26 Issue October 1123 1998

KEEP THE CAT FREE EST 1949 The Students' Newspaper at Imperial College ''Stars in a constellation By Ed Lanyon and William Lorenz The tour included a live pharmacol So said Her Majesty the Queen of Impe ogy practical in which first year medical rial College and the Royal College of Art students tested on themselves 'the effect during a visit to the area last Wednesday. of various chemical compounds upon Her Majesty started proceedings at Impe their sharpness of vision'. Her Majesty rial, opening the new Sir Alexander Flem then officially opened the building and ing (BMS) building. After an initial panic signed the College's new Royal Charter. in the afternoon when a brick-covered This was followed by a speech by the outer door collapsed, damaging one of Rector, who made a very funny remark "After an initial panic about the building collapsing. Everyone was tremendously amused. when a door collapsed... Her Highness left behind some dis enchantment, failing to fully acknowl the site was groomed to edge the 200 strong crowd on her entrance and exit. No doubt this was perfection" the result of her full schedule, next involv ing a move north to the Albert Memor the building's supporting columns, the ial and a spectacular opening ceremony site was groomed to perfection by the involving fireworks, apparently costing time of her arrival. £25 000. Her Majesty was welcomed by the Photo: Froggy Her Majesty admires the BMS architect's handiwork Rector, Sir Ronald Oxburgh and pre sented with a bouquet by a descendent Majesty was introduced to all Imperial's and developments in the history of the of Sir Alexander Fleming. She was then important persons including Dave Hellard College' which were obscured by td Sex shown a scale model of South Kensing and Wade Cayed, leaving her perplexed ton and other dignitaries, she then Inside.. m ton including a lovely pond on the as to why Imperial has two union presi started her tour of the building, but was Queens Lawn and Dalby Court with a dents. Ignoring several 'commissioned forced to use the stairs because the lifts strangely absent boiler house. Her montage panels featuring key figures were broken. Letters 6

Editorial 7 Suspect Speakers Back Again Columns 8 Focus 10 By Duncan Hill cause even more damage to your hi-fi. details of any conversation held. Once If anyone sees these vans attempting to again, do not hand any money over, or Cartoon 10 In what is becoming an annual occur sell speakers, they should be reported to get into the vehicle; as ICU's president rence, dodgy white vans have appeared Felix, along with the vehicle registration Dave Hellard says, "they rely on idiots. Feature 12 in the area of Imperial College. Not only plate, descriptions of the occupants and Don't be one". do they claim that the speakers they sell Ents 13 have an r.r.p of around £1800 and they will sell them to you for a mere £200, but Books 14 they'll also give you a lift to the nearest cash point to draw your money out for Music 15 you. Last year one Imperial student was Film 20 kidnapped by these people and forced to withdraw £200 from a cash point. Arts 22 They may also offer to take you to your flat etc. to try them out, but the going Games 25 advice is; under no circumstances must you get into this van. The speakers them Sports 27 selves are not what they claim to be, and if you did spend any of your hard-earned Felix Maze 28 cash on them, most likely they would Photo: Brett Donovan Con-artists try to entice our reporter 2 News 26 October 1998 RCSU

Who? 26 October 1998 by Gareth Morgan Editor: Ed Sexton The Royal College of Science Union's Photographic Editor: William Lorenz problems continue to mount. Douglas Music Editors: Jason Ramanalhan and Graham's resignation from the post of Denis Patrickson Vice President (Education and Welfare), News Editors: Andy Ofori and Joel reported in last week's letters page, has > Lewis left the RCSU with nine vacant positions, I ilm Editor David Roberts as well as several empty seats on the Games Editor; Gary Smith Committee. Arts Editor: I lelena Cochcme VP (Finance) William Bentley said Literary Editor: Kent Yip that most vacancies resulted from offi Sports Editor: Gus Paul cers needing to devote more time to their academic studies. There seems to be a general lack of interest in the run Photo: Jonas The usual suspects - who on earth will stand? ning of the RCSU on the part of most of Freeze on its members, which has made the offi a paid Sabbatical post cannot be filled Publications Officer are up in the RCSU cers' jobs harder, increasing the pres because of a lack of interest in student office on Unwin Road. There is also a sure on their time. These difficulties politics. vacancy for a Biology Departmental Rep seem to mirror those of the ICU, who are Nomination papers for the posts of resentative. In the meantime, Mr Bentley Fees having trouble filling the post of Deputy President, VP (E&W), Union General and VP (Clubs and Entertainments) Bob President (Clubs and Societies). The Meeting Chair, Honourary Secretary, Wel Walker are filling the role of acting Pres by Gareth Morgan prospects for the RCSU seem gloomy If fare Officer, Web Editor, Archivist and ident. Ever since the Dearing Report and the As a result, Monday evening's meet introduction of tuition fees for most UK ing of BUSA Council is being asked to students, several universities have been Med School Sport adopt the ULU interpretation of the contemplating charging extra 'top up1 hybrid system. Consequently, three real fees. These would be paid to the uni istic possible outcomes exist: BUSA versity on top of existing fees, and fig- refuse to set the precedent of changing utes of up to £400 per year have been Hangs In Balance eligibility rules in mid-season, forcing the mentioned. Particularly interested have sports teams to field different teams for been the 'Russell Group', a club of about by David Roberts around the exact interpretation of a sys different competitions - and in all likeli twenty prominent institutions including tem known as "hybrid entry". This was hood forcing ULU to back down; BUSA IC. The Oxbridge colleges have a par The fate of Medical School entries into introduced for the first time this season, accept the new "interpretation" of hybrid ticular interest in this since there have sporting leagues and cups hangs on to allow institutions currently undergoing entry, and the merger process speeds been threats to the £2500 they receive Monday's meeting of the British Univer mergers with medical schools (Imperial, up; BUSA complain about the inherent from the Government for each student sities Sport Association (BUSA) Council. UCL, King's and QMW) to enter a mixture problems of checking up on the correct on top of usual tuition costs. Although last week's meeting of Uni of separate medic and non-medic teams enforcement of the system, and force LSE have been contemplating the versity of London Union (ULU) Council and joint institution-wide sides. For Impe single entry now (rather than in three introduction of top up fees, a move voted to allow medical students to be rial, this means that College wide teams years time, as originally forecast). which may prompt the other Russell able to pick whether to play for their enter all sports except Rugby, Football Although this may all seem hideously Group universities to do likewise. How own side or for their "parent institution", and Hockey, where separate medic and complex, it is a real cause for concern ever, ICU President Dave Hellard recently this conflicts with current BUSA policy. non-medic sides exist. amongst senior sources, and has major met with the Rector to discuss the new Consequently, the prospect of continu At the ULU meeting, the ULU Vice- implications for Imperial's chances in fees. The Rector stated, and confirmed ally changing rules promises to produce President (Sports), Nick Dunnet, sug competitive sport this season. Whatever in writing, that IC was not considering a situation described as "a complete gested that the proposal to allow decision is reached, ICU Rugby, football implementing top up fees, and this mess" by one senior figure. students the right to pick which team to and Hockey teams will not be merging would not be affected by other institu If the BUSA meeting rules against play for was only a "clarification" of the this year, so if BUSA accept the ULU tions' actions or the forthcoming Gov the ULU decision, then the prospect of hybrid entry system adopted by BUSA. decision, we stand to loose out, with ernment review of the definition fees. teams being forced to change between However, minutes of the BUSA Executive UCL (whose teams will merge) the largest Dave Hellard said that "Top up fees every game looms large. Indeed suspi meeting held on the 6th of March this beneficiaries. However, if BUSA refuse, would have a disastrous effect on the cion is growing amongst senior sports year clearly state that entries will be keeping a check on who is allowed to accessibility to the best education for officers that BUSA may decide to simplify decided on "a sport specific basis". In play for what team will become a night poorer students. It would create a two- the entire issue by forcing all institutions other words, ICSM students can only mare, and all hell could break loose. tier system based on wealth and not to entire as a single unit. In the words of enter as part of a College wide team if Either way, troubled times would seem intelligence". He added that the agree one senior official "BUSA could legiti no medical team exists. This directly con to be ahead. ment with the Rector was a decisive mately turn round and tell us we must tradicts the motion passed by ULU Coun If you have any views on the situa step in the right ditection, especially have single entry now". cil (which applies lo UL competitions tion, then please get in contact with given IC's influential position within the At present, the discussion revolves only). your club captain. Russell Group.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB Internal tel: 58072 Internal fax: 48072 External tel & fax: 0171 594 8072 URL: www.su.ic.ac.uk/Felix E-mail: [email protected] Printed at MCP Litho Limited, Units B2 & B3, Hatton Square, 16 - 16a Baldwins Gardens, London EC1N 7RJ Felix is a registered newspaper: ISSN 1040- 0711 Felix is produced for and on behalf of Imperial Coilege Union Publication Board. Copyright © I elix 1998. Photographic copyrights remain with photographers. AMSTERDAM ATLANTA BANGKOK BARCELONA

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cials; when relevant issues arise, it is the made, he thus he had no choice but to Deputy Union President and the DP(finance & Medics sign. This left the Med School Union Services) who arc making the decisions, needing to sell 504 tickets for the event any requisite action is facilitated by the to break even - leaving the prospect of Clubs & Societies Administrator. This cur greater losses looming large. Deficiency rent method of operation was described blow cash This financial laxity is widely regarded as a 'bit of a nightmare' by the Union as being a direct consequence of the by Andrew Ofori President, although he did commend by David Roberts huge scale of the combined Med School the Administrator's dedication. Union reserves (built up over a period of The air of enthusiasm that inspires the He felt the current lack of candi Next weeks planned Medics Graduation many years by donations and profits Union at the outset of any new year is dates emanated from student's reluc has been abandoned at a cost of £7500. from events) - which stood at £55 885 at being severely tempered by a Sabbatical tance to split their courses with a fears of low turnout and heavy losses the beginning of August, and may not be shortage. In keeping with previous years, Sabbatical year, but with recurring issues also surround the Medical Freshers Ball, touched by ICU for the next twelve the position of Deputy President for such as health & safety and hybrid entry which was scheduled to take place last months. However, at the end of that Clubs & Societies has been left vacant, awaiting a rational mind he pleaded 'As Saturday (after Felix went to press). period they will be pared down to a increasing the workload of Union offi long as you're not a complete donkey The Medics Graduation Ball had level comparable with the other Con cials. Fate rather than apathy was the cul please stand!1. been organised by the School of Medi stituent College Union's (approximately prit in the case of this year's staff The Union's drive to find a Deputy cine Rugby squad, on the understanding £2000). Thus, certain leading figures in shortage, with the former DP(C&S) elect President is an effort to avoid their worst that any profits would be diverted into ICSM SU have decided that the next failing last year, forcing him to withdraw fears, a round of elections where their coffers. However, their decision to twelve months should be treated as a from the position. DP(C&S) candidates are required for this book a hotel for the event was made gigantic spending spree, with the words The elected DPIC&S) will be respon year and next. Each candidate requires without any consultation of either the "Take that out of our reserves" frequently sible for the 200 Clubs & Societies, rep a proposer and 20 seconders; papers Union President or Deputy President, echoing around Union offices. In excess resenting them to the College and came down on Friday with 2 potential and without following correct Union of ten thousand pounds has already external organisations such as BUSA candidates standing, namely Rostam Kil- financial procedures. As a result, a con been spent, and the losses accrued by (British Universities Sports Association). gour from Physics and Material's Stuart tract was signed which requires the these events could see the reserves The new incumbent will be an essential Cook. Today marks the beginning of 2 Union to pay 100% of the bill, even if a plummet furthet. point of contact to club members and weeks of campaigning around the col decision is made to cancel the event. If no action is taken by ICU, then the can expect to invest their creativity in the lege and this will be followed by voting Similarly, the Freshers Ball was organ next year could see an unprecedented expansive field of Student Development from 9.00-5.00pm on the 9th &10th ised by the Med School Union without roller coaster of spending on behalf of until yet another Sabbatical is elected to November where every Union member consultation with ICU. the contract was medical students which could easily see focus on Welfare and Education. has the opportunity to vote. finally seen by Deputy President Chris their reserves reduced from five figures The missing Sabbatical's duties are Ince less than a week before the event, to four or even three. currently shared between Union offi and with a verbal agreement already Nobel Peace Prize

Five months As the advent of peace in Ireland captures the hearts and regards t iago. two Good Fri ' bespectacled minds of the world, including the Nobel committee, Agreemer men of 61 Mr. Trimt |^?!:. and 54, Padraig McCloskey takes an analytical look at the two single-han tepped edly :> the main protagonists of the Peace Process. dragged n stage at colleague; I! r,0 lit sheets and did not encounter the hard honestly say that a certain lan Paisely ing and s front Hall, work Hume has done for his home city helped me form an opinion that all ing into ecu the or for the nationalists of Northern Ireland. Unionist politicians are the same, i.e. line on, : iwo stood one John Hume has always been a peaceful Ihey were only interested in NO politics. this " of the most famous man and was instrumental in bringing To be fair though for many years my issue Irish people of the last about the IRA ceasefire in 1994 through only recollections of some towns having (over half of his party's MPs Trimble twenty years, Bono, secret talks with Gerry Adams. The fact visited them, was the size of their "Ulster were opposed to the Good Hume five months ago these that Adams is no longer regarded with says NO" banner draped across their Friday Agreement). Mr. Trim two men were on the campaign trail for the same offence, he respective town halls. ble had so much to lose if he failed to get a YES vote in the Northern Ireland refer was then made it all the the overall backing from his party he endum following the Good Friday Agree harder for John Humc| When Trimble became deserved. I will always remember his ment. attain his goals, espe the Ulster Unionist courage throughout the referendum dally when he was I Party leader I feared campaign, and I'm sure many people slated for the ceasefire On Friday 16th October the same pair, the worst; more of the with similar views to myself felt the same. break down. John John Hume MP and David Trimble MP, same. Thankfully to Like Gerry Adams said, "...this is a man I Hume has tirelessly were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize "... some extent I have could do business with", he too is a applied himself to aiding for their efforts to find a peaceful solu been proved wrong. deserving winner of this award. tion to the conflict in Northern Ireland." Northern Ireland's Bono applauds politicians That is, Trimble backed Catholics and National the 1974 loyalist work Despite the criticisms from some quarters ists since the Civil Rights movement As somebody who grew up living a mere ers strike, was opposed to the Anglo-Irish directed towards the Nobel Committee started 30 years ago. It is hoped this fifteen miles from John Hume's native Agreement and marched triumphantly on their choice, I feel it is not an award award will not be an end in itself, but Derry, I am delighted that his endless through Portadown, hand-in-hand with to kick-start a failing peace process, but rather John I lume will be truly rewarded dedication to peace has been recog lan Paisely, after the first Dumcree inci merely endorses what has gone on and with peace in our country. nised, even if his ultimate aim has not dent in 1995. hopefully will continue until such time been altogether achieved. For as long as that every member of Northern Ireland's I have been reading newspapers, there I see David Trimble as another matter I was not only shocked but overjoyed community can walk, drink, eat and shop has hardly been a day when I opened the entirely, from an early age I can quite when I saw the stand he made with with no fear of violence. Ever felt something could be done better?

