24 March 1999

KEEP THE CAT FREE EST 1949 The Students' Newspaper at Imperial College Imperial Do the Double In Hockey, Football and Rugby

A fantastic year of sport has climaxed with By David Roberts where, an extra-time victory for ICSM in IC's sportsmen and women securing UL the UH Football final meant that the League and Cup doubles in Hockey, medics have made a clean sweep of all Football and Rugby, as well as a long list three major Medical School trophies. of other trophies that includes the pres Meanwhile, cup finals day in Rugby tigious Gutteridge Cup for Rugby. saw victory for both the Mens and Wom In Hockey, the Mens Firsts added ens squads. Having beaten ICSM last Cup triumph to the Premiership title week, the mens team went on to com secured last week, running out a 4-2 vic plete an historic Gutteridge Cup triumph tory over Royal Holloway. Displaying their with a 15-10 win over GKT (this year's first clear superiority from the start, victory division champions), thanks to tries from was never in doubt, and after putting Andy Mayes and Dan lligazi and: the three goals past the Egham keeper in the ever-reliable boot of Chris Dickinson. first fifteen minutes, Holloway were sim More impressively still, the women's ply playing for dignity. team stormed to a landslide victory (also Their victory was all the sweeter over GKT) and went on to collect medals thanks to earlier victories from the Mens Photos: Dave Victorious captains collect their trophies - the UL Hockey for both the UL Cup and the UL League Thirds in the Reserves Cup and the ICSM Cup (left) and the Gutteridge Cup (right). - which they won with an undefeated Womens Firsts in the UL Ladies Cup Final. record and a massive +197 points differ The medics also triumphed in the Hos finals this year. to leave them four points clear of LSE in ence. Clearly the merger between the IC pitals Cup, where the Mens team added Moving from astroturf to grass saw second place. Coming on top of last and ICSM teams which took place at the to a miserable week for GKT, the oppo IC's Football Firsts wrapping up the Pre week's UL Cup win, this completes a beginning of the year is reaping big sition in many of IC's most memorable miership title with a 1-0 victory over UCL, very impressive double for ICFC. Else rewards.

Butt To Lead ULU Into Next Century Inside...

A tightjy-fought contest has seen Matt By David Roberts of ULU Council. A fresh election for the Letters - Replyto DRay 6 Butt elected as next year's Universitf-of post will take place at the beginning of London Union President. The ULU Coun next term, by which time a compro Editorial - icuv students 7 cil Chair beat off tough competition mise candidate will hopefully have from Goldsmiths' leader Sophie Bolt by emerged. Columns- Voice of Reason O a margin o'f 37-27, promising to be Elections for the two other Vice Pres "responsive, committed and innovative" idents saw far happier results for those GameS -SimCity3000 1 3 in fulfiling his primary pledge to "take involved, with both Dennis Fernando ULU out to the Colleges". Alongside and Charlotte Aldridgc completing sim Jumbo Crossword 16 every other candidate, he also promised ple victories over New Election. Mr Fer to fight against differential fees, with or nando, the Goldsmiths finance & Columns - All Campbell 18 without the support of the NUS. Societies Officer, will take over the same The big story of the elections, how portfolio at ULU, whist Ms Aldridge, a rel Features-faster tig Guide 19 ever, was the victory of New Election in ative outsider in student politics, the race for the role of Vice President secured the role of VP Sports. Film -American HistoryX 22 Welfare & Education. Although both of The final sabbatical position, that the candidates were well known ULU of London Student Editor, was a straight Clubscene -John Avery 24 facets, both Allan Siao Ming Witherlck Photo: Dave Matt Butt delivers fight between a continuation of the and Seth Atkin received a trouncing his winning manifesto present tabloid style, and a move Music - The new Blur album 26 from RON, which polled 40 out of 66 of , towards a broadsheet feel. Voting pro the votes cast. Although voting for RON defeated in the same election last year, duced an overwhelming majority in ArtS -Jackson Pollock 32 is very rare at ULU, the result was not and Mr Atkin is renowned as one of the favour of the red-top tabloid advocated greeted as surprising - Mr Witherick was most outspoken and radical members by current LS Arts Editor Chris Campbell. Sport - Imperial wins again 37 News 24 March 1999 C&G Elections KEEP THE c In one of the most surprising results of By David Roberts returned as Vice-President with 189 out this year's election season, Dinesh of 350 votes cast, and Phil Buckman issue 1141 Ganesarajah has snatched victory in the takes over the financial reins as Trea race for the City & Guilds Presidency. surer after a simple victory over New 24 March 1999 Mr Ganesarajah, the current Guild- Election. A similar result saw Rob Hasle- sheet Editor and one-time candidate hurst securing a second term as C&G Editor: Ed Sexton for both the RCS and ICSM Presidential Academic Affairs Officer. The remaining Assistant Editor & films: David Roberts roles, beat off a very strong challenge positions were filled by Khilian Shah News Editor.- Andrew Ofori from Sanela Etodzic, who lost by a mere (Secretary), Sunil Rao (Guildsheet Edi Music Fditors: Dennis Patrickson six votes on the second reallocation. tor), Dimitrios Petoussls (Publicity Offi & Jason Ramanathan Having discounted the votes cast for cer) and Phil "Spanner" Mitchell (CGCA Arts & Books Editor: Helena Cocheme Matt Collins and New Election, the final Rep). Games Editor: Gary Smith tally read 147 to 141 In Mr Ganesarajah's Photo: Will The count In progress The total turnout (In excess of 350) Clubscene: Giles Morrison, favour. The fourth candidate, ICU has been warmly greeted as evidence Gurminder Marwaha & Joel Lewis Deputy President Marie Nicholaou, with Elsewhere, Tom Watson scored an of an outstanding year of growth and Sports Editor: Gus Paul drew before the close of polling. easy victory over Chris Buckley to be development in C&G. Photographic Editor: William Lorenz Historic UCL Occupation Victory

By Ben Fisher

On Friday 19 March the management of UCf were forced on to the defensive over their proposed expulsion of 30 stu dents who can not pay their fees. A pas sionate group of students occupied the Financial Centre of UCL and refused to budge until management agreed to meet them. A week earlier (12 March) approximately 150 students had occu pied the financial corridors bringing offi cial business to a grinding halt. The occupiers linked arms and sat on the floor in peaceful demonstration. This lasted 30 hours, during which time a high court injunction was passed. The occupation ended when the bailiffs made an entrance with the use of crow bars and sledgehammers, dragging stu dents out one by one. Despite the threat of being thrown out of college, students maintained their promise not to "resist or assist" and were carried out by the bailiffs. The latest occupation was on a much smaller scale, but passions are still run On Monday, the UCL student body now leading the battle against student backs down completely. In the words of ning high. Matt Whltecross, (3rd year are due to talk to their management fees. Both Goldsmiths and SOAS were one emotional student, "There is no com English) who took part in the occupations directly. UCL management believes the successful in similar campaigns. Signify promise between them, who want to run said; "The way we were treated by UCL rumours are a "willful misinterpretation of ing that the battle is now going nation this university like a business and us, management and their hired apes was university policy totally untrue and wide; Nottingham and Manchester uni who say free education is a right" absolutely criminal." These two pieces of without provocation". Their actual policy versities have contacted the organisers as The pro Rector of Imperial, Tim Clark, direct action have forced the manage is that undergraduates who are in debt they were "inspired" by UCL's action. commented, "Our policy Is to deal with ment of UCL into a historic concession,- shall have "...their examination results As the first wave of occupations in all matters relating to individual students the Provost, Vice Provost, Registrar and withheld and not be allowed to enter the twenty years hits UCL, the UCL union on their merits. However much we may Deputy Dean have agreed to meet with next year of study". sabbaticals are all in Dallas. The action is personally regret the charging of fees, we the students and discuss the matter face Alex Shand (second year Medic) not officiated by UCL Union, resulting in are faced with the reality that this is now to face in a meeting run by the occupa stated "we want to show UCL manage much anger from the activists. The occu the law of the land. We have been enor tion committee. The key objective is a ment that we are not afraid to stand up pation committee consider the result a mously Impressed by the responsible promise that if a student is unable to pay for our fellow students' ability to learn not victory, but arc not prepared to relax attitude of IC students and have done their debt then their education should ability to pay". their fight. It is difficult to conceive of a what we can to ease the problem where not be affected in any way. London and in particular UCL are harmonious conclusion unless one side there is genuine hardship."

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB Internal tel: 58072 Internal fax: 48072 External tel & fax: 0171 594 8072 URL www.su.ic.ac.uk/Felix E-mail: [email protected] Printed at MCP Litho Limited, Units B2 & B3, Hatton Square, 16 -16a Baldwins Gardens, London EC1N 7RJ Felix is a registered newspaper: ISSN 1040 - 0711 Felix is produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publication Board. Copyright © Felix 1999. Photographic copyrights remain with photographers. 24 March 1999 News 3 In brief... Flying Eggs ious institutions as the figures are highly Wellcome Update dependent on factors such as the A- Level grades of the intake and which By Andrew Ofori Felix is finally able to bring you the truth courses they run; medicine, for instance, on the rumoured sale of the St Mary's has a particularly high rate of completion. A 300 strong crowd witnessed the campus [Felix 1137]. Although the alle The figures are somewhat surprising exploits of the aviation enthusiasts who gation was initially confirmed by a very although do not place England in the top took part in the C&G egg race last senior figure in the Medical School, it ten table, which is headed by Italy with Wednesday. Under the adjudication of would now seem to be completely a drop-out rate of over sixty percent. Andy Chipling, a lecturer in Civil Engi untrue. As Professor Malcome Green neering and Guiness Book of Records explained in Issue 1138, St Mary's is to bid official for paper aeroplanes, the 26 to receive substantial backing from the Cruelty-Free Lurve teams loaded their contraptions with an Wellcome Trust - the prospect of which egg and launched them from the has been greeted by all those concerned Vegans can now satisfy their partners as Queen's Tower. The ultimate objective as very good news for a campus whose well as their conscience, thanks to the was to fly the furthest, while keeping future had always been uncertain. Fresh development of a 'cruelty-free condom the cargo intact on landing, first prize rumours suggest that the Glaxo allega The Vegan Society's Information Offi fittingly went to a first year Aeronautics tions were circulated as part of an on cer, Catherine Grainger, explained in a team, the High flyers (Imran Yousaf, going power struggle amongst certain press release that "the processing of Kevin D'cruz, Mamud Dyed, Samir Waya- .. : : -

! » ;::.-p*».., ..... * higher echelons of ICSM - however, Felix latex in many condoms involves casein, dia and Andrak Singh) for a distance of is unable to comment on the validity of a milk protein". Vegans avoid all sub 28 metres. A team from Mech Eng such suggestions, and apologises to Pro stances derived from animals, so such a picked up the prize for the best engi Photo: Jonas Plane sailing fessor Green for not contacting him method is unacceptable. The new con neered craft and a computing team sailed above the library and headed before running the story. doms are made by Condomi and come was awarded the wooden spoon. straight for the Rector's top floor win in eight varieties. They are available from Spirits lifted when one band of dows. According to eye witness selected shops and by mail order (0171 innovators, in search of new challenges accounts it "missed the glass by mil The Tiger Bites Back 277 6630). for their aircraft, ascended to the top tier limetres" as it curved in the wind, even of the Queen's Tower to carry out one tually landing outside the biochemistry One of South Ken's better known land last launch. They were soon regretting building, bringing the evening to a tran marks, the sign outside the Paper Tiger Easter Carnival their actions as the wooden structure quil close. restaurant, was removed by students a few weeks ago, and brought back to The theme for this year's Easter Carnival, rince's Gardens. The restaurant's own for reasons that are far too obvious, is ers failed to see the funny side of this, the Millennium. The evening will involve IC Radio goes FM however, and took legal action. a time trip through the last 30 or 40 Although the matter was settled out years of music, starting in dBs with Shaft. of court, the students Involved have In addition to the 70s disco and 80s pop, By Ed Sexton been ordered to pay costs of around there'll also be live music from the Sug £1600. It is believed that College will not arplums. The chill out room and cocktail IC Radio is hopefully going to be be taking any further disciplinary action. bar will have a more 80s feel than usual, broadcasting in FM for the first month and the bouncy laserquest will be back of next term. Not only will the move in the gym. The concert hall will become improve the quality of the transmis Capitalism Contested 2001: A dance odyssey, with the Utopia sion, but the reception range should team spinning classic dance tunes. The also be dramatically increased. On Thursday 11 March Imperial's Envi theme for the decor is the space a The radio station applied for a ronmental Society held an event in dBs, Tickets are £6 or £5 with an Entscard and restricted service license (RSL) earlier n aid of the Inter Continental Caravan are selling fast, so get along to the Union on this term, and is awaiting a reply (ICC), an organisation of activists from Office today! from the Radio Authority. The license diverse groups around the world who requests that IC Radio be given an FM are organising an international day of frequency from 26 April to 24 May, action aimed at the heart of global econ Registry Surgery Hours broadcasting from the Akins Building omy; the financial centres, banking dis of Kings College in Notting Hill. If the tricts and multinational corporate power following a review of the services which RSL is granted, listeners should be able IC Radio - soon to be In bases. The day in question is June 18, the Registry offers to students and staff| to pick up the station at least three need of a new logo? and UK activities are being organised by in the School of Medicine arrangements miles away, encompassing most of Reclaim the Streets, so it should be are now in place for Registry personnel Imperial's hall of residences. have every confidence that the Radio entertaining. to be available at specified times at the The new license will cost IC Radio Authority will grant our application", Charing Cross, Royal Brompton and St several thousand pounds, and is although he did admit "RSL frequen Mary's campuses. Staff will be present on apparently being sponsored by a mys cies in London have been at a pre Drop-out Depression a weekly basis to assist postgraduate terious benefactor, the identity of mium recently". students with Registry matters at the fol whom has yet to be identified. As Felix Anyone interested in producing New HEFCE figures have revealed that lowing times: went to press no decision had been shows or helping out during the first around a quarter of full-time degree stu Charing Cross Thursdays made by the Radio Authority on month of next term, including current dents in English institutions drop out 9.30-10.30am whether or not to grant the license, radio members, should contact the before completion. The figures exceed NHLI Tuesdays only that "the application is being head of programming or introduce previous calculations having taken into 2-3 pm processed". Station Manager Jon Cor themselves to IC Radio, next to South- account students who transfer courses. St Mary's Wednesdays coran, however, was enthusiastic side Shop. There is great variation between the var 9.30-10.30am about IC Radio's chances, saying "I 4 News 24 March 1999 Ballroom Bliss Flood Fest

