The Cord Weekly

Football starts off on a good Popular professor passes away cleat Page 23 Page 5

Volume 44 Issue 4 Thursday September 4, 2003 www.clublaurier.ca Good Matt Good Bleeding Titan Red 'Secret' 0-Week performer fails to wow first-years despite playing a solid set and dispensing a few veiled insults in their general direction CHRIS CLEMENS cert event. After the usual vast majority leaned noncha- Entertainment Editor dose of hype-up speeches lantly on the stage barricade and automatonical cheering or stood impassively with Amidst the chaos sweeping acts were liberally applied to their arms crossed, A select through campus on the susceptible minds, students few nodded their heads in wing's of thousands of frosh rushed the stage in anticipa- time to the relatively hard- students and their overbear- tion for the entertainment's hitting tunes and general ing* parents, rumours of the opening act... applause increased at the night's big concert act circu- ...and were surprised to end of each subsequent lated. Those in the know come face to face with rela- song". generally remained smugly tive unknowns The As for the band, the word tight-lipped while others Miniatures. A six-piece alt- that immediately comes to cajoled and took guesses. rock band operating under mind is "nondescript". None Finger Eleven and Sum4l the standard formulas of the of their ten or so songs were were the subject of popular genre. The Miniatures made particularly memorable. Of speculation and a deluded an admirable effort on stage particular hilarity was the few harboured hopes that against innumerable odds. tambourine/bongo/air-horn breakout pop-reggae artist No longer the centre of player, who rocked out hard- Sean Paul would make an attention, Icebreakers futile- er than a twelve-year-old girl appearance. ly bounced around and at a Simple Plan show. Matt Benassi Word eventually leaked danced along to the music Although his presence was Red Head Ice, Rich Kawamoto, leads the Red Titans in the cheer to the general populace, and under the influence of what justified by sheer visual off on Wiilison Field. The Red Titans won the cheer off. For more a massive collection of fresh- ever chemical compound entertainment value alone, it frosh week coverage see pages 3, 16, 17 and 18. faces and volunteers gath- powers their inexhaustible frequently seemed as ered in the Waterloo Rec energy source. The frosh Centre for opening cere- weren't having it. Clearly {continued on page 26) monies and the O-Week con- tired and unimpressed, the New underage policy Fall election called for on-campus bars Privatized education expected to be Double cohort leads to limits of 80 and 40 underagers among the election issues THOMAS THOMPSON loans, grants and funding'. allowed in Turret and Wilf's, respectively Special Projects Editor Doherty stated that under the current system post-sec- WILBUR MCLEAN underagers in campus bars of underage patrons who After a summer stalling to ondary institutions are in Editor-in-Chief to reflect the increase in can frequent The Turret to the anticipation of the people direct competition with each underage students this fall. 80 and Wilfs to 40. of Ontario fall election for other and this creates a sys- The Wilfrid Laurier Effective immediately, According to WLUSU the province of" Ontario is tem of inequality. One exam- University Students' Union the WLUSU Board of President, Dan Herman, now official. On Tuesday ple she provided was the have altered their previous- Directors have passed a these numbers were arrived Premier Ernie Eaves called Ontario Student ly open policy regarding polic, reducing the number at by applying* the number for the election that will take Opportunity Trust Fund of underage students cur- place on October 2nd. that was created to assist rently attending Laurier as The election is expected universities in providing a percentage of the entire to be very intense as the both grants for students in finan- student body (14%) to the the Liberals and New cial need. The University of capacity of The Turret and Democratic Party both try to Toronto received a signifi- Wilfs, respectively. That ouster the Progressive cant portion of this funding produced the numbers of 80 Conservatives from the yet it only has 16% of the and 40. majority they have held in province's OSAP students. "We needed, to find a mid- Queen's Park for the last Doherty said that one of dle ground because of the eight years. With several the main reasons that post- demographic change," said calamities in this past year secondary education is not Herman. "You have to fig- such as the SARS outbreak, getting much attention is ure out the best way to cre- last month's power failure that each interest such as ate a fair system and we feel and the perception of a healthcare or public educa- this is it." quickly eroding public infra- tion is currently focused on A document produced by structure. there is no doubt their own interests. "All the Alcohol and Gaming in many people's opinions three major parties (PCs, Commission of Ontario that this election will have a Liberals and NDP) can have encouraged Ontario univer- profound affect upon the student friendly party plat- sities to change protocol future of Ontario. As stu- forms," Doherty said, fur- regarding access to bars. dents, with all the issues ther elaborating that it is up Laurier's General surrounding the election, to their policy makers and to Manager, Dan Dawson, who there is strong motivation to students to lobby them. met with a representative of question where we lay with- There are also plans for the AGCO in May said, in the priorities and plat- an election campaign being "[The AGCO] expect you to forms of each of the political undertaken by WLUSU. The cross every't* and dot every parties. plan includes providing stu- They want to see you go Meighan Doherty, Vice dents with information above and beyond what President: University Affairs about each party's platform they're looking for" in for WLUSU, mentioned that and either establishing- a terms of an underage policy. post secondary education polling station on campus or Herman insisted that has not been an important providing a shuttle service. this move was not financial- issue so far in this campaign The District Returning ly motivated, despite the and it is not getting the Officer has not set up office that Matt Benassi fact underagers can't attention that it deserves. yet according to Doherty purchase alcohol. not This important question is, however, "We really need to re-evalu- and arrangements will bird is flipping the bird. The ate be made later on this whether or of the system," Doherty until not he's age and can join his fellow frozen friends said referring to the finan- week. in the Turret (continued on page six) cial situation associated with — 5 ~i 0 1 i 1 | 1 in1 n H I i skii iir#rjai® uii § r*j-~ • j lt.i vm 3 I 1 d r®i KM KM ■11 iilL» ■ r.ii * J 11 ~1 1

l . l | y/ j j j Indirect Departments] j \ Clublaurier.ca j \ Layout Editor I S Marketing Team Member / Production Assistants - HTML HR Team Memeber \ or Graphic Design IT Team Member \ \ Distribution Team Memeber \ Matt writers I Finance Clerk / \ '"SZers I| I I \ Columnists | | I \ Forum Moderators | j I \ j | Direct Departmental Administration j | Copy Editor Director, WLUSP Board of Directors | | Photographers | I Ad Production Assistants I Ii I I I I

' | j I Applications can be found in the WLUSP office | jj (3rd Floor of the Fred Nichols Campus Centre) j jj All applications are due Friday September 19 at noon. | j Any questions please email [email protected] or call 884-0710 X 3564 j | i Thursday September 4,2003 News 3 Shine on you, crazy Frosh Matt Good and largest ever on-campus party highlight first three days of the double cohort's Orientation Week COLIN DUFFETT and Shinerama coordinator eral remarks about the con- News Editor Shawn Robbie. Robbie intro- tent of Orientation Week. duced the present first year Good made the claim that The whistle blowing outside students to Cystic Fibrosis, Frosh Week was "fucked up", my bedroom window herald- one of the main reasons for and made a comparison ed the beginning- of yet the weeklong activities. between Orientation Week another Orientation Week. As per usual, the opening and the cult activities that Like past Labour days, ceremonies was full of colour were associated with the throng's of new Lanrier stu- coated cheering, led by the Jonestown mass suicides. dents from across Ontario eight Head Icebreakers that When asked for his and beyond came to Waterloo helped organize the week. thoughts on Good's com- with their luggage, comput- The cheering stopped as the ments Herman smiled and ers and parents in toe. opening ceremonies ended said he wasn't aware that After moving in, unpack- and the stage was prepared those comments had been down to a at made. Rich ing and sitting for The Miniatures. It was Head Icebreaker Matt Benassi good ol' chat with the this point that first year stu- Kawamoto commented, "it's Life staff, the dents slowly drifted towards tough to please everyone. It's Residence plethora of first year O-Weekers are camped outside Clara Conrad weeklong event officially the exits headed back unfortunate it was said." A and began at Clarica Arena in towards the quasi-comfy con- Tuesday offered first year Residence practicing one of many cheers chants for 0-Week. an Waterloo Recreation fines of their residence students with opportuni- to handle the extra the first year rooms. ty to tour the campus, attend teenth birthday, meaning in having' Complex. All these ten students as examples of how and sessions and a that students will students, O-Week staff By the time that feature academic or the participated Good forum for students to social- not be able to attend Will's O-Week lias been quite other volunteers performer Matthew The Turret until they turn success. in cheer-offs, listened to stepped on stage a good one ize at night. The Turret, twenty. The week continues addresses from various dig- third of the arena had left. Will's. the Theatre to FNCC Orientation Week,- to this through Saturday where nitaries and some even This number slowly dwindled Auditorium and the can be considered a first year students take the point will stayed to enjoy a rock n' roll as the night progressed, and Quad played host to only measurable success. Head part in Shine rama when they concert, care of up and com- Matt Good played more of his licensed 0-Week activity. travel into the Kitchener- The Icebreaker Brad Davison will ing. independent band hit songs. Oddly enough, one Despite the fanatical that Waterloo community to the various commented Miniatures and Matthew of the biggest rushes for warnings issued by The closing cere- O-Week staff and. other "[Orientation Week] has been shine. Good. doors occurred during an amazing' challenge." monies are taking place at ! members, ten The opening ceremonies Good s "Apparitions Those WLUBXJ under- University Stadium on age Herman, when asked for began with the traditional that were left by the end of students were caught of Saturday night during half show, drank his thoughts on the status speeches by WLIJSfJ the a mere 50 -75 stu- drinkhig or during O-Week thus far said, time of the Lauder Golden Herman, The "I President Dan dents, saw Good put on a the on-campus party. think it has been phenome- Hawks football home opener. the . penalty for this infraction President Roseheart and strong performance. nal." Herman cited the end- Dean attendance were ui is 5 i: Dean of Students Those in less which was fol- to something' out from all. on campus bars for planning involved and MoMurray also witness the logistical issues involved lowed by introductions by O- of the ordinary for an O- one year beyond their nine Week coordinator Julie Gales Week event. Good made sev- Deregulation drawing near for university and students alike longer need the BBA curricu- Economies program would Fate of SBE to be decided in September 22nd Senate vote lum review done. also have to be assessed. Before the motion of An important issue in all JENNIFER ASSELIN member of Wilfrid Laurier the SBE didn't know that the tuition deregulation occurs of this is that with the Senate News Editor Students' Union Board of first deregulation committee September 22, three more meeting- rapidly approach- Directors and student sena- that started in December Town Hall meetings like the ing, the rushing' of the entire In two weeks the Wilfrid tor, existed, until April. one held in July where stu- deregulation process is of Laurier University Senate "I think the pressure Deszca says that his com- dents came together to ask concern to students, will vote on whether or not though is coming more so mittee was based on the idea questions while the adminis- "They're doing what Laurier the School of Business will from Roseharfc and he's rail- that they would take a more tration addressed concerns, usually does," said Piseitelli. deregulate tuition, which roading" it through him broad view of the program will take place. "They'll quickly jam in the would mean the program [Carson]," continued and that they would not The first meeting proved students here, and rush would be able to raise the Piscitelii. "They're trying to focus on deregulation. to be informative as students through this process and amount of tuition to unprece- lateli on to every financial "We do not see ourselves found out that not only may then deal with the conse- dented amounts if they so resource they have." as the deregulation commit- the BBA program become quences later," chose. Another concern is the tee," said Deszca. "I agreed to deregulated but the A recent concern for stu- unfulfilled motion that was Chair but 1 agreed to do this, dents is that Dr. Scott Carson, passed that was to see the not deregulation. Clearly we Dean of the SBE, previously BBA curriculum review coin- need to share our views but served as the Chief Executive that was not what we signed This week in Officer of the Ontario on for." Government's Privatization "There should have been Secretariat, His position some kind of formal look at required him to produce a what was going on," replied Laurier History report for the government Colin Shonk. Chair of the of Ontario who was responsi- WLBU BOD and member of ble for the Highway 40? toll the deregulation committee. implementation. "The tuition you pay is Thursday, September 12, 1985 This actualization could directly connected to the pro- Cord Headline: be seen as a conflict of inter- gram you're in so it makes Tragic Accident Shocks est for the Dean. What may sense for the BBA review Campus be cause for concern is the committee to look at it." controversy over the fact that However, the two commit- Carson's stance on deregula- tees have never met with one A tragic accident during orientation tion is that he doesn't neces- another and the deregulation week at Laurier took the life of Brigitte sarily want to deregulate but committee is set to submit Bouckaert during frosh week, 1985. that there is no other solu- their report on September 22 tion to the SBE's large deficit and the BBA review commit- During the picnic day for the week, and the need for keeping up tee won't be done until at Bouckaert, a second-year Biology stu- with other business pro- least November - not "togeth- dent and don, was killed after pushing grams but yet he was part of er" as the earlier motion a one of the largest privatiza- required. and shoving' left her in the way of bus. tion projects in Canadian his- Contributed Photo The reasons for the two Kathy Horvath, one of the Orientation tory. groups meeting are that it co-ordinators there "I that year said that was hired by the Dean Carson, pictured above, was hard during the summer were only a maximum of about 300 stu- Ontario Government to give will soon find out if the BBA will to get the member of the BBA them the pros and cons of dents in the area the time and that the be deregulated or not. curriculum review committee at privatization," said Carson. "I together and therefore even crowd seemed tired and wanted to go *just think you have to separate harder to schedule a meeting home, the [jobs], I had a different pleted for Senate in the fall for the two groups together. role there then I have here." together with a full proposal Students may make a big- Initially, people thought that there With Carson's background on the implementation of fuss over the BBA committee were only a few broken bones but it was in privatization, students are deregulated programs in the not living up to the motion was left suspicious of his genuine SBE. but as Ben Durrer, another quickly discovered that Bouckaert in concern for students and the The two committee's have member of the deregulation fact dead. issue of accessibility. had very little contact with committee pointed out, It was later that year that Bouckaert "This just shows that he one another and the Chair of administration can vote to does have a slant on this," the BBA review committee, pass another motion that Hall, named in her honour, began con- replied Anthony Piscitelii, a Gene Deszca, a Professor in would state that they no struction. 4 News Thursday September 4.2003 Ten questions with Daddy Mac News Editors Colin Duffett and Jennifer Asselin sit down with the Dean of Students to discuss Orientation Week, deregulation and construction on campus

