Issue 1299 ● Thursday 30 September 2004 ●

Freshers Fair Monkey business Hero worship Doctors on tour Pull-out guide with maps and Imperial College Union RAG Felix Film has a glorious Imperial Medi cals Rugby Club stall directory, page 13 are back for more, page 12 visual treat, page 24 tour Canada, page 28

The student newspaper of Imperial College ● Established 1949 ● Issue 1299 ● Thursday 30 September 2004 ● www.felixonline.co.uk

Maximum fees Two thirds of all universities are set to charge the maxi- Students to have no Future mum fee of £3000 for every course. Many are driven by fears of appearing second rate of Wye and having insufficient money to fund bursary schemes. voice on College Council uNEWS page 3 By Dave Edwards campus Super size me Editor Morgan Spurlock’s film has brought attention to an inher- There will be no student rep- in doubt ent conflict between consum- resentation whatsoever on er and corporate interests. the main governing body of uSCIENCE page 5 Imperial College, if current By Dave Edwards “Corporate responsibility is proposals are accepted at its Editor a nice theory, but it’s not next meeting. something we can realisti- Felix has obtained a copy of Last month, Imperial College cally expect in our commer- a letter sent to the members announced plans to trans- cial world.” of Imperial College Council fer most courses away from u COMMENT page 7 which outlines recommenda- the Wye campus, close the tions for sweeping changes Department of Agricultural Welfare support to the governance of the Sciences and consider the “Your personal tutor should College. The present student future of the campus in a monitor your academic representative, the Union review. progress, ensure that you President, would be removed The College Management get all the help you need, and from the Council, as would all Board has launched a consul- make sure you know what’s members of academic staff tation process recommend- going on in your department.” outside the senior manage- ing that the Faculty of Life uCOMMENT page 6 ment team. Sciences is restructured. In Dr Eileen Buttle, the Council a statement, the College said Summer success Chairman, wrote the letter to that the principal aim was The Imperial College Union report on the progress of her to maintain “a world class Boat Club ended a strong sea- review of the Council and its institution for teaching and son with victory at the Henley Committees. She is due to research in life sciences”. Royal Regatta. present formal recommenda- Student silence at 170 Queen’s Gate: students will no longer be represented at Imperial It appears that the changes uSPORT page 26 tions on 15 October. College Council meetings if proposals are approved are financially motivated, with The letter states that “the the Faculty of Life Sciences governing body should be dent representation at all. bodies of all higher education to the Council, said: “Council predicting a deficit of £11.6m seen as a meeting between Mustafa Arif, President of institutions. We continue to is about the non-executives by the end of the 2006-7 finan- those responsible for deliver- Imperial College Union, called support this principle.” holding executive manage- cial year. The Department of ing the College’s plans and the proposals “misguided” The Council is expected to ment to account. Students Agricultural Sciences, which non-executives charged with and told Felix: “Students are approve Dr Buttle’s proposals should be focusing their effort is wholly based at Wye, con- ensuring that those plans are the most important stake- at its next meeting. However, and input on day-to-day man- tributes a loss of £1.8m per delivered in the interests of holders in higher education. students’ groups and teach- agement and operations.” He year. wider stakeholders in this Council is there to hold man- ing unions are likely to lobby stressed that the plans were Professor Sir Leszek The Boat Club celebrate at prestigious UK university... agement to account over against them. The forthcom- only proposals and were to be Borysiewicz, the Deputy Henley If this revised model for the College’s long term strategy. ing review of Imperial by the debated at the next meeting. Rector designate, said: “The Council is adopted, elected The College’s future depends Quality Assurance Agency is Professor Rees Rawlings, financial position of the members have no role to on attracting and retaining seen as extremely important, the Pro Rector for Educational Faculty of Life Sciences is THIS WEEK play.” the best students, so stu- and it could count against the Quality, told Felix that the unsustainable and cannot News page 2 The letter continues: “I dent representatives should College if the Agency decides proposals would have “no be allowed to continue. The Business page 4 would propose that the be able to contribute to that that students’ views are not negative effect on education- Faculty’s presence at the Wye Science page 5 Imperial College Union be process.” being heard. al quality, because that is all campus in its current con- Comment page 6 treated as analogous to a Senior figures within Tony Mitcheson, the dealt with by the Senate [the figuration is not economically Around campus page 9 department outside the facul- Government would appear to College Secretary and Clerk College’s senior academic viable.” Listings page 10 ty structure. The President of disagree with Dr Buttle’s rec- committee]”. The proposals were met ICU should be invited annu- ommendations. Answering a Although the Senate may with dismay by students and Freshers Fair page 13 ally to Council to submit his written question in the House “If this revised be able to deal with academic staff at Wye. Imperial College Music page 18 Union’s annual report.” of Lords on 13 September, issues, it remains to be seen Union issued a statement Nightlife page 19 Imperial College already Lord Filkin, the Parliamentary model is adopted, how the Council of an aca- expressing its concern at Arts page 21 has a low level of student rep- Under Secretary of State, elected members demic institution can govern “the lack of consultation and Books page 22 resentation on the governing said: “In our response to the effectively without represent- vague nature of statements Fi lm page 24 body compared to other uni- Dearing report in 1998 we will have no role atives from the student body about the future of agricul- Crossword page 25 versities, and if the proposals supported the recommenda- or the academic staff. tural sciences and teaching were accepted, it would be the tion that students should be to play” ● State of the Union, at Wye”. Sport page 26 only university with no stu- represented on the governing page 6 Continued on page 2 Felix 2 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 30 September 2004

NEWS [email protected] New Issue 1299 Emergency night bus Editor handbooks Dave Edwards Business Editor returns to Union published Numaan Chaudhry The Imperial College Union Science Editor By Dave Edwards Handbook 2004 was published Darius Nikbin Editor last week. This 176-page A5 publication is a comprehen- Music Editor An emergency night bus sive guide to the Union and Andrew Sykes service from the main Union everything that it can do for building in South Kensington students, whilst also serving Nightlife Editor will return on a trial basis as an introduction to life at Simon Clark this term. Imperial College. Arts Editor The service, which will All UK-based freshers Paola Smith provide safe transport home should have received a copy for vulnerable students on by post, and all other fresh- Books Editor ents nights, was cancelled in ers will be given one at the Martin Smith summer 2003, when a senior overseas students’ welcome Film Editor Union officer described it as meetings. Alan Ng “inefficient” and “a waste of Copies of the handbook money”. are available to all students Sub Editors However, Sameena Misba- from Union reception and Kathy Synkoski huddin, the Deputy President the Student Activities Centre Lindsay Nelson (Finance and Services), told throughout the year. You can Felix that the service had also pick one up at the Felix Felix been “badly managed in the and Union stands at Freshers Beit Quad past” and that “a lot of stu- Fair. Any comments or ques- Prince Consort Road dents have asked for it to be tions about the Union hand- London SW7 2BB brought back”. book should be directed to the Miss Misbahuddin, whose Felix office. Telephone: 020 7594 8072 pledge to reintroduce the Also available is the latest Email: [email protected] service may have won her Imperial College Student Web: www.felixonline.co.uk crucial votes in this year’s Handbook, which has been sabbatical elections, contin- put together by the College Registered newspaper ued: “It will be an emergency Registry. This is a sepa- ISSN 1040-0711 service intended for the vul- rate publication from the nerable, which means single Student safety: a Union minibus will provide transport for the vulnerable on busy ents nights Union handbook, and can be Copyright © Felix 2004 women, single men, small accessed online at www.ic.ac. groups of women, and others although Miss Misbahuddin cases of vulnerable students to check if they are using it uk/studenthandbook. It is Printed by Sharman and at the Ents Manager’s discre- is confident of cutting this by would be permitted to use the every week because there is designed to help you through- Company, Peterborough tion.” recruiting volunteers to drive night bus. She added: “We’re an issue there as well.” out your course of study. The night bus will run dur- and navigate the minibus. Club and society officials There is important infor- ing Freshers Week and on The emergency night bus “It will be an have expressed concern at mation about where to go for Friday nights throughout has been criticised in the past the reintroduction of the advice and support, and about the autumn term, typically for providing transport for emergency service, claiming that it will student facilities at Imperial with two trips each evening, students who do not genuine- divert money and resources College. The pages will be though this will depend on ly need it. Groups of people service intended away from club and society updated throughout the year, demand. The trial will gather have been allowed to travel in activities. so it would be useful to visit information on who has used previous years, and students for the However, Miss Misbahuddin them regularly. Comments the service, why they have may have become reliant on insists that the trial will final- and suggestions about this used it and where they have the possibility of a ‘free ride vulnerable” ly allow the Union to consider handbook should be sent been taken. home’. the future of the emergency to Ruth Ellis, the Assistant The ‘worst case scenario’ Miss Misbahuddin stressed going to keep a much stricter night bus properly, as no suit- Registrar (Undergraduate cost of the trial has been cal- that this would not occur in record of who is going on the able data has been collected Admissions) at ruth.ellis@ic. culated at £1073.15 per term, the future, as only emergency minibus and why, and we have in the past. ac.uk. Imperial plans sweeping changes at Wye

Continued from page 1 Management Board has also The Union urged the recommended that a new College to “safeguard the Department of Environmental current student cohort at Sciences be created. the Wye campus, in partic- The College insist that stu- ular ensuring that they are dents starting courses at Wye examined and graduate with up to and including 2005 will degrees of the academic not be affected. Their state- standard they expected on ment continues: “The partial admission” and to “engage withdrawal of teaching, and in consultation with students at Wye and other life sciences “The Faculty’s departments”. The College has discussed presence at the the plans with representatives from teaching unions, Wye campus is but their statement expressed no intention to consult stu- not economically dents. Under the proposals, some viable” staff will move from the Department of Agricultural the withdrawal of research, Sciences into other depart- from the Wye campus will be ments, but around 30 aca- planned in detail after the demic staff will lose their consultation exercise.” jobs, as will a corresponding The Wye campus has been a number of support staff. centre of learning since 1447, Undergraduate teach- when it was founded as a col- ing will continue at lege for secular priests. It Wye, but only in Applied merged with Imperial College Rural restructuring: under Imperial College proposals, far less undergraduates will be able to enjoy the picturesque Business Management. The in August 2000. surroundings of Wye in future years Felix Thursday 30 September 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 3

NEWS [email protected]

FasterSaturday Pussycat 2 is October a tidy Fasterselection Pussycat of RʼnʼB is a / tidy Two thirds of selectionBashment of and RʼnʼB Hip-Hop / Bashmentfrom the veryand Hip-Hopbest fromcutting the edge very djs.best Bump cuttingand grind edge with djs. a Bump world universities to andclass grind line withup. Blazinʼ. a world class line up. Blazinʼ. 8pm > 2am 8pmCost: > £82am charge maximum Cost: £8 dBs: BBC1 Xtra Skitz and R odneydBs: BBC1 P. The Xtra most Skitz upfront and RUKodney RʼnʼB P. Theand mostHip Hopupfront act. top-up fees Free Smirnoff + UKPlus RʼnʼB Fabric and Liveʼs Hip HopJoe act. FreeMixer Smirnoff voucher + PlusRansom Fabric and Liveʼs Faster Joe Pussycat By Emily Gwyer would charge the full amount. might not think it worth the Ransomresident and dj Ben Faster Beiny Pussycat Sir Richard Sykes, Rector of cost. Mixerin dBs voucher resident UDH: dj Paradise Ben Beiny Bar Chill Two years before universities Imperial College, told Felix: “I Many universities are find- in+ dBsfree Shark & Out, UDH: smooth Paradise grooves Bar Chilland become able to charge vari- find it difficult to believe that ing it difficult to do the maths: cocktails samples Out,smokinʼ smooth hookahs grooves and able fees of up to £3000, a new an organization of the stand- how much are they able to + free Shark & cocktailsin Concert samples Hall smokinʼ Concert hookahs Hall: KISS FM, poll has found that two thirds ard and quality of Imperial charge to appear competitive Firinʼ Squad and Cleo live PA of vice-chancellors are plan- College would not charge while being able to fund the inFree Concert Hall Concert Hall: KISS FM, Firinʼplus Squadbreak-dancers. and Cleo live PA ning to charge the maximum the maximum £3000 for their essential bursary schemes Free amount for every course. science courses, since even that will also begin in 2006? plusFaster break-dancers. Pussycat resident dj The Union and The poll, published in The when we charge £3000 we’re This difficult balancing act FasterMatt CarpenterPussycat resident dj Smirnoff encourage Guardian, revealed that the losing a hell of a lot of money.” has left most seeing no way The Union and Matt Gym: CarpenterCasino blackjack heads of the majority of uni- He argues that the maximum out but to charge the maxi- Smirnoffyou to drink encourage responsibly and roulette with prizes Gym: Casino blackjack

versities in the country have mum amount. However, a The Union Cuervo and to you encourage drink responsibly you to drink responsibly and roulette with prizes taken the step of charging wrong turn could be disas-

“It does suggest The Union Cuervo and to you encourage drink responsibly the maximum rate allowed, trous – setting the cost too with many driven by fears of that the idea of high could deter students appearing second rate and of from enrolling, which could FREE

having insufficient money to ‘choice’ is a bankrupt a small university. FREE

fund their bursary schemes. Although this news is unlike- dBs

It was originally thought misconception” ly to affect future Imperial > 11pm .30pm dBs At: 7 only 8.45pm) till (Food Cost: �� that universities would students, it does suggest that Hot of Red An evening our national Salsa from champions, the Imperial the Club, and Dance Union. salsa Try out some sexy steps with guidance from teachers.our upfront Kick the night off with food and drink with Latin a then your practice flavour, until late, with themoves Unionʼs Latin experienced dancers. .30pm > 11pm .30pm At: 7 only 8.45pm) till (Food Cost: �� charge differential fees to dis- level should be raised higher, the idea of ‘choice’ is a mis- Hot of Red An evening our national Salsa from champions, the Imperial the Club, and Dance Union. salsa Try out some sexy steps with guidance from teachers.our upfront Kick the night off with food and drink with Latin a then your practice flavour, until late, with themoves Unionʼs Latin experienced dancers. tinguish between courses on to around £5,000. conception: all that appears the basis of their popularity Student numbers will not to be happening with the Ben Beiny Matt C or the amount it costs to run fall at Russell Group institu- new education marketplace Ben Beiny Matt C them. Now, as vice-chancel- tions if fees are set at the new is that, in essence, fees have Skitz + Rodney P lors make the big decision in maximum level, such is the jumped from £1150 to £3000 Skitz + Rodney P time for the 2005 prospectus- competition for places. It is per year. We are yet to discov- es to go to press, that appears the smaller, newer and less er whether the bursaries will not to be the case. rich universities which face provide enough extra income It was always known that an agonizing decision about to allow poorer students to dBs: Imperial College and the other how much to charge. Charge overcome this, and whether dBs: Russell Group universities less, and they run the risk universities will be able to (the major research-based of appearing second rate; attract enough students to Resident djs Way Way universities in the country) charge more, and students survive. Residentand Miss djs K Wayplaying Way the andbest Miss in party K playing rock music the bestand in a partyvery specialrock music

