Bittersweet English Study

Note the good title. I’m sure that the essay is on topic and I expect to hear about bitter and sweet again.

Learning English, for me, is a long story. It's not a simple feeling that can be expressed through a few words.

The introduction is 21 words, a bit short for an essay of this length. Ally opts for a more general thesis (the “not a simple feeling”). I’d add a bit to that “long story” she refers to. Try for 40 to 50 words in total, about ½ the length of a body paragraph give or take.

"Bittersweet" is an appropriate word to describe my experience learning English.

[a good topic sentence; brings us back to the title, too] It started with my time atduring [too reduce wordiness] middle school through and ended with myto graduation from university-—a total of 10 years. [the dash is used well here to introduce the duration. It is informal, but suits this essay’s tone.] During thatAt the time, I got countless good marks on the various English tests, and maybe that could be called the "sweet" part. [like that you are still not sure. This works well]

The result only seems to be that my grammar is basically fine. However sinceSince moving to Canada, English has become more important in my life, so I decided to go back to school for it again—-that was my experience in PALC from beginning in level 7 until now. [note this way of saying this: “beginning in . . .” very useful structure] I gained more knowledge there for use in my daily life. Besides study in the classroom, I have tried to practice listening to English by watching television comedy series, [omit comma before because inside a sentence] because I love them. [you might name names here. What shows?] For my character's sake, [you mean “luckily”? it’s not clear] the opportunity to practice speaking is still rare, even though I work as a cashier in a market. It's a frustrating thing that I'm not eager to touchwork on; that probably should be called the "bitter" part. [why “should” this time and not “could”? ; they have different meanings]

For this English 12 course [wordy], I hope that I can absorb more knowledge and improve my English skills in a wider area, and try to have more fun in this process. I know that vocabulary is particularly difficult for me. Although life is busy, I plan to keep my reading habit in this term to meet the challenge of grade

12 reading standards. There are also other challenges I need to overcome, including shedding my cocoon that hinders my ability to speak in English-—my shyness. [part of what makes this essay work so well is Ally’s honesty. Her admitting to a failing helps readers to empathize with her] That will require a huge effort, and probably I will need to spend my whole life to conquer it. Overall, for this semester, my aim is to improve my enjoyment of English, no matter how tiny and in which way it is. [a modest goal, thus believable]

Undoubtedly, English is will be important in my future life. First of all, it is a necessary skill to have in an English speaking country. I'm eager to use English to communicate with people who speak English, especially my daughter's teachers, my own teachers and my classmates and so on. It is a problem that has been worrying me, and I hope that one day I will be able to talk about more profound things with them like I can in my native language. [this is a key idea; the worst of the many problems is not being able to share life’s moments fully with others in a second language.] Secondly, [you are ready to leave the more mechanical transitions behind, Ally] I still nourish a the hope to goof going to college and choose choosing a major which I really like in Canada, not only because I enjoy study but also because I can give myself a chance to find a more suitable career.

[complex idea; complex sentence; well done.] As an immigrant, the benefit of improving English is unlimited-—to express selves, to get ,make friends, and to create a happy life in this new "homeland"… [no ellipsis here; nice list]

The path of English study in front of me is a long one, and I believe that I will learn to take more pleasure from it,. I will enjoyenjoying the bitter and with the sweet.

[again, a bit longer, but still end on the title words. Powerful way to end!]

This essay more than meets all the requirements. The slightly out-of-balance introduction and conclusion do not detract significantly from the whole.

Remember, everyone, that an essay is a whole package. The parts need to work together well for us to follow, and understand, you.

—499 words by Ally