By Dimalee Herath and Sebastlen Marcelin-Rlce was very appreciative of those based in By Sunil Rao the affected areas, saying they were "very good" in helping them in the clear- Students and staff in the Huxley Building ing-up process. and the Blackett Laboratory were The direct effects of the flooding shocked to find, just after 3pm on were felt at least three floors down, Wednesday 10 March, water flooding with members of staff in the Depart from a burst water pipe. Estates were, ment of Computing on level 3 of the however, onto the problem within min Huxley Building being advised not to utes of being alerted at 3:06pm by a leave their computers turned on security guard from the 11th floor of the overnight. Everyone affected was gen Blackett Laboratory, and the flood was erally appreciative of the staff from stopped within twenty minutes. How Estates who moved in quickly to sort the ever, water had poured into a stairwell problem out, praising their timeliness and lift shaft, putting the lifts out of and efficiency. Photo: ICU Dance Club The dance club at the National Student Championships action for over twenty-four hours. Pembridge Gardens suffered a sim According to Dave Morey, Senior ilar fate as Huxley on Sunday 14 March. Imperial are once again the UK National Other universities have taken it so seri Supervisor (Mechanical) in Estates, the Hall wardens were first alerted to a prob Student Champions on the dance floor ously that they have started to award full flooding was caused by a freak pressure lem by a fire alarm at midday. After an - yes, that means that IC dancers move colours for their winning dancers, e.g. joint burst. Describing the plumbing as evacuation, the cause was later traced those hips and dig those rhythms better Oxford University, which has awarded being "very old", he said the problem to one of the common areas. than any other university in the country. Full Blue Status to several of its dancers. was fixed in a "very short while". Clean Apart from significant flooding burst That is, in DanceSport - Latin American The ICU team Is composed of six ing up the mess afterwards took signif pipes had caused part of the roof to and Ballroom Dancing - a new Olympic teen couples - sixteen men and sixteen icantly longer, nearly three or four hours, cave in. Reparative action was com sport, which held its Student National women. Eight couples dance the mod as "all the rooms were wet". Mr Morey menced last week. Championships, equivalent to the BUSA ern dances - Waltz and Quickstep, whilst championships, on 7 March this year. IC the other eight dance the Latin Ameri became champion out of the 22 other can dances - jive and Cha-Cha-Cha. In universities, reaffirming its tradition of addition there is also a team for begin —I producing the highest quality dancers, ners who just started out this academic mmmlllm^^m year. which has resulted in over 15 wins at the is Nationals over the last 30 years. There are two official team training ill Contrary to public perception, sessions per week, on Wednesday DanceSport is highly demanding and evenings and Saturday mornings. Each requires a lot of physical fitness as well couple has a minimum of one weekly as agility and control. Despite the sim private lesson with either of our world- ilarity, it differs from its social dancing class coaches. In addition we practice counterpart, rather like running a during the evening in the JCR, totting up marathon is pretty far removed from in the range of 10-15 hours per week of going for a Sunday afternoon stroll. dancing. Photo: Jonas MISSING: One Celling, slightly soggy The Great Waffle Sale London Marathon

ending stories, the rain disappeared as By Emma Watson suddenly as it had started, and the day By the Newsteam turned out to be the sunniest and In the early hours of Friday 12 March, warmest London had seen in 1999. IC PhD Student Utomi Odozi is running as the sun was rising, so was the tempt And best of all, the waffle-maker lasted the Flora London Marathon on 18 April ing smell of waffles. All set and ready the day without exploding with over 1999 to raise essential funds for Oxfam's to go with the waffle maker and work! work with poor people, many of whom approximately 12 litres (20 kilos) of waf The profits from the day were have had their homes destroyed by war. fle mix, the day got off to a brilliant start amazing - together with the profits of On the day Utomi will join a team of as students and other locals' decided a three-day sponsored silence I did the 75 Oxfam runners all dedicated to doing to breakfast in style. And what better week before, a total of £510 was raised. their personal best for some of the way to do so than with hot waffles But I must not take all the credit on this world's poorest people. Raising money dripping with calorific toppings under one as £60 was raised on Red Nose Day for Oxfam's work will help the poor - London's amazingly blue skies. Indeed, by Richard, who had his beard dyed especially those recovering from devas the sun was out and everything red, Lucy, who did the dyeing, NiroJ tating conflicts - to rebuild their shattered seemed set for a prosperous day who turned up dressed in red from lives. hopes IC students and staff will show ahead. Or so I thought. Lunchtlme head to toe and Ajay, who collected the Utomi's gruelling training schedule their support by sponsoring him. brought a rush of starving students and money. is going well and he is confident he will To sponsor Utomi, please e-mail him round-eyed children. Sounds great for To end this sticky saga, I would like finish the 26 mile course. Looking for on [email protected]. To find out more sales but unfortunately it decided to to thank all of you who pigged out for ward to the big day, he commented "I'd about Oxfam's "Cut Conflict Campaign", rain. Tension was growing. Stomachs Comic Relief and of course to those of like to raise £1000, so whatever people call the Marathon Team on 0171 931 were rumbling. But true to all happy you who donated money. can give will be much appreciated" and 9330 lUWRlVL COLLET SPORTS CME

EXTENDED HOURS FOR THE LATE SWIMMERS MONDAY- FRIDAYS UNTIL 9.00pm

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FRIDAY 7.00am - 9.00pm FRIDAY 7.00am - 10.00pm

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TUESDAY 6 APRIL 10.00am - 6.00pm

WEDNESDAY 7 APRIL OPEN AS NORMAL 6 Letters & smaiiAds 24 March 1999

We've Lost Some Letters... stout rejoinder that Felix's sources were PS I am in no way saying that Tom reliable, and that the following week we Dear Readers Bradby is a great author should all be learn the real state of affairs. I Want This Man! I am sure that I am not your only Several (hand written) letters, due for reader to be so disappointed that, since publication In this Issue, were mislaid In Hey Daershan, I saw your photo on the then, nothing has appeared in Felix the course of perparlng Felix this week. web and I think you're the sexiest thing Stand Up for Yourself! about this remarkable scoop. Does this Please would anyone who submitted a I've ever laid my eyes on. Oh how I wish mean that our Medical School has not letter which does not appear below I was that person on the wall. With so Dear Editor, made £20 million out of Glaxo Wellcome? accept my apologies - If you want It pub many assets and considering the fact It's all extremely disappointing, i do hope lished In the first Issue of next term, I you're in desperate need of a partner - In reply to the letter sent for this issue you can enlighten me. would be happy to accept It any time allow me to be the one you carry into the [Felix 1140] by D. Ray, I would like to before noon on Wednesday 21 April. sunset on your rippling shoulders I express my feelings on this subject. If a Yours sincerely There was one letter from 'marc' candidate standing for hustings does which raised a few points, outlined U'r secret (and just like u desperate) not have the temerity to stand up to a Nick Wright (hopefully correctly) below,- admirer few simple questions, then should they Deputy Principal be standing at all? Like some story from ICSM Dear Ed, Call me 0171 770 5519 the days of ancient Rome this candidate appears to have Mr. Ray as a shadowy fig Sorry nothing appeared last week. I refer I submitted an article for publication "There was a photo attached to this letter, ure slyly representing them from behind you to the news section of this week's in last week's issue concerning an Envi which I'm not printing without the per the scenes (with the candidate's express Issue. - Ed ronmental Society event in aid of the son concerned's permission. -Ed knowledge and presumably full bless Inter Continental Caravan (ICC), a group ing). Perhaps the candidates could speak which is organising a day of action for themselves in the future as would be against the financial and business centres required If they were to take up a post I Luv My Jugs of the world. I was annoyed to see that within the student union. Or perhaps you didn't publish it, but yet there was a Arts Review Complaint the Mandy of IC, Mr. Ray (also a friend Have any of you seen my jug ? It was last review of the FJust-A-Gut comedy night in of mine), could stand for the post him seen on Friday 5th March at precisely the news section. lain self? 11:06 pm in the Union with the gentle man above [photo Included, which I'm marc Having read your review of Shadow Anon. not printing without more Information - Dancer and being acquainted with the Ed] If you have any info on the bloke in I had no problems with printing the arti book itself I would like to bring to your the snapshot or any information on the cle, we simply ran out of space. As for attention two main points: People in whereabouts of the jug, please contact why the comedy review was printed West Belfast are called Paddy, Gerry etc. Glaxo-Wellcome Query me on 0345 48 49 50. Please help me Instead, 250 people attend the comedy What else do you expect them to be find it and lets bring rogues like him, to nights, which Is probably more than called? The plot may be slightly thin and Dear Editor, book. By the way I do love my jugs. attend EnvSoc meetings (although I contrived but surely the fact that this has admit I don't have any figures). ICU Is happened in real life on a number of I read with some interest your riveting hasy one of the best student unions In the occasions (most notably the middle of report some weeks ago that ICSM was Comedy Network, and 1 feel this should the 70s) is a testament to British Justice selling a number of floors of the St Marys The Jug In question looks like one of the be brought to readers' attention. How rather than an author lacking in Ideas! site to Glaxo Wellcome. It was indeed plastic ones used on Cocktail nights In ever, I hope the mention given to the a fascinating story. I also read with the DaVIncl's. Can anyone tell me what this EnvSoc/ICC meeting In this Issue makes Padraig McCloskey same interest Professor Green's rebuttal is all about? - Ed up for our former omission. - Ed Chem Eng II the following week, and your equally Deadline for letters for Voodoo 2 Graphics Lucent-Colin Cherry A Month's Rent - Free! issue 1142 is 12noon cards for sale Memorial Lecture Win a month's free rent (frist prize) or smaller cash prizes just by filling in the Wednesday 21 April. Enhance your computer's games and Steven Pinker will be speaking about UL accommodation survey. graphics capacity. Made by Dragon, his book, 'Words and Rules: the ingre Please include the words brand new and boxed, 12MB RAM, dients of language' Pick up the questionnaire from the Integral heatsinks, installation CD. Union office or contact the iCU 'Letter for Publication' In accommodation officer, Tasha Newton Great Hall today at 5.30pm [email protected]. the header of letters from only £99 For more information see You can even now on. Cheers. Contact [email protected] www.ee.ic.ac.uk/cherry answer the survey online: or 0171 244 8060 www.lon.ac.uk/accom Letters may be edited for

length, but will not be altered in

Programming Tuition Bicycle Hospital Arcade Machine For Sale any other way. Letters need not

Having trouble with your computing Low cost bicycle repairs, spares and JAMMA compatible. be signed, but a swipe card course? For private tuition by first class sales on campus. IC computing graduate, call James on Many game boards available, must be shown when submit on 0181 378 5442 or email Call James on 0181 378 5442 or email [email protected] [email protected] email Mike [email protected] ting anonymous letters. 24 March 1999 Editorial 7

Put Students Before Politics the Union will try to do exactly the Turn on. Tune In and Help Out When people acknowledge their simi same to them. The basic philosophy is larities, it is generally easier to overcome Various recent events, too petty and 'screw them, or else they'll screw you'. If you have read this week's news, you will their differences. The other method is to tedious to go into here, have forced me We all know this, yet when it comes to have noticed that IC Radio is to have an put them in a room and lock the door, to have more involvement with ICU the nuts and bolts of committee meet FM license for the first month of next and wait until they get tired of arguing than I would like, or indeed think is ings few hacks seem to admit it, and term. Congratulations to all those Involved and release that compromise is the only healthy for the editor of an indepen certainly not publicly. in organising it, including the mysterious key to a solution. dent newspaper. One thine; that has The second point follows from the sponsor, and I hope that it proves suc So what do we do? We draw up struck me is how little 'Union hacks' first. An 'us against them' attitude cessful. It will only be successful, however, plans neither party is happy with, and know about the common perception of between students and ICU is similar to if you listen to it. So retune your radio after then give them deadlines by which they ICU within the student populace. the attitude between students and col Easter and give it a try - you may find it dif have to agree, or else... People don't like Let me explain. ICU is, of course, an lege. Consequently it is hardly surpris ferent from the 999AM station you could being bullied, and in my experience it organisation whose raison d'etre is to ing that many students have difficulty n't quite pick up in your hall room during only increases their resolve. If you resort provide services and opportunities for distinguishing between Union and col your first year. Finally, if anyone used to to threats, you are basically saying 'we do the students of Imperial College. In lege run facilities. For example, a fourth be involved in the radio but has since not have a solution'. Worse still, when other words, it is there to make your life year Departmental Representative given it up, please consider going back - those threats are empty ones no one will easier, and your time at university gen recently informed me that he or she they could do with your help. This is our take you seriously, and the influence of erally more enjoyable. For most stu couldn't see any difference between chance to show that student radio at 'real' diplomats is severely weakened. dents this manifests itself through Union money and college money. Imperial can work - let's use it. cheap beer, food, stationary, newspa The problem isn't helped by the pers and so on. For many others the social grouping of Union hacks. I know Right, That's It. Go Home. clubs and societies provide opportuni this is a generalisation, and I apologise To Bomb or Not to Bomb? ties that would otherwise be very diffi in advance to anyone misrepresented, Another term has flown by, and I still cult to take advantage of. In the Spring but in my opinion Union politicians Once again the international commu haven't learned C++. What happened to Term, however, friction is at its greatest. tend to hang around their own kind. nity's bluff has been called, and once the Carl Cox interview we were meant to Why? Because it is the budget season, Even If it isn't true, i think this view is again they are standing around without a be printing? Why doesn't Howard Marks and there are always winners and fairly common among IC students, and clue as to what to do, like the emotion respond to emails? And where is Felix losers. In this game it's opinions that count. ally unstable half of the faurel and Hardy going to be next year? I can only hope Two particular aspects of this So what's the conclusion? Well, just duo. No one really wants to bomb Serbia, these matters are resolved in my nine annual debate strike me as extraordi for once, I haven't really got one. Just or anywhere else for the matter - it costs remaining issues. nary, firstly, there seems to be an to be controversial, I would say that money, lots of money, and as soon as one Meanwhile I'm off home for my reg assumption in the Union that the stu perhaps ICU should spend more time Western life is lost public opinion turns ular detox, feeding and extended sleep dents who run the clubs understand communicating its principles, rather against you. ing session. 1 he office will close for Easter Union finances and have faith that the than losing sight of them in a maze of Diplomacy is not an area I know sometime this Friday, and will reopen on system will give them a fair deal. Rub rules and regulations that no one out much about, but it seems to me there Monday 19 April. The security lodge will bish. Club treasurers and others side a select group of hacks under are two basic ways to get people to com look after letters and other deliveries over involved are told by their predecessors stands, or indeed cares about. It's the promise. One method is to get them to the holidays. Have a good Easter, don't that their job is to get as much money students that matter, and it's their opin talk about anything and everything revise too hard, and please write for felix out of the Union as possible, because ions that count. except that which they disagree on. next term. See you all then. - Ed ICU Handbook 99/00

Contributions are needed for the ICU Student Handbook for the next academic would like to wish all of Its readers a very [year. The provisional deadlines are as follows;

Friday 14 May Clubs' and Societies' articles, including photographs, and CCU articles. This includes all ICU, CCU and Depart mental societies. Contact Ed Sexton or David Roberts for more information, or ask in the Clubs and Societies Contributions for next term Resources Centre. As the exam season approaches, many of Felix's regular con

Friday 18 June Advertisement bookings tributors find themselves unable to spend much time on the

newspaper. If you do have any Tree time next term, please Friday 2 July Advertisement copies and all other ICU and college articles (welfare, ser consider writing lor Felix. The deadline for articles for the first vices,etc.) issue of next term is Tuesday 20 April. 8 Columns 24 March 1999

