By Jonathan Yukich
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By Jonathan Yukich © Copyright 2013, Pioneer Drama Service, Inc. Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for every performance, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights should be addressed to Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155. All rights to this play—including but not limited to amateur, professional, radio broadcast, television, motion picture, public reading and translation into foreign languages—are controlled by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind in whole or in part may be given. These rights are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and of all countries covered by the Universal Copyright Convention or with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, including Canada, Mexico, Australia and all nations of the United Kingdom. COPYING OR REPRODUCING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW. On all programs, printing and advertising, the following information must appear: 1. The full name of the play 2. The full name of the playwright 3. The following notice: “Produced by special arrangement with Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Englewood, Colorado” ALICE@WONDERLAND Based on the works of Lewis Carroll Adapted for the stage by JONATHAN YUKICH CAST OF CHARACTERS (In Order of Speaking) # of lines ALICE ......................................................................................292 WHITE RABBIT ...........................................................................40 QUEEN OF HEARTS ....................................................................58 CATERPILLAR .............................................................................21 FROG-NEWSIE ............................................................................23 FISH-NEWSIE .............................................................................19 *CHESHIRE CAT .........................................................................43 MAD HATTER .............................................................................63 MARCH HARE ............................................................................45 DORMOUSE ...............................................................................20 TWEEDLEDUM ...........................................................................37 TWEEDLEDEE ............................................................................32 HUMPTY-DUMPTY.......................................................................45 KING OF HEARTS .......................................................................47 **CHORUS PARTS ENSEMBLE ..................................................................................7 DOOR #1...................................................................................26 DOOR #2...................................................................................17 DOOR #3...................................................................................17 TINY DOOR ................................................................................32 CHORUS MEMBER #1 ..................................................................9 CHORUS MEMBER #2 ..................................................................9 CHORUS MEMBER #3 ..................................................................9 CHORUS MEMBER #4 ..................................................................9 LILY ...........................................................................................15 ROSE ........................................................................................16 DAISY .......................................................................................13 VIOLET ......................................................................................11 QUEEN’S GUARD #1 ....................................................................2 QUEEN’S GUARD #2 ....................................................................2 ii For preview only *The CHESHIRE CAT is played by two actors. **CHORUS PARTS require a minimum of four actors and can accommodate as many as 14 or more actors. SET DESCRIPTION The show is played on a bare stage. Various props are brought on to create a forest, a tea party, Humpty-Dumpty’s wall and a courtroom. SYNOPSIS OF SCENES Action between scenes should flow continuously. Scene One—Alice on the Bank Scene Two—The Hall of Strange Doors Scene Three—Encounter with a Caterpillar Scene Four—Read All About It! Scene Five—The Cheshire Cat Scene Six—A Mad Tea Party Scene Seven—Tweedledum and Tweedledee Scene Eight—The Jabberwock! Scene Nine—Humpty-Dumpty and His Wall Scene Ten—The Cheshire Cat Returns Scene Eleven—Garden