Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 1

Intercultural Peace Building

Building empathy for ourselves and others in times of conflict

Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 2 http://peacebridges.blogspot.com/

February 10th 2009

Rome

Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 3 Table of Contents

Introduction: Naming a cross cultural conflict in our lives 3

 Our time together is an opportunity to become aware of unhelpful patterns of communication in cross cultural settings. To gain the most from this seminar you are invited to reflect upon one experience of cross cultural conflict that reveals an unhelpful tendency in you. The more you are willing to open up to yourself the more likely the learning can be more than theoretical. Learning task 1: What we see is different from the story we tell ourselves 6

 A common problem in any conflict, especially cross cultural conflict is the tendency to mix what we observe with our evaluation of what we have observed. Everything we see is filtered by the stories we tell ourselves about the conflict we are experiencing. We’ll look at some common stories that we tell ourselves about others and how these stories change what we see.

Learning task 2: Five culture traps that impact the story we tell ourselves 8

 The stories we tell ourselves are embedded in cultural lenses. We’ll look at five common culture traps we fall into that distort our understanding. The key aim is for us to identify which of these traps we more often fall into when relating to certain cultures.

Learning Task 3: Looking at what lies beneath our stories: feelings & needs 10

 We’ll explore strong feelings stemming from unmet needs that feed our understanding of a conflict. This is the part of our conflict stories we find most difficult to appreciate. Yet without growing self awareness of the feelings and needs we have, as well as the feeling and needs others might have, we are limited in our potential for real transformation. Learning Task 4: Embracing empathy for ourselves and for others 19

 Unhealthy conflict grows from blame of others and blame of self. An alternative approach is to nurture empathy. This grows when we become mindful of feelings and needs in ourselves and in those we are in conflict with. You’ll be invited to consider the extent to which blame and empathy are operating in a conflict you have experienced. Learning Task 5: Strategies we use to meet needs in ourselves and others 21

 A strategy, as we will us it, is our determination of how a conflict should be dealt with. Often the strategies we choose when in the heat of conflict undermine what we really need. Yet even when our intention is to meet the needs of people we are in conflict with, the reality can be different. This is especially true in cross cultural conflicts. Different cultures have quite different understandings of good strategies. Sometime they can seem opposite. We’ll explore some general characteristics of strategies employed by “high context cultures” as compared to “low context cultures” Conclusion: A commitment to peace building across cultures 23  We’ll be invited consider one unhelpful tendency we want to change and make a step towards that change.

Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 4 Introduction: Appreciating the multilayered dimensions of culture

“Our first task in approaching another people, another culture, another religion, is to take off our shoes, for the place we are approaching is holy. Else we may find ourselves treading on someone’s dreams; more serious, we may forget that God was there before our arrival”

 MAX WARREN

“Cultures are a complex series of shared, interrelated activities with origins deeply buried in the past. They define the boundaries of different groups and shape communications”

 EDWARD T HALL

“Culture is the name of a similarity”

 PASCHAL BOYER

“Everyone belongs to multiple cultures”

 MICHELLE LEBARON

WE SHOULD REMEMBER THAT CULTURE REFERS TO:

1. Similarities of members of a group in contrast to other groups

2. Similarities in thinking that affect acting

3. Similarities that constitute groups from a certain point of view

4. Similarities that have been adopted, adapted, or discarded by members of group through everyday encounters (David Ketchum Peace Bridges MAC training notes)

Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 5 Name a cross cultural conflict

You are invited to reflect on an experience where culture and conflict were part of the picture. Bring this experience vividly to mind.

Here are some situations below that may help you to bring an experience to mind.

Story 1: The Newspaper Nuisance!

As a somewhat stressed cross cultural development worker you are about to catch a bus with a national staff member from your team. Your interest in buying an English speaking newspaper is increased when a middle aged woman newspaper seller thrusts one in your face. She demands an extra .25c above the regular price. A sense of injustice fed by tiredness at ‘always being charged extra as a foreigner’ feeds a surprising level of rising anger. A small crowd of bemused onlookers notices your less than happy complexion and are surprised as you force a paper from the sellers hand while handing over the “correct” price, .25c less than what was asked. You are closed to the woman’s request for a little bit more being needed to feed her family. So too to her argument that papers are always this price at bus stops. You know better you speak the language and have lived in this country for a long time now. You won’t be made into the ‘sucker’ this time. Your satisfaction at beating injustice is diminished as you step onto the bus to learn from your national colleague that .25c extra is standard at bus stops. You begin to wonder about the situation of this women and what is happening for you that causes you to make a scene over a lousy .25c.

