Latest Pirates Trade Rumor!

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1. Pirates Front Office Employee

2. Cubs Pitcher

3. Former Cubs Pitcher

4. Imprisoned Former Illinois Public Official

5. Ludicrously Dumb Former Gm Of Team Other Than Pirates

6. Number Between Ten And Twenty

7. Number Over A Hundred

8. Penguins Or Steelers Commentator

9. Adjectival Form Of Name Of Asian Or South American Country Such As Japanese Or Peruvian

10. Home-Run Derby Participant This Year Who Isnt Andrew Mccutchen

11. Mediocre Pirates Class A Pitcher

12. Retired Former Pirates First-Round Draft Bust

13. Star Player Who Isnt On Trade Market

14. Absurdly Large Number Latest Pirates Trade Rumor!

Breaking news! The Pirates are, it appears, major players for Justin Upton. It seems Pirates front office

employee was in Chicago last weekend to see him play. Of course, the Pirates representative might also have

been there to see Cubs pitcher or perhaps former Cubs pitcher or maybe even imprisoned former

Illinois public official . Sources say at least three other teams are interested in Upton, although ludicrously

dumb former GM of team other than Pirates tells us it might be as many as number between ten and twenty or perhaps even

number over a hundred .

My outlet and I have never seemed the slightest bit interested in Pirates fans before and probably know less

about the Bucs than Penguins or Steelers commentator knows about adjectival form of name of Asian or South American

country such as Japanese or Peruvian architecture. Nonetheless, now that the Bucs make great copy, we're positive that

the Pirates absolutely must make a trade for Upton or home-run derby participant this year who isnt Andrew McCutchen before the deadline, regardless of whether it makes any sense. But they must preserve the future of their team

and avoid trading Gerrit Cole, Jameson Taillon, Starling Marte, mediocre Pirates Class A pitcher or

retired former Pirates first-round draft bust , or else they're screwed. If it turns out Upton is unavailable, the Pirates

will undoubtedly turn their attention toward star player who isnt on trade market .

But eh, whatever. It doesn't matter what we publish. Some blogger will run with it. Good thing we make