Visiting the Home Sensitivity

FUNERAL MINISTRY 2009

Visiting the Home – Sensitivity Preparation  Have the basic information about the person who died and if possible their relationships (husband, wife, partner, son, daughter etc.)  Be clear on the purpose of the visit – sympathy of the community and help with liturgy.  Know your boundaries – no need to talk about the circumstances or to compare other stories. It’s not a competition for the saddest story or the most unusual death.  You have no obligation to fix things.  It is not your place to make judgements e.g. ‘the state of the place, the amount of drink being consumed, the unusual relationships between people’.

Arrival  State your business at the door and wait to be invited in.  ‘I am here to express the sympathy of the parish community and to help you celebrate the rites of the Church for your loved one’.  Rituals put words on things that for which we have difficulty finding words.  Sprinkling water, burning incense, putting on a pall, placing Christian symbols on the coffin etc. when done with dignity speak more than words can.  Offer practical information on the details of the two church ceremonies  Give them a framework for the ceremony and offer options – nothing cast in concrete.  Give them leaflets on music and suggestions for scripture readings.  Kick for touch when ‘outside the box’ suggestions are presented. Sometimes they can be incorporated later.  Allow for tears and don’t compare deaths – each one is unique and it also breaks the sense of confidentiality.  Don’t stay all night/day – give them space. You are a stranger no matter how welcome.  Take away a list of relevant names for the liturgy to pass on to celebrant.  If there is time offer to drop back when the family have had time to work on liturgy.  ‘I can leave all things with you and call again tomorrow when you have had time to think’.

Reflection  Write down your concerns after the visit.  Share the information monthly/bi monthly with support group.  Sign up for period – one year - almost like a contract.

‘On arriving, Jesus found that Lazarus had been in the tomb for four days already. When Martha heard that Jesus had come she went to meet him. Mary remained sitting in the house.’ John 11:17 OPENING LITURGY

Gathering Song Quietly Peacefully (Adapt. Dvorak)

All sing: Quietly, peacefully may they rest in you Quietly, peacefully, bring them home to you.

Opening Prayer Let us pray, God of love and mercy, send your powerful Spirit upon us today as we reflect upon our calling to the ministry of consolation. Breathe the grace of wisdom, sympathy and compassion into our hearts so that we may reach out to those who are bereaved. Strengthen our commitment to this ministry of service. Bless our gathering with your mantle of gentleness as we learn from each other in a spirit of openness. Keep us mindful of those today who are carrying the pain of abuse, disappointment and hurt. We pray this in the Spirit, through Christ, Our Lord Amen.

Reading John 11:18-27

Now Bethany was near Jerusalem, only about two miles 5 away. And many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them about their brother. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him; but Mary sat at home. Martha said to Jesus, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. (But) even now I know that whatever you ask of God, God will give you." Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise." Martha said to him, "I know he will rise, in the resurrection on the last day." Jesus told her, "I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" She said to him, "Yes, Lord. I have come to believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one who is coming into the world."

Responsorial Psalm In You, Lord (Christopher Willcock)

All sing: In you, Lord, I have found my peace I have found my peace. Reflection If you love me do not cry If only you knew the gift of heaven which God has given me. If only from your world you could see me in the ranks of angels and hear their glorious singing, If only you could see unfolding before you the fields of paradise and the new paths on which I walk. If only for one brief moment you could stand with me in contemplation of God’s infinite goodness and beauty. For my dear one you have seen me and loved me in the land of shadows, You are not yet able to see me and love me in the joy of everlasting eternity. Yet believe me on a day known to God and fixed in time by him, when death shall come and break the chains which hold you, and bring your soul to heaven, I shall be waiting for you. For on that day you will see again the one who loved you in her life and who loves you still with all her heart in paradise.

Song There Is A Place (Liam Lawton)

All sing: There is treasure in our fields, There is treasure in our skies, There is treasure in our dreaming from the soul to the eye. For wherever we gather in the light of God’s grace, And for all whom we remember there will ever be a place.

Closing Prayer Let us pray,

All say: God of courage be our strength God of hope lift our hearts, God of wisdom guide our day.

Jesus, healer of our souls, touch us Jesus, comforter of the sorrowful, console us Jesus, friend of the bereaved, be with us.

Spirit of new life renew us Spirit of openness refresh us Spirit of energy restore us

Song Resucito (Kiko Arguello)

All sing: Resucito, Resucito, Resucito, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia, Resucito.

CLOSING LITURGY

Gathering Song Seinn Aililiúia (Traditional))

All sing: Seinn Aililiúia, Seinn Aililiúia, Seinn Aililiú, Seinn Aililiú, Seinn Aililiúia.

Opening Prayer

Let us pray, God of comfort and hope, open our hearts to hear your words of compassion, open our minds to the power of your word, open our hands to take yours as you lead us this day. We pray this in the Spirit, through Christ, Our Lord. Amen.

Reading John 11:33-44

When Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said to him, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." When Jesus saw her weeping and the Jews who had come with her weeping, he became perturbed and deeply troubled, and said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to him, "Sir, come and see." And Jesus wept. So the Jews said, "See how he loved him." But some of them said, "Could not the one who opened the eyes of the blind man have done something so that this man would not have died?" So Jesus, perturbed again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay across it. Jesus said, "Take away the stone." Martha, the dead man's sister, said to him, "Lord, by now there will be a stench; he has been dead for four days." Jesus said to her, "Did I not tell you that if you believe you will see the glory of God?" So they took away the stone. And Jesus raised his eyes and said, "Father, I thank you for hearing me. I know that you always hear me; but because of the crowd here I have said this, that they may believe that you sent me." And when he had said this, he cried out in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" The dead man came out, tied hand and foot with burial bands, and his face was wrapped in a cloth. So Jesus said to them, "Untie him and let him go."

Responsorial Psalm ‘Sé an Tiarna m’Aoire (Fintan O’Carroll)

All sing: ‘Sé an tiarna m’aoire ní bheidh aon ní de dhíth orm Reflection Letter from a Friend,

I have been thinking what to say to you, But its hard to find the right words, So here goes………………… Take time to remember your Father Make it special rather than sad. Forgive him for leaving you. Support him in his choice. Wish him well for the future. Set him free. Take time to reflect on you r pain and loss. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself the freedom to be sad. . Song You Raise Me Up (Brendan Graham)

All sing: You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas; I am strong, when I am on your shoulders; You raise me up: To more than I can be.

Closing Prayer

Let us pray,

All say: God of courage be our strength God of hope lift our hearts, God of wisdom guide our day.

Jesus, healer of our souls, touch us Jesus, comforter of the sorrowful, console us Jesus, friend of the bereaved, be with us.

Spirit of new life renew us Spirit of openness refresh us Spirit of energy restore us

Blessing Let us bless the Lord.

All say: Thanks be to God

Song May the Road Rise to Meet You (Lori True)

All sing: May the road rise to meet you May the wind be at your back May the sun shine always on your face May the rain fall softly on your fields and until we meet again May you sleep safe in the gentle, loving arms of God.