Provided that the French government all end up being British (only joking, no a bit of latitude on Suite Five forecasts, ow I may not know everything cease to support this dreadful crea need to write in). but this looks a bit fishy. Night of the about sport, Brian, but I can ture, we should have seen the back of long knives? Surely not. Anyway, you N spot a blinding performance her. Others, such as our own commis layponds aside, it's a bit quiet can submit candidate suggestions to when I see one. The list of titles and sioners, Neil Kinnockand Sir Leon Brit- along the corridors of power at the College Secretary, but since he's a trophies appears to be endless, and our tan, were cleared of corruption and c the moment. Only two things busy man, please keep them vaguely fencers, rugby players, footballers, nepotism, seem to be sensible- no Billy Connolly, then. And hockey players and others deserve but what of going on, if for the final time, I am not available for huge congratulation for their efforts. In c o m p e - Simon Baker you omit the a 1999 start as my PhD will not have fin addition, they deserve a couple of tence?These Case of The ished, flattery will get you nowhere. weeks recuperation, which is exactly twenty have Missing BMS what they'll get, after the colossal vol presided Sign (off to umes of booze shifted in Southside over admin have the dia he other hot potato is Wye Col last Wednesday. Good work fellas. istrations so mond lege. I have a proud record of However, our performance in sports bloated and encrusting Twarmly embracing institutions that facilities procurement has not been as inefficient as and gilding, I join the Imperial family, as any medic successful. My old sparring partner, Ian to make imagine), will confirm. This is a merger rather Caldwell, has long used the line about Sherfield firstly, if you than a hostile takeover, so both parties student behaviour adversely affecting appear lean. j don't reli are doing their bit. We will stick five or relations with the planning authorities, Their task is giously follow six new levels of management into the and most of the time I have thought to imple IC Distorter Wye machine so that it is administered this to be a weak excuse designed to ment the (also know as as successfully as Imperial, and for their cover up the effect of the desecration Council of the Environ- part, Wye are going to produce a snap brought about in the sixties and sub Ministers' ,. mental Soci- pier prayer to the Almighty. Let me sequent failures by Estates and Col decisions, I e t y explain. It turns out that they have a lege. Now I find considerable sympathy but this is 1 newsletter, Latin Grace dating from the 15th cen for his point of view (never thought I'd invariably 1 on the basis tury that Is used to this day: 'God be say that, did you?). If some prat done badly I of recent edi- praised for all his mercies. God help us dropped a jar of Sun Pat from a great and at great I tions), the preserve this free and learned society height onto my Ferrari, I would move cost by huge I College is and grant us his grace all the days of Heaven and Earth to scupper Imperial's bureaucra looking for a our life.' Beautiful, but a little wordy. plans, as well as sue the pants off cies that new Rector. The new version, seen here for the them. Now, of course, I don't own an have accu- Voice of Reason Depending first time is simply 'God Help Us.' antique Ferrari- it's a Bentley- but such m u I a t e d on whom you behaviour goes a bit beyond accept over the years (hang on, this is Sher believe, Sir Ron is retiring in August able, nay mandatory, student behav field). And as we now know, it is done 1999 or 2000. We've all come to expect iour, such as the removal of street corruptly. Unsurprisingly, anyone could furniture and the deposition of have predicted this years ago. Com 'processed' Carlsberg on the walls of missioners are not appointed on the the V & A. The College should extrap basis of ability, dear me no. Equal olate the level of punishment given opportunities legislation is not applic Subwarden Vacancy for some fairly trivial offences in halls, able here, because nationality decides, which would mean expulsion. Strictly in the first instance, who gets which speaking it would mean ritual execu post, a state of affairs that would leave tion, but In these wishy-washy liberal any other employer branded a racist. times, you take what you can get. One we've decided that, for example, the Irish can have Social Affairs, it's then simply a case of sticking a gov Applications are invited loi the position oi Subwardr-n. he ministrations of the European ernment placeman into the position. :ome vacant shortly. Bernarc Commission, save for the odd No recruitment, selection, democratic an Imperial College residence in Evelyn Gardens, about lb Tcucumber decree, do not tend to endorsement. Consequently, people minutes walk from College, containing approximately 120 set the world alight. Of course, that all of dubious ability, and in the case of Undergraduate residents. changed last week. A mass resigna Padraig Flynn dubious standards, are tion, the nuclear option, was mooted moved to Brussels so that they are some time ago, but was dismissed as safely out of harm's way. Eurosceptic The Subwarden will assist the Warden in the running of the highly unlikely. Thankfully, so damn rubbish I hear you cry. Oh yeah? Four House, particularly in regard to the social iiie of the house, ing was the report into the behaviour words: Neil Kinnock, Leon Brittan. Je pastoral care and discipline. The main demands on the of Edith Cresson, Jacques Santer and pose ma valise. Commissioners should Subwarden are during evenings and weekends. !n return the others that this course of action was be selected in the same manner as Subwarden will receive a rent free room wirhin the house. unavoidable. This being the ELJ, none any senior employee, ensuring that of those named as woefully inade the best people do the job. Selection Applicants for the Subwarden position should be either quate and incompetent accepted the on nationality creates a vicious circle: report's findings with good grace. Cres countries will choose people who can Postgraduate or senior Undergraduate students at iho col- son even suggested that the report counterbalance the influence of those had been altered afterwards in order to from elsewhere whom they do not rubbish her, though for that to be true, trust, rather than those interested in it would have required a near-total serving the interests of the EU member rewrite. Her behaviour has always been (Room C12, Materials Department, ext 46774) and the states as a whole. This will probably eccentric at the very least; she once mean that some countries will cease to famously suggested that 25% of British be represented, but with enlargement men were gay as a means of pro on the cards, this is bound to happen tktsmii di«f;y- l-W s^yMicUi^ms is i44M r : " claiming the superiority of french men. anyway. Come to think of it, they may 24 March 1999 Columns 9 Presidential Talk-Back

have to start with a big congratula tee) - and a more the student rcpre- tion to all of our sports clubs. I appropriate name David Hellard, ICU President sentative council do doubt if Imperial or anyone in Lon there has never not counter their don has ever done so well in a single been. Considering claims. One option season. the mighty power College supposedly is a petition, but I doubt the numbers Last week I attended a College has, I have never seen such a toothless of signatures we receive will prove committee called MADSAC (Medical attempt to push for improved student convincing, so in a truly Goldsmiths and Dental Services Advisory Commit services. The issue was lunch time way our only option left is to take affir opening hours and despite the seem mative action; details will be revealed ingly incomprehensible logic that stu at a later date, but if you do want to dents are free at lunch time, therefore see something done for once, then the health centre, a service to these please, please join us. students, should open at lunchtimc, I I'm sorry to be a bore, but I am not was left fighting single-handed, trying going to let this lie until something is to take candy from the candyman. I done. The case for Clayponds has been was then told that students do not proven and accepted, yet again noth even want the health centre to be ing is being done. So the next time you opened at lunchtimes, as only one see your tutor, your lecturers, your just one of them will be able to give a person has ever requested It. Yet is this wardens, the people who serve you in decent answer as to why the College surprising, when you consider that you Basics or in the registry department or can not pull out a measly £70 000 out either have to ask for the next available even the security lodge, ask them to of their large pockets to pay for an appointment or face two weeks ill in ask the Rector about Clayponds and essential student facility. Lven if they bed, waiting to see the doctor? why their common room is not being can not answer you, it might just Unfortunately the emails sent to built. Basically ask anyone you see annoy them into submission. me by students and the backing of who works in the College and maybe 10 Columns 24 March 1999 Fifty Years On

Felix Goes Free dard of writing. The editorial ends by in 9 December edition, shortly before cast one by one. Carrie Fisher is "the wishing the Incoming editor, Dave Sug- the film was first shown in the Uk. In less than attractive and boorish helix charged for copies until 1971, by den, "the best of British luck because the space of 500 words, a Mr Richard Princess" while Luke Skywalker is which time printing costs had raised by God they need it." Some things Szczepanski denounced everything "incredible in his naivety and inept- the price to 2V2 pence per issue. The never change. from the script to the costumes, end ness", which the reviewer states decision to make it a free publication ing with the sentence "I am sure it appears to suit the young Mark Hamill. was taken at the start of the 71/72 An infamous Film Review helps if you cease to think, but then Meanwhile Alec Guiness is blamed for academic year, by the then outgoing you may as well go to sleep". introducing the "pseudo-religious editor John Rogers. While leafing through the The review started by force", apparently "one of the worst In his editorial he explains that the archives, I came across describing Star Wars as "a aspects of the film." The only area that majority of students were pinching it an amusing piece of collection of every doesn't receive criticism is the special without paying anyway, so at least they journalism. Amusing possible cliche of the effects, which are described as could now do so with a clear con not for its dry wit, heros and villains sit "decent". science. The loss of income was to be satirical commen uation raggedly sel- Maybe Mr Szczepanski was having recovered by restricting each issue to tary or use of lotaped together". a bad week; maybe he had just split up eight pages (Felix already had adver humour, but for its George Lucas was with his girlfriend, and couldn't handle tising by this stage, and a print run of perceived inaccu criticised for a script a film in which "the young hero still res around 2000). racy given the bene that "shows an cues the Princess in Peril from the fit of hindsight. The advantage of the move, as far astounding lack of clutches of the Black Knight", or maybe as Mr Rogers was concerned, was that The article in ques imagination", while "The he was a pacifist and disagreed with it would allow the editorial staff to be tion is felix's review of the Wookie" is "merely an ill-tem "the spirit of God on our side' reli more restrictive and critical of Felix's first Star Wars film, Episode IV, pered version of Lassie". Mr giously-righteous militarism". Whatever content, thereby increasing the stan released in 1 977. The review appeared Szczepanski then goes on to slate the the reason, it is ironic that a film reviewed in this publication as "a lam entable product of the film industry" is Across Down now a classic of our generation. Maybe Mr Szczepanski should have 1 2 5 1 Christian name for Church detective 4 1 This is a trick clue consulted the children of the time, to 4 IH.G. Wells couldn't stick it initially. 2 No moonshine here ensure the endurance of his com 6 ments. With the first prequel being 6 Mineral found in any Chemical 3 A white one may prevent a 'black' 8 released in Britain in July of this year, 8 Here Dinner in Hall is often the pre 4 This backward Matelot would be first and two other prequels on the way. It lude to a prelude overside ship in trouble is unlikely that the memory of Star 9 Christian times 5 If his work falls off a dust-net may _ _ Wars will fade for the next generation 10 Set in Bohemia? catch it or so. Ironically, the headline on Mr 14 Possible future part of a barque in a 7 This takes the right place when only Szczepanski's review was "Something nutshell 1 15 one foot left To Forget". 16 This for one is a cliche to make some 11 The artist in 4 dn people see red 1 12 This in spirits is almost an elixir 18 You must search for the ball 13 You may get stuck here 19 1 19 You may find this out after the sale 15 Not wavey but permanent Left is a reproduction of the first ever 21 Seen periodically at the head of the 16 Not from 8 unless burned Felix crossword, printed In Issue 3 on 3 table 17 The letters of the Law February 1950. Answers are available 20 Initial requirement for a navigator on request Fi?2$X would like to wish Marie Nicholaou [Deputy President Clubs and Societies) felicitations on the occasion of her twentieth birthday, Thursday March 25 1999 In return for this greeting, we feel that it is only fair that Marie contributes a discretionary sum (say fcl) to RAG for every drink bought for her during the day. 24 March 1999 IC Radio 11

This week we're got a hotter than hot interview with Chilliblank. They're House and Garage producers with an

amazing double life: they're both Sherfield Security Officers.

People have a tendency to stereotype we were looking through Future Music." thing is totally faceless" Dan observes "if we put out, we want to be bad. We want people by their appearance, the car This was until one day .that they decided you make money commercially then do it to drop when people come in. I'm they drive, or anything else they might to get some equipment together and it- then you can fund other personal happy to carry on working and doing have an opinion on. However occa this for a couple of years until we're sionally you get to meet people that ready." challenge these assumptions you've Imperial College doesn't exactly made, and encourage you to think dif have a reputation for being an artistic ferently. This is this situation I was faced melting pot, so how do they motivate with when I met Ajay, a security guard themselves when working in college? in Sherfield. "You can use Imperial to your advantage It turned out that as well as keeping to make contacts because there are Imperial the fortress that it is, he leads other people who are in to the same an amazing double life as one half of take it a bit more seriously. They sorted interests." They currently produce their kind of music and the same kind of Chilliblank, purveyors of the finest themselves out with a bank loan, and music by reconstructing a track around thing. I can always talk us into some House and Garage. "I tend to take off haven't looked back since. a sampled vocal. Sampling is being used thing, or get us a piano player like your my red underpants before I come in to They produce their own style of by more and more acts across genres self. The inspiration side of it is pretty college!" he jokes, as we sit in the Union House and Garage, putting their influ nowadays, but still some criticise it as bad though. You look at Sherficld and with his partner in crime Dan, who also ences together to produce their own being unfaithful to the original artists. it doesn't give you much inspiration." works in security. It's the venue that unique style: "We're getting our own Surprisingly, Dan is more than sympa They are more upbeat about the music they're going to be playing at when the style together, it's evident in the music. thetic to their point of view "using other scene at Imperial though "DJ's here are Carnival comes into town on Friday. If we played peoples vocals, of a quite good standard, they can all They played at the last Carnival, and you one of our alright it's like mix well."

Impressed so much that they've come early tracks and \ V. stealing, but at Chilleblank are very level headed back again as the only externa! DJ's. one we've the same time about their musical aspirations for the done now, you we're not mak could see how ing any money "Using other peoples "The people I was deal its evolved, \ from it. We're how much bet just learning vocals, alright it's like ing with were cowboys, ter its got. It's our trade." It's having a good a situation that stealing, but at the they were only in it for knowledge of | they have music, but also been forced same time we're not the cred, because it's about good into, as pro technical abil ducing a good making any money dangerous." ity." They admit quality original to being quite -. - vocal requires from it." early in their "We were on at eleven last year and a fully profes development sional studio we thought it was a bit early, but we got future. They have their feet firmly rooted as an outfit: and a lot of there and the room was empty. We on the floor, and afen't getting carried "we're just time. As they started playing a few tracks and the away with any success "We're not out to learning our are both work room filled out." They see this type of make loads of money or we're not out trade. We're ing full-time to events as being important to the devel to get fame or anything. We're doing it support Chilliblank, they simply don't opment of their music: "It's good for us just putting it out as little pieces that because we enjoy it, and hopefully have the time or money to do it. How as we can play our stuff out and see we've done so people can recognise that's how it will stay." It's a refreshing ever, they see a way out of this vicious what kind of reaction we get. It's not our production talent." And they cer attitude that will hopefully stay with cycle. "There's always ways to get money about how you can try a guitar, or how tainly do have talent. Despite not hav them throughout their career, and help if you want it. The proper next step for you can sing. It's about playing the ing put out any white labels yet, they them to keep it real no matter what suc music, playing it loud and seeing what cess they may have "When we make a reaction you get from it." track its like 'yes!' We've got aspirations

Ajay got into the scene through for having a bit of recognition for what Dan, who was already messing about on wc do, but at the same time its not his decks at home. He did some stuff going to be heart breaking if we don't on pirate radio stations, but wasn't make it." impressed: "the people I was dealing Chilliblank play at the Carnival on Fri with were cowboys, they were only in It day at 11 pm In the Concert Half Catch for the cred, because it's dangerous." He them on IC Radio on Thursday night therefore changed direction and looked were asked to do the music for a radio us would be to put out a white label of between (10 and 11 pm) for an exclusive more towards production. "Most kids advert for Sprite. But wouldn't they con- just two or three of our tracks; put it out, session. were looking at Playboy" Ajay says, "but sider this to be selling out? "That kind of and see what happens. Ihe first thing Pants 12 24 March 1999