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A World of Terrorists finance. All new welfare officers and agrees with me do something, speak to aside the VFM question, there is a good dep-reps should be given training in wel the Ents Manager, or reply to this letter. environmental case to be made. Dear Felix, fare and basic techniques needed to Next month, 2 Jags will flesh-out the complete their tasks properly. Tim Wright (Computing 4) tax implications of those driving to work If Mr Stringer might be persuaded to If ICU is now in charge of Welfare, in London. The College may well be pause in his breathless moral outrage for what is left for the CCUs? I am not call Ents Replies... obliged to charge staff and students. just a moment ('An Alternative to Air ing for the abolition of these. Tradition First things first, my personal musical The demand for spaces may well Strikes?', Felix 1122), he might perhaps does have its place at college. They taste has no effect on the ents musical drop below the supply, and if it doesn't, realise that Israel is hardly alone in acting should be made up of the heads of the policy at all (except if I'm Djingl). I won't there are plans to build an attractive (if the way that it does, unfortunate though departmental societies and be con even get into the 'musical tastes' argu Sir Norman can't do it, no-one can car this maybe. In fact, I can think of a much cerned solely with providing events and ment, though it is nice to see that in your park on Dalby Court to satisfy the closer country where "torture of prison a certain amount of support for their opinion anyone in the Union dancing demand. ers", "imprisonments without trial" and students. This is because there are dif has to be pissed. Parking is a lucrative business, and I "forbidding people to travel freely within ferent needs from different places - Engi If you check round what the other enjoy maximising the profit with mini their own country" have been the norm. neers need advice on industrial Unions in London put on themselves mum disruption to the core activity of IC. Stumped? Try adding "massive military placements, Physicists need to learn how (as opposed to their clubs and societies) However, parking is not a core activity of occupation", "massacres of unarmed to have fun etc. I think you'll find we actually put on a IC. If we lose research income (and we demonstrators" and "multitudes of mis I am currently working on a paper to put diverse range of events. have) because our campus is unsightly, carriages of justice". I would add "lock to ICU council later in the academic year, lor instance on Saturday nights we surely we are obliged to act. How we act ing civilians into their own homes" except outlining the changes that I feel need to run a range of pre-club nights including is a matter for consideration. that it doesn't begin with an M. Astute be made. If you have any comments 'the electric cafe' which, with incredible VFM does not stand for Vegetation readers will of course have already then e-mail me at synchronicity, happens to focus entirely For Ma'am. divined that I speak of none other than [email protected] on eclectic electronica, 'Tha Bomb1, a the British government in Northern Ire hip hop, funk and soul night and 'Bubble Ken Young land. Glass houses? Douglas Graham (Physics UGII) & Squeak which will be playing a mix of Naturally the actions of Israel, electronic dance. Hamas, the RUG and the IRA are all That's on top of the chill out room Charing Cross not a Loss deplorable. The point is simply that Change the Music! we run every Wednesday and Friday, Israel, like Britain, has motivations for its which anyone can tell you is certainly Following your article above I would like deplorable behaviour, be theyjustified or I am writing to complain about the music diverse as we have an 'anything goes' to clarity some of the facts that seem to not - if Mr Stringer doubts this, he may played in the Union, particularly on musical policy up there. And I haven't have been distorted over time. wish to consider where he was when the Wednesday nights. Often on Wednesday even mentioned the four alternating 1. There was, and is not any 'suspect Aldwych bus bomb exploded. To believe I go to the Union for a few drinks with club nights we run on a Friday. I hope book-keeping'. All aspects of the plan in a simplistic strategy of going-home- my mates. Every week, without fail [the I've answered the points raised; if you ning of the ball have been and still are and-sorting-it-all-out, while ignoring the Ents & Marketing Manager] or one of his don't like a Wednesday night, then why availble to college. problem of addressing these motivations clan churns out the same old Brit Pop not try one of the others? I'm fairly con 2. £28,000 was not spent on the (such as Israel's very real security con Indy shite. I normally don't mind if the fident that you'd like at least one of largest marquee in the country. This fig cerns), is naivete of the highest order. music being played is not to my taste but them. ure relates to the total marquee cost when I hear the same stuff week in, and on the night there were 5 marquees, Theodore Hong (Computing PC) week out, I wonder if the music is played Ents & Marketing Manager the largest of which is smaller than the for our benefit, or to keep the Dj's happy? largest marquee in the country. Not only is it the same style of music, but 3. Only £600-00 was spent on Cham CCU - Strike Two the same tunes are played every week. Medical Indoctrination pagne, not £7,000-00 as reported in There are plenty of good Dj's at the the article. Well, since my letter on the subject of Union's disposal who can play a massive Dear Sir. I hope this clarifies any points in change in the CCUs I have been inun variety of music. Personally I would like your artcle that readers may have dated with comments. Most (80%+) to here more good (particularly non I feci I must complain about the appal- been worried about. have been along the lines of "great let commercial) electronic music. I know ing attitudes senior medics have regard ter" or "about time someone said that..." many people that feel the same way ing the non-medic students of IC. In Yours sincerely, Others have not been so good. To any who simply avoid the Union because it conversation with a first year medic of those who I upset, I apologise, how does not cater for them. I am not asking recently it emerged that he was actively Nick Carter (Ex-Deputy President ICSM) ever my views on Union politics still for Wednesday night to be turned into encouraged by senior medics and ICSM stand. industrial Acid-Techo night, but simply Union officials to avoid socialising with Deadline for letters is It is no good having the CCUs run by that more variety is played. There is plenty students of other subjects. a select few forming a quasi members on electronic music out there that many Whilst I am not surprised by the us- 12noon Wednesday. only club, making it hard for non friends people enjoy. and-them attitude of the relics left over of officers to get involved. The age of I know that letters with the same from the old system, indoctrinating the Letters may be edited people coming into influential roles with point have been written before and in new students to dispise other students is out any background training must end in the past [the Ents & Marketing Manager] clearly not on. I can only hope that the for length, but will not this academic ycat. I am concerned not has responded by saying that 'We play first year medics learn to live with us only with the welfare aspects of my CCU the music because people want to here during their time at the BMS, away from be altered in any other but I want to try and help all future stu it. The dance floor is always full between the hate-mongers. dents of all CCUs. 1T30 and 1:00'. Well, firstly the dance way. Letters need not Next year we will have a new sab floor Is always full because most people James Browning (Physics II) batical officer (sabb) in charge of welfare by that stage are quite pissed and would be signed, but a swipe in the Union, he/she should have control dance whatever music was played. Sec over the way in which Departmental and ondly, the fact that people like what you A Word from Estates... card must be shown Welfare Officers do their jobs. The dep- play is no reason not to have variation. reps should have a good team of year Please, please, please give some of the As a proud member of the Estates Divi when submitting reps below him/her and should then other Dj's the 11:30- 1:00 slot, let's have sion, a former warden, ICU Hon Life report back to the sabb. The same rules some variation, you can try to please member and manager of the car-park, I anonymous letters. need to apply for this as they do to everyone. Anyone reading this letter who must comment on the planter. Setting 26 October 1998 Editorial & Small Ads

The Week Ahead Above board?

Monday So, the Queen has visited IC. I would like entire ceremony focused on Imperial's as though it had been taken straight to say that the event will be remem 'New School of Medicine'. Now I am from a Cambridge college. Okay, so it Games Meeting 12:30pm bered by those students present for years not one to criticise medics, and their was how the campus will one day (cons PC Playstation and N64 gamers of the to come, but it simply isn't true. Hun presence at South Kensington is indeed in the future) look. I just can't help feel iworld unite. dreds of students (both inside and out very welcome, but as a former biologist ing that by the time the 'temporary' Music Meeting 1:00pm side the BMS) were waiting to sec her I would have appreciated more acknowl boiler house has been removed, our From Motorhead to Prodigy, via Placebo Majesty, and all they got was a fleeting edgement of Biology's role in the new "attractive car-park" (see letters page) or Fat Boy Slim, Jason's got it all glimpse as she moved between car and building. It is, after all, the Biomedical Sci has been built, and some rare and Film Meeting 1:30pm lobby. No 'walkabout' - not even a ences Building, and not just the Alexan expensive trees have been found for |vVanna be the next Barry Norman? friendly wave and pause for amateur der Fleming Building. the Court, Prince William will be drawing photographers. Maybe I am bitter, as I Not one to let sleeping dogs lie, it his pension. Tuesday was not presented to her Majesty and, was with considerable amusement I stud On a less cynical note, however, the let's face it, the real reason she was in the ied the model of Soulh Kensington college must be congratulated for organ News Meeting 1:00pm area was to open the renovated Albert erected in the BMS for the occasion. It ising the event in the first place, and for The mid-week update Memorial - we merely provided a one was a good model, a very good model dealing admirably with a falling door and hour hors d'oeuvre. Many students will - too good, in fact. The pond in the failing lifts. It was certainly a good day for Thursday remain disappointed, however. middle of the Queen's Lawn was cer Imperial College; as for its students... Furthermore, the speeches and tainly a surprise, and Dalby Court looked well, you can decide that one. Books Meeting 1 pm For all the literary types out there. Layout Meeting 1.30pm

Friday CAG Events Rag Erasmus

Arts Meeting 12pm is under new management and needs Does exactly what it says on the? tin. Monday 6pm your help! Interested in helping raise Thursday 29 October News Meeting 1:10pm Tools for Self Reliance money for worthy causes? Pub Night Come one, come all, come all aspiring Basement of Beit Quad Come along to the RAG office on Meet Union Bar 8pm journalists. fhursday 28th between 12 and 2 pm Photography Meeting 1:20pm Tuesday/Thursday 8pm lo find out more. Saturday 31 October For all the photographers out there in Soup Run for the homeless For more Info, email [email protected] or Round London Quiz IC land. Basement kitchen, Weeks Hall [email protected] Meet Beit Quad Arch (Union) 11am

Wine Tasting Wine tasting Society meets each week for a tutored tasting. ICU Colours Our programme for this term is as follows: The following have been awarded ICU awards and honours. 27lh Ocl Australian 3 rd Nov Bordeaux 10th Nov Tuscany Half Colours Mike Gibbs I lannah Pearson Caroline Gibbons Phil Miller All meetings take place in dB's and start at 6.00pm Shanaka Katuwawala Nayanee Perera Rob Park Ali Campbell Phil Pearson Adam Cherrington Natasha Newton Outstanding Service Classical CDs for Actors Needed Despina Crassa Catherine Sheehan Award Sale/Exchange Reuben Connolly Simon Cooper Symphony, Piano, Violin Concertos, Julia Harries Michelle Cope Anne Ovens If anyone is interested in Simon Maycock Andy Kershaw Opera, Selections and many more. N'Diorel Ba Full Colours Mark Sharman starring in an amateur Robin Hill Only £0.50 to £2 a CD short film presented by Mandar Trivedi Alex Tylcc-Birdsal! Fellowship STOIC then please e-mail William Smith Tanya Siraa If interested, please contact Ling Li Claire Penketh David Roberts [email protected] [email protected] Tony Hickson Brian Tucker Jon fambert Nick Chapman Darren Hubbard Andrew Swift Hamish Common Distinguished Cereal Killer No previous experience Wendy Russell Karen Yates Fellowship necessary. Sanela Hodzic Richard Marshall We have tapes of the Paul Hopkinson Lloyd Kilford Chris Ince freshers' Concert available for only £11 All ages and nationalities wel James Carter Richard Edgington Mark Baker Contact Paul on [email protected] come, particularly American, Cantonese and French speakers. "...possibly the second best band ever Members who have been awarded honours are entitled to pur lo come out of the college, they've Wide range of acting roles chase an ICU tie and pin. Please collect your honours from Pat still got plenty of time to catch up with available. Queen..." In the Union Office. Felix 1122 8 Columns 26 October 1998 Right Angles to Reality

