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ENQUIRE NOW www.victoria.ac.nz/health [email protected] CREDITS EDITOR EDITORIAL Andrew Winstanley DESIGN 4 NEWS 5 Nick Withers FEATURES EDITOR Daniel Gambitsis COMMUNITY 10 POLITICS AND NEWS EDITOR Cameron Leakey COMMUNITY EDITOR EATING YOUR Emelia Masari ARTS & LIFESTYLE EDITORS DUMPLING Rushika Bhatnagar & Chris Wong SCIENCE EDITOR Nandita Bhatnagar CHILD: IT VISUAL ARTS EDITOR & ORIGINAL DESIGN Daphne Zheng SOUNDS PUZZLES Courtesy of Puzzles, Riddles and Quizzes Society ATTRACTIVE, CONTRIBUTORS Andrew Winstanley, Cameron Leakey, Chris Wong, Naomi BUT DON’T Simon-Kumar, Olisa Unakalamba, Moss Bioletti, Brian Gu, Hazel Oh, Gemma Henderson, Nandita DO IT 14 Bhatnagar, Olivia Maxwell, Jessica Thomas, Jami Kerrigan. BLOOMING COVER ARTIST Daphne Zheng ILLUSTRATORS CHAOS 17 ARTS Daphne Zheng, Justine Thomas CALL FOR WRITERS AND ILLUSTRATORS! Flick us an email at editor@crac- & REVIEWS cum.co.nz if you’re interested in contributing. FIND US ONLINE 20 COLUMNS 33 www.craccum.co.nz CraccumMagazine POETRY 35 @craccum EDITORIAL OFFICE 4 Alfred Street, Private Bag 92019, SCIENCE 36 Auckland ADVERTISING Aaron Haugh marketing@ausa. AUSA 37 org.nz THE ARTICLES AND OPINIONS CONTAINED WITHIN THIS MAGAZINE PUZZLES 38 ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE STAFF, AUSA OR PRINTERS.
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WELLINGTON IS… WEIRD.
I spent a week of the break down in the from the weird artifice of places like ton, imo. Even with all the hills. capital, mostly trying to avoid academic Ponsonby Central, which (imo) often and administrative responsibilities I just feel like carefully constructed hiding Anyway, half the conversations I had have up here. It wasn’t very successful spots in which rich people can hide down in wellington were with welling- in that regard, I will say - I ended up from how shithouse other parts of the ton people complaining about how they spending the better part of a day in the county can get (lmao). hated how small wellington is and they Wellington Central Library writing one couldn’t be more excited to move out of my essays (if only to get my mind off The thing I really like about Wellington, and to somewhere bigger. of it for the rest of the trip). though, is how small the place is. And I mean I don’t disagree with them: I’ve lived in Auckland my whole life. And I’m not a fan of smallness, gener- I’m sure living there would devolve into Hell, I’ve barely even lived outside ally. I like that I’ve been in Auckland all an intense psychic hell after a while. But of the central city and surrounding my life and am still constantly meeting the grass is always greener and all that. suburbs - I’ve been to the North Shore new people who have also been in exactly twice, and out west maybe once. Auckland all their lives, all of whom All that being said: welcome back! I I have never heard of or seen around hope you all had a good couple of As a consequence, there are a few before. weeks off! different things I expect a city to be. I am very used to badly designed sprawl, But I also like that Wellington is basical- - andrew for example. I’m used to the Big-ness of ly constructed to be a machine where the Auckland CBD. I’m used to terrible you will bump into every single person public transport, awful walkability, and you’ve ever met just randomly on the everything being aggressively developed street all the time, because, like, there’s and re-developed. only five places for them to be at any given time and you’re currently in one Wellington is barely any of those things, of them and in spitting difference of at all. two of the others.
Big chunks of the Wellington CBD were And I like that when your friends ask clearly frozen in time at some point in you to their flat and you decide to walk 1990s, for example. Where we have a there (I like walking places, sue me) its 3 story H&M store - complete with a not actually a dumbass thing to do, and giant fucking chandelier - opening up you can get there in like 20 minutes. in the heart of town, there are buildings Like, the walk from my old Symonds all through the main retail sections of Street flat to Uni was somehow shorter wellington city that are screaming out in than my walk from the CBD to the vain, unheard, for a basic water-blast (or “way out in the suburbs” place I was a new coat of paint) . staying in.
And like: this isn’t me ragging on Wel- NB: wellington doesn’t have ONZO? lington. The dinginess is a nice relief ONZO would fucking kill it in welling-
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5 BULLETINSBULLETINS
AUCKLAND CITY port to fix issues in their area. SPEED LIMIT the funding of this medicine only came Overall both the council and Auckland into effect in March and the number CHANGES Transport are very disappointed at the of Syphilis Cases has been rising since Auckland Transport are now investi- high road death toll and there is further 2013. Furthermore, Truvada requires gating a change in road speed limits disappointment by the Council at the STD Testing on a regular three-month following increases to the death toll on lack of progress made by Auckland basis, increasing the likelihood of a Auckland’s roads. Transport specifically. Syphilis infection being detected.
Last year, 749 people were seriously -Thomas Carr The rise in Syphilis cases follows an in- injured and 64 people died on Auckland ternational trend that has been observed roads. Statistically, road deaths and in Australia, the United Kingdom and injuries on Auckland roads increased at STI FYI United States. The Ministry of Health a rate that was three times higher than have released a media statement noting the rest of the country. Health Professionals are urging New the growing number of cases however Zealanders to wear condoms and get there has been no significant change As a way of combating this, Auckland tested regularly following a rise in in testing protocol or marketing for Transport is now looking at the possibil- the number of Syphilis cases in New increased testing. ity of lowering speed limits at ‘accident Zealand. The Infection, caused by black spots’. Lester Levy, chairman the bacterium Treponema Pallidum, is of Auckland Transport, indicates that highly contagious and spread primarily FOX RESIGNS when someone is hit by a vehicle at through unprotected sexual activity. 470 30km/h there is a 10% chance of death New Zealanders contracted Syphilis Marama Fox has formally resigned as compared to an 80% chance when hit last year – an increase that is double the the Co-Leader of the Māori Party. Fox’s by a vehicle travelling at 50km/h. As number of cases from 2015. Since 2017 resignation follows the announcement such one potential change being con- there have also been four cases of still- that her consultancy business, found- sidered is to change the speed limit of born babies who have died as a result of ed after her ousting from Parliament specific Auckland roads from 50 km/h untreated Syphilis. during the 2017 election, has entered to 30 km/h whilst decreasing the speed liquidation and that she now owes over limit of rural Auckland roads from 100 The Royal Australasian College of Phy- seventy thousand dollars, including forty km/h to 80 km/h sicians have released an open letter in thousand dollars to an independent which President, Dr. Jeff Brown indicat- Rotorua Travel Broker. The issue of road safety has become ed that the Ministry of Health response even more prominent after Auckland to the growing number of Syphilis cases Māori Party President Che Wilson Transport came under fire at a planning was “totally inadequate”. Dr. Brown indicated that Fox’s decision to step committee meeting where Auckland also noted that there are only eight full down was as a result of the need for Fox Councillors criticised the work of Auck- time Sexual Health specialists across to focus on “issues related to her private land Transport. In particular, councillor New Zealand. Data from the Ministry business” – specifically the financial Linda Cooper was disappointed about of Health noted that the highest num- situation that Fox is in. the lack of improvement after the ber of cases occurred in Males aged implementation of the regional fuel tax, 20-39 in the Auckland and Wellington Many MPs, including Dancing with the which helps to fund road safety. The regions. In particular, 70% of these Stars competitor and ACT Leader Da- councillors were also disappointed at the cases were reported from Gay/Bisexual vid Seymour, National Party Co-leader lack of information being provided in a men. The Royal Australasian College Paula Bennett and current Justice report by Auckland Transport regarding of Physicians noted in their letter that Minister, Andrew Little, paid tribute to the impact of trucks with trailers on the the Ministry had, at some level, implied Fox and her time in parliament. road among other hazards. This led to that the growing Syphilis epidemic councillors questioning the motives of could be linked to a possible decrease in Marama Fox’s resignation now leaves Auckland Transport and whether they condom use amongst Gay and Bisexual a vacancy for both a male and female are truly acting to serve the best interest Men as a result of the funding of new co-leader of the Māori party. of Auckland citizens, commenting that HIV Prevention medicine, Truvada. many people that have had to go to the However the College pointed out that - Cameron Leakey media or protest to get Auckland Trans-
6 NEWSNEWS THE BIG AUSA ELECTION FUCK UP
In our last edition of this magazine, 111 no-confidence votes cast against It was the discovery of this fact that we ran a short piece story about the him - equivalent to almost 18% of triggered the investigation, because the at-time-of-writing still-being-conducted his vote total. Anna Cusack, this fact that she had that access could have AUSA elections. year’s President, had a no-confidence hypothetically manipulated the election vote equivalent to 12% of her total outcomes - admins with the right Immediately after that issue was sent to vote-share. Will Matthews had a no level of responsibility are able to delete print, a number of new stories broke, confidence vote of around 14% in his logged responses to OrgSync polls. and with that came a number of new inaugural race. pieces of information. The Returning Officer decided that AUSA receives around $2 million per there wasn’t any evidence of any wrong- The Election: By the year in funding - derived from student doing. Numbers fees, established property holdings, and funds granted to them by the University. Emily was ultimately docked 20% of Around 40,000 students attend the her vote share for “improper use of University of Auckland. In theory, all AUSA resources” - the default punish- of them are eligible to be members in Delayed Results ment for that particular infraction, as AUSA. In practise, only about half that given in the election handbook. number are actually signed up. The election results were withheld for almost a full day so that the Returning That was not enough to change the Of those 20,000 students, only 882 Officer - who manages the logistics balance of her election, with Emily voted in this year’s election - for a fairly of the election - could investigate the ultimately winning her election race 382 miserable 4% turnout. validity of the outcome. votes to 245.