********* Story 2: On Hold

As a busy account executive, you set aside time at lunch to go to the bank to make a deposit. The transaction is difficult. The teller seems unfriendly and reserved. She puts a hold on your funds even though another teller deposited an identical cheque for you last week without placing funds on hold. You have an impulse to argue with her, but decide against it, resigned. As you reflect on the experience, you wonder if culture had anything to do with it. After all the teller asked you to repeat some of the things you said and you have had experiences like this before since English is your fourth language1.

*********

Story 3: Shoes

As a competent senior team member of a community development organization you are disgusted when your foreign director calls you to a special meeting to talk about you always wearing shoes in the office. He seems to be implying that you are being arrogant because unlike the rest of staff you keep your shoes on inside. Insult is added to injury when he seems to be explaining your cultural customs to you. Doesn’t he get that it is common practice for people to wear shoes in a large office? - Quite different to the cultural practice of taking shoes off before entering a person’s home. You have never been told that shoes inside the office are banned and find the idea of walking through an office bear-footed with so much traffic, quite unpleasant. You politely listen to your bosses’ ramblings and agree to follow his custom. Later you tell your national colleagues about the arrogant attitude your director has displayed once again.

********* 1 Stories 2 & 4 from Michelle LeBaron in “Bridging Cultural Conflicts” Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 6

Story 4: Freedom!

As a young woman of twenty four, you have the world at your feet. You are in the middle of earning a masters degree and live in a community where lectures by cutting edge scholars and modern art exhibits are part of your daily life. You also belong to several activist organizations on campus. You are in the middle of writing your thesis, supervised by a woman in her sixties. She has grown increasingly distant lately, commenting on your tired appearance (too many late nights), your behaviour (too vocal and opinionated, and your lack of deference to a male colleague on the committee (unseemly for a woman). She once commented that women in their twenties should settle down rather than roaming around “with packs of tarts and cads” without directions of discipline. You suspect that her distant and judgmental behavior relates to generational differences between you and her. Because you share her ethnic background, you hadn’t anticipated this kind of problem. Worse, the tension is playing out over your thesis. She wants a structured by the book approach that conforms to research standards in your discipline. You are interested in exploratory, creative scholarship through which you can apply some of the new ideas that animate the art and social activism you love. You are getting too far into your work to change supervisors, but the tension is getting hard to navigate.

*********

Activity: Think of a cross cultural conflict you have experienced. Give the conflict a short title that reflects your perceptions of the conflict when you were still in the middle of it. Write the title on the card provided and stick it on the designated place. Write in clear large letters so people can see your title easily.

Example from the first story above: “I want to be treated equally!”

If you are not comfortable reflecting on your own conflict you are invited to consider one of the stories that you most relate to.

Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 7 Learning Task One: What we see is different from the story we tell ourselves.

Activity: Review Barry’s cross cultural conflict story.

What did Barry see?

See/hear

What story did Barry tell himself based upon what he saw/heard?

Tell a story

Reflect on your own cross cultural conflict story

See/Hear Tell a story

Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 8

WHAT WE SEE, WHAT WE ASSUME

I’ve never seen a lazy man; I’ve seen a man who never ran while I watched him, and I’ve seen a man who sometimes slept between lunch and dinner, and who’d stay at home upon a rainy day, but he was not a lazy man. Before you call me crazy, think, was he a lazy man or did he just do things we label “lazy”?

I’ve never seen a stupid kid; I’ve seen a kid who sometimes did things I didn’t understand or things in ways I hadn’t planned; I’ve seen a kid who hadn’t seen the same places where I had been, but he was not a stupid kid. Before you call him stupid, think, was he a stupid kid or did he just know different things than you did?

I’ve looked as hard as I can look but never ever seen a cook; I saw a person who combined ingredients on which we dined, A person who turned on the heat and watched the stove that cooked the meat— I saw those things but not a cook. Tell me, when you’re looking, Is it a cook you see or is it someone doing things that we call cooking?

