The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition
Juvenile Detention Center 18th Judicial Circuit Court DuPage County, IL
1 . WHAT IS RESTORATIVE JUSTICE?
In the dictionary, restore means to bring back to a former or original condition or to give back: return. This is different from retribution, which means a suitable return, esp. punishment, for what one has done. Our current criminal justice system is based on a retribution system. Restorative Justice seeks to identify crime as a break in relationships: to self, to family, to neighborhood, to community, and to the nation and society in general. Instead of retribution, Restorative Justice seeks to restore those relationships which have been broken due to crime or other inappropriate behaviors.
There is a lot of restoration going on in our society and community. For example, certain old buildings, which have been determined to have historical or artistic value, are protected. The owners may not tear them down. Instead they are encouraged to fix them up and bring them back to their original condition. While some have said that we live in a throw away society (What does that mean to you?), some things are too valuable to just throw away. A very valuable American Girl doll or 1956 T-bird certainly are worth making new again!
Even if you just casually channel surf on TV, you will find shows that focus on restoring things, or bringing them back to their original condition. HGTV, TLC, The Discovery Channel and PBS have shows like “This Old House”, “While You Were Out,” “Trading Spaces,” and “Pimp My Ride” which focus on fixing rooms, furniture, buildings, and cars. There are even shows that make over people, by improving their choice in hair style, clothing, etc.
Have you ever restored something? Fixed it up, brought it back to where it was? Please describe below.
Restorative Justice (RJ) ideas and practices have come from different places, societies, and movements. When did RJ begin? Actually, the roots of RJ go back about 25 years. RJ started when communities began to take an interest in involving victims, offenders and communities in responding to crime. A big push for RJ came from the Civil Rights Movement, and focus on injustices in the justice system based on race. Others looked at practices done by native peoples in Australia, Canada, New Zealand and South Africa. In these societies, people are much more involved in the justice system, rather than relying on a few persons in a distant courtroom. The Women’s movement, which began in the 1970’s, contributed also to the development of RJ. Concern for violence against women, and mistreatment of victims in the justice process flowed from this movement. Certain movements in other countries to abolish prisons, and religious denominations focusing on peace, such as the Quakers and Mennonites have also moved to create awareness of Restorative Justice.
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 3 One basic way that RJ and western-retributive justice differ is in how they see crime. A noted expert in RJ, Howard Zehr, notes that crime seen in the light of retributive justice “is a violation of the state, defined by lawbreaking and guilt. Justice determines blame and administers consequences in a contest between the offender and the state directed by systematic rules.”
RJ, however, holds that “Crime is a violation of people and relationships. It creates obligations to make things right. Justice involves the victim, the offender, and the community in a search for solutions which promote repair, reconciliation [sort of like making up], and reassurance.” Our system of justice, which focuses on retribution or punishment, especially through prison time, is fairly recent in history. It assumes that consequences by themselves will make things right.
In contrast, RJ seeks to repair the harm done, build skills for the offender (competency development) so that the offender stops harming others, and to hold the offender accountable (more on accountability later). Restorative justice does not focus on punishment and sees imprisonment or incarceration as a last resort.
Usually competency means being qualified or able to perform something. It usually involves knowing some things (knowledge) and being able to do some things (skills).
Since RJ seeks to build “competency” in offenders, what do you think offenders need to know and do (knowledge and skills) to stop committing crimes and hurting themselves and others?
What do you need to know and to do so that you won’t make bad decisions which end up hurting yourself and others?
“Incarceration by itself may be considered a relatively easy sentence compared to the restorative justice approach that holds offenders directly accountable to victims, confronts them with the personal harm they have caused, and requires that they make real amends to the victim and community.” (Minnesota . Department of Corrections website)
What do you think is better: Just getting locked up for a time or learning some skills and making things right so that you can lead a more successful life?
Restorative Justice focuses not only on the offender, which is what the current system tends to do, but also on the victim.
Have you ever been a victim?
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 4 What did it feel like for you to be a “victim?”
What would you have liked to happen to you when you were the victim? That is, what would have helped? How should people in the system (police, state’s attorney, judge, etc.) have responded to you?
The current retributive system of justice tends to focus on individual crimes. The focus is whether you are guilty or innocent regarding the specific crime for which you are charged. RJ system looks at the harmful behavior with a holistic (“see the big picture” ) view. RJ looks at “all the pieces.” RJ also tries to look at preventing crime in the future (remember that competency stuff?), not only by the current offender but by providing community resources so that one can learn how to live with others without hurting them, stealing from them, etc. Lastly, RJ also seeks to heal the broken relationships that have occurred.
According to another restorative justice writer, Daniel Van Ness, there are five main goals of restorative justice.
Restorative justice… 1. invites full participation agreement. 2. seeks to heal what is broken. 3. seeks full and direct accountability. 4. seeks to reunite what has been divide. 5. seeks to strengthen the community in order to prevent further harms.
In the next section, the questions focus on helping you understand these five main goals.
What do you think full participation and agreement means in terms of criminal justice? How does that differ from what happens now? (Think of judge, jury, attorneys vs. looking at harm to the community)
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 5 Is this involvement of the community a “good thing?” Why or why not?
What does “heal what is broken” mean? What has been broken when people commit crimes?
Full accountability means owning up to what has been done, apologizing and fixing the relationships. Why is this difficult in the current system? How does it affect your rights against self-incrimination? THINK CAREFULLY ABOUT THIS ONE.
What has been divided that needs to be reunited?
How can the community prevent harmful and hurtful behavior? What do you think is meant by community?
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2. RESTORATIVE JUSTICE PRACTICES
Restorative justice is practiced in various ways. Let’s look at some of them.
2a. Victim-Offender Mediation
Also known VOM, this practice arose from Mennonite (A Christian religious denomination) principles of dialogue and verbal exchange. After sentencing for a crime, the Mennonites would bring the offender and the victim(s) together, along with a professional facilitator, to negotiate restitution for the harm done.
Both parties must be willing to participate for a VOM to occur. Those that have participated in this process have a significantly higher satisfaction rate than those who participated in the regular court process. A study also found that offenders who participated in this process were less likely to re-offend.
Why do you think that those who participated in a VOM felt better than just going to court?
Would you like to participate in a VOM? As offender? As victim?
Do you think that attending a VOM will be helpful to you in the long run?
What might be some fears you would have in attending a VOM?
What might be some fears the victim might have?
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 7 Why do you think offenders who participated in a VOM were less likely to commit crime again?
2b. Family Group Counseling
This practice is based on the practices of the native people of New Zealand, called the Maori. In Family Group Conferencing, or FGC for short, when an offense is committed, the offending youth, the offender’s family and whomever the family invites, the victim(s) or their chosen representative, people supporting the victim(s), a police representative, and a mediator get together and meet.
The goal is to reach an agreeable plan about how to resolve the situation and deal with the offending youth. Of course, if the offender does not agree that the offense was committed, then the case goes to court.
All parties meet in a circle and the following matters are discussed: 1. how the crime affected the victim(s), 2. the offense and the circumstances, 3. what needs to be done to repair the harm.
Sometimes an apology is made. A proposal is made by the offender’s family as to how to repair the harm. If there is unanimous agreement (everyone agrees), then the matter is settled as agreed upon. If not, the case goes to court.
Would you rather participate in an FGC than going to court? Why or why not?
2c. Peacemaking Circles These are also known as Sentencing Circles, or as Healing Circles. Peacemaking Circles were contributed by the native peoples of Canada, and Native Americans, based on their cultural way of handing justice. The restoration of peace and harmony and the resolution of problems are the goals. Instead of focusing on a particular act or offense, the entirety of the problem is addressed.
Justice is seen as a circular process: 1. identifying the problem(s). 2. discussing the problem(s). 3. coming to a harmonious resolution to the problem(s), 4. making reparation and healing damaged relationships.
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 8 People who practice Peacemaking Circles see the victim, offender, and community as all equally important parts of a whole:
For the victim, the goal is to forgive the damage done. For the offender, the goal is to regain trust and respect. For the community, the goal is to define standards of how people should behave and determine actions to be taken.