AUSA elections have struggled with Emily MacDonald, who is currently low engagement over recent years, serving as AUSA’s Student Engagement Posters torn down and single-percentage turnouts are not Officer, was given administrative access unprecedented. However, that number to “OrgSync”, which is the portal Candidate for Student Engagement is massively down from last year, which that the University and AUSA use to Vice President, Felixe Poole, has told saw a turnout of one and a half times manage on-campus events. It is also the Craccum that his his campaign posters that - around 1400 students. platform AUSA uses to run their online were pulled down by University janito- voting. rial staff on no less than three separate By comparison, the Canterbury Uni- occasions during the voting period. versity Students Association - who held In theory, that shouldn’t have been a their election campaign just a week after problem - it is possible to set up differ- Poole was one of very few candidates AUSA held theirs - had a whopping ent types of access within OrgSync for to poster as part of his campaign for 5,889 ballots cast, even with their much different kinds of events. Having that the position - a product, in part, of smaller student base. OrgSync access is an important part of the relative lack of competition in this Emily’s current role, as well. election. Normally, during election time, No-confidence numbers saw a slight the AUSA quad is fully postered. uptick, but remained roughly in roughly However, for whatever reason, that the same window as previous years. differentiated access wasn’t set up, and Emily was able to access the AUSA Poole ultimately lost in his election bid Anand Rama, who was elected AUSA election back-end. by a relatively tight margin - only 137 President in an unopposed race, had votes.
7 NEWSNEWS
THE CHELSEA MANNING VISIT
Life has been pretty good for Chelsea crimes were revealed by her honourable ence would shine unfavourable eyes on Manning ever since her sentence was actions, makes foreign nations unlikely the political instability once again ravag- commuted by Barack Obama - one of to greet you with open arms. ing the incumbent government. But the few surprising left-of-centre moves again, this was expected. So, she instead he made during his last year in office. This presents the problem of travelling conferenced via video link with Peter to New Zealand for ‘An Evening with Greste, an Australian journalist, with a When she’s not making jokes about Chelsea Manning’ – the National party sizable audience at Greste’s location. the FBI agents the following her every have very loudly demanded that she be move, she’s been an active Twitter pres- denied entry, and for a couple of days, What is most interesting about the ence, protestor, and now makes a living it did look like the Government would build-up to Manning’s visit to our shores as an in-demand public speaker, even cave in to pressure and reject Manning. is that the notorious Free Speech Coali- though she’s allowed to discuss the leaks tion, a group of supposedly egalitarian she was imprisoned for. She’s even been However, on the day of writing, this free speech absolutists that have made a Senate candidate, finishing second issue has been resolved and Ms Man- a name for themselves as being Don place in the nomination race in her state ning has the unequivocal right to do her Brash’s cheerleaders, gave an enthusias- of Maryland. talks here. Immigration New Zealand tic nod of approval to Manning’s right declared that she presented no risk and, to speak here – something which caused That being said, she still faces numer- much to the consternation of National, various eyebrows to raise, given that ous issues when it comes to earning a gladly let her into the country. But the the membership of the coalition are living – having a conviction for treason background to this decision has caused not known for having favourable views permanently tied to your name will do both smirks and frowns. on remotely leftist ideals or figures. It’s that to you. a smart strategic move to keep up a She was supposed to do an in-person veneer of consistency. A key point to remember is that her sen- talk in Australia, something which even tence was shortened by President Obama, she had doubts about whether she’d I wholeheartedly welcome Manning she was not pardoned. That means that actually make it inside the borders. This into New Zealand – she’s a wonderful obtaining Visas for international speak- is Australia, after all: they are angling person with moral convictions that ing engagements is a continual problem to be the America of the South Pacific betray the immorality she’s had to abide for her. Foreign nations get nervous on every angle. And she was right to by for close to a decade now, and I am when political prisoners, even “free” harbour those doubts – no doubt trying glad that our Government saw fit to ones, try to enter their borders. She was to please American interests, Australia’s lend credence to that idea. denied entry to Canada last year for this Immigration department denied her very reason: having treason attached ability to enter the country. There have - Lachlan Mitchell to your name, regardless of what war also been rumblings that her mere pres-
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REFLECTING AS A FEMALE ENGINEERING INTERN By Olivia Maxwell
A few weeks ago, on the last day of my can have been an A+ student, not ev- version of it the engineering profession internship, a female colleague ap- eryone is able to juggle three extracur- is suffering from. I only have my own proached me and asked for my thoughts ricular pursuits. In any given context, a observations to go on, and those are on the gender balance in our workplace. smattering of ordinaryness is very, very neither broad ranging nor particularly I considered it for a moment, and normal. This begs the question: where objective. Rather than delving into that replied that, although I was aware an were the ordinary women? further, then, let's take a step back from imbalance existed, it was not drastic the engineering workplace and look at enough that I had ever consciously Possibly, the answer lies simply in my its precursor: university. felt it. And besides, I said, all of the own biases. As a women in engineering, women who worked with us had strong perhaps I am subconsciously inclined Within the university context, my presences in the office - they were smart, to be on the lookout for other women experience as a woman in engineering well-spoken, passionate, and they made in my workplace, so they make more has been overwhelmingly positive. From themselves heard. Exactly, my colleague of an impression in my memory than my peers, I have attracted far more replied softly - they wouldn’t be here an entirely equivalent man would. judgement for my decision to study a otherwise. Alternatively, it may be a question of BA conjoint than for my decision to self selection: perhaps female engi- become an engineer. In fact, the latter She makes a good point. Every single neers feel obliged, consciously or not, choice has never been called into ques- woman in the office was exceptional. All to hold themselves to high standards tion, not once. I have never felt like I were well-known faces within the com- - to prove in case any doubters should was being treated differently to my male pany, all made memorable contributions come knocking that yes, they are just as colleagues, or that I was at a disadvan- to meetings - or at least, that was my capable of doing the job as a man. Or tage to them. In fact, in a strange sort of impression. On the surface, that sounds maybe the answer is much more vanilla way, the opposite has occasionally been fantastic. The problem is, the same than that - maybe prospective female true: come internship-hunting season, didn’t appear to be true of the men. candidates, still, are subject to more as a result of social outcome targets that interviewer scrutiny than their male most large firms have started to set, it Yes, many of them were exception- counterparts, resulting in none but the can sometimes be easier to find employ- al too, but many were also perfectly most charismatic actually getting hired ment as a female engineering student. ordinary - pleasant and competent but in the first place. unremarkable, with names and faces Of course, my experience has not been I cannot recall. I don't mean that as a This not a new problem, and in all an accident: organisations such as WEN criticism: by definition, not everyone honesty I don't know exactly which (the Women in Engineering Network)
11 pour constant (and commendable) effort suspect that the biggest problem doesn't that one too many people will look just into making female engineering students lie at university; not really, not anymore. a little too surprised when a girl suggests feel supported, and helping them to One quarter of my cohort, now in their she'd like to be an engineer. It's the risk succeed. WEN’s continued existence fourth and final year, are women. When that one too many family friends will is a reminder that gender equality in we started, in 2015, this was the highest presume to ask ‘What's it like being in engineering still needs a helping hand to percentage of women the faculty had such a male dominated degree?’ rather flourish. Moreover, even though my ex- ever had - I believe that figure has been than simply, ‘Cool, how's that going?’. perience has been a positive one, it may eclipsed since, a trend the faculty can It's the risk that young women don’t not be especially representative. Outside and should be proud of. Once here, we actually make it to the degree in the first of my gender, I am privileged in just are, largely, treated as equals, as totally place. about every other way that a person can ordinary students; by our peers and be. I suspect that shields me - both from lecturers alike. So, what can we do? The short answer experiencing, and from being aware is, we make a conscious effort to of - many of the difficulties that other Why doesn't the workplace reflect this? counteract these unconscious dissua- women in engineering face. I think (perhaps naïvely) that the answer sions. Groups such as robogals, people here is relatively straightforward: time. like Nanogirl, do a fantastic job of this One glimpse of this comes from ex- An undergraduate degree spans an age already, by promoting Engineering as an amining the ethnic diversity within the gap of four years, give or take. The accessible and exciting career option for women of my specialisation - approx- workforce spans something closer to girls. The more we pitch engineering as imately half are Asian, approximately fifty. A cultural shift takes a lot longer to a normal choice for women - not just in half are Pakeha, and that's pretty much propagate through that many genera- our fliers, but in our actions, our small- it. It would be easy enough to chalk this tions of engineers. But, as my cohort talk - the more it will become so. up to a small sample size, or to being a rise up the ranks of the workforce, the reflection of the wider lack of diversity open attitude which now welcomes To return to the colleague I mentioned in higher education. I don't doubt that female engineers at university will even- at the beginning: yes, female engineers both of these are factors. However, a tually, I hope, become entrenched in the still face barriers. Through no doing of small glance at the men in my class, and workplace psyche too. my own, I have been fortunate enough their (comparatively) greater diversity, to sidestep many of them - others have suggests those are not the only factors The persisting risk to female engineers, not been so lucky. We're not over the hill at play. then, as far as I can see, lies not in the yet. But, at least from my corner of the workplace, or at university, but in the at- world, it feels like we’re headed in the Even taking that into account, though, I titudes of everyday people. It's the risk right direction.
