$3 Where Swear-Words and Dirty Jokes Happen... $3 The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program blackhawksblog.blogspot.com November 14th, 2008 [email protected] BRINGS THE BLUES No sooner do we trumpet the Hawks what the answers are, but we’re sure that The Blues come in 1-6-1 in their last eight, power play than they throw in a 1-7 perfor- somewhere out there is someone who’s smart and this will be the last game on a 5-game mance Wednesday night that ruined the taste enough to find them. road trip for them. We wouldn’t be surprised of our Bud Select. We paid $6.25 for that, Drive Through Your Suburbs And to see a team that’s just ready to get home. assholes! The game very well may have been Into The Blues Oh I Remember Now, I Don’t Like lost in the 1st, when the Hawks generated jack Tonight, the mess from St. Louis is You At All and shit on four extra-man opportunities. the visitor, though that’s probably a bit harsh. We had forgotten there ever was a To be fair, the Hawks ran up against the best The Blues have been hampered by perhaps the Blues-Hawks rivalry, but it we’ve been re- goalie in the league (currently), and one of the most hilarious injury list in the history of the minded in the past year. The Blues are loaded stingier teams in the NHL. Boston constantly game. Prized defenseman bit it with players who piss the Hawks--and us-- stood up the Hawks at the blue line, and while on a golf cart this summer (more on that off. Stempniak, Backes, Hinote, and Jackman, then won most of the battles after dump-ins. inside), and then Manny Legace tripped over just to name a few, seem to get under the Though the Hawks did put up 33 shots, it’s a carpet laid out for hell-spawn Sarah Palin, Hawks skin with great ease. This can’t hap- hard to recall too many tough saves Thomas knocking him out for five games. pen tonight. Despite what their record might had to make. Thomas was quite impressive, That’s not to say the Blues were tell you, the Blues power play has been pesti- looking smooth and in control all night, even that good before the goofies set in. This is a lent (SAT word!). The Hawks can’t spend too when screened. The Bruins, as advertised, team thoroughly in the middle of a rebuilding much time in the box. We could spend the cleared almost every rebound there was to be project, thus are littered with young players. rest of this breaking down how the rest of the had. Any attempt to crash the net resulted T.J. Oshie, , , Alex game might go, but it doesn’t really matter. in a meeting with Zdeno Chara, which isn’t a Pietrangelo, and Roman Polak are the pieces The Hawks are simply a better team than the meeting we’d be anxious to take. A tie, which that GM John Davidson hopes become the Blues right now, and probably by a good dis- is what it was, isn’t the worst result in the building blocks one day. These players have tance. As long as the Hawks don’t get caught world, especially against a team playing some been blended with veterans merely around to looking ahead to the visit of the league’s best of the best hockey around, evidenced by their cash checks in and Keith Tkachuk, team in San Jose on Sunday, and play near to 6-1 foot-in-the-ass of Montreal last night. and other veteran players who just plain suck. their best, they should win, and win easily. On the other side of the ice, it We’ve never understood the fascination with That should leave plenty of time for someone seemed Khabby was making highlight save af- , who has always played D as if to beat the shit out of Barrett Jackman, which ter highlight save. This was one of his better he were trying to do a Sudoku puzzle blind- would delight us to no end. games as a Hawk. It’s no secret why Khabby folded and unable to count. -The I.N.S is having a fine season with the Indian Head on his chest. He’s not being overworked. Nik has never been able to deal with a heavy workload, but got one anyway as Yawney and then Savard tried to justify his bloated con- tract. This season, rarely playing two games in a row, he has shined. It’s probably just in time to get himself shipped off, but we’ll take what we can get. Bad Company Wasn’t Talking About This Ice It doesn’t seem to get a lot of men- tion in the mainstream media, but the ice surface at the UC has always seemed to be subpar, and Wednesday night was no excep- tion. We don’t know if it was the humidity and the warmer air, or the Bulls game the night before, but the puck was bouncing around like a kid with ADD after a Jolt Cola. This is hardly the first time we’ve seen this. For a team that wants to play a puck possession style, with slick passing and speed, a choppy ice surface will be a huge hindrance. In fact, this is something the NHL needs to address league- wide. There are many buildings with sludge parading as a playing surface. For a league hellbent on creating scoring and a more action-packed game, you’d think it would take the ice a bit more seriously. We don’t know “That’s funny, I always thought Kariya was afraid of contact.” Fan Commentary