8pm > 1am Cost: £5 guest band, with a and a very special

8pm > 1am Cost: £5 guestmassive band, stage with presence, a

massiveKeith Flint stage - Clever presence,

KBrainseith Flint Fryinʼ. - Clever FREE FREE

Brains Fryinʼ. FREE FREE

This will be a night to drink responsibly encourage you to you encourage 8pm > 10pm Cost: At: DaVinci’s Quiz night is an Imperial tradition. Turn up with a bunchof friends or makea teamup on the night.Either way you willin withbe a chance winningof beer and Youcash. will be suprisedby what you know. 7.30pm > 11.20pm Cost: At: dBs An Imperial Unionphenomenon – 24 amazingmusicians playingdelivering together the unmissibleJazz Big Band sound.Smooth songs and syncopation.sexy

The Union and Bacardi remember! NIGHT QUIZ

The Union and Bacardi remember! NIGHT QUIZ TUESDAY OCT 5 OCT TUESDAY Bacardi + MixerBacardi for £1.00B-Bar Partyplus within dBs Conga Drum Prize Draw TUESDAY OCT 5 OCT TUESDAY Bacardi + MixerBacardi for £1.00B-Bar Partyplus within dBs Conga Drum Prize Draw

Concert Hall: Concert Hall: Vodka Mudshakes Vodka dBs in £1.80 scratchPlus card dBs in promotion UnionThe and encourage Mudshake to drinkyou responsibly

Flirty current chart music Mudshakes Vodka dBs in £1.80 scratchPlus card dBs in promotion UnionThe and encourage Mudshake to drinkyou responsibly Flirtyand partycurrent classics chart music and party classics

UDH: Paradise Bar with hot snacks and UDH: Paradise Bar chillwith outhot djsnacks sessions and chill out dj sessions Gym: Fight Club ROCK CITY October 6 Vs CHEEKY Wed Gym: Fight Bouncy Club Boxing and Inflatable Fun 4 OCT MONDAY ROCK CITY October 6 Vs CHEEKY Wed Bouncy Boxing and Inflatable Fun 4 OCT MONDAY Paradise Bar Chill out and Hookahs Scratch Battle DJ P vs, DJ Hal 1200

The Union and Twistee Paradise Bar Chill out and Hookahs

DJ P vs DJ Hal Scratch Battle DJ P vs, DJ Hal 1200 dBs: Dancehall, BashmentHip-Hop RʼnʼB showcase and UDH: 2 Twistees for £2.50 DJ P is one of theperforming best scratch on thedjsyour university favourite circuit, tunes.ability withGreat and technicala blazinʼto make style, a party he knowsjump. how

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£2 Student views ignored? Many protested, like these at Imperial in 2002, but tuition fees drink responsibly Cost:

encourage you to Plus give aways in dBs look set to reach £3000 for most courses drink responsibly 11.30pm > 7.30pm Felix 4 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 30 September 2004

Business [email protected] Why a bottle of beer is bound to bear a burden on a budget Numaan Chaudhry gives a gentle introduction to the new Business section by looking at the factors determining the cost of alcohol class line up. Blazinʼ. a world with and grind cutting edge djs. Bump best very from the Bashment and Hip-Hop / selection of RʼnʼB PussycatFaster is a tidy With the beginning of the new es. Alcohol tax in the UK is responsibly you drink to encourage Smirnoff and The Union Free Hall in Concert samples cocktails & + free Shark in Mixer + Free Smirnoff

academic year comes a new the highest in the European dBs group of young and eager Union, bar none. Although it ROCK CITY Vs CHEEKY Wed October 6 8pm > 1am students ready to embark on is not as volatile as alcohol voucher a journey that will probably duty, this tax can be up to a Cost: £5 Ben Beiny transform their lives com- staggering 70% of the nomi- pletely by providing a gate- nal price you might pay. way to fun, freedom and even However, this Government fortune due to the increased scheme has had its desired Bouncy BoxingFun and Inflatable and party classics and party music chart current Flirty and Resident djs Way Way Gym: UDH: Hall: Concert dBs: remember! This will be a night to Brains Fryinʼ. K massive presence, stage a guest band, with special and a very music rock best in party employability of Imperial effect to some extent. By rock- out dj sessions chill The Union and TwisteeThe Union graduates. However, before eting up the price of beers, Flint - Clevereith we start contemplating buy- spirits and wines, this policy the Miss K playing encourage you to ing an Aston Martin DB9 has reduced the alcohol con- responsibly drink over a Ferrari Scaglietti, we sumption level considerably. need to look at our current Subsequent research has + RodneySkitz P Fight Club Fight financial state first. shown that there has been and Paradise snacks hot Bar with Instead of telling the a significant decrease in reader how to manage their alcohol intake by youths and finances, for which there are the tax has thus led to fewer

many hundreds of books that alcohol-related car fatalities,

cover the issue in depth, I assaults and health issues. Plus give aways in dBs 2 Twistees £2.50 for Location, location, location. This is one of the few oppor- “Alcohol tax in tunities where the reader has resident dj Ben Beiny Ransom Pussycat and Faster LiveʼsPlus Fabric Joe UK and RʼnʼB Hip Hop act. R dBs: £8 Cost: 8pm > 2am and r Gym: Matt Carpenter PussycatFaster resident dj plus break-dancers. and Squad Firinʼ Hall: KISS FM, Concert hookahssmokinʼ groovesOut, smooth and

some control over how much odney P

the UK is the UDH: Paradise Bar Chill he/she pays when it comes highest in the to buying beverages. There prizes with oulette BBC1 Xtra Skitz and Casino blackjack Casino blackjack

is a huge variation of price Matt C European Union, when it comes to alcohol, . The most upfront ranging from the dirt cheap bar none” booze of parts of Wales to the ludicrously overpriced spir- Cleo live PA will expound the underlying its of the Che restaurant in conditions that determine Green Park. More often than the price of one of the most not, the alcohol is overpriced financially consuming com- due to the greediness of pub Does anyone fancy a pint? The price of beer seems set to continue to rise without bounds modities for students and lec- owners, restaurant manag- turers alike, namely alcohol. ers and multinational ven- Although the stages in the dors such as SABMiller and TUESDAY OCT 5 production of alcohol have Diageo. MONDAY OCT 4 An evening of Red Hot changed very little since its In some respects, the UK Salsa from our national conception many centuries is lucky with regard to the 8pm > 10pm champions, the Imperial ago, the price has risen like pricing of alcoholic bever- Cost: FREE Dance Club, and the Union. there’s no tomorrow. There ages compared to other EU are several factors that can nations. Norway’s breweries, At: DaVinci’s be attributed to this extreme for instance, have been hit Try out some sexy salsa QUIZ NIGHT Quiz night is an steps with guidance from price change, some of which I hard by the increasing cost Imperial tradition. will now outline. of alcohol due to their intri- our upfront teachers. At the forefront of the pric- cate political situation. Also, Turn up with a bunch ing mechanism is the issue inflation has without a doubt of friends or make up Kick the night off with food of alcohol duties. Initially been one of the key factors a team on the night. Either way you will be and drink with a Latin introduced to assist native underlying the base price of in with a chance of flavour, then practice your brewers in competing with the whole beverages suite. winning beer and cash. moves until late, with the much cheaper imported bev- From what has been dis- You will be suprised Unionʼs experienced Latin erages, alcohol duties have cussed, it is clear that by what you know. turned out to be a handsome Customs and Excise have dancers. source of income for Customs no intention of lowering and Excise. Duty rates are their income from alcohol, 7.30pm > 11.20pm At: dBs dependent on the alcohol and the price of beer seems Cost: FREE content of the beverage being set to continue to rise with- sold and the origin of the out bounds. Combined with At: dBs 7.30pm > 11pm source, with home brewers the living costs of South (Food only till 8.45pm) being charged much less Kensington and the forth- An Imperial Union DJ P vs DJ Hal phenomenon – 24 amazing than those importing alcohol. coming introduction of top- musicians playing together Cost: FREE Although there is an array of up fees, this could have a dBs: Scratch Battle DJ P vs, DJ Hal 1200 delivering the unmissible different duty rates for spirits devastating effect on student Jazz Big Band sound. and wines, the rate for beer is finances that could leave stu- Dancehall, Bashment RʼnʼB and Smooth songs and sexy Hip-Hop showcase syncopation. a constant figure, currently dents struggling to get out of Vodka Mudshakes �� £12.59 per hectolitre per cent the red for many years after UDH: Paradise Bar Chill out and Hookahs £1.80 in dBs The Union and Bacardi �� of alcohol in the beer. graduation. With so much Plus scratch card encourage you to £2 DJ P is one of the best scratch djs The next source of at stake, it is apparent that promotion in dBs drink responsibly The Union and Cuervo ‘Government funding’ comes there is very little scope for performing on the university circuit, with your favourite tunes. Great technical The Union and encourage you to

from alcohol taxes, a discreet a student to be drinking on 7.30pm > 11.30pm Cost: Bacardi + Mixer for £1.00 plus in dBs ability and a blazinʼ style, he knows how Mudshake encourage Bacardi B-Bar Party with Conga Drum Prize Draw drink responsibly yet distinct (from alcohol a night out, let alone go on a to make a party jump. you to drink responsibly duties) contributor to pric- binge at the Che restaurant. Felix Thursday 30 September 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 5

Science [email protected] This is your platform, the next train is for science

aim, as before, is to report on are only too keenly aware subjects, ranging from the some of the latest develop- at Imperial College), but controversy surrounding Felix Science is looking for ments in the world of science between politics, culture, the genetically modified foods and to publish your opinions media, and even the arts. through to quantum theory, regular and occasional and feature articles on sci- At the same time, scien- the existence of God, and ence in its larger, societal tists have to stay true to sci- even the effect of LSD and contributors. If you are interested context. entific values and reaffirm crack on spiders. There are To believe that it is pos- the importance of objectivity many other things to write in writing science news, reviewing sible to continue practising in their work. How should the about, of course. science in a political and cul- scientific community recon- And it doesn’t always websites, or want to write a tural vacuum is a myth just cile the objectivity demand- have to be serious – a sense about as absurd as believ- ed by their vocation and the of humour is obligatory, feature article about a subject DARIUS NIKBIN ing that the Earth is flat. subjective values that are so because you can’t take any- For science to progress in prevalent in politics and the one who hasn’t got a sense you are interested in, email SCIENCE EDITOR the modern world, scientists media? This is one of the of humour seriously. So have to be able to communi- issues, amongst many oth- I hope that this year you, [email protected] and we Welcome back to the science cate the meaning and pur- ers, that Felix Science can the reader, will continue to pages of Felix. In my second pose of what they are doing address during the course of find something of interest will provide you with the platform year as science editor, I in- to society. A research inter- the year. in these pages and will also tend to continue along the face exists not only between Last year, we had articles find the time to contribute to to write for Imperial. same lines as last year. The science and business (as we on a very wide variety of this, your forum. A ‘super size’ food industry gone berserk Morgan Spurlock’s new film Super Size Me has brought attention to an inherent conflict between consumer and corporate interests that has given rise to the obesity epidemic

By Darius Nikbin in the US. Today it is reck- “eat more”. The objective diet. At face value they have oned that one third of the US was, ostensibly, to address a point, but the consensus The release of Morgan population is clinically obese. issues of malnutrition and forming in the scientific com- Spurlock’s highly anticipated The figures are reflected in vitamin deficiency that afflict- munity would disagree – for Super Size Me has drawn the UK where the blame for ed a significant proportion them, there is not much dif- the public’s attention to a increasing rates of childhood of the population. However, ference between smoking $1 trillion industry whose diabetes in recent years has towards the late seventies cigarettes and eating junk unscrupolous and immoral been placed at the door of the government’s message food. Both habits are addic- marketing tactics have dam- poor dietary practices. The had to change. Scientific tive and both can have fatal aged the health of millions. number of people dying research identified a high- consequences. Be it in lobbying for favour- from the effects of a highly cholesterol diet as a major There is now a community able trade laws, pushing for sedentary lifestyle, dietary cause of heart disease and of people who want to change changes in food legislation, or apathy and an increasing other chronic health prob- the operations of an indus- strategically recruiting nutri- calorific intake is also on lems. In its duty to protect try worth $1 trillion and the tional scientists to promote the increase. Can this be the nation’s health, they had dietary habits of a nation of the dubious health content of blamed on the food industry, to radically shift policy from 290 million people. Bona fide their products, today’s food whose unscrupulous mar- “eat more” to “eat less”. This nutritionists want to promote industry has unprecedented keting of their products has was a move that would never dietary education in schools, influence in government and consisted of a constant “eat sit well with food producers, campaign for food label- science to promote its inter- more” message? Should the who had long been used to ling, have TV advertising for ests at the expense of the food industry be regulated favourable market conditions unhealthy foods restricted, consumer’s health. for selling products. To this taxes levied on soft drinks Hardly a day goes past “The facts are day, the food industry has Morgan Spurlock: spent a month eating only McDonalds and other high-sugar prod- without us being told what we fought in the law courts and ucts, and healthy foods like should be eating. On televi- uncompromising... lobbied Congress to prevent scientific research in order of promoting bad diets and fruits and vegetables to be sion, on the radio, in scientif- this simple message of “eat to effect political change. selling intrinsically unhealthy subsidised. ic journals, various foods are one third of the less” getting to a public eat- However, when more stud- food. Although the first few The anti-‘big fat’ legal com- championed or denounced for US population is ing themselves to death. ies are showing that foods lawsuits have been thrown munity will be looking for the their so-called health value. The American food indus- which are high in sugars and out, it is only a matter of time same kind of success that In addition to the dissemi- clinically obese...” try manipulates the public cholesterol are potentially before one ruling in favour tobacco litigators achieved in nation of confusing dietary through marketing and addictive, and more hospital of the customer leads to an 1998, when cigarette compa- advice, microbial outbreaks, so that unhealthy products influences Congress legisla- beds are being filled by peo- avalanche of lawsuits against nies agreed to pay out $246 uncertainty about GM foods, are labelled in a similar way tors and regulators through ple suffering from the con- food companies – especially billion over 25 years to settle and the emerging fear of food to tobacco products? Should lobbying. In doing so, the sequences of a high-calorie if further studies confirm lawsuits brought by US states bioterrorism have contribut- advertising aimed at children actions of the food industry diet, questions have to be that fatty foods have addic- for tobacco-related health- ed to bewildering the masses be banned in order to pro- are thoroughly analogous to asked about the legitimacy tive properties. The fact that care costs. Although they are and have lead to a climate of mote healthy nutritional eth- that of the US tobacco indus- of their practices. Research McDonalds are now selling unlikely to succeed on the dietary paranoia which suits ics from an early age? try in trying to influence sci- on rats at the University of salads on their menus is a same scale, due to the fun- the interests of food market- In no area of industry is the entists, federal agencies and Wisconsin Medical School, direct result of this threat damentally poisonous nature ers. From obesity epidemics failure to consolidate public the government to promote for instance, has found that of legal action. But many of tobacco constituents, to childhood diabetes, from and commercial interests the marketing and legitimacy the changes in the rats’ neu- think that the damage has the anti-‘big fat’ movement foot-and-mouth to salmonel- more evident and paradig- of their product. Food compa- rochemistry from having a already been done. In the believe that, on the basis of la, over the years the system matic than in the field of pub- nies use every means avail- high-sugar diet were similar past 20 years, obesity levels scientific results, food com- has failed to find a balance lic nutrition. And nowhere are able to create and protect an to those inflicted by heroin in American children have panies should change their betweens consumer inter- the difficulties more manifest environment that is condu- and morphine. doubled. ways or be punished for their ests and the food industry’s than in the US. There, the cive to selling their products Food addiction is an area Defenders of the food indus- irresponsible commercialisa- insatiable greed. government has been advis- to a public. that scientists are only just try would say that unlike tion of junk food. The facts are uncompro- ing people on what to eat for It could be argued that in beginning to explore, but the tobacco, food products, by mising. In a matter of seven over a century now. To begin this sense food companies are signs are not good for the their very nature, cannot ● James Robinson argues years between 1991 and 1998, with, and up until the 1970s, no different to a whole host of food industry. McDonald’s be intrinsically unhealthy that consumers should the rate of adult obesity a succession of administra- other industries in the US has already been threatened – since they can always be take more responsibility: increased from 12% to 18% tions advised the populus to that lobby Congress and fund with legal action accusing it incorporated into a balanced Comment, page 7 Felix 6 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 30 September 2004