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14 EATING YOUR DUMPLING CHILD: IT SOUNDS ATTRACTIVE, BUT DON’T DO IT
{Brian Gu cogitates upon the recent and infamous Dumpling short film} It’s unfortunate that I begin this article with a negative tone, how it examines the rift between two distant generations. but I’ve recently been informed of something that’s kind of An elderly immigrant lady, who we later find is missing the a bummer. For those of you who regularly read Craccum (no, company of her adult son, adopts a dumpling she makes as the jokes come later in the article), you would have read the her own child. Of course, only the adorable and downright hot dog review I did around the city last semester. Well, it loveable animation of Pixar would be capable of transform- turns out the place I gave the highest rating had to shut down ing such a dubious story into an entertaining tale. However, recently, proving my stamp of approval is about as good as the underlying tone that director Shi manages to strike is a death sentence. In the drastic hopes of redeeming myself, parental neglect in Asian immigrant culture. It is a cultural I have decided to tackle another review, and this week it’s recurrence she harbours strong feelings of indignation to- a ground-breaking Pixar short! Because while my favourite wards, and she succeeds in projecting her profound emotions hot dog place fell victim to my frightful recommendation, I onto the screen. rest assured I won’t manage to get Pixar shut down with this As the film focused its attention on abandonment within review. the Asian immigrant community, the consequence is that it Anyways, now that I’ve managed to settle back into my hectic shines a light on this minority group in particular. However, I uni schedule, I’ve been rewarded with the time to reflect on do believe that neglect is cause for suffering in many cultures the four-week mid-year break. Having gotten as little done other than my own. This poses the question of whether the over this time as Elon Musk in the recent Thailand cave issue of parental neglect is pertinent only to Asian immigrant rescue, it leaves me pondering the question of where all my culture. Well, I would have asked my parents for their stance, time has disappeared to. Now, if you were to ask about the but it’s hard when you’re actively trying to avoid them (ask six seasons of Suits I’ve unapologetically binge-watched it’d be Andrew why this writer’s appalling and distasteful jokes keep a different story! Not to mention the countless hours I’ve ac- getting published by emailing [email protected]). cumulated on FIFA as well, that’s where my time went! Forget A downside I found to Shi’s short film is that it makes Romeo and Juliet, that’s a real tragedy right there. Incredibles 2 a flick to avoid before dinnertime, otherwise it As I was saying, my break did include some exciting events. quickly transforms Bao into a feature-length advertisement for And now that the dreary task of the long semester ahead has that Chinese place down the road. I mean, how could a film finished daunting me, I think it’s come time to finally shed about steamed buns possibly not make you hungry? some light on one of the biggest events of these past weeks; Yet the greatest problem I had sitting through Bao was it be- that dumpling movie at the start of Incredibles 2. That’s right, ing loaded with subtle racism. While the sensitive premise of I’m not even going to give you the pleasure of a segue. Bao warranted sympathy for its characters, Pixar’s animation If you’ve got no idea what I’m talking about, then I’d have was guilty of exploiting stereotype for comic effect. But with to tell you that compulsive lying is a terrible habit. If you’re the cultural impact of this short, it seems almost as if I were still without a clue, then it looks like I’ll be playing along. Fans picking at straws to raise such a concern. Rarely in main- of Pixar would know that the studio typically precedes their stream media do we see a work presented that is so culturally feature films with an animated short, and for this year’s grand significant to a minority community. And I’m not talking in return of everyone’s favourite superhero family The Incredibles, terms of Kung Fu Panda or Pocahontas. I’m talking about Chinese-Canadian director Domee Shi serves up her short a film which reflects the suppressed hardship and challenges film Bao. A tale of family and abandonment, high praise has of a generation so distant from home. Bao is a relic for the im- been sung to the film’s creator for producing a work so cultur- migrant Chinese community. And if that isn’t reason enough ally significant to the Asian immigrant community. to rejoice for you, I hear Elon Musk is also joining the fight for diversity. He’s requested a special order of submarines to Where the film particularly manages to strike a chord is prevent people drowning in cultural insensitivity.
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16 BLOOMING CHAOS ART & WORDS BY JESSICA THOMAS
I’ve retreated outside today. Retreated from the storm of papers, pencil shavings and cold, half empty cups of tea that have taken over bedroom/ office/ panic cave. The walls are a frantic mass of post-its, my bed is a foreign country from which I am separated by a sea of semi-petri- fied washing that is about to walk itself to the machine. But with all the willpower I possess I’ve pried my fingers from the keys and come outside.
My brain, my beds (both varieties) are a tangle of weeds, to do lists, overgrown hedges, deadlines, and basil that’s gone to seed, bitter with neglect. (See fig. 1)
How did it get this way? Come walk with me and let’s review, shall we?
I need some air. Deep breath in. Out. It’s nice out here. What’s not so nice is the snarling, neglected, overgrown cesspit that is my garden. This tangled mess of weeds is the result of too much ‘yes’ manure. (See fig. 7) Some people use horse poo, others use sheep. I prefer ‘yes’; it gets the garden growing nicely – just in all the wrong directions. All this ‘yes’ means that I’ve been holed up in my office writing and marking essays and researching and footnot- ing and working on all the things that I should not have said ‘yes’ to but did because I have a crippling sense of inadequacy that only gets worse if I actually try and take care of myself by saying ‘no’ to people. This is not my garden. On our left we have the pot of YesICan, planted when I This is not the garden pinterest told me I would have took on a new research project (see fig 2.). This plant is a when I planted those seeds a year ago. I was promised curious variety, not often found in one’s average King’s topiary hedges and cute bushels of basil and parsley encir- Plant Barn. This seedy weed was much more needy than cling vines bursting with plump tomatoes. I was lead to believe by the packet instructions. It requires I was promised an Italian oasis that would make me feel I constant attention, must be nourished with midnight oil, like I was living in some boho organic retreat and not on a caffeine, and bites if left alone for more than two minutes. main road in the Auckland suburbs. It was meant to look pretty with decorative flowers and But no. Thanks to ‘yes’, my mess has followed me. be a nice addition to the I’veGotThis bush. Instead it looks
17 like the kind of wig in the costume box that no one wants gold medals and research grants to exotic countries. to wear. It didn’t. Why? Because I didn’t have the 27+ daily hours it takes to prune this monster, or the time to water it with a spray bottle while playing Mozart on the cello. This is the tree whose every need must be seen to immediately but whose requirements are so plentiful that it is inevitable that at least ten will fall through the cracks. Therefore, it is not blooming with congratulations. I see no medals on its scrawny branches. Instead I see a wasted stump that looks as vibrant as the contents of my fridge, which has not been stocked in exactly 8435 ¼ days.
There, that’s our tour. Now. Review questions.
