Stay at Home Bad Ass Dad

STAY AT HOME BAD ASS DAD

FADE IN:

INT. KITCHEN – MORNING

At the breakfast table, BAD ASS DAD (also known as “Notorious B.A.D.”) clenches a pencil between his teeth as he confidently looks at a sheet of paper. Satisfied, he removes the pencil from his mouth.

The sheet of paper is titled “To Do” and has a list of chores to complete. Using the pencil, his hand checks off item after item…1) Kids to school – check. 2) Empty dish washer – check. 3) Fold laundry – check. Two Items remain unchecked…4) Grocery store and 5) Pick up kids. He underlines item number four: Grocery store.

INT. HALLWAY – MOMENTS LATER

George Thororgood’s Bad To The Bone can be heard from now on as…

…Like Elvis Presley would do, B.A.D slips on a zipper hoodie. Zippers it. Yanks the hood up. Shades on. Toothpick in mouth.

EXT. MINI-VAN PARKED IN DRIVEWAY – MOMENTS LATER

A gorgeous day. With his left arm hanging from the open driver’s side window, B.A.D. is strapped in and checks himself in the rear-view mirror. Satisfied, he readjusts the mirror with his right hand and then drapes his wrist over the steering wheel as he begins to back up.

INT. GROCERY STORE – LATER

Pushing a grocery cart, B.A.D. struts as he roams the isles. Winging it, he has no list – he just looks left and right at all the goods for sale.

Produce section. He juggles two lemons in the air. After a few moments he lets one plop into a waiting small, plastic bag. He deeply sniffs the other lemon, enjoys the aroma, and drops it in the bag.

Frozen food section. B.A.D. reaches into a freezer and grabs a frozen pizza. Like spinning a basketball, he starts to twirl it on the tip of his finger. After a few moments he lets the pie fall among the growing contents of his cart.

Canned goods section. From a shelf, he grabs a can of soup, tosses it end-over-end into the air, and then gracefully catches it behind his back. He inspects the label on the can. Satisfied, he tosses it over his shoulder…

…into the now full shopping cart, the can lands perfectly on top of a larger can of stewed tomatoes.

B.A.D. subtly smiles. INT. MINI-VAN PARKED IN DRIVEWAY – LATER

Framed below by many tops of grocery bags, the view is from out of the rear of the van, and seen through the rear window is B.A.D. Like opening the door of a space capsule, B.A.D. lifts the rear hatch, the vacuum of air is released, and the bagged cargo is exposed to the elements. All business, B.A.D. grabs an armful of bags.

EXT. MINI-VAN PARKED IN DRIVWAY – MOMENTS LATER

Rear hatch still open, one lone bag remains. Enter B.A.D. He grabs the last bag and pauses, as does the song Bad To The Bone . He glances at his watch.

B.A.D. Right on schedule.

Bad To The Bone continues as he reaches to close the rear hatch. He slams the door shut…

…Clearly visible, a small, oval, white bumper sticker, having black lettering and trim, is firmly adhered to the rear glass. It reads, “VAN CAVE”.

FADE OUT.