beit Quad. series. The series is a very amusing look Innsmouth (one of his best works), the Stross has written many other books, at modern bureaucracy struggling to fishy Deep Ones desire to interbreed but unfortunately I have either not read deal with magical horror; a modern with humans. Their children carry them or have nothing to say. This article For more information, and to buy tickets, visit: take on the Cthulu mythos’ theme the unfortunate racial features of was written to give a summary outlook of “knowledge that is too terrible to their parents, and eventually mutate of Charles Stross’s work, I have nothing icsf.org.uk/picocon tell”. The Laundry series loves to talk into undersea creatures. While some to conclude. I hope that I have caught about modern management and office critics have interpreted The Shadow your attention, and I look forward to politics, and the struggle of an IT Over Innsmouth as being about seeing him at Picocon. Singularity Sky Tom Rivlin explores one of Charles Stross’ most popular novels.

It’s hard to decide whether Singu- to be an artificial ban on messing with some smart things to say about how larity Sky is hard or soft sci-fi. In- causality, as opposed to an inherent the technology in it would impact herent to the setting of the book is law of nature. Similarly, he clearly society. In the book, different eco- faster-than-light (FTL) travel and thought very hard about how ship- nomic and political systems clash on an omnipotent, post-singularity AI. to-ship combat in space would actu- a galactic scale. Earth’s embrace of However that stuff is all really just ally happen, and does his best to stay nanotech which can replicate any ob- a backdrop to incredibly nerdy (and true to that. Of course, the conclusion ject, and its subsequent transition to delightful) discussions of spaceship- seems to be that ship-to-ship combat a scarcity-free economy, is contrasted to-spaceship combat at in space is a terrible idea and any civi- with the Republic’s strict ban on this relativistic velocities, and a gleeful lisation who tries it and builds a mas- technology, and its stasis in a good dissection of how FTL travel inher- sive space navy must be really, really old fashioned 20th century dictator- ently leads to time travel. (The word stupid. ship. What’s most engaging, though, “light-cone” is thrown around a lot.) On that note, the story of the book is is that neither side is presented as If that paragraph put you to sleep, set in a post-singularity future, where entirely better than the other. Earth’s this book is not for you (also you’re humanity has a galactic diaspora, people may have unlimited access silly). However, if you’re the kind of with many conflicting civilisations. to whatever they want, and have far person who watches a space battle An engineer from Earth is doing rou- more freedom, but the price for that in Star Trek and goes “why do all the tine contract work for a particularly is terrorism on an unprecedented ships stop and stare at each other?” repressive and backwards empire, the scale – on Earth, any nutcase with an or is annoyed by Star Wars’ ubiqui- New Republic, when he, along with a agenda can unleash the worst kinds of tous sound in space, then you should UN spy, accidentally get caught up in plagues and atomic bombs. And you travel at sufficient FTL speeds to a space battle between the Republic thought the Anarchist’s Cookbook was ensure you’ve already read the book and a mysterious, bad. before starting this review. information-based civilisation called It’s clear we’re meant to embrace the It’s clear that before a word of the the Festival. The story is light-hearted singularity in the book (“information book was written, Stross took the time and fun, and the two main characters wants to be free” is a quote from the to think very carefully about how to have an interesting relationship, but, book that appears on the cover), but reconcile FTL travel with time travel, to me, it was mostly just window- Stross emphasises that the singularity concluding that the only way to make dressing for the fun space battles. didn’t fix all of our problems. Like all it make any sort of sense is for there Like all good sci-fi, the book has technology, it also made more. 26 FRIDAY 21 FEB

Editor: Maciej Matuszewski, Eva BOOKS Rosenthal [email protected]

Student Picks Tea & Coffee Truths Eva Rosenthal picks: Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert A short story by Eoghan Totten Madame Bovary is generally considered to be one of the best novels ever written. This is already an excellent rea- son to read it, but I’ll recommend it anyway. One day I may look back on my life I am reading it for the third time. Still it morphs into dif- and realise that my first love was not a ferent shapes, carrying with it all the subtlety of Flaubert’s person but a place... characters. The first time I read it, very young (too young Our world is full, bursting and strained perhaps), I was overcome with feeling for the tragedy of like never before. We have the power to Emma Bovary’s situation. A beautiful, sensual woman suppress disease, pacify hunger, come with too much imagination, alone in grey, boring coun- and go as we so choose. Things have try villages with only the bore-of-a-husband for company. grown, unfurled like ivy tendrils that are No wonder she takes to romanticism; no wonder she finds infinitely rich and thick. Buildings tower herself a couple of lovers; no wonder she commits suicide like divine beacons. Men (regrettably) when everything collapses! have the power to take a life at the touch Then I read it again. What mastery Flaubert has over his of a button. Information flows like a hideous world, the world of the stupid petite bourgeoisie! cascading fluid. Men try to stop its flow, Emma Bovary, I realised, was tragic in herself, through her to cork the bottle of knowledge...but the own shallowness, because of her inability to really look seal leaks, the fluid still flows and men at the world. She lives in a world of dreams, unoriginal and women slake their thirst. dreams, the clichéd dreams of Romanticism. Nothing she Men leave the fields, pace the cobbles experiences in life can compare! Flaubert manages to cre- of glimmering cities in the night. ate a rich character, full of life, alive as it were, whilst hold- They search for life, advancement and ing her in utter contempt. I found this fascinating. hope. Parliaments continue to tick This time, I’m struck by what I perceive as an extreme like well-oiled clocks in homage to the sympathy for the character. Flaubert is criticising, with Constantinople, Rome and Athens of irony, with half-veiled insults, but also with a wry com- the past. Theatres fill with budding passion. enthusiasts, challenging notions of It has changed for me yet again. There are so many truths culture, civility and a higher state of about life, about oneself and society, to be found in Mad- awareness. Restaurants feed labourers ame Bovary... in so short a text, I can really only say: read after a hard day’s work, numb the pains it. The rest is filler. and fill the stomachs of berated men and women. Police cars roam and race through the labyrinth of streets like guardians, sentinels of order, scuttling beetles in a transient hive. Universities pulsate with knowlegde, lighting the tabletops. slapped the marble floors. way for future generations. The place appealed to me through its Despite the calm there was still room Things move ever so swiftly forward simplicity. My memories receded from for obscurity. In the cafe, as beyond and yet nothing ever changes. We come memory when I stepped through the its doors, one still felt lost at times, full circle...and when we realise this the door. Young men served with a greeting, overwhelmed...but at least there was a centre may or may not hold. a smile, a handshake or pat on the back, platform, sure footing to stand on. It Maybe time is one discreet event. providing a lift. I gave due attention was my breastplate, my armour, a shield I see it as a mirror. Perhaps God set to the pure. The light music numbed from relentless missiles of reality. us a challenge, taking the mirror and the senses and caused the strain in my One night I withdrew my philosophy dropping it from a height. Perhaps this temples, teeth and neck to relax like a notes from my bag. I calmly read over is why we continue to strive and to seek. slackening sail. Every motion on the pages of Adorno and Horkheimer, the Each civilisation that comes and goes clock face seemed worthwhile, nothing edges furled and crippled. examines the fragments, piece by piece, wasted. “characterise enlightenment as... in an attempt to resolve the pearlescent, I would dive deep into intricate novel liberation from fear of the unknown...by glimmering puzzle. We seem to get so plots, surfacing late at night. The place acquisition of genuine knowledge.” far. We fail, slice a finger, lacerate a vein, allowed me to focus my interests into In that instant the cafe assumed a let some blood, nurse our wounds...we mental diamonds, concrete my passions voice. Chairs scraped the floor, old men have to start all over again. into discrete kernels of knowledge. bellowed and children giggled and all We don’t want to finish the restoration Things seemed possible. The tea the while white china clicked, sang in Send your submissions for of this universal mirror. What would and coffee, above all, captured the harmony, reverberating off mellowed come after? After all, there is more fun imagination. Dark and steaming cups of walls. It spoke to me. our newest regular fea- in seeing infinitely many reflections and pure white porcelain dotted the tables. Let go. Become a free and spontaneous mysteries in the jagged fragments. If we People paused, flared their nostrils and being. Pause. Breathe the air. Don’t fix tures! were to fix it and seal every fragment raised the warmth to their lips. Some the broken mirror. Stop seeking more. back in place, we would see but one would even close their eyes, at ease. Pocket instead a fragment of glass, plane FLASH FICTION: Ultrashort reflection. We might not like it. One can see why ancient cultures its edges, distill it of all its coarseness fiction up to 200 characters It’s above my head. The glint of those revered the act of tea drinking as a and carry it with you until the end of fragments sears my eyes. One day, like ceremony, a rite of passage. It is an your days. STUDENT PICKS: Send us up a hermit in the sun, I sought solace. I simple act but steeped in symbolism. I turned back to my coffee, took a to 250 words on your favour- sought shade. It was to be found in a By stopping, pausing and drinking all sip and smiled. In my mind I saw some ite book and how it changed cafe. Standing squat and square with other things seemed to stem from that ancient monk of another time and place. you four walls, penned in by victorian moment. Groups gathered to play chess. With one skilled, steady hand he painted brick from above and below, it became Long lost friends held one another’s a fay, fine tree in full blossom on faded [email protected] my bunker. A glass veranda served to gaze across tables, the gulf between parchment: It had but a few branches. maintain a link between worlds. Cars them peppered with the fragrant steam The monk stopped, placed his brush on would dance to and fro as their hums of hot drinks. Men and women donned the ground. and roars blended with the clamour their finest clothes; jumpers of wool, He turned to his steaming tea and of cups and plates glancing dark wood scarves of silk, well-made shoe-soles drank. FRIDAY 21 FEB 27