don't dance. Not since the "Boncy my father told the subsequent local gov ing it's dealing with spiders, and so to train itself was going to Wimbledon. Hav IM Affair" at Leonard Gliterstein's par ernment enquiry, it was hardly my fault have the two things come lumped ing fumbled around in my trouser pocket ents' barbecue party in 1978 when, that in an effort to economise after Mr together Is for me, a scenario of unimag for a not unpleasant five minutes I took full of youthful exuberance, six bowlfuls Golightly had lost his job due to a global inable horror. A bit like if the Bay City my keys out of my briefcase and opened of sherry trifle and half a glass of Double slump in the lava lamp market, they had Rollers reformed and went on a world the door. There it was. Only it wasn't a Diamond I threw myself rather too force let their Lire and Contents insurance tour with Darts. spider. It was a SPIDER. It sat there cross fully into "Brown Girl in The Ring" and lapse. You'll be glad to know that we Now I don't mean to imply that I'm ing and uncrossing its Chewbacca-like then threw up on the Gliterstein's garden managed to get the stain off the dress a total arachnophobic. I don't jump up legs, regarding me with a haughty look furniture. I really can't see what all the after four washes although Leonard's on a chair, pulling up my petticoats and in its ten beady eyes, a sarcastic half-smile fuss was about. The sun lounger mother was on Valium for rather longer. yelling "Thomas, Thomas", but the fact playing about its mandibles. To say that escaped virtually unscathed because I I bring all this up to try to impress remains that spiders are definitely per it was huge would be to say that George vomited into the lap of Leonard Gliter upon you the fact that I don't like to sona non grata in my apartment, they Best played football. To add insult to stein's mother's great aunt Lene who dance although I admire and envy peo don't pay rent or Council lax and there injury, it was smoking one of my ciga was the guest of honour at the event, it ple who do. Those ballroom fans fore have got no business making them rettes (no only kidding, it was actually being her ninetieth birthday and all. Any amongst you will no doubt have heard selves at home. I know it sounds mean smoking a hand-rolled one). My first way as I pointed out at the time, it was of the Tarantella, a fiery Latin dance that spirited but there you are. The problem instincts were to finish it off with a sin n't as if the dress suited her already -1 nobody north of Barcelona can do prop lies in the fact that however hard I try, the gle blow from my Hush Puppies, but I think Chanel is wasted on the over-75s, erly. I was once told that the moniker of spiders just don't take the hint. It's got so hesitated - what if they only worked on made to measure or not - but she was this comes from the fact that its appar bad that it's like the insect house at Wind dogs ? Besides, there was no guarantee n't having any of it. She just kept com ently random and violent, jerky move sor Safari Park in my flat (yes, I know spi that it wouldn't grab the sole of my shoe ing at me, spittle flying from the corners ments are supposed to represent ders aren't insects, take it up with the and twist me off balance with a deft flick of her mouth, her face a twisted mask of someone in the death throes that result Head of Creepy-Crawlies at the loo). of one of its wrists - a spider this size hate, alternately leaning on one of her from being bitten by a tarantula. The To begin with I used to kill them might even know judo. Robert the Bruce sticks and swinging the other wildly at Tarantella was, you understand, invented outright with the flip-flops that my par would probably have drawn some kind what, to a child of nine, was head height. in pre-Lcstasy days when the only way to ents brought me back from Cyprus and of strength and encouragement from In fact, recalling the situation, I think she get your kicks was to cheat death with a whilst this was devastatingly effective, it the situation, but not this sasenach. Try was more to blame than anyone for the giant hairy arachnid. Did the older gen did not present a long term solution to ing to retain as much dignity as possible garden shed being set on fire. If she'd eration back then shake their heads, I the infestation. I next tried a policy of I darted into the lounge slamming the only given up the fight after she fell for wonder, in sad what-kind-of-world-is-this- inflicting debilitating but non-lethal door behind me, and waited until my the first time, I might not have backed when-our-youngsters-have-to-get-spi- wounds on the insurgent in the hopes breathing had normalised and the into the barbecue and sent it flying with dered-out-of-their-tiny-minds-in-order-to-e that he (or she, I never stopped to ask) intruder had slunk out of the front door inevitable consequences. Still, it could njoy-themselves type disbelief ? Were would be partially incapacitated but not chuckling menacingly. have been worse; great aunt Lenc only there banner headlines in the Tijuana to the extent that he wouldn't be able to I've not seen him since. Since I her broke one of her hips and the burns Times dectying the pernicious evil of drag himself back to the nest to warn all metically sealed all the windows and inflicted by flying embers were kept arachnid abuse or gritty "real life" inter the others of the fate that awaited them. doors that is. Some people might say that down to second degree. Unfortunately views in the LI Dorado Evening Chroni But even this enlightened, scmi-Jainist such behaviour is going a bit far and however, the shed itself and the upper cle with Mexican teenagers who, having approach seems to have failed judging maybe they're right. And when you think two floors of the house next door were started on tarantula had graduated onto yesterday's encounter. about it it's a bit silly really. After all you're beyond saving. The repercussions with the hard stuff and now had 300 peso-a- I had got back rather later than usual so big and they're so small. I suppose I'm Mr and Mrs Golightly the next door day Black Widow habit ? Possibly. The - I'd foolishly assumed that because both just imagining thi wait a minute... did neighbours went on for some time, and truth of the matter is that I don't really the destination indicator on the platform you see something scamper under the there wete even those who went as far want to think about it because if there's and the sign on the front of the train that sofa ? as to try to pin the blame on me. But as one thing I'm even worse at than danc I had boarded said Wimbledon, that the Matt Salter A Reminiscing Medic

ver familiarity with the clubbing copying machine the week before the ing idealism from every pore, full of does not in any way imply that you are Oscene, getting absolutely exams fail to motivate you to move an enthusiasm and getting excited at just ready for the responsibilities of adult pissed... slaughtered... licked on inch. Welcome to student life! about everything and anything. At this hood. The thought of a C & G mortgage, cheap beer and wine, partying in No doubt, at this very minute, thou point you think to yourself, "God, I was nasty Pampers, parents evenings and obscure, not-even-vaguely familiar sands of freshers are getting over bouts n't like that... was I?" Virgin pension plans makes the contents decrepit student dwellings, getting of 'freshers' flu', and experiencing the You know you're one step closer to of your stomach churn, far more than acquainted with a bunch of out-of-their- post-freshers'-weck blues, with various drawing your pension when you'd rather cider ever could. face strangers, getting more and more strains of paracetamol-resistant hang stay in on a Saturday night to watch that Alright... so you're quite content to intimate with the hazy, murky world of overs. The novelty of being at University missed episode of L.R.. recorded by your be floating around in the waiting-room drunken stupor night after night. Your is probably slowly wearing off. The initial mate's thoughtful mum, than go out; of adulthood, a string of forty-some head finally hitting your pillow / your excitement becomes over-shadowed by when you actually enjoy cooking a three things in front of you in the queue, com mate's floor.... a floor, never before the the increasing pile of essays and projects course meal rather than grabbing a RFC forted by the fact that you can at any disrespectful hour of 5a.m., when the you have to hand in and the looming or heating a 99pTesco microwave meal... point indulge yourself in juvenile pranks, birds annoyingly decide to give you a ren end-of-term exams that your tutors won't and alright the string of twenty-first birth but act like an adult when you have to. dition of their version of 'Morning has let you forget about. day parlies you've recently attended kind So what? You're stuck in the com Broken'. You only notice this for a few And then when you finally get pro of gives it away too! fortable rut between post-teenage ado seconds though, because before you moted to the upper years, you start see You feci that the 'oncc-a-term-regurg' lescence and premature adulthood. know it, you're in the deep recesses of ing everything in a different light. Life experience is quite enough and even Don't worry, you're not alone. Chill out... the realms of heavenly slumber. seems less rousing and you find that necessary lo keep alive the ever flicker enjoy... it's only a matter of time before Another missed lecture... practical... you have lost the ability to cope with the ing, ebbing flames of the youthful, juve the anti-ageing pill will be available at a study period; nightmarish visions of end whole morning-after fiasco. You sec the nile spirit entrapped within the ever store near you! less, incessant queues at the photo new intake of fresh-faced students, ooz sencscing 21 going on 30 body. This D. Devadas 26 October 1998 Columns

Thought for the Day Halloween

his may be the first Halloween on lanterns. As Steve Punt once put it: "It's a drug-induced Druidicism? thrives on Halloween, of course; any which you get children coming to a large root vegetable with a candle in it. While we're on the subject of excuse for a bit of seasonal variation is your door and asking for Mars New underpants for me, Mum." witches and drugs together, I must draw gladly accepted [and accepted especially barTs before stealing your trousers. Well, Halloween is a cor your attention to a memo by me]. It's still a fun idea, but I think chil that's what they do where I come from, ruption of All Hallows' Eve, rable scries which was dren these days are far more interested anyway. As far as I am concerned, the the day before the Christ shown over the summer in the perversely explosive thrills of 5 scariest imaginable event on October ian festival of All Saints' on Channel 4. The scries November than in bobbing apples. The 31 is a load of drunk 12-year olds arriving Day. The traditions of Hal was entitled Sacred Weeds, horror film industry loves this day like no loween are believed to and showed the investiga "...Jhe- deviiish dirrking have been inherited from tion of a group of scien dfrTTDTngirireeJo the Druids. Both the Celts tists, anthropologists and of Zippo lighters will and the Druids considered " - ;:-,.< ,'ijr nil !\|.(», I!'", potentic this day to be of spiritual ing volunteers with legal alert vou to the fact significance; the Celts drugs and then observing placed Halloween at the the effects. Henbane was end of their year. Finally, one drug administered in these tests, which some X. the Romans introduced the features of one of their believe was used by the mushrooms.," harvest festivals into Hal witches found commonly on your doorstep and clamouring to be loween when they were in folklore. If this scries is other; but that, as wc all know, is a well- fed chocolate (just for that sugar-rush). If on their world tour in 55 Experience the unbridled repeated, I strongly sug worn, hackneyed, and generally low- they are refused, they will disappear, BC. fury Imparted by my gest you watch at least the quality route. returning, as if by magic, at the witching This still does not answer wicked, demonic powers! first programme; it will be Halloween, then. Be it wizard, or be hour; the devilish clinking of Zippo the question: why do Nu- hah hah hah hah worth it just to see one vol it wash-out? Like so many of the plea lighters will alert you to the fact that your mothers let their kids jaunt haaaah! unteer climbing a tree to sures of childhood, the appeal vanishes bins are on fire. Oh yes, the real zombies merrily round the dark potentially fatal heights, as you get older. Plus forgetting to buy walk amongst us every day. ened neighbourhood, wearing provoca while high as a kite on fly agaric mush Mars bars will probably trip me up. This scenario, let's face it, is far more tive elf costumes, and requesting rooms, as the scientists calmly take notes. The Simpsons episode was good, disturbing than even the best pumpkin sweeties? Was that the Romans' idea, or We can thus sec how the media though. Ali Campbell

Medicine Matters

Nick Newton

here arc some who might say are worrying because of their implica does not give them enough money. IC movie with the cinema club. All these that Sherfield is the last bastion of tions for the student body. is happy to bask in the reflected glory of activities, indeed just about everything the empire, and filled with people Imperial College is prepared to IC medics winning the rugby UH cup that you as students do are funded to whTo want nothing less than complete spend £125 000 000 (please note the and of IC cricket winning the UL cham some extent by a body of policy makers world domination. I really do not know number of noughts) on a building on pionship but are they going lo lift a fin who treat you as a loss leader and who the personalities in Sherfield well enough which they had agreed to spend £60 ger or allocate one penny of funds to could not really care less about you. In to decide whether they are suffering 000 000. I wish I knew their bank man enable these achievements to happen? the long run, so long as we do nothing from megalomaniacal delusions of ager. On top of this, Sherfield is going to IC seem to have no conception of the to interrupt the flow of research money grandeur or whether they just want to spend an estimated £110 000 on a few fact that if you ally yourself (I'll never be that floods into the IC coffers, Sherfield make the world a better place. How flowers to make the building look pretty. merged) with such a widespread campus will do the bare minimum to keep us ever, I do feel that if the attitude they like Again, I ask, where do they bank and can network then your students arc neces happy while relying on their reputation to project concerning their approach to 1 open an account there? Thinking about sarily going to spread out, as are the for academic excellence to keep recruit undergraduates and general student it a little further, I don't want an account facilities. Perhaps this is another part of ing. Unfortunately this is unlikely to facilities is accurate then pity the poor with a bank that allows its customers to their plot to kill the will and spirit of the change anytime soon because IC seems fools who allow themselves to be swal overspend to the tune of £65 000 000 but students so that they can cut ICU's bud to have found an unending supply of stu lowed up by the Sherfield behemoth. rather I would like a job working for the get even further. dents who do have and do not appear This side of IC has been revealed to company that managed to get Sherfield What these developments mean is to want a life outside of their work. I only me in several ways, culminating in the to cough up that sort of cash. Maybe ICU that the issue of student politics is no hope that the medics do not get cor meeting in Gladys' where the medics should try to head hunt them for the longer about personal ambition, CV rupted by this attitude because medi were receiving Instruction in the financial position of DP C&S? points or argumentativeness. It is about cine is hard enough without losing a regulations governing ICU. The exact The previous paragraph was just a whether you as an individual want to play social life as well. details of the controversy are not espe prelude to explaining about the problem rugby, hockey or football, whether you cially relevant but the meeting did high of the lack of transport that ICU is able want to go sailing or SCUBA diving or fly light certain beliefs held by Sherfield that to provide to its members because IC ing or just sit and watch a new-release 10 26 October 1998 FOCUS The Church of Scientology After deciding to buy a VCR machine, I myself, would say, although I am an IC my financial status. ago." These spirits attach themselves by thought Tottenham Court Road would be student. Admittedly I didn't fill out the We continued conversing for around "clusters" to individuals in the contem the most suitable place to get the best form as carefully as I might. However I thirty minutes while the interviewer porary world, causing spiritual harm and deal. As I wandered along, I noticed that did notice that many of the questions attempted to gain more and more infor negatively influencing the lives of their nestled between the electrical stores were repeated in mation. She was hosts,- it makes me look at flu in a com was an 'outlet' of the Church of Scien slightly different ...human problems extremely keen to pletely different way. tology. guises - for what pur find out my darkest I was then invited to buy some Having been aware of the organi pose I am not quite stem from "lingering secrets and, when I leaflets at a cost of £4 each. I declined, sation for many years, and being rather sure. would not divulge explaining that I was a poor student, inquisitive, I sheepishly entered. I simply My interviewer spirits of an extrater them, became whilst hiding my mobile phone. I wanted to find out what was on offer, tried to wrench as increasingly persua explained that I hadn't bought my VCR what was different about them and what much sensitive infor restrial people massa sive. Tired of the prob yet, but promised to return... I beat a their agenda was. After all, the organi mation out of me as ing questions, I asked hasty retreat to Dixons to buy that Aiwa sation boasts such members as John Tra possible; I retorted cred by their ruler, about the organisa Video machine. volta and Tom Cruise. with whatever tion, its beliefs, its The 'outlet' resembled a cafe in entered my head at Xenu, over 75 million founder and its basis. some respects. Practically as soon as I the time. She thought I was given a whirl walked in I was invited to take a per that a process called years ago." wind description of sonality test, which I duly did. I ticked auditing would be to the Church - so brief upwards of about sixty boxes designed my benefit. Apparently this auditing is that I knew little more afterwards than to delve into my innermost psyche. I rather like psychotherapy, but the subject when I walked in the door. Apparently was then interviewed about the results, is connected to an 'E-meter' which is Scientologists believe that all human which seemed to indicate a certain lack supposed to point out problematic points problems stem from "lingering spirits of of personality. This is the complete in the life of those being audited, for all an extraterrestrial people massacred by antithesis to what people, including I know they were using it to determine their ruler, Xenu, over 75 million years

