Law Weekly 2017, 2018, & 2019 ABA Law Student Division Best Newspaper Award-Winner A Look Special Facts about Each Circuit Court!...... 2 Hikers v. Bikers: Who Has the Right of Way...... 3 Inside: Among Us: Are You a Crewmate or an Imposter?...... 3

Last edition for the fall. See you all in January!

Wednesday, 11 November 2020 The Newspaper of the School of Law Since 1948 Volume 73, Number 12 SBA Update: around north End of the Fundamental Questions for grounds Semester Send-Off Our Democracy Regarding a Thumbs up to the library extend- Katharine Janes ‘21 ing their hours SBA President Federal Right to Education through finals. UVA Law, ANG both appreciates stay- What a semester we have ing inside in the warmth for had. To the students, profes- a few more hours at night, sors, administrators, and staff but also will enjoy knowing who have made the past twelve ANG is not alone in failing weeks possible, a massive to adequately prepare for thank you is owed. It has been finals. an adventure to learn and live alongside you, whether virtu- Thumbs down ally or from six-feet apart. to Netflix for rais- To our 1Ls, as you approach ing their prices, your first set of law school fi- again. ANG al- nals: We (upperclassmen) are ready is balling on a bud- thinking about you and send- get, but raising prices when ing so many good vibes your everyone is watching even way! I am sure you are receiv- more is just cruel and un- ing lots of great advice from usual. your peer advisors, professors, and friends, so I won’t dupli- Thumbs up to cate that here. However, as all of the lawsuits one small but often overlooked coming from the reminder, know that taking Trump Campaign. breaks is an essential part of While ANG won’t comment finishing the end of this se- on the merits, ANG will al- mester strong. Spending time ways appreciate more work away from school with friends that helps a lawyer’s bot- or loved ones over Thanksgiv- tom line. ing, for example, is really im- Pictured: Professor Kimberly Robinson, a recognized expert on educational law and policy, spurred this conversation. Photo Courtesy of twitter.com portant to avoid burning out. Eric Seifriz ’22 Thumbs down The same is true on the days Guest Writer tion.” B. lawsuit asserts a federal to the weather following your finals; friends In her welcome, Dean right to obtaining basic edu- changing it up and I would visit a winery or Goluboff discussed how the cation in literacy in order for this week. ANG snag food together immediate- On Monday, November 9, US Supreme Court in 1973 all children in the country to already put away ANG’s ly after we finished our exams, 2020, the University of Vir- rejected a federal right to be able to be baseline partic- crop tops and short shorts which provided some much- ginia School of Law hosted education in San Antonio ipants in our democracy and for the winter, so hopefully needed R&R. Treating yourself a Zoom symposium entitled Independent School District public life. The full US Court ANG still looks only semi- well will help you feel—and “Fundamental Questions for v. Rodriguez. However, she of Appeals for the Sixth Cir- decrepit in sweaty sweats. ultimately perform—better, so Our Democracy Regarding a explained that this was not cuit has agreed to rehear this I highly encourage you to set Federal Right to Education.” the last word on the mat- case, however, to review the Thumbs up to aside the time. The discussion was borne ter—it has been an ongoing initial panel’s ruling. Kayne for receiv- Finally, for those interested, out of issues raised by UVA legal question in the decades Professor Davis then ing 50K votes in SBA has set up two end-of- Law professor Kimberly Jen- since. took the floor to advocate for the election. ANG semester opportunities for kins Robinson’s new book, A Professor Bowman started the United States to finally is gonna let Kayne finish, students to reflect on and ex- Federal Right to Education: the panel off by explain- recognize a federal right to but Jo Jorgensen got more press their gratitude. The first Fundamental Questions for ing that we need a federal education, which she says is votes this election… is for our professors and fac- our Democracy. The book in- right to education, because now broadly considered a ba- ulty. On Tuesday, I emailed cludes articles from leading if we leave it to the states, sic human right. In her view, Thumbs down links to Google Docs where education scholars, edited they may not always provide education is a fundamental to no PILA dance you can leave quick comments by Professor Robinson. Pro- substantive protections. Ac- right crucial to the function- this year. How is of thanks to your professors. fessor Robinson is a nation- cording to Professor Bow- ing of a democratic republic. ANG supposed to Have they worked particularly ally recognized expert on man, Michigan has weak and Professor Davis also pro- know when to not start out- hard to make Zoom classes educational law and policy, unenforceable educational vided a history lesson on the lining without this seminal successful, offered special ses- as well as on closing educa- rights at the state level, com- struggles of education for event? sions for assistance, or created tional opportunity gaps and bined with limited fiscal ca- African-Americans through- space to talk about life beyond civil rights. pacity and a limited politi- out American history, from Thumbs side- the classroom? We would love Dean Risa L. Goluboff wel- cal will to improve matters. slavery to Reconstruction. ways to the Law for you to share your apprecia- comed the virtual attend- These factors together are Next, we heard from Weekly. ANG tion for the effort they have ex- ees, and President James undermining educational Professor Nance, who shared appreciated the pended to make this semester E. Ryan ’92 moderated the opportunities for Michigan a snapshot of the chapter he wonderful content pub- possible for us all. We will com- first panel, named “Should students, who don’t cur- wrote for Professor Robin- lished, but ANG is sad ANG pile your notes and send them the United States Recognize rently have an effective av- son’s book. He believes that won’t get to see students for along to professors before the a Federal Right to Educa- enue for relief when basic the United States should two months now. end of the year. Additionally, tion?” The speakers on the standards in their education implement a stronger fed- SBA’s