JENNIFER ASSELIN would be the answer. I would COLIN DUFFETT 4. You mentioned social activ- suggest supporting News Editors and ities, like Regatta Games and enhancing the number of cheering. What are their pur- fundraising efforts. I mean poses? What function do they Laurier has so many tremen- 1. What makes frosh week so have? dous volunteers. important? It never ceases to amaze me the new Cheering- is suddenly becom- opportunities I and causes to think orientation is ing' more of a topic of interest support in local absolutely critical for first community because some people do not and national efforts. It could year students in their transi- like it. There has been quite be creative. tion. I think that's probably a historical tradition of the most important word, cheering to promote team- 7. Do you support deregula- transition. Orientation is work and spirit, but I think tion? about a lot of things. more and more it is becoming* Students talk all the time more something- that is being I excellence and about support being* anxious about questioned. Is this serving' an accessibility and that's the liow will also they fit in, but appropriate role? If it does, position that I taken can have how they flourish and great; what is it, define it, with the whole question excel of as an individual. That communicate it. If it doesn't, deregulation with I think the vote and the Contributed Photo transition of and the the entire educa- what adjustments have to be third issue being process and Presidents' tiebreaker was an is, I mean our students con- tional experience, how you'll made for those that want to timing and how to deal with indication that the university tinually show through com- do and how academically take part and those who do it. I support the need to pro- said that there needs to be a petition that they're at that you'll do as a person, I think not. The cheering I don't have vide an more full investigation of level, and to me that is what's most excellent educational is probably the impor- a particular personal prefer- opportunity, and costs this. I think they have han- most important. tant that reason for orientation money. I think we need dled it well in that perspec- week. With that in mind, to that advocate more strongly with tive. They've mandated a 9. b. I think that is the rea- is the content Cheering is sud- why of the the government because I working group to go out and son why we came up with week is so important and denly don't think the government offer to the university com- that question. Our graduates much becoming why so time has been has responded over the years munity an opportunity to can equal the graduates from over more a spent the years in devel- of topic of to the funding priorities. submit the letters, comments Queens and Western., where oping* a well-balanced pro- interest because Education hasn't been sup- and then go to the communi- they are a deregulated program. ported at the level that it ty to speak to it their man- gram and we are regulated. some people do not should. Students have been dates to come back with an If we are already at that level Has 2. Laurier ever consid- paying more and more outcome and recommenda- where we can equally com- ered down like it. in cutting* tuition. We're at a level now tion September and I guess pete, why is deregulation - Orientation Week consider- Dean David McMurray where it appears that to we'll see how people respond necessary? ing- other schools have? maintain a high level of to that. We need more open excellence in the program, forums. We need more com- Well that is a present day sit- Not formally that I am aware it's going to cost more money. mentary, more heads work- uation, in that programs at of. I know that the question ence one way or the other, I The question then becomes ing* together to come up with Queens and Western haven't has been asked a number of think for some, it provides an how much, where does the a comprehensive solution. been deregulated for very have times for different reasons. easy way to get involved, to money go, and what are the They two open forums long. The question, or the The reasons most frequently be a part of a team, to help priorities. Regarding the scheduled this month prior to risk, is if we are not compet- are that the suggestion that build that community within accessibility issue, I think we the senate meeting. I think ing with those programs that there be a fall reading.. If we their group. I think that need to create a 'made in those are absolutely critical are pulling in the best facul- did that, we would have to there are good things about it Laurier' solution that guar- for students to be there on ty, the best level of instruc- consider starting earlier or and for those that prefer not antees students accessible mass to know the issues in tion, if we're not able to pro- later. that and going- Given to, I think we probably have support, in ' the form of advance come and com- vide that learning experience exams ended around to address more of those con- strong guaranteed scholar- ment on them. I don't see the in the classroom as well as December 23 last year, you cerns. The cheer off on ships and bursaries. I think Laurier even contemplating we have been, then we're can't go any later. That has Friday has been a traditional we should develop a Laurier the level of deregulated fees going to start drifting. really been the only time I event for many years, like accessibility enhancement that exist at a couple of other There is no proof of that yet, remember discussion taking Shinerama. It is something fund that would generate a universities up and down the because it hasn't happened, place. The second comment I that worked and is success- more strategic recruitment 401. They certainly aren't it's down the road. To me, it would make is there have ful. So then that is probably and admission practice so going to encroach on those would not take a lot of intel- been concerns about content why it's still there. that the first year class is a levels. There is going to be lect to suggest that that's a during the week, from vari- diverse representation of the something that to me I can risk of happening. This is ous academic perspectives on 5. Has the school ever con- national and international see, that needs to be done to why maintaining excellence the value of cheering and the sidered donating money to society. Do I support deregu- maintain or enhance the level is so important regatta games and some of another charity beside CF? lation? There isn't a yes or no of excellence that is there. the social aspects of previous answer to that. Do you have a 10. Are you concerned about weeks. Today and tomorrow Not to replace Cystic Fibrosis deregulation solution? I 9. Why is competing with the fact that Laurier's con- each academic dean and their in orientation. This office think it would be a combina- these universities, such as struction projects are contin- staff are repeating four times works very closely with the tion of increased funds from Queens and Western so ually late and how that may their presentation on their union in supporting and the government, from the important? affect students? particular program. I know helping to fulfill the program users, and from the institu- Robert Campbell, the Dean of but the university certainly tion and a guaranteed acces- In a perfect world, I would Arts, is doing his Top 10 for has never suggested that sibility model. The third We're at a level now prefer it to be fully complete students' success, which is a there be a change in the pro- piece I talked about was where it appears two weeks before students marvelous presentation. I gram, up until this point process and timing. I think arrive. Who wouldn't? From think that people are satis- anyway. There has been a there is some urgency to the that to maintain a a funding perspective, it's fied with the content and are dramatic increase in the level situation, because there is a been challenging to upgrade very supportive of the proof fundraising and Laurier financial problem and the high level of excel- the facilities to the level that gram has been first the last two quality of the students' expe- lence in the pro- we have and the constraints years with an unbelievable rience is at risk. Although that the universities are oper- 3. Why do we, as a university, amount of money raised in a they're doing a remarkable gram, it's going to ating within to do those place more importance on short period of time. I think job, considering the funding cost more money kinds of things that far in frosh week than others do? there are more charitable that is available, but given advance. Last February, efforts that have been gener- the long-term importance of -Dean David McMurray because it was so cold, they A couple of reasons. I think ated through the ongoing this, I think the process lost about a month's time that this university recog- programs throughout the should be such that it gives because they couldn't pour nizes the benefit of that tran- year outside of orientation. enough time to address the concrete. As perfect as the sition experience. If we don't But none so far have devel- accessibility model and model was, it was supposed provide that, students will oped to a certain level that enhancement fund solution. I to be ready for August 1, but not adjust as successfully as have replaced the original would hate to see the pro- I am not sure that it is impor- we lost a month. Anything they will have with a more Cystic Fibrosis cause. gram suffer and students not tant to compete. It's not how that disrupts a student I am intensive experience. be given the opportunity that important it is to compete concerned about. You know Attrition and retention has 6. On www.clublaurier.ca they have had over the years. with others, it's important to if somebody is out there not been a major issue at there was a point made that The degree has been very make sure that competitively banging on something and Laurier. The graduation rate there was concern that CF highly regarded, profession- the value of experience is sig- the student can't study, we is very high and I would was a predominantly ally for occupational purpos- nificant. At the end of the have a problem. argue strongly that a good Caucasian disease. Any comes, much less the learning day students will graduate. beginning benefits towards a ment? experience. Not just the degree, not just good conclusion and really the parchment, but the expe- For the full transcript of the helps students adjust and I would support the issue to 8. How do you feel about the rience, what you have interview with Dean learn the situation more support different causes in a way the administration has learned. I would stand our McMurray head to quickly and more thoroughly diverse and equal way. Not handled deregulation? graduates up to Queens or ClubLaurier.ca. than they would have other- supporting CF I don't think Western today and we know Ten Questions is a new fea- wise. what the difference in tuition ture ofthe News Section. The goal of Ten Questions is to cir- culate the opinions, beliefs O-Week Forecast: A high of underage drinking and a low of soberness and ideas of individuals within the university community to you. the reader. Ifyou have any ideasfor candidates for Ten Questions email them to [email protected]. thttksdaySeptember 4.2003 News 5 Soups and sandwiches to School saddened join Terrace lineup over prof's death proposal submitted to the The Pita Shack, Wilf's, The BERNARD DAWSON Psychology Department said New eatery Board by Christine Nobles, Turret and C-Spot as original Staff Writer of Binding "He really played WLUSU's Operations WLUSU businesses on cam- a central role in a the depart- failed Manager, such a food service pus if it is approved. The Wilfrid Laurier commu- ment from early on." He was replaces outlet "would have to make Steve Welker, WLUSU VP: nity was shocked when a the Psychology Library considerable structural, and Finance, discussed the respected and well-liked pro- Liaison for over 25 years and Golden Wok equipment capital invest- advantages of opening an fessor died suddenly August also served as the Co-op rep- ments into an area that will original establishment over 3. Dr. Fred Binding* had resentative of the WILBUR MCLEAN be undergoing a renovation franchising. retired from his post as an Psychology Department for Editor-in-Chief within the next two years." "With any franchise, you Associate Professor of more than a decade. He was A soup and sandwich out- must pay royalties, local and Psychology a month before also a mentor to many stu- The Cord Weekly has learned let was the second choice and national marketing costs,'' his abrupt death. dents involved with the this past week of the one deemed far more feasible said Welker. "You have to use The late Dr. Binding Laurier Greek Societies and Students' Union's plans to fill considering- the current their tiles, their signs, every- joined the teach- held, the hon- the spot in The Terrace vacat- structure of the space. thing right down to the spe- ing staff of ourary title ed by Golden Wok with a "If [soups and sandwiches cific details. All of that costs Waterloo "Dean of Greek soup and sandwich establish- are] what the students want, money." Lutheran Life" ment tentatively named With the new business, University in Don Union Market and scheduled WLUSU will be directly com- 1971 and stayed Morgenson, to open September 15th, "If [soups and sand- peting with WLU's Food with the school as Professor The highlights of the new wiches are] what the Services, who operate the it made the tran- Emeritus of the business will be a selection of Dining Hall and the sition from. Psychology fresh meat sandwiches, sal- students want, then Concourse Cafe, both of Waterloo Depart hi eat, ads. daily soups, chili, quich- that's what we have which regularly feature L u the r a n wrote in an eulo- es and sushi. freshly made sandwiches. University to gy of Dr. The establishment, which to give them" Food Services Manager, Wilfrid Laurier Binding, "The was approved by the WLUSU Peter Schneider, expressed University. In all, Fred Binding I Board of Directors this past -Anthony Piscitelli, WLUSU BOD little concern over the compe- Binding spent 32 knew worked Monday, was chosen after a member tition, however. years enriching tirelessly to cre- survey conducted this past "We had a tremendous the lives of stu- ate a world more summer revealed students' then that's what we have to year last year and with more dents and faculty humane than the food preferences. give them," said Anthony and better promotions and a of WLU. one we now The first choice of the 800 Piscitelli, WLUSU Director bigger menu, we can only Binding have. . . a world students polled was an all- who voted in favour of the improve on that," said arrived at Laurier big in heart, day breakfast establishment. new establishment. Schneider. "More options can from the with love and tol- However, according to the Union Market will join only be better for students." University of erance for each Kansas, the insti- other as core val- tution where he ues and just earned his Ph.D. practical enough At Kansas he Contributed Photo to challenge * gained both the injustice wher- knowledge that Recently retired, Binding ever Fred may ,. 4* Me This Laurier... ffitr Riddle he would bestow passed away last month have found it." What's to over a genera- The rest of Dr. JM||| better than tion of students Morgenson's eulogy can be as well as a love for their col- found on the Lauier website. writing* for Cord lege basketball team, the The death of Binding was Jayhawks. a sad event for the entire After arriving l in the WLU WLU community, as the community. Binding began a school lost an excellent long career of helping stu- a wonderful US teacher and n^ cor^®w^usP* com dents both inside and outside human being. of the classroom. Dr. Michael Pratt, Chair of the I DELIVERIES INC. We Deliver: Beer, Liquor/mix, Wine, Fast Food, Cigarettes, Empty returns available

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Hours: Mon. to Thu. 8:00a.m. - 10p.m.; Fri. 8:00a.m. - 11p.m.; Sat. 9:30a.m. - 11p.m. & Sun. 12:00p.m. - 5 p.m. 6 News Thursday September 4.2003 Molson to give away cab rides

C. A. FRAISER KING grand prizes, of which there legal drinking age. By pro- moving towards a taxi pro- these pictures to be alcohol Staff Writer will be one for each campus, moting the contest during gram and away from a desig- fueled in order to make the include two weekly vouchers frosh week, Molson will nated driver program, a site worthy of viewing. Molson be Large brewer will for taxi rides from 1-888- essentially be targeting spokesperson from Molson The 1-888-TAXIGUY web- holding a contest with a TAXIGUY as well as a miscel- minors with their a stock advertise- gave seemingly site, www.taxiguy.com , is grand prize of one year's sup- laneous assortment of other 5 ments; however, the responsi- response that Molson sup- well designed and hosts large ply of taxicab rides promot- and 10 dollar vouchers for ports designated driver pro- amounts of information ing the responsible consump- other taxi rides. Various sec- The grand prizes, grams and is merely giving about the Taxiguy program, tion of alcoholic beverages or ondary and tertiary prizes students another option. in particular that Molson is a at the very least drinking are available, all pertaining of which there will Insofar as entering the founding and chief sponsor. irresponsibly, yet, not driv- to the 1 -888-TAXIGUY pro- be one for each contest, Molson makes the Although Molson is primari- ing-. gram. process fairly straightfor- ly targeting frosh week with Molson will be advertising' A problem facing- Molson campus, include ward and' the website, their advertisement, the con- the contest at WLU along is the nature of this year's www.ia.ni.ca/doiitdrinkand- test runs until September 26

with - two weekly vouch- 65 other participating' frosh class Ontario colleges drive , is so devoid of detail which may mean that poten- Canadian universities. and universities will be wel- ers for taxi rides that navigation and contest tial contest winners may Molson plans to distribute coming* the youngest first entrance are rudimentary at actually have to pay for some magnets featuring 1-888- year student body - with their most difficult. The web- taxi rides home before they TAXIGUY. an organization many students in the double- bility focused nature of the site has a section where frosh receive their prize. founded by Molson that cohort that were ushered campaign will surely save can upload their photo- receives annual funding of through the grade 12 pro- Molson from any trouble. graphs of frosh week, one million dollars. The gram being 1 well below the When asked if Molson was Certainly, Molson intends for Wilfs, Turret to limit underagers

(continued from Cover) but it affects my roommates," Residence Life Don. Sarah The Bombshelter, Feds' ber that was fair to underage said Stephanie* Gorazza, 19- Dyment, sees the change as a other bar will retain its policy, students but, he noted, "we "The Turret is not really year-old first year student. "It negative one for the underage only allowing students who have to ensure that we make our big money maker," said doesn't matter that much frosh on her floor. are* of age to enter the bar on money," Herman. "The main tiling because most people will be 19 "A lot of people will be dis- Wednesday and Saturday Feds' policy regarding was just protection." in a few months.' appointed. They'll get all evenings. Laurier students will remain Herman says lie doesn't dressed up to "go and the same whereby a UVV stu- think the new policy will "A lot of people will turned away and they're the dent can sign in up to two stu- inadvertently promote under- ones who *go there [most "When you have 15 dents from Laurier. age drinking in residence be disappointed. often]." people in the same University of Guelph stu- rooms because, "when you They'll get all Feds, the University of as dents, meanwhile, own one have 15 people in the same Waterloo's student govern- situation you, bar on campus. However, the situation as you, there's not dressed up and get ment, runs two bars and will there's not the venue is currently under con- that same pressure to drink be amending their policy to struction and will be convert- that there would be other- turned away." reflect one that is similar to same pressure to ed to a coffee shop within the wise. WLUSU's. Feds currently have drink." next few months according to a Sarah Dyment, Residence Life an alcohol committee that a representative from Guelph's The new system will have Don one-in, one-out policy where- plans to allow a number of Dan Herman, WLUSU President Central Student Association. by every underager leaving students that's reflective of the the bar will allow for another 2nd year student Sinead percentage of underagers on one to enter. Irvine believes that "It's good campus. Liam McHugh-Russell, Student reaction is mixed that they won't lose money. Currently, 18% of UW is Feds' VP: Education, said the article to underage. club O Discuss this on the change. 3rd and "4th years should be The capacity of Fed number 150 was decided upon uiURI€R hltp;/wvvw.ciulslaurtepxa "It doesn't really affect me given priority anyway." Hall is about 850 students. because it seemed like a num-

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The deadline to remove your phone number from our publication is FRIDAY OCTOBER 3, 2003. Opinion 8 Thursday September 4.2003 The Cord Weekly Fun for some, The tie that binds since 1926 A Wilfrid Laurier University Student Publication Third Floor, Fred Nichols Campus Centre Kool-Aid for others 75 University Avenue West, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3C5 me... and involved cheering-. disabling their ability to (519) truly 884-1970 ext. 3564 Editor-in- Thankfully my roommate felt enjoy the experience or b) don't Fax: (519) 883-0873 Chief the same way and, living* in an show up. Neither of these options Advertising: (519) 884-1970 ext. 3560 apartment-style residence, our give the Icebreakers much of an bedroom was far enough away opportunity to be receptive and www.wlusp.com from the front door that we man- respectful. e-mail: [email protected] Wilbur aged to sleep through the After all, if everybody else is McLean Icebreakers' early morning- wake- drinking* the Kool-Aid, you're "I like that one because it's categorized, so I can up calls for most of the week. probably going to drink it, too, get La-ti-nos and stuff." Certainly, frosh week is the unless you can find a way to - Derek Iwanuk, in reference to his favourite porn site During the frosh concert this marquee event for a school that escape Jonestown, Guyana and past Monday evening performer seemingly thrives on volun- seek refuge at a safehouse (i.e., Editorial Board Matt Good, the eternal opiner, teerism and school spirit and, your bed). made numerous snide remarks witnessing many of the events of While I can't be sure whether about Orientation Week. the week, most frosh appear to my lack of participation in frosh Editor-in-Chief Wilbur McLean "My guitarist and I were won- enjoy themselves. Witnessing five week stunted my social growth at male Production Manager Caitlin Howlett dering when you're going to obviously underage frosh Laurier, it certainly could not drink the purple Kool-Aid," joked have helped and for those who "Classy" Jenny Ass-y News Editors Good in a haunting reference to are extremely shy, it was likely Colin Duffett the Jonestown Massacre of 1978 After all, if everybody debilitating. In that way, the Opinion Editor Stefan Sereda where 913 cult members commit- else is drinking the Kool- current for- ted mass suicide by drinking poi- matting of frosh week seems International Editor Bryn Boyce soned purple punch. Aid, you're probably backward. It only helps the social Entertainment Editor Chris Clemens During his set, Good also going to drink it, too. and outgoing be more social and Sports Editor Derek Iwanuk noted that "Frosh Week is outgoing while punishing those fucked" and his head of security who are more shy and introvert- Features Editor It could be you! supposedly made mention of O- randomly cheering at the top of ed by shoving them further into Student Life Editor Jessica McLaughlin Week's "cult activities" during a their lungs at the on-campus their shells. party was proof of this (although A more laid-back, less Arts Editor Katie West conversation with one of extreme Laurier's security guards. GOLD U-NIT! is a rather poor frosh week would go a long way Special Projects Editor Thomas Thompson Along the same lines, three take on a rather poor idea to in levelling the playing field for years ago, 300 names were begin with). all frosh, rather than embracing Cord Staff signed to a petition in protest of For people like these, frosh some while alienating others. an opinion piece written in The week achieves its desired goal: It's a right all frosh receive Production Assistants Amy Mallett Cora likening frosh week to creating a sense of unity and when forking over their $100 for Siobhan Bhagwat April Cunningham "sheep being led to the slaugh- introdxicing new students to what they believe will be a week Laurier in a social setting. to introduce them to both the Carly Beath ter." While any O-week volunteer is However, it's the rest, like social and academic sides of Copy Editors Amanda Elliott quick to proclaim the asininity of myself, who I'm concerned about. Laurier. Photo Manager Mattßenassi any opponents, there certainly is Recently, Dean McMurray said to Being quiet and introverted me that Icebreakers are trained shouldn't be a penalty paid for Distribution Manager Tali Spivak a fairly large faction of students who dislike frosh week. Those to be receptive to and respect any anybody, especially in an orienta- Advertising Manager Elisabeth Ouviera who don't enjoy screaming non- frosh who appear shy or put-off tion week. Ad Production Manager Nicole Wilker sensical gibberish at the top of by the rah-rah proceedings. We should all drink the Kool- Indeed that's a simple premise Aid together. Ad Production Asst's Sarah Fabbro their lungs for days on end. It should be pointed out here in theory, but in reality frosh Mikel Sala that I hated my frosh week. I who don't like what's going on IT Manager lan Lochbihler couldn't stand the cheering and either a) pretend they like the . . P% Is Irosti week legit? the endless stream of activities cheering while wondering when iffioico Discuss this article it that didn't particular interest they get to do something else, illUHlfell http: mmeiubiauriep.ca WLUSP Administration (we need a new computer!)