by Mike Miller

Mr. Miller is the Head Administrator, if that’s love child. what it’s called, of blackhawkzone.com, maybe the best Hawks site and message board going. This was original- It’s ok to cheer during the anthem ly a fan commentary on his site, and we thought so much Of course this isn’t a requirement. How one of it we thought we’d put it here. chooses to show their respect towards our country, it’s banner and those who risk everything to defend it is en- The have played 14 total tirely up to that individual. But really, it’s ok. The play- games this season in which they’re 6-0-3 at the United ers appreciate it, management encourages it and General Center. The importance of taking care of business on Norman Schwarzkopf requested it. Besides, exposing home ice cannot be understated and the fans deserve the palms of your hands and hitting them together makes a huge pat on the back for their part making the UC a a really neat noise. tough place for opponents to play. Yet with record crowds consisting of new fans The Blackhawks are not bush league and fans coming off a generational hibernation, I think Asking Gene Honda, “How much time is left it’s important to once again revisit, and perhaps expand in the period?”, at the 1-minute mark is not acceptable. on, the Blackhawkzone.com Top 10 Things to Remem- Chanting “Thomas, Thomas, Thomas...you suck!” adds ber While Attending a Chicago Blackhawks Game. as much to the game day experience as a morning va- sectomy. Leave the college antics back on campus and Let’s Go Hawks welcome to the big show. Three single words, three simple syllables. The chant is “Let’s Go Hawks!”. Those who start up a “Let’s The UC is not Wrigley Field South go Blackhawks” (followed by 5 claps) should be imme- John McDonough - along with Rocky, Stan, diately removed from the stadium and be forced to kiss a Scottie and Adam Kempenaar - have done a lot to put the Street Wise vendor outside of Gate 3. Blackhawks back on Chicago’s radar screen. That said, hockey fans aren’t like Cub fans (a fact McDonough is Wait for the Whistle! still grasping). So while we all appreciate those wearing This is probably the easiest concept to grasp, but brand new sweaters and thinking they know a little about the hardest for many to follow. If there is play going on the sport, real fans see right through that. Put the 10th the ice, you should not go back to your seat. Many times beer down and quit trying to act smarter than you are. throughout the game, the referees blow their whistle for Learn first. Then speak. any number of reasons. Fortunately, one of them is to let you know that you now have permission to sit down. Leave the play-by-play to Foley and Weideman Nothing annoys those around you more than hav- Chirping has a meaning ing to hear your call of the game for the very sport hap- Whistling three times in row (also known as pening right in front of their own eyes. Oh, and should “chirping”) is essentially a form of booing. It’s a way you refuse that advice, at least learn how to pronounce to express a sense of dissatisfaction with how the Black- Huet before stepping off the short-bus and into the sta- hawks are playing. It’s not a back-and-forth game of dium. Marco Polo, it’s not a competition to see how loud you can whistle, nor is it a way to impress the puck bunny sit- Trust me. Attending a Blackhawks game can be ting 4 rows ahead of you. So please, quit embarrassing a very enlightening, almost spiritual, experience. The yourself due to a lack of knowledge over the practice. game, the speed, the hits and the overall atmosphere make for a wonderful night out. All that’s asked, of all Tommy Hawk sucks fans really, is to adhere to the traditions and be respectful No, the kids don’t like him. No, he’s not ok be- of those around you. cause “other teams have mascots”. He’s a joke and de- serves to be treated as such. Other Chicago area mascots Unless, of course, you find yourself sitting in the middle think he’s creepy and I’ve even heard some choice words of group of Detroit fans. In that case all bets are off. from the ice crew about Woody Woodpecker’s long lost NHL STANDINGS *late game not included Eastern Conference Western Conference

ATLANTIC W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY CENTRAL W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY NY Rangers 12 5 2 26 52 42 7-3-1 5-2-1 Scum 9 2 3 21 53 47 3-1-2 6-1-1 Pittsburgh 10 4 2 22 53 46 5-2-1 5-2-1 Chicago 7 3 4 18 49 37 6-0-3 1-3-1 New Jersey 7 6 2 16 39 40 4-4-1 3-2-1 Columbus 7 7 2 16 48 54 5-3-1 2-4-1 Philadelphia 5 6 4 14 52 53 2-4-1 3-2-3 Nashville 7 7 1 15 48 53 5-1-0 2-6-1 NY Islanders 5 9 2 12 41 53 2-6-1 3-3-1 St. Louis 5 8 1 11 44 49 4-4-0 1-4-1

NORTHEAST W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY NORTHWEST W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY Boston 10 3 3 23 50 36 5-1-1 5-2-2 Minnesota 9 4 1 19 37 28 4-1-1 5-3-0 Buffalo 9 3 3 21 47 36 5-2-1 4-1-2 9 6 1 19 49 40 5-2-1 4-4-0 Montreal 9 3 2 20 48 40 5-1-0 4-2-2 * 9 7 1 19 51 56 6-2-1 3-5-0 Toronto* 6 6 4 16 50 58 3-2-3 3-4-1 Edmonton* 8 6 1 17 39 44 2-0-1 6-6-0 Ottawa 6 7 2 14 38 39 3-4-1 3-3-1 Colorado 7 8 0 14 41 46 4-4-0 3-4-0

SOUTHEAST W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY PACIFIC W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY Washington 9 4 2 20 48 42 6-0-1 3-4-1 San Jose* 13 3 1 27 57 42 9-0-1 4-3-0 Carolina 8 6 2 18 44 50 3-4-0 5-2-2 Anaheim 9 7 1 19 52 54 4-5-1 5-2-0 Atlanta 6 7 2 14 45 55 4-3-0 2-4-2 Phoenix 8 7 0 16 38 38 5-2-0 3-5-0 Tampa Bay 5 6 4 14 31 42 2-2-3 3-4-1 Los Angeles 6 6 2 14 38 38 5-4-2 1-2-0 Florida 6 8 1 13 35 43 4-2-0 2-6-1 Dallas 5 7 3 13 43 57 2-1-2 3-6-1

