“Keep the Cat Free”

16/11/12 Issue 1531 felixonline.co.uk £18,574 and counting... RAG have been going hard this year. See a quick report on their latest activities. Page 3 Inside...>> Sciences are sliced SCIENCE

Climate change, and a solution? >> 6

FOOD

How to make the Nida Mahmud News Editor been increasingly feared by the sci- decrease in government spending partment for Transport slashed perfect soup 26 ence community, especially over on science. Th e government spend spending on science and R&D from >> the last few years of austerity. Th ese constitutes approximately half the £82m to £54m, representing a de- Overall government spending on fears are now becoming a reality, public support for Research & De- crease of over one-third. Th e Minis- Science, Engineering and Technol- as shown by the fi gures released by velopment (R&D) and innovation. try of Defence is the department that ogy (SET) has fallen in real terms by the government; even though the Th e total spending on science activi- spends the most on R&D, and they BUSINESS £733m. coalition government had previous- ties during 2010-11 fell by 6.4% when cut its budget by £239m, which is ap- Th e drop from 2009-10 to 2010-11 ly promised to protect the science infl ation is taken into account. proximately 13%. BIS is responsible (which is the most recent fi gures re- budget amid the massive spending Th e shadow science and innova- for the core science budget, yet the leased) is the fi rst fall since betwen cuts. Th e Department for Business, tion minister, Chi Onwurah has re- individual departments make deci- the 2005-6 and 2006-7. Th e years Innovation and Skills’s (BIS) core quested the government to publish sions on wider spending for R&D between 2006-7 and 2009-10 have all science budget for universities and long term fi gures. Th ese in turn will and innovation. seen an increase in overall spending research councils is not aligned with enable scientists to plan better for Professor Stephen Curry, a struc- on Science, Engineering and Tech- infl ation. Th is results in a real-term resources. Onwurah said: “It’s worse tural biologist from Imperial College nology. reduction in spending, particularly than we thought. We know the pres- London has commented that these Th e change means that spending due to infl ation in these technology sure is on departments to cut [and] are “tough times for UK science if is now, in real terms, which means sectors tending to be higher than this is something they can do rela- we are to protect our world-leading that infl ation has been taken into ac- the average. Recent fi gures show tively silently. Th ere is more to fear reputation, we need to reverse this How to be a top rate count, the lowest it has been since that in the fi rst year of the coalition from further cuts coming.” Further trend as soon as we are able.” 27 2001-2002. government, through individual de- fi gures published by the BIS show In 2010, the government demand- entrepreneur >> Public spending science cuts have partments there has been a 7.6% large cuts during 2009-11. Th e de- ed a fl ash cash settlement for >> 4 2 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER EDITOR’S PICKS 11 16 32 ARTS >> FILM >> COMMENT >> Moving artwork Good films that suck Right to be wrong Some really emotional pho- © Boris Mikhailov Following on from last Comment is always pretty tography at the Barbican is re- week’s feature on truly awful lively, and, this week, Pi- viewed in Arts this week. If only fi lms that are still loveable, etro Aronica explains why I was allowed out of my cage in the more contentious ‘great’ he thinks you should be al- Beit to go and see this. fi lms that are a bit crap. lowed to be incorrect.

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Part-Time PA/Tech Person Freshly cut Chilling out ers reading this: try to stay calm over Christmas. Relax with your family and Good with Apple computers and technology take, at very least, Christmas Day and Someone who wants to come in ground level start-up with new tech This week, the front page contains a This week has been odd for me. It’s New Year’s Day off. It is all too easy to company and dealing with tracking device sector. story about science spending cuts. It’s been a really weirdly chilled out one for get really hyped up about work and go Researcher and highly organised to work with the proprietor and all a bit economics heavy, but the gist some reason. Here I am, nearly about crazy. Especially because this will be is that, in real terms, science spending to hit the print deadline. It’s made me a step up from the last exam you did. teams in London and Silicone Valley, California was cut by a lot in the 2010-2011 year. refl ect a bit. I’ve thought about how Don’t get complacent but don’t cause General Offi ce duties At a science university it is not ex- sometimes I spend too much time yourself too much stress. Preferably CRB checked actly a contentious point to say that obsessing about everything and wor- One thing that I simply can not chill Start off at 2 days per week science, and research and develop- rying about stuff. Sometimes, it’s nice out about, though, is whoever walks Total 8 to 10 hours per week at £10 per hour ment in general, is very important. It to just chill the fuck out and “keep around the Library and SAC (Student will be pretty interesting to see what calm” as the all too often used slogan Activities Centre) and rips off every Please send CV to [email protected] the next move on this is. Will the goes. single one of the keyboard supports. spending plummet further? It’s taken I think this at a time when I know It’s really annoying as they make typ- Prezie Ambassador: See Tech for information (page 17) quite a hit from what fi gures show, that Christmas is looming (Oxford ing slightly easier, and when my lab re- and, given that in real terms it is the Street already have their lights up). port is due in in about 12 hours, I need lowest it has been for a while, it is That means one thing for Imperial stu- all the comforts that can possibly be cause for some concern. dents: January exams. To all the fresh- afforded to me. Seriously, not cool. Science is really vital to everything. I learnt from my project in my last LOLCATZ OF TEH WEEK: Finding these is a perk of the job year that research isn’t cheap. Okay, admittedly I had to use platinum and gold for mine, but the point still stands as everything in science is costly. Getting a beaker made me shudder and wonder how something so simple could be so much. This was just one minor project by one person. Imagine how much one research group will rack up (not just on test tube racks) in one year of research? I hope next year science spending increases.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. THIS BROUGHT Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2012. WEEK WASTO YOUBY Editor-in-Chief Tim Arbabzadah Deputy Editor Saskia Verhagen Assistant Editor Matt Colvin News Editor Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud Features Editors Caroline Wood, Stephen Smith Business Editor Deepka Rana Science Editors Philip Kent, Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett Politics Editors Padraic Calpin, Marie-Laure Hicks Food Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Sophia Goldberg, Yiango Mavrocostanti Comment Editors George Barnett, Navid Nabijou, James Simpson Fashion Editors Alex Ramadan, Saskia Verhagen, Alice Yang Arts Editors Eva Rosenthal, Meredith Thomas Books Editor Maciej Matuszewski Music Editors Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter Television Editor Lucia Podhorska Film Editors Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles Games Editor Ross Webster Technology Editor Jason Parmar Coffee Break Boss Matt Colvin Travel Editors Veronika McQuade, Simon Carnochan Sports Editors Oli Benton, Sorcha Cotter, Margot Pikovsky Online Editors Philip Kent, Jonathan Kim Puzzles Commanders Louisa Byrne, Sotirios Karamitsos Copy Chief Annina Sartor Copy Editors Al Norman, Christopher Witham, Laurence de Lussy Kubisa, Julia Gherman, Illustrators Hamish Muir, Outi Supponen FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER 3

News Editor: Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud NEWS [email protected] RAG raises over £18,000 Kanchana Niruttan Reporter Action shot. That news- Just hope they didn’t paper better be Felix stand on the left on the Imperial RAG raised £11,276.14 at its escalator annual Poppy appeal on Th ursday 8 November, putting it over a fi fth of the way to reaching its target of £50,000 this year. Th is brings their total for the year to £17574.18, according to the counter on RAG’s website. How- ever, when accounting for funds not currently shown on the website, it is £18,574. Although by the time this goes to print the website may be up- dated. Th is fi gure is above the total raised throughout the entire year last year. Money has been raised through a variety of events. For Remembrance which tickets were also sold at £5 a under the tent just outside the Cen- also be the BIG Bake sale on the 23 Day, Poppy Sales and the sale of wrist- piece. It seemed to have been popular tral Library. Prizes for students who November. Additionally it’s Movem- Someone’s taking a bands to Th e Poppy Appeal After Par- with students; ticket sales alone raised rowed the furthest were picked up by ber eff orts have so far raised £2000 photo. Quick, I need ty at Piccadilly Institute. £655. Hugh Wilman among the men and (see centrefold). to look popular, I’ll Th is year’s Poppy Appeal went out Th e 24 Hour Row came to an end at Rosie Davies among the women. David Goldsmith, RAG Chair, pretend to text... to 18 tube stations across Zone 1 and 1pm on Wednesday 14 November, as Sandwiches from Pret A Manger when asked for comment, said that saw a total of 93 volunteers head out in indicated when the bells on Queen’s were on hand for anyone taking the RAG was doing really well and that three shifts thorough out the day. Th e Tower rang out. Th e event, which was nightshift. RAG members in yellow he “didn’t expect the turnout” it had biggest individual collection of the held on Queen’s Lawn, began on Tues- shirts manning the tent throughout received at the events that they have day came from Phil Morris from the day 13 November, and saw students the night. held this year. He says there are plans RCSU who raised £ 489.84 at Kings row through the night to raise money While RAG doesn’t have a long- to expand RAG and work with Clubs, Cross. In terms of faculty collections, for BBC Children in Need. Any gaps term schedule of events for the year Societies & Projects and to hold hall however, it was the CGCU that came had to be fi lled in by those organising at the moment. Th e team are cur- competitions in the future. Goldsmith out top, raising a total of £4170.60. the event. rently planning events on a per event repeatedly mentioned that RAG was All Participants in the appeal had Each participant had a 20-minute basis. However, plans for the annual doing “ridiculously well” and that it is free entry to the RAG after-party for long slot on a rowing machine housed Jailbreak are under way and there will going to “make tonnes of money”.

Also in the news... Sponsored Editorial University Drinking and Sex League Tables released More student cuts

Niall Jeffrey Reporter rather than sticking to your fi ve-a- sex with each other. Discount haircuts for Imperial day). Of course young adults may be Imperial’s relatively low position more susceptible to alcohol damage will generally not surprise readers and students at Fresh Hairdressers Student Beans, the self-proclaimed and this isn’t offi cial advice, so don’t invoke the ominously old joke about “essential part of student life”, released take this as an excuse to drink more. “the ratio”. But the revelation that the results of their Student Drink- Th e survey has some questionable Imperial ranks higher than 24 other near South Kensington ing University League Table 2012 last aspects. Imperial consumption has universities surveyed may raise some week. Th ey also released their Sex apparently shot up from 11 units per- eyebrows whose owners thought they Men’s cuts £22 (normally £35) We use only the best products, League Table over the summer. In week from last year’s survey by an ex- were in the bottom of the student pile. Women’s shampoo and cut and Wella, Moroccan Oil, L’Oreal, and both surveys, Imperial were towards tra 5 units per week. Th is would mean Th e Sex League does make an analo- rough dry £28. KMS and offer free coffee and the bottom. that in 12 months the average alcohol gous mistake to the Drinking League’s Women’s shampoo cut and sa- herbal teas. To those of you who used Felix’s own intake at Imperial has risen by over only surveying alcohol drinkers. Only lon fi nish blow-dry £38 (normally Come to FRESH, ask for a student Felix Sex Survey to bemoan the state of 35%, although it is possible that fresh- “4,656 sexually active” students were £55). discount and bring your student ID your lives at Imperial (look out for this ers have “gone wild”. questioned, which is a low proportion FRESH Hairdressers has been of- we look forward to seeing you. year’s Sex Survey later on in the year), More likely is that there are failings of the total student population. With fering high quality, fashionable hair- To book an appointment call 0207 this can be an opportunity to think of in the Beans’ methodology. A contrib- last year’s Felix Sex Survey revealing cuts for over 20 years, all of our 823 8968. those less fortunate than even your- utory factor may be surveying “stu- that 18% of the student body have not haircuts are by highly experienced Tuesday to Saturdays 9.30 to 5.30 selves in these wintery months. Also, dents who drink alcohol”, thus exclud- had sex, the Student Beans’ survey is stylists, NOT trainees. We are only 70 metres from South as this is a fair and balanced news ar- ing large numbers of teetotallers. Th e clearly skewed in favour of boosting Kensington tube station. ticle, this has got nothing on the Felix survey, however, does place Queen’s Imperial up the table. TO GET A GREAT HAIRCUT survey. Th ere’s not even a question on University Belfast top of drinking. You Th us there are suffi cient fl aws to 1) You don’t have to spend more the subject of alternative library usage! can decide for yourself what’s going on make the bemoaners happy not to be money on expensive known High In the drinking survey Imperial Stu- there. happy again with this new incarna- St. salons. dents rank closer to the bottom of the Let’s talk about sex baby. In the tion of the Sex League (a phrase that is 2) You don’t have to spend hours list than the top, at 56th place out of Beans’ Sex League Imperial places beginning to sound like a band of off - as a Guinea pig at a training school. 74. According to Student Beans the av- 77th out of 101. According to the table colour superheroes). 3) You don’t have to be butch- erage Imperial student consumes 16.4 Imperial Students have had 2.88 sex- In related news, UCL ranked 37th ered at some cheap Barbers who units of alcohol. Th is is below the NHS ual partners since starting university. out of 101 with student sex frequency. doesn’t know how to leave a little guidelines for men and is borderline With absolutely no description at all Jammy buggers. Shame they can’t rep- length. for women (the “too much” guidelines on how fractions of people are having licate that form in academic rankings. 4 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER

News Editor: Aemun Reza, NEWS Nida Mahmud [email protected] More Grants, Less Money

Aemun Reza News Editor The table produced by THE million, therefore almost doubling. showed that Imperial ranked first The University of Bath had a giant for amount of funding, followed by leap in their success rate, from 31 Imperial has received the highest University College London, Uni- per cent to 42. Jane Millar, Pro Vice- Hope the cameraman amount of research council’s money versity of Edinburgh, University of Chancellor for Research at Bath, had his lab specs on, or out of all the institutions in the UK. Cambridge and University of Ox- said she was pleased with the suc- Health and Safety will Imperial has received £76.7 mil- ford. The complete table shows the cesses, “especially at a time when be weilding their axe. lion in 2011-2012, the most out funding, success rate and number funding is getting tough”. Only a foam axe though, of all the institutions that applied. of applications for 20 universities She said that the institution’s sys- for health and safety However, this is a fall of 19% when across the UK. tem of internal academic peer re- reasons... compared to last year’s total of University of Cambridge saw a view and “outstanding academic ap- £94.5 million. massive drop in their income as pointments” had made a difference. The Times Higher Education their funding fell from £85.2 million Some institutions contested the (THE) complied data comparing in 2010-2011 to £56.2 million in findings of THE, The University of the number of grant applications 2011-2012, a 34 per cent decrease. Leeds had apparently seen a decline that were successful and the total They also had a fall in application in their funding from £34.5 million amount given for several universi- numbers so that their success rate in 2010-2011 to £21.3 million in ties over England. increased from 33 per cent to 37 per 2011-2012 as well as a drop in num- It was deduced that there were cent. ber of applications and awards. fewer applications compared to last Some institutions that actually A spokesman for the university year for Imperial College (360 in had an increase in funding from UK said the figures did “not give the 2011-12 compared to 440 in 2010- research councils were the universi- complete picture of research coun- 2011). But since the average success ties of Birmingham, Edinburgh and cil funding received by the univer- rate of these applications increased, University College London. Univer- sity” because they did not include Imperial still received the high sity of Liverpool had a dramatic rise STFC cash and collaborative grants amount of funding. in funding from £12.3 million to £24 with other institutions.

momentum A real term decrease

continued from the front page Expenditure >> Country on R&D as a the science budget. Since then, re- percentage searchers have been wary of the de- of GDP crease in funding due to inflation. Germany 42 The cuts for certain departments France 37 exceed 40%. Back in 2010, George Japan 29 Osborne decided to protect the sci- Canada 20 ence budget. He said “the secretary Italy 18 of state (for business) and I have de- United Kingdom 17 cided to protect the science budget. United States - Britain is a world leader in scientific research and that is vital to our fu- G7 R&D spend as % of GDP. US ture economic success. That’s why figure is not known I am proposing that we do not cut the cash going to the science budget. It will be protected at £4.6bn per In the UK, about 32% of funding year.” The UK spends approximately for R&D is provided by the govern- £25bn on R&D, positioning it sev- ment. enth in the world by % GDP. The ta- When the UK is compared to other Careers in Europe, the Middle East & Africa bles show that the UK government is countries in the G7 (United States, not spending as much (by %GDP) as United Kingdom, Italy, France, )DFHFKDOOHQJHVZLWKFRQÀGHQFH1LPEO\QDYLJDWHHYHU\REVWDFOHLQ\RXUSDWK,W·VWKDWXQLTXHTXDOLW\ other leading nations. Coupling this Germany, Japan, Canada), the UK WKDW·VSRVLWLRQHG\RXZKHUH\RXDUHWRGD\$QGLW·VZKDWZHYDOXHDW%DQNRI$PHULFD0HUULOO/\QFK$QGDV with the real-term cuts could po- spends the lowest percentage of the SDUWRIWKHZRUOG·VOHDGLQJÀQDQFLDOLQVWLWXWLRQ\RXFDQFUHDWHWKHNLQGRIRSSRUWXQLW\WKDWEHJHWVJUHDWHU tentially damage the UK’s economic Gross Domestic Product (GDP) on RSSRUWXQLW\DQGELJJHULPSDFWWKDQ\RXHYHULPDJLQHG competitiveness. R&D (see table above).

Graduating in 2015 – Insight programmes Graduating in 2014 – Internships and Spring Insight Week – 8-12 April 2013 Fixed term placements $SSO\RQOLQHE\:HGQHVGD\-DQXDU\ $SSO\RQOLQHE\7KXUVGD\'HFHPEHU Female Futures – 6-7 December 2012 Graduating in 2013 – Full Time programme $SSO\RQOLQHYLD¶FDPSXVHYHQWV·E\ $SSO\RQOLQHE\7XHVGD\1RYHPEHU 6XQGD\1RYHPEHU RUIRU7HFKQRORJ\FDQGLGDWHVE\7KXUVGD\ 'HFHPEHU

baml.com/campusEMEA ‹%DQNRI$PHULFD&RUSRUDWLRQ$OOULJKWVUHVHUYHG Check the website for today’s topic www.nhm.ac.uk/nature-live 6 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER

Science Editors: Philip Kent, SCIENCE Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett [email protected]

The world is warming quicker than we thought New study assessing climate models against observations provides worrying results

Laurence Sheldon Writer was performed for the subtropics, where the deserts are found, as not only is this area important for under- Climate change is expected to be standing our future climate but also more severe than previously thought the lack of convection there helps re- as the climate models, which record duce any errors in measuring humid- the greatest warming, are found to ity. be more accurate according to a new Th e comparison of models and ob- study. servations found that the models that Scientists from the National Centre were most accurate in simulating the for Atmospheric Research in the US subtropical humidity also were the used observations of Tropical hu- models that were most sensitive to midity in the atmosphere to fi nd the carbon dioxide; and therefore predict models that could reproduce this ac- Overcast with a small the greater future warming. Th is sug- curately. One of the authors, John chance of global warming gests that models that predict less fu- Fasullo, stated: “Th ere is a striking re- ture warming are unable to simulate lationship between how well climate Xtyn24/stock.xchng enough atmospheric drying and that models simulate humidity in key areas this feeds back into the clouds and and how much warming they show in is responsible for how much future response to increasing carbon diox- and damaging sooner than expected. clouds in models lead to models disa- use the seasonal change in humidity. warming is seen in the model. ide. Given how fundamental these Estimations of how much our cli- greeing about the eff ects and spatial As well as having a better observa- Th is study has not only helped in processes are to clouds and the overall mate will warm with increasing car- patterns of clouds. tional record due to satellites being developing a new way of investigat- global climate, our fi ndings indicate bon dioxide vary greatly, with the Observations of clouds cannot be able to measure it more easily, hu- ing the accuracy of climate models that warming is likely to be on the largest predicting twice the warming used in a typical way to look at how midity is also highly related to cloud but it has helped constrain the range high side of current projections.” Th e as the smallest. Th is uncertainty is well the models perform over long cover. of future warming. Fasullo says “If we fi nding that the best models also pro- thought to be mainly due to clouds. timescales as we only have measure- Sixteen of the climate models that can better represent these regions in duce the greatest warming suggests Clouds occur on much smaller scales ments of clouds over short timescales are regularly used for predicting fu- models, we can improve our predic- not only that the Earth will be get- than climate models can resolve; and this is not thought to be an in- ture conditions were tested against tions and provide society with a bet- ting warmer faster, but that extreme hence descriptions of them have to be dicator of the eff ects of clouds over the measurements of humidity made ter sense of the impacts to expect in a events could become more frequent written. Th e diff erent descriptions of greater periods. Instead, the authors from two NASA satellites. Th e test warming world.”