Comment [email protected] New beginnings

Greetings to everyone, to new stu- At present there are six elect- College Council (unfortunately full of other students’ union in the country, dents, returning students and those ed academic staff members of the STATE OF ‘yes’ men) and they then need to be and it shows. of us who have been slogging it out College Council in addition to the approved by the Queen through the There are some 300 recognized through the summer. You can look Union President. A Union Deputy THE UNION Privy Council, a process which will student societies at Imperial – far forward to my scribblings in future President attends as an observer. take months, at least. It is important more than anywhere else, offering editions of Felix, as I have the privi- The proposals envisage there being to use this time to demonstrate the an unrivalled diversity of activities lege of running Imperial College no representatives on the govern- importance of student representa- and interests to get involved in. Union for a second year and shall ing body as it is felt that this is tion. There are elections taking place Remember that the opportunities be writing here to explain what I am inappropriate, the role of governors for membership of Union Council you have now to try new activi- doing with my time and your money, being to bring external scrutiny to (the students’ governing and policy- ties and hobbies at cheap prices as well as issues that affect the management on long-term strat- making body) in the second week of will never be matched again. I have Union or students generally. gey. The College’s view is that staff term. Be sure to vote. Every vote in friends now who have graduated and student representatives’ role a Union election is a vote in favour and moved onto high-flying jobs with Representation and elections is to interface with management, of the principle of student represen- no spare time who wonder what they not governors, on operational issues tation. All registered students are did with all their time at Imperial The main purpose of a students’ – in the same way that trades unions automatically Union members and – so make the most of it while you union is to act as the representative are not represented on the board of can vote online. To find out more, are here. voice of the students of the College. directors of a company. MUSTAFA ARIF or to stand for election, visit www. You will read on the front page that I believe that this recommenda- UNION PRESIDENT union.ic.ac.uk/elections. Finally... the College is embarked on a process tion is misguided. Universities are of reviewing its governance struc- not conventional “businesses”. Freshers Fair The Union is here to serve you. If ture. Most of the outcomes of the Imperial College is, largely, a public of the day, the future of the College you think there is something we are review (streamlining of committees) funded body with responsibilities to (and the reputation of our degrees) Tuesday sees the Union’s annual doing wrong or have ideas for things will, in my opinion, benefit students wider stakeholders. The role of the is dependent on attracting the best Freshers Fair. This year it will last we could do better, please do not as they will improve the way that governing body is to ensure that the students to study here. Surely stu- the whole day. If you are a fresher, hesitate to get in touch. My office the College is run. Unfortunately College is acting in the wider pub- dents should be able to influence or even a continuing student, make is on the first floor of the Union there is a negative outcome which lic interest. Students are important that at the highest level? it an absolute priority to go around Building and I’m always happy to is that there should be no staff or stakeholders in higher education. The proposals are, at present, and visit the stalls. Imperial College make time to see students. student representatives on Council, We all pay fees to be here – money just proposals. They need to be Union spends more, per student, the College’s governing body. we could take elsewhere. At the end approved by the next meeting of funding clubs and societies than any Enjoy your time here. The joy of... personal tutors

Hello and welcome! If you’re a and individuals. In order to achieve I would reply: should you need to make an appeal returning student, then welcome greater consistency in the personal UNCLE SAM “You are right to be concerned against an academic decision. back, chin up, it’s not as bad as all tutorial system, I will be conducting about not knowing who your per- Your tutor is also a good person to that; if you’re a fresher, congratula- a survey to find out what you think. sonal tutor is. They are an invalua- ask to write you a reference when tions, you’ve arrived, you’re going Watch this space! ble contact within your department. you apply for a job, so it’s important to have a superb time at Imperial Here are some typical things I They should monitor your academic that you have a good working rela- College. might be emailed about (or even progress, ensure that you get all tionship. Imperial (as I’m sure you’re fed up hear in the bar) regarding personal the help you need, and make sure You should make it a priority to of hearing) prides itself in the qual- tutors: you know what’s going on in your find out who your tutor is, meet ity of its research and its teaching. “Dear Sam, department. If you haven’t done your them, and stay in regular contact. If you’re a research student, you will I am a first year student in the coursework, you might find them Good luck!” be allocated a supervisor to help you Department of X. At the beginning chasing you up, but remember, they with your work; if you’re an under- of the year, some administrator have your best interests at heart! ● Sam Rorke is the Deputy graduate, you will be assigned a per- mentioned something about a per- It is also important that someone President (Education and Welfare) sonal tutor to keep an eye on your sonal tutor, but I don’t know who in the department is keeping an eye of Imperial College Union. His remit academic progress and your gen- mine is, and I certainly haven’t met SAM RORKE out for your personal well-being: in is to oversee academic affairs, wel- eral welfare. We’ll deal with supervi- them. Some of my friends in other DEPUTY PRESIDENT cases where this affects academic fare, accommodation and student sors later, since that’s a whole can of departments tell me that their per- performance, they can help you development, and ensure that stu- worms of its own, and concentrate sonal tutors are really helpful, and (EDUCATION & WELFARE) more the earlier they know about dents’ views on these issues are for the moment on personal tutors. a re-app in my hall once mentioned any problems. This help can include effectively communicated to the Many people have told me that, that his tutor helped him get back knowing who mine is. It would be anything from pointing you in the College. If you have any comments whilst some tutors are great, the onto his course after he’d failed. I’m great if you could help me, because I direction of appropriate welfare sup- or questions, please contact him on quality varies between departments worried that I’m missing out by not don’t know who else to turn to.” port to helping you with your case [email protected]. When you find yourself in times of trouble...

The Imperial College Union Advice debt advice, international student EMPLOYMENT RIGHTS LEGAL ISSUES: Referral to local Service is a free, impartial and funding, assistance with applica- ADVICE SERVICE ADVICE: National insurance, tax legal centres. independent advice service for all tions to the Hardship Fund, post- refunds, national minimum wage, If you have any problems dur- Imperial College students. graduate funding information. holiday and break entitlement. ing your time here, whether with The Advice Service can help you HOUSING ADVICE: Tenancy CONSUMER RIGHTS ADVICE: the college or externally, then make with a multitude of problems, big agreement checking service, help Help with your consumer rights, the Imperial College Union Advice or small. It can also help if you just getting unfairly held deposits back, internet buying, advice about illegal Service your first port of call. It is need someone to talk to or would assistance on getting your landlord traders. professionally run and can help you like some information. to carry out repairs, information PERSONAL SAFETY: Tips and to solve any problem. Areas covered by the Advice about illegal evictions, your general advice on personal safety, free sup- If you wish to contact us, please Service include: housing rights. ply of attack alarms, a selection of feel free to do so. Our opening hours ACADEMIC ADVICE: Academic INTERNATIONAL STUDENT leaflets and publications that can are 9am to 5pm every weekday, on appeals, complaints, withdraw- ISSUES: How to get a national help you. the first floor of the main Union als, help with course problems and insurance number, international SEXUAL HEALTH: The advice building in Beit Quad. You can make transfers. students’ funding, local and gen- service has a wide range of leaflets an appointment or just drop in. MONEY ADVICE: Assistance with eral information for international NIGEL COOKE on sexual health and has a list of Telephone 020 7594 8067 or email student loan, fees and grant queries, students. UNION ADVISER local sexual health clinics. [email protected]. Felix Thursday 30 September 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 7

COMMENT [email protected] New year, new Felix

Hello and welcome to a new era Having consulted previous edi- sands of people each week, Felix with various members of our cur- for Felix, the student newspaper of tors, it becomes clear that the main EDITORIAL also exists to allow any student to rent staff. Come and see us to find Imperial College London. For the reason why we’ve stuck with A4 get involved in running a news- out more about what we do and benefit of all our freshers, I should for such a long time is because paper. You can take part in any- how you can get involved. You will say that Felix is here to inform and Felix used to be printed in-house thing and everything we do, and if also be able to pick up a copy of the entertain Imperial’s 11,000 students and the machines couldn’t go any you’d like to get involved it would be Imperial College Union Handbook each week with news, reviews, opin- larger. The majority of respondents great to hear from you – just email 2004. ion, puzzles, sports reports and lots to last term’s survey expressed [email protected] or come and see us at By the way, just in case you’re of other interesting stuff as well. a preference for newspaper over our offices in the West Wing of Beit interested, I have just finished four Anyone who has read Felix in the magazine, and we will also save a Quad (the Union building in South years of maths here at Imperial, past will notice that we’ve made a certain amount on printing costs, Kensington). We’re always looking and I’m now lucky enough to work few changes. The last time it had allowing us to print more pages and for new writers, editors, columnists, on Felix full time. pages this size was in 1974 (it’s use more colour. Anyway, I hope you designers, reviewers, photogra- I would like to thank all my staff been A4 since then), so the decision like the new look! phers... the list goes on. Don’t worry for their hard work on this, the to go for a ‘compact newspaper’ I also want to mention that Felix if you’ve never done anything like first and probably the most difficult format was always going to be a will now be released on Thursdays. DAVE EDWARDS this before – training is available, issue of the year. Finally, to anyone difficult one. I’m confident that this I felt that the Friday release meant EDITOR and enthusiasm is just as important who told me that I’d be working will firmly define Felix as a stu- that it was often ‘missed’ by some as experience. hard and would probably have to dent newspaper, rather than lying students until Monday, by which allow everyone to get hold of a copy At the Freshers Fair on Tuesday stay up all night on deadline day: I somewhere between newspaper time the content was already three within one day of publication. 5 October, I’ll be at the Felix stand know I said it wouldn’t happen, but and magazine. days old. Moving it forward should Aside from being read by thou- in the Union Dining Hall, together you were right. It’s 5am. Where does personal responsibility end and corporate responsibility begin?

This is the somewhat disturbing not actually being as ridiculous as McDonalds’ targeting of children ing the evil corporations is the new question posed by Super Size Me, I expected, so a severe re-draft was through its marketing inevitably black. And in no way is this guy the the latest in what seems to be a new called for. comes under the spotlight. From new Moore – aside from Super Size trend of big screen documentaries. Don’t get me wrong – the cen- Ronald McDonald to in-store play Me, Spurlock’s most notable and The film follows writer and director tral storyline is a daft shock tac- areas and the happy meal, it would recent credit is for MTV gross-out Morgan Spurlock as he embarks on tic that tells us nothing we don’t be naïve not to realise what they’re show I Bet You Will, in which he a month-long diet consisting solely already know. Nobody can seriously trying to do. Is it morally question- persuaded America’s youth to do of McDonalds food. In addition, he be surprised to hear that Spurlock’s able? Probably. Does the buck stop humiliating things for cash. It’s like reduces his physical activity to a extreme diet results in dramatic there? I don’t think so – children Jackass, but without the taste and minimum in order to mirror that of weight gain, but there are other, will always have wants, be it fast decency. an “average” American. The burger perhaps less obvious effects of the food, holidays to Disneyworld, toys What I really have a problem munching, including the obligatory junk food binge such as depres- (I’m still bitter that I never got a with is the responsibility question vomit scene, is interspersed with sion, tiredness and lack of sex drive. Mr Frosty), and surely it’s up to the that introduced both the film and examinations by horrified doctors Sufferers of these symptoms may JAMES ROBINSON parents to draw the line somewhere this article. Where does personal and personal trainers. well be surprised to learn that their and say “no”. More importantly, responsibility end? It doesn’t. At With a synopsis like this, I think diet could be to blame. chips and fizzy drinks is promot- simply banning our children from no point can any of us just switch I was justified in my scepticism. I Spurlock did not deny that his ed to an increasingly inactive and eating junk food is pointless, as one off and assume that someone or must admit to having a mental draft experiment was extreme, nor obese youth. Cost is not to blame day they will be old enough to go out something else with deal with the of this article even before buying was the sole point of the film to – we visit one school that serves up and get it themselves. repercussions of our behaviour. the popcorn – in fact I only really demonise the golden arches as I nutritious meals to its once unruly What we need to do is educate It’s a lovely idea, and one which saw Super Size Me so that I could had expected. In particular there is students who have been turned our children so that they know why is at the root of many of today’s rip it to shreds effectively. This plan a troubling investigation of school around at least partially by their these things are bad for us – that problems and certainly the grow- was somewhat ruined by the film meals in America, where a diet of improved diet. goes for smoking, drugs and many ing compensation culture – people of life’s other evils. Education is have tried and thankfully failed to an area highlighted by Spurlock, sue McDonalds because their food with the startling revelation that made them fat. not many people even know what a Corporate responsibility is a nice calorie is. theory, but it’s not something we Top marks must go to the mar- can realistically expect in our com- keting bods at McDonalds for their mercial world. If a company of any response to this attack, which basi- size is doing wrong, we have the cally echoes most people’s reaction: right to know. Thanks largely to “The film is slick, well-made and the internet, now more than ever yes, somewhat annoyingly, doesn’t before information is available to portray McDonald’s in the most those who want it. And if you have favourable light. And yet, what we a problem with the McDonalds or do agree with is its core argument the Nestlés of this world then by all – that if you eat too much and do too means boycott them and do your little, it’s bad for you.” They have best to dent their turnover. In a scrapped the super size option in free market, it is the consumer that America, supposedly for commer- makes or breaks a company – it’s up cial reasons rather than as a result to us to support the good guys and of this film. I hope that’s the case squeeze out the bad. – the super size meal is a ridiculous Unfortunately this well produced concept which deserves to fail but documentary devalues some impor- only because nobody would be daft tant points with its ridiculous head- enough to buy it. line-grabbing stunt, and it certainly I remain sceptical about the direc- hasn’t turned me against the occa- tor’s reasons for making the film. sional burger for lunch. Perhaps The genre is currently dominated I’ll have one today, followed by a by Michael Moore, the man behind coffee at Starbucks. They’d better Bowling for Columbine and the not make it with hot water again Bush-bashing Fahrenheit 9/11. Like – how am I supposed to know it will him or loathe him, Moore does seem burn? Right, get my lawyer on the passionate about what he does. I phone... can’t help thinking that in this case Spurlock has spotted an easy buck ● Darius Nikbin investigates in making a “shocking” film that a ‘super size’ food industry capitalises on the anti-capitalist gone berserk in this week’s Rotund McDonald: the corporation gets the blame, but is it really their fault if burgers make us fat? voice of today, at a time when bash- Science section, page 5