Right Angles To Reality Holidays

knew all the words to every song on atrial for the nerves. How- „ i. every single sharp object rainwater and end up putting their fist Revolver by Ihe time I was eight. Wheevern , when the monoto- /Wall or clump of broken glass through the canvas, necessitating another Iyou consider that Mozart had already nous motorway drive from on the road, with the result repair. written an opera and half a dozen harp hell was over and the caravan was jacked that we would routinely get through four My father's barbecue technique was sichord concertos by the same age, my up onto its little blocks of wood, and the or five tyres on an average trip. another point of contention. According being able to sing along to the Beatles' enticing smell of roasting meat was ema Somehow or other we would make to The Observer's Book of Campfire Cui ground-breaking seventh album begins to nating from the expertly tended barbecue it back onto the right road and my father's sine, "sufficient time must be allowed for look like very small indeed. A four-year- set up outside the proudly pitched stripy fixed icy grin would relax into a harassed any flames to die down before grilling the old in Hydrabad calculates pi to thirty awning, you could sink back into your frown, which was much more what one meat over glowing coals". My father had thousand decimal places, and all I can say reclining sunbed, sip on your pre-dinner would have expected of a man strug not read this chapter and would put the in reply is "I was alone, I took a ride, I did Vimto and feel that life was good and by gling to keep a Cortina Mk IV and a cara meat on the griddle before the charcoal n't know what I would find ther- and large it had all been worth it. van on the road in a crosswind, whilst his was fully burned down, such that the fat rrrrrrreeee". Pathetic Isn't it? But that's me Well, that's the John-Boy Walton Spe kids fought over who saw the yellow from the meat would drip onto the fire, all over - delusions of adequacy. The cial Edition version anyway. The truth is Masarati first and alternately thumped with the result that our campsite neigh inequalities in life are patently unfair. Why somewhat less inspiring. We would arrive each other and cried out for his wife to bours would be treated to the spectacle should one child turn out a mathematical at the site on average three hours late due arbitrate. Eventually we would arrive with of him desperately trying to bring a Piper genius whilst all the other can do is sing to my father losing his way because my my brother and I covered in bruises and Alpha scale inferno under control, and we the descant part to Got To Get You Intomother , who was navigating, had tried to my parents arguing over who was going would be left to eat something that My Life! Eschewing the convention that direct him down a crease in the map to get custody of "the sodding kids" after resembled a cremated mole. Either this one never does reply to rhetorical ques which she had mistaken for the B4530 or the divorce proceedings on which they or he would be unable to get the barbe tions, I will venture an explanation. It's just some such. To his credit, my father never would embark the minute that this "damn cue to light in the force nine gale which a wild guess, but I would say that the shouted at her in front of my younger holiday" was over. The campsites at which would inevitably appear, much like the hypothetical Indian boy-wonder described brother and I, rather he put on his I- we stayed normally resembled recently proverbial No. 22 bus when you've just lit above spent his summer vacations play haven't-the-slightest-idea-where-l-am-but- reclaimed malarial swamps, on which a cigarette, so that he would be forced to ing with an abacus instead of going on if-l-show-any-weakness-my-status-as-an- someone had erected some shower/toi pile on the firelighters in a vain attempt caravanning holidays with my family. authority-figure-will-be-irreparably-dam- let blocks which looked more like a cou to get the thing burning, with the result aged face and began to whistle with ple of pill-boxes left over from WWII. The that everything ended up tasting faintly Let me take you back to the balmy forced gaiety. Unfortunately the rest of caravan would be parked and the awning of paraffin. summer of 77 - Ginny had won at Wim us had rumbled this ploy a long time ago, erected after a fashion. The awning was bledon, the Queen of England was cele Ah, happy days. We shall not see with the result that we knew that when indeed stripy, but it had been patched up brating 25 years at the top and the King their like again. At least I hope not. That's Dad started to affect nonchalance, things more times than Grant and Tiff's mar of rock and roll was mere weeks away the reason that I'm regurgitating all this had started to go seriously wrong and It riage and as a result it leaked like a badly- from the most celebrated bout of termi now - so that I don't forget it. For, as a was time to panic. The worse the crisis fitting Pampers. When it rained, as it nal constipation in history. Meanwhile, in well-known dictator put it, "He who does got, the more devil-me-care he would invariably did (I've a feeling that were we deepest Bedfordshire my father was fitting not remember history is condemned to become until my brother and I would be to have taken a trip to Death Valley in Ari a Blaupunkt car cassette player in our repeat it". Megalomaniac or no megalo close to tears and my mother would be zona during the late '70s our arrival would Cortina in preparation for our overland trip maniac, he got that bit right at least. How on the verge of a nervous breakdown. have been heralded by a cloudburst), the to the Dordogne. It was the first time that ever, in the light of my lengthy and This particular idiosyncrasy of my father's water collected in puddles in the insuffi we had had a tape player in the car and fraught holiday travels, I can't see me character only seemed to come out dur ciently taut roof of the awning making it my brother and I were more excited about forcing my kids to sit for hours in a stuffy ing our holiday expeditions and was not sag like a Sumo wrestler's tits. Inevitably it than the glorious French countryside Ford with only Revolverfot entertainment. at all eased by the remarkable propensity someone would flick the bulging fabric that awaited us. Unfortunately we only But then again - Tomorrow Never Knows. that our caravan displayed for finding from below in an attempt to get rid of the possessed three cassettes; Revolver by The Beatles, Abba: The Album and Englc- bert Humperclink 20 Golden Greats, to take on the 1,200 mile round trip. With such a narrowness of choice, rivalling PRIVATE HOUSING anything that Soviet-era Russian super markets didn't have to offer, I must have heard all three albums upwards of four The Rush Is On to find new properties for September 1999! dozen times during the journey and it is no coincidence that at the age of eight my knowledge of Lennon-McCartney lyrics We have a small selection of flats from landlords wanting to show now for from the mid-60s was unmatched by any of my classmates at the Alger Hiss Primary September. There will be even more after the Easter break following an adver- School. The same trip left me with the tising campaign to attract more Landlords in South West and West London. ability to give peerless renditions of Name of the Game and Release Me, which waWse now have an onsite Private Housing Officer who will be happy to a bit spooky in one so young. deal with all aspects of tenancy agreements and answer any tenancy or Going on holiday as a child was by landlord questions that you might have. turns a frustrating and delightful busi ness- the journey itself was a seemingly We publish updated listings of accommodation every Tuesday, so please come in at any time between never-ending sojourn in purgatory. Not quite a 'Homeward Bound'-esque "end 9am and 5pm, Monday - Friday. less stream of cigarettes and magazines" You can also e-mail us at [email protected] or phone us on either (more a case of Sherbert Dib-Dabs and 0171 -594-9428 or 0171 -594-9427, The Dandy at that age), but it was a bit of 24 March 1999 Not the Games Page 13

Not Happy with just reviewing games Gary S. has invaded the realm of Gadgets - Welcome to the world of big toys for big boys and girls. X8R-S (Manic Moped)

Honda

Next time you manage to escape from Anyway Honda, with a few excep erate to 25 mph as quick as most tin In fact maintaining this bike from the campus and get to wander around tions, is not known for their radical styling boxes in the town. week to week involves checking the lyre the real London streets keep an eye out - if you think Volvo you will get the pic The fully automatic belt drive means pressures, making sure the two stroke oil for the traffic. Normally this means big ture. Honda are known for producing that the bike is incredibly simple to ride. tank has a some oil left, and checking the red buses, multicoloured taxi's and the very reliable and mechanically excel Just twist the right grip and the bike brake fluid levels. Tasks that take about occasional beaten up stealth Cavalier. lent bikes and moves forward (ok the automatic gear all of 30 seconds. Anything more serious However in the last few years a rapidly this one is no ing means that you are not going to and the garage will do that. increasing number of scooters and different. For be launching the front wheel into The disc brakes, you have a 50cc moped riders have been finding that £1800 you get the air but on a 50cc moped in moped and fit it with the stopping capa two wheels are rather good at dealing a 50cc the city those sort of bility not found on some 125cc motor with jams, that they can park for free and engine, a antics tend to bikes, you definately stop quickly - usually that a smart scoot looks pretty cool in the fully automatic a bit too quick for your own good. summer. belt drive, Finally the electric starter. This is the Mopeds and Scoots are the ultimate front gadget on a gadget. A kickstart on a gadget round town. They're obvious, and bike like this usually involves about 5 they have some usefulness, but above Jgi ^ seconds of effort, of which three of them they look good. The X8R-S (Honda has is finding the little stubby kick rod. (the decided not to give this bike a name just hand crank on my morris minor is a sequence of letters that give an impres another planet of pain). The electric sion of an experimental weapon found start is definately for your lazy side. in a Japanese anime) is Honda's top of The problem with mopeds is in gen the range 50cc moped. Designed and eral the limiter. While the 50cc motor and styled in Italy it has the touch of the the gears could possibly do 40 mph Latins about it. The front and rear have without messing the acceleration up too a particularly sculptured appearance and much the law prevents you from doing while not having the trick front wheel rear disc brakes attract so. But as long as you never attempt to forks that the Peugeot scoots have nor and best of all, an attention of the take on the 40 or 50 mph limit roads you the rounded design sophistication of the electric starter. met police, and don't look as good as will never get bored. Get ahead get a new Italian bikes, the sharp lines which What does all this mean. Well the you think). The belt drive also means moped. mark the front and back make this 50cc motor means that you have a top that you dont have any messy, oily chain moped look much more shark-like. speed of 30 mph, but the ability to accel- to adjust and check every week.

ixus L-1 (APS Camera) Canon

Another gadget, another five hours spent APS cameras also can switch The L-1 does share some of not reading the instructions. Though between three types of picture format - the optics of the bigger zoom when the instruction book is getting on normal, enhanced and panoramic. Ok it brother. Optics that include a for half the volume of the actual gadget is a little bit of a cheat as the developer rather nice fast 2.8 lens - nice, things are getting a bit serious. Luckily, just selects a portion of the film and which at the touch of a button to use this little delight you don't need blows it up to fit the paper, but the retracts into the camera giving it a to read the whole volume of instruc panaramic shot can make even the most clean pure profile - sleek and tions in order to take reasonable photo's boring landscape look fairly impressive - smooth. Another button press and - to get some of the special functions it well ok then slightly less boring. it pops back out ready to take pic is worth it but you can usually discover But the best thing about APS cam tures in less than a second. those by accident anyway. eras is that because of the size of the film The flash is also part of the The little numbered bubbles dont come with APS cameras might be heavily criti the compact camera becomes the spy body, rather than the pop up the basic camera. cised by the serious photographer. The camera that we all wanted to own as a effort in the big brother - which negatives are smaller than the 35mm kid. The Canon Ixus L-1 is just such that can occasionally jam, requiring a format, and they cost a fortune to camera. Its smaller than the smallest of nudge with a non conducting rod & develop. At the union shop 35mm film the Olympus 35mm Mujl range and can - using a metal pin is a simple way is cheaper by over two pounds and that even surprise the most camera aware - to generate a spark generator and isn't including the extra charges that add useful for catching people doing things a easy way to destroy an expen f up if you use the extra photo formats. they are not supposed to do. After dis sive camera. APS definately have a lot of critics, but it abling the flash you can shoot and run Smaller than a small thing and -® has quite a lot of friends too. like the best. The L-1 is the middle brother looking much sexier than a very -® Some of the friends are big fans of of the family. It doesn't have the cheap sexy thing the Ixus L-1 has man the simplicity of the cameras. None of plastic feel of the base Ixus, but it does aged to get recommended by , 1 n't have the zoom function of the big this messing about everytime you load a most camera magazines as the r brother (which, now that I've got used to new film - just put the film in and close best of the one hundred pound the L-1, feels so heavy and bulky). the door (the camera does the rest). cameras. It is a gadget and half. h © 14 Games 24 March 1999

Viva Football (PSX) Virgin Interactive

isation) and comes off the screen is the almost winner on the Playstation. perfect sound. The I'll repeat that, this game is pitch shook with better than Actua Soccer, sound coming from a more sensible option the stands and the than Sensible Soccer, kicks occasional referee the youngster Mr Owen comment. Even the into the stands and it lack of a commentary meets and beats FIFA '99 on this 98% complete in extra time. version did not detract Look at the screen from the other sound- shots, well these are the also while the com- quality graphics that you mentry is nice it does Football, football, football. For some crazy get, and they dont just look good when start to grind when reason it seems that all I have been still. The animation of the players is both Barry comments for the twentieth time penalties, if you really want to avenge reviewing for the last few weeks are smooth and fast. This has been possible that he could not hit that with a banjo. injustice you could try the 1986 world cup football management or football playing mainly because of the camera angle The current trend in these games is finals and make sure Maradonna fails to games, or even running football related used. Some will find it a little far away to include even more stadia (300 in this stay on the pitch for long. competitions. After all this football you from the action but most will find it just one), even more teams (1035 - they This game is good, the control and would think that the next football game the right distance to be able to plan might have your local pub team, com gameplay give you total control, and to come along would meet a very jaded those pin point passes and crosses. If plete with the short fat one who plays in even if it is not as easy to pick up as other reviewer and be placed in the bin at the there is a complaint it can only be of the goal and hits anyone who comes near) systems it rewards you with much more first fault. speed of the game. For the beginner it . There is also the quota of historical fluid football - either that or the long This being true I tried really hard to whizzes about just a little bit too quickly, games with teams as far back as 1958 to ball game becomes the tactic of choice. hate Viva though stick be picked, so its time to dust down the The graphics and sound are excellent, Football with it and 1990 the crowd will start from the i soon the England jeering if you start kick off-and force (of the and Ger playing too many totally failed. pass) will be many wild balls. This is a with you - teams Virgin Inerac- football sorry I'll do and this tive are onto a game that no more Star time winner. EA are finally has a Wars refer make going to have to serious go ences 'till sure it ook deep and at the EA July. doesnt hard and finally fifia (well it What I get any have a game of seems like a can't show where catchup on their mafia organ you on the near hands. Easter News : Bunnies not included

Eidos : Cheap Cheap Games N2000 - not till 2001 Blender Book

Nintendo look like holding back the And finally something a little bit more launch of the N2000, the Nintendo 128 serious. For all those who mess about bit processor based games console till with 3-D rendering - now surely thats a 2001. few of us out there, there is a new begin Aparently the system has been given ners book by Ton Roosendaal. Blender an amber light and the system has not v1.5 manual. been finalised. Several factors such as For all those not in the know Blender how well N64 titles such as Perfect Dark is a really useful 3-D tool. I've used it on and Donkey Kong 64 do, as well as how the Mac and also on a linux box. Its a lit sucessful the Playstation 2 is will effect tle bit complex as you would expect Eidos are adding five new titles to their them over land and hopefully not into not only the systems capability but also from a useful tool but as soon as you get Premier Budget games range. All for the dale. its launch date. the hang of it you can produce some PC and priced at £12.99 at all good stores Actua Golf 2, reviewed last year and The unfinalised details specify a poly quite stunning 3-D effects. the range now includes:- features eight courses in which you can gon engine capable of handling 20 mil As well as being a beginners book Fighting Force where you save the play in the sand, the water or if you are lion raw polygons per second, but the it also manages to double as a reference. world as one of four heroes, fighting perverse enough even attempt to get biggest shock is the lack of a cartridge Quite handy as after you have mastered through seven levels. the ball in the hole. system. Nintendo have realised that it the basics you go away for a couple of Ian Livingstone's Deathtrap Dun Actua Soccer 2, with live commentry was this that killed mass software devel months and come back finding you have geon; Tomb raider meets Dungeons and from Barry Davis. It also used Michael opment which meant that few people forgotten most of what you spent long Dragons. Owen as the motion capture monkey. bought it. Hurrah for the learning expe hours learning. Flight Unlimited 2; come fly with Look out for reviews next month. rience. 24 March 1999 Games 15

SimCity 3000 Maxis

wait till they your simulation runs further down have a taste of the timeline, you get to build more my wrath. and more advance structures like Whoever nuclear, solar, microwave and even fx i says that life as tually fusion power plants. Of the mayor of course, the more high-tech the

«ic&«;K: Ronnyville is a energy source, the less you have to box of choco worry about pollution. lates? Even if Talking about pollution, one fea my city is a vir ture that is new to SC3K is the need tual one, I to deal with rubbish. Sad, but it is a quickly realized fact of life. Cities, even ideal ones that mayors are like mine, still churn out garbage it. among the that has to be disposed safely. Land See that cool pool... ii most stressed fills should be avoided if possible | people in the since they devalue your land and keep city, just like Independence Day. Though world. SimC- tax-paying Sims, your citizens, away. If if you don't want your city reduced to ity3000 (SC3K) you can afford it, construct Waste-To- rubble make sure your firefighting Little did the poor Sims know what disasters awaited them . lets you have a Energy Incinerators. These devices effec department is on call after the attack is ...Fire and tornados were Just the start...heh heh heh go at running a tively convert waste into energy. Cool over. city on your concept! Essentially SC3K is a brilliant and "We want water! We want power!" I can own, the way you want it. From the very Of course, money makes the world highly complex game, yet designed with hear people calling. With a quick call to start, SC3K lets you choose your own goes round and you need to budget simple interfaces to enable easy man my engineers, they were immediately terrain from a list of famous cities, includ your finances well if you do not want to agement of the many facets of city devel rushed to find out what can be done to ing Sydney, Hong Kong, Moscow and of leave the city bankrupt and get kicked opment. Indeed, it lives up to the remedy the situation. Crime rate rising in course good old London. In fact, you can out of your office. Fortunately, there is a expectations based on its highly-suc Sector 4? Never mind that, a police sta actually try to fashion your ideal London team of advisors to aid you in city plan cessful predecessor SC2K. tion will take care of that. Fire unchecked? based on its geography. I Bet I could do ning and managing taxes. They can Now if only they have an Armaged What the hell are my firefighters doing? better than the incumbent city planner, prove remarkably valuable when your don comet-speeding-to-Earth disaster... Probably loafing on the job again. Just eh? city grows beyond what you can effi Ronny Buildings-wise, your city can be ciently control alone. g made as artistic as Paris - having muse What I particularly like about I ums and arches everywhere, or by pack SC3K is its disaster option. If you i ing it full of skyscrapers (which includes feel really bored waiting for the | Warn the world's tallest building, the Petronas tax revenues to roll in - doesnt | Towers) - claim it as your very own New everyone once in a while, try let- I York. ting the Sims experience the J Aspects of city development you can power of nature. Earthquakes, I meddle in include transportation and tornados, fire, all show nature is I power. You plan subway lines and bus particularly adept at turning even routes down to point where you decide the best city to an expensive art where to place bus-stops. You can also installation. One of the more select the type of power generation "supernatural" disasters actually method to be adopted by your city. As involve UFOs attacks on your ..thats my cool pool that Is. Competition Corner