What some of us call lazy some call tired or easy-going, what some of us call stupid some just call a different knowing, so I’ve come to the conclusion, it will save us all confusion if we don’t mix up what we can see with what is our opinion. Because you may, I want to say also; I know that’s only my opinion.2

2 A song by Ruth Bebermyer as quoted in Marshall Rosenberg 2005 “Non Violent Communication – A Language of Life” Puddle Dancer Press. NB. Title of song has been added and is not Bebermyer’s

Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 9

Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 10 Learning Task 2: Five culture traps that impact the story we tell ourselves 3

1. The Superiority Trap

Belief: The way we see things is natural and normal.

Practice: This lulls us into believing everyone should see things as we do.

“It takes constant curiosity and willingness to interrupt our ideas of how things work and what is appropriate and to realize that we proceed from a series of cultural starting points rather than absolutes.”

2. The Generalization Trap

Belief: Cultural information can be categorized and these categories can be applied to people from that culture.

Practice: This lulls us into false assumptions that oversimplify a person’s actions.

“Although generalizations may provide some useful guesses about this group or that, the can be equally deceptive and misleading. We do not always act in accordance with any one of our identities but blend the cultural messages in a water color wash to which we respond differently depending on context, social dynamics individual personality, mood and a host of other factors.”

3. The Complexity Trap

Belief: Intercultural effectiveness is impossible because there are too many sensitivities and different approaches between us.

Practice: This leads to denial, defensiveness and resignation. We become paralyzed.

It helps to remember we are moving towards developing cultural fluency rather than assuming we have arrived.

3 These traps have been adapted from Michelle LeBaron “Bridging Cultural Conflicts” Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 11

4. The Sameness Trap

Belief: We are all more or less the same all around the world. Differences are superficial.

Practice: We become ignorant of the real differences that exist.

“Without diminishing the importance of recognizing common humanity, it is surely a desirable outcome of intercultural experiences to be mindful of our differences as well: those that delight us, those that confound us, and those that intrigue us.”

5. The Separation Trap

Belief: There is no common ground between others and ourselves.

Practice: We lose sight of the good in the other.

“The antidote to the separation trap is to engage in connective thinking. Connective thinking means to search for the common threads, for shared meanings and overlaps in identity.”

Activity: Think of an occasion when a cross cultural communication has led you into one or more of these culture traps. If possible use the same experience you were using before. How did the cultural trap impact the story you told yourself about this conflict?

See/Hear Tell a story Name a trap

Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 12 Learning Task 3: Looking at what lies beneath our stories: feelings & needs

Activity

What is inaccurate about these statements?

‘I feel cheated!’ ‘I feel mightily judged!’

Complete the verbal expression of feelings quiz. (pg. 12)

Five important assumptions that will help us untangle our conflict

Assumption No 1 …………………………………………………………………….

Assumption No 2 …………………………………………………………………….

Assumption No 3……………………………………………………………………..

Assumption No 4……………………………………………………………………...

Assumption No 5……………………………………………………………………...

Cultural Traps

See/Hear Tell a story Feel

Needs

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Consider your own conflict story

What did you think? (= See or hear + story we tell ourselves)

How did it make you feel? (See the list of feeling words below)

What need was unmet? (See the list of needs below)

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THE VERBAL EXPRESSION OF FEELINGS QUIZ

Circle the numbers that are a verbal expression of feelings 4: “I feel you don’t love me.” 1.

“I’m sad that you’re leaving.” 2.

“I feel scared when you say that.” 3.

“When you don’t greet me, I feel neglected.” 4.

“I’m happy that you can come.” 5.

“You’re disgusting.” 6.

“I feel like hitting you.” 7.

“I feel misunderstood.” 8.

“I feel good about what you did for me.” 9.

“I’m worthless.” 10.