President Laura Jardine VP: Finance Tunde Igli Letters to The Cord VP: Advertising Angela Foster Respect for Wilbur's big pants "A King without a crown would be encouraging if stu- Board of Directors Sandra McKenzie remains a King." Wilbur ends his dents from Toronto suddenly Marc Henein Jeevan Bains I'd just like to thank Wilbur for piece with, "we could all get in finding themselves a minority at

~ Jennifer McDonald Wayne Money his excellent opinion column line at American Eagle, but then Laurier would, instead of finding that ran in the Frosh Issue of the again, who would we be fooling? something lacking, revel in the Corporate Secretary Amanda Kirkwood Cord (July 2003, "Bigger than Don't waste your time worrying opportunity to be immersed in my pants"). In a few words, he about what other people think, another culture and chance to Contributors manages to run through the just be yourself. discover both its positive and The next time some bastardly program deletes my contributors I'll many challenges that WLU negative attributes. And, even in scream. Here is the condensed Sist of people, sorry if I forgot anyone: offers to new students. Brian D'Souza a seemingly homogenous group, Brian D'Souza, Bernard Dawson, Michael Borrelli, Jennifer Gordon, Kevin The lack of minorities on there are still interesting differ- Field, Brandon Cummle, Roty Nisan, Joseph Farag, Jason Pecevello, campus never came as much of a More controversy over the size of ences to be discovered, such as Bernard Dawson, Jon Corbin, Kat Lourenco, Mary Hennsen. Chad shock to me. This is exactly how Wilbur's pants personality, interests, beliefs and McGordick, MelissaAllen, Katie Gordanier, C.A. FraserKing, Jordan every single school I ever attend- dreams—the things that make Melanie Dinning, Teddy Weiss. Morgan Levy, Scharf, Sodhair. Longhairs ed in Caledon East was like. I I found Wilbur McLean's article us all human. at the Spur, microwave runners, Nell and Bob, new guy Taylor, Quizno's, parking lots, Rev. A! Green's "Sha-La-La (Make Me Happy)," "Human grew up in the country, just out "Bigger than my pants" (Prosh Nature," (he entire Thrilleralbum, Happy Birthday MJ, Happy Birthday of reach from the more diverse Issue, July 2003) extremely Harrison Hignett Wilbur! chocolate chips and peanut butter, Laura we NEED a new com- areas of say, Brampton or funny. 3rd Year Business puter... either that or you'll have to get us a prescription for some relax- Toronto. I don't agonize about it However, it's underlying mes- ants. peopie with walkie-talkies on power trips, women who are aiieclgedly either way but at the same time, sage disturbs me. It echoed sev- Public Education Should Be unaware that their thongs are hanging out my neighbours standards, that's where Tm coming from. eral remarks I have heard from Available to All drunk Ice Breakers yelling obscenities at me around 12:45am. yetis, first The one thing that I left Asian and East Indian students year n.ighy players and their girlfriends, "ho!, meow, Hlllllllliir, the mice for behind that I from Toronto that contemptu- Tory cutbacks have pushed Arnold's hot water, who miss more than feeding pythons, Eden, Harry BeSafonte, peopie else referred the "whiteness* Wilfrid into sound adorable when they lose their voices, and big (hank yous to getting anything from high school ously to Laurier University out of Brantford and surviving the epic production session. s the sense of comMunitji; and lack of diversity at Laurier. deregulating its Business pro- •SSJS, CH and gang When you've known people for a I can't help but wonder if these gram and may lead to the dereg- few years, they start to care same students would have this ulation of its Economics pro- Thanks for the happy birthday "SSJS, CH and gang'', "Hiiii, my name is about you and they know you on complaint if they were studying gram as well. This would allow Ashley!!!", donkey carts, stupid computers (Yes, we need a new comput- a far deeper level than in univer- in Beijing, Kenya, China or the university to set tuition fees er), Sarah'sfortune cookies, who threw out my poofy?!?, has a former sity where you rarely see the Nairobi, Kenya, places with far at any level without the approval diehard reader returned for at (east an occasionally look-see? I hope so, same people in more than a cou- less diversity than Laurier. Why of the Ontario government. and Antwone the of Jess: can't Jamiques (R.1.P.), magic press passes, 1 ple of your classes. is it only predominately white Although in theory this means be here this Sale. Everything all of you say just becomes noises", Caitlin, universi- CoSrt, Jenn and Stefan® for putting up with my elongated phone conver- I'm supposed to grow up and places that are lacking? Is it that greater; flexibility for sation, Stefanie for putting up with me calling him Stefanie, floor cleaner move on, but it's never going to Anglo-Saxons lack an interest- ties, the reality is that students for irritating (he skin on my hand. Caitlin who'slost two of her five senses. happen. All I've seen from this ing and worthy culture? While it in deregulated programs will 1 wonder if a few years from now I'll remember any of the references in point onwards has been a slow seems reasonable (albeit flawed) suffer massive tuition increases. these contributors sections, Also who reads these things besides people decline in the idealism of our that white people label other cul- The impact of these tuition who work for The Cord and other friends/family? Anybody? If you do, e~ youth and new barriers put up to tures more "interesting" arid increases on low and middle- maii me a? [email protected] to win a prize. A good one. I swear! keep us from "dreaming the "vibrant" than their own, it income families will be tremen- The Cord Weeklyis the officialstudent newspaperol WilfridLaurier University. Itis an editorially inde- impossible dream." How long is becomes scary when other cul- dous. University administrators, pendent newspaperpublishedby Wilfrid Laurier University StudentPublications. Waterloo, a corpo- it going to be before we're the tures agree with them. such as Laurier President Bob ration withoutshare capital. WLUSP is governedby its board of directors. neurotic adults who harassed Multiculturalism relies on all Rosehart, are forced into a diffi- and us when we were cultures cult position. Strong programs letters to the editor mustbe and submitted with Hie author's student identification tormented being celebrated equally All signed name, young? and right now, one culture is number, and telephone number. Letters must be received bynoon Tuesdayon disk, or via e-mailat that missing Celebration. It (continued on 9) [email protected] with the subjectheading of 'Cordletter '. Letters mustbe typed or easily legible Shakespeare once wrote from the page and maynot exceed 350 words. The Cordreserves the right to editany letter for brevityand clarity. Spellingand grammarwill be corrected. The Cord reserves theright toreject any letter, in whole or inpart. Po you think the government should fund deregulation? Should 112 year-olds be allowed to drink? Are you sick of hearing The Cord reserves theright not topublish material that is deemedtobe libelous or in contravention purple with the Cord's CodeofEthics or journalisticstandards. about the same topics repeated in the Opinion section? Were you ever asked to drink Kool-Aid? freshie? Jesus? Opinionsexpressedare thoseof theauthorand do notnecessarily reflect those of the EditorialBoard, Write a letter (maximum 350 words) and email it to [email protected] or drop off a copy WLUSP, WLU orHamilton WebPrinting. in the WLUSP office (3rd Floor of the FNCC) with attention to the Opinion Editor. Cord subscription rates are $20.00per term for addresses within Canada. The Cord is printed by He's the guy with the bitchin shoes. Hamilton WebPrinting and ispublishedevery Wednesday. 1 Thursday Sipiembekjl^OCß Opinion 9 It's about time you got shmammered the legal to drink set age: keg parties, fake IDs, to the shower... where the With age in Manitoba and Quebec and loitering* outside of vomit is unfortunately wait- LCBOs are all fairly easy ing- to be discovered. Of at 18 and up, Ontario should start playing catch up black market solutions. The course, I can't think of a time aforementioned offenses are where my don did anything That's unless your like some drunken boor. blood back look the happens to be aged eighteen I will contend, however, that also a waste of policing but other way if an Opinion a 18 years or less, a vintage which although alcohol is the cause efforts and liability to estab- year-old drank. that At a as isn't being served at licensed of myriad problems among lishments accidentally campus such Editor serve with fake IDs, Laurier's, one whose chapter Ontario parties. The Province our it also pervades minors youth, receives says out with OAC, our edu- criminal behavior among Waterloo's economy has suf- of BACCHUS awards the and has a cation system needs com- adults, who are still allowed fered heavily from bars for being best to roster volunteers, pete with the rest of the coun- accountability for their own repeatedly losing their liquor large of Stefan licenses, think that stu- try. Will our social scene lag actions. consumption of meanwhile some you would If computer is cashing dents could be responsible for Sereda and from geek in behind though, get alcohol isn't restricted a themselves around alcohol. skunky left out of the cool for domes- because he can make any- if generation liable is to for too long'? tie disputes, this freedom body look 19 on plastic. Local There only one way of these things is not establishments are missing prove such responsibility: One Currently, at least half of should be extended to 18 others: liquor; bar; out on a like the all Ontario frosli students are year-olds, who are considered large profit increase publicly and officially assert university; dry-heaving; kit- an WLUSU's President. being asked to carry more adults in every other fashion. in economy designed it. a that drinks. EVP:XJA, and BOD need to tens. responsibilities without the Anything less would be age- around public Sorry Ms. Fluffypaws, Instead of letting 18 year- research community interest comfort of a stiff beverage at discrimination. part of the all-con based olds look out for themselves. for lowering" the legal age for you're not the end of the day. fact, 18 student obses- In 18. If sinning WLU year-olds are being denied Ontario law. which hasn't alcohol consumption to alcohol. Looks like the demand to lower the sion with the responsibility to moder- Staying true its been changed since the it's off to the pound for yon. 19705, is forcing others to drinking age looks anything us ate their own liquor con- as a For the majority of under- even though classification take the blame. Students like the line-up at the beer- however, we sumption. they grads. have can live without parental mood enhancer, looking to make a dollar by store on May 2-4 Weekend, three to four years worth of holding a party, establish- the Students' Union should and supervision and fight in wars a chugging, tunneling, protect the alcohol is part of ment owners, and even dons inform Waterloo MPP Ted until that to freedoms they If firing back shots aren't given. Worst of all, the WLU for better or are being forced to accommo- Arnott of their concerns. attempt to join the Century next date bouncing and babysit- students at the University of like a bad idea. kids door have laid back Conestoga College, Club looks guardians, ones that hold the worse. ting* into their roles. Waterloo, While Laurier may not be as Dons especially should and from cities stretching party so long as nobody to doused in alcohol-based spon- drinks and drives. If Ontario Besides, they're going to not have to deal with the from Windsor Thunder sorship as MeGill (Molson) is ditching Grade it's time drink anyways. Staying true problem of 'underage' drink- Bay all claim responsibility 13. a as well, University, King's (Labatt's) to catch to Quebec and to its classification as a ing. Lecturing like for themselves the up some- College, or some other Manitoba terms of rights mood-enhancer, alcohol is a Prohibition Patty when provincial government may schools, in out at least make it is undeniable that and freedoms as well. part of WLU for better or one is found passed on give it to us, or WLU's an issue in the impending toxins surge through Scream statistics about worse. 'Minors' are going to the bathroom floor is a par- it every or election. bloodstream Thursday alcohol-related wasted youth find other avenues, or back ent's job, and older sister And and night. weekend... all you like, I won't scream alleys, for sneaking a bever- brother should laugh and any given happy hour. step over them on their way Public made private Guest columnist Brandon Currie warns that deregulation may cause the SBE to suffer the same fate as other privatized industries Guest dence, CEO Peter Burg' was Economics (SBE) initiated a in no hurry to comply with move to deregulate tuition Columnist regulations that protected rates, meaning; that adminis- the interests of the public. trators can hike tuition indef- wildest After all, he had already initely to stay competitive in ihirt^vSwi Brandon bought Washing-toil's apathy, the market. If prices rose 20 during Currie donating over $100,000 to percent a year, how could Frosh Week George W. Bush's 2000 elec- administrators be held tion campaign, and over two responsible? After all, it was 10.1 don't care if everyone is making fun of it, the mullet stays." I will be the first to admit million in donations to vari- the market that dictated what that some go ve rnment-con- ous GOP politicians over the price needed to be paid to 9. "PAMN IT!!! I can't believe we lost Regatta Games!" trolled sectors would be bet- last four years. The result: 50 stay competitive amongst the ter off privatized. For most million people in the dark... other universities. 17m not missing out on residence... so long as I can play Tetris on students, the alcohol indus- not so bad when compared to This inflated budget will try comes to mind first. I some of the other great fail- enable Laurier to pursue the my laptop." mean, who wouldn't love a ures of privatized industry. brightest professors and con- malt liquor price-war Nobody paid much attention duct groundbreaking- 7.7e5, Mom, I promise won't let anyone borrow my snow pants." between Forwell's and the C- to the decaying quality of pri- research, officials tell us. But I Spot? vate airport security until will it lead to a higher quali- 6. "Stop. Hammer time!" I would support this September 11, 2001. It seems ty of education? I guess that because for most functioning like it takes a tragedy for depends on your perspective. 5."A library and a seminary? Watch out Laurier, here I come!" people, the delivery of alcohol people to realize that public I think the measure of a is a non-essential service. If it interests have been sacrificed good university is found in 4. /our roommate moaning "home" in his sleep is disrupted, mishandled, for private profits-just ask the nature of its student swindled, bootlegged or oth- body. An intelligent, dynamic 3."17 year-olds get free beer at my kegger" erwise, it wouldn't threaten and diverse group would the foundations of society, The so-called suggest that the university is 1. "Help! I'm agoraphobic!!!" hopefully. 'invisible hand' of the doing what it should: ensur- However, when it comes to ing the prosperity of future services that are essential to free market can't be generations by training the And the number one saddest thing overheard during frosh week was: public and social health, pri- trusted to uphold leaders of tomorrow. vate interests should not be Quality of education also Matt Good entrusted to uphold the pub- students' interests. means availability of educa- lic good. It's a matter of tion. What good are better accountability and trans- professors if they are teach- parency. Companies are the people of Walkerton. ing elitist students that are accountable to their share- In the past year here at accepted on the grounds of Letters to The Cord holders to maximize profits, Laurier, the push to privatize their financial, not academic making decisions behind higher learning was at the ability? If tuition soars, then (continued from page 8) source. It is time for the Eves closed doors that could affect top of the agenda for our the SBE will have to lower its government to adequately millions. beloved administration. acceptance requirements to come from strong students, fund post-secondary educa- Companies like Disguised through maintain adequate enroll- and programs which tion. The government and like in FirstEnergy, the Ohio-based euphemisms 'contracting ment. entry is based on money the people of Ontario used to Bush has energy firm allegedly out' and 'deregulation,' As George W. rather than merit suffer as a have a deal: every child is responsible for the August 14 Laurier s top brass want uni- shown us (with MBA's from entitled to the best education Blackout, result. But administrators repeatedly ignored versity prices to be governed Harvard and Yale), sky-high also recognize that govern- available. The Tories have consumer watchdog- agencies by the market, thus remov- tuition rates can make uni- broken this deal, and we and ment cutbacks make it government recommen- ing* all accountability if versities resemble country extremely difficult to main- need it back. dations to make iiifrastruc- prices spiral upwards. clubs where the rich can tain their facilities. Dr. tural, in safety and environ- I'm not caught up some become graduates based on Rosehart has often stated his mental upgrades. Platonic-Socialist fantasy their bank statements. personal opposition to dereg- Anthony Piscitelli Prior to the great Mack- about free education for the It's time to realize that the ulation, Governor, Wilfrid Laurier out, but is the company was sake of enlightenment; but invisible hand of the market now pushing it through to University in already deep financial the so-called 'invisible hand" is anything but. Those who maintain quality. According trouble, be saddled with an of the free market can't extol its virtues also hide to him, there is no enormous debt and being- trusted to uphold students' behind it, and when it comes sued other way. for violating- workplace interests, much, less the over- to the protection of vital serv- 1 propose there is another health standards and envi- all health of post-secondary ices it is slapping* consumers option. Deregulation is a ronmental protection laws. education. and students in the face. Band-Aid solution, but we With profits failing and Last April, Laurier's need to fix the problem at its shareholders losing confi- School of Business and 10 Opinion Thursday September 4 ?nrn Let the fatcats foot the bill Guest columnist and half of the Italian Stallions tag-team, Mike Borrelli insists that the Provincial Government must be pressured into paying the fees for deregulated tuition

Ontario student willing to wide-ranging and severe ensure that all qualified stu- history, Dr. Carson has Guest more for now pay their education. ramifications for thousands dents will be able to attend set to work on privatizing Tuition fees are already out of of students and potential stu- regardless of their financial public education at Columnist control: Statistics WLU. By Canada dents in the province. The situation, but in its mad rush arguing' that tuition fee reports that average under- requirement for students to for cash, WLU has yet to increases are necessary tuition to graduate fees in pay more and more of their make such a commitment. improve the 'quality' of edu- Michael Ontario increased 137.2% in way is a roadblock to accessi- SBE students are astute cation at WLU, Carson the ten is Borrelli past years. ble education, limiting- who enough to realize that their actually providing an alibi Students should not be can attend universities and BBA program needs more for the conservative govern- picking up the tab for public colleges and for what pro- money to compete with ment Even with the prospect of other to further cut public education, but now they are grams. Increased tuition in elite programs in funding. Thanks are BBA but no tuition doubling, there paying about 40% of their Ontario contributed to enroll- Canada, and few of realistic enough thanks. Dr. Carson. WLU rumblings discontent postsecondary education in ment by part-time students to know that the government an advocate over in the Schlegel building, needs at Queen's Ontario. This has been a declining by nearly 25% won't pay for it. That's not a are where Park, public relations and there definitely no between 1992 and 1998. the attitude has to be officer for government. midnight rallies featuring the Considering that many part- changed. In order to main- There is a lot of work to and be pitchforks torches. There is a lot of time students are mature stu- tain a workable public educa- done on deregulation at WLU of this, some stu- Because work to be done dents, single parents, and tion system, accessible to all before it can be applied with- dents have accused the SEE those working to live, acces- citizens and beneficial to our out limiting access. In students of the being blissfully on deregulation at sibility to programs for peo- communities and country, we meantime, it is the duty or in of ignorant apathetic WLU before it can ple in certain economic situa- can't sell out our schools and administrators to join with regards the deregulation sit- tions will be seriously com- universities piece by piece. students in making sure but that uation, maybe it's just be applied without promised by deregulation. Someone needs to explain governments pay their fair their reflecting realism. Another study at the this to Dr. A. Scott Carson, share for our public educa- Simply best limiting access. put, the pro- University of Western the Dean of" the SBE, and for- tion system. Funding is the grams don't run on a small Ontario saw the number of mer CEO of the Ontario SBE's problem, not a regulat- budget funded by a regulated result of a significantly erod- students coming from a low Government's Privatization ed tuition fee, and we should tuition fee. ed funding base for post-sec- to modest economic back- Secretariat. After helping be on the same side of the But the problem that ondary education. As a wiser ground decline to 5% from the provincial government table on this issue, demand- many have with deregulation man than I once said, "We're 25% after tuition in their spend billions of public dol- ing that governments start not the at WLU is cost of the dealing with a semi-private medical school increased lars on a highway which was re-investing in public educa- education, but about who has education system in 300% to $12,000. Some quickly sold to a foreign con- tion. to bear that cost. You would Ontario." deregulated programs, like sortium in the largest priva- be hard-pressed to find an A semi-private system has those at U of Toronto strive to tization move in Canadian

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© 2003 Apple Computer, Inc. All rights reserved. Apple, the Apple logo,and Powerßook are trademarks ofApple Computer, Inc., registered in the U.S. and other countries. iPod is a trademark of Apple Computer, Inc. Other product and company names mentioned herein may be trademarks of their respective fl companies. Offer available from May 30 through September 27,2003. For Terms and Conditions visit www.apple.ca/education/hed/promos/bts Thursday SEFIIMBER 4.2003 Opinion 11 Listen to me and be yourself

Arid now the hard part. world has moved on. was only interested in seeing When you follow other Guest Who is Gerald MeClellan? Whatever his critics say our high school band win in people's orders, you risk los- Columnist According to about him, Jones is saying competitions because he ing parts of yourself that www.boxrec.com, lie has a that he can sleep soundly at couldn't make it as a full time can't be replaced. McClellan record of 31-3, and even beat night because he is taking professional musician. He lost on a much larger scale Jones when he was an. ama- proper care of himself. So tried to mould me into some- than any student could lose Brian teur boxer. What happened to one I wasn't, and used every by trying to answer his crit- D'Souza this guy? And why should opportunity to project his ics instead of taking care of you care? When you follow unrealized, dreams onto his himself. Just because the MeClellan was a man who other people's students. I never questioned stakes are lower it doesn't "You see what happened to was no different than any him, even after I dropped out mean that we're any differ- Gerald MeClellan? He other boxer: he was used by orders, you risk los- of band (hut not music class) ent believed the hype, went to g: eedy promoters to make parts of in grade 12. He's gone, but Roy Jonas Jr also said in England, and came home in a money ar d then thrown ing your- the fact remains that I neeer interview that wheelchair. Now nohod y a - a self that can't be stepped up and served Ms ass ' 'People can look at yon how wants to see Gerald /They used tissue when he lost to replaced. like I did to other neurotic ever they want. You gotta want to ignore that. But Fin Nigel Benn in 1995. teachers. look at yon.'" Don't sis there not going to ignore that. Hell If he had only lost the Don't waste time sucking' . - .. id wc i , with Larry Merchant and all fight against Bernv things many superstars are prosti- up to your Profs. They'll your ha- giving the critics. They're not going' wouldn't have been so bad. tuted to the point of collapse respect you for coining- to answers that fulfill the states to help me if my life gets However, he had to be carried and self-destruction by enter- class and doing the required quo. Just try to answer hon- damaged. You don't see Larry out of the ring in a stretcher ing into Faustian bargains. work, but also if you think estly and say the things that Merchant taking care of and lapsed into a coma. When Roy asks us, Is it worth it?' for yourself. The morons who are on. your mind. If you Gerald MeClellan .1 gotta live he came to, he had lost all but So the next time someone demanded obedience over always conform to what for me." -Roy Jones Jr., 20% of" his vision and was demands something; from intelligence in high school other people want, is it really Esquire Magazine confined to a wheechair for you. ask yourself, "Is it are long gone, but I see still worth it? 0k...1et me answer your life. worth it?" I spent years tak- see their shadow cast over questions. First, Larry The only people that still ing insults and lip from a the classroom whenever stu- Merchant is a boxing com- care about MeClellan are his neurotic music teacher who dents act like robots. mentator who should have loving family, Jones, and gotten a starring role in Middleweight Champion Grumpy Old Men. Second, Bernard Hopkins. Both Roy Jones Jr. is one of the Hopkins and Jones regulari- best fighters in boxing today, ty contribute money to a spe- and a possible contender for cial fund set up for 818 the Heavyweight title. MeClellan, but the rest of the

