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Murmurs of a Girl in Me

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Murmurs of a Girl in Me Breaking the Silence Murmurs of the Girl in Me POWA VISION To create a safe society that does not tolerate violence against women, and where women are powerful, self-reliant, equal and respected. POWA MISSION To be a powerful, specialised and multi-skilled service provider that contributes towards the complete eradication of violence against women in society, in order to enhance women’s quality of life. POWA provides counselling, legal advice, court support and shelter to women survivors of domestic and sexual violence. POWA also engages in research, training, lobbying and advocacy. Contact POWA on: 011 642 4345 or visit our website: www.powa.co.za POWA Women’s Writing Competition 2007 Breaking the Silence Murmurs of the Girl in Me The CDP Trust Naledi Yamiso Arts and Culture Counsellor Training Project was born out of the CDP’s Tsogang Basadi Arts and Culture/Psychosocial Support Project for Women Survivors of Domestic Violence (2006-2008). The enormous impact of the interface between the creative arts processes and psychosocial support model on women’s lives, and the personal power fostered by the artworks and artifacts produced, led directly to the following: • An appreciation of the added value the CDP Trust model and methodology would bring to our sister organisations through the training of their counsellors. • An interactive training for transference model, based on our experience and activities in other projects that support the power of the visual narrative; making ‘the invisible visible’. • Equipping the counsellors with the knowledge required to advise on options and procedures for income- generating initiatives, opening up spaces and potential for economic liberation. Charlotte Schaer (CDP Trust Director) February 2008 First published by Fanele – an imprint of Jacana Media (Pty) Ltd in 2008 10 Orange Street Sunnyside Auckland Park 2092 South Africa +2711 628 3200 www.jacana.co.za © POWA, 2008 All rights reserved. ISBN 978-1-920196-04-2 Designed and produced by Jacana Media Set in Galliard 10/13pt Printed by Fishwicks, Durban Job No. 000631 See a complete list of Jacana titles at www.jacana.co.za Breaking the Silence Murmurs of the Girl in Me POWA Women’s Writing Competition 2007 Contents Foreword . 6 Poetry Double by Carla Heuer . 9 27 Julie: life goes on dogtertjie by Adele Vorster . 10 Fist by Jayne Bauling . 12 I stood outside by Berenice Makani-Mansomi . 14 Little Girl by Jane Burt . 17 A Tree Poem by Cathy Park . 18 Mister by Genna Gardini . 20 Short Stories The Tip Toe Men by Isabella Morris. 23 After the Drought by Tseriledzo Mushoma . 32 Ebuhleni Bezulu by Thishiwe Ziqubu-Sithole . 39 Rudolf’s Secret by Karina Magdelen Szizurek . 55 Blue by Palesa Emelda Bopope . 62 Journey on a Full Moon by Jenna Mervis . 64 Waiting by Gisela Winkler . 69 Ndivho ndi Tshitangu by Eunice Maimela . 73 Tragic? by Reoagile Seripe . 80 Personal Essays Death by Chocolate by Francoise Lempereur . 87 Daddy’s Girl by Amanda Escott-Watson . 91 Rumpelstiltskin is Dead by Pat Swift . 95 The Inner Child by Brigitte Liebenberg . 102 Understanding Childhood Sexual Abuse . 108 Notes from the Writers . 111 Foreword This anthology contains the winning entries of the third POWA Women’s Writing Competition, and entries selected for commendation. The artwork is again supplied to us by the Curriculum Development Project Trust (CDP Trust). The artwork was generated by participants in the CDP Trust Naledi Yamiso Arts and Culture Counsellor Training Project as supported by SAIH/FOKUS, and in partnership with POWA and ADAPT. POWA’s Women’s Writing Competition has now established itself as a pivotal platform to promote women’s writing as a way of healing, to increase discussion and debate about women’s issues and struggles, and to encourage women to write creatively. The theme for 2006/7 was Murmurs of the Girl in Me. Whatever her age, when a girl experiences violence, something remains inside her; throwing her world into disarray, and sparking a range of murmurs in the survivor’s heart. Murmurs of the Girl in Me is a collection of poems, personal essays and short stories told from the perspective of the girl within, from the moment of violence and through her struggles to survive and to reconcile a relationship with her present self. The entries came from a range of women of all ages, in fi ve offi cial languages and from diverse backgrounds and experiences from across South Africa. We wish to thank all the entrants for their courage in revealing their most