Circle Sentencing is practiced as follows: 1. Offenses or problematic behavior are addressed by family forums or talking circles. The circles are facilitated (led) by family elders or community leaders. The meeting is opened and closed by this spokesperson or facilitator. This person is also known as “the keeper of the circle.” 2. The offender gives their account of the problem. The family of the offender might have to explain the offense as well, and might be admonished (criticized) for not preventing or haven taken care of the problem (This is because many Native Americans believe that deviant behavior is seen as a sign of wider family problems). Verbal accountability via an apology and statement of remorse are given. This aspect is quite important as it is done face to face and empowers the victim by acknowledging the harm caused. Offenders are expected to ask for forgiveness and to make amends. 3. A resolution to the problem is agreed to by all parties (this may take some time). 4. Afterwards, the families involved make sure that the offender complies with the resolution or agreement.
Imagine someone who committed an offense or did something really bad that hurt or otherwise affected someone else. (Do not use any crimes or inappropriate behaviors YOU committed!). Work this offense through the Circle Sentencing process and think about what would happen at each step:
DESCRIBE CRIME THAT WAS COMMITTED:
WHAT PROBLEMS ARE INVOLVED (what is not working with the offender, his/her family, etc):
RESOLUTION (What’s the fix for the problems and the crime?):
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 9 REPARATION (How will the resolution take place? What should victim and offender feel like afterwards?
If you could choose to be part of one of the three RJ processes described so far, which one would you choose and why?
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3. RESTORATIVE JUSTICE: THE COMMUNITY
If you look at the RJ symbol on the cover of this booklet, you see three major components: victim, offender and community. We are going to look first at COMMUNITY, and what this means for RJ.
3a. RELATIONSHIPS as the basis of community
A person who believes and values restoration sees that the stuff of life is relating—to both yourself and to others. Note that in RBT, SAFER tells us that relationships are one of the five basic needs we need to survive! Just by living in this world, we have relate to others, to the community in which we live, and to ourselves. The relationships can be good or bad, close or distant, conflict filled or peaceful, but like it or not, we are CONDEMNED to live in relationships!
These relationships are a part of living and being a human person. The quality of our life depends on these necessary relationships. If our relationships are good, healthy, positive, close, then our lives will be good, healthy, positive and more peaceful. If our relationships are bad, unhealthy, or negative, then our life will be bad, unhealthy, negative and filled with conflict. The more you act as if your relationship to yourself, others, and the world doesn’t matter, the worse it gets! This is a LAW OF LIFE that you cannot escape from or break!
You may have some attitudes about relationships that can lead you to irresponsible behavior and crime. Do any of these fit you? Check all that apply.
ß My behavior did not effect anyone in particular, and if it did, it was no big deal. ß People exist only to meet my needs or they are useless. ß I am alone in the world. ß It is me against the rest of the world.
How are your relationships these days? With family? With school? With your girlfriend/boyfriend? With your FUTURE?
Why are relationships so important? Can you really succeed without good relationships?
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 11 3b. COMMUNITY built on RELATIONSHIPS
A person who believes and values restoration (taking actions to make up for the harm they have caused) sees their world as a community. A community is everything that people share in common, who live together in the same area or environment, that brings them together and makes them responsible to one another.
People in a community share common rules, laws, and expectations. They all share basic rights. They work together towards common goals, such as building a safe and secure place to live where people can enjoy one another without violating each others’ rights and freedoms. They may share a similar history, similar characteristics, and similar interests.
Each and every person within a community is responsible to one another to preserve what they share in common and be accountable for how they effect one another.
Place a “√” next to the following statements that you have thought or still think: ß The people in my community are strangers; I could care less what happens to them. ß No one really cares about anyone else—they are just in it for themselves. ß I am not responsible for anyone but myself. ß I don’t have anything in common with members of my community.
DEFINE “community’ in your own words.
What behaviors show that someone values the community?
Sometimes in our life, when the community or family does not seem to be there or does not work for us, we form our own communities. What kinds of communities do kids form? Are all of these positive?
What is a popular negative community that teenagers can form or join?
What does that say about our need for community and relationships?
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3c. RESPONSIBILITY as the “glue” of community
A person who believes and values restoration (taking actions to make up for the harm he/she has caused) then thinks and acts responsibly. You are at least partly responsible for everything under your control and influence. You are RESPONSE-ABLE; that is ABLE TO RESPOND.
You CAN control how you think and how you behave. You CAN choose how you think and behave. You CAN choose how you will experience your life.
Even though you are not the cause of everything that happens in your life, you still have a choice and control over how you will respond to the things that are out of your control—the things you did not cause. Everything you say and do affects one or more of your relationships. You can’t get around it. No man is an island. Like dominoes, everything you say and do effects someone or something else..
Or like throwing a rock in the pond—one ripple affects a larger ripple, which causes another ripple—all from a small stone. You can act as if your behavior doesn’t affect anyone or anything, but then in one way or another you would have to stick your head in the sand. You would have to choose not to respond or see the effects of your behavior. You would have to choose to become unresponsive and irresponsible.
Put a “√” next to the statements that you have thought or still think: ß I will do whatever it takes to scam and con my way out of consequences ß I will use whatever tactics it takes to avoid responsibility or ownership for my behavior
DEFINE responsibility in your own words. What behaviors do individuals use who take responsibility for their actions?
If you begin to think that responsibility is important and act like responsibility is important, what difference will it make in the choices you make?
At times we do worry about accepting responsibility for our behavior. That’s normal!
3d. ACCOUNTABILITY—putting the glue where it is needed.
“What goes around comes around!” How many times have you heard this on the streets?
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 13 When the effects or consequences of your behavior get back to you, you must honestly explain your behavior. Your behavior is being taken into account. With each and every relationship comes responsibility. Just by living and being you are held accountable to these relationships. You have to respond to these relationships. You have to make a choice about how you will act in these relationships. You are accountable! You must give an account of yourself and your behavior. Most likely, you used to think that being held accountable is getting caught and getting consequences, but being accountable is more than that.
THERE WILL ALWAYS BE CONSEQUENCES FOR YOUR BEHAVIOR!
Other people, society, your environment, your body, and your mind will somehow let you know what the effects of your behavior are. When these effects or consequences get back to you, you are being held accountable. Even when you do not feel the effects, you will still eventually give an account or pay the price for your behavior.
When you decide that relationships are important and you don’t want to do anything that will block or damage your necessary relationships, you will invite accountability in your relationships. You will want to know how you are affecting others and let others know how they are affecting you. You will want your relationships to be the best they can be.
Put a “√” next to the statements that you have thought or still think: ß I don’t have to answer to anyone but myself. ß My life is nobody’s business. ß I have to keep people guessing, otherwise they will know what I am up to. ß What people do not know doesn’t hurt them. ß I will do whatever it takes to avoid getting caught and getting consequences.
Define accountability in your own words. What behaviors show that an individual is being held accountable for their behavior?
How does accountability differ from responsibility? (think about accountability as external and responsibility as internal)
If you begin to think that accountability is important and act like accountability is important, what difference will it make in your choices?
3e. RESPECT—the “juice” of relationships and community
Respect is valuing others according to the worth and dignity that is due to all people. You are valuable. Other people are valuable. Our behavior needs to show that people are worthy and valuable. If it is true that our relationships are the stuff of life and we are created to be in these relationships, then it is also true that our value and worth is found in our relationships to the community, to others, to yourself, and to whatever spiritual path
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 14 we have chosen. Our uniqueness and specialness is defined in these relationships. Every relationship has meaning and purpose. We have meaning and purpose. Every relationship has inherent value (value that is part of and comes in the package). We have inherent value (that is, simply by having been born we are VALUABLE!).
When we get reality right, relationship right, and responsibility right, we will get respect right.