Did your overtired tour guide get herself into this ludi- crous position where she lives at risk of being consumed by flesh-eating flora by: Let’s take another step down ‘look what you’ve done lane’ a) thinking too much and see here, on our right, the bed of Pointless Pansies. (See b) not thinking enough fig. 3) These were yet another addition to an already busy c) thinking she can do it all garden that add nothing to its aesthetic appeal and yet they were going for free and if I didn’t take them, who d) thinking too much about what everyone will think of would? I felt obligated to take on the challenge and now, her instead of pretty pink and lavender blooms, I have some e) thinking up consequences to situations that don’t even dead twigs drooping over dry soil. Well done me. exist Don’t dawdle, much more incompetence to see. f) all of the above. Oh, look! Here we have the Fruitless Fig Tree. Another interesting project that could have been left for someone You’re right! The answer is F! Stands for fuck yes, I am an else. Must be planted exactly 2 cm deep in well ventilat- idiot who gave up her sanity for the approval and applause ed soil and sung to every evening at exactly 7:01 or will of strangers for whom I do favours that inevitably cost spontaneously combust. me more (in lives and grey hairs) than any sum they could ever pay.
But I’m not blaming them. No, I’m blaming my lack of spine and self-respect, the combination of which meant I said ‘yes’ to everything and have since drowned myself in immortal post-its and endless To Do lists.
So here’s what I’m learning. Our thoughts and deeds are seeds- plant good ones. Ones that are easy to take care of because they only grow good things, like lavender and countdown vouchers and home deposits. Plant too many things and you’ll wind up taking care of nothing. While I am by no means an expert on how to plant a perfect mind, I do seem to be an expert on how NOT to do it. So, by some complicated physics that I don’t understand (see fig. 6), I am proof of a negative outcome, and am therefore an expert in achieving the opposite. And here, at the end of the garden, we have the piece de Translation: Perhaps turning my garden into a place of resistance, the NoI’mNotTooBusy Tree. (See fig. 5) hellfire and damnation is what qualifies me to stand at the To its left is the overgrown Iforgotto hedge. But we won’t gate of the nearest plant emporium screaming ‘STOP!’ look at that. at people as they drive away with their boots full of ‘yes’ manure and satanic shrubs. Back to the tree. This tree was meant to produce stunning certificates of congratulations that bloom in summer into I don’t care, I’m standing on my soap box anyway. Be- cause I wish someone had screamed at me when I came
18 home with all these plant projects and said that I could get since 1976, eating cold baked beans out of the can with a it all done. (Though, realistically, would I have listened? Or plastic spork. would I have smiled and said ‘of course I can manage’ while No. sipping my third triple shot espresso.) That will not be me. I wish I had stopped to look at all of it and measure what I Because I rest now, enjoy what I am doing, learn to be con- had given myself against what I could actually achieve. tent with doing one thing well, I will succeed at that one thing and enjoy the process of completing it. I will look at my garden and think, I made this. Not, ‘how the hell did I get here?????’ And run away scream- ing to my pile of semi-petrified laundry. So, learn from me dear reader. Plant good seeds. Beware the weeds. Beware plant packet instructions. They lie. Know what you can do. And do just that. Don’t expect more, embrace and love what you’re capable of. Extend yourself, sure, but not to the detriment of your sanity or self respect. But now I’m here. You are enough. And while crying is therapeutic and necessary for a bit, is not Rest. going to help me. Breathe in. Out. So I get stuck in. Now go hack those weeds. I pull out weeds. I make new lists to replace the ones I chewed (either out of stress or because in my sleep-deprived state I thought they were noodles). I clear out that garden to make calm come out of the chaos. There’s a lot of tears, a lot of screaming, and a lot of naughty words, but I do it. And I resolve that next time, I will plant one thing. Just one. (See fig. 8) I will give all my time and attention to that one special plant and make it my baby. I will not crowd it out with decorative topiary and mosaic tiles and fountains and gnomes fishing. Instead I will focus on making that one thing that one plant, beautiful. And because I chose just one, I will actually have the time and the headspace to do that. (See fig. 9) I will sit with that one thing, let the thoughts that tell me I am not doing enough, I am not impressive enough, and I have spare time that ought to be filled with things because having spare time means I’m lazy and there are people working harder than me getting head of me, and I am falling behind and going to wind up living in my grandmother’s basement among all the copies of The Listener that she’s been hoarding
19 MUSICMUSIC
pushbacks from June 15th to August 10, the lackluster response to “Chun-Li” and “Barbie Tingz”, her singles failing to gain traction, the collaboration with an alleged pedophile 6ix9ine in a desperate attempt to reach number 1 on Billboard, altogether created a haze of uncertainty about the sonic landscape that Queen would sit in and what the album itself would look like. Would Queen be the album that solidified Nicki place as the self proclaimed queen of rap? Yeah, nah.
Queen is a bloated album of 19 songs Negro Swan by Blood bullied and beat up as a child, with the that fail to inspire and bluster. Even with Orange former’s visceral hook of “First kiss was assistance from stars like the Weeknd the floor”, then into his teens with the on “Thought I Knew You”, Lil Wayne Dev Hynes’ fourth album as Blood experimental yet catchy “Nappy Won- on “Rich Sex”, Eminem on “Majesty”, Orange, Negro Swan, is a complex med- der” which touches on skateboarding as Ariana Grande on “Bed” and Swae itation through black depression, black a form of escapism, and finally into his Lee on “Chun Swae”, the album lacks existence and the ongoing anxieties of adult years with tracks like “Saint” and cohesion and feels bloated - like 19 queer people of colour, combined with “Runnin’”. tracks put together to increase stream- his own autobiographical experiences. ing numbers.There are some highlights However it is also his most hopeful The highlight “Chewing Gum” which - Nicki Minaj's flow on “Chun Li” is un- album to date, with hope being an un- features contributions from A$AP Rocky deniably powerful and club ready, and derlying theme connecting all the tracks and Three 6 Mafia’s Project Pat is the “Barbie Dreams” where Nicki delivers together. The transitions from one track album’s most hip-hop influenced track, punchy disses to her contemporaries like to the next are extremely effective, touching on the exhaustion felt from Safaree, Young Thug, and Drake over transporting the listener from one place Hyne’s ongoing anxieties and trauma, a Lil Kim and Biggie influenced tracks. to another, and immersing them within and while still insanely vibey, Hynes also However, the lows are not just substan- Hynes’ world. The background sounds manages to combine it with a tribute to dard, they are forgettable - with Nicki of a busy New York City, as well as the original Memphis rap sound. insisting on the same tired pop-rap writer/transgender activist Janet Mock’s singing on “Come See About Me”, and narratives leading into each track also Negro Swan is an impressive record, drift- songs like “Nip Tuck” sound like Minaj serve to only emphasise the listener’s ing free from the boundaries of musical herself was bored making making it. experience, and the degree in which we structure while also empowering the Nicki still has her punchy flow, her ear can relate to Hynes’ crafted world. marginalised. for beats, and braggadocious self-con- fidence, but on Queen these qualities On first listen, the album appears spars- -Chris Wong cannot account for the shallowness of er this time, lacking the funk grooves of the tracks. There is no definitive voice - Freetown Sound and Cupid Deluxe, however merely self aggrandising statements that there is more depth in the arrangements Queen by Nicki Minaj sound hollow, with no strong moments of his typically dreamy and reverbed that solidify her as the queen of rap. instrumentation, which shows off his It would be an understatement to say growth since his last record. “Jewelry” is that 2018 has been a tough year for No one can take Nicki's previous an experimental highlight which encap- Nicki Minaj.The threatening rise of achievements away from her, for sulates black joy and acts as somewhat Cardi B in her previously single handed example her status as the highest selling as the centrepiece of the album. The rap scene domination, the childish female rapper, but Queen leaves the im- album reaches all the way back into his clapbacks that led to firing of Toronto pression that Nicki Minaj is the queen childhood memories with opener “Or- culture writer Wanna Thompson over of the past but maybe not the future. lando” and the murky, ethereal “Dagen- criticism, the slut shaming comments ham Dream” which detail him being made in Elle, the multiple album - Olisa Unakalamba
20 MUSICMUSIC
personal, intimate, and stripped back delivered well, but the subject matter Daydreamer by sound. Maxwell's voice with its effortless veers into grating territory on some Maxwell Young simplicity shines through alongside the records like “1999”. The lyrics on some production which shows a ton of diver- songs also lean heavily into teenage Daydreamer is the debut project of 18 year sity both for a musician so young and for stereotypes and cliches such as “manic old Wellington based teenager Maxwell an album that consists of 9 songs. pixie dream girl”, however Young’s pro- Young. Rising to internet prominence duction saves them by making the tracks within the digital hip hop beat making The DIY pop self-produced album is interesting and captivating. community, he had his beats featured sonically diverse with elements of auto- in Casey Neistat's videos and made tune, vocal layering, heavy drums and If the strength of an entirely self pro- the switch from hip hop to pop a few brooding guitar all melding together in duced album like Daydreamer is anything years ago. Maxwell describes this as a a way that creates a captivating experi- to go by, Maxwell has a unique voice “debut diary” and Daydreamer is dreamy ence for the listener. The vocals on this that'll take him very far. bedroom pop at is core with songs like album with assistance from fellow indie “Goldeneye” showing the beauty of this artists like Clairo and Lontalius are - Olisa Unakalamba
THEATRETHEATRE
student boarder James (Justin Rogers) Onam party for the guests, complete Mrs. Krishnan’s Party when he extends us, the audience, an with remixed Indian dance beats, and invitation to join what was intended to we’re fully immersed in the drama that Mrs. Krishnan’s Party picks up 20 years on be a family soiree. In between all this ensues. from Indian Ink’s very first (and perhaps cause for celebration Mrs. Krishnan most well recognised) production Krish- is grappling with the hard decision of As a diaspora kid with her roots in Ker- nan’s Dairy, continuing a masterful legacy selling up the cherished family dairy. ala, I was pretty intrigued to see how of exuberant, original and veritably Still, we’re treated to Mrs. Krishnan’s the production would centre such an touching Indian-inspired Kiwi theatre. very generous Indian hospitality (and important occasion within the narrative, banter) – given floral garlands, bindis, and Mrs. Krishnan’s Party did not disap- The play unfolds in the home of the and scarves – to join in on the joyous point, capturing the magic of commu- no-nonsense but good-hearted Mrs. occasion celebrating the mythical nity celebration quite unlike any other Krishan as she prepares for the arrival King Mahabali, whose spirit is said to production I’ve attended, with many of her son in time for the auspicious return to Kerala during Onam. Dressed audience members staying behind after Indian festival of Onam – only to have the part, loudmouthed ‘DJ Jimmy’ the show to enjoy some warm dahl and her plans upended by her excitable James is determined to put on the best rice with the cast (cooked on set!). Kaly- ani Nagarajan is absolutely magical in her role, I was lost in her performance of the wisecracking Zina Krishnan clamouring about, rattling off instruc- tions to startled audience members, and her rapport with the audience allowed the suspension of disbelief necessary to take us outside of the set onstage.