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Technology presentation details

Date: Tuesday 3 November 1998 Time: 6.30 pm Venue: Civil Eng Lecture Theatre 26 October 1998 12 /T*"*-^ Feature The Truth Behind Halloween

The end of the month is approaching and those who are inclined to party can do so legiti mately on 31 October. Yes, it's that time of year when many people throughout the world celebrate Halloween. Most just readily accept the occasion for a party and an excuse to be mentally obliterated, to aggravate neighbours and play silly pranks. But how many people know exactly what Halloween is? Halloween has rather a convoluted history and under standably one which people often ignore. In essence Halloween is about the 'other side', not ITV, but a night in which evil spirits supposedly roam the earth. Perhaps today the original meaning of Halloween is lost, but retail ers arc ti. il lost and Halloween is increasingly becoming a commercialised affair - just look al llii winol\ ol products on offer. But what is the significance of the icons displayed? tor all those who have participated in 'trick-or-treat' this period conjures up childhood ins) relatives and neighbours, with the intention of being rewarded wilh I lalloween is in lad an ancient tradition that has been hijacked over the erenl groups. Originally in ancient pre-Christian Britain and Ireland the ain (pronounced sow-in) on 31 October. It signified the end ! and ol the harvest Dclohi i 31 was the eve ol the New Year for both Cells and Anglo-Saxons. It was cus- fires in order to ward off evil spirits. This date is significant for il was associ- i pastures and when legalities where renewed. Once a yeat galive powers influencing nature. II was their belief in he tor the i olebrallonswe have loday, and lor much of the i onsumerism associated with I (allow <: :n.

Iii i ii rituals that in', i , , 11 il ol 'all lallows'or'all saints'. a lime to remember all II 1, ha., passed awa clue lotting d the: festival from the pagans: I name, derived from hallow (meanrt ig holv - Hallow-e'en. Where does 'trlck-or-treat' originate?

this originates from the Pagan festivities in Ireland On the 1 n pie in Iheii houses vvei |; v : . : i .... , they would leave the village alone. In at 1 l » .|.ir,r "pmilsj I e ! would wander round villages lo draw tin spirits away fr on 1 1 \ .Mil I his tradition continues, particularly in Amc. in a vuth c hildren dressed a > ononis Hid pu tts of the dead. What is the symbolism of the pumpkin?

This is commonly known as the jack-o'lantern and isj im ot it, .in1 ! unit iar icons of Halloween, ii m.iv ii<'.: 11;-is 1 ' evil „ i," as ih name originates from that of night watchmen.

Did you know?

In \\< ico I lalloween is known as I I >i 1 I' 1 « 11 H . (Ihc: day of the dead). It is i- ee ol gieal rejoicing. A! this liine is to its native home in and arc welcomed :'.;( v as it is utilised in (loan in" .piiiiiiel n|,i, e< i iliiiin. 1 1, 1 1 1 i'd ii J! be a complement as wik h is Saxon for wise-one. Traditionally at Halloween women attempt to peel an apple in its entirety in front of a candle-lii mirror. If Ihis is achieved her future partner is supposed to appear. Approximately two million people were executed for witchcraft between 1 Sth and 18th century - 80% of these were women. This year

Mask manufacturers in the US are said to be raking it in, with the latest craze in Hal loween fashion. Party stores are stocking props associated with the Clinton affair, with items such as Clinton masks, something not original in itself, but these have Pinocchio shaped noses. Due to legalities there is not yet a Monica Lewinsky mask, and lets hope it remains that way; the casually departments will never cope with the influx of heart attack victims. Mon: Standing Room only Live premiership footie. DaVinci's. From 5pm. TUBS: STA Bar Trivia Win £50 cash or a crate of lager, DaVinci's 8pm Weds: ClubXS 8 Party tunes in room one, eclectic chillout room free with entscard/b4 11 / 50p after Thurs: DaVinci's Cocktail Night From sex on the beach to margaritas at bargain prices A1/: Bust-A-Gut Comedy Club Noel Fielding 8c support. DBs. 8pm. £2.50/£2

Huge club tunes, chill out room & cocktail bar 9-2. £ 1 /free to entscard.

50Ttl flflMJilL Alternate Fridays in dBs COMMOTION Mil This week WEDflCSDflY OGOMB 28TH Noel Fielding THE bWWEBT Winner of the 1998 Perrier Newcomer Award Dave Hadtllngham THE mmcm Alex Boarclman Plus Carlsherg lee bi PM or Ttiis MfrtOBfiMf OCCASION giveaways LIMITED HUMbfR Of DOUbLE TICKETS f 98 AVAILABLE fPO/1 THE UNO OfflCE 14 Books 26 October 1998

The Tasmanian Babes Fiasco Saints & Sinners

John Birmingham Marcelle Bernsteine Harper Collins Bantam Books

Irvine Welsh and lain Banks but so many janie Paxton, a feature writer and inter day. The lives of those in the camp form times throughout the book it strays, that viewer, agrees to write the authorised an important part of the book in under is what makes it hard to categorise. biography of Madga Lachowska, the cha- standing what motivated them later on I liked "The Tasmanian Babes Fiasco", rasmatic spiritual leader of a group called in their lives, and Bernstein quite adeptly I liked it a lot, but I didn't like it so much the Chalice. Although Magda Lachowska, uses flashbacks to keep the reader inter that I can't spot the reasons why you otherwise known as Mama, is consid ested. might not like it. There's a bit of a drugs ered a living saint in whose footsteps On the whole this is a very good theme running through it, well when I lavander plants had been seen to bloom, book, the kind to take on holiday to say a bit I mean a fairly hefty one. It is Janie takes the job for other reasons. Her read on the beach. If that was the case central to the story and, if it is to be professional reputation is on the decline I would happily fork out the money for believed, the prologue implies that ail due lo a fondness for the bottle and her it but if not, this is the kind of book I the sub-stories are true to a greater or personal life is also a shambles as she would enjoy taking out of the library. lesser extent so the drug content can't has just divorced her husband. She sees be helped. He also enjoys flitting around the opportunity of writing Mama's biog Nicole in time backwards and forwards to tell raphy as a means of making money and ; :; : ; v : : . y y:: these little sub-stories as characters recall restoring her reputation to its former *t H*u*m.8hartno Q*t4 i-

: them. This way of writing can get tedious glory. However, as Janie investigates y:"/:;/ : yyyyyyec;e;e::ee yyyyyyy yyyyyyyy ; y-yy^/y- :-[yyyy^fyyyy when you're trying to read late at night Mama's background discrepancies begin and you start to think, "What just hap to emerge in the offical version of Drink, drugs and dire sexual shenani pened? Did I miss something?". Birm Mama's history, and Janie has to chose gans... a lot of this sound familiar: fresh ingham also lets his characters "do all the whether to listen to her instincts and ers Week perhaps? Ah, but fond as those talking": they unfurl as the story pro uncover the real story or not. memories are to recall, this is no time to gresses (which I kinda like) and you don't Marcelle Bernstein is perhaps most reminisce about weeks previous, more get to know them until about halfway well known for her novel "Body and- to provide you with an insight into John through the book. Soul". It was made into a TV series a few Birmingham's "The Tasmanian Babes I was kept interested right up until years ago with Kristin Scott Thomas (of fiasco". the end when it strangely turned into a "The English patient" fame) as the lead Put your hands up anyone who wine review on the last three pages. character, a nun with trouble up at the shares or has shared a flat or house, And to me, that's what a book is all mill. Bernstein often has a religious come on we're at university for God's about, you shouldn't want to put it down theme in her books and she has con sake, don't most people houseshare? (except to have your tea and do other tinued the trend in this one. The angle That aside, flatmates and the trials of things like sleep and talk to people) and she's taken is that even saints are human sharing a house with some people you I didn't. It's not the all time best book I've and make mistakes, and so are sinners know and some you don't is what this is read but I did enjoy It and perhaps the just like the rest of us. all about (you can put your hand down greatest thing is that I learned something Bernstein's strength is her ability in now). This is a collection of short stories through reading this, I learned that there creating believable characters and then all bound together by one big one, much is another group of people out there like developing those characters throughout like the author's last book, "He Died With these and that I wouldn't mind meeting the novel. The story takes place over a Felafel In His Hand". It centres around them. many years, from the Nazi work camps JB (for the book is written in the first per Christian Elliott in Poland during WW2 to the present son) and the story unfolds around the house's new flatmate, Jordan, who moves in after two goths skewer the fridge with an arrow (read the book). It turns out that Jordan is a bit of an odd ball and he proceeds to steal everything ICU CINEMA PRESENTS: that isn't nailed down, including a soda siphon (read the book). What ensues is a hard to categorise party across Eastern Fl SLIDING DOORS Australia: there's your road-trip element in battered vans and vehicles in various states of disrepair up and down the SHOO a ONians coast, your advertisement for every sub Starring Gwyneth Paltrow culture and counter-culture under the sun, from karate lesbians to men who Thurs 29th (8:30pm) & Sun 1st (8pm) hang naked in trees (that'll be "Naked Tree Guy" then); and your visit via the author's imagination to every place, name and event in recent pop-culture. Although it's hard to pin the style down Concert Hall Also Showing to one in particular it is a cracking insight Union Building 2nd Floor \ into one persons experiences in life. Drinks available from Da Vinci's Mad City 6pm Thurs 29th Oct Perhaps the style isn't that hard to put your finger on, it's in the vein of 26 October 1998 Music 15

THE BEAUTIFUL SOUTH

his is the 'South's sixth album proper. By now, it's known in kindergarten that I leaton and Rotheray are the most successful song writing partnership T since two blokes in the sixties and they deliver some humorous and some serious output here on Quench. Yes. there was a bit of production work by former I lousemartin Fat Boy Norman but those expecting a radical change of direction and drum loops searing in and out of the dual vocals of Paul I leaton and Jacqueline Abbott arc mistaken. Quench is unmistakably The Beautiful South. Intelligent lyrics, 'Aren't I clever?' lyrics and sometimes inane soundbites all figure amidst the mixture of catchy snatches and slower slumberings. Those disillusioned with Blue is the Colour will see it as a return to form. The sexy Perfect 10 has already drummed itself into people's minds with its funky I lammond intro and dubious, or perhaps even obvious, sexual references: 'When he's at my gate with a big fat eight, you wanna see the smile on my face.' Mind you, this is Just baby talk considering it came from the same creative source that conjured up 'Don't marry her, fuck me.' The experiment in melancholy, how ever, is over. Quench is fuller and more rounded than Blue is the Colour. There are plenty more singles that could be released. Album opener, I low Long's a Tear Take to Dry? is upbeat while The Lure of the Sea sees a lull in the run-a-long rhythm. Bit) Coin will probably be re-recorded and also performed a capella to great success; basically the one where people go, 'Wow. they can sing. And really well too!'