Silwood Park hope for British ash population MS drug trial shows potential

Nick Kennedy Writer compared with Ribif. Many patients Sarah Byrne Writer fi ght to stop the spread of the disease. where it was shown to eff ectively kill even showed improvements in disabili- A new product based on copper sul- the fungus. Th e product, CuPC33, is ty. MRI scans revealed less myelin dam- phate has been developed, patented now being tested at Imperial’s Sil- A new drug is the most eff ective treat- age in alemtuzumab-treated patients. Th e European ash tree is a familiar and successfully put through labora- wood Park campus and according to ment for multiple sclerosis (MS), say re- Alemtuzumab wipes out T and B sight across the UK’s gardens, parks tory tests researchers has proved in greenhouse searchers at the University of Cambridge. lymphocytes so they can be replen- and countryside, and has been part of trials that it can be safely sprayed on Th e scientists treated MS patients ished anew, essentially resetting the the landscape for many centuries, the or injected into trees without dam- with alemtuzumab, a monoclonal anti- immune system. It binds to CD-52, a common name even deriving from aging them. Th ey hope to carry body normally used to fi ght leukaemia. protein on the surface of lymphocytes. Old English. out fi eld trials on infected trees Alemtuzumab proved more eff ective Th ese lymphocytes are destroyed and However earlier this year a serious in Spring 2013. than a fi rst-choice drug, interferon beta repopulated, leading to long-lasting fungal disease aff ecting ash trees, A major selling point is that 1a, in two groups of patients who suf- changes in immunity. Chalara fraxinea, was found in this is anticipated to be a low- fered from relapsing-remitting MS. Despite the obvious benefi ts of alem- Buckinghamshire, in a consign- cost solution, in part because One group consisted of patients tuzumab, undesirable side-eff ects of the ment of trees imported from of the proposed method of where initial treatment had failed, the monoclonal antibody were reported. A mainland Europe. Despite at- delivery, which uses low vol- other in previously untreated patients. high proportion of patients suff ered from tempts to contain it the infec- ume spray technology to MS occurs when the immune sys- abnormal thyroid function (one in fi ve) tion spread across multiple make effi cient use of the tem attacks and damages myelin – an and thrombocytopenia, a platelet disor- English counties in the follow- product. Th e expected insulating substance wrapped around der. But routine monitoring and educa- ing months. cost is 60p per litre to nerves. Th e impaired nerves fail to tion can prevent these side-eff ects, says Th e disease, which ini- treat a hectare of wood- transmit signals as normal. Th is is par- Dr Alasdair Coles, who led the research. tially causes leaf loss and land. ticularly harmful in the white matter of Th e research was funded by Genzyme dieback and eventually leads If it works as intended, the brain and spinal cord, which is com- (Sanofi ) and Bayer Schering Pharma. to the death of the tree, has the product looks set to posed mainly of myelin. Alemtuzumab has since been withdrawn so far been confi rmed found be a success for the com- Th e disease aff ects almost 100,000 from the European and US market. in 155 sites by the Forestry panies involved, including people in the UK. Genzyme intend to remarket the drug Commission. C. fraxinea Imperial Consultants Th e fi ndings showed that in patients specifi cally for MS treatment under the has had a devastating eff ect in who are overseeing the who deteriorated after fi rst-choice trade name Lemtrada. Th ere is concern other countries including Denmark academic collabora- treatment, alemtuzumab reduced re- that this potentially life-saving drug will where it led to the loss of 90% of the tion. We can hope it lapse rate by more than 40% compared be too expensive for many MS suff erers ash tree population. will be as much as a suc- with interferon beta 1a (known com- and health services. A consortium of experts, including cess story for the British countryside mercially as Ribif). researchers from Imperial’s Depart- and will prevent the loss of another of In untreated patients, alemtuzumab DOI: 10.1016/S0140-6736(12)61769-3 ment of Life Sciences, are leading the our distinctive trees. reduced relapse rate by more than 55% 10.1016/S0140-6736(12)61768-1 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER 7

Science Editors: Philip Kent, Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett SCIENCE [email protected] Science in London this week What is going on closer to home... Nature Live at the Natural History Museum

Philippa Skett Science Editor sented by Dr Ronald Jenner, whose research into poisonous organisms may hopefully lead to understanding As students at Imperial, we love good of their hidden potential medicinal extra-curricular science, right? Right? properties. After presenting a stimu- I guess we can be excused from crawl- lating introduction into what is a ing out of the Library once in a while poison and a venom and the diff er- and going straight to bed as opposed ences between the two, he went on to the nearest museum. But every so to explain in more detail how these often, there are some great gems out occur in nature and then onto how there to take part in, usually right on this could apply to us. Th e lecture was our doorstep. fast paced, engaging and not too over- Th e Natural History Museum cur- whelming at all to the younger mem- rently runs a series of 30-minute lec- bers of the audience, who posed no tures concerning all things bright and end of thought-provoking questions beautiful, in their lecture theatre that throughout that even at times left Dr the Business School would be proud Jenner stumped. Th e science ranged of. Th ese talks make up their pro- from stuff ed models to molecules, gramme called Nature Live, which ensuring all of the audience, whether Nature Live: Learning, but fun, and free. off ers talks and events for anyone a small scientist in the making, or a May put a downer on your degree... to go to, for free. Th e Attenborough visiting student learnt something new Studio is situated in the modern glass and didn’t feel patronised or out of atrium of the museum and hosts these their depth. packed introductory titbits into what With Dr Jenner currently working is going on behind the scenes, usually to fi nd the fi rst poisonous crustacean, supplemented by blogs online show- biology. Upcoming talks include “A wisely if you fancy taking a younger to everyone’s complete unawareness. whilst looking into venom-derived ing the research in action. It’s great Body of Evidence,” which is given by sibling if they come to visit. Th ese are Over 300 scientists work on various compounds to treat diabetes, such for aspiring ecologists to check out at a forensic anthropologist throughout great events to supplement a day trip endeavours throughout the museum expertise is not to go unmentioned. the moment with an online blog being the day on the 23rd of November, and to the museum, or if you just have an covering many branches of research, Th ese scientists know their stuff , and updated from a recent trip to Borneo. “Meteorites: Messengers from Space,” afternoon to kill and fancy something and having an insight into what they such lectures provide brilliant op- Still can’t bring yourself to leave the on the 28th of November, which may a lot more interesting and stimulating are doing, alongside learning some- portunities to talk to them unbridled Library? Check online for videos of be more to the taste of a physicist or than the Library Café’s cake selection. thing along the way, makes these bite- and really get to know what is going previous talks and events if you can’t mathematician, or simply any stu- Check online at www.nhm.ac.uk to sized sessions highly enjoyable. on behind the scenes. Th ese talks also make the trip around the corner. dent who wants to feed their inner see the full list of upcoming Nature Last Friday the lecture “What is allow an insight into fi eld courses and However don’t be put off from at- nerd. Talks are either family friendly Live talks. No booking is required, your posion… or venom?” was pre- the research they are currently doing, tending if you think it is all about the or more suitable for adults, so choose just turn up! AGRI-net symposium at Imperial

Sarah Byrne Writer physics, computing and engineering, to address biological problems. Th is collaborative and interdisciplinary One of the biggest challenges fac- type of research has been increas- ing today’s world is how to feed an ingly recognised as important in the increasing population, particularly biomedical sciences in recent years, with the impending threats of cli- not least at Imperial with its doctoral mate change and water shortages. training centres such as the Institute On the 1st and 2nd of November, for Chemical Biology, which trains researchers from universities and in- the next generation of physical scien- dustry nationally gathered at Imperi- tists to apply their skills to biological al to present their work on Chemical problems. It is clearly emerging as a Molecular Biology, or Fabric Biology applications to fungal, insect key approach in agriculture as well, rave photo? You decide... and plant sciences on the molecular and with AGRI-net Imperial is lead- level, in the fi rst AGRI-net (http:// ing the way. www.agri-net.net/index) Young Re- Finally, the prize for best talk was searcher Symposium. AGRI-net is a awarded to Hannah Straker from new collaborative network founded Durham University who presented by Imperial academics together with reers event. Industry representatives networking and discussions during yield, sustainability, genetic modifi - her research on chemical tools for the agrichemical industry, with sup- from Bayer, Syngenta and Rothamst- the poster session and over dinner. cation and fungicide and pesticide investigating multiple herbicide re- port from the research councils. ed attended, as well as delegates from Th e work presented covered a resistance. sistance, while Imperial Ph.D student Th e focus was on young and early- universities including Edinburgh, range of approaches from computa- However what all the projects had Kerry O’Donnelly won the best post- stage researchers, particularly Ph.D Durham and Birkbeck, and the rela- tional modelling and data manage- in common was their interdiscipli- er prize for her innovative project to students and post-docs, and so for tively small size of the conference ment, to genetic modifi cation, and narity – using tools from chemistry improve the effi ciency of the Rubisco some the symposium doubled as a ca- allowed plenty of opportunities for problems addressed included crop in particular, but also mathematics, enzyme in photosynthesis. 8 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER

Science Editors: Philip Kent, SCIENCE Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett [email protected] Thorium: a vital energy source Alasdair Wynn and Matt O’Neill explore an untapped resource

limate change and en- compared to ~100bar and higher ergy sources are two for LWRs. There is no risk of melt of the key issues of our down as the fuel is already liquid Ctime. While our climate and operates at around 600K. It also becomes more and more produces just 1% of the radioactive volatile by the year, the strain on waste, much of which has second- our planets limited resources is ary uses and due to its negative co- becoming exasperated by the de- efficient of reactivity; it is able to velopment of large economies such respond quickly and accurately to as China and India, which in turn is demand. Most importantly, a reac- damaging the climate. tor based on this type of technology It’s a vicious circle. is walk away safe and under power As a result of the competitive failure, it automatically puts itself nature of our economic system, into a stable configuration without countries are engaging in trade and the need for any human interven- actual wars against each other in a tion. necessary battle for resources. Crucially, the fissile material pro- The world economy is absolutely duced from thorium is unable to be dependent on fossil fuels. Ultimate- used in weaponry, and it is first and ly they are finite and not a genuine foremost an economic source of long term solution. Despite this, energy – the fact that it is environ- the unfortunate truth is that as the mentally friendly is just an added price of fossil fuels goes up, previ- bonus. ously non cost effective reserves Thorium’s time to shine has ar- become economically viable. Esti- rived. The world needs new en- mates of fossil fuel depletion dates ergy sources, without sacrificing suggest late 21st and even early economic growth. The solution is 22nd century. But just because we there, people just need to sit up and could burn it all, doesn’t mean that take notice. we should and we are going to need an alternative. Renewables are not ment didn’t want energy- they mands. a realistic replacement for the base wanted weapons. This was the Both India and China have re- load energy currently provided by Cold War, and the focus of nu- newed research into the field, due to fossil fuels, and an attempt at this clear research was geared towards the necessity of energy in develop- would likely cause as much environ- proliferation rather than a civilian ing economies, but there has been GO DOWN IN mental damage. energy source. Milton Shaw, a for- comparatively little interest in the Most developed economies such mer Navy soldier who was head of West, despite the pressing need for as the UK use fossil fuels for around the US Atomic Energy Commission clean, plentiful energy. Researchers 80% of their energy, and despite the (AEC) shut the programme down, like Kirk Sorenson, the founder of HISTORY AS many, many summits organised to despite the huge potential for abun- Flibe Energy, Inc have tried to kick take action against this, not one dant energy in Weinberg’s creation. start the Thorium renaissance, but has produced something even close 40 years on, the reverberations of as yet, few people are sitting up and THE PERSON to resembling change. The Lon- Shaw’s decision are being keenly taking notice. don Climate Forum coming up this felt by energy hungry consumers Governments have repeatedly month will make all the right noises around the world, whose prices are shown that they will not forgo eco- no doubt, but with little substance. sky high due to ever more scant re- nomic growth for environmental WHO CURED However it needn’t be game over sources. considerations. The primary re- yet. There are several solutions At the same time, conventional quirement of a fossil fuel replace- which have been tried and tested in nuclear power is going quickly ment is therefore going to be the BLOOD CANCER the past, but have been closed down out of fashion with governments ability to be profitable at the market for one reason or another. The 21st around the world. After disasters price. In order to warrant replac- century is the time that energy from like Fukushima countries like Japan ing fossil fuels, it must also satisfy You could save the life of someone with blood cancer by donating your bone marrow. So achieve Thorium should, and needs, to be and Germany have decided to scale the environmental criteria but ulti- greatness. Join the Anthony Nolan donor register – all you need to do is spit in a tube. taken seriously. back their nuclear programmes: the mately, this is a secondary consid- The technology aimed at utiliz- risk of meltdown has been deemed eration. Most renewables do not Sign up today at our recruitment event: ing Thorium initially emerged in unacceptable. Added to this, Ura- compete on price with fossil fuels DATE: THURSDAY 22nd NOVEMBER the 1950s and 60s in the US, under nium 235, which is used in nuclear due to the diffuse energy sources the stewardship of Alvin Weinberg, reactors, is as rare as gold. Contrast and additional infrastructure re- LOCATION: MDL 1, Sir Alexander Fleming Building, South Ken Campus at Oak Ridge National Laboratory, this with thorium, which is as com- quired. Thorium energy satisfies TIME: 11am-5pm

a facility that contributed to the mon as lead, and you get some idea both these issues. Not only is it a LOCATION: Southside Social Space Manhattan project. The most im- of the incredible abundance of this clean, but more importantly it is a TIME: 6pm-9pm portant demonstration of this tech- resource, which is currently treated market based, long term solution nology was undoubtedly the Molten as a waste product. that is available worldwide. Several Salt Reactor Experiment, running Thorium energy has been largely estimates have put it at the same from 1965-1969. This experiment ignored since Weinberg’s initial price and even cheaper than the used Uranium 233, which can eas- foray into the field, but in the last cheapest, dirtiest coal. ily bread from thorium, dissolved in decade or so, there has been re- Molten salt technology possesses a fluoride lithium beryllium salt as newed interest in the technology many crucial advantages over con- Registered charity no 803716/SC038827 Working with Anthony Nolan the reactor fuel. as governments try to devise a way ventional nuclear power stations. It Unfortunately, the US govern- to meet their citizens’ energy de- operates at atmospheric pressure, everynation.co.uk

SUNDAYS ACTIVITY SPACE 1

Free café – 5:30 10 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER

Arts Editors: Eva Rosenthal, ARTS Meredith Thomas [email protected] The writer of Spring Medic playwright on the creative process

Rhys Davies Writer became aware that many of the ideas tween us. We had different visions I was having were being lost. I found and, as the original author, I some- I had real epiphany moments that a times struggled to incorporate both Every year, societies like DramSoc couple of months later I would for- whilst staying true to the meaning and MTSoc find new ways to im- get. So I decided that I had to write and purpose of the play. Matt’s ideas press me. You would not think that them down. And necessarily it took have been invaluable however, and I in a university filled with scientists, the form of a play. It’s quite inter- am particularly pleased with the way engineers and medics, the students esting for me to realise this course he transformed the final scene into would be that interested in theatre. of events now, as I had never really such a climactic event. However, these clubs are more than pieced it together before. The other help was from my interested, they are good at it too, brother who gave me many ideas finding new ways to entertain their RD: It’s taken a long time to go and suggestions that were often audiences with their talent and pas- from that first idea to the stage along the same line as my own. I sion. next week. How has the play also had advice and ideas from oth- ICSM Drama’s latest play, All The changed in that time? ers. In future I think I would always Meanings of Spring, running next work as a writer on my own and then week, is set to be another such ex- RN: Initially the play started as a have other people read the piece of ample. It is an all-new play, directed group of eight students in a mysteri- work and make suggestions and give by final year medic, Richard New- ous group with a cloaked man who ideas, leaving it totally up to me to man. However, he is not only the di- then go out into the world and fol- make the decisions. I think having a rector, he is also the wrote the play. low their ideas and then report back pair of writers working equally to- Why work? Instead, doodle all lecture long and then send us your draw- To find out more about all the mean- at the end. This project didn’t seem gether is very difficult. ings to [email protected]. This doodle is by Umar Hossain, who would ings of spring in November, I caught feasible and there were too many rather draw chameleons than do fluid mechanics. up with the playwright. main characters. So I changed it to RD: Finally, What do you think a group of three with a representa- is the importance of doing some- Rhys Davies: Hello Richard. Thank tion of their unconscious self that thing creative like this? Writing you for talking with me. Perhaps followed them around instead. On plays. Directing plays. you could start by explaining what advice I wrote the final, climactic the play is about? scene first. This scene plus the full RN: We at Imperial are nearly all characterisation of the main protag- scientists and rarely, if ever, use our Richard Newman: This play is about onists meant that the rest of the play imagination in our studies. And, for coming to university and being in a seemed to fall into place completely most of us, those studies take up a new environment where nobody organically. lot of our time and focus (the rest of knows you and trying decide who There were certain things that I it often being filled with sport and you should be and why. It tries to wanted to show about the charac- drinking). I think this is a shame. capture that initial feeling of escape ters and others which needed to As Imperial students are generally and freedom that we have as fresh- happen in order for them to reach very intelligent, I’m sure that there The Effect @ The National Theatre – Could love ever be just the side effect of a ers. It is also about putting thoughts the final scene in the state that they is a massive amount of great creative ‘happy pill’? In The Effect, two volunteers taking part in a drug trial for a new “su- into action, as we often don’t do, and were in. This led to the first draft energy which is currently not being per-Prozac pill’ will find out. Stars Billie Piper too – for those who find her to be seeing where those actions take us of the script. It was a ‘bare bones’ used. And University is the best time cool or something (she has had good reviews). Now – 23 February 2013. and why we may have social and per- piece of work as others pointed to use it. After this it is extremely sonal barriers preventing us from out to me many times. So I tried to unlikely that I will ever get the op- Light from the Middle East: New Photography @ Victoria & Albert – A reflection performing those actions in reality. flesh it out. This was difficult as I portunity to write and direct my of the political, social and religious life of the MIddle East over the past 20 years. So those are the themes but spe- really didn’t want to add superflu- own play again (particularly if this Never before have contemporary Middle Eastern photographers been exhibited cifically it is the intertwined story ous scenes which had no meaning one turns out to be rubbish). It is in such depth. Admission is free. Now – 7 April 2013. of three freshers discovering their or value. However, on consultation surprisingly refreshing doing some- feelings and how these affect their with others I realised there were as- thing creative, and is a welcome Richard III @ Apollo Shaftesbury – The famed Mark Rylance plays the villainous relationships and lives. pects of character and plot that, as break from hearing and thinking Richard alongside an all-male cast in a traditional rendition of Shakespeare’s play. the writer, I had taken for granted about medicine constantly. Theatre Now – 10 February 2013. RD: That’s quite ambitious. Where and needed to expand on. So I did is, above all, very enjoyable and I’m did the idea for the play come this and it evolved into the current sure that there are many fascinating Modern Panic III @ Apiary Studio – Bored of dullness at Imperial? Want to go and from? script. It’s still quite dense but I am and important stories to be told by see something surreal and controversial? Look no further: here is something really reluctant to water it down. our students. I’ve tried to tell one of weird, and not in an Imperial way. Plan ahead. 23rd November – 2nd December. RN: The whole thing started in three them. places. I’ve wanted to direct a play RD: Have you had any help in writ- Death: A self-portrait @ Wellcome Collection – The morbidly preoccupied Ameri- for ICSM Drama before but was un- ing this? Who has inspired and in- can eccentric Richard Harris amassed a huge collection of death related artefacts. fortunately (fortunately, I now think) fluenced you? Now they are coming to London. 15th November – 28th February 2013. rejected. I find theatre exciting and always felt that I had something to RN: Yes I’ve had help from two main add to productions. But I needed sources. For a while I was going to something to direct. Around a simi- be co-directing with another final lar time, whilst travelling, I decided year medic, Matt Rinaldi. However that doing something creative was due to other commitments (such All The Meanings Of Spring at the vital. It was absolutely necessary for as an exhibition currently on in the Union Concert Hall: 21st - 24th No- me to have a place in the world. It’s Blythe Gallery) he had to drop out. vember at 7:30pm. Tickets £5 for the kind of thing one thinks about Previous to that we had had nu- students and £7 for non-students. whilst travelling. So I had in my merous scripting and ideas sessions, Discount available for groups head that I wanted to direct a play editing and re-editing the various of eight or more. Please contact and wanted to be creative – the two drafts. It was a difficult process as [email protected] for booking or any ideas were not yet connected. I then there was always a difference be- other details. FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER 11

Arts Editors: Eva Rosenthal, Meredith Thomas ARTS [email protected] Moving pictures at the Barbican Lily Le goes on an emotional and interesting journey © Boris Mikhailov Everything is, has been, and always Th e struggles for the rights of indig- the collections and to the literature will be, moving. Memories of these enous South Africans is emphasised produced by the Barbican. movements shape our worlds. Th ey with a matriarchal slant (although I Th e team has done well in engaging metamorphose into nostalgia, some- can’t help but giggle at a photograph visitors by making them empathise times even for times and places we of what looks like Pocahontas with a with the photographs. Viewers are have never physically accessed. Ob- boombox) in the collection by Gra- referred to such present-day phe- sessions with an idealised past are ciela Iturbide, the only female artist nomena as the globalisation of Japan manifested through the way in which featured in the exhibition. with Homei Tomatsu’s exploration we portray our world today; we use Martin Luther King and Malcom into Japanese post-war Americanisa- commodities such as retro-style X sit next to Bruce Davidson’s more tion. clothing or the Instagram app. harrowing pieces: for example the Th e Far East is also considered Th e current exhibition at the Bar- scene of a racially motivated mur- through Li Zhensheng’s journalis- bican explores this notion during the der. Despite its black and white col- tic photographs of Chairman Mao’s 60s and 70s, an era of defi ned social, our, blood stains on the car seat stick Cultural Revolution alongside play- political, and photographic revolu- out boldly and unnervingly. It is one ful self-portraits that were taken in tion. Objectivity through the lens of the many photos in the exhibition secret and had to be buried. is captured by the subjectivity of 12 that absorb you completely into a for- Soldiers of the Vietnam War are photographers from around the eign situation. covered by Larry Burrows, whose globe, resulting in historic snapshots Th e US is also represented through pieces documenting the confl cit are served up for modern day interpreta- the works of William Eggleston, the considered to be some of the fi nest. tion. father of style-over-substance thus Th e exhibition ends on a happier Th e exhibition starts with photo- of style-becoming-substance hipster note, in the form of Malick Sadibé’s graphs by David Goldblatt, which portraits. Although not as impressive partying and fun during the totali- contrast the “minutiae of Afrikaner compared to the culturally and politi- tarian French colonial rule in Mali. life” with the racist repression during cally driven pieces of his peers, it is Th ese photographic subjects are en- the apartheid. Photographs of day- interesting to see where this style of joying themselves, pleasing the view- to-day occasions include mass burials photography originated from. er and allowing for a way to relate to of mine workers. A particularly pow- Upstairs, the collection delves into such stories. erful piece is his Johannesburg land- more specifi c events of the 60s and Th is notion demonstrates how all scape of uniformly repeated lego-like 70s. the events and photographs of the housing. Th is exterior is enough to Afghans watch the cruel fi ght be- exhibition are rooted in human na- instigate imaginings over the limited tween two dogs and a chained bear ture – universal through time and facilities, which surely fi lled the inte- in a German photographer’s blotchy space. Th is clever play on time makes rior to a bare minimum– the reduc- time-lapse, suggestive of the Soviet you wonder how our current choices tion of rights to bare practicality. Union and US’s power struggle dur- and actions will shape the memories By persuading the Race Classifi ca- ing the Cold War, with Afghanistan of future generations, in the context tion Board that he was coloured, not caught in the middle. of history as well as of personal ex- black, Ernest Cole was able to take Th e next room holds bizarre nude, ploration. Third round finalist of Harlem pictures of young homeless boys be- political, and religious superimposi- free-style hat wearing competition ing slapped by white adults for beg- tions which had been prohibited by Everything was Moving: Photography ging, as well as blurred time-lapses the Soviet Union. Aesthetic beauty from the 60s and 70s at the Barbican. of street violence instead of being ar- emerges in certain pieces, such as Tickets from £7. rested for practising photography. in one of a peacock tail decorating a One of his most frank pieces, cap- nude young woman, demonstrating © Boris Mikhailov turing the essence of the separation, is frustrations with the censorship of a wide-shot over a train station fi lled, the times. on one half, with non-whites scram- It is easy to refl ect over and enjoy 90% of viewers miss bling (sometimes over the tracks) to all the pieces in the exhibition – even floating flowerpot get to non-signposted trains whilst the seemingly abstract ones – as pho- whites wait in comfortable personal tography and history novices thanks space on the other half of the station. to the helpful blurbs accompanying

© Boris Mikhailov

Giant crouton attacks skiers 12 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER

Books Editor: Maciej Matuszewski BOOKS [email protected] A trip around America Maciej Matuszewski reviews Neil Gaiman’s best known novel

ou can’t call yourself a fan depth to the book’s universe and are of speculative fi ction if simply a joy to read about. Shadow you’ve never heard of Neil himself is very satisfying as a main YGaiman. He has made a protagonist – with a powerful and name for himself with his believable character arc as he grows prolifi c writing, not only with novels from someone who is still obviously but also for the screen and in comic shell-shocked from his wife’s death to books. Yet until recently I had never a man who is confi dent in himself and read any of his longer works. Wanting his abilities. to remedy the situation I thought that Th e main focus of the book, how- there was no better place to start than ever, are not the characters, nor even with American Gods – his most highly the plot, but rather the United States acclaimed novel. themselves. Th roughout the course Winner of the Hugo, Nebula, Locus of the story we explore many places and Bram Stoker Awards the book in that great country – from cities to focuses on Shadow – a man recently small towns to cheesy tourist attrac- released from prison who fi nds that tions. It explores the various con- his wife and best friend have died in tradictions of that place – from the a car crash. At a loss of what to do beliefs and desires of its immigrant with his life he accepts a job off er from founders to its present day obsession the mysterious Mr Wednesday and with media and technology. I believe becomes his bodyguard, driver and that Gaiman himself put it best, say- occasional accomplice in large confi - ing he considered the book to be “sort dence tricks. Mr Wednesday, howev- of weird, sprawling picaresque epic, er, isn’t a simple conman and Shadow which starts out relatively small and soon gets drawn into a war between gets larger. It’s about the soul of Amer- the old and new gods – a war for the ica, really. What people brought to heart and soul of America. America; what found them when they Th is is highly ambitious and suc- came; and the things that lie sleeping cessful novel, exploring themes of beneath it all.” loss, power and betrayal. It has a large Th is is a truly great novel: deep and cast of complex, engaging and well- profound but also very entertaining. developed characters – many of who An HBO adaptation is set to premiere do not necessarily contribute directly next year so now is the perfect oppor- to the main overarching plot but add tunity to read it.

