Finding Voice

Finding Voice by Bonnie Nish B.A., University of Toronto, 1985 Thesis Submitted in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree of Master of Arts in the Arts Education Program Faculty of Education © Bonnie Nish 2012 SIMON FRASER UNIVERSITY Fall 2012 All rights reserved. However, in accordance with the Copyright Act of Canada, this work may be reproduced, without authorization, under the conditions for “Fair Dealing.” Therefore, limited reproduction of this work for the purposes of private study, research, criticism, review and news reporting is likely to be in accordance with the law, particularly if cited appropriately. Approval Name: Bonnie Nish Degree: Master of Arts Education Title of Thesis: Finding Voice Examining Committee: Chair: Allan McKinnon, Associate Professor Carolyn Mamchur Senior Supervisor Professor Celeste Snowber Supervisor Professor David Paterson External Examiner Associate Dean, Undergraduate, Education Simon Fraser University Date Defended/Approved: November 15, 2012 ii Partial Copyright Licence iii Abstract Individuation, as defined by Jung, is a process that we go through which allows us to examine who we are as we delve into our shadows. These shadows both shape and constrain us as teachers, as partners, as parents and as human beings. As we seek to uncover all the hidden meanings, we throw off the constraints imposed upon us by the world. We are then able to mine our inner depths in order that we may discover our authentic selves. Having gone through this process, we as educators and artists, have some profound messages to bring to our students, and the world around us. Through the use of both poetic inquiry and autobiographical inquiry I illustrate how Jung’s theory of the process of individuation works. I examine my own process of individuation as I delve into my own shadows and examine my turbulent relationship with my mother, before and after her death. Keywords: Individuation; poetic inquiry; autobiographical inquiry; authentic self; emotional abuse; youth at-risk iv Dedication For my Father, Abraham Nish, who gave me my words. For my children, Sebastian, Rebecca and Alexandra who are my words. For my family and friends who sustain and help me in the moments of silence to find where my words hide. I love you all. v Acknowledgements Thank you to Professor Carolyn Mamchur for waiting with patience and caring for me to complete my journey. Carolyn’s class was the beginning. With Carolyn’s belief, guidance and patience I was able to embark on what was to be one of the most painful and rewarding excursions of my life. Thank you to Professor Celeste Snowber for adding her voice to the mix and pushing me to continue to explore. Thank you for giving me the gift to play and the power of expressing my own voice. To my children, Sebastian, Rebecca and Alexandra. You are my inspiration always and what keeps me searching for truth. To my father, Abraham Nish, who believed I could do this from the start. I miss you every day. To my brother, Jeff Nish for his continual support and love. To Phyllis Bassett, my dear friend and colleague, who lent her hand, her heart and her keen eye to help edit whenever she could. To Lorraine White-Wilkinson for giving her movement so graciously to the process. To Tara Flynn for completing the circle of creation. To my cohort, Amanda Wardrop, Maria Dimas and Lorraine White-Wilkinson. Your love and support gave me the knowledge that I could push through the doubts to succeed. To all those dear, dear hearts, who have continued to believe and listen all of these years. You are my pillars. vi Table of Contents Approval ............................................................................................................................. ii Partial Copyright Licence .................................................................................................. iii Abstract ............................................................................................................................. iv Dedication .......................................................................................................................... v Acknowledgements ........................................................................................................... vi Table of Contents ............................................................................................................. vii List of Poetry ................................................................................................................... viii List of Images ..................................................................................................................... x 1. The Roots of Distancing ............................................................................................ 1 2. Saying Goodbye ....................................................................................................... 19 3. Of Love and Bones ................................................................................................... 48 Introduction ..................................................................................................................... 48 Poem Series ................................................................................................................... 50 Prelude ................................................................................................................... 50 4. Creating Space ......................................................................................................... 67 5. Coming Home ........................................................................................................... 94 References ................................................................................................................... 114 Appendix A. DVD: Of Love and Bones ................................................................. 119 vii List of Poetry Poem 1.1. Ghost ............................................................................................................ 1 Poem 1.2. Bones ........................................................................................................... 2 Poem 1.3. Untitled 1 ...................................................................................................... 4 Poem 1.4. Crying Out Loud in Jerusalem ...................................................................... 8 Poem 1.5. The Big City .................................................................................................. 9 Poem 1.6. A River Flows Through Me ......................................................................... 11 Poem 1.7. Bloodlines ................................................................................................... 13 Poem 1.8. Beauty ........................................................................................................ 18 Poem 2.1. Shedding .................................................................................................... 19 Poem 2.2. 3 a.m. Rain ................................................................................................. 21 Poem 2.3. Between the Notes ..................................................................................... 23 Poem 2.4. From a Distance ......................................................................................... 24 Poem 2.5. Tears .......................................................................................................... 27 Poem 2.6. And in the end… ......................................................................................... 28 Poem 2.7. When Someone Forgets to Say Goodbye .................................................. 30 Poem 2.8. Lingering ..................................................................................................... 33 Poem 2.9. On Being Ashley Judd ................................................................................ 35 Poem 2.10. In the Grass Number On ............................................................................ 36 Poem 2.11. Untitled 2 .................................................................................................... 39 Poem 2.12. Untitled Number 3 ...................................................................................... 45 Poem 2.13. In the Grass Number Two .......................................................................... 46 Poem 3.1. Heartache ................................................................................................... 48 Poem 3.2. Devotion ..................................................................................................... 51 viii Poem 3.3. Kaddish ....................................................................................................... 52 Poem 3.4. Of Love and Bones ..................................................................................... 54 Poem 3.5. Forgiven ...................................................................................................... 59 Poem 3.6. Metamorphosis ........................................................................................... 61 Poem 3.7. In Memory ................................................................................................... 65 Poem 4.1. Transformation ........................................................................................... 67 Poem 4.2. Morning ....................................................................................................... 71 Poem

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