You Have One Unheard Message

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Camera's sole focus is a telephone sitting on a table in a corner of the room. The phone rings 4 times. Answering machine picks up.

Pre-recorded male voice [sounds a lot like a popular t.v personality] I'm not home right now. Really, I'm not. I'm not one of those people who hears the phone ring and doesn't pick. If I was there I'd pick. But I'm not there so I can't pick. So leave a message. Thank you.

Colleen Brother number one, this is Colleen from KKK head office. I'm calling to confirm your attendance at tomorrow's meeting. Please call me to confirm as soon as you get this message.

Camera moves it give us an increasingly wider view of the living room. We see furniture.

Colleen [cont'd]. I saw your show last night. I totally support what you said about that rapper, Ludicrous or Ludacris, whatever his name is. He's the last person I want trying to sell me a Pepsi. Or anything else for that matter.

We see a blurry picture of a man on the wall just above the phone. Camera slowly zooms in on it.

Colleen [cont'd] You are absolutely right to ask the public to boycott Pepsi if they go with Ludicrous or Ludacris or whatever his name is. And don't stop talking about it till they drop him.

We now see the picture clearly. It is a picture of Bill O'reilly. Camera slowly scans the wall and we see more O'reilly pictures. Colleen [cont'd] The man encourages misoginy, violence, debauchery and..... I don't want to see his face on a billboard holding a Pepsi. Great suit by the way.

Camera is now at the end of the wall and continues along the adjoining wall.In the middle of the wall is a trophy cabinet nailed to the wall. Camera scans slowly down the cabinet and we see O'reilly's various awards.

Colleen [cont'd] The annual celebration of Birth Of A Nation comes up soon. Would you believe it's been 95 yearssince that great movie was made?It's one of the greatest movies ever made. The greatest, infact.To commemorate this year's annivresary, everyone's suposed to write an essay on the impact the movie has had on their life. Where do I start? I could write a book on it. You know, my favourite scene is the scene where the black legislators were drinking whiskey and eating chicken. [chuckles] Brilliant. Just brilliant. The best essay gets this year's D.W Griffiths award for excellence.

At the bottom of the cabinet is the D.W Griffiths award for excellence 2009 with Bill O'reilly's name on it. Camera continues along the wall. More O'reilly pictures.

Colleen Brother number 2's birthday comes up next month and he's doing it big. The theme of the party is lynch party. Cool hunh?

At the end of the wall, camera zooms in on a picture of O'reilly and Michael Richards - Kramer from Sienfeld - looking very chummy indeed.

Colleen [cont'd] There'll be noose shaped chandelliers, pitch fork shaped spring rolls and pick axe shaped cookies. The best part is the cake. It's a chocolate cake in the image of Michelle Obama. Lynch party, Michelle Obama, get it? Hee hee.

Camera continues along the next wall which is thus far bare.

Colleen [cont'd] Did you read that comletely biased article about brother number 3? The nerve of those people to call his comments racist.

Camera stops on a picture of O'reilly and Rush Limbaugh in the middle of the wall.

Colleen [cont'd] Everything he siad was true. "That One" is an uppity nigga isn't he? And really you don't have to be racist to see that an NFL game looks like a fight between the bloods and the crips. Soo woop, dadadooh or whatever. And it's a shame that some people just don't have a sense of humour. [chuckles] The NACCP should have riot rehearsal. That's funny.Fucking funny. [laughs]

Camera lowers from the O'reilly , Limbaugh picture to a TV directly below it. Under the Tv is a rack with DVDs in it. The DVD's include Birth Of A Nation.

Colleen [cont'd] I showed a black couple an apartment in my building today. They liked it and they want to move in but I'm not going to let that happen. There'll be a black person on friends before I let that happen.

The DVD's include the complete season DVD collection of Friends and a porn flick called Whitezilla Is Bigger Than A Nigga.

INT. LIVING ROOM STAIRCASE - DAY

Camera moves slowly up the stairs, scanning the wall.

Colleen [cont'd] I will not have a black couple in my building. I'm going to Charles Degaulle their asses.

Camera stops and zooms in on a picture of the champs de elysees parade

Colleen [cont'd] They're not moving in.

INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY

Camera scans a wall. We see more O'reilly pictures, a metal schwastika.

Colleen [cont'd] I was with brother number four last night. He performed the most hilarious Adolf Hitler impression I've ever seen. You should hear him say nappy headed hoes in a German accent. [laughs]

Camera stops on a picture of O'reilly and Don Imus Colleen [cont'd] You really should hear him do it.

INT. WARDROBE - DAY

Camera scans his clothes.

Colleen [cont'd] Our new uniforms just came in. I've got to say, brother number 5 really outdid himself this time. They're made of linen. I like linen. Linen breathes. Camera zooms in on what looks like a KKK uniform with Tommy Hilfiger on the label.

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

Colleen [cont'd] I heard minorities dont weasr his clothes anymore. I say that's great. Finally, some exclusivity for us. I'll drink to that.

Camera zooms in on a half empty bottle of Crystal on the bedside table. Beside it is an empty champagne glass.

We see more of the room .Regular bedroom furniture.

Colleen [cont'd] Brother number 6 is pretty pissed about that movie they made about him. I would be too. It makes him look ridiculous.

Camera zooms in on a picture of O'reilly an Georege W. Bush on the wall right above the bed.

Collen [cont'd] But despite his anger, he still managed to tell me a joke. Listen. Why did the KKK member black out Neworleans? Because it wasn't white enough. [ hearty laughter]

Camera zooms in on a picture hanging on the wall facing the bed. it's a KKK group picture. The members have their hoods pushed back over their heads. From left to right: O'reilly, Don Imus, Michael Richards, George W. Bush, Tommy Hilfiger, Rush Limbaugh holding a bottle of Crystal and Clayton Bigsby.

EXT. THE SKY - DAY

A missile with DTP inscribed on it is flying through the air. It soon becomes clear that it is heading for O'reilly's house. It goes through his open bedroom window.

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

Colleen is still laughing.

The missile hits the KKK group picture. the entire house explodes.

Colleen [cont'd] [trying to sober up] So call me as soon as you get this message. Bye.

THE END