Do you feel unwell? If you're an Icebreaker, read this

ment: lay off the crack. THE BODY Opinion Zm fkIWANT Editor Tourette's Syndrome: Even if this mental disease is % the butt of many tasteless OF AH AHGEL?! jokes, there's nothing 1 funny Stefan about a group of Peer Sereda Services volunteers who spontaneously shout "Hey BACCHUS, our TAKE A DEVIL suck When a drove of Icebreakers Cockus!" wanders by your office at Oh wait, get it: the 12:15am I chanting- "Red rhyming makes it a laugh rum," can't wonder- you help riot. ing if some of the O-Week vol- -' '- >. ~ : unteers should seek profes- m M sional help. If you think you Compulsive Behaviour: may have a problem, here is a list of Some people like to clean possible conditions things, others like to count that you may need to see somebody about: things. Some organize massive charity drives to the tee. If you suffer from any of Attention Deficit compulsive behaviours, Hyperactivity Disorder: these Your Shinerama applications are attention span is below due in March. average, and your exuber- ance is far, FAR above aver- Germophobia: age. You might even catch yourself You're afraid of disease. Very screaming refer- afraid. You'll even get the bet- ences to American Gladiators at the ter of yourself and start top of your lungs. worrying that you have Alcoholism: one. Maybe you advise In a high-stress others to practice proper volunteer condom use just to limit position, you can expect this of to be a common the spread herpes. ailment. Strangely enough Especially since it's restrict- though, you don't mind m m ed, making- a dabble in the an entrie sauce that much more tempt- spending- mmmmmm mm ing-. For evening helping- drunks those of you who on dipped into who've been lying the the drink and Turret floor all night. showed up in my parking lot shouting- profanities before Social Anxiety Disorder: O-Week began. Alcoholics Anonymous For you, meeting new peo- is a good sup- ple is never easy. Your port group. Earn chips during Cheer-Off roomates might make you s. uneasy, or maybe you just Crack stay locked up in the Cord Addiction: Office taking shots at A-Team members should rec- .; ■ppppfp&'' ognize this those more outgoing* than one. If you're con- you. But most likely, stantly tweaking*, running*, jumping, you're terrified to go out- and dancing side because your around to "Sabotage" to the point of Orientation Team are a hurting- yourself, bunch of maniacs. you may be addicted to crack cocaine. Suggested treat-

The Cord Weekly: Your sharona 1926 since BBiSsffl! V HB " "'''' >s fM X;'.. 12 Opinion Thursday September 4.2003 Who are you to judge? www.joinarnold.com for his Shifty's Mini Top Ten... Shifty arbitrarily rates any attempt at views on gun control, abor- ...Funniest Arnold Movies tion, and what amount of 10 Junior. controversy made by others political muscle needs to be 9. Twins. flexed in California. You can 8. Kindergarten Cop. made any respect, certainly even ask him a question. My 7. Any movie in which The Defendant: Arnold not in the last several years. questions for the man who is Arnold makes an appearance Schwarzenneger But think about the benefits: even more destined to govern while wearing those shorts... if Arnold wins, and he can't than terminators are to rule 6. Hercules in New York for The Big Shock: He's been an lose, then there will be years the Earth: should Davis' its bad dubbing iron pumper, a terminator, a worth of fantastic jokes about recall be a total recall, who is 5. Batman and Robin for its kindergarten cop, Danny his accent and cheesy one-lin- your daddy, and what does he cheesy lines DeVito's twin brother, and the ers. Plus, he can already do? 4. Commando (the lines only male to ever be a make good on his campaign again) The momma. So why not try run- promise to increase jobs, as Sentence: 4 Lousy 3. The Running Man (my ning for Governor of California plumbers will have Beatniks (out of a possible 5) goodness, the lines) Contributed Photos California? In what might go two extra set of pipes to 2. Junior again (the guy was Arnold asks: "Did you bring the down as the greatest political maintain (see photo). In fact, pregnant, for pity's sake) mice... to feed the pythons?" moment in history (yes, the the number of employees in 1. Collateral Damage toppling of the Berlin Wall his administration alone and the formation of the UN should skyrocket, as it will pale in comparison), last probably take a whole team of Lousy beatnik rating system: action hero Arnie announced advisors, psychiatrists, yoga 1 beatnik: Sod off, I don't like on The Tonight Show that he instructors and drug dealers you. would be bringing his catch- to cool the commando out 2 beatniks: Sod off, you bore phrases and tough-guy faces when he literally tries to kill me. to Congress. off all of California's prob- 3 beatniks: Sod off. No THANK GOODNESS! lems. offense, but I'm tired. Normally. I wouldn't give a So four beatniks for doing 4 beatniks: Sod off! I wish I Republican a high rating. I the celebrity thing to do: turn came up with that. wouldn't say that somebody to politics when your career 5 beatniks: You don't even with such cookie-cutter polit- winds down and you find have to use British profani- ical views is being controver- yourself making movies like ties to be controversial. sial. I wouldn't even give Collateral Damage. Judge for many of the movies he has yourselves: log on to Go back to OAC Sports want to do with tiie rest of you're sitting' in the lounge my life. Therefore, it baffles and half of your floor has Editor me that at 18 you are expect- gone to the bar, you can't ed to choose a future. And help but ask if you are miss- when you take into account ing- something. You are, rising' tuition costs, it seems you're missing an entire Derek as though the pressure is social aspect Hm||H of university Iwanuk more intense. known as alcohol. Although Why the government there will be keggers and decided to do I no If you are reading this, and this, have various other social func- idea. Not only are you you are a frosh student who going tions which include liquor, to feel the academic pres- nothing beats the atmos- has just turned 18, I only sures of at have to one you being- university, phere at Phil's on a Saturday say thing: but the social of shouldn't be here. You, the aspects post- night. secondary will younger half of the now infa- education be To finish this editorial off, different for as I I mous you, well. don't really know what to double cohort, should tell the not be here. You should be can't a lie: best part of say other then if you think getting ready for your first you have made a mistake, it is, here day of OAC. not you first day To be blunt: you whatever being at of university. Laurier, your program, it is I can't even begin to imag- shouldn't be here. never too late to change to be blunt, ine the stress and pressure You should be at things. But you you shouldn't be here. You should guys are under. I can't at understand how you are put- high school living be high school living up your true forth dol- last year of child- ting thousands of up your last of hood, of lars to this wonderful year instead entering the institu- world of jacked up tion at the tender age of 18, tuition true childhood. rates and to a program you might not overpriced hous- be want to ing; a world that plagues us even sure you be Frosh was get- teens don't Week for me in our late and early in. I understand how Rev, expects ting- trashed at the twenties. Since you are here, anyone you to invest Phil's, Louie's, and God though, so much money into a future you might as well TV or VCR knows where else I ended up. take one of you might not even be sure piece advice: Those painful day activities, when you smoke pot, smoke of. which remind me of a combi- off was it school grounds. Case in point, when I nation of grade nine initia- Technically, 18, I wanted to be in business they can't kick tion and Kilter's Nazi you out and hide your stash. RENTALS Alas, (yuck). a year and plen- Germany, were always pretty and eased Of course, I'm sure ty of reflection, growth a maturity later, I decided with couple of pints at those "fire drills" are actually BY THE that Wilfs (tips included). On the drug raids. WEEK, MONTH OR TERM English and Communication bright side, at least won't Studies would be a better you Anyways, that's it juniors. have to worry about getting Enjoy this, it's a QUESTIONS? was. trip. selection for me, and it of But still, I'm and not thrown out the bar for try- 22, I'm ing to steal tips, I call even sure that this is what I which 'loose change.' But when

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■ ■ ■ ■ ~,,■' Thursday September 4,2003 International 13 Skirting Geneva in Cuba Humanitarian group condemns US treatment of 'illegal combtants' in Guantanamo Bay prison camp tre for what the Bush admin- MIKE BORRELLI istration calls "illegal com- Staff Writer batants." As illegal combatants, the The United States recently (estimated) 841 detainees at released plans to set up exe- Camp X-Ray have spent near- cution chambers at Camp X- ly two years in what the BBC Ray in Guantanamo Bay, describes as I.Bm x 2.4m Cuba, so that the worst of the open-sided wire cells with prisoners there can be tried corrugated roofs and buckets

and executed. The trials will for plumbing 1. These kennels be carried out in secret by are open to the elements, and military tribunals, with would violate the Geneva lawyers for the accused being- Conventions on the treatment appointed or approved by the of prisoners if the detainees tribunal. A permanent deten- held there were considered tion facility is also under POWs. Human Rights Watch construction, indicating to argues, "The United States the world that many of the would never house members prisoners held at of its armed forces in chain- Guantanamo may never be link cages, nor would it released. accept such treatment for The Bush administration any of its soldiers captured still maintains that prisoners by enemy forces," but there are being treated humanely are no such requirements for and will be given fair trials. X-Ray detainees. File Photo The BBC reported that newly These detainees do not appointed chief defence coun- have the rights of POWs, and Prisoners being transported to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba where they face substandard living conditions sel, Colonel Fred Borch, said since they are housed outside and the prospect of life imprisonment or execution he would work to have the of the geographical U.S., they trials as open as possible. He do not receive the minimum detainees. Amnesty them to stand for hours in Human rights organiza- min- further noted that the U.S. constitutional rights held by International alleges that hoods or blacked-out gog- tions still maintain that human would ultimately be judged all other U.S. prisoners. For detainees there have been gles, or deprived of sleep imum standards for by the world on the fairness example, the prisoners have hooded, blindfolded, shack- under 24hr a day artificial rights and justice must be of the trials. not been publicly charged led, and worries that since light. applied to even the worst It has been almost two with any crime, and have they have not been given Bush administration offi- offenders. As Human Rights years since prisoners from been held incommunicado, access to the base, other cials feel that the detentions Watch concluded in a recent the U.S.-led war in unable to talk to lawyers or cruel. inhumane, and make sense in the context of report, "At risk are not, only Afghanistan were flown to rights groups since their degrading- treatment may be the War on Terror. U.S. the rights of the individuals the small military base in detention. This frustrates occurring. The Bush admin- Secretary of Defence Donald who are unlawfully detained the Cuba. The base, leased by the human rights groups that istration has admitted to Rumsfeld claims that the today: by ignoring clear- U.S. from the Cuban govern- claim that the U.S. is operat- using "Stress and Duress" detainees at X-Ray are mandates of international ment, is out of sight and out ing outside of international techniques. The Washington "'among the most dangerous, law. the United States invites of mind both geographically agreements. Post reported that these tech- best trained, vicious killers every other country...to do and. legally. Here, the United There have also been niques include bounding on the face of the Earth," and the same." States has set up its infamous reports of the use of torture prisoners in awkward and have to be treated according- Camp X-Ray, a detention cen- in the interrogation of X-Ray painful positions, forcing ly. Drugs on Blackout spurs easing of environmental standards

WTO has and agenda reopen environmentalists BRYN BOYCE and begin producing International Editor energy. The bulk of the democrats united in opposi- plants able to reopen are tion. John Walke, director of ANTHONY PISCITELLI activists welcomed this com- In the wake of the near-cata- located in the American mid- the Clean Air Project of the Staff Writer mitment, but many ques- strophic August 13 power west. Natural Resources Defense tioned the leadership of the outage, the Bush administra- This move has been in the Council, believes that, "corpo- The World Trade program. tion has pounced on an works for several years but rate polluters will now be Organization is set to meet in Randall Tobias, former opportunity to circumvent was sidelined after the able to spew even more harm- Mexico next week to work on chair of the multinational America's Clean Air Act. The California blackouts crisis ful chemicals into our air." a new trade deal, and the lack drug company Eli Lilly was pseudo-crisis that left mil- began to subside. This new Others have attacked the of access to generic drugs for chosen to run the AIDS pro- lions of people needlessly blackout has given Bush the process by which the Bush developing countries is gram. The British Medical worried but without electrici- ability to move his amend- administration came to their expected to be a stumbling- Journal, The Lancet ques- ty has been a hot political ment through and permit the decision to amend. Vice block in negotiations. tioned his appointment, not- topic, and prompted Bush to reopening of 17,000 obsolete President Dick Cheney, a past Drug patents are seen as ing that "His connections amend environmental stan- power plants across America. CEO of Halliburton Inc. was an important issue to devel- with the pharmaceutical dards. The pollution generated placed in charge of a oping countries as there is a industry have led to concerns The "New Source Review" from these plants often floats National Energy Policy need for these types of drugs about whether [he] is com- program was amended on Report, which put forward to help save lives, yet their mitted to providing access to August 28th to permit older, numerous recommendations demand conflicts with the low cost generic AIDS drugs, less environmentally sound "Corporate concerning energy produc- high power generation sites to tion. prices major drug com- or whether he will purchase now panies charge for them. patented versions, so protect- expand without improving polluters will be Not all are convinced that This issue was first dealt ing the interests of U.S. drug the emission control mecha- to even the ominous emission _ able spew with in December of 2002 companies." nisms. increases will ever material-

when the United States - The Clean Air Act, origi- more harmful chemi- ize. The bulk of these are under pressure from the nally signed in 1970, sets the cals into our air." industry officials who point pharmaceutical industry - standards for emissions and to other environmental pro- vetoed a proposed resolution air quality in the US. tection laws as proof that air act is enforced will be maintained. despite every other country Although this -John Walke, Director of the quality in the WTO voting in favour by the Environmental Thomas Kuhn, president of of it. Protection Agency (E.P.A.), Natural Resources Defense Edison Electric Institute, At an top EPA administrator, stated that these new regula- the time there was Clean Air Project outcry from advocacy groups Marianne Horinko, stated tions will "lift a major cloud with people such as James that the rules and regula- of uncertainty," and will Love, director of the tions demanding strict over eastern states and ensure "reliable electric serv- Consumer Project on adherence to the set stan- incites groups and represen- ice and cleaner air." Technology who commented dards were too confusing. tatives to lobby for stricter The revision has come at a that, "George Bush and [U.S. Horinko further believes air quality control measures. time when environmental trade representative] Robert that this relaxation of envi- Not even one week has concerns are on the rise but Zoellick want to argue that ronmental standards will passed since the amendment also where the economy the diseases their own chil- encourage private invest- was made official and already remains trump. It's a politi- dren receive treatment for ment in power delivery. A groups are taking legal cally opportune moment for are off limits to poor children major issue within the black- action against the Federal Bush because after all, the in poor countries. They can- out debate has been the age government. New York, New Kyoto Protocol was also not win this argument." and competency of the deliv- Jersey, Massachusetts and canned during a period of The United States I-lie rhoto ery wires and grid infra- Pennsylvania are among the recession in America. responded to the criticisms African's have been actively structure. first states to makes legal with their own deal to give protesting for greater AIDS drug This amendment will give moves in an effort to over- fifteen billion dollars to help accessibility older coal power plants and turn the plan. fight AIDS in Africa. AIDS oil refineries the ability to In general, the relaxation 14 International opinion Thursday September 4.2003 A bitter history The global University of Guelph over Dean's many former slip-ups RORY NISAN their Agriculture depart- and raise many Political Commentator interesting ment. This was very foolish questions as to our present and led to even lower marks accounting. It was I know this is the interna- simply a problem as students lost their focus of publicity tional section matter and time of The Cord, and as faculty disappeared before all of U such of T's campus but compelling events increasingly during this war. was behind forcing have the happened to Laurier Then Dean Husselmein expulsion of our Dean. I the recently that have to give did something' downright When Revenue Canada bible, knocks up a virgin, mention to them. JASON BECEVELLO then irrational. Seeing that a refused to force Dean doesn't show himself However, to fully under- Guest Columnist again number of houses on Albert Husselmein's resignation, U for 2000 years? stand what happened Answer: The across from Laurier's campus of T's I ultimate dead between the University of administrators took hope someday a more unit- beat dad. were going up for sale, he matters into its own hands, ed, peaceful Toronto and our beloved world will exist. How can I justify such a decided lie would simply using a human blockade to While reading this column, Laurier recently, one must in claim 1 "slanderous" these houses as prevent the Dean from enter- consider the following- words conclusion? fact go much further into the Laurier's own, producing ing Laurier's Simple, one whose judgment past. U of has campus. Some of wisdom: "It is the mark of is rooted T always been clearly falsified evidence stat- clashes ensued in proof and fact, between the an educated mind to be able not and a 'democratic' university. In ing that Laurier had some Dean's supporters tradition parents' fact, within the world that is and U of T to entertain a thought with- own blind teachings, should sort of" historical right to the students, but it was only a out accepting it" (Aristotle); the Ontario group of univer- land. of time easily conclude that atheism matter before the "The important thing- is not is the and sities, it is the foremost pro- U of T's leadership saw, much larger U of true accurate "reli- moter T student to stop questioning" gion" of our of democracy. and chose to dislike what our population forced the Dean existence. to (Einstein). Rich Jeni - a comic writer Meanwhile, Laurier was Dean was doing. Claiming to stay away from Laurier and Most people's problems - is the author of one of always a highly undemocrat- be a defender of Albert finally give up Ms position. the today were created by our best quotes on ic university and to this day Street's sovereignty, U of T The despotic Dean religious wars was ability to create new ideas. I have ever read. reads, remains rather undemocrat- swiftly had Laurier's con- gone, to the applause of most It Yet students Behind every global problem "You're basically killing ic. of Laurier struction workers and equip- Laurier students. In his is each have to be our tendency to create other to see who's got the bet- always preferred ment expelled from the land - place was a temporary U of T without considering- the '•big- ter imaginary friend." I undemocratic our way rather and even considered attempt- administrator who claimed wish than picture." We've lost sight of more people were as wise as democratic U of T's way. ing to remove our Dean from he would bring security to ideals Sometimes this was a prob- that, if contemplated, he. power. U of T administrators our campus as well as a would give to a lem in the such as rise global if you are religious, past, when spoke to Arts and Science replenishment of many of the the kinesiology students' consciousness that facilitates you're probably quite pissed students, long ignored by the resources that we had lost our future program was nearly can- well-being as a off right now. My own fami- business-born Dean, and during the reign of Dean species. as celled 15 years ago simply Problems such ly will probably disown me spurred on an all out rebel- Husselmein. So far all we work, school, and relation- because our for making such controver- dean, Dean lion. However, U of T have seen, is chaos. Lines for ships so Husselmein, who cause sial statements reigned for changed its mind about a the registrar's office thus far much stress many years, didn't like the rebellion, and the Dean was have onto "What kind of god and I likely stretched Regina that those have fewer way they dressed or how they able to hold onto power. Street, the meat in the food affected lose delegates an impor- I acted on campus. Then, for 10 years there court can only be friends than at described sight of our did before. If Most students Laurier was calm between Laurier as sketchy at best, and the true problems tant task like writing learned to dislike Dean and U of T. Meanwhile, new faculty 'one' can't building still quicker than the bible, knocks up accept a 'radi- Husselmein, even hate him. grades and enrolment contin- hasn't been completed. they can as they realized that he was add cal' atheistic ued to drop while professor However, despite the one plus one. a virgin, then doesn't becoming increasingly turnover rose and approach, then the cam- numerous problems, no one The main at despotic and as he increas- pus became increasingly dis- in our school show himself again least consid- is concerned cause can be er the late and ingly had students suspend- organized. about being expelled, summed 2000 ed and expelled, often stu- up in for years? wise for But it was only a matter of dents can feel secure in the word: Clarence as one Darrow's such minor things speak- time before the right admin- knowledge that their profes- idea, badly about Religion. Religion has exist- "I am an agnostic; I do not ing the Dean. istrators would return to sors will still be around at the Furthermore, ed since we evolved to be pretend to know since the power at U of T. This end of the semester, and com- what many reign of the the capable of questioning our ignorant men are sure of." Dean began, occurred in 2000, and imme- pared to the past is there very surroundings. It robs us of Still real- grades of students fell steadi- diately U of T began consid- little discrimination on cam- skeptical? Then the our true potential on the ize that other beliefs ly and faculty turnover ering how to remove our pus. All classes are running most only rate became the highest fundamental level. It hold one back, and our inter- in despotic dean from power. and there is plenty of food causes the Ontario, with many well- masses to stop national unity along* with it. After Enron and the available. thinking for themselves, and respected faculty simply dis- One might as well believe WorldCom scandals. U of T True, Laurier has a long- is an ingenious way to appearing without a trace. In pacify that the world is flat and the found the right angle: way to go before it can be the torments of not knowing fact, these student and facul- Accounting of Mass Earth is the center of the unity prosperous; but now that our purpose for existing, and verse. "Great spirits rights violations contin- Fraudulenee. It turns out Husselmein is have to gone the to explain the word around always encountered violent ued occur during the our dean was a rather poor potential for is end- entire reign of progress us. Moreover, religion is but opposition from mediocre the Dean. bookkeeper. True, he hadn't less. a devious method used to minds" (Einstein). the Also, for a number of actually committed any seri- I hoped you enjoyed Even years the Dean forced my keep the masses under con- most positive of changes ous fraud for years, but U of telling of the history of Iraq. trol by those who hold power. Laurier to battle the T to publicize came about following' intense managed our The bible was written over controversy. hundreds of years by dozens of people. I hardly believe that an all powerful god who Editor's note: The words can create a planet in seven 'God' and 'Bible' were not - days lifeforms included — capitalized for this piece at cannot even write (or create the author's request. IV.M. for that matter) his own book. Furthermore, what kind of g-od delegates an important task like writing

Nagasaki You Want To Write For Cord International Now. Trust me, there's no cheering involved.

