Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar

The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper

Fall 10-24-2008

Volume 44 - Issue 06 - Friday, October 24, 2008

Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected]

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Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 44 - Issue 06 - Friday, October 24, 2008" (2008). The Rose Thorn Archive. 135. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/135

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This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspaper at Rose-Hulman Scholar. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Rose Thorn Archive by an authorized administrator of Rose-Hulman Scholar. For more information, please contact [email protected]. T HE R OSE T HORN R OSE -H ULMAN I NSTITUTE OF T ECHNOLOGY T ERRE H AUTE , I NDIANA FRIDAY, OCTOBER 24, 2008 ROSE-HULMAN.EDU/THORN/ VOLUME 44, ISSUE 6

New Rose logo Sustainability of today Noel Spurgeon objectives presentation S t a f f W r i t e r in a sensible Next Wednesday, October 29 at 4:30 balance. p.m. in E-104, Bryan Taylor, director of n October 22nd, In the communications and marketing, and the Rose-Hulman U n i t e d Jim Goecker, vice president of enroll- OSustainability Club States today, ment management, will be making a celebrated Sustainability Dr. Haut public presentation on the new Rose- Day, a day devoted to edu- was sure to Hulman logo. Topics will include the cating students and faculty pint out that work done to date on the marketing about various sustainable most energy initiative, including the reason for the technologies that could pos- comes from project, intakes along the way, and the sibly make the world a green- non-renew- actual image signature nameplate. All of er, better place. The vari- able resourc- campus is invited to attend. Any ques- ous displays and activities es, such as tions can be directed to Bryan Taylor via around campus culminated oil, coal, and e-mail or at extension 8258. in a lecture by Rose-Hulman natural gas. alumnus Dr. Richard Haut, In the future, entitled America’s Energy Fu- these will News Briefs ture: Balancing Energy with most likely By Andrew Klusman Nature. Currently, Dr. Haut continue to is the principal investigator play an im- on a number of sustainability portant role European Union projects for the Houston Ad- in energy vanced research center, but c o n s u m p - delays scanner has twenty years experience tion, and as a European Union (EU) lawmakers are with Exxon. result, great File photo courtesy of Rose-Human Echoes delaying the introduction of full body Essentially, Dr. Haut stated effort is be- Dr. Richard Haut, Rose-Hulman mechanical engineer Class of 1974, returned to scanners, which are machines that gen- sustainability is the balance ing spent on Rose-Hulman on Wednesday, October 22, 2008. In his return, he presented upon erate images of airline passengers. The between human culture and using these sustainability in the engineering field of today and tomorrow. cause for controversy is that these ma- all other living things. In an r e s o u r c e s chines generate images of the airline ideally sustainable world, more effi- passengers without their clothing, thus humans would be able to ciently. For example, a pilot generation is trapped, greatly to become commonplace, the giving the machine operator a view of the achieve their desired stan- project in Houston retro- increasing the energy effi- price of oil must either be- person’s naked body. The cause for delay dard of living with no impact fitted a number of homes ciency of the building. come unreasonable, or a great is due to the implications for the privacy on the environment. Howev- with better insulation and However, he went on to state stride forward must be made and health of the passengers. The Euro- er, since this is not possible, caulking, causing an average new technologies to make use in technology. pean Commission, the executive branch all sustainability projects energy savings of 15% and of renewable energy are also Dr. Haut closed by ex- of the EU, supports the implementation come down to the balance of increasing the efficiency of being developed. Wind energy plaining the idea that under- of these machines, and these machines planet, people, and prosper- the home cooling systems. is already on track to comprise lies sustainability: How will have been tested around the world and ity. Sustainable technologies Also, new buildings are being 2% of the total energy used in today’s action affect the lives the USA. Proponents claim that these must simultaneously main- constructed with efficiency the United States by 2015, and of those seven generations machines are a faster and less intrusive tain the health of the planet, in mind, such as the Bank of solar systems are already in in the future? Through pio- form of searching a passenger when allow for a certain standard America building in New York use. However, the efficiency neering research and more compared to frisking or strip-searching. of living amongst its people, City. The natural gas power of such systems is limited (for efficient use of today’s re- Opponents say that these machines, be- and be cost-effective. The plant is located in the base- example, solar panels are only sources, we can build a bet- cause they show you completely naked, challenge of sustainability is ment of the building, and the about 15% efficient), and in ter world, both for today and are an offense against human dignity. achieving all three of these heat generated by electricity order for such technologies for the future.

Obama campaign plans major cele- Football’s best since 1987 bration in Chicago Tim Boyer The Engineers have de- the Rose Thorn that “Our average of 115 rushing yards Copy Editor feated The College of Mount players work very hard year per game. Junior mechanical With the presidential election just over Saint Joseph (MSJ) and Defi- round to become the best engineering major Derek Ei- a week away, the Obama campaign has tereotypically, science ance College for the first time football players they can be. tel is currently ranked fourth begun preparations for a large celebra- and sports don’t really in school history, having lost Football is a game that you in all of Rose’s football his- tion to be held in Grant Park in Chicago, Smix. But perhaps one to them in their previous can’t just show up and ex- tory in passing. Senior me- Illinois. This location is where Barack of the best things about this six and two games, respec- pect to be good, you have to chanical engineering major Obama, the Democratic presidential school is how much Rose- tively. Prior to last season put a lot of work into it.” Five Nate Richter made his 100th nominee, hopes to declare his victory Hulman breaks the stereo- when Franklin stepped up players have stood out in the career catch last week in the over John McCain and Sarah Palin, the types. as the dominant power, MSJ statistics and recognition 28-21 win over Defiance Col- GOP rivals on the night of November 4. This fall, the football team captured the HCAC Cham- they’ve earned. lege. Senior mechanical engi- The Chicago Sun-Times has reported has played seven games so pionship and the NCAA au- Sophomore mechanical en- neering major and preseason that the price tag for the night is around far and has lost only one. tomatic bid to the national gineering major Reed Eason All-American Paul Spreen is $2 million, which will be paid for by the They have won all four of tournament for the last four is a preseason All-American currently ranked 19th in the Obama campaign. The campaign plans their Heartland Collegiate years running. being an all-around receiving country and first in the HCAC on having the event be free to attend, but Athletic Conference (HCAC) The football team’s suc- target. Junior chemical engi- with an average of 1.93 tack- will charge media for “prime seating” and games. This is the best start cess can be attributed to neering major Calvin Bueltel les for loss per game. Internet access. the program has had since many people. Head football is ranked 30th in the nation 1987. coach Steve Englehart told and first in the HCAC with his Continued on Page 3... In this issue of the Rose Thorn... More fun than a

EWS PINIONS VB clinches pogo stick...

