Downloaded from the Internet on His State- Freshly Recovered from His Nervous Breakdown, Lemonhead Owned Computer
Total Page:16
File Type:pdf, Size:1020Kb
THE PRIMARY SOURCE The Journal of Conservative Thought at Tufts University SM Volume XV Number 4 VERITAS SINE DOLO October 10, 1996 COPS Hey, Adolf, I I though you had heard Prof. Trout to be a real social- is gonna get ten- ist to get tenure ured after all. here. Frustrated with commie professors? Join THE PRIMARY SOURCE Weekly Meeting: Wednesdays at 8:00 PM Zamparelli Room (112 Campus Cen- ter) or call Jessica at 627-7576 or email us: [email protected] 2 THE PRIMARY SOURCE, OCTOBER 10, 1996 THE PRIMARY SOURCE The Journal of Conservative Thought at Tufts UniversitySM vol. XV no. 4 october 10, 1996 CONTENTS Departments FROM THE EDITOR 4 POSTCARDS 5 COMMENTARY 6 FORTNIGHT IN REVIEW 8 NOTABLE AND QUOTABLE 24 TUFTS'S PARKING SCAM BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG CITY COLIN DELANEY KEITH LEVENBERG Taking a serious look at this issue's main topic, Mr. Welcome to Dystopia, population 250 million. Big Delaney examines the reasons why TUPD unnecessar- Brother makes a bad city planner, just look around ily ticketed so many students' cars recently. 10 your home town. 15 TAKING THE INITIATIVE Special Section JESSICA S CHUPAK Revisiting the California Civil Rights Initiative and its abolition of mandated preferential treatment. 17 TUPD UNPLUGGED REMEDIAL COMMON SENSE ANANDA G UPTA On the Beat Our nation's public school system is more concerned with indoctrination that education. 19 The Cops' Happy Page SOMETHING FISHY JEFF BETTENCOURT ✫ We smuggled some of those snazzy Watch out! The Domestic Names Committee of the US pamphlets out of TUPD's stationhouse Board of Geographical Names is coming. 21 ✫ Take a ride in the cruiser with Officer Friendly ✫ A tribute to the good things Tufts's finest do FLEETING WITH DISASTER A look inside the limousine liberals' latest rally at Pages 11 - 14 Beantown's Fleet Center. 22 THE PRIMARY SOURCE, OCTOBER 10, 1996 3 THE PRIMARY SOURCE THE JOURNAL OF CONSERVATIVE THOUGHT FROM THE EDITOR AT TUFTS UNIVERSITY Jessica Schupak Editor-in-Chief ust days after appearing on Clearly this story represents a se- JRolanda, showcasing her enormous ries of should-never-have-beens. Leav- all EIGHT of Mandy Alwood’s babies ing Miss Alwood’s and Mr. Hudson’s CAMPUS ISSUES were stillborn. Surviving through only sorted pasts aside, their promiscuous Keith Levenberg / Editor four and a half months of pregnancy, relationship laced with intentions of not one of the British woman’s octuplets bringing out-of-wedlock children into ever came into this world. And while the world is at the very least suspect, NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL ISSUES this tale seems a most unfortunate act though not nearly as egregious as Miss Micaela Dawson / Editor of nature, many mortal culprits de- Alwood and her physician’s God com- serve blame for this tragedy. plexes. The fertilization fanatic feigned ARTS AND GRAPHICS Alwood, a divorced mother of a the Creator while Doctor Death felt five-year-old son, and her partner, Paul that choosing to kill some of the babies Robert Prendiville / Editor Hudson, a father of two sons with an- was not only good counsel but within other woman, fell in love. Perhaps the his jurisdiction. PRODUCTION two found common ground in their Mr. Clifford’s role was not much Jeff Bettencourt / Manager BMW ownership— or maybe Hudson less despicable, capitalizing on some- was after Alwood’s social-welfare thing quite twisted, if not wholly im- check. But a storm befell paradise, so moral. And that makes fully four char- BUSINESS Alwood decided romantic deliverance acters seeking a pound by playing with Colin Kingsbury / Manager would come by bearing her sweetheart life. While all the players exhibited a child. moral depravity, avarice, and oppor- Despite both parties’ fertility, tunism, Alwood and Hudson showed CONTRIBUTORS Alwood did not want to take a chance. complete disregard for the responsi- Ananda Gupta / Edward Havell At British taxpayer expense, she se- bilities that caring for a child (or eight, Ian Popick / Kaitie Saville cured fertility treatment. The drugs as the case may be) entails. Parents Jonathan Weiss / Julie Rockett worked so well, in fact, that her doctor should provide a loving, stable envi- Lee Shenker / Nathan Holtey advised postponement of her plans. ronment for their children. Starting out Chris Zappala / Naveen Malwal Ignoring the supposed expert, she con- by cashing in on them does not prove a ceived eight babies— a would-be key respectable beginning. to her lover’s heart and a surefire ticket Unfortunately, such odious behav- to the headlines. Although the intended ior is not exclusive to England. Every Colin Delaney / Editor Emeritus supreme matriarch professed on day Rolanda has a new entrepreneurial Rolanda that she sought no fame, she freak or deviant appear as a guest on FOUNDERS retained money-grubbing publicist Max her gossipfest. And if not her, Ricki, Brian Kelly / Dan Marcus Clifford soon after her miraculous con- Geraldo, Jenny, and the