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Best films of 2013 Could you love her? Best films of 2013 Peter Brook Fred Fyles Treasured Writer Treasured Writer Janan Sathiendran 5. Nebraska Writer 10. The Great Beauty

4. Kings of Summer 9. Fill the Void

3. Gravity 8. Dans La Maison Her 2. Django, Unchained 7. Leviathan Director: Spike Jonze 1. The Act Of Killing Writer: Spike Jonze 6. Nebraska Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Rooney Mara, Amy Adams, Olivia Wilde 5. Only God Forgives Runtime: 126 minutes Certification: 15 4. The Act of Killing

3. Blancanieves

2. Frances Ha

There’s a reason that films nowadays 1. Blue is the Warmest Colour are rarely about love, and why love is usually just a side-plot in a story that tackles broader problems. It’s because love stories are so easy to get wrong - it’s too easy to drop in a bad clichéd line in the dialogue, and too easy to re- solve a plot strand in an obvious way. Sometimes we’ll enjoy seeing what we expected to see, because sometimes it’s just pleasing that way. But most of the time, we’re left wondering why all the dramatic tension was built up in Director Joshua Oppenheimer shows the first place. us that documentary making isn’t just [Spoilers follow] about fly on the wall people watching With that in mind, Her is brilliant. and talking heads. He throws himself, It’s funny, sad, and with an eyebrow- reason being that Samantha isn’t feel- what genuine expression of emotion and us, right into the fray with the raising premise, it really makes you ing emotion - she’s simulating the really is. But you might find yourself most unlikeable, disgusting and think. Directed by Spike Jonze (Be- feeling of emotion. But then, can’t it thinking about it differently. villainous humans imaginable and yet ing John Malkovich), the film tells the be argued that we do exactly the same The film features a relatively small, he finds humanity in them. story of Theodore (Joaquin Phoenix), thing? The brain is nothing more than but wonderful cast, with no subpar The film is the story of the a lonely man who falls in love with an parts - lobes - communicating via performances. Joaquin Phoenix plays Indonesian Genocide told from operating system...who returns his nervous signals the same way elec- Theodore brilliantly, allowing us to the point of some of the men who affection and falls in love with him tronic components do through wires truly empathise with his character, perpetrated it and who have gone too. Though not explicitly stated, it’s - right? So human emotion is nothing while Amy Adams plays his longtime When I was writing this list, I found legally unpunished. apparent the film is set in a not-so- more than a simulation resulting from friend, and Rooney Mara plays his it difficult to cast my mind back to They are then asked to reenact the distant future, given that it features the brain’s electrical activity, isn’t it? estranged wife. And then there’s Sa- 2013. With the past month seeing murders they perpetrated in the style a society who have created, and be- But I digress. The bond Theodore mantha, who was initially voiced by the release of films such as 12 Years of their favourite Hollywood movies. come very dependent on, technol- forms with Samantha is so strong and Samantha Morton during filming, but a Slave, Inside Llewyn Davis, and The When they start looking at the tapes ogy more advanced than what we real, we’re forced to repeatedly remind then recast to Scarlett Johansson in Wolf of Wall Street, 2014 has gone off they reflect for the first time on what currently interact with. This OS that ourselves that, however genuine her post-production. The recast resulted with a bang that can make last year’s they have done. It seems to be the first Theodore becomes enamoured with emotions are, Samantha is still just in some alterations to the script and output seem slight in comparison. time these men start to understand can be more accurately described as software, and this is what sustains the new scenes had to be shot, but in However, I haven’t yet seen a film what they have done and shows that a new artificial intelligence system, sad, troubling undertone that exists my opinion, it was the best decision that can match the emotional though they have gone unpunished ‘Samantha’, played by Scarlett Johans- throughout the film. A film that makes Jonze made. Johansson is brilliant in intensity of Abdellatif Kechiche’s by courts the toll it has taken on their son. Samantha doesn’t have a face, or a you fall for a character without a face her role, showing off an ability to por- Blue is the Warmest Colour, a three- psyche is massive. body (which she frequently complains or a body, in a world that’s otherwise tray a variety of emotions varying in hour long romantic epic, detailing all These man are not portrayed with about), so we and Theodore never see exactly like ours. A film that makes strength, through simple nuances in the minutiae of first love. It earned sympathy, but I think it’s a movie that her; we only hear her sweet, sultry you question the nature of relation- her voice. Plus. her voice has a great its share of acclaim and controversy, starts to ask question about what voice. ships and what it means to be human. natural, sweet, flirty quality that al- with the lengthy sex scenes coming motivates people and how normal Spike Jonze, in his solo screenwrit- In this way, Her is also a subtle anal- lows the audience to really admire her under fire by some critics, but at people can end up committing the ing debut, has created a love story ysis of the human condition. For ex- as a genuine personality, and thus for- the heart of the film we have two worst kind of crimes. When we filed so beautiful that at times we forget ample, [SPOILERS] Theodore writes give Theodore for falling in love with absolutely mind-numbingly fantastic out the Panton Street Odeon everyone that Samantha isn’t a physical per- personal love letters for a living. He’s a computer. performances from Lea Seydoux and was in silence, it was haunting. I felt son. Since the premise allows for her an employee at a company who pro- Given the bizarre premise, this film newcomer Adele Exarchopoulos, torn between such anger and such to develop emotions and desires just vide a service to people who struggle could’ve easily turned out bad, so it’s who manage to express all the pain sadness and the film sat with me for like any ordinary human, Samantha to express and communicate their really a statement to Jonze’s ingenuity and joy that love can bring. Kechiche weeks. I still find myself churning is essentially a whole consciousness feelings. The film’s opening shot is of that Her is now in the running for Best crafts the film with an intimate and over what it contained and what it trapped in a machine. She’s lines of Theodore speaking in a sweet, roman- Picture and Best Original Screenplay naturalistic feel that belies its lengthy means. Apologies for not knowing code struggling to accept that they’re tic way; it’s touching, until we realise at this year’s Academy Awards. It’s running time; Blue is the Warmest who this quote is paraphrased from lines of code. This ability of artificial he’s reading one of his letters. It’s a funny when it needs to be, it’s sweet Colour is a landmark film, and but basically “It’s a horrifying film, intelligence is usually described as darkly funny scene, but it’s also quite and sad, and it’s deeper than I’d ever completely deserves its spot at the but you don’t get to not see it,” ‘simulation of human emotion’ - the unsettling, and it made me question expected. top of my list. 28 FRIDAY 21 FEB

Editor: John Park FILM [email protected]

Best films of 2013 Getting hot in here Best films of 2013 John Park Katy Bettany Amy-lover Leo-lover