Gaiman’s Other Work

Sandman Mirromask A long running and award-winning A major fantasy film with a screen- series of comic books following play written by Gaiman. A simple Dream, one of the Endless – per- story is supplemented by stunning sonifications of fundamental forc- original visual effects es in the universe. An imaginative and original work that spawned A Study in Emerald countless spin-offs. Highly recom- Gaiman’s Sherlock Holmes pas- mended for all fans of fantasy. tiche, incorporating elements of the Cthulu Mythos. Very well Anansi Boys written with a unexpected twist The sequel to American Gods, this this is a massive treat for fans of novel follows the children of one both Sherlock Holmes and Cthulu of the earlier novel’s most popu- Mythos stories. lar characters, Mr Nancy – the personification of the African god Neverwhere Anansi. Lighter and more comic in Gaiman’s urban fantasy tribute to tone the book explores themes of the city of London. Appeared as family and finding one’s calling in an acclaimed BBC TV series before life being novelised.

Send your book reviews to [email protected] FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER 13

Television Editor: Lucia Podhorska [email protected] TELEVISION Confessions of a TV-holic Nathalie Skrzypek gives us her take on this week’s TV offerings

fter wasting far too 3.) The Big Bang Theory much time this week She’s definitely pulling that watching all the series Being an Astrophysics PhD student slit off better than Angelina AI am addicted to (like I at Imperial, it is kinda compulsory do every week), I have to watch Th e Big Bang Th eory. Th e compiled a top fi ve episodes of the show cracks me up every week, po- week list and give my thoughts on tentially because I can identify with them below (SPOILER ALERT): the crazies, but this episode was par- ticularly good, as Penny managed to 1.) Castle get Sheldon drunk on (Long Island Ice) Tea to the point where he nearly Even though I generally stay away forgot his OCD and only knocked on from crime shows, Castle caught Will Wheaton’s door twice. my attention back in the day, due to my love for Nathan Fillion. My sci- 4.) How I Met Your Mother fi obsession introduced me to Firefl y nearly a decade ago, so my sci-fi ob- I found the last few episodes of this sessed heart skipped a beat when the season not too enjoyable, as they Castle producers decided to mock packed all the break-ups in a bit too Firefl y for its 10 year anniversary – closely, but I guess it had to be done, and what better way to do so than to if the show has to end soon. I per- have Nathan Fillion himself judge the sonally fi nd this breakup the funniest show, while his girlfriend and daugh- to watch, probably because Robin’s ter out themselves as super-fans? boyfriend is just so very special, Lily and Marshall are just so very horny 2.) Two and a Half Men and last but not least, my Barney- Robin shipper heart hopes that Bar- I feel like the show has gone slightly ney’s convincing ‘fake’ speech about downhill since Charlie ‘left’ and I how he loves Robin wasn’t all that Too long didn’t read? generally despise Miley Cyrus (god fake. tention and the first episode made 3. The Big Bang Theory, Season I hope she was putting that accent me fall in love with the show. Even Here’s a summary: 6 Episode 7, “The Habitation on…), but I found this episode be- 5.) 2 Broke Girls though it is shockingly inappropri- Configuration” yond hilarious. Berta is one of my ate, it is too funny to be offensive. 1. Castle, Season 5 Episode 6, favourite characters on TV and her Despite my initial hesitance about The latest episode showed Caro- “The Final Frontier” 4. How I Met Your Mother, Sea- describing Miley Cyrus as what hap- this show (let’s face it, the synop- line from her ‘best’ side and Max son 8 Episode 6, “Splitsville” pens when a hillbilly has unprotect- sis sounds very lame… 2 broke girls (aka Kat Dennings, who is just plain 2. Two and a Half Men, Season 10 ed sex with a hummingbird, was one working in a diner… who wants to awesome) is just an absolute leg- Episode 4, “You Do Know What 5. 2 Broke Girls, Season 2 Episode of her best comments ever. see that?), the trailer caught my at- end. the Lollipop Is For “ 6, “And the Candy Manwich” My Top 5 Episodes of the Week Oh hey, I also watched some TV... beware, here there be spoilers

Lucia Podhorska Television Editor and confused about women is just number of breakups has put a bit priceless. I also simply love every of a damper on the current sea- 1. The Big Bang Theory, Season 6 Episode 7, “The Habita- scene him and Penny are in to- son of HIMYM. Th at being said, I tion Configuration” Not to be outdone by my long- gether. still hope this isn’t the last season, lost- twin Nath (see article above), Cristina Yang fi nally returns as I feel there isn’t enough time I have also compiled a list of my to Seattle! Th ank the Gods, I re- to introduce the mother and get 2. Grey’s Anatomy, Season 9 Episode 5, “Beautiful Doom” top episodes from this week. ally missed her snarkiness and her Barney and Robin together in a You may notice that our tastes interaction with the other core believable way. are quite similar, although she characters. I hope the new interns Th e latest episode of Glee 3. The New Normal, Season 1 Episode 8, “Unplugged” claims she only watches Glee be- on Grey’s Anatomy man up soon, marked the debut of Glee Project cause she is incapable of giving because they’re getting on my winner Blake Jenner and I must 4. How I Met Your Mother, Season 8 Episode 6, “Splits- up on a show once she’s started. nerves a bit. admit that I am disappointed with ville” Th at’s true dedication. But enough Th e writers of Th e New Nor- his character. He just strikes me about Nath, onto my opinions. mal amaze me with their abil- as another Finn (and really, one Th e Big Bang Th eory has a spe- ity to produce entire monologues is enough). Also, I want Kurt and 5. Glee, Season 4 Episode 5, “The Role You Were Born to cial place in my heart and rarely packed with a gazillion insults and Blaine back together... like now. Play” disappoints, with this week be- still make it funny. Th e show just isn’t the same with- ing no exception. Sheldon drunk As Nath already mentioned, the out them as a couple. 14 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER

Music Editors: Mark England, MUSIC Ross Gray, Simon Hunter [email protected]

You Don’t Have To Call It Music Japandroids: live Pt.6 punk Mark England Music Editor by Íñigo Martinez de Rituerto How much noise can two people Music has often been trimmed with philosophical considerations, or in the case of make? I thought the decibel limit was rock & roll or funk, sexual liberation. However, these ideologies more often than not set by Kat and Alfi e from Eastenders play second fiddle to the music itself. One could just as easily accept or dismiss them, or possibly Gordon Brown on a bad refusing to opine on their behalf. However, the years leading to the end of the Viet- day, but it seems that Brian King and nam War and the coming to power of Margaret Thatcher’s Conservative Party in the David Prowse can beat them all with UK, it was clear that withholding one’s opinion was no longer a viable option. Set to the intense garage rock made by Ja- the backdrop of unemployment, union strikes and severe social inequalities, it may pandroids. I used to really love this seem obvious in hindsight that some form of personal revolution had been brooding band three years ago when their debut in the hearts of the disenchanted and disconnected youth. Post-Nothing arrived with a huge slab Faced with the insulting anaesthetic pop of the time, the rampant commercializa- of hype and a shimmer of reverb, but tion of popular culture and a critical mass of the populace consigned to the gloomy I had somewhat forgotten about them Little did he know, his working class, the youth had had enough. Social tension had grown to bursting point until quite recently. Th eir second al- penis had just caught fire and the zit that popped was punk rock. bum Celebration Rock sounds more Behind the success of bands like The Ramones and The Sex Pistols, a fervent un- mature but, while lacking much of the derground scene had formed on either side of the Atlantic. Inspired by a simplistic coverage that they once commanded, songwriting approach, all of a sudden anyone could form a band. All it took was a they continue to produce spectacular “Rockers East Vancouver” and “Wet to come up and then stage-dive head will to do something for oneself instead of blindly accepting the morass of popular noise-pop. Japandroids may have dis- Hair” were defi nitely highlights and fi rst into the heaving crowd and be culture. The DIY ethic not only inspired kids to start their own bands but also found appeared from my radar for a while the crowd gave a massive cheer to new carried around in the air for as long labels, publish ‘zines and establish distribution networks through which to promote but when the chance to see them play single “Th e House that Heaven Built”. as possible. One excitable fellow got their music. at Heaven, I jumped at the opportu- Th e one song, however, that I have al- up but then ruined his chance by try- In 1977, the year the Pistols gave England Never Mind the Bollocks, a band called nity. ways loved by Japandroids is “Crazy/ ing to rep his own band. What a loser. Discharge recorded their first demo and another group formed under the name of Th e crowd in Heaven was absolutely Forever” and they certainly gave it jus- And so, when the opening chords of Crass. Perhaps the two most influential groups of the underground, each unknow- packed in and the anticipation to see tice with a thrilling performance. song crashed into light there were ingly founded a subgenre to their name, based on the impact of their music and one of Vancouver’s fi nest exports (sor- Unfortunately, towards the end of huge cheers as one lucky guy had the delivery. ry 2010 Winter Olympic Games, you the set the band struggled to over- time of his life being thrown around D-beat, characterized by a percussive assault reminiscent of Motörhead, spread are not so cool) was tangible. Starting come technical diffi culties with vocal the adoring crowd while his favourite through the globe as far as Scandinavia, Japan and South America. The rhythm is the night with “Th e Boys are Leaving levels which slightly marred the show. band totally destroyed his eardrums. a sort of huffing and puffing sledgehammer assault, catchy and explosive, proving Town” and newie “Adrenaline Night- Brian King admirably fought on and All in all it was a fantastic night. hard to resist – a perfect vessel for jubilant uproar. A slew of bands grew which begun shift” it was clear that Japandroids just ended up shouting to the audi- I had forgotten how fun straight up prefixing their names with Dis-, creating a distinctive sound somewhere between were a heavy proposition, much dark- ence: true punk spirit if ever I have punk shows could be. Japandroids are pogo-punk and head-on hardcore. Sweden in particular offers perhaps one of the er and louder than they are on record. seen it. Once the sound problems so dedicated to their fans and it makes most explosive scenes with bands like Anti-Cimex and Totalitär releasing brutal, an- And for two people, my God they are were fi xed the show came to a thrilling for a glorious night when their epic tagonizing EPs like Victims of a Bombraid and Multinationalla Mördare, respectively. loud! Th e set was roughly divided fi nale with a cover of Th e Gun Club’s tunes combine with the sweat and In Finland, Terveet Kädet’s Ääretön Joulu is an astonishingly fiery account of an oth- 50:50 with songs from the new al- “For the Love of Ivy” . Th e band in- shakes of a relatively small venue. A erwise cold and restrained land, the lightning speed of the drums inducing a sort of bum and more well-known numbers. vited one lucky member of the crowd Friday night well spent! wailing psychosis in the vocalist, or vice-versa. A year after their formation, Crass released The Feeding of the 5000, founding an- archo-punk in the process. Songs such as “Do They Owe Us A Living?” were charged with sociopolitical interrogation, conscientious responsibility for matters such as gender equality or animal rights, and promoting environmental awareness. Far more Mark England chews the cud with Japandroids interested in ideological progress than musical merit, the records served as a platform for enlightenment. Their logo is an interesting amalgam of various icons of power, entangling a Union Jack, a Swastika, an Ouroboros and a Christian cross. Their visual Brian King, lead singer and guitarist of tion our best audience within the we were proud of, and I don’t regret approach was also prominent in their live shows, where banners read slogans like Japandroids, talked to me about Lon- United Kingdom. When I tell them to the resulting wait in the least. If we “There Is No Authority But Yourself”, which were also stencilled around the London don. his favourite record and where get wild, they generally do. We always could have done it faster, believe me, Underground. their awesome name originates from. look forward to playing London for we would have (for a band like ours, In North America, Bands like Black Flag built their reputation in part as a by- that reason. With respect to other cit- there is no incentive to have such gaps product of their survival instinct, touring incessantly to put food on the table and Where does the name Japandroids ies from around the world, it is a bit un- between albums). Nevertheless, the beer in the belly. Through their homegrown SST label, the band and others in their come from? fair to compare one against the other, reaction from our fans seems to be entourage fostered a community of musicians, fans and facilitators among which Th ere was no inspiration for the name as what you’re really comparing are the extremely positive, and I think as time they shared floors to sleep on while touring and through which they exchanged fake Japandroids specifi cally. As a matter of social and cultural diff erences between goes by, our decision to take the time credit card numbers for calling credit they required for booking gigs. fact, it was more of a compromise that peoples. For example, the Spanish au- we needed to write and record this par- Whereas the closed-knit scene of the late 70s and early 80s relied on word-of- neither one of us were particularly ex- dience and the English audience are ticular album (rather than expediently mouth, gigs as social gatherings and direct mail correspondence with the band mem- cited about. Originally, Dave wanted inherently diff erent as the ritual of how shitting out a mediocre follow-up) will bers, nowadays the international community is facilitated by the internet. Though to name the band ‘Japanese Scream’, one reacts to live rock and roll music is be seen as rather responsible. many still often send cash in envelopes for records, the catalogues are no longer sent which is from a Kings Of Leon lyr- rooted deep in the history of the peo- by snail mail. Blogs are a magnificent source of music and information on otherwise ic, while I wanted to name the band ple and their way of life. Th erefore, you What is it like being a two person out-of-print and impossible to find recordings. ‘Pleasure Droids’, which is a reference can’t say ‘Barcelona is better than Lon- band on the road? I was personally introduced to hardcore and anarcho-punk by a couple of DIY to the pleasure droids in the movie don’ or things of that nature. It is just More or less like backpacking around compilation tapes traded with the drummer of Bordeaux d-beat group Gasmask Blade Runner. Neither one of us liked diff erent. See? Diplomatic hero. Europe with your girlfriend or boy- Terror. Incidentally he also runs his own Ratbone Records which released a compi- the other’s name, and we found our- friend. More or less, anyway. lation of songs by the polyglot French band Heimat-Los (German for “without a selves at an impasse. Being the diplo- Was Celebration Rock worth the Very romantic! fatherland”). Such sentiments reverberate throughout the global community, as dis- matic hero that I am, I decided to sim- three year wait? played in Berlin’s squat-cum-club Katerholzig, where the words “No Countries, No ply combine the two names into one When you factor in that we toured To fi nish off with, in a short but sweet Borders” are painted high enough to be read from the U-Bahn. singular name: Japandroids. for almost two full years behind Post- manner, what is the best record you The sound of punk has been seeded with reggae by Jamaican New Yorkers Bad Nothing, it is really more of a one year have ever bought? Brains, or funked up by the late Minutemen, but purists still remain. As long as you How does London compare to other wait. At least, I can’t help but see it Nighthawks At Th e Diner (Tom Waits, do it yourself, no one has the right to take it away. cities you have toured? that way. I certainly think it was worth 1975) London audiences are without ques- taking our time to record an album Much appreciated Brian. FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER 15

Music Editors: Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter MUSIC [email protected]

IC Radio Special WIN 2 Return Learn more about IC’s premier broadcasters Flights to Belfast

IC Radio, one of the oldest and Schedule coolest student stations in the country, is the official sound of Im- perial College London. Broadcast- Monday: ing and streaming in crystal quality 5pm : The Writing’s on the Wall from icradio.com, we are on air 24 6pm: Honey and Vinegar hours a day, alternating between 7pm: RECESS live shows and playlists from our 9pm: All Mod Cons huge music library. 10pm: The O.P.P. Show Anything and everything goes on 11pm: The eclectic ectoplasm air there’s Best Foot Forward, your weekly dose of the best new music Tuesday: and underground artists while The IC Radio have teamed up with Aer Lingus to give away 2 free return 10am: AKA Happy Hour, hosted by happy Mi- Radio Chart Show, a chart show ÀLJKWVWR%HOIDVW/LVWHQWRWKHVKRZVEHORZIRUWKHFRPSHWLWLRQ 11am: Anime Hour chael, is an hour of random fun and hosted each week by a different stu- TXHVWLRQVDQGVHQGDQVZHUVWRVWXGLR#LFUDGLRFRP 12pm: Modcast LOLz! accompanied by the latest dent station and networked across Best Foot Forward - Tues 8pm 5pm: Faux Pas Fm pop/chart tunes. Mad Craic is an the UK. The AMS Night Bus sees 6pm: You Can’t Play That On Radio award winning, highly entertaining the return of the Alternative Music Matt Colvin’s Sound of Success - Wed 6pm Anymore! blend of banter and music from the Society to IC Radio while Mod- Mad Craic - Fri 8pm 7pm: Radical Vinyl astonishingly Irish Aislinn Hayes cast features British Mod, Ska and 8pm: Best Foot Forward and the wonderfully English Craig Northern Soul of past and present. Happy Hour - Sun 5pm 9pm: Bangin’ Tunes on the Most Awe- Woods while over on Matt Colvin’s Prime Cuts offers up your weekly somest Show in the Entire Universe The Sound of Success the worlds serving of grime, hip-hop and any 10pm: The Late Night Therapy Show of game shows and radio chaoti- deep dark tunes in between, then 11pm: Beneath the Paving Stones, the cally collide as two contestants bat- there’s the wildly eclectic Out- Beach tle it out over 58 minutes to hear house: pretentious music, verbose conversation and a fine choice in Wednesday: anecdotes, all related to ATP. What 1pm: The Attic more could you want? If you’re a fan 3pm: MuiscTech Podcast of rock in all of its forms, tune in 6pm: Matt Colvin’s The Sound of for music and chat with Tom and Success Matt on Rock and Roll Ain’t Noise AMS album of the week 7pm: Prime Cuts Pollution. Then for admirers of 9pm: Don’t think - FEEL modern electronic and bass music Crystal Castles: (III) there’s Touch Bass and Bass Case Thursday: to name just a couple and Through Crystal Castles’ rise to fame has undoubtedly been 11am: Voice Imperial the Looking Glass is a chat show rapid. From their debut album (I) in 2008 to their 12pm: Totally Wired hosted by Giulia, a lover of strong latest release (III), the band has attracted a huge 1pm: Bass Case (VERY STRONG) opinions, inap- fan base. They went from playing in dingy, under- 5pm: The Jumble Sale propriate behaviour and ridiculous ground bars to playing Reading this year. 6pm: Outhouse their song of choice. On the Ec- outfits. With this rise, the band has matured. Their new 7pm: Touch Bass lectic Ectoplasm! Eamonn plays a We have over 100 different shows album (III) is so much different yet so similar to 8pm: Westbound bit of everything and anything with in addition to a back catalogue of their previous two albums. Whereas (I) has a more 10pm: The AMS Night Bus a co-presenter adding their weird our very own ‘live lounge’ style re- friendly feel and a simpler production value, (II) 11pm: Reggae talk show and wonderful music taste into the cordings all available both live and saw the band turn towards more harsh sounds, mix every other week. Then there’s on a listen again service so there’s deeper bass and louder vocals. In essence, (III) can be seen as an extension of their Friday: the Anime Hour, making your life something for everyone. Head on previous work — we still have some computerized vocals and simple but strong drum 1pm: Audible Range sound as epic as anime, one song at over to icradio.com and get listen- beats, however this time round there’s something inherently sadder about the sound. 4pm: The Ornithological Hour a time and the National Student ing! In some songs we hear Alice Glass’ natural voice; a rare and harrowing thing. 5pm: A Few of my favourite things When interviewed about it, Alice has cited oppression and dystopia as major influ- 6pm: Rock and Roll Ain’t Noise ences for the album. We hear this in songs like the opener “Plague” and “Kerosene”. Pollution Both are bold and aggressive. There’s the slow build up of fading tones, vocals, then 7pm: Conspirisay in the Pantray the drum beat and finally the huge synth sound, which is so characteristic of Crys- 8pm: Mad Craic tal Castles’ songs. “Affection” keeps the big sound but slows down the beat, it’s an 9pm: Dynamix emotional song and in my opinion the best on the album. After ‘Affection’ you are 10pm: The Audio Express plunged back into classic ‘Castles with the likes of “Insulin”, “Mercenary” and “Sad 11pm: Down the Rabbit Hole Eyes”. A noisy, electronic mix of heavily compressed vocals and dark drums. The album closes with “Child I Will Hurt You”. I don’t think I can adequately de- Saturday: scribe it here, so I shall just say that it’s beautiful. 24hr music playlists Throughout the album, you hear similarities between other electronic artists though, it’s almost as if (III) is a bit too late on the scene. Artists like Grimes and Pu- Sunday: rity Ring have perfected that big, dirty dance sound and it feels like Crystal Castles 1pm: The Attic are just catching up. 3pm: SRA Chart There’s much to like about (III). It’s almost a perfect album, the only qualm is that 5pm: The Happy Hour they’ve lost some of the unique edge they once had. (III) doesn’t have iconic tracks like 6pm: Through the Looking Glass ‘Crimewave’ and ‘Celestica’, which defined the angry youth of the mid- to late-2000s. 7pm: The Shake and Bake Show However, if you were a fan of (I) and (II), you’ll like this new LP. If you weren’t a fan, 9pm: William Dobson then do give this a listen, either you’ll absolutely love it or become severely depressed. 10pm: The Big Racket! Matt Proctor 16 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, FILM John Park, Lucy Wiles fi [email protected] Great fi lms I hate (or why I should