Championship Manager 3 : The Final Table

Now this one was a real bugger. Perhaps I had overestimated the football geekiness level at Imperial..but like life, everything turned out all right in the end, and someone managed (sorry I punned) to get all seven celeb fans with the correct clubs. These were :- 1. Eddie Jordan - Coventry City 2. Nigel Kennedy - Aston Villa 3. Zoe Ball - Manchester Utd. 4. Jasper Carrot t - Birmingham City 5. Hugh Grant - Fulham 6. Jo Whiley - Northampton Town 7. John Motson - Barnet

The semi-finals James Martin 2 - 7 Simon Newton Peter Daplyn 5 - 7 Andrew Hilsdon The final James Martin 7 - 7 Andrew Hilsdon (Andrew Hilsdon won on penalties)

It's never nice to see a person lose on penalties but if James Martin wants to claim a HydrothunderT-Shirt from the office he can pick it up now. Andrew can come into the office too, but he'll have to wait until Eidos deliver the prize. 16 Crossword 24 March 1999

JUMBO CRYPTIC CROSSWORD

by Gnat Chum & Ed Mystery prize

As Waterstone's have decided that £10 a week is just too much for their oh-so- delicately-balanced budget, Felix has decided to sposor its own crossword. The first correct entry pulled out of the not- so-virtual hat will receive a mystery prize (almost certainly a pair of film tickets)

Entries must be received before

Wednesday 21 April. If you want

to post entries please send them to

Crossword Competition

Felix

Belt Quad

Prince Consort Road

London SW7 2BB

Across 37 Cold Imperial says yes (3) Down 40 Pleasant experience? Organisation I Rising of troubled f rench street area, 'as a thousand! (6) 2 So one hundred is back (3) we hear? Too right! (12) 43 Changed car loses nothing in river (7) 3 Heron muddled in river (5) 7&45 Average notes (2,2) 44 So irrational, mixed up before facto (4) 4 Record nothing before Church era (5) 8 Play up, up North (3) 45 See 7 5 Teach locomotive (5) 32 Sack old woman (3) II Soft drink, hot outside, becomes 47 Over five hundred off a pound 6 Odd start to poem ends with a point (3) 33 A ship's fool (3) sweet in Church (9) change (4) 7 Sloppy kiss loses direction on this 35 Not even a chance? (4) 12 Alternative to gold (2) 48 Almost used up possible uses of fills (6,5) slope (3) 38 Shout the old lines |4) 13 Man has no organ! (6) 52 Regardless of which article gets yes (3) 8 Commoner receives hot bird (8) 39 To value letters, do it before period (7) 14 The spy's a nice chap (5) 54 A vessel reversed above... (4) 9 It isn't the case it sounds all tied up (3) 41 Mate mucked up on mountain (3) 16 Beth ends an evening, releasing gas (6) 56 ...a rod - keep out! (3) 10 Again loans are issues (8) 42 Board games dominate? (10) 19 White album gets points? (7) 57 Six footer in strobe effect (3) 13 Tow large concealed bird (3) 46 No time to wash old people (3) 21 Chap and lass almost confused about 58 Hesitate hearing of ancient city (2) 14 Ordered letters from sacred river 48 Charges passengers (5) Easter (7) 59 Girl and ox muddled in the Spring (7) before a flutter (8) 49 Pay tribute to French greeting Eti- 22 Five hundred paces arranged, again, 60 Exercise right first to rub vigorously 15 Is property south of Cayman? (7) enne (6) at intervals (6) and to disconcert (7) 17 Drum valve (3) 50 I went quickly to this place (4) 25 Russian's not very good sailor (4) 62 Back note for short man (2) 18 Breakdown service bend when con 51 Neighbours in street (2) 27 Hopelessly self-obsessed (4) 63 Septic ooze takes nothing away from fused (3) 53 Lad gets back Miss Derek for thug (5) 28 Weight to north (3) work (3) 19 Changing course highly charged? (11,7) 55 Porridge maker didn't bowl rower (3) 29 cloak right for adventure (5) 64 Debbie gets backwards cot (3) 20 Police raids ruin game (9) 61 Run around pottery (3) 30 One hurried outside in the wet (4) 66 Writer in a thousand (3) 23 Art includes eulogy, very quietly eat 65 Party act (2) 31 father's odd fluid (3) 67 Garden in protected enclave (4) ing strange flavour? (5,6) 66 Not out on the square (2) 32 No airline's mixed up in snakes! (4) 69 Loud noises held lad in suspense (4) 24 Make out near? (4) 68 Greek goddess not hot then? (3) 34 Back of hill could be dry? (3) 71 Drat! Queen ordered merchant! (6) 26 Models of cars pile up (8) 69 We hear princess was made to colour (3) 36 it's fair to get written account back 72 Fred took you, we hear, to psychiatrist (5) 28 Out back, as a Geordie might say as 70 Oxbridge chap gets back positive from continent (6) well (3) response (3) IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION SINGAPORE SOCIETY 'Oi ! Made in Singapore' Variety Show

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS AM IMPERIAL COLLEGE S

Following the overwhelming success of the Imperial College Union Singapore Society production, 'Oi! Made in Singapore', the organising committee would like to extend our most heartfelt appreciation to the following agencies and individuals for their invaluable assistance. The production would not have been possible without your help.

Sir Ronald Oxburgh, Rector of Imperial College Our kind sponsors Stick & Bowl restaurant Imperial College Union Imperial College Union Malaysian Society University of Cambridge Lion Dance Troupe Prof. J.B. Pendry FRS, HOD Physics Mr. J.V. Gibb, Physics Dept. Superintendent Mr. M.D. Hudson, Physics Department. Mr. Ray Swain, Physics Department Mr. Jim Jones, EEE Department Ms. Mandy Hurford, Union Manager Ms. Lesley Ann Crawford, Internal Bookings Mr. David Parker, Conference Office Mr. Ken Weir, Chief Security Officer Mrs. Gunilla Mattsson-Willis Mrs. Mei Lan Baxter Mr. Max Roger Mr. Steven Tan All at Sherfield Security Mr. Michael Saul, Mr. Seebay Gencay & Mr. Trevor Bruniars, Physics Department Security The Impehai College Physics Department for lending us their grounds for prop construction & storage The performers & MCs A special thanks to Mr. Archie Wallace, Physics Department And lastly, to all those who have, in one way or another, contributed to the success of 'Oi! Made in Singapore'

Once again, thank you one and all, for going out of your way to make this production a truly memorable one.

Based on Singapore, Done by Singaporeans, showcased in London 18 /~f*^^ 24 March 1999

Most of the food I've discussed in this column has reducing in volume. Fresh spinach can be substituted Melt the butter in the largest pan you can find, been pretty simple in nature. Complex fancy food is for tinned. In my opinion this is one occasion when then add the nuts and chopped onion. Cook slowly OK, but I'd much rather eat something based on a you do need to pay for the fresh stuff. If you must until the onion is soft, but not brown. Wash the simple combination of ingredients that works really use tins, you'll need two. spinach, then add to the pan. Turn the mixture thor well. There are times, however when food that oughly to coat the spinach in the butter, and con tastes good isn't enough. If presentation is impor tinue to cook very slowly for a couple of minutes. tant, you need a recipe that's fail safe. When you're Cut the feta into cubes of about a centimetre aiming to impress, it's difficult to go wrong with filo square. When the spinach mixture has reduced to a pastry. quarter of the uncooked volume, add the feta. filo Pastry is pretty similar to normal pastry, but Melt about 50g butter in a small pan. Meanwhile, rolled really thin. It's so thin that it dries out in a cou separate the cooked filling into six equal portions on ple of minutes at room temperature. After ten min a chopping board. Open the pack of filo pastry so Cooks that you can get sheets out quickly, but keep it cov utes in the oven the pastry goes completely brittle, turning a wonderful golden brown. It seems that ered in some way (a damp tea towel is good) to pre what comes out of the oven nearly always looks vent the pastry drying up. great, however badly the preparation stage has Take two sheets of pastry out at a time. Arrange gone. Corner them on top of each other, offset by 45 degrees, It's often recommended to make your own filo such that they form a star shape. Put a portion of fill pastry. I can see little point. The stuff comes both ing in the middle, then fold up the edges. Stick the fresh and frozen. Either way, it won't set you back top together with a little melted butter, then place more than a pound for a dozen sheets. the finished parcels on a well greased baking tray. Put the tray in the oven, then cook for about 10 mins at about 200 degrees Celsius, or gas mark Spinach and feta cheese parcels five. Serve hot, with a crisp salad. 1 box of Filo Pastry (about 12 sheets) (Serves 6) 300g Feta Cheese This recipe is based on a classic Lebanese combi 200g Pine Kernels nation: spinach and feta cheese. The pine kernels 1 Medium Onion can be replaced with cashew nuts, which are sig 400g Fresh Spinach Yes, It's a cartoon tin of spinach. nificantly cheaper and taste quite similar. There's a Butter Well what would you have put In lot of spinach but it will wilt very quickly, significantly this space?

Thought for the Day The New Indie

irstly, I must apologise for the hand, is all manufac stream pop, and Morris- underground music has been given a rather disjointed nature of my last tured. It's all about Whig- All Campbell sey disappeared into hid permanent nose job. Blasphemous this F literary sacrifice. At first I thought field and Sash!, and only ing, leaving behind only may be, but here it comes: dance is that naughty Mr Sexton had been tam enjoyed by twelve year old girls (and a bunch of yellow daffodils and a the new indie. The record labels are pering with my cigarettes again, but I their mothers). It's a rich kid's pursuit. melodramatic note. truly independent, truly small, and truly think I just hadn't recovered sufficiently all about clubbing in At the same numerous. Beats communicate sub from the high jinks of our party. Actu vastly over-expensive, I time, the phenome- consciously, subliminally - even trib- ally, I suspect that someone hijacked eclectic, eccentric I non of the writeable ally. The guitars have retreated under my Malboro Lights on that occasion as clothing, on amphet CD reared its very a stone; they will be back in another well. amines and their useful head. Now, form, as always, and it will be gen Ah yes, the party. Those of you many colourful deriv indie artists could uinely brilliant when they are: who were there might remember atives. It's funny, but drop their seven-inch As for me... well, I spent five years some of it. Our neighbours most cer when I came to singles to the floor learning the guitar, and now I can play tainly will,- the music didn't stop for Imperial College, you and produce cheap really well. But I don't. The guitar sits seven hours. That will teach them to wouldn't have been demos on CD, acces there, neglected, gathering dust from undertake ambitious home improve able to convince me sible to everyone. But the polluted Battersea atmosphere. ments at ten o'clock on a Sunday otherwise, no matter the dance artists The decks, on the other hand, have morning. But seven hours of tunes how much Aphex couldn't do this. Why pride of place on my desk... When I means just'one thing... dreaded dance. Twin you played me. not? Have you ever was fourteen, I would have shot myself It means three decks, four DJs... house Times have tried scratching with if I had known what I would be listen music all night long. [Say what?] changed, my friends. CDs? How ironic that ing to these days. Positiva and Hooj Dance music. It's all a load of toss, Cast your mind back the traditional main Choons are flavours of the month. My Isn't it? Everybody knows that students to the heyday of Brlt- stay of underground Sex Pistols CDs go unplayed. From my

should listen to indie: unpretentious, pop; 1994, The Year guitar should be room, and countless other student working-class lads playing cheap gui When The Guitar Was adopted by preten- bedrooms around the country, come tars in someone's garage, and press God, when the seeds You can have the guitar, but the tious dance wankers; the sounds of beats, mixes, cuts, spin- ing to vinyl in someone's attic. The of death were decks and fags are mine, lo-fi, lo-tech, one step backs, scratching... Oh, and I heard only records worth buying are on tiny, already being sown. removed from Edi John Peel, the great punk rocker him independent labels, so small and The guitar bands were shooting them son's wax cylinder: the black plastic self, playing some tweekin', thumpin' numerous that only Steve Lamacq selves In the foot by signing to major coin. Pretentious? Sling it, mate. German acid techno the other day. knows them all. Dance, on the other labels. Classic indie became main- So there you have it. The face of 'Nuff said. 24 March 1999 FOCUS 19 Just what does the future hold? Ian Blackler examines attempts at social prediction using mathematical models, and comes to some sobering conclusions...

The Club of Rome account. Many aspects of human civilisation appear to System dynamics combines these loops to make be growing exponentially, such as population, con incredibly sophisticated models that have great pre Most of us enjoy television shows such as Star Trek, and sumption of raw materials and energy requirements. dictive qualities. many of us share their Utopian view of the future of Hopefully, we should have plenty of warning before Obviously assumptions had to be made. For exam human society. But just how realistic are we being? anything major goes wrong. Technology is advancing ple, there is no difference in the program between fish The United Nations' Population Division has just rapidly, leading to better pollution monitoring systems, stocks and oil reserves. The difference between the two produced an alarming set of world population statistics. for example. in predictive terms is quite clear. Fish stocks can recover What is more, according to a group of MIT researchers In response to these arguments, the researchers (though obviously if you kill all the fish, they aren't going they show that human society is following a path to its presented an old French riddle for schoolchildren to come back), whilst oil reserves can't (at least not on own destruction. regarding exponential growth: the time scales we are interested in). The researchers were first commissioned in the "Suppose you own a pond, on which a water lily is The predictions made by the group were never 1960s, and again in the 1990s, by a shadowy organi growing. The lily plant doubles in size every day. If the expected to be quantitative. It would be arrogant in the sation known as "The Club of Rome". Made up of plant were allowed to grow unchecked, it would cover extreme to assume that a program that uses generalised statesmen, business leaders and politicians, the society's the pond completely in 30 days, completely choking off parameters, such as 'resources', and assumes that the interests lay in a subject they called "The Global Prob- all other forms of life in the water. For a long time the entire population of the planet lives in equality could lematique." What they desired was a scientific, rational lily plant seems small, so you decide not to worry about tell you your children's average life expectancy. What prediction of the future of mankind. it until it covers half the pond. On what day will that be? you can rely on, say the team, are the general trends The results of the first study were presented in 1972 On the twenty-ninth day. You have just one day to shown by the simulation. in the book "The Limits to Growth", which became an act to save your pond." When they were commissioned to repeat their instant best seller world-wide. Its conclusions were ter It would appear from the team's research that work in 1992, the team was able to set about the task rifying. Unless there were major changes, human civil humanity is on the "twenty-ninth day", and that a radi with new Information and use more complex modelling. isation would collapse before the year 2100. cal change in behaviour is necessary to avoid a total col What they found was astounding. They say that The danger, they say, lies in the combination of sev lapse. Technology is not enough. humanity was not just approaching the limits of sus- eral important factors. Firstly, the earth has limited tainability, it had exceeded them in many ways. How resources, and a limited capacity to cope with human ever, further modelling revealed that this does not demands. Also, once people have become aware that Modelling with System Dynamics necessarily mean inescapable doom. What it does they are approaching one of the earth's limits, they take seem to mean, however, is that the longer we take to time to make changes to remedy the situation. The computer models were built up using a branch modify our behaviour towards a sustainable society, the A good example of this is the discovery of the hole of mathematics called 'System Dynamics'. Used in lower our quality of life will be once we attain it. in the ozone layer. When the industrial value of CFCs making stock market predictions and economic fore According to the UN Population Division's report, was discovered in the 1930s, usage swiftly became casts, it has swiftly become a powerful tool in the busi however, there is as yet no sign of a decline in the rate widespread, but no one understood the potential envi ness world. of population growth. In fact, they think that the growth ronmental impact. The dangers were eventually noted The modelling works essentially of the basis of feed is not just exponential, but 'super-exponential'. in 1974, but the 'Montreal Protocol' to limit world-wide back loops. These come in two different forms,- posi We can all hope that the researchers are wrong, but CFC production was not ratified until 1984. tive and negative. Positive feedback loops encourage this seems unlikely, since their model is based upon very The other part of the problem stems from the phe a change in the system (like the lily, the bigger it is, the simple, fundamental premises. Also, the team nomenon of exponential growth. This happens when faster it grows), whereas negative feedback loops tend attempted to resolve the problems that they foresaw something develops in such away that the more there to oppose change in the system, forcing it back to a cer by postulating more and more ludicrously optimistic sit is, the quicker it grows, like the money In your bank tain value. uations. They invariably failed. What can we do to prevent this dis aster? Well, the researchers suggest a Population Growth harsh but simple solution; cease all forms of growth. This does not mean stagna tion, since technological development can still continue, but the earth cannot tolerate the strains imposed by a popu lation explosion, coupled with our extreme profligacy. It may well be that the time for indul gence is past.

