Issue 1080 10 09 04

relive the highlights of your summer... celebrate the launch of Rubix... distract yourself from study...

... all in your new fortnightly barefacts!

contents 1

editorial 2 The new year brings some new developments... So... the first issue of barefacts this year. You may have noticed it’s changed rather since 6 Neil Christie summarizes the summer that was 2004 the last edition. Change for change’s sake is never a particularly good idea, and changing 9 Try something new this year... get volunteering the longstanding tradition of barefacts as a tabloid newspaper was a hard decision to 10 Another year, another bout of elections take. However, having spoken to many of you during campaigning it became clear that 13 Happy 2nd birthday DAVE barefacts needed a facelift of sorts.

15 Paul Canning reveals a new national phobia Its reduction to a fortnightly publication comes from the realisation that as a weekly paper, it 16 Ben Supper exposes the humble mortarboard not only demanded continuous attention and resources from the VP Comms but also left 20 Music reviews albums, singles and the festivals regular contributors with little time between editions to fully research features and news 25 Literature checks out some escapist fiction items. By going to print every other week, the opportunity exists not only for more extensive 26 Film reviews the holiday blockbusters journalistic reporting to be undertaken by the editorial team, but also for a wider 28 GU2 returns to the airwaves range of articles to be collated from different constituent members and the possibility for 30 Computers needn’t be all work, work, work more ambitious design formats, both in terms of editorial time available and also through 32 Amy Price introduces the Alumni Office the redistribution of budget resources. Such a proposal was put to all continuing members 33 Russ Clark helps stave off career panic of the editorial team, as well as a selection of other students from varying courses and 35 the barefacts crossword returns years, and met with almost unanimous 36 Sport gets ready for the year ahead approval. Radical change maybe, but a change that 37 barefacts bids farewell to a Union legend I feel confident will enable myself and the editorial team to ensure that barefacts remains an efficient communication tool for as many of you as possible in the years ahead. It will also enable me to strengthen the other existing Union media tools - namely the barefacts team the website (www.ussu.co.uk) and our award- winning radio station GU2 – to most effectively Editor-in-chief: Catherine Lee keep you informed of the latest news and Editor: Neil Christie developments both on campus and in the News Editor: position vacant local area. Sports Editor: Pete Nichols Music Editors: Jon Allen and Dina Mystris In order for me to best achieve this, I look Film Editor: Neil Boulton forward to hearing your opinions and welcome Literature Editor: Arvind Virdee all constructive feedback: either e-mail me at GU2 Press Officer: Jay Butcher [email protected] or pop in and see me in the Media Centre. Contributors: Matt Adams, Hash Alsaidi, Matt Badcock, Paul Canning, Russ Clark, Scott Farmer, David ‘Paintbrush’ Glossop, Sophie Ham- I wish you all a fantastic year monds, Piers Karsenbarg, Ben Lee, Carol Main, Folarin Oyeleye, Simon Pearson, Amy Price, Mark Richardson, Ben Supper, Peter Catherine Wigfield 2 news [email protected] 10 09 04 All change please, all change...

Who are What have they they?? done?? Well I’ll tell you. We have finally done what our venue You may have noticed needed: given it a name. Now you might be saying to yourself what venue and what name. Well as a lot of you some new faces around know the Union building houses a very large nightclub the Union since you’ve that for years has always been referred to as the “Union” arrived back on campus by Surrey students. Now as you can imagine this has - it’s your new Sabbatical caused the Students’ Union some issues with how team! it markets itself and how it develops its membership services in the future. So through consultation with the After three weeks of staff at USSU, it was decided that the nightclub needed handover training, on Monday 28th June, the new Sabbatical its own name and its own logo and marketing. team at the Students’ Union took office. The new team comprises of the following students: Hashim Alsaidi (President), So that’s why we have done it but what did we call it? Catherine Lee (Vice-President Communications), Ewan Panter Well the process was long and exhaustive. It started (Vice-President Education and Welfare), Simon Nutbrown (Vice- with everyone running off and coming up with names. President Societies and Culture), David Glossop (Vice-President “The Stag” and the “Bomb Shelter” were not received Sports) and Rachel Appleyard (Vice-President Postgraduate well (which was upsetting as they were my particular Affairs). favourites...) but as we all know majority rules in our democratic society, so it was put to a vote. A long list Over the summer, the Officers have been busy laying foundations was drawn up of the best names proposed. The list was for projects they intend to carry out over the course of their emailed to all the staff and they selected the favourite tenure. High on the agenda are the development of a five-year five names. From this a short list was drawn up (I think strategic plan to ensure the continued prosperity of the Union in you see where this is going...). After a couple of weeks the years ahead, and the implementation of a Student Charter, of uncertainty and turmoil it came. The vote was in. The ensuring that Student Rights are recognised and upheld across name had been selected; a collective anticipation was all academic departments. Come along to the AGM on 1pm felt. The announcement came at 5:36pm on the 13th July onThursday 23rd September on the plaza and pick up the next 2004 the University of Surrey Students’ Union nightclub copy of barefacts for more detailed information on their vision for was to here by be called “RUBIX” winning the vote by a 2004/5. slender majority.

The position of Vice-President Postgraduate Affairs promises Rubix came as a surprise but it has been received really to be particularly exciting. It is the first time the Students’ Union well. I for one really like it. Some of you might not, some has appointed a representative for postgraduates at this level. of you will always call the it the other name. But hey as Furthermore, as one of the first Students’ Unions in the UK to Shakespeare once wrote (showing my sensitive side employ an Officer specific to this field, the role highlights the here) “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by pioneering and progressive mindset of the Union here at Surrey. any other name would smell as sweet;” not that Rubix has ever really smelt that sweet. The thing is its our nightclub words: catherine lee and its what we make of it so lets enjoy it. Besides, the name change has given us the perfect excuse to have a launch party. Yeah that’s right we are going to have a big event before the Freshers get here. On Friday 17th September we launch Rubix, with all the tradition that [email protected] 10 09 04 letters 3

goes into a good launch party. So come and be entertained by All change please, all change... Shapeshifters and the rest of the Dear barefacts, line up as we celebrate our new arrival !! Welcome to Guildford!! A thousand students live in Park Barn and Now that that has been cleared Westborough Estates- that’s one in ten up you probably want to know residents. There is a community charity what else has been going since here called Community Works and we have you left us. Well we went on a hunt and did some thinking an appeal to make to students living on our and we now have three new major additions to the Union estates: even though you may only be with us Building (Rubix). for a couple of years please think of Park Barn as your home. We welcome the vibrancy and fun that In no particular order we have introduced :- students bring to an area. You, the students, are one of our most valuable resources. The computer shop has come to the Union building. Mr Moh has set up That means treating it like your home town or village shop in our building. You can’t miss though. There is so much potential for all for you to “Campus Computers” - they are help us transform our estate. Anyone who has read situated just a bit further up the hill or seen “The Motorcyle Diaries” will understand what from the Students’ Union entrance or I mean. This could be time for your to broaden your round the corner when you come in horizons, (and your c.v’s). through the Rubix entrance. Campus Computers can meet all your computer needs at great Please come and get involved: get to know your prices. Come in and see what he has offer. neighbours, recycle your waste, use the bus, but most of all GET INVOLVED SOCIALLY! Through Carol At last we have some Main at the USSU V-Project and through Community oriental food on campus! Works, you can help out with the local Youth Cafe, Young’s Kitchen is opening help us build a new local park, write or edit our local on the 13th September 2004 paper, work at the Day Centre or with Kids groups and and will serve Thai, Chinese, Japanese and Korean Cuisine. playschemes or come up to the local allotments. We Young’s is open 9am-4pm Monday to Friday and 10am-3pm can help you think up and start brand new projects or Saturday in the Helen Rose Bar (HRB). campaigns because for you the sky is the limit.

Considering that hot drinks Thanks- and good kuck with your study (...and go see are the staple diet for most that movie!) of the world it is a bit unfair that we have only tried a ANDY TRENIER small proportion of what is on offer. Harubix aims to fix that. Community Worker, Communityworks Offering Arabic Chai, Chinese Green Tea, Frappes and a Park Barn and Westborough whole host of international delicacies. Harubix is upstairs in Rubix at Haris bar and is open 10am-5pm everyday.

As you can see we have been doing loads over the summer but that’s not it, oh no. We have also installed three yes three lifts to make the building disabled access. The lifts are Letters must be received by 12pm on the Friday before for wheelchairs and not for lazy drinkers to get from bar to the publication of the next issue to be included. Email bar so no playing on them. Last but not least we have had a [email protected], with “Letters” in the message new floor put in on the balcony area and given the box office title please! a lick of paint.

There is more but you have to have some stuff to discover Before you start thumbing through frantically in search or there is no fun. of the personals, unfortunately there aren’t any this is- sue. We’ll blame the summer vacation since we know Have a great year hope you like all the changes we have we can rely on you to get submitting messages (espe- made. There is loads more to come over the year so watch cially once you’ve been to Rubix a few times...) so you this space! know the score: email us at [email protected], with “personals” in the message subject field! words: hash alsaidi, president 4 news [email protected] 10 09 04

Do the Tories STUDENT RADIO HIT Read the summaries of the policies of three main parties below. They give a BY CASH CRISIS have the brief overview of the different proposals GU2, the student radio station of the and may help you make an informed University of Surrey, will return to answer? choice as to who to support. It is an broadcasting on 1350 AM/MW from issue that affects all students and it the early morning of the 6th September It looks like the battle lines have been is important that you make your voice 2004 despite serious funding issues in drawn in the continued saga over tuition heard to ensure to ensure you receive the world of Student Radio. GU2 has fees. The Conservative party have finally the very best experience and education already become a hive of activity weeks unveiled their plans for higher education for the money you pay. before the start of the new autumn should they get elected next spring. The semester due to serious changes in Tories are basically planning to abolish Labour funding sources following the liquidation all tuition fees and make students of SBN, Student Broadcast Network, by pay back the money afterwards from Variable tuition fees of up to £3,000 a its parent company Campus Media plc. graduate earnings. They plan to pay year, covered by loans. SBN provided GU2 with advice, hourly for this by removing students’ access to news services, training and regular low-rate loans and charge a commercial funding throughout the past 4 years. It rate of interest instead - as much as 8%. Grants for poorer students of up to was through this funding that GU2 was Currently this rate is held in line with £2,700. able to move into purpose-built studios interest rates at 2.6%. in 2000, and broadcast to the entirety of Student loans at inflation-only interest the student campus on AM throughout The abolishing fees will deprive rate. the academic year and provide a month universities of income, but the on FM during the spring semester. Conservatives say they will counter this Loans repayable from graduate Nathan Whitaker, manager at the by transferring the so-called Student earnings. University of Surrey station GU2 in Loan Book, the debt and interest owed Guildford, said the news had come as a by all students, from the Treasury to the surprise. “It came as a bit of a shock but universities to manage. Conservative we were always quite concerned about a company that was offering this much The Tories calculate this would allow Scrap all tuition fees. money and such a good service - it universities to raise some £20bn over the sounded too good to be true.” next 20 years and give them an up-front Retain grants for poorer students. injection of capital. Various other organisations are Bigger student loans at commercial currently investigating providing a Their scheme would also claw back the interest rate. replacement service for SBN as up to “very large public subsidy” proposed by 50 student radio stations around the the government to pay for top-up fee Repayable from graduate earnings. UK are currently facing uncertainty. remission for poorer students. However, Nathan continues “we are going to try and go it alone for the first However, Labour claim this scheme will Liberal Democrat term by finding sponsors and doing our leave both students and Universities out own local advertising. It takes a lot of of pocket. Higher education minister, Scrap all tuition fees. time to pursue though.” Alan Johnson said the Tory proposals would “not be based in any way on the Grants of up to £2,000 a year for The Students’ Union are currently ability to pay” stating that the Tories poorer students. working with the GU2 Committee to will reduce the grants given to poorer secure that the station moves forward students’. Treat full-time and part-time students this year. Plans include investigating equally. the possibility of broadcasting on FM This issue will undoubtedly be used as a throughout the year, and the production key vote winner in forthcoming elections. Student loans at inflation-only interest of media packs to attract local Reports show that total outstanding rate. sponsorship. student debt in the UK rose 18.7% to just over £14.6bn last year and this can only New 50% income tax for earnings over To find out how you can get involved be expected to rise as a result of the top- £100,000. in GU2 this year, check out pages 28 up fees expected in 2006. and 29! words: Hash Alsaidi words: jay butcher and catherine lee [email protected] 10 09 04 news 5 BROADBAND BREAKTHROUGH