The attitude of respect must be shown through behaviors that other people can see us doing: Not harming others, non-sarcastic and non-threatening tone of voice, etc. Otherwise, it is meaningless. Whether a person is respectful or not is supported by how they treat themselves, others and the community. Confronting and holding others accountable is an expression of care and respect because these actions show concern for others to make positive changes. A disrespectful and uncaring attitude is no excuse to treat others in an abusive manner. Respectful behavior is mandatory. No person has the right to treat others in a disrespectful and uncaring manner.
Put a “√” by the statements that you have thought or still think. ß Sure I believe in respect; respect means not doing anything that puts me down. ß Respect means you doing what I want you to do. ß I got to maintain my respect at all costs—even if it means hurting someone or killing someone for “dissing” me. ß Respect means that people are afraid to cross me in any way. ß I expect that others need to earn my respect, but that they should give me respect no matter what .
Define respect in your own words. What behaviors show respect for others?
If you begin to think that respect is important and act like respect is important what difference will it make in your choices?
Some people say, “If you respect me, I will then respect you.” What is wrong with this statement? Think about where respect comes from.
3f. REALITY—the community working together
Reality deals with knowing how things actually are rather than just believing things are only the way you see them. There are solid facts, hard truths, and things you can count on time and time again. There is a big difference between facts and opinions. Some young people who get into trouble have a tendency to mix these up sometimes. The actions (behaviors) we choose are based on our opinions and the facts as we see them. It is important to check out our opinions and double check our facts to make sure they are correct.
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What is an irresponsible attitude about reality? Put a “√” next to the statements that you have thought or still think: ß I decide what is real. ß I see all the facts. ß I believe that I am the only one who knows what is right for me. No one can tell me any different.
Define reality in your own words. What is the difference between reality and opinions?
If you begin to think that reality is important and act like reality is important what difference will it make in your choices?
It is time to examine your belief systems! What beliefs do you have that don’t match reality?
Is what you believe actual reality? (That is do your beliefs about yourself and others make sense? Do a lot of other people see the world as you do?)
Is it rational? (Can it get your goals met, bring better feelings, etc.?)
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4. WHAT DOES LIVING IN COMMUNITY REQUIRE?
Living in community means taking responsible for irresponsible behaviors and making them right.
4a. Making Choices
Please look at the negative choices you have made, including hanging out with negative peers or choosing to do poorly in school. Do not include information which has impact on your possible disposition in court!
What kinds of irresponsible behavior have you generally done?
Are there any patterns in your behavior? (Things you do over and over again which do not build up relationships and help build community.)
Have you done irresponsible things with others? Is it easier to do these things with others, or when alone?
What motivates you to do irresponsible things? Is it boredom, the need for $, excitement, the need to prove something to someone?
How do you go about convincing yourself to do something irresponsible? Who has been the victim of your irresponsible behavior?
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4 b. IRRATIONAL THINKING AND GETTING INTO TROUBLE
Remember the last time that you did something which got you into real trouble at home or at school, or with the police. Answer the following questions. Do not talk about crimes for which you have not admitted to in court!!!
IRRESPONSIBLE THING I DID:
THE URGE:. What were you thinking and doing earlier that day? Who were you with? What was your self-talk before you did the behavior?
PLANNING STAGE: How did you prepare to get into trouble? What did you have to think about in order not to get caught?
FOLLOW-THROUGH: Look at your self-talk and the resulting feelings and behaviors that got you into trouble.
COVER-UP: What did you do not to get caught? What did you think about? What thoughts or actions made it easy to do this irresponsible behavior?
CONSEQUENCES: What happened as a result of your thinking and behavior? List both the expected outcomes (what I wanted to happen) and the actual outcomes (what really happened).
EXCUSES: Why did you do it? How did you try to cover up? Avoid taking blame?
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You are doing this work so that you can take a long hard look at your behavior. If you want to stay out of trouble in the future, you will have to change your patterns of thinking and behaving that allow you to harm others.
Make a list of three persons that you harmed the most by your irresponsible behavior (include your family, friends, people at school, in the community, etc.)
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5. RESTORATIVE JUSTICE: THE VICTIM
5a. UNDERSTAND HOW YOUR IRRESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR IS HARMFUL TO OTHERS
Irresponsible behavior causes harm to people in many ways. When people are treated badly, they are hurt and negatively affected physically, emotionally, behaviorally, socially, and financially. Thus, their body, their feelings, what they do, their relationships and their $$ are affected. When you choose to keep on acting irresponsibly, you don’t want to think and feel what your victims are feeling, you want to act as if what you are doing is “no big deal”, or that it “really didn’t affect anyone” or “they’ll get over it.” You feel like you are the victim because of the consequences you have brought on yourself. The truth is, your behavior has been harmful to other people. If you are interested in changing your behavior and restoring your relationships, you will need to follow a plan of understanding: realizing how you hurt others, and then make up for what you have done. This plan has been around since the beginning of recorded history: called the GOLDEN RULE—treat others as you would like to be treated.
The following are excerpts from newspaper stories/articles about crime. Pick one of the stories and work it through the questions on the page after the stories.
NEWSPAPER STORY #1: TEEN MURDERED IN CLOVIS
Regina McCollum, a willowy 13 year old with dark hair to her waist, wanted to be a model. But she needed a portfolio. On Friday morning, August 14, she dressed up for “glamour shots” at a local photography studio. In the afternoon, she began cleaning a neighbor’s house to pay for the pictures. By 5:30 pm, she was dead from a stab wound to the neck.
Four girls, ages 13 to 15, are charged with conspiring to murder Regina. In Clovis, a town of 35,000, the death cast a spotlight on how teen-age girls can spiral into senseless savagery. District Attorney Randall Harris said “The way they killed here was like something from the Discovery Channel; It was like cheetahs stalking a gazelle: they finally all jump on it and rip it apart!”
Regina did not die in a public school inner city classroom. The weapon was a butcher knife, not a rifle or gun. Police say one girl wielded the knife while the other three girls bit and beat the victim. Regina was a good student and uncommonly pretty, according to her mother.
This crime began with a feud between Regina and one of the other girls. She had a fistfight with her the day before. It was over Regina’s boyfriend. One of her murderers used to like her boyfriend. The strong feelings over “lost love” led to verbal comments, aggressive statements, and finally threats. One of the other girls got her boyfriend involved, who was later charged as being an accessory to murder.
One of the girls felt that Regina was talking bad about her behind her back. This was followed by aggressive non-verbal gestures that suggest : “Come and fight!” Attempts by the girls to break up the relationship of Regina and her boyfriend with threats failed.
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 20 NEWSPAPER STORY #2: CONVENIENCE STORE CLERK DEAD
Fifteen year old Terrel C. plead guilty to murdering a clerk at the White Hen Pantry on Ogle Road last week. The security camera and taping system clearly identified the youth as the perpetrator of the crime. Terrel reportedly entered the store at 10 pm on December 14th. He asked for all of the money in the cash register. The clerk refused and said “I can’t do it.” In an interview, Terrel reported becoming quite angry at the clerk’s refusal. “Don’t talk to me like that! Don’t you ever talk to me like that!” His threats did not seem to move the clerk to cooperation. He was then shot by Terrel. Terrel indicated “I always need to dominate other people. People are afraid of me, and I like that.” Terrel was the leader of a group of about a dozen young men, who would do anything he told them to do. “I enjoyed having that power, making people do what I want. If they disobey me, they get hurt!”
NEWSPAPER STORY #3: YOUTH TAKES REVENGE ON NEIGHBOR
Fire department officials report that the garage fire on 17th street last night was the work of arson. George M. was arrested this morning, after several witnesses reported seeing him leaving the area with a gasoline can. Mrs. Jane Eldorado, the property owner, indicated that she has had problems with George M. for some time. Confronted by information from several witnesses, George confessed to the crime.