Quench's Essential Choon. though, is Window Shopping for Blinds. Powerful in its musical content without going over the top, it has all the necessary ingredi ents for a popular song: interesting but not outright attention grabbing verses, Ladles and Gentlemen, you are frowning with The Beautiful South melodic pre-choruses and finally a chorus that can't seem to escape the sonic com partment of your brain. The opening lyric, 'One day I'm loaded, next day I'm broke. Spent all my money on whisky and coke,' is typical of the now expected pub talk content of the album, took What I Found in my Beer is probably the best example of this style of colloquial lyricism. So, it's better than Blue is the Colour and Quench is, as stated previously but worth emphasising again, a return to form. In a musical marketplace where every one is trying to grab a piece of sound history in generating a new genre or new style, Quench is reassuringly old-fashioned in its simplicity. 'South fans but proba bly not the 'South themselves would argue that this is a new musical direction but it's not. It's excellent pop music with a touch of blues and soul. It's created by experts and it's built to last. The Beautiful South. God bless 'em. CI Dennis

DUB PISTOLS Point Blankj

oint Blank does exactly what it appeared in a TV ad' or something?). general tempo seems to rise. says: shoots you with experimen The raggae beats and simplistic rapping There's a backing vocalist who drops P tal beats that lie on the bound are so fresh but it's the bass-line which a few lines on several of the tracks and aries of hip-hop, funk, jazz and raggae. gives me deja vu. Putting your CD player totally annoys the fuck out of me. I le All of these influences appear on on 'Repeat 1' at this point would be appears on track seven as well. Why? - almost every track, and they do not dis acceptable. You would be excused for the main vocalist performs more than appoint. When you hit play on your CD breaking wind when Ghetto rolls: the adequately on his own. player you'll think there's an electrical phattest bass just force it upon you. Rag- I he title track relies more on the fault with the way the intro uses strung- gae-tipped vocals keep the bass in check. electronics. Still, there's always some out keyboards and struggling beats. You Although it gets repetitive after about two thing new on each track. If you get this quickly calm down, though, with the minutes, who cares, this is just so rough! far you have become an expert in the soft rapping and then they drop some I didn't even realise we came out of Dub Pistols sound. The rest of the tracks real catchy loops. If Unique Freak was Fowerblock Trash and went into FVesf- sound much the same but the sound released as a single it would definitely way. Once again a phat bass-line on gets slightly more ambient as we get a 'This recording contains material both. The experimental beats are accom progress, the electro becomes more fre which some may find offensive' stamp, panied by some raw sampling. quent and we eventually bang our heads but don't worry, because it won't! Towerblock Trash features cool semi- to hard-core techno, d Err album cover The second track is nothing out breaks and trumpets (I guess) bring us Abu standing but the Pistols continue to keep back to an electronic voice demanding you attentive with the fresh beats and 'money'. Just as you feel the repetition loops they always use. This is typical of on Westway, the progression begins. the entire album and the Dub Pistols Excellent keyboards and harder beats, style. Cyclone sounds so familiar (I'm and then the bass gets so deep that the convinced it samples something but whole place starts vibrating! The key can't put my finger on it - maybe It boards get progressively frantic and the 16 Music 26 October 1998

VARIOUS ARTISTS THE KING Big Beat Elite Complete The Gravelands

ith the success of Fat Boy highly infectious 'Nan, Nah, Nah' chou- he problem with novelty W Slim's wicked Gangster rus. Simple but so cool. You've got to records lies in the fact that they Tripping and the Run DMC T check Marlon Sea's Disco Del Marl sim are a novelty. And, like all nov Versus Jason Nevin's number one hit It's ply for the comic value; it sounds like elties, they wear off very quickly. The Like That we're probably going to see something from the Pulp Fiction sound Gravelands is no exception. On paper, an avalanche of these big beat com- track, only faster! The standout track from the idea seems a winner. Get an Elvis plilation albums. The first one to arrive is the first disc is The Worlds Made up of Presley impersonator to sing some this, the double pack (with free mix This and That by Deeds Plus Thoughts; '90's songs and classics from the past, disc) Big Beat Elite Complete from this is fast and really gets you going. that Elvis would be totally unsuited to. Lacerba Records. Its being marketed as Disc Two is poor, only one track really And hilarity, mega-stardom and a sell the best and most complete big beat stood out, that being Ruffneckftom The out appearance at the next Capital FM collection and although it is a varied set Freestylers featuring Navigator. Ruffneck gala concert is guaranteed. Well, not it comes up well short of being elite. starts off slow till the reggae lyrics kick in quite... Each track gives you a slightly different and the beats pick up, giving an up The opening track is also the look at the range of big beat, some tempo ragga boy tune. There's a track album's best track; a rollicking version of bring a Latin style to the mix, some a from DJ Kool and the Crooklyn Clan called Nirvana's Come As You Are. I learing hint of drum and bass. Here We Go Now. It follows the same The King sing the line 'Well, I swear that Disc one starts off well. The basic DJ Kool call and respond lines over I don't have a gun' is close to hysterical. I lerbaliser brings us Wall Crawling Insect some very strange beats - please stop. Unfortunately, from here on, the album Norman Cook tries to Breaks. Some excellent breaks are stuffed If you've never heard any big beat takes a sharp down-turn. Where we guard the bandwagon in along with the Spiderman references. you might wanna check this out, other would expect to be treated to some This is definitely worth a check. Next up wise I'm sure you can wait for the next Mike Flowers-type pastiche, the ensuing is the funky Different Strokes by one. H songs are comedy-free, the singer actu Psyechedelia Smith. The tune uses a Milen ally trying to create songs that will be crit ically acclaimed. But, with second-rate production and session musicians, that SENTIENCE can never be achieved. And, in any case, his Elvis impression is not far above An Eye For An i karaoke standards. * It is surprising how many '60's soul he conditions of the universe Is) starts dark but very sharp. We hear the songs he has chosen to cover, given that T have led to life on earth, the sound of an annoying siren in the back the main difference between him and only sentient beings in creation. ground, and the foreground doesn't the real king is the lack of soul in his Sentience are Nick Fryer, Martin move you too much either. 2nd Step voice. I lence, Dock Of The Bay, Piece Of Dawson and Tom Neville. The opening has funkier beats; hard and fast, remi My Heart and / Heard It through The sentence of this review is what they say niscent of Cypress I Nil's Latin Lingo. It Grapevine are the dreariest songs on the on the inlay. An Eye For An i is a cool softens and calms you down with fancy album and the easiest to skip over. Actu blend of techno and electronic music. loops, but then breaks hard again. Finer ally, there are a few interesting tunes Turn up the volume, sit back, relax and Scale holds an interesting electro intro. tucked away on this 18-track compila enjoy a trip to a different world. There are no vocals on this, but who tion. The Small Faces' All Or Nothing gets The first track is a wild demonstration needs them when the music speaks for a humorous seeing-to, as does Sweet's of cool, sharp techno. Totally funky, itself! Blockbuster complete with police siren. heavy beats and phat drums. We hear Full-on beats take you in to Magnif- The low point (without mentioning perfect sampling of Onyx's / lere 'n' Now, icent Speed. It really is energetic, and it a forgettable Voodoo Chile) arrives with in hand with minimal vocals (quite liter contains elements from Eric B and The King's version of No Woman No Cry, ally just the song title on Time Is Now). Rakim's Follow The Leader. The vocals are which he somehow manages to sing It's wicked how the drums roll up and deep and commanding with lovely almost all on one note, adding his own then you're hit hard by a phat bass-line. breaks all round. Pressure Them is such Elvis excerpts as and when he feels e.g. Machine Directa gives you loads of a killer. The 2-3 step drum-beats are just 'Wise men say: no woman no cry.' hard beats and electronics.-Too much as interesting as the accompanying pic Played at half speed, for no appar Sentience: sense perception artificiality for my liking; loses its artistic ture on the inlay of a guy with a gun to ent reason, is a laughable rendition of not Involving Intelligence or appeal and just becomes a computer his head. Phatter beats are introduced Twentieth Century Boy. Still, it's better mental perception. Hmm! program! Eternal features more beautiful later and then comes an outer-space-like than Placebo's offering. loops, and fresh keyboards await us on effect. The beats keep rolling till they What could have been a hugely the other side of the break. Loud and drop! entertaining comedy record and a sur hard. Track four, Alive, begins dark and Experiment On God is basically prise Christmas success has turned out slow, then a female voice asks ques another narrative just to finish off. All in to be a pain to listen to. It looks like The tions. The pace just picks up slightly and all, Sentience have got talent and if they King's next vocation will be something we gradually hear sampling in the back break into the mainstream they are going Elvis had a real interest in. Burgers and ground until it takes over and breaks to do some serious damage, but it will be fries. H away hard. Questions are still asked difficult to achieve the initial recogni Fd though, giving you plenty an opportunity tion. Nevertheless, keep an ear out for to ponder over 'what is a brain and what sounds from the Nukleuz stable. El is a mind?'. At over nine minutes of the Abu same thing it's a bit too long, I think.

The next three tracks are a gradua tion from softto hard. A.O.K. (Everything 26 October 1998 Music 17

McALMONT TIN STAR A Little Communication The Thrill Kisser * Other high points in the album are the hat do you get if you mix U2 The only criticism that I couid lay quite brilliant A Little Communication, W with Madonna and a couple upon Tin Star is that the sound can 1 (from which the album takes its name) of expensive samplers and become repetitive and that they do lack and current single Honey. If the entire computers? A bloody awful noise a bit of a sense of humour. Also, there's album was of a similar quality then this about which your parents would revel a necessity to stop the tracks just mean could have been seminal. The Gospel in moaning about, saying such things dering into each other. influenced Sorry, possibly the most as 'It's such a racket,' and 'In my day Never the less, if you like this kind of upbeat of all the tracks, illustrates a ten music had a tune that you could sing music, as I do, this CD will be in your dency to go a bit over the top in pro to,' is probably the best bet. I lowever, player for long periods of time as you lay duction. There's the attitude, 'Let's chuck by some feat of amazing computer back in a darkened room, entranced by in a trumpet solo to disguise how knowledge, Tin Star have done just that the dark melodies and big beat bass mediocre this Is sounding.' The Train, the and created what could be one of the sections, this album is brilliant Jet down only track solely credited to McAlmont, best albums from a new band that I only by a few hashed up, boring tracks is possibly the worst on the album sug have heard since The Propellerheads' The band is refreshingly new and I hope gesting that he still needs another musi album Decksanddrumsandrockandroll. they become as big as they deserve. McAlmont. Pictured cian with him for guidance in finding Mellow, invigorating and sometimes Or will you all just go out and buy the here without Butler those better songs. (Although Bernard downright groovy, their music style is next sodding Ibiza collection? A big phat Butler's album would suggest otherwise.) truly confusing. Some tracks, such as four stars, and tin ones at that. CI ince his critically acclaimed col In an attempt to break away from for Wonderful World, verge almost on very Eddie S laboration with Bernard Butler mulaic blues, some of the tracks are mellow drum and bass, fast Machine is some years ago David McAlmont more experimental or minimalist in feel. definitely big beat but the opening track, has been pretty quiet. A Little It's Enough, Love And Madness and AFter / lead, is just plain alternative indie. Not Communication is his debut solo Youth seem to be works in progress very confusing you may be thinking but album. Mostly co-written with pianists rather than finished tracks. Uses of drum what makes them stick out from other Peter Gordeno, Guy Davies and gui machines and samples don't really add bands you hear is the beauty and intri tarist Graham Kearns. If you are familiar anything to the album and could be said cacies of the songs. David Tomlinson's with McAlmont's previous work then to be taking something away. Yet vocals flow somewhat darkly around the you will immediately recognise the despite this McAlmont should gain some room, sounding surprisingly like Bono voice hewn from the halos of angels. credit for attempting to inject life into without the massive singing range, min This refreshing album features a brand what could have been just another Boyz- gling with wonderful electronic sounds of blues soul heavily influenced by 2-Men album. If you really feel in the and Tim Bricheno's sparse guitar. The American artists like Marvin Gaye. mood for blues soul then your best bet effect is not unlike a deeper version of Other influences on this work include would be to search through Marvin Madonna's Ray of Light or perhaps POP Gospel music and Frank Sinatra. Gaye's back catalogue for true classics by U2 without the guitars. The standout Opening with the very soulful and like For You My Dear. CI track on the whole of The Thrill Kisser is really rather good Lose My Faith which Craig Picture of a Girl, which is very trip-hop clocks in at over 7 minutes this is a touch and good to lie back to and be a love long but retains your interest throughout. puppy.

Singles Beastie Boys - BodyMovin' Grandaddy - AM 180 3 Colours Red - Paralyse EP A classic Beastie's track. Full of funky and fun flavas. Mellow little ditty, sounding very much Weezer or Quite an aggressive and dark sounding EP with heavy Definitely one to get you movin'l! PUSA. Typical American College indie sound Pleasant guitars and drums. None of the tracks are outstanding enough. but none are too bad either. Badly Drawn Boy - EP3 The first track, My Friend Cubilas, is a brilliant mellow Garbage - Special The Supernatural - Sheffield Song trip hop tune. Unfortunately the rest of the EP is spoilt A whiney little pop song about love. But it is pretty by Badly Drawn Boy's badly sung voice. catchy and the lyrics are funny. A sure fire chart hit.

Freekspert - Gas Mark 5 THE ESSENTIAL CHOON Thrash metal/rap cross over group. If you like lots of men screaming down a microphone and guitar Jurassic 5 - Concrete Schoolyard screeches this is definitely one to buy. Excellent mellow hip-hop from this San Franciscan group. Concrete Schoolyard is one of the best singles TowaTel- GBI taken from the superb J-5 fP. CI Kylie Minogue features on this bizarre single about print Ramzi ing type-faces. After a great Dee-lite sampled intro the single plummets down hill. Unfortunately the remixers can't do anything with it either.