others gladly ception. welcome these pariahs into their stu- Following the succesful fertility dios, hoping for higher ratings. treatment, Alwood’s medical advisor The cost of Miss Alwood’s esca- THE PRIMARY SOURCE IS A NON-PROFIT, STUDENT PUBLICATION OF T UFTS U NIVERSITY. THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED soundly cautioned her against any pade were borne by many. Her eight IN ARTICLES, FEATURES, PHOTOS, CARTOONS, OR ADVERTISE- sexual relations with Hudson because children paid the ultimate price, but MENTS ARE SOLELY THOSE OF THE INDIVIDUAL AUTHOR(S) OR she carried so many eggs, but his good others face a bill as well. The taxpayers SPONSOR(S) AND DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE EDITORS OR THE STAFF. OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN EDITORI- judgment then lapsed. Once they dis- who supported Alwood’s ostentatious ALS ARE SOLELY THOSE OF THE RESPONSIBLE EDITOR. covered the octuplets, the dubious prac- lifestyle, not to mention the fertility THE PRIMARY SOURCE WELCOMES ALL LETTERS. WE titioner proposed selectively aborting drugs that catalyzed this mess, should RESERVE THE RIGHT TO EDIT OR TO DENY PUBLICATION TO ANY LETTER BASED ON ITS LENGTH AND/OR CONTENT. EACH AU- the fetuses to raise the probability of at certainly learn some important lessons THOR IS REQUIRED TO INCLUDE HIS NAME AND PHONE NUMBER. least some viable babies. Perhaps this about an easily abused welfare state. ANY LETTER TO AN INDIVIDUAL STAFF MEMBER CONCERNING abortion advocate misread his name For Americans, perhaps the talk about WORK PUBLISHED IN THE PRIMARY SOURCE MAY BE PUB- LISHED ON THE LETTERS PAGE. LETTERS OF 400 WORDS OR tag, thinking it identified him as “Dr. a moral reawakening constitutes more FEWER HAVE A GREATER CHANCE OF BEING PUBLISHED. Divinity.” than just sound bites. —JS PLEASE DIRECT ALL CORRESPONDENCE TO: [email protected] or THE PRIMARY SOURCE, MAYER CAMPUS CENTER, TUFTS UNIVERSITY, MEDFORD, MASSACHUSETTS, 02155. ©1996. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. 4 THE PRIMARY SOURCE, OCTOBER 10, 1996 Postcards Dear Colin, Do you find some irony in this memorial? I got a speeding ticket in eastern Arkansas. I guess the State Police have had some more time on thier hands the last four years. — Everything You Always Wanted to Know About * *But Everyone Else Was Afraid to Tell You SMTufts The Primary Source Get the finest (not to mention most forthright and telling) account of affairs at Tufts and elsewhere delivered to your doorstep. For a tax-deductible contribution of $30 or more you can receive a full academic year’s subscription (13 issues), plus the forthcoming 15th Anniversary PRIMARY SOURCE, via first class delivery. YES, I’ll gladly support Tufts’ Journal of Conservative Thought!SM Enclosed is my contribution in the amount of $ . Name Make checks payable to: THE PRIMARY SOURCE Address Mayer Campus Center th Tufts University 15 Anniversary City, State, ZIP Medford, MA 02155 THE PRIMARY SOURCE, OCTOBER 10, 1996 5 Commentary Nonetheless, the 104th Congress achieved many of its goals. Kennedy Stumbles Over Liquor The House and Senate passed a major welfare reform bill allowing The Kennedy family’s blunders continue to amuse conservative each state to administer its own program through block grants, a pundits from sea to shining sea, but occasionally a member of the measure which diminishes unnecessary government intrusive- rag-tag clan initiates a dangerous scheme that demands a serious ness. Beginning in January, the Chief Executive will enjoy line- response. Representative Joseph P. Kennedy, 11, continues roam item veto power to cut pork from the federal budget and thereby college campuses statewide pitching his new pet government reduce the deficit. And the recently passed immigration bill finally program innocently dubbed the College Alcohol Abuse and Pre- curbs illegal entry into the United States, and subsequently en- vention Act. Ostensibly “aim[ing] to address some of the issues sures that only US citizens receive tax-payer funded social ben- associated with ... over-consumption of alcohol by students,” the efits. bill represents an abridgment of both reason and fundamental Media manipulation has forced Congress to pass watered- Constitutional freedoms that should not be treated lightly. down bills antithetical to the GOP platform. Freshman members The law would restrict alcoholic beverage advertisements in capitulated on legislation increasing federal regulation of the student newspapers as well as bar those companies from sponsoring workplace through the minimum-wage law, as well as new man- college sports events and prohibit free distribution of drinks on dates imposed on health-insurance companies. Moreover, the campus. Additionally, it would fund alcohol treatment and educa- most sweeping planks of the Contract never materialized, limiting tion. Social activists lauding the Congressman’s efforts ignore the the extent of government downsizing. The voters elected a conser- First Amendment violations vative majority to end bu- inherent in any attempt to limit reaucratic expansionism, but expression.