N Star Wars comics galore O winning season F

3 6 LIPSIDE Glaciers melting No Child Left Behind 8

E4NTERTAINMENT 5SPORTS 8 PAGE -

NEWS - PAGE 3 ENTERTAINMENT - PAGE 4 SPORTS - PAGE 5 OPINIONS - PAGE 6 POLLS - PAGE 7 FLIPSIDE 2 PUZZLES & CLASSIFIEDS The Rose Thorn By Melissa Brumbaugh ‽ r

Use the letters: Use the numbers: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 S U G R E N A T H to fill in the missing spaces. Be sure to fill in the missing spaces. not to repeat any number in each Be sure not to repeat any let- row, column, or 3x3 square. ter in each row, column, or Sudoku 3x3 square. Doubleheade Find the answers to all Rose Thorn puzzles at: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn CLASSIFIEDS

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Two bedroom house Comfortable house for rent to Rose students Four minutes to Rose Short drive 10-15 minutes from campus in Riley, past the new Wal-Mart on 46. Two bed- Near stadium at Wabash and Brown Avenue rooms plus a full bath downstairs. Two bedrooms and an alcove plus a full bath upstairs. Just remodeled, off street parking in privacy fenced back yard, air, ADT, clean, 24/7 Living room with fireplace, dining room, maintenance, fridge and range and washer dryer hookup, well maintained. large kitchen with dishwasher and garbage disposal, large rec room, attached oversize 6 month lease. $475 plus utilities 2 car garage. 478-9286 All appliances provided including washer and dryer. Central A/C. Mostly furnished. $250 per month per student plus share of utilities. Landlord pays water and sewer. Space available for 2 students starting this Winter Quarter. Campus ext-8317 or 240-4774. The Rose Thorn Editorial Staff Thorn Staff CM 5037, 5500 Wabash Ave. Eli Baca Co-Editor-in-Chief Andrew Klusman Terre Haute, IN 47803-3999 Staff Writers Co-Editor-in-Chief Jim Sedoff Melissa Brumbaugh Phone:(812)877-8255 Matthew Bryant News Editor Scott Gallmeier Fax: (812)877-8166 Entertainment Editor Ben Collins Noel Spurgeon Living Editor OPEN E-mail: [email protected] Hobey Tam Opinions Editor Christine Price http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn J.P. Verkamp Sports Editor Mike Ferguson James Zhou Humor Editor Matt Melton “Working to keep the Rose-Hulman community informed Copy Editor Tim Boyer by providing an accurate and Photo Editor Andrew Carlson dependable source for news and information.” Layout Manager Cari Harper Cartoonist Nick Easter The Rose Thorn is published on Fridays first through ninth week each quarter. Administrative Staff Photographers Albert Mui Advertising Manager Julie Goodrich Matt Vargo Administrative Assistant Erin Parker Tim Ekl Business Manager Andrew Carlson Webmaster Tom W. Most Advisor Richard House

The Rose Thorn welcomes and encourages comments from its readers. We request that all letters to the editor be less than 600 words in length. THE DEADLINE FOR CONTENT SUBMISSION IS 5 P.M. THREE DAYS PRIOR TO PUBLICATION All content should be submitted to [email protected] or to the Rose Thorn Office (Hulman Memorial Union room 249). The editors reserve the right to edit submissions for clarity, grammar, length, and factual errors. The editors reserve the right to accept content changes submitted after deadline. All letters must contain the writer’s signature (electronic form is acceptable) and contact information (e-mail address and/or phone number). The views expressed in the Rose Thorn are those of the original author and do not necessarily represent the views of the Rose Thorn staff or Rose-Hulman community. Friday, October 24, 2008 NEWS 3 Sea, not air, melting glaciers Mitchell Goulding first thought. fall apart, and the rate of rise of tial for producing a rapid change university honest. Our goal is con- Washington Square Scientists originally believed sea level increases,” Holland said. in global sea level in this century servation of efficiency. Better than N e w s that warming air temperatures “This is not so much a warming of and beyond — a situation that, if changing the light bulb is not using were causing surface snow on the the global ocean as it is a simple re- it happened, society is ill-prepared it at all.” It is getting colder in New York, inland Greenland glacier to melt. direction of warm waters towards to deal with,” he said. Although the research warns but hotter underwater. However, Holland’s team found the ice sheets.” Jeremy Friedman, proj- that a continuation of glacial melt- According to a recent study that it was actually subsurface wa- However, Holland noted that it ect administrator of the NYU ing could become a dire situation, by NYU researchers, it’s not just ter temperatures that were rising would be the application of the in- Sustainability Task Force, said that Holland admitted that researchers warming air temperature that and causing the ice sheet to break formation gained from the Green- students could have a tangible in the field have no way of gauging causes glaciers to melt. apart. land region that would be most impact on fighting the effects of how long it would take or to what The Center for Atmosphere Using data from other studies important. Holland found that global warming. degree sea levels will change. Ocean Science, a part of the Cou- that relied on NASA’s Airborne Top- if these results translated to Ant- “The fire in NYU students has The National Science Founda- rant Institute of Mathematical Sci- ographic Mapper, the researchers arctica, which holds 10 times the been driving the entire initiative,” tion, which offers more than $6 ence at NYU, discovered that rising noticed a rapid rate of glacial thin- volume of ice compared to Green- Friedman said. “From participat- billion per year to scientific stud- oceanic temperatures have been ning, which coincided with rising land, the impact would be much ing in sustainability task force to ies, supported the study through a melting glaciers from below land subsurface water temperature. worse. doing research, student activists grant to NYU in conjunction with surfaces. “Modest changes in atmo- “Antarctica holds the poten- act like watchdogs keeping the the NSF Office of Polar Programs. David Holland, the director of spheric circulation can drive warm the center and lead author of the ocean water towards and under study, found that rising ocean tem- the edges of the ice sheets, and peratures are more important than when this happens, the ice sheets Voter turnout low, apathy high Not Since 1987, from Page 1 among youngest age bracket