Now this may just be another and so UniS decided against buying drawn up, although rumour, but I’ve heard that the necessary equipment to provide the it’s all pretty much broadband has actually been residences with broadband access. common sense. installed over the summer. Is this Recently however, the university has right? So how much been doing a lot of work on the future is this going to Umm, not quite, although it is in the of the residences, and the issue of cost me? Can I process of being installed. providing a broadband service has once again been brought to the fore. Key opt out if I can’t Great! When will it be ready? decisions were made at the end of last afford it? That largely depends year / start of this Err, not really. You on where you’re living year, and ever since could always not this year. The university then UniS have been plug your computer has a schedule of works working hard to find a into the network, but drawn up which will see suitable service. the cost of the new service has been built those courts furthest from into recent and future rent increases, so campus (i.e. Hazel Farm Ah, I see. So what there’s really not a lot of point in doing and Bellerby) being wired did they decide that. The university is forecasting that up first. Once those are upon? upwards of 75% of the student population done, the Millennium and International Well, the university has a very good living on campus will use the new system, houses will then be wired up, followed facility in the form of the JANet (Joint so in order to increase the simplicity of by University Court, Stag Hill, Surrey Academic Network) service, so the its operation they have spread the cost and Battersea. If you happen to decision was taken that UniS would own across all the rooms. be living in Guildford, Cathedral or and operate its own broadband service Doesn’t seem very fair if you’d Twyford court then I’m afraid you’re using the spare bandwidth on JANet. going to be last ones to be hooked prefer a reduced rent instead of up. It’s anticipated that 75% of the What’s happening to ntl then? high-speed internet access? 3400 rooms should be done by They’ll be continuing to provide their It isn’t if you think of it like that, but the end of the Christmas holidays, current system until at least 2007 (when broadband is increasingly coming with all the rooms having access to the contract for the ‘as standard’ in most university broadband by the end of phone network is up accommodation up and down the January 2005. for renewal), but will country, so it made sense to include it Well I never thought however have little to in the general cost of a room. Think of it like a bed. You may choose not to use it I’d see the day. Why’s do with the provision of broadband to the during your time on campus, but you still it taken so long? residences. They will have to pay for it. There were a number of of course still own issues that caused the the cables that the I suppose I can live with that. delay, but the main one was that system will use, but the university will You’ve been very helpful, but is UniS simply haven’t been able to have full control of all the technical and there anywhere I can get updated afford it until recently. operational aspects of the system. information on how the installation is progressing? Uni$ couldn’t afford it? Are you I have to say that this all sounds serious? very good… what’s the catch? Sure. Check out the Accommodation Services page at http://portal.surrey.ac.uk/ Yes, perfectly. The last time the There isn’t one as far as I can see. You accommodation/resnet for updates. You university looked at installing won’t be able to use any external P2P can also find a copy of the acceptable broadband into the residences was (peer to peer) services such as KaZaa, use policy on there if you want to check in 1999 when the present ntl phone but there will be options for networking want you going to be able to do / not do network was put in. Network points between rooms that include file sharing, and cabling for broadband were playing networked games and using words: matt adams installed at the same time, (ever instant messaging software amongst noticed that other white box on your other things. More details of the do’s and wall?) but a vast amount of money don’ts of the new system are detailed in had been spent on the phone system an acceptable use policy that UniS has we know what you GOLD - NINE did last summer... do 1 Leslie Law - Eventing mixed individual 2 Shirley Robertson, Sarah Webb, Sarah Ayton - Sailing women’s Yngling class you? 3 Chris Hoy - Cycling 1km time trial 4 Ben Ainslie - Finn class sailing 5 Matthew Pinsent, James Cracknell, Ed Coode, Steve If you were busy working over the summer and were in too late Williams - Coxless fours rowing to catch the news and didn’t have time for newspaper reading, 6 Bradley Wiggins - Cycling 4km individual pursuit then a quick overhaul of the summer may be needed – you 7 Kelly Holmes - 800m wouldn’t want to feel left out when talking about who won what 8 Kelly Holmes - 1500m at the Quick TV awards would you?! Much credit should be 9 Jason Gardener, Darren Campbell, Marlon Devonish, given to BBC’s website and theregister (as well as websites Mark Lewis-Francis - 4x100m relay that copy material from these sources!) for this flashback.

By far the biggest highlight of the summer was the 2004 SILVER - NINE Olympics. Held in Athens, the Greeks managed to get all the 1 Peter Waterfield, Leon Taylor - Synchronised 10m building work finished for what was to be a good result for platform diving Team GB, and one of the more interesting Olympics to date. 2 Pippa Funnell, William Fox-Pitt, Leslie Law, Mary King, Jeanette Brakewell - Mixed team eventing As a quick general fact file - These Games 3 Gail Emms, Nathan Robertson - Badminton mixed broke many records. Athens hosted doubles 11,099 athletes, the largest number ever 4 Campbell Walsh - K1 kayak slalom and also the most women athletes ever. 5 Katherine Grainger, Cath Bishop - Coxless pairs Representatives of 202 countries took rowing part, more than any other sport event. The 6 Nick Rogers, Joe Glanfield - 470 class sailing Olympic flame traveled for the first time to 7 Alison Mowbray, Debbie Flood, Frances Houghton, all continents. Shot Put was held in Olympia Rebecca Romero - Coxless quadruple sculls and women competed there for the first time. 8 Steve Cummings, Paul Manning, Bradley Wiggins, Rob Hayles, Chris Newton, Bryan Steel - Cycling team More specifically, you may be wondering how Team GB did. Here’s pursuit the medal winners (see next column) – more info on each can be found 9 Amir Khan - Lightweight boxing at http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/olympics_2004/3609588.stm

A few other highlights – Paula Radcliffe was tipped as our biggest BRONZE - TWELVE hope for a guaranteed gold but failed to finish both her events, 1 Stephen Parry - 200m butterfly Kelly Holmes stepped up to become the most interviewed female 2 Pippa Funnell - Eventing mixed individual of the post-Olympic period, Amir Khan became the youngest 3 Helen Reeves - K1 kayak slalom medal winner at the modern Olympics at 17 years of age, and the 4 Alison Williamson - Individual 70m archery Swimming team were generally a bit of a let down. Despite the 5 Kelly Sotherton - Heptathlon overall ‘GB Success’, the sporting powers that be are looking into 6 Sarah Winckless, Elise Laverick - Double sculls analysing the results with a view to “must to better” in the future. rowing 7 David Davies - 1500m freestyle Carrying on the sport – Arsenal are setting records for the longest 8 Nick Dempsey - Windsurfing Mistral unbeaten run in the Premiership and look like the team to beat, Man 9 Chris Draper, Simon Hiscocks - 49er class sailing Utd have signed Wayne Rooney in a very expensive deal but lag 10 Georgina Harland - Modern pentathlon behind on the points table, and Newcastle have recently replaced 11 Bradley Wiggins, Rob Hayles - Cycling madison Bobby Robson with Graham Souness as their manager. 12 Ian Wynne - K1 500m kayak

Match of the Day has made a return to the TV on Saturday nights – so for all the footy fans’ girlfriends, it may well be a barren time for Parkinson returned to our screens after going to ITV, you all. following a bit of a fall-out regarding the re-scheduling of his show because of the Match of the Day return. Following on with a bit of a TV update, Junior Mastermind hit our Michael Parkinson’s ITV chat show debut with star screens for the first time this year. guest, Hollywood actor Tom Cruise, pulled in an The winner was a James Bond audience of 5.7 million people on Saturday night. But nut with a keen interest and vast the show, which also featured comic Billy Connolly, lost knowledge of Volkswagen Beetles. out to BBC One news, which drew an audience of 6.3 From Cardiff, Daniel Parker (at 11 million between 2145 and 2205 BST. years old) won the competition. overview 7

Onto the Soap Awards - Coronation Street won the best affair, this quick survey from the BBC website: soap title at last Monday’s TV Quick Awards, beating rival Which headliner rocked most? EastEnders who have taken the top award for the past three years. Ant McPartlin and Declan Donnelly walked away 69% Green Day with the best entertainment show award for Ant and Dec’s 13% The Darkness Saturday Night Takeaway for the second consecutive year. The best loved drama award went to The Bill, beating Bad 17% The White Stripes Girls which has won for the past four years. Total votes: 2023 A few technical highlights, mostly in the shape of the fight against illegal material. And to all those at Glastonbury - well done. With 150,000 BT were accused of people on the site in total, police said 278 crimes had been being able to identify reported by Monday morning - compared with 466 at the those users looking at same point in 2003. illegal content on the internet. They insisted Now for the random news that may well be of some interest it was speculation, but - UK house prices fell by 0.6% in August from the previous after their Cleanfeed Web filtering system became active a month, says Halifax, the UK’s biggest mortgage lender. call has been put to request an independent analysis of their The fall was the first since August 2002. However, house system, due to concerns that “the data might be giving a prices are still 21.3% higher (!) than a year ago. misleading picture of the scale of Internet child abuse”. Last Wednesday, a survey from the Nationwide showed Vodafone’s new mobile content filtering system, designed house prices rising at their slowest rate for three years. to stop children accessing illegal Web content with their Perhaps good news for those graduating in a couple of mobiles, raises more questions than it answers. years time! In January the major UK operators agreed to implement In the movies, Michael Moore a content filtering system, with an independent body in plans to enter Fahrenheit 9/11 place to rate content, by the end of the year. Vodafone as best picture, rather than best has launched its filtering system five months early. Some documentary, at the Academy Vodafone users say they have been unable to access Awards. The film, which slams corporate email - Vodafone’s Blackberry service was President George W Bush’s apparently disrupted for a time. Access to pornography, war on terror, has become the however, does not appear to have been universally highest grossing documentary. restricted. – first to pass $100m mark in On the subject of illegal material, at least 16 civil servants US history. have been sacked and more than 200 disciplined over the downloading of internet porn in the office. Staff at the Biblical epic The Passion of the Christ sold 4.1 million DVD Department for Work and Pensions are believed to have copies on its first day of release in the US. Fox Home called up 2.3 million pages of pornographic material over Entertainment said that the film, directed by Mel Gibson, eight months. These are said to include 18,000 images was the best-selling R-rated film of all time. (that’s an average of 2 pictures per person per week). In the arts, experimental artist Yoko Ono is set to recreate The new download chart has been unveiled – it’s listed at one of her best-known works 40 years after its debut, as http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/chart/top40/download.shtml part of a London exhibition. She will recreate Cut Piece, Essentially these are for paid downloads, and many in the renamed Whisper Piece, as part of Tate Britain’s Art and the music industry are calling this system a greater indication 60s season. of the most popular music around, as well as accepting the Finally, proof that old habits die hard for us students. Almost improvement over free downloading via Peer2Peer sharing half of Britain’s children admit to not reading a single book networks (Kazaa Lite, for example). outside school hours, according to research recently published. The survey, commissioned Of course, the summer saw the usual festivals – Glastonbury, by the Prince of Wales Arts & Kids Foundation, Leeds, Reading etc. As a result of Glastonbury, you can asked over 100 children aged 7 to 14 what now buy mud from the festival on Ebay if you didn’t get the their favourite activities were outside school. chance to be there. Other news, on a different note, resulted Reading a book came fourth. in the father of Muse drummer Dominic Howard sadly dying after watching Muse perform at the festival. His death is words: neil christie, editor not being treated as suspicious. Reading was also a great

www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering VOLUNTEERING 9 It’s Time To Get Involved – Try Something New!

‘The V Project’ is UniS’/USSU’s project for all students and staff to help you to settle into Uni life, meet, learn from and maybe even help new people – on campus or in the local community! As well as having loads of fun it just so happens that you will also be equipped with amazing and very valuable life skills! It’s all free too. In fact, even your travel expenses are covered and you will be officially thanked in a groovy awards ceremony at the end of the year. Last year we awarded a amazing 147 people! What more could you want?!