credible: the eff ects, costuming, cine- Yeap, still here... Katy Bettany matography and scale. And the acting callibre is amazing, but none of this saves the fi lms from essentially being Following on from last week’s feature, long, quite same-y, action sequences. 'Shit fi lms I love', I decided to contin- I think the truth about this trilogy ue my public shaming. Th e following is they are wonderfully executed, but fi lms have caused much contension based on a story that I care little for. Stages of watching Donnie Darko: bored, bored, DAFUQ?!? in the Felix Offi ce – one in particu- I have the same problem with the lar is one of my co-Editor's favourite books – there is a limit to the amount fi lms. But I'm sure everyone has been I care about a gang of tiny, jewellery- there – watching a fi lm that everyone obsessed hairy men. else thinks is amazing/wonderful/life- changing (delete as appropriate), but Donnie Darko (2001) you just can't understand what the fuss is about. It's not that I can't ap- Where to begin? I think the main is- preciate the intrinsic cinematic worth sue is that I just don't get it. I suspect of some of these fi lms, because I can, I'm not alone in this – I have this sus- but that doesn't mean I enjoy watch- picion that most people just pretend ing them. And if everyone can resist to get whatever the hell it is about, the temptation to lynch me/form an but, really, they haven't got a fucking angry mob on campus I'd be very ap- clue. Jake Gyllenhaal plays a teenager preciative... haunted by hallucinations of a large rabbit, which manipulates him to go Lord of the Rings Trilogy on a crime spree. Mixing sci-fi , black (2001, 2002, 2003) comedy and mental illness was always going to be tricky, and from a young, Revolutionary Road (2008) of everyday life. It has amazing pro- So. Boring. I'm going to admit right practically unknown fi lmmaker even duction design and is beautifully shot away that I struggle with fantasy – I more so. Nobody can fault the writer Th is fi lm saw DiCaprio and Winslet by director Sam Mendes. But just be- fi nd it hard to relate to as a genre. I also director Richard Kelly for his imagi- reunited for the fi rst time since Titan- cause I can appreciate the fi lm in an appreciate simplicity in a fi lm - too nation and confi dence of style (which ic in 1997, so naturally I was curious to objective way, doesn't mean I enjoy it. many things to remember/too many would be impressive even in an es- see how their chemisty had changed Th e book, written in the 60s by Rich- characters or species or whatever and tablished director), but he pollutes on screen over ten years on. Th ey ard Yates, was full of black humour in I get frustrated. If I'm going to have to an interesting story with confusing play a suburban couple, the Wheelers, a way that the fi lm isn't, but also al- work so hard to watch a fi lm, it bet- imagery and too much plot layering. whose loveless marriage is irrevocably lowed for much more connection with ter have something special to say (and Donnie Darko is probably more style disintegrating. I understand why this the Wheelers. Investment in the cou- frankly these fi lms don't reap much in than substance, but even the style fi lm is the way it is – slow and stilted ple is essential for the audience of this terms of reward.) misses the mark. Too chaotic and too – refl ecting the mundane suburbia fi lm, because the scripting is light, and But, that's not to say I can't appre- weird for me, and I still don't know the couple fi nd themselves in. Th ey the plot even more so – without it, de- ciate the fantastic things about this what Kelly was trying to say, despite represent the bourgeoise of post war spite its style and moving depiction of trilogy. Th e sheer level of eff ort is in- the fi lm's dedicated cult following. America, plagued by lack of purpose, the subtleties of the human condition, hopeless consumerism and the stasis the fi lm failed to keep my attention.

Sin City (2005)

Th is fi lm disturbed me so much I can't look at Elijah Wood without imagin- ing him limbless and smiling, being gnawed on by a wolf (maybe that's part of the reason I hate LOTR so much.) I know that the fi lm is visually a piece of genius – the production design and cinematography is AMAZING, as is the original score. It has a great cast, but overall I think the fi lm falls into the same 'more style than substance' category. A less than memorable story and overly extreme violence are not "Dammit, I thought I got rid of you on that boat..." made up for by slick camera work and wonderful colour palette and visual shaping. FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER 17

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] dn’t be a Film Editor: The Sequel)

than watch this fi lm again. Th at said, the fi rst time full length director Jared Hess creates an excellent framework for comedy (a fact almost insulting given the cinematic results.) Th ere is plenty of room provided for lead Jon Heder to shine, but his lack of future career success suggests that he lacked the skill to make Napoleon remotely likeable. In short, Napoleon Dynamite is a fi lm a lot less cool than it clearly thinks it is. Fantasia (1940)

I love Disney animation. But this fi lm disappointed me greatly as a child – I kept waiting for the main feature to begin. I couldn't fathom a fi lm without dialogue at that age, and the sinking American Beauty (1999) posed to be a tragicomedy about mid- feeling I felt when I realised this is just dle class American life, but at times animation set to music upsets me no I don’t know if my co-Editor will ever the fi lm verges on the pretentious (the Fight Club (1999) ecuted. For all the fi lm's pretension, by less even now. Th e animation is great talk to me again after including this, iconic scene with Suvari frolicking on the end it ceases to make any kind of (come on, this is Disney, of course it but I can’t pretend to like this fi lm. Th e a bed of roses – rose petals forming a Th e inclusion of this fi lm on my list sense. I've been reliably informed that is) but the concept of animation based fi lm has a great concept, is subversive visual motive throughout – a prime nearly caused a real fi ght in one of my the book on which the fi lm is based on music instead of coherent storyline and well executed in terms of direc- example of this). I don’t hate this fi lm, lectures (not really, but I like to im- is much more coherent. Finally, one doesn't work for me. And I hate the tion, but I couldn’t relate or even con- but I certainly can’t see why it is so agine people get as worked up about of the most annoying things in fi lms music. nect in an objective way to any of the highly regarded (clearly I am in the fi lms as I do). Th is fi lm starts really is when the beautiful hero escapes characters. Kevin Spacey plays a father minority here – it won an Academy well, but it unravels in an epically pre- dangerous situations unrealistically infatuated with his daughter’s hot best Award for Best Picture.) But for me: tentious fashion towards the end, unmaimed – Pitt barely sustains more friend (Mena Suvari). Th e fi lm is sup- underwhelming and self important. becoming a victim of its own clever- than a scratch. ness. Th e fi lm is about masculinity crisis, starring Edward Norton as a Napoleon Dynamite (2004) twitchy 'every man' type, who, when discontented with his dead-end job, Probably my most hated, yet well ex- forms a fi ght club with Pitt, a sales- ecuted fi lm of all time. Widely found man. Th e fi ght scenes are excellently to be hilarious, yet I can’t seem to fath- constructed, and the audio post work om why. Essentially nothing happens is deliciously fl inch-worthy. And the – 90 minutes of nothing. Intended to fi lm has an interesting premise – but be deadpan and quirky, I would rather the twist at the end is inexpertly ex- punch myself in the face repeatedly

Nick Clegg has been promoted up to tea making duty!

Promote yourself to Film This guy clearly sees something he likes... writer by emailing fi [email protected] 18 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, FILM John Park, Lucy Wiles fi [email protected] The Shining of Room 237

Film Writer Fred Fyles Based on a novel by Stephen King, on her face. fi lm. One commentator believes it is Th e Shining’s plot is a relatively simple A large part of what makes Th e Shin- actually about the genocide of Native Th e image of Jack Nicholson leering one: Jack Torrance, played by Jack Ni- ing so haunting is the set and the art Americans, while another argues that out from a hole in a door, his teeth cholson, moves with his wife Wendy direction, overseen by Kubrick, who Kubrick is making a commentary on bared and his eyes manic, has gone (Shelley Duvall) and their son Danny was renowned for his methodical at- the Holocaust. Such outlandish theo- down as one of cinema’s most iconic to Overlook Hotel, a lodge that they tention for detail. Each frame is an ries may seem extreme if it was for any images. It perfectly conveys the un- agree to look after during the long individual work of art, and the small- other fi lm, but Th e Shining is diff erent. settling atmosphere which Stanley winter. Jack, a writer struggling with est details in a scene take on a huge Kubrick’s obsession for precise details Kubrick conjures up in his 1980 fi lm writer’s block, hopes that the isola- importance. Th e Overlook Hotel has means that nothing can be dismissed Th e Shining. Th e fi lm has become in- tion will help him fi nish his novel, but an atmosphere all of its own, the vast, in the fi lm; everything takes on a new grained in our culture, and is often Shelly is more preoccupied with Dan- sprawling lodge becoming a third cen- importance, making some of the theo- used as a benchmark against which all ny’s invisible friend Tony. Danny, it is tral character alongside Nicholson ries very persuasive. Th is makes Th e other horror fi lms can be compared. revealed, has some psychic abilities, and Duvall. Kubrick’s gift in the di- Shining a fi lm that defi nitely deserves However, this has not always been called ‘Shining’, making him sensitive rector’s chair comes across incredibly a second viewing, if not a third. the case; upon release it received a to the past horrors that occurred in strongly in this fi lm, and his direction Th e experience of seeing this fi lm luke-warm response, with critics call- the hotel, centring around the myste- is breathtaking. He has taken the ba- in the cinema cannot be overstated. ing it “an overreaching, multi-levelled rious Room 237. Brutal murders, el- sic plot, and distorted it through his While the new footage included in botch” and describing Shelley Duvall’s evators fi lled with blood, and ghostly camera’s lens into a unsettling psycho- the cut helps to fl esh out the fi lm character as a “simpering, semi-re- apparitions all make an appearance as logical horror, which frequently toys somewhat, the most exciting thing tarded hysteric”. How things change. Jack is driven deeper and deeper into with the viewer, making them ques- about this release is that it allows us Today Th e Shining is widely recog- psychosis. Th e majority of the lines tion what is real and what isn’t. What to view the fi lm as Kubrick intended: nized as one of the greatest horror are given by Nicholson and Duvall, really lies behind the door of Room on the big screen, allowing the specta- Top 10 Box fi lms of all time, and has been estab- who are simply superb, with Nichol- 237? And hasn’t Jack been to the hotel cle to completely envelop the viewer. lished as a modern classic of cinema. son playing the psychotic Jack with a before? Th ese are questions that Ku- In the screening I went to there was Offi ce Films Last week saw the UK premier of the gleeful enthusiasm. Duvall shines in brick leaves unanswered, allowing the a chilling atmosphere in the theatre. US extended edition, which has never her role as Wendy, portraying a wom- viewer to make their own mind up. While the fi lm remains as ‘scary’ as it been shown here before and includes an on the edge, confused and terrifi ed; Th is ambiguity of Th e Shining is ex- was when I fi rst saw it on TV, seeing an extra half hour of footage, meaning she stumbles through the corridors of plored in the fi lm Room 237, a docu- it in the cinema allows the action to 1. Skyfall everyone now has the chance to see the Overlook Hotel, pursued by her mentary released last month that ex- become haunting, visceral, and truly this masterpiece on the big screen. husband, with a look of pure horror plores diff erent theories behind the psychologically terrifying. 2. Madagascar 3

3. Argo I will look for you...

4. Heres Comes the Boom

5. Taken 2 I will find you... 6. Hotel Transylvania

7. The Sapphires

8. Silent Hill: Revelation

And I will kill you... 9. Rust and Bone

10. Paranormal Heeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Johnny!!! Activity 4 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER 19

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] Kneel, obey, submit, comply, surrender

a struggling man’s psyche, but due to out the lost Freddie, and make him re- what happened to him in the past, The Master the many obstacles that stand in the alise his true potential, as well as his what has hurt him most, his insecu- way of the fi lm being a widely acces- place and purpose in life. He’s char- rities: all buried deep in his complex sible experience, it sadly misses out on ismatic, well-spoken, intelligent, and mind web. Director: Paul Thomas Anderson becoming a classic. knows what to say when. And of course, the pair of Volpi Cup Screenwriter: Paul Thomas Although loosely based on the rise Essentially he is very good at what winning performances can truly be Anderson in popularity of the controversial re- he does, as he inspires and moves peo- summed up as a brilliant master class Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Philip ligion Scientology, it would be a mis- ple, which is why he has so many loyal in acting perfection, a duo so well Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams take to assume that this is in any way supporters. His wife, Peggy (the steely matched that their eff orts will not go a piece of expose. Instead we concen- cold but underused Adams), is one of unnoticed. With Phoenix it’s those un- Too close? We don’t think so... trate solely on the story of Freddie his biggest devotees, respecting eve- fl inching eyes that do most of the talk- (Phoenix), a traumatised World War II rything he’s achieved thus far, fi rmly ing. Whenever he loses his way, his Navy veteran who has lost his way. Al- believing that their organisation has downward spiral is quite the dramatic cohol and sex are the two things that much more to accomplish. Th e sud- and disturbing one, with Phoenix quite Full of unclear ideas, the fi lm fails John Park Film Editor he’s addicted to, and he has a special den arrival of this unstable individual literally giving all he’s got physically to be a truly compelling one. Th e knack for producing his own quality is a cause for alarm, as she casts a wea- to the role. His erratic, unpredictable relationship between the two men booze wherever he ends up. Not able ry set of eyes on the stranger. Th eir son changes, at times bordering on psy- seems to be the main focus but even Th ere is no denying that Paul Th omas to secure a job due to his fi ery, uncon- Val (Jesse Plemons) however, is less chosis are so utterly mesmerising that that doesn’t give the audience a clear Anderson (Magnolia, Th ere Will be trollable temper, he decides to sneak convinced about his father’s endeav- if he would only stop trash-talking the enough perception into them to Blood) is the most bold and intelligent aboard a yacht, where a life-changing our: “he’s making all this up as he goes Oscars, he could score an easy win. maintain enough drama and interest director around. He is fearless in un- encounter occurs. along… you don’t see that?” Equally impressive is Hoff man, as throughout its running time. And as dertaking a challenging topic, and his He has very little recollection of the So what is Todd up to? Is he a fraud? the enigmatic leader, calmly using his is the case with most Anderson’s fi lms, deliberate ambiguity in his characters, night he crashed the extravagant party Or does he actually believe in what words and civility to spread his mes- everything looks phenomenal. Th e the deep complexities, the uncomfort- thrown by Lancaster Todd (Hoff man). he’s doing? His methods of teaching sage. He also succeeds in painting a much lauded 70mm does bring out able situations, hard-hitting scenarios, But Todd is intrigued: Freddie’s vola- on human psychology, the repetitive vague picture around the core of his the enhanced quality and his many all make their appearances: very lit- tile behaviour, his childlike qualities, experiments he subjects his members character: at times he seems to believe close-ups into the outstanding actors tle changes in his hotly anticipated his aimless path, and last but not least, to seem crazy and unnerving, but for every word he’s preaching, but there further give them a chance to shine in Th e Master. Dense, heavy narrative? his exceptional ability to make his own a broken man like Freddie, this alter- are moments where he himself seems their diffi cult roles. But here is a fi lm Check. Top-notch performances? very unique brand of alcohol. Todd is nate way of guidance, as well as Todd’s to be lost for answers. Is he a fraud? Is that falls short of true grandeur and Check. You get the feeling that there the founder of a philosophical move- open arms and generosity become ir- he leading a cult? Is he as smart as eve- greatness due to its lack of exploration is something great here – an insightful ment known as “Th e Cause” and with resistible. Todd very gently pulls out ryone makes him out to be? We will into its initially fascinating subject character study of sorts, delving into that he believes it is his duty to help the necessary answers from Freddie, never truly know. matter. He’s just not that into her...nor should he be

erful punch of a fi nale. money and run. And it’s not as though dialogue, fi ts into the role perfectly, People Like Us Sam (Pine) is a struggling business- this thought hasn’t crossed his mind. showing the progressions and changes man whose latest deal lands him in a lot But he decides to stay put, get close to of his role with smooth ease. D’Addario of trouble that also costs him fi nancial- them for a while, and get to know the also plays delicately with a role that’s Director: Alex Kurtzman ly. To make matters worse he receives family he never thought he had. not easy to warm to. He carries a lot Screenwriters: Alex Kurtzman, news that his estranged legendary Creepy? Perhaps. He is essentially of built-up resentment and frustration Roberto Orci, Jody Lambert record-producing father has passed stalking these two. At an Alcohol- towards his mother, and presents with Starring: Chris Pine, Elizabeth Banks, away from cancer. Although trying ics Anonymous meeting Frankie an- the classic signs of a neglected, ignored Michelle Pfeiffer to avoid his tense and uncomfortable nounces her disappointment at be- kid wanting some love. home, he eventually makes it back to ing completely left out of her father’s Waiting for the plot to escalate to his now very much depressed and dis- eulogy in the papers. “It’s offi cial, I its inevitable “confrontation” is quite appointed mother Lillian (Pfeiff er). As don’t exist” she says, appearing strong the long one, as the fi lm wants to if his life couldn’t get any more compli- although clearly this identity issue is squeeze in as much sugary sweetness Come get me booooyyyssss!!! cated, his father has left a little task for aff ecting her. And this is a great per- as it possibly can before having to deal John Park Film Editor him to complete: a shaving kit contain- formance from Banks, an actress who with the heavier drama. Th e feel-good ing 150,000 dollars, enough to cover can skillfully pull off sly, sarcastic, moments are handled with predict- his debts. But the money isn’t for him. confi dent comedy in a role that could able familiarity, mostly with the lovely Her unkept exterior, withdrawn, blank What happens to selfi sh, money-hun- It’s for a certain Josh Davis (Michael have been hampered by teary melo- countryside serving as the backdrop, looks all work tremendously to fi t her gry, cold, heartless bastards in Holly- Hall D’Addario). drama. She has that right mix of cheer- accompanied by easy, soothing music, role as the grieving woman, giving her wood fi lms? Th ey meet a kid. Or they Th e connection? Th e kid’s mother. ful charm as well as strong, intelligent where characters move about without scenes much more power as well as meet a woman. Or both. And oh look, Frankie (Banks), a recovering alcohol- charisma that makes her damaged dialogue, sometimes in slow motion, tranquillity. they do have hearts after all, because ic as well as bartender, is the mother, character fascinating. laughing and smiling at each other’s Th ere are scenes of heartstring tug- they’re human – and everybody has a who also happens to be the illegiti- It’s Sam and Jack who connect fi rst, company. It’s not a particularly bad ging emotions, some forced, some heart, right? Th ere, I’ve just summed mate daughter of the recently passed through their mutual love of music. concept, and it’s certainly not unpleas- genuine, but in the end the fi lm man- up the main story behind People Like record producer. Sam and Frankie are Jack is a borderline sociopathic, self- ant to look at, but sometimes you just ages to fi nd a good balance as it ex- Us, a mostly generic dysfunctional half-siblings. It’s a part of his father’s destructive mess, blowing up his school want the fi lm to move on and check in plores a very human, down-to-earth family drama that could have served life that was always kept a secret from pool with a chunk of sodium and get- with reality. set of characters and relatable plot well as a brief story-arc on a daytime him; no surprises there. Th e only prob- ting into all sorts of trouble. And as It’s also an exciting added bonus points. It’s not the most original, and soap. But I say “mostly” generic, be- lem is that now it’s up to Sam to carry Sam appears Jack does miraculously to see Pfeiff er, whose luminous pres- is a touch too long to be a truly com- cause the fi lm does try to explore its out this act of kindness to an almost sort out his issues almost immediately. ence is often underused, playing the pelling drama, but here is a calm, col- characters more, not always resorting stranger when he can’t even sort his Pine, a likable actor who has his natu- heartbroken widow and mother with lected and thought-provoking off ering to stereotypes, and ends on one pow- life out. It would be easy to take the ral ways and a knack for playful wordy secrets and regrets of her own to bear. that comes far too rarely. M O V E M

WantWant to brightenbrighten uupp evereveryone’syone’s FridaFriday?y? Email: [email protected] Groups and individuals welcome! M B E R

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Help out MoBro’s and MoSista’s by donating to Imperial College Movember at http://bit.ly/ImperialMovember 22 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER

Games Editor: Ross Webster GAMES [email protected] My wild Irish prose Max Eggl rewrites the history of the Emerald Isle in Crusader Kings II

ntro: Murchad mac Diarmata such an idiot. He managed to insult the my bastard child (who I had with my (1026 – 1070) was a King of Duke of Connacht’s wife while he was lover) was born... suspicious... Anyway, I Dublin and Leinster, and if standing next to her... God, I had to send didn’t really want to spend the rest of my Iyou haven’t heard of him, no lots of horses and gifts to keep him from life alone, so I looked round for a good big deal. He didn’t really ac- going to war with me. I HAVE to get rid wife in the bridal catalogue, and then Not pictured – the destruction of the complish that much, and thus his name of Seamus... hmmm I have to see about my eyes fell upon her! Szofi á was a Pol- University of Oxford. Finally has been lost in the realms of history. that. I mean without a good chancellor ish princess (plus points!!) and an abso- However, last week, I decided, with the how am I supposed to fabricate claims lute peach! Married her within a year of aid of Crusader Kings 2, to give the name on other counties? Without any claims I wifey dying. of Murchad new meaning! Playing out cant even legitimately take over places... Th at’s it for now! Till next time!!! I have his life in full glory, and doing things dif- man this King of Ireland thing is looking great things planned, and Rhia has many ferently from the way he did, Murchad harder and harder to achieve. things in motion! (me) achieved crazy things! If you want Anno 1075: Oh God, where to start... Anno 1086: Bad day for the house to discover how this historical fi gure Well dad is fi nally pushing up the dai- mac Diarmata... Donnell passed away lived out his life in my alternate universe, sies! Th at means I’m the Earl of Leinster! from severe stress (is that even possi- read his diary that was discovered and Double trouble! I now have the armies ble?!?!)... anyway gotta live on... at least translated just yesterday! of Leinster and Dublin combined, which I have a beautiful grandson, Fáelán... Anno 1066: To whomever will read makes me one of the most powerful men and even though he prefers to play with this in the future, I am Murchad Mac Di- (behind a few others) in Ireland! So now, dolls instead of swords, I think he has armata, Earl of Dublin! Hopefully when this power (and the extra cash) allowed a lot of promise. Anyway, “What’s new I fi nish this document, I will be what I me to hatch a dastardly plot! I murdered on the King of Ireland front?” you ask. have dreamed of, ever since I was a lit- Seamus (yep, the chancellor, involving Remember the Duke of Connacht? Well tle boy – to be the King of Ireland! I will an unfortunate incident including rocks his son, Ruadri, (whose mother had unite the Green Isle under one banner, and a river), and installed his son Rhi- been insulted) is being a right stroppy punishment is in order). So, we decided it followed that the Isle of Man should and make it the force that it deserves to ann! Such a beautiful plan, and Rhiann little twit. I usurped the title of Duke of Th omond would be fi rst. Th omond, in be Irish property! We ourselves led the be. To accomplish this, I have a devious doesn’t even have a clue!!!! Anyway, so I Connacht (Breifne kinda is part of it, and the southwest, was just a random tar- armies there, and subsequently crushed plan, that hopefully will play out exactly sent Rhia of to Breifne to bribe my way I mean, I’m a much better duke anyway) get, seriously, who could withstand us any resistance! Anyway, so Ruadri (re- as I want it to. Firstly, my dad is the Earl to claiming it for myself (and to stop him and forced him to become my vassal, now!! However, for some reason, Brian member him?) was plotting again, and of Leinster, and therefore I will be the from getting suspicious), and violá, 2 all totally acceptable things! So he gets of Munster came to the aid of the Earl did manage to convince a few people Earl of Leinster when he fi nally kicks the years later, I have the Causus Belli (rea- pissed and starts plotting to kill Fáelán, of Th omond. Split my armies in two, that HE was the Duke of Connacht... bucket... GOD why is it taking so long? son for war) I need to attack Breifne! So yeah I know, shocking. Th e NERVE of crushed him and crushed Th omond too. He just doesn’t know when to give up! Patience, Murchad, patience, your time in 1068, my troops overran that place, some people. Really, I had him thrown However, we felt a bit merciful, as Brian Anyway, we fi nally had him executed, will come, just gotta keep repeating that. and now you may also call me the Earl of in to my dungeon... kinda was forced had become a cripple in some battle, so as he was getting annoying and nobody Secondly I have to change these god- Breifne! So now with the army of three to let him out though, after everyone we let him go home and keep Munster a ever doubted us being the Duke of Con- damn succession laws. I mean, C’MON, counties, I looked for my next target! threatened to declare war on me. Sucks while longer. A year later, in our pledge nacht anymore! A year ago, there were who the hell still uses Gavelkind Suc- Luckily for me Rhiann dug out an old to be not as powerful as all your enemies to free Ireland from the tyranny of rebel revolts in Desmond... We are wonder- cession these days? You’re like, “What’s history book where it claimed (rather combined. Oh yeah, I also took over lords, we took over Ormond and Des- ing why. With such a benevolent King, Gavelkind?” Exactly! No one even dubiously) that Ossory was part of the Ulster, after Rhi had fabricated a claim, mond, then we were feeling generous, who would ever want to revolt? Anyway, knows about it. Well basically when I duchy of Leinster! Since I am the Earl saying my uncle’s mother’s dog had been and gave the royal Irish army Christmas we crushed the peasants and crucifi ed die, my stuff won’t go to my oldest child, of Leinster, I mean it’s not thaaat much the Earl of Ulster, which means it’s mine off ! Th at’s all till now in Ireland. every tenth survivor! Th at should teach but will be split up in even bits for all of of a step to be the duke, right? Well, you now. Pretty standard stuff . Also I cre- So what’s up in England!? We have them! them. Th e fact that I have 3 kids doesn’t might not agree, but it was enough for ated the title of Duchy of Meath just be- been getting strange messages, that Oh... also Szofi á died. She was our really help. So my fi rst plan on the me! I started calling myself the Duke cause I could. Good times! Th at means there are now two factions in England, everything. We almost committed sui- agenda is changing it to seniority suc- of Leinster (instead of just an earl!) and now I am the Duke of Meath, Leinster one that styles itself as “Lancaster” and cide in the following months, but we cession! Boom Shakalaka, now Donnell now had the reason to take over Ossory! and Connacht as well as the Earl of Ul- one that calls itself “England”. Th ese were too important to do that. However, (my oldest son) is my heir! Perfetto, now Piece of cake! ster. My plan is coming to fruition, soon two seem to be at war with each other... we swore to ourselves, that we would my realm won’t be split up when I meet Hmmmm what else happened....oh when I own more than half of Ireland, hmmmm I wonder at the possibilities. remain celibate... at the age of 80 that is my maker! Next thing on the agenda is yeah wifey died, can’t really remember I will be able to crown myself King of If they are still fi ghting once we have easy anyway, we think! Anyway we are getting rid of my chancellor. Seamus is a her name! She died about the same time Ireland, MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (P.S. mopped up here, we can perhaps cut very tired now... more tired than usual. Gotta do it fast though... I’m 60 now, ourselves a slice off of England as well.... We hope that we our kingdom survives most people don’t even live to 50 these hmmmm! and lives on... Fáelán will have to make days... gotta hurry up!) Anno 1106: Yes dear reader, this King an amazing king, to hold all the earls Anno 1096: Ladies and gentlemen, is still alive and kicking, even though we in check. We however do not care any- may we present you: THE KING OF have reached the respectable age of 80! more, we are giving this kingdom to the IRELAND!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAAH- So what has happened in the past few next generation. HAAHAH. Yes, dear reader, we have years? We managed to free Oriol (1097), Th e following day, the King was found successfully battled, bribed and fabri- Tyrone (1098, whose earl was waging dead! He had peacefully died in his sleep. cated our way to the Irish throne! Th e war in Scotland at the time. How consid- While this story may be over, the story looks on the people’s faces when we an- erate, it made it that much more easier) of Fáelán and the Kingdom of Ireland is nounced our royal ancestry and there- and fi nally Tyroconnel (1099). Finally, not! fore claim to the Irish throne was MAG- control of all of Ireland! Success. How in- Conclusion: Now you may be won- NIFICENT. We are now known as King teresting, that we, as a young child, could dering, if what I wrote here is a pure Murchad I ‘the Great’ of Ireland! Sounds have dreamed so big and then achieved fi gment of my imagination. I swear to COME AT ME BRAH....! great, we know! Anyway, once we had it! Anyway Rhi was (and is) still around, you, it is not! All that was written by risen to shoulder this great responsibil- now Chancellor of Ireland (he certainly Murchad, actually did really occur in the ity, we started to declare war on all the moved up with us), and as we were game! So if you are thinking, “Hey this rebel factions that still controlled more bored, we sent him to fabricate a claim game sounds way cool!” then get your- OH GOD! Don’t hit me! Anything but than half of Ireland, and free the poor on the Isle of Man! Since he did fi nd a selves a copy of Crusader Kings 2, and the face! It took hours to look like this! helpless peasants (thinking about it... the record of our grandfather’s horse, be- see who you can make King. Create your peasants weren’t actually that grateful; ing ridden by the Earl of the Isle of Man, own history! EXCUSE ME with SIAS Tonight 20:00 - 02:00 £2.50 Sias will be taking you through the history of house and space disco.

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Technology Editor: Jason Parmar TECHNOLOGY [email protected] SX-907 Bluetooth Headphones Max Eggl discovers an incredible pair at a banging price, just £30. Get in!

es, dear readers, I have 5-10m. So if you are at home, listen- cess of ripping apart the wrapping. hard to use properly without mak- tablets and computers and it has all recently discovered the ing off your laptop with your head- As I got to the actual box, I was ing mistakes. These headphones worked flawlessly. I even managed world of wireless head- phones, you can easily just stand slightly disappointed. The picture also have a rudimentary mic, so to use them while my laptop was Yphones. Two weeks up, get that can of Red Bull [Felix on the outside had obviously been right away I started a phone call. on the other side of my apartment ago, bored and not in no way endorses Red Bull over its photoshopped (badly) to include The quality of the audio was good (with walls in between). Annoy- feeling like untangling my normal imitators] from the fridge, all with- the headphones, and it all looked enough, but the mic was not up to ingly though, I have found that the headphones, I decided to peruse out the hassle of losing your music. kind of cheap. Not only that, but scratch: it was not transmitting well buttons on the side of the headset the various stores of the internet, So with all these pros, you must there was no user manual, and the enough. So I guess receiving and are very easily pressed, so I keep to discover if the World Wide Web be thinking, hey, what’s the catch? headphones just lay in the package. making phone calls are not on the pausing in songs, but that may just had anything to tickle my fancy. Lo Well, battery drain is about the big- This was not the way I expected my agenda. As I turned off the music be me. Also, while studying in the and behold, on Amazon, I stum- gest con if you are on the move. Us- Bluetooth headphone relationship I noticed a quiet beeping/“weird Library, I did get the complaint bled upon a whole array of Blue- ers have experienced about double to start. machine” sound in the right head- that my headphones were too loud. tooth headphones, and, perhaps the battery usage on their smart- However, things seemed to look phone. Although this does not real- While this may not be a con for my- more surprisingly, very (and I mean phone when they listen to music up from there. The headphones ly disturb me, as my music drowned self per se, it might annoy others. VERY) attractively priced ones. with their Bluetooth headphones. weren’t exactly beautiful (mostly out this noise, for people who listen My last con for these headphones I had previously visited an Apple So if you’re someone who uses your plastic), but for 20 quid I hadn’t to music at lower volumes, this may is that, because they use plastic for store (to check out the iPad mini) smartphone a lot, as well as not hav- expected them to look great. I be irritating. everything, wearing these things for and had seen headphones priced at ing much access to a charger all day, turned them on, a beep greeted me A week after purchasing these an hour did make my ears hurt, as £300, so to see these puppies be- wires may still be the best option for and, nicely enough, they were fully puppies, I have fully charged them well as my scalp feel very uncom- ing displayed from £20 to £70 was you. There are also concerns about charged. This was signalled by the once (still going strong) and have fortable. really astounding! Anyway, before safety, as you are open to people light on the side of the headphones. used them in every conceivable All in all, for the price that I got I launch into my review of one of taking control. You are pretty much This light is the only way that the place (Library, train, walking etc). these headphones, they are excel- these headphones that I purchased, opening up your device to others headphones can communicate with They’ve passed all of the tests with lent and I give them a very impres- I will firstly talk pros and cons of who also have Bluetooth, although you, so this little lightbulb has many flying colours, using about 6% of sive 9/10. However, considering the Bluetooth/wireless headphones in this issue has largely been resolved different variations (red, blue, alter- my phone battery per hour. This is fact that they deliver in such spec- general. in recent years. Some people also nating, it does it all), which is ex- quite good as it means that I have tacular manner, my question is why So what are all the advantages of seem to think that the sound quality tremely bright. Without the manu- about 10 hours of listening to mu- don’t many more people have these Bluetooth headphones? Well the suffers with Bluetooth headphones. al it took me a while to pair these sic! I’ve paired them to phones, things? fact that you don’t actually have a While this may be true if you have babies with my phone, but after a wire is beneficial in many different your phone 10 meters away, if it’s while I got it and it was surprisingly ways. The lack of a wire also im- in your pocket/bag/immediate area painless, with a nice little beep to plies a lack of consequent tangles, it sounds IDENTICAL to a wired confirm I had paired successfully. so when you decide to listen to mu- connection of the same price range. Then came the big test, the mu- sic you just pull your headphones So why are Bluetooth head- sic. I had chosen a set playlist to test out of your bag and you’re ready to phones/earphones such a rare com- everything on my new headphones, go! Also, when I have headphones/ modity? Well, I believe that the and started out with “Numb/En- earphones, the wire tends to be the widespread usage of these devices core” by Jay-Z and Linkin Park, weakest link of the whole thing, and has been curbed by the expecta- to be the virgin track. The first thus usually breaks first. When the tion that they are really expensive! beat blew me away. For £20, I was wire is faulty it impairs the whole That’s why I am here to review my hearing some of the best quality I listening experience, for example own £22.97 headphones; to see if had EVER heard, and all wireless only being able to hear from one good headphones really do cost a to boot. Also, they weren’t too un- ear sucks. With the Bluetooth stuff, lot, or if bargain hunters can also comfortable, and blocked out sur- there is no cable to be the weak- win! rounding sound very nicely. There est link, and therefore the After I had seen the Bluetooth are buttons on the sides of the thing as a whole stereo Headset SX-907 on headphones, allowing you to do the is less likely Amazon, I believed it elementary functions you would to break. was too good to be normally do on your phone. The If, like me, you lis- tr ue. I mean, how can volume/fast forward button is a ten to lots of mu- t h e s e things look so bit haphazard though, and I don’t sic that requires a nice, do what they do think I will be using it much as it is certain degree of head and cost un- der £25? banging, then the wire- After lots of debating less environment of the I decided to s p l a s h For £20, I Bluetooth headphone will out, convincing m y s e l f allow you the freedom to by saying I would start go- head bang to your heart’s ing to those free lunches was hearing content! Lastly, but cer- those societies all seem to tainly not least, of the organise! When pros is the fact my some of the that these de- package vices have a finally range of came in best quality about the mail, I was ex- tremely sound I’ve excited. I dropped every- thing and started EVER heard the arduous pro- “” FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER 25

Technology Editor: Jason Parmar [email protected] TECHNOLOGY More Jelly Bean and Nexus Yong Wen Chua checks out Androids latest OS and looks at Nexus

Three screenshots from the new camera enhancements: Panoramics (above), quick access controls (middle) and hipster filters (right)

hile Hurricane for sharing with the rest of the world. Family of Nexus Devices Google hopes to spur the OEMs to screens, Google is looking to the Nex- Sandy was wreck- Th e camera has received a new inter- It may be well and nice that Android produce hardware that match and ex- us 7 and the Nexus 10 as “bootstraps” ing havoc on the face that allows you quick access to 4.2 has some new exciting features ceed that of the Nexus devices. It also for more tablet applications. WEast Coast of camera settings. Of course, this new but, as carriers and Original Equip- hopes that OEMs will be motivated America, those of update also comes with the obliga- ment Manufacturers (OEMs) like to to provide updates in a timely man- Future Nexus and Key Lime us on the other side of the pond were tory increase in the number of fi lters do what they do best, many phones ner and not to bog down their devices Pie left disappointed when Google had to available that allow people to further might never see the update. Th is is with additional software that will cancel a press event in New York. But “instagram-ise” their photos without why Google has the Nexus series of hamper the user experience. With the holiday season upon us, fear not – for Google has managed to needing to use Instagram. devices that allow you to experience Most importantly, the new Nexus Google is hoping that more consum- release new details on a new version the purest Android version that will devices hope to spur the development ers will buy Android devices, especial- of Android and a new family of Nexus Usability Enhancements receive any updates to Android fi rst. of tablet applications for the Android ly the tablets. With Android phones of devices that are available right now, Google Now, the software that makes And for the fi rst time, Google has an- platform. As Tim Cook very nicely already dominating the smartphone by press time. use of the tons of data that Google nounced a family of Nexus Devices pointed out in his iPad mini keynote, market, Google is eyeing the tablet has on you to provide you with useful that are “worthy of the Nexus name”. the tablet application ecosystem on market with great interest, seeing that Android 4.2 - Still Jelly Bean and timely live information, has been Th ere is the Nexus 4, 7 and 10 for Android is atrocious. After releasing Apple has held its dominance with Android 4.2 is a new version of An- updated to make use of even more of a 4 inch phone, 7 inch tablet and the the Nexus 7 earlier this year, there the iPad for quite a while. Th e new droid, still called Jelly Bean (after your data – your emails! Google Now 10 inch tablet respectively. Th ey are has been an increase in the number Nexus devices look great, in terms of Google’s propensity to name Android will now remind you of any fl ight available now on Google Play store of developers adapting their applica- performance, usability and aesthetics. versions alphabetically after deserts), check-ins, hotel check-ins and even for very competitive prices. Th e un- tions to the 7 inch form factor. Google We can only wait with bated breath to that brings incremental changes to delivery timings. Th is is not a new locked 16GB version of Nexus 4 is hopes that this will happen again as see what they have in store next year keep Android ahead of its competi- feature for Android 4.2 per se as it’s available for just £279. Th e Nexus 4 high quality 10 inch tablets enter the with a whole new series of Nexus de- tion. Th e version sees improvements available for (the few) Android 4.1 de- has received very positive reviews market and set a trend. As the 7 inch vices and the next version of Android in its camera, security and usability vices out there as well. from major news outlets. Th e Nexus applications work well on the 10 inch slated to be called “Key Lime Pie”. features among many others. Of in- Android 4.2 also introduces sev- 10 sports an impressive 2560 x 1600 terest to most users would be the eral usability enhancements to bring pixels screen that puts the iPad’s reti- camera and usability enhancements. about extra polish to the interface and na display to shame, in terms of hard keep Android in front of competi- numbers at least. Prezi Ambassador Camera Enhancements tion. Quick settings is now available While consumers drool over the de- If you’ve ever seen those Google in the notifi cation shade that allows vices, Google has strategic reasons for Prezi, that awesome presentation software, are looking for an Street View cars ply along the roads you to access frequently used set- introducing the whole host of Nexus Imperial Ambassador, could you be it? taking sneaky photos of unsuspecting tings. Th is can be activated by a but- devices. Th e fi rst reason is to cater to pedestrians for publication on Google ton in the notifi cation shade or by enthusiasts who like to have the un- The Prezi Ambassador is responsible for increasing the Maps, you might be glad to know that swiping down the notifi cation shade adulterated Android experience while “Prezense” at Imperial and giving out a ton of cool Prezi goodies. you can also do that now in Android with two fi ngers. Widgets can now be having any updates pushed to them 4.2. Dubbed “Photo Sphere”, you can placed on the lock screen, allowing fi rst. Th ink of these devices like the The role also includes the chance to go to California or Budapest to use the same technology that pow- you quick access to information with- devices Apple releases – fi rst class cit- intern at Prezi as well as win prizes (including iPads). ers the Street View cameras in your out unlocking the phone. Th e default izens in terms of software treatment. phone to take 360 degrees panorama Android keyboard now has “Swype” Th e Nexus programme has always To find out more check out the official Prezi for the Ambassador shots worthy of your non-Android features allowing you to slide your been envisioned to be the hardware programme at: http://goo.gl/Kx5AM friends’ envy. If you count yourself fi ngers across the keys to type. Mul- benchmarks for the other OEMs to as an expert photographer, you can tiple user profi les are also available on follow. By having stellar hardware All interested candidates should e-mail Ashley: even upload them to Google Maps Android tablets. with a good software experience, [email protected] 26 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER Food Editors: Carol Ann Cheah, Sophia Goldberg, Yiango FOOD Mavrocostanti [email protected] What’s In My Lunchbox? #01 Carol Ann Cheah ponders “ladies who (liquid) lunch” this winter