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JOSEPH FARAG entire world and could allegedly be the world's second-largest oil reserves, Staff Writer deployed at any moment, are no where rhetoric about the "regime change" of to be seen. In Britain, where a shred of President Charles Taylor's brutal mili- Welcome incoming frosh and returning the accountability of leaders to the pub- tary junta has been strangely lacking. students! I hope you all had great sum- lic still exists. Prime Minister Tony This in a country whose capital city, WatchWorld and mer with much fun sun. Amidst all Blair has come under sharp scrutiny Monrovia, was named after US MIDDLE EAST - Palestinian that fun and sun however, I doubt many over the summer. Revelations that the President James Monroe. Prime Minister Yasser of you have had time to keep track of all so-called "dossier" was "sexed-up" in One repressive government has Arafat announced that the the fast-paced international events that order to create a greater sense of replaced another in Liberia, beginning U.S. backed peace plan is have taken place over the past four urgency have plagued the Blair govern- in 1944 with William Tubman. The eye dead. A senior advisor to months. ment. of this past summer's storm has been Arafat later repealed the Let's go first to Iraq, where it Stateside, the media finally picked up President Taylor, who came to power statement and reaffirmed seems that the Americans aren't as wel- on news that the "evidence" indicating through a military insurrection in that the road map still come as they thought they'd be. I never that Saddam was attempting to buy 1989. A seven year civil war ensued exists. In an off-camera would have guessed. American troops weapons grade Uranium from Niger leaving 200,000 dead, and 1.5 million interview Arafat accused the have been attacked almost daily since were forgeries, and bad ones at that. displaced. Israelis of killing* the peace Governor Bush declared an end to major This news had actually surfaced prior to Peace was not brought to Liberia until a plan through "military combat operations in Iraq. the war taking place, but news outlets Nigerian-led peacekeeping contingent aggression" of late. There Deaths of US troops resulting from chose to wait until after the war before landed in an attempt to restore order to were several Israeli missile these attacks have occurred at a rate of making the general public aware of the the embattled country, with the U.S. so strikes in suspected Shiite roughly one every 48 hours. The White government's deception. much an intrinsic part of Liberia's past, strongholds. Arafat then House and State Department insist that Indeed, it is an interesting notion refusing to send troops until Taylor lashed out at Bush, saying the attacks are being carried out by that in the U.S. a president can be stepped down. Taylor did just that on that the American preoccu- "remnants" of Saddam loyalists, but the impeached for lying about his August 11th, accepting exile in Nigeria. pation with the Iraq occupa- scope and locations of the attacks indi- "extracurricular activities" which And so it seems that he will escape war tion crippled the peace plan's cate something far more dire. harmed no one, while the public and the crime trials, at least for the time-being. effectiveness. In fact, while many of the attacks media remain relatively silent about the have been in locations traditionally lies that lead to war and deaths on both SRI LANKA - Norway, a loyal to Saddam, many have also sides. country renowned for it's occurred in Shiite strongholds where Next in line to assume the Iraqi ability to broker peace, has Hussein brutally oppressed the Shiite throne, if the US has its' way, is the lit- agreed to send delegates to majority population. Are these people tle known figure, Ahmad Chalabi. If aid in Sri Lanka's fragile simply ungrateful? We did liberate this g'uy is obscure on the international peace process. The them from that tyrannical monster who landscape, he's practically completely Norwegian delegates are was slaughtering them by the tens of unknown within Iraq itself, having not expected to arrive in the Sri thousands, did we not? lived there since 1956. Chalabi has a Lankan capital of Colombo Unlike the people of the United States sordid history, having been convicted in on September 17 to ease the of Amnesia, Iraqis still remember when absentia of embezzlement, fraud, and tensions between the rebel Saddam was our good friend. They breach of trust by a Jordanian court, Tamil Tigers and the Sri remember that we and our allies were after a bank he ran collapsed with near- Lankan Government. Late arming him to the teeth while he ly $300 million unaccounted for. He August saw a flurry of polit- butchered his own people and waged a was sentenced to 22 years in prison; he ically motivated murders war with Iran that claimed upwards of" has yet to serve a single day. and has threatened to derail one million lives. Perhaps Westerners Another political hot-spot in the inter- peace talks. The . Tamil can be excused for forgetting these national realm this summer has been Tigers are seeking an inter- things. We were, after all. so far the small West African state of Liberia. im government in which removed from it all, but this is a sorry Liberia was founded by 83 freed they would have majority excuse. These are memories that are American and Caribbean slaves and control despite being not likely to fade any time soon for the declared independent in 1847. It is iron- accused of killing 40 politi- Iraqi people. ic that the people of the country whose cal rivals since the February Matters are not helped by the fact name means "freedom," have seen little 2002 ceasefire. The past that the weapons of mass destruction, of this commodity for several decades. Former President Charles Taylor meets with three decades of ethnic con- which posed an "imminent threat" to the Unlike in the case of Iraq, which sits on Nigerian President Olusegun Obasanjo flict in the region has claimed at least 60,000 lives.

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-JlffliMMMiwßß n j J 16 Feature Thursday September 4.2003 Jennifer Orientation Week 2003 Asselin's

Remember back when you were small and you would exuberantly play in the backyard, get called for dinner and poof, the plate of mom's famous meatloaf would be waiting for you on the dining room table - like magic? Well that's what Orientation Week initially reminded me of. No, not mom's meatloaf, but the fact that events would occur and different activities would just happen - like magic. I thought nothing of who put it all together. Reality has set in though from the experiences I have encountered throughout this week as a Shinerama Booster. The mystery has been solved and I now realize just how much time and planning is put into an event that spans one of the most important weeks of a first year students' life. I'll be one of the first to admit that the herding of hundreds of Frosh all wearing the same color t-shirt is like watching sheep flock across a field. However, I have realized that as cult-like as O-Week might seem, it is necessary for students to have a way of getting to know one another and be put in situations that allow them, to come out of their shell. By participating in this week not as a frosh but rather as one of the hundreds of volunteers, I have been able to gain a sense of how much time and effort goes into things as little as decorating the AC before a Shinerama presentation to something as large as the Blmg-Bling game. Set-up and tear-down have been two frequently used phrases for Boosters and as the week progresses schedules change and flexibility is the key word. Through all of this I am amazed at how few people have com- plained. We're talking about hundreds of volunteers who have paid money in order to volunteer. I mean, I got up at 5:45 a.m. Monday morning on my

own free will in order to get ready to welcome the frosh to WLU - I paid

- to do this. The question Why? The answer - because I wanted to share in the experience of first year students and do my best to make them feel as comfortable at this university as I do as well as help raise money for a cause I believe is extremely important. If it meant delivering Timbits in the registration line to some random hungry guy or sharing my first day experiences with a nervous music major, I was doing my part to make the first year students feel at home." As volunteers we all strive to make sure the students are *getting the most out of this week and throughout this time there, amongst all the volunteers, there is a sense that we're all in the same boat. Everyone says hello and smiles at one another knowing that by working together we are creating a sense of community. Throughout being a Booster I have met some fantastic peo- ple_ working towards a great cause and have made friends that I wouldn't have otherwise. To see the behind the scenes of Orientation Week has been an eye opener. 1 now realize mom's hard work and caring in the kitchen are what produced the meatloaf, not magic. Similarly, it is everyone's hard work and caring that has made /' \ Orientation Week what it is, not sf magic. Well, okay, maybe a little magic. I see mini elves. . Thursday September 4.2003 Feature 17

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Since I decided to attend Laurier I have heard nothing but great things about it, such as," OH MY GOD, YOU'RE GOING TO LAURIER? THEY HAVE THE BEST FROSH WEEK", said by Melissa Quinn, 2nd year Laurier student. Now, my expectations weren't set high due to the fact that I was more scared to come to Laurier and the "BIG" city then excited. I know many of you are thinking that Waterloo doesn't hold a candle flame to Toronto but to me, entering a first year class six times the size of my whole high school and a city where my neigh-Jennifer Gordon bour is 12 inches away instead of 12 kilometres, I experienced a huge culture shock and all I wanted was to feel at home again.

This culture shock really hit me when I arrived to the campus at ten on Monday morning, I thought I was going to beat the rush. It seems the rush beat me. Along the way I made a joke stating how humorous it would be if someone got to the front of the line and found out they were in the wrong one. Little did I know that it was going to be me. I saw the AC sign at the same time as I saw the LOCUS sign. Since I am a LOCUS member I put my hand over my face, realized the joke was on me and quietly went to the other line, hoping no one would notice. I then learned that I should have stuck with my first instincts. Any LOCUS member will realize that I left the right line for the wrong line. A line isn't a GREAT way to start your first day.

The first part of the day is rough but once you meet your enthusiastic icebreakers you finally feel like screaming, " Yah, this is going to be great". I was privileged enough to have Mike and Lindsay as icebreakers. These two individuals had no problem answering any questions I had. As the night went on I grew more tired but yet more excited about what was coming next. My favourite part of the week was opening' ceremonies. Although I was destined to sit on a cement floor for hours I found the energy in the building mind blowing. Oh, and the entertainment was amazing. MATHEW GOOD BABY!

That leads me into the concept of the cheers. The cheers are very catchy. Although, I must say that too much isn't a good thing. Many students agree that life isn't a song. Things like "stay off the grass" and " to the back of the line" shouldn't be made into a cheer. My only suggestion in this regard is to key it down a notch, some students can't handle it. The main cheers are very effective. I caught myself at home during dinner singing " Go, Go Gladiators G0.." I am sure everyone on the gold team has caught themselves doing this also. The cheers are very addictive.

—In conclusion, although there are cheers for absolutely everything and you always find yourself standing in a line I must agree that Laurier's frosh week is the best. You see its not the events and surprises that make a party, it's the location and the hosts. Wilfred Laurier is a great location and the hosts are off the wall. That combination is just too great to be compared to any other school. You've made me feel at home Laurxer.

ImpressionsO Week

"P, A, R-T-Y. party hearty, woo hoo, Laurier!"

This catchy—if grammatically incorrect—mantra was there in my dreams on Monday night, to remind me of the spirit-building fun we'd had the day before. The icebreakers did a great job of getting* people talking, cheering, and making friends, despite our best efforts at appearing- to be too busy recovering l from our summers to enjoy ourselves. Even though I'm living off campus, I felt just as welcome as those in residence, thanks to the great group of people running LOCUS.

O-Week seems to be both plagued and blessed by one thing: the amount of choices. There are many activities on and off the campus that appeal to me, so I'm forced to choose some and lose others. Whether it's catching- up with old friends or making new Kevin Fieldones, Night in Sports Waterloo Park or all-night partying on campus, Shinerama Shine- Off or Feed the Frosh, or the Cora Roast or yet another colour team meeting, there's a mul- titude of choices to make during O-Week at Laurier. Should I get out there before Pm settled in here? Do I go to the introduction for my Arts Department major or my Sciences one? Will my budget survive if I keep eating pizza at lunch rather than buying groceries? Heap these questions onto a tired, largely-disorganized, and half-unpacked first-year student, and he'll start to feel as if he's missing things he shouldn't be missing. (In all of the course and program selections I did this year, 1 must've missed a lesson somewhere.) In some cases, though, people were flexible enough that I was allowed to attend two things at once. Booyah!

"We got the most, we got the most, we got the most!" Weil, we at least got to wait the most on Monday night, it seemed, but the icebreakers were quick to remind us of our blessings and to keep us entertained. I thought I had heard it all at SARS-Siock this summer, but when the Miniatures came on in the Waterloo Recreational Complex, I wondered how anybody near the front could survive, (All right, I'm wimpy.) I was glad to hear the next clay that most people who stayed were pleasantly surprised with Matthew Good,

On Tuesday; we had a boatload of fun with the Regatta Games, during which we ROYALLY KICKED THE GREEN VIKINGS' BUTTS (ahem) played a lot of good, old-fashioned, just- competitive-enough rounds of various camp games. On the tours and seminars, I met a lot of great people whom I can't wait to get to know better in the coming months. Today I thought I'd break from the normal colour team activities and get my new room organized, but when I did pop in to The Champions' Village, it was great to see the diversity among the clubs, and awesome trying out the bungee cord race. After that, we headed over to the Book of the Month Club lunch, which was another tightly-knit social atmosphere to enjoy meeting people in.

Frosh week is shaping up well, but I'll be glad and sad when it's over. . '

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GRAND TRANSIT 20 Student Life Thursday September 4.2003 Cheers! Drink up, get blotto! For everyone who's geared up to start school off with a drink we bring you the down low on the local bar and club scene

have to grind with the person next to you, because there is not enough room to maintain personal space. Claustrophobic stay clear of this crowded bar, but everyone should at least go once to this famous meat market.

Phil's If you're in the mood for cheap drinks in a dump, Phil's is the choice. With probably the cheapest drinks you'll find anywhere (great for the student on a budget), and the cheapest surroundings to match, Phil's is great. MORGAN LEVY food that can be paid for on Sometimes it's just more fun Cord Student Life the Onecard (making it to drink in a dive. As well, appear free), so it's an inex- drinking here before going The Turret pensive outing. The pub is to another bar is just about as The Turret, Laurier's own also host to a variety of bands cheap as drinking at home, campus club, is a great place and events to keep you enter- but you'll get out of that ever to frequent during' the first tained. If a laid back atmos- so small room that you've year of University: it's close, phere is what you're after been sharing- with the same it's an easy way to meet fel- give this pub a go. person for too long. Music low first years, and most changes every night so make importantly for the double The Revolution sure you go to Phil's on a cohort, it's a bar that grants The Rev is one of the most night that suits your musical underage Laurier students popular bars in K-W. Friday taste. admission. See page * for and Saturday nights are usu- more on the new underage ally busy so after 10:30 there Elements policy. The Turret plays a is a cover charge. The Rev Located in downtown great variety of music and has two rooms with two Kitchen, Elements is an alter- the crowd is always upbeat. sounds; the main area plays native for those who need a Words to the wise hip-hop and top 40 while the change from The Revolution". though...choose your timing purple room plays house. The Each of the three dance wisely. The Turret is known Rev is simply a great bar that rooms in the club is theme to for its endless line-ups, and rarely disappoints. This bar a different element (hence the therefore, endless waits. is also a fancier club since name), and so offers different Newcomers should be told to instead of the regular con- music and atmosphere. This get there early if you plan on crete flooring and bar stools leads to a night that doesn't getting- in. It's better to get it has many couches and a get boring. Beware of the fire there before everyone else nice black interior. The line- room as it gets steamy with than to not get in at all. The ups are brutal though, so try all the torches and hip-hop. other route is to wait until to get there early. This club also has the largest the end of the night when disco ball in Canada so if that enough people have left the Loose Change Louies is important for you to see, bar or the line to allow easy If you are a single first year, head over to Elements. access. Either way the Turret this is definitely the place for is usually worth the wait you. Louies on Tuesday, Sammy's Garage since it is so close by and full Thursday and Saturday is This gem that I didn't discov- of fa miliar faces. always crammed with as er until way too late in my many sweaty bodies as it can University career is a guar- Will's Pub fit. The dance floor is the anteed good time. Sammy's For a more relaxed experi- main disadvantage, as it's is host to an eclectic mix of ence and a significantly very small and very crowded. people, from high school kids smaller line, try out Wilfs This leads us to why it's great to cougars. There is a huge (on campus). Wilfs has great for the singles - you almost dance floor, good music (courtesy of dj's sitting in the front end of a pick-up pro- truding - from the wall), and a glassed in patio. The line-up can get long, but it moves fast, so not to worry.