George and his friends liked to sit in back of her garage smoking pot, sharing wickies, buying and selling dime bags. The Eldorado garage was less public and more hidden than George’s family’s garage. Over time gang graffiti began to appear on the garage; groups of other juveniles began to cruise around the area, sometimes in search of drugs, sometimes in search of a fight. Mrs. Eldorado began to come out and complain. She was often met with nasty comments, and foul language. George even convinced her that if she gave them some cash for a trip to McDonalds, they would spend less time by her garage or find another one. She did this for a while, but they began to spend more time than before. She then to George said “You must go!”. George threatened that if she did anything to make them leave, something would happen: “Maybe you won’t have a garage…..”
Mrs. Eldorado called the police and reported the activity. The local patrol car made her garage a regular stop, and made the use of the space less comfortable for George and his friends. Irritated, George told Mrs. Eldorado to call off the cops or else! Foul language was spray painted on her garage. Mrs. Eldorado reported this to the police also. Frustrated by his attempts to change Mrs. Eldorado’s intent, he decided to burn down the garage.
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 21 PLEASE ANSWER QUESTIONS ABOUT THE STORY YOU CHOSE. Put the number of the story here:______
To cause fear in another person to get what you want is intimidation or making threats.
How do you think the offender in your article used threats and intimidation while committing the crime?
To use someone for your personal gain is exploitation.
How do you think the offender exploited the victim(s)? What did the offender gain?
Forcing other people to do what you want them to do is coercion or putting pressure on them.
How do you think the offender coerced the victim(s)?
Scamming or conning other people into doing what you want them to do is manipulation.
How did the offender manipulate the victim(s)?
Inflicting bodily harm on someone is assault. People and their property have a right to be safe and secure.
How did the offender assault the victim(s)? How did the offender violate the rights of the victim(s)?
How did the offender of the crime HARM the victim(s) or the family of the victims?(consider physically, emotionally, socially)
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 22 Give one example of when you have done the following behaviors (NOTE: be very general; avoid specifics, especially regarding crimes you have not admitted to or have not been found guilty).
How have you used threats or intimidation ?
How have you exploited other people?
How have you coerced other people? (forced someone to do something he/she did not want to do.)
How have you manipulated others? (include parents, boy- friend/girlfriend, teachers, etc.)
How have you violated other people’s rights to be safe and secure (be general!!!!)
When you think like a criminal, this allows you to continue to victimize others and even yourself. The impact of your irresponsible behavior hurts many people. It affects others’ stress level, their body, their feelings, how they think about the world, their relationships with others, and their checkbook.
If you are going to stay out of trouble in the future, you need to improve your ability to empathize with others, understand their point of view, and what your victims went through as a result of your irresponsible behavior.
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5b. VICTIMS
A victim is anyone who suffers loss or harm as a result of someone else’s criminal or irresponsible behavior.
Put this definition into your own words and give some examples for some of the terms.
A victim is:
Everything you say or do effects someone else, like throwing a rock into the pond.. one ripple affects a larger ripple, which causes another ripple… all from a small stone. THINK OF SOMETHING GOOD YOU HAVE DONE THAT HAS HAD POSITIVE EFFECTS ON YOUR SELF AND OTHERS. Use the “Ripple Chart” on the following page and discuss how your good behavior has had positive effects on others, your self, your family, neighbors, friends, community and society. The center circle represents the effect on others, the next ring affects self, then family, then neighbors, friends and community and the last one on society. Put in as many positive effects as you can think of for each ring.
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RIPPLE CHART SIGNIFICANT POSITIVE BEHAVIOR
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 25 Pick a significant irresponsible act that you have done. Be VERY GENERAL and avoid specifics about anything you have not plead guilty to if you choose a crime. Identify the short and long term effects that this irresponsible act had on your victim(s).
TYPE OF HARM TO SHORT TERM LONG TERM SPECIFIC VICTIM (up to a month) (one month-5 years or more) Physical
Emotional
Relationships
$$$$$$$$
Now complete a RIPPLE CHART for this irresponsible behavior and identify others besides the victim who were affected by what you said or did.
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 26 RIPPLE CHART SIGNIFICANT IRRESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 27 5d. HOW YOUR VICTIMS THINK, FEEL AND EXPERIENCE YOUR IRRESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR
If you really had any idea of how the victims of your irresponsible behavior thought, felt, and experienced harm, you would probably not continue to act irresponsibly. In fact, when you think irresponsibly you use ways of thinking that help you avoid taking any responsibility for your behavior and the effects of your behavior on others.
Consider just some of the impact of your irresponsible choices on your victims:
1. Fear of experiencing more of your irresponsible behavior, feeling insecure, feeling that they may have caused your irresponsible behavior. 2. Having to deal with your denying any responsibility. 3. Lack of trust in you and others. 4. Losing work or school time. 5. Constant reminders of what may have happened, questions from others who may have seen what happened. 6. Impact on your family (embarrassment, shame, disgrace, broken promises, excuses). 7. Fear that you want revenge. 8. Effects on the larger community.
Do you think you can come to understand the effects of behavior on others?? Respond below:
Let’s talk about EMPATHY. Empathy is the ability to understand the thoughts, feelings, and experience of another person from their point of view. To really feel empathy we must listen to those whom we have hurt and try and put ourselves in their shoes. Distorted thinking can keep us from accepting the effects of our behavior on others.
How does empathy differ from sympathy? Give an example of each in the same situation
OWNERSHIP OF MY BEHAVIOR (WHO AND WHAT) Put a “√” next to any of the thoughts below that you have had. Then replace these thoughts with more responsible thinking (which may be the opposite of what you checked), and then identify the behavior and consequences which will occur if you practice these responsible thoughts over and over again.
ß “It wasn’t my fault.” ß “It wasn’t me.” ß “I had no control over what happened.” ß “I didn’t do it.” ß “Don’t blame me.” ß “I wasn’t aware of what I was doing.” ß “I didn’t do what they said I did.”
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Now what thoughts could you think instead that could help you take ownership for your behavior and the effects of your behavior on others. Write down at least three new responsible thoughts for every thought checked above:
Now, if you really believed these new thoughts, what new behaviors would others expect to see from you? Write down at least three new behaviors!
Now, if you practiced this new thinking and new behavior over time, what would the results or outcomes be?
MOTIVATION (WHY) Motivation deals with whether you planned or meant to do what you did and whether you intended the results. Put a “√” next to the thoughts you have told yourself or others:
ß “I didn’t mean to do it.” ß “I did it impulsively, I didn’t think.” ß “I didn’t think it would effect anyone else.”
Now what thoughts could you think that could help you to accept that you meant to do what you did and are responsible for the consequences of behavior to yourself and others. Write at least three new thoughts for each one checked above.
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 29 If you really believed these new thoughts, what new behavior would others expect to see from you? Write down at least 3 new behaviors.
If you practiced this new thinking and new behavior over time what would the results/outcomes be?
When you try to talk your way out of responsibility for harm you have caused others, it is called RATIONALIZING your behavior. You may be able to convince yourself that you are not responsible for your actions, but others will hold you accountable.
What will you use to motivate yourself?
Can your parents help? Other Adults?
Making positive changes is more likely to happen if you have MOTIVATORS such as:
1. INTERNAL REWARDS. These are natural rewards you feel when you are making good decisions such as: self-esteem, power, self-respect, satisfaction, care, intimacy, growth, achievement, empathy, peace, faith, awareness, love, integrity, spirituality, meaning. These are necessary for long term changes. Which of these will you use to help motivate yourself? 2. EXTERNAL REWARDS. These are rewards that others can give you for good behavior such as food, stimulation/excitement, praise, status, money, possessions, acceptance by others. These are helpful to make short term changes. Which of these are important to you and you can use to motivate yourself? 3. PUNISHMENT. These are internal or external consequences if your choices are poor: pain, discomfort, anxiety, guilt, negative consequences. What will you think of to help you make better decisions? 4. REMOVAL OF PAIN. These are strategies to avoid abuse and pain in your life. What consequences do you currently have that would be removed if you made better decisions, such as: avoidance, ignoring, fear? Remember NO PAIN—NO GAIN! 5. SUPPORTIVE ENVIRONMENT. This involves a support system (all of the people, activities, and groups that will help you maintain positive changes) and a structure (schedule, limits, rules, expectations, controls upon your life, positive adult models, positive peers)
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 30 Now, using the above list of motivators, identify what will help you to decide to make positive changes and discipline yourself to make positive changes.