Volunteering…maybe you want to carry on with something that you have been doing over the summer or before Uni, or take up something brand spanking new? Now is your chance! There are literally hundreds of opportunities – so you can find something that suits your personal needs and desires!

I also have a email database – just get in touch to be added and get new opportunities straight to your inbox! – easy peasy! Basically:

1. ‘Community Volunteering’ – get involved in your local community by volunteering at an exciting project/ charity/ organisation in the local community – I am currently especially looking for a newsletter editor (to help produce a newsletter 4 times a year) – please just get in touch for more details!

2. ‘The A Team’ – take part in/ lead various one off events to benefit the local community – last year events ranged from an exhilarating ‘Battle of the Bands’, creating a new pond at a local school, and helping run a fashion show for ‘Save The Children!’

3. Club/ Society Committee Members – you are volunteers! All you have to do to get your snazzy certificate at the end of the year is tell me who you are and what you do - simple!

I hope to hear from you soon!

Contact Carol Main at [email protected] or on 01483 683254.

Societies and Sports Club AGMS

Windband | Monday 13th September | GM room | 7pm Tenpin Bowling | Thursday 16th September | Activities Centre | 6pm LibDem | Friday 17th September | GM room | 7pm ChemSoc | Tuesday 21st September 2004 | GM room | 1pm Economics | Friday 24th September 2004 | GM room | tbc Squash Club | Monday 27th September 2004 | GM room | 5pm Tae Kwondo | Monday 27th September 2004 | UniSport Studio | 7pm Afro-Caribbean | Tuesday 28th September 2004 | LT A | 6pm Windsurf | Tuesday 28th September 2004 | GM room | 5pm 10 elections [email protected] 10 09 04

Hash Alsaidi, Union President urges you to run for office and help drive the Union forward...

It seems like only last week I was elected President and yet it is some 5 months ago and now I am asking you to consider doing the same. We are searching for the 9 people to help us form the Union executive plus a further 12 people to run for either NUS Delegate or be apart of the Constitution and Elections Committee. All of these positions are absolutely vital and enable to Students’ Union to represent its members effectively throughout the year. Without these positions in place we fail the core aim of our Union.

As a group of students we find ourselves in a unique position. Very few have the opportunity to take a hold of 12,000 member organisation and a £3 million business providing a range of representational and member driven services as well as being able to link into a national network of over 5 million people.

This year the sabbatical team want to move the union at an incredible pace, developing a vision for the future so that all our members can benefit from the services and representation we provide. This work can only be done with the help of a strong executive. We need people who have ideas about how the union can best position itself to support its members today and into the future.

I want you to consider putting yourself in for these elections whether you have been here for 3 years or 3 days. Think about it. If you want to talk about it then please contact me on [email protected] or tel: (01483) 689227. Failing that you will see me in and around the union day and night!

words: hash alsaidi, president

Union Executive Posts Culture & Events Officer Union Chairperson This Officer has the exciting role of working closely with the The Union Chair, as its title hints, chairs all Union Council Union Entertainments Department, to help ensure the slick meetings. The Chair works as the mediator within Council running of all Union culture and entertainment events. On and must stay impartial throughout. The Chair has an the Culture side specifically, the post requires the Officer important role in making sure there is balanced conversation to assist the Vice President Societies & Culture to achieve throughout Council. An important part of the Chairs job is their objectives relating to culture. In this position the Officer publicising Union Council to make sure as many people as will also chair the Entertainments & Events Committee possible participate. The fact of the matter is that the more and report all its business to Union Council and the Union people that turn out, the more of a diverse conversation will Executive. be had and the view reached will represent what the Students as a whole feel. As part of the publicising of Council, the Accommodation Officer Chairs job is to ensure that the meetings agendas, papers The Accommodation Officer represents all students in and minutes are all displayed appropriately. The Union Chair campus and off campus accommodation. They must work is also responsible for interpretation of the Constitution with closely with the Representation & Welfare Unit to help support from the Constitution and Elections Committee. achieve their accommodation briefs. In this position the Officer will also chair the Accommodation Committee and, as custom, report all its business to Union Council and the Union Executive.

Academic Affairs Officer The Academic Affairs Officer represents all students in terms of their academic course. They must work closely with the Representation & Welfare Unit to help achieve their objectives relating to academic affairs. In this position the Officer will also chair the Academic Affairs Committee and, of course, report all its business to Union Council and the Union Executive. [email protected] 10 09 04 Campaigns Officer This position is an important one in putting the students’ democratic rights into action. The main part of the role is to coordinate, publicise and implement campaigns Union Council Posts agreed upon at Union Council. Campaigns hold most weight when Student numbers back them, NUS Delegate (7 posts) so in this position it is important to encourage You will be the Unions eyes and ears within the involvement in them. This will include liaising national student movement. Attending the 3 with Union, local, regional and national regional conferences during the year as well as groups relevant to agreed campaigns. The attending the National Conference in March/April. Campaigns Officer will also work closely with You will report your actions and the activities of the Representation & Welfare Unit to achieve these conferences to Union Council as well as work certain goals to do with campaigns. In this post the with Council members to formulate policy to take to Officer will chair the Campaigns Committee and, once National Conference. You may also be required to network again, will report all its business to Union Council and with officers in a similar position at other Students’ Unions the Union Executive. locally and nationally.

Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer Constitution & Elections Committee Member (5 The Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer, as its posts) title implies, represents all students regarding This committee is responsible for ensuring that all ethics & equal opportunities. The main job the rules and procedures of the union make sense that the Officer has is to be responsible for and are as east as possible for people to use. A very developing, recommending, campaigning for, important requirement is to assess whether any new and implementing Union policy regarding ethics & policies make old policies out of date. equal opportunities. There are a few other important When it comes to elections, the Constitution & Elections roles that the Ethics & Equal Opportunities Officer has and Committee will assist the Returning Officer and their team they are to ensure ethics & equal opportunities issues are in the day to day running of the process and help out in adequately considered in Union Committees and to identify any way possible. They will also work closely with the and eradicate offensive material displayed within the Union. Communications Standing Committee to ensure maximum They must work closely with the Representation & Welfare awareness of all aspects of elections. One last small job Unit to help achieve their ethics & equal opportunities is that the committee will assist the Union Chairperson to goals. In this position the Officer will also chair the Ethics & interpret the Constitution. Equal Opportunities Committee and, as usual, report all its business to Union Council and the Union Executive. For more information about the Elections contact Scott Farmer, Member Development & Policy Co-ordinator. Placement & Employed Students Officer Email: [email protected] This Officer has an awkward but rewarding job representing Telephone: 01483 683951 all students away on placement as well as those in part time work. The role requires the Officer to publicise and promote working student issues to raise awareness and understanding amongst students. The Placement & Employed Students Officer must also ensure that working students and their needs are adequately represented on Union Committees. A couple of other specific jobs are that the Officer will oversee the Union’s work regarding employability skills development and assist with the creation of the Placement Year Handbook.

Non-Portfolio Officer x2 These two officers have the unique job of being able to set their own agenda and manifesto points. Your manifesto will direct your work within the union during the academic year. Of course you will have to ensure your manifesto is relevant to the lives of students to ensure that students want to vote for you!

You of course, as with the other union officers, have to report to Student Council and the Union Executive.

the dave project 13

“With the student training team being in the 2nd year of full operation they are now in a position to offer over and above the normal training sessions. We are now in a position to offer student led facilitation and training across the university. 2004 will see the project joining forces with the Post Graduate Association in the running of a monthly discussion forum entitled “Chatterbox” plus we are now also able to offer tailor made sessions for groups looking for that something a little bit different.”

DAVE celebrates its 2nd birthday this month. Senior Students’ Unions across the country all undertaking Trainer Folarin Oyeleye (Flo) talks to Scott Farmer various forms of training. Most concentrate on in- and takes a look at DAVE’s progress through its house training activities like course representatives, infancy and urges those of you who have yet to accommodation reps as well as sports and societies take a look at DAVE to do so quickly… training whilst some will run key skills courses in partnership with their university or college. Ever since its inception in 2002 we knew the DAVE Project was going to be There are at least two sessions each something special. In year one we won week with there being three sessions a national training award and last year at peak periods. Scott comments we gained corporate recognition with the Currently our approval ratings have gradually sponsorship through Sainsbury’s. We now improved over the two years of existence from have solid backing from the university, 78% in year one to 82% in year 2. In Semester 2 we our sponsors, the recognition nationally will also be looking to take on the presentation of and most importantly your involvement the FUSE programme – Surreys Entrepreneurship to make DAVE even bigger and better. programme entering its 3rd year of operation”

The DAVE Project is unique from any other project on If you think you want to go to one of the sessions and increase campus or in the community as it is the only project you employability or you think you may even want to join where fully trained students run the project. All of the the DAVE team then I urge you to get involved. In 2004/5 training team have taken part in and successfully DAVE continues to be the main contributor to the individual completed a 3 day course called “Training the development certification award and will be developing more Trainer” which has led them through identifying interest based as well as study based sessions in partnership what is training, the role of the trainer, accelerated with the University’s Centre for Learning Developments. learning techniques amongst a whole range of skills. For more information about the DAVE Project contact: The course, which is run by the National Student Scott Farmer, Member Development & Policy Co-ordinator Learning Programme, currently funded by the via e-mail [email protected] or tel: 01483 683951 National Union of Students, supports over 80 or check out the website: www.thedaveproject.co.uk

Date Time Session Room Tuesday 14th September 6pm - 9pm Student Activities Essentials Management School Thursday 16th September 6pm - 9pm Senior Resident Essentials Management School Tuesday 28th September 6pm - 9pm Programme Rep Essentials Management School Tuesday 12th October 6pm - 9pm Senior Resident Essentials Management School Wednesday 13th October 2pm - 4pm Planning Your Events Union Committee Room Tuesday 19th October 6pm - 8pm Inter Comms Union Committee Room Wednesday 20th October 2pm - 4pm Making More Time 15 DK 02 Thursday 21st October 6pm - 9pm Programme Rep Essentials Management School Tuesday 26th October 6pm - 8pm Working Together TB 12 A Wednesday 27th October 2pm - 4pm Assert Yourself Union Committee Room 14 opinion [email protected] 10 09 04

or a while there’s always is nothing that can replace an alternative – the Fa quick newsflash that oil. This blows the idea put conversion of existing cites the ‘facts’ that oil is going to run out forward from this economist technology would not only in the next couple of decades. However, out of the water, as his be very expensive, but aren’t we getting close to this time? reasoning was based around also take a large amount When was it meant to be – 2020? 2080? the fact that ‘other sources of of existing energy. Gas Who knows – and when the time does energy’ will suffice to replace doesn’t produce as come, what’s going to happen? the uses of oil. Judging from many bi-products as oil a limited amount of reading, can, and transporting Some people are saying that the oil crisis it does indeed appear that oil gas in liquified form should be the question on everyone’s is irreplaceable as an energy is dangerous and lips. George Bush’s advisor (how source that can sustain our expensive. qualified that makes him, I’m not so sure current ways of living. about) stated in August 2003 that “The Hydrogen is again, not suitable. It situation is desperate. This is the world’s These sources on our dependency of takes more energy to create hydrogen biggest serious question”. Why then, oil are quite dramatic, but are backed than it can actually provide. It’s have we not heard much about it? by many leading scientists across the allegedly so useless, that “Hydrogen world, so although it could be hysteria, Fuel Cells” should be re-labelled Periodically we get these jolts of crisis, at least it’s researched hysteria! The “Hydrogen Fool Cells”, according to Dr. but other than that there’s alternatives we have are that get quoted Jorg Wing (a clever guy at Chrysler). little other than Beckham’s aren’t viable. latest hairstyle in the Nuclear power is out of the question media. Is that because Coal, although theoretically – apart from the dangers, the lack of the oil crisis is a load being able to sustain our supply, its limitations and expense, of mumbo jumbo, or energy uses for around 200 it would only provide a short-term because it doesn’t sell years with its given supply, solution of 25 years or so at best. newspapers? is not only dirty and not eco- friendly, but very difficult to As a trend is emerging, wind, One argument states that transport. Coal mining is also solar, plant-based fuel, “Thermal we will never run out of dependent upon oil – so as oil Depolymerization” (TD – which oil. An economist makes prices increase, so will coal transforms many kinds of waste into this bold claim based on prices. oil), and ‘free energy’ ideas such as the fact that oil will deplete Cold Fusion also come loaded with to the point where it gets too There is also the all-important negative aspects. Basically, nothing expensive for many to buy. At this point, measure of ‘Energy Profit Ratio’ – if can replace oil. he argues, there will be alternatives to you think of oil, one barrel of oil could oil – and so it will make common sense extract 100 barrels of oil (back in the So are all these resources useless? to use those cheaper alternatives and day when water was more expensive Are we all going to die? Well from invest in them. This is an interesting idea than oil - Texas, USA in case you were what I’ve read, it appears that these – it’s basically stating that oil becomes a wondering). Currently, oil’s EPR is 10 to resources are not completely useless, niche commodity for those that can afford 1. Coal’s is currently 8 to 1, but but none are a viable it. Common sense, some would say. because of how we’re using it and complete alternative and how it’s extracted, it will to oil. A radical change However, this may also show that allegedly be 2 to 1 between of lifestyle and thinking Economics is 2020-2030. Therefore would have to be nothing more than despite its abundance, the adopted by the entireity theoretical rubbish world’s supply will be of little of the world’s population that isn’t based on use to us by 2030 as we’d in order to survive and practical relevance. be putting in more coal to the it’s unlikely this will Common sense, methods of extraction than happen anytime soon. others would say. we’re actually extracting from the Earth. Anything else? Well According to other my own input is rather sources, there Natural gas is also not pessimistic about What’s going to happen when the oil runs out? opinion 15