Community Engage- panel were Professor Kris- are not being met. She gave eral response to address the Thumbs down ment Committee is spearhead- tine L. Bowman from Michi- examples of schools in De- inequalities in the public to the rapidly ris- ing a letter-writing campaign to gan State University Col- troit having textbooks that education system and con- ing number of write words of encouragement lege of Law, Professor Peggy are decades old, windows sidered five rationales to COVID-19 cases. for staff who work in the UVA Cooper Davis from New York that don’t open in the sum- back up this view—econom- ANG would prefer Health COVID Unit. If you are University School of Law, mer, and no central heat in ic, criminal justice, health, ANG’s GPA rose that fast, interested in writing a note to Professor Jason P. Nance the winter. democracy, and fairness. so ANG wouldn’t be stuck these individuals, please reach from the University of Flori- On this topic, an exciting He also shared sobering re- at a mid-level BigLaw job out to Colin Lee (cjl5cm) or da Levin College of Law, and case just came out of Michi- search on how a child’s self- forever. Niko Orfanedes (njo8fm) and Professor Eloise Pasachoff gan—Gary B. v. Whitmer— perception is negatively af- they will provide you with from the Georgetown Uni- where the Sixth Circuit held fected by poorly resourced Thumbs up to cards. versity Law Center. Profes- that the Constitution affords schools. Tom Cruise. ANG Best of luck to everyone on sor Robinson participated in a fundamental right to basic Professor Pasachoff would leave it at their finals, and I hope you the second panel, “How the minimum education (run- agreed with the other panel- that, but ANG also have relaxing and rejuvenating United States Can Recognize ning counter to the Rodri- is excited to rewatch The breaks! See you all next spring. and Define a Right to Educa- guez decision). The Gary EDUCATION page 2 Firm and Tom be a star. 2 Columns VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 11 November 2020 EDUCATION continued from page 1 Movies with Flimsy Legal Premises ists’ broader goal of working After spending almost two Law graduate, Tom Cruise,5 But without this unnecessary good divorce lawyers around toward an equitable educa- and a half years in law school, I who graduated near the top of legal hurdle, there would be no town, told them her story, all in tion system for all students Jacob Jones ‘21 his class and chose to work at reason for Wilford Brimley to an attempt to disqualify them. but doesn’t believe pursu- Features Editor a boutique firm in Memphis, chase Tom Cruise around the And it works! So poor Kylo Ren ing a federal right to educa- Tennessee (this is not the flimsy landmarks of Memphis. So I gets stuck with the bad attorney tion is the right way to go premise). Famous for the line forgive you, John Grisham. from M*A*S*H. about this. In support of this know almost as “No associate of this firm has Next, we turn to Marriage But again, Hollywood gets it claim, she argued—among much as some- ever failed the bar,” the movie’s Story, a 2019 film where Kylo wrong! Maybe they didn’t read other things—that relying on one who practic- plot centers around the fact that Ren (played by Adam Driver) the comments to California courts to interpret our exist- es in a state with the super-niche firm actually divorces Black Widow (played legal ethics Rule 1.18.8 Under ing Constitution is not likely diploma privilege.1 While that represents the mob and is be- by Scarlett Johansson). In addi- comment 2, “a person . . . who to bring about change, be- does not give me the ability to ing used for things like money tion to having an exciting scene communicates information to cause any court order would practice law, it does give me the laundering. What’s the flimsy featuring service of process a lawyer without a good faith still require implementation insight to criticize the decisions legal premise? That Tom Cruise (thanks, Pennoyer v. Neff!), intention to seek legal advice by the institutions that are of movie characters and their can’t leave the firm without be- this film accurately depicts law- or representation, is not a pro- already struggling. In Profes- lawyers. And what else is there ing disbarred because he would yers as the bad guys. But most spective client.” Of course, there sor Pasachoff’s view, these to do these days other than violate attorney-client privilege. importantly, Marriage Story is the in terrorem effect that institutions lack the capac- watch movies? After watching Tom Cruise is so concerned incorrectly represents legal eth- potential sanctions could have. ity, not the command, to act. the trailer for Double Jeopardy about this that he decides he has ics rules.7 In one scene, Kylo But I’m pretty sure Black Wid- Instead of advocating for a in class and concluding that the to find a whole separate crime Ren goes to a bunch of lawyers ow abusing the system is pretty federal right to education, protagonist can’t actually get that the lawyers of his firm have around town because he needs clear here. she believes that we should away with murder,2 I decided to committed: overbilling! one for his divorce. But they all So there you have it. Consider focus on educational policy write about movies with flimsy Although I’m a pretty big fan turn him down because Black me the Mythbusters of legal is- debates about best practices legal premises. of going after lawyers, this is en- Widow has already gone to the sues in movies. and improving budgets. The Firm is a 1993 film, star- tirely unnecessary. The reason? In the end, President ring Tom Cruise, where all is As any law student learns in ted]. --- Ryan returned to the screen not as it appears to be.3 Based professional responsibility, you [email protected] then to host the Q&A ses- on a John Grisham novel of can reveal information if your 7 Can you tell I’ve been sion. He began by posing a the same name,4 the film’s client uses your legal services studying for the MPRE based 8 [Bluebook citation omit- question of his own to the plot centers around a Harvard to accomplish a crime. Tennes- on the issues I’m spotting? ted again.] panelists. Then audience see legal ethics Rule 1.6 is clear members raised a host of is- about this: “A lawyer may re- sues, including whether our 1 You do you, Wisconsin. veal information relating to the institutions would adequate- representation of a client . . . to ly ensure that no child is left 2 Spoiler alert: It’s a terrible prevent, mitigate, or rectify sub- behind if we officially recog- movie. stantial injury to the financial nized a federal right to edu- interests or property of another cation. A second panel, “How 3 Is it ever as it appears to that is reasonably certain to re- the United States can Recog- be at first? sult or has resulted from the cli- nize and Define a Right to ent’s commission of a fraud in Education,” followed. 4 In case Mr. Grisham ac- furtherance of which the client tually reads this (doubtful), I has used the lawyer’s services.”6 --- do not mean to offend. But at the same time, where’d you 5 Played by Tom Cruise. [email protected] get your law degree, Grisham, Mississippi? 6 [Bluebook citation omit- Pictured: Tom Cruise may have failed the bar, but he did not fail at rocking his role in The Firm. Photo Courtesy of letterboxd.com. Circuit Court Talent Show: What’s Special about