INTERNAL REWARDS. I will experience these if I work toward my goals. Write down what these will be if you make good choices. 1
2
3
4
5
EXTERNAL REWARDS. I will experience these if I work toward my goals. Write down what these will be if you make good choices. 1
2
3
4
5
PUNISHMENTS. I will experience these if I fail to work toward my goals. Write down what these will be if you make poor choices. 1
2
3
4
5
WHAT PAIN OR DISCOMFORT will be removed from my life if I work towards my goals.. 1
2
3
4
5
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SUPPORTS. These are the people, groups, activities that will help me maintain positive changes. 1
2
3
4
5
NEGATIVE EFFECTS ON OTHERS Please put a “√” next to the things you have told yourself and others:
ß “I only negatively affected one person.” ß “The victim appears ok.” ß “I didn’t hurt anybody but myself.” ß “I didn’t bother anyone.” ß “They are rich; they can handle it.”
What thoughts could you think instead which will help you to take ownership for the effects of your behaviors on others. Write down three responsible thoughts to challenge each thought you checked above.
If you really believed these new thoughts, what new behavior would others expect to see from you? Write down at least 3 new behaviors.
If you practiced this new thinking and new behavior over time what would the results/outcomes be?
It’s important to remember that our behavior affects lots of people. You cannot minimize the effects of your behavior if you expect to change.
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 32 CONSEQUENCE What are your beliefs about accountability and paying others back for the harm your irresponsible behavior has done to yourself and others? Put a “√” next to the following things you have thought.
ß “I don’t deserve what happens to me. ß “Life is not fair to me.” ß “Adults are not fair.” ß “The system sucks.” ß “Others get away with what I do.”
What thoughts could you think instead that could help you to take responsibility for the consequences of your behavior? Write down 3 thoughts to challenge each one you checked above.
If you really believed these new thoughts, what new behaviors would others expect to see from you? Write down at least 3 new behaviors.
If you practiced this new thinking and new behavior over time what would the results/outcomes be?
RESPONSIBILITY FOR CHANGE You are accountable to change your negative behavior and make up for what you have done in the past. Put a “√” next to thoughts you have told yourself or others:
ß “There’s nothing I can do about it now” ß “What’s done is done” ß “That’s the past.”
What thoughts could you think instead that could help you to take responsibility for changing your irresponsible behavior? Write down at least 3 new thoughts for everyone checked above to challenge your old thinking.
If you really believed these new thoughts, what new behaviors would others expect to see from you. Write down at least 3 new behaviors.
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 33 If you practiced this new thinking and new behavior over time, what would the results/outcomes be?
You have a lot of options in front of you.
Which direction are you heading?
Do you have a plan for getting there?
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6. MAKE AN HONEST ASSESSMENT OF YOUR LIFE AND IDENTIFY THE CHANGES YOU WILL NEED TO MAKE
6a. The process of change.
The change process has four steps:
1. DISSATISFACTION with what you are experiencing. This means you need to take a long, hard look at the choices you have made. You have to be willing to do a “fearless moral inventory” of your life and allow yourself to be disgusted about the behavioral choices you have made. You have to accept responsibility for your irresponsible behaviors, and understand how these choices have negatively affected yourself and others. You need to be unhappy with the results you have received due to your behavior.
2. A DESIRE to have a different experience. You must sincerely be motivated to try an alternative to your current lifestyle, which means that you have to be willing to try and think and behave differently. In order to do this, you must know what is responsible thinking and behavior. You have to be aware of what will motivate you to make positive changes. You must want the results of your behavior to change.
3. A DECISION to have a different experience. You have to consciously and with effort choose to think and behave differently. As you will find out in this section, a decision is no easy matter—it involves evaluation, planning and goal setting. You have to learn a new process of making decisions and solving problems. You must choose to think differently, and then the resulting different behavior will bring about different results.
4. A DISCIPLINE of your thoughts and actions to achieve a different experience which means you have to follow through and stick with your plan for making positive changes. You have to learn to be able to practice new thinking and behavioral skills and then consistently apply these new skills to real life situations. You have to learn to be able to honestly evaluate your progress on behavioral goals and make adjustments without giving up or fooling yourself. Finally, you have to know how to reward yourself for making progress. You must follow through with your changes even after the heat is off you.
There are three levels of commitment to change:
1. “I’LL TRY.” This is a CON. This is your plan to fail. “Tryin’ is dyin’.” You will put in minimal effort and act as if you are following the program, but invest nothing, change nothing, and are leaving yourself an out so that you can quit and blame your failure on others.
2. “I’LL DO MY BEST.” This is a SCAM. When it comes to change, your “best” has not been good enough because your “best” is your way of shifting your words and behavior long enough to convince others you have changed. Once you have got their trust you and get you out of consequences, you simply shift back to the same ol thing. When you are doing your “best” you are looking good but nothing has really changed. Your “changes” have been your way of not changing at all.
3. “I’LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO BE CRIME AND DRUG FREE. This means doing new things and new behaviors—not just “talkin’ the talk.” It will mean changing your desires (motivation), being disgusted about your irresponsible thinking and behavior, deciding to maintain new thinking, new behavior and the discipline to change no matter what it takes!
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What if you decided that you were unhappy enough with the results of your behavior that you decided to change?
What if to do so meant giving up some things that you like?
What if it meant giving up the lifestyle that you know?
Do you really want to change?
What do you have to do differently?
Are you ready for the rough work of change?
6b. Identifying risks that can get in the way of making change.
At Risk Indicators: Below are some statements that may apply to you. They are risks that can get in the way of the change process. If the statement applies to you, put a “√” in the box to the left of the statement.
ß I have used alcohol six or more times in the last month before coming here. ß I have had five or more drinks in a row, once or more in the last two weeks before coming here. ß I have used cigarettes on at least 20 occasions in the last 12 months. ß I have used marijuana in the last year. ß I have used cocaine in the last year. ß I have used crack in the last year. ß I have used PCP, LSD, amphetamines, heroin or other narcotics in the last year. ß I have had sexual intercourse many times in the last year with lots of partners. ß I am sexually active and don’t always use contraceptives or protection. ß I am sad or depressed most of the time. ß I have attempted suicide one or more times in my life. ß I have destroyed property “just for fun” in my life. ß I have taken part in a fight between two groups or gangs in my life.
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 36 ß I have been in the police station 2 or more times in the past year. ß I stole something 2 or more times in the past year ß I have intimidated someone to get what I want in the past year ß I have skipped school 2 or more days in the month before I came here ß I want to quit school before getting my diploma ß I have driven after a lot of drinking 2 or more times in the past year ß I have ridden with a driver who had been drinking, 2 or more times in the past year ß I don’t use seatbelts most of the time ß I vomit on purpose after eating at least once a week in the past year ß My best friends have been taken into custody by the police ß My best friends would be described by adults as “irresponsible”
Listed below are things that can be helpful to getting success and change in your life. Check which ones you have in your life:
ß My family provides me with a high level of support. ß My parents are a resource to me for advice and support. ß I have adults in my life that I can use for advice and support. ß I have a lot of in depth conversations with adults who are not my parents. ß My parents are involved in helping me to succeed in school. ß School is a caring, encouraging environment for me. ß My parents maintain rules and expectations for my behavior. ß My parents discipline me when I violate their rules. ß My parents monitor “where I am going and with whom I will be.” ß I go out for fun and recreation less than 3 nights per week. ß My best friends don’t use alcohol and drugs. ß I get involved with extracurricular activities at school. ß I am involved in music, sports, or clubs after school. ß I spend some time in religious or spiritual things each week. ß I am motivated to do well in school. ß I plan to go to college. ß I plan to get vocational training (carpenter, machinist, computers, etc). ß My school grades are above average. ß I place a high value on helping other people. ß I am interested in helping to reduce world hunger or other problems around me. ß I care about other’s feelings. ß I value putting off being highly sexually active until I am older. ß I am able to “stand up for what I believe” and my beliefs are rational and helpful to myself and others. ß I am good at making decisions. ß I am good at making friends. ß I am good at planning ahead. ß I have a good self-image and high self-esteem. ß I am optimistic about my future.