Mrs. Krishnan’s Party is a charming, inno- vative production, and well-worth the ticket to the party.
- Naomi Simon-Kumar
21 BOOKSBOOKS
The Hate U Give expertly expresses every emotion, every concerned, confused, flawed, and full of heartache, every heinous injustice love. It is beyond refreshing. If you haven’t already read The Hate U felt by the people who inspired her, Give by Angie Thomas, and want to be through her main character Starr Thomas’ closing remark from her one of those people who reads the book Carter. acknowledgements is a good note to before seeing the film, you have until leave on, and an indication of how you October! Reading Starr and her family as charac- should expect to feel after putting this ters is like having a conversation with a book down; The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas is real person – Thomas has written them young adult fiction at its finest – it is so perfectly that I feel like I know them “And to every kid in Georgetown and real, it is raw, emotional, hilarious at personally. Starr’s parents are some of in all “the Gardens” (Starr’s neighbour- times, and so poignant that when I the most wonderfully written parents hood) of the world: your voices matter, finished it, I couldn’t pick up another I have ever come across. I’m sick of your dreams matter, your lives matter. book for the rest of the day (a big deal parents in YA novels being portrayed as Be roses in the concrete.” for me). The book was born from the clueless, hurtful, and uninvolved. Starr’s #blacklivesmatter movement and in parents are everything you’d expect - Gemma Henderson this, her debut novel, Angie Thomas the parents of a 16-year-old girl to be;
TELEVISIONTELEVISION
Bite Me, Insatiable ‘Insatiable’ is a wreck. Every attempt at weak joke. The show begins with Bob humour is blatant and bad - there are no Armstrong (Dallas Roberts) being falsely Rating:1/5 subtleties, which is pretty surprising for a accused of molesting his student, another TV show attempting satire. The charac- topic dealt with bad humour as he and Writing a review about Netflix’s ‘Insa- terisation of every person is inconsistent his wife Coralee (Alyssa Milano) jump tiable’ is actually a lot harder than it with their motives, these same motives through hurdles for the next few episodes seems.. As pointed out by many other changing each episode (why is Bob Arm- to regain their social status. reviewers not only is the show incredible strong really helping Patty?), and nothing fatphobic it also boasts a POC count of about the show seems sincere (what Patty’s best friend Nonnie Thompson three across an entire season, and treats exactly is the relationship dynamic be- (Kimmy Shields) is a lesbian, so of disturbing content like statutory rape as tween Patty and her mother?). What the course the show makes a great deal a punchlines to poor jokes. supposed satire ‘Insatiable’ is really trying of jokes at her expense, particularly to comment on I’m not sure, and nor are throughout the first half of the show. Let’s start from the beginning. ‘Insa- the show’s creators either it seems. She only comes to terms with her tiable’ follows high school junior Patty sexuality via a stereotype, falling in love Bladell’s (Debby Ryan) transformation ‘Insatiable’ handles every social justice with her straight best friend, and ulti- from fat and bullied to skinny and issue it attempts to talk about poorly. The mately presents herself as another two beautiful. Over summer, she drastically show tries to address bullying and ends up dimensional character on a show trying loses 70 lbs after having her jaw wired being fatphobic, LGBTQ issues and ends so very hard to be complex. shut after being punched in the face by up presenting a half baked, misinformed a homeless man, who had attempted view on the community, and genuinely The show is unsatisfying, filled with to steal her chocolate bar. We then watch makes a joke out of the adult-child sexual plot holes, poor writing, and a con- Patty - thin Patty - revel in her new relationships that take place. Only once fused script. It supports controversial body and get boyfriends, partake in does a character even mention that what views, has no redeemable or interesting beauty pageants, and extract revenge on happened between 16 year old Brick characters, and leaves its audience on all her bullies from her past. Not only Armstrong (Michael Provost) and early an unnecessary cliffhanger that leaves is the plotline subpar, filled with cliches 40s Regina Sinclair (Arden Myrin) was nobody wanting more. and predictability, it also struggles to statutory rape, and even still the com- deliver a clear message. ment is brushed off in favour of another - Nandita Bhatnagar
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3D IN SHADOWS BAR 18 SEPTEMBER FROM 6PM R18 23 24 ARTSARTS INTERVIEWINTERVIEW NAPPIES AND BAYCORP
{Moss Bioletti interviews Tom Scott of Avantdale Bowling Club}
Hi Tom, how are you? What are some of your favourite What are some of the dominant songs on the record? Or ones you themes on the record? And the Peace Moss, I'm good thanks bruv. How feel anxious about people listen- overall mood? Is it all auto-bi- are you? ing to? ographical like the new single you released "Years Gone By"? I’ve got no favourites to be honest and Good man! The title has me think- I'm not anxious about it anymore. Yeah, it's an autobiography pretty ing, are you into playing bowls at I'm just happy to get it out, like a good much. I don't know how to rap kind of the bowling club? Is there a story essay or something you know. I won't fantasy fiction or crime drama or stuff behind the name of the record? listen to it for another 4 years or some- like that. I mean some of favourite rap Or is the title just a geographic thing and maybe then I'll like it. I music is that though. Maybe my next spot that got seared into your only just started liking the @peace re- shit will be about dragons and dead brain and memory banks as a cord 'pieces' we did 4 years back. But I bogan skeleton knights and shit. This youth? don't wanna hear any of this new album record's just mainly about nappies and now for a while. I worked too hard on Baycorp though. My old man was at the Avondale Bowl- it. Thrashed it to death. If I had to pick ing Club one day and he texted me a a track though, maybe the last random photo of the sign. I was living track, there are no words so I can keep What were some of the high and in Melbourne at the time and I was low reinterpreting it how I want. low points of making the record? key homesick. It just made me feel that Was it a hard project to put to- way you know! So I was gonna name Is it all live instrumentation on gether like lyrics and rap wise or my album that but then it turned into a the record or are their classic did it just flow? band instead. sampled hip-hop beats as well? Definitely, the hardest thing I've ever But yeah, I fuck with bowls clubs hard. It’s all live. made. Don't misquote that cause Good beer, good excuse for overly that statement will lead to severe disap- competitive fights with friends, unpre- pointment. It was more so hard to get tentious people (apart from pretentious How is your Dad? Does his bass to a point where I was happy with it. It people like me gentrifying it), I probably playing feature on the new re- was hard to go through the shit I went ruined bowls clubs naming my album cord? through to write it. Growing up. Moving that actually, might get on croquet next. out of the country. Coming back home. Yeah, he played on two joints. He's Feeling like a failure. Feeling like an good thanks bruv. outcast, etc, etc. And it was hard to
25 ARTSARTS INTERVIEWINTERVIEW
have to be responsible for the sound of cords that are high quality which Newmarket and their music is trash. it. I couldn't just put the producer in is awesome for listeners? They had some warped idea that they'd charge of everything and focus on be overnight rich doing this but that's far the rhymes. End of the day it was my Being a father affects a lot of shit. It from the truth. Even the people at the monster I created and people are gonna prioritises your life for you. You start top of the industry here are broke. Unless judge me for what happens with it so to focus more on what's important and you're like Six60 or some shit. But I'd yeah, it was hard carrying that pressure. cut the bullshit out of your day so that rather be homeless than be that. But yeah Next album I'm getting a ghostwriter. you can have more time to do what you if I had some advice I'd just say... don't do need to, or... it doesn't. If you want you this. Find a better career like, you could be could just be Drake. a human lab rat for pharmaceutical trials I saw that the new album is being or a career criminal. released on vinyl which is awe- some! Are you excited about that? Any words of advice for your beat How do you generally listen to makers and rappers? Aka any Has being educated in philosophy music? Online, CD, tape, vinyl, words of wisdom, you would've affected your music and your life? Spotify, pirated? loved to have known when you Do you have a favourite philoso- were younger but may not have pher? Vinyl, Spotify, CD, Blu-ray, MiniDisc, been given? Do you think it's LimeWire, bird sanctuary, the bass amp important to take a long-term Definitely. I always liked that dude Dio- of that old guy busking at the Superval- approach to a career in music? genes. He never wrote anything down ue, the car driving past playing UB40 cause he said his lifestyle spoke louder on siren, etc, etc. I think if you're not prepared to be broke than his philosophy. There's a story that doing this, don't do it. I know Alexander the Great went looking for dudes who started out doing this when I him out once because he wanted him Has being a Father now affected did and acted like they were all about to be his tutor. Diogenes was digging your creative output levels? You it but now they're in London in the stock through some rubbish bin, Alexander seem to be putting out a lot of re- market. Or in the Birkenstock in asked 'what are you doing?' and Dio- genes replied 'I'm trying to distinguish the bones of your slaves from the bones of your father'... so yeah, he's tight. But I think there are modern day philosophers that we should acknowledge also, taxi drivers for instance. If anyone's done statistically significant research on the human condition, it's them.