Cornelius - Star Fruits Surf Rider Japanese electro-indie is a very strange combination. You know who they are, probably know what the song But suitably good for Damon Albarn (Blur) to remix it. sounds like and almost certainly saw Shirley Manson in Worth a listen. a short skirt singing it on Top of the Pops. 18 Music 26 October 1998

Dance Music

Artist Profile - Steve Rachmad

Steve Rachmad may not be a familiar name to many fans O'Neal and of of house and techno, but he Is definitely a force to be reck course Babyface and oned with, and has picked up plaudits from many of the world's guys like The System. best DJs and producers. Those are really my You may have heard his deep melodic techno as Sterac influences." on 100% Pure Records, or perhaps a series of EPs out on Spir As mentioned itual Records called The Rachmad Projects, or his newer ven above, Steve's musi tures Ignaclo on Music Man and A Scorpion's Dream on cal sound has devel Derrick May's Fragile label. oped over time. He If you have heard his musical output, then you will know attributes this to his that Steve Rachmad is one of the most prolific and dynamic roots. "The first musicians that modern electronic music has to offer. If you records i bought haven't heard him before, then you have plenty of ideas of were 80s disco, but I new music to check out from the last paragraph! always listened to a lot of different styles of music in the old I was lucky enough to meet Steve recently ., days. I think the only thing I didn't listen to was the when he paid a visit to London and made a hip-hop thing that was going on. I wasn't really into guest appearance on The Electric Cafe radio A that. I loved a lot of different styles of music, and I show. I knew that as well as being a talented I didn't only want to do one thing." music maker he was an excellent DJ, but I j| I After releasing so much of his own compo- had never had the chance to sample his i F sitions, Steve has decided to put out his own DJ deck skills. I le played a great one hour set mix CD. Called Emerging, you can find it on a label for the show; minimal techno from th il called Emerge. Steve describes it as his "business likes of the Advent and Jeff Mills with A- ard" In other words it is a perfect introduction to his great emphasis on the way the tracks ing style, the types of tracks he plays and how

were mixed. "For me it's based A he puts them together. This is very good min on mixing a lot; to fit tracks imal techno with one or two twists. Check out together because some of the very first section; from the pure classical them are quite empty on strains of Icct I ledral by Philip Glass and the their own. To create layers of Aphex Twin he manages to find a seam tracks." Indeed, the latest i less mix into the techno-dub of Maurlzio. Sterac album (Thera on 100% j Despite the abundance of minimal Pure) incorporates this j techno mixes on the market nowadays, harder sparser sound. this is one I would recommend to any DJ, This is quite a departure I clubber or individual who is interested in from the old Rachmad j the music in general. And do look out for sound of a few years back, j that name; Steve Rachmad. I le's going I lis style then was more | to be big! melodic and delicate, lie ' Alick Sethi incorporated strings a lot more, and the overall sound was fuller and richer. Steve Competition acknowledges this as a natural pro gression. The Electric Cafe has three copies of Starting with the bare minimum of the new Steve Rachmad mix CD Emerg equipment at the age of twelve (a mixer ing on Emerge Records, to give away. All with no cue, one record deck with no pitch you have to do Is answer this simple ques control and a tape recorder!) Steve learnt tion. Name two record labels that Steve through experimentation how music was constucted and how- has released music on. to have fun playing around with it! "After a while I wanted to Answers to the Felix office (located in the Beit Quad) or do more so I did remixes of existing tracks. I played melodies by email to [email protected] by Friday 30/10/98. Good luck! over the track or let a drum machine play alongside the track. After a while you want to do more and more so I started com posing my own music." Future Electric Cafe Dates As a DJ, Steve is finding himself more and more in demand

over Europe. "I played in Cosmos parties in Belgium, in Ghent Thurs5/11 ©Southsidebackroom(7-11pm)1 hill-outl ir. I'm their resident but they do parties every four or five months. Dj Darren Nesbeth Also a few clubs in and around Amsterdam. I've been to Sat 7/11 @ IC Union (8pm- midnight) club night Switzerland, Germany, Sweden, Denmark, Ireland and Scotland. Thurs 19/11 @ Southside backroom (7 - 11pm) chili-out b I still prefer Belgium because people are really into it there!" guest Dl Mark I lorne Steve is very modest about his mixing skills. "For me I taught myself mixing when I was twelve. But I didn't make myself any mix tapes to give to a club because I didn't want to play at a club every week. I would have heard the same Milen and Tha Bomb! will return records week. I was afraid that I would get tired of them so I didn't do that. Then I was doing 80s disco stuff, for example to these pages next week.... Jammin' fewis, Janet Jackson, I luman feague, Alexander ome and meet us at the Barclay: presentation stud en

Monda 6:30p The Va 20 Film 26 October 1998

Reviews A Perfect Murder ** v* Starring : Michael Douglas, Gwyneth Paltrow, Viggo Mortensen Director: Andrew Davis

or no readily discernable reason, credit avoid the seemingly mandatory F remaking old Hitchcock films is car chases and explosions, still have you very much in vogue at present. fearing for Paltrow, even if they do lack Witness Good Will Hunting director Gus the edge-of-the-seat tension of the orig Van Sant's current project - a shot by inal. And at least for those who haven't shot copy of Psycho. Consequently, A seen the original, the plot twists will keep Perfect Murder lands on our screens as you interested - even if much of the a reasonably direct reworking of I litch's action does seem fairly predictable. Dial M For Murder. Sadly, however, when the pace Gwyneth Paltrow eases comfortably slows the movie falls back into a flat, into the footsteps of Grace Kelly, demon translucent, one dimensional story. You strating with ease the same kind of ethe realise that the idiotic affluence of these real grace that made her predecessor people (even Mortensen) is so far famous. Meanwhile, Michael Douglas removed from the everyday world that it revisits his more vilanous days as her pushes the film towards fantasy. More husband (originally played by Ray Mil- over, whilst the psychological games pro land). He happily retreads the roles that vide a break from normal big-bucks made him famous in the late eighties, in thrillers, the denouement is never really films like Wall Street, Fatal Attraction and Gwyneth Paltrow. Married to Michael Douglas? I don't think so. in doubt, and Douglas' hamming con Basic Instinct, utilising his full range of evil stantly eschews reality in favour of enter grimaces, sneers and stares. All of which attractive, Paltrow, whose one failing is aware, his next move is far less orthodox. tainment. probably gives away the fact that Douglas a tendency to become very obviously I le offers her lover - struggling artist Indeed, top class entertainment it is playing the bad guy and Paltrow his put uncomfortable whenever the romance Mortensen - half-a-million dollars to do undoubtedly is, thanks to good lead per upon wife. moves above a PG rating, is heir to a mas his dirty work for him. Odd to say the formances and a treatment which avoids Douglas is a multi-millionaire (owner sive fortune. Consequently, when Dou least. becoming reverential. I litchcock it cer of one of the nicest apartments ever glas fears his business is going down the At this point, director Davis (whose tainly isn't - but so what. Judge it on Its created) who is understandably miffed drain, he decides to bump her off. previous work includes Fhe Fugitive) merits, not on its predecessor, and you'll when he discovers that his wife is having So far, so what. I lowever, as those steps up a gear and does Hitchcock be pleasantly surprised. Q an affair. As well as being stunningly who have seen the original will be well proud. The action scenes, which to Davis' Dave I Want You *

Starring : Rachel Weisz, Alessandro Nivolo, Labina Mitevska, Luka Petrusic Director: Michael Winterbottom

ritty, depressing, obsessive, ment. Consequently, he becomes bleak, tinged with grey....sound G embroiled in Nivolo's obsession with arthouse enough yet? Well, if Weisz, and learns the reason for Martin's arthouse means low budget, British, eight year imprisonment. story driven and very good, then art- If all this sounds very vague, then house it certainly is. Once in a while, that's because giving away any more however, you have to forget such tri would destroy the plot. Suffice to say, fles, and just watch films on merit. So everyone's clearly setting themselves up it's low budget - so what. for a big fall when the finale arrives - and Far more bizare is the fact that / when it arrives, it certainly won't disap Want You counts amongst its stars two point. young former-Yugoslavians, whose pre Obviously, / Want You is not going to vious work has solely concentrated on suit all tastes, and will be either too force the Croatian stage. This may become ful, too depressing or just too weird for slightly more obvious when you realise a vast number of people. I lowever, if that director Winterbottom met them you're prepared to accept a little bit of art- whilst filming his last movie, Welcome to house in your diet then this will prove a Sarajevo. This also explains the decision powerful, thought provoking tale. By to use acclaimed Yugoslav cinematogra- Rachel Welsz.- a bright spark In a gloomy tale. turns dark, seductive, hilariously funny, pher Slawomir Idziak. I le brings with him brutally violent and mind numbingly his trademark strange camera effects (Stealing Beauty, Chain Reaction, Fhe over the course of ninety minutes, they grim, it's brilliantly executed by both the and filtering techniques, in an attempt to Land Girls). She plays I lelen, the centre are slowly and convincingly revealed. well known and obscure faces amongst capture the action through fourteen year of a vicious love triangle that also Petrusic hasn't spoken for years, and the cast. A fine ensemble production, old Petruslc's eyes. includes fourteen year old mute Petrusic Instead spends his time listening in on from both cast and crew, that's well Despite all this, however, the central and old flame Nivolo. Naturally, all have other people's lives, with an impressive worth a look. Q role still belongs to British born Weisz hidden secrets and sad tales to tell, and array of recording and surveillance equip Dave 26 October 1998 Film 21

Reviews it Competition Small Soldiers * * * Starring : Kirsten Dunst, Gregory Smith, Jay Mohr Director: Joe Dante

hanks to the success of Toy Story Tthree years ago, film execs have been falling over themselves to re The Sting create the "Wow" factor that surround ed the adventures of Buzz, Woody, Mr Reuniting the team that made Butch Potato Head et al. Consequently, the Cassidy & Fhe Sundance kid a hit obvi next few months will see the release of ously seemed like a great idea back in Antz, A Bug's Life, Toy Story 2, Prince of the early seventies. Consequently, the Egyptand Iron Giant, all benefiting from on-screen pairing of Redford and New the magic of CGI, with not a hand- man, plus director director George Roy drawn eel in site. Hill were brought together one again in First out of the bag, however, comes 1 973 for The Sting. Small Soldiers, the story of a boy and his What resulted still stands as one of sack of plastic figurines. Following a plot the greatest caper movies of all time. not a million miles away form Toy Story, The twists and turns lead inexorably to ayoung boy (Smith) takes possession of the final climax, which is simply a joy to the latest toy on the market - in this case behold. A classic. the military Commandos and their foe, the peaceful Gorgonites. But everything starts to go wrong when the implanted Grease munitions chips activate, leading to a full scale war between the opposing You've all seen it, I know you have forces. Massive devastation results, with Chlp Hazard .- Voice of Tommy Lee Jones,; BodyofArnle - no matter how much you might deny the eponymous toys turning on Smith it, the simple fact of the matter is that when he rescues the Gorgonite leader. dren alike, whereas Small Soldiers is too man) provide moments of joy. Even so, the whole world's seen Grease - and Whilst on paper it probably seemed scary for small children, yet too idiotic for like so much of modern I lollywood, take 99% of them loved it. So stop living in like a great idea for a film, the reality is adults. That said, the visuals are still spec away the CGI and there's very, very little denial, and instead get some friends far from satisfactoty. Toy Story succeeded tacular, and some of the cameos (form left. Q round in front of the TV and relive the because it appealed to adults and chil- the likes of Dennis Lcary and Phil I lart- Dave experience as God intended - with cheering singing and plenty of drink. Win tickets to Exorcist courtesy of Saturday Night Fever

It's a source of constant surprise to dis cover just how many people there are in the world who haven't seen Saturday night Fever. We all recognise the songs, can flawlessly parody Travolta's danc ing, and have the image of the seven ties that SNF portrays etched on our KENSINGTON minds. Yet far too many of those amongst us haven't seen it. And that's With I lalloween fast approaching, In what year was The Exorcist just not good enough. film studio executives on high have first released? Saturday Night Fever gave the world decided that it might not be a bad idea John Travolta, the Beegees and an to re-release The Exorcist, complete with Email your answer to fllm.fellx® image of the seventies that simply a freshly spruced up stereo soundtrack. ic.ac.uk before 6pm on Tuesday to be in defines a generation. And who's going to argue? with a chance. Winners will be drawn at More importantly, cinema execu random from the virtual hat. tives much closer to home have decided The winners of last week's Hal Nightmare on that giving away tickets to penniless stu loween 1120 competition were: dents would be kinda nice. And I'm def Max Arendt Elm Street initely not going to argue with that. Jeremy Gosteau So, thanks to those ever-so-nice peo Katherlne Ruggerl OK, so Wes Craven is hardly one of the ple at the Odeon Kensington, Felix offers Adam Bettlnson greatest directors of all time, but when you the chance to win a pair of tickets to Beng K. Ool it comes to scarring the shit out of peo what is widely recognised as one of the They correctly identified that 1120 is ple, he could still teach Orson Welles a scariest movies ever made (which is still the seventh Halloween film to be few lessons. Witness Nightmare on Elm banned from video release). released. Please drop into the Felix office Street, and ignore the jaded legacy of For your chance to win, simply (in the Quad archway) to pick up your utterly forgettable sequels, and you'll answer the following question: tickets. realise what horror's all about. 22 Arts 26 October 1998

JOHN SINGER SARGENT Tate Gallery

he career of John Singer Sargent Although sometimes dismissed as a Jaded by the demands of socialite Sargent was accused of "glossing (1856 - 1925) was a blend of tri cosmopolitan social-climber, the intense commissions, Sargent devoted his atten over social realities, sacrificing psycho T umphant success and titillating public attention he received only served tion to landscapes, figure studies and logical depth to superficial brilliance", an scandal. As a student of the Ecole to enhance his appeal amongst clients. mural design projects. Then in 1918, he unfair reproach considering the fact that Nationale des Beaux-Arts In Paris, his Appointed to the Royal Academy in 1897, was officially requested by the British commissioned portraits, by definition, promising debut Sargent soon War Memorials Com- supposedly flatter was marred by the became remarkably mitee to record an the sitter. How indignation sur fashionable, paint image of the Great ever Sargent's pic rounding Madame ing members of War for a proposed tures are not X (pictured left), a the distinguished Hall of Remem simply decorative; daring portrait nobility and inter brance. He travelled he approaches exhibited at the national elite. This to the French front every subject with annual 1884 Salon. collection of 150 and witnessed the subtle percep The public was out paintings forms a horrific casualties of tion, capturing raged at the extent major retrospective, conflict. The result each pose or atti of female flesh later touring the was the impressive tude with delicate revealed by the museums of Wash Gassed, which mea charm, confirm low-cut black ington and Boston sures over six metres ing his unrivalled evening gown (by (Sargent was of wide and usually position as the today's standards, American national hangs in the Imperial ultimate Edwar the neckline is dis ity). War Museum (noth dian portraitist. appointingly con In the context ing to do with IC!). servative). More of contemporary The scene depicts a shocking still, her British art, his work crowd of blindfolded Helena slinky golden dress- was regarded as soldiers, their eye strap, casually slid experimental and sight damaged dur Until 17th January ing down her avant-garde. A ing a mustard gas shoulder, was denounced as sexually friend of Claude Monet, he contributed attack. This tragic painting is an over Nearest tube: Pimlico provocative (heaven forbid!). Under pres to the introduction of Impressionism in whelmingly distressing image of suffer Admission: £6, concessions £4 sure from his critics, Sargent actually England, adopting similar elements of ing, especially powerful when contrasted Opening hours: daily 10am - 5.40pm readjusted the position of the offending style and brushwork technique. Yet Sar with Sargent's typical social portraits fea strap, thus partly appeasing the fragile gent's spirit remains firmly ingrained in turing vivid colours, lavish costumes and sensibilities of a 19th century audience. the traditional and romantic. dazzling interiors.