Felix Thursday 30 September 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 9

Around Campus [email protected] Silwood Park finds a voice

By Andrew Brown the natural history society to to the Silwood specific beeri- courses, but the much antici- Silwood Park Correspondant rabbit catching and recipes enteering. Drinking with an pated Silwood beer festival are covered in our extended additional element of danger, looms around the corner Following the success of the freshers fortnight. we give participants a map in November, followed by Wye column in Felix in previ- To reassure newcomers with locations of where beer Christmas, Burns Night (not ous years, it is time that anoth- that living in the middle of is hidden and three hours to only for the Scottish contin- er of Imperial’s campuses nowhere does have its advan- find as many as they can. If gent), and the many events finds its voice. Silwood Park tages, students are shipped they have not returned within planned for the coming year. is situated in the Berkshire in to central London on their five hours, we try to find the Some find it difficult to adapt countryside, around 45 min- first day to register (appar- lost students, but it is not so to the slower pace of living in utes’ drive from the main ently the carrier pigeon sys- easy when you combine alco- the countryside, miles from campus at South Kensington. tem we have here is unre- hol with 100 hectares of land any civilisation, but once you Originally a biology field liable for getting important to get lost in. have got into the swing of station, we are a growing registering details across). Contrary to popular belief life, the vast majority of peo- community of around 120 stu- Students then get the chance (especially of those who ple enjoy it. We do not have dents. Being all postgradu- to look around London and live here), it is not all about anywhere near the popula- ates on site, this does not visit the Union bars. alcohol – with a diverse com- tion size as any of the other stop us from celebrating From then on they are munity such as ours there campuses, but if you are not Freshers Week like the rest introduced to the social side are regular trips to Reading, one of the few biology or engi- of you! Students on the five of Silwood, our pride and joy, Southall, and Bracknell. neering undergrads who have masters courses offered here the bar, with activities rang- Life then calms down for the pleasure of being sent out are introduced to life on the ing from the usual pub quiz- a few weeks while students here, Silwood is well worth wild side. Everything from zes, discos and pub crawls find their feet and start their a visit. A lovely building situated at Silwood Park

If you would like to bring us news on any of Imperial’s campuses, or just write about your own experiences, email us at [email protected]

Competitions Win Railcards Felix has five Young Persons Railcards to give away, worth £20 each A Young Persons Railcard is an invaluable way to save money. It is available to anyone aged 16-25 at a cost of £20 for a whole year, and entitles the holder to one third off most rail fares in Britain. So, whatever you choose to spend your money on this term, make sure a Young Persons Railcard is on your list.

To buy a Young Persons Railcard, all you need to do is go down to your local staffed railway station, rail appointed travel agent or authorised student travel office with: • A passport-sized photo of yourself • A completed application form (you can pick one up there) • £20 • Proof that you are either 16-25 years old or a mature student aged 26 or over in full-time education

For more information visit www.youngpersons-railcard.co.uk.

For the chance to win a Young Persons Railcard, just answer this question:

In The Simpsons, what method of rail travel is introduced to Springfield by entrepreneur and con man Lyle Lanley?

Email your answer to [email protected] by Thursday 7 October. The first five people to be randomly selected after the closing date will win a railcard each. Felix competition rules apply. Felix 10 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 30 September 2004

What’s on [email protected] UNION EVENTS THURSDAY THE MINGLE MONDAY 8pm–1am Running an event? 30 SEPTEMBER Beit Quad 4 OCTOBER £2 GIGS The Mingle is the opening UNION EVENTS Want people to know? YOUTH MOVIE SOUND- freshers welcome event. BARBECUES TRACK STRATEGIES There’s R’n’B from BBC 12–3pm 7–11pm 1Xtra’s Ollie and Jason in dBs, Queen’s Lawn Tell us about it! Bar Lorca, Brixton current chart and party clas- Union catering and the City YMMS are an up-and-coming sics from the Cheeky Crew in and Guilds College Union are Felix will print your listings free of charge. band, combining the guitar the Concert Hall, and chill- both having barbecues on (or Just email [email protected] and tell us: work of Mogwai with the bru- out vibes from the Paradise near) the Queen’s Lawn. • the name of the event tal riffage and electronics of Bar residents. Tickets are Contact: [email protected] the Mars Volta. available from subwardens at • who is running it halls of residence. UNION EVENTS • the time GIGS Contact: [email protected] URBAN BASHMENT KELLI ALI + SUPPORT SCRATCH BATTLE • the location 7–11pm CLUBS 7.30–11.30pm • the cost (if any) Dublin Castle, Camden AS ONE PRESENTS Beit Quad Ex-Sneaker Pimps vocalist ALL NIGHT LONG £2 • a brief description of the event strikes out on her own. 10pm–7am dBs is the venue for a dance- • a contact email address The End hall, bashment, R’n’B and hip- £12–£15 hop showcase featuring DJ P, Layo and Bushwacka take one of the best scratch DJs UNION EVENTS CLUBS AND SOCIETIES CLUBS over both rooms at The End on the university circuit. DOCTORS AND NURSES RUGBY TRIALS SWERVE for their famous all night ses- Contact: [email protected] PUB CRAWL 12.30pm 10.30pm–3am sioon. 7.30pm Meet outside Beit Quad The End FRIDAY GIGS Meet at Reynolds Bar, Charing Try out for the Rugby Club, £5-6 MOSE ALLISON Cross Hospital the 2003-4 President’s Club of Fabio headlines the weekly 1 OCTOBER 7pm–11pm £3 the Year. drum and bass workout at Pizza Express, Soho Your medic guides will help Contact: The End. GIGS The old man of blues con- you make your way around [email protected] 65 DAYS OF STATIC, THE SUNDAY tinues his stint at Pizza the area’s finest watering MASS, TEAM Express. Well worth checking holes, finishing at the institu- CLUBS AND SOCIETIES 7pm–11pm 3 OCTOBER out, if only for the song I’m A tion that is Po Na Na to dance ARCHERY CLUB ‘HAVE A THURSDAY Sheffield band on the way up, Certified Senior Citizen. the night away (badly). GO’ SESSION touring in support of their UNION EVENTS Contact: 1pm 7 OCTOBER new album. Expect fuzzy gui- INTERNATIONAL GIGS [email protected] Meet outside Beit Quad tars and glitchy beats. STUDENTS’ RECEPTION KAITO, ART BRUT, HELP FREE VERY IMPORTANT 10.30am–2pm SHE CAN’T SWIM, UNION EVENTS This is your chance to try FELIX PUBLISHED CLUBS Great Hall, Sherfield Building ARTROCKER DJs JAZZ BIG BAND out archery at no cost and 10am onwards THE GALLERY FREE 7pm–11pm 7.30–11pm with no obligation to join. All FREE 10.30pm–7.30am This is the Union’s official The Marquee dBs Club, Beit Quad equipment and training is Pick up the next issue of your Turnmills welcoming event for over- Artrocker collect together FREE provided. very own student newspaper £10–£15 seas students. There is a free some, well, art-rocking bands. The fantastic Jazz Big Band Contact: from your department or the Legend Paul Oakenfold lunch in the Main Dining Hall Promises to be a good night. will deliver their unmissable [email protected] Union building. returns to Turnmills. Catch after the reception. sound to a packed audience. Contact: [email protected] him while you can. Contact: [email protected] Contact: [email protected] GIGS WINNEBAGO DEAL UNION EVENTS CLUBS UNION EVENTS TUESDAY UNION EVENTS 7pm–11pm RED HOT SALSA FABRICLIVE MEDICS’ FRESHERS STA TRAVEL QUIZ NIGHT The Underworld, Camden 7.30–11pm 9.30pm–5am BARBECUE 5 OCTOBER 8–10.30pm Hyped by Kerrang, the dBs Club, Beit Quad Fabric 1pm Da Vinci’s Bar, Beit Quad Winnebago lads tour for what FREE £10–£12 Queen’s Lawn COLLEGE EVENTS FREE must be the thousandth time. Imperial Dance Club take Breaks from Plump DJs, After settling in, come down SPORT AND LEISURE The quiz is a bit of a tradition over dBs for an evening of Freq Nasty Soundsystem, to the Queen’s Lawn in South ‘COME AND TRY IT’ DAY at the Union, with cash and UNION EVENTS salsa. Try out some steps with UNKLE and Ali B, plus Skitz Kensington to meet the 9am–5pm beer prizes on offer. Turn up ROCK CITY vs CHEEKY guidance from their profes- and Rodney P in the hip-hop Medics’ Union. Southside gym and with friends or make up a 8pm–1am sional teachers. There’s also room. Contact: Paddington pool team on the night, and you Beit Quad food and drink with a Latin [email protected] Try out some of Imperial’s might just be surprised at £5 flavour. CLUBS sport and leisure facilities. what you actually know. Six rooms are open in the Contact: [email protected] MOVEMENT PRESENTS GIGS Contact: [email protected]; Contact: [email protected] Union building for the first RETURN TO V SENSIBLE SUNDAY [email protected] Wednesday night of term. 10pm–6am 2pm–10pm There’s party rock music in The End Nambucca, Holloway Road UNION EVENTS dBs, plus an appearance from ALL WEEK £10–£14 Chill out, have a roast din- FRESHERS FAIR WEDNESDAY Keith Flint (of Prodigy fame) Drum and bass with Brian ner for a fiver, listen to some 11am–5pm with his new band Clever ARTS G, Andy C, Shy FX and Ray acoustic acts and downbeat South Kensington campus 6 OCTOBER Brains Fryin’. The Concert BARBICAN GALLERY Keith. DJs. FREE Hall has current chart music Featured exhibitions are The fair gives you the chance COLLEGE EVENTS and party classics, while Space of Encounter: The GIGS to pick up loads of free stuff SPORT AND LEISURE there’s bouncy boxing and Architecture of Daniel WHEN GRAVITY FAILS, and find out about all the clubs ‘COME AND TRY IT’ DAY inflatable fun in the Union Libeskind; and Communicate: HUGE BABY, LEEVIL and societies you can join at 9am–5pm gym. Independent Graphic Design 7pm–11pm Imperial. It happens all over Southside gym and Contact: [email protected] since the Sixties. The Barfly, Camden the South Kensington cam- Paddington pool SATURDAY Another solid Barfly night pus, and you can find a full Try out some of Imperial’s UNION EVENTS ARTS with three great new bands. guide on the centre pages. sport and leisure facilities. BANDS NIGHT TATE BRITAIN 2 OCTOBER Contact: [email protected] Contact: [email protected]; 8pm Gwen John and Augustus CLUBS [email protected] Reynolds Bar, Charing Cross John; Michael Landy: semi- GIGS JUST GROOVE UNION EVENTS Hospital detached; Art Now: David HAPPY HARDCORE 10pm–6am BARBECUE CLUBS AND SOCIETIES- £3 Thorpe; BP British Art MORNING 414 12–3pm BADMINTON TRIALS A midweek music fest full of Displays 1500-2004. 6.30am–12.30pm £8-10 Queen’s Lawn 12–5pm med school home-grown tal- 414 Finish off your weekend with Union catering are running a WHERE? ent. Come along and soothe ARTS £5 residents Skol and Roosta barbecue on the Main Dining If you’re interested in playing last night’s inevitable hango- TATE MODERN Start your Saturday the right bringing you the best in Hall terrace, next to the for the men’s or ladies’ teams, ver. Untitled: Mohamed Camara way with this crazy hardcore upfront hard house, hard Queen’s Lawn. come along to the trials. Contact: (from 2 October); Tate morning party. trance and acid trance. Contact: [email protected] Contact: [email protected] [email protected] Modern Collection 2004.

Felix 12 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 30 September 2004

Clubs & Societies [email protected] Insanity for charity Anything Goes RAG Devon style By Chris Jackson RAG Chair MUSICAL THEATRE TOUR sented to the sound operator for forgetting to mute one of RAG. Some of you may have the mics, resulting in a mut- heard of it, some not. Put sim- By Martin Chong tered ‘shit’ ringing around the ply, it is the Imperial soci- venue from backstage. And ety that gets people to cause So once again I found myself then the party began… class line up. Blazinʼ. a world with and grind cutting edge djs. Bump best very from the Bashment and Hip-Hop / selection of RʼnʼB PussycatFaster is a tidy havoc, make fools of them- responsibly you drink to encourage Smirnoff and The Union Free Hall in Concert samples cocktails & + free Shark in Mixer + Free Smirnoff ready to head down to Devon The next two weeks saw

selves and push the patience dBs for two and a bit weeks with a a general pattern form: get of authority to its very limits bunch of all-singing, all-tap- steamed out of your tent at ROCK CITY Vs CHEEKY Wed October 6 8pm > 1am – and beyond. voucher dancing cast, some “I might some point in the morning,

Cost: £5 It is theBen Beiny only society whose dance if drunk enough” band have breakfast, find a shady name, when mentioned, members and a “not even spot, fall asleep (the hall with might just persuade the remotely going to try to dance the fans on was found to be police to release you back crew” (or so they claimed). best for this), find lunch, into the public domain with- The purpose? To convert the resume sleeping, reset stage, Bouncy BoxingFun and Inflatable and party classics and party music chart current Flirty and Resident djs Way Way Gym: UDH: Hall: Concert dBs: remember! This will be a night to Brains Fryinʼ. K massive presence, stage a guest band, with special and a very music rock best in party chill out dj sessions chill out charge following arrest. town hall into a theatre for find dinner, do show, go to The Union and TwisteeThe Union eith Flint - Clevereith The only requirement for you ten performances of Cole pub, have party, and get

playing the the Miss K playing to be allowed to partake in Porter’s Anything Goes, just into tent just before crack of encourage you to drink responsibly drink the chaos is to carry a collect- like the other 30-odd times dawn. This was punctuated ing tin and get the London that MTSoc Tour have done by after-show barbecues, vis- fat cats + RodneySkitz P to put some of their it! its to the local purveyor of unearned bonuses into it. Before we left the Union, ice cream, costume parties, Fight Club Fight Paradise Bar with hot snacks and Paradise snacks hot Bar with For those in doubt as to the there was the fun task of a jazz night and of course the kind of insanity I am talking packing steel deck, bits of middle weekend dinner. about, past examples include set, lights, microphones and rowing around the Trafalgar Monkey business: the last time Imperial RAG were released on London about two and a half weeks’