Paddy Flaherty's Paddy's is probably my favorite place to go in all of K-W. They have great food, great bands, lots of people (possibly the only place in which they would all join together for a rousing rendi- tion of Sweet Caroline), good atmosphere, and delicious drinks. Whatever mood you're in, whether it is just to relax with some friends or go all out, Paddy's is an excellent choice. You may encounter a line-up, but it generally isn't too long of a worth wait, and it's definitely comes early in it. back down. Pikeeoming the year, is always a blast, and always sells out fast. Philthy McNasty's Johnny Fiasco's once a very Make sure to buy your tick- Philthy's is a real diamond in Though this was fire people always coming to you the dance club ets as soon as they go on sale. the kind of bar. To the popular bar, rough Brewery - book a tour easily fooled it appears as area of Fiasco's is now closed Brick for aduice? Do you constantly dis- of Brick Brewery for you and common as the next sports due to a liquor license However, Fiasco's is a all your friends. Five dollars bar. but those who like to pute. get bombarded uuth questions out while buys you all you can drink explore will find more down- good place to hang to get into Louies for two hours. pink The underground is a waiting such as "should I uiear the stairs. choice Spur - for all you happening dance club on and an excellent for Silver Wednesday when karaoke lovers out there (or shirt or the black shirt?" If so, Monday and Friday- as an pitchers on a pitcher of your people who just plain like to added bonus drinks are you can get brew for $7. embarrass themselves), this you could be the new aduice This bar is favourite only always cheap. is the place to be. bound to fill up everynight so columnist for the Student life get there early to ensure that Extra you get the underground Some Tips: section. E-mail experience. Smokers beware: you've entered the Pikecoming - this drinking [email protected] once in a underground there is no way party held field sends back to the joyous up for a butt unless you want you right to wait upstairs in line to get days of high school. Thursday September 4.2003 Student Life 21

compared to those in some of Laurier's "more popular" vol- First Years unteering opportunities. Keep an eye out for the Best Vocal Cord Buddies booth if you are interested in this type of experience. I can tell you personally that it is quite We asked students what is heed my rewarding. If this isn't your type of thing- and you are still the best and worst part of left wondering' about what other activities are available being back at school... to get involved, head up to warning the Students' Union and talk to the Campus Clubs Co-ordi- Best: "Having a reason to drink nator. If you still don't find anything*, don't worry- with a again." Now that many volunteer groups on small following you can even start your own club. Worst: "Having a reason to drink campus charge a fee, frustrated do Lastly, for those of you again." who are hell bent on joining gooders seek other opportunities to everything* that you see this week, I leave you with a NicholasRay warning: as much as you are 6th yearPhilosophy major volunteer on campus ready to give Laurier all your time, energy and heart, you the first may not get opportunity experience. Although do For some bizarre year year not to that. More than is reputedly the reason everyone and their to take seriously, there is still Best: "The F-ing crazy exciting amount mother applies to volunteer atmosphere." f00t... a certain of school- at this school. The applica- work to get done. My first tion/interview is take process point is that you should extensive and will be more Worst: "I have one less year of Melanie your time deciding what most want to join (if stressful than of the job university." thing's you interviews you have ever had Scharf try not to over- any) and in your lives. If you are sure whelm yourself by signing meant to Chris Stackhouse for everything- all at once. that you were be a Now that you have been up of here, 2 year Business major You be surprised how part a certain group exposed to Orientation Week, will don't be so sure they feel the I have no doubt that you are quickly your time runs out same way. You may have probably excited to be here every day and before you your heart broken. As a tip, know be and pumped to get involved. it. midterms will talk to someone who knows here and your books will r I call this phenomenon "First the application/interview on our (F n and to remain sealed. Best: "Living Year Fever." Not worry, process well and take their catching w ith friends." even though it is contagious Secondly, the icebreakers seriously. Even if up only really tell you about cer- advice very there are some simple steps you do this, be prepared to be you can take to make sure tain aspects of what Laurier rejected. "Studying...by far." lim- Worst: that you are not infected. has to offer. Do not feel All I ask is that you think I was once like you: a first ited to Foot Patrol, (ERT, critically about what you year student who had just PHL,) BACCHUS and you next have heard since arrived moved out of home for the Icebreaking for year's O at this establishment. Jen Royal 3rdyear History first time. This is an exhila- Week. Keep your eyes open Nothing is perfect and I major rating feeling for most. for campus clubs and alterna- guarantee you that Laurier is Elena Savelieva 2nd year tive volunteering opportuni- Couple that with some bois- no exception. There will be Economics major terous icebreakers whose job ties such as CVAC. CVAC is frustrating* times ahead, but works it is to pump you full of all of an organization that if you take the time to find to get Laurier students out of the positive things Laurier things that truly make you Best: "Girls! Girls! Girls!" has to offer and you can get the school and volunteering happy, your university expe- in an epidemic. You may feel various groups through- rience will flourish. You that it is necessary for you to out the community. One of world at your linger Worst: "Living in a basement and is called Best have the join every club, service and these groups tips, don't hesitate to grab going to classes." team that Laurier has in Buddies. Best Buddies hold! order to enjoy yourself. I matches Laurier students would like to take a few min- with adults who have special utes to explain why this can needs in hopes of making- Mike W oble Ist year Business actually end up being a detri- friendships. The time major ment to your University demands are relatively low Sebestien Beitel Ist year unde- cided major

Best: "Summer w as starting ti get boring."

Worst: "Waiting in line."

Kate Crowther Ist year Biology major

Let me see that thong! Do you recognize these pretty panties as your own? Don't be embarassed that we took an unflat- tering photo of your rear, we want to reward you for such a picture. If this is your butt and in turn your thong, come to Student Publications (3rd Floor of the FNCC) to claim your prize (a date with

Wilbur is one of several options - hell even pay...for the appetizers)* We're also willing to donate a Quizno's sub of your choice to get you one step closer to having l-Lo's ass, imagine, a picture of your bottom could be gracing the covers of tabioids any clay now. 22 Student Life Thursday September 4.2003 Food for Thought

Subs rented the prime loca- available along with Crusty sub places, the rumor that tion beside Phils many were Chiabatta). Mesquite smoked their food is a little pricey leery of steep prices and white chicken strips came proves to be true. Most of the bright lighting- that was lack- topped with bacon, Cheddar subs are roughly the same ing 1 at the former Stanley cheese, lettuce, tomato, red price; a small goes for $5 a Burger. Would such a place onion. Ranch dressing and medium for $7 and a large cater to drunken Phils Italian seasoning. I found the for $9. I found the small 8 patrons at all hours of the rosemary Parmesan bread to inch, sub to be more than night as Stanley's did? be the tastiest part of the sub; enough to eat because it was Though I did initially dis- it tasted like those pizza buns packed with chicken instead miss this eatery as yet anoth- that pass as lunch in grade of cold cats. I'm not exactly er submarine place, I have school. The chicken was all sure who could consume a recently changed my opinion, white meat and grilled to per- large sub from Quizno's but JESSICA MCLAUGHLIN after indulging' . in one of fection. The amount; of pro- for those who want to try eat- Student Life Editor their specialties. I decided to tein was plentiful especially ing' theri way to sub oblivion, try out for a meal w?th the baeoß The veggies plan for a doggie bag. a Quizno's Last year dear friend of and see if they live up to the were fresh and the bread was is a good pick if r Quizno's the Laurie community prophecy that they make the you are craving a meal as passed away. Sadly, students best subs around. My first opposed to a sandwich. I stood by helpless when the Quizno's may never impression was that the would not recommend this Po you like to eat! fo you enjoy a vari- beloved Stanley Burger menu had more unique choic- the shady shoes eatery to those who want a closed abruptly in late fill ety of food and are wining to taste nm es than the usual ham and plain old sub since plain subs things? you February of 2008. Dejected of Stanley Burger, If so, could be the next food cheese. With submarinemenu are not Quizno's specialty. critic for the Cord. burger lovers were dumb- items such as Honey Bourbon but a Contrary to the cold and founded at the loss of this they make Chicken, Black Angus Steak. basic subs at other similar up application WIUSP gem of a burger joint. What damn good sub. Pick m in the Sierra Smoked Turkey and chains, Quizno's offers office oh the third floor of the FNCC would fill the deserted loca- Hot Beefeater; hearty subs that eat more the Quizno's behind the 7.4-hour lounge. tion and live up to flavour makes it clear that they are a like a meal than a snack. of the grill? Where would cut above other sub restau- Though you won't find the students get ice cream on rants when it comes to vari- warm. Overall I found the delicious spicy curly fries those sporadic warm nights? ety and culinary creativity. sub to be a little sauce heavy from Stanley burger that Most would the importantly, I for the Mesquite but definitely flavourful. once satisfied late night new opted eatery come with similar Chicken with bacon on rose- Though Quizno's did dis- hunger pains you will find old scary owners? mary Parmesan bread (plain prove my opinion that they yummy subs that fill you up. When the posh Quizno's brown and white bread is also offer the same food as other

Every once in a while, it's kinda pleasing... ya know? W

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%OiV y?' •'*•&, OMSAS www.ouac.on.ca/omsas/ iA^. Ontario Medical School Application Service * 8, for for on-line applications . V*f October 2003 Last day registering tHBSB October 15, 2003 Application deadline ■BSSS9H! j/\ ' 1 mH PHI,■ !•'- 1 1 v m •' 888B II lI'Ml BjBIM. olsas www.ouac.on.ca/olsas/ «# x ajjjjp I A Ontario Law School Application Service "• Bflj •• '. • . MjtM J % JrfjSr November 3,2003 Application deadline—first-year ill !'r — ISSSiMW

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(Audiology, Occupational Therapy. Physical Therapy/ | I I 1 Physiotherapy, Speech-Language Pathology) J IiSISO/ I NOW PLAYING! Thurs-Sun 7:00, Mon 9:10, Tues-Wed. 7:oopm I 6 Princess Street West • 885-2950 \ _' PW(tWM*I TOmwuwmm & http://princess.sentex.net !*UllflTlflrVil T Jn»TIT IFMHCBSSUNEMAI Located in Uptown Waterloo THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 4, 2003 Sports 23 Hawks down Ottawa 30-20 Men's football team looks to erase bad memories of 2002 season with early victory over University of Ottawa

DEREK IWANUK footsteps of Ed Becker by Sports Editor connecting - on three field goals, and converting- all In what hopes to be the first three extra points step to help erase the bad Derek Medler also added a memory of a one win 2002 touchdown to his 220 yard men's football campaign. The performance and Andrew Laurier Golden Hawks won Agro joined his brother in their season opener 30 - 20 the scoring frenzy by catch- over The University of ing a touchdown in the final Ottawa on Monday at Frank minutes of the game pulling Clair Stadium in Ottawa. Laurier away with a 30 - 18 ball Defence and good con- lead. Laurier Athletics trol were two keys in the win, The game also marked the when match as Laurier scored a defensive return of quarterback Ryan "Focus" is the key to success for the Hawks they up touchdown and CIS all star Pyear, who missed the second against Guelph this Saturday. Derek Medler rushed for 220 half of last season with a torn yards on 34 carries. The ligaments in his knee. Pyear home here for four games in Jefferies also commented defence got the scoring* start- looked good in his return our own backyard, that is that the team made a few ed when David Agro picked passing for 135 yards and exactly what we wanted." mistakes and must stay out focused for their home open- up a fumble and returned it also adding - 38 yards rush- Jefferies pointed that for a touchdown. The Hawks ing. some of the key elements to er against the University of added six more points to take This game the game were good ball con- Guelph next Saturday. a 13 - 11 lead going into the can easily trol. "We have to come back close of the first half. begin to wash Laurier 30 "The offence and get our feet back on the The defence did their jobs away bad mem- held onto the ground and prepare for throughout the game as ories from last football, they Guelph just as hard as we did Jason Alexander, Justin year's disap- Ottawa 20 drove the ball. for Ottawa and get better. We well, Shakell and Kevin MacNeil pointment and Derek Medler, RB: They made played but we can play each had three tackles. also build twenty one better." MacNeil was also a factor in momentum for first downs, so Just how well the Hawks 230 yards on 34 carries remains the scoring' as his forced a four game time of posses- will play a mystery, fumble led to the David Agro homestand. 1 Touchdown sion, which is but if Monday's game was recovery for the touchdown. Laurier Men's so critical was any indication on Laurier's definitely success in Jason Thompson was also a Football Coach a football 2003, force on defence leading' all Gary Jefferies was very key to the Laurier's 2002- one win sea- the Hawks with five tackles. pleased with his team's suc- game. We were on the field at son will soon be a distant The Laurier secondary cess on Monday. least as much as the defence, memory looked sharp as well, collect- "That was our hope, to go if not more, and this will def- ing three interceptions. down there and get a win, initely lead to success." QB Ryan Pyear returned to the Brian Devlin looked good in and start with some real Although. Laurier was lineup after missing much of last his debut, following in the good momentum coming- successful in this game. season. The life of..... Keith ineligible for 2003-2004 Golden Hawk Josh Maltin storms the field as a defensive back and running season back in his freshman year CIS Star hopes ball so far? All DEREK IWANUK to return next Sports Editor Maltin: The amount of memory work. In liigh school the year Josh Maltin is a freshman playbook is pretty simple. But we playbook defensive back and running here have a that thick, it's back from North Sarnia is pretty DEREK IWANUK almost like school work, Sports Editor Secondary School embarking night you have to on his first year as a Laurier every study your playbook and Chris Keith, Laurier's CIS All Golden Hawk's football play- two or three Laurier Athletics Star basketball power for- er. there are like The following interview is fills been the meetings a day, and in all Utility rookie Josh Maltin ward has declared aca- first in a series of inter- have to ineligible to play views to those meeting's you many roles on the field demically with Josh get an break miss the 2003 - 2004 understanding it is pay attention and and will of what intense the transitions. The CIS rules state like to be a in one of down stuff. It's pretty with social season. rookie in that a student athletic must Laurier Athletics the ClS's prominent that aspect. most The What's the most pass a certain amount of will be football programs. Cord: Chris Keith hitting the The Cord: Who has been the important thing* you have courses within an academic books, not the basketball court biggest influence so far? taken out of camp so far? year. At the end of May, Keith The Cord: What were the was short courses and was mate." emotions going through you. Well, we have this required to take summer on your first day of camp? Maltin: There is no debate that the "Once you get saying, we have this cheer courses. In the middle of loss of Chris Keith, the team's we do everyday as a August, the coaching' staff To be honest, it was used to the set- that leading' scorer will hart the Maltin: team. We have a "one team" found that he was not suc- team, pretty nerve racking. but Men's Basketball tings, you start to aspect here at Laurier. We do cessful in completing these Coach Peter Campbell Coming in here when you're here as team and was deemed a first everything a courses believes that the team can year guy, fourth and dream about things here at Laurier. What I have ineligable to play in the 2003 fifth year guys can be pretty rebound and still be a suc- that can come in a taken out of camp is that we - 2004 season. cessful team. intimidating*. But with those one team, here, there The first time Chris would nice are all "I still believe we have the guys they are incredibly place like this." no individuals on the be eligible to play again to their rookies and once you are nucleus of a great team. The - team. you do everything as would be in the get used Josh Maltin If absence of the settings, you - to a team, you will be success- 2004 2005 sea- is start to dream about things Back "Chris' goal is to Chris going First Year Defensive ful. son. By CIS to that that can come in a place like require this. rules he has to be a student at inituaily our The Cord: Thinking about sit out a year, bench is going' have to say as and in Laurier and play The Maitin: I would your first game Laurier that time to be shorter. Cord: Was there any haz- Maurice. He's a third Golden Hawk, what are you period, he has to ing by the senior players? Mike basketball again in We are not as year wide receiver and he's going* to expect from yourself pass a full com- deep as we taken me under his wing a and what emotions are you pliment of the future." were hoping to Maltin: It has been pretty laid He's been nice and to feel? courses, not just the little bit. going be and its back. The only thing* me tips and helped the ones that the - Peter Campbell, Head had was at has given going to mean rookies to do me through, you know, meet- Maltin: Well, I'm going to be individual is Coach Men's Basketball a lunch or dinner time had that number to ing all the guys and stuff. incredibly nervous, but once short to be eligi- players up a of other stand and sing song*. - He's helped me in more of a the nerves pass, all I can ble for the 2004 2005 sea- are Other then that, they have going to have to replace social aspect, than a football expect is to do my best. If I son. collectively what we lose in been nothing- but the best to aspect, and that is what I try my hardest, I'm confident "Chris' goal is to be a student all their rookies Chris individually." need. The coaches have done enough that I'll do well at Laurier and play basket- Chris Keith was not avail- good job of teaching me enough, make an impression ball again in the future. Not The Cord: What has been the a able for comment at press biggest things in terms of football, and that well come out with a only is he a tremendous play- time. transition from high to have an older victory. er but a tremendous team- school and its nice football to college foot- guy there to help you out 24 Sports Thursday September 4.2003 Men's soccer team looks to climb to old heights

tion mark for this team will BERNARD DAWSON be scoring. If the Hawks can Cord Sports create enough offensive opportunities and capitalize It was a bitter cold day last on them, then squad should October when the Laurier find itself among the better Men's Soccer team last took teams in the OUA. the field. It was the first Another factor that the round of the OUA playoffs Golden Hawks must deal and the Golden Hawks were with is the fact that they will hosting- York. The two-time an underdog this season. defending CIS Champions Entering last season, the found themselves in a unfa- Hawks were the two time miliar position that day, as defending national champi- they were eliminated in the ons and the team's 6-3-2 first round. record was seen as a disap- Last season the Golden pointment by some observers. Hawks produced five OUA With the loss of four OUA All-Stars. However in true All-Stars, expectations for good news-bad news fashion the team will be lower for this there was a, catch to this suc- season. cess as four of the five are not The Golden Hawks are returning to the 2003 Men's solid team with a lot of team. The loss of Kenny youthful talent that should Nutt, Dave Nutt, Niki Budalic lead to a successful season. and Wojciech Cwik will hurt However the loss of many the Hawks on the offensive key players from last year's Laurier Athletics side of the ball, as well as in squad leaves the Hawks with The Hawks - who were back-to-back national champions in 2000 and 2001 look to do better than locker room and team leader- many question marks. How the suffered in 2002. ship. far the Hawks can make it on first round playoff loss they Defender Jason Lyall, the youthful talent along, will Hawks travel to London to match the next day against only OUA All-Star returning be seen. remain to take on the Western Windsor at University should keep the defense solid Some of those questions and Nick Blicharski will Mustangs, a tough environ- Stadium. These will be two will be answered on ment to win in regardless. early tests for a young and anchor an inexperienced September 13th when the midfield. The biggest ques- The team returns home for a inexperienced team. Random sports thoughts Lady Hawks from a sports nerd Sports look to build Writer Bernard on success Dawson Finally the Cord has printed another one of my random BERNARD DAWSON with good scoring chances. sports thought columns. Cord Sports The defense is as tough As it stands right now the as any group in the OXJA only thing' more ridiculous The Golden Hawks began and is capable of shutting the last than the race to become season as a team faced down the most talented next Governor of California with modest expectations. opposing strikers. However might be the summer long The Women's Golden Hawks the Hawks may have trouble Soccer team search for the next General is located in when they are unable to put Manager of the Toronto the tough OUA West divi- early pressure on opposi- Maple Leafs. When the drawn sion. team was The compet- tion offensive rushes. out farce finally ended. John ing against both OUA pow- Ferguson Jr. was the only erhouse Western and the When going up the top person not voted off by the school just down University OUA sides last season, the a Avenue, tribe. Now I might only be The University of Hawks seemed unable to sports writer for a student Waterloo. capitalize on scoring oppor- paper, but I do find it weird Despite the mid-range tunities. The team was that the new General and expectations tough always able to hold their Manager of my favorite team rivals, the Hawks managed own but usually found itself to have a very is younger than the their on the losing: starting goalie. Laurier Athletics good season. end of an Want to know how disap- Steve Nash was the only star for Team Canada in their failed bid to The team undeserved last season was for pointing 2004 in Athens. made the play- lopsided Laurier football? This qualify for the Olympic games offs and score. Saturday the Golden Hawks and a group of unknowns, will begin the season watch- defeated Overall the look to double their win total Laurentian at team is solid they did finish fourth in the ing- from the sidelines. If the from last year. It will also be qualifying tournament win- preseason injury trend con- home before with a talent- game of losing York the team's second ning some games that should tinues it won't be long- before to ed group of this on the road season. not have even been close NFL camps look more like a in returning the the Have you seen new against more talented scene from Gone With The second players. But Blue not round. Jays logo yet? If I'll squads. Concentrate on the Wind than a modern sports they still need describe it for you: It's a rip The season to beat positive, the team exceeded facility. off of the Tampa Bay Devil expectations and some previ- So far it looks like the was capped by Western and Rays uniform. You know midfielder the other elite ously unknown players were Maple Leafs will be icing" a things are pretty messed up able to make themselves defense corps that will be Tammy Scurr teams in the down on Blue Jays Way when being named OUA before known in the basketball uni- underage in most US States. your forced to steal ideas the to the GIS sec- they take a verse. Finally Laurier student from the worst baseball team Another NFL preseason body has something' common ond All step towards outside of Detroit. Can a d la n the next level. and another group of football with a professional sports Laurier Athletics Somewhere the entire lineup team. Scurr The Golden stars are injured. This season team. All Canadian Tammy Scurr leads of the 1989 Jays are sad- a pair of excellent young The NFL season officially was one of Hawks will be dened by this move. the top offen- 2003 Golden Hawks quarterbacks, Chad kicks off on Thursday night. tested in their Without Jamaal Magloire reason to sive play first game on Pennington of the Jets and Finally a real and Carl English the Michael Vick of the Falcons, ignore baseball. makers in the QUA last sea- September 13th, as they Canadian National Men's and son leads a solid return- travel to Western for a team failed, ing of veteran Basketball to nucleus play- chance to knock off the qualify for the 2004 Summer Can't play with the big boys? Got no game? ers. Mustangs. The team will Olympics. It might be cool in The strength of the club play their home opener media circles to bash the Sports! will Buck up Buddy and write Cord again be the midfield; a against Windsor on NBA players who stayed solid group led by the CIS September 14tlx at home, but do not forget the All Canadian Scurr. The University Stadium. job done by the players who derek ext 3564 unit will be relied upon to competed. While the team since, pressure opposing- defenses may have been Steve Nash CordSports: losing vicariouslythroughvarsity athletes 1926 and to set up the forwards Thursday September 4.2003 Sports 25 Football frenzy kicks off