PICASSO'S LADIES: JEWELLERY BY WENDY RAMSHAW Victoria and Albert Museum

for the women in his life. The exhibition project, but included only hard materials although in some cases I found myself features 66 sets of jewellery, each one as a reflection on the profundity of admiring these more than the actual inspired by a particular painting, which is Picasso's feeling. exhibits! Yet this meticulous attention to displayed alongside her work as a print. Some of her pieces seem a little detail characterises Ramshaw's wish to Picasso's style of combining abstrac over-elaborate and I had to fight against do Picasso justice. For one of the final tion with pattern has been a useful tool my aversion to the Jewellery to appreci pieces of the collection, Ramshaw has in the design of dynamic and detailed fin ate the meaning behind it. However, chosen Women Ironing. Picasso's sym ery. In some of her pieces, Ramshaw has other sets were very beautiful and could pathy for the subject is shown In the neu imitated the colour and form of the orig be highly valued outside the boundaries tral tones and the weary female face, inal paintings. The neckpiece associated set by the exhibition. Ramshaw often revealing the tedium of her labour. In a with The RockinQ Chair resembles a uses the materials to add expression to similarly generous gesture, Ramshaw rocker with the outline of a seated Picasso's two dimensions. Sadness, for offers her a string of glittering jewels in woman's body. A set of large, clear beads instance, is visualised as a cascade of gold. The question is, if Picasso were mimics the translucence of Standing tear-shaped jewels and the two rings, alive today, would he present these gifts Woman with thin red and yellow lines describing The Kiss, were cut to form lips to his treasured ladies? that define the painting. Other pieces of with a smouldering stone set in each. Ramshaw's work simply develop One of the most striking pieces of Demelza . ablo Picasso had an eye for the Picasso's theme, such as the accompa the exhibition was a set of two virtually nying jewellery for a scene portraying a ladies. Wives, mistresses and identical rings, one set with moonstones Until 15th February woman at the beach drying her feet, P friends have been depicted in and the other left as empty gold sur Admission: £5, FREE for students which is a necklace of polished pebbles. his paintings. The identity of his subjects rounds. This was associated with the Por Opening hours: daily 10am - 5.30pm may seem inconsequential to us, but for Ramshaw is an established artist trait ofOlga, whose head and shoulders (Mondays from!2pm) Picasso, each woman had an allure, whose early work had an aboriginal influ were painted in soft pastel shades which led to the intense emotion ence, and this is still apparent in this col whereas her crossed arms were left as a expressed in his work. It was this senti lection from the shapes and designs pencil sketch. ment which drove Wendy Ramshaw to which she regularly employs. She chose tven the stands for the rings and create a collection of jewellery designed to work with a range of media for Ihe combs are carefully handcrafted, 26 October 1998 Arts 23

CHRIS OFILI Serpentine Gallery, Hyde Park

s a scientist, the idea of talking to piece entitled Shithead '93. this little decided not to do this, but I will tell you closer inspection than they did at first other scientists about art scared gem of a sculpture was composed of a that anyone who brings tons of dung glance. My favourite piece was, rather Ame... It scared me a lot! To help lump of elephant dung mixed with resin heaps back from a painting scholarship boringly perhaps, a pencil drawing of overcome my initial lack of confidence, and decorated with Chris Ofili's own hair. in Zimbabwe and then endeavours to hundreds of little faces arranges in circles, I phoned and enlisted the help of my Picture it yourself, ? display them entitled Untitled '96. I think the main rea best friend who rather conveniently hap a lovely image on a market son for this was because of its intricacy pens to be a student at the London Insti I'm sure you'll stall has to be... and the fact that it was a welcome break tute (Art College to you and II). She kindly agree! Despite Well, you judge from resin, acrylic, oil, paper and dung offered to come with me, boyfriend in making me laugh for yourself. collages. Ofili's use of tiny dots was effec tow, to investigate Chris Ofill's solo exhi a lot, this made Chris Ofili's tive in providing dense colour and shape bition. me realise that other influ to his subjects. His inspiration for this It's easy to hate art simply because Ofili, like Damien ences include came from the Matapos cave paintings you don't want to try to understand it. It's Hirst, enjoys to prostitutes, in Zimbabwe. even easier to hate modern art because shock people pimps, drug Chris Ofili displayed work at the con it looks so ridiculously basic. But when with the strange dealers, hip- troversial Sensations exhibition at the and obscure. you actually stop and try to analyse the hop and blax- Royal Academy last year. Born in Man idea behind a piece of work, you'll soon The elephant ploitation films chester, he studied at the Chelsea School see it's not as simple as it at first dung was a fea from the 70s. of Art and the Royal College of Art. He appeared. As a rather cynical biologist, I ture found ir He seems very has now been shortlisted for the 1998 always cringe when I hear that modern nearly all of the keen to appeal Turner Prize. In conclusion, I'd recom art doesn't need any one particular pieces in the to the young mend seeing the exhibition; It's free for meaning or that it can be interpreted as exhibition. and "trendy" a start, and it only takes five minutes to the individual sees fit. This to me, in Indeed, most of with his use of walk up Exhibition Road to reach the most cases, is a cop-out and allows artists the large collages 70s and porno gallery. You probably won't like it at first to escape from trying to convey a per were propped up imagery. Virtu but you'll end up talking about it to your or opinion in pictorial or sonal thought on two large ally every piece friends for ages afterwards - if only sculptural form. Art should have some mounds of the The Adoration of Captain Shithead and the has someone because of those stupid elephant dung thing to say, and if it doesn't, then there's stuff! This, accord Legend of the Black Stars, 1998 with a massive mounds. no point to it. ing to the insane Afro hidden in Now, if I were an honest person, I art critic who conducted a tour of the it somewhere and you find yourself con Ingrid would say that I went along to the exhi gallery, was done so that the "3-D qual stantly looking for the bad, naughty or bition with an open mind. However, a tad ity of the work could be fully appreci disgusting ideas and images - at least, I Until 1st November more realistically, I'd say that I was ated". Hmmnn... Nearly all the reviews on did! expecting It to be rubbish. Well, "was it?" Chris Ofili have concentrated solely on One of the aspects of Ofili's work Nearest tube: you've got to be joking! I hear you cry: the answer is I'm not the elephant dung (which is probably, in lhal did appeal to me was the fact that Admission: FREE sure. The first thing that greeted me on my opinion, why he used it in the first his work was very detailed. Many of his Opening hours: daily 10am - 6pm walking into a large white room was a place). Not wishing to follow suit, I have psychedelic collages revealed more on

PHOTOGRAPHY: AN INDEPENDENT ART Victoria and Albert Museum

his exhibition is an introductory coloured Photography's Dead Long Live (perhaps a hint of product placement This exhibition is well worth a visit if overview of the Victoria and Albert Painting, is well thought out and skillfully and subtle advertising there, since the you are interested either in the history of T Museum's asss executed. The lay company Canon photography or collection ol pho out of the exhibi- sponsors the just in seeing pow tographs, which .:.-Q3&§§§. lion has been recently launched erful pictures overall assembles ft- ^WEiSM carefully designed, gallery!). On Ihe thoughtfully cho some iOO.OOO f>/'* yfo, \vith the pho walls surrounding sen and well dis works. In the cur- | lographs grouped the spheres and played. Entrance is rent display (part of | in sections accord oval photocopied free to Imperial a national celebra- ;;i ing to the tech 'pool' are weird, College students tory programme), | nique and the age weeping photos of (just show your there are examples | the artist. The of the print allow swipe card) and of photographic art | artist's creations ing easy navigation the exhibition ranging from the | were referred to as for the inexpert. shouldn't takelong 1850's all the way j a 'post-lapsarian The center to view properly. through to the pre- | piece of this exhi Paradise where sent day. As would § woman is visible bition is Helen Tom be expected from | ( hadwick's I hi alone among an exhibition in the humankind'. This 'X Oval Court (1986), observation is almost as strange as the V&A, the quality of the pictures is excel which earned her a nomination for the Until 8th November lent. Everything, from the simple, pow Turner prize. This installation consists of piece itself, but the overall effect of this piece is very strange and yet somehow erful black and white images like Bayer's five gold leaf spheres placed upon blue Admission: £5, FREE to students moving. Drop in and see if you can Metamorphosis, where the whole image tinted photocopies, depicting almost Opening hours: daily 10am - 5.30pm describe it! is in stark focus, to Hockney's boldly abstract images of animals and people (Mondays from 12pm) 24 Arts 26 October 1998

FILUMENA Piccadilly Theatre THE FATHERING Courtyard Theatre

and for Filumena, her "dame de com- he Finnish playwright Jussi play explores the motivations behind pagnie" Rosalia. Domenico has been TWahlgren apparently started the characters, revealing Incidents in the having an affair with the nurse, half his directing plays at the tender age mother's past and aspects of her life age, who took care of his wife. The of five. Perhaps, you can't help but won that lead her to use her son as an expres whole play has a very vaudeville feel to der, if there is a hint of autobiography in sion of her own feelings of resentment it and Is full of hilarious moments. The sit his play The Fathering, which tells the tale towards his dead father. We see the uation only grows more complicated of how a boy "prodigy" is forced by his son, supposedly aged twenty, acting as when Filumena tells Domenico that she ambitious mother down a path he a spoilt, bratty child, trying to break free has three sons, which brings absolute wouldn't necessarily have chosen for from his mother, yet still craving her chaos to the household. himself. Of course, to a certain extent we security. The acting is very good - the timing are ali moulded by what our parents There are also several novel twists In ou may have never heard of this is always perfect and one can't help want for us. However, most of us are the story, all unforeseen and perfectly play before. Neither had I, laughing all the way through. Judi Dench, lucky enough to have a say in our future, paced. These plots and subplots come Y although Judi Dench was acting as always, is a dream to watch. She flips but the fate of Thomas, the lead of this together very well, culminating in an the title role. That's about as much as I from one personality to another so nat play, was decided for him before he engrossing final scene that leaves you knew before entering the theatre. Well, urally. Michael Pennington is a fantastic was even conceived. thinking. The Fathering highlights well it was a very pleasant surprise. It's origi Domenico and gives poor filumena a Now, considering himself an adult, the fine line between trying to help your nally an Italian play by Eduardo de Filippo, very hard time too. But behind a light he is torn between wanting a normal life children fulfil their dreams and trying to translated here by Timberlake Werten- and funny exterior, the play does raise and still wanting to be the virtuoso make them fulfil your own, stressing the baker, about a middle-aged woman, Filu- some very interesting issues: the conflict pianist that he was always told he would importance of keeping things in per mena, who fakes an illness to marry the between rich and poor, friendships, per become. It is clear that the mother has spective. A thought-provoking play man that she loves. He finally accepts, sonal dignity and, most important of all, had a greater influence on his life than brought to life by the endearing piano thinking she is about to die In her bed. the way people relate and manage to perhaps she had intended, seeing tuner Max (Peter Hamilton) - and the She then bounces out of bed claiming survive together despite all the difficul friends as a distraction, denying him girl ridiculous hand puppets. that it was all just put on. At this point, ties they encounter. A lovely night out friends and even orchestrating his first the play actually starts. Domenico, Fllu- full of laughs and a little reflection, amaz lay. Yet he is not strong enough to Judith and Christian mena's husband, simply cannot believe ing actors and great directing. What else branch out. Her unrelenting pushiness his eyes and is also immensely cross could one ask for? backfires, eventually leading him to mis- Until 8th November with himself for having been fooled in D. guidedly pursue a talent he doesn't have. such a way. The first scene between the Until the end of December It may sound like a well worn topic, and Nearest tube: King's Cross newly-weds is a jewel of humour and at the outset the play does indeed Tickets: concessions £5.50 (Sundays, pay lightness. Nearest tube: Piccadilly Circus appear stereotyped and uninventive, but what you can) They each have an ally in their fight: Tickets: standby places available for con as the story unfolds it becomes clear Performance times: daily 8pm (except for Domenico, his old time friend Alfredo cessions (check beforehand) that there is much more depth to it. The Mondays)