e are apparently a nation of crises. WWe have a pension crisis (or “time bomb”) that means we’ll all be 100 before we can retire, a transport crisis The of congested roads and unreliable trains and best of all we have an obesity crisis that seems destined to kill us all and irrational cripple the NHS. fear of pies According to the figures, more than 50% of all adults in the UK are either obese or overweight. On present trends this will be closer to 70% by 2020 and the problem already causes the premature death of about 30,000 adults a year. they are likely to die twenty years early The press is full of stories about obesity or is it the majority of people who are the whole ‘crisis’. Whilst clearly a weight loss not to mention the hat load of modestly heavier than their ‘BMI’ says problem to think about, there could fashionable diets. Are you on they should be. Strictly speaking well be possibilities in 50 years’ time the Atkins? The south beach this makes us overweight – but that we can’t even begin to envisage diet, low fat, high protein? If will this really make any tangible now. the figures are to be believed difference to long-term health? then we mostly appear to Is in fact the anxiety of believing Think about your grandparents and try be on the pizzaman diet. “I must lose weight” far more and explain wireless communication Strictly speaking, someone harmful than being half a stone to them. The chances are they won’t is classed as overweight heavier than the figures say? have a clue what you’re talking about. when they have a Body Much worse, what effect does If someone had told them when Mass Index (BMI) greater all this publicity have on those they were wee nippers that in 50 than 25. The BMI is simply who have no weight problem at years’ time you would be able to see a ratio of height and weight all – but just think they do? What someone and speak to them using a and many internet sites offer affect is had on younger and portable device that fits in your hand, calculators to show your own more impressionable members they would have thought you need a BMI. If you plug in your own of society that are already very check-in to the local nut house. figures you may be surprised image conscious and trying by the result. A quick survey to digest the existing array of So who’s to argue there won’t be a of the lifestyle section in ‘perfect’ body images presented solution in 50 years’ time? Maybe Mr. your local bookstore reveals by the media. Let us have more Economist was right and theory will no shortage of “celebrities” targeted information to those come good, it’s one of those infamous willing to peddle you their miracle ideas with genuinely perilous weight issues “to be continued” scenarios. for losing 8 stone in a week. Carol and a more measured approach to the Vorderman alone would ably have subject in general. Are we all going to die? Of course afforded several new wings to her house – sometime; but we have to live first. based on the number of publications that On the plus side, if we do all die early Who’s for a pint? seem to bear her name because of our collective girth, it might solve the aforementioned pensions words: neil christie, editor The latest body to wade into the publicity crisis. Now, which way to that pie shop? is the British Heart Foundation. Their http://www.lifeaftertheoilcrash.net current campaign runs a series of words: paul canning http://www.economics.about.com/cs/ posters bearing the slogan “fear the pie” macroeconomics/a/run_out_of_oil.htm and sports a horrified woman recoiling http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/yourweight/bmi.shtml http://www.peakoil.net from a giant pie. Now, the British Heart http://www.bhforg.uk/index.asp foundation clearly has a remit to protect against heart disease but does the stigmatisation of pies achieve this?

My real problem with the way the issue is dealt with is who the constant media barrage has an effect on. Is it genuinely those people who are so overweight that 16 features [email protected] 10 09 04 So you want to get ahead? year-on-year proliferation of academic genius is that nly two weeks universities now find it too difficult to choose between to go until our O prospective students. In confusion, they’ve even consignment of Freshers started basing their admissions policies on arbitrary arrives, and with them whims. Oxbridge, for example, make sure that most comes an annual ritual of their students come from independent schools, and that I remember with even the UniS head honchos, poor souls, have started particular fondness. proclaiming that 20% of new undergraduates must come This ritual stems from from countries outside the EU. an instinct that must be embedded deeply In an attempt to make everybody’s lives easier, A-level in the fabric of human candidates may soon be awarded two marks for each consciousness. subject. One would be an ‘A’, given for being a jolly good fellow and attending the exam. The other, supplied Think back to the in brackets or printed in smaller letters, would indicate time when you were a the ability of each candidate to pass that exam. And in Fresher. You’re talking another twenty years, when the second mark has crept to another Fresher, up and consistently reaches its maximum possible value, and you’ve already a third mark could be given in even smaller letters or swapped names, asked double brackets. This solution is perfectly simple and about each other’s home towns, and compared term-time sensible. And in common with all simple and sensible accommodation. You’ve even traded your academic subjects. opinions, it’s complete rubbish. After a few more platitudes and pleasantries though, the conversation is waning dangerously, and you both realise This is where my idea comes in. Here’s the background that you may soon have to face the depressing fact that story: I’ve now been doing a PhD for nearly three years. you have little in common: no friends, no interests, and no It’s a lonely occupation, and to stay sane I’ve kept myself geography. The tattered remains of the conversation need motivated by focusing on the reason why I’m still here. to be salvaged quickly to preserve your dignity. There’s only It’s not because I’ll be allowed to call myself ‘Doctor one desperate, squalid shard of a gambit left, but it’s got to Supper’: apart from the fact that I’d probably get sued by work. It’s time for the ritual. Simultaneously, in jovial voices, the soft drinks company with a similar name, insisting on you ask each other: ‘How did you do in your A-levels?’ being called ‘doctor’ is horribly pompous. It’s certainly not the employment prospects that are keeping me going, A-level results have improved again this year, so the answer’s either: they’re little better for doctoral graduates than for likely to be better than it’s ever been. If you started University anybody else. In fact, there’s evidence to suggest that after 1996, then statistically you’re cleverer than I am. In many employers discriminate against PhD graduates, fact, according to the DfES web site, fewer than 69% of my because apparently none of us can remember how to year managed to pass three or more A-levels. The Class of solve real problems. That leaves only one reason to 96 were ignorant, and its schoolteachers inept. Fortunately, study for a PhD. The hat. though, we were cleverer than the year above us, and the year below us did better still. The only disadvantage of this You see, PhD graduates wear a special hat during the degree ceremony: a squashy, fuzzy black hat. It’s even sillier than the mortar board that everybody else gets, and it’s got a far better tassle. When I hand in my dissertation, crash through my viva, and leave this place in a blaze of anticlimax in a few months’ time, I’m going to look bloody great. Sod the future. For me, higher education is definitely about the headgear.

So here goes. Instead of attempting to boost the confidence of A-level students by encouraging vile American-style proms, holding tedious sixth-form graduation ceremonies, and awarding pass marks to any organism with a pulse, why not give pupils a single grade that reflects their exam-passing ability, and allows universities to discriminate between any two students on the grounds of academic ability? It’s obvious that [email protected] 10 09 04 features 17

So you want to get ahead? SOPHIA BELMONT a more meaningful way of celebrating the fact that everybody’s had a good try is by letting them wear daft * diary of a student Cinderella * hats. Everybody likes wearing hats. So under my new system, we’d have state-subsidised hats. t’s a new year and, once And, were they not also again, my first view of eligible for maintenance I’m talking millinery of the finest quality here. The kind I university life is the four, grants (means-tested, of that would benefit the economy by training skilled depressingly naked walls course)? Therefore, on the artisans, generating employment, and making Britain of my room. Quite frankly, basis of my grandmother’s the envy of the hat world. The further one progresses they may have been freshly income (unfortunately for in education, the more prestigious the hat one would painted, but along with my father, his mother was a get to wear. Key Stage 1 pupils would be awarded a the coffee-stained carpet single parent falling into the simple plastic-and-fabric hat with a horizontal orange (courtesy of the previous lowest- or blue-green sun visor: the kind that was fashionable student) and the mould- income category), wouldn’t in the 1980s, and in certain lighting conditions gives its covered windowpanes, my he have received the full wearer virtual David Bowie eyeshadow. Key Stage 2 ten by eight foot ‘space’ grant, covering the complete students would be rewarded with neat bowler hats to – I prefer the word ‘box’- cost of his living costs during wear to secondary school. Key Stage 3 pupils would be looks, to this little rich girl, term-time? ‘upgraded’ to a homburg or a panama, available in any completely unbelievable. colour. Every GCSE passer would be presented with a How can a smaller room than ten-gallon hat with a buckle on. People who decide to the one I had last year be And here I am, as are other pursue vocational qualifications at this point will not be physically possible! What on students who have begun left out of my scheme: rather, they will be given round earth possessed me to rent further education from helmets, modelled on the Helmet of Justice from ITV’s it? And then I recall… 1998-1999 onwards, forced Knightmare. The finest privilege, though, would be to pay £1,125 per year on reserved for those who have passed their A-levels: a Most of my friends from tuition fees and take out the pointy wizard’s hat. school left for university dreaded student loan, which In my vision of the future, graduates will be emerging armed with the fact that they although they remind us (as into the adult world with mildly disappointing degree were authorised users of their if we should be grateful) has results, and more than fifteen thousand pounds of daddy’s Platinum Barclay no real interest charged on debt each. But it won’t matter, because they’ll all have Card. Mine, on the other it, becomes repayable the beautiful hats to commemorate their academic efforts. hand, disowned me. I believe moment we start to earn If you were allowed to keep the mortar board that they he used the words “It’s time £10,000 a year. give you on graduation day, wouldn’t you be a happier for you to learn the value of person, and thus a better worker? It just couldn’t money” – the only thought that And thus, I can predict now fail. Far from costing the taxpayer a fortune, it would flashed across my mind was that Marks and Spencer’s actually save the Treasury money. The NHS would ‘abandonment’. food, for the second year no longer need to fork out on lorry-loads of Prozac running, is out of the question and beta-blockers to sustain the country’s crumbling And so, as I sit on my and, yet again, shall I become academic tutors. I’m certain that the moment we start uncomfortable bed (pitifully an avid visitor of Tesco’s giving away those hats, a new golden age will begin. clinging on to my latest Louis reduced section - that being The forces of higher education will be united once Vuitton acquirement), I reflect the only way to obtain my more under that mighty old slogan -- ‘Elitism For All!’ on, not only how they might as traditional childhood food And master craftsmen would keep walking into lamp- well have made the bed out of source, Tesco’s finest range, posts. concrete, but also how ironic at an affordable price. I it is that my father has done can only pity those who shall words: ben supper this to me. For when my Dad follow me post-2006, liable was a student in the 1960s, to pay up to £3,000 a year weren’t all undergraduates in fees to be paid after their accepted for a degree course graduation – especially those at that time entitled to have of them who are ex-daddy’s their full tuition fees paid for girls... by their local authorities? words: sophie hammonds