Overall, Englehart believes out of high school want to be a four things have contributed part of something special and Max Schneider turnout rate in 2000 but still sig- stay in one location for long. to the successful season so far they know that if they come here D a i l y B r u i n nificantly less than the 64 percent “One of the better predictors of “[Firstly,] we are a mentally there is a great possibility that overall rate in 2004, according to voter turnout is how long you’ve tough team. Nothing gets us we will have success. Winning Despite the election-related the U.S. Census Bureau. lived in a place,” he said. down and we can perform in the also helps retain the players that frenzy that has invaded campus, A number of reasons explain Bruce Cain, the executive direc- most pressure situations. [Sec- we already have on the team.” a large number of students have why the younger generation tends tor of the University of California ondly,] we are a balanced team Englehart also talked about chosen to remain unregistered to not be as motivated by the po- Washington Center, a political sci- and can win in a variety of dif- what has been emphasized this and largely uninvolved with the litical realm. ence research and academic insti- ferent ways. [Thirdly,] our team year for the team. “The things political world. Some students said that their tution, said that these issues have has tasted success. Therefore, that we focus on the most are Voter turnout is by far the low- lack of involvement stems from a recurred throughout history. we know what it takes to con- Team and Family. We care est among the youngest age group, belief that little will change in the “It’s not just this generation. It’s tinue down that path. [Lastly,] about one another not only as which includes people between country, regardless of who wins been true of every generation,” our motto is ‘The Most Impor- football players but as individu- 18 and 24 years old, said Charles the presidency. Cain said. “(My generation was) tant Day is TODAY!’ and we live als. We understand that it takes Franklin, a professor of political “Whoever becomes president, less plugged into politics when we it. We take one day at a time and an entire team to be successful science at University of Wisconsin- everything’s not going to be dif- were (in college) than at age 55.” one game at a time.” not just an individual. “[Our Madison and the co-developer of ferent,” said Julie Jang, a third- This election cycle could prove Englehart continued to talk success] makes me feel very Pollster.com, a Web site that offers year sociology student. “I don’t different, Cain said, adding that about how this season will help proud of our players and assis- statistics and commentary about think they’re going to change the by reaching out to younger vot- the program in general. “I think tant coaches. They have put in the upcoming election. world.” ers through such modern outlets that the recent success we have a lot of time and effort and they Only 47 percent of this age group Others said they consider one as YouTube and MySpace, the two had has helped in our recruit- deserve the success that they voted in the 2004 general election, vote to be of little value, said Su- major campaigns have raised the ing process. Young men coming are having.” an increase from the 32 percent san Li, the director of the Students level of political enthusiasm and Vote! Coalition, an organization of involvement he sees from his stu- student groups that promotes vot- dents. er registration and education. This helped influence the re- “We noticed a lot of students cord-high turnout rate for the pri- don’t want to vote and don’t want maries last February, which typi- to register because they feel like it cally sees a much lower turnout doesn’t matter,” Li said. among young voters. But other organizers said that Earlier this year, students came they try to change this perception out to vote at almost double the by promoting an optimistic out- rates of the 2000 election’s primary look. season (17 to 9 percent), according “Most young people are fed up to the Center for Information and with the government, fed up with Research on Civic Learning and the administration,” said Tristan Engagement. Schulhof, the executive director “If the campaigns are getting and founding member of Democ- (students) to turn out, and (their) racy Matters, a UCLA club that enthusiasm keeps up, we may see promotes campaign finance re- a higher rate of turnout,” he said. form. “(But) the key is, you have to “It may shatter the myth of apa- be optimistic. You can’t just give up thy.” on it.” But a higher rate of registration Schulhof and Li both said that does not always indicate a higher educating student voters and turnout on election day, said Don- helping them navigate through the ald Saari, a professor of mathemat- often multilayered and complex ics and economics at UC-Irvine arena of politics and campaign who studies voting rules and the rhetoric is another central goal. mechanisms of voting. But some students said that “There’s often a disconnect be- the thought of understanding this tween what the students claim world is intimidating. and what the students actually “I don’t care enough because I do,” Saari said. “Registration is one don’t know anything about poli- thing, whether they vote is anoth- tics,” said Leeor Brahms, a first- er.” year undeclared student. “I feel Still, experts said that the con- like it’s overwhelming. ... I don’t tinuing trend of increased student know where to start.” involvement in politics makes Franklin said that students start them expect a greater student becoming more invested in the turnout on Nov. 4. government as they mature, but Filling in the turnout gap be- that this is not yet a priority for tween themselves and the older many. generations can help youthful vot- “A nontrivial fraction of young ers swing the final outcome of the people are just beginning to pay election, Cain said. attention to public affairs and gov- “The participation of (this) age ernment,” he said. “They grow into group is one of the two or three the role and everything changing most important factors on election in their lives helps them.” night,” he said. “It’s quite possible, Franklin added that another particularly if the election tightens, simple fact abets student political that the turnout of your age group apathy: the fact that they rarely will determine the outcome.” 