OFTW page 5 (Almost) Every Court of Appeals

Have you ever wondered told me by email, “I arranged idea why—as a 1L, I’m just Sixth Circuit (Michigan, circuit court by some metrics.10 which is the best of our na- to argue a case in the First Cir- proud I know what diversity ju- Ohio, Kentucky, and Tennes- Not coincidentally, Seventh Jacob Smith ‘23 cuit that was an appeal from the risdiction is. Oh wait, maybe it see) Circuit judges spent a lot of Staff Editor Puerto Rico district court and has something to do with Dela- Thought the Ninth Circuit time writing. According to one that was going to be argued in ware? gets overturned the most? old study, the Seventh Circuit tion’s Courts of February, so I was hoping that it Fourth Circuit (Maryland, Nope. The Sixth Circuit wins spat out an average of forty-five Appeals? Or the would be scheduled for a Puerto the Carolinas, and the Virgin- that prize. Since the 2007 term, signed opinions per judge per worst? Well, this Rico sitting. It wasn’t; Boston ias) the Supreme Court has over- year, more than any other cir- article won’t an- was really cold that day.” The Fourth Circuit is famous turned 79.7 percent of cases ap- cuit court.11 swer those ques- Second Circuit (Connecti- for never deciding anything. pealed from the Sixth Circuit, Eighth Circuit (covers a tions.1 But keep reading and cut, New York, and Vermont) One 3L told me, “Basically ev- just barely edging out the Ninth clump of chunky central states you’ll learn interesting things The Second Circuit is known ery one of my assignments at Circuit’s 78.0 percent.8 In an that looks like a cowboy boot12) about (almost) every circuit for its securities jurisprudence.4 my summer job went some- earlier study, the Sixth Circuit’s I’m sorry, there’s just nothing court.2 It also handles more antitrust thing like this: ‘The Fourth Cir- opinions were also the second- special about the Eighth Circuit. First Circuit (Maine, Mas- cases than any other circuit.5 cuit hasn’t addressed this yet, least influential among the cir- Ninth Circuit (everything sachusetts, New Hampshire, But the Second Circuit also but here’s what all these other cuit courts.9 west of Utah, plus Arizona and Rhode Island, and Puerto Rico) hears the most civil rights ap- circuits say—hope this helps!’”6 Seventh Circuit (Wiscon- Montana) The First Circuit gets over- peals these days, and it’s not More importantly, the Fourth sin, Illinois, Indiana, and did I One judge described this cir- turned the least. In the last thir- even close. This circuit took on Circuit has three UVA Law mention Wisconsin?) cuit as “the Hollywood Circuit” teen terms, the First Circuit bat- over 1,200 civil rights appeals alumni currently sitting as ac- Wisconsin, and with it the because it does a lot of copyright ted .500, the only circuit not to in the last twelve-month period tive judges, which is more than Green Bay Packers, is in the law.13 I describe it as “really have a majority of appeals from reported. No other circuit sur- any other circuit court can say. Seventh Circuit. That’s enough big.” Over 6,000 appeals hit the it overturned.3 The First Circuit passed 800. Fifth Circuit (now cov- to make it special. But the Sev- Ninth Circuit’s docket in the last is also the smallest circuit, at Third Circuit (New Jersey, ers Mississippi, Louisiana, and enth Circuit has something else least by number of judges, with Delaware, Pennsylvania, and Texas) going for it too. Starting in the 10 Michael E. Solimine, only six active judgeships. the Virgin Islands) This circuit is famous for its 1980s, the circuit enjoyed a Judicial Stratification and The First Circuit’s inclusion The Third Circuit hears more role in the Civil Rights Move- “meteoric rise in reputation,” the Reputations of the United of Puerto Rico also makes for cases arising on diversity juris- ment. Until relatively recently, so that by 2005 the Seventh States Courts of Appeals, 32 quite a climate disparity. “When diction than any other Court of the Fifth Circuit controlled the Circuit was the most influential Fla. St. U. L. Rev. 1331, 1333, I was at the Justice Depart- Appeals. No, I have no earthly core of the South, from Texas to 1351-52 (2006), https://ir.law. ment,” Professor John Harrison Georgia. Led by a group of judg- viewing Harvey C. Couch, A fsu.edu/lr/vol32/iss4/14. 4 Karen Patton Seymour, es who would become known History of the Fifth Circuit 1 At least not explicitly. Securities and Financial Reg- as “The Four,” the Fifth Cir- 1891-1981 (1984)). 11 Landes, Lessig, & Solimi- You’ll have to read between ulation in the Second Circuit, cuit was responsible for imple- ne, supra at 312. the lines. 