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7. WORKING TOWARD RESTORING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
7a. Reviewing the process of restoration
Restoration is to make things the way they used to be or ought to be. Your risky behaviors have hurt and blocked your relationships from becoming better. You have found self-destructive ways to get your needs met. Your relationships are not how they ought to be, and your relationships are in need of restoration. This whole guidebook has been about restoration. First you worked on restoration to the victims of your irresponsible behavior. Then you started to look at the bigger picture of how your harmful and risky behavior hurts and blocks relationships that are most important to you. You can use the same thinking and the same steps for restoration and apply them to your important relationships. Here are some of the ideas we have covered:
ß Take responsibility for the behaviors which hurt others, and/or damage and block your relationships. ß Understand which of your relationships are damaged, blocked and who is harmed by your behavior. ß Understand how the relationships are damaged and blocked and how others are harmed by your behavior. What did you do to take away from the relationship? ß Understand, from the points of view of others, the thoughts, feelings and experiences of loss and damage and harm to the relationships caused by your behavior. ß Do whatever it takes to make up for the harmful things you have done. ß Make an honest assessment of your life and identify the changes you will need to make. ß Work toward restoring your relationships.
How do I work towards restoration in my relationships?
1. Take responsibility: Own your beliefs and thinking, feelings and actions. 2. Think with empathy: Understand the thoughts, feelings and experiences of another person from their point of view 3. Act with remorse: Feel sorry to the point of making up for what you did, repairing the harm and committing not do it again 4. Make amends: Apologize, ask for forgiveness and repair the harm. Actions speak louder than words. 5. Compensation: Pay restitution for losses others have incurred because of your behavior.
How have I damaged and blocked my relationships from growing into something better?
What thoughts will I practice to think with empathy?
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What I can I do to show that I am sorry? How can I act with remorse?
What will I do to make amends?
7b. Open Yourself To Accountability In Your Relationships
What is ACCOUNTABILITY? What goes around, comes around!
You must give an account of yourself and your behavior. You used to think that being held accountable is getting caught and getting consequences but being accountable is more than that. There will always be consequences for your behavior. Other people, society, your environment, your body and your mind will somehow let you know what the effects of your behavior are. When these effects or consequences get back to you, you are being held accountable. Even when you don’t feel the effects, you will still eventually be given an accounting, to pay the price of your behavior.
When you decide that relationships are important you don’t want to do anything that will block or damage your necessary relationships, you will invite accountability into your relationships. You will want to know how you are affecting others and let others know how they can be affecting you because you will want your relationships to be the best that they can be.
People who engage in criminal behavior have the following attitudes about accountability ß “I don’t answer to anyone but myself” ß “My life is nobody’s business” ß “I have to keep people guessing, otherwise they will know what I am up to” ß “What people don’t know won’t hurt them” ß “Do whatever it takes to avoid getting caught and getting consequences”
To be “interpersonally effective” or to make relationships work for you, you need to have three goals in any relationship or any interaction with someone else:
1. Get what you want 2. Keep and grow the relationship 3. Feel good about yourself
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1. GET WHAT YOU WANT • Be “emotionally connected” to the environment. (That is, be aware of what you are feeling inside; see “Pay Attention” skills in My Anger Is My Friend.) • Ask for what you “need”; don’t expect others to read your mind. • Be aware that you will not always get what you want or exactly in the way you want it; be flexible and compromise
To get what you want: • Say in words what it is you want, as clearly as possible. Leave no question in the other person’s mind. • Use facial expressions and tone of voice that match your words. Be expressive; don’t squelch the feelings • Be assertive (do NOT be aggressive, don’t threaten or blow up!) • Reinforce the other person’s response (help them know the “why” of what you are asking, and how it will work for them also; make the other feel good about helping you) • Stay “MINDFUL”: don’t let distractions, worry thoughts, throw you off. Ignore attacks from the other person and keep pressing for what you want; don’t self-sabotage. • Use good social skills that make you look confident: eye contact, posture, clear and confident speaking). • Don’t be afraid to compromise; find a middle-ground without compromising your VALUES; understand the other person’s limits in giving you what you want.
2. KEEP AND GROW THE RELATIONSHIP • Strengthen the CONNECTION between you and the other person
To Keep and grow the relationship: • Be gentle with the other person; if emotions run high, feelings can get hurt, and this will push you two farther apart. • Listen to the other person, so they sense you care about what they are saying and feeling. • Validate the other person’s emotional communication (e.g. “I see that you are angry with me.”) • Chill out: be mellow and relaxed; let go of tension, anger, rage and your judgments). Use the “soft sell.”
3. FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF • Be positive about who you are: a person with strengths and areas for development; lovable and loving.
To feel good about yourself: • Give some to get some. Scratch other’s backs as much as they scratch yours! RECIPROCATE. Be fair both to yourself and the other person. • No apologies. Apologize only when you are wrong; don’t whine and cry. No one likes whiny people. Over-apologizing damages your self-respect, and your effectiveness as a person. • Stick to what you believe in. Express your opinions on various issues; you don’t have to change your mind on an important moral value. You can hold opinions from other and still respect/be respected • Be truthful: don’t distort the truth or tell a “white lie” to spare someone else’s feelings.
Adapted from Don’t Let Your Emotions Run Your Life: How Dialectical Behavior Therapy Can Put You in Control, Scott Spradlin, O akland, C A : N ew H arbin ger Publications, 2003.
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Pick a situation between you and someone else this week that did not go very well. Work it through the model that was just discussed.
SITUATION
How could I have used “Get what you want” in this situation?
How could you have used “Keep and grow the relationship” in this situation?
What could I have done to “feel better about myself?”
How could you use the above model in restoring a relationship damaged by your past behavior?
A person who believes and values restoration sees their world as a community. A COMMUNITY is everything that people share in common, who live together in the same area or environment, that brings them together and makes them responsible to one another. People in a community share common rules, laws and expectations. They all share basic rights. They work together towards common goals, such as building a safe and secure place to live where people can enjoy one another without violating each others rights and freedoms. They may share in common a similar history, similar characteristics and similar interests.
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How is society different from community?
What can you do to make our society a better place?
Have you done anything that will make our society better? If not what can you do? How can you do it? Can you do it even while locked up here?
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8. BUILDING COMMUNITY THROUGH MAKING GOOD DECISIONS AND EFFECTIVELY SOLVING PROBLEMS
8a. How to make good decisions.
If you want to do whatever it takes to redeem yourself in the community as a productive and responsible community member, you have to have goals which are productive and responsible. The kicker is, how do you know whether your goals and choices are productive and responsible? This next section will help you to evaluate that question by using responsible CRITERIA.
Criteria are standards or rules you use to decide whether something is one thing or another. For example: “Is this a good or a bad decision?” Take each of the seven goals, write them in the first table. Then move to the second table, and test each goal against the criteria for making responsible decisions.
Making good decisions means making conscious choices that will help you get to where you are going.
CRITERIA FOR MAKING RESPONSIBLE DECISIONS
1. It doesn’t negatively affect others (both short and long term). 2. It doesn’t negatively impact me (there is some pain, discomfort, and work involved in almost all responsible decisions; this would not be a negative impact). 3. This is a goal that will work. (I am not trying the same old solutions which have not worked before). 4. It fits my short term goals (education, job, friendships, family, activities, etc). 5. It fits my long term goals. 6. It is physically possible; it is safe. 7. I have done or could legally get the resources to do it (e.g., money, time, help, materials, knowledge, information; it is legal.) 8. It fits my values (what is important to me). 9. I am motivated to try it, it will meet my needs (Maybe I have not wanted to stick with it before now). 10. It will make me feel good about myself. 11. It will add something of value to the community.