4 ENTERTAINMENT The Rose Thorn The Dresden Files: The continuing sagas in the Star Wars life’s not easy for universe: Knights and Legacy a working wizard Eli Baca work the system—and the infor- S t a f f W r i t e r mation that Zayne has would de- Clint Thompson episodic at first glance; and when stroy all of Lucien’s plans for good. Guest Writer you’re working with formula fic- As part of the 20th Anniversary In trying to find the truth, Zayne tion, that sometimes lends a re-tooling of the Star Wars series, stumbles upon a Sith weapon test- When I think of failed fiction cookie-cutter feel. Dark Horse Comics started pub- ing ground and takes inventory for genre I usually think of fantasy The writing exhibits one other lishing Knights of the Old Repub- evidence against the Covenant. and mystery. I find myself unable major flaw of formula fiction by lic in 2006. The series takes place The script is by John Jackson to think of a class more fortified including clunky adult situations. eight years prior to the video game Miller and while it’s not a very com- with fluff and formula, with the I guess that’s for the readers who of the same name—about four pelling story, it still captures the possible exception of romance. wouldn’t pick up a book unless thousand years before the Battle attention of the reader, and once That’s depressing, since fan- it had sex in it, but I personally of Yavin—about a young padawan again shows just how corrupted tasy and mystery are two of my think Mr. Butcher deserves better by the name of Zayne Carrick try- people can become. Zayne is able favorite kinds of fiction. Even than that. ing to clear his name and become to help out a culture through his worse, when I think of books that Those moments are “Safeway a Jedi Knight. own innocence and righteousness have gone terribly and horribly Classic”-quality awkward, un- At this point in the Star Wars and while that’s not how the real wrong, genre hybrids generally fortunately, and while he does a timeline, the Jedi Council is a big world works it certainly doesn’t top the list. fair job of integrating those into part of society, and getting into the stop a person from believing in the As a result, Jim Butcher’s “su- the plot, I still find myself wishing Council provides political power to good in people. pernatural noir” series, The that the material weren’t there. those willing to abuse it. One such Dresden Files, was a bolt from Despite the mostly unneeded and newly entered member, Lucien Official Thorn rating: 4 elephants the blue (except it wasn’t like always unwieldy adult moments, www.darkhorse.com Draay, is part of a group called the lightning, it was like Prozac. And this series has a lot of somewhat Convenant—bad guys trying to it wasn’t from the blue, it was new stuff to offer. from Waldenbooks; but “like Pro- Mr. Butcher has a talent for zac from Waldenbooks” doesn’t surprising even himself (I think) Eli Baca seeks revenge on the Sith for the sound as zippy). with some of the situations in S t a f f W r i t e r death of his father. He is a charac- The series is a first-person which Harry lands—I can dis- ter clouded in his judgment and a narrative recounted by the main tinctly recall a giant Chinese 130 years after the Battle of Yavin perfect anti-hero for the next saga character, Harry Dresden. As Chi- monkey demon that flung flam- finds the Star Wars universe bal- of the Star Wars series. cago’s only professional wizard ing feces, and something Harry anced by Luke Skywalker’s work, Hidden Temple explores the (check the yellow pages), he is refuses to call a “plant monster” but being overthrown by a newly different factions trying to gain often summoned by the head of on general principle—but Mr. created Sith order. The series fea- control of the universe—from the the police department’s Special Butcher’s panache with the pen tures Cade Skywalker, descendent scattered Jedi’s to the de-throned Investigations, Karrin Murphy. renders such oddities perfectly of Luke, a trained Jedi who has Roan Fel to the Sith—each party The wisecracking wizard and believable, mostly through Dres- abandoned the order and become finds themselves in a struggle of the pistol of a policewoman work den’s amusing, sarcastic, and somewhat of a space pirate. John loyalty in every comic, leaving as a team to solve some of Chi- incredulous commentary on Ostrander writes the Legacy series, tons of room for twists and turns cagoland’s weirdest and grisliest his own thoughts. In fact, I have and his ability to bring the force in the storyline. Legacy has taken mysteries, aided by folks like Su- rarely empathized so strongly to life again gives the comic a true the many volumes of history and san Rodriguez, a reporter for the with a character as I have with Star Wars feel. made the future into a place where Midwestern Arcane, and Michael Mr. Dresden, and aside from one Cade Skywalker is still learning each character has multiple layers Carpenter, a Knight of the Cross. or two of the villains, all the char- about his abilities and his past and and many storylines just waiting to Together, they manage to an- acters are both believable and is seen by both the Sith and the Jedi be explored. tagonize a whole host of villains, likable. Knights as a threat—both to the ranging from warlocks causing It only seems fair to admit to galaxy and to himself. He views the Official Thorn rating: 4 elephants drug wars and vampires running you that I’m very biased. I loved www.darkhorse.com Force as a tool for his own personal ritzy brothels to deranged queens these books, and as cliché as it use, much like the Sith do, but he of Faerie and ancient, evil de- sounds, I laughed, I was touched, mons—but of course, I can’t tell and I even became frustrated and you much more than that with- angry a few times. If you’re look- out spoiling the plot. ing for light, easy reading that ’s latest album That would be a shame, mainly is fresh, intriguing, emotionally because the plot of the series evocative and even thought-pro- doesn’t really start to become voking, I strongly recommend beyond all expectations clear until around book five. As a you find a copy of “The Dresden result, the first few books, while Files”. You won’t be disappoint- Ben Collins “” isn’t a regres- enjoyable, tend to look a little ed. Entertainment sion, but is a return to quality E d i t o r for Metallica, lyrically and mu- sically. In this era of the rock/metal To put it simply, Metallica genre of music, there is only a sounds like Metallica again. handful of bands that can be In this album and at this junc- considered legendary and are ture in their career, the band is still producing music. Legend- showing off their experience ary can be defined by years in and creativity: fast tempo pro- the limelight or by the myriad gression, well-executed transi- of albums and singles released tions from wailing to guitar to that top the charts even today. ranged vocals with rhythm sec- Tom Petty can release an album tions—and Metallica holds all www.wikipedia.org tomorrow and it’d probably be this with seemingly little effort. good; AC/DC is releasing one , age forty-four, every song is unique and, to be this week, and fans of nostalgia shows off why he is one of the frank, fun to listen to, which is a will go flocking back; and even drum gods, metal, rock, or oth- feat few metal bands could ever The Cure has polished up for erwise, with insane beats from pull off. Also, if you wondered if their diehards this year. They the first song on, backing the it was going to happen, it did: all meet the standard for leg- normally ridiculous guitar work “The Unforgiven III.” Guess endary, but in their releases it of Hammett and Hetfield in what? It surpasses both its pre- almost feels like nostalgia is the unison. The new bassist Trujil- decessors in every respect.The only reason to pick up their lat- lo, formerly of Ozzy Osbourne, only qualm I can possibly have est works. However, one band of while less pronounced within about this album is that I wish this calibur blew me away with the bulk of the songs, shows off it were longer. The songs are their latest: Metallica’s “Death his own talents, especially in the seven minutes long a piece and Magnetic.” track “Cyanide.” are rolling riots of music, but it If you’ve picked up the album My