You Inc: the Art of Selling Yourself
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You, Inc. The Art of Selling Yourself HARRY BECKWITH CHRISTINE CLIFFORD BECKWITH Copyright © 2007 ISBN-13: 978-0-446-57821-9 To Adrian Stump Acknowledgments Done at last, done at last, thank God Almighty, we are done at last! We are thankful to so many for the chance to do this, and their help: Our children—speaking of inspiration—Tim, Harry, Will, Brooks, Cole, and Cooper. You bless us beyond words. We hope this book helps you. To our extended family, including sister Pam Haros and brother-in-law Nick Haros, brothers Greg and James Meyer, Neda Weldele, stepmother Stephanie Meyer, John, Bette, and Bill Clifford, Alice Beckwith, Jim and Becky Powell, and David and Cindy Beckwith for surrounding us with love and support. To Cliff Greene and Sue Crolick, who started this train in motion; David Potter, Ron Rebholz, William Clebsch, Clifford Rowe, David Kennedy, and Paul Robinson, Harry's great professors; Stephanie Prem and Cathy and Jim Phillips; and John McPhee, E. B. White, Kurt Vonnegut Jr., and Theodor Geisel. To Pat Miles, Pat and Kathy Lewis, Margie Sborov, Dr. Buck Brown, Larry Gatlin, Ruth Ann Marshall, Bill Coore, Arnold Palmer, Bob Brown and Bill Bartels, Dr. Burton Schwartz, Dr. Tae Kim, Dr. Margit L. Bretzke, Gerald McCullagh, and Jack Lindstrom. Thanks Ty Votaw and Bill Passolt. This book is inconceivable without the continued talent and patience of the people of Warner Books, who continue to prove that parts of New York are as warm as any town in the South: Rick Wolff, of course, Sharon Krassney for what seems like forever, the splendid duo of Giorgetta Bell McRee and Bernadette Evangeliste, and Jason Pinter and Dan Ambrosio. Harry is particularly indebted to the woman who demonstrated so vividly the wisdom of doing what makes you uncomfortable. He did not want to go to Portland, Oregon, that day to speak, particularly given the compensation package, which was zero. He went anyway, and the compensation turned out to be enormous. He found what he had been missing all his life: Christine. The rest is personal, and too much to explain here, especially in words that many others would understand. "Beyond fabulous," as Christine would say, to which he replies, "Beyond thanks." This book is dedicated to our nephew Adrian, with our deepest sorrow and hope that our world will be better because of his sacrifice. If so, our world awaits a treat. Contents Introduction xix Sixteen Candles and Shrewd Waitresses: What People Buy 1 Living Is Selling 3 The Heart of Every Transaction 4 What You Really Sell 5 What People Value 8 Nothing More Than Feelings 9 From Kissing in China to Graceland. Planning and Preparing 11 "Keeping the End in Mind" 13 The Real Role of Goal-Setting 15 So Who Are You? 16 What Do You Do? 17 Jack of a Dozen Trades 18 What Difference Do You Make? 20 Your Third Question 21 Question Four, and the Power of Stereotypes 21 What to Look For 25 Work the Weakness 26 Jumping to Conclusions 28 Mentor—Or Mentors? 30 The Key to Success 31 Seek Tough Love 33 Cultivating an Image 35 People Decide, Then Think 37 People Buy You with Their Eyes 38 Your Package 39 Visuals and Stereotyping 41 Packaging Against Your Stereotype 44 Investing in You 46 Tricks 49 Thinking Outside Your Box 49 Education's Overlooked Rewards 52 Taking This Book to Santiago 54 Hogs, Apples, and Writer's Underwear: Communicating 57 How to Play the Shift 59 Selling to the Overwhelmed 61 The Real First Rule of Communicating 62 Simplify 63 What Wal-Mart Tells You 65 The Writer's Underwear 67 The Brand Called You 69 Inspirations for Your Brand 71 Apple's Wisdom: Look for Metaphors 74 Inspirations for Metaphors 76 Don't Make Me Laugh 78 Touting Your Credentials 79 Don't Pitch; Weave 80 What's "A Good Story"? 83 The First Trick in Storytelling 85 The Second Trick in Storytelling 87 Work the Message 90 The Talent of the Clarifiers 91 Making Yourself Clear 92 Your Last Step 93 Two Key Skills: Listening and Speaking 95 How to Be Fascinating 97 The Ears Have It 98 The Easiest Way to Lose Someone 100 Our Misunderstanding About Listening 102 One More Step 104 Listen to What Isn't Said 105 Proof That Listening Works 106 The Heart of Every Presentation 107 The Role of Eloquence 110 How to Keep Advancing 112 Reaching an Audience 113 In Your Eyes 114 How to Give an Excellent Ten-Minute Speech 115 How to Give an Excellent Thirty-Minute Speech 116 Why Speeches Must Be Short 116 Bringing in the Back of the Room 117 Jokes 119 The One Joke That Works 121 The Perils of PowerPoint 123 Aids to Understanding? 