painful and intimate experiences to POWA. It was diffi cult for the judges to select from many strong entries. The following women made up the panel of judges: Liz Trew from Wits and a POWA volunteer; Lindiwe Nkuta, a freelance writer and fi lm-maker; Barbara Pearce; and Ayanda Mvimbi of Oxfam UK. The judges all have Breaking the Silence 6 a background in gender issues and creative writing. Collectively they judged entries in all the languages in which we received submissions. Our thanks to Dinah Maanda of The Human Rights Commission and Phuti Mabuza of POWA, who assisted by reading the Tshivenda entries. POWA thanks SAIH/FOKUS for their continued support of the Writing Competition, and welcomes Ford Foundation as a new partner to the project. We look forward to receiving your writing for the next competition. Carrie Shelver – Competition Coordinator Nehwoh Belinda – Assistant Coordinator Liz Trew – Chair of the Panel of Judges 7 Foreword Poetry st 1prize Double by Carla Heuer Of all the times there must have been a time that your hot fi nger torched between her breasts, pierced and halved the sternum, made an eve and kept the half of her. She was a bonsai little sister, bastard daughter, previous me. In seven years I’ve grown new skin and stretched my bones to fi ll out legs that know to stride and stride from you, but she I thought I’d swallowed wears me now, and now she writhes, as though these limbs are all too small for her – as though I owe her more than just the nights, when, breast- bones bound, we can’t tell where we start or end; we scurry from this wall to that; we claw at bricks and dust where windows ought to be. 9 Double nd 2 prize 27 julie 2007: life does go on dogtertjie deur Adele Voster ’n poem om jou seer op te som handgrootte vuisgrootte dé, kyk gou, so lyk my seer so het dit gebeur so voel die kind in my daaroor gou-gou jong dat die wêreld kan sien en dan weer vergeet jy’s net een voice in a billion ’n poem om te vertel van die worsteling die lang pad om te probeer om weer sin te maak uit ’n lewe wat fragmente is ’n lewe wat jou kop in ’n ballon gedruk het en jou kyk verander het in wantroue vrees haat Breaking the Silence 10 moet ons net nie inconvenience nie asb life does go on jy weet? jy weet jy weet... vanuit jou ballon bekyk jy die wêreld jy kyk hom so jy dink: sien julle dan nie hoe val ek nie kyk ek val ek val en julle kyk julle kyk so fronsend maar wat...? wat sou tog...? moet ons net nie inconvenience nie asb life does go on jy weet? jy weet jy weet... 11 27 julie 2007 rd 3 prize Fist by Jayne Bauling Always the grey go-away birds are imperative but she cannot join her voice to theirs save inside her head, this girl I don’t want to have been me, child endlessly obeying the order to be quiet, perpetually silently submitted. Go ’way forever a private clamour held inside, prisoner of the knotted fi st behind my ribs, curled hard around the secret I can’t tell, have to tell, and when I do – Go ’way the staring eyes, unhearing ears of strangers asking questions in alien, adult places where I feel small and stupid, sullen with my inability to make them see and feel, Breaking the Silence 12 always the strident cry, uttered for me by the birds outside with crested heads and bead-bright eyes, their quaint comedy a picture until fi st turns outward to hold and beat them off, punish those unknowing that it feels eternal, happening and happening, and I don’t know how to make it stop; fi st raised too to fl ail ferociously at others, not-strangers, urging amnesia. Go ’way always the strident cry, uttered for me by the birds outside with crested heads and bead-bright eyes, their quaint comedy a picture I keep in my mind so I won’t have to see this clenched-fi st person I don’t want to be, don’t have to be, when unfurling lies with me, one fi nger at a time, opening for me, because she’s me, this person I don’t want to be, will learn to be, for me. 13 Fist I Stood Outside by Berenice Makani-Mansomi His arms were hairy and heavy, slithering over my legs, touching me, probing, seeking, searching his eyes veiled over when he found the place inside of me; I was fi ve I fl ed I left my body I stood outside of me. I was ten he knelt in front of me, whispering as to a nervous horse, while his hand continued its search up and upward further, I fl ed I left the crying child I stood outside of her. Breaking the Silence 14 I stood outside the child, unable to reclaim her body as my own, I denied her, I crucifi ed her, I rejected her body as the source of betrayal, unable to love her, unable to love her body unable to love the self.
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