Read Ebook {PDF EPUB} Goodbye I Love You by Carol Lynn Pearson The Overeducated Housewife. Just another boring blog about a boring housewife… Repost: my review of Carol Lynn Pearson’s Goodbye, I Love You… Here’s another reposted Epinions review from May 2008 that I’m trying to save from obscurity. I’m posting it as/is. You never know what will happen in a relationship, even when it seems to be made in heaven… In her 1986 book Goodbye, I Love You , Carol Lynn Pearson explains what it was like for her to be Mormon and married to a gay man. When she met her husband, Gerald Pearson, for the first time, Carol Lynn Pearson thought he “shone”. In warm, glowing terms, Pearson describes the man whose charisma had captivated her at a party she attended back in the spring of 1965. Gerald had been telling a funny story about his days as an Army private, posted at Fort Ord. Carol Lynn Pearson enjoyed the story, and yet she was horrified that the Army had deigned to turn this gentle soul into a killer. Later, Carol Lynn had a conversation with Gerald and discovered that he’d just returned from a two year LDS church mission in Australia and was preparing to finish his college education at Brigham Young University (BYU) in Provo, Utah. Pearson had already earned two degrees at BYU, both in drama. The two had a lot in common besides theatre and religion. As good Mormons, they also felt the pressure to be married, especially since neither of them was getting any younger. They became friends and started dating. Gerald continued to impress Carol Lynn with his sense of fun, creativity, and sensitivity. She fell in love with him. He seemed to return her affections. One night, they went on a date to the movies and Gerald’s roommate, Paul, drove. Carol Lynn thought they were going to double date, but Paul never did pick up a female companion. Gerald sat between Paul and Carol Lynn and seemed to enjoy the film. Paul pouted. Gerald told Carol Lynn that he wished they would fall in love and have many children. Not long after that, Gerald proposed marriage. A couple of months after Carol Lynn accepted Gerald’s marriage proposal, he revealed that he’d had relationships with other men. In fact, his roommate Paul was actually his lover. But Gerald promised that he wasn’t gay and he swore that he would never have relations with a man again. He told Carol Lynn that he wanted to have a marriage and a family with a woman. His homosexuality “problem” was over and in the past. Though Carol Lynn was troubled about Gerald’s revelation, she trusted him and she trusted herself. She also trusted her church, which took the position that everyone was created heterosexual. Though people sometimes got “off track”, homosexuality was a problem that could be solved with enough faith and repentance. Carol Lynn, who by that time had been affectionately nicknamed Blossom by the glowing man in her life, decided to get married. Carol Lynn and Gerald got married in 1966 and, for awhile, they were very happy. They had four children together and appeared to be devout Mormons who did everything right. Carol Lynn became a successful writer who published books of poetry and plays. Gerald was a good husband and a fine father. He had a talent for the culinary arts and music. But as the years went on, Gerald became restless. He started talking more about his homosexuality, reading the works of Walt Whitman and attending plays about homosexuals. The couple began to have arguments about how people should love each other and found that they could not come to a consensus. Not long after that, Carol Lynn found out from third party that Gerald was unfaithful to her, having relationships with men. Neither Gerald nor Carol Lynn wanted to split up, so they tried to stay married. But the couple soon found that their differences eventually and inevitably pushed them apart. Twelve years after their temple marriage and the births of their four children, Carol Lynn and Gerald decided to get a divorce. Even after the divorce, Carol Lynn and Gerald remained great friends. Carol Lynn met Gerald’s boyfriends. Gerald stayed in contact with his children. And when he eventually contracted AIDS in the early 1980s, Gerald came home to die with his friend and ex wife and their children by his side. My thoughts… I’m a sucker for a good memoir and Carol Lynn Pearson has written an eloquent one in Goodbye, I Love You (originally published in 1986). As I read this book, I was amazed by how graceful, understanding, and kind she was to her former husband. They truly did love each other. Unfortunately, they could not