Further Reading

On the Report: P- "Beyond the Limits",

3 2 Meadows, Meadows & Randers, o Earthscan Publications Ltd * 2 On The Club of Rome: "The Human Quality", Aurelio Peccei, Pergamon Press 100 200 300 400 500 600 700 800 900 1000 1100 1200 1300_ 1400 1500 1600 1700 1800 1900 2000 Population Statistics: Date

(Populations before 1750 and after 1998 are projections) http://www.popin.Org/pop/1998/ 20 Easter Egg Guide 24 March 1999 24 March 1999 Easter Egg Guide 21

The very best in investigative journalism, satirical commentary and chocolate tasting - cs*wne*fs: packaging itself displays images of CSM'JW'JGh'fS! psychedelic drug use.

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Once again the vul- boxes of unknown purpose. The deceptively small playing football. Suifable f?r: loving girlfriend, but the L 'III V: coitjwiew'fs: " - \ this guide. It's all bol- mammals covered in 'IHL canised rubber toys were predictably small and quantity of chocolate is locks. We just f an- chocolate has been twatty, although Gnat Chum took a too much cocoa. Definitely not Anyone under twelve, and offensively large. Good for supplemented with some jelly beans remarkably long time over the ten "cute and cuddly" - more TR»^a$Ta^k£^tefe) friends honest enough to loft \pt Vlk eating together in bed. Tfc I Happy Easter. composed of polyfilla. Don't know piece jigsaw puzzle. 'evil and sticky". The admit they're still a kid really why it got any marks at all, really. aftertaste has a Price: wp Another diary milk classic, this Suifable f sr: coconut tinge to it, egg simply ripples with youth- EfW (15) Suifable for: not a pleasant cowjHiefifs: Tgblergfte do) Hit ful promise. The experience Kids who like Kinder choco one. I is strangely not as fulfiling as Price: vwp * mil*0*- Possibly useful as rat poison, but late, drug dealers short A tasteless but at Price:

Starring : Tobey Maguire, Jeff Daniels, Joan Allen, William H Macy, J T Walsh, Reese Witherspoon Director: Gary Ross

ou could sum up Pleasantville in six mances (as ever) as the teenagers trou words: nice idea, shame about the bled parents - and Jeff Daniels is curi Ymovie. However, a half-page ously off-beat as the owner of the town's review requires that I explain why for the malt shop (like any stereotypical fifties next 400 words, so... town, everyone between the ages of 12 Pleasantvllle is Happy Days meets and 20 hangs out drinking milkshakes The Truman Show . a sanitised, bottled and eating cheeseburgers). Most impres look at fifties life, given a neat Truman- sive of all, however, are some of the esque slant by inserting two nineties effects. Ross and his cinematographer, teenagers into its clean-living world - and John findley, work with special effects to although it might sound decidedly silly on show a black-and-white world in which paper, the magical journey of Maguire some things and a few people begin and Witherspoon into their TV isn't really switching to colour, producing changes the problem. The real cheese (and we're which are so delicately done that you talking Harrods stilton here) lies in their hardly notice they're there - which is a subsequent actions. You see, whilst shame considering that Pleasantville actu Maguire is a geeky, TV obsessed freak, ally contains more effects shots than any who's entirely happy with a black & white previous movie. existence, Witherspoon is a flirty, outgo Nonetheless, you can't help but ing nineties-child, who takes advantage of laugh at the movie, rather than with it. The every break she gets. So before anyone attempts at satire and social commentary realises what's going on, the town's teens fall flat, largely because the issues that have discovered sex. And slowly start In the words of Rolf Harris, 'Can you tell what It Is yet?" were risque in the fifties no longer inter moving into colour. est or fascinate a cinema audience. The The true cliche then arrives in the bat of one. But, as if that wasn't enough, gender struggle of the fifties, director real sadness, however, lies in the fact tles which begin between the teens and there are some bizzare scenes of mass Ross treats none of them with any that you come away almost 100% certain the adults - or the coloureds and non- book-burning which arc trying so hard to respect. that this story could have been made coloureds, as the movie insists on calling be symbolic that it hurts. Moreover, by That said, however, it's not all bad. into a good film...a real shame. O them. Oh dear, two cliches for the price managing to tie in every class, race or Macy and Allen turn in good perfor Dave

American History x * * * * Starring : Edward Norton, Edward Furlong, Beverly D'Angelo, Jennifer Lien, Avery Brooks, Elliott Gould Director: Tony Kaye

otwithstanding the year-long at. While Norton simmers in jail for killing behind-the-scenes feud that two black malefactors, his doting N resulted in the jettisoning of younger brother (Furlong) gets the evil cinematographer/dlrector Tony Kaye message. He writes a paper on Mein from his own project, American History Kampf, shaves his head and becomes a X emerges as one of the year's few good little Hitler youth. genuinely provocative works - Impres Then Norton gets out of prison and sive enough to counterbalance its nag tries to find a new direction for himself ging weaknesses. However, thanks to and Furlong, and we start to see the rea Kaye's firing during editing, it's hard to sons behind his racism. He blames his know whom to blame for the film's father's death on a laundry list of far-right choppiness, its mixture of rage and targets, fater we learn it wasn't just his sentimentality, or the stridency of some father's death that shaped him, but his of the acting. father's dinner table conversation - but Kaye, a Brit who shoots the film with this element feels tacked on, and the familiar MTV-pizazz (low-angle shots, movie never convincingly charts Derek's pretentous slo-mo, some black-and- path to race hatred. white scenes), made his name directing The moral is simple - you've got to TV commercials in turope. What's not be taught to hate. But it's put across ma^^^^sm..,A ^, Mffff,,^ °„ mats® „, clear is the product on sale here - David An easy week for the spot-the-Neo-NazI contest. without being forced down your throat, McKenna's script is either cunningly and makes for a good and powerful ambiguous or desperately muddled. In lence is committed by blacks; most of modern neo-Nazi, with a swastika tat film, whose only flaw is to attempt to racially torn Venice Beach the neo-Nazis the victims are white. tooed on his left pec and a gaudy line cover too much ground in far too little are pathetic lowllfes, crying out for our However, the introduction of in abuse - arives as a constant reminder time.Q contempt. Yet much of the film's vio- Edward Norton - the very model of a of what stereotype we're really looking Todd. 24 March 1999 Film 23 Reviews & Competition

Payback (March 26) is a Mel Gibson actioner that has been a very long time The Rugrats Movie * * * in the works. Mel plays antiheto Porter, a man out for revenge on his double- crossing partner, in undoubtedly the Starring : Elizabeth Daily, Christine Cavanaugh, Kath Soucie, Melanie Chartoff darkest and most violent mainstream Director Igor Kovalyov & Norton Virgien action movie of recent years...On a happier, lighter note, Mightyjoe Young he staple diet of Saturday morn (March 26) borrows liberally from King ing TV for the last five or six years, Kong to produce a storv of a girl and T Rugrats must take a large slice of her gorilla. It's picked up some good responsibility for the rise to fame of reviews, and the CGI is apparently Zoe Ball. (Alongside her father, obvi amazing, so it couid be well worth a ously). So, like any other good, popu look. Besides, it's got Charlize Theron lar, cult TV show, it's clearly ripe for a in n.Plunkett & Macleane (April 2) transition to celluloid. Right? looks to combine all that's best about Thankfully, the answer is yes. Put British cinema, in one neatlv con most simply, if you like Rugrats the strue ted package, combining costume? series, then you'll like Rugrats the drama, action, big laughs and Liv lyler. movie. It plays almost exactly like a If it's as good as the trailer suggests, standard episode, easily expanded to then it'll be an absolute must...the six times it's normal length via some monthly dose of teen horror comes in good writing and judicious use of a the shape of The Faculty (April 9). It's series of cliff-hanging set pieces - many written by Kevin Williamson and of which come from the standard set of directed by Robert Rodriguez, so God film take-offs, including Indiana Jones, Not sweet by any stretch of the Imagination. knows what to expect - apart from a The Fugitive and 2001. massive body count and lots of girls in For the uninitiated, a quick recap: les - the only one who can talk to the become lost in the woods, and their tight tops....and if that wasn't enough, the Rugrats in question are babies and grownups. Into the group comes baby real adventures begin. Williamson's busy typewriter brings us toddlers who can talk to each other - Dylan (or Dil) Pickles, Tommy's new and OK, so it's a kids film, but don't let / Still Know What You Did Last Summer even if they can't communicate with (in Tommy's mind) unwanted little that put you off. When the revision (April 30) just three weeks later. A really their parents. Leading this bunch is brother. gets too much, or the cries of little silly title, a script of the same calibre as Tommy Pickles, an adventurous one- The gang decide to return Dil to the brothers or sisters become too loud, / know What You Did and a decidedly year-old. Also on board is the nervous "hop-sickle" where his parents got him. escape to childhood, and remember dodgy cast (Jennifer Love Hewitt and. Chuckie Finster, age 2; 15-month twins So they load up their lizard-shaped how much fun it was when everything er. Brandy out of Brandy & Monica) Phil and Lil DeVille; and Tommy's buggy and sneak away from the always worked out for the best.Q suggest there's not much to get spoiled 3-year-old cousin, Angelica Pick- grownups. Soon, though, the kids Chris excited about...on the other hand, peo ple have been getting excited about 8mm (April 23) ever since the project was announced. Combining Nick Cage, Win tickets to Waking Ned with the Andrew Kevin Walker (who wrote Seven) and Joel Schumaker, it should n't be able to fail - although a story of snuff movies and hard-core porn is hardly going to be one to go and see with your mum...and for entirely dif ferent reasons, neither is TheWaterboy (April 30), thanks to the kind Of wall-to- wall, lame brain, idiotic comedy that seems to be so much In vogue at the moment. Like it or loathe it, it's made KENSINGTON a fortune in the States, and catapulted Adam Sandler into the realms of If the advance word is to be believed, The winners of issue 1139's Spring megastardom...on a more intellectual then Waking Ned promises to be this Clearout competition were: (read low budget)"level, Cods And year's Four Weddings or Full Monty (at Monsters (March 26) has won massive least until Notting Hill, which is literally the Dlnesh Ganesarajah critical claim for its portrayal of the life next Four Weddings). Thanks to the ever- Thomas Laurie of director James Whale - and has generous people at the Odeon Kens Keith Hall picked up an Oscar nomination for ington, you can win one of ten pairs of Helen Porting star Ian Mckellen...a cast of the hottest tickets to see this top Brit-flick, by answer Ben Martin of hot young things come together ing this suspiciously hard question: for tense drama Return To Paradise Well done to all of you for correctly iden (April 16), wherin Anne Heche tries to What movie links stars from Four tifying that Jack Nicholson {Batman), Den save her boyfriend's life by persuading Weddings and The Full Montyl nis Hopper (Waterworld), and Peter Fonda two of his friends to go to Malaysia and (Escape from La) all starred in Easy Rider. plead guilty to drugs charges, .and Email your answers to [email protected] Special praise to Dinesh who spotted a finally, just to make sure you've all got before Thursday evening. Sorry about the second (and even more obscure) link, in the date firmly fixed In your mind (and short notice, but I need to be able to con the shape of Mars Attacks (Pam Grier, your diaries), don't forget that there's tact the prizewinners before Easter. The Jack Nicholson &Jack Black). Please drop now less than four months left until the first ten names out of the virtual hat will into the Telix office ASAP to collect your release of Star Wars .- The Phantom win a pair of tickets. mystery prize. Menace (July 19). Happy Faster, 24 Clubscene 24 March 1999

tures Shola Ama - and again, big in the earned cash is three quality tracks, all music with a great edge to it. Most def Singles R&B clubs. Great single and worth check oozing with funk and a little bit of soul. initely a top dog. Go out and buy this and ing out, especially if you like your R&B. This LP gives you groovy beats in multi you won't be disappointed. tudes, simultaneously keeping you inter Out on 12/4/99 Single of the Week ested, whilst still being chilled-out Beverley Knight enough to relax to. If you want an idea Faithless 'Made It Back' of where some of this music may surface Morgan Reno (Parlophone) then visit the Eclectronica room at Turn- 'Bring My Family Back' 'When America's Wildest Animals Res mills. It is there where you will, of course, (Cheeky) cue Cops 7 EP' Upbeat track that sits nicely in find tunes as diverse and as intriguing as (Offshoot Records) Faithless continue their amazing between house and garage. The tune this set. progress both nationally and interna isn't the most memorable I've ever heard, Out 12/4/99 Another stupidly titled LP from Mor tionally with their 3rd single release from but at the same time it certainly isn't gan Reno, this one delivering you three the UK Gold album 'Sunday 8pm'. This offensive in any way. The production is tracks that can only be described as single, 'Bring My Family Back' is 'fillers.' They are the dance sin a downbeat track with dark, gle versions of the album-filler mood driven lyrics and deep tracks that resign some LPs to bass lines. Very deep and very mediocrity. What these tracks meaningful, showing that Faith are, and should pretty much less don't always produce only be used for is as a set of thumping dance tracks. The loops and beats that DJs can other mixes available are com play around with whilst con pletely different to the original. structing a set. When used for The Paul Van Dyk Remix is a this purpose I have no prob powerful progressive mix-very lems with their existence, but I fast, hard bass lines of high wouldn't go out and buy the quality. The Jan Driver Mix is record because of the tunes boring whilst the Rollo and Sis or melodies on it. One of the ter Bliss Mix is a deep dance ver tracks is even called 'Chuggin', sion. All in all a superb single. so that should give you a clue Out on 12/4/99 about how this piece of house sounds like. Only buy if you are a very good aspiring DJ. HardfloorVsYello | Out 12/4/99 Vicious Games' (Platlpus) Incognito This single is a fusion of I I 'Nights Over Egypt (Remixes)' two closely related music eras. (Talkln' Loud) The modern "dance music en Boys - Just another day at the multi-storey carpark vogue" coming from Ftardfloor, Standard house and garage the older, 80's version, from Yello. The remixes of the Incognito release that I resulting collaboration is a fantastic elec- smooth, the vocals are catchy and the reviewed a few weeks back. This set of tropop single with a very catchy tune on tempo is lively enough for this to be D-Bop tracks isn't really a marked improvement top of a great beat. The original version used on any garage/deep house dance 'One Hand Clapping' or set back from the original release. In was released in 1985 and was a big suc floor. (Fluff Records) fact, the tracks are a bit on the average cess. Originally an electropop track, with Out 22/4/99 side, apart from the MJ Cole Dub, which the help of Ftardfloor and their brand of What can I say about this? Well, a lot would fit seamlessly into any funky techno the single has a chance to actually. This tunc came to mc just at the garage set. become a truly great single. Danny Rose right time. It's exactly the sort of stuff that 'Bread Into Stones EP' John "00" Fleming (a current favourite) (Hard Hands) would play in one of his build-up packed Another Level sets. 'One Hand Clapping' has every 'Be Alone No More' Danny Rose? Now I used to know a thing that you want in an uplifting house really sad Oxford DJ called the same. track - a healthy beat, build-ups, break 111 An excellent track doing the business Surely it can't be him! And I'd be very sur downs, a great synth melody, a bit of in the R&B clubs at the moment. Another prised if it was, for two very good rea cheesy sampled vocals, and two stunning Level are re-releasing this, their debut sin sons, firstly this is not in the slightest bit mixes on the one vinyl. My first choice gle with added lyrics from Jay-Z. The sin cheesy, and secondly it is good (some would be the 'jon the Dentist Mix', but Singles by Roobarb and Gurm gle also features another talked about cut thing that my old friend Danny sadly the 'Sunrise Mix1 on the A-sidc also cuts 'Girl What You Wanna Do' which fea wasn't). What you get for your hard the mustard. Happy, up-beat house 24 March 1999 Clubscene ^ftm^ 25

