CCN Solutions: I Do, 9 Unfaithfully Yours! Page 5

C C N W E E K L Y S O L U T I O N S S E R I E S T H E W E E K O F D E C E M B E R 8 , 2 0 0 8

I Do, 9: Unfaithfully Yours!

Featuring Dr. Henry Cloud Psychologist Best-selling co-author of Boundaries series, Author, The Secret Things of God and The One-Life Solution

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I. Faithfulness

The character of God:

- God is called “Faithful”

- God is wholehearted

All of a person needs to come to the marriage relationship and maintain that over time

Genesis 3: Adam and Eve unplugged from God

Naked ‘totally exposed’

The goal: To come into marriage naked and unashamed

II. Unfaithfulness

Diabolic = Compartmentalize

Things go bad when they get separated from the whole

In wholeheartedness, all of oen is connected to all of the other; there are no secrets

Nobody comes to marriage with access to all of themselves

The Bible pushes us to bring things out of the darkness: Psalm 139, 1 John, James 5, etc.

The basic human needs:

- The need to connect - The sense of self-control and power - The need to be real - The need to be adult

If these needs aren’t met, the heart’s vulnerable to a hostile takeover

Affairs happen because the person chose to deal with deprivation by Satan’s answer

We’re called to bring hurts etc. to God and others for healing

Luke 4: the theology of temptation in a state of deprivation

Ephesians 4: what happens when we’re separated from the life of God

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III. The best defense: Bring things to the light

- Be a steward over your connection

Develop a way to talk about what’s not getting nourished

- Ask if you’re happy with the amount of freedom and control that each person has

Giving out of freedom, not control

- Ask: How real can we be?

Talking about the bad stuff and feeling accepted

- Ask: Do you feel equal?

Are you champions of each other’s dreams and of the dreams you share?

IV. Practical tips

- Make sure your marriage is getting the best of your time and energy

Follow the misery and make a rule

- Light: be somewhere where you’re being voluntarily exposed

Accountability group vs. leading it in the darkness

Manic defense keeps you from feeling some other loss or deprivation

Build capacities that will make you faithful and wholehearted

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Small Group Discussion Questions

Unfaithfully Yours!

1. How can you be a better steward of your connection?

2. What is one thing you can change this week to ensure that your relationship is getting the best of your time and energy?

3. What is one dream of yours that you would like championed in your relationship? What is a dream that you think your spouse or partner would like championed?

4. What can you do this week to increase your accountability outside of your relationship?

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Next week on Solutions: “Self-Esteem! Key to Success?”

Resources

The One-Life Solution by Dr. Henry Cloud www.cloudtownsend.com

Solutions Leaders www.cloudtownsend.com