The NFC East is probably As the summer months fade away, the most difficult division to pick a winner. There are no the only thing to look forward to is clear cut contenders in the East, but I like the Giants to Monday Night Football overthrow the Eagles in the NFC East. The Giants are DEREK IWANUK playoff berth. more balanced in the offen- Sports Editor In the AFC West, I like the sive category, balancing a Kansas City Chiefs to break solid running game with an I always shed a tear when out of their playoff drought explosive passing game. The summer begins to leave us. and take the division crown Giant's defence, like years No more beach, no more pret- and make it to the AFC before, will remain solid, ty girls in bikinis, back to anchoring the defence will be school and of course the all world defensive end inevitable arrival of winter. In the AFC West, I Michael Strahan But one of the things that like the Chiefs to The NFC North is proba- gets me through the fall and bly the easiest division to the early months of winter is break out of their pick a winner. The Green Bay NFL football, which is right Packers, led by the dynamic now the hottest organization playoff drought Brett Favre will dominate the in professional sports. and take the division. The competition in NFL PREDICTIONS AND SUGGESTIONS Therefore, without further crown the North is weak, with ado, I bring you -my NFL division and Detroit. Minnesota, and picks for the upcoming 2003 make it to the AFC Chicago all rebuilding. Super Bowl XXXVIII: season. The NFC South would In the AFC East, I like the Championship. have been another hard divi- Miami vs San Francisco Miami Dolphins to take the sion to pick a winner, but Super Bowl XXXVIII winner: division crown and possibly Championship game. The that was until Mieheal Vick go all the way to the Super Chiefs have one of the best went down with a broken leg. San Francisco Bowl especially with some offences in the league led by Vicks injury tilts the power key free agent acquisitions the NFL's leading rusher, in the division to the defend- NFL MVP: such as Junior Seau and Priest Holmes. The defence ing Super Bowl Champions Terrell Owens Sammy Knight to boost the has been revamped with some The Tampa Bay Buccaneers. defence. With the signing of free agent signings such as The Bucs have the best Most likely to be arrested for statutory rape: Brian Griese to back up the former Pro Bowler defensive defence in the NFL and still a Jeremy Shockey often injured, and inconsis- end Vonnie Holliday and highly powered offence. Led tent Jay Fiedler there will be prized free agent Shawn by the flamboyant and cun- Biggest disappointment: no more late season collaps- Barber. If the defence can ning Jon Gruden, look for Buffalo Bills es. Add Ricky Williams into hold, then look for the Chiefs the Bucs to make a run, and the mix and you've got a to make a splash in the AFC. possibly repeat as Super Bowl NFL Rookie of the Year: Super Bowl contender In the AFC South, I like Champions. Charlie Rogers (Detroit Lions) In the AFC North, I like the Indianapolis Colts to take In the NFC West, I like the the Pittsburgh Steelers to the division, and win at least San Francisco 49ers to take NFL Defensive Player of the Year: take the division crown, but I one game in the playoffs. The the division crown and go all Ravens) don't think they have the tal- Colts defence is still under the way to the Superßowl. Ray Lewis (Baltimore ent to go all the way to the construction, but defensive Terrell Owen is arguably the Best beer to drink while watching football: Super Bowl. Former, and mastermind Tony Dungy has best player in the NFL and only XFL MVP, Tommy done wonders for a horrid with an improving defence, Steeler Lager Maddox will lead the Steelers defence and look for them to the Niners will be one of the Best drinking game while watching football: offence, which is highly continue to improve. Peyton front runners for the Super loaded with talent at the wide Manning, Marvin Harrison Bowl. Take a shot whenever the announcer says receiver position. The pass- and Edgerrin James on "He's going to take him off the field to give ing game and the defence offence leads one of the most will help lead the Steelers to high powered offences in the him a quick blow" another division crown and a NFL.

miftnads ■.■•■•■T^nnswi IfDW OffflfiplWft Monday ,„n, t'..,n* J Tuesfla* 1 \ * fj* 112 L I UlJlAf 112t Wednesday u^i T >jyMi I Tf Ml Thursday Friday L G. M T Q L y, B,' _ ._] fcL ' •'Spwaß.'^THE? """""P r krtilD ffl|«; cn*rj 7" QQ*®.. 26 Entertainment Thursday September 4.2003 Frosh (don't) mosh to Matt Show: Matthew Good w/ crowd reactions early in the The Miniatures show. Date: September 1, 2003 Matt also seemed to be in an unexpectedly jovial mood, circumventing- his reputation Continued from cover... for being* somewhat of an aloof ass. Unsurprisingly, he though there were too many was quite vocal about his role musicians on-stage to justify in frosh week. He took a few the standard rock fare they cracks at the events and pumped out. Many of their cheers, calling- it "crazy shit" songs would have sounded and "fucked up", and made virtually identical, with the numerous insinuations link- removal of two or even three ing' O-Week. events with cult band members. activities. Mr. Good even However, The Miniatures lackadaisically asked when certainly made a decent effort the purple Kool-Aid would be and I recall wincing when a coining out, in a largely student rep inadvertently unnoticed reference to Jim dissed them with promises of Jones' cult. I was somewhat a "bigger and better" act to baffled at how he was able to come while they were in the get the crowd to applaud his background tearing down thinly-veiled insults. He even their equipment. managed to initiate a group Finally, the "bigger and clapping- exercise that was better" super-surprise act somewhat reminiscent of the arrived in the form of a Mr. night's earlier activities. Matthew Good, who strode to Communism was briefly Matt Benassi the stage to the sound of a touched upon. Matthew Good rains down abuse and rockin' good times on his adoring fans rejuvenated frosh cheering Most of the old Matthew squad. Mixing songs from Good Band favourites that they didn't know. People Band's legacy clings to the Whether the concert lost his latest solo album with were played got a significant started leaving' the show man, and his live appeal has interest because of timing hits in from the now-defunct overhaul, sounding quite dif- trickles hours before its con- consequentially shifted from (the first night of fresh week, Matthew Good Band and ferent from their original clusion, tired from their long- pounding out the hits to a when everyone's exhausted winding them together with versions and often losing- moving' day or perhaps look- dynamically flowing experi- and overwhelmed? What seemingly improv jam ses- their signature catchiness. I ing* for some casual sex. By ence rooted in a desire for a were they thinking?) or sions, Matt put on a decided- got the sense that many in the encore, a huge stadium new artistic identity. His Matt's deviation from his pop- ly impressive show. Songs attendance were expecting a show had become a small, shows as a solo act brim with ular roots, those who stayed like "Hello Time Bomb" and parade of picture-perfect hit intimate concert, the band musical personality, and you were treated to one of the bet- "Load Me Up", which were singles that they could sing playing* for a select group of never get the sense that he ter frosh week performances the radio singles from along to, and were rudely the faithful. plays the exact same set list in recent memory. And there Beautiful Midnight, unsur- surprised with lengthy And that's the way it in the same way for more wasn't even any alcohol! prisingly got the largest instrumental jams and songs should be. Matthew Good than one audience. Where does the money from artist advances go? Advance from label $300, 000 Rock star finance - Recording budget - 200, OOO 100, 000 begin to be paid for months -Attorney's commission (5% of advance) -15,000 The life of a rock star is not as or sometimes years. Even the -Manager's commission most basic form of income for (20% of advance after recording costs) - 20, OOO luxurious as it appears to be a music artist does not guar- -Business Manager's commission antee revenue. (5% of advance after recording costs) - 5, 000 60, OOO KAT and LOURENCO one dollar per album sold Next week Kat Lourenco Cord Entertainment the distributor snatches the role of - Taxes - 000 about four dollars per album. examines 18, The music business is a merchandise and touring in The record company receives music. The artist's actual advance $42, 000 multi-billion-dollar industry, about dollars, six and the Advance per member yet few artists find them- outlet where album retail the (Assuming four people in band) $10, 500 selves living a life of rock is sold turns a profit of super-stardom. And it's not approximately four to six for lack of money. Huge cash dollars, depending' on their amounts change hands, from chosen mark-up price. consumers to record labels to In addition to money artists, on a daily basis. received from sales, artists However, the system of pay- are paid advances by the Attention Students: ment for musicians is much record label when signing a more complex than the pay- contract. The advance itself checks that most of us can range anywhere from receive. $10,000 from a small inde- INTRODUCING FREE POOL FOR THE MONTH OF The most typical source of pendent label to $350,000 income for an artist is royal- from a major label, and is SEPTEMBER ty rates, which are paid based given to the artist to cover on a percentage of sales. up-front recording costs and Average royalty rates for a expenses for the duration of ONLY AT new band signed to a major time spent in the studio. Fees label range from about 11% to the artist's attorney, per- to 16%. Artists pay deduc- sonal manager, and business tions for packaging costs, manager must be paid from producers' royalties (the this amount for their work artist must pay their produc- towards the negotiation of ers royalties from their own the contract. As well, the royalty rate), standard free advance is subject to tax. See goods for promotional pur- side for a break- ■©© the chart i: poses, breakage allowances, down of advance money for and the use of "new technolo- an average artist on a major gies" (a widely used deduc- label. tion, despite the What's left of Paradise fact that the Many artists never the advance compact disc is after recording now industry generate enough and commis- Simply present your student card at the front desk and rack 'em up! standard). A to sions is often royalties repay - CD with a sug- put toward the Sunday's through Thursday's between 7:oopm 11:00pm gested retail their advance, cost of living for price of $18.99 never the artist until earns the artist hence they their recordings just over one receive royalty and tours start dollar per to generate album sold. So payments. income. where do the Advances truly other eighteen are just dollars go? advances, not a In addition to the royalty "bonus" paid to the artist. All * rate for the producer, which money paid up-front to the VALID FOR UNIVERSITY & COLLEGE STUDENTS ONLY is subtracted from the artist's artist must be paid back to percentage, songwriters on the record label before any the album will receive their royalties are paid to the Located at 440 Phillip St. Unit 17, Waterloo own cut of royalties, artist. Many artists never TEL 884-4969 - Approx. 15 minute walk fromboth UW & WLU although if the artist writes generate enough royalties to their own songs this can repay their advance, and serve as additional royalties therefore never receive royal- for them. The manufacturer ty payments on their music. See/cifujfriendlyasidjull~tiuie< employees then takes approximately In most cases, royalties won't Thtirsday September 4.2003 Entertainment 27 WLU Students trash the worst movies of the summer Fear and loathing at Spy Bail on Grind MELISSA ALLEN skateboarder Jimmy Wilson via Tours, France (Jason London) on his Kids 3D American tour in hopes that So it was either this Grind Wilson will see the guys and CHAD MCCORDICK Rock FM. weight fellow making it with movie or Freaky Friday, beg them be sponsored by Cord Entertainment 1 ran into trouble when I his missy. I also had a mys- because my date and I decid- him. Cute, eh? Please,., went to the express , ticket terious twitch in my left ed to go to the cinema pretty This movie is full of We were just three friends machine. I had nearly pur- leg... late my last night here in. cheesy cliches. My Lord, it pursuing a good old-fash- chased 15 tickets for Bad The plot is virtually use- Canada. As the ticket guy didn't just rain cliches, it ioned dinner and a movie. Boys II by the time I realized less to recount here. This is took our tickets and saw poured them. Even the basis Our dinner was hamburgers that the whole machine spoke partially because I don't what movie we were about to of the film's plot was a cliche: with mushrooms. Our movie French. My finger also kept remember much of it; the rest see. he sort of chuckled to "put your mind to it and you was Spy Kids 3D. But was sticking to the television is because it was probably himself. Lo and behold, the will achieve your wildest that all? Were we about to see screen, and why were all conceived by a dirty forty- movie sucked like a movie's dream." Sometimes this something that we simply those kids staring at me? year-old man who had never sucked before. I mean, theme works really well (the couldn't take? Was the skin Were they French? Maybe smoked a boatload of-crack. where do I beg in? football movie Rudy comes to on the top of my hand melt- they could help me... I do remember seeing Ok. mind) but this film relied on ing or was that in my mind Movies these days just three Sylvester Stallones 1) Skateboarding- is cool, yes, cutesy skaters, predictable as well? Why was every seem to be a commercial for simultaneously on screen, but where was this movie a plot turns and cheesy one- thought ending with a ques- themselves. Spy Kids 3D was which was a horrifying dose few years ago when skate- liners that I can't even tion mark? Was I doing that? 110 different, and it made no of sobriety. Supposedly, boarding was making- a huge remember because my brain If I wasn't, who was? attempts to hide the fact that Stallone's character is trying (or relatively large) come- refuses to believe I paid big The reason we were going it was simply an excessively to take over the minds of chil- back?! If this film were shot multi plex prices to hear to see this "kids" movie was boisterous gimmick moon- dren through video games anytime before 1998, it them. the thrilling prospect of actu- lighting as a movie. It was which makes him the bad would have definitely drawn From the romantic inter- ally wearing 3D glasses and desperate for you to buy the uy. Of course, the makers of a larger crowd to the box est (a girl skateboarder, of have fantastic images pop out action figures, eat the happy 112py Kids 3D certainly aren't office if the movie itself was course) to the villains (four of the screen. Oh yes, the film meal and play the video bad guys if they manipulate actually half-decent (which it evidently spoiled skateboard- was to be a joyous reuniting ame. And, oh yeah, Spy Kids kids' minds through a movie. wasn't, but we'll get into that ers who seem to have forgot- of an old cinema decorum 112I) also asks you to pay Here's my own heavy- later). ten they grew up in Orange (with throwback 3D goggles $12.50 and sit in a stiflmgly handed moralizing: Spy Kids County, or where-ever, and and a friendly family envi- hot theatre for an hour and 3D is overblown, and it will 2) I, in my youth, naively NOT Compton), all are con- ronment) with our current twenty minutes while having rot your child's mind like thought that a movie with trived and lack originality in "youth" culture's insatiable a heavy-handed moralizing candy and porn. It left a good adorable skBer bois would character and script. Even lust for excessive visceral spoon-fed to you. friend of mine twitching and alone be worth the dinero I Sweet Lou's character is a stimuli. And boy was it hot in mumbling crazy shit for shelled out for this flick. I complete rip-off of Matthew We were early when we there. I was munching away hours afterwards. now know better. I am a little McConaughey's dirty-old- walked into the Galaxy at the illicit snacks I had bit wiser and a little bit more man character, Wooderson, Cinemas, much too early for snuck in (you know, like broke. in Dazed and Confused. a relaxing loiter in that bas- Twizzlers -editor), but drip- What's worse, the skate- tion of pulsing lights and EZ ping sweat like an over- 3) I had this plan that when boarding wasn't even that Fm done university, I'd write great! I'm no huge skate- a screenplay for fun, stumble boarding fan but I did see upon a buyer, make millions Tony Hawk's Great Big Tour and win an Oscar. This movie on MuchMusic when noth- Uptown Girls: Two proves that not just anybody ing else was on TV one sum- can write a script for a movie mer, and let me tell you, the with a somewhat cool initial "Super Duper" team cannot concept... compare themselves to the thumbs downtown likes of Tony Hawk and his Grind is basically about a peers, nor could the movie's teen named Eric Rivers (Matt skateboarding' icon Jimmy MARY HERMSEN who idea Cord Entertainment Vogel) gets the to Wilson. create a skateboarding crew So yeah, this movie If you can do one good thing named "Super Duper" and sucked large. Save your for yourself, please don't go enlist his also-skateboard- money and head to Phil's (get and see Uptown Girls. This is obsessed pals Dustin (Adam there early, line-ups are ugly (Vince Vieluf) the a movie that I can honestly Brody), Matt first couple of weeks of compare to Glitter because it and Sweet Lou (Joey Kern) to school). was almost that bad. Uptown stalk the world's best pro- Girls shines with psychotical- ly useless plot twists: rich girl loses money, rich girl falls for dashing- British Freddy vs. Jason new-wave wannabe musician, rich girl magically KATIE GORDANIER by Ken Kirzinger) to do his finds job as nanny with no Cord Entertainment dirty work. It seems like it experience in anything, etc. might work, too, until both Brittany Murphy plays Imagine this: a tranquil lake, players become a little power Molly Gunn. the frivolous late at night. A pretty girl hungry. daughter of a dead rock and walks out onto the dock in Freddy Vs Jason marks roll father. She managed to the moonlight, taunting- her the acting' debut of yet anoth- lose all of her money, which boyfriend to "'join her". She er pop princess turned compels her to get a (gasp) Brittany Murphy stared silently at the child star, intensely jealous of predictably pulls off all of actress, Kelly Rowland of job and work for her money her breast size her clothes (now exposing Destiny's Child fame. I have instead of living it up. Comic herself to the audience) and to admit that I was shenanigans abound when which was apparently sup- probably the kid. As annoy- dives into the lake...only to impressed with her acting- she gets a hook-up from her posed to be some touching- ing as she was, she gave the hear the chilling- sound of skills, unlike so many others sweet-talking friend to score moment about how she only solid performance It's twigs breaking-. Now factor before her. The movie also a job as nanny to bratty Ray learned to act her age. Also, always sad to see them ruin in that her boyfriend has yet includes Monica Kenna as (Dakota Fanning). Fanning how about the fact that the their career so young with to appear, and a hockey- Lori, a girl who is very much ends up being- the real star of British rock dude is tone such horrible stains on their masked killer emerges from like Nancy of the original the film, even though her deaf. He definitely didn't acting resumes, but what can the woods behind her. And so movie who even lives in her character is more then just sound like he could sing* to you do. begins Freddy Vs Jason. house. and Katherine slightly annoying. At least me. This movie tried to be cute After hinting at a collabo- Isabelle (of Ginger Snaps) as she isn't as irritating as and ended up being annoy- ration at the end of Friday Gibb, the girl whose Murphy's character, who ing. It tried to be sentimental the 13th: Jason Goes To Hell boyfriend gets destroyed by prances around the film like ...the kid does some and instead seemed lame. I where we see Freddy Jason at the beginning- of the a coked-up unicorn. whacked-out improv think it tried too hard, like Krueger's claws grab Jason's movie and causes her to Not unlike Glitter, the some desperate drunk boy mask, the writers came become more of an alcoholic thing about this movie is that dance at the end, who thinks he's being through, though not to the chain smoker. I laughed during all the which was apparent- charming* when in fact he's conclusion that I expected. The movie was directed by scenes that were supposedly painfully obnoxious. Freddy Vs Jason is a battle Ronny Yu, and produced by serious. I laughed hysterically supposed to be Brittany Murphy acted for control over the children Sean S. Cunningham and ly when her rock boyfriend some touching infantile, suddenly did a 360 (or rather, teens) of Elm Wes Craven. I will admit sings the "hit" song "Sheets and acted grown up. It just Street since they have forgot- that the movie had many of Egyptian Cotton", which is moment about how wasn't very believable. ten about Freddy...you see if funny moments, including- a some sinister combination of learned to act Uptown Girls barely gets a no one talks about him then character that was obviously slit-your-wrists music and she passing* grade in my books. he has no power over any- modeled from Jay of the boy-band pop. Clearly this her age. It had its funny moments, one's dreams. So Freddy Kevin Smith movies. But all would not be a hit in reality but I think the filmmakers (role reprised by Robert in all, I think that the movie land (at least I hope not. but were going for drama, which Englund of the original tried too hard to be funny you never know). My sides I didn't really expect this is just sad. Nightmare on Elm Street and lacked in the scare ele- were splitting when the kid movie to be wonderful or series) has the "best idea ments of the originals, thus does some whacked-out anything, but still, the only ever" and decides to resur- proving that the originals improv dance at the end, good thing in this film was rect Jason Voorhees (played are hard to beat. 28 i NTFRT VINMFNT Thursday September 4,2003 Procrastination Top 5 Hear Say Tried-and-true ways to waste your valuable time at school