“The Donkey Square fountains dressed as worth of kit multiplied by lots

Plus give aways in dBs 2 Twistees £2.50 for a monkey, streaking through ness is RAG Week in February, at the Freshers Fair. In fact, To join in the fun, just get of people into an 18 ton lorry. award for the the Bank of England, tiddly- when a great many students visit us anyway, for we have a a selection of your friends Upon our arrival in Devon, winking the entire length of will miss lectures to help large stock of pint glasses and together (about six would do our first stop was the local pub worst gaffe of resident dj Ben Beiny Ransom Pussycat and Faster LiveʼsPlus Fabric Joe UK and RʼnʼB Hip Hop act. R dBs: £8 Cost: 8pm > 2am Oxford Street and pub crawl- put a and r little Gym: Matt Carpenter laughter PussycatFaster resident dj plus break-dancers. and Squad Firinʼ into Hall: KISS FM, Concert hookahssmokinʼ the groovesOut, smooth and mugs to give away in return nicely) and come along to for a well-earned pint, before odney P

ing your way around all 26 World of Highly Depressed UDH: Paradise Bar Chill for donations to our cause. the Union from midday on heading off to the school. the night was streets on the Monopoly Londoners in what is, after We know that February is a the 9th. You will be kitted out This became our home for oulette with prizes with oulette board. all, one of the more miserable long way away, so this year we with tins and buckets, and the whole of the tour, with the BBC1 Xtra Skitz and presented to the Casino blackjack Casino blackjack Matt C

“But why do people do months of the year. To join in have decided . The most upfront to end Freshers the route will be disclosed in option to sleep in a tent or this?” I hear you cry. Well, the frivolity, all you have to Week with a warm-up pub all its glory. As with all RAG in classrooms. Airbeds were sound operator” it’s for charity. This year do is turn up – a member of crawl on 9 October from mid- events, silly dress is option- definitely essential items. al but strongly encouraged. The venue got more and our nominated charities are the Union is automatically Cleo live PA a day. The route is a tour of For the next five days, Cancer Research UK and member of RAG. central London’s landmarks, Prizes will be given entirely the hall was filled with the more packed each day, cul-

the Mercury Phoenix AIDS If you fancy doing more giving you the perfect chance at my discretion for anything sound of power tools and the minating in the final night Foundation – worthy of a bit than just turning up and want to practice drunken navigat- that vaguely amuses me or smell of fried breakfast amid being completely sold out. of time and effort I’m sure. to get involved in the organi- ing whilst familiarising your- for making stupidly large much drinking of tea by the Then, all too soon, the curtain

The focus of all this mad- sational side of things, visit us self with this great city. amounts of cash. crew. Meanwhile, the cast descended for the final time. did their usual last-minute The crew immediately got to panic rehearsals, with the work to strike the set, giving TUESDAY OCT 5 Thursday 7 October band sauntering in a few days up at about 4am to catch a MONDAY OCT 4 An evening of Red Hot later. The tech rehearsal ran couple of hours’ sleep before Salsa from our national fairly smoothly, as did the loading up at 8am. Until, that 8pm > 10pm champions, the Imperial huge order of fish and chips is, we returned to the venue Cost: FREE Dance Club, and the Union. halfway through for cast and to find that the lorry hadn’t crew. Afterwards, it was a even left the depot in North At: DaVinci’s case of all hands on deck as London yet. Try out some sexy salsa

QUIZ NIGHT we strove to finish the set for For me, that was the end Quiz night is an steps with guidance from Imperial tradition. the dress rehearsal the next of the tour, as some of us our upfront teachers. morning and the first per- had to dash back to London. Turn up with a bunch formance in the evening. But loading finally occurred of friends or make up Kick the night off with food Thus the fateful date eight hours later, and when a team on the night. and drink with a Latin arrived. All in all, it went very everything was finally packed Either way you will be well, up until when I, as the away in the Union on Monday, in with a chance of flavour, then practice your lighting operator, switched off the tour officially reached its winning beer and cash. moves until late, with the You will be suprised the band lights just as they conclusion. by what you know. Unionʼs experienced Latin were doing their exit music. All that leaves is for me to dancers. Never mind. Fortunately, the find a nice work placement Donkey award for the worst that lets me go again next 7.30pm > 11.20pm At: dBs gaffe of the night was pre- year! Roll on tour... Cost: FREE

At: dBs 7.30pm > 11pm (Food only till 8.45pm) An Imperial Union DJ P vs DJ Hal phenomenon – 24 amazing musicians playing together Cost: FREE dBs: Scratch Battle DJ P vs, DJ Hal 1200 delivering the unmissible Jazz Big Band sound. Dancehall, Bashment RʼnʼB and Smooth songs and sexy Hip-Hop showcase syncopation. Vodka Mudshakes �� UDH: Paradise Bar Chill out and Hookahs £1.80 in dBs The Union and Bacardi �� Plus scratch card encourage you to £2 DJ P is one of the best scratch djs promotion in dBs drink responsibly performing on the university circuit, with The Union and Cuervo your favourite tunes. Great technical The Union and encourage you to

7.30pm > 11.30pm Cost: Bacardi + Mixer for £1.00 plus in dBs ability and a blazinʼ style, he knows how Mudshake encourage drink responsibly to make a party jump. Bacardi B-Bar Party with Conga Drum Prize Draw you to drink responsibly On stage: MTSoc’s production of Anything Goes Tuesday 5 October Freshers Fair 11am – 5pm South Kensington Pullout Guide campus Bonjourno and welcome to an all up behind trestle tables, bawdily Sir Alexander Fleming building jam-packed with social clubs. The shiny, bright, brash new year at our booming out to all and sundry why is the place for clubs run by the Union Dining Hall will find you face esteemed college. thee and thou should join their club. Medical Students’ Union, and these to face with recreational hobbies I believe that whilst most perus- For whilst Professor Plum will pick- are open to all. whilst in Beit Quad you’ll find more ing this shall be seasoned read- le your mind with maths, clubs and Follow the walkway ramp up from adventure clubs than you can shake ers, I should expect that some will societies will bring your dreams to the Queen’s Lawn to the new and a canoe paddle at! be fresh faced, polished cheeks life. And, dear reader, we have more exciting Upper Dalby Court. In this You’re all pretty much spoiled for young first years. However, no mat- pleasures to suit all tastes than any- piazza area next to the blue duplo choice so don’t waste the opportu- ter who you are, I sincerely hope one else, from football to finance and lego building, you’ll find the perform- nity because “all work and no play you’ve had a delightful summer and arts to archery et cetera et cetera! ance stage where one can catch club makes Jack a dull little boy”. let me assure you that this taste- As a rough guide, in the Great demonstrations from fire juggling to Anyhoo, enjoy the day, relax, meet ful pullout is the accessory to hold Hall you’ll find the overseas socie- latin dance along with City & Guilds some clubs and take pleasure in this Freshers Week, especially on ties. The Queen’s Lawn is full of and RSM. Across the road at the the fact that you’ve got no lectures RICHARD WALKER Tuesday, which is the only day that outdoorsy-sporty-type clubs, as Union, there is a plethora of activity! because by the weekend you’ll be DEPUTY PRESIDENT the information is relevant as it just well as all the motoring clubs. The The stage in Beit Quad will be host- running, swimming, playing, jump- so happens to be Freshers Fair. Main Dining Hall (MDH) is stuffed ing live music. Those of you with an ing, reading, tooting, speaking (C LUBS & SOCIETIES) Imperial College Union supports with sports clubs and in the Junior artistic streak should head for the debating, singing or whatever with over 250 clubs and societies and Common Room you’ll find the reli- Concert Hall, which houses arts and the nicest bunch of reprobates that you’ll find them all at the fair propped gious and ideological societies. The entertainments. The Union Gym is you ever did meet! The Union Building: Beit Quad First floor Second floor Second floor

7 8 9 10 11

13 CH UG UDH 14

15 16 14

The Quadrangle BQ Freshers Fair Pullout Guide (Ground Level) Sherfield Building Queen’s Lawn and CP9 CP3 CP5 CP7 CP1 Fire engine Ambulance CP CP10 CP4 CP6 CP8 CP2 QL MDH 30 37 10 11 12 AR Foyer SF Freshers Fair Pullout Guide

Sherfield Building: Sir Alexander Second Floor (Walkway Level) Fleming Building BMS GH 26 27 28 29 30 31

25 32

24 33

23 34

JCR 26 31 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 27 15 28

32 29

Upper Dalby Court UDC Royal School of Mines 1 2 3 4 Royal5 School6 of Mines

7 8 9 10 11 12 Stage Cafe Stage 13 14 15 16 17 18 Cafe

19 20 21

Towards JCR Towards the Queen’s Lawn

lkway Ramp Wa The Faculty Building

lkway Ramp Wa The Faculty Building Freshers Fair Pullout Guide

International Tamil JCR10 Postgraduate UG3 Stall Directory Internet & E-Commerce UDC6 Press Dept MDH34 Internship UDC4 Pugwash UG4 3 Mobile MDH2 Chinese Wu Shu Promotion QL2 Fencing MDH19 Iranian GH14 Racing CP3 ABACUS GH27 Choir CH2 Finance JCR7 Iraqi GH15 Radio QL26 Active UDC2 Christian Student Action JCR2 Fitness Club MDH32 Islamic JCR11 Rag BQ12 Afro-Carribean GH1 Christian Union JCR3 Fitness First MDH 14 Islamic (ICSMSU) BMS12 RAG (ICSMSU) BMS29 Aikido QL3 City & Guilds Exec UDC1 Football - Mens QL39 Italian GH16 Riding MDH21 Airsoft UDH1 Classical Guitar CH3 Football - Mens (ICSMSU) BMS9 IVC & Pimlico SF1 Rifle & Pistol MDH22 Alternative Music UG11 Club Kensington MDH8 Football - Mens (RSM) QL43 Jajuta UK Ltd MDH1 Riley’s Union Foyer Amnesty International JCR12 Clubbing UG2 Football - Wmns QL40 Japanese GH17 Rock Music UG5 AMSA JCR15 Conservative JCR14 French GH9 Jazz & Rock BQ14 RSM Exec UDC11 Anime UG13 Contempory Music CH4 German Society GH10 Jazz Big Band CH6 Rugby - Mens QL28 Arabic GH2 Cotswold Outdoor AR1 Gliding QL27 J-Dorama UG9 Rugby - Mens (C&G) QL30 Archery QL38 CREST UDC18 Gliding QL41 Jewish JCR1 Rugby - Mens (ICSMSU) BMS22 Arts UG1 Cricket MDH16 Golf QL11 Judo QL5 Rugby - Mens (RCS) QL29 Arts & Photo (ICSMSU) BMS2 Cricket (ICSMSU) BMS6 Hellenic GH8 Juggling UDC13 Rugby - Mens (RSM) QL31 Astronomy UDC14 Croatian GH5 Hindu Student Forum JCR9 Juggling UDC6 Rugby - Wmns QL32 Athletics (ICSMSU) BMS1 Croquet QL37 His People JCR22 Ju-Jitsu QL13 Sailing CP6 Badminton MDH33 Cross Country MDH17 His People Christian Ministr JCR6 Ju-Jitsu (ICSMSU) BMS9 Sailing (ICSMSU) BMS23 Badminton (ICSMSU) BMS3 CS Industries Ltd AR3 HMV AR42 Karate do Shotokai QL10 Scandinavian GH25 Bangladeshi GH3 CSSA GH6 Hockey QL34 Karate Shidokan QL11 Science Fiction UG8 Basketball MDH15 Curry UDH6 Hockey (RSM) QL10 Karting CP1 Shaolin Kung-Fu QL13 Basketball (ICSMSU) BMS4 Cycling MDH18 Hockey Mens (ICSMSU) BMS11 Kendo QL12 Shorinji Kempo QL14 Billiards & Snooker UDH2 Cypriot GH7 Hockey Wmns (ICSMSU) BMS13 Kenyan GH18 Sikh JCR19 Biochemistry QL18 Dance UDC15 Humanities MDH12 Kickboxing QL7 Sinfonietta CH11 Boat QL35 Dance (ICSMSU) BMS7 Imperial Queers UG31 Kung Fu QL8 Singapore GH26 Boat (ICSMU) BMS5 De La Beche UDC10 Ice-Hockey MDH4 Labour JCR13 SIS UG7 Bridge UDH3 Debating JCR5 ICT service desk AR5 Lacrosse (ICSMSU) BMS14 Skate Society BQ9 Buddhist JCR16 Drama CH5 ICT services AR46 Latin-American GH19 Ski MDH23 CAG BQ11 Drama (ICSMSU) BMS8 iCU Cinema CH16 Lawn Tennis QL45 Spanish GH34 Canoe BQ1 Duke of Edinburgh’s Award BQ3 ICU Dance Company UDC5 Lawn Tennis (ICSMSU) BMS15 Specsavers Opticians AR13 Capoeira QL1 Entrepreneurship Centre AR11 IMASE UDC17 Leonardo CH7 Sport and Leisure BMS9 Catholic JCR17 Environmental JCR6 Imperial against ImperialismUDC4 Library MDH11 Sport and Leisure MDH10 Caving BQ2 Erasmus GH8 Imperial Chaplaincy JCR28 Life Sciences SU Exec QL22 Sports Motorcycle BQ24 Ceilidh UDH4 Eskrima QL4 Imperial Union Shop MDH28 Links CP7 Squash MDH24 Chabas student programme AR7 ETHOS UDC3 Imperial Union Shop SF10 Links (St.Johns Ambulance) CP7 Squash (ICSMSU) BMS33 Chamber Music CH1 EWB UDC8 Imperial Union Shop GH3 Linux Users Group UDH9 Sri-Lankan GH9 Chasing Dragon QL44 Exploration BQ4 Imperial Security SF LMS UDC24 St. Mary’s Bryanston Sq. AR6 Chess UDH5 Fairtrade JCR23 Imperial Volunteer Centre SF2 London Nightline JCR8 STA Travel MDH13 Chinese GH4 Felix UDH16 Indian GH12 London Philharmonic Orchestra STOIC BQ12 Chinese Church in London GH29 Fellwanderers BQ5 Indonesian GH13 AR8 Student Barclaycard AR25 Malaysian GH20 Subaqua (ICSMSU) BMS25 Materials UDC12 Swimming/waterpolo MDH18 Mathematics QL19 Socialist Worker JCR13 Mauritian GH21 Table Football UDH36 South Kensington campus map Meat Appreciation UDH8 Table Tennis QL15 Media (C&G) UDC7 Tae Kwon Do QL32 Medical Ethics BMS32 Taiwan GH26 MedSIN (ICSMSU) BMS17 Ten Pin Bowling MDH30 MET Police SF Thai GH2 Micro Club UDH9 The Kolberg Partnership AR27 Milkround Online MDH4 Triathalon MDH27 CH Motor (C&G) QP2 Turkish GH31 UG Motor (RCS) QP8 Ultimate Frisbee QL46 UDH Mountaineering BQ6 Underwater CP9 Mountaineering (ICSMSU) BMS18 Union Entertainments BQ15 BQ Music (ICSMSU) BMS19 Union Governance UDH17 Musical Theatre CH8 University of London Air National Blood Service BMS21 Squadron MDH5 Natwest MDH3 University of London Officers Netball QL33 Training Corps MDH7 Netball (ICSMSU) BMS16 University of London Royal Naval Olympic 2012 Bid QL17 Unit AR10 Opera (ICSMSU) BMS31 Urban Music UG8 Orchestra CH9 UROP MDH12 Orienteering MDH20 Veteran Vehicles (C&G) CP4 Origami UDH10 Volleyball MDH28 Outdoor BQ7 War Games UG14 Paediatric Soc (ICSMSU) BMS30 Waterpolo (ICSMSU) BMS26 Paintball UDH11 WaterSki CP10 Pakistan GH22 Weights MDH29 Palestinian Society JCR20 Westminster Chapel JCR21 GH JCR Parachute BQ8 Weights and Fitness (ICSMSU) UDC Petsoc UG10 BMS27 AR MDH Photographic CH14 Windband CH12 Physical Sciences SU Exec QL21 Windsurfing MDH30 CP Physics QL20 Wine UDH15 Poetry CH10 Wing Chun QL16 Poker UDH12 Yacht QP5 QL Polish GH23 Yoga UDH14 Portuguese GH24 Yoga (ICSMSU) BMS28