20 albums [email protected] 10 09 04

THE LIBERTINES RODNEY P

The Libertines The Future Rough Trade Riddim Killa

The Libertines have finally showed why British RnB and hip hop doesn’t so many fans are willing to put up with always get the respect it deserves the sometimes soap opera-like goings and with artists like Rodney P hitting on behind the band. It opens with a bang, us with a great debut album it seems with stand out tracks Can’t Stand Me Now a real shame. This has a real funky and Last Post on the Bugle. It then follows vibe mixing up reggae and hip hop through the heart-wrenching ballad of and with features from the likes of Music When the Lights Go Out, but gets Bob Marley’s son Kymani on tracks straight back to the searing rock with the such as The Nice Up he’s certainly likes of The Ha Ha Wall, Arbeit Macht keeping it authentic. Rodney may Frei and The Saga. The album closes use producers from all over the with What Became of the Likely Lads, world but he maintains a very British which is yet another blistering anthem feel and his experience as an artist accompanied by the ever-present moving shines through. The mellow tracks lyrics which turn a very good rock’n’roll want to make you kick back and album into a poignant fairy-tale about enjoy the last few sunny days of the highs and lows of Pete and Carl’s summer while the party songs just relationship. j.a. ***** make you get up and dance. Hands up ladies and gentleman The Future is on its way. d.m.****

HAPPYLIFE THE FIERY FURNACES CHARLOTTE HATHERLEY Sweet Resort Blueberry Boat Alberts Rough Trade Grey will fade Double Dragon Music It seems that British Rock is on the up and After seeing these guys perform at Leeds, a great new band to add to the growing list Better known her role as guitarist with I wasn’t overly hopeful about the album is Happylife. The first trackBreathe for me Ash, Charlotte Hatherley has now being any good. I was right. It starts as has a very Placebo tinged sound, the rest arrived as a solo artist. The album starts it means to go on with the opening track of the album however is less so, offering a off very well with the perfect bubblegum Quay Cur, which is very hard to work great variety of peppy up rock tunes and pop of Kim Wilde. Excluding the slightly to listen to. It’s ten and a half minutes mellow, contemplative types. Recently more delicate tracks Down and Where long, and at its high point it sounds a bit supporting local boys Reuben and The I’m Calling From, the album keeps like early White Stripes, but then it just Rasmus at the Astoria, they have proved up the sickly-sweet tone all the way descends back into the stripped back that they can keep an audience jumping through, with Paragon, Bastardo and weirdness that it started with. Every now and it’s not hard to see why. With this their the title track Grey Will Fade standing and then the album hits a great bluesy debut album they showcase melodic and out. Overall, it’s an accomplished debut guitar line, but within seconds it’s gone catchy tunes that don’t compromise on the which is well worth a listen, but don’t strange again, and the five tracks that are talent aspect, which happens all too often expect it to be as good as anything that longer than eight minutes really disrupt the these days. Definitely a great band, one to Ash has ever done! j.a *** flow of the album. j.a. * keep an eye out for. d.m. ****

Fancy reviewing CDs for the barefacts music pages? Than drop Jon and Dina (the music editors) an e-mail on This week’s reviews have been written [email protected] or pop along to the CD hand- by Jon Allen and Dina Mystris, the out session on Monday 13th September in the Media Centre at Music Editors for 2004/5 5.15pm! [email protected] 10 09 04 singles 21

THE SOUNDTRACK OF glastonbury OUR LIVES 2004 Bigtime Telegraph Records The Grandfather of all festivals this year boasted the likes of the godfather Taken from their forthcoming second of soul, James Brown, ex-Beatle Paul McCartney and Oasis’s only UK album, hirsute Swedes TSOOL release the pyramid stage warms to the mix Bigtime, a superb piece of space-prog- festival show this year. Not without its problems before the festival started, of laid-back grooves and upbeat garage-rock that simply bristles with mayhem (***). The beauty of a vast energy and enthusiasm. Following on the well-documented surge in demand and ticketing failures has made festival such as Glastonbury is its from their great performance on the array of new talent seeping out of the Carling Stage at Reading and Leeds, Glastonbury one of the most elusive tickets around. aptly names new bands tent with the here’s hoping that this propels them exciting South (***) and the Strokes onto bigger and better things. j.a. **** On a sweltering Friday the festival influenced, (***). A late replacement opens with the eccentric antics of the for Jet, Badly Drawn Boy takes to the Ralph Myerz and The Jack Herren Other stage declaring we’ve received Band. More than a match for last a better deal. Backed by his band, THE STREETS years opening act (The Darkness) BDB sung heart felt gems, Silent Sigh,

Blinded by the light Locked On

Undoubtedly you’ve heard of The Streets or you have been living in a hole. Known for a unique British sound that has captured the imagination of many listeners you’d expect nothing less than catchy and interesting. This track however is rather repetitive and the club beat in the background doesn’t catch the listener and make them stop. It’s definitely original but not sure if it

TOKYO DRAGONS

Get ‘em off Island Records

This is a double A side of old fashioned rock and roll from this British based band. With help from the producer for The Darkness you may hear the similarity, but don’t expect curly hair and spandex suits. These guys are more into heavy guitar riffs and rough, edgy vocals, so no high pitch cries in sight. They have toured with The Datsuns and it seems headlining isn’t far off. d.m.** 22 festival [email protected] 10 09 04

reasons two songs, Don’t Look Back in stage to the fantastic Stumble and Fall. Anger and Wonderwall managed a turn With an ego the size of the spacious around as Oasis illustrate their class to an dance tent, lead singer Johnny is the adoring crowd (***). star attraction ripping through the catchy Golden Touch, before bolting A rain swept Saturday saw the Quantic towards the nearest fence to make his Soul Orchestra take to the Jazz World escape (****). Liverpool’s The Zutons stage. Led by Quantic, the Orchestra may share the same record label enthused funk and soul grooves with and characteristics as the Coral but impressive vocals attracted a sizeable their blend of guitar soul and resident midday audience (***). One of the best saxophonist make them a real one off. new bands of 2004, Keane deserve every Clad in yellow boiler suits the Zutons plaudit with the quite exquisite Hope and strum through They Do You Don’t and Fears LP topping the chart with solid Remember Me off their superb album, bands tent with the exciting South justification. With quite masterful song Who Killed The Zutons? (****). Next, (***) and the Strokes influenced, (***). writing as Somewhere Only We Know can only be described as the most A late replacement for Jet, Badly and the heartfelt Everybody’s Changing self-hyped up performance in history Drawn Boy takes to the Other stage illustrate, are transformed live with only as the Godfather of Soul, James Brown declaring we’ve received a better Tom’s dancing a little to be desired. Ending graces the stage a full fifteen minutes deal. Backed by his band, BDB sung with the quite wonderful Bedshaped, into his performance. Supported by the heart felt gems, Silent Sigh, ending Keane have the crowd in the palm of their highly talented JB’S, two MC’S, three with the excellent Pissing in the hand (****). Possibly the best and least backing vocalists, two dancers and a Wind taken from 2000 Mercury prize dressed band on site, the Scissor Sisters towel carrier James Brown has to be award The Hour of Bewilderbeast light up the Dance tent for their second the most Rock and Roll, self indulgent (***). The eclectic sounds of Groove performance of the day. Glamming up man on the planet. In between the Armada hit the Pyramid stage kicking Glasto, the Scissor Sisters blast through show there was a chance to breeze off with Vertigo’s opener Chicago, Take Your Mama and Comfortably Numb through I Got You (I Feel Good), Get concluding with Superstylin’, seeing in this faultless live performance. As the Up Offa That Thing and Sex Machine, the field erupt to one bouncing carpet opening bars echo, the tent erupts showing streaks of his legendary status (***). Glaswegian Franz Ferdinand Laura as they are well and truly crowned the king with bone crunching dance moves (***). have made some impact this year a queens of Glastonbury 2004 (*****). A Living up to their name the Delays illustrating the cause of this hype with year on from O’s release Damien Rice arrive a little later than scheduled hit single Take Me Out and Radio has begun to reap its recent success from breezing through the delightful debut, Two favourite Matinee (****). A the underground to the mainstream. With Faded Seaside Glamour. With buzz swiftly engulfed the new bands his idyllic song writing Damien Rice’s set standouts including, Nearer Than tent as The Bees took to the stage. climaxes with his breakthrough single, Heaven and the stomping Long Time Promoting the acclaimed album, Cannonball (***). With McCartney gracing Coming the Delays blend of beats and Free The Bees made up much of the Pyramid stage, Basement Jaxx are angelic vocals hits all the right notes the initial performance taking in more than an alternative as they rip (****). Closing the Pyramid stage, Muse singles Horsemen and Wash In The through Kish Kash’s Good Luck and the set it alight with this three piece roaring Rain. The Bees cemented their live energetic Plug It In. Basement Jaxx offer through the hit packed Absolution LP. reputation with the fantastic Chicken a raw mix of dance having progressed Charging through Bliss, Absolution Payback and the well received A musically over their three albums, are a and Sunburn, the sound is electric with Minha Menina (****). Possibly one worthy example of dance music taking Bellamy offering a guitar master class of the most anticipated sets of the to the live arena. The tempo is raised as the set climaxes with an explosion weekend saw the hoards and the with Jump ‘N’ Shout and then again taken of noise as the drum kit is sprawled odd manc setting up refuge as Oasis to another level as Where’s Your Head across the stage. With many doubters swaggered on stage. Dressed as At rings around the dance trodden mud to their headline potential, these three an artic explorer with a comedy (****). lads from Devon deliver what can only beard, Liam wasted no time to say be described as their best show ever, f**k off to the front row and give Glastonbury is awoken by the sounds of mind-blowing (*****). an impression he can’t be arsed or more than one hundred members of the hack it any more. Thank goodness English National Opera crammed onto words: matt badcock for Noel as his sublime guitar work the pyramid stage, illustrating the diversity holds the band together, belting out and the open minds of both the organisers classic Champagne Supernova and and festival-goers alike. Over on the Stop Crying Your Eyes Out aptly Other stage last minute replacements, dedicated to the England football Razorlight leave the audience in as spin team. As the performance looked as Johnny launches himself across the to be remembered for all the wrong [email protected] 10 09 04 [email protected] 24 festival Motherfokker and10 The 09 Man 04 Don’t Give leeds festival 2004: 27th - 29th August

