First of an Introduction: My Name Is John, I'm 36 Years Old, I've Had M.E. for 20 Years

First of an introduction: My name is John, I'm 36 years old, I've had M.E. for 20 years and I have Dailysex (ed: Dyslexia).

Being hopelessly terrible at spelling, and Dyslexia not having the recognition it has today, I was picked on by certain teachers, and certain children, while I was at primary school. It got so bad that I was having panic attacks, migraines and constant nightmares. After trying to get the help I needed, including moving schools, my parents took the decision to home educate me after discovering that this was possible.

Because I was in such a poor state of mental health my mom made a point of talking to me about the things that bothered me, trying to tease out the reasons I was reacting badly to various situations. As these issues were brought to light I gradually got over them. I was open enough, and my mom was so good at talking things through, that I am fairly confident I have no lingering issues. I haven't had a nightmare in 20 years and I can think about any aspect of my life without worry or stress.

As I was being home educated I did a wide range of physical activities including gymnastics, and helped coach younger kids, mountain biking around woods and general climbing about and running around. I also had experience of work by helping as a mate on my parents sand and gravel barges. That was hard work, you worked around the tides, if the tide was coming in at 2am then that was when you woke up. But it was also an experience that gave me plenty of memories and helped instil in me a good work ethic.

At the age of 16 I went to collage to study science, I had always enjoyed physics in particular. Things were going very well, I was fit, healthy and heading for a distinction (thanks to the invention of spell checkers). Gradually through the year I started getting less and less energy. I pushed through without giving it a great deal of thought, my general philosophy being that a challenge should be met and that I shouldn't just stop because I was getting tired. However by the end of my course I simply couldn't finish the work.

We went to doctors and tried to work out what was wrong. Eventually one suggested M.E. We tried all sorts of treatments but nothing really did a great deal. The best thing was simply learning to pace myself. Other things that helped included making sure I got enough sleep, Amitriptyline and avoiding caffeine has been the best for that, taking a good multivit and fairly high dose vitamin D, eating well and avoiding stress and adrenaline.

Once my energy plateaued I found myself house bound without the energy to work from home. I taught myself programming and tried making websites for people but that turned out to be way too tiring. I can play the odd computer game, and do a little painting and other bits and bobs like hobby electronics that I have just got into, but mostly I read and do other passive things like watching Anime (watch Spirited Away, Mushishi and Nodame Cantabile before judging that Anime is not for you :p) or browsing the web.

Now, you could read this as a tale of woe. A young man who was going places, cut down in his prime with the added insult that part of his prime was made awful by poor teachers. That is, however, not the case. The bad start at school lead to me having all my mental issues dealt with, almost everyone has some issues from their childhood unresolved, even if they don't think they do. Getting M.E. gave me lots of time but not enough energy to fill with activity, which let my mind wander and ponder what life is all about.

The main result of this pondering is for me to realize how extraordinarily lucky I am. I posses one of the most amazing things in the known universe: a human brain. With this I can think about things, I can talk to others and listen to music. It is easy to dismiss such things as being trivial, but it doesn't take much digging into the science that makes those activities possible to see how overwhelmingly amazing it is that they are possible. Not only that but I live in an age of computers, TV, ebooks, the internet and all sorts of other things that would have blown the minds of people just a few decades in the past.

The other main conclusion I came to was that it is pointless to compare what I have to what others have, or what I could have had. It really doesn't affect me if someone else has more then I do, be it money, health, happiness, etc. I am what I am and have what I have regardless of others and, as I said above, I have so much that I simply can't avoid being happy.

Finally I realized that I should not fall into the trap of feeling guilty about being happy. It doesn't matter that I cannot work, it doesn't matter that I receive benefits from the state. I have just as much right to be happy as anyone else. I didn't choose to become unwell so I certainly don't need to be ashamed about making the best of my situation.

I wish that society as a whole would put more emphasis on mental health. Not just big things, like depression, but getting over even little hangups that most people have. My happiness is a direct result of having years of effective counselling which let me philosophise about life, the universe and everything without getting blocked by worries and anxieties. Happiness is a mental state that, possibly, everyone can attain. Just imagine how great the world would be if everyone was happy and not lashing out at others because of their own issues.