True Colors Skit
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TRUE COLORS SKIT RELATIONSHIPS SKIT
SKIT 1 GREEN AND BLUE
The scene opens with an imaginary two sink counter in the center of the stage facing the audience. The Green husband enters walks to the “sink” at center stage and pretends to wash his face in the imaginary sink on his left, preparing to shave.
After a moment, the Blue wife enters from stage left and walks up to the second imaginary sink on her right and says,
BLUE: “Good Morning.” Pause. “I said Good Morning!”
GREEN (CONTINUES TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR ABOVE THE SINK so he’s facing the audience).
GREEN: He stops and looks at her “Huh, Oh, Good Morning.” SMILE. LOOKS BACK TO THE MIRROR and he starts to lather up his face, preparing to shave.
BLUE: “All right, where is the toothpaste?”
GREEN: CONCENTRATING ON HIS FACE IN THE MIRROR) “What?”
BLUE: “I said, where did you hide the toothpaste this morning?”
GREEN: “Toothpaste? Uh, I don’t know. STOPS AND LOOKS AT HER I’ve got more important things on my mind, POINTS TO THE COUNTER Just use the mouthwash.”
BLUE: LOOK AT HUSBAND EXASPERATED “I’ve told you before, I hate mouthwash. And what’s more important than being considerate and caring of someone else?”
GREEN: “Considerate and caring? (PUZZELED LOOK). I thought we were talking about toothpaste?”
BLUE: “And if you were considerate and if you cared, I wouldn’t have to go on a scavenger hunt every day just to find the toothpaste in the morning.”
GREEN: “Oh, OK, so we’re talking about toothpaste.” And he begins to pretend to shave.
BLUE: She walks over behind him to the toilet on his left (stage right) and folds her arms and looks into the ceiling. She turns to him and points down in front of her and says,
“And you know, while we’re on that subject, if you were considerate and if you cared, you’d, you’d put a new roll of toilet paper on the thingy when it got empty.” GREEN: TURNS TO HER VERY CONFUSED “Wait, wait, wait. I’m confused. Are we talking about toothpaste or toilet paper?”
BLUE: IGNORES WHAT HE SAID “And if you were considerate and if you cared, (TURNS TO FACE HIM) You’d put the toilet seat DOWN (CLOSING MOTION WITH ARM AND HAND) when you were through!”
GREEN: Turns his whole body to her and steams a little. “Well, (PAUSE) following your logic, (PAUSE) If you were considerate and if you cared, you would put the toilet seat UP when you were through!”
WAIT FOR LAUGHTER
BLUE: Walks away crying towards opposite side of stage, puts her back to him and says “You never tell me you love me anymore.”
WAIT FOR LAUGHTER
GREEN: Following after her. “That’s ridiculous; I told you I loved you when I married you!”
WAIT FOR LAUGHTER
BLUE: Really bawling now, “Yaaaa, sob, sob”
GREEN: “OK, OK, alright. I’ll help out.”
(GOES BACK TO SINK, SWATS DOWN AND BEGINS TO RIFFLE THROUGH THE CONTENTS UNDER THE SINK)
“I’ll put a new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser.” Where is it?”
BLUE: Looks pouts and looks sheepishly out at the audience. “We don’t have any.”
WAIT FOR LAUGHTER
GREEN: Jumps up and say. “WHAT?” WAIT FOR LAUGHTER
BLUE: Wringing her hands. “They didn’t have the right color!” (WAIT FOR LAUGHTER)
GREEN: (Astounded, exasperated, and amazed) “What!! I can’t believe it!”
BLUE: Turns to him and puts her hands on her hips. “Well I have spent a lot of time color coordinating this house and making sure that everything looks nice and (points at him with a shaking finger) I wasn’t about to buy the wrong color and ruin the whole composition of the bathroom!” GREEN: (Shaking head) “Well that’s really great if you’re constipated.” (Throws his hands in the air). (WAIT FOR LAUGHTER) “Color, smuller. I don’t really care what color it is, I just need something to wipe my…”
BLUE: BREAK IN BEFORE HE FINISHES THE SENTENCE
Puts her hands up to defend herself. “You’re yelling at me again! You care more about toilet paper than you do about me.”
GREEN: Groans and turns away from her.
BLUE: Turns to the audience and says, “This man is impossible. Every time I start to talk to him about our relationship, he accuses me of being irrational! What’s reason got to do with feelings anyway?”