BMS AR Ante Room BMS Sir Alexander Fleming Building CH Concert Hall CP Car Park GH Great Hall JCR Junior Common Room MDH Main Dining Hall QL Queen’s Lawn SF Sherfield Foyer UDC Upper Dalby Court UDH Union Dining Hall UG Union Gym Key EMPLOYER PRESENTATION

IMPERIAL COLLEGE · 11 OCT 04 ANTE ROOM, SHERFIELD BUILDING 6.30PM

Watson Wyatt has grown to become one of the world’s most influential professional services firms. We are advisers to 73% of the Fortune Global 500 companies headquartered in Britain and consulting actuaries to over 50 of the UK’s largest corporate pension schemes. What’s more, we continue to grow. Graduates are the key to our expanding influence and we have the resources, commitment and culture to help you make your mark. Come and talk to us to find out more.

WWW.WATSONWYATT.COM/GRADUATE Felix 18 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 30 September 2004

Music [email protected] Sleazy guitars, eighties synths Much more than a tiny spark and bad hair Cult singer-songwriter Brendan Benson returns to the UK for a series of cuts make a low-key gigs, but what about the new stuff? comeback with LIVE REVIEW Brendan Benson Kasabian’s The Borderline debut HHHHH I knew tonight was going to be special; what I didn’t know was how ALBUM REVIEW special it was going to be. Brendan Benson is a singer-song- Kasabian writer from Louisiana whose second Kasabian album, Lapalco, which he record- Arista Records ed and produced himself, got the HHHHI mainstream music press salivating. Since then, he’s disappeared off the Touring partners Chikinki did it a commercial radar, becoming some- few months ago, and now almost a what of a cult artist among fans of year after the release of their first Ben Kweller and Ben Folds. demo, fresh from scoring a top ten Thankfully, after two years, Benson entry in the singles chart, Leicester has finally pieced together enough quartet Kasabian finally release songs to release another record and Brendan Benson: normally he smiles more than this their self-titled debut album. has embarked on a low-key, acoustic Armed with a host of filthy, beat- tour. He strides onstage, every bit before launching into a track that’s new – about halfway through the “Well, I wrote it 15 years ago!” heavy tunes, Kasabian are making the lanky American teen (despite easily the equal of anything from his set is a spectral, impossibly pretty Finishing up the set with a half- music to simultaneously rock and approaching his thirties). Smiling last two records. Surprisingly, few song that shows just how talented speed version of Lapalco’s strongest dance to. They do it with stacks shyly, he picks the first few chords arms are crossed, and I look across a songwriter he has become. His track, Tiny Spark, Brendan looks of attitude and an underlying sin- to one of Lapalco’s most Beatle- to see a gaggle of thirty-somethings voice now has a colossal range, and shocked that the crowd bellow every ister tone that will send a shiver esque tunes, Good To Me. Within 30 dancing like my dad. his clear singing allows you to laugh single word. I’d even say there was a down your spine and back again. seconds, the Borderline is ringing to The great thing about the at his wittily wry lyrics. little tear in the corner of his eye. As other British guitar bands tedi- the sound of 200 voices singing. Borderline is that the capacity is so Fluffed lines, slightly wonky gui- Brendan Benson is a songwriter ously jump on the electronic band- Brendan looks incredibly surprised small that only dedicated fans can tar parts and false starts endear at the height of his talents, and from wagon, there’s just something about by the strength of the response, and get in, creating an enviable envi- Brendan to the crowd. It’s good to the sound of tonight, his next record Kasabian that makes you sit up and grins nervously. “This one’s a new ronment for artists to try out their see an artist not taking himself too could be enough to make him the take note. one, I know you guys want to hear ‘new stuff’. Most of Benson’s set is seriously – after forgetting the lyr- star he deserves to be. The album is kick-started with a old stuff, but you know,” he says, superlative, despite most of it being ics to a song, he laughs and drawls, Andrew Sykes menacing riff from distorted guitars and a roaring delivery from vocalist Tom Meighan, making Club Foot one of the more aggressive tracks. It leads on to what has to be Editorial ramblings Kasabian’s defining moment on the Free stuff album – the outrageously bouncy motion companies, and these love- Processed Beats with baggy beats ly folks provide us with loads of reminiscent of the Stone Roses’ free CDs, normally before they are Fools Gold. Think Ian Brown on a released in the UK. You come along pogo stick and you’re not far off the to a meeting in the bar, sit and mark. chat with your fellow music-loving ID is a favourite opener at reviewers, take a few CDs, listen to Kasabian shows and it’s not difficult them and send me a review. There’s to see why, as it opens with chilling, no experience required; I’d never pulsating electronics before build- written in my life when I joined up ing up to an anthemic climax. Like in the first year. a dark reincarnation of the Happy As if getting free albums and sin- Mondays, Cutt Off and recent sin- ANDREW SYKES gles wasn’t enough, we also get gle Lost Souls Forever with their free tickets and guestlist places to Shaun Ryder-esque vocals are MUSIC EDITOR a huge number of gigs in London. funky and eerie at the same time, We’ve had tickets to see The Thrills whilst Running Battle and Butcher Hello my dear friends, ‘tis your erst- at Abbey Road Studios, Coldplay Blues provide something soulful while music editor-type person wel- at Earl’s Court, and those are just for the more chilled Kasabian fan. coming you to this wonderful first the big ones. All you need to do is In accordance with the directions of That’s not all, no sirree. There are The boys clearly love their synthe- issue of Felix. provide me with your email address, the mighty El Editore, we have for a few singles as well: The Ordinary sizers as much as they love their First off, let me welcome all you and I mail out a list weekly or twice you a little competition. As you may Boys’ rowdy singalong Week In guitars, and nowhere is this more freshers that are probably attempt- weekly with listings. You choose or may not know, the Felix office Week Out, complete with special evident than on Ovary Stripe which ing to soothe your hangover and what you want to go to, I give you has basically been a huge mess for edition packaging; Amplifier’s Neon combines sampled dialogue with a trying to remember what the hell tickets, you review it. as long as I can remember. Well, single; and Razorlight’s ubiquitous melody that will leave you unsettled happened to the last 12 hours. We’ve Sounds great, right? We try to it’s now been thoroughly cleared Golden Touch. for days. all been there. For the rest of you, be as diverse as possible, so if the out and as a result we have a fair Last, but not least, we have two The stunning U Boat brings the welcome back to another year of things I’ve mentioned seem a bit too number of CDs and DVDs hanging promotional DVDs to give away. The album to a poignant close with borderline insanity and overwork. mainstream for you, you should still around collecting dust. first is Far East Man, a live DVD of haunting vocals, this time provided Felix now has a new editor and come along – we have great contacts What CDs, I hear you cry. Well, a Ronnie Wood gig in London, fea- by guitarist and keyboardist Sergio a new look. The newspaper format with a lot of independent labels and we have the Lord Of The Rings, turing classic Stones tracks as well Pizzorno. It’s a perfect conclusion now gives all of us section editors promotion companies. Shallow Hal and Chopper film as few famous covers. The other to what is undeniably a gem of an masses of room to play with, so If you’re interested, I’ll be on the soundtracks; the new Charlatans is a Katy Rose DVD, a young and album, leaving Kasabian set to kick look forward to lots more features, Felix stand in the Union Dining album, Up At The Lake; the excel- upcoming songwriter. the filth back into rock and roll after including regular competitions and Hall at the Freshers Fair so you lent Seachange album Lay Of The To win all this, you need to email the Keanes and Coldplays of the a more diverse selection of reviews. can join up. Alternatively, you can Land; a new record from Swedish [email protected] with the music world well and truly cleaned Anyhoo, all this extra space means email me at [email protected], or band The Legends, Up Against The answer to this question: What’s the it out. we need reviewers. Lots of ‘em. We come to the first meeting of term on Legends; and finally, Sugarcult’s name of the new Thrills album? Heba Abu-Own have plenty of contacts with pro- Thursday 7 October in dBs. Palm Trees And Powerlines. Don’t forget to tell us your name! Felix Thursday 30 September 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 19

Clubs [email protected] Clubbing on Clapham Common This August, Clapham Common was host to South West Four, an all day, three stage dance festival featuring Eric Morillo and Sasha

ance this year, and his sundown set His mixes are closer to remixes, FESTIVAL REVIEW was part of his tour promoting the and his sets are seamless. This man recent Involver mix CD. Considering is not “just playing other peoples South West Four that the event was going to be huge records”, he is using them as tools Clapham Common given its urban location, plus the fact to fashion a unique musical experi- ★★★★★ that seeing Sasha in this country is ence. How exactly he does this is somewhat of a rarity (even more hard to say, but mixing ‘in key’ is a Summer for any music lover means so seeing him play outdoors as the skill that he uses to its full, creating festival season. Whatever style’s sun goes down, and here he would a musical transition between each your bag, there is sure to be plenty be appearing about as close to my record that fits the progression in on offer, and whilst the majority of house as possible), it really would sound. As well as this, effects, loops the big festivals take place outside of have been rude not to go. and pitch shift can all be thrown into London (Reading, Glastonbury etc), Having already been out the night the cooking pot as part of the recipe there’s almost always something before for some bouncy silly fun for a big slice of tasty progressive going on in the city. at Knowhere at Brixton’s famous cake. Dance festivals are slightly differ- Fridge, I was a little jaded to say Laying down his first track, the ent to the usual setup of a weekend’s the least, but our crew managed crowd were instantly captivated and camping with music each night – to make it to Clapham Common by the pace was set for the night ahead. these things are generally one night 1pm, by which time the party was As the sun arced down to the hori- stands, all about the headline DJs already going in full force. Most of zon, we were wowed by an awesome and the variety of music offered the 10,000 were already there, and Sasha wows the crowds from the main stage at South West Four blend of pounding beats, enveloping across various stages, tents or are- the arena – made up of the outdoor monster bass sounds and bleeping nas. Main Stage, plus the much small- Bora tent was a heaving mass of no doubt that part of the atmos- echoing melodies, with music by the This August I was treated to South er Heat UK tent with hard house, bodies, dancing to amazing music, phere was the anticipation of what likes of Way Out West and antipo- West Four on Clapham Common and the Bora Bora tent with some but with absolutely no space inside, lay ahead: sunset to the sound of dean artist Luke Chable. courtesy of hard house promoters blissful balearic house vibes – was we had to enjoy this one outside one of the world’s top DJs, Sasha. After moving and shaking us Heat UK. This particular dance fest already looking quite full. from the grass. Sasha truly is one of the best. through three hours of top notch was an all day affair, starting at mid- We headed straight for the main The Heat UK arena was slight- He’s been a firm favourite for years, musical entertainment, Sasha’s day and continuing into the night, stage, where Eric Morillo was spin- ly bigger and slightly less full, but with a honed instinct for playing to set finished and the crowd roared. but was over at 10pm so the crowd ning sunny, funky house music to faster and with a more heads-down a crowd, some of the most uplift- This had been a fantastic day, but could head off to one of the offi- the crowd who were already moving vibe than the rest of the festival. An ing and driving dance music around the best news was that it wasn’t cial afterparties or to any one of and bouncing to the bumping, bub- hour or two later, after a tactical coupled with the hottest new tunes, over yet. With official afterparties at London’s smorgasbord of evening bly beats. With warm sun shining chill-out in the sun, we headed back and an almost unique mixing style. Brixton’s George IV and the stylish entertainment venues. into the shaded eyes of the beauti- to the huge main stage – taking Greeted by rapturous applause, he Pacha in Victoria, the crowd dis- The festival had a lot going for it ful people, observing the spectacle up a good two thirds of the entire arrived onstage to join Lee Burridge persed quickly. We decided to head – 10,000 people, three areas of differ- that is thousands of happy people arena – and got down to the sound and commence his set. Sasha’s tech- uptown to The End, to see Chicago’s ent music, and a big name line-up in the park, all dancing to the same of heavyweight house trio Xpress-2, nical ability is pretty much unparal- Derrick Carter (see review below), including the likes of Eric Morillo, beat and having the time of their who were spinning across no less leled – his technique means he has but had to go home for a brief pit Xpress-2, as well as Tall Paul, BK, lives, it would have been hard not to than six turntables. The music and the power to build up a crowd, lay a stop – ten hours of South West Four Rob Tissera and Nick Sentience, enjoy myself. And this was only the the crowd continued to flow into the vast breakdown on them and then had turned us into gibbering wrecks, and progressive house don Sasha. beginning. early evening, with progressive stal- build it all up again, only to drop a but I can’t think of a better way to The event had been touted as As the day progressed, we wart Lee Burridge making a sur- driving, hammering track that quite spend a sunny summer’s day. Sasha’s only UK outdoor perform- explored the site a little. The Bora prise, if brief, appearance. There’s literally makes everyone go wild. Simon Clark Keep on dancing to The End