85 Fordham L. Rev. 225, 225 menting Brown v. Board in the 8 https://ballotpedia.org/ (2016), https://ir.lawnet.ford- South in the face of significant SCOTUS_case_reversal_ 12 Seriously. There’s 2 Apparently the technical ham.edu/cgi/viewcontent. opposition.7 rates_(2007_-_Present). even a tiny spur. name is “Court of Appeals for cgi?article=5229&context=flr. the ____ Circuit,” but I will 6 I won’t disagree, since 9 William M. Landes, Law- 13 White v. Samsung ignore that technicality so I 5 Unless otherwise noted, that’s also a perfect descrip- rence Lessig, & Michael E. So- Elecs. Am., Inc., 989 F.2d 1512, don’t drive us all crazy. statistics about caseload are tion of my LRW memo. limine, Judicial Influence: A 1521 (9th Cir. 1993) (Kozinski, from https://www.uscourts. Citation Analysis of Federal J., dissenting from denial of 3 https://ballotpedia.org/ gov/statistics/table/b-7/sta- 7 Jack Bass, The Fifth Cir- Courts of Appeals Judges, 27 rehearing en banc). SCOTUS_case_reversal_ tistical-tables-federal-judicia- cuit in Southern History, 19 J. Leg. Stud. 271, 277 (June CIRCUIT page 5 rates_(2007_-_Present). ry/2020/06/30. Ga. L. Rev. 473, (1985) (re- 1998). Wednesday, 11 November 2020 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Features 3 Tweedledee and Tweedledum: Hikers v. Bikers Hey, I'm Hiking Here from the National Park Service, actions difficult. The person least likely to be trail, you either have to move Anyone who has spent time the nation’s single most trusted Those are the fact-based rea- inconvenienced by abandon- over and continue trailblazing on a trail will be familiar with source of news and information sons why my co-writer and ev- ing the trail for a moment for a significant portion of time, the many unique and won- for four years running. While eryone who agrees with him is should be the one expected or you have to come to a com- drous forms of disappoint- that should be answer enough, absolutely wrong and terrible. to do so. Clearly, it is not the plete stop and wait for your in- Dana Lake ‘23 I am never happy to leave The emotion-based reasons are mountain biker, but the hiker, terlocutor to trudge up the trail Staff Editor things at “those are the rules just as valid. Bikers have their who should carry this burden. past you. One option is inher- because that’s what the rules own bike-exclusive trails they Both parties will have approxi- ently dangerous; the other is an ment in human- say,” so let’s break it down. can use (check out the bike trail mately the same amount of incredible inconvenience. ity found only First, folks going downhill at the Preddy Creek Loop) that time to react to the traffic, both Sweat drips down your face. in the woods. yield to folks going uphill be- are specially designed for trail parties are vying for the same Your knees burn, and the air There’s litter- cause going uphill is harder. On riding. When bikers insist on space, and both parties have an is humid. Gnats are buzzing ing and graffiti, an out-and-back trail, uphill using hiking trails, it is essen- equal right to the trail unless around. You hate hiking. The classic disappointments. There usually means you’re on the re- tial they yield to others. In a specifically designated for one whirring of wheels shocks you are slow walkers meandering turn and therefore, more tired world that is continuously ac- activity or the other. In which from your reverie as you look three-across, an entry-level dis- than someone heading in. This celerating, people escape to the case, there is no argument to ahead—a majestic mountain appointment that heavily over- is courtesy codified—not only is woods to slow down. Bike rid- be made either way. The hiker biker descends expertly toward laps with the disappointment it inhumane to break someone ers are already predisposed to is the less inconvenienced of you. You would hate to get in of people who play loud music out of a good uphill rhythm, careening through trails with a the two, and I shall show this the way. You step off the side through tinny speakers in their but interrupting someone’s reckless disregard for human by presenting both sides of the of the trail. The sweat still drips backpack. There are more ad- momentum can mean the dif- life. If we give them the right equation, beginning with the down your face. Your knees vanced disappointments, like ference between them getting of way, hikers everywhere will mountain biker. still burn. The humidity is un- time-lapse photographers that out in good time and having to need to be on constant alert to Trees are whipping by your touched. The gnats follow you set themselves up at the best add in a two-hour water break. avoid being mowed down. That face. The wind is in your hair— ceaselessly. All is as it was. The viewing spot and camp out Second, hikers yield to hors- just isn’t the kind of trail I want passing through your hel- biker zips past, a cool breeze all day or people who let their es because horses can do real to hike on. met, of course, we love safety. following them, indicative of dogs run off-leash on popular harm to their rider and by- Hikers Beware You’ve entered the ultimate the breath of fresh air the biker routes. These are issues even standers. Bikers yield to horses I want to preface this: I am flow state as you plunge down represented in the monotony my esteemed opponent would for the same reason. No one not an unreasonable man. I the descent. Suddenly, a hiker of your hike. You continue on agree with. It baffles the mind wants to be responsible for love the middle ground. In fact, appears before you. They don’t in your misery, wistfully won- why, then, he puts himself so spooking a horse and getting Jonathan move as your brakes screech dering if you could ever be so firmly in the most disappoint- its rider thrown off the side of Peterson ‘23 and you yank the bike to the beautiful. ing group of all: people who do a mountain. Horses are also Staff Editor side of the narrow single-track The difference is clear. In one not respect the right of way. harder to maneuver, making it trail—if it weren’t single-track, situation, the individual mov- His betrayal of trail etiquette more practical for hikers and it’s my favorite there would be no need to make ing off the trail must expose should be less surprising, con- bikers to give the right of way. place to be. How- room. You’re on virgin earth themselves to either unneces- sidering my co-writer is a Vir- We take these lessons and ap- ever, on a matter now. Leaves crunch and slide sary danger or inconvenience. ginia native and drives like ply them to the final rule: Bikers as simple, clear- under your tires, everything In the other, one simply takes a it, but respecting the right of yield to hikers. As profoundly cut, and one-sided as this, there is even bumpier than before, step to the left or right, breathes way is an essential tenet of an evil as interrupting a person’s is no middle ground. There is and those trees that were whip- for a moment, and then contin- outdoor person’s life. There hiking rhythm is, there’s also right and there is wrong. And I ping by your face? Now they’re ues onward. There is no argu- are three rules: (1) Folks go- the practical consideration of am right. heading straight for you. All ment to be made against any- ing downhill yield to folks go- response time. Hikers on foot, The only question worth en- kinds of hazards abound, and one’s right to safety. ing uphill; (2) hikers yield to especially moving uphill, have gaging with in answering this because the hiker isn’t moving --- horses; and (3) bikers yield to a narrower range of vision than issue is this: For whom is it anywhere but forward, you not [email protected] hikers. These are facts straight bikers, which makes quick re- easiest to move off the trail? only need to move off of the [email protected] Among Us: The Ultimate Law School Study Break