h, winter. Th e season when just about eve- rything seems to drop: A temperatures, num- ber of daylight hours, moods, hemlines (well, depending.) It’s around this time of the year when us Food Editors face a dilemma when packing our lunches – we need more warm/hot sustenance, so our fallback of sarnies and salads just won’t do, even with a cuppa after. At the same time though, QTR/FiveSixEight/East- side Bar meals can add up, and we’re really not about to give up the packed lunch habit yet. Enter soup, our favourite solution (ha!) to the issue at hand. It’s an every- man’s meal that’s more than your “fa- vourite freshers’ fl u remedy”, or the I souppose you want a typical posh-restaurant starter. pun here or something? Th ere’s a reason we love them so much. Th ey’re not just fun to eat; they’re a great way to use up leftovers, and keep well in the freezer so can be made well in advance (lazy week- better; but that isn’t always needed. depend on how much time you have/ nae take away! you’ll be transporting your soup in end cooking, anyone?) Th e most ba- To make soups heartier, the options are willing to spare – we’re into in- If you *really* must use store- for that packed lunch. It needs to seal sic concoctions won’t take you hours are yet again limitless. Mulligatawny stant gratifi cation as well. Our method bought stock cubes/bouillon, check properly, unless you’re particularly to slave over or require some fancy uses rice as its starch of choice, oth- of choice involves bunging a chicken the amount of salt that’s already there. keen on consuming remnants of your French cooking technique; but once ers use dried or tinned beans (do boil carcass/chicken bones (from a roast Chances are you probably won’t need lunch from your lovely lecture print- you’ve built up your skills and confi - the dried beans in water fi rst to soften chicken, or raw direct from your to add extra salt. outs or the inside of your bag. We dence, soup recipes then have plenty though.) A very easy option (and one butcher for cheap) in a pot with some like our trusty Th ermos-es – for the of wiggle room for you to start jazzing you’ve probably come across as a kid chopped onion and garlic cloves, plus ...and two smoking barels more liquid ones you’ll be fi ne with them up more. Th e end product can in the form of alphabet soup) is pasta; some chopped leftover veg (leek/ Th ere are two important...er, ves- standard Th ermos fl asks (same ones be as cheap or expensive as you want: chucking in boiled pasta bits in a soup carrot/celery works well) with just sels you’ll be needing in the process, meant for hot water/coff ee/etc); but it depends on your ingredients. If your is a good way to make them go further. enough water to cover. Bring to the amongst others. Th e fi rst is obviously for the heartier ones that actually need cooking process does NOT include For thickening, it again depends boil, skim impurities, lower heat, leave the (stock)pot, where all the magic a spoon, you’ll defi nitely need those the directions “pull back tin lid” or what your ingredients are. If you’ve got for half an hour and adjust seasoning happens. Make sure it’s nice and big food jars with a wider mouth to com- “microwave on HIGH for ** minutes”, potatoes, peas, pumpkin or the like, – then strain and use immediately, or enough to hold your ingredients, with fortably dip your spoon in. Th ese can all the better. chances are you’ll probably be doing fridge/freeze portions. If you can’t get a bit more room at the top – lest you cost anything from a fi ver to almost “Soup” is such an umbrella term: it the thickening job by pureeing with a hold of a carcass, making from fresh run the risk of things boiling over and twenty quid, depending on the retailer. encompasses every fl avour and tex- handblender. “Cream of” soups tend to with wing tips keeps the cost down losing some of your end product (be If you’re really cheap, wide-mouth ture imaginable. Some days we enjoy have fl our sprinkled on the ingredients but maintains fl avour. it stock or the actual soup.) If you’re Mason jars that are used for jam/hon- rich, decadent “cream of” concoc- and then stirred in to make a roux just Unlike baking, soup isn’t an exact pressed for time, a pressure cooker ey will work if you’re using it to store tions; other days, clearer Asian broths before the liquid is added to it. If you science – it’s very much “handful of works well in getting your meat and frozen soup portions, and have access (miso and the like) are more up our al- do that, stir it as thoroughly as you can; this/pinch of that” cooking. If it’s too veg soft in half the time (or less) usual- to a microwave (just leave room for ex- ley. Still other days we’re privy to get- but don’t worry about the odd lump – thick, add stock/water/milk; if it’s ly required by traditional on-the-stove pansion during freezing.) Take out the ting our handblenders out and slurp- it’ll go when the liquid is added in. lacking in fl avour, season a bit. Be boiling – just make sure you read the frozen soup jars in the morning, bag ing our pureed results after. careful though, go slow when you do instructions. them, and then reheat until piping hot Of course, we’re all analytical people Stock... this – you can always add, but ye can- Th e other important vessel is what during lunch. here at Imperial; so what’s the use of Whatever way you look at it, stock this feature if we don’t give you a de- is pretty much at the heart of soups. tailed breakdown of this dish’s anato- Asians even have the term “master Cream of mushroom soup with crispy bacon bits my to pore over? stock” for their broths; in their soups, if you fudge the stock up it’s bust for Ingredients: taste/consistency) to the boil, then let simmer for up to Lock... the fi nished soup – there’s nothing 4 rashers bacon, rind off and chopped 150ml double cream 30 minutes (you’ll see it thicken up As said before, the ingredient combi- to mask it, so there’s nowhere for the into small bits (both streaky and back Oregano and parsley (dried is okay) nicely.) Taste and adjust seasoning – nations are endless when it comes to stock to “hide” (unlike some soups bacon are fine) -– optional garnish Oil or butter for frying add some oregano at this stage. soup. Stuff like chicken, mushroom, that puree the ingredients after.) Stock 1 onion, finely chopped Add in half of the cream (75ml) tomato, pumpkin and pea etc are the matters because there’s no use hav- 2-4 cloves garlic, finely chopped (de- Bacon garnish: Heat up a small and stir, then pour into bowls. Whip usual fail-safe staples, so you can’t go ing fl avourful ingredients in a “broth” pends how much you like it) amount of oil in a frying pan, then the rest of the cream until stiff peaks wrong with those fl avours if you’re just of plain water; that would be akin to 375g mushrooms, finely chopped bung in the bacon bits and fry until form. Garnish with the bacon bits, a starting out. It’s then up to you to mix leaving your veggies in the water that (use any kind of fresh mushrooms crisp. Remove and set aside on paper spoonful of the whipped cream, and in whatever takes your fancy – we once you used to boil them and drinking you want, or even a mix. I made this towels to drain. a sprinkling of chopped parsley. Omit experimented with a chicken, seafood said water. Tasteless – why would you? with a mix of chestnut and white, Saute the onion, garlic and mush- the extra whipped cream if you’re and chorizo concoction, which we Stock-making tends to vary from portobellos would work) rooms in oil/butter until fragrant, packing this for lunch. thought only existed in paella. How laborious methods that produce rich 2-3 tablespoons of plain flour soft and just starting to colour. Sprin- Serve with a slice of crusty but- wrong we were. and complex broths, to simple “bung- 600ml stock (chicken/vegetable) kle the flour on and stir until evenly tered bread – feeds 4 as a starter, or Soup’s commonly consumed with in-and-forget” methods as well. We 100-200ml milk (adjust according to mixed, then add stock and milk. Bring 2 as a main meal. a side of crusty bread to fi ll you up appreciate that what you prefer will FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER 27

Business Editor: Deepka Rana [email protected] BUSINESS Get up and Chase the Dream! Annabelle Mayers breaks down common startup excuses

or some, overcoming not facilitate the best matchmaking seriously rich and generous relatives endless hurdles is a mem- resulting in a low success rate. Over it may be a difficult sector to break ory they wish to leave the past few years new models have into. However, not all businesses F behind with school PE sprung up targeted at niche sections need such serious sums of money in- lessons. For others the of the population. These sites strive vested into them. Many modern day uncertainty, challenge and commit- to make suitable matches and ensure entrepreneurs have mastered ‘Boot- ment involved in developing a start- like-minded people are introduced strapping’; the art of creating some- up is what provides the buzz that to each other. You only have to thing from the resources available to gets them out of bed each morning. glance at the tube adverts to see the you. A common mistake is throwing selection on offer from profession- money away on the likes of renting Motivations: alsingles to uniformdating.com. Not office space and hiring permanent There are a multitude of reasons advertised on the London under- staff. There is usually no need to why people wish to create a start- ground are those such as Geek2geek fork out for such expenses; there are up but a few factors often prevail. and farmersonly.com. By building countless tales of folks starting out Firstly, the opportunity to manage on an existing idea those behind the with a laptop and their dining room your own time – undoubtedly the array of new sites have learnt from table. Avoiding such costs will pre- Richard reckons you’ll be alright hours will be long and there will be the mistakes of original players and vent you from depleting the money sleepless nights, but for some this is earned their share of the $2.1 billion you do have and leave more to invest considered preferable to being ac- market. So, don’t be deterred by the in the key components required for countable and having to turn up to fact your idea is out there in some your start-up. A useful piece of ad- the office at 9am day in day out. Sec- form. If you are able to spot funda- vice from the author of ‘Rich Dad, tle about. find a mentor – somebody who has ondly, it is desirable to feel your time mental flaws and think up inventive Poor Dad’ is, ‘Don’t buy what you Unless you are jack of all trades experienced the rocky path that lies and energy is being invested into solutions you may be able to secure can borrow and don’t borrow what you are likely to need people with ahead of you. Often they have been controlling your own future and de- a fraction of the market. you can get for free’. Participants complementary skills to yours. In helped along the journey and will veloping your brainchild as opposed of the recent Imperial Apprentice some cases outsourcing work is the be more than happy to support you to slaving away working for a large Challenge proved just how much answer but do not underestimate with advice on mistakes to avoid and corporation. Finally, whilst there is a London is value can be created from nothing. the value of having one’s attention things to consider. Imperial Entre- risk of loss there is also potential to Starting with a paperclip they man- fully invested in the start-up. Whilst preneurs hold, ‘Start-Up Mondays’ rake in the cash. aged to make hundreds of pounds in you may be reluctant to dilute your with regular speakers every two A friend suggested there are three buzzing with a few hours by trading the paperclip shares in the business, inviting a weeks – on Monday this week they ways to become very rich: Work ex- for items of more value and eventu- new member into the founding team had the CEO from TransferWise, tremely long hours for someone else networking ally selling their trades. Rather than may be the reason your business be- an online platform for transferring (read: investment baking), do some- “ getting stuck on the treadmill of full comes a success. Imagine you are money abroad without the use of thing illegal (whilst drug dealing/ events and time employment that so often fol- being paid per hour and your suc- banks as the middle man. Whilst the weapon smuggling may be lucrative lows graduation, why not put your cess does not depend on the suc- UK may be in a mess economically/ it’s probably not the key to a bright energy into creating value and cap- cess of the business – you are likely politically/socially and every other future) or finally work for yourself. opportunities ture your share of the money up for to do your work as required and get ‘ally’ it is a big player in the start-up In this article we’ll explore the latter grabs? on with your life. Now imagine you scene. London is buzzing with net- option. to meet fellow Realistically you may need invest- have significant equity in the busi- working events and opportunities ment further down the line and ness and its success could make you to meet fellow entrepreneurs. Old The Idea entrepreneurs there are plenty of organisations very rich and happy. Yes, you’ll put Street (Silicon roundabout) has be- How many times have you found offering this in return for equity. in the extra hours, think outside come the ‘Silicon valley’ of London. yourself procrastinating work by For example, Studentupstarts was the box and throw your energy into Look out for conferences, talks and daydreaming about business ideas? founded by an Imperial Student and making the project prosper. network opportunities. The start-up It is a shame to think of all these That is not to say you should dis- offers up to £15,000 investment for Students are in a great position to scene in the UK is growing so make ideas being mulled over and not miss innovative ideas. By making the promising entrepreneurs. However, develop a business; not only do they yourself part of it… I hope to follow executed. One of them could be a first move you have the advantage of it is unlikely you’ll receive funding have more time and less to lose than my own advice and see you there! gem – the next Facebook perhaps? securing the target market before without some proof of concept so the typical adult with a steady job, I met some boys who keep an ‘Idea competitors arrive. A daring” man get the ball rolling, see how far you family and mortgage but they are Little Steps book’ where they note down ideas who did just that is Jay Nemeth – can make it and if you envisage the surrounded by thousands of young The road to entrepreneurial suc- – however crazy – and brainstorm the man behind the Zero-G cameras need for funding apply for it. What people in the same position, with cess is obviously easier said than each one. Many of the ideas end up that filmed Felix Baumgartner in do you have to lose? bright minds and ready to make done but who knows whether your being scrapped but by discussing his recent Red Bull sponsored jump their path in life. If you envisage go- idea will hit off if you never try it? their thoughts and combining ideas from space. Jay saw an opportunity The Team ing into the fashion sector perhaps Take small steps and get the process they have managed to create feasible in the emerging space tourism pro- Having a solid team is vital for suc- you should scout talent from a more moving. Nothing will happen by just business plans. grammes, pursued his passion and cess. It is generally advised not to gender balanced University than ‘thinking’. So, don’t moan about your I read a striking essay written by got to work on creating remote con- combine friends and finance, how- Imperial but say for example you re- boss, disliking your job or lack of ex- a successful businessman who pro- trolled cameras that could withstand ever I feel this advice should not be quired a programmer for your web- citement if you say you never tried. posed that you don’t necessarily such conditions as those found in taken as a given. Whilst it may lead site… need I say more? Look out for Imperial Entrepreneurs need a revolutionary or even new space. Red Bull happened to be look- to discrepancies, which could affect start-up weekend and Ideas em- idea – you simply have to do better ing into how to film the feat when not only the running of the business Seeking Advice powered next term. Attending such than the competition. Look at dating Jay announced that he’d been work- but also your personal life, good Sites such as inc.com and youngen- events can expose you to likeminded websites for example. The market is ing on that very thing. It wasn’t only friends fully understand how each trepreneur.com provide a daily di- people and give you an insight into huge due to a reduction in the stig- Felix who landed on his feet. other work, know each other’s skills, gest of interesting and eye-opening what the path could entail. ma attached to meeting your partner experiences and weaknesses and are articles. Reading around may be the I’ll leave you with words of wis- online and growing numbers of ca- Funding often a tried and tested team. This starting point you need to give you dom from Richard Branson, King of reer driven people who do not have Starting businesses in sectors such could be more valuable than trying the confidence and advice you need entrepreneurism, ‘It’s going to be a the time to find a companion. Yet, as biotech and oil requires huge ini- to suss out a stranger and risk work- to pursue your business idea. If you tough Journey, you had better enjoy until recently, dating websites did tial investments and unless you have ing alongside someone you know lit- decide to do so it will be invaluable to it!’ 28 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER

Politics Editors: Padraic Calpin POLITICS Marie-Laure Hicks [email protected] A GCSE by any other name... Joseph Spiking explains the EBacc is more than just a rebranding

n 2015, the biggest reduce coursework, get rid of the a signifi cant minority of university impact on social mobility”. Th is is educational reform of our factors that encourage teaching to the courses. Th e possible impact of this possibly one of the most troubling generation shall be put into test and, above all, ensure there is just was considered by UCAS, who argue counter arguments for Michael Reforms... I place. Th e much maligned one exam board for each subject, we that the reforms “could create a two Gove, the Minister for Education in a tackle only one GCSE shall be replaced with can restore faith in our exams”. tier system, where some subjects Coalition Government that has four the ‘English Baccalaureate’ (EBacc), Th e reception to the proposed lose value, and students may be Eton educated white males in the the brain child of the Coalition’s changes has been mixed, some of the discriminated against because of four most important and infl uential aspect of a combined educational reforms. sternest criticisms coming from the subject choice”. In reality, this has jobs in the country (Prime Minister, “complex Th is initial bout of reformation is teaching unions, NASUWT and NUT. probably happened – the Russell Group Chancellor, Mayor of London and reserved only for specifi c subjects – NASUWT General Secretary, Chris have already voiced their preference the Archbishop of Canterbury). Th e Mathematics, English Literature and Keates, recently said that the changes for specifi c subjects. However, UCAS argument is even more troubling due problem Language, Chemistry, Biology and were part of a “cynical and wholly go further in their criticisms and say to its validity – state comprehensives Physics. However, Geography, History unjustifi able attempt to discredit that there is “a potential for negative and further education colleges thrive and the languages shall also get to the quality and rigour of the GCSE on the arts and the social science and undergo the EBacc transformation in qualifi cation”. NUT has criticised The Independent by discrediting the qualifi cations one 2017, the inclusion of the Languages the proposed reforms, arguing that gains by studying them, one discredits being hailed by Stephen Twigg, the they shall just “test memory and the institutions and the pupils that shadow Minister for Education. essay writing, which are not crucial study them. ” Is the change going to be reserved skills for the majority of jobs or life “Check out my new Another criticism lies behind the to the name of the qualifi cation? Th e today”. Sir Nicholas Serota, Director glasses! So groovy.” exclusion of vocational subjects, with answer to this is a resounding no. Th e of the Sadler Wells Th eatre, raised the Michael Gove, the reforms focusing on academic EBacc unashamedly harks back to the point of the arts subjects that have Education Secretary and subjects, thus ignoring the need for old days of the O level, where more been excluded from the Eng Bacc Star Trek believer a vocational qualifi cation that carries emphasis was placed on grammar, qualifi cation, stating that the arts the same weight as their academic spelling and punctuation. Also, the “are integral to our understanding of counterparts. With the talk of a current tiered GCSE system shall the world, as important as reading, ‘technical baccalaureate’ fallen by be scrapped, alongside the modules writing, geography and arithmetic”. the wayside, this has worried many used to divide the GCSE into bite Th e architect Richard Rogers, whom commentators and business leaders size chunks. Th ere shall also be no worked on the iconic Pompidou alike, many of whom have already coursework and no in class assessment Centre in Paris and the EU Court of actively called for a generation of – the child’s performance at the ‘do or Human Rights building in Strasbourg, workers to be practiced in the art of die’ end of year exam shall be the only has also condemned the possible doing, rather than discussion. factor that decides success or failure. reforms. All in all, the reforms by Michael And, in possibly the most signifi cant Th e English Baccalaureate does not Gove appear to tackle only one aspect change to the current system, there just exclude the arts – IT, Sociology of a complex problem – the problem shall be only one exam board to one and Psychology are absences that of credible qualifi cations within our subject. As Michael Gove himself shall raise many eyebrows, especially school system, whilst wilfully ignoring stated “if we remove modules and in an age where all three make up other, perhaps more malignant, issues. All around the world, elections

Marie-Laure Hicks Politics Editor electoral system in changed, they may has said that the country simply wise. Th ere is a feeling that he has place prevents him from running for a boycott the polls. Th e current system cannot aff ord to hold the elections, good chances of winning the coming third term. is unbalanced. 60% of the population estimating their total cost at 129 vote. His party is also pressed for Th ese elections come at a crucial Americans have chosen the man to is of Palestinian origin and vastly USD. President Mugabe has already time. At age 84 and following rumours time for Afghanistan. By December lead them for the next four years. China underrepresented, with little political successfully argued to have three by- of ill health, there are concerns that 2014, the NATO mission will come to is easing its way to a new leadership. power. Th e opposition demands a elections postponed, saving the state Mugabe might not last long enough an end and most foreign troops will How are other countries doing? parliament where half the seats are 38m USD. Foreign bodies like the EU for an election later rather than sooner. have left the country. It is unlikely that allocated to party lists compared to and the IMF are being appealed to for One last fear remains: a repeat the major security issues that affl ict Jordan just over a quarter now. Th e public funds. of the violence that followed the the country will have been dealt with 23 January 2013 reaction to this election will be crucial Other than money, the date of the last presidential elections in 2008. by then. Th e Taliban remain strong for Jordan’s future. Some observers election is very much debated within Morgan Tsvangirai, candidate for the in some areas and little dialogue are already arguing that this is the the country. Robert Mugabe, current opposition, decided to pull out days has been established between the In reaction to public discontent and beginning of the Jordanian Spring. president, is pushing for March 2013. before the vote, alluding to violence fundamentalist movement and the pressure for reform, King Abdullah Th e opposition claims the election is against his supporters. state. Without communication, a dissolved parliament in October, Zimbabwe being rushed and holding it so soon is peaceful resolution of the confl ict is calling for early elections. Th e new March 2013 (tbc) “unrealistic”. Moreover, Mugabe and Afghanistan going to be diffi cult. caretaker cabinet is the fi fth cabinet his party have their reasons to open 5 April 2014 Th ere are also concerns over election since the Arab Spring started. Jordan the polls sooner rather than later. Th e fraud and violence. In the previous has so far avoided protests on the Zimbabwe has an important year change is constitution must go through elections, only 33% of registered voters same scale as Libya or Egypt. coming up: the population will have before the presidential election. At the In 18 months, Afghan voters will elect went to the polls and 18% of those Tensions are rising as the need for to vote in a referendum for a new moment, the two main parties have their fi rst new president since 2001. ballots were classed as invalid, in what reform becomes clearer. Th e Muslim constitution and in the presidential not come to agreement. Early elections Hamid Karzai was nominated as has been perceived as a move to favour Brotherhood and Islamic Action election. Yet, there is one major could force the hand of the opposition. leader, and then won two successive the incumbent and successfully re- Front have declared that unless the concern: money. Th e fi nance minister Mugabe is also doing well, popularity- elections. Th e constitution currently in elected president HOLY SHIT. THE CAT HAS THE CHEESEBURGER.

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Website Visit us felixonline.co.uk Twitter Follow us @feliximperial Facebook Like us facebook.com/FelixImperial 30 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER

Comment Editors: George Barnett, COMMENT Navid Nabijou, James Simpson [email protected] Remembering the fallen James Dickson reports from the service at the Cenotaph

t’s seven AM, I’ve been up for two-and-a-half hours, and the Portland Stone of Whitehall is Iquite literally glowing a mag- nifi cent golden-cream in the cool warmth of the winter morning’s sun. As a student you can imagine that I’m not predisposed to having a great sympathy for waking up at the unholy hour of four-thirty AM, unless for a ludicrously inexpensive fl ight. But James Sean here I am – with another four hours still to wait for what I came for; al- Dickson ready starting to lose the feeling in my extremities from the cold. I cannot extol the virtues of liberty enough – appreciation of liberty is something that defi nes much of me and my thoughts: I can only imagine that someone who would wish to happily surrender their own liberties, or take away anyone else’s liberty is utterly de- ranged, or just insidiously stupid. Th is is why I’m here, waiting for nearly fi ve hours in temperatures that only Antarc- tic research scientists could ever be pre- pared for. Our servicemen and women have fought for our liberty (and for the liberty of our Dominions) in the past and continue to do so: I’m here to pay my thanks to them for this incredible gift of truly immeasurable wealth. Having checked the information for the event with the Department for Cul- ture, Media and Sport, I decided to ar- rive early in the hope of getting a good viewing point, close to the Cenotaph, our central memorial to the fallen. I couldn’t have imagined that I would Never had have arrived early enough to be at the front of the barriers, about fi fteen me- Prime Ministers Tony Blair and Sir John in an intense gratitude, not just to both attendance playing Edward Elgar’s ex- silence tres from the memorial itself. Instructed Major further in the background. living and fallen friends and family, but quisite Nimrod, with so many of our ex- to ‘stand easy’, members of the Royal Never had a silence been so pen- to people whom they have never known ceptional armed forces surrounding us, Gurkha Regiment assembled to my left etrating and poignant to me. At eleven and never will know. Th rough war, we was also something I shall never forget. been so and, to my right, the Scots Guards; with am, on the eleventh day, of the elev- have found undying love, peace, and And that is the lesson: we must never their enormous ceremonial bearskin enth month, thousands stood together gratitude. Inscribed on the Cenotaph, forget. For the sake of every person that hats. After representations of several on Whitehall, and indeed across and are the words ‘Th e Glorious Dead’ – I has fought for anyone’s liberty; we must penetrating units from diff erent areas of our armed outside the country, from Enniskillen can’t help but feel that this is a similar remember and be thankful. Lest we for- forces had convened, the politicians and (where the IRA bombing of Remem- story of intense juxtaposition. get what liberty is. and so the royal family came out of the Foreign brance Day 1987 lends a special sig- Th e ceremony then continued I would ask you to consider donating to and Commonwealth Offi ce building. A nifi cance to the event in the town) to through hymn and prayer, and through the Royal British Legion, or Help for He- better view I could not have wished for – Toronto. A cannon fi red. Big Ben’s tolls a huge procession of veterans and their roes, both of which are registered chari- poignant to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II stands rang out throughout the precinct. Con- widows. I can tell you – singing our ties which help the families of the fallen, at twelve o’clock (in the gap between versations stopped. Th e camera shutter national anthem, with Her Majesty 10 and support those whom have known, the obscuring bearskins) – ten metres noises stopped. Everything stopped. metres away, directly ahead, is some- and may be bodily and mentally aff ected me away, with David Cameron, Nick Clegg, As silence prevailed, every single one thing quite extraordinary. Hearing one for life by confl ict; fi ghting for our ever- “ Ed Miliband, Boris Johnson and former of these assembled peoples was united of the many brilliant marching bands in precious liberty. Follow us on Twitter and on Facebook! ”@FelixComment | facebook.com/FelixComment FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER 31