Friday 27th August good acoustic version of Caught by the a Fuck? Walk back to my tent rather Fuzz, to the epic Mary, to the rumbling miffed, desperately trying to work out 13.30 - Finally get into the main rock clatter of Richard III. why things went so wrong after 10pm. arena and head towards the Radio One Stage after queueing Saturday 28th August Sunday 29th August for the best part of two hours, missing Eastern Lane and The 12.45 - The Open are the first great 12.00 - On the Carling Stage, Mohair Futureheads in the process. Am band of the day, thrilling all that just about succeed where beer has greeted by the shoddy weirdness of Fiery bothered to turn up with their Doves- failed in managing to wake me up, with Furnaces. esque atmospheric rock. their excellent blues-country resting 14.30 - Dogs Die in Hot Cars arrive on 13.30 - Squeeze into a packed out neatly on the lush piano melodies. stage and make up for the aforementioned Carling Tent for great band number two, 12.45 - Bloc Party finish the job off, crapness by being generally brilliant, the heavy glam punk of Pink Grease. their brilliant arty rock’n’roll being the getting most of the crowd dancing with their 14.20 - Make my first trip to the Main musical equivalent of a slap round the quirky 80’s stylings. Stage for Hundred Reasons who are, face. 16.00 - Head over to the Carling Tent disappointingly, completely swamped. 14.20 - Excluding the typically for Sons and Daughters. Am thoroughly After a few songs, head back to the explosive Ordinary Boys, the next surprised by an absolutely blinding set of Carling Tent for teenage rock’n’roll few hours of action centre around the country-blues-funk. trio The Subways, who show exactly Main Stage, with Razorlight and Franz 16.30 - Run to the Radio One Stage to find why they won this years Glastonbury Ferdinand playing very good sets, 22-20’s playing their most recent single, unsigned competition. although nothing out of the ordinary. the fuzzy blues extravaganza that is Shoot 16.10 - Over to the Radio One Stage for 18.40 - The Libertines arrive to play Your Gun. If that was anything to go by, what turns out to be one of the bands a musically flawless set, although the then the rest of the set would have been of the weekend. The Wildhearts almost on-stage chemistry between Pete and fantastic. tear the roof off the jam-packed tent with Carl is sorely missed. 16.45 - Run back to the Carling Tent for a fantastic hard rocking set, with the 19.50 - These are a few of Morrissey’s three brothers from Wakefield known as crowd completely wrapped around lead least favourite things... The Cribs, a band that I can best describe singer Ginger’s little finger. 19.55 - He finally arrives on stage, as a weirder, slightly more mental version 17.30 - Back to the Main Stage for immediately kicking off with How Soon of The Strokes. The Hives. Howlin’ Pelle shows Justin is Now? which is simply amazing. 18.15 - Back to the Radio One Stage, this Hawkins exactly how cocky should Where most bands would then scream time for the enthralling stage show put on be done with a typically self-important “Have you had a great weekend by British Sea Power. Miss most of the performance, including quotes like Leeds?” Moz asks sombrely if we have set for New York punk-funkers Radio 4 in “When you get back to your piss and all “Had a reasonable time” so far, the Dance Arena, who mostly play tracks mud-soaked sleeping bags tonight, followed by a chuckle and “Well that’s off their new political statement... sorry, The Hives will be there to comfort you!”. all about to change... I’m not kidding”, album... Stealing of a Nation. Their new 50’s-prom-band image looks showing that he has at least got some 19.10 - Fancy some relaxation, so I wander great too. of his sense of humour back after a back to the Carling Tent to chill out to 19.20 - Soulwax rock the Radio One thoroughly grouchy performance at Devendra Banhart’s feral Jeff Buckley- Stage with their brand of 80’s techno Glasto. The rest of his set is a perfect esque beauty. rock, playing mainly material from mixture of new and old solo material, 20.45 - The Von Bondies arrive at the their new album, but also fitting in old and a couple of classic Smiths tunes. Radio One Stage, only to play the most ones including Conversation Intercom. 22.00 - Off to the Concrete Jungle lethargic 25 minutes of music that I have 21.00 - Leave Graham Coxon’s so far Stage to finish off my weekend with ever seen, so I go to the Carling Tent to fabulous set to go and see The Shins fill a bang, along with hometown punk- check out The Soundtrack of our Lives, the Carling Tent with their shimmering rockers A. whose spacey rock’n’roll fills the Carling summery guitar pop. 22.30 - Give up and nearly fall asleep Tent with so much energy that it’s hard to 22.00 - Off to the Dance Arena to see 2 against the side of the tent, oblivious to drag myself away to bag a half-decent spot Many DJ’s. 22.30 - Bored. Go to see the the energetic tunes. from which to view Supergrass. The ‘Grass end of Super Furry Animals. justify their position as Radio One Stage 23.00 - You mean I missed the rest words: jon allen headliners by playing a superb set chock- of Kasabian to see the full of hits and crowd-pleasers, ranging 30 minutes of elongated from the really-rather- electronic noodling that was [email protected] 10 09 04 literature 25

sentence at once does an efficient and Life of Pi tiger.) And Richard Parker becomes as a rubbishy job of describing the first important a character - wordless, always seventy pages or so, encapsulating as a threat, but eventually Piscine grows to it does what Piscine (or Pi) decries the rely on him, and even to love him. And Yann Martell whole way throughout - “dry, yeastless put like this, this is the most stupid story factuality”. You put that sentence on the you’ve ever heard. rack and ask Mr. Martel to stretch it out into half a novel, and he gives birth to Pi But for some reason, Martel can make a “Winner of the Man Booker Prize Patel, a fictional character who you feel is stupid story transcend its stupidity and 2002”, you’ll read on the cover if you more truly alive than half the real people become human, inventive in its grand walk past it in HMV. For those in the you know. Everything feels unfamiliar originality, and uplifting in its beauty. know, this is no indicator of literary yet comfortable; Pi’s family and the Imagine that friend of yours - the one splendour. The Booker Prize is one of alien bustle of Pondicherry, that French who’s not the sharpest knife in the the better-funded yet less prestigious enclave clinging to the Indian coast, his drawer - come out with his latest gem awards out there, usually awarded schooldays and his religious awakening of patent inanity. But this time when you to impenetrable pieces of highbrow make it hard not to believe Pi exists and begin to dress him down, he embarks on tat such as Michael Ondaatje’s “The lives happily today in Toronto, like the a long, sincere, detailed and immensely English Patient”. “Oh dear.” I thought. italicized bits proclaim. Anyway, after his absorbing explanation of why Louis Fortunately for the publicist of any parents decide to sell up and retreat to Armstrong was the first man on the novel, you can’t count on so many Canada, Pi finds himself sharing a large moon or how you can make antigravity people being conversant with the cargo freighter with a few dozen caged, by spreading butter on a cat’s back and relative merits of the various literature exotic zoo animals also wending their dropping the animal. And at the end prizes. (No-one likes literature. If they way to their new Canadian home. And of it, the experience was so mystically did, this section would be longer and then the boat sinks. enjoyable you half believe him. Your I would be happier.) Hence sprung insistence on “dry, yeastless factuality” the legend on the top, “The Number Here, then, is your ordinary, down-home has vanished. That’s what reading Life One Bestseller.” “Oh dear oh dear.” explanation of a how a boy ends up of Pi is like. By the by, I ended up buying I thought again, unconsciously sharing a lifeboat with a crippled zebra, a my friend a bottle of absinthe, which she emulating the Chuckle Brothers. Then female orang-utan, an angry hyena, and enjoyed a bit too much. I bought the thing anyway, spurred on the star of the show, Richard Parker. He’s by thoughts of a friend’s birthday and a tiger. Not a talking, anthropomorphic words: arvind virdee, literature editor an impending lecture. Later, taking cartoon tiger. This isn’t trans-oceanic care not to bend the spine, I began to Calvin and Hobbes. He’s a real flesh test the goods. eating tiger with teeth the size of steak knives. You don’t expect to share a I once heard tell that the best books lifeboat with this kind of tiger and live Too Long; are the hardest to describe, and Life to tell the tale. This is, as the New York of Pi certainly fell into that camp. Times put it, “an outrageous scenario” par Didn’t Read Titbits and interludes and wisdom excellence. And yet Pi does, surviving not are liberally strewn throughout the only the tiger, but also the wild, waterless This week: main plot, taken chiefly from the main Pacific, by a whole multitude of ingenious Pride and Prejudice by Jane character’s twin college courses in tricks. Not only does he need to do the Austen Zoology and Religious Studies, and normal castaway stuff, like finding food cropping up again and again like little and water, but he needs to find a way to “Frivolous unimportant drivel. neutralise the threat of Richard Parker. presents in the middle of the book. I am indifferent to Mr. Darcy. Not by killing him, not by starving him, And besides, how can you not a love Frivolous unimportant drivel. I a guy whose excuse for going to India not by pushing him off the boat, not by to write was “a novel set in Portugal in setting him alight or poisoning him - but now hate Mr. Darcy. Frivolous 1939 may have very little to do with by training him. With whistles, treats, unimportant drivel. I now love Portugal in 1939”? pavlovian-type responses, et. al. Piscine Mr Darcy.” I hate you, Jane becomes both Siegfried and Roy, only Austen. Piscine Molitor Patel is a sixteen infinitely less comical. (These people year old boy from Pondicherry, India, are famous gay tiger-taming illusionists whose parents own a zoo. This in Vegas. Roy recently got mauled by a 26 film [email protected] 10 09 04

Four reviews this issue: three recent Alfred Molina do an outstanding job as Garfield and from a summer cinema selections and one you a villain (harder than you’d think) but biased extreme-fan might consider looking at on DVD… If you the four extensible metallic tentacles side of things the like samurais. Most people like samurais. lead to some great action scenes where movie is a huge Also if you’ve seen a film you feel like Spiderman and the Doctor take their disappointment, for telling/warning the student body about brawl to the high-rise buildings above rather odd reasons don’t hesitate to tell us! the streets and onto some passing tube (although from the trains. Also, as you’d expect, cars go moment I heard Spiderman 2 flying through the air, huge chunks of they were making masonry are taken off buildings (without a movie I expected Probably generating hurting people below) and things blow the worst). They’re enough hype not up. It felt like Raimi got to shoot the action odd reasons because in the film they to warrant an scenes he always wanted to shoot from got Garfield himself right - the way introduction, but the time he got the job as director (He he moves, acts and talks are almost you’re getting one also did some POV-camera work with the spot-on. Bill Murray voices him and anyway. Peter tentacles and found a scene-stealing role does it exceptionally well, filling in for Parker is Spiderman for Bruce Cambell, all harking back to his the voice of Garfield, Lorenzo Music, - a superhero with ‘Evil Dead’ days). Tobey Maguire seems who passed away before filming. The spider-abilities as a to be fast approaching the acting abilities problem is everything else. In the result of being bitten of Cardboard-Keanu, something that he comics Garfield’s owner is basically a by a radioactive should probably try and remedy (though loser, he wears bad ties, never gets namesake. On top it seems to be working for Mr. Reeves). the girl, that sort of thing – whereas of dealing with life The ending gets a bit overdramatic, you in the film they have him winning and love he also can see all of it coming a mile off – but all the heart of the attractive vet. All has to deal with the city’s villains who in all I really enjoyed watching the film. the characters from the comic strips are intent on giving him a hard time of included in the film have had their things. However after a catastrophe words: neil boulton, film personality skewed for the movie, so in an experimental lab a new more editor even with Garfield being ‘right’ things dangerous foe for Spiderman awakens still felt wrong. Also Garfield is the only – Doctor Octopus. After the accident in CGI character (the others animals are his lab, the normally mild-mannered Garfield trained professionals, of a sort), this Dr. Otto Octavius finds himself with 4 made the film a bit unsettling, but a For those not familiar indestructible tentacles grafted to his cat acting as Garfield could never live with Garfield (I have spine and takes to robbery in efforts up to the name. It’s a story aimed at led my life by his to complete his research - something kids and probably enjoyable if the kid’s teachings) he’s a Spidey won’t stand for. unfamiliar with Garfield, but if you’ve very fat orange cat been reading Garfield for any great – lazy, sarcastic, with Now the first Spiderman outing was a length of time it’s not film you should penchant for Italian food. He has also letdown - the necessary inclusion of how see. The most alarming thing is I can’t been the subject of Jim Davis’ world Peter Parker got his Spider-powers and really remember any memorable things famous comic strip for well over twenty the thoroughly un-awe-inspiring villain from the movie (except for Garfield years. In the movie the fat cat has his in the form of the Green Goblin held it dancing, which I probably enjoyed too world turned upside down when his back. Now, in a similar way to X-men much). 2, Sam Raimi was free of the baggage owner, Jon, brings home a dog from and could tell more of a story. The plot is the vets in an attempt to date The Vet words: neil boulton, film editor fairly standard and expectable, good vs. herself. Through a serious of events (as ever) Odie the dog gets kidnapped and evil & lessons to learn, but the feather in The Bourne Supremacy Spiderman 2’s cap is by far Garfield being the only one who knows Dr. Octopus. Not only does who by, sets of to save his Enemy/Companion. The slightly confused secret agent returns for the second in the trilogy, The actors involved are and is still very, very good at what he immaterial (hence being does. played by Breckin Meyer & Jennifer Love-Hewitt, Having been in hiding and travelling badly) the focus should around the world, Bourne and Marie be Garfield himself. (his wife) have settled down in a However I’m highly biased quiet Indian village safe from the and so would focus on world of espionage, or so they think. film 27