Among Us is the world’s sions that may be called by playing as Crewmate, the are that kid from your sec- cation of key skills for both new gaming obsession. For a Crewmate or automatically role which is also most con- tion who couldn’t stop talk- transactional and litigation those still unaware of this convened upon discovery of ducive to the development ing about the major memo. practice, and relaxing na- Devon Chenelle ‘23 a hapless Crewmate’s corpse. of legal acumen. Crewmate Additionally, once you come ture—that make Among Us Staff Editor There, in the words of Ana- is far more relaxing than a under suspicion, you will be the perfect study break for kin Skywalker, is where the heart-racing game as Im- forced to apply your skills law students. So, this finals’ fantastic fad, fun begins. During a voting postor. One simply trundles in misleading argumenta- season, if you truly want to Among Us is an session, all players can argue about the map, completing tion and deflection as never beat the curve, do yourself online multi- for who should be ejected tasks by pushing buttons before. Though many of us a favor: Drop Quimbee, add player game re- and defend their own right and solving simple puzzles. are unlikely, burdened by Among Us. You can thank leased in June to stay. What ensues is a cav- Each rewards me with a student loan debt as we are, me later—for now, I have an- 2018. It drew little notice alcade of lies, misdirection, pleasant noise, removing me to ever pursue the interest- other game to start. initially, but, like a film that and fabrication sufficient for an instant from the care ing lifestyle of a criminal was first unheralded but lat- to win the heart of even the and turmoil of my daily ex- defense attorney, we will get --- er became a cult classic (e.g. most Saul-Goodman-esque istence. Additionally, dur- to approximate that thrill by Blade Runner), the game has attorney. ing the voting sessions, one defending ourselves against [email protected] recently experienced rapid Now, why does all this can sharpen one’s skills in truthful accusations of guilt growth in popularity. Ap- make Among Us the ulti- written advocacy, advanc- in the safe context of Among parently much of this new- mate complement to my law ing powerful arguments Us. Furthermore, if one is found fame has been driven school coursework? I gen- about the Impostor’s iden- a clever Impostor, one will by TikTok content, though I erally find myself only ca- tity. It is great fun to prac- get to enjoy bandying about wouldn’t know. As a twenty- pable of trying to force Civil tice one’s advocacy skills be- wildly false accusations in five year-old man, I think Procedure into my head for fore preteen gamers rather order to deflect attention having a TikTok gives Chris around fifty minutes at a than septuagenarian profes- from one’s own malfea- Hansen probable cause to time, and therefore I set a sors. In those meetings one sance—without the fear of search my van. timer on my iPhone for fifty also practices investigation incurring Rule 11 Sanctions. The game places you on minutes whenever I study. skills by deducing which It is for those reasons— a map, usually a spaceship, Once those glorious bells team members are clearly its short game length, incul- and assigns you one of two chime, I pace about the Law not Impostors and singling roles: Crewmate or Impos- School and gaze at the dis- out those who are, as well as tor. In a standard game, appointed stares of my il- evidentiary skills (a simple there will be around eight lustrious forebears’ portraits assertion of “red sus” will Crewmates and two Impos- before resuming my studies. likely not suffice without an tors, though exact propor- Yet, often I have not suffi- accompanying “I saw red tions vary. The Crewmates ciently regained focus after vent”). Furthermore, partic- must complete tasks around such a sojourn. In such a ipation in a fast-paced team the game map while evading situation, Among Us consti- of six to nine individuals the murderous Impostors. tutes the ultimate method of working towards a common The dastardly Impostors further procrastination. This goal prepares one to collab- seek to sabotage the ship is partly because a game of oratively problem solve in and assassinate the Crew- Among Us lasts roughly ten the world of high-stakes cor- mates before all the tasks minutes, providing a natu- porate litigation. are completed. The pacifistic ral stopping point. But it is Playing as the Impos- Crewmates’ only way to fight also because the game itself tor also has its charms. One back is by voting them off, a hones one’s legal abilities. can run around murdering Pictured: Can you tell who the Imposter is? Photo Courtesy of stayhipp.com la Survivor, in voting ses- Unlike most, I prefer Crewmates, pretending they 4 Colophon VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 11 November 2020 LAW WEEKLY FEATURE: Court of Petty Appeals The Court of Petty Appeals is the highest appellate jurisdiction court at UVA Law. The Court has the power to review any and all decisions, conflicts, and disputes that arise involving, either directly, indirectly, or tangentially, the Law School or its students. The Court comprises eight associate justices and one Chief Justice. Opinions shall be released periodically and only in the official court reporter: the Virginia Law Weekly. Please email a brief summary of any and all con- flicts to [email protected]