CHRIS CLEMENS Coke or smoke a fat joint? Feel a strange sense of ela- Entertainment Editor Epic plotlines will make you tion when you make many laugh and cry as you help creatures fall at once. Click Directly in the path of aca- Jake serve up the LD. the 'Play Again' button after demic success lies procrasti- 4) Arnold sound board each game. Repeat one hun- nation, a lug-lily contagious dred / times without realizing disease that strikes nearly Shit Talker what you're doing*. ninety percent of university ( www.ebaumsworld.conL' students with deadly force. arnolds.html ...and... The most common symptom www.unaesthetic.net/st) 1) Cheeking: email & of affected individuals is a Prank like a junior high MSN With the recent releases of slavish devotion to telling schoolboy. With all the hype A widow-maker combo. Did Joe Budden arid Keith themselves and everyone else surrounding Arnold you just check your email Murray, cats who remind us that writing three papers in a Schwartzenegger and his five minutes ago? Do it of the days when hip-hop was standout moment is the vul- single night is a simple task, run for governor of again! There's always the about street corner battles, nerable "Christina," where while nervously wasting California, it only makes chance that someone has sent Dei' Jam has brought some Murray shares openly about their day with trivialities. sense that people want to you another super-rad for- balance to its artist roster. the loss of his little sister. The virus peaks at 5 am hear more of him. A LOT ward about the real meaning He's Keith Murray is a signif- From there, the album goes where the victim can be seen more. Fulfil those wishes of friendship or a hilarious icant window into the lyrical downhill, with Murray shift- slumped over their key- with the Arnold sound board, cartoon about masturbating prowess of the oft slept-on ing from intelligent battle boards, wondering* which ill- where classic seals. Even the "Midget Porn emcee. To begin the album, raps to senseless violence - mass to fake the next morn- Schwartzenegger quotes are in Space" spam mail will Murray launches into arrogantly killing every- ing- in front of Health at your fingertips. Call peo- seem interesting compared to aggressive rhymes on "The thing in sight. Perhaps he Services to get essay exten- ple and share the love; "Your the prospect of doing* work. Carnage" and "Oh My got carried away, but it does sions. clothes...give them to me!" MSN fills in those pesky Goodness." For the clubbers, influence the flow of the Yon Know Mow it's reasonable to Shit Talker is a computer time lapses that pop tip "Yeah Yeah It"and album, unfortunately mak- think that the Cord, as a program that takes the con- between filling out surveys "Candi Bar" are satisfactory ing this disc one to pass over. as long-standing media source cept one step further, Type in about yourself for the mil- the emcee maintains with rich heritage, has an a phrase and choose a super- lionth time. Enjoy meaning- impressive word play. A Jon Corbin obligation to fight procrasti- cool voice to articulate your ful, hour-long conversations nation and ensure the aca- communication. You can consisting entirely of little demic success of all Laurier have virtual choirboys sing a smiley face graphics. students. Well that's wrong. song about the benefits of Immerse yourself in trying* to Weekly We want you to fail miserably castration to your roommate interpret meaning from the Lyrics so that we can succeed in or leave professional-sound- online nicknames of your your absence. Especially you, ing answering machine mes- friends before realizing that killed her dad with her car biz-kids! sages! The fun never ends. they come from the lyrics of "Jenni As part of our sinister the latest Linkin Park single. and now she's a millionaire.^ offensive we've compiled a 8) Masturbation / Sex Complain constantly about She heat on mostly at home Top 5 list of activities that Hey, what you do in your how much schoolwork you got for being don't actually count as doing own room is your business, have left to do. Take solace in so mostfy she wasn't there. anything, yet have a long right? Everyone's favourite the simultaneous procrasti- 'Me, Tm to see and sordid history of devour- hush-hush topic may get nation of others and start waiting ing hours of precious student your hands chopped off in working on your paper what aoes around when she comes around time. Know them and love Indonesia if you're caught, extension excuses. 1 them until they strangle but here in Canada it's 100% to kill me.' your grade point average. tax and limb mutilation free. Do you know these lyrics? Sing them in the shower perhaps? Mua ha ha! As the world's most powerful Be the first to send an email with the song and artist name to natural sedative, "self-lovin" [email protected] and 111 put your name or picture the out 5) Booty Call will knock you fuck if somewhere in the next issue, plus you'll get a magical mys- (www.romp.coml you're bored at night, or tery prize CD! Virtual pimping. Guide Jake inexplicably wake you up in the unrepentant, misogynist the morning. Sex only counts through a series of wacky as procrastination if you - Chris, €fttertainment tditsr adventures as he attempts to don't have to make an effort lay a wide variety of cartoon to get it. women. Should Jake hit on the freaky rave chick or the 2) Snood Entertaining" Sex ?rMa pigtailed Swedish twins? (www,snood.com) Should he drink a Jack and The new computer Solitaire. The most recorded orgasms in a single hour for Shoot little creatures at a female is a jaw-dropping 184 times. When com- groups of other similarly number of 16 coloured snoods to make pared to the relatively diminuitive them disappear. Curse the for a male, it hardly seems fair. Maybe she was garishly bright snoods as faking; it? "mother!'ueking- backstab- bers" when your aim sucks and they overwhelm you. Snoods in their native habitat Volunteer with The friends Program [ONE! Waterloo Volunteer a few hours weekly during the school day and make a life long difference to a child.Volunteers are matched by the msm HP A iff Canadian Mental Health Association with children who need dins1 &s»A mmmßm additional support at school. Friends operates in partnership with the local school boards and heips children 4-15 years. Call 744-1645 ext 31?

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== 69 Lodge St Drink Different: £ Thursday September 4,2003 Arts 29 Hanging up art The time is right for students to start putting up posters, the simplest of art forms

thy...(oh. and finding- a per- Simpsons? Two scantily clad hand., often tend to err on the Brad Pitt, Bob Marley,,, if Arts fect comfy couch for the front girls kissing? The list is end- side of "perversion." Nudes, there is widespread recogni- lawn). This preoccupation less, and. artwork needs to be lesbians, nude lesbians, and tion of your artwork, then, Editor with room decorating is not chosen wisely. To each his or toilet and/or drinking your bedroom is a public suc- just a girl thing', either. Guys her own, certainly, but many humour adorn many male cess. But remember- you have also play the matching/stack- girls (first years especially), walls: these posters remind to sleep there, live there, Katie ing game with new DIY tend to err on the side of them of last Friday night or maybe even study there. So if West shelves and funky black "cuteness." Daisies, babies, impossible future fantasies. that enigmatic Forelli photo lighting. In this process, an kissing childhood sweetheart These are generalizations strikes your fancy or you important question must be pictures. These posters say, of course; there may quite just can't live without Justin, It's the week before classes addressed- what to hang on 'Tin sweet, I'm caring; I real- possibly be a Georgia then go for it. Choosing start, but your average uni- the walls? When the annual ly do appreciate chubby- O'Keeffe flower display in a hanging art lets you appreci- versity student is probably "Imagiuus" poster sale hits cheeked toddlers wearing male living room, or a ate and practice creativity. not thinking about pens and Laurier, coin and claw come sunflower hats in terra cotta Slipknot shrine in a young You don't have to simply paper or future Othello lec- out in a hurry, and scores of pots." Hang these up and the lady's bedroom. But regard- frame your art; cut it, collage tures. What is more impor- students rush to the poster other girls in the dorm, think less of what art is hung, it, stagger or spin it- hang up tant right now is The displays in the Concourse. you're really nice, and the there seems to be a need to your bedroom art with your Bedroom- making it perfectly The Rat Pack? A boys all think you're pure strike a common chord with own creative touch. Ikea-sized and f'riend-wor- Clockwork Orange? The sugar. Guys, on the other visitors— hello Simpsons,

What's the deal with Harry?

Potter phenomenon? that can be compared to Why the business execs can't put Needless to say, after the J.R.R. Tolkien's 'The Lord of first book I was hooked: I the Rings.' with the glasses could not read the next book In the same way that down the boy fast enough. And then it Tolkien invented his own cess of J.K. Rowling- and her came to me- when was the "elvish" language, Rowling JORDAN DINNING Harry Potter "children's" last time these business exec- has invented her own nation- Cord Arts books. After observing these utives or even a student like al sport called Quidditch. On men and women attentively myself had such an open top of this, you fall in love Every morning- I take the window into such fantasies? with the young hero, which subway into work and head These books take us to makes it almost impossible to for downtown Toronto. Each These books take another world, and throw us stop reading because you day, almost without fail, a sea us into another into someone else's encoun- want to see how he grows up. of business men and women ters with trials and tribula- So you see, these business get on and off the subway world, and throw tions. Our own present world men and women finally get to reading* their morning paper; us into someone is one of chaos, where wars read a book that takes them however, this day is different. and the stumbling economy back to the innocence of Instead of the Star or the else's encounters demand negative attention. childhood, away from the Globe and Mail, these baby with trials and J.K. Rowling lets everyone, haimting environment of boomers are reading the lat- no matter how old they are, their concrete jungles. Such est edition of the Harry tribulations. escape from everyday pres- pure imagination has made Potter series 'The Order of sures and fall into the life of Harry Potter a series that no the Phoenix.' reading these books, I decid- Harry Potter. one can put down—myself For the last three years ed to see what the big deal I also realized something included. the world has been in awe was— why are adults else- the Harry Potter series watching the overnight sue- obsessed with this Harry has a unique writing style

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v 30 Arts Thursday September 4.2003 Bugged Gravity

A short story exploring the possibilities of disaster and was transferred from Earth the static of the radio. to this station that was the Armand smiled to himself; the sabotage of smoothly halfway stop on Earth-Mars the chief had been right-it running systems corridor on board an anti- was a bug; or rather it was quated freighter. Now he bugs, but not in the way he would have to face it again, had imagined. The entire Armand heard heavy set may be viruses- bugs." unlike the control and habita- two-meter computer core footsteps coming through had Lansbury began to pour him- tion pods there was no cen- well over a hundred cock- the doorway, and smelt the self a cup. tripetal force to maintain a roaches floating around the stale stench of gin and tonic. "Sir...? I just checked five field of gravity. Arxnand shot circuit paths and in-between The footsteps stopped abrupt- minutes ago and..." The a cold stare at the Chief the processor relays that ly and Armand felt a tower- printer sent another spool of Engineer as he donned his effectively blocked the trans- ing- presence hanging' over error reports and Armand space suit. mission between the him. comput- He winced as the hairs noticed that his body was The journey through the er and the rest of the station. on his back curled with anxi- quickly feeling lighter. service ducts to the computer "That devil," Armand ety, '•Ritchie this coffee tastes core had been clumsy but laughed to himself. The devil "Ritchie, what the hell is like shit," Lansbury dropped uneventful, minus snagging had been Dr. Han, one of going- on here?" a familiar the cup towards the trash the oxygen hose on a valve or Olita's research biologists voice thundered. It was receptacle; however, instead two along' the way. Armand and also one of Armand's best George Lansbury. the Chief of dropping inside, the cup was told that zero gravity friends. Recently when Engineer of Olita space sta- bounced and it's contents was just like swimming and Armand had bragged that THOMAS THOMPSON tion. Armand Special Assignment Editor took a deep it was easy once you got use Olita's firewall made the com- breath and turned around to His bulbous head with to it, Armand was not very puter core impenetrable to Armand Ritchie face his master. Lansbury good at swimming and lie sabotage, Dr. Han had made ground his was so incensed its blubbery folds teeth, and grimaced in frus- that his bul- definitely never got use to the bet that it wasn't. tration bous head with its blubbery looked like an floating around zero gravity. Evidently Dr. Han proved his as he witnessed his folds skin looked like over-ripe worst nightmare transpiring an By some miracle- or so he point and had cost Armand a right in over-ripe tomato. Armand tomato...Armand had thought, Armand made it to week of his pay, but it was front of him. Almost found it each and every one of the difficult not to to chuckle the access portal for the com- worth it. Armand decided to chuckle a little bit. puter core. AH he could think have a little fun himself as he computer systems lie was "Ufa. responsible for on the Olita the computer is experi- lit was the dread that he earned some rest and relax- encing..,m.. some system expected to face as he spent ation. space station was failing. The wide failures sir," flashing' warnings lights Armand hours scanning each and Patching the system blurted, as Lansbury leaner every computer chip and together with some fiber that indicated operation in errors, had sectors in to take a look at the con- became a gelatinous brown, micro circuit m the core and optic cables, Armand activat- the trol monitors. floating computer core, and power blob in the control e wh ti d be. ed and re-routed the environ- system shut downs "I can see that, what's th-s room. At the same time, jraootar; y:,'t A bug :' Or was This mental system and braced danced s before his eyes. The printer damn problem?'' L&xisburj rrmaiid :n iJoed her -- •; drift- the worst engineering disas- himself, A blast of oxygen ran off spool after clenched Me jaw, and Ms Hps n r offer v .n seat. The grrrv- ter in interstellar history? swept through the core and spool of curled even more * spira in th; control had failures throughout- the five- y' room Slowly Armand cranked down ventilation duct direct- kilometer tion aeexaed to instantly riled, open the portal anticipating ly to Dr. Han's office, carry- spaceport. Habitat materialize all over Ms body. "Arma-rci, section five had no lights: it go scan the core the worst out as the interior ing' his little critters with it. was in the It smelt terrible. of the control room now." was revealed he laughed to Immediately Olita's system raining command "I scanned each sector Lansbury barked center, ii g in the green- as bis himself hysterically. came back online and house, and the and...urn...there are no bad husky torn- hovered an inch '"Chief, if I can solve the Armand laughed aloud as he gravity had sectors in the, ah, control or so off the been reversed in the recre- ground, Armand computer failure in less than made his way up the service computer sir and the, iih, sec - cursed himself; unlike the half ation center - all the people to an hour will I get two duct as he imagined Dr. inside had been pulled to the ondary systems are also ... so-called off-world Spacers months paid vacation?" Han's reaction to his own lit- ceiling. fine sir." Lansbury shot a and Martians, Armand was Armand beeped Lansbury tle surprise. Worst of all, dirty Armand's coffee maker in look at Ritchie and born on earth and deplored through the intercom. the waddled over the coffee zero gravity. So far maintenance control room to he only "Yes you imbecile, this sta- wasn't quite right. (Just machine. had to endure it once for two tion is falling apart," to "Well check it again-there and half name a few of the problems). a months when he Lansbury replied through Buskers ignite Waterloo

someone playing a guitar, an axis that each have their own Me a festival of freaks, but Classical Gas). Maybe he accordion, you know, the unique way of making the one quickly realizes that should learn how to swallow "norm" at the Bloor subway audience laugh. "Master Lee" these people are all artists in fire. So how about next sum- station in downtown Toronto, uses his black belt karate their own way, and are about mer, quit your job early and Instead, -buskers in Waterloo skills to get the crowds 20 times more entertaining" come back to see the are stuffing their bodies into laughing and the "Junkyard then the g'uy I pass playing Infamous Waterloo Busker tiny spaces, swallowing fire, Symphony" draws laughs by guitar everyday on the sub- Carnival, Or just plain quit and making you laugh and way (even if he was playing- your job and join it. dance in some of the most bizarre ways imaginable. I'd be a little cautious when Their instruments? fairgrounds. entering the bathtub, TEDDY WEISS The Busker Carnival is Hmmm...a CORD ARTS known to boas'C such acts as a sink, "the Rubber Boy," where kitchen On August 20th the circus rumour has it that people numerous pots and came to town. Well, not watch in both amazement pans. quite- perhaps the term and disgust. The Rubber "sideshow" is a bit more accu- Boy, (AKA Daniel Smith) lit- rate. I'm sure the partici- erally ran away with the cir- being- true to their name; pants would agree. The cus from his home in Florida these gents make music out Waterloo Busker Carnival when he was younger. His of garbage. Their instru- has been getting strange act is known to feature a 180- ments? Hmmm...a bathtub, a stares and bewildered degree torso twist that might kitchen sink, numerous pots applause for their antics in gross people out- in a good and pans. My mom used to Waterloo for fifteen years. way of course. smack me when I got going- Now, when I think of the def- The show isn't all contortion- with those things. inition of a Busker I think of ists and fire jugglers though; At first glance the Waterloo there are also several comedi- Busker Carnival may resem-

If you are interested in publishing pieces or flexing your creativity muscle apply to be an ARTS writer at the Student Publications Office- Third Floor of the FNCC building Thursday September 4,2003 CIASSIFEDS 31

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