top picks for this album makes me want more. or watched the first single “Day are hard to discern simply be- That is the sign of talent, That Never Comes,” the experi- cause the album as a whole is though, and the tell-tale trait of ence is fully explained without so good. The singles “Day That the legendary. words. Conversely, if you’ve yet Never Comes” and “Cyanide” to experience this new album, are considerably some of the www.amazon.com it’s a definite surprise consider- better songs on the album, with “Grave Peril” is the third book in the series of the ing their last studio album, “St. “All Nightmare Long” and “Bro- Official Thorn rating: 5 elephants Dresden Files. The series has ten books written thus far Anger,” which was a true de- ken, Beat & Scarred” being close with more scheduled to come every year. viation from their early years. seconds. As a whole, though, Friday, October 24, 2008 SPORTS 5 Engineer Scoreboard Rhys Football Men’s Soccer 6-1 (4-0) 9-4-2 (4-0-1) October 11 Rose-Hulman 44 October 11 Evans at Hanover College 33 Rose-Hulman 5 at Bluffton University 2 October 18 Rose-Hulman 28 at Defiance College 21 October 15 Tim Boyer RT: The men’s soccer team RE: Actually, this is the most rec- Anderson University 1 C o p y E d i t o r has made it to the conference ognition I’ve ever received for at Rose-Hulman 1 tournament for a few years in soccer. I’ve struggled with inju- Plagued with injury the past a row now but hasn’t captured ries my entire soccer career and Volleyball two years, junior mechanical en- the tournament crown yet. Do haven’t had a healthy season at 18-11 (2-2) October 18 gineering major Rhys Evans has you think this year will be dif- Rose yet. In the last two years University of Dallas 3 made a comeback to the soccer ferent? I’ve been through two knee sur- October 11 at Rose-Hulman 2 field and has made a big differ- RE: Definitely, our team this year geries, torn ligaments, a broken Rose-Hulman 3 ence in the games he’s played. is the strongest it’s been since I’ve back, bone contusions, a bro- vs. Kenyon College 0 Evans has played in 11 games been here. Coach Helliwell has us ken hand, and not to mention and scored nine goals and added playing very well together right the pulled muscles and rolled October 21 two assists. He averages at least now, which is a sign that our sys- ankles; the list goes on. I actually Rose-Hulman 3 Rose-Hulman 2 two shots on goal a game, mak- tem is working. We have a huge re-broke my hand earlier this vs. Earlham College 0 at Illinois Wesleyan U. 1 ing it in 57% of the time. He had opportunity to do something week but am still playing. But impressive averages in the same great in the conference tourna- even with all that I feel like I’m October 12 categories his first two seasons as ment this year. If we can stay playing my best soccer to date Rose-Hulman 0 Women’s Soccer an Engineer. focused and first in conference and am hoping my injury streak at Manchester College 3 9-5 (3-2) Since Evans has been a part until the end of the season we’ll ends soon. of the Rose program, the men’s be able to play our tournament October 15 soccer team has accumulated games at home which is an enor- October 11 RT: How has participating in a Rose-Hulman 0 an impressive record of 36-14-5 mous advantage. varsity sport had an effect on Rose-Hulman 6 and earned two second place fin- your experience at Rose? at Hanover College 3 at Bluffton University 0 ishes in the Heartland Collegiate RT: Being only a junior this year RE: As of right now, I can’t imag- Athletic Conference (HCAC). The on a team of mostly juniors and ine being at Rose without playing October 17 men’s team currently is first in younger, do you think you can on the soccer team. It has been Rose-Hulman 3 October 15 the HCAC with three conference improve to be even more suc- one of the greatest experiences at Cincinnatti Christian U. 0 Anderson University 5 matches remaining in the sea- cessful next year? in my life. Participating in a sport at Rose-Hulman 0 son. RE: With such a young team, we where your teammates are your October 18 Rhys Evans took the time to have the potential to continue best friends is something too Rose-Hulman 3 answer some questions for the the growth of the program and awesome for words. vs. Waynesburg College 1 Rose Thorn. achieve great things in 2009. But October 18 the three seniors we have now RT: Do you have any plans on University of Dallas 8 Rose Thorn: How long have you provide irreplaceable leader- staying involved in soccer after Rose-Hulman 0 at Rose-Hulman 0 been playing soccer? ship and locker room presence, Rose? vs. Westminster College 3 Rhys Evans: I’ve been playing they’re the glue that holds this RE: At the moment I don’t have soccer since I was 5 years old. team together. plans of doing anything after Through the years I’ve played Rose, but I would definitely enjoy Men’s Cross Country for a handful of different teams RT: What’s the most meaning- playing in a [recreational] league in different cities. It’s been a long ful award or recognition that somewhere. I just want to stay October 17 road. you’ve received? active. Wilmington Fall Classic Wilmington, OH 4th of 23 Coaches join Volleyball clinches Women’s Cross Country fight against October 17 muscular winning season Wilmington Fall Classic Wilmington, OH 8th of 24 dystrophy Rose-Hulman News zel helped solidify the attack with Women’s Golf Rose-Hulman News 47 assists. The women’s volleyball team Three Engineers reached dou- The Rose-Hulman football clinched a winning season with a ble figures in kills in the perfor- October 11 coaching staff will show its sup- split of two matches last Saturday mance. Senior Sarah Messmer HCAC Tournament port for the fight against Duech- afternoon. smashed 14 kills with just one Terre Haute, IN 5th of 7 enne Muscular Dystrophy tomor- The Engineers secured the win- error. Senior Katie Tharp added row. ning season with a 3-1 victory 13 kills and sophomore Amanda The Fightin’ Engineer coaching over Waynes- Jevons pitched Rifle staff will wear armbands with the burg in the in with 12 kills. Coach to Cure MD insignia dur- opening match. Junior Kate October 18 ing the team’s Community Day Westminster of Sernett led the Purdue Boilermaker Invitational game against Bluffton University Pennsylvania defensive effort West Lafayette, IN 3rd of 4 on Saturday. topped the En- with 17 digs. Rose-Hulman football fans will gineers in three Sophomore Sam be able to donate to muscular dys- games in the Gregory had 15 trophy research efforts. Donations nightcap. digs and Pelzel ADVERTISEMENT are available at CoachToCureMD. R o s e - H u l - contributed 14. org or by texting the word “CURE” man stands 18- W e s t m i n - Every year the men of Lambda that you can help us feed the to 90999 to automatically donate 11 on the sea- ster claimed a Chi Alpha participate in the hungry this holiday season. It $5 from their mobile phones. son to secure 25-21, 25-16, North American Food Drive, would be greatly appreciated if Duchenne Muscular Dystro- the first win- 25-16 win over the largest single food drive in you will place any canned goods phy is the most common fatal ning season in Rose-Hulman North America. The food drive or other nonperishable items in genetic order diagnosed during school history. in the night- is internationally those boxes. We will be childhood. It primarily