Education Biography Ho

Paper One Comments and Suggestions:

1. If you are writing about a person, I would suggest: o Adding more descriptive details about the person: personality, looks, compare them to somebody famous o Include a paragraph that gives me the story on that person: how you met; a specific instance that illustrates what they have taught you or that typifies your relationship with that person (for example, if you are talking about your brother, tell me a story that explains how you relate to each other, etc); or a story that explains what kind of person they are (your brother taught you the value of hard work—so explain a story that shows how he is a hard worker) o Be more explicit and detailed on exactly what you have learned from this person and how they have affected your life o Tie this person into your education. You have not really done this, and your education is the focus of this autobiography. How has what you learned from this person translate into the academic arena for you?

2. If you are writing about a place (town, school, etc), I would suggest: o Adding more descriptive details about the place: pretend I have never been there. What does it look like? What is the general mood/feel of the place? What are its characteristic features? How you feel about the place? Did your feelings change from your first impression? Did you feel at home there? o If you are comparing moving from one place to another, compare them I more detail. o Tell me the story of how/why you got to the place. Did your experiences change your first impression? o Be more explicit and detailed on exactly what you have learned from this person and how they have affected your life o Tie this place into your education. You have not really done this, and your education is the focus of this autobiography. How has what you learned from this place translate into the academic arena for you?

3. If you are writing about your family, I would suggest: o Adding more descriptive detail: Pretend I’m your new girlfriend/boyfriend and I am meeting your family for the first time. What would you warn me about? How would you describe each person? o Include a paragraph that gives me a story that illustrates what your family is like. For example, if I would tell the story about how my dad bought a sailboard used to go into the water fully clothed like Pee-Wee Herman. I was sooooo embarrassed every time we went out that I always faked a headache or fear just to avoid being seen with them. I realized yes, my family is a bunch of dorky retards but they are my family. o Be more explicit and detailed on exactly what you have learned from these people and how they have affected your life o Tie your family into your education. You have not really done this, and your education is the focus of this autobiography. How has what you learned from your family translate into the academic arena for you?

4. If you are writing about a school club or organization; I would suggest: o Adding more detail about the club: Pretend I have never heard of this club and you have to explain it to me. Situate the club in your school/town for me. Were you the best football team in town? Was your club the club for dorks? What exactly did you DO (position, duties, etc)? o Tell me a story that illustrates what your club is about. One entire paragraph here. o Be more explicit and detailed on exactly what you have learned from these people and how they have affected your life o Tie this club into your education. You have not really done this, and your education is the focus of this autobiography. How has what you learned from this club translate into the academic arena for you?

5. If you are writing about a traumatic event, I would suggest: o Adding more details about the people involved. o Add more detail about the setting. o Add more background information to set your story up. It is not clear to me how this situation came about. o Add more detail on the conclusion/resolution of this event. o Be more explicit and detailed on exactly what you have learned from these people and how they have affected your life o Tie this event into your education. You have not really done this, and your education is the focus of this autobiography. How has what you learned from this event translate into the academic arena for you?

6. If you are writing about your culture or ethnicity, I would suggest:

o Adding more detail on your ethnicity. How does it differ/compare to other cultures? What are some symbolic rituals for your ethnicity (like for Americans Christmas is a biggie, Fourth of July, etc)? What are some foods you eat, etc. Pretend I am foreign and I know absolutely NOTHING about your ethnicity. o Can you give me a parable or story or major event that illustrates your culture? o Be more explicit and detailed on exactly what you have learned from your culture and how they have affected your life o Tie your culture into your education. You have not really done this, and your education is the focus of this autobiography. How has what you learned from your culture translate into the academic arena for you?