Comment Editors: George Barnett, Navid Nabijou, James Simpson COMMENT [email protected]

Sexism at Imperial - really? Philippa Skett on why feminists are their own worst enemies

omen are in ute to this (a joke guys). It is about a minority at women gaining positions of author- Imperial. It is ity and respect and therefore prov- W a simple truth. ing that they can hold themselves Don’t bother to just as well as men think they do argue, it is mathematically proven themselves. It is about striving to and was stated as such in last week’s work hard, doing your degree well article by Becky Lane, as only around and proving you are not the weaker 3 out of 10 people at Imperial con- sex, as opposed to sitting there and tain a vagina. If Imperial students moping about being called a little were balls in a bag, and there were girl. Th ere are plenty of examples Philippa Skett ten balls, only three of these would of these women around campus be yellow (or any other colour to rep- already, but Imperial is not a great resent women) and the rest would sample of the wider world. outnumber these signifi cantly – ob- Sexism comes in many forms, but viously belittle them and then make commanding respect as a woman them feel inferior. For the angry can only help narrow the gap and feminists out there, I am sorry to use reduce our supposed vulnerability balls in this analogy, but the point and susceptibility to such inequal- still stands (again, my apologies). ity. Th is is why this is something we They need to Regardless of being a minority, should take with us when we gradu- obviously women should be treated ate and enter a world dominated by equally to men. We should not be males in power. It is not fair that we realise when paid less in our jobs for the same should have to invest more energy work and we should not stand for just to equal the playing ground, but something attacks on us based on gender alone. unfortunately life is never going to So Becky’s system to quantify sex- be that fair, is it? ism at Imperial to approach sex- Women don’t dominate politics is a joke, ism that way is great, but women at or banking despite them having Imperial also need to do something the capacity to do so, which makes more than just sit back and write an people feel that they are suppressed and stop angry email every now and then. as a gender, but in reality, unless Th ey also need to realise when there is a precise 50-50 split, there reinforcing something is a joke, and need to always will be one gender more stop reinforcing the stereotype that present than the other. Why this females are oversensitive, emotional is rarely women then? Maybe it is the bags of hormones. I genuinely think the pay gap, or “tradition”, but I am that there are few truly sexist males afraid to say this may never go away at Imperial – it is a cultural thing swiftly, no matter how many graphs stereotype – just like inadvertently insulting you make of it. Why not move away someone’s sexuality by using “gay” from the computer, and stand up for “that as an insult. I feel the same towards yourselves without shouting about homophobia; it is not common at all it? at Imperial, but the use of gay as an Challenge the stereotypes directly, females are insult is. I am not saying this makes work harder to overcome the com- it acceptable, or that people do not petition and fi ll the big gun posi- still feel off ense, but I do think it is tions, then crack down on sexism oversensitive, a cultural framework that supports with this power advantage, along this so called “banter”, not the truth. with solid proof by just being there emotional However, sexism can reach whole that women can do it all too. Don’t new lows outside the relatively in- fulfi l the stereotype that we are all telligent community on campus and not just sit back and live up to men talking and giving opinions of whining babies. I swear if some of bags of – which is why it still needs to be the idea that women are the weaker, views in feminism because of some- the more vocal feminists invested combatted. Females nowadays need whinier sex. thing to do with “not understanding more energy in doing this than just to actively challenge those stereo- I am not going to present my views the suppression,” or whatever, but I complaining amongst themselves, hormones types that are picked up on, even if as valid just because I am a woman feel it is so straightforward an issue then maybe sexism would be less of men may really believe them or not too. Some women feel threatened by to approach even a man can contrib- an issue than it is currently.

Care about any of this? Write” for us! Send your articles or letters to [email protected] 32 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER

Comment Editors: George Barnett, COMMENT Navid Nabijou, James Simpson [email protected] The right to be wrong Pietro Aronica and our prerogative of wrongness

ave you been wrong today? Have you failed at basic logic at least H once since breakfast? Have you propagated a myth or notion that despite its spu- riousness has persisted through lazi- ness and avoidance of fact-checking? Have you done your duty as a human being and exercised your right as a citizen? Th ousands of people are wrong eve- Pietro Aronica ry day. You can fi nd them blabbering on the tube, yakking in cafés and espe- cially on the internet, where this func- tion is held sacred, third only behind cats and porn. Open any news website, scroll to the comments section and you will be greeted by heaps of mes- sages of people who spar with fallacies using the same skill that master fenc- ers employ. But what you may think is merely the noxious combination of an unwarranted sense of entitlement, a lack of proper education and way too much free time, is in fact a proud ser- vice indispensable to society. Wrongness is not something that everyone across history has been able to aff ord: until not too long ago, people were punished and killed for kneeling in front of the wrong monarch; in the able evidence that proves us wrong. meagre resources: too many people the many who spend their lives in idle not-so-distant past people could’ve Freedom of speech means that no are just too damn wrong for too much chatter on forum boards and public found themselves on the burning side matter how inane, inaccurate and inar- of the time. It’s better to let them stay transportation, those who choose of a stake for claiming that the Christ’s ticulate our thoughts get, we must be in the error of their ways, and concen- who they’re going to vote in their left nostril hair was the wrong shade able to stand by them and hold them trate on technologies that allow them fever dreams and those who are eas- of yellow while he was being crucifi ed; dear, because they are our thoughts, to share fallacies with strangers from ily confused by common sense, they and in almost any age, you could be and it is our prerogative to be wrong. across the globe or medical advances can all be wrong together, and in their persecuted if your skin was the wrong People died for this prerogative. that can make them live longer and shared state their wrongness will colour, if you were born in the wrong Wars were fought, tyrants deposed better, though they won’t know how. seem less so. country, or if you simply looked at and democracies established, so that Besides, wrong people provide in- Th e next time you see someone someone in the wrong way. today you could express your opinion valuable services to the community: disagree with you despite his opin- But it is our right to be wrong. We on current issues without getting the they make smart people look good ion being blatantly mistaken, delete must have no fear in picking a candi- punch to the back of the head you so by comparison; they put arguments that scathing multi-paragraph post date, an idea, a preference and hold- richly deserve for being so demon- to the test; they spend a lot of money in which you denounce him and all ing it as right despite evidence to the strably wrong. And we’re all the bet- if you know what to sell, angmongst his ancestors as morons, and refrain contrary. We must be able to claim ter because of it! We have enjoyed the other things. And if everyone starts from trying to bash some sense into whichever band we prefer to be the period of greatest peace, equality and thinking the wrong stuff , and we’re him. He’s just expressing one of his best without fear of repercussion, re- prosperity in the history of mankind all wrong in some way, who can even fundamental rights, perhaps the most gardless of actual measurable talent since we’ve all allowed ourselves to tell? If everyone’s opinion is incor- fundamental right of all: wrongness is or pleasantness of song. We must be be wrong. How could it not be? At- rect, who can even fi gure out who’s a prerogative of sentient beings, and allowed to stick to our personal set of tempting to punish everyone for their right? Apart from the smart people, being able to be wrong is what makes beliefs even in the face of insurmount- wrongness cannot be done with our obviously: they know. But the masses, us human.

felixonline.co.uk/contact capital. I happened upon the idea were muttered – I had that eureka be perfect and may require further de- whilst commuting to college a few moment: ticket prices should be linked velopment and refi nement, but once Letters mornings previous. As something of a to your size; not by height nor weight, the minor details have been sorted I Send your letters in rarity, the tube was running on time, but a measurement of your widest have no doubt in the potential of the however, as the doors opened before body part. scheme. It could even be applied to to: me I was unable to board said train Not only would this make pricing other modes of transport! Sir, due to an obese man of surely no less fairer by ensuring that someone taking [email protected] than 140kg blocked entry. up twice the space pay twice as much Yours, Or go to felixonline. I do believe I have come across a It occurred to me that had that man but I imagine it would give the more (partial, at least) solution to both the been of a healthier build I would have corpulent commuters an incentive to co.uk/contact over congestion of the London Under- been able to board the train. Moments lose some weight. ground and obesity within our fi ne later – after a number of expletives I do concede that my idea might not A disgruntled commuter FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER 33

Coffee Break Boss: Matt Colvin [email protected] COFFEE BREAK ! Imperial vs. Inquiries HHOT!OT TAKING CARE Everybody is at them anyway, so why aren’t we? OF BUSINESS

t’s a Wednesday afternoon. You’ve got two projects to- taling up to 170% of your SPEED 2: CRUISE I degree due in by Friday. Emotions are high, stress is CONTROL building, and not even a steady sup- ply of Peanut Butter Kit Kat Chunkys can fi ll the void between now and the possibility of freedom at the end of the week. Slowly, much like Lionel NOT BEING Richie, you start building into some- thing resembling a rhythm. Work is SCAMMED ON tentatively getting done and you’re on course to meet your creeping EBAY deadlines. And then it happens. Th e bells start ringing in the Queen’s Tower. Th e inevitable DYSON bongs begin to peal across campus. No study room is safe. Th e relent- HOOVERS less metallic thudding shatters any form of willingness to do work that you might have had. You have been defeated by a beacon of unrelenting noise. Unfortunately this was not the ROSS KEMP fever dream of a student free from the shackles of imminent hand-in dates, but was the experience of an indeterminate amount of people last Wednesday. An idea immediately came to mind. An idea that we should launch an inquiry into the matter! CV WRITING Oh come on, everybody’s doing it these days. Th e Lord Leveson Show earlier this year showed just how in vogue fi nding the answers from a MC QT rocks the decks ream of bureaucracy and corruption JOB actually is! But just what kind of matters must INTERVIEWS we propel ourselves into – what is driving at the hearts and minds of sandwich in the Western Hemi- hope to raise. inquiry is huge! All you need is a students at the moment? sphere, across the stacked shelves of wood-panelled room, a cause for the JCR or Library Café (or, as no-one Why have I got so many deadlines? grievance, and a desire for (above Where are the ABC sandwiches? prefers to term it, the Librafé). While It’s Imperial, obviously. Why did you anything else) the truth! Or we could JOB On not one, but two (that’s two) oc- vegetable sushi may provide a brief even bother to ask? just, you know, work towards our de- casions this week I’ve had the mis- form of respite, is it enough? Th is is grees and occasionally take part in APPLICATION fortune of being unable to locate an just one of the scintillating questions As demonstrated by these two spec- extra-curricular activities, it’s always ABC sandwich, arguably the best that an inquiry into the matter would tacular examples, the scope for any a tough one. FORMS

NICK CLEGG INTERESTING ASSESSMENT HOLDING THINGS THOUGHT CENTRES FOR THE DAY

“Buying a piece of FINAL fruit is sometimes INTERVIEWS cheaper than buy- ing a packet of Tic Tacs.” NNOT!O #1 - A MASSIVE SANDWICH T! 34 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER

HANGMAN [email protected]

twatter THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS

Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! MAN BRUTALLY

I’m sooooo bored MURDERED willyoujoinmymiliband? AFTER me and Cleggman are going to watch skyfall. Come along. “COULDN’T Cameron_DA_Maneron!!!

nah fuck that. I only go to cinemas CATCH TO SAVE on orange Wednesdays. Way too expensive. Plus I hate Adele MY LIFE” CLAIM Cleggmanxxx

she only sings the intro. It’s pretty WAS PUT TO THE good

Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! ULTIMATE TEST

no. I hate her. She’s ruined James bond. OBAMARAMATYME2012 the turnip Hangman’s Finest College News Source I think you’ll dind madonna ruined james bond Post-modern poem actually self- Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! referencing news article reporter/poet no she ruined Die another Day fi nds Cleggmanxxx by Hugh Moor

widely-praised, post- occasion. Sources have confirmed which is a James bond fi lm. modern poem by an that the article, which first ap- anonymous poet- peared in a section entitled Hang- Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! reporter has recently man in the prestigious publication been found to also be Felix, is in line to receive next year’s aA self-referencing news article by Orwell prize for outstanding politi- say that one more time Cleggman and a well-celebrated Felix writer. The cal journalism, whilst the poem is I swear to god i will shit in your one poem contained none of the hall- rumoured to be a shoe-in for the direction mug. All over their little faces mark characteristics of poetry – National Poetry Competition to be rhythm, rhyme, metre or basic im- announced later this year. Cleggmanxxx agery – but did, however, contain There have also been rumours exactly 283 words of excellent news that the celebrated writer is “just coverage. The poem and article too good in bed”, and is also “really Die Another Day is a James Bond covered a diverse number of topics, good at every single sport”. Appar- fi lm. which gave a succinct and power- ently, the reporter is “as handsome ful comment on the state of the as Brad Pitt and George Clooney The unknown, highly-talented OBAMARAMATYME2012 modern world including politics, rolled into one. But with a huge author is probably extremely good- economics, poverty, health, climate penis and abs hard enough to grate looking too. What a guy. CAMMY YOU FUCKING PRICK change and even a brief foray into the most unrateable of cheese on.” IM GOING TO MURDER YOU!! the dichotomy of good and evil. Sources suggest that the writer is HARRY’S BEAUTIFUL FACE!! :’(. The single stanza, three paragraph “so clever that it actually may be a It’s also claimed that Beyonce, Niall actually looks better though piece describes, at length, the chal- bit mean to other people to let the Rihanna, and Tulisa are all ready lenges facing us all as well as re- writer talk, but everyone just loves to fight each other to the death for ferring to itself on more than one the sound of that incredible voice”. this hero’s attention. FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER 35

[email protected] HANGMAN

Drunk mate THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS of the week

SCIENTIST FINDS FARTING ON A BOAT HAS WORSE What an absolutely cracking individual. Let’s just all hope he didn’t have diarrhoea, or that kitchen would be a mess CONSEQUENCES THAN Got a photo of someone being a waste of a student loan? Get permission, then just send it to us at: [email protected] Nobody (including Felix) condones excessive drinking. Please drink responsibly motherfuckers. PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT HOZOSKIZZLES – IT’S THE HOROSCOPES YEAH CANCER TAURUS GEMINI VIRGO ARIES LEO

This week you’re having a Taurus. Well... Mars is align- Tutorials used to be really Your demonstrator keeps giv- This week you catch your This week you decide that it’s massive session. Wanking ing with Venus. Obviously good. All your questions an- ing you the eye. Why do they housemate giving the old “mi- about time to bring emo back that is. Obviously. At the last that means absolutely noth- swered. All of your problems want you so much? You shrug crowave melon” a go. This is as a thing. You dress in all second your lecturer pops ing at all because the move- solved. It all changed dur- and realise this means they’ll going to be an awkward year black and say how your life into your brain. DAMMIT. ments of planets has no im- ing the great eye incident just be inclined to giving you it seems. Mainly because suck and you hate it all. Wait, You totally spaffed to the pact at all on your love life in of 2012. Not the Olympics tip top marks all year. You you’d been wondering why this is Imperial. You don’t really thought of their face. Now any way. Why would anyone (remember them happen- don’t even bother to reference, your melons all had holes in stand out from the crowd as you can’t look them in the believe that. Just as Jupiter ing), the thing that the tutorial as you know you’ve got the them and felt a bit unnaturally a massive emo during exam eye again. Mainly because aligns with the moons of Sat- group are bound by social marker on side. You get called warm. You know you shouldn’t season. If anything, you’re a bit you did it in a tutorial and urn you get hit in the eye with protocols to not bring up. You out for plagiarism, and told to have watched American Pie too chirpy for people’s tastes at hit them right in the cornea. a myserious substance... bring it up... stop fl irting with staff. last night. the moment. CAPRICORN SAGITTARIUS AQUARIUS SCORPIO PISCES LIBRA

This week someone stands This week you are giving a This week you watch The X You suddenly realise that This week you triumphantly This week you accidentally on the FUCKING LEFT OF A great lecture and suddenly Factor and realise that you’ve you know London way to fi nish your latest piece of bump into someone you FUCKING ELEVATOR FOR Kanye West interrupts you. esentially watched televised well when you just see the coursework in the Library. don’t like and are forced to THE VERY LAST TIME. You take “YO, I’M REAL HAPPY FOR kareoke for the past how- Tube map everywhere, even Out of nowhere you get a have an extended conversa- action to correct their RUDE YOU, I’MMA LET Y O U ever many years. Being a in the horoscopes. bucket of water dumped on tion about their life and how 123456789Special fares apply Epping Chesham Watford Junction 97Chalfont & 886 75 Theydon Bois Latimer Watford High Street High Barnet Watford Cockfosters Debden Amersham Bushey Totteridge & Whetstone 6 Chorleywood Croxley Oakwood Loughton A Carpenders Park Woodside Park Buckhurst Hill A Rickmansworth Moor Park Southgate Roding Grange 5 Hatch End Mill Hill East West Finchley Northwood Arnos Grove Valley Hill West Ruislip Northwood Edgware 4 Hills Headstone Lane Stanmore Bounds Green Chigwell Hillingdon Ruislip Finchley Central Harrow & Burnt Oak Hainault AND INCONSIDERATE BE- FINISH, BUT THIS good scientist you make a Ruislip Manor Pinner Wealdstone Wood Green Woodford your head and hear “I’m the amazing they think they are. Canons Park East Finchley Uxbridge Ickenham Colindale Fairlop Eastcote North Harrow Kenton Harringay South Woodford 4 Queensbury Turnpike Lane Green Lanes Highgate Barkingside Harrow- Hendon Central Northwick Preston Crouch Hill South Tottenham Snaresbrook on-the-Hill Park Road Kingsbury Ruislip Rayners Lane Brent Cross Newbury Park Gardens 3 Archway Manor House Seven Blackhorse Sisters West Road South Kenton Golders Green Gospel Redbridge Harrow Oak Tufnell Park Upper Holloway South Harrow North Wembley Neasden Hampstead Tottenham Walthamstow South Ruislip Wembley Hampstead Heath Hale Central Wanstead Gants Dollis Hill Arsenal Finsbury Hill Upminster B Wembley Central Park Kentish Town Park Leytonstone B Finchley Road Holloway Road Walthamstow Upminster Bridge Sudbury Hill Stonebridge Park Willesden Green & Frognal Kentish Leyton Leytonstone Queen’s Road Midland Road High Road Belsize Park Town West Hornchurch Northolt Harlesden Kilburn Caledonian Road Highbury & Kensal Brondesbury Islington Dalston Chalk Farm Kingsland Leyton Sudbury Town Willesden Junction Rise Park West Hampstead Dagenham Camden 3 Stratford Road Hackney East Elm Park HAVIOUR. DON’T THEY KNOW REFERENCE I S spreadsheet to work out how International Wanstead Park Aquarius LOGO”. Your lap- You fi nally tear yourself away Brondesbury Finchley Road Camden Town Caledonian Central Kensal Green 2 Road & Canonbury Alperton Swiss Cottage Barnsbury Dagenham Queen’s Park Kilburn South Mornington Dalston Junction Stratford St. John’s Wood Heathway Greenford High Road Hampstead Crescent Homerton Hackney Becontree King’s Cross Wick Woodgrange Park Kilburn Park St. Pancras Edgware Haggerston Upney Perivale Maida Vale Paddington Marylebone Great Road Portland 2 Stratford Euston Baker High Street Barking Warwick Avenue Street Street Pudding Royal Oak Angel Hoxton East Ham Hanger Lane Mill Lane Abbey C Road C Westbourne Park Warren Street Euston Old Street Bethnal Edgware Square Green Mile End Upton Park Road Farringdon Park Royal Regent’s Park Liverpool Bow Road Ladbroke Grove Shoreditch Plaistow Bayswater Russell Street High Street Latimer Road Square Barbican Bromley- West Ham North Ealing Goodge Bow Church by-Bow YOU MAY BE A MINUTE LATE. ONE OF THE many seconds of your life you East White Shepherd’s Lancaster Chancery Moorgate top breaks and you lose your from the conversation and Notting Bond Oxford Street City Bush Acton Hill Gate Gate Street Circus Lane Stepney Green Devons Road Star Lane Ealing Broadway St. Paul’s Aldgate Tottenham East West North Holland Queensway Marble Holborn Whitechapel Langdon Park Acton Acton Park Arch Court Road Bank Wood Lane Covent Garden 1 Aldgate 2 Canning 3 4 All Saints Town 6 5 4 312 High Street Green Park Shadwell Royal Acton Central Kensington Leicester Square Westferry Blackwall Victoria Shepherd’s Bush Custom House for ExCeL Ealing Common Market Hyde Park Corner Piccadilly Kensington Cannon Street Poplar Circus Monument Tower Limehouse East South Acton (Olympia) India Emirates Prince Regent Goldhawk Road Knightsbridge Mansion House Hill Royal Docks Fenchurch Street Tower D Charing Wapping West Royal Albert D Barons Gloucester Blackfriars Gateway India Quay Cross West Acton Town Hammersmith Court Road St. James’s River Thames Beckton Park Park Temple Silvertown South Ealing Victoria Rotherhithe Canary Wharf Cyprus Northfields Chiswick Turnham Stamford Ravenscourt West Earl’s South Sloane Westminster Embankment Emirates London Bermondsey Canada North Greenwich You punch them in the face and OLDEST OF have wasted watching this. Park Green Brook Park Kensington Court Kensington Square Greenwich Pontoon Dock work. Worst part. The water think of how to invent an app Boston Manor Bridge Water Heron Quays Peninsula Gallions West Brompton Waterloo Reach Osterley South Quay London City Airport Beckton Gunnersbury Surrey Quays 2 Crossharbour King George V Southwark 2 Hounslow East Fulham Broadway Pimlico Hounslow Imperial Mudchute West Hounslow Central Kew Gardens Wharf Parsons Green 1 Hatton Cross Lambeth Borough Island Gardens Richmond 3 Putney Bridge North Heathrow E Terminals 1, 2, 3 Woolwich E Cutty Sark for 3 Arsenal 4 East Putney Maritime Greenwich Heathrow Vauxhall Terminal 4 Southfields 2 Elephant & Castle New Cross Gate New Cross Greenwich Wimbledon Park Brockley tell them to fuck off. The police- ALL TIME. You sigh and watch Strictly Clapham Deptford Bridge was from a toilet. You start to stop this ever happening Heathrow Terminal 5 5 Oval Kennington Junction Wimbledon Honor Oak Park Elverson Road Stockwell Clapham North Forest Hill Lewisham 4