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Now look at two decisions you have recently made: one good, and one not so good. Test the decisions on the criteria. Check if each decision made that particular criterion.
GOOD DECISION BAD DECISION
Put Y in the column if the decision met the criterion; put N if it did not. GOOD BAD DECISION DECISION (Y or N) (Y or N) 1. It doesn’t negatively affect others (both short and long term). 2. It doesn’t negatively impact me (there is some pain, discomfort, and work involved in almost all responsible decisions; this would not be a negative impact).
3. This is a goal that will work. (I am not trying the same old solutions which have not worked before). 4. It fits my short term goals (education, job, friendships, family, activities, etc). 5. It fits my long term goals.
6. It is physically possible; it is safe. 7. I have done or could legally get the resources to do it (e.g., money, time, help, materials, knowledge, information; it is legal). 8. It fits my values (what is important to me). 9. I am motivated to try it, it will meet my needs (Maybe I have not wanted to stick with it before now). 10. It will make me feel good about myself. 11. It will add something of value to the community.
What do you notice about the two decisions in terms of what you have checked?
If you used the criterion before making the bad decision would it have helped?
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8b. DEFINING AND IDENTIFYING PROBLEMS
Define what the word “problem” means to you:
What makes a problem a problem?
Can a problem occur even if you don’t think there is a problem? How?
There are some questions that might help you identify a problem no matter what is happening. Please answer the following questions.
What does a problem “feel like” to you? Describe the changes you experience in your body when you are having a problem.
What does it feel like to others?
What does it look like to you and others?
How does a relationship change when two people are having a problem?
How do people behave towards you when you are the source of the problem?
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 45 What do others say and do to tell you have a problem to deal with?
What is it about problems which cause tension, conflict, stress and confusion in people?
What motivates people to deal with problems?
How are things different when a problem is dealt with?
NOW, after answering all of the above questions, how would you define A PROBLEM?
A problem is something which negatively affects yourself, others or both.
There are 5 main steps in problem solving :
1. Accurately recognize and identify the problem. 2. Identify the different choices you have. 3. Evaluate your choices according to responsible criteria. 4. Make a responsible decision and follow through on it. 5. Evaluate your choices by judging the results and make the necessary changes.
Now we will go through each step of the process:
STEP ONE: Accurately recognize and identify the problem
FIRST, you will need to identify a problem you are currently facing which is of at least moderate importance. The problem should be the kind where you feel you are really in a tough spot. You have a lot of options and your possible choices conflict with one another. This is the kind of problem you will face a lot. The problem could involve a situation with a friend, partner, family member, employer, co-worker, neighbor, or a difficult choice you have to make, such as how to handle a problem with drugs or alcohol.
Describe your current problem.
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Answer the following questions about your problem:
What were the events that lead up to your problem?
When you think of the problem, what is the order of thoughts you have?
What consequences resulted because of not dealing with the original problem responsibly?
What does this problem feel like to you? Describe the changes you experience in your body when you are having this problem.
What does it look like to you and others?
How have your relationships changed because of this problem? How are people behaving differently when you are the source of the problem?
What are others saying and doing to tell you that you have a problem?
What is it about this problem that causes tension, conflict, stress and confusion in people?
How do you think things will be different when you deal with the problem?
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Now that you have answered all of the above questions, how would you define THIS PROBLEM?
STEP TWO: Identify the different choices you have
Now you will look at positive alternatives for dealing with problems. A more positive definition of a problem is:
An opportunity to grow, develop, improve, succeed, learn and take risks!
You can’t get away from your problems. They do not solve themselves. Any distorted way of dealing with or avoiding the problem will only make it worse!
So another definition of a problem is:
A situation which needs to change because it is uncomfortable or painful and which cannot be solved by just your normal way of doing things (your normal way of doing things probably created the problem).
What are the keys to identifying and dealing with a problem?
1. Be specific about what the problem is and how you would like to change it. 2. Stay within the here and now. Don’t go back in time. 3. Focus on the parts of the problem you can change. 4. Own your part of the problem. Use “I” statements. 5. Get all of the information to make a good decision: check out the facts and try to see the problem from others’ perspective. 6. Focus on how you want the problem to change in your relationship with others. Make the goal to improve the necessary relationships. Don’t focus on trying to be right. 7. Calm down, and don’t allow yourself to become defensive. Keep an open and accepting attitude. 8. Attack the PROBLEM not the PERSON The way is to generate a lot of possible solutions! Think of as many options or solutions to your problems as possible! Don’t stop to criticize or judge the ideas, just get them out on the table. This is called BRAINSTORMING! Be as creative as you can; when you get stuck, ask some positive people to help add to your list.
Now brainstorm some solutions to your problem
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Now pick three possible solutions to your problem:
Solution # Describe the solution 1
2
3
STEP THREE: Evaluate your choices according to the responsibility criteria.
You can use the same criteria for evaluating your possible solutions that you used to determine if a decision was good or bad. Put a check in each column under each solution to determine if is meets the responsibility criteria.
CRITERIA SOLUTION #1 SOLUTION #2 SOLUTION #3 1. It doesn’t negatively affect others (both short and long term)
2. It doesn’t negatively impact me (there is some pain, discomfort, and work involved in almost all responsible decisions; this would not be a negative impact)
3. It’s not an option from the past which hasn’t worked before (I am not trying to use old solutions that have not worked in the past).
4. It fits my short term goals (education, job, friendships, family, activities, etc)
5. It fits my long term goals.
6. It is physically possible; it is safe
7. I have done or could legally get the resources to do it (e.g., money, time help, materials, knowledge, information; it is legal)
8. It fits my values (what is important to me)
9. I am motivated to try it, it will meet my needs (Maybe I have not wanted to stick with it before now)
10. It will make me feel good about myself.
11. It will add something of value to the community.
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STEP FOUR: Make a responsible decision and follow through.
In solving a problem, you need to make a responsible decision. Problem solving and decision making are closely related. In the end, you need to follow through on the solution, which involves planning and strategizing. “Just do it” sells shoes and t-shirts, but it is a poor way of dealing with problems, unless you are always putting off making decisions. But more likely you have been making snap decisions based on “that’s the way I’ve always done it” and “that’s the way I am.”
Pick your solution
Now that you have selected what you think is the best option for solving your problem, break your problem down into the specific steps you will take to reach your solution or goal.
First I will…
Then I will…
And then…
What difficulties, roadblocks or frustrations to your plan do you anticipate? How will these affect your plan?
What will you do to adjust to these difficulties?
STEP FIVE: Re-evaluation/Realistic Appraisal
How will you know if your plan is not working out?
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 50 How will you go about changing or adjusting your plan?
What will tell you to give up on the plan or option completely? Or simply make a few adjustments?
Why is it important to solve your problems? At this point in your life, you still have some options. Two involve a decision not to change. One involves making some minimal changes. One involves making a decision to solve your problems and make big changes in your life.
What happens if I do not solve my problems and make responsible decisions?
First, you can end up back here. You may start doing more serious irresponsible behavior. This can lead to serious crimes (remember the chains you completed earlier in this guide?), which can finally lead to a stay in D.O.C. Maybe for a very long time. Maybe you will get out someday. Life is not so hot for ex-cons. Many places won’t hire you. Many people will always view you with suspicion and mistrust. How will you explain this to your kids? How will they look up to you? How will they not be afraid of you?
Second, if your behavior gets really serious and you get in trouble with the wrong people on the street, you can get killed. If you hang around with the wrong crowd, just being there or being identified with them can make you a target. Death, or even serious disability is not a cool thing.
Third, you may get a little smarter. You may find ways of not getting caught by the law. You may just stay ahead of your consequences. You may even avoid doing things that are openly illegal or criminal. You just make some minor changes to survive. And what do you have? A life that is miserable, harmful, and self- destructive. Not in a month, or a year, but over time you will continue to feel worse about yourself, your relationships will be marked with anger and violence, and you will never have the things or persons around you that you really want and need.