TOP 10 LIST PUCK DROP

Paul Kariya-RW, Queer, St. Top 10 Signs Keith Tkachuk Is Getting Old Louis Blues: It’s not like us to 10. Slash to back of opponent’s legs doesn’t quite have the same constantly harp on a guy (stop snap. your sniggering), but we’ve hated this guy’s guts from his first step 9. Doesn’t even bother to bring mask and gun to contract nego- on the ice as a Duck. He’s been tiations anymore. a pansy and a cherry-picker his 8. Looks more and more like Super Dave Osborne entire career, and he even applied his cherry picking skills to free 7. Gives half-hearted effort to his usual half-hearted effort agency, when he and Selanne 6. Feuds with coach are now over stolen Cialis bottle scammed to get themselves to 5. Blaming his blown defensive coverages on his “trick knee” Colorado. The hilarity of that experiment flaming out never ceases to make us giggle. 4. Regails young teammates with stories of an ancient place He’s broken the 40 barrier 3 times in 13 years, so he’s called “” also overrated by a factor of 12. Last year Kariya showed 3. Keeps instructing T.J. Oshie to go cut him a switch to beat him his true colors, when he held up the Blues for $6 million a with year, then proceeded to only give a shit when he went to the bank, finishing a -10 with 16 goals. When he’s not falling 2. Usual bitching at refs has now become invitation to regular over quicker than a crack whore to draw a , he’s on pinochle game IR with ear-wax buildup. This guy has been a douche from 1. “Little Walt” can’t score any more day one, and we’re overjoyed he’s dragging the Blues under.

If you would like to ruin your organization’s credibility and advertise with us, please email us at [email protected] or call 773- 470-8921 Chicago Blackhawks 7-3-4

Sharp went 4 for 15 on face-offs Wednesday night. Blech.

# Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary 88 R 5'10" 187 19 14 7 12 19 3 4 3 0 1 44 15.9 3,725,000 10 L The Sharp-Shooter 6'1" 197 26 14 9 7 16 1 18 2 0 2 48 18.8 3,900,000 24 R Martin Havlat 6'2" 217 27 14 5 9 14 4 10 3 0 0 37 13.5 6,000,000 32 L 5'10" 180 22 14 3 9 12 8 6 1 0 0 22 13.6 491,667 19 C The One 6'2" 209 20 14 2 8 10 1 8 1 0 0 45 4.4 2,800,000 51 D 51 Phantom 6'0" 188 29 14 2 7 9 7 0 0 0 0 21 9.5 7,142,875 2 D 6'1" 194 25 14 2 5 7 3 6 0 0 0 29 6.9 1,475,000 36 C Dave Bolland 6'0" 188 22 14 0 6 6 3 4 0 0 0 18 0 845,833 25 D 6'3" 213 22 6 2 4 6 0 6 2 0 1 10 20 2,768,587 23 D Aaron Johnson 6'1" 211 25 12 3 3 6 11 6 0 0 1 6 50 525,000 22 R 6'2" 213 23 8 2 4 6 4 13 1 0 0 13 15.4 675,000 7 D 6'3" 220 23 14 3 3 6 0 20 1 1 0 20 15 3,500,000 33 R 6'3" 247 23 14 1 4 5 -1 18 0 0 0 29 3.4 3,000,000 16 L 6'2" 198 22 14 3 2 5 3 10 0 0 0 27 11.1 1,550,000 46 C Colin Fraser 6'1" 188 23 14 1 2 3 0 25 0 0 0 6 16.7 500,000 5 D Brent Sopel 6'1" 211 31 11 1 1 2 -5 2 0 0 1 7 14.3 2,333,333 55 L 6'2" 220 24 10 1 0 1 -1 38 0 0 0 3 33.3 600,000 11 R 6'1" 208 21 6 1 0 1 -2 5 0 0 0 12 8.3 1,275,000 37 R Adam Burish 6'1" 189 25 14 0 0 0 -1 44 0 0 0 15 0 712,500 28 R Craig Adams 6'0" 197 31 4 0 0 0 0 2 0 0 0 1 0 600,000 8 D Matt Walker 6'3" 214 28 4 0 0 0 1 10 0 0 0 5 0 600,000 6 D Jordan Hendry 6'1" 194 24 8 0 0 0 -1 4 0 0 0 1 0 625,000 4 D 6'2" 200 21 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 643,333 Totals/Averages 6'1" 203.9 24.17 48 86 259 14 1 419 11.46% 42,686,462 Brouwer gets better every game. He was hitting more than we’ve seen on Brouwer gets better every game. He was hitting more the net. of the only Hawks presence in front Wednesday and continues to be *not on roster Colin, buddy, when giving up 8 inches and 67 pounds to a foe, perhaps you could pick other people than Zdeno Chara to take a straight right from?

# Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 39 6'1" 209 35 8 492 2.20 4 1 3 1 248 18 0.927 0 1 2 6,750,000 38 Cristobal Huet 6'1" 205 33 6 368 2.45 3 2 1 0 178 15 0.916 0 0 0 5,625,000 Totals/Averages 6'1" 207 34 2.61 7 3 4 1 248 18 0.927 0 1 2 12,375,000 TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $56,119,795 CAP SPACE: $314,000*

*space also affected by buyouts and injured players

16 years ago, David Stern sent me to ruin the NHL. I have done every- thing I can think of to drive the core I am so close to completing the task fan away, strip hockey of all that’s Stern charged me with.... great about it, and eliminate any at- tention by the mainstream media... Tkachuk Retirement Home 5-8-1

This is second worst in the whole league, and Boyes is 4th worst in plus-minus/60 at -2.97.

# Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary 10 C Andy McDonald 5' 11" 183 31 14 4 12 16 -10 10 1 0 0 43 9.3 $3,333,333 9 L Douchey McGee 5' 10" 180 34 11 2 13 15 1 2 0 0 0 31 6.5 $6,000,000 22 C 6' 0" 195 26 14 8 6 14 -12 4 4 0 2 32 25 $4,000,000

- 7 L Keith Tkachuk 6' 2" 232 36 14 9 3 12 -7 14 7 0 0 40 22.5 $4,000,000 57 L David Perron 6' 0" 180 20 13 1 10 11 4 6 0 0 0 18 5.6 $918,333 21 C Patrik Berglund 6' 4" 187 20 13 5 5 10 8 2 1 0 0 21 23.8 $1,246,667 12 R 6' 0" 195 25 10 2 6 8 -4 0 0 0 0 27 7.4 $2,500,000 42 R 6' 3" 216 24 14 2 3 5 -2 34 1 0 0 18 11.1 $2,500,000 74 C T.J. Oshie ** 5' 11" 170 21 10 2 2 4 2 0 1 0 0 13 15.4 $1,275,000 5 D Barret Jackman 6' 0" 203 27 14 2 2 4 -4 28 0 0 0 14 14.3 $3,625,000 18 C Jay McClement 6' 1" 201 25 14 0 3 3 -6 4 0 0 0 17 0 $950,000 49 D Steve Wagner 6' 2" 200 24 13 1 1 2 -2 14 0 0 0 8 12.5 $872,500 32 C Chris Porter 6'1" 210 24 5 1 1 2 -1 0 0 0 0 6 16.7 $875,000 77 D Jay McKee 6' 4" 203 31 14 1 0 1 -3 4 0 0 1 9 11.1 $4,000,000 55 R Cam Janssen 6' 0" 210 24 13 0 1 1 -5 30 0 0 0 3 0 $550,000 46 D Roman Polak 6' 1" 227 22 14 0 1 1 2 6 0 0 0 10 0 $603,333 43 D Mike Weaver 5' 9" 182 30 8 0 1 1 -2 0 0 0 0 3 0 $700,000 25 C Yan Stastny 5' 10" 191 26 8 1 0 1 -3 5 0 0 0 7 14.3 $500,000 19 L D.J. King ** 6' 2" 228 24 1 0 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 $533,333 4 D Eric Brewer 6' 3" 222 29 14 1 0 1 -9 12 1 0 0 22 4.5 $4,250,000 27 D Alex Pietrangelo 6'3" 203 18 8 0 1 1 0 2 0 0 0 7 0 $2,225,000 33 L David Koci 6' 6" 238 27 4 0 0 0 -2 13 0 0 0 5 0 $525,000 13 R Dan Hinote 6' 0" 187 31 10 0 0 0 -2 9 0 0 0 4 0 $1,000,000

One of the few shining lights. Berglund leads the Blues in shining lights. Berglund leads the few One of clear goals a game. He’s probably go plus-minus/60 by two years to come. ass for ing to be a thorn in our Totals/Averages 6'1" 201.9 26.04 42 72 199 16 0 358 11.73% $46,982,499 ** on injured list

# Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 34 Manny Legace 5'10" 200 35 8 390 3.54 4 3 0 0 200 23 0.885 0 0 0 $2,150,000 50 Chris Mason 6'0" 195 32 6 288 3.13 0 5 0 0 140 15 0.893 0 0 0 $3,000,000 30 Ben Bishop 6'7" 205 21 3 149 2.42 1 0 1 0 72 6 0.917 0 0 0 $893,333 40 Marek Schwarz 6'0" 180 22 2 15 0 0 0 0 0 5 0 1.000 0 0 0 $1,834,200 Totals/Averages 27.5 842 2.27 5 8 1 0 417 44 0.894 0 0 0 $7,877,533

TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $54,062,032 Don’t be fooled. Without Schwarz’s CAP SPACE: $5,121,000* two scoreless efforts this would be *space also affected by buyouts and injured players 3.03. **stats do not include last night’s game

...IS THIS THE YEAR? Hey kids, It’s time for... ASK THE ICE CREW!!

What do you say to little girls who say they want to be like you?

I’d tell that little I just tell fucking bitch ain’t I vould tell her to them that as no way she can learn speak Rus- long as they match this fine piece sian, so when Soviet smile and of ass. No way no Machine take over giggle a lot, Deerfield trick-ass U.S. she is prepared a nice man ho’ gonna be able to to live under nurtu- with a big be ‘dis. I got mutha’ ing bosom of Mother 401k will buy fucka’s kick they Russia! When she them a house wives and daughters cry, I explain U.S. in WIlmette. in the throat for a veaklings no match After that chance to skeet- for Soviet Superman! it’s all about skeet on this visage. Medvedev crush! getting a SHEEEEIIIT!! good divorce

What’s you’re favorite part of being on the Ice-Crew?