be married to each other. Carol Lynn Pearson was monogamous and could not share her husband’s love with anyone. And Gerald Pearson loved his ex wife, but he could not share the bond with her that he could have with a man. Naturally, because they were Mormons, their church would not approve of the lifestyle Gerald led. With heartbreaking honesty, Carol Lynn Pearson describes what it was like to be in her situation. Gerald had contracted AIDS when it was still a very new disease. Carol Lynn explains what it was like to have to prepare their children for their father’s inevitable death. They had figured out that he was gay and accepted it. It hadn’t occurred to them not to love their father, despite his desire for men. I will warn readers that there are a couple of passages in this book that may be shocking. For instance, Carol Lynn writes about meeting one of Gerald’s friends who had tried to get treated for his homosexuality at a clinic run by BYU. According to Pearson, in the early days of the clinic, homosexual men were literally given shock treatment to try to cure them of their sexual feelings toward other men. Although I had heard about this program before I read the book, I was still somewhat horrified as I read about it. This same friend related a story to Carol Lynn about a young man who had also gone through the shock therapy and ended up killing himself because the treatments did not work. Gerald agreed that he had known many men who had committed suicide because they couldn’t stop being gay. The men had been led to believe by church authorities that they were better off dead than homosexual. While I can understand on some level that perhaps the church authorities meant well when they advised their homosexual members to repent and “get therapy”, I am also disgusted by it. It makes me sad to think about how many promising lives were snuffed out by suicide because these men had been expected to change their feelings and they found they could not change, no matter how much they prayed, fasted, and repented. Aside from that horrifying aspect of the book, I found Goodbye, I Love You to be very educational. I also felt a lot of empathy toward Gerald, Carol Lynn, and their children. Because of their belief system, Carol Lynn and Gerald felt they had to get married. I’m sure Gerald really did think he could overcome his desire to be with men. I’m sure he wanted to. When one of the children dramatically declared that she was through with boys and wanted to be a lesbian nun, Gerald told her that if she could be straight, she should. He told her that being gay was difficult and that no one would ever choose it. Likewise, I’m sure Carol Lynn felt cheated and betrayed. She believed Gerald when he told her he could change. They were sealed in the temple for time and all eternity. When it all fell apart, she was left with their four children and no marriage. As a true believing Mormon, this was not a small issue for Carol Lynn Pearson. Fortunately, people in the church were understanding about the divorce and no one seemed to judge her for it. But she had feared they would. In any case, Goodbye, I Love You is not a happy tale, but it is one of great beauty, honesty, and tragedy. I admire the way Carol Lynn and Gerald were able to be friends after their divorce. I especially admire Carol Lynn’s ability to come to terms with Gerald’s homosexuality and present their story with such love and sensitivity. I’m pleased to recommend Goodbye, I Love You and give it five stars. As an Amazon Associate, I get a small commission from Amazon on items sold through my site. Work for LGBTQ Issues. I received a splendid honor —the “Impact Award” from Equality Utah for my pioneering work for our LGBTQ sisters and brothers. 2,000 people at the Gala in Salt Lake City. Watch this four-minute video below, a tribute to my life and work. Books. Available for order from Amazon here. Published by Random House in 1986, this is the story of my life with my husband Gerald, a homosexual man, our twelve-year Mormon temple marriage, our four children, our divorce, our ongoing friendship, and my caring for him in my home as he died of AIDS. This book took me on a national tour with appearances on Oprah, Good Morning America, and many other major talk shows, as well as a feature in People Magazine. For numerous people, this book opened up the conversation on homosexuality. Order on Amazon here. Published 20 years after Goodbye, I Love You, this book is a powerful look at LGBT issues in the Mormon community in the first years of the twenty-first century. Tragic