Studentry v. LetsGet- as what Justice Barrett will do registrar on how to sign up decided that it would adver- Tonseth, concurring. Checked to shape the Supreme Court’s for classes. That is unaccept- tise a test that I assume pro- 73 U.Va 12 (2020) opinions. Without “The Dock- able, and brings us to our next vides a binary Lyme/Lemon An inevitable consequence et,” I wouldn’t know where point… result. of LetsGetChecked’s rogue ac- Calamaro, J., delivered my tuition loans are going, II. III. tions is that “your DNA can be the opinion of the Court, in and now that I do, I absolutely LetsGetChecked triggers Remedies: The School taken and entered into a na- which Re, Jones, Birch, Mc- think every professor featured test anxiety by telling people should provide one million tional DNA database . . . for dermott, Pickett, and Pe- on there is worth every single to get a test. dollars to students who re- whatever reason.”2 It is fool- tersen J., and Luk, C.J., join. penny of it. As a law student, the last ceive solicitations from Lets- ish to believe that the Fourth Tonseth, J., concurred. The issue with LetsGet- thing that I need to remember GetChecked. In lieu of that, Amendment has not been Checked sending me solici- is that I have a test coming up the School should give stu- affected by the advance of Justice Calamaro delivered tations in my UVA email is in the next few weeks. Lets- dents free cookies and coffee. technology,3 and this case is the opinion of the Court. that I don’t get to see “The GetChecked has made the car- The school, in requiring no different. While the DNA Docket.” Who has the time for dinal sin of doing just that. It students to sign up for testing collection by LetsGetChecked both? I also lose out on seeing reminds me of a responsibil- through the LetsGetChecked was necessary for COVID-19 This Court, in its long, il- other important publications, ity to my own personal health, company, also effectively clearance, the continued use lustrious history, has never like VIRGINIA Magazine or which, as a law student, is mandated that students sign by LetsGetChecked is consti- dealt with one issue that af- This Week in Public Service, something that I do not enjoy their precious data over to tutionally undermining the fects nearly every consum- rights of citizens to “feel se- er—online advertising. At cured in their persons.”4 issue, here, is whether Lets- am a law student, so I don’t Although most of my fel- GetChecked, the company low Justices find my textual- through which our studentry go outside except to look for ist tendencies abrasive, in this is required to test for COV- "I instance, the strict adherence ID-19, can send me, a justice people to sue, and I only have enough to the Fourth Amendment is on this court, an ad for Lyme critical to ensure both bodily disease testing services. This capacity to worry about one government- and mental integrity.5 Court, in all its wisdom, is answering with a resounding lab-made disease released by accident --- “no” for the following rea- [email protected] sons: into the wild, and Lyme is not it." [email protected] I. The solicitous and purpose- the latter of which encour- thinking about. Furthermore, said company. However, no less email ads distract from ages me to share my Barbri the last thing that I need is a compensation has been made 2 Maryland v. King, 133 useful ones from the Law subscription with public ser- Lyme disease test. I am a law to students for their efforts. U.S. (Scalia, dissenting). School like “The Docket” or vice people (PSPs).1 Why can’t student, so I don’t go outside This data alone is worth prob- infrequent updates from the LetsGetChecked go the same except to look for people to ably, like, $1,000,000. If the 3 Kyllo v. United States, 53 registrar. route as our school admin- sue, and I only have enough Law School is unwilling to U.S. 27 Who among us doesn’t istration has with regard to capacity to worry about one compensate students for the wake up looking forward to class sign-ups? Just say noth- government-lab-made dis- data they have so painstak- 4 Maryland v. King, 133 “The Docket” every morning? ing to me until it’s the last sec- ease released by accident into ingly shared with LetsGet- U.S. (Scalia, dissenting). “The Docket” is so useful, with ond for me to get a test—that’s the wild, and Lyme is not it. Checked, it should, at the very things like headshots for the what the registrar would do. The only bloodsuckers I need least, provide free cookies to 5 I dissent from the major- same rotation of professors, The point is, I get inun- to worry about are the oppos- students on occasion. Specifi- ity’s insinuation that public or a student who I definitely dated with incredibly timely ing counsel and people who cally, it should do so on Fri- service students don’t need and totally know and care and useful emails from the ask questions at the end of days, and maybe provide free free things. Justice Calama- about. Getting your name in university, and the last thing class. coffee as well. ro sounds mighty uppity for “The Docket” is absolutely that I want to do is find an Additionally, no test should someone almost $200,000 in not an exercise in self-ag- excuse to never look at my be advertised as pass/fail, It is so ordered. debt... grandizement, which no one university email again. This positive/negative at this mo- will remember after clicking is what happens if we con- ment in time. Unless the ad- through to the next email. No, tinue to get LetsGetChecked ministration is willing to al- Faculty Quotes “The Docket” is simply meant email ads. In the process of low for pass/fail tests in our to help us recognize the im- ignoring a LetsGetChecked classes, I don’t want to be re- R. Verkerke: “That J. Harrison: "As you may portance of what these pro- ad, I may end up accidentally minded of the fact that I may sounds like a softcore porno.” have noticed, I'm a law pro- fessors are achieving—be it skipping an all-important and have to suffer through a Lyme fessor." an analysis on burning issues clearly-written email from the scare and a graded class. Lets- M. Gilbert: “My kids like justices making correc- GetChecked is callous to this would be so proud. That was A. Bamzai: "For the pur- tions to their opinions, or on 1 I will not. They made their fact. Rather than refraining an amazing act of technologi- poses of the exam, you don't unexplored, novel areas such choice. from advertising at all, it has cal fluidity.” need to know the population of Denver in 1915." M. Collins: “We all know that Nevada has always ex- T. Nachbar: “It’s the con- Virginia Law Weekly celled at races to the bottom.” verse, pardon the shoe pun.” A. Coughlin: “The cocaine Heard a good professor COLOPHON is folded into a bill. A mon- quote? Email editor@law- Christina Luk ’21 ey bill. You guys remember weekly.org Editor-in-Chief money, right?”