The free booze, devil foo’! All our outings, dumbass crackahs come up with a rod in their Breaking spirit of U.S. The free jeans, wantin’ to man. So veak, no clothes, obvi- buy me a drink and match for Yuri and ously. Now shit. I let ‘em, girl Sergei back in Vladi- I don’t have gotta get her crown vostock. We crush to shoplift on, you feel me, you! Obama veak- from Express dawg? They think ling. We break him. anymore! I might suck they Long Live Drago! dick! Nigga’ please! SHEEEEEEEIIT!

What’s your perfect night out?

Go to Hi-Tops Not wit’ you, or Barley- muthafucka, tell corn and get Find man push me you dat much! I guys to buy up against vall in grab my girl Slice, me a lots of Moscow alley and and we hit da club, cosmos, and fuck me til cum like shake my million- then make volcano. Then drink dollar booty, get my them pay for vodka til’ sunrise, crown on, hit dat my cab home. do again. Putin is pipe, and find some After a no-sex overlord! Lincoln Park foo’s night, I make and beat they ass! them walk my SHEEEEEEEIIT! pomeranian. The Fight Card

HAWKS vs. BLUES

GAME FIGHT TIME Bloody Black Bruised Just Analysis Nose Eye Ego Dancing 3-29-08 Keith v. 3rd. This probably doesn’t qualify as a fight, per EVERYONE 19:12 se, but DK took on about 4 different Blues in √ about 20 seconds. A transcendent moment. 3-29-08 Burish v. 1st. Two hit the floor quicker than two college Backes 5:07 √ kids on ecstacy. 3-29-08 C. Adams v. 1st. Quality bout here, both land many shots. Janssen 1:42 √ √ Janssen in a decision. 3-23-08 Hjalmars- 1st. Backes shows off his toughness by fighting son v. 12:30 rookie half his size, and then truly exhibits √ grit by rabbit punching him in back of head. Backes Then steals child’s candy while in the the Fight Stats provided by Hockeyfights.combox. Fight Stats provided by Hockeyfights.com What To Watch For: We should get at least one bout tonight. It’s obvious these teams do not care for each other, and the Blues are loaded with pricks who are asking to be fist-kissed. Jackman, Backes, Janssen, Hinote, these guys are the living embodiment of the fraternity Sigma Alpha Douchebag. Having already played once should spice this up too, as well as the Blues habit of taking runs at Kane and Toews. Not a blood-bath, but some shenanigans are likely.

Power Play Penalty Kill

Team Opp PPG PP% Team OPP PPG PP% Team Opp PPG PP% Team Opp PPG PP% DET 60 20 33.3 LAK 74 13 17.6 MIN 53 4 92.4 DET 63 12 81 STL 60 16 26.7 VAN 83 14 16.9 NYR 73 7 90.4 TBL 77 15 80.5 PHI 66 15 22.7 NYR 95 16 16.8 CHI 71 7 90.1 ANA 97 19 80.4 BOS 64 14 21.9 SJS 87 14 16.1 BUF 63 7 88.9 WSH 75 15 80 CHI 66 14 21.2 CAR 76 12 15.8 LAK 62 7 88.7 VAN 75 15 80 TOR 76 16 21 TBL 65 10 15.4 OTT 64 8 87.5 CBJ 74 15 79.7 BUF 77 16 20.8 COL 79 12 15.2 SJS 63 9 85.7 FLA 68 14 79.4 CGY 87 18 20.7 WSH 66 10 15.2 PIT 66 10 84.8 NSH 75 16 78.7 OTT 68 14 20.6 PHX 61 9 14.8 NYI 77 12 84.4 COL 50 11 78 ATL 67 13 19.4 NSH 76 11 14.5 CGY 86 14 83.7 EDM 67 15 77.6 MIN 57 11 19.3 DAL 71 10 14.1 PHI 76 13 82.9 BOS 57 13 77.2 PIT 68 13 19.1 FLA 60 8 13.3 STL 61 11 82 DAL 65 15 76.9 ANA 68 13 19.1 NYI 71 9 12.7 PHX 54 10 81.5 NJD 60 14 76.7 EDM 62 11 17.7 NJD 56 7 12.5 CAR 70 13 81.4 ATL 71 18 74.6 MTL 68 12 17.6 CBJ 81 10 12.4 MTL 75 14 81.3 TOR 62 17 72.6 Spotlight

For those who don’t know, Erik Johnson, the 1st pick in the 2006 , blew out his knee in a golf cart this summer. Rumor has it that he may have done so while playing “Golf-Cart Polo,” which admittedly sounds like a fuckload of fun but is probably a pretty dumb way to possibly ruin your hockey career. He tore both his ACL and MCL, and it’ll be a very long time before he’s back to full strength. Johnson has the size, speed, and skill to one day be an elite defenseman. But we here in Chicago know how long the learning curve is for blue- liners. We all sat through Duncan Keith’s and Brent Seabrook’s second season, which at times looked like an impressionist interpretation of anarchy. Some experts have posited a theory that it takes 150-200 games for a young d-man to have a clue what he’s doing. Johnson has managed one full season, and missing an entire one will certainly set him back. It could be another two years before Blues fans see his promise fulfilled, if ever.