Where is the best place to get our hands on a copy of your new release?
Hit me up.
@tomscottygb on Instagram
@avantdalebowlingclub on Facebook
Thanks for the awesome inter- view Tom!
Ay peace Moss. Thanks for having me bruv.
26 NZ_crusher_ad_F copy.pdf 2 7/13/18 2:04 PM
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www.skullcandy.co.nz ARTWORK BY DAPHNE ZHENG 28 ARTSARTS SPOTLIGHTSPOTLIGHT
UPCOMING CONSOLE GAMES TO GET HYPED FOR
{Brian Gu details some console games he’s extremely hyped for}
Final Fantasy VII in that at all. They deserve to be relived that a game of epic proportions is in the Remake a million times over. works.
For years, die-hard fans of Final Fantasy Release Date: TBC (2018 aim, but potentially Release Date: TBC (2018 aim, but potentially have been calling for the resurrection 2019) 2019) of the original Playstation’s crowning jewel. So, Square Enix provided a HD Hype Factor: 9/10 Hype Factor: 7/10 remaster of the game. But while time didn’t kill the timeless story of Final Fantasy 7, it also deemed it unworthy Death Stranding FIFA 19 of the next generation console. So, the angels at Square Enix relented, and An open-world, stealth action-adventure game A football simulation game from EA Sports. rewarded us our long-desired remake. from Kojima Productions. Admittedly, I’ve thrown in a bit of a For those who have not played Final For the most part, I would assume that cheat here, since the next instalment of Fantasy 7, it is the pinnacle of JPRGs. this game would need little introduction, a series providing us with yearly games And no, it is not an ‘anime game’ other than me telling you the project is isn’t really a surprise to anyone. But (which, I still insist, is a ridiculous accu- being directed by Hideo Kojima. The there’s a lot to dissect, and get excited sation). Final Fantasy weaves emotional man behind the iconic Metal Gear Sol- for, in this next edition, so here are some storytelling, tragedy, romance… every- id series, his production company has of the features FIFA fans should come thing. Just everything. And they’ve got since disbanded from Konami and have to expect. a killer composer who nails the score been developing this game since 2015. every time. There are plenty new aspects of the It is a game that, save teasers here and game introduced into this version. Eu- In recent years, the franchise has failed there, we know very little about. But rope’s major tournaments are coming in delivering games which restore the with Kojima behind the scenes, a name to the game: the UEFA Champions namehood to its former glory. So, as synonymous with high-quality video League and Europa League. There’ll a result, it has been going back on its game content, the general consensus also be new way to play kick off; the one former games. And there’s no problem amongst the community is to expect I most look forward to being survival,
29 ARTSARTS SPOTLIGHTSPOTLIGHT
where a player gets taken off each time 2013’s Tomb Raider, who was thrust survival-horror genre – The Last of you score. into a quest more for survival rather Us (TLOU). Now, five years later, the than conquest. She has matured, and so sequel is on the verge on being released, And the other notable aspect of FIFA too her combat and survival instinct has and rightfully so, the game is the subject 19 is that the Chinese Super League sharpened, and the reworked combat of immense anticipation amongst the will be coming to the game! With stars and character control aspects of the gaming community. like Oscar, Hulk, Ramires and Paulinho game reflect that. (who, funnily are all Brazilian), it is a A genre that seemed long past its glory league that is rapidly growing in excite- Square Enix has drawn a lot of praise days of when the original Silent Hill ment and quality, proving that football is for their rebooted Lara Croft trilogy. graced the PS1, the original TLOU out to conquest the world. The games have introduced the iconic was a masterpiece that brought female character to a newer generation stealth-action back to life. Typical of Of course, there’ll always be people of gamers and served as a satisfying most survival-horror games, it is set in who’ll argue that EA Sports get away return for the older generation as well. a post-apocalypse world and follows a with releasing the exact same game young girl Ellie and parental figure Joel every year. And I guess if you take the I’d tell you I wasn’t excited for this as they struggle for survival and safety. tweaks away, it more or less really is. game, but that would be a lie. Sentimental value; check.
Release Date: September 28th 2018 Release Date: 14th September 2018 If any more doubts about this game linger in your mind, I’d feel compelled Hype Factor: 5/10 Hype Factor: 8/10 to tell you that on the cover of its case, TLOU boasts the honour of having ‘over two hundred Game of The Year Shadow of the Tomb The Last of Us Part II awards’. Which must have been a tre- Raider mendous honour for the development The long-awaited sequel to Naughty Dog’s team, but such a hassle for the poor The curtain closer to Square Enix’s Lara Croft 2013 action-adventure, stealth, survival-horror guy from Naughty Dog who had to go reboot trilogy, game. around collecting all of these.