album, fusing many different sounds in the case of 'Schizophrenic Lover' a jazz managed to listen to the whole thing Albums and crossing many genres, sometimes track with a hint of country music whilst from start to finish. Very commercial, creating a haunting atmosphere and 'Give Me Wings' provides a slow groove very Euro-house, very teeny-bopper sometimes a down-beat chilled sound, tune. Musically very open minded and sounding - I'm sure you get the picture. Album of the Week and you don't know what the next track very experimental, it is different to the I guess if someone out there likes the will sound like making it very unpre Avery album, but doesn't have the same Vengaboys then check the album out, John Avery dictable. All the tracks have been writ edge. Worth listening to at the record otherwise avoid like the plague. ten, performed and produced by John store before buying, though I prefer the 'Once I Had It All, Now I Just Have Every Avery and he's taken time to produce a John Avery album. Strange but good. thing' quality album. It's good to see (or rather (Liquid Records) hear) someone taking time to produce good quality experimental sounds with Some albums are weird and not Vengaboys out making a twat of themselves. wonderful. In fact, most of these so The Party Album' called 'experimental' albums are a load

of bollocks and a waste of money. But Everyone's heard their first two sin Albums by Gurm this album by John Avery is weird, won Flex 13 gles 'Up and Down' and 'We like to Party'. derful and of high quality - it's a very 'Paint My Legs' Cheesy and irritating dance singles that 'Future Sound of London' type album. (Liquid Records) teenagers up and down the country There are tracks which sound like they bought and sent the fucking things to should be on the soundtrack of some sci- Similar to the John Avery album the top of the national charts. Now the fi movie such as 'Optimo City' whilst oth which is not surprising since it's also on Vengaboys inflict their album on us. The ers are more funky and downbeat such Liquid Records. Again, a very experi rather sadly titled The Party Album' is, sur as the title track. Yet still, tracks such as mental album with a range of music, prise surprise, complete and utter crap. 'Blipvert' and 'The Night the Rain from down-beat and funky to industrial All the tunes sound exactly the same Stopped' are eclectic. It's a fantastic and eclectic such as 'Burning Arms', and and it would be a brave person who

Catalogue Records Special

Avla 'Rebirth' is next, with more of the great drum breaks. As 'Avia EP' same blissed out keyboards and a great far as I am concerned (Catalogue) sample with a guy relating his ills to the any song which uses world, when suddenly a great African- spacey samples gets This is another album from a top style beat whips in. It really gave me a the thumbs up! Frenchman, Pierre Avia. That part of the start the first time I played it! The drum The final tune on world has really been getting it's act mer on this track, artificial or not, is very this great EP is together recently. This EP combines the skilled. As soon as the drums jump in, 'Flash/Flashback' - this best elements of some truly chilled-out they jump out, to be replaced by some little tyke managed to jazz and some great breakbeats too. The funky guitar action, then they all come convince me that my first track has been described as "floaty back together. Not fast enough for mc, CD player had broken. house" -1 am not quite sure what that catalogue but a good track for chilling out to You see it starts with a means but it certainly had me chilling. nonetheless. cunning loop of thun Great jazz beats and trippy keyboards on The next track 'Exil Exit' has some der and a piano sample -1 was sure the be having a very weird conversation with this one. it was trashed. But sure enough after a nice Neil Armstrong samples and more an information line operator for some while a wicked junglish beat slams in. All thing called G.A. - we never find out in all a great EP for chilling with. Good what this illusive G.A. is. Still, who cares work Pierre! - with beats as large as this the conver Out April 1999 sation doesn't matter. It all goes very mental very quickly with rapid drums and some wierd little girl samples. Nuts. Telepopmusik Moving onto 'Something Else (G.A. Telepopmusik EP' Remix)' this is an Indian twist on an (Catalogue) already funky tunc. Great percussion - and that insane little girl again. I think I Another bunch of Parisians made prefer the remix to the original - it's a lit this EP - a trio of producers making their tle bit more up beat and cheery and Catalogue records debut. These guys there is nothing wrong with that, now is must have picked up a church organ on there? the cheap or something, because il is And finally...with Track 4 'A Life Less featured heavily in this EP, and to great Ordinary (Remix)' the beats just get effect admittedly. faster. Very Prodigy sounding this one - Track one, 'An Ordinary Life' starts off with sirens, chopped beats, and 808s. with a scary sample from some book Wicked. More good work from Ihe con which I can't quite remember. It's quite tinent. dark - with great Indian drums helping to Out May 1999 set the mood. It builds up to a crescendo * P of beats and then breaks out into boom- 'ing organ. Groovy. Next up is 'Something About G.A.' Starts off with some guy, who appears to Catalogue Records Special by Joel 26 ^T*x^ Music 24 March 1999 Albums BLUR

hink Beatles, think creativity. Of the current album started; ambitious, all be it flawed, cosmic music British musical heavyweights,it is Oasis that of raw emotion. Stand-out tracks 7992, Battle, Caramel T have been the most blatant in championing and Trimm Trabb convey overtones of failed love over the Fab Four, yet their last two albums possess the sonic soundscapes with startling empathy - 'But don't inventiveness of tired-pub-rockers,- making music in a you feel low, I was being ugly / You loved my bed, you style akin to painting by numbers. It is Blur who have got the other instead' - 'That's just the way it is /1 sleep consistently outshone their peers in the eclectic alone, I sleep alone ' stakes; if there is one band that represents the spirit of Yet such is Blur's want, Infuriating throw-away The Beatles, it's Blur. thrashy punk and needless instrumentals pepper the The album starts with Tender, which you've ail album, diminishing the emotional punch with final heard - it even got playlisted on Radio 2! This sets the track Optigan I all but destroying the gravitas of No Dis subtext for the album, namely Damon's break-up with tance Left To Run. Justine Frischmann. Over dextrous bluegrass guitar Still, a truly remarkable mixed-up, muddled-up Damon preaches the uplifting anthem 'Come On! record It is and divest of a few songs it may of been Come On I Get through it / Love's the greatest thing / the masterpiece Blur undoubtedly hoped it to be. It's I'm waiting for that feeling to come'. In contrast, not quite the last great pop statement of the millennium Kevin the cockerel with a few of his less famous penultimate track No Distance Left To Run finds Damon but it is the final piece of evidence in proving Blur to mates: Dave, Alex Graham and that other bloke. at his most emotionally wrought - 'It's over, I knew it be the contemporary British band. Can the rest match would end this way /1 hope you're with someone who them? I doubt It. ESI makes you feel this life is the life / Who settles down, Chris stays around, spends more time with you / I've got no distance left to run' - if you've heard more profound, heartfelt lyrics you're mistaken. In between these two songs things get seriously weird and seriously brave. Gone are the social com mentaries of Modern Life Is Rubbish, Parklife and The Great Escape; nowhere are there to be found imme diate pop-gems like Badheadand Chemical World. The album moves on from what their eponymous fifth

HURRICANE #1 WHISTLER Only The Strongest Will Survive Whistler

ith the rise of Norman Cook lem-it seems as if this was the only trick kay, so the photos of the three with half a brain. Sure, all their mates and friends in 1998, the music up the sleeve of Hurricane #1, and as members of the band make down at the institute'H love it but that's W industry saw big-beat surface such the rest of the album does little to O them look deranged, retarded due to the ever-present fact that it's a as the new true face of Britpop. With a impress. and psychotic in that order, but let's total no-brainer. For God's sake, what sort more upbeat happy sound, party tunes With a sound more appropriate to a gloss over the fact that we're listening of a person pens the lyric 'Emily I want such as Brimful ofAsha and Rockafella few year's back, and a number of songs to a bunch of outpatients from Bedlam you to be unhappy, be unhappy Emily'? Skank shot to the number one spot. not sounding unlike those of songwriter and concentrate on the music. It does gel with all the other horridly While the famous battle of Blur and Andy Bell's previous band Ride, the Inoffensive is the first word that depressing songs on the CD, though. On Oasis faded in the memory, it seemed album is more than disappointing. springs to mind. Boring is the second - the second listen I couldn't decide that happiness was the sound in Rather than building on foundations. all the songs sound the same. The vocals whether to hang myself, slit my wrists, demand and maybe it was time for Hurricane #1 appear to have settled with are pleasant in a soft English rose kind take a few too many paracetamol or cap myself a la Kurt Cobain. That's all a some of the old Britpoppers to hang up them and have fallen at the hurdle which of way and while the whole album is in their hats. little harsh - in the end I decided that sui is the second album. There are a few the 'pleasant' vein it doesn't move you cide was too excessive, so I went to lec 1999, however, is the year the old moments of brilliance on the album, or provoke a response. No one is going tures instead. CI Britpoppers hope to hit back. This year but none of these are sustained for long to despise Whistler with a passion akin there have been album releases from enough or properly built upon to warrant to that which I have for Celine Dion or Christian Gene [Felix 1138], The Stereophonies a song's second listen. Michael Bolton, and the only people [Felix 1138], Blur [This Issue] and now So Only the Strongest will Survive is who'll harp on about this are those that Hurricane #1. So how are the old-boys an album that is definitely more weak still get a buzz if they stay up past eleven going to fair? Well with a few new tricks, than strong, and if only the strongest do o'clock and swear. You could almost for they shouldn't do too badly. Blur took a survive, then look out for an obituary on get it's there. I mean if you wanted to, tip from Spiritualized and introduced a Hurricane #1 some time soon. 131 you could (wisely ,in my opinion) switch choir on Tender, and not looking to be James it off and see if anyone notices - a great outdone Hurricane #1 enlisted the help game for parties, I'm sure you'll agree. of Unkle frontman James Lavelle on the Actually, scratch the pleasant and title track of the album Only the ambiguous bit. I've listened to it enough Strongest will Survive. With an array of times now to come to some conclu strings and a classically Unkle drum track sions. It's dirge -1 really haven't got a clue the tune produced is Hurricane #1's what their aim was in making this album finest to date. There is however a prob but it certainly wasn't to entertain anyone 24 March 1999 Music 27 Albums LI AM HOWLETT Prodigy Presents the Dirtchamber Sessions Volume One £

I iam Howlett is the brains behind this mix album, the majority of the record is based on early hip-hop and though at first it appears bizarre that one of numbers such as The Beastie Boys' Time To Get It and L the Prodigy's members has decided to mix a JB's Blow Your Head. truckload of his 'favourite' tracks, it really is no differ There is such a diverse range of musical tastes on ent from a recognised Dj's release. So does this album this album, and will probably appeal to most open- give all those Prodigy fans out there a clue to their minded Prodigy fans, and for the real trainspotters it influences and inspirations? The answer Is a straight may even encourage people to search around for old forward yes. Liam has even Included the track that pro copies of these tracks on vinyl. vided them with the concept for Smack My Bitch Up, The album title hints at a follow up album, maybe and if you didn't know already, it's the Ultramagnetic a different Prodigy member might try their hands at the Mc's Kool Keith Housing Things. decks. Start queuing for the next one! H There are nine tracks in total and within each one Jason you are taken on a journey through a mix of over five songs, and Liam's mixing skills are top notch. No com plaints there. He has been a busy bloke over the last few years and no offence intended but his age does show on his choice of tracks. There's a wide spread of 'Excuse me mate, you haven't got a musical styles, ranging from early '80s 'old skool' scratch spare flrestarter, 'ave ya? ing with the likes of the Ultramagnetic MC's classic Give The Drummer Some to the present day with Primal Scream's excellent Kowalski. Liam also delves further back into the past with offerings from the Sex Pistols with New York and further guitar based tracks are float ing around including The Charlatans' How High and Jane's Addiction's Been Caught Stealing. Nevertheless,

URBAN SPECIES SKUNK ANANSIE Blanket| Post Orgasmic Chill E

their sophomore set is due for release. hotel T.V.' Blanket has been a long time due As the album progresses, it defi and at last a copy of it hit the Felix door nitely loses the beats, ending up with the mat. The album opens up with Changing typical sound you would expect from Of The Guard-a thoroughly provocative Skunk Anansie. Tracy's Flaw doesn't number with a lovely jazzy under beat impress in the vocal department and that starts the album off with a little kick. musically just floats along to nothing. Next up is Destructive - it starts off slow The album tries to be diverse, fea but quickly picks up as the drums kick in, turing a violin intro to Secretly and vary the lyrics are hard and the chorus is a ing the tempo, but it doesn't work like stunning double act between Mintos some of their previous releases did. They and a beautiful female voice. As it started can do it, but it just doesn't happen with Destructive finishes as the beats are Pre-orgasmlc thrills all round. Post Orgasmic Chill. Urban Species - it's where It's taken out and a worryingly stormy piano A nice feature of this album is the hat, kids. riff breaks in. Following on from Destruc s the album kicks off you would extensive interactive element is contains. tive is my favourite tune Blanket. It's be mistaken to think that Skunk Of course, you need a PC or Mac with rban Species are a three-man quite simply astounding - a hauntingly A Anansie's sound has taken a CD-Rom but given that you're in for a unit - Mintos (the voice) and dark piece with the most electrifying more break-beat tone since their alter- treat, it might be worth investing. There's U Renegade (producer) all backed slide action to close it out. / Wonder is a native-ish Paranoid And Sunburnt. You'll band interview footage, the interesting up by Doctor Slim - that have received little skit that has been extended into a probably have heard the first single off video to Charlie Big Potato, a gallery of wide spread acclaim for their brand of full track; its funky with a catchy chorus the album, Charlie Big Potato - currently pictures, lyrics and links to finding more intelligent rap. First signed up way back that makes you want to hear it again and in the charts. Skin's unmistakable vocals stuff on the Web. El in 1993 by Giles Peterson's Talkin' Loud again. are still as lavish as ever and the rhyth Asad Label, they were immediately releasing Urban Species take a look at life with mic guitars take a while to sting unlike singles that were getting praise from all every track. None more than on the the radio edit which hits you straight areas of the media, DJs and even me. eerie Religion & Politics which is a look away. The beats on this track last only a Their debut album Listen was a at what religion and politics really are. The very short way into the album. diverse set covering a wide range of lyrics are eye opening and the overall Skunk Anansie really do make the musical genres, extending rap beyond its style is hard to categorise as one thing most of the 'explicit lyrics' warning, going normal boundaries. Their combination of or another as they use many musical all out with the f-words in On My Hotel live music mixed with sampled beats styles to form a distinct album that can TV. I guess they didn't appreciate the and rhymes was impressive and refresh only be described as class. EJ wide choice of porn channels then - ing. Now after four years of a few white Milen they appear to be very annoyed with labels but pretty much nothing at all, people 'Fucking on my hotel T.V. / Private 28 Music 24 March 1999 Live & Albums DARK STAR The Water Rats, Kings Cross

hree former members of the less than well crowd into believing that they're listening to a ballad, known Levitation have got back together to that is, until the point where the guitars rip in and pro T form the entity called Dark Star. They are gain duce an uplifting angst-ridden masterpiece. At times ing exposure rapidly and will undoubtedly become they can sound like Blur (but only slightly mind you) with more popular than Levitation ever was though admit the Oohs and ahs popping up in the background, tedly this achievement doesn't take much doing. especially so on What In The World's Wrong. The Water Rats is an apt name for Dark Star's Bic Hayes slight frame betrays the power of the venue, a name to attract London's seedier residents, songs and the pent-up anger that underlies each one. and the band members, Bic Hayes (vocals), Dave tran- Dark Star thankfully avoid sounding like a metal band colini and Laurence O'Keefe fit the bill perfectly. and manage to fuse a variety of influences to produce Fairy lights that are usually only seen during Christ a bass heavy distorted soundscape that, if it existed, mas adorn the microphone stands adding a bizarre would be placed into a new category of music known touch to the stage. Is this the first sign of Dark Star's as 'pre-millennium angst'. gothic tendencies? Looking around at the crowd tonight On the six minute epic, Graceadelica drummer there could be a fair amount of disappointment if O'Keefe shows that he's multi-talented as he starts shak they do go down the goth route. ing a maracas about and goes on to use it on the There is relief all round as they steer clear of this drums. Mad. Bic Hayes (middle). Is he related to path and kick off with the ferocious endless rush of There is always a pervading sense of oppression Brett Anderson? thrashed out guitar noise known as I Am The Sun. Bic on nearly all the songs, but Bic Hayes' passive exterior Hayes makes the use of two mics to create the ethe lifts some of this claustrophobia and delivers in equal real ghostly effect on the chorus, with lines like 'She measures, leisurely shoe gazing and a lethal distorted said Jesus was my age when he got nailed / I'm com attack, d ing back to you, I'm paranormal'. Fantastic. Jason About 3 am follows next, initially deceiving the