124 Visual Aids, Yes. Memory Aids, No 126 Where Slides Fail Most Vividly 128 How to Know You Gave a Terrific Presentation 131 From Robin Williams to Dr. Jekyll: Relating 133 The Lesson in the Democrats' Folly 135 Every Sale Is Emotional 137 What People Crave Most from You 138 The Key Moment in Every Relationship 140 All We Need Is Love 141 The Importance of Importance 144 What Do People Want? 146 The Race Goes to the Fast 149 Everything You Need to Know About Integrity 152 The Other Knowledge That Matters Most 152 How to Lay an Egg 154 Common Ground 156 Adapting and Adopting 159 Relating's Magic Words 161 What P&G Knows: Five Minutes Early 161 The Extraordinary Power of the Ordinary 164 The Ordinary in Action 166 Jekyll, Not Hyde: Being Predictable 167 Look Out for the Bulldozer Drivers 170 The Power of Sacrifice 172 Flying Wigs, Snakes, and Demons: Attitude and Beliefs 175 Beliefs Work 177 Do What You Love 178 But I've Heard This Before 180 Three Steps Forward 181 Our Misunderstanding 182 Life Is What You Make It? 184 Make Yourself Uncomfortable 185 But I Am Uncomfortable 186 Isn't Easy the Whole Idea? 187 Once More 188 Choose the Dots, Not the Lines 189 The Problem with Money (Other than Not Having Enough) 191 Firing, Being Fired, and Other Joyous Events 193 A Business Classic 195 The King of Confidence 197 The Power of Peter 198 Confidence and Greatness 201 Go Inside 202 Those Who Laugh 203 Comparing Yourself to Others 206 Be Yourself (There's No Alternative!) 207 Sex (Finally), and Other Important Stuff: Tactics and Habits 209 The Power of the Tiny 211 Your Greatest Debt 214 Thank People Unforgettably 215 Thanks 218 The Selfish Value of "Thank You" 219 How to Write an Effective Thank-You 220 What Your Cell Phone Says 221 Do as the Chinese Do 221 Talking on a Phone 222 You Never Make Cold Calls 224 Comfort and Clothing 225 The Rule of OMT (One Memorable Thing) 226 A Very Good, Very Dark Suit 228 Expensive Black Lace-Up Shoes 229 Why Impressive Briefcases Work 230 The Principle of Fail-Safing 231 Cleverness 233 A Must to Avoid 235 And Another 235 Don't Say This Either 236 Sex (Finally!) 237 More Sex 238 How to Be Believed 239 Secrets 240 Mistakes 241 Do unto Others, if Only for Selfish Reasons 242 How to Make a Great First Impression 245 About Criticizing 245 Flattery Will Get You Nowhere 247 No More Mister Tough Guy 248 Beware the Bargain Shopper 250 The Power of Your Price 251 The Power of Your Price, Part Two 252 Time 253 How to Remember Names 254 There's Hope 256 Your Business Card 257 Holiday Cards 260 How to Write an Impressive Memo 261 Following Up 262 Snatching Victory from Defeat's Jaws 264 Seek Change 266 The Message in Moneyball 268 The $18 Million Sandwich and the Dinosaur: Successes and Delightful Failures 273 Searching for Larry Gatlin 275 Every Day with Morrie 280 Arnie 289 Barney 291 The $18 Million Sandwich' 294 A Day with the World's Greatest Salesperson 298 Giovanni and the Extraordinary Force of Passion 304 Three Thoughts, One Wish 307 About the Authors 313 Introduction This book actually began as three books. The first, How to Make $1 Million in Sales ($3 Million Before Taxes), was to have been Christine's first book on sales. Harry, meanwhile, was hatching two books. The first, Seat Belts and Twin Airbags, was intended for our sons and others just entering the Real World, a book that Harry hoped would brace them for the collision. His second book, code-named Who Moved My Salad Fork?, covered manners. He also thought of our sons as he conceived this book, hoping that their manners and thoughtfulness would make lives—theirs and others'—better. Now those three books have become this one. This book reflects a lesson from a shared experience. We both speak. After just a few presentations, you realize that although your host has asked you to talk about business, your audience wants more. They want inspiration and more fulfilling lives. Some worry if they can find either, much less both, in the world of Work. Our experience assures us that they can, and should. Life flies by; we want the trip to feel wonderful. In search of answers, we examined many sources. We studied thriving people in many of the businesses we worked with. We came across a special few—those whom psychologist and author (Passages) Gail Sheehy once dubbed "people of high well-being"—and sat down and talked with them, to see what we might learn and pass along. We also examined our own experiences, emphasizing mistakes.