10. Blue Jasmine 10. The Heat

9. Nebraska 9. The Great Gatsby

8. Philomena 8. Zero Dark Thirty

7. Zero Dark Thirty 7. Catching Fire

6. Django Unchained 6. Despicable Me 2

5. Lincoln 5. Les Misérables

4. Gravity 4. Cloud Atlas

3. Before Midnight 3. Gravity

2. Cloud Atlas 2. American Hustle

1. American Hustle 1. Django Unchained

Irishman (Thor is a huge step-up from dancing. Which is a bit disappoint- Jack Steadman The IT Crowd whichever way you look ing, really. It’d have been quite nice to Treasured Writer at it) combined with (what can only be see something that wasn’t just another read as) a need to avoid type-casting bloody Step Up film. Which are great leaves him playing an utter asshole, if you like dancing, but terrible if you in sharp contrast to his previous self- like pretty much anything else that a absorbed but harmless selves, and it film needs to be even bearable. Like Cuban Fury means some of Cuban Fury’s humour acting. Or a story (unless you count has an oddly nasty streak in his digs ‘DANCING’ as a story in which case Director: James Griffiths at Frost’s adorable Bruce. Some of his you are either a) an idiot b) overly ob- Writer: Jon Brown quips are mildly amusing, but they’re sessed with dancing c) someone who Starring: Nick Frost, Chris O’Dowd, mostly just mean and (while it’s obvi- doesn’t know what ‘story’ actually Rashida Jones, Ian McShane ously intended to make us dislike him) means or d) just trying to wind me Runtime: 98 minutes can’t help but briefly alter the over- up, in which case: fair play to you. Just Certification: 15 riding sense of positivity into some- don’t do it again, because you’re only thing… less positive. Jones, mean- making yourself look silly)). while, gets handed her mostly straight “A bit disappointing, really” essen- Getting an Academy Award role from Parks, where she plays off tially sums up Cuban Fury. The sup- nomination in each acting category against the ever-amazing Amy Po- porting cast are almost wasted – Ol- (Best Leading Actor, Best Leading ehler, except she… doesn’t really get ivia Coleman appears, disappears, Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Nick Frost finally gets his first lead anyone to play off. She feels kind of then pops up again later without re- Supporting Actress) is an honour role in a film. That’s pretty much the wasted, to be honest. Just a pretty love ally getting a chance to make an im- I don’t usually enjoy westerns but that does not come around very main point of Cuban Fury, and easily interest who can dance. pression, Rory Kinnear is just kind of Django Unchained was simply often, but David O. Russell has reeled the strongest reason to either see it or Which does bring us rather neatly on there sometimes, and while Kayvan awesome. Director Quentin in such award-worthy performances, hear of it. Hence why I said it first. No to Cuban Fury’s strongest element be- Novak is a great new discovery when Tarantino (Pulp Fiction, Reservoir a year after he managed the same point in wasting words, really. Which sides the existence of Frost (who also you realise his character mostly con- Dogs, Kill Bill, Inglourious Basterds) with Silver Linings Playbook. I’m totally not. Honest. Maybe a little feels wasted, for the record – he came sists of openly embracing a stereotype has truly outdone himself getting Based on the 1970s ABSCAM sting bit. Over-extended joke aside, seeing up with the idea in a drunken email the jokes start to fall somewhat flat. someone like me to enjoy such a film. operation that took down several Frost finally take stage is definitely the to a producer, and on paper it’s great, Which, again, sort of sums up Cuban I usually go for the girly, often vom- corrupt members of the Congress best thing about Cuban Fury. It’s got but without Simon Pegg or the usual Fury. It’s a film that means so well, and inducing films, as evidenced by some who were accepting bribes, American a strong central trio, all with back- absurdly high quantities of genius has such a great cast, that it can’t help of the more embarrassing entries on Hustle is a riotously funny, brilliantly grounds in some of the best comedies that go into their scripts to work with but make you smile, meaning it man- my list (Les Mis, The Great Gatsby, paced, and a sassy, smart heist film from either side of the Atlantic (IT he feels a little undercut by the weak ages the dubious feat of somehow be- The Heat etc) and yet Django is the with a killer sound track that gets Crowd for Chris O’Dowd, Parks and script he’s given here) – the dancing. ing funny without being funny. It feels one that stays with me after all this everything right. Recreation – quite possibly the great- It’s great. Smartly shot to disguise the very much like a missed opportunity, time (this was released way back in It’s sold as a comedy, and really that’s est show about government not to fea- use of body doubles at various points but one that’s still probably worth a January 2013). the main appeal, but behind every ture Malcolm Tucker (which is a stu- (although there are moments where watch if you’re looking for a harm- It’s a 165-minute long epic of a freed character there is something deeper pidly long way of saying ‘best political it’s quite clearly not the various actors less, smile-inducing rom-com. It’s far slave on a mission to rescue his wife. and more profound to say, which is satire outside of The Thick of It’) – for involved), it’s the source of all the best politer than That Awkward Moment, Packed with excellent performances where the talented cast comes in to Rashida Jones, and the Cornetto Tril- moments in the film – the roof-top and it’s far from being as terrible as the (from Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz shine. Even Jeremy Renner, who isn’t ogy for Frost). dance-off between Frost and O’Dowd majority of rom-coms (a genre with and of course, my fav Leonardo getting any individual recognition Unfortunately, none of the three re- is the film’s highlight, by far, and the more than its fair share of utter trash), DiCaprio), wonderfully written for his performance, is a triumph, ally feel like they’re being played to final competition scenes are a visual but it’s no (500) Days of Summer or wordy script, and an unforgettable along with all of his award-winning their respective strengths. O’Dowd’s treat – but for a film built around Don Jon. Which is a shame, really. It action sequence to wrap it all up, this co-stars. new position as Hollywood’s favourite the concept there’s surprisingly little could have been so much more. was an easy decision. Want to write for ? YES NO

How about How about copy writing News? editing etc?

NAH, YES SOUNDS NO WHAT IS THAT? SHIT

WOOP!Email: YES How about writing Fair enough. Keep It’s basically where [email protected] Hangman? on reading then you proof read to check for peoplse mistaeks NO HMMM. I KNOW SOUNDS FUN WHICH ONE NO Okay. What section?

WHAT DO YOU HAVE? Great! Email: Well. There’s: Features, [email protected] Business, Science,Politics, Food, ONE OF THEM Comment, Fashion, Arts, Books, Music, Television, Film, Games, NO Technology, Coffee Break, Hangman (again), Travel, Sports, Puzzles

NONE OF THEM...

FINE. I WILL NO Make a new one?

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Editor: John Park FILM [email protected] Best film of all time? 2014 BAFTA Winners deceiving myself? Did the critic James Peter Brook Agate get it right in 1941 when he said: Treasured Writer “I thought the photography quite good, but nothing to write to Moscow about, the acting middling, and the Citizen Kane follows the story of a whole thing a little dull.” journalist trying to piece together the Are we watching this movie for the life of Charles Foster Kane and try to same reasons that people feel com- figure out what his final word, “Rose- pelled to queue for a few hours to see bud”, meant. It has been critically ac- Mona Lisa in the Louvre? Just because claimed and has often been labelled we’ve been told it’s the best. They are the best film of all time by many. both highlights in their art form, but If one has never seen the film before; do people enjoy them or just want to it is difficult to view it without think- be able to say “Been there, done that”? ing “Am I enjoying this enough con- I think it is problematic to try and sidering it’s the best film of all time?!” hold one film up as “The Best”, as it Moments when the film lulls a little does a disservice to many other films Outstanding Film: 12 Years a Slave you begin to wonder whether you are that might be enjoyed as much or just not getting it. These things are have just as much merit in their era. hard not to think about. On top of this It also acts as a distraction from the there are so many tropes and lines of enjoyment of the film, though it is dialogue that have been parodied and always difficult to recommend films pastiche’d in modern cinema it can be without leading the person viewing difficult to concentrate. Whether the to think about them in a certain way. musical number that has been paro- Sometimes the best films are the ones died by The Simpsons or the famous which you knew nothing about before ending which pops up just about starting. My first memory of The Shin- damn everywhere. ing was channel-hopping and seeing a I have to say despite these reserva- movie starting and thinking “that’ll tions I did very much enjoy the film, do”. Only to totally blown away by it. but probably laughed a few more Maybe there just needs to be more times than Welles intended due to a ways to access good film blindly. weird anachronistic call-back humour It would be great if Netflix were to from the parodies. introduce a random classic movie but- Though worry if I didn’t enjoy would ton, it might help me finally help me I ever say? Could it all be a giant case get over this problem. (Can I patent Outstanding British Film: Grav- Best Actor: Chiwetel Ejiofor (12 Best Actress: Cate Blanchett of the Emperor’s new clothing? Am I that…?) ity Years a Slave) (Blue Jasmine)

Best Director: Alfonso Cuarón Best Supporting Actor: Barkhad Best Supporting Actress: Jennif- (Gravity) Abdi (Captain Phillips) er Lawrence (American Hustle)

Best Documentary: The Act of Killing Best Animated Film: Frozen Best Sound: Gravity Best Make Up/Hair: American Hustle Best Original Music: Gravity Best Costume Design: The Great Gatsby Best Production Design: The Great Gatsby Best Editing: Rush Best Cinematography: Gravity Best Original Screenplay: American Hustle Best Adapted Screenplay: Philomena EE Rising Star Award: Will Poulter Best Special Effects: Gravity Best Foreign Language Film: The Great Beauty Academy Fellowship: Helen Mirren Best British Short Film: Room 8 Best British Short Animated Film: Sleeping with the Fishes Best Debut by a British Writer, Director or Producer: Kieran Evans FRIDAY 21 FEB 31