4 From Marshall Rosenberg “Non Violent Communication” Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 15

SOME BASIC FEELING WORDS

WHEN OUR NEEDS ARE MET WE FEEL: WHEN ARE NEEDS ARE NOT MET WE FEEL:

Affectionate Afraid Confident Annoyed Engaged Angry Inspired Aversion Excited Confused Exhilarated Disconnected Grateful Disquiet Hopeful Embarrassed Joyful Fatigue Peaceful Pain Refreshed Sad Tense Vulnerable

SOME BASIC TYPES OF NEEDS

Connection Physical Well Being Honesty Play Peace Meaning Autonomy

Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 16 A more extensive list of feelings when your needs are satisfied5:

AFFECTIONATE EXCITED JOYFUL compassionate amazed amused friendly animated delighted loving ardent glad open hearted aroused happy sympathetic astonished jubilant tender dazzled pleased warm eager energetic tickled PEACEFUL CONFIDENT enthusiastic calm empowered giddy clear headed open invigorated comfortable proud lively centered safe passionate content secure surprised equanimous ENGAGED vibrant fulfilled absorbed EXHILARATED mellow alert blissful quiet curious ecstatic relaxed engrossed elated relieved enchanted enthralled satisfied entranced exuberant serene fascinated radiant still interested rapturous tranquil intrigued thrilled trusting involved GRATEFUL REFRESHED spellbound appreciative enlivened stimulated moved rejuvenated INSPIRED thankful renewed amazed touched rested awed restored wonder HOPEFUL revived expectant

encouraged optimistic

5 From the Centre for Nonviolent Communication Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 17 A more extensive list of feelings when your needs are not satisfied 6: AFRAID DISCONNECTED PAIN apprehensive alienated agony dread aloof anguished foreboding apathetic bereaved frightened bored devastated mistrustful cold grief panicked detached heartbroken petrified distant lonely scared distracted miserable suspicious indifferent regretful terrified numb remorseful wary removed SAD worried uninterested depressed ANNOYED withdrawn dejected aggravated DISQUIET despair dismayed agitated despondent disgruntled alarmed disappointed displeased discombobulated discouraged exasperated disconcerted disheartened frustrated disturbed forlorn impatient perturbed gloomy irritated rattled heavy hearted irked restless hopeless ANGRY shocked melancholy enraged startled unhappy furious surprised wretched incensed troubled TENSE indignant turbulent anxious irate turmoil cranky livid uncomfortable distressed outraged uneasy distraught resentful unnerved edgy AVERSION unsettled fidgety animosity upset frazzled appalled EMBARRASSED irritable contempt ashamed jittery disgusted chagrined nervous dislike flustered overwhelmed hate guilty restless horrified mortified stressed out hostile self-conscious VULNERABLE repulsed FATIGUE fragile CONFUSED beat guarded ambivalent burnt out helpless baffled depleted insecure bewildered exhausted leery dazed lethargic reserved hesitant listless sensitive lost sleepy shaky mystified tired YEARNING perplexed weary envious puzzled worn out jealous torn longing nostalgic

6 From the Centre for Nonviolent Communication Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 18 pining

wistful

A More Extensive List of Basic Human Needs:

CONNECTION PHYSICAL WELL-BEING MEANING acceptance air awareness affection food celebration of life appreciation movement/exercise challenge belonging rest/sleep clarity cooperation sexual expression competence communication safety consciousness closeness shelter contribution community touch creativity companionship water discovery compassion HONESTY efficacy consideration authenticity effectiveness consistency integrity growth empathy presence hope inclusion learning intimacy PLAY mourning love joy participation mutuality humor purpose nurturing PEACE self-expression respect/self-respect beauty stimulation safety communion to matter security ease understanding stability equality AUTONOMY support harmony choice to know and be known inspiration freedom to see and be seen order independence to understand and space be understood spontaneity trust warmth

(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication

Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 19

Translating Judgments to Feelings and Needs:

