mb Nove er ’92 . 2 , NoSS UUNN DD HHHH, YOU DON’T know the shape I’m “O in,” Levon Helm was wailing plaintively over the P.A. as the lights came up at Off Broad- way, a St. Louis nightclub. The DJ’s choice of that particular Band normally prohibits). Brian McTavish of the number couldn’t have been more Star’s “Nighthawk” column was on assign- relevant. Four days on the road ment, so no luck there. A television spot with the Tom Russell Band were wasn't in the budget, so we'd have to rely coming to a close, leaving me primarily on word of mouth for ticket sales. fatigued and exhilarated at the same time. Day 1 – Kansas City The show had run late, and The Tom Russell Band, standin’ on the corner: Barry the management was doing its Ramus (bass), Fats Kaplin (accordion, pedal steel, Waiting at the Comfort Inn for the band harmonica, and more), Tom Russell (guitar, vocals), to roll in to town provided a chance to see a best to herd patrons out the Mike Warner (drums, backing vocals), Andrew Hardin door. As the crowd congratulat- (guitar, harmony vocals). prima donna in action. A member of Lash ing the band dispersed, S LaRue’sband was pressuring the desk clerk staff cartoonist Dug joined me in ap- to change his room assignment, first to down the hall, then, deciding that wasn’t proaching Tom, and in our best Wayne and up a request for an interview left on his toll good enough, to a different floor. “I have to Garth imitation, simultaneously kowtow- free merchandise line, 1-800-Dark-Angel. play with them every night, I don’t want to ing and proclaiming “we’re not worthy, Calling from his Brooklyn apartment, he ex- see them during the day,” he whined. Was we’re not worthy.” pressed concern that it not take more than this type of bickering what I had to look for- “Somebody grab the video camera,” twenty minutes or so. One thing about Tom— ward to with Russell's entourage? Tom commented, his voice rumbling over he spends a lot of time on the phone (check It was time to find out, since their van the laughter. out the list on page 6). was just pulling up. Introductions were The first time I had heard that low During those twenty fame-filled minutes made, including the newest member of the rumble was last winter when Tom followed of the fanzine writer, I queried him as to when band, bassist Barry Ramus, who had signed he would be gigging in Kansas City.“The band’s on a mere week before after the abrupt de- INSIDE never played west of the Mississippi” was a parture of Billy Troiani. “Where’sthe nearest surprising response from an artist with such liquor store?” asked Fats Kaplin, the pedal ITMIGHTBEABLUEBIRD, close ties to the country scene. Before the in- steel player. I spent the afternoon drinking IDON’TKNOW terview concluded, I’d promised to see what in the hotel room with Fats and guitarist ex- Page 5 could be done about securing a club date. traordinare Andrew Hardin, talking about Arrangements were made, and the Tom their sideline Hawaiian band, the Haoles; LOOKINGFORAFEWBALD Russell Band was booked for the Grand Andrew producing Katy Moffatt and Cris WOMEN:THESINÉADBRIGADE Emporium on the fifth day of May,with S Cuddy; troubles with the producer during Page 6 as official sponsor. The staff scrambled to put the recording of Poor Man's Dream; the together flyers and posters. Our public rela- music scene in general, and Fats’ near-pro- AREYOUREADY?: tions department called in favors from the fessional rating as a chess player. CORNFROMHOME New Times in hopes of some coverage—we The Emporium’s sound engineer was Page 8 managed to score a “Critic's Choice” (a conflict of interest which their journalistic integrity Friend let me take you just a little bit farther, to page 4. = Tom Russell content Ⅲ Tears of a Clown: Nigro’s Western Store (10/14/92). I was buying a pair of jeans when E-Z PIECES the Garth Brooks fall fashion collection ar- NDANNY LOPEZN rived—three dozen of those goofy-looking black and blue shirts Brooks wears when per- SUSUNDN D forming. To make the ensemble complete, you Ⅲ Tom Russell: Cowboy Real need one of those headset microphones he (Philo).The cover of Cowboy Real BOARD uses that make him look like he’s taking orders brings to mind the old Smoth- at the Taco Bell drive-through window. Garth ers Brothers parody of “The should hope those shirts are water repellent C J. C Streets of Laredo”: “we could because the big guy can't stop