So reluctantly (after an unfortunate way to use a magazine. great as the incident) Bourne is forced to return to titular character, the world he thought he left behind for words: peter wigfield calm with a hint good. of a grin and as cool as ice as he However on his return he finds out Zatoichi quickly dispatches someone has framed him for the the bad guys, murder of some American agents, so On TV Takeshi Kitano is a comedian (he’s while Tadanobu once again he is on the run from his also the man behind Takeshi’s Castle, Asano also puts former employers. However since the the painful larger-than-life game show) on a terrifically person who ran Treadstone is dead but in the world of cinema he takes things menacing turn as the hunt for Bourne is lead by Agent slightly differently. In films going by the the powerful ronin Landy, who was in charge of the name Beat Takeshi he’s Hattori. On top of the bloody murdered agents. The only problem directed/starred in some of sword fighting (not intestines-out is she has no idea of who Bourne is the best eastern gangster gore bloody though) a strong or what he is capable of. On the way movies of modern cinema. river of wit runs through the film. Bourne is haunted by flashbacks of a However in this film he I believe with all the humour and long ago memory that leads to a big wrote/directed/stars in, the good narrative the film’s been secret that has many implications. he’s taken things back to made highly accessible. Often the 19th century to tell the Japanese cinema can have a Matt Damon again fills the shoes of the tale of a legendary blind habit of being a tad confusing and infamous Bourne and again carries it swordsman, Zatoichi. overwhelming but Zatoichi never comes across as baffling and Aged in his years the blind even people not overly impressed Zatoichi leads a nomadic life with samurai should get something gaining money through giving massages out of it. and extraordinary feats of gambling. No one suspects that the blind old man is One of the most interesting things about actually a master swordsman (probably the film is the music, at first you take it to due to his optical handicap) and the use be fairly traditional with the odd modern of the word ‘master’ is no exaggeration. flourish, but occasionally you’ll notice Zatoichi wields his cane-hidden sword that the music is very much based on the with speed and precision rivalling that of characters movements. Basically a sort any sighted-swordsman. Zatoichi ambles of oriental ‘Stomp’, which all converges into a small town under the oppressive in the films finale. All-in-all a great piece grip of some thoroughly nasty gangs, one of foreign cinema, rent it, buy it or borrow of which has employed the services of a it. off well, especially as this isn’t the highly powerful Ronin (Samurai-without- sort of character one would normally a-master) as a bodyguard. After meeting words: neil boulton, film editor associate Matt Damon with. Also two deadly geishas out to avenge Pamela Landy is portrayed very well their parents’ slaughter, Zatoichi by Joan Allen as the agent-in-chase. (luckily Zatoichi has a thing for helping the down-trodden) gets clag - WIN A Visually the film is very good with a on the wrong side of the gangs brilliant car chase and excellent fight and the already quite violent town DVD scenes. The slightly jerky motion of heads towards a showdown. the fight scenes adds to the sense of The film section would like to know about the Bourne’s life being a series of pictures Visually this film is impressive worst films you’ve had the misfortune of wasting and flashbacks, although at one with the action, story and imagery 90 minutes on (90 minutes you won’t get back), point in the car chase it can be very all complimenting each other - we’re looking for BAD movies, movies which confusing. the fact I was greatly drawn in by serve no purpose to anyone. Be they emotionless the appeal of a blind swordsman dramas, needless sequels, dire comedies or the Although it would appear that the probably helped. Takeshi’s blair witch project. And as an incentive for you to screen writer threw the book out of the send us a quick e-mail blasting cinema’s clag we window before he sat down to write the have a DVD to give away as a prize. If we think screenplay The Bourne Supremacy is you’ve found the worst film going you can win a a very good film that will keep you DVD of… well… Freddy Got Fingered. A film which entertained from start to finish, and might be the worst film ever (Were you expecting to just remember that’s not the proper win cinematic gold in turn for clag?) Anyway e-mail [email protected] with your bad cinema. GU2 Radio 28 returns to 1350AM/MW

Student Radio has been in turmoil over the past three months, GU2, the student-run radio station on campus, came into being in late 2000 with help from the Student Broadcast Network, SBN, a division of Campus Media plc. However, during July, Campus Media plc announced the liquidation of SBN throwing the world of Student Radio into absolute mayhem. Over the past four years that GU2 has been broadcasting, SBN has provided funding, training, a sustaining service and employment for two regular GU2 presenters, Duncan Wilson and P. The network supported approximately fifty student stations across the face of the UK and became a valuable tool for the music industry to be able to relate to the student market and find out what music was popular within this key demographic. GU2 realises that whilst this loss to student radio is a massive one, it is not a blow from which it cannot recover. In its second year of having a full student committee, GU2 is looking forward to new challenges and once again has its sights firmly placed on the title of “Best Student Station 2004-2005”. The new committee is headed by Nathan Whitaker, a second year Business Management student, as Station Manager and Melody Carter, a final year Physicist, as Assistant Station Manager and both are interested in making GU2 a resounding1 success this year. GU2’s goal is to provide the students of Sur- rey with the opportunity to become involved For more info in the world of media, in particular radio. The station is run as any local or national radio visit station would be, and has committee posi- tions open to any student registered with the www.gu2.co.uk University of Surrey. These positions range from Station Manager to Head of News and all that’s in between...keep your eyes on barefacts for interviews with each of the com- mittee members within GU2 to find out what they do and why they do it! If you’re interested in radio, then get in con- tact with GU2 management3 now... e-mail - [email protected] phone - 811350 (ntl campus phones) 01483 681350 (external phones)

providing hands on experience in all aspects of radio FOR EVERYONE Who‛s5 Who starts next - @ GU2 barefacts your guide to who’s who, who does what and everything that you just didn’t know about GU2 station manager head of promotions programme controller press officer head of music ob co-ordinator head of news technical manager head of marketing training officer 0Producers presenters GU2 Radio talent search 2004/05 29

Could You GU2? GU2 is starting the semester off with high hopes and the committee have been busy beavering away across the summer in order to make this year one of the best that GU2 has every had.

There are now so many new opportunities for YOU to get involved within GU2, just take a look at these positions and have a think as to whether or not you have what it takes to be part of a diverse, dynamic, entertaining and not to mention crazy amenity. Show Presenter Could be a regular play-listed show, perhaps something a little more specialised…heck it could be something so off the wall that we haven’t even thought about it yet. Come down to the station and have a chat! Show Producer If you don’t fancy behind in-front of the microphone, then how about being the main driving force BEHIND the microphone. If you’ve got ideas for shows and want to get involved…come down to the station and have a chat!

News Reader / Researcher ‘Barefacts Live!’ is GU2’s very own campus news show, every Monday, Wednesday, Friday and we are looking for local talent across UniS to put the local stories across to UniS. If you are interested in keeping up to date with the goings on across Guildford…come down to the station and have a chat! Marketing GU2 needs business minded people to help GU2 make CASH!!! If you think you have a mind built for sales we want to hear from you...come down to the station and have a chat!

Loads Of Other Positions These are certainly not the only areas that GU2 can offer you positions in. GU2 is a team effort and all that we ask from you is a level of committment to GU2 so that we can achieve all that we are capable of! So if you fancy getting involved...come down to the station and have a chat! GU2 Meetings Every THursday At 6PM In Lecture Theatre G EVERYONE WELCOME! WARNING

GU2 LIVE FROM CHANCELLORS Freshers Sunday from midday, loud music, great giveaways, fun games

.... fingers crossed plenty of sunshine! WANTED FOR GU2 LAKE JAM ComingPEACE soon DISTURBING THE 28 web [email protected] 10 09 04

out about the latest USSU campaigns to www.ussu.co.uk seeing what societies are active within the Since April of this year when the new website Union. was launched, a whole bunch of stuff has been added. You can now do everything And now we need from see what events are happening over a webteam to carry the next week (don’t forget to sign up to the on the good work Grapevine whilst you’re there!) to finding that’s been happening over the summer. The website can’t update itself you know! Even if you’ve never touched HTML before you don’t need to worry because everything is done online through the website. Even the most computer illiterate Mousetrap person will be able to change the content (if the VP Comms “Give us each day our daily can do it, anyone can!! [ed - thanks Piers!]) web...” We don’t just need people to add content though. If you’re a bit of a wiz kid with PHP or ASP, or you can create works of In PC World today, salivating over shiny laptops art with Photoshop, HTML or CSS then the webteam needs with all their Gigahertz and Megabytes and GigaBi you. There are going to be a fair few projects to get your gaMegaSuperFireDrives, I overheard a lady asking teeth into over the next year, so if you’re interested then drop an assistant how to turn the computer on. ‘World into the Media office in the Activities Centre in the Union or wide what?’. My patronising geeky heart went out email me: [email protected]. to her - she’s missing out on so much. I’m not going to witter on about how the ‘net is the best thing words: piers karsenbarg, webmaster since sliced bread. Instead, I want to share with you a few websites that have become as fundamental a part of my morning routine as tea, toast. Calling all language learners! First things first – get a good browser. I recommend Firefox [www.mozilla.org] if you’re using Windows Check out both foreign languages and English with or Linux, and Safari or Camino for Mac, all of which the Language Centre, Austin Pearce building. are evolving much more quickly than Internet Explorer. Their features include tabbed browsing Are you going abroad on work placement? Are you thinking of (might not sound exciting, but it is!), pop-up Beijing in 4 years time? Have you fallen in love over the summer blocking and useful plug-ins. and are finding it hard to communicate with your new friend from Spain/ Poland / Russia? Don’t worry! The Language Centre can My first port of call is usually [news.bbc.co.uk] – its help you; come and register on the Languages for All programme, front page is a great summary of what’s going on and you will be assigned a weekly two-hour class in the language of your choice. in the world, and a gateway to a wealth of in-depth news content. If you can forgive the more American There are an amazing 11 languages to choose from, and it won’t slant, [www.wired.com] and [www.salon.com] are cost you a penny. Levels range from complete beginners to post also quite absorbing. A level, so if you gave up a language a couple of years ago, you might be able to pick it up again, or you can start another from Find out if you’ll need to wear mittens at scratch. What’s more, you can register for a UniS Certificate at the [www.bbc.co.uk/weather] (then shake your end of the course, which will show that you attended regularly and fist at Michael Fish when they get it all wrong) achieved the course aims. and discover whether your washing will dry at [www.metcheck.com] (choose your location and Remember: these courses are for all UniS students, are practical and fun!Check out languages and levels on the web: scroll down to ‘hobby forecasts’). www.surrey.ac.uk/TLC.

Some other sites I can’t do without - Registration will be in the Lecture Theatre concourse from Monday [dieselsweeties.com] for pixellated cartoon fun, 20th – Wednesday 22nd September. Classes start week beginning and [b3ta.com] and [fark.com] will also provide you 26th September! with some bizarre amusement. Now what about your English? Yes, the Language Centre can Enjoy. help you with that as well. There is an essay writing course for words: simon pearson native English speakers, and a complete programme of English Language Support classes for students whose native language is not English. Registration for English is 5th, 6th and 7th October in the Lecture Theatre foyer, and classes begin on Monday 11th October. [email protected] 10 09 04 32 alumni [email protected] 10 09 04

Amy Price of the Alumni & Development Office welcomes back current students for their next academic year and explains further about the Alumni Society. Like the freshers who will be joining us We offer various services to our 30,000 + soon, it is also my first year here . . . not graduates. Once you have graduated, we from this fund ! As part of the as a student, however, but as a new become your main point of contact with programme, we will run a telephone member of the Alumni & Development the University - we send you magazines, campaign again this year from Office, although I did graduate from newsletters, organise reunions and assist mid October, for one month, in Surrey, back in 1998 (why does that in networking opportunities. But now, which current students will contact sound so long ago now ?!). we also give our Alumni a real graduates in their own discipline. chance to remain involved We will recruit and employ a team I had an amazing 4 years with the University by of 40+ students to call our Alumni at Surrey, studying Hotel contributing to its future and discuss the new opportunities & Catering Management via the Annual Fund. that the Fund offers. This is not only and took with me some an ideal opportunity for students to great memories and What is an Annual earn money before Christmas and to a wonderful group of Fund and how is it speak to past graduates, but also the friends, with who I now used? perfect chance to help promote the remain in regular contact. As financial support for Annual Fund. After working in London for universities from central 4 years and then travelling government declines, How do I find out more? through Australia and Asia, I have we have to seek alternative For more information about found myself drawn back to Guildford sources of income and our the Telephone Campaign e- and the University in my new role here as aim is to approach our Alumni for help. mail Amintha Buckland at Alumni Events Officer. This ongoing fund aims to help talented [email protected]. students obtain a university education, So much has changed since I left regardless of their background, through For general Alumni updates, keep Surrey, new buildings have sprung up the provision of scholarships and reading Barefacts – look out for our throughout the campus, for the School of essential financial support. A proportion update section each fortnight and Management and the European Institute of the fund is also used to improve visit the Alumni & Development Office of Health & Medical Sciences, more campus facilities beyond the scope of the website: www.surrey.ac.uk/alumni. accommodation with International House University’s core funding. and Millennium House and most of the restaurants and bars have changed. It Is it successful? has all improved for you to enjoy, but it To date, we have had donations from is great as a graduate to have seen how the UK and from as far a field as China the campus has evolved and to realise and Canada. We are also pleased TELEPHONE the role that the Surrey Alumni Society that Penelope Keith CAMPAIGN plays. OBE, actress, UPDATE former Sheriff I would like to explain more on who we of Surrey and are and what we do and how we could an Honorary help you in the future. . . Graduate of We are recruiting now for our the University of October telephone campaign. Who are we? Surrey, continues The Alumni & Development Office is as the Patron of Email [email protected] now based on the first floor of Senate the Fund. More than to request an information pack House We are the main link between the £170,000 was pledged to our Annual and application form. Closing th University and graduates, old staff and Fund since its launch in 2003. date for applications is Friday 17 friends of the University. September 2004. What is the telephone campaign and Please see our full page advert in So what is the Surrey Alumni how can I help? this issue. Society? Remembering that students will benefit [email protected] 10 09 04 careers 33