Another game to anticipate from Now this is the game to get hyped for. Release Date: TBC (2018 aim, but potentially Square Enix, the three game Lara Croft 2019) trilogy draws to a close with this final From the people who, believe it or not, instalment. From what we know of the brought you Crash Bandicoot, Naugh- Hype Factor: 10/10 game, the protagonist is no longer the ty Dog surpassed all expectation in young, terrified Lara Croft we see in delivering their original homage to the
30 HOROSCOPESHOROSCOPES STAR SIGNS AS HIT SONGS FROM THE EARLY 2000S
Aries (March 21-April 19) Leo (July 23-August 22) Sagittarius (November 22 -December 21) Umbrella - Rihanna (2007) Oops I did it again - Britney Spears (2000) The Real Slim Shady - Eminem • The protective friend (2000) • Can’t handle their drinks • Goes the extra mile for themed parties • Wildest date stories • Can be a bit flakey • Can dish it but can’t take it • Will end up having 4+ children • Probably did the “questions” feature • Obsessed with plants on instagram • First to leave a party Taurus (April 20-May 20) • Volunteers as Class Rep • Loves to complain
Bye Bye Bye - NSYNC (2000) Virgo (August 23 Capricorn (December -September 22) 22 -January 19) • Low key sentimental • Has little to no self control In Da Club - 50 Cent (2003) Get ur Freak On - Missy Elliott • Sucks at keeping secrets (2001) • Cleans to procrastinate • A bit of a Food snob • Always in shadows • Sits at the front in lecture theaters Gemini (May 21-June 20) • Has a playlist for everything • Tendency to run away from problems • Has the longest rants • Will be blunt with their advice Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis • Picks up a new hobby every 6 months (2007) Libra (September 23 -October 22) Aquarius (January 20 - • Still getting over their first love February 18) • Most prone to mood swings A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carl- • Clubbing in Kong every saturday ton (2001) Bootylicious - Destiny’s Child • Irrationally angry about petty things (2001) • Takes the longest time to get ready Cancer (June 21-July 22) • Has a quote for everything • Terrible at driving • Tends to repeat the same mistakes • Always gets caught eating in Gen Lib Where is the Love? - Black Eyed • Has a photo album that could destroy • Will uber everywhere Peas (2003) you • Never checks their notifications
• Tends to be overdramatic Scorpio (October 23 Pisces (February 19 to • A bit of a hoarder -November 21) March 20) • Loves to give advice but can’t take it • Easily convinced to go out Complicated - Avril Lavigne (2002) Irreplaceable - Beyonce (2006)
• Defensive about their relationships • Loves to start petitions • Constantly trying to fight somebody • Edits all their friends essays • Disappears for months at a time • Can never hand in things on time • Is terrible with technology • Changes hairstyles every week
31 FOODFOOD KALE SALAD
I know that when I proclaim my love for 2. Fill up your kettle to the maximum into the bowl as well, if you are kale it can really divide the room, but and let that boil. adding a cucumber this is the time to this kale salad recipe is a bit different do that as well. from the others. And anyway, eating 3. When the water comes to the boil kale makes me feel healthy and good pour the hot water all over the kale. 7. Now drain your kale of all water and about myself, so I suggest (particularly Leave it in for 20 second, making take all water off the leaves as much on a day you’ve been giving your liver sure that the kale is fully submerged. as you can. a middle finger!), treat yourself to this The kale should go darker in colour lovely kale salad. and should lose its stiffness. 8. When this is done start chopping the kale into bite size pieces. You The key to this salad is the light blanch- 4. Repeat the process if the kale still can place the pieces straight into ing, which in my opinion makes the looks pale and is stiff, but this time the salad bowl with the rest of the texture more edible. And it is seasoned let it sit for 10 second rather than 20. vegetables. with garlic and soy sauce so please try at home it really is a #snaq. 5. Drain the kale of hot water and now 9. Once you have all your vegetables let the kale rest in cold water, the in the same bowl start mixing them Ingredients colder the better. This will improve together. the colour and the texture. Leave it For the salad in there while you make the dressing 10.Now add the half the cranberries 500g of kale and prep the other vegetables. and half of the nuts and seeds and 1 carrot mix again. Garnish with the rest of 2 tomatoes 6. Grate your carrot and put that in the nuts and seeds. Enjoy! 1 cucumber (optional) your salad bowl. Cut the tomatoes ¼ cup of cranberries (optional) into bite size wedges and put those - Hazel Oh ¼ cup of roasted seeds and nuts of your choice
For the dressing 4 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil 1 tablespoon of soy sauce 1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar 1 clove of garlic
Preparation
The Dressing
1. In your salad bowl, measure out the olive oil, soy sauce and vinegar and grate your clove of garlic and mix these together. Season to taste and if you want more of any of the condiments to heighten the flavour do so.
Prepping The Kale
1. Wash your kale carefully and place in a large bowl.
32 Eccentric Life Advice COLUMN by Astrid Crossland
19: HOW TO LOCATE YOUR INSTINCT Each week Astrid Crossland provides instructions on how to improve your life in some small but important ways.
In advanced studies of the self, you may occasionally notice an unusual sensation within yourself, usually when you are thinking very deeply. It may manifest as a tingling feeling, or a twang deep inside yourself, or a brightness spreading across your mind. That feeling is your instinct. Instincts can, of course, be wrong. They are fallible and flighty and sometimes cannot be roused when you could use them most. I think it would be reductive to tell you to trust your in- stinct, so I shan’t. Instead, I will tell you that your instinct cannot be ignored, least it overcome you entirely one full moon’s eve.
Nevertheless, there will come a time when you feel an immeasurable pull towards a particular decision - that is your instinct. While you have that feeling, take note of your surroundings. Instinct is beyond bodily, it is the feeling of knowing, of knowing what is right for you. If you maintain a holistic approach to the world, an omen may present itself to you, further narrowing your instinctive response. Everybody has different omens, so I will not elaborate much further here, save to detail that things which make you smile are good omens.
If you have continued trouble locating your instinct, you may find divina- tion a useful tool. Depending on your personality, you may find card, tile, or weather patterns amplify the resonance of your instinct. I use a set of tarot I bought years ago although I have also had success staring deeply into the your instinct is at large as well as to regular practice, you ought to have ocean. Practicing refocusing your mind determine some of the subtler aspects continued success finding your instinct will make it easier to both identify when between fight, flight, and freeze. With and putting it to better use.
33 COLUMNCOLUMN HOLLYWOO by Lachlan Mitchell
MY TRIP TO RIVERDALE Each week Lachlan Mitchell, glorified tabloid writer, tries to cover up that he is blatantly copying Vanity Fair.
I started watching Riverdale over the remain popular as nostalgia content for I think that was the point where I was break upon it being recommended to baby boomers wishing to pass on fond like ‘Yeah, okay, I know where we’re at me by the wonderful Craccum staff, as memories of better, easier days to their now. No problem.’ Once Betty started my excitement over the undoubtedly offspring, with said offspring doing the sliding up and down on that stripper pole Too Edgy For Life Sabrina reboot caused same with their own. The power of dis- with her cover of Mad World playing in them to tell me where it all began. traction propelled the publishers through the ground, that was when I simultane- the decades. No matter what was on the ously checked out and yet developed full And boy, Riverdale is a pile of horse shit. news, whether it was Vietnam, the Gulf acceptance of what Riverdale is, like Patti War or 9/11, Archie Comics was there Hearst deciding that she identified with But I have anosmia – a condition that to provide a storyline about the trials her terrorist kidnappers and their beliefs. means I cannot smell and I can barely of Archie deciding whose coochie he taste at all. So naturally, I could ignore wanted a cup of. Riverdale is not meant to be good the pungent odour of Riverdale and television. Not really. If it once aspired continue into the hot mess, like a canary So naturally, the appeal of updating the to be primetime teen HBO drama, taking its final squawks in a Victorian famously unchanging formula is some- it abandoned that conviction over a child labour coal mine. thing I understand. The original run of season ago. And that’s okay. What Riv- Archie actually came to an end when he erdale has become is accepting of itself. Like, I can see the appeal. It has very took a fatal bullet for Sole Homosexual And learning to accept oneself is the high production values and it hits all the Kevin Keller, never actually deciding ultimate plot point of any teen drama – right notes for its target audience. It’s which girl he wanted. But Riverdale so on that point alone, Riverdale itself has taken a rather static intellectual property took this concept of modernisation and achieved what its characters may not. like Archie Comics and adapted it with shot it with a cannon. It has fully accepted where it is going raunchy sexuality, murder mysteries and has unapologetically embraced how and even acknowledging the realities of I’m about halfway through Season 2, but cringeworthy that direction may be. gay cruising in 2018! If Aaron Spelling I’ve read enough of the fanmade Wikia Riverdale doesn’t mind that it is com- hadn’t already died, he would drop dead. page for the show that I know what’s pletely ludicrous, it doesn’t mind that But much like the lone surviving scientist coming. But just getting to the point it is beyond the point of parody. And in their apocalyptic message to the player where I am already has been a Hercule- occasionally there’s actually something character in any survival horror, they an labour. Teen drama is not supposed masterful going on. The plot point of didn’t stop to think about whether they to be the high peak of storytelling, I there being a puritanical serial killer should, not whether they could. have no problem with that. But at some dedicated to purging elements of Riv- point, you just have to step back and erdale that wouldn’t exist in its nostalgia Archie Comics is famous for being the look at the mess you’ve made. In order years is pretty genius. That’s a level of ur-example of ‘50s innocent Americana, to bring Archie into the modern era, the self-reference that I thoroughly enjoyed. where the biggest problems facing iso- showrunners decided that this means, lated white suburbia were the hijinks of in no particular order (spoilers ahead): Look, I watch Family Guy. I’m not an a red-headed quarterback and whether Gangland murders; hard addictions to arbiter of taste by any means – I’m he would choose the staid and devoted fictitious drugs; implied incest; actual all about that Family Guy Glamour. Betty or the seductive raven-haired rich light incest; Jughead Jones cutting off So, when I say something is shit, I can girl, Veronica. The characters here have a drug kingpin’s tattoo with a knife; generally be assured that I’m right. But literally become bywords for the idea statutory rape and Lolita sunglasses; it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that of a love triangle, and to this day, Betty Archie starting an ANTIFA-adjacent Riverdale is terrible, because it doesn’t and Veronica are used as archetypes for group (that part I actually liked) and care. It’s not mean or harmful, it’s not opposing love interests. The small-town releasing a public protection manifesto; some deeply problematic clusterfuck like adventures of Archie and Friends came filicide; Jigsaw-style murder of moral Netflix’s other teen darling 13 Reasons to simultaneously define and be defined magnitude and, above it all, a sexy cover Why, it’s just bad television with high by the repressive and unchanging nature of Gary Jules’ version of Mad World. production values. And that’s okay. of this time period, which allowed it to You know, the song from Donnie Darko. Sometimes that’s just perfectly okay.