Clapham Common Sydenham Brixton Clapham South Penge West Balham Anerley Tooting Bec F F Crystal Palace Norwood Junction Tooting Broadway 3 Colliers Wood West Croydon 5 man you just hit arrests you. ALL TIME.” Come Dancing on iPlayer. South Wimbledon the Introduction again. again. Morden This diagram is an evolution of the original design conceived in 1931 by Harry Beck Transport for London 4 Correct at time of going to print, June 2012 1 2345689 7 36 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER Puzzles Commanders: Sotirios Karamitsos PUZZLES Louisa Byrne [email protected] Crossword We can dream (sorry, one person who was happy to see it gone)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 2 It’s another nonogam; the numbers show you the 8 3 1 1 1 3 3 1 2 1 1 1 1 3 1 1 2 1 3 length of the groups of black 9 10 squares as well as how many 2 1 1 5 2 3 2 5 1 5 2 7 1 5 2 of them there are in a row or

7 2 3 2 4 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 2 2 3 2 7 column. 11 9 2 4 3 3 2 12 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 Last weeks nonogram 13 14 2 4 4 4 4 4

15 16 2 2 2 4 4 4

1 3 7 1

17 18 1 1 1 1 3 1 1 1

19 20 1 3 3 1 1 1

21 22 1 1 3 1 1 1 1

1 3 5 3 1 23 2 2 2

24 25 2 2 2

26 3 2 3 3 27 28 9

ACROSS DOWN 1. Software company (9) 1. Quick EM cookers (10) 5. Play seen around christmas (5) 2. Element used in defi nition of 9. Vegetable (6) moles (6) 10. Dried fruits (7) 3. Impoverished (7) 3 11. Sounds like the word it is (12) 4. Resistant to flames (4,5) Slitherlink 12. ____ and stitch, fi lm (4) 6. Creatures (6) 13. Sign (6) 7. Cover with repeated shapes (10) You know the drill: construct a single closed 15. Blood carrier (4) 8. Charges money for crime (5) loop by joining the dots so that the numbered 2 1 3 1 3 321 17. Death (8) 13. Cartoon dog made by Peanuts (6) squares are surrounded by the corresponding 19. Game played with cues (7) 14. Internet images or videos, often number of lines. 2 210 2 21. Winter jumper (6) funny (5) 23. Red gem (4) 16. Physical power (8) 2 1 3 25. Hitler’s group (4) 18. Need this to drive (7) 26. Sporty (8) 20. Zero (6) 3 2 232 27. Trick, showing daring (5) 21. Short story with a moral (5) 28. Hence (4) 22. Capital of Egypt (5) 2 222 1 2 3 24. Overweight (3) 2 2 2 2 Too easy? Too hard? Let us know so we 331 can get something you like. 222 22 3 Hashi FUCWIT Knights and Knaves League Table A noble (who I knew to be a Knight) once told me the following story: “I was at the town 2 4 2 2 1 Your goal is to con- square the other day and saw a salesman pitching a miraculous rejuvenating potion in nect all the islands with front of a meager crowd of two. “Does it really work?” I asked one of them. “Of course it 3 332 TEAMS bridges so that it is pos- does! Joe Miracle’s no mountebank,” he said. I turned to the other one. “Is at least one of 44 sible to get from any is- you a knave?” I asked. He replied, and they both left.” land to any other island. Unnamed team 11 1 3 Epiphenomenal Imbroglii 10 The restrictions are that “Wait”, I said. If you where to tell me B’s exact answer, would I be able to fi gure out if the the bridges must be elixir worked?” The Noble replied. “Well, I’m stumped”, I said. “I still can’t work it out.” 3 6 5 22 INDIVIDUALS either vertical or hori- Tell me at least what B is.” The Noble replied, and I could fi nally fi gure out if the salesman’s 1 1 1 1 zonal and they must claims had any merit (as a reminder, Knights always tell the truth and Knaves always lie). not intersect, there may Yufan Zhao 28 1 2 33not be more than two Wael Aljeshi 18 What were the crowd members? What were B and the Noble’s replies? 2 5 2 2 bridges between any M-Soup 11 Is the elixir worth buying? Jake Humphrey 6 two islands, and each Solution to last week’s Knights and Knaves puzzle: 1 231 Gordon Wu 4 island must have exactly A and B are cohorts if they vote for C. RW claims that, for any A and B, A voted for B, so B voted for 24 2 1 as many bridges as the himself, so A and B voted for B. But we can also argue that A and B voted for A. The only way we can number on it states. Send answers to puzzles.felix@ reconcile these two statements is if every voter voted for himself (since every voter is technically 1 232 2 Note that each island imperial.ac.uk (see opposite a cohort of themselves). This implies that there was not a clear winner. RW agrees to that, so he is can have two bridges to page for more details). a knight, and as such, everybody voted for themselves, and nobody won the election. DG, on the the next island! other hand, implies that everybody voted for the same person, which does imply there is a clear winner, which means that he is a knave as he claims otherwise. London Forum

24 & 25 NOVEMBER Imperial College London

Tickets available now online www.londonclimateforum.org 38 FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER

Sport Editors: Oli Benton, SPORT Margot Pikovsky, Sorcha Cotter [email protected] Miners Morn Medic Defeat Margot Pikovsky Sports Editor Mid) who was able to consistently re- ning up the pitch immaturely jumping sist RSM pressure and together they and shouting ‘Yay yay yay’. would frequently confuse the oppo- Half time talks over and with ICSM On Wednesday 14 November, ICSM sition by bringing the ball up the far up a point, RSM took to the pitch Ladies’ 2s faced off with the RSM left fl ank. Crucially Yoshi also helped evidently determined to salvage the 1s at their Osterley home ground. coordinate the Medic press, ensur- game. With possession between the Th e afternoon was glorious: the sun ing that most Miner shots taken from teams now more or less equal, there overhead and no-leggings-necessary their D were fruitless. On the occa- was a dramatic improvement in both heat a stark contrast from the last sion that RSM were able to get the ball RSM and Medic play. ICSM defence time these two teams met back in out of their defending half, typically in particular were forced to up their March, an event that will long stay thanks to the spectacular sweeps of game, a challenge which they eagerly in the memory of both teams for the Gemma the ball was usually stopped rose to. Amy Lam and Fiona Field, truly dire conditions, including sub by the unfailing stick of Krishna Shah both newbies to the team this year, zero temperatures and a torrential who would swiftly send the ball back played masterfully and made some downpour that started on the third to the Medics’ attacking D. To give spectacular saves each. So well did minute and prevailed until the end of them their due, RSM were doing a they play in fact that both almost the match. With that encounter hav- very good job of intercepting many tied for honour of Most Valuable ing fi nished in a draw, both RSM and of these balls, and it fell to Right Mid Player, with Amy crowned by only a Medics were keen to make this game Insert your own Rebecca Featherston (token physi- few votes. No less critical to the back worth their while. holding sticks joke cist on the Medic team) to win it line was Kate Richmond, fi lling in for Pre-match anxiety was particularly back for ICSM with some impressive Becky Ayres as Sweeper, though by rife amongst the Medics this week as tackles, particularly so because she is the amount the two were running and it emerged that the team’s goalie had For both teams, the match took Centre Midfi elder and was playing su- relatively new to the sport. With both the strength of their play it was diffi - been unable to make it for this game. off with an unsteady and more than perbly in this position: her confi dent teams doing their fair share of run- cult to tell which of the two was play- Stepping up to the task with no prior slightly halting start. Whether it was and precise hits coupled with never ning around and becoming increas- ing Centre Mid. experience of ever having played in the nerves or the fact that the afore- before witnessed speedy pitch-length ingly breathless as the game went on, Another 35 minutes of relentless goal is always a big ask so the team mentioned sun now emerged to be a runs proving to be a challenge for ICSM players completed the fi rst half defence from the two teams, and de- are particularly grateful to Maria Koo mixed blessing and was blinding the even the sturdiest of Miner defend- with a remarkable series of passes cul- spite a great eff ort from the Miners, who did just that, and made a spectac- entire right side of the pitch (sparing ers. Of note too was Kylie Beale, re- minating in Margot Pikovsky (right they were unable to make a mark on ular job of it whilst she was at it. Just neither ICSM attack nor RSM de- cently promoted from defence herself forward) having a shot at goal. Always the scoreboard. Final result 1:0 to the as Maria was kitting up in her attrac- fence), it took a good 10 or so minutes to the rather diff erent role of Centre one to mess around a little – hockey Medics then, with fantastic play from tive outfi t, the RSM opponent strolled for both teams to pull themselves to- Forward. Her dodging prowess and IS a spectator sport – Margot fi rst in- both teams (I think it’s fair to say that onto the pitch and it became instantly gether and turn on the gas. Rapidly, ability to push the ball up alone a good sisted on hitting the ball straight at the every single person on the pitch got evident that the Medics were outnum- the game turned to the Medics’ favour 50m proved invaluable and ultimately goalie a couple of times (to be met by at least a good run out of the ses- bered, with RSM boasting 3 subs to as despite several good RSM attempts landed her a shot at goal, only to be an angry foot) before aiming it at the sion) and a very well deserved win for Medics’ 0. At this point, ISCM captain to move the ball into midfi eld, play narrowly missed as the ball came off actual goal and being rewarded by the ICSM. Th e Medics look forward to Becky Ayres called the team together ultimately revolved in the RSM goal the right post with a disappointing satisfying ‘thwock’ as it bounced off playing RSM again later this season, for a motivational pep talk, and with half and increasingly their defending ring. the back board just as the umpire blew but for now: what more appropriate just enough time to issue a ‘Go Med- D. Becky Ayres, usually sweeper, had Yoshi Anderson did a terrifi c job as the whistle for half time. Needless to way to celebrate a victory then ICSM ics!’ the game was off . bravely taken the place of the absent Left Forward with Rosie Wilson (Left say, Margot did not celebrate by run- RAG Centurion later that evening?

Hockey Men’s 1s make first bid for Sliverware

Anthony Vaquero Men’s 1st Captain skills, with a clean and powerful strike. Just before the end of the fi rst half, some solid defending and fl are skills Despite the almost blinding light from by the midfi eld resulted in Christoph the dying sun, a strong start from IC pro- charging down the right hand side and duced the fi rst opportunity within just a delivering an amazing ball straight few minutes. Graham took it perfectly, across the D for Tom to fi nish with a text dribbling easily into the D and dragging book defl ection, bringing the score line the ball straight past the keeper for a to a comfortable 3-1 lead – a good start great fi rst goal. Th is, however, was short- for IC and a fair refl ection of play. ly followed with a quick response from Th e second half started quite slowly UCL which equalised the game at 1-1. with a lot of missed opportunities and Th e intensity really started to pick up stray passes from both teams. After with both teams now off the mark and quite some time and improved compo- battling it out for the lead and a place sure from both sides, the game picked in the next round of the cup. A huge up again and a UCL striker somehow aerial from Gilles, which fl ew right over managed to score an unlikely goal from the UCL defence, coupled with some angle, despite having completely missed impressive speed and stick skills from the ball on his fi rst attempt at goal, bring- Richard, gave a great opportunity which ing the score to a less comfortable 3-2. unfortunately couldn’t be converted to A nerve wracking fi nal twenty sec- a goal, but did result in a short corner. onds saw UCL gaining a short corner, Soon after, IC once again took the lead which fortunately was missed – giving Yes it’s a generic team picture. Yes if we had another option we after Christoph fi nished off a short run, IC a well-deserved win and a place in the would use something fun, but we can only print what we get sent! utilising his well-practiced dribbling next round of the BUCS cup. FRIDAY 16 NOVEMBER 39

Sport Editors: Oli Benton, Margot Pikovsky, Sorcha Cotter SPORT [email protected] Triathalon Dominate Podium Ed Hallett Triathalon Chairman of Sophie Kirk and Josie Bowler to excessive workloads and a basejump- ing attempt gone wrong. It was up to On what felt like the coldest morning Sarah Lewis and Harriet Nerva to do of the year so far, a selection of Im- it for the girls! Sarah launched off the perial Triathlon members met while start line with plenty of gusto, despite it was still dark to ride off towards choosing to start at the back. She soon Paddington, and to the fi rst race on clawed back the places and started the our calendar. Th e team was severely bike leg in a strong position, and it was dented with four members dropping here that she put herself in contention out at the last minute due to fall- for a podium fi nish. Harriet did IC ing down stairs (valid), recurring hip proud, and fl ew through transition like problems (valid), misjudged course- a pro, to begin her cycle. It must have work deadline (crap excuse) and a no been a bit disheartening for her to see show(WTF??!). But never the less, the the men’s team cheering her on from ten-strong team headed out into the behind hot mugs of coff ee and sugar darkness. powdered doughnuts, but we did our Th e event was at Hillingdon, a short Nice shades. best to provide the two of them with train journey away. Th e warm, spa- much deserved support. Harriet pow- cious, relaxing journey teased us into ered in to 78th position (11th fastest a false sense of comfort, and as we female), safe in the knowledge that stepped out on to the misty platform all represented the club up front while head, and the theme tune rang loud petitors, and the organisers wasted no she did the club proud in her fi rst ever we hurriedly got on our bikes and I started in the back quarter. Running in my mind whilst swerving between time in preparing the podium ready to race. However it was Sarah who stole started pedalling to stop our joints has never been my forte, but I was other competitors to overtake. I was present the winning prizes. Imperial the day for the women’s race, coming seizing in the cold. kept strong minded knowing the bike loving it! Triathlon had performed exceptional- in second. She didn’t believe us when Arriving at Hillingdon Triathlon was coming, building pace and regain- Th e punishing blend of long roll- ly, with four people in the top 10, Alex we told her, and didn’t really take it in. club, we instantly forgot the cold. ing a few places from people who had ing fl ats and small swerving up-hill Milne with 4th place, Richard Mathie Th e impressive result from Sarah Th e track looked gorgeous, with its gone off faster at the start. I was still slugs meant my legs were beginning stealing 3rd, and Jean-Claude beast- was subsequently shattered by the fact smooth curves and fl awless surface, in the second half of the positions, to slow on the inclined sections of the ing in to take pole position, fi nishing that when the Hillingdon representa- it’s rolling course tempting us in for and the front runners were long gone. track. By transition two (bike to run) 7 seconds ahead of second place. Sam tive called out her name to collect the a ride… still talking about the track… Th e run was only 2 miles so before I I was knackered. I had made up a lot O’Neill, who has continued with the second place prize winnings, she was but in all seriousness, it was a great knew it, we were on our bikes. A swift of places, but I had two people hot on club from last year, came in a notable nowhere to be seen. She was busy, track! We had a few loops to get to transition and I was away. Th e run had my heels. Despite my best eff orts they 7th. A great result for the club, and a cuddled up in the club house with a know the route, and then set up kit in warmed me up perfectly. Th is was my tracked me down and left me for lost start that will be hard to rival. warm cup of tea, completely oblivi- the transition area. For anyone who fi rst race on the new bike, and a new before the fi nish line. Next it was the women’s race. Our ous to the megaphone calling out her doesn’t know, a duathlon consists of experience for me spending prolonged We clapped in the remaining com- team had been halved with the loss name… a run, followed by a cycling leg, then periods down on the aerodynamic tri- another run, with each change-over bars I had fi tted to the bike. Th is is my Position Name Category Club Time occurring in the “transition zone”. Af- discipline, and I started to pick peo- 1 Jean-Claude Besse Male Imperial College London 39:35 mins ter a short warm-up, and a debate as ple off one by one as I moved up the 2 Rob Buldock Male Tri London 39.42 mins to how cold we’ll be in racing gear, the pack. It’s a bizarre feeling being so low 3 Richard Mathie Male Imperial College London 40.17 mins start was upon us. on your bike, and just seeing the road 4 Alexander Milne Male Imperial College London 40.18 mins Off went the horn, and the front of ahead of you rather than handlebars the pack shot off . Hendrik Frentrup, and a wheel. I will admit, images from 1. Liza Croft Female Hemel Hempstead CC 46.14 mins Keesjan de Vries and Richard Mathie Star Wars podracer jumped into my 2. Sarah Lewis Female Imperial College London 47.15 mins Fencing avoid the fake tan

Janssen Loek Fencing Men’s 3s Th en team captain Loek Janssen, new team member Pavitar Singh and conscripted foillist Th oe stepped Rolling into Essex campus the slight- onto the piste for sabre. Despite ly understrength 3rd team were pre- starting well the team fell to a 30- pared for a bashing, things started 24 defi cit with just 3 bouts (to 5) to well with Jamie ‘destroyer’ Simpson play. However a late push from Pav damaging Essex in the warm-up. and Th oe brought imperial to within Th en fi rst up was our foil team of 3 points of their opponents, leaving it Andy Simpson, Niall Corry and Th oe to the captain to win his spurs with a Suter. Getting us off to a great start stunning (lucky) fi nal hit against his was old timers Th oe and Andy who Essex counterpart to win sabre 45- Sugarhut and vajazzle dropped only three points for the 44. not avoided fi rst 10 to imperial, and then new to Finally with a strong lead and time the team fresher Niall showed his running out the epee team went worth (and fl exible arm skills) in a onto the piste to attempt to bring the 5-1 victory. Th e three musketeers match home. Due to the absence of the fi nal bouts. Generally the slow- seconds (surely some sort of record). with a great 45-34 win. Giving Impe- continued their fi ne form and put a couple of epeeist, Pav and continu- est of the 3 weapons the lack of time Fittingly three-weapon Th oe pro- rial a fantastic win of 135-92 in all 3 imperial into an impressive 45-14 ing star of the show Th oe would pro- prompted some show stopping fi ght- vided the overall match winning hit weapons and so bringing a successful lead. vide the support to Jamie Simpson in ing and a 5-1 win to Jamie in just 27 while Pav and Jamie secured a victory end to the 3rd teams Essex adventure. 16/11/12 Issue 1531 felixonline.co.uk

SPORT “Keep the Cat Free” Water Polo storm Germany Romylos Jackson Sports Writer Aachen’s 1st team of wild beasts and set the scene for an appropriate con- Guy on the end: sumption of alcohol later in the even- “Loving life 2k12” Th e Aachen Annual Water Polo ing. Tournament is by far the most chal- Th e Imperial women’s team per- lenging encounter Imperial College’s formed in a similar light to the men’s, Water Polo team faces every year. sporting a modest 1-9 in their fi rst Historically, their performance in match, with the goal executed skil- this tournament has been humble, so fully by Anna, and a 7-0 in the sec- they arrived without the prejudice of ond. A special mention also has to go having to protect a reputation, which to Philippine who saw the team was meant everyone could let loose a little getting so overwhelmed by German and enjoy themselves. Furthermore, force, she felt she had to get creative it was a great opportunity for people and save a goal with her face. new to the sport to earn some valu- Th e day was not without victory able match experience. however, because the men’s team Th e tournament started on the Sat- managed to earn a place at the semi- urday morning, with most of the team fi nals in the swimming tug of war, averaging four hours sleep on the and the women’s team succeeded in fl oor of a common room and sport- fi nishing 1st in the tournament’s beer ing a commendable hangover. It was relay, in which a team of swimmers a slow start, with the fi rst match end- sprinted 25m, got out, downed a pint, ing in a less than ideal 0-7, but Impe- then sprinted back. Later that night, keeper, Jen Wei “the ninja” Niam, and a combination of fast drives of tournament, with lectures in store for rial began speeding up their counter the Aachen water polo club hosted being indisposed in his eff orts to strong off ence yielded in a further most of them on Monday morning. attacks and getting more off ensive, a party, in which, satisfyingly, there recover his lost passport and avoid goal from Marco against DSSC Duis- Even without their coach Adam at which allowed Alex to bag a goal in was a predominant attendance of the imminent deportation, but they held burg and Anna against DSSC Duis- the tournament, both the men’s and the second game, reducing Impe- team’s mascot – Blumenkohl the cau- together strong and played with Ed- burg (women’s). women’s teams performed admirably rial’s next loss to a more respectable lifl ower. ward in goal, yielding an 11-1 loss, Imperial returned to campus at and are now more ready than ever 4-1. Th e last game of the day ended On the Sunday, Imperial started with the goal scored by Vicente. Th e 1am on Sunday night feeling ex- to take on the other universities in in a particularly brutal 0-9 against out at a disadvantage due to the goal- team’s ethos continued to hold steady tremely satisfi ed by a very rewarding BUCS and LUSL. Rugby return to winning ways

Rob Kyle 1st XV Vice Captain off proceedings, quickly leading to a ful contribution to the game) result- turn over and good possession in the ing in a lineout in opposition terri- opposing 22. It didn’t take long be- tory. Th is again produced an Imperial After a slow start to the season as the fore the fi rst points of the game, and try, with good hands by the backline 1stXV get used to a new league, their after an inch perfect pass from fl y- fi nished off well by Nathan “Brucey” opening cup fi xture against last sea- half “Big” George Lane – who admits Fitzpatrick in the corner. After the sons opposition Kent was an ideal way himself fl y-half is not his natural po- initial burst of tries by Imperial, the to get back to winning ways. After a sition – Oli Benton crossed the line game started to get tighter. With the rushed warm up, and with Imperial for a 5-0 lead. Soon after the restart, exchanging of tries, Kent started to have to don a somewhat village play- the pressure was back on Kent. Th e get back into the game – due mainly ing jersey to avoid a kit clash, the ball was charged down by the face of to a lack of Imperial discipline and un- game got underway. Imperial kicked Jon Hardisty (some say his most use- forced errors. A big blow to Imperial came in the form of skipper Jack Fla- nagan having to leave the fi eld with a suspected broken ankle, although fans will be relieved to here he has since Graceful like a swan. been given the all clear. A further try from Fitzpatrick, and a penalty try awarded for a high tackle in the act of Jack Judd scoring, lead to an Imperial and newcomers to the Imperial team, session and territory started to show, lead of 22-12 at half time, But playing and appeared to be the turning point leading to another try for Oli Benton into the wind second half Imperial of the match. Great breaks from man and Syarif Hertog. As Kent started a knew the game was not over. Th is was of the match Rob “Coach” Kyle and slight revival, an interception by Rob- quickly demonstrated as straight after Jon Hardisty helped gain useful yards, bie Cowan lead to a 60 metre score to the restart Kent went over for their as the Imperial pattern started to close out the game. Big hits in the fi - third try of the game, closing the lead shine through. With Mike O’Connell nal play coming from Mike Floyd and I’d let those boys scrum me, anytime. to just 3 points. Th is pressure brought and Tom Hansen proving the cata- Tom Hobson sealed the deal, resulting out the best in both the senior players lysts for forward momentum, pos- in a fi nal score of 41-19..