from weeping Publisher/Managing General Partner see by his outfit that he was a when he talks about his wife and kid: sobbing cowboy. If you get an outfit, on “Dateline” with Jane Pauley and blubber- you can be a cowboy too.” J Y ing away at the CMA Awards where he said And it reminds me of my Hard-Nosed Muckraking Senior Editor he’s taking eight months off next year “to be childhood when the TV- Mr. Dad” to his baby girl. “It hurts me so bad. cowboy was king—Cisco and It kills me not touring. But if my family suffers Pancho, the Lone Ranger, and because of the music, I’ve got to sacrifice the Layout,Design and Typesetting St. Louis’ own TV-cowpoke, Texas Bruce, music.” Yeah, and I’ll bet he cried when he saw Arthur D. Bradley whose daily signoff, “Whoopie, tie me up, little Bambi. It’s Brooks’ hardworking fans who buckaroo” later resulted in a long prison term. should be bawling—having to shell out the “su- Contributors But it was TV-cowgirl, Annie Oakley, who put a perstar” price of $15.99 for 37 minutes of music Cheryl Burns, Arthur Goldklang, Steven Hill, stirring in my pre-pubescent loins: a petite, on his new CD, The Chase. Frankie Lee, Danny Lopez, Arthur McBride, proto-feminist blonde with pigtails and an “Big” Jim Diamond, Henry Porter, itchy trigger finger whose memory keeps me Ⅲ Murder in My Heart for the Judge: The Kansas searching for a woman who smells of the dus- City Star (10/14/92). “The Supreme Court re- Doris Saltkill try trail. So saddle up, pardner, and head for the fused to reinstate lawsuits that said rock star Detractors nearest tradin' post for a copy of Cowboy Real, Ozzy Osbourne’s song, ‘Suicide Solutions,’ and return to those thrilling days of yester- caused two teenagers to commit suicide. Lower GWAR year—the ersatz cowboy rides again. courts said Osbourne's free speech rights pro- Lynn Anderson’s husband, dammit tect him against such suits.” Ⅲ Ask Danny Lopez: Yanni Dear Danny: I'm having a problem with my Cartoonist boyfriend. He used to be a big time rock star who wrote sappy songs about life and love that Dug sold millions. We had piles of cash and mounds Some gave all: of coke. Then he decided he had to record sappy songs that reflected his left-wing political Bones, John McQuitty, James Lucas, views. Not only did his career go to hell, but the Ed Becker, Bill Lavery, Johnny B, Stretch house was crawling with Sandinistas. He be- came cranky and nasty—asking me when I was Benefactors going to make another cavegirl movie. When enemy. Barry Bottger, Richard Ludwick, and we went to the video store, the only movies he Teniesha Anastasia Kessler real wanted to rent were Silkwood or The China (Your name here still only $5) Syndrome. I knew he was on the edge, but all I said was, “It takes my luxurious blonde hair so Dedication long to dry. I could sure use one of those new Bite the Cat and Victor, skin illustrators atomic-powered hairdryers,” and BAM! he To get some background on this important bounces me around the house like a superball. decision, S’s Supreme Court Correspon- Fine Print Required by Our Attorneys My friends say leave, but he can be so sweet dent spoke with Associate Justice, Clarence Copyright ©1992 by S. sometimes. I want to stay just a little bit longer. Thomas. Said Thomas, “Certainly, there’s a Long haired, freaky people need not apply; What do you think, Danny? minority on the Court who believe heavy metal anybody caught trespassing will be shot on sight; Running on Empty music is inspired directly by Satan and want to you’ve got to have a membership card see it wiped from the face of the earth. But the to get inside, huuhhhn. Dear Running: (1) Call Marvin Mitchelson; (2) majority realize it’s just so much bombastic No other warranty, XPress or implied, is Go to a women’s shelter or the Park Avenue nonsense. Sure, metal heads disfigure their intended or should be inferred. mansion of the Sexiest Man in the U.S.A. and bodies with crude homemade tattoos, bang heir to the Kennedy legacy; (3) Call Allen their heads against large immovable objects, S is published Dershowitz; (4) When are you going to make and will stand in a cold rain for hours to get monthly, except another cavegirl movie? floor seats for Slayer. But does it make them January—if you’re in the blow their brains out? I don’t think so. Heck, Crown tonight, have a drink on me I’ve been a fan of Ozzy’s since he was in Black Sabbath.