goodbyes are still being said: to suicide, ill-fated marriages and family alienation. But it also has an abundance of positive stories, families letting nothing come between them and their gay loved ones. This book has saved lives and changed the hearts of family members and church leaders. A stage play that tells the story of a Mormon couple dealing with the suicide of their gay son. The scene is the cemetery directly after the funeral, with Alex and Ruth trying to understand. Suddenly someone arrives whom they have never met, Marcus, their son’s deeply-loved partner. Tension turns into listening, and understanding begins. “Best Play” award by the Deseret News, followed by a limited Off-Broadway run. Facing East is now available on Kindle: Hard copies of this play are no longer available at this site. For performance rights or to get a perusal copy go to: What if, after all, being gay is not a defect, not a lesser life, but a different calling?-- an invitation to travel the road of heroes mapped out by mythologist Joseph Campbell and find the life-giving substance that cures all ills. The Hero’s Journey of the Gay and Lesbian Mormon is offered to LGBT people of all religions, and their families and friends, as a traveling companion that will ease the path and celebrate the various destinations. Work in the Oakland Stake. I have been deeply involved in the good work the Oakland Stake of the LDS Church has done for gay and lesbian members and their families. To read a report of that work, including a front-page article that appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune, click here . "Thank you, Carol Lynn Pearson, for reminding us that the task of any religion is to teach us whom were required to love, not whom we're entitled to hate." Goodbye, I Love You (Order on Amazon) Published by Random House in 1986, this is the story of my life with my husband Gerald, a homosexual man, our twelve-year Mormon temple marriage, our four children, our divorce, our ongoing friendship, and my caring for him in my home as he died of AIDS. This book took me on a national tour with appearances on Oprah, Good Morning America, and many other major talk shows, as well as a feature in People Magazine. For numerous people, this book opened up the conversation on homosexuality. Carol Lynn Pearson. Two ladies in a rest home are arguing. Florence, who has never had a real family Christmas, fantasizes that a family would come along and take her in for the holiday, but of course no family would put themselves out that way. Yes, they would, says her roommate Myrna who has had years of storybook Christmases with her five children. To prove their differing viewpoints, they invent the fictitious Genevieve, a little old lady in a rest home near Myrna's children in Idaho. If one of them will agree to take “her” in, Florence will really believe in Christmas. Dram. The Apple Kingdom. Fantasy by Carol Lynn Pearson C. Michael Perry. 4 m, 4 w, 1 boy, 1 girl + villagers 1 exterior. The people in the Apple Kingdom live on apples: apple soup, apple salad and, of course, apple pies. Jonathan and Blossom are two fun-loving but not so innocent twins and on their birthday they play a trick on the townspeople that backfires. They say that an "Applephoon" is coming that will destroy all of the apples in the kingdom's orchards. The villagers, all being selfish, immediately run to the orchards and begin picking all the apples and carrying them home by the buckets full. After all the apples are picked, the villagers find that they are stricken wit. Mormon author Carol Lynn Pearson tries to separate church and hate. 1 of 3 MORMON_007_MBK.JPG Author and playwright Carol Lynn Pearson sits onstage before the start of her play "Facing East" at Theatre Rhinoceros in San Francisco, CA, on Saturday, August, 11, 2007. photo taken: 8/11/07 Mike Kane / The Chronicle **Carol Lynn Pearson Ran on: 08-18-2007 Author and playwright Carol Lynn Pearson says she has &quo;a unique opportunity to build bridges&quo; between the gay community and the Mormon population. MIKE KANE Show More Show Less. 2 of 3 Charles Lynn Frost plays Alex, Jayne Luke plays Ruth and Jay Perry plays Marcus (foreground) "Facing East,'' a play that touches deep social and familial issues. Ran on: 08-18-2007 Author and playwright Carol Lynn Pearson says she has &quo;a unique opportunity to build bridges&quo; between the gay community and the Mormon population. Jennifer Zornow Show More Show Less. It's the question Carol Lynn Pearson hears just about every time she appears in public. She heard it again last