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ever, the “Special One with face of yel- low” who is destined to save the world. Now we meet a construction worker Two of my favourite things in the called Emmet (Chris Pratt) who, like Ellen Mathieson entire world are Lego and films. It is everyone else, spends his entire life Writer probably for this reason that the idea following the instructions written by of a Lego movie had me worried. President Business. His life suddenly Learning that Phil Lord and Chris- changes when he accidently runs into topher Miller - the creative geni- the beautiful Wyldstyle (she’s got a The Lego Movie uses behind Cloudy with a Chance of boyfriend though, and it’s super seri- Meatballs and 21 Jump Street - were ous) and discovers a mysterious brick Director: Phil Lord, Christopher making it, went some way to reassure known as the Piece of Resistance. Miller me, but going into the cinema I still With this in hand, Emmet must team Writer: Dan Hageman, Kevin had no idea what to expect. And what up with an eclectic group of Master Hageman, Phil Lord, Christopher I got was so much better than any- Builders including Princess Unikitty, Miller thing I could have hoped for. Metalbeard, Benny the astronaut and Starring: (voices) Will Arnett, The film opens in a Lego volcano Batman to save the day. But to do this The Hobbit: The Desolation of Elizabeth Banks, Will Ferrell, filled with Lego lava and Lego rocks they will have to infiltrate President Smaug Will Forte, Dave Franco, Morgan (sensing a theme here?) where Presi- Business’ tower, a building with every Freeman, Jonah Hill, Liam Neeson, dent Business (Will Ferrell) is stealing kind of protection imaginable. Sharks. It’s the end of an era! We’ve come to Chris Pratt, Cobie Summers, the Kragle from Vitruvius (Morgan Lasers. Sharks with lasers. Will our the finish of our spring term line-up Channing Tatum Freeman). With this strange object, team of heroes be able to stop the but before you sob into your library Runtime: 100 minutes President Business has the ability to villain in time? I guess you’ll have to café coffees remember that the spring Certification: U destroy the universe. But it’s okay, be- watch to find out. all-nighter is coming! With all things cause there is a totally-true-because- Not only is the story both enter- Oscar as our theme and a remarkably it-rhymes prophesy about the exist- taining and engaging, the animation strong caliber of films to choose from, ence of the most important person style is utterly gorgeous. Everything is trust me this is not something you made out of Lego. And I mean every- want to be missing… thing. The buildings, the cars, the wa- The Hobbit: The Desolation of ter, the food and of course the people. Smaug should need no introduction The directors also manage to bring but in case you’ve been living under together a broad range of characters a rock since before the age of middle from a ridiculous number of fran- earth, I’m going to be giving you one chises and weave them into a cohesive anyway: whole. How many other films will get Bilbo Baggins is on a mad mission to watch that include conversations to help the company of dwarves between Gandalf and Dumbledore, reclaim the Lonely Mountain and its or C3P0 and Batman? Somehow these bountiful treasures from Smaug-an bit parts manage to never feel forced ancient and evil dragon. This results or unnecessary, injecting humour into in them spending a lot of their time the script without bogging it down being chased by a variety of orcs with too many people. For those of who are not particularly fond of their you who collect the Lego minifigures, plans. Meanwhile, leading on from be on the lookout for your favourites the previous film, Bilbo has managed as many of them have cameos if not to acquire the mystical ring that is the speaking roles. source of all the problems to come Overall, I cannot begin to express and he begins to feel its corrupting how much I loved this film. It was silly influence. and colourful and touching all at the same time. Even if cartoon films aren’t The Hobbit: The Desolation of usually the sort of thing you go for be- Smaug: 25th February (Tuesday) and cause you are much too grown up for 27th February (Thursday) at 19:00 ‘kids’ films’, I implore you try this one. It isn’t a kids film. It’s a film for every- Become a member for cheaper one, and everyone should see it. Why? tickets for the rest of the year: www. To quote the theme song: “everything imperialcinema.co.uk is awesome!” 32 FRIDAY 21 FEB

Editors: John Park, Emily Fulham TELEVISION [email protected] Benefits Britain and the ethics of TV-making Grace Rahman asks whether a live debate was necessary s a self-confessed fan everyone else and their uncle had reminding us that a debate was questioned the usual lack of female benefit fraud and stealing from an of Benefits Street, I stopped talking about it. Presumably on the horizon. It began, quite panellists. On an initial glance, the employer. According to White Dee was confused at the this was because the possibility of a uncomfortably, straight off the back of left was better represented, with the 10% of the street were employed, but break in the series two second series has been quashed by the the last instalment of the docu-soap. Tories having to resort to their secret perhaps their sound bites weren’t weeks back, which was fact that the show’s biggest characters Richard Bacon looked excited; he weapon, a rare state-educated MP: as shocking, or their storylines less followedA by an announcement that now get “between 50 and 100 knocks had a post-watershed hour and a ex-fireman Mike Penning. The show easy to edit into five episodes. These Channel 4 was capitalising further on on the door a day” and the guy trying studio audience rife with opinion. really fell down with Bacon though, residents certainly weren’t in the the few weeks of column inches the to sell cups of detergent for 50p door to He wasn’t a Blue Peter presenter who took 45 minutes to warm up debate’s audience. show had earned them by staging a door only gets asked for photographs anymore, he was Matthew Wright, to the idea of controlling such a I’m not going to offer my vague, debate on benefits. nowadays. Jeremy Kyle and Paxman combined. passionate panel. There was heckling oft-repeated opinions on the social It promised to feature the not very The show was preceded by a half He pre-emptively warned us of fruity from the back, incoherent rants security system in the UK, but I am guilty looking programme makers, an hour long Benefits Street: The Last language and rowdy debate. There from the self-made CEOs of The Big writing this show off a limp finale to journalists with middle class axes Word, a lazy but vaguely interesting were cross-armed, unimpressed Issue and Pimlico Plumbers (whose a divisive but thoroughly watchable to grind and politicians with pre- refresher showing some of the looking James Turner Street residents mullet was more distracting than the series. The debate should have at prepared sound bites of their own. It characters’ best bits as well as a chance in one corner, who seemed happy to F-bomb he dropped) and a lot of it least attempted to address the ethics was being recorded a whole month to see their new post-fame haircuts. be represented by White Dee (who made for quite uncomfortable viewing behind production or been handled after Newsnight had quizzed a doe- Throughout this week, awkward went as just Dee this evening, as the (in true middle class fashion I often better by Bacon. A quote from eyed producer, LBC had got resident adverts featuring James Turner other one hadn’t made an appearance) had to mute the TV and rely on Zoe Charlie Brooker’s ‘Weekly Wipe’ ‘White Dee’ to participate in a call-in Street residents invited us to share sitting across the room from the very Williams’ live blogging of the event for was featured in the media reaction with an unprepared Nick Clegg, and our thoughts using #BenefitsBritain, journalists who had condemned them. The Guardian). segment (I’m sure to his amusement), At this point, the show had promise. But, unsurprisingly, the debate didn’t and was probably the most sensible Things began tempestuously with focus on the most interesting point, thing said on the matter. Although journalist Allison Pearson (under and the one that anyone had any real the producers argue that they were pressure from a hysterical Bacon) chance of getting to the heart of in an portraying members of a community, being forced to repeat the ridiculous hour: whether or not the production often helping each other, they still implication of her article: that Dee company had acted responsibly in its chose to call it the provocative title of just seemed too cheerful onscreen to treatment and portrayal of residents Benefits Street, with the connotations have depression. This coupled with of James Turner Street, and how aware that conjured even prior to watching. a mention of her horrendous ‘Mick they were of the furore the program As the show winds down, Bacon asks Philpott, a good reason to cut benefits’ would create. Understandably, to what I too have been pondering: has piece for The Daily Telegraph seemed make a representative series they had any good come of this? One woman all too much, and wily tweeters noticed to shoot for 18 months or so, but as sensibly claims that it’s unveiled levels that 45 minutes in she had disappeared Benefits Street’s detractors and some of poverty in this country which some from the front row. Maybe she had appearing on the debate pointed out, a viewers may have been unaware of, somewhere to be. You get the sense lot of positive footage seemed to have but then a second starts arguing that Katy Hopkins wouldn’t have been been left out. None of the recurring against democracy. Yikes. 8 out of 10 so shy and (literally) retiring. faces were in work, and between Cats can’t come quickly enough. To Pearson’s credit, she had them had admitted to armed robbery, channel 4 Star Cops: A sci-fi golden oldie

(ISPF). Star Cops follows the inaugural Cops is special in being one of the few Maciej Matuszewski commander of this organisation, television shows out there to even flirt Contributor Nathan Spring, and his staff as they with the idea of hard science fiction – deal with the problems of building trying to keep the science as plausible irst let me say – no, it’s not as the ISPF from an underfunded semi- as possible and carefully considering bad as its name suggests. In professional group into a credible the potential consequences of fact it’s nothing like its name police force. technological advancement. suggest. The show itself jokes The real strength of the show is its The show’s characters are also very about how bad a name it is writing. Series creator Chris Boucher well realised. No one is presented in Fin its very first episode. Star Cops is had a great deal of experience of terms of absolutes – everyone has a not some cheap police action-drama working on both science fiction rich and complex personality and most carelessly transplanted into a space and crime dramas, including the have rigorously developed back-stories setting. Instead, it is a very intelligent, popular Blake’s 7 and Bergerac, and – in short, they seem like real people. brilliantly written piece of television, both his experience and innate skill This is greatly helped by the well- and one of the most unique examples show through in every episode. The written, intelligent dialogue and some bbc of the SF genre that has ever graced show’s plots are all interesting and very good performances, particularly 1980s and, while the special effects do shows tend not to bother with this, our screens. well-thought out, cleverly exploring from David Calder, portraying Nathan look somewhat dated, they retain much preferring instead the cheap cop out The action takes place in the near both the new forms that crime might Spring. Spring in particular is a very of their effectiveness. It is immediately of ‘artificial gravity’. future of 2027, when space travel take in outer space as well as the interesting character – intelligent yet visible that a lot of time and effort was Star Cops was an excellent show and has become almost commonplace international tensions that might arise often brusque and socially awkward – put in the creative team to make the far ahead of its time. Always enjoyable, and humanity has constructed from different nations competing in a temperament explained by his tragic show look as good as possible. The and often powerful, viewing – it was a several orbital space stations, as space. The political intrigue is one back-story. Much of the show focuses model work is both imaginative and crime that it was cancelled after only well permanent bases on the Moon of the highlights of the show – with on his often turbulent relationship realistic and special mention must be nine episodes. While DVDs of the and Mars. However, the spread of Spring having to play diplomat as with his staff, not helped by their given to the ambitious weightlessness show are rather difficult to find, many humanity through the solar system much as detective and pretty much many personal and professional special effects – achieved through episodes are available to view online has brought with it the spread of every superpower being shown as shortcomings, and with him trying to wire work and trick camera angles. and the full box set is available from crime, necessitating the formation of being brutally ruthless in what it is get over his past. This is especially impressive given the Union’s Sci-Fi library. I strongly the International Space Police Force prepared to do to achieve its goals. Star The show was produced in the late that even most modern science fiction recommend that you check it out. FRIDAY 21 FEB 33 Editor: Maximilian Eggl, Yong Wen Chua, Osama Awara technology.felix@imperial. TECHNOLOGY ac.uk Future of Social Media Keeping us glued to our screens, and how to monetize it

