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The Shapes and Sizes of Boundaries: Part 1 Grooming

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The Shapes and Sizes of Boundaries: Part 1 Grooming The Shapes and Sizes of Boundaries: Part 1 Grooming MICHELLE YEP MARTIN, PSY.D., M.S., M.A., L.P.C.-S. objectives Definition of child sexual abuse Definition of grooming Clarify and know your boundaries Definition of Sex abuse includes both touching and non-touching child sexual behaviors. abuse Sexual abuse does not have to involve penetration, force, pain, or even touching. Non-touching sexual abuse is an adult engaging in any sexual behavior with a child to meet the adult’s interest or sexual needs. This includes the manufacturing, distribution and viewing of child sexual abuse material. Definition of grooming Grooming is a process by which the perpetrator gains the trust of a child for purposes of molesting them. This can include grooming the family. Grooming is typically a non-violent process. The intention of grooming is to make a child progressively more comfortable with an abuser. Examples of grooming Paying more attention to Complimenting the student Becoming a confidante students who don’t appear to appeal to their lack of for a student. to have enough support. self-esteem. Giving extra time to a student, making them feel If necessary, grooming the Introducing special, i.e., giving extra time parents to avoid suspicion of non-threatening for homework, small gifts you the relationship with the touch. know the student will student becoming appreciate, finding time to inappropriate. spend with the student. Appropriate boundaries u No unclear situations u Respecting a child’s ownership of their body u Respecting your role and responsibility as a leader/mentor/authority figure u Respecting the student’s personal space and personal belongings u Pay attention to your “gut instinct” u If in doubt, have another professional in the room with you and the other student Is grooming always a bad thing? u Cultural considerations much be taken into account. u Have a safe space to consult other teachers regarding boundaries with challenging students. u Sometimes it is difficult to determine if there is grooming, or if an authority figure is truly concerned. This is why seeking out other professionals’ opinions is imperative. Eliminating appropriate boundaries Because of Encouraging As you growing trust, Increasing relationship continue to victim amount and outside of eliminate rationalizes types of touch school, to boundaries, touches and to include include potential for physical kissing, increased sexual encroachment embraces presence of touching to justify their social media increases own reactions and responses Harm Occurs When Boundaries Are Crossed Desensitizes child to Child becomes Embarrassment and inappropriate more dependent confusion about behaviors becomes on the attention their own sexual less certain of and approval of identity his/her autonomy the offender Child’s fear of Self-blame “this is Damaged self getting in trouble my fault” esteem for reporting Damage to future Student becomes Self-harm, suicide, and current less certain of depression, anxiety relationships his/her autonomy How do we have these Sexual offending is much more conversations pervasive than usually believed with our colleagues? Sexual offending has a significant and lifelong impact on victims and the community People react to myths about sex offenders and forget the facts Common myths about offenders u They have problems related to their age or developmental period u They have severe mental illness u They are intellectually impaired and don’t know any better u They have no other sexual outlets and are frustrated u They are socially inadequate or shy and can not find appropriate partners u They are an impulsive person u They are victims of others past and present u They abuse substances Model for understanding sex offenders Peggy Heil, 2007 Avoidance of Try to seek activities Inability to establish a Have an inability to internal thoughts where they can relationship could be empathize with of fear and establish a sense of fueled by biological others, results in self- inadequacy by adequacy and issues, such as centeredness and seeking activity or sense of control. depression, anxiety, feeling like a victim, excitement to shut Best worker, high obsessive leading to anger, them out, such as status, control of a compulsive disorder, alienation, loneliness, rape fantasies relationship such as or can be a result of and a sense of rape or child sexual a personality entitlement abuse. disorder such as narcissistic, antisocial personality disorder, or a skills deficit Model for understanding sex offenders VICTIM THINKING SEXUAL SEXUAL MANY SEX OFFENDERS ALLOWS THE INTEREST/DRIVE OFFENDING IS A HAVE ENGAGED IN OFFENDER TO OR VIEWS ABOUT COMPLEX, MULTI- DEVIANT SEXUAL JUSTIFY SEX CONTRIBUTE DETERMINED BEHAVIOR MULTIPLE VICTIMIZING TO WHY THEY BEHAVIOR TIMES OVER THE OTHERS PICK SEXUAL COURSE OF MANY MEANS VERSUS YEARS, PRIOR TO BURGLARY, ETC. COMING TO THE ATTENTION OF AUTHORITIES AND TREATMENT PROVIDERS typologies RAPISTS CHILD CHILD NON- CURRENT SEXUAL SEXUAL CONTACT RESEARCH ABUSE OF ABUSE OF OFFENDERS SHOWS THE CHILDREN IN CHILDREN (VOYEURS, SEXUAL THEIR OWN NOT IN THEIR EXHIBITIONIST OFFENDERS MAY FAMILIES OWN S, CHILD HAVE A FAMILIES PORNOGRA “PREFERRED” PHY) TYPOLOGY, BUT WILL “CROSSOVER” INTO OTHER TYPOLOGIES READILY Crossover behavior Sex offenders Crossover are have sexual offenses multiple victims are those in and cross Rapists also Bestiality is also which victims between molest and considered are from female, male, molesters also crossover multiple age, adult, child, rape behavior gender and stranger, family, relationship and victims in a categories position of trust Signs of burn-out; When should I check in with my colleague if I have concerns? Unsympathetic, Increase in mistakes self-centered, Unable or unwilling due to lack of preoccupied to the to work communication or detriment of inability to react responsibilities Negative response to caring for others Symptoms of fatigue that can alert you it may be time to have a discussion with your colleague HEADACHES HYPERTENSION FATIGUE NOT SLEEPING WEIGHT GAIN GI CONDITIONS WELL Ideas to support staff when you notice potential burn out or poor choices being made Practice self care Set your emotional boundaries, not just physical boundaries Hobbies Prioritizing Meeting your physical and mental health needs Healthy friendships Use positive coping strategies Identify workplace strategies Personal therapy Getting your own therapy can be useful Keep your boundaries! Educators are also mentors One aspect of mentoring is helping the mentee master the necessities of the position Other aspects should include: Helping people Capacity for shape their Values Self-awareness Empathy respect character Summary Child grooming is establishing an inappropriate emotional connection with a child, and sometimes the family, to lower the child’s reticence with the objective of sexual abuse. Child grooming is used to lure minors into various illicit activities including child trafficking, child prostitution, cybersex trafficking, and the production of child sexual exploitation imagery. Michelle J. Yep Martin, Psy.D., M.S., M.A., L.P.C.-S. [email protected] www.michelleyepmartin.com 907.677.7089.
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