affects The 18th vic- cap. Freshman sponsored by Lambda coming on November boys and occurs across all races tory is the most Karah Hickman Chi Alpha Fraternity 1st, from 10 A.M. un- and cultures, according to the by an Engineer led the Engi- and is locally spon- til 2 P.M. to collect the American Football Coaches As- team, surpass- neers with eight sored by its chapter boxes in your area. sociation. ing the 17 vic- kills and Mor- at Rose-Hulman with If you have any ques- On Rose-Hulman’s Community tories posted by Rose-Hulman News gan Williams the assistance of Chi tions, feel free to Day, all fans above the age of 12 the 2001 squad Leah Pelzel had 47 assists to added seven. Omega Sorority. The contact Brad Pru- will be admitted for $5, with chil- that finished lead a strong performance Pelzel provided food and money col- ett by e-mail at dren under age 12 admitted free. with a record of 28 assists and 12 lected locally goes to the Light [email protected]. against Waynesburg. Rose-Hulman stands 6-1 over- 17-19. digs. House Mission of Terre Haute. The men of Lambda Chi Alpha all this season and a perfect 4-0 The Engineers played perhaps Rose-Hulman returns to action We have placed boxes through- thank you for your generosity in conference play. Bluffton has their best all-around match of the with Heartland Collegiate Athletic out the campus, mainly in the and support as do all those who a 1-5 mark this season and a 0-3 season in the four-set win over Conference matchups at Bluffton dorm’s front lobbies in hope will eat thanks to you. mark in league games. Waynesburg. Freshman Leah Pel- and Defiance this weekend. 6 OPINIONS The Rose Thorn No child left behind seriously. Mark Minster Jeff Miller about America has fallen, when been actually appropriated. This G u e s t W r i t e r so many of our citizens, youth or is an artifact of our congressional In an episode of the old Star tion to processes and standards. While in the past, education has not, have no idea where we came system, and viewed in this light, Trek, Captain Kirk and crew beam Sleepless dedication to detailed, always been a major issue in pres- from or how we got here. Foreign- nearly every program passed by down to a planet that looks like step-by-step work. Comfort in the idential elections, this year it has ers know more about us than we Congress is underfunded. an old frontier town. Its people predictability of a Newtonian uni- been pushed to a back- or at least do. It’s unacceptable. Another The bipartisan Commission on wear 19th-century attire and walk verse. Thought and reason. a side-burner. Nonetheless, it has blunder made by the lawmakers No Child Left Behind has come up slowly along the sidewalks. They What values does the Bonfire not been entirely disregarded. The is a confusion between “qualified” with a list of 75 specific changes carry books that look sacred, call instill? The same. It takes attention main point of contention in the teachers and “certified” teach- and improvements that need to everyone “Friend,” and ask outsid- to reenact the building of a precar- education arena is the oft-cited ers. Some claim that certification be made. One of the main im- ers if they are “of the Body.” When ious tower year after year. It takes No Child Left Behind (NCLB) Act may be unnecessary, the clock tolls six, however, these dedication to keep watch with a of 2002. Most agree that the act is and cite the success uptight townspeople suddenly Nerf gun, especially with hours of quite sound in principle, but has of programs such as become a raging mob. They tear Calc homework to be done. For not been carried out in a satisfac- Teach for America, off hats and coats, and start fist- alumni, there is comfort in return- tory manner. that send college fighting, throwing stones through ing to campus—names change, For instance, according to one graduates to troubled windows, screaming “Festival! but the pattern remains. Creation, group called Common Core, schools. Requiring Festival!” As Kirk and his men destruction; create, destroy. By NCLB forces schools to focus on certification makes it soon learn, the Festival— “the Red repeating the pattern, students reading and math to the exclu- much more difficult Hour” it’s called— is a twelve- sion of everything else. As an ex- for schools to attract hour, all-hell-breaks-loose out- ample of their concern, consider energetic new teach- let for the normally reserved, this: in January, they conducted ers, who have much controlled inhabitants. a phone survey composed of 33 to offer. Rose-Hulman may never be multiple choice questions pulled On the other hand, visited by the Enterprise, but from a federal test administered there are many mis- it certainly has its own version in the 1980’s, to 1200 17-year-olds. conceptions about the of tightly wound inhabitants What they found may seem rather NCLB act that make it letting loose. Most of the time, shocking. Twenty-five percent of out to be worse than http://www.uticaschools.org/kennedy/ Rose students walk purpose- those surveyed could not identify it is. For instance, fully through Moench and Hitler as the chancellor of Germa- many people believe Because knowing more than three states is for wimps. Olin, sedate and staid. They ny during WWII, and more than that NCLB represents hold laptops that seem sacred, half didn’t know when we fought an unprecedented extension of provements is a more rigorous and though they may not call the civil war. This constitutes a federal power over schools. This is voluntary basis of educational everyone “friend,” they do use major problem, since NCLB en- not so. Complying or not is a de- standards. Another has to do with words that make outsiders re- courages teachers to “teach to the cision left to the individual states, how the states go about collecting alize they are not “of the Body,” test,” focusing solely on preparing it is not compulsory. NCLB is not the data to report on their prog- things like “Disco,” “ADES,” students for the standardized tests even a new idea. Under Lyndon ress. Most states have little or no and “Meatballs.” Maybe it’s up- that make up the school’s own re- B. Johnson’s Great Society, the systematic process for collecting tightness, maybe Midwestern port card, rather than teaching Elementary and Secondary Edu- this data, which in turn leads to conservatism, or just maybe fundamentals of history and lit- cation Act of 1965 was much the poor reports and causes the law to it’s overwork, but the natives’ www.city-data.com/picfilesc/picc23561.php erature. same thing. Another misconcep- lose even more of its intended ef- manner can strike observers as After a long, ignoble life, this out- No one contests the point that tion is that the NCLB Act is woe- fect. While ensuring that no child otherworldly. house left Earth in a glorious blaze. reading and math skills are impor- fully underfunded. Most of this is being left behind, we must also In contrast to their regu- tant, but they are not the whole belief arises from the fact that the ensure that we are not dropping lar demeanor is Rose’s Festival, respect those who came before picture. It’s small wonder that law was authorized in Congress crucial components of education when the clock strikes and stu- and those who will pick up the so much of the world’s opinion for far more money than has ever in order to make the grade. dents and alumni cut