Osama Awara Technology Editor The future of social “media will certainly hen you hear the term social in part, be shaped by media, what comes to mind? advertising as many Facebook? Twitter?W Or perhaps even that platforms such as embarrassing video you were tagged in by your friends last night. Of the Facebook will adapt modern age of technology, social in the best way to media has perhaps had the most avatars and fantasy names, to the less but who’s to say that even now we websites include procrastination, with profound effect on our lives, reaching private Facebook and Twitter where are at our peak in terms of keeping in many people now finding themselves deliver adverts to out with its addictive grip to almost people you may have met but barely touch with each other? Social media spending hours in front of their everyone with a smart device. Social spoken to, can know more of your life still has a long road ahead, with its screens, busying themselves with their its users without media sure has come a long way, from than you think. People used to believe future promising, but there is still virtual social life, carefully choosing the forums and chat rooms of the 90’s that with the invention of the mobile a mostly unseen dark side of it that the pictures to upload to their profile, affecting their where people used to retreat to from phone, human communication was has been seen creeping into society, or working their brain hard to come their daily lives, hiding under their at its finest, how wrong they were, from privacy breaches to cyber- up with a witty post. The more sinister experience. bullying. We can expect to see a lot aspects of social media include cyber more changes in social media, from bullying. So many times now we are new platforms to more regulations hearing stories on the news of young The News Bubble on internet communication or maybe kids being driven to suicide due to even cross platform communication. the uncontrollable nature of cyber- Advertising is a big part of social bullying. Many vulnerable young General news from around the tech world, so you can keep up media, with most platforms making children, who make profiles on social ” to date with the newest, weirdest and most futuristic things their profits from it. Big brands and platforms, copying their friends and around companies have had to adapt to a class mates, are unaware of what new ‘phenomena’ of advertising, no may befall them. Those who already Twitch plays Pokémon longer being able to solely rely on receive bullying at school, come back the old fashioned ‘in your face’ TV home to face a new front of abuse and If you have been on the Internet anytime in the last week, you will have advertising. Companies have to be can no longer even seek refuge in their been bombarded by strange headlines and blogs including the words, tactful, they need to play the game own homes. We can expect to see a twitch, Pokémon and Helix among many others. Well what all these things right and come up with unexpected, lot more regulation when it comes to are raving about is: Twitch plays Pokémon. Twitch is a site that allows for imaginative ways to get the user’s social media. live streaming, most notably for Dota 2 or League of Legends competitions. attention, or face having their ads Take Facebook for example, there is However some ingenious individual, who remains anonymous, has swatted away into the abyss of news already an option to report someone created a great social experiment by allowing the watchers of the channel feeds and selfies. One example of who has been posting inappropriate to control the character in the Pokémon game. They do this by typing the such innovation is that of Frijj’s, a content or abuse towards someone, button into the chat, which is then relayed to the game. milkshake brand, where they created a but this may not be enough to tackle game for one if its products, requiring what seems to be an epidemic. Many At the time of writing Red, the protagonist of the game, was stuck at route players to watch funny YouTube anonymous apps such as ‘secret’ 12. Furthermore he has released several Pokémon including his starter, videos without laughing. Using facial are starting to make it big; this time Charmeleon. Oh and also, somehow this experiment has spawned the cult recognition technology, the game providing users with anonymity. of the Helix, which seems to worship the Helix Fossil…. was able to recognise when the player Social networks such as ‘secret’ may laughed and give them a record of how seem innocent at first allowing a All in all, after 6 days of playing the community has not really achieved long they lasted and allow them to teenager to confess their heartaches to much, getting 4 badges, catching 12 Pokémon and generally just walking share their times and challenge friends the world, but this may be turned into around in circles. on Twitter or Facebook. This kind of a tool to slander or abuse someone outlandish advertising paid off for under a cover. What this playthrough has shown is that humanity does not really work Frijj, attracting around 140,000 people An interesting proposal for the well as a whole. Trolls and idiots alike seem to congregate and try to ruin in the first few weeks, illustrating the future of social media could be the game for others. On a more subtle note, does this show that democracy power of advertising through a social cross platform communication. Say is a system that is fundamentally flawed, and as a result anarchy must rule? medium. The future of social media someone has accounts on multiple Tune in next week for more interesting philosophical questions! will certainly in part be shaped by mediums from Twitter and MySpace between social networks. This would advertising, as many platforms such to Google+ and YouTube, but tends to provide for a truly innovative way to as Facebook will adapt in the best way only use one of them a lot more than reach out to other people and internet Maximilian Eggl to deliver adverts to its users without others or wants to communicate with communities you otherwise would Yong Wen Chua affecting their experience. someone else on a different platform not be able to. It would however, alter Osama Awara Of course nothing in this world is but does not want to create a new the risk landscape, and if one platform Technology Editors perfect and a thing such as social media account for it. A new frontier for the is hacked or maliciously attacked, the can never be flawless, despite having development of social media could be consequences of this could potentially the potential to do so much good. On the implementation of an effective and ripple to other platforms and have the surface, the downfalls of social secure standard for communication devastating effects. 34 FRIDAY 21 FEB

Editor: Maximilian Eggl, Calum Skene, GAMES Imran Rashid [email protected]