yet almost unique. The DJ booth is variety in the different nights, deep, techy sound. In the lounge, CLUB REVIEW in the main room isn’t raised out of from the electo of Trash to drum the music was more funky, happy, sight of the clubbers – instead it’s and bass with regular Ram Records soulful house. ‘As One’ presents Classic at the perfect level to see exactly and Progression Sessions nights. After the day’s fun, we were all The End, West Central Street how (and with what records) your At the same time, The End is most pretty knackered, but that was no £12 students favourite jock is making that amaz- definitely a house club. The type of problem. We moved straight down to ★★★★✩ ing sound. To top it all off, you get a house most found here, and which the best spot in the house – in front wristband when you enter, and this works best, is tech house - minimal of the DJ booth, where you can see The End is one of London’s best will also allow entry to the adjoining but to the point, stylish and sexy. It exactly what he’s up to and hear it clubs. Situated in a prime loca- AKA Bar. also sounds amazing over a five way all in the most astounding detail. tion just off Shaftesbury Avenue, it The club has a capacity of around PA system. Carter’s music is sublime – tough attracts a certain breed of clubber. 1000, and different nights may use One of the regular house nights yet smooth, pounding and insistent Opened ten years ago by Mr C, the entire space of the club as one held at The End is ‘As One’ presents yet warm. His sense of timing and formerly of The Shamen, and Layo room, or split the lounge bar off Classic, fronted by Chicago DJ the finesse and precision of his mix- Paskin, one half of progressive tech separate from the main dancefloor. Derrick Carter (Classic records is ing make for well crafted and well house duo Layo & Bushwacka, the Derrick Carter The crowd is one of the things that his own label). rounded sets. Listening to him play concept behind this place is simple draw me to The End – this is where Tonight, having spent the day in and dancing to his beats feels like no – a club designed with clubbers in awesome – different frequencies are the bright young things come out to the park enjoying South West Four effort at all. It feels like this is how mind. amplified individually and played on play. Some people may feel young or (see review above), my friends and your body was mde to move. What this means is that all the seperate speaker cones, meaning more likely underdressed in com- I decided to end the night at The After a lot of bouncing, twisting niggles than could potentially spoil a the music is very loud, yet amaz- parison to everyone else there, but End. On arrival I was pleasantly sur- and grooving, once again the not- night out are sorted. The door policy ingly crisp and clear, even if you’re don’t be put off by this. The End is prised, as I always am when I come so-small hours rolled around, and it is intelligent – there’s no dress code standing right in front of the speak- full of like-minded people, all there here. As you enter the club you was 7am and sadly time to go home. (except for glam electro night Trash, ers. to enjoy the same music. People arrive in the area bang in between This had been the perfect end to on Mondays), so if you’re going with Usually in clubs, revellers are still make the effort to look good, the lounge and the main dancefloor. the perfect day, and as we left, the the sole intention of dancing, feel forced to refill water bottles from given that they don’t have to, which Classic records nights make use of persistence of one stubborn clubber free to wear trainers and a T-shirt. sinks in the toilets. The toilets in reflects the atmosphere and style of the lounge and the main floor sepa- said it all, as he insisted to Carter Queue jumping outside is actively The End are far too nice for this, the place. rately, and by the time we arrived, that he must “do a rewind or play policed by the courteous yet stal- and instead they provide a water The music policy is as impres- the man himself, Derrick Carter, another record”. wart door staff. The sound system is fountain – something very simple sive as everything else here. There was playing the main room with his Simon Clark Felix 20 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 30 September 2004

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Books [email protected] The next Harry Potter? Susanna Clarke’s book Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell is currently number four in the New York Times hardback charts and is hailed as a rival to Harry Potter. Robert Holbach issues the first coveted five star rating of the year and interviews the author for Felix

these comparisons are quite wrong: cians is to do this story a great written equivalent of a comfortable this book is rather unique. Jonathan Strange & injustice. There are fascinating and stroll in a beautiful, enchanted land- Let’s begin by describing the Mr Norrell enchanting characters aplenty. We scape, where every pond and every premise: in the book, Britain is an by Susanna Clarke meet ministers and prophets, wives hill is a wonderful thing to behold. In island with a very strong magical (Bloomsbury) and servants, fairies and generals. fact, it is not merely a single story, and mystical history. But at the start HHHHH Indeed, it is often easier to identify it’s a revelation of a world of stories. of the nineteenth century, magic is with the struggles of the servants, If you have read The Neverending in decline. It is strictly a theoretical or the wives, than either of the two Story (by Michael Ende), you may science, with no practical applica- Gandalf to measure up against. magicians. recall all the places where the tion – like advanced maths with a Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell Reading this novel is quite a author seems to get distracted by twist. Two magicians aim to reverse are quite different men. They don’t delightful experience. It starts out a snippet of story, only to announce all of that, to revive English practi- grow long white beards. They don’t playful and witty. A few hundred “but that is another story, and shall cal magic. These two magicians are wave around any wands or staffs. pages later, it is a tale of magi- be told another time”. Well, Susanna Mr Norrell, a paranoid eccentric, Neither of them could be described cal adventures in the war against Clarke clearly does not agree with and Jonathan Strange, a foolhardy as being particularly wise. In short, Napoleon. And yet another few hun- this way of writing. Her book is There’s something afoot in the pub- youth. Mr Norrell brings his abilities they aren’t the archetypes we are dred pages later, the story becomes full of little background fables and lishing industry. Book collectors to public attention and proposes to used to. Mr Norrell is studious, but much darker, almost heartbreaking. myths. And each of those tales is a are all excited about a forthcoming help out in the war against France. paranoid. Strange is adventurous, I found it impossible not to connect marvel of its own. novel. This novel has been com- And so their adventures begin. but easily distracted. These literary and identify with the characters, This is a very enchanting novel pared to the works of Tolkien. It has It is perhaps the notion of magi- magicians are amply supplied with and I can only commend Mrs Clarke indeed, full of beautiful, witty prose been compared to Harry Potter. It cians that causes a lot of the com- the things that many of their coun- for achieving this feat. and delights for any reader. No, it has been compared to anything and parisons. Magicians have become terparts in other stories lack: flaws, Looking at the book in a shop, isn’t like Tolkien or Rowling or Feist. everything successful in the fan- part of pop culture. Any newcomer depth and individuality. you will notice its length. The novel It’s a different beast, and I am glad it tasy market. And, of course, most of has Harry Potter, Dumbledore and But to focus on just the two magi- starts out at a leisurely pace. It’s the has been discovered. Books interview: Susanna Clarke You started this book ten years being accurate about the time in a title at the beginning of his life, his ago. When you set out, what did which people lived. Women were family expected absolutely nothing you expect it to become? not powerless in the regency period of him, they didn’t even think he – I think later in the Victorian period would be a very good soldier. And he I think my expectations were pretty their opinions were less valued – but just continually formed himself into low. I’d never completed a novel the world of action belonged very the person he wanted to be. When before. I’d started several. One of much to men, and women’s sphere he arrived in the peninsula, nobody them was supposed to be a literary was the domestic sphere. And I really expected him to succeed, and novel, one was a detective novel, one wanted to be realistic about that. nobody really knew how it was pos- was a fantasy novel. So I didn’t really Which is why I think it’s become a sible to succeed. But he worked out know whether I could complete it, book that is largely about men. The what you would have to do to get but I thought it was a very good next one, maybe not so much. rid of the French, what sort of army idea, and I had its shape in my head. was needed to get rid of the French, But it grew, it grew in complexity as What about the next one? Do you and what sort of general was needed I went on. I didn’t know when I set already have a plan for it? to command that army. And then out that I was going to pin it so much he turned the army into the army to real facts and have so much real A plan is possibly putting it a bit that could do it, and himself into the history in it, but as I progressed this strongly. I have something of a general that could command that seemed a natural thing to do. plan, and I have started, and I know army. And that is impressive. Plus, roughly what’s gonna happen. But he was very witty, and always wore The real history is all about the cool clothes. Great! Napoleonic Wars... “I’d never completed A brilliant hero. You could almost And also the social background. And imagine him being played by one in some cases, placings. I’ve tried a novel before. I’d of Hollywood’s biggest stars... to be as accurate as I can about, for example, London and Venice, started several...” Yes, except for the nose. They gotta Susanna Clarke: an author whose first novel is tipped for great things and the sort of social background have the nose. He was called Nosey position of women and the servants I’m not a great planner, unfortu- by his men, so you’ve got to have You have to. I think, what you’d do, to, but that’s the way it turned out, and so forth. I tried to make that as nately. It’s just not the way I work. this long nose. is to hopefully choose the right film- and I’m very grateful. accurate as I can, a sort of blend to But it is set in the same world, and maker, if you get the chance. I’m not ground the magic. I find that magic it will start shortly after Strange & There goes the heartache hero of the right person to do this. So, if it’s Are you ready to face up to large becomes more believable when you Norrell finishes. the story... a big nose. Have you gonna be done it would have to be queues of fans? put it next to something which is thought about movie adaptations done by someone else. quite mundane and quite ordinary. One of the characters I couldn’t very much? I’m not at all sure about the large help but feel you were a big fan of So are you all excited about the queues of fans. I mean it is wonder- The majority of the characters was the Duke of Wellington. He’s There’s a lot of interest at the book coming out soon? ful that Bloomsbury are telling so appear to be male. Were you ever always seen in a heroic light... moment. Partly from the fact that, many people about it, but it is a first tempted to give big magical pow- obviously, fantasy books are very I’ve been excited for a very long novel... I think we’ll wait and see. ers to a female character? Yes. I mean, he surprised me in the hot, as far as Hollywood is con- time, actually. It’s great! There’s a sense that when I researched him, cerned. Apart from feeling rather lot planned for the tour in America, Well, proof copies sell for £100 on I wasn’t, in this novel, although I just got more and more entranced grateful that I don’t have to do it, and and then I’ll be doing more stuff over eBay, and more... the first short story I published is by him. And in a very curious way, won’t be asked to do it, it baffles me here. So, it’s a very exciting time. about three woman magicians. So, he’s a self-made man as well. He entirely how you would technically It’s not a very writerly time. I’ll have Book collectors seem to see me as a I did it there, but in the main book really was. I mean, he was born into turn this into a film. to wait until this is out of the way. safe bet, so that’s a good sign. I wanted to concentrate on Strange a privileged class, the son of an Earl, I must admit, I thought becoming and Norrell. And it is a male book, which doesn’t sound particularly Would you trust the film-makers a professional writer would involve Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell is because it’s... it’s this thing about underprivileged. But he didn’t have to turn it into a good film? more actual writing than it appears released in the UK today Know it all.

The 360° career.

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JPMorgan is a marketing name of JPMorgan Chase & Co. and its subsidiaries worldwide. ©2004 JPMorgan Chase & Co. All rights reserved. JPMorgan is an equal opportunities employer. Felix 24 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 30 September 2004

Film [email protected] I need a Hero Yimou’s epic is visually awesome, but slightly let down by the plot

Hero service, Nameless is granted an would have hoped, but the under- audience within ten paces of the lying message is as bleak as it is Director: Zhang Yimou Emperor and asked to recount the thought provoking – the unifying Starring: Jet Li, Tony Leung, Maggie details of his victories. However, as force of totalitarianism is valued Cheung, Donnie Yen, Daoming Chen, Nameless begins to tell his story above democracy and individual Zhang Ziyi about how he used a love trian- freedom, and the path to peace is Length: 96 minutes gle involving the three assassins to often through conflict. Certificate: 12 divide and conquer, Qin begins to The cast is littered with star names HHHHI see holes in the account and senses from Hong Kong. Maggie Cheung is that all is not what it seems. striking and elegant, fitting the bill Just over 2000 years ago, seven While the comparisons with as the love interest. Tony Leung kingdoms struggled for access Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon plays the calligraphy master with to the human capital and natural equal parts sensitive beauty and resources of what is now modern- rough toughness. However Zhang day China. Between 230 and 221 BC, “Hero is one of the Ziyi, as Moon, suffers in a peripheral the Kingdom of Qin, ruled by Qin most visually role as Broken Sword’s understudy, Shihuangdi, waged war and con- given very little to do other than a quered the other six kingdoms, uni- stunning films to few fight scenes. Yen only appears fying the country into what would briefly at the beginning of the film, become the first dynasty of China. have been released though he manages to make quite Qin had the idea of unifying ‘all an impression in his limited screen under heaven’. in recent times” time. Finally Jet Li is impressive as Hero tells the story of an assas- He’s got to be strong: one man will change an empire a distant and stone cold killer. sin called Nameless (Jet Li), who are inevitable, the style of Hero is Hero is not about the star cast, the visits the highly unpopular and quite different. While Crouching Hero is one of the most visu- graphed to perfection. The martial rather weak plot, or the poignant aspiring Emperor Qin (Chen) to Tiger, Hidden Dragon was made ally stunning films to have been arts sequences put those of The ending. It is quite simply a glori- enlighten the Emperor of how he more accessible to Western audi- released in recent times, surpassing Matrix and Kill Bill to shame. Hero ous visual treat. Watching it is like has vanquished three of the most ences through scripting and a love the viewer’s imagination (which is was actually completed in 2002 – watching a dream that is awash in infamous assassins and enemies of story, the dialogue in Hero is typi- not easy) with some truly inspired before Kill Bill – but was its release vivid colour and splashed in liquid Qin: Broken Sword (Tony Leung), cally what you would expect in a tra- scenes. The amalgamation of col- was delayed, to avoid Crouching imagination. Flying Snow (Maggie Cheung), and ditional Chinese martial arts epic, our and movement is simply amaz- Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Alan Ng Sky (Donnie Yen). For such heroic with plenty of terse speech. ing. The action scenes are choreo- The plot is not as strong as one Film Editor Want to review films, get free tickets and go to previews? Write for Felix Film! Email Alan on [email protected] Union Council elections All students are eligible to stand Four spaces are reserved for postgraduates and first years Stand by Monday 11 October Vote online 14-15 October

For more information visit www.union.ic.ac.uk/elections or contact [email protected] Felix Thursday 30 September 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 25 Coffee Break with Fishface Picture board Name these nine lovely people

1 2 3

Hello friends, and welcome (or welcome back) to the fish tank. This week, we present a pub quiz style picture board for your amusement and intellectual stimulation, together with a crossword from our brand new setter, Snufkin. If you can solve either, we’d like to hear from you, and we might just give you a mention next week. Sadly this week’s Coffee Break is all too brief, as Powersheep has finally 4 5 6 moved on to pastures new (get it?) and we have no-one to replace him. If you fancy setting some interesting challenges (well, any sort of strange little games would do) to entertain the masses during lectures (or even during their coffee breaks), then let us know at [email protected]. We’d be pleased to have you on board. FUCCA winners Followers of last year’s Felix crosswords might be interested to discover the recipients of the 2003-4 Felix Unforgettable Cryptic Crossword Awards. 7 8 9 For each correct solution we received throughout the year, the solver was given one entry in our prize draw. The more crosswords you completed, the more chance you had of winning. Why not take a look at Snufkin’s puz- zle below and enter this year’s Awards? Last year’s winners were:

Karen Osmond (Digital Radio) Jim Hawkins (MP3 player) Alex Crosse (USB storage device)