loose in a torch (no pun intended) in years mass of scheduled frenzy. Each to come. Even drunkenness and October, during Homecoming, nakedness, even the risky touch- there’s a bonfire so large the air- ing of fire, all of which run con- The great American smokeout port reroutes traffic. The sheer size trary to routine, reinforce the no- Matthew Bryant is impressive—creosote-soaked tion that everything has its place significant increase or decrease in for current or former exposure to and alkane-drenched railroad ties and time. Those drunk and naked S t a f f W r i t e r risk. ETS before or after adjusting for built up into a tower that’s four are not drunk and naked in the lab One of the “progressive” stances When the EPA later released the seven cofounders and before or or five frat-boys high, atop which (thankfully), but are actors on a many local and state governments data used for the report, it was after excluding participants with perches a wooden outhouse. But stage, which reinforces the point are taking is banning smoking revealed they had used only 11 pre-existing disease. Moreover, more impressive are the traditions that Festival exists not to counter, in public places. That is to say of the original studies, excluding no significant associations were of revelry around the actual event. but to support the “real world.” the government is implementing the other studies that were origi- found during shorter follow-up Freshmen build it. Sophomores One could argue, of course, that public policy, and even criminal nally considered. However, even periods of 1960-65, 1966-72, 1973- tear it down, or attempt to. Guards the Bacchanalia of the Bonfire is laws, that prohibit tobacco smok- this adjustment didn’t provide 85 and 1986-98. are posted, who stay awake all an insurgence of counter-values ing in workplaces and/or other the 3000 deaths the initial report More recent studies have also night to protect it. Damage is Rose expects its students to also public areas. At first glance, looked into ETS and the soon repaired. At night, fraternity hold: camaraderie and joie de this approach appears to have risk of myocardial infarc- brothers run naked. Alumni show vivre. But the fact that a space has the benefit of reducing the tion (2006), coronary up trashed. There is alcohol, there to be created (then destroyed) for risk of cancer from second- heart disease (2006) and are pyrotechnics, there are flam- such an outburst of life and fel- hand smoke (often referred Would any legitimate ep- lung cancer (2002 and ing arrows, there are cellphones low-feeling underscores the point to as environmental tobacco 2001). Each was shown and digital cameras, and there that life on Planet Rose does not smoke or ETS); however, a idemologist keep their job if to have no correlation is, if you ask the natives, “friggin’ emphasize zaniness and zest for closer analysis shows that this between exposure to ETS awesomeness.” A grad student in life nearly enough. After the bon- isn’t only false, but in fact in- they were caught doubling the and a higher risk to any of a shiny heat suit walks in to toast fire, just as before, we are belled tentionally misleading. these ailments. marshmallows. Otherwise intel- patiently where we are supposed The Environment Protec- “margin of error to support a Imagine now that you ligent people reach in to touch to be, submitting work when and tion Agency (EPA) published own a bar or restaurant the flames. There may not be fist- how we are supposed to. Tempo- a report in December of 1992 pre-announced conclusion? and that many of your fighting or stone-throwing, but rary drunkenness makes it easier that claimed that ETS caused paying customers enjoy at Rose’s Red Hour, the sane and to reinforce sobriety. We build a 3,000 deaths per year. It was smoking while at your es- smart, those studying to design very professional bonfire. this initial report that spurred tablishment. What right and create, go temporarily mad At the end of the Star Trek epi- the first wave of smoking bans. It claimed. Thus, the EPA adjusted does the government have to tell in a fit of orderly destruction and sode, Kirk and Spock explode the had classified ETS as a Class A car- the confidence interval to 90% your patrons they cannot smoke, chaos. computer that had controlled the cinogen and dealt all but a death- from 95%, effectively doubling especially when it’s based on mis- What is curious about Star Trek’s minds of the natives and made blow to the issue. the widely-accepted statistical leading studies? Red Hour and Rose-Hulman’s Bon- them sedate. By destroying it, they This EPA study consisted of margin of error. As a customer, you may then fire is that both events appear to allow the natives to turn their Fes- what is considered a meta-analy- Would any legitimate epidemi”- ask, “Why are my rights being ig- invert completely the inhabitants’ tival—their whole culture— into sis—a combination of the results ologist keep their job if they were nored? Why must I put up with usual values. Sanity and hours something new. What that some- of multiple studies that address caught doubling the margin of er- the secondhand smoke?” The of work, a schedule governed by thing new is, the episode doesn’t a set of related research hypoth- ror to support a pre-announced simple answer to that is individu- bells and textbooks, all are traded reveal, but one hopes the wildness eses. In other words,the EPA used conclusion? als have a choice to go to any bar for all-nighters and pyromania. of the celebration might become 30 different studies comparing One particular study in Califor- or restaurant they would like. In And yet both events happen over a less all-or-nothing. ETS exposure to lung cancer rates. nia, done by James Enstrom and essence, they vote with their mon- short time-span with a clearly de- So cut loose, by all means. Burn After analysis of the data, on page Geoffrey Kabat, included 118,094 ey. If a business is losing profit fined beginning and end. Both are big. Burn bright. But zest for life 23 of the study, paragraph 3, it was participants with a particular because it allows smoking, you thoroughly scheduled events with and camaraderie do more good noted that out of these 30 studies, focus on 35,561 never smokers can guarantee it will soon create a structure, clear rites and roles if they’re diffused throughout the only five found a statistically sig- who had a spouse with known a non-smoking section or decide and regulations. And both events, year. I’m not advocating blowing nificant risk of lung cancer at the smoking habits. These individu- to go completely smoke- free in in the last analysis, end by encour- up any computer, nor do I think 95% confidence level. One study als were followed from 1960 to order to maintain profits. None- aging the values they appear to there’s any mind-control going on. even showed a negative risk or a 1998 in order to measure mortal- theless, it should be the business undermine. I’m just saying: what if our own protective effect. The remaining ity rates. The study found that no that makes that decision, not the What values do engineering Festival weren’t a yearly inocula- 24 studies were shown to have no significant associations existed government. students need? Careful atten- tion, but a daily dose? Friday, October 24, 2008 POLL RESULTS 7 McCain edges out Obama in campus poll