DayZ Stories Gaming in the Future What are things that may affect future gamers? Maximilian Eggl Games Editor Mobiles Maximilian Eggl Games Editor The DayZ standalone has been No, this is not about mobile gaming. released, and given the amazing That is a topic that deserves gaming stories that occur in that game, I Gaming is something I hold very article all for its own. Here we are decided to make a kind of series dearly. I will defend my love with going to look at the implications out it! So here it goes: tooth and nail. Furthermore I like the of what it means for hard-core status quo. I like the way I buy, play gaming if you have the addition of and interact with games, and in fact a second screen. The case study I Episode 2.2: I could say that I am actually missing will present the case of Battlefield the past a bit. However I can see 4 (Yes, that game again as well). Anna’s Friend that gaming is changing, and maybe The addition of a tablet in the game not always for the best. So here I list process as a general type character the 4 main things that will influence is very interesting and adds an After having met that strange man gaming in the foreseeable future: entire dimension to the gameplay. I decided to stay low for next few However very few other games hours. However before I could even have implemented such a feature. say “stay low” I heard yet another DLC Why not? It is quite enjoyable to voice shouting something. be able to just play with your mates There are the good type of DLCs and without having to actually to always In-game purchases Virtual Reality “Hey man, I’m heading over to the bad type of DLCs. I shall focus on interact directly. This method cherno. I don’t have any food or the bad type: the one that forces you of introducing different ways of anything can you help me out?” a to pay if you want to have a complete playing the same game not only very Scottish accent said. game. The picture below says it extends the lifetime of the game This is the one item on this list that This has been the dream of every gamer all. Back in the day, when I bought itself as well as encouraging new makes me feel quite a bit trepidation since birth. How epic would it be to From my obviously useless cover I my first Rome total war (yes again players to try it out. Furthermore about what the future of gaming actually run through a game, see what eyed this guy up. He sounded sane with that game), I remember that as mobile computing becomes may become. I hate hate hate in your character sees through their eyes, enough, and didn’t look that crazy the expansion packs actually added more and more powerful, it seems game purchases. They just seem a and just be so immersed in your game either. Maybe my I had finally found entirely new content. No with the that the logical conclusion will be cheap gimmick for me where the that you could swear it was reality. a friend! Wearily I stepped out. second Rome, the DLC just unlock major games will migrate to solely game creator is trying to rip us off, The imminent release of the Oculus factions that are already available occupy this medium. However is especially if I paid a significant amount Rift has turned those dreams into “Sure I have some food, what do you in the game. This trend of needing it really? The way we interact with of money for said game. I mean, I something of a hope that viable virtual have to offer me for it?” to monetize a game by forcing users games e.g. with keyboard/mouse understand the concept: some people reality will happen in our generation. to pay at several different instances, or controller. Even though you are have time but no money and some This Kickstarter funded device, which “Well, I can always offer you your just to extend the lifetime of a game, distinct from the game, the level people have money and time. Both is pretty much a ‘mask’ over your face, life.” is infuriating. I mean, I am not going of immersion is still limited. Is are currencies that can be traded for which projects two slightly different to buy a car and then need to pay this possible if you are going to be in items. However when the items you images for each eye. This creates the He said it so incredibly calmly and an extra £100 to be able to use the touching the screen all the time? need to progress are only available illusion that you are actually viewing the eerily that it sent chills down my radio. This type of business model is Every time you bring that finger through monetary means this is when world from the perspective of the game. spine. Before he could react, I ran found nowhere else in the world, and between yourself and the game, you I get annoyed. Sadly this method of So the visual aspect is now sorted. What at him and hit him in the head with justifiably so. However with the profit are reminded that you aren’t in the making money seems to be working, is with movement and touch? Well my axe. He immediately dropped. margins of Game makers shrinking game. For now, and the foreseeable and won’t disappear. I really just hope Kickstarter comes to the rescue again! I whacked him in the head again, and shrinking, they will persist with future I think that laptops/desktops that game makers still keep in mind The Virtuix Omni, which is pretty much just to make sure he was really this model. So expect more and more and consoles will dominate who really plays their games, cues to a glorified treadmill. However it is also dead. I had now killed someone. I DLC heavy/episodic type games. the hard-core gaming market. get copies and raves to others about it. so much more than that. It records your turned and left, not even looting the movement, so when you step in reality, mangled corpse that lay bleeding your in-game character will copy that. behind me. However on second These two things combined seem to I decided I would hide and see if signal the advent of virtual reality. More anything interesting happened. I than anything, this is what gamers found myself a better bush than are demanding from the future. Also, last time, and waited it out. Twenty then exercising will be made so much minutes later, another man ran interesting and exciting. I mean taking a towards the body. He looked at the run around Skyrim, exploring the caves corpse, then turned to the sky. and mountains of this fantasy world beat London, surrounded by cars and grey “I will find you, you bitch!!!”, he rain, every single day of the year. The two screamed. big hurdles are, firstly how much will the big gaming companies invest in this Very worried he had seen me I untested and potentially very expensive crouched down low. Soon however technology. Without the support of the it became apparent that he had game studios, no one will ever want any just vented his anger. As I saw him virtual reality gadget if they can’t play looking for me from my hiding spot, anything on it. Secondly, how much will I smiled and thought: Can’t wait till these devices cost the average gamer? you do. If they are priced out of ever owning one, then they will be doomed to fail. FRIDAY 21 FEB 35

Editor: Carol Ann Cheah, Michael Yat Kit Chung [email protected] FOOD Keep Calm And Eat Chips Felix Food tells you all about the crispy potatoes pieces

h chips, glorious chips. you feel like something greasy, go for Homemade healthier chips The humble deepchunky chips; they’re less bad for you! fried potato strips So one evening, we felt a crave have been one of the Are they really potatoes? of burgers and chips, so we made most accessible and some! If you feel like doing something Oconsumed foods across the world. It Well, supposedly, yes. Traditionally simple this weekend and don’t feel also provides a great subject for banter (and still in practice by some like buying pre-made “stuff” off the when stealing your friends’ chips restaurants) chips are fried twice, shelf, here is a quick recipe to cook. becomes the top priority in the pub. once to cook the potatoes and again As we near the end of the National to give it the crisp texture and golden Ingredients (for 1-2): Chip Week, it is perhaps time to take colour. Quite often most of us will - 1 small onion a deeper look into the world of chips. find frying a bit too much of a hassle, - 250g beef mince so that’s where frozen chips come in. - 1 egg Where did it come from? Sold in most supermarkets - 4 potatoes (depends how big your nowadays, it is estimated that 80% of appetite is!) To really understand the history of households in the UK buy frozen chips chips, we need to look into the “mother as a substitute to making them from For the burger, dice the onion and hen” – potatoes. It is believed that scratch. These oven chips are sliced, mix it with the beef and egg. Then potatoes originated in the Andes of dried and par-fried so that they are divide the mixture into two. With South America around 8000 years ago. crisp on the outside but remain raw slightly wet hands, roll the mixtures The Spanish conquistadors brought the on the inside. This means the cooking into balls sized around a tennis ball. vegetable back to Europe in 1536 and process is a lot shorter and more Set in the palm of your hand and it was first grown in London in 1597. convenient for a weeknight meal. gently squeeze down to flatten into The idea of deep frying chips was Most fast food outlets and some pubs patties around 3cm thick. Make sure from France or Belgium. One of the and takeaways have seen this as a way both burgers are the same thickness stories is that it was invented by street to increase efficiency between order so they cook evenly. Pan fry for vendors on the Pont Neuf bridge in and plate and to minimise cost – for around 5 minutes on both sides – Paris in 1789, just before the French example, McDonald’s replaced fresh depends how well done you like it. Michael Yat Kit Chung revolution. The chips became a cut potatoes with frozen fries in 1967; As for chips, chop the potatoes into fundamental part of the American others followed suit not soon after that. chip shape and boil for 3-5 minutes. degrees for about half an hour, or until Also, don’t leave the pan alone with fast food thanks to Thomas Jefferson, Unlike “powdered mashed potatoes”, It doesn’t really matter what potatoes golden brown and crisp. Don’t forget the heat on, and be sure to cool down who served them in the White House there is no evidence so far that there you use, but desiree potatoes are to turn them at least twice to make the pan if the oil starts smoking. during his time in office between 1801 are chips on the market that are made recommended since they have a firmer sure they are crispy all the way round! If it does catch on fire, don’t panic, and 1809, making it trendy at the time. from reformed potato starch, or other and creamier texture – in this case, we don’t take risks and don’t move the In Britain, the first chips were fried ingredients that are totally unrelated, just got a baking potato from the local Safety First! pan. Never throw water or use a fire in around 1860 in Oldham, which is perhaps because it has to stay in the supermarket. Drain them and shake extinguisher on a hot fat fire and, also where the first Fish and Chip shop chip shape and therefore reducing the them out onto a roasting pan, drizzle If you do decide to fry chips this only if it is safe to do so, turn off the opened for business. British chips are incentive for doing so. However, there with oil and season well. We added a weekend, please remember never fill heat. Leave the kitchen, close the door cut much thicker and, since the surface are reports that Burger King started bit of curry powder to spice things up the pan over a third full with oil or fat, behind you, tell everyone else in the to volume ratio is lower, they have a spraying a coat of starch to keep a bit, you can add any herbs and spices and never be tempted to cook with home to get out. Don’t go back inside lower fat content. So next time when the chips hot and crispy for longer. if you wish! Put it in the oven at 200 a chip pan after consuming alcohol. for any reason and call 999. In other news.... Bananas and Food Porn

Cooked for your flatmates this weekend?

Tasted some amazing food? Dr Scott Newey Getty Images

Will it blend was probably one of the the fruit was delivered in one piece. Are you a keen Instagrammer it is poor etiquette to do so and most popular channels on YouTube – Since the correct postage was paid, who takes photos of your dish posting photos online “takes away but will it post? Well someone found Royal Mail did deliver the banana whenever you eat out? Well if you the surprise and a bit of intellectual Tweet or out by posting a banana to his friend. across Scotland. The banana was do that in a posh French restaurant, properties”. Alexandre even added Gavine Morton, a tap dance slightly too big for the letter box so the head chef might storm out a “no camera” logo on his menu. teacher, decided to play the joke luckily someone was at the house of the kitchen shouting angrily. But not all chefs have the same view, Instagram: “just to make people that saw the and no awkward red slip was left. The Gilles Goujon and Alexandre some see this as an opportunity for free banana smile”. He even wrote “Do banana did survive its 81-mile journey, Gauthier, both respected chefs publicity, while others provide food not bend” on the banana to ensure just a little bruised but still edible! with Michelin stars, argue that photography classes with the meal. #FelixFood 36 FRIDAY 21 FEB

Editor: Nida Mahmud CLUBS & SOCS [email protected] Discover Islam Week!

