Reporter: Pastor Bella! Tells Us About Your Exciting New Role at Pontoon Baptist Church

Exclusive! Behold, A Church Newsletter!

Your ever-vigilant Gazette reporters have managed to get an interview with the church’s new Associate Pastor of Canine Ministries, Bella the Dog. Reporter: Pastor Bella! Tells us about your exciting new role at The Pontoon Gazette Pontoon Baptist Church. Managing Editor: Horace S. Epworth, esq.1 P. Bella: Ruff. Associate Editors: Numerous2

Reporter: Mhm, I see. And, looking at your curriculum vitae, it Testimonials3 concerning The Pontoon Gazette: says you have an MA in “lazing about” from Couch University? “The number one periodical in the greater Pontoon Beach area for ecclesiastical news, theological insight, and well- P. Bella: Woof! Arf, ruff. mannered frivolity. Highly recommended.” Reporter: That sounds like some valuable experience you bring to -Times Literary Supplement the table! What ideas do you have for the church’s “My first source for church news. Fantastic!” ministry? -Pastor Josh Steely P. Bella: (at this point the respondent began to lick her paw) “A gazette? Is that a small gazelle?” Reporter: Fascinating! One last question: what are your feelings -Anonymous ignoramus about the impact of Karl Barth on 20th century theology? “What’s this malarkey?” P. Bella: I would have to say that Barth was definitely a mixed -Probably what most folks will say bag. He gave a laudable contribution to the Trinitarian revival and excoriated modernist liberal Protestantism for their vacuous understanding of the Christian faith; however, his doctrine of Scripture is highly suspect, as is ______his nascent universalism. 1 This is a pseudonym. 2 This is not true. Reporter: Well…that was…surprisingly erudite… 3 These are just silly. from the A Two-Monthly Calendar, for Your Pastor’s Convenience Quill June-July 2016 The apostle Paul says in Ephesians 1.3, “Praise Sunday, June 5th: Church Council Meeting after service be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.” What a Wednesday, June 8th: Church Business Meeting, following evening service wonderful truth! But how often do we take the time to reflect on it? Tuesday, June 14th: 6:30 PM Sunday School Teachers Meeting “Every spiritual blessing” means that for those whose faith is in th th Christ Jesus, all the deepest needs of our souls are met. Forgiveness is Tuesday, June 14 – Wednesday, June 15 : SBC Annual Meeting, @ the America’s Center in St. Louis given through the cross, adoption as a child of God, meaning and th purpose in this life, the promise of perfection, the hope of eternal life Saturday, June 18 : 8:00 AM Men’s Prayer Breakfast together with God – all of this is ours in Christ. No matter what may Sunday, June 19th: Father’s Day Worship Service happen to us, no loss or trial or evil can change this blessing of God. Sunday, June 26th: Patriotic Sunday Worship Service; no fireworks, please Let us live today in light of this truth. Let us have the courage that comes from being rooted in Christ and a peace no Monday, July 4th: Independence Day matter what may happen because our future is certain. May we Sunday, July 17th: Worship Service, with Potluck to follow; who have taken refuge in Christ dwell on these things until bring your friends! they produce in us an irrepressible joy and we can say with the apostle, praise be to God!

*In the future, those who wish to have events listed in the two-monthly calendar are very much advised to inform Pastor Josh by, say, the penultimate (second-to- last) Sunday of each month. Otherwise their event may not be listed, and they will be sad, and their faces downcast.