Campus polling this week shows Senator McCain with a 2 point lead over Senator Obama. 127 students took part in this poll. This week, freshman responded slightly higher than the other grade levels, with females making up 20%. Of those that responded 70% were registered voters.

PLEASE VOTE THIS WEEK ON ANGEL Please visit Angel this week and every week to vote! Directions: Log onto Angel -> Public Resources (Under Tool- box) -> Public Surveys -> Election Poll

This poll was conducted in conjunction with Dr. Terrence Casey’s American Government and Politics class. Please note, this poll is not a scientific poll, sample was not taken at random. IIX FLIPSIDE The Rose Thorn Ground zero for muckraking and campus reform since 2007 It’s better at home Would you rather... Changed Noel Spurgeon Hobey Tam - You Know He Would...Yeah... There’s No Place Like...BSB 3! Have to do a Con Apps homework to Purdue!? assignment every night... Matt Melton It doesn’t take long for Rose to feel a lot like home. You eat here, you sleep here, and you have emotional meltdowns over your Meatballs RHIT C r u s a d e r homework, cellulite, and relationship problems at three in the morn- In a move that baffled my fellow ing here. Even so, it was nice to go home last week. You know, home students, the local town of Terre home. That place where you live that isn’t Rose. Because as much as Haute, and engineers around the we love Rose, there are a few things about home that are just better: world, Rose-Hulman Institute of • Showers. Maybe it’s just because I’m a girl, but not having to wait or Technology decided to change for a shower and hope to whatever deity you prefer that the next show- its name to the Purdue Institute er that’s free is a decent one is a definite bonus of being home. On the of Technology (PIT). Along with other hand, I did stand outside the bathroom door for five minutes this drastic change in name, the before I realized I could just walk in… I guess I have been away too school’s mascot has been changed Transfer to Purdue? Bonus Ul- to Purdue Pete riding atop Rosie long. And there’s actually water pressure. Makes the whole business a timatum: Or transfer to DePauw? little bit easier, don’t you think? the Elephant, and the school’s colors are the ever original black • Food. This is a big one. It’s nice when the meat you’re eating looks and P.I.T. yellow as well. And the like meat, you can identify the vegetables on your plate, and most Top Ten reasons collective 271,341 I.Q. of the stu- importantly, your fridge is big enough to actually fit leftovers from six dent body has no clue why any of different restaurants without spilling fried rice all over the carpet. You this happened. know you want to. video games are “We weren’t informed at all!” • Parents. They love you (hopefully), they’ve missed you, they’re glad proclaimed one student when to see you, and best of all, they probably want to pay for your food. I told him of the change. “They Win! should have asked us! We could • Free Laundry. Something your parents also probably won’t mind better than guys have been the Evergreen State doing (you’ve got a good excuse to be lazy, with all that mental labor at Matt Melton College Geoducks!” Rose), but if they’re not willing, you don’t have to battle with the wash- A t L e a s t H e ’s Better Than Superman 64 I, for one, was curious about ing machine over your last quarter at three in the morning if you want how this happened so quietly clean socks for the next day. Febreeze will only go so far. 16. Video games don’t reek of Febreeze or something worse… right underneath our nose. There • Television. Without classes, you’ve actually got time to watch it. Or was no student design contest, no rather, you’ve got time to watch it without doing your lab during the 15. Video games don’t look at other players while you’re playing collective vote, not even a survey commercials. Nothing ruins a good Grey’s Anatomy marathon like the them. about changing the name at all. I feeling that you’ve got something important (but you can’t remember knew something fishy was up, so exactly what) the next day. If you’re not sure, it’s probably a test. That 14. You can take your anger out on video games without any prob- I began to sniff around the Rose- counts for half your grade. lems. Hulman society, searching for an- • Procrastination. There’s no pressure at home, and hence, Procras- swers on how this all went down. 13. Video games won’t forget your birthday, Valentine’s Day, Christ- tination Nirvana can be achieved. Sure, you could be an overachiever I started with a local alumnus, mas, etc. (at least you can’t blame them for it.) asking him how much input he and do that problem set before you leave for break, but that’s what had in the name change. He told Sunday night is for. In fact, after break, you kind of lose the incentive 12. Ten video games don’t swarm a girl as soon as she walks on a male me, “we had a vote, but it was to finish anyth floor. about as real as the election of Saddam Hussein. They already Weekly 11. Video games won’t ditch you for another player. had the Purdue hats being made as they tallied our votes.” 10. When video games annoy you, you can just shut them off. Stunned, I moved on to my next source of information: the Horoscope student body. I soon found out 9. Video games have easy-to-learn and use controls. James Zhou that students had in fact been Based on Solid “Scientific” documented 8. Video games have controls at all. involved in the choosing of the “ E v i d e n c e ” new name—somewhat. Only one 7. You can play your old video games for just a night with no troubles, student, speaking on condition Your Birthday Today or at the very least sell them. of anonymity, would tell me the Congratulations! Please buy life insurance; at least your truth: family should be able to enjoy life in the not so distant future. “We gave our input, but they just 6. Bad video games don’t come back to haunt you over and over and Aries (March 21 - April 19) laughed at us all. We really wanted over…in fact, you can return them. Although it seems as if there have always been conflicts the Geoducks! They threatened to transfer us to the real Purdue if we between your loved ones, all of them will miraculously resolve after 5. Video games don’t lie. Or cheat. Or just plain suck. you spontaneously combust this week. told a soul about it, so we all kept Taurus (April 20 - May 20) our mouths shut.” 4. You rarely look back and say, “I never should have gotten that video While on the way to the ad- Your wise investments in short sells will make you rich in game.” this bear market. In other news, your neighbors will assemble on ministration, the final stop in my crusade for justice, I was sud- your doorstep with pitchforks and torches, screaming for your blood. 3. Video games won’t randomly stop by and annoy you for weeks Gemini (May 21 - June 21) denly kidnapped by four men in when you know you never want to play them. sunglasses and plaid jackets. They You are usually of two minds about this sort of thing, but it whisked me away to the far out- is not a good idea to lake Melton this time of the year. Or maybe it is a 2. You can cheat on video games. It’s okay. skirts of Rose’s campus, up near good idea, it is up to you. the observatory, where I met a Cancer (June 22 - July 22) 1. Multiple sources play and review video games so you know exactly man that I never knew existed: the If you feel strange lumps on your body, do not be alarmed. what to expect when you get one. Rose-Hulman Godfather. You do not have cancer, you have leprosy. A nice old man in his early fif- Leo (July 23 - August 22) Wacky prof quotes “There, that’s all I wanted ties, the Godfather had taken You will gain the world renowned fame you have sought, as to tell you. If that makes quite an interest in my activities. your drunken exploits are recorded and posted on YouTube. “I heard zero and I heard you want to take drugs, I quickly learned that the Godfa- Virgo (August 23 - September 22) steady state. I swear no great.” — Dr. Bryan, thus ther was the man behind many The stars suggest that, perhaps, a diet solely consisting of one said banana.” — Dr. no explanation is needed. of the changes at Rose, and I was Mountain Dew, chips and a habit of not showering is what is making Moorhead, explaining the a thorn in his side that had to be you so repulsive to most mammals and some fish. tenth law of ConApps: the “I tell you what, you won’t dealt with. Wishing to know the Scorpio (October 24 - November 21) banana is a lie. be laughing so hard after truth once and for all, I agreed to Your heart will break this week, despite the best efforts of the nuclear war.” — Dr. quit my crusade if he would an- top cardiothoracic surgeons. “You can only breed with Stienstra, who is correct. swer me one question. He agreed. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) yourself.” — Dr. Cop- So I asked him: “Why wasn’t the You will learn that words can indeed hurt you, if that word pinger. Good thing I slept “I don’t give pity points for Rose-Hulman community in- passes through an amplifier with a gain of 1000 dB. through health class in being pathetic.” — Dr. volved in the name change?” “Why not?” he said. “Because I Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) high school. It was wrong. VanSchoiack, the most don’t really care what the alumni You have always been afraid of dying alone. Consider buying caring prof since...ever. think, so long as they think I care a dog, the only creature capable of loving you. “This is where you grind up about them. As for the students Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) the slaves to make sugar.” “Beethoven has a way of and the rest of the Rose campus, You will be the coolest person on campus when a canister of — Dr. Martland, being as taking you to almost I don’t really care what they think liquid nitrogen explodes above your head in high bay lab this week. politically incorrect as I the point where you have ever seen someone. either. We don’t need to talk to Pisces (February 19 - March 20) blow your brains out.” them every time we want change Your desire to rule the world will cause other people to label — Dr. Turner, speaking on the outstanding identity and en- you a maniac, but you’ll show them, you’ll show them all! “The Martian thing is a very behalf of every man ever cool, sexy-scientific sort vironment they work daily to cre- Rosehulmanus (September 4 - May 30) dragged to a symphony. ate.” Your epic journey will involve three periods of trial, two lost of thing.” — Dr. Layton, discussing why Marvin “Is that really what happened?” groups of friends, and one empty bank account. You really should “It feels really good in your I dared to ask. the Martian should be on have sacrificed a bull to Poseidon and your dignity to a liberal arts mouth.” — Dr. House... “No,” he replied. “But isn’t that Maxim’s Hot 100 List. degree. That’s what... exactly what it feels like?” Rose-Hulman, how are you doing? That’s nice. Now tell me...how does that make you feel? You know Matt Melton wrote all the unattributed material on this page. Do you think you have a mom complex about him? Really? I see. Let’s talk about it. Or we could talk about how James Zhou will have a bounty on his head next time he suggests laking Matt Melton. That’s good. Now how does that make you feel? I see, I see. Perhaps seeing High School Musical 3 tonight will make you feel better. No? Not a girl you say? Then perhaps that pirate sequel will do...