Evaluative Word Possible Underlying Feelings Possible Underlying Needs terrified, hurt, bewildered, sad, abandoned Nurturing, connection, belonging, support, caring frightened, lonely Caring, nurturing, support, emotional or physical well- abused angry, frustrated, frightened being, consideration. Need for all living things to flourish. inclusion, connection, community, belonging, contri- (not) accepted upset, scared, lonely bution, peer respect attacked scared, angry safety respect, autonomy, to be seen, acknowledgment, ap- belittled angry, frustrated, tense, distressed preciation trust, dependability, honesty, honor commitment, clari- betrayed angry, hurt, disappointed, enraged ty, angry, scared, confused, antago- blamed Accountability, causality, fairness, justice nistic, hostile, bewildered, hurt bullied angry, scared, pressured autonomy, choice, safety, consideration caged/boxed in angry, thwarted, scared, anxious autonomy, choice, freedom cheated Resentful, hurt, angry honesty, fairness, justice, trust, reliability angry, frustrated, frightened, coerced choice, autonomy, freedom, act freely, choose freely thwarted, scared cornered angry, scared, anxious, thwarted autonomy, freedom in pain, scared, anxious, frustrated, understanding, acknowledgement, recognition, ac- criticized humiliated, angry, embarrassed countability, non-judgmental communication discounted/ di- hurt, angry, embarrassed, frustrat- need to matter, acknowledgment, inclusions, recogni- minished ed tion, respect connection, appreciation, understanding acknowledg- disliked sad, lonely, hurt ment, friendship, inclusion distrusted sad, frustrated trust, honesty, dumped on angry, overwhelmed respect, consideration angry, frustrated, pressured, fright- harassed respect, space, consideration, peace ened irritated, distressed, angry, frus- serenity, autonomy, do things at my own pace and in hassled trated, my own way, calm, space lonely, scared, hurt, sad, embar- connection, belonging, inclusion, community, partici- ignored rassed pation insulted angry, embarrassed respect, consideration, acknowledgment, recognition interrupted angry, frustrated, resentful, hurt respect, to be heard, consideration intimidated Scared, anxiety safety, equality, empowerment invalidated angry, hurt, resentful, appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, recognition invisible sad, angry, lonely, scared to be seen and heard, inclusion, belonging, community isolated lonely, afraid, scared community, inclusion, belonging, contribution left out sad, lonely, anxious inclusion, belonging, community, connection let down sad, disappointed, frightened consistency, trust, dependability, consistency manipulated angry, scared, powerless, thwart- autonomy, empowerment, trust, equality, freedom, Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 20 ed, frustrated free choice, connection, genuineness mistrusted sad, angry trust misunderstood upset, angry, frustrated to be heard, understanding, clarity

connection, inclusion, participation, community, care, neglected lonely, scared mattering, consideration angry, impotent, helpless, con- overpowered equality, justice, autonomy, freedom fused overworked angry, tired, frustrated respect, consideration, rest, caring patronized angry, frustrated, resentful recognition, equality, respect, mutuality pressured anxious, resentful, overwhelmed Relaxation, clarity, space, consideration angry, frustrated, hostile, antago- provoked respect, consideration, nistic, resentful put down angry, sad, embarrassed respect, acknowledgment, understanding belonging, inclusion, closeness, to be seen, acknowl- rejected hurt, scared, angry, defiant edgment, connection ripped off/ Anger, resentment, disappoint- consideration, justice, fairness, justice acknowledge- screwed ment ment, trust smothered/ suffo- space, freedom, autonomy, authenticity. self expres- Frustrated, fear, desperation, cated sion appreciation, acknowledgment, recognition, considera- taken for granted sad, angry, hurt, disappointment tion scared, frightened, alarmed, agitat- threatened Safety, autonomy ed, defiant empowerment, connection, community, being seen, trampled angry, frustrated, overwhelmed consideration, equality, respect, acknowledgment tricked embarrassed, angry, resentful integrity, trust, honesty unappreciated sad, angry, hurt, frustrated appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, consideration unheard sad, hostile, frustrated understanding, consideration, empathy unloved sad, bewildered, frustrated love, appreciation, empathy, connection, community unseen sad, anxious, frustrated acknowledgment, appreciation, be heard unsupported sad, hurt, resentful support, understanding unwanted sad, anxious, frustrated belonging, inclusion, caring used sad, angry, resentful autonomy, equality, consideration, mutuality victimized frightened, helpless empowerment, mutuality, safety, justice violated sad, agitated, anxiety privacy, safety, trust, space, respect wronged angry, hurt, resentful, irritated respect, justice, trust, safety, fairness

(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication

Learning Task 4: Embracing empathy for ourselves and for others

What is Empathy?

Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 21

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. It requires listening to the whole being. It occurs only when we have successfully shed all preconceived ideas and judgments of a person.

Instead of empathy we have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy on the other hand, requires focusing full attention on the other person’s message. We give to others the time and space they need to express themselves fully and to feel understood.

The key ingredient of empathy is presence: we are wholly present with the other party and what they are experiencing. This quality of presence distinguishes empathy from either mental understanding or sympathy. While we may choose at times to sympathise with others by feeling their feelings, it is helpful to be aware that during this moment we are offering sympathy, we are not empathizing.