Kathryn Querner ‘22 Executive Editor Michael Schmid ‘21 Phil Tonseth ‘22 Jacob Jones ‘21 Managing Editor Production Editor Features Editor

Samuel Pickett ‘21 Will Palmer ‘21 Drew Calamaro ‘21 Columns Editor Special Projects Editor Satire Editor Kolleen Gladden ‘21 Raphael Cho ’21 Grace Tang ‘21 Photographer Cartoonist-in-Chief Foreign Correspondent Ben Stievater ‘22 Leah Deskins ‘21 Donna-Faye Imadi ‘22 Events Editor Professor Liaison Editor Current Events Editor Nate Wunderli ’22 Bill Re ’21 Amy Pan ‘22 Sports Editor Historian Lifestyle Editor Stanley Birch ’22 Marlyse Vieira ’22 Will McDermott ’22 News Editor New Media Editor Development Editor Michael Berdan ’22 Opinions Editor Published weekly on Wednesday except during holiday and examination periods and serving the Law School community at the University of Virginia, the Virginia Law Weekly (ISSN 0042-661X) is not an official publication of the University and does not necessarily express the views of the University. Any article appearing herein may be reproduced provided that credit is given to both the Virginia Law Weekly and the author of the article. Advanced written permission of the Virginia Law Weekly is also required for reproduction of any cartoon or illustration. Virginia Law Weekly 580 Massie Road Phone: 434.812.3229 University of Virginia School of Law [email protected] Charlottesville, Virginia 22903-1789 www.lawweekly.org EDITORIAL POLICY: The Virginia Law Weekly publishes letters and columns of interest to the Law School and the legal community at large. Views expressed in such submissions are those of the author(s) and not necessarily those of the Law Weekly or the Editorial Board. Letters from organizations must bear the name, signature, and title of the person authorizing the submission. All letters and columns must either be submitted in hardcopy bearing a handwritten signature along with an electronic version, or be mailed from the author’s e-mail account. Sub- missions must be received by 12 p.m. Sunday before publication and must be in accordance with the submission guidelines. Letters and/or columns over 1200 words may not be accepted. The Editorial Board reserves the right to edit all submissions for length, grammar, and clarity. Although every effort is made to publish all materials meeting our guidelines, we regret that not all submissions received can be published. Wednesday, 11 November 2020 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Hot Bench 5 D.C. Circuit (…come on, UVA Law Works of Art CIRCUIT you figure it out) The Law School is home to a number of interesting works of art. Invariably, art elicits differ- continued from page 3 Historically, the D.C. Circuit, ent and quirky opinions. We here at the Law Weekly believe it is our duty to not only share the along with the Second Circuit, copious amounts of artwork at the School, especially with our virtual readers, but also give you reported twelve-month period, had a much more prestigious our seasoned art critiques. All photo credits to Devon Chenelle ’23 unless otherwise indicated. more than any other circuit reputation than other circuit court. The Ninth Circuit also courts.17 But the D.C. Circuit has the most judges, the most doesn’t handle very many cases. senior judges, the most district Remember when I said the First courts, and the most states. No Circuit is small? Its docket is al- wonder people have called for most twice the size of the D.C. splitting it up. Circuit’s. Tenth Circuit (covers a Federal Circuit (cover your clump of chunky central states mouth—this one will make you that looks like a toucan14) yawn) This circuit is rather sparsely This is the circuit court that populated. The Tenth Circuit came in last, behind the Sixth has more circuit court judges Circuit, in influence ranking.18 per capita than any circuit not Even judges don’t want to read named the D.C. Circuit.15 its opinions. But seriously, Eleventh Circuit (Alabama, that’s probably just because the Georgia, and Florida) Federal Circuit has exclusive ju- Name: Untitled As of about a year ago, this risdiction over trade and patent Douglas Graebner '21: Very throwback to early Name: Armistead Mason Dobie court had the largest proportion appeals and other obscure stuff AbEx, feels like a very “half Gorky, half very very early Ben Stievater '22: Incredibly unique! of female active judges.16 At a I might understand if I were a Pollack, some level of ties to Klee.” If only there were another two dozen like it spritely thirty-nine years of age, 3L.19 Kathryn Querner '22: Here, we have a painting scattered around the Law School. the Eleventh Circuit is also the Now, I am a 1L at a T10 law of masks. Ahead of its time, I know. Jacob Smith '23: At least this painting youngest, having been split out school, so it’s unlikely I’ve left Ben Stievater '22: The first letter you see in this makes me feel good about my hairline. Also, of the Fifth Circuit in 1981. This out anything even slightly inter- painting is the same as in your future spouse’s name what is about being a judge that makes wear- means old Fifth Circuit cases esting about our circuit courts. —or at least it would be if you were ever going to find ing a red sash around your neck cool? are precedent for the Eleventh Still, should you notice any love, nerd. Circuit, which I imagine makes glaring omissions, please drop legal research especially pain- me a line. Maybe we’ll give this ful. Oh well, just another reason another crack in some future se- to stay out of Florida. mester. --- 14 You have to look at it [email protected] sideways. And squint. 17 Michael E. Solimine, 15 https://en.wikipedia. Judicial Stratification and org/wiki/United_States_ the Reputations of the United courts_of_appeals.wikipedia States Courts of Appeals, 32 Name: Wagon Wheels by Stephen Keene Fla. St. U. L. Rev. 1331, 1350 Leah Deskins '21: Reminds me of Andrew Wyeth’s artwork. I once 16 https://www. (2006), https://ir.law.fsu. saw a poster with an Andrew Wyeth painting on it while riding the metro americanprogress. edu/lr/vol32/iss4/14. in D.C. #Cultured. org/issues/courts/re- Jacob Jones '21: I’ve seen a house before. I’m not that impressed. ports/2020/02/13/480112/ 18 Landes, Lessig, & So- Ben Stievater '22: A depiction of Mimilshak’s famous 2015 social ex- examining-demographic- limine, supra at 277. periment on whether blaring “Wagon Wheel” by Old Crow Medicine Show compositions-u-s-circuit-dis- would bring all the fraternity brothers to the yard. As hypothesized, it did. trict-courts/. 19 28 U.S.C. § 1295.