34 POETRYPOETRY
Sleepless Mind. 1017
She slinks into my satin sheets The floorboards, The old wooden doors, She is what makes them creak.
She whispers in the night, Offering her fresh platter of fruit and fears sharp enough to strike through sunken eyes, morphed, disguised and wrapped in purple hues. Wuu2 Never hesitating to withdraw the hand that offers all that is 0518 sparkling new falling into old habits, paired with To insinuate my flesh has scars something blue. Would be to assume A proposal to bind us two. the sinews of my skin and bone have glued themselves into a clotted patch of brown She begins to lie to the unkind, to the wise, which scratches my shin and bruises my knees. twisting her words to sparkle in the light. Would be to assume Lure me into your saving insight! it does not indeed feel with each limb Remind me who to trust, a constant urge to bleed who is right? The sting of antiseptic and the who is the comfort I should seek before I deplete screaming attempt become complete. to burn away the stain of hardship. Becoming obsolete, To be wound in chains Would be to assume with barbed wire that with each prodding question of “how are you” laced in desire and the explicit need to feel pure. I do not feel my gut being scooped out like the bitter black To be scrubbed raw from my rough heels through to every marbles of a fleshy papaya thought plump with the heat of brazil I refuse to feel. Yet I do Or perhaps believe that scar is used incorrectly feel and fail to conceal, for my past never left a wound for transparency is hanging on a shoulder of mine, it moulded mountains and depressions in the soil of my skin. Unable to remove the cloak that displays all i want to hide. teaching the salt behind my eyes when to seek and when to hide, Please, allow me to soak up dull sunshine and become blind where to look and where to To her screaming whites of eyes. Find a body with a sense of self who can answer you in truth. She preys on flesh and blood -you keep asking “how are you”. A beating heart soon to be dull, soon to be unwound and Undone, ripped from all belief as to what should have been said. again she spins her golden thread to strangle the next with a noose that does not ever loosen nor Unwind, It is now a place where you must confide. This is what she sings to me as she slinks into my satin sheets, A lullaby to begin a sleepless night, tossing and turning to find She hides inside my sleepless mind. j.k.k Poems by Jami Kerrigan
35 SCIENCE: FROM NEANDERTHALS TO THE NEW AGE.
Beatrice Everall discusses where the Neander- Neanderthals disappear and signs of Homo Neanderthals from the Altai mountains, thals disappeared to and the impact they’ve had sapiens appear’. As Homo sapiens were likely who were some of the individuals that on modern humans. better adapted for such dry climates after mated with Homo sapiens when they moved living in Africa, it is likely they were able out of Africa. Therefore, no modern Neanderthals are commonly thought to survive in this environment and after human DNA in their genome indicated of as mysterious cave men that were the death of Neanderthals, would have that they did not inherit any of the Homo around at the time of our ancestors, but had more resources available to thrive. sapien DNA, for reasons that can only much more has been discovered about be speculated. However, this example these pale, hairy people in the last few Neanderthals were not extinct when of one-way gene flow could also lead to years. Let's start with the basics of what modern humans first moved out of another theory for the disappearance of we know. Modern Humans first mi- Africa and into Europe, as there has Neanderthals. The Neanderthals could grated out of Africa 50,000 years ago, been evidence of interbreeding between have possible mated with modern humans whereas Neanderthals first emerged the two species. Two recent studies have extensively and became incorporated into into Europe 400,000 years ago, as the shown that collectively, the Neanderthal modern human populations, with mainly first evidence of Homo neanderthalensis DNA percentage in modern humans modern human genes being passed on appeared around that time. The ap- today is about 20%; meaning 20% as they were more advantageous, and pearance of modern humans was what of the Neanderthal genome can be Neanderthal DNA being lost. lead to the extinction of Neanderthals, found throughout modern humans as shortly after we arrived, all traces of today. Many Europeans’ DNA is 2-4% A widely common conception of Homo them disappeared. Many belongings Neanderthal DNA. Those genes have an neanderthalensis is that they were not and remnants were found of our evolu- influence on a range of areas: hair, skin, intelligent and lacked many skills that tionary cousins in Asia and Europe, but and disease susceptibility. Neanderthal modern humans had at that time. How- these disappeared around 40,000 years DNA is more present in certain races ever, new research shows that Neander- ago - approximately 10,000 years after than others; completely absent from thals were able to start fires using stone modern humans migrated out of Africa. some parts of non-African genomes but tools. There are also findings indicating It is a common theory that modern hu- rampant in others. Advantageous genes that Neanderthals could make audible mans competed with Neanderthals for were passed on and kept in the human sounds and possibly communicate with resources such as food and shelter, and genome. Skin colour and keratin genes each other. These cultural traits of fire due to our superior intellect we outcom- are mostly from Neanderthal DNA- it is and speech show that Neanderthals peted them; however recent findings likely that pale skin was a trait they devel- were possibly smarter than previously have actually favoured the theory that oped and passed onto modern humans. thought, as speech requires a large fore- instead of beating them in competition, Both studies found some regions of our brain with specialisation in certain areas in reality we just outlasted them. DNA lack any Neanderthal DNA, such of the brain to allow for comprehension as ones involved in motor coordination, and smooth facial muscle movements. Researchers found that cold/dry periods the testes, and the X chromosome. The Scientists are growing mini Neanderthal coincided with an apparent disappear- fact the modern humans and Neander- brains to compare to human brains and ance of Homo neanderthalensis in different thals mated is interesting due to its impli- to hopefully find out more about our parts of the continent, followed by the cations - it means that not only were we distant cousins and the way they saw the appearance of our species, Homo sapiens. able to peacefully able to coincide with world. The Neanderoid neurons make Scientists have long debated what lead each other, but it gives concrete evidence fewer synaptic connections, creating to the disappearance of Neanderthals, that Neanderthals were still alive when what resembles an abnormal neuronal and some have blamed the change in humans moved out of Africa. network. Several of these differences climate, while others theorised epidem- mirror what a scientist, Alysson Muotri, ics or competition for resources was to Recent findings show that human traits has found studying neuronal develop- blame. Their study highlighted two cold did not stay in the Neanderthal gene pool. ment in the brains of children with and dry periods, one 44,000 years ago This was shown by the sequencing of autism. Research in this area is trying and the other roughly 40,000 years ago, the last group of Neanderthal remains to find what makes modern humans and they noted that ‘the timing of those found, from around 40,000 years ago. so cognitively special, or possibly even events matches the periods when artefacts from These Neanderthals were descended from prove that we aren’t so special after all.
36 AUSA PRESIDENT’S LETTER
Kia ora, We have been serving students since 1891, but now we are doing it in a can. Welcome back, I hope you have had a Yes, AUSA now has its own line of craft lovely “break”! beer and cider. Check out the AUSA Facebook page to see where they will be On Saturday 25 August, AUSA had it’s available next! Shout out to Aaron and Fire and Ice Ball. A huge thank you to Nick for being the geniuses behind this guage Week this week - so definitely be Ros, Emily, Amy, Aaron, Anand and creation. learning/speaking some te reo! everyone who was a part of making it happen! It was such a fun night! Photo This week is Te Wiki Hauora Wellness Ngā mihi, credit to Tom Zhao for the beautiful Week with Suzy Cato, blender bikes, te roaming photos. reo classes and painting. Check out the Anna Facebook page to find out more! At the Ball, we launched AUSA Brews, because good friends drink good brews. We are also celebrating Māori Lan-
37 PUZZLESPUZZLES
CROSS WORD
Across 5. One's chest 6. Education minister 8. A bad person, a villain 11. A clock or a watch 12. To suppress information 14. An aquatic bird 15. A Whistleblower/Activist
Down 1. Talking 2. A board game 3. A portion 4. Repeatedly 5. A lawyer 7. The First Baby 9. A believer in the existence of God 10. A type of poison 13. Ordained (or a politician)
SUDOKU EASY SUDOKU MEDIUM SUDOKU HARD
38 SUDOKU HARD