Finally, you can CHANGE. Change what? Change your thinking and core beliefs about the world and yourself. This will go a long way to change your behavior. You need to set goals, resolve problems, and make good decisions. You need to find persons who are positive, who will support you, and help you reach your goals. You have to stop doing what you are doing now.
Here are some things to avoid!!!!!!
Here are some things that will GUARANTEE that you will make BAD DECISIONS and FAIL to solve your problems. Check which ones may be problems for you.
ß Don’t learn from your experience. Keep trying the old solutions that have never worked. ß Make other people the focus of your problems. ß See the problem only from your perspective. ß Don’t listen to others or pay attention to how they are feeling or how you are affecting them. ß See only what you want to see. Filter out anything that does not match your beliefs or self-talk. ß Avoid any information that makes you uncomfortable or may make you think differently. ß Go from the gut, and make a knee-jerk decision based on few facts. ß Go for the gusto, and head into your solution without looking at the outcomes that will happen. ß Define the problem only as what negatively affects you. ß Let anger and frustration make your decision.
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 51 ß Don’t take no for answer—bash forward to get your own way. ß Only be with people who agree with your beliefs and thinking. ß Assume the worst about other’s intentions and attitudes; they are always trying to get you or rip you off. ß Don’t think of what is right and wrong; only think about what feels good at the moment. ß Don’t pay attention to the deep feelings in your gut that something is wrong about what you are doing. ß If it doesn’t work, it is not your fault. Somebody else screwed it up for you, or there was nothing you could do about it. ß Never let reality get in your way. If you think you can do something, that is all you need to know! ß If your plan or solution fails, never evaluate what went wrong! It will work sometime… ß Assume all will fail if you try new thinking or new behavior. ß Assume on the basis of one thing or event that things are always that way or that people are always that way or things will always be that way. ß Stick to your guns! It’s your way or the highway! ß If things have always been done that way, then by all means keep doing them, even if they don’t work. ß Murphy’s law: assume that if something can go wrong, it will, and so why do it in the first place? ß If at first you don’t succeed, this is a good reason to give up. You tried, didn’t you? ß Any negative results should be taken as a personal failure. ß Assume you can control all the situations and people involved and get what you want. ß If you anticipate failure or criticism, beat them to the punch by quitting or really screwing it up. ß People should go out of their way to make YOUR solutions possible. ß Focus always on winning, beating others, getting revenge or getting power as the only real solutions to your problems. You can only be a winner or a loser. ß Never admit that you are wrong. ß Never tell anyone about your problems. ß Never ask for help (You will appear weak; you have to solve all your problems on your own!) ß Never express your feelings; act always as if nothing is wrong ß Win at all costs; threaten, manipulate, assault others. Argue until they give up. ß Try to bring up every instance from the past when trying to resolve a problem or conflict; make sure you prove to others how wrong they have been in the past; the past always has lots of ammunition for the present. ß Use words like “never”; everything is always black and white. ß Believe in magic; believe in impossible dreams. Use “woulda”, “coulda”, “shoulda” to feel better about your problems rather than solving them. Think “if only……..” ß Depend on others to deal with your problems. If it doesn’t bother them, why should it bother you? ß Get others to help you out of your mess; if they don’t, then believe that they obviously don’t care ß Let your problems build; if you ignore them, they’ll go away. ß Define a problem in terms of getting caught, or getting in trouble. ß Assume you can never change; no teaching old dogs new tricks ß If you’re in trouble, feel bad at the moment, and just promise to change. It will all blow over ß There is really nothing you can do about your problems; they are too complex. ß This is just not the time to change. ß Nothing works; I’ve tried it all. ß Find someone who will agree with you. ß Someone needs to address my complaints first before I can fix my problems. ß Never respect anyone until they respect you first. ß I tried; I gave it my best shot; that should be enough.
Pick the five that are going to be the most challenging. How can you work on these?
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What are common scams and cons? Have you used any of these in the past? Check the ones that have been a problem for you:
ß Deny there is a problem. “What are ya talkin’ about? ß Lie that you didn’t do it. “Who me? Couldn’t be!” ß Sidetrack of the main problem. “Oh yeah, what about….” ß Blame someone else. “If it wasn’t for you….” ß Make excuses. “I have a good reason….” ß Talk as if it was the only thing you could have done. “There was no other option…..” ß Pretend you don’t get it (Baffle them with BS). “I really don’t know what you are getting at….” ß Act as if it is no big deal. “I only…..” “I just….” “What difference does it make…” ß Tell them what they want to hear. “I know what you are sayin’; I was wrong, it won’t happen again.” ß Pretend you are changing. “I’m really going to try to do things right this time” ß Blow up. “You better back off and get outta my face!” “I’m gonna lose it” ß Get emotional and weepy, try to relate current behavior to past event. Sniffle, sniffle..cry..cry… “I’m sorry, I was just starting to deal with my past abuse, I started thinking about my old man…..” ß Act as if you have no control. “I am an addict….” “I don’t even think about it, I just do it….” ß Blow it off. “No big f—in” deal” “I don’t give a s--t” ß See the problem in others. “Good thing I am not like one of those druggies in the program” ß Take it personally. “I can’t believe you would think I would do such a thing” “Don’t you trust me?” ß See only what you want to see “I’ve been bustin’ my ass, turnin’ my life around, and all you can focus on is this one and only problem I have ever had!” ß Own up only to the smallest part of the problem. “I just had one drink, shouldn’t have been around those guys” ß Put the focus on others. “You need to take some time off; you’ve been coming down on me too much” ß Blow it out of proportion. “Are you sayin’ I don’t want to change?” “Why don’t you just come out and call me a worthless nothing?” ß Act like it is now or never, black or white, one way or no way. “What’s the use of tryin’?” “I might as well get wasted.” ß Give up easily. ‘That’s it; I’m done, I’m outta here!” ß Block it out of your mind. “I’m not going to think about it” ß Look for the magical solution. “I need to move out of state, make a fresh start.” ß Shut down, make people feel bad for holding you accountable. “You’ve ruined my life, you’re making me go through hell!”
Pick five which have been a problem for you. How can you fix them going forward?
Now you have learned about Restorative Justice, and how to develop the skills to avoid crime, restore relationships with the community, and become successful.
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Keep these steps in mind as you go forward:
• Take responsibility for irresponsible behavior • Understand how this behavior is harmful to others • Identify those whom you have harmed • Understand the point of view of those you have harmed: their thoughts, feelings, experiences • Do whatever it takes to make up for the harmful things you have done • Make an honest assessment of your life and identify the changes you need to make to become a better person • Understand how irresponsible behavior blocks your relationships to yourself and others • Work towards restoration in your relationships • Open yourself up to accountability in your relationships • Do whatever it takes to redeem yourself in the community as a productive and responsible community member.
IT IS UP TO YOU!
The Restorative Justice Guide, 2nd Edition Page 54 Bibliography/Sources Cited
Guide for Implementing the Balanced and Restorative Justice Model. Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP) 1998
Zehr, Howard. Restorative Justice Hits the Big Times: But Will it Remain True to its Vision? http://www.restorativejustice.org/conference/rjhitsbigtime.html. 2000
Van Ness, Daniel W. Restorative Justice Around the world. United Nations Crime Congress. 2000
Webster’s II New Riverside Dictionary. Revised Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company. 1996
Minnesota Department of Corrections. www.corrstate.m n.us
This Guide was written and edited by Bernard Glos, Ph.D., from contributions by Detention Officers Andy Sjordal and Jennifer Blair, and with ideas from The Restoration Handbook, by Timothy B. Walsh, MA, LP, Juvenile Services Center, Dakota County Community Corrections, Hastings, MN. Many thanks to detention center residents Jimmy G., Nate A., and Brian T. who helped edit the final copy.
Published by the Juvenile Detention Center, 420 N. County Farm Road, Wheaton, IL 60187, 630.407.2500.
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