Lynette S Kitchen

LYNETTE’S KITCHEN Susan, Bree, Gabrielle and Katherine are working as Lynette sits at the kitchen table.

Lynette: “Please let me help, I feel so guilty just sitting here.” Bree: “Do not move. We want to pamper you, please let us.” Lynette: “Thank you.” Susan: “Hey, so how’s the Chemotherapy going?” Gabrielle: “Oh, no, no. She doesn’t want to talk about that.” Lynette: “I don’t mind.” Gabrielle: “Come on, let’s dig into the pie. It looks amazing.”

Gabrielle takes a mouthful.

Gabrielle: “Wow!” Susan: “Oh my God. That is like the best pie you’ve ever made.” Bree: “Well, thank you. I don’t think I did anything differently.”

Bree takes a bite.

Bree: “This is not my pie.” Katherine: (laughs) “Okay you caught me. It’s mine.” Bree: “What happened to the pie that I brought?” Katherine: “Oh I was a little sneaky and I put in the fridge. I just wanted you to try mine.” Bree: “Well did we or did we not agree that I would bring the dessert.” Katherine: “I know but everyone says you’re such an amazing baker and I was hoping you could give me some tips to improve my recipe.” Bree: “Clearly no tips are needed. As my friend said, best pie ever made.” Katherine: “Well then perhaps you shouldn’t have said anything. I would have been happy to let everyone think it was yours.” Susan: “So back to Chemo. How’s that been?” Lynette: “Yeah, so far, not that bad. Though I did have to kick Tom out yesterday.” Susan: “Why?” Lynette: “He was getting so emotional, it felt like the last twenty minutes of ‘Brian’s Song.’ So I guess I’m in the market for a new Chemo buddy.” Bree: “Well, I would be more than happy to go with you.” Susan: “Count me in.” Katherine: “I’ll sit with you. I volunteer at the hospital so I’ll be there anyway.” Lynette: “Oh, my God you guys. I’m so touched you’re all willing to do this.” Susan: “What are friends for?”

Lynette stares at Gabrielle who is practically buried in her coffee cup.

Lynette: “Gaby?” Gabrielle: “Oh, no cream for me thanks.”

BREE’S KITCHEN There are numerous pies on the counter with one pie missing.

Orson: “She upstaged your Lemon Meringue pie? You’ve gotta be kidding.” Bree: (busy mixing a bowl on the stove) “I’m not. That despicable woman was just supposed to bring a simple green salad. She not only brought a pie, she hid mine and served hers!” Orson: “That’s beyond despicable, that’s culinary terrorism!” Bree: “Oh, it gets worse. Her pie was better than mine!” Orson: “Impossible!” Bree: “It’s true. Everyone thought so. Even me. Oh and that simple green salad. Mosh and baby arugula with duck con fete and candied walnuts!” Orson: “My god she plays to win.” Bree: “I have been here for hours trying to replicate her recipe and nothing have even come close!” Orson: “Don’t be so hard on yourself. (eating pie) This one’s fantastic!” Bree: “That’s hers!!” Orson: “Sorry.” Bree: “Orson. What am I gonna do?” Orson: “You might have to bite the bullet and ask her for her recipe.” Bree: “What? Surrender? Debase myself?” Orson: “Bree! It’s your signature pie! You make it for parties, church suppers, bake sales. If she’s always right there behind you with her superior version, staking out her claim at Fairview’s Number One homemaker!” Bree: “She will have stolen my entire identity.” Orson: “Well I wouldn’t go that far.” Bree: “No it’s true. The only thing about me that’s special is what I can do in the kitchen. You’re right. I have got to get that recipe. By any means necessary.”

KATHERINE’S FRONT PORCH Bree knocks on the door.

Katherine: “Bree.” Bree: “I hope this isn’t a bad time. I just wanted to bring you a housewarming gift. It’s my recipe for my special minced meat pie. It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving at my house without it.” Katherine: “Well, very thoughtful.”

KATHERINE’S KITCHEN Katherine opens her recipe box.

Katherine: “I’ll just file this in my recipe box.” Bree: “Well as long as we’re swapping pie recipes I would love the one for your fabulous Lemon Meringue.” Katherine: “Really? So flattered you’d ask. But I don’t share that!”

Katherine slams the recipe lid down and put the box in her cupboard.

Bree: “Excuse me?” Katherine: “I experimented for years before I came up with my secret ingredient.” Bree: “Which is what? Vanilla? Nutmeg? Cardemen?” Katherine: “If I told you it wouldn’t be a secret anymore. It would just be an ingredient.” Bree: “Well that hardly seems neighborly after all I just gave you the recipe for my Minced Meat pie.” Katherine: “Yes, it’s a very good one. I have the book it came from.” Bree: “The recipe’s not from a book. That recipe was handed down to me from my mother.” Katherine: “Well unless your mother was Betty Crocker she got it from a book. Oh dear, now I’ve upset you.” Bree: “No, no, I’m not upset. I’m just confused as to why you seem so determined to get off on the wrong foot. First you bring a pie to Lynette’s when I clearly assigned you the salad.” Katherine: “Now see, that’s where I’m confused. Just what, please, gives you the right to decide who brings what to a luncheon that I suggested.” Bree: “Well, it’s tradition! I always organize our little get togethers and I always bring dessert.” Katherine: “Well then how lovely that I’m back to shoulder that burden for you.” Bree: “Just give me the recipe!” Katherine: “Sorry, I can’t. I do hope this doesn’t keep up from being friends because I like you, Bree.”

Katherine opens her front door. Bree walks out the door.

Katherine: “And I’m sure that if you put your mind to it, you can come up with an even better Lemon Meringue pie than mine. The trick is finding that perfect blend of sweet and sour.” Bree: “Well, you’ve certainly mastered that, dear.”

Katherine closes the door on Bree.