Bringing College station I know more Production values to HD than Jiggetts. KNOW THY ENEMY Tonight, Sean from the outstanding and hilarious St. Louis Ga- asking for bad things to happen? Even just karma wise? metime, a publication like ours and a website (www.stlouisga- Listen, man, the second we heard that Sarah BarracudaCurse metime.com) lends a hand to tell us about the Blue-notes... was coming to town, we all slapped our foreheads. If there’s any one team that should be avoiding any possibilities of jinx- Q: So how devastating was the Erik Johnson injury? ing themselves (short of your Cubs) the Blues are it. Then, Wasn’t this season in large part about his development? when our starting goalie injured himself on her carpet all we A:There are those in town who will moan and wail away about could do was look at each other and say, “well, of course that the loss of EJ on this team, but really it didn’t make that much was going to happen.” of a difference. Yes, he’s probably already our best blueliner, What’s your feeling on John Davidson? This is his 3rd sea- but how many games was he going to win by himself? The son in charge as GM, and all we heard when he was hired Blues’ power play is still second in the league and the loss of was how things would change. We’re still waiting. Johnson has opened the door for another possible franchise As Blues fans, we’ve had lots and lots (and lots) of shit to com- defenseman to jump into the NHL this year. And while we still plain about over the last four seasons, but the new management have no idea how to pronounce Pietrangelo (we just call him is not one of them. They’ve made plenty of poor decisions, Orange Jello), it seems like he’s progressing at a game-to-game (the ridiculous mascot, a misguided “one free taco” promotion rate. and an aborted attempt at some sort of Ice Girls team immedi- So now who is this season about developing, and how’s that ately leap to mind) but Davidson and his staff have said from going so far? the very start that the team would build through the draft, which Aside from Alex’s Orange Jello, this season is all about getting they have. The sheer number of quality youngsters that are TJ Oshie and Patrik Berglund spun up to NHL speed. When working their way through the system is staggering for fans of he’s been healthy, Oshie has often been one of the best players a team that had only one first round draft pick (and that pick on the ice for the Blues. While skilled offensively, he’s more was Marty fucking Reasoner) through eight years in the early likely going to be a heart-and-soul guy, like Brian Sutter once 1990’s. was for the Blues. Berglund is expected to one day inherit the Does it bother you that Hawks fans might start looking top-line center position and has already shown flashes of what down at you again? could be. Beyond that, the team and the fans are hoping that For me, one of the best experiences of being a Blues fan is the this year will see the emergence of David Perron’s offense, Blues/Hawks rivalry. During the down years, the rivalry lost Roman Polak’s defensive prowess and an increase in Steve some of its heat. I haven’t been to a Blues game in Chicago Wagner’s hooking penalties. So far, so good on all accounts. yet, but the games in St. Louis when the Hawks are in town We’ve made no secret of our hatred of Paul Kariya. We’ll have gotten pretty raucous again. It’s probably not the accept- give you the chance to defend him, not that there’s much able thing to say about a rival, but we always enjoy the give- chance we’ll listen. and-take between our fans and the Chicagoans. At least you The Blues paid him $6 million last year to basically play the guys can roll with the trash-talking; those douchebags from whole season with a skirt on. And you want me to defend him? Detroit are basically incompetent as fans. I welcome a return No fucking way, fella. to the rivalry. It’s good for the fans and it’s good for the NHL. We’ve heard Blues fans bemoaning Legace’s freak injury, Now if only it was our team in that Frozen Classic with you, but when you invite Sarah Palin into your house, aren’t you then we’d be on to something.

Hawks-blues: the Last 4

Oct. 18th, 2008: Hawks 3, Blues 4 (SO) Mar. 29th, 2008: Hawks 4, Blues 3 Hawks blow 2-goal lead with 10 minutes left, including Hawks storm out to 4-0 lead, even Craig Adams scores McDonald scoring in last minute to tie the game. Kane for fuck’s sake, and then decide to make the Blues feel scores twice for Hawks, but not in shoot-out. Was this better about themselves by letting them have 3 to make the game that sealed Savard’s fate? them think they were close. Game ends with Keith punching lots of people in the face.

Mar. 23rd, 2008: Blues 3, Hawks 4 (OT) Feb 19th, 2008: Hawks 1, Blues 5 Kane turnover leading to Tkachuk goal with 1:30 left Less said the better. seemingly gifts St. Louis the game, but Wiz scores 23 seconds later to send the game to OT where Kaner wins it and nearly gives Olczyk an aneurysm. The Hawks Record When...