of the Laughing Flowers Scene Twelve—The Queen of Hearts Scene Thirteen—Alice on Trial Scene Fourteen—Alice on the Bank iii For preview only ALICE@WONDERLAND Scene One—Alice on the Bank 1 LIGHTS UP on ALICE speaking on her cell phone. ALICE: (Giddy.) It… has… everything! Blazing speed, unlimited text and talk! (Beat.) Well, sure it has apps. What’s the use of a smart phone without apps? 5 WHITE RABBIT: (ENTERS and passes by in a frenzy.) Oh, dear! Oh, dear! I shall be late! ALICE: Ugh, hold on a sec. (To WHITE RABBIT, snarky.) Hey, can you pipe down? I’m on the phone—thanks. WHITE RABBIT: I’m late! I’m late! 10 ALICE: Seriously? Take it down a notch. (WHITE RABBIT rushes OFF. ALICE returns to her phone.) Hey, you still there? Great. Now, my phone’s dead. Thanks a lot, rabbit! (Sighs and puts her phone away.) WHITE RABBIT: (ENTERS again, darting about. He pauses, checks his 15 pocket watch, demurs.) Oh, dear! Oh, dear! (Travels about the stage in a tizzy.) ALICE: (Follows him.) Hey, bunny! Do you know where I can recharge my phone? WHITE RABBIT: Oh, my ears and whiskers! How late it’s getting! 20 ALICE: Is there a café close by? Somewhere I could plug it in? What’s your rush, rabbit? (The weather becomes ominous. CHORUS ENSEMBLE ENTERS and begins to make sounds of rain and thunder.) Lost in the woods—no phone, no GPS. This must be how the pioneers felt! And now—just fabulous!—it looks like rain. Oh, 25 what an ugly storm! (CHORUS ENSEMBLE grumbles at the insult as ALICE slogs through the storm, chasing after WHITE RABBIT.) Hey, bunny! I’m talking to you! Why don’t you slow down?! (At last, CHORUS shifts into a semi-circle formation, creating a rabbit hole, which WHITE RABBIT crosses into and briskly scampers OFF, out of 30 sight. ALICE stands before the rabbit hole, contemplating.) What’s this? CHORUS ENSEMBLE: What’s it look like? ALICE: A rabbit hole… CHORUS ENSEMBLE: (Muttering various ad libs.) Whiz kid. Genius. A 35 real Isaac Newton. Is it safe? (Then, together.) Safe enough. ALICE: I should Google it. CHORUS ENSEMBLE: No time! (CHORUS ENSEMBLE grabs ALICE and pulls her into the hole. They lift her up, spin her about, then place her on her feet. [If this is not possible, CHORUS ENSEMBLE can 1 For preview only 1 twirl ALICE to and fro.] CHORUS ENSEMBLE then splinters off and spaces out, as ALICE is propelled around the stage. She is in free fall, bouncing and ricocheting off one actor and toward another, like a pinball.) 5 ALICE: I seem to be falling… (CHORUS ENSEMBLE begins to softly chant “Down, down, down.”) In fact, I’m sure I’m falling… There seems to be no end! (Shouts.) Echo! CHORUS ENSEMBLE: Echo… echo… echo… echo… echo… ALICE: Alice! 10 CHORUS ENSEMBLE: Alice… Alice… Alice… Alice… Alice… ALICE: I must be getting somewhere near the center! That’s like 4,000 miles down! (CHORUS ENSEMBLE has resumed the “Down, down, down” chant.) I wonder if I’ll fall right through the earth! Then, I’d be really far from home, and I bet the reception is awful down here. 15 (Checks her phone.) What luck! No power and no service! Ugh! Verizon is the worst! CHORUS ENSEMBLE: (Abruptly, turns out to AUDIENCE and proclaims in full-voice.) When suddenly, thump! Thump! ALICE: (Drops to her knees, awake and alert. Stillness at last.) Where 20 am I? Where have I landed? Is this New Zealand? Or Australia? CHORUS ENSEMBLE: (Announces to AUDIENCE.) The hall of strange doors. End of Scene One Scene Two—The Hall of Strange Doors DOORS #1, #2 and #3 leave the CHORUS and transform into doors, becoming rigid and standing in a row. Each pulls out a doorknob and 25 holds it in their right hand. ALICE: Achoo! DOORS: Bless you. ALICE: Achoo! Achoo! DOORS: Bless you. Bless you. 30 ALICE: Thanks. Hey, doors aren’t supposed to talk. DOOR #1: And young girls… DOOR #2: …aren’t supposed to sneeze… DOOR #3: …without covering their yappers. ALICE: I must’ve caught cold in that ugly storm. Say, I wonder where 35 you doors might lead. (Tries to open each door, but the knobs won’t budge. After each attempt, the DOORS, in their distinct voices, announce the word “Locked.”) Then, how am I supposed to get out of here? (DOORS shrug and mumble uncertainties, as a key on a 2 For preview only 1 string is lowered from above. [See PRODUCTION NOTES.]) Where did this come from? Maybe this key will open one of you… (Starts to reach for the key, but stops when DOORS start talking.) DOOR #1: Not me. 5 DOOR #2: Not I. DOOR #3: Not us. ALICE: Well, then, I’ll just have to break one of you down. (DOORS are appalled and frightened at the prospect.) DOOR #1: Awful girl! 10 DOOR #2: That would hurt! DOOR #3: How unladylike! ALICE: Which one of you shall it be? (DOORS begin pleading their cases all at once.) DOOR #1: He’s best. 15 DOOR #2: No, she’s