Felix Crossword 1299 by Snufkin

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Across Down 1. Recklessly elope with girl (Alice) 1. Playing Manics’ cult indie sound- and head for Morocco – leaving track (10,5) this place? (8,7) 2. Install heavy equipment (5) 9 10 9. Eccentric Archer struggling with 3. Cooking early, made microwave cat (9) dinner (5,4) 10. Fly Russian fighter plane over 4. Met up with model in appropri- Hello! You won’t have seen me Germany and Spain (5) ate surroundings for fling (7) before, unless you’ve been read- 11 12 11. Simple song – silly one for duck 5. Ran rings round drunken cleric ing imported copies of Oxford (5) at start of dinner (7) University’s Cherwell. If you like 12. Hormone urging one to jump 6. Cap is included in ‘Slim Items’ the Times crossword you should into bed (9) (5) get along fine with my puzzles, and 13 14 15 16 13. New agreement is said to be in 7. Star physicist I’d get confused consequently if you’re more into its early stages (7) with new don (9) The Guardian you might think the 15. Using fingers but not hands? (7) 8. Somehow entreat lean girl to clue structures a bit conservative. 17. Law for iodine swirling in this, make up threesome (7,8) Telegraph solvers may find them a perhaps (7) 14. Silver-white metal camouflaged bit more challenging. If you do The 17 18 19 19. Not as thick as turps, for instance rust in MOT (9) Independent, it must be because (7) 16. In speech, gloss over homicidal you read the paper for reasons unre- 20. Might horny girl find a use for AI left in Corporation building lated to the crossword. this U-tube? (9) (9) I hope that puts me in perspective. 20 21 22 23 22. Dour boy-man, only half there?! 18. Where ships can unload – sailor My grids tend to be slightly playful (5) pissed here? (3,4) and are sometimes thematic; this 24. Headlong novelist (5) 19. Destroy electric ray (7) week’s is neither, as I have a wretch- 25. Working in theatre (9) 21. Underground press? (5) ed dissertation to write. Any com- 24 25 26. Free love? Everyone’s in on it! 23. This way one can’t see window- ments will be gratefully received. (6,9) screen (5) Snufkin

Send your answers to [email protected] or bring this page down to the Felix office in the West Wing of Beit Quad. Each week, we’ll choose a winner and print their name, thus providing them with almost unlimited kudos and self-satisfaction. Everyone who provides us with a correct solution will get an entry into our prize draw at the end of the year (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, have a look at the “FUCCA Winners” box, above) Felix 26 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 30 September 2004

SPORT [email protected] Henley ghosts laid to rest

ROWING which unfortunately failed to the University of London B qualify. crew, who put all they had On the Wednesday of this into the first half of the race, By Ed Johnson five day regatta, the first their challenge fading rap- Imperial crew to race was idly from that point on. The The Imperial College Union our B eight, who had drawn Temple A crew then raced Boat Club finished an excep- Manchester University’s Glasgow University, coached The victori- tionally strong season first eight. The crew, mainly by Imperial College gradu- ous Imperial with success at the Henley made up of this year’s nov- ate Nigel ‘Killer’ Atkins. crew at Royal Regatta, the National Unfortunately, the Scots, Henley: (left Championships and the World aided by Nigel’s inside knowl- to right) Student Games this summer. “Isis made a edge, put up too strong a Simon His- Although the club has been desperate push fight for Imperial to match, lop, George highly successful over the although the race was very Whittaker, past few years, winning at to get level but close. Hugh Mac- a wide variety of different Thursday dawned with only kenzie, Ed events in the UK and abroad, Imperial came one Imperial crew – the four Johnson it had not won at Henley since – left in the regatta. They and cox Seb 1998. The event is the most back strongly were up against Cambridge Pearce prestigious domestic regatta University, who, though small in the world, and the club to win by half a and rather scrawny, seemed Friday was a rest day, so sures meant that a sprint was headwinds that had been a had come very close to vic- to think that they would be the semi-final was not until not needed and the crew were feature of this regatta for tory there on a number of length” able to repeat their feat of last Saturday. This was against in the final. the whole week were again recent occasions. This year, year, when they had won the Trinity College Dublin. This Sunday at Henley is now present, meaning that times they entered a team into a ices, put up a strong fight but event. However, the Imperial crew had already been entirely given over to finals, would be slow, and the oppo- new event, the men’s stu- eventually succumbed to the crew of Ed Johnson, Hugh beaten at the Gent regatta with the student coxed four nents for the final, Isis (from dent coxed four. The club Manchester crew, who had Mackenzie, George Whittaker in Belgium, but were looking being the last one. This meant Oxford University) had the also had two eights entered been finalists at the BUSA and Simon Hislop, coxed by for revenge. However, once that the crew had the whole favoured inside station. As in the Temple Challenge Cup regatta. Seb Pearce, blew Cambridge again, Imperial gradually day to get nervous, before both crews made their way (for student eights) and a B The coxed four had a fairly away, with the race over well drew away, and a comfortable going down to the course in up to the start, the tension crew in the coxed four event, comfortable race against before the halfway stage. lead going down the enclo- the afternoon. The strong was obvious, with a very large Felix Thursday 30 September 2004 www.felixonline.co.uk 27

SPORT [email protected] as Imperial triumph contingent of former and cur- both cases the main rivals sixth) then came through before it had really started. rent Imperial oarsmen out to being the old enemy, Oxford to take the heat, with Great The Poles got off to a flyer support. Brookes. The heats of each Britain second, just ahead of and lead the field, with Great For the first time at the event passed uneventfully, South Africa. In the other heat, Britain and Ireland about regatta, Imperial College with the crew qualifying com- the Irish won, with Germany level behind them. This situa- were slightly down after the fortably for the finals. First second and France third. tion continued down the track, first ten stokes, but from up was the coxed four, where This put the British crew into with the Poles moving gradu- this point out to the barrier, Imperial/Molesey were rac- a repechage with Germany, ally away from the field. At which marks about a quarter ing the selected Great Britain France, South Africa, New the halfway mark, it was clear of the distance, they steadily U23 coxed four as well as Zealand and Chinese Taipei, that Poland were going to win moved out to a half length the other half of the eight. with four crews making the and that the race for the other lead. From here to halfway, Unfortunately, an inexplica- final. A good lane draw and medals was purely between Imperial were again faster bly bad start left Imperial/ confidence were also at stake. Great Britain and Ireland. than Isis, but were not able Molesey in sixth and last after Great Britain had an excel- Through the third 500m of the to get clear water. As the race 250m, and although they were lent race, and although down race, Great Britain pushed moved into the final stages able to row through the field to France and Germany off hard to come back level with down the enclosures, Isis and past Brookes into second the start, they did not panic the Irish, but were unable to made a desperate push to get place, the other Molesey four On the podium: the Great Britain four (right) at the and used superior pace sprint as hard and had to set- back level but Imperial came just managed to stay ahead World Student Games through the middle 500m to tle for bronze, which still an back strongly to win by half a and claim the gold. move through the field and excellent result. length. This boded extremely well Hugh Mackenzie then com- with high hopes. take the lead, before holding This capped an exception- Three of the crew (Ed for the eight, and these pre- bined with Gavin Weeks and Eight crews had entered off a late charge from South ally strong season for the Johnson, Hugh Mackenzie dictions proved to be justified Henry Adams (both former the event, and Great Britain Africa. Boat Club, which they will be and Seb Pearce) then as Imperial/Molesey pow- University of London) to were in a heat of five with The final was again in the looking to repeat next year. If moved on to the National ered through to beat Oxford form a coxless four for the Chinese Taipei, New Zealand, heat of the day, and a slight you would like to try rowing Championships, where they Brookes into silver medal World Student Games, which South Africa and Poland. mix-up with the timing meant then look for the Boat Club combined with Molesey Boat position and claim the blue were held at the beginning After an excellent start, they that the warm up had to be stand on the Queens Lawn Club in order to start pre- riband event of the regatta. of September. After a long had a half-length lead over slightly abbreviated. As the at Freshers Fair or get in paring for the World Student Most of the rowing popula- month and a half spent train- the field, but the strong Polish race went off, Germany got touch with the returning cap- Games. This involved rowing tion would now be enjoying a ing in this combination, the crew (fresh from the Olympic entangled with the lane buoys, tain, Seb Pearce, by email at in a coxed four and eight, in holiday, but Ed Johnson and crew flew out to Brive, France Games where they finished effectively ending their race [email protected]. Spirits high and voices out of tune for Medicals in Canada

Continued from page 24 the previous day or the man- ner in which the second team had played, the firsts left the Irish literally shell-shocked, scoring several tries. Mention must be made of Underwood and Thomas, who both collected deserved hat-tricks. The final score was 63-7 to the medics. This brought the squad’s visit to Calgary to an end, and they set off on the journey through the Rockies, bound for Vancouver. White water rafting afforded them the opportunity to experience some fantastic scenery, as well as typical Canadian water temperatures. During the drive they stayed over at Banff and Kamloops, and enjoyed the hospitality these towns had to offer. Vancouver is a city that Ready for action: the Imperial Medicals second team made a very good impression on all the tourists, and most of of the reversal, and despite pre-match preparation, and rate, and the squad headed The second XV were hard- and good jokes were matched the party expressed interest the early upsets, heads were for the first half hour strug- to celebrate in Victoria with est hit, and lined up against only by the hospitality of the in medical posts there. After held high at the end, as the gled to resemble the team spirits high and voices out a strong looking opposition locals and the quality of the a short break from rugby, the match finished 24-14 to the that had played the previous of tune. with a mish-mash of a back location. All of the tour party Medicals were very keen to touring side. week. Consequently, the med- When back in Vancouver, line. However, strong charac- felt privileged to be involved, get back into the playing fold. The next step was to travel ics were deservedly four tries the Medicals had to take ter again shone through and so heartfelt thanks must go to There was also a feeling that to Vancouver Island, a short behind at the break. Although stock of the player situation. the medics found themselves those who made this possible: they now had a reputation ferry trip. The island itself is the standards rose in the sec- ahead at half time. Sadly, lack Tina Phelan for all her hard to defend, following the free- larger than England, and the ond half, the team could not “The firsts left of incision at critical points work, despite not being able scoring games in Calgary. towns were well Anglicised, prevent a poor 33-14 defeat. in the second half saw them to attend; Dave and Shirley The small town of Langley with a pleasant climate. This left the first XV with Calgary Irish fail to capitalise on opportuni- Rollitt for their coaching (and were the next opposition, a Again, emigration plans were the task of restoring some ties, and Abbotsford struck in all-round parenting) on the fixture arranged for the first already being made by mem- pride, and as if on cue, the literally shell- the dying minutes to win the trip; Greg Hamilton-Eadie for XV only. The game was again bers of the group. goods were delivered. The match 17-10. his efforts pre-tour (we also played in burning heat on a A double-header was tries were again produced shocked, scoring The first XV were less dis- wish Mary all the best for hard pitch, and the Medicals arranged against Cowichan en masse, with the impres- organised, but facing tough the coming weeks); Dr Simon found themselves down by Rugby Club, a team pre-sen- sive Underwood picking up several tries” opposition at the end of a tir- Rogers, who was a first rate a couple of tries early on. sitised to hospitals rugby, hav- another hat-trick. The per- ing tour proved to be a dif- replacement coach; and very However, the sensible, col- ing played against a United formance was earmarked by Unfortunately, they had been ficult task. Although an early importantly, our benevolent lected attitude displayed so Hospitals Team in the recent many as one of the best that left thin in certain positions score put them in front, they sponsors, without whom the many times last season shone past. Indeed, one member of the Imperial Medicals have due to injury and departure, relied on the metronomic trip would not have been able through, and the team went the party was remembered by ever produced, and it was so the final game against boot of Morris to keep them to proceed. We are indebted on to score four tries and the hosts (though the reasons hard to disagree, as the final local champions Abbotsford ahead, and a hard fought 16- to Siemens Medical Solutions, control the game. The hard, for this were not discussed). score was 56-0 in their favour. was going to require a few 15 victory was attained. Norwich Union Healthcare, thankless work put in by the The second XV kicked off The fresh crab and hospitality impromptu performances out Thus, an amazing tour came The St Mary’s Association big forwards was the basis after some rather hurried that followed were also first of position. to a close. The good rugby and the Hammersmith Fund. Felix 28 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 30 September 2004

Sport [email protected] Imperial Medicals enjoy successful tour of Canada

RUGBY Imperial Medicals RFC Tour of Canada 2004

By Piers Thomas

Success on the pitch was matched by the players’ enjoy- ment of their surroundings as a 42-strong Imperial Medicals party toured Canada over the summer. The tour had been a source of excitement for several months, and the party arrived in Calgary, Alberta on 15 July. Confidence was high following a successful season, and there was a good number of doctors, bringing experience to supplement the enthusiasm of the younger players. The squad billeted at the University of Calgary, where the first couple of days were spent training and acclima- tising. There was universal acclaim for the impressive sports facilities that the North American colleges offer their students, including an Olympic speed-skating circuit. It’s a shame that our own Charing Cross campus doesn’t have the potential for Under the posts: the Imperial Medicals first team on tour such development. The Medicals were fortu- were unable to field a side. town, Red Deer. not to be the case, as the It is also worth noting that The following evening nate to be visiting Calgary This was attributed to hard Red Deer had been Medicals ran riot for large Calgary stands around 1000m saw the first XV open their during the annual ‘Stampede’, games over the previous few described as an American periods of the game. above sea level and was in the account against Calgary where the locals enjoy getting days and, one may suggest, football team who occasion- With the forwards hitting middle of a record heat wave Irish, a vaunted team con- back to their cowboy roots even harder drinking at the ally played rugby, so there well above their weight all at the time, so the game was taining a number of high level with rodeos and such like. stampede. This cancellation was understandably a little afternoon, the backs were particularly demanding, as players, including the current On the day of the first game, meant that the second XV trepidation in the warm-up, able to cut the opposition demonstrated by the number Canadian international full- the squad arrived at the host were cast onto centre stage mainly centred around who open with some talented run- of players post-match who back. Whether spurred on by club to the bad news that the in the opening game, against would get their ribs broken ning. The final score was 42- spurned an offer of beer in the disappointing cancellation scheduled first XV opposition a useful side from an upstate first. Pleasingly, this proved 12 in the medics’ favour. favour of cold water. Continued on page 23

Quick Crossword by Cactus

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Across Down 1. Of internal or home affairs (8) 1. Halve (4) 5. Clarified butter (4) 2. Warlike (7) 8. Of the ear (5) 3. Vendor (6) 8 9 10 9. Sweet red pepper (7) 4. Children’s game (1,3) 11. An article (4) 6. Capital of Vietnam (5) 13. Thick, strong, brown paper (6) 7. Roman name for York (8) 11 12 13 15. A noble gas (5) 10. Complain (4) 16. Not in use (4) 12. Important (5) For our mutual satisfaction 14 15 17. Soya bean curd (4) 13. Engine (5) and the possibility of your 19. Biblical city (5) 14. Identify (fault) (8) name being mentioned next 21. Hot spring (6) 18. Group of eight (7) 16 17 18 week, email your answers to 23. Smallest animal in a litter (4) 19. Pip (4) [email protected] 19 20 26. Not yet paid (7) 20. Building for exhibits (6) 27. Alcohol + organic acid = water + ? (5) 22. Surrender (5) 21 22 23 28. Current against the main stream (4) 24. Arrears (4) 29. Sudden dash (8) 25. French cheese (4) 24 25

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