would be focused on wine for fore that, I had my apart- Was rock climb- from myself. I also realized HOT the rest of my life. I didn’t ment, my espresso machine, ing helpful for putting that just because something feel like I wanted to make all of my nice stuff. Before things in perspective for is hard at first doesn’t mean that decision—I enjoyed my leaving Kentucky, I sold you in that regard? you can’t be really good at it. BENCH job and I still love wine, but everything and basically It was. It taught me a lot. When I was younger, I I just didn’t want to base the moved into my car. I just So, I was never that into looked up to people who rest of my life around it. If I drove around doing what- school, especially in under- were natural talents. I want- was going to dedicate myself ever I wanted, which was grad, partially because I ed to be one of those people to something, I wanted it to basically rock climbing. started getting into climb- for whom things came ef- be something that really felt Another lesson I learned ing. I’ve even thought, may- fortlessly. And so, I thought like it was worth pursuing, was that, while what I was be I should have dropped that if I started music, or and so I landed on law. doing was great and made out and gone back when I a sport, or whatever, if I For one thing, my wife me really happy, there’s a was more committed. I end- wasn’t immediately the best and I were about to get mar- big difference between the ed up with some pretty not- at it, that meant I wasn’t tal- ried and we’re an interracial idea of being happy in a mo- great grades. ented enough. I’ve learned couple. For a lot of United ment—or even happiness in However, something that now that your starting level Dev Ranjan ‘23 States history that was il- general—and being satisfied climbing taught me was that doesn’t mean everything in legal basically everywhere, or fulfilled with what you’re I had the capacity to try re- the long run. After five years Interviewed by Jonathan Peterson ’23 but even into the 20th cen- doing. ally hard. Sometimes that of working on a skill, that tury, it was illegal in some A lot of what I’ve done— manifested in a specific first introduction doesn’t Hi Isaac, welcome areas. Then, there’s the Su- traveling, rock climbing, dis- climb and returning to that really mean as much. I treat to the Hot Bench! So, preme Court case of Loving tance running—these make climb over and over and over things now with the as- where are you from, v. Virginia, and it just blew me happy. But, after doing again. Sometimes, in that sumption that I can be great how did you decide on my mind. them for a certain amount particular moment, it’s just at them, which makes you law school—just tell me As a sommelier, I went to of time, I would always re- a matter of how hard you work harder. about yourself! work, did my job, and some turn to the fact that, at some can try to do something as a I grew up in Kentucky and people got to drink wine. As point in my life, I need to human being. That’s some- --- went to college there, but I a lawyer, people go to work, do something that actually thing people really learn moved around a lot as a kid do their job, and all of a sud- feels like it’s satisfying me. when they get into things, [email protected] as well as between under- den interracial marriage is Something that feels like especially sports, that a lot grad and law school. I decid- legal! And that’s just crazy. I’m working on something of what holds you back is ed to pursue law in 2017. I So, I want to do something worth working on. your mental capacity to give was working as a sommelier where I can try really hard I think a lot of people may it your all. To endure pain. and really came to the point to be really good at it and not realize that being happy Discomfort. To acknowledge where I had to make a career at the end of the day, I can and being satisfied are two that a certain goal is more choice. My coworkers were accomplish something truly very separate things, at least important to you than not all preparing for the Master worth accomplishing. to me. In fact, I actually feel feeling those things. Sommelier exam which was like I made an anti-quality- Now that I’ve returned the next logical step in my Moving past law, I of-life decision coming to to academics, I’ve applied career as well, but it’s a se- know you have an in- law school. I could have that mental fortitude, some- rious commitment. People teresting background. pursued other professional thing I totally lacked, to my spend over a decade just Could you pick one par- avenues, but this feels very schoolwork. In undergrad, working on this exam. ticularly special experi- worth it for me because I if I’d had a paper to write ence to highlight? believe it will fulfill other or a test to study for and it There are very few That’s tough. After under- aspects of my ideals or per- felt like too much, I’d be like Master Sommeliers in grad, I spent a solid amount sonality that are really im- “ugh, I don’t want to do this. the world, right? of time traveling and rock portant to me and are sepa- I can’t make myself do this.” Around 200. So yeah, to climbing. That was amaz- rate from just happiness. I realized, through climbing, pursue that would be a very ing. It taught me that I don’t I don’t really have that any- focused decision. My career need much to be happy. Be- more. I can make myself do a lot. I took that excuse away 6 The Back Page VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 11 November 2020 PILA Auction Cartoon By Raphael The PILA Auction is mov- tireless efforts of our grant- ing online! While we consid- ees the PILA auction will be ered hosting a Zoom version live Thursday, November 12 of the much loved fall party, through Tuesday, November the PILA Board decided to 17 for your bidding pleasure. spare you all another awk- Come early and bid often on ward video call and is pio- this year’s selection of great neering a totally new totally items including romantic online auction experience. getaways, outings with pro- Same great items, same great fessors, jewelry, cite check cause, new location - PILAU- passes, and dog snuggles! VA.com. As always the auc- Items will be available for tion supports PILA’s mission pick-up/drop off in Charlot- of providing stipends to UVA tesville, delivered digitally, Law students who pursue or shipped if necessary. If low- or non-paying summer you have any questions or internships in public ser- just want to share your ex- vice. There has never been citement about this year’s a greater need for public in- auction reach out to the auc- terest lawyers and PILA is tion director, Kim Curtis up to the challenge! Thanks ([email protected]). to the generous support of faculty, staff, local busi-

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