Free dinner? Free cake? Islam? If you found yourself saying yes to one or more of the aforementioned, then carry on reading!

questions you have. Speakers from all nourishment just the way our body Jawaad Farooq around the world will be travelling to does. Yet we spend our lives perfecting Imperial to give exciting talks, which this material body, chasing material will undoubtedly provide a platform possessions, and not recognising the Do you ever wonder why we for a myriad of intellectual discussions. spiritual side to our beings. Perfection are here? Does it make sense The talks will kick off on Tuesday 29th is not just inward, but outward in that everything around us has with ‘The Pursuit of Happiness’ and our actions and deeds. Islam asks us a purposeful order to it and we on Thursday 27th the talk will discuss to dedicate our lives to the service of are the anomalies? Will our lives ‘Is Life Just a Game?’. The week will humanity, which in itself is an act of Iever matter in the grand scheme of conclude on the Friday with an open worship. Islam is a philosophy and things, or are we just material beings, Q&A ‘Discover over Dinner’ session, religion and offers moral, economic, that can feel pleasure because of there will be two renowned guest social and judicial systems for the chemicals in the brain? ‘Who’ is it that speakers and of course, a free dinner betterment of the human condition. actually feels? with a mix of Indian and Arab cuisine! And Muhammad was not just a If these questions resonate with And it gets better – you can share Prophet, but was revolutionary, a you, then it will be worth finding out your opinions and discuss these topics statesman, a negotiator, a military the answers Islam gives. Discover in length with a number of friendly tactician, a spiritual guide, a husband, Islam week will be taking place from volunteers. a father, lover and most importantly the 24th-28th February. This week “And we did not create the heavens a human like you and me. Islam is your chance to find out about the and the earth and that between them is a holistic way of life, not just a fundamental questions pertaining in play.” Quran {44:38} superficial doctrine. to our existence, clear up any Islam is simple. It is a religion Regardless of your perceptions, misconceptions, and indulge in lots of with over 1.6 billion followers (yes a the only way to truly know for sure exotic foods for free. staggering 25% of the population is is to find out. We most humbly invite Throughout the week there will be Muslim) and 5000 Brits convert to you to take part in Discover Islam exhibitions in Sherfield and SAF on Islam every year. We are here for a Week; most assuredly, it will be a Islam and approachable volunteers purpose and life is a journey where life changing opportunity not to be at hand to discuss and clarify any you fulfil that purpose. Our soul needs missed! FRIDAY 21 FEB 37

Puzzles Commanders: Kingshuk Dasadhikari, Oliver Price PUZZLES [email protected]

Sudoku FUCWIT League Crossword Clues Each row, column, and 3 x 3 box must contain all the numbers from 1 to 9. That’s all. Enjoy... nickwp 62 Helix 8 Across Jia Choo 54 Gabriel Quek 7 Harder: Adam Stewart 18.5 Emma and Ben 6 1. Arabian market (6) Yufan Zhao 17 WJ 4 4. Herb meaning “dew of the sea” (8) Juliette Chupin 14.5 Angus Liu 2 10. Brazilian football star (10) 11. Italian chain restaurant (5) Crossword 12. Reward of labor (6) 13. Darth Maul species (6) 14. London bike namesake (5, 7) 18. Disgusting (5) 20. Herzl, for one (7) 22. Manet, for one (7) 24. Plaintain meant to be eaten raw (6) 25. Makes a sweater (5) 27. Tanned (7) 30. Lines up (6) 32. Hydrocarbon made famous by petrol (6) 33. Shucks (4) 34. Japanese rice wine (4) 35. Dig into (5) 36. Cooking on an open fire (8) 37. Use economically (3)

Down

1. Edwin’s nickname (4) 2. Tanzanian archipelago (8) 3. Airport section (8) Killer: 4. Willy Wonka’s creator (5, 4) No clues! Instead, the numbers in each cage must add up to the 5. Phoenician city-state (5) number in the top left. Numbers cannot be repeated in a cage. Tips: 6. High IQ society (5) The numbers in each box, row and column must add up to 45. Look for Nonogram 7. Avian symbol of the French nation cages with only one possible combination e.g. a two wide cage total The lengths of runs of shaded squares in each row and (7) 3 must contain 1 and 2 . each column are given. Squares can only be shaded or 8. Classical economist David (7) unshaded. Solve the puzzle to unveil a pretty picture. 9. Linus’ older sister (4, 3, 4) 15. Arid farmland need (10) 16. Giovanni Caboto, to the English (4, 5) 17. Indian sun temple (6) 18. Lurid (6) 19. Einstein’s pastime (7) 21. Spartan Peloponnesian War hero (8) 26. Female siblings (7) 28. Bacon slice (6) 29. NATO ‘Y’ (6) 31. Matter (5)

Scribble Space:

Last Week’s Solutions Milder Sudoku Guess the Stop (No points given) The British rail network runs far and wide. The name of a line is scrambled in the following anagram, and the name of a stop on that line, with the given number of letters is encoded by the sum of the letters, where A=1, B=2... Z=26, Space/Punctuation=0. Find the line and stop. Note that London Underground lines may also be possible answers. Anagram: Last Week: Anagram: High Speed One Digs nope hehe Stop: Ebbsfleet Stop: 9 letters, Sum: 76 38 FRIDAY 21 FEB

HANGMAN [email protected]

ELECTIONS ACTUALLY You In Line To Be Next Fulham the turnip PRETTY SMALL FOR Manager Hangman’s Finest College News Source 2014 Club Appoints 3rd Manager of The Tony Blair Actually Season Really Nice Guy Loves To Give Friends Caring Advice

ollowing the news this week that Tony Blair sent Magath on the way out? a kind email of advice to Credit: Getty Rebekah Brooks mere six days before she was Farrested, this paper must conclude he appointment this that he’s just a really nice guy. week for Fulhma FCs 3rd manager of the season, Felix Telling his friend that “it will Blair giving out more friendly and com- Magath, has resulted in passionate advice to his faithful friend, pass” and to “tough up” the former Rebekah Brooks. Credit: PA rumours confirmed by our Prime Minister took time in his busy Tsources that you may well be in line schedule back in 2011 to dispense week have softened many people’s for the manger job before the end of some helpful and caring advice. objections to the man who took us the season. into Afghanistan in 2001 and Iraq in Whilst Magath is expected to be “Definitely sleeping pills” the kindly 2003. in charge until the end of the season, former leader of the country added “I mean this just goes to show that, Hangman’s contacts within the club as advice to his both his long-term at heart, he’s just a really nice, God- have confirmed that the German is friends before their subsequent - and fearing man” said one passer-by. likely to be out of the door by the end ongoing - stressful ordeals. of the season at which point you will The current Prime Minister, David be approached for the job of guiding Whilst many mistrusted and did not Cameron added “I used to think he the side out of the Championship. You believe the ex-Prime Minister to be a was a bit of a dick, but I know I think will, however, be forced to take Joe nice guy by the time he left office in he’s just a nice guy trying to make his Kinnear as your assistant. 2007, the stunning revelations this way in the world” CANCER G TAURUS V EMINI ARIES G IR LEO O

This week you spend your This week you realise that This week the Felix editor asks This week you drunkenly run for This week you have your re- This week your friend sets you entire time watching Twitch horoscopes might be true you to write the horoscopes. every position in the Big Elec- curring dream of a wardrobe up on a blind date. It turns Plays Pokémon. As you try when you are gored by a You realise that you are not tions. You’ll probably fail your with the key in falling on you out that she has green, scaly to explain the Helix Fossil bull. You spend the week in amusing enough to actually exams as you spend the entire again. When you wake up it skin, breathes fire and doesn’t to the hot girl at the bar you hospital cursing your parents do it properly, and hope that revision period campaigning, turns out you just fell asleep drink. But at least she’s not a realise that you might need for not having more sex in no-one notices the decline in but that doesn’t matter if you’re during sex and your boyfriend Geologist, right? to rethink your priorities. Oh June so it could have at least quality as you run out of ideas. a Sabb, right? has just put a bit of weight on. well, at least a pint is in easy been a fish attacking you in- reach. stead. CAPRICORN AQUARIUS SA SCORPIO G ITTARIUS PISCES LIBRA

This week you realise that you This week you decide to order This week the latest job you This week after having filled in This week you are hungry This week you procrastinate have so little chance of get- food at 0300 from your room in applied for gets back to you. the Sex Survey you are inspired enough to order cheesy fries in doing your lab report by switch- ting laid that you decided to Beit. The delivery driver arrives at It isn’t good. The idea of doing to have sex on Queen’s Lawn. 568. When the cold congealed ing on the Sochi Olympics. Six post a lonely hearts in Catnip. 0400 but can’t find Beit, Imperial, a Masters at Imperial is much Unfortunately a security guard mess arrives you swear off hours of curling later, you’ve lost Unfortunately everyone thinks Exhibition Road or Hyde Park. You too soul depressing. Going to catches you mid act and you union food for good. Or at least your voice from shouting your that they are all made up and resign yourself to walking down to UCL isn’t too much of a be- have to run to Gloucester Road until this time next week. expert advice at the screen but you get no response. You re- the station to collect your cold Ke- trayal, right? with your pants clutched to are no closer to finishing the alise that there is no way you bab, glaring at the solitary motor- your crotch. At least the people work. can go on, and so drown your ists driving by. on the tube still avoid your eye. sorrows in Metric instead. This is depressing enough, so you win the lottery. One can dream. FRIDAY 21 FEB 39