 SUMMARISED FROM MARSHALL ROSENBERG

Discussion questions: i) What is empathy according to this description?

ii) What is the difference between sympathy and empathy?

iii) What is the difference between empathy and intellectual understanding of someone?

Empathy or Blame?

The Four Quadrants Exercise Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 22

The “stories we tell ourselves” either tend towards blame or empathy. Think about your conflict story from these quadrants.

Destructive stories that move towards condemnation of self & neighbour Blame Self Blame Others

Empathy for Self Empathy for Others

What unfulfilled need might be driving my What unfulfilled need might be driving my behaviour? neighbour’s behaviour?

Constructive stories that move towards love of self and neighbour. Learning Task Five: Strategies we use to meet needs in ourselves and others

High Context Cultures Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 23

Strategy

Low Context Cultures

Cultural Traps

See/Hear Tell a story Feel

Needs

Consider your own conflict story

What was your strategy before you had awareness of - your needs? - your neighbour’s needs?

What might have been your strategy if you had more awareness of: - your needs? - your neighbour’s needs?

Is your strategy high context or low context?

What about your neighbours? Low Context (West) and High Context Cultures (East)7 The self is the individual The self is the intersecting web of grounded in self love, self social and personal relationships. definition and self direction. Self (for a good citizen) is bound by There must be (for a good mutual obligations and duties. These are structured and nurtured in an 7 citizen) high consistency Adapted fromWEST David Augsberger in “Conflict Mediation Across Cultures” pg 86-87ongoing processEAST of give and take Barrybetween Higgins private 2009_Feelself image welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes (internal integrity) and public “face work” negotiations. Face primarily before self Face primarily before others self Selfimage - (external,Esteem reflected Esteem for others respect)DignityPride“GuiltI” - Identity “We” - SolidarityIdentityShameHonor Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 24

Facework: Shame and Guilt Face is a psychological image that can be taken for granted and lost, fought for and presented as a gift. It is the public self image that every member of every society wants to claim for himself or herself in relationship.

Directness versus Indirectness Individualistic (low context) cultures prefer directness, specificity, frankness in stating demands, confrontation and open self disclosure. Collectivist (high context) cultures tend towards indirect, ambiguous, cautious, non-confrontational and subtle ways of working through communicational and relational tangles. Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 25

Independent sets of actions with linear sequences versus inter-twined spirals of actions In a low context culture a conflict is more likely to be seen as one- to- one difference. “The behaviour you did was…Its impact on me is…And when you do this I feel….” In high context cultures a conflict is experienced within the wider relationship setting, everything is interconnected.

Individual Offense versus Group Offense In low context cultures conflict is more likely to be stimulated by an individual’s offense to another individual. In high context cultures the triggering event is often an act causing a group offence. Unlike a low context culture, high context cultures overlook many behaviours by individuals as long as they do not transgress the groups normative expectations on behaviour . When this happens conflict is allowed to emerge.8

8 Ideas adapted from David Augsburger in “Conflict Mediation Across Cultures” Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 26

Conclusion: My commitment to peace building across cultures

Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes Intercultural Conflict and Peace Building Baptist Global Peace Conference page 27 RECOMMENDED READING

David Augsburger 1992 “Conflict Mediation Across Cultures’’ Westminster John Knox Press

Michelle Le Baron 2003 “Bridging Cultural Conflicts” Jossey-Bass

Michelle Le Baron 2002 “Bridging Troubled Waters” Jossey-Bass

Marshall Rosenberg 2005 “Non Violent Communication – A Language of Life” Puddle Dancer Press

Patterson, Grenny, McMillan & Switzler 2002 “Crucial Conversations- Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High” McGraw-Hill

Miroslav Volf 1996 “Exlucusion & Embrace – A Theological Exploration of Identity, Otherness and Reconciliation Abingdon Press

John McConnell “Mindful Mediation 1995 A Handbook For Buddhist Peace Makers” Buddhist Research Institute & Mahachula University Bangkok Thailand

Min-Sunkim 2002 “Non- Western Perspectives on Human Communication” Sage Publications

Websites:

www. beyondintractability .org/ http://tilz.tearfund.org/Publications/ROOTS/Peace-building+within+our+communities.htm

Barry Higgins 2009_Feel welcome to use all these notes to suit your purposes