weekend, during an audience discussion that followed a packed-house performance of her play "Facing East" at Theatre Rhinoceros. How, one woman asked, could Pearson justify her own membership and involvement in the Mormon church? The question was prompted by several things. One was the action of "Facing East," which takes place at the funeral of a young gay Mormon man who committed suicide under the shadow of church and family stigma. The other was the story of Pearson's own life, detailed in her 1986 book, "Goodbye, I Love You," and retold in brief, as it was to the Theatre Rhinoceros crowd, many times since. The mother of four young children at the time, Pearson divorced her gay Mormon husband in 1978. He died of AIDS in 1984. Pearson, a slim, forthright woman of 67 who wears her silvery white hair jauntily short, nodded along as the question was posed. "I love the Mormon community," she responded, "and I have a unique opportunity to build bridges." A number of her church ward leaders, Pearson noted, had attended the opening of "Facing East" the night before. "They've been nothing but supportive," she said. "I believe the Mormon heart is a good heart. I feel comfortable with my role in the Mormon church." Whether the church and wider Mormon population feel entirely comfortable with her, as an advocate for gay rights and recognition, is another matter. Doctrinally opposed to a "homosexual lifestyle" that is "not normal," as the high-ranking Mormon elder Dallin H. Oaks has put it, the church addresses a reality it would probably just as soon avoid altogether in a carefully constructed way. A new Mormon church pamphlet on the subject that was issued last month puts the official Mormon position on homosexuality like this: "If you avoid immoral thoughts and actions, you have not transgressed even if you feel such an attraction." The document goes on to advise, "The desire for physical gratification does not authorize immorality for anyone." True happiness, according to the pamphlet, "depends on more than physical urges. These urges diminish as more fundamental emotional needs are met - such as the need to interact with and serve others." Pearson, as the Theatre Rhinoceros audience affirmed in a post-play session that soon became more like a tear-filled, pan-denominational testimony meeting, has undeniably served others. One man, a fundamentalist preacher who left his wife and three children 15 years ago when he embraced his own homosexuality, told Pearson she had spoken to him on the phone for an hour at the time and dissuaded him from suicide. "You saved my life," he said. Pearson stepped offstage to hug him. A gay Mormon whose parents refuse to speak his partner's name said "Facing East," which focuses on the grief-torn mother and father, had helped him see his own parents' perspective. "I've been semi-selfish in my own journey," he said. A woman in the second row stood up to express, between heavy sobs, her gratitude for the play and its author. Pearson took it all in graciously, with neither self-importance nor false modesty. As a prominent Mormon author of some 40 books and plays, she's been in plenty of crowds like this one over the years. Her sense of purpose is apparent when she ticks off facts about suicide rates in Mormon-dominated Utah - the highest in the country for males ages 15-24. She assesses her own work with straightforward clarity. "I'm not an artist's artist," she says. "Issues are more important to me than art itself." Pearson's equipoise didn't come easily. In a recent conversation at her ranch house on a sunny cul-de-sac in Walnut Creek, the Utah native and longtime California transplant spun out the improbable narrative of her own life. Born a fourth-generation Mormon in Salt Lake City in 1939, Pearson was a happy and optimistic child, she began. Her family spent some time on a Ute Indian reservation, without electricity or running water, before moving to Provo. By the time she graduated from Brigham Young High School and went on to Brigham Young University, she was immersed in theater and writing. She met Gerald, her husband to be, when they were both cast in a BYU production of Thornton Wilder's "The Skin of Our Teeth." It was during their engagement that Gerald first told her of his attraction to men. "This was 1966," Pearson said with a measured sigh. "We were so naive and so Utah. We accepted the promise that you just repent when you get off track and everything will work out." After an engagement that was broken and resumed, the couple married in Salt Lake's Mormon Temple on Sept. 9, 1966. Their first