How can I find out more? Every year we produce a Careers Service Guide offering help Dr. Russ replies ... and advice for your future career. It will tell you what’s going I’ve just got back and am in a panic about on throughout the year. Every final year undergraduate and Amy Price of the Alumni & Development Office welcomes back current students for their next academic year and postgraduate students will have their own copy delivered to explains further about the Alumni Society. fitting in job-hunting with my final year studies. Got any good advice? their department. If it’s not there, try your departmental office Some students like to concentrate entirely on their studies in first and then the Careers Service. We have loads of spare their final year so they can get the best possible degree. Your copies for students who are new to Surrey as well. first option is therefore to delay the whole career thing until after you graduate. There are good reasons, though, for doing Where is the Careers Service? some of your thinking and preparation while you’re still here. In case you haven’t visited us before, we live next to the For a start, most of the things we are organising will be easier Accommodation Office in the Philip Marchant Building. We to attend now than after you’ve graduated. What’s more, if you are open between 9am and 12.30pm and between 1.30pm would like a job next year with a popular graduate recruiter such and 5.30pm, though we close at 5pm on Fridays and during as Mars or Accenture, you simply have to meet their deadlines, vacations. often before Christmas, to stand any chance. Early applications for other options such as teacher training are also advisable. Is it OK to just drop in? Absolutely no problem. You don’t even have to talk to What can the Careers Service do to help? anyone but we are there to help if you need us. The first Just to give you a few examples, our Vacancy Bulletin, thing you will see when you walk in are a series of files which you can view on the Careers Service web-site at http: marked “Your degree….. What next?” A browse through the //portal.surrey.ac.uk/careers will keep you up-to-date with the one for your degree will give you ideas about what to do latest employer requirements. The annual Careers Fair is on when you leave. If you’d like to speak to a careers adviser Thursday 7 October when you could talk informally to people there is often someone available to deal with a short query. If from about 50 organisations. We also have a series of talks by you think you’d like a longer chat then we can easily arrange careers staff and invited speakers taking place throughout the a time which is suitable for you. semester. You could come along to a seminar to sharpen up your interview technique or you could try a practice aptitude words: Russ Clark, Careers Office test. CAREERS EVENTS COMING UP...

CHOOSING A CAREER MONDAY 13 SEPTEMBER GETTING STARTED* 1 – 1.45 pm in LT F weeks 2 and 3 WEDNESDAY 22 SEPTEMBER Dr Russ Clark, Head of the Careers 2.00-4.30pm in LT J Service, will suggest a number of ways This workshop is to help students who have no to help you to make a good career choice. .CAREERS USING LANGUAGES definite career ideas and who wish to do some He will include examples of careers open MONDAY 20 SEPTEMBER self assessment exercises to get started. to graduates who want to consider jobs 1 pm in LT A The exercises will help you to identify your unrelated to their degrees. Russ Clark will talk about the broad range interests, abilities, values and personality and of careers which enable a graduate to use will help you to relate these to career choice. PERSONALITY AND CAREER CHOICE* languages at work including translating, WEDNESDAY 15 SEPTEMBER teaching and interpreting as well as jobs in Please register with Careers if you wish to 2 pm in LT B government, finance, commerce, transport attend or e-mail [email protected]. Based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and tourism and the media. This talk is suitable to help you relate various aspects of your for those studying languages as well as those personality to your future career. who have gained competent language skills through other means. Employer Presentation A CAREER IN THE FOREIGN & GOVERNMENT ECONOMIC COMMONWEALTH OFFICE HOW TO GET THE JOB YOU WANT SERVICE THURSDAY 16 SEPTEMBER TUESDAY 21 SEPTEMBER THURSDAY 23 SEPTEMBER 6 pm in LT M 6 pm in LT F 6 pm in LT F Jon Benjamin, a Surrey graduate, will talk Glynis Paxton, Careers Adviser, will discuss Details of opportunities for economists. about careers in the Diplomatic Service, how to go about your job hunting effectively, For graduates expecting a 2.1 in including tips on how to get in (and get when to do it, how to use the Careers Fair, economics or a combined degree with a on) as well as telling anecdotes from his and what makes a successful job hunting 50 per cent economics content. own career. strategy.

LOOKING FOR A PART TIME JOB?

The Students’ Union has a range of opportunities available for students to work part time on campus.

Vacancies are available in the bars, restaurant, shop and finance.

We offer excellent rates of pay, flexible working conditions and training opportunities.

A Recruitment Day will be held in the Union from 10.00 a.m.-3.00 p.m. on Thursday 23rd September 2004.

If you are unable to attend the Recruitment Days further information can be obtained from Caroline Royle, Personnel Manager, by emailing [email protected]. puzzles 35

Crossword The barefacts crossword is back, and to celebrate its return, we have a prize to give away! All correct entries received by Friday 17th September will be put in a hat and the winner will become the proud owner of a Simpsons corkscrew set comprising a Krusty corkscrew, a Mr. Burns foil knife and a Grampa wine stopper! So get solving and drop your entries into the Media Office by next Friday to be in with a chance of winning. The answers will be published next week.

1 2 3 4 5 ACROSS 28. sweet pastry (5,3) 1. Angel, Victoria, Tugela (9) 29. citizens of the USA 6 6. St. George is to England (9) as St. Andrew is to Scotland 7 8 (6) 9 10 7. state of immense happiness (8) DOWN 11 12 9. to use one’s voice as an 1. tool (6) 13 14 instrument (4) 2. Spanish snack (5) 10. type of bean (3) 3. tree (3) 15 11. pillow (8) 4. consumed (3) 13. dull pain (4) 5. alphabetical 16 17 18 14. number of points scored information resource 19 20 21 by Gemini in Eurovision (12) 2003 (3) 8. attack (7) 22 15. fuel (3) 10. Californian city (5,7) 16. pastoral (5) 12. vacation (7) 23 19. Noddy policeman (4) 15. geometric shape 24 20. rile bert (anag.) (8) (7) 22. once more; again (4) 17. surrendered (7) 25 26 27 23. type of lamp (4) 18. construct (6) 24. shinbone (5) 21. e.g.(7) 25. protective covering (7) 26. quick snooze (3) 28 29 27. see 28 across

Lyrics Quiz

No theme to this fortnight’s lyric quiz, just a random selection of lyrics, submitted by Ben Lee. If you fancy writing the lyrics quiz, get in touch: [email protected]. Answers to this week’s are overleaf on page 37!

1. It’s a wonder men can eat at all when things are big that should be small 2. Its been raining since you left me, now I’m drowning in the flood 3. Did you come here to play jesus, to the lepers in your head? 4. As soon as I wake up, every night, every day, I know that its you I need to take the blues away 5. You’re just like an angel, your skin makes me cry 6. My buddies and me are getting real well known, yeah the bad guys know us and they leave us alone 7. Now for ten years we’ve been on our own, and moss grows fat on a rolling stone 8. I see trees of green, red roses too, I see them bloom for me and you 9. She turn around to see what you beepin at, its like the summers a natural aphrodisiac 10. When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed with a word she can get what she came for

If you want to submit a puzzle to tax the brains of your fellow students, e-mail the barefacts team at [email protected]! 36 sport [email protected] 10 09 04 Painting a brighter future... Having spent the summer in a hardcore training camp, forced into a Spartan regime of beer and barbeques, I also travelled to a foreign acclimation camp in far off Cardiff just to have a better understanding of what Surrey’s very own Kirsten Lawson went through in Athens. There has also been research into alternative sports through the B.U.S.A. Equity Conference and Amy, our able Activities Co-ordinator, became a founder member of Millennium Stadium Walking Club.

In all seriousness though, how time flies… it’s been a hectic summer here at the Union with time flying by much quicker than it normally does. After a year of consolidation its time to move on and leave the past behind. This year gives the opportunity to move the goal posts and take Surrey sport to the level we all know it should be.

Although the summer is not seen as the most active time for sport teams there have been Surrey students at the highest levels of sport. Not only have we had Kirsten Lawton (our very own local Olympian) but also Colin Roope becoming the English Universities golf captain for the tournament in Wales last month.

With Surrey already making its mark through the summer lets hope we can keep this level up and really give us something to celebrate as the year goes on. If the commitment level and staying power for most clubs last year is anything to go by we’re looking good.

words: david ‘paintbrush’ glossop, vp sports

SCORPIONS AIMING FOR NATIONALS

While many of Surrey’s the night to catch up on all the students spent the first day of drinking time they had missed term catching up with friends earlier in the afternoon! and enjoying a lazy drink or two in Chancellors, a small, The Scorpions have a hard task dedicated band were finding ahead of them this year if they want to live up to the standards out just how out of shape the set by the last 18 months, having summer had left them. reached three tournament finals, winning two of them, and having The newly-renamed University qualified for the second division of Surrey “Scorpions” Ultimate of the national championships team began pre-season training, amid much puffing, panting, indoors and outdoors for the first time. However, they groaning and cries of “Can have a pint yet?!” At this point expect to surpass those achievements this year, and are however, there is probably one question on most people’s lips aiming for qualification into the first division of the National – “What the hell is Ultimate?” Championship finals, which would lift them into the elite top sixteen student teams in the country. Ultimate is a fast-paced, athletic team sport played with a flying disc (or a frisbee to most normal people!). It incorporates So, if you are fed up with always playing the same old sports elements from a variety of sports, including american football and want a new challenge, come along and try Ultimate and netball. Played indoors and out by teams of five or seven with the University of Surrey Scorpions. You can find us at players, the aim is to score a goal by catching the disc in your our stall and see our demonstrations at Freshers’ Fair, or opponents’ end-zone, a rectangular area at the end of the alternatively, just turn up at the Unisport hall on Sundays pitch. 12-2, or the NatWest field on Wednesdays 2-4 and see what its all about. Having finished their first full training session, the team did just about make it to Chancellors, where they stayed for the rest of words: mark richardson [email protected] 10 09 04 farewell 37 the man with a thousand hidden talents (he’s just not sure where he put them yet...)

Name: Shaggy Nicknames: Rob, Hagrid, fat handed foul Age: Ripe Place most likely to be found: At a bar (one side or the other)

Fact: 38 pints of Guinness consumed in 24 hours. Fiction: Shaggy is a fine wine connoisseur and once a year travels to the Loire valley in search of undiscovered gems.

Fact: His greatest achievement is having his name above the door of his local alehouse in Cornwall for downing the quickest half yard. Fiction: Shaggy lives for beer.

Fact: Shaggy has size thirteen feet. Fiction: You know what they say about men with big feet (you can make up your own mind on that one...

Through rain, sleet, snow and fuel strikes this man has kept us plied with alcohol. We are talking about a man who takes dedication to a new high. He’s lost countless nights of sleep through stress along with, his keys, his hair and some even say his marbles. However as with most good things in life they must come to an end. Shaggy may we salute you and the work that you have put into the Union, and most importantly, wish you all the luck and success in the world with your new venture. words: david ‘paintbrush’ glossop, vp sports

Answers to the Lyric Quiz on page 35 1. Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity 2. Bon Jovi – Always 3. U2 – One 4. Madness – It must be love 5. Radiohead – Creep 6. Beach Boys – I get round 7. Don McLean – American Pie 8. Louis Armstrong – What a wonderful world 9. Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff – Summertime 10. Led Zeppelin – Stairway to Heaven