Playing at home...... 6-0-3 Allowing a short-handed goal...... 1-0-0 Eddie O tells crew to Stop It Right Here...... 7-3-4 Playing on road...... 1-3-1 Taking 30 or more shots...... 4-2-2 Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D Scoring first...... 3-2-2 Taking less than 30 shots..... 3-1-1 during 4-on-4...... 7-3-4 Opponent scores first...... 3-1-2 Allowing 30 shots or more...... 2-1-2 We fantasize about shooting Eddie O.... 7-3-4 Shoot the puck bimbo scores...... 2-0-1 Allowing 30 shots or less...... 5-2-2 We’re ecstatic Pat Foley is back...... 7-2-4 Shoot the puck bimbo doesn’t score...... 5-0-2 100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem. 6-0-3 Ice-girls wear skirts...... 1-0-2 Shoot the puck bimbo blows editors of Commited Indian..... 0-0-0 1st of a back-to-back...... 1-1-1 Ice-girls wear pants...... 2-0-0 ANYONE blows editors of Committed Indian ...... 0-0-0 2nd of a back-to-back..... 2-1-0 ice-girls wear shorts.... 3-0-1 Playing on a Monday...... 1-1-1 Opponent played night before.... 2-1-1 Ice-girls wear hideous pink outfit...... 1-0-0 Playing on a Tuesday...... 0-0-0 Seabrook gets a flat-footed penalty.... 2-1-1 Leading after 2 periods...... 7-0-2 Playing on a Wednesday...... 2-0-1 Burish takes a penalty...... 4-2-2 Losing after 2 periods...... 0-2-1 Playing on a Thursday...... 0-0-0 Keith takes a penalty...... 2-1-1 Tied after 2 periods...... 0-1-1 Playing on a Friday...... 1-1-0 Sharp takes a penalty...... 5-1-1 In ...... 0-0 Playing on a Saturday...... 1-1-2 Toews takes a penalty..... 2-1-1 In shootout...... 1-4 Playing on a Sunday...... 2-0-0 Havlat takes a penalty.... 3-0-0 Cam Barker plays...... 4-1-1 Savard changes lines during game... 1-2-1 Sopel takes a penalty...... 1-1-0 Cam Barker is in Rockford due to GM incompetence..... 3-2-3 Coach Q keeps lines as they are..... 6-1-3 Sopel looks 6 steps slow...... 3-3-2 Lacking a #2 center...... 7-3-4 Are out-muscled by opponent.... 2-3-2 51 Phantom blows a coverage...... 5-2-4 In 1-goal games..... 1-1-4 Outshoot opponent...... 4-2-1 Toews is trying too hard...... 3-3-2 In 2-goal games...... 1-2-0 Are outshot by opponenet.... 2-1-3 At least 1 fight in 300 Level... 0-0-2 In 3-goal games...... 3-0-0 Havlat shies from contact...... 7-3-4 No fights in 300 Level..... 6-0-1 In 4+ goal games...... 2-0-0 Patrick Kane scores...... 3-1-2 Playing Eastern Conference..... 0-2-1 Scoring 3+ goals..... 7-0-2 scores...... 1-0-1 Playing Western Conference..... 7-1-3 Scoring less than 3 goals...... 0-3-2 Martin Havlat scores...... 3-0-1 Playing Central Division...... 1-0-3 PA plays Ministry...... 0-0-0 Patrick Sharp scores...... 5-1-1 Playing Northwest Division.... 4-1-0 PA plays Modern Cock-Rock..... 7-0-3 Dustin Byfuglien scores...... 1-0-0 Playing Pacific Division 2-0-0 PA plays Classic Cock-Rock...... 3-0-3 Dustin Byfuglien turns down a hit...... 7-3-4 Playing Atlantic Division 0-1-0 PA plays P.J. Harvey...... 0-0-0 Andrew Ladd scores...... 2-0-0 Playing NASCAR Division 0-1-0 Frasier fights...... 4-1-0 Dave Bolland scores...... 0-0-0 Playing Northeast Division 0-0-1 Burish fights...... 4-0-0 Adam Burish scores...... HA! Playing in October.... 4-3-3 Seabrook fights..... 0-0-0 51 Phantom scores...... 1-0-1 Playing in November.... 3-0-1 Keith fights...... 0-0-0 Duncan Keith scores...... 0-2-0 Playing in December...... 0-0-0 Buff fights...... 0-0-1 Brent Seabrook scores...... 3-0-0 Playing in January..... 0-0-0 Sharp fights...... 0-0-0 Aaron Johnson scores.... 2-0-1 Playing in February..... 0-0-0 Eager fights...... 4-0-0 Troy Brouwer scores.... 2-0-0 Playing in March...... 0-0-0 On Comcast...... 6-1-3 Scoring a Power Play goal...... 6-0-4 Playing in April...... 0-0-0 On WGN...... 1-1-1 Not scoring a Power Play goal... 1-3-0 UC plays really stupid goal song..... 6-0-3 Josh Mora looks scary..... 6-2-3 Allowing a Power Play goal...... 2-1-4 Huet’s five-hole open like Lindsay Lohan’s..... 2-2-1 On Vs...... 0-1-0 Not Allowing a Power Play goal...... 5-2-0 Getting obliterated on face-offs...... 1-2-2 Judd Sirott swears a lot off-air 7-3-4 Scoring a short-handed goal...... 1-0-0 Are even close on face-offs..... 5-1-2 Committed Indian is sold outside... 3-0-1

Hawks PP and PK Ratings

We’ve been providing the Behind The Net (behindthenet.ca) numbers for you, but those are generally for even-strength. Tonight it’s time to look at how the Hawks players are doing on special teams. So here is their average time on ice on the PP and PK every game, and their plus-minus/60.