CRAVE Royal Court Theatre MERCE CUNNINGHAM Barbican

None of the characters have names, most out of his dancers and they per only a letter. There are no amazing set form perfectly. The first piece, with decor design or direction tricks and the play byjohn Cage, was extremely minimalist; takes place in an unnamed city; every the musical accompaniment was a suc thing is kept bare, giving the words and cession of electronic noises stretched action a much stronger presence than in out to their maximum. Of course, this a usual play. was also reflected in the dancing, invok The author still remains faithful to ing an atmosphere of deep thought. her themes: the search for love in a his year, the Barbican has put on The second piece was the creation for world that seems so disintegrated, where one of the most exciting festivals the Barbican, more an "experience of T dance" than dance itself. It was thrilling, human beings seem to have forgotten In London: the international the how to communicate and interact. They atre event (BITE), which has brought us with yet again very bare music, empha appear to be making an enormous effort plays from all over the world, most of sising the dancers' movements. The few months ago, I talked in these to get to know one another: "M" is try them experimental or cutting-edge. The evening came to a close with some pages about a play called ing to have a baby with "B", although it Barbican also decided to incorporate thing a little lighter: Scenario, a piece with the added feature of costumes designed ACleansed, which I found such a is not obvious whether they have actu some dance events into the programme, revelation. The author, Sarah Kane, has ally met before. "A" is a middle-aged one of them by Merce Cunningham's by Rei Kawakubo, the woman behind just presented her latest piece. She takes man who has had a lot of experience in American company. Cunningham is part "Comme des Garcons". a new direction in her career by cutting life and still hasn't quite found what he of that older generation of choreogra The decor was completely white with down on the extremely outrageous and needs. "C", on the other hand, is a young phers like Maurice Bejart or Pina Bausch, very strong lighting: the whole set was sometimes very repulsive style of her woman learning life the hard way. Abuse who have been creating the most compelling. The costumes restricted the previous work. In Crave, she settles for in Sarah Kane's work is always a very astounding and daring work for over 50 dancers' possibilities of expression. something much more accessible to an strong point; it often makes for very dif years. He brought two programmes over Cunningham's work is In a league of its average theatre-goer. The four actors ficult scenes and situations. Sarah Kane and I am very sorry to have only been own. When watching his creations, one walk onto the stage and sit next to one is definitely enforcing her position as able to see one. The performance was enters a very special world where things another, facing the audience. After a one of the most exciting writers around. made up of three distinct pieces, two arc not as they seem. But one can very few seconds they start talking furiously If you still haven't seen any of her pieces, recent creations and a special composi easily relate to them. This is dance and and with no particular structure. They run for it on the next occasion. tion for the festival. more generally art at its best: daring, repeat words endlessly, as one of them Mercc Cunningham's choreography innovative and provocative. Don't miss starts a sentence and the others finish it. D. has always been fascinating; all of his out when he next comes back to Europe. The whole process is fascinating and movements arc quite simple and repet very well performed. itive. But what an impact! He gets the D. 26 October 1998 Games 25 WILD 9 (Playstation) Lemmings (Playstation) Shiny Entertainment Psygnosis

Wild 9 is the new game from Shiny Enter your enemies. You can trap these stupid following on from the release of the will be supported in the full version (it tainment. It is a single player platform creatures and blow them up, burn them, old arcade classics on the Playstation it should make it much more like a game game and has many similarities to Shiny's decapitate them, drown them, slice appears that the release and less like an instrument of torture). most well known game - Earthworm Jim. them, electrocute them, impale them of PC classics on the PS You have your usual limited motley crew The gameplay is basically the same as or puree them. This is fun. You can also is in full flow. Psygnosis of special lemmings. Digging, mining, any other platform game, with the req use them as bridges to get over pools of has decided to release floating, climbing, bashing, bridge build uisite sub-games and puzzles. I he plol acid. This is also fun. The only problem Lemmings and the ing and best of all the bomb lemmings is the usual kind thing you get - you play is that creatures look too ridiculous to be sequel 'oh no not more Lemmings' on (turn your lemmings into small bundles as Wex Major ("Earth teenager and reluc realistic and the pleasure from sadistic the Playstation masses. Since 1991 Lem of semtex and blow your tant hero"), leading torture is diminished. mings have plagued over 3 million peo way through the wall). The the Wild 9 (a group It would be much ple with their appalling stupidity and graphics are nice but noth of 9 wild "misfits") more fun if your ene their ability to step into furnaces, off ing special and as puzzle against the villain mies were 'cute' high platforms and generally lo endan games go it is a good and KarnC'a gargantuan fluffy animals or peo ger their lives in entertaining ways. Only worthy classic game but when compared villain with a taste ple, except that of determined and frantic activity meant against newer puzzle games like kula for inter-planetary course the Daily Mail the difference between a load of live world it does reek of a early 1990's game. redecorating"). would start a hate lemmings and a horrible pile of mush on A game worthy of game of the year, it's Although this does campaign and the the ground. a shame that the year happens to be n't sound particu game would be So basically it's a 1991 game being 1992. larly interesting so banned. I'm not just released in 1998. The game is still as GS far there are a number of reasons for it detailing all these torture methods good as it always was, even if the PS con being one of the better games of its because I'm a sadist. It is essential to troller is a pain - hopefully the PS mouse genre. learn the right way to kill a certain crea Number 1: the game is a very pol ture before you can proceed. ished and impressive production. The Overall then - if you like platform graphics, sound effects and soundtrack games I would definitely recommend it. are high class. Especially for platform It is well designed and the 13 different Red Alert - Retaliation game, the 3D graphics are superb. Num worlds makes for an extensive game ber 2 is your weapon, the Rig - "the area. The puzzles and general game (Playstation) galaxy's most powerful weapon". Well, play is good. Otherwise, although it is a that's quite a big exaggeration, but it is fun game it gets a bit repetitive after a Virgin Interactive interesting playing with it for a while. The while, and generally is not very original. game still wouldn't be very good without It is a platform game after all. the main reasons. Which are number 3: You've done the world domination bit in tle. There are also new cut and intro its sense of humour, which is seen quite Chiron Mukherjee Red Alert, taken the Soviets to London or sequences - yes eye candy perhaps but vividly in number 4: your ability to torture the Allies to Moscow and generally spent anything for a bit of atmosphere. several sleepless nights going through Also with a nearby friend with a your mind whether you should have spare Playstation and TV, the PlayStations built another ore refinery rather than can be linked up and old scores can be News that spanking new tank. settled using the blood of What has Retaliation got WKf your troops rather than using to tempt you to go on ~" a broken newcastle brown another mass killing bottle, (frankly grinding their the Al being tweaked allowing Lara to spree? noses into the floor in this Tomb Raider III hide from the baddies, and guns smok Well there are new game can be very satisfying ing after being fired. The London scenes and powerful weapons, §| and less likely to have you at looked very impressive with rain in the which go towards balanc one of Her Majesty's Hotels.) Lara is back. With the latest dose of Run outdoor parts and nice church stained ing the power of the two sides on land The game is not perfect though. ning, jumping and provocative bum wig glass effects in the indoor parts. Ihe and sea. The Soviets get missile launch Without a mouse it is a pain to move gling being promised for November 15th Playstation version is also tweaked and ing subs to match the allied cruisers, across the map quickly enough and dur the hype machine is into gear with 5 now runs in high-res mode (it makes her and tcsla tanks and infantry to provide a ing the link up game it occasionally minute cinema adverts and press launch breasts slightly less pointy). The trophy bit of punch to the soviet attack. The decides to slow down to a complete parties at the Natural of the night were 30 allies seem to get the raw end of the crawl. Also comparing it against the PC History Museum win cm high golden stat deal with the only new important version it does come second with lower ning over the press in uettes of Lara herself. weapon being the ehronotank which resolution on the screen and an inabil- one evening. Journalism being a has the habit of being H ity to play it across a link more than a few metres and Once again tomb honourable profes able to pop up behind more than two people. But if Raider will make the sion they ail dissa- the lines of battle chew you have not got a PC and number one chart by peared before the ing enemy base for have missed out on the orig Christmas with the end of the night. lunch. inal Red Alert go and buy it. new lighting effects We will be With this new Though don't blame me if and the emphasis on reviewing this as armoury there arc 32 new your skin starts to pale and eyes become more puzzle ele soon as we get a missions (16 for each side) to tackle sunken because of lack of sleep. ments. This should make the game a mix copy and we fight it out on who gets the which go from the fairly straightforward GS of the pure action Tomb Raider II game, copy to review. Now where is my to the incredibly annoying and difficult. and the very puzzle orientated Tomb favourite broken newcastle brown bottle. This is compounded with the problem Raider, from what I managed to see GS that games can only saved after com there are some very nice touches with pleting a battle and not during the bat 26 Diversions 26 October 1998 Your Guide to What's On in the Next 7 Days

Around IC

Mon 26 Tues 27 Wed 28 Thurs 29 Fri 30 Sat 31 Sun 1

CAG meeting - base Wine Tasting - dB's6pm XS - free before 11pm, Kyra Vayne (illustrated Bust-a-gut Comedy Erasmus around Lon Annual veteran car Lon ment of Beit Quad6pm 50p after 9pm-1am talk) - Read Theatre, dB's £2.50 8pm don quiz - Beit Quad don to Brighton run - Tzigane Piano Trio - Sherficld 1pm 11am see the mascots in Standing Room Only - Read Theatre, Sherfield Shaft - £1 9pm - 2am action! DaVinci's Bar 5pm 6.15pm Cocktails - DaVinci's Bar Contact 5 pm [email protected] STA Bar Trivia - Davinci's for Bo Bar 8pm CAG soup run - base [email protected] ment, Weeks Hall 8pm for Clem CAG soup run - base [email protected] for Jez ment, Weeks I tall 8pm Erasmus meeting - Union Bar 8pm Caving Club meeting - Southside 9pm

CLAYPONDS MOVIb VISIT AT PARK ROYAL

We would love to tell you all what great clubs are on this week, but we've lost our Club Guide (aka Time Out)

Instead, Felix would like to wish all its readers a very Happy Halloween FITNESS & AEROBICS SCHEDULE

Day Time Level Description Everyone Welcome! Monday 12:30 Advanced Circuit Training 5:30 Beg/Int Body Sculpt Class Prices 6:30 Intermediate Aerobics £, 1.25 Members Tuesday 5:30 Advanced Aerobics £, 2.00 Nonmembers

Wednesday 1:00 Beg/Int Body Sculpt 5:30 Intermediate STEP Membership (Valid for 1 year) Thursday 5:30 Intermediate Aerobics 18 IC Students

Friday 5:30 Int/Adv Aerobics I 12 IC Staff/Other Students

Sunday 2:00 Intermediate STEP

Kensington Gardens ; Hyde Park Kensington Gore Professional Instructors All Classes are held ^-Albert Hall m f at SOUTHSIDE GYM ZT at Student Prices!! I 2"! Prince's imperial Coiieqe o" To join in. just turn up 3 Gardens u T o For more information email 1 °T° 1 Watts

to spend five hours to take away the D'Oh! Big Titties provided the opening excite Badminton seats and prepare the floor. As this costs ment by denying an old ally, 2.4 inches, £200 a go there is still debate as to who a goal. He then proceeded to venture Delusions of Grandeur pays, the Conference Office or the No women's into the opposition s half as much as Union. This also has wider ramifications possible. Annoyed at being denied This summer has seen much change in for other Union activities represented at one goal, he had another poached by the college buildings as part of the con the great hall such as the "East meets X-Country team Noddy. Not bad for a fat, lazy left back. tinual renaissance of the campus, none West" show for one prominent example. A spawny goal by spag.bol meant that more so than the refurbished Great Hall. ICU president, Dave Hcllard con Even by Imperal's standards the turnout it was 2-0 at half time. After half time it Unfortunately it was discovered that the ceded that this oversight "was nothing for the women's team at the ULU X- was a joke, IC's sweeper almost scoring. contractors had laid the wrong kind of malicious" but declared that because country meet at Parliament Hill was, to QMW were poor, IC ruled. An excellent surface for badminton. This means a the Union was not culpable for this error say the least, abysmal. Bethan battled start to a promising season. special carpet/synthetic surface has to be it should not have to be burdened with bravely for 2nd place but refused to run laid each time it is required for play and the associated costs. However, some of 3 more laps to make up a team. Unknown IC 3rds 7-0 ICSM even this has not proved satisfactory to the more cynical old hacks would say The men faired slightly better with the purists of the game. All this despite that a change of guard at the Union 3 full teams demonstrating strength and ICSM were crap and we whipped them the fact that the Union had been estab helm had given the Estates Office the depth, if not speed. Brunei used their 7-0. Before the game we were unsure lished as one of the key members of the ideal opportunity to take advantage and usual dirty tactics to break up the field, of the apptitutde but after 10 minutes User Group in meetings prior to the possibly expunge Union interest from leaving Benny-boy to finish gallantly in and 3 goals, we realised we were onto building work approaching the end of the Sherfield building. 8th position. a winner. Casanova led from the front last term. (OK...so this coulmn should be headed There were excellent performances with a hat-trick from Casnanova. In the The other more contentious issue Badminton Surface, but no-onc both from Mike Baicher and Gavin Daisley, 2nd half he only scored once - I arising from the redevelopment is the ered to give mc any other sports stories who qualified for the first team on their thought he scored "all the time". accessibility the Union now has to the - Gus) debuts. Nick "Kinky" Bowmen decided (Some of you (me, for example) may be Great Hall. Owing to the work done on to run anyway, dispite astmha and 'flu. wondering about what sport this team it, the Great Hall now boasts retractable The rest of the boys did well, especially actually plays. Scrawling a mostly ilegi- seats. This is not the instantaneous high the first timers on the X-country scene. blei'unprintable match report and end technology as suggested by its descrip Thanks to everyone who ran and PLEASE ing it with the words "helix is shit" is NOI tion. For instance, if the badminton club could we have some more female run the best way to get your team's efforts wanted to use the hall, a "specially ners! into these pages. But I've got space to trained" crew of four staff would need Contact [email protected] fill - Gus)