GREEN: Turns to audience crosses arms and says, “How am I ever supposed to know what to expect from her. You know, other men would probably get angry now. OK, (Pause) I think I’ll get angry”.
He turns back to her and walks up to her.
“Woman, you’re driving me crazy.
WAIT FOR LAUGHTER
COUNTS OFF ON FINGERS
“Are we talking about the toilet seat, toilet paper, toothpaste, or our relationship?”
BLUE: “Can’t you see, they are all a part of the same thing, our relationship!!!”
BLUE and GREEN link arms and walk off the stage. TRUE COLORS SKIT RELATIONSHIPS SKIT
SKIT KIT TWO – GOLD AND ORANGE
GOLD: Wife comes into bath room and sighs to audience. “Look at this”. Opens her arms wide towards sink.
Looks around the room and walks over to the toilet. She turns to her right at a 45 degree angle and says out loud over her shoulder,
“Honey, yesterday when you came home from grocery shopping, did you put the toilet paper in the bathroom?”
ORANGE: From off stage, “That’s usually where I put it.”
GOLD: “Well you put it in WRONG. How many times have I got to tell you, (motions with her hands) . You’re supposed to put it in so that the paper comes over the top.
WAIT FOR LAUGHTER
“That way it’s easier to tear off at the perforated line.”
WAIT FOR LAUGHTER
GOLD: Says to audience, “Every morning this is what I come in to. Shaving cream on the mirror, no cap on the toothpaste and toothpaste everywhere. Sometimes I wonder if I’m married to Conan O’Brien or Hulk Hogan.”
ORANGE: Come in singing the national anthem OFF KEY. “Oh say can you see by the dawns early light…”
GOLD: Holding her hands up. “Whoa, whoa there. Have a little more respect for the anthem.”
ORANGE: He looks at her and says, “How’s it going this morning?”
GOLD: Same as usual.” Shaking her head Why can’t you put the cap back on the toothpaste and put it away? Why am I always cleaning up after your mess?”
ORANGE: (looking sorry) “Oh, I’m sorry, I just forgot.”
GOLD: “You always forget.”
ORANGE: “No really, I just forgot.”
GOLD: “You always forget, and then, PAUSE it’s left PAUSE for me to do.”
ORANGE: “Well last night I was in a hurry and sometimes I just forget.” GOLD: Sometimes. SOMETIMES? All the time is more like it. And then, it’s left, for me to do.”
ORANGE: “Well, I’m sorry ok?”
GOLD: “You’re sorry.
ORANGE: “I’m sorry.”
GOLD: “You’re really sorry.”
ORANGE: “Read my lips (mouthing the words slowly), I AM SORRY”
GOLD: “Do you know what you would do if you were really sorry?”
ORANGE: “No, what would I do if I were really sorry?”
GOLD: “If you were really sorry, every morning, when you were finished brushing your teeth, (MODEL THIS ACTION WITH YOUR HANDS) “You would take the toothpaste tube, put the cap back on the tube, squeeze the toothpaste to the cap end of the tube where it would make this nice, neat cylinder. You would take this nice neat cylinder, open the drawer, and place it in the drawer where it belongs, and that’s what you would do if you were really sorry.
ORANGE: “Oh, that’s what I would do if I were really sorry.” Turns to audience. “Can you believe how she goes on and on over something as stupid as a tube of toothpaste! I mean I’ve got lot’s of things going on to put my energy into. My goodness, a tube of toothpaste. (LOOKS UP TOWARD CEILING)
Turns to wife and says, “Hey, I have a good idea. Why don’t we get one of those toothpaste pumps.”
GOLD: “PUMPS! I work hard to try to keep this place in some kind of order. He doesn’t care what this place looks like.
He doesn’t appreciate all the things I do around here every day. And you know, my family has been using tubes for generations!
Besides, it costs more and you end up wasting the toothpaste at the bottom.
What difference does it make? (HOLD YOUR INDEX FINGER UP IN THE AIR) It makes a lot of difference to me!
ORANGE: But really, a tube of toothpaste!
GOLD: “It’s the point that counts. This is not just about toothpaste. It could be anything. It could be your shaving cream. And what if I did this.
(She grabs the can of shaving cream and the front of his pants and (pretends) to squirt it down inside). Then she turns and storms away off stage. ORANGE: At first shocked. Then with a leer, races after her and says, “Hey wait a minute. Show me that part about the shaving cream again.” He turns to the audience and smiles, wiggles his eye brows and runs off stage.