Power Play Penalty Kill

NAME TOI/60 on PP +/-/60 on PP NAME TOI/60 on PK +/-/60 on PK Cam Barker 3.1 12.91 Brent Seabrook 3.85 0 Troy Brouwer 2.32 9.71 Patrick Sharp 1.58 0 Patrick Sharp 3.82 8.97 Duncan Keith 4.43 -0.97 Brian Campbell 4.85 7.96 Adam Burish 3.05 -1.4 Brent Seabrook 1.69 7.63 Aaron Johnson 1.93 -2.58 Jonathan Toews 4.04 7.43 Colin Frasier 2.91 -2.94 Patrick Kane 4.28 7.02 Dave Bolland 2.62 -3.27 Dustin Byfuglien 2.71 6.32 Cam Barker 2.16 -4.62 Kris Versteeg 2.82 6.08 Jonathan Toews 1.92 -6.69 Martin Havlat 3.1 5.53 Brent Sopel 3.18 -6.86 Duncan Keith 2.2 3.89 Kris Versteeg 2.42 -7.09 Dave Bolland 1.91 0 Brian Campbell 1.18 -7.29

+/- League average for +/-/60 on the PP is 5.73 League average for /60 on the PK is -5.63 Barker ranks 13th in the NHL Seabrook and Sharp are tied for 13th in the NHL The Making of The St. Louis Blues

YEAR DRAFT TRADE 2008-2009 Alex Pietrangelo (1st round) Chris Mason (NJ 5th round 1995) David Koci (FA) 2007-2008 David Perron (1st round) Andy McDonald (ANA Undrafted FA 2000) from ANA for Doug Paul Kariya (fag) (ANA 1st round Weight (NYR 2nd round 1990) and Michal Birner 1993) Keith Tkachuk (WIN 1st round 1990) from ATL for 2008 1st round Mike Weaver (Waivers) pick Cam Janssen (NJ 4th round 2002) from NJ for Bryce Salvador (TB 6th round 1994) 2006-2007 Patrick Berglund (1st round) Brad Boyes (TOR 1st round 2000) from BOS for Dennis Wideman Dan Hinote (COL 7th round 1996) (BUF 8th round 2002) Jay McKee (BUF 1st round 1994) Yan Stastny from BOS for 2007 5th round pick Manny Legace (HAR 8th round 1993) Steve Wagner (Undrafted FA) 2005-2006 T.J. Oshie (1st round) Eric Brewer (NYI 1st 1997), (PHI 1st round 2001), and Doug Lynch (EDM 2nd round 2001) from EDM for (HAR 1st round 1993) 2004-2005 Roman Polak (6th round) 2003-2004 David Backes (2nd round) Lee Stempniak (5th round) 2002-2003 D.J. King (6th round) 2001-2002 Jay McClement (2nd round) 1999-2000 Barret Jackman (1st round

info in part provided by hockeyreference.com

GM HISTORY COACHES 2006-Present: John Davidson Head Coach: Andy Murray 1998-2006: Larry Pleau Asst. Coach: Ray Bennett Asst. Coach: Brad Shaw Goaltending Coach: Rick Wamsley

The Committed Indian is printed by Royal Omega Graphics- Elk Grove, IL 847-952-8000 [email protected] MUSINGS FROM THE EDITOR

-With exiting the scene in Anaheim, I’m sure that Barry we would also like to see the Hawks get a little bigger and tougher, Rozner will belch up another call for the Hawks to fire Tallon next I have no urge to see what the Ducks have become. Watch Anaheim summer and hire Burke. Please, God, don’t heed this dipshit siren’s some time; They’re a one-line team with a bunch of old and slow call. We’re not sure how Burke acquired the label of “hockey behind it. Their record right now is a result of Getzlaf carrying genius,” but it’s hardly deserved. Ask Vancouver them. Their window has almost certainly shut, and fans. In his time there, the Canucks won exactly one though they did win a Cup, Burke was more along for playoff series. Burke than walked into a sweetheart the ride than he was driving the bus. situation in Anaheim with a team that was already built for him. Getzlaf, McDonald, Penner, Kunitz, -I hope the Clown College that is the NHL Board of Perry, and Giguere--the cornerstones of the Cup Governors and Competition Committee was watching winning squad-- were all drafted before Burke got the Hawks game against Boston Wednesday. These there. He was able to pick Pronger off of Edmonton mellon patches are considering everything under the only after Pronger’s wife made it clear that’s the sun to increase scoring, from outlawing blocked shots only place she wanted to go. He signed Scott Nie- to spiking goalies’ water with quaaludes. It is not dermayer, but Rob--his brother--was already there, goals the NHL needs to increase, but action. People so how much of a sales job did that take? After the Sam Fels will to Pittsburgh’s 7-6 thrill-fest win over Cup win, Burke shat himself when Penner signed an Detroit on Tuesday as a model for what they want the offer sheet in Edmonton, which is perfectly legal, and also let Scott NHL to be. Yes, it was exciting. But games like that Niedermayer and Selanne hold him hostage all season, fucking over are exhilarating because they are rare. Now look to the Bruins- the Ducks’ cap space. This caused them to unload McDonald to St. Hawks tilt. Great saves, physical play, chances traded at both ends, Louis for the corpse of Doug Weight. How’s that deal look now? fights, overtime-power plays and penalty shots. Not one of the Yes, Burke has a knack for building big, strong, nasty 22,000 would have thought they didn’t get their money’s worth in teams. We know there’s a section of the mouth-breathing Hawks entertainment, and it contained all of two goals. We don’t need 12 fans that would love to see that come to the United Center. While goals a game, we just need action. As long as the clutching and grabbing of the pre-lockout days is eliminated, we’ll have it.

Erectile Dysfunction? The New Cure For The Phallic The Rockford Blues...ROCKY! Express I erected a real organization from my dad’s scorched Earth, imagine what my pill can do for you!

Reviving The Most We shuttle Tallon’s fuck-ups Lifeless Objects Since from the digs of Chicago to 2006 the pigs of Rockford!