child was born two years later. By then, Pearson was something of a local celebrity. Her first book of inspirational poems, self-published with Gerald's prodding and a $2,000 loan, sold an impressive 25,000 copies. "Nobody but some outrageously gay man would decide to publish his wife's poems," Pearson said with a laugh. She has supported herself and for many years her entire family as a writer ever since. Pearson recalled her marriage as one of mutual devotion and fun - "in many ways a cut above the marriages of my friends." But, she added, "what Gerald had hoped would happen didn't." He still wanted to have sex with men. Apprehensive about her marriage ending at the heart of the Mormon world, Pearson proposed that the couple relocate from Utah to California. After they did, Gerald moved to San Francisco while Carol Lynn and the children remained in Walnut Creek. Pearson maintains a complicated double-view about this fissure in her life. "It was hell," she said, "the resentment, the anger, the confusion, the divorce. But we also remained close. He was a wonderful father." A small smile came and went, ghost-like, across Pearson's face. " 'If I could just find a man like you,' " he often said, " 'I'd be in seventh heaven.' With my interest in women's issues and Gerald's being gay," she said, "it's occurred to me that gender is what brought us together in the first place - possibly, maybe." After Gerald's AIDS diagnosis, and just a month before his death, Carol Lynn was facing a house payment she couldn't make. An 11th-hour sale of a Christmas story to a Mormon publisher saved the day and proved to be a major financial gusher in the years to come. Here’s how California’s new digital vaccine ‘verification system’ works Updates: Willow Fire in Big Sur grows to 750 acres, emits massive 'fire cloud' Alice Waters to open first restaurant in nearly 40 years Witness this San Francisco studio apartment rental with a shower in the bedroom TNT announcer Kevin Harlan is 1 of 2 who put Warriors' Steph Curry on All-NBA second team SFO is home to California's largest population of one endangered species Mountain lion with fresh kill closes popular SF Bay Area trail. Her ex-husband came back to Walnut Creek to die, Pearson said. It happened in the very room where she and her visitor were sitting. Composed in her recounting until this point, Pearson teared up as she began to describe how the members of her Mormon community rose to the occasion. Every night one of her church "visiting teachers" told her to make a list of what she needed the next day. "It was always done, whatever it was - food, transportation, yard work," said Pearson. "There was no shunning of me or Gerald, not ever, not once. Mormonism can not be easily dismissed in any direction." In Pearson's own cosmology, "we're all in the correct classroom, working out the story problems that we should be doing. And the answer to all of them is: 'How much do you love?' " With the publication of her marriage memoir, "Goodbye, I Love You," Pearson became a spokeswoman and inspirational leader on homosexuality in the Mormon world. A subsequent book, "No More Goodbyes," tells a range of stories about gay Mormondom. One deals with Bruce Bastian, a married gay Mormon who was also the wealthy co-founder of WordPerfect. Bastian became a confidant and close friend and later a financial angel for "Facing East." The show opened at Salt Lake City's Plan-B Theatre before traveling to New York and San Francisco. Singapore in the next scheduled port of call. Pearson has never remarried. "That has been a disappointment in my life," she said. There's also been grief along with joy, bafflement and a strange sense of wonder in the lives of her children. One son is an unmarried animator; the other is a rock musician and the divorced father of two. Her youngest child, Katy, died of a brain tumor seven years ago. As for her oldest, Pearson drew a deep breath before relating this chapter. Like her mother, Emily married a gay man and subsequently divorced him. That man is Steven Fales, creator of the widely traveled solo show "Confessions of a Mormon Boy." Fales performed it locally, at the New Conservatory Theatre Center, in 2002. Emily, hewing to her mother's past, is now writing a book about her life with a gay Mormon husband. Pearson offered a wry half-smile. "There are days," she said, "when I think that either everything is a very bad joke or everything has a hidden sense to it. I do melt down and rail at the heavens. But I don't stay there long. I always have to come into a place where there is sunlight."