@feliximperial

FelixImperial CATNIP Ask Annie, your friendly Agony Aunt

gony Aunt Annie Help! My friends used to be really Help! I’ve been seeing someone for Whiteley is the sociable and fun, but now we’ve hit a month or so, and we text a lot and Annie’s advice that woman who third year, no-one ever wants to go out spend a lot of time together, sleeping fought for women’s anymore. I understand that we’ve got together a couple of nights a week. Imperial sorely needs cloakroom facilities a lot of work to do, but I need to take Whenever I try to talk to her about atA Imperial, and thus is qualified a break and do something fun to de- our relationship, she always changes Why you shouldn’t get back to solve all your problems. stress a little bit! How can I convince the subject. I know that she’s really into with your ex (usually) them to break the cycle of spending me, how can I convince her to put a every night at home? label on it? Bored in Brockley Undefined in Upminster 1. You broke up for a reason At some point, you broke up. At that point, whether it was I don’t understand why you need your While at first it might seem like if in the heat of the moment, or a slow, considered decision, friends to come out with you. Let you just wait, your status will become you realised that you would be better off apart. Now your buddies stew in their lab report apparent, if it’s got to the point where What you’ve been broken up for a while, you’re lonely and you and head down to the union bar. it’s bothering you, you need to talk important miss them, and you want to get back together. This doesn’t Chances are you are likely to bump to her. She’s probably avoiding it advice remove the validity of the decision, and being broken up into someone you know, or at least because she’s worried that it might be for a while won’t fix the problems that you were having find a group drunk enough to accept awkward, or even that she might be should before. You decided that these problems were more than you into their ranks. So stop trying to rejected. Unfortunately, you just have Annie you could bear, you’ll only be making yourself miserable if change other people and expecting to be really blunt, and just bring it dish out you go back on that decision now. your friends to hang out with you. up. If you’re as into each other as you Though of course, once they see you think you are, hopefully it won’t be a next 2. Do you want to be that person? Help! I’m in the second year of my PhD, going out, they might want to join in very long conversation! week? If you get back together, everyone will assume that and I’m at a point where I really hate the fun and come with you anyway! Email you’ve begged and grovelled until your ex would take you waking up in the morning because I back (regardless of who broke up with whom, or what know I have to come into college and Help! My friend and I slept together (as any ideas happened). This is degrading and humiliating, and really work on it. I never get any productive Help, I’m dating an American girl and a one-off), and we didn’t use a condom to the not something that you want. You might think that you’re work done, and I’m depressed all the I’m worried about her reaction when because I’m on the pill. At the time I address willing to deal with that now, but when you look back, time outside college. I hate my PhD, she sees my uncircumcised penis. I’m wasn’t worried, because he’s never you’ll regret it. but I don’t want to quit this far in. too shy to mention it to her, but I don’t seemed like the type to sleep around. below! What can I do? want her to be surprised when she However, since then, I’ve heard that 3. Why not try someone else? Despondent in Dagenham discovers it. Should I mention it to her he’s been sleeping around, and now There are seven billion people in the world, why are you in advance? I’m worried that I might have caught settling for just one, and one that at some point you decided This is a really common problem for Uncut in Uxbridge something. Should I be worried? wasn’t good enough? Romantically speaking, if they’ve second year PhD students. During Risky in Ruislip broken your heart, they’re not The One, and you should such a long project, it’s really easy If she wants your D, she’s not gonna move on until you find them. Or if you’re more scientific, to lose track of why you’re doing it. care about its shape or form. If you’re It’s always best to get checked after you statistically speaking, there’s bound to be someone better, It’s best to take time to reassess your really worried about it, try and bring have unprotected sex with someone, who’s not shit. So don’t do it, yeah? reasons for doing a PhD, and why it up humorously in advance, so she’s because you can never tell from a you chose that project in the first not shocked. Americans often have person what they might be carrying. place. Spend time with your friends, a belief that it’s far less clean to be If this person had unprotected (from take a break from the monotony, uncircumcised, but if you explain to STIs) sex with you in this context, you and hopefully after a while you’ll be her and reassure her that either way can reasonably assume that they will refreshed and ready to get back into it. can be just as hygienic, that should have had unprotected sex with others. If you’re really struggling after taking alleviate any nerves that she has. Plus This only increases the risk to you, so some time out, talk to your supervisor you should always remember, pigs in it’s really important that you make about it; they might be able to make blankets is the best way to eat meat, sure that you get tested before you suggestions on how to change the ever. have unprotected sex with any further structure of your project to help you partners. back into it. Send Annie your problems and suggestions at [email protected] Annie’s Lonely Hearts

Feeling lonely? We all know that it’s hard to meet people at Imperial, so Aunt Annie wants to make it a bit easier for you. If you’re looking for a special someone, missed a connection, or want to let someone know how you feel, send a message to [email protected] and maybe you’ll find a match here. Responses to the lonely clectic, kooky individual omantic seeks chess ttractive female seeks with a unique sense of style enthusiast for daytime a certain average assably o the V, WLTM love-starved angel/ discussions on games height Mechanical tall, ginger demon with a fondness for and all things technical. Engineering final year technician I also really union food, who regularly A passion for football with a penchant for might be want to see the Efrequents the union gift shop. Hipsters Rand a certain landlocked country is greyA coats. I’ve seen your videos, and willing to Lego movie but need not apply. beneficial. I could show you how to I’d like to see more. Let me give you a “Pdye his hair blonde for last week’s “Tlack company, I will pay for popcorn. (check)mate. Metric Moment ;) unsatisfied female. Unsure of how to ‘ride’ a woman, but presume this (Name supplied)” is similar to bikes? Already spends See something you like? Send us an email and we’ll pass it on. Let Annie help you get hours alone in the West Basement and lucky in love. ecstatic to find someone who shares passion for absolute solitude.” “Keep the SPORT Cat Free” Editor: Kunal Wagle [email protected] 21/02/14 Issue 1569 Want to write for Felix on Varsity day? Contact us now! felixonline.co.uk Premier League Predictions rejuvenated Eagles side who have won summer holidays three months early James White their last three games at Selhurst Park, and with their outstanding away form, Football Columnist and a win here could see the Eagles Paul Lambert will see this as a brilliant rise as high as 10th. That might be ask- opportunity to return to the top half. ing a bit much of Tony Pulis’ men but 1-2 Chelsea vs. Everton United may struggle to see this over (BT Sport 1, Saturday 12:45pm) the line. Norwich vs. Tottenham 1-1 (Sky Sports 1, Sunday 4pm) Everton remain in the hunt for Cham- pions League football but a few lack- Liverpool vs. Swansea Spurs have won 7 of their last 8 away lustre performances of late have (Sky Sports 1, Sunday 1:30pm) games and are hot on Liverpool’s heels jeopardised their chances. Roberto in the battle for Champions League Martinez’s men have had longer to The Swans look to have regained some football. The Canaries have deserved

prepare but without Romelu Lukaku, belief under Garry Monk and will not more from recent games and will give MIKE HEWITT/ GETTY IMAGES they lack that all-important cutting give the Reds as easy a ride as they it their all but are not in the same edge. With recent draws against West enjoyed in the corresponding fixture league. has yet to work out for the Bluebirds, West Brom vs. Fulham Brom and West Ham, Jose Mourinho last season, which finished 5-0 to the 0-2 who sit just 1 place off rock bottom. A has already spurned two chances to hosts. That said, the Sturridge-Suarez- few weeks back, the Tigers looked to Cottagers owner Shahid Khan pressed open up a gap at the top of the table, Sterling attacking threesome looks Arsenal vs. Sunderland be on a glass slope with slippers on but the panic button in sacking Rene and he will allow no room for compla- unstoppable at the moment. Michel Steve Bruce has stopped the rot with 4 Meulensteen last weekend and Felix cency here. Vorm has not kept an away clean sheet The Gunners might be starting to run points from 6 and they can make it 5 Magath starts with a relegation six- 2-1 since September and I don’t see things out of steam after a torrid run of fix- from 9 here. pointer. After their draw versus Chel- improving for him here. tures which culminated with a gargan- 1-1 sea, I fancy the Baggies to go on a bit Crystal Palace vs. Man United 3-1 tuan clash against Bayern Munich on of a run, starting with 3 points here. (Sky Sports 1, Saturday 5:30pm) Wednesday night. Gus Poyet’s Black Man City vs. Stoke 2-0 Best of the rest (Saturday 3pm un- Cats will look to extend their excep- In some ways, David Moyes will be less otherwise stated) tional run of away form and could The Citizens looked so indomitable West Ham vs. Southampton relieved to have a spell of games away spring a surprise. until their defeat to Chelsea that re- Three 2-0 wins in a row have seen from Old Trafford, as his position Newcastle vs. Aston Villa 1-1 cent Premier League results can only the Hammers rise from 19th to 10th always seems to come under much (Sky Sports 1, Sunday 1:30pm) be a blip. The Potters simply do not but they will struggle to make it four more scrutiny when the champions Cardiff vs. Hull do away wins and Manuel Pellegrini’s against a Saints side playing with real drop points at the Theatre of Dreams. Villa’s record at St James’ Park is atro- men will surely return to winning flair of late. However, United come up against a cious but the Magpies are on their Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s appointment ways. 2-0 1-1

58 TEAMS 29 MATCHES 11 SPORTS 1 WINNER ARSITY 12.03.14 icsm vs. ic

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