UNDERWORLD BETH ORTON Beaucoup Fish Central Reservation

with Beaucoup Fish. This latest offering Alanis Morisette who always comes off gives us eleven tracks, including Cups, as just being lame, in my opinion. Her Moaner, Push Upstairs and er... Push work with the Chemical Brothers and Downstairs. others seem to have had an effect too. Compared to the last album Sec There are lots more beats on the album ond Toughest In The Infants this one is especially on Start all seem to weep - a not that different, but if you like Under very Portishead-esque, trippy track. world or haven't heard their music What Beth has managed to do is before then this is definitely worth check blend some great lyrics and back it up ing out. As usual, the deep bass lines are with some solid tunes to go with it. It's there In all the tracks and the vocals hard to say really why this album works sound like those that were in Born Slippy so well - it just does. Perhaps because it's with that strange robotic sound to them. so refreshing that Beth hasn't sold out to I caught one THIS big! The tracks last an age and no doubt a big music corporation and kept to her most of them will find their way into the Beth Orton - mates with the Chem roots and the small label she originally clubs. But it's nothing to shout about ical Brothers, aren't you jealous? signed with - refusing the doubtless mil and you get the impression that Under lion offers of big contracts with even big nderworld. They'll produce an world have become too lazy, predictable his is Beth's second album after ger labels. Good on you Beth -1 wish a album, they'll release a few sin and dare I say it - boring. The techno- the critically acclaimed Trailer few more artists would take a leaf out of U gles and then they'll disappear house sounds that were exciting a few T Park was released in late 1996. her book and stick to music not cash. for a couple of years. Then, they make years ago have now become the norm, In the intervening period she's been Anyway, enough of my ranting, on with a come back by releasing another so this album doesn't stand out and you having a good time - from working the review. album (hoping that no-one's forgot just feel like pressing the forward button with her al! time hero, folk-jazz legend Standout tracks for me are Sweeresf them) and so it becomes an ever pre two minutes before the end of the track. Terry Callier to singing on the The Decline - a delicious pianos and violins dictable pattern. It's a bit sad and disappointing because Chemical Brothers' number one album number with some heavenly vocals from Their latest album is Beaucoup Tlsh, as DJs Underworld are up there with the Dig Your Own Hole, to performing to a Beth, the title track with some great and (sadly) it is nothing that we haven't best. It's a pity that musically they haven't packed-out tent of 10,000 muddy acoustic guitar work and Couldn't Cause heard before. The album is the bog- developed. Beaucoup Fish isn't that bad Glastonbury-goers. Me Harm - blissed out vocals and some standard kind of music that was on the an album but it's plain and once you've This album is full of more of the ace 'improvised' hums and has. Lovely. last album, which is a shame as you heard one track, you've heard the whole great chilled out soulful songs with intel This is another good album from would have thought that Darren Emer album. EH ligent, heart rending lyrics that made Orton - great for chilling out on a Sunday son et al might have changed a little bit Curm Trailer Park so successful. It's Beth's voice afternoon and ripe for some great musically, moving forward with the times that really makes this album - she has just remixes from her mates the Chemicals so to speak. But sadly Underworld seem the right kind of voice that can sing and others. E3 to have got themselves stuck in a rut these lyrics and get away with it - not like Joeh 24 March 1999 Albums dEUS The Ideal Crash I

L-US was formed in 1991 by the lead singer and least half of the record is recognised after a few listens. guitarist Tom Barman plus three other mem Undoubtedly there are a couple of mediocre efforts d bers who have since left the band. Over the thrown in with the quality tracks, but these also grow few years there have been a few upheavals with the on you with further listens. For dEUS fans who liked In band's line up but has now settled down to Tom, the A Bar, Under The Sea I think this LP will be a great deal only original member left, and five others including more commercial to your cars, but even the die-hards the violinist Klaas Janzoons who gives dEUS their fairly will eventually be converted to dEUS's more mature distinctive sound. sound. The Ideal Crash is the ideal dEUS record.H The album opens with a track called Put The Freaks Jason Up Front and staying on the abnormal theme there are other tracks such as Everybody's Weird. The lyrics throughout the record are fairly melancholic and appear COMPETITION TIME! to tell a story, just take a listen to One Advice, Space where Tom Barman sings 'Wasted and wounded, this Here's your chance to get hold of an early Easter pre ain't know way to die/one man's cold turkey is another sent - something to lift the gloom of Impending exam man's high'. Bleak stuff indeed. ination/thesis stress! Instant Street is the first single from The Ideal Crash and was released last month. It is definitely the poppl- There arc a whole load of dEUS goodies to be won est effort on the LP, and beautifully incorporates a laid- including designer dEUS shirts, t-shirts, every dEUS back acoustic guitar sound that captures the very album and loads of dEUS videos and posters! essence of Americana in the verses. However when you get to the chorus it takes a sharp turn towards a melan All you have to do is answer this blatantly simple ques cholic atmosphere and the track finally ends with a dis tion: cordant Status Quo-like (don't let that put you off!)

Perfect collision with Mozart. semi-psychedelic wash out. Which European country do dEUS come from? Nearly all the tracks begin with this initial soft approach, making the use a strumming acoustic guitar, Just send your answers to: then raising the tone into epic-like proportions. Just take Wild Promotions (dEUS) a listen to Sister Dew or Dream Sequence #1. . Suite 204 There are albums that come along and at times The Old Gramaphone Works their barrenness can be a complete turn off initially, 326 Kensal road however on this particular record your patience will be LondonW10 SBZ rewarded as the masterful beauty contained on at

Singles

Remote Control - Starfucker Williams' No Regrets, but not as tuneful. Track 3 is a nice which Spice girl I want to impregnate,' how can you go Sleazy pop song with lyrics like 'vaseline, you're on your hip-hop style remix but it's not worth getting just for wrong? Just listen to the little comments in the back hands and knees' and 'leather straps but you're still at that. Bad. ground. Bound to get lots of airplay. Single of the school / back up against the disco wall'. Pretty damn week! good. The B-side Frail is a dark, dramatic tunc, which I think's better than the A-side. A close contender for sin THE ESSENTIAL CHOON Liz Horsman - Heavy High gle of the week. Soulful little ditty with some nice guitar work. A bit Eminem - HI! My Name Is Slim Shady 'Sheryl Crow' but I'm not going to throw it out just yet. Ultrasound - Floodlit World The B-sides are good. She doesn't mind taking some life Nice song, mainstream-sounding, bound to do well in risks with the non-album tracks and it pays off. the charts, but nothing special. The singer's slightly sob bing vocals can annoy, but the female backing adds a Luna - Superfreaky Memories nice twist. Comes with an interesting cover of The The usual slightly weird indie-rock from Beggar's Ban Beatles' Getting Befferwhich begins to make up for the quet. This has the potential to be moving, but in the dull title track, but not quite. end is a little too formulaic to be brilliant. You get the feeling you've heard it somewhere before.

Bows - Big Wings Singer sounds like the one from Massive Attack. Slightly Add N to X - Metal Fingers in my Body more intelligent song than the other singles this week Pretty cool electronic rock from the French crew. Sounds with lots of interesting sounds and harmonies going on. like Air, maybe not so poppy. B-sides are weird but Not bad. entertaining in a messed up way. Very nice.

Roxette - Wish I Could Fly Deadly Snakes - Culebras de Muerte Well look who it is! Roxette try to get back in the charts Hardcore rap on the Tommy Boy label. Very atmospheric but still sound exactly like they did in the 80s. Naff. Ultra- with a big boomy bass line and intense lyrics. Definitely cheesy house remix for the B-side. worth checking out if you're a fan of the genre. JS

Medal - Possibility Fantastic! Trashy, throw away pop we all love. Great tune Tom Mellow weepy song, sounding a bit like Robbie from rapper Eminem. With lines like T can't decide / 30 ^JX^> Music 24 March 1999

ast years Rae & Christian album F: So what do you prefer Manchester or the Stone Roses, but at the time I was just F: And before we finish the interview I'd Northern Sulphuric Soul was high London? doing my own thing. Manchester was a like your answers on a two cheesy A or L on my list when It came to choos MR: I love them both really. I suppose very vibrant place at the time, and I sup B questions. First of all, Billie or Britney? ing my favourite albums of the year, so London is not really my kettle of fish as pose it always will be. It's quite dark and MR: I've got respect for Billie at her age naturally I leapt at the chance of Inter a place to live, but it's a very interesting dreary, but it's very funky with loads of dissing her own music and going on viewing band frontman Mark Rae. place to be in and around. Although I've young people and stuff. about it. She's made a very big mistake, For those of you who haven't heard lived in Manchester for twelve but at least it shows she's got a of Rae & Christian, their music could be years now, cities aren't really my 've dedicated the last ten years of my life to It to the mind of her own. Britney is how described as hip-hop with more than kind of thing - I like the country point that music is now my life and I love It." ever quite sexy, but in a horrible Just a hint of soul added to spice up the side, fishing, and stuff like that dressed up as a schoolkid kind of sounds. With guest vocalists on their too much. I'm from Northumbria origi F: As well as the music on your own label way. album as diverse as the Jungle Brothers nally. what other music do you listen to? and Sharleen from Texas, the music pro MR: Well I've never been into the UK hip- F : Ok then, as it's an issue that's raging duced never fails to Impress. F: So what lead you down to Manches hop scene, I think it got as far as it could in all corners, who's going to win the Fat As well as being a key member of ter then? then people just did jungle instead. The Boy Slim or Armand van Helden battle? the band, Mark Rae Is also head of Man MR: I first went down to Manchester to American hip-hop scene's pretty crap at MR: Well Fat Boy Slim is quite a wiry sort chester's Grand Central record label. study. I did an undergraduate degree in the moment, apart from the under of lower middle weight boxer, but he When we met he had just come back psychology and then a postgraduate ground scene. But I'm also into anything smokes loads and cains it while van from a tour of Australia. Tired, he started course in philosophy of science. from the Cardigans and the Manic Street Helden doesn't. So Helden will probably with a yawn, but Mark Rae Is definitely Although not much to do with music Preachers to reggae and dub, I also like knock his brains out. Norman probably not one to complain. anything to do with study is useful for Detroit techno - I've got it all in my col could have been a good boxer if he your brain as it teaches you how to be lection. I'm thirty years old and I've been kept himself fit, but Hclden should be DJing from before house music, so any Felix: So how was 1998 for you then? controlled, self disciplined and all that, careful as some these wiry lads are dead time I've got tired of being into somthing Mark Rae : Amazing. The highlight was even if you never work in that field again. good at boxing. definitely the album. Producing the I've learned to go to another type ~] of music. One thing about music album was a really organic experi- J F: Finally, looking for some ideas myself is that you'd be surprised how ence. We just did the music, and f what you doing for the millennium? Christian, |j some songs that at first sound then thought about what would I MR: Well we might end up in Australia P ordinary, but if you've had an sound good with what. It was all very | because the fan base over there is amaz H experience while listening to simple - everything we did worked, j few* Tel* 1Z ing. It might be nice to do that, but to || them they can become spiritually Of course there were things we ; be honest with you I just want to be with |l anthemic to you would have liked better in both the ( my family, and even if I was in a club I'd music and the singing and the |i want my family to be there with mc. It rhyming and everything. But we just j j F : You've got to remix quite a would probably be best to go and stand kept with it. As long as we were ji I number of famous acts, includ- on a hill with your family and hug. That enjoying it, we just kept going for- ( I ing, a great record with Texas, would be brilliant. ward. j I low do you (eel about making a I remix so good were the Wu-Tang So my chat with Mark Rae showed F : How long have you been playing § . riled? how It Is possible to make It big and keep in the music industry? son J MR: Yeah I know. We'd worked your feet planted right on the ground. MR: I suppose I've dedicated the last g g with them before and Sharleen Rather than the music though, the thing ten years of my life to it to the point wimwj has got a great voice, they're that stayed with me the most. Is that he that music is now my life and I love it. At also great people to work with, and I went from postgraduate study to running Grand Central we're not just artists wait F: What did you do after finishing at uni think our music and her voice works a record shop. A story which must give ing to get signed by majors, we've got a versity, have you got any advice for the well, so yeah it's cool. We try to never hope to those final year students expe really strong base; a record shop, a pub undecided? rush things, and try to ensure everything riencing not the most pleasant time In lishing company, a record label, a licens MR : Well I'd been DJing since I was we do has a real quality to it. the Job market at the moment... ing record label, offices. People may only about eighteen, and was really into James know us from this first album, but we've music so I started my own record shop. F : So where set a base and we're going to prove a lot I was into soul, hip-hop, Skooly D, early are R&C and of people wrong about our longevity - Public Enemy - a lot of what's called old the Grand Cen we'll be around for years. Christian. school these days. I was also into the tral Label going Wm featuring Jungle Brothers the first time round, and from here? F : You talk about longevity, and I sup it therefore really good to work with MR: We've got "Dexm Mi 'HE- pose this is all linked in to diversifying and them on the album. They gave us a really a remix to do never doing the same thing twice. old school sounding rhyme. for the new MR: Yeah, we do a lot of differ Hurricane #1 ent things from remixing others " ...Britney Is howevet quite sexy, but in a single, and the to making our own records. I'm horrible dressed up as a schoolkid kind of way..." Aim album that also doing a lot'of executive pro should be out duction for the artists on Grand Central. F: Being in Manchester though you must soon. We're We've got an album coming out from have been into the Happy Mondays, also looking Aim, which I'm doing. It's going to be Stone Roses and all that? forward to Mark Rae (left) with Steve Christian: *T doing another really cool and funky, probably betterr MR: Not really. I was just obsessed with He may prefer Britney to Billie, but at R&C album, but 1 SULPHURIC than Northern Sulphuric Soul. We also do the black music culture of America and least he know's Helden's got the we won't rush SOIOX a bit of DJing and have residencies in all that was going on around me I just edge on Slim. anything. Manchester and in London at The End. sort of ignored. Looking back, I do like *i*',s*N^^ 24 March 1999 Tha Bomb! 31

At Song last the Blackstreet album has Finally arrived Album of the year? + We look at the lat- est batch of singles doing it on the street!

Whats up IC! Last week of term and once its over we got time to mess about with revision for those all important exams, Finally but ya gonna listen to while you're study ing? I'm gonna tell you! Blackstreet are legitimately After interviewing Beverley knight I feel hailed as one of the R&B that I have to big up her latest offering supergroups and their the reworking of 'Made It Back', but new release has been there is no need to big it up for the sake eagerly anticipated of it this is really good, although I pre since we all earned fer the original this will probably do more they were in the damage on the charts. There's a slight studio working on change to the feel, making it more of a it. 'Finally docs old school soul feel to it. not disappoint in The three lovely ladies TLC are up next the least it fol with their massive hit 'No Scrubs' this has lows the stan been about for a while and is wicked. Its dard pattern laid been released on a two CD set, the first out by the swing- of which has two mixes of 'No Scrubs', beat innovator both of which are good and the album feddy 'Street' track 'Silly Hos' which is brilliant as well. Riley...that pat The second CD has 'No...' as well as two tern..absolute class classics from their previous album 'Creep' at every level. With and number one 'Waterfalls'. their first two albums Talking about lovely ladies we on the they set out their intent same original silly ho the R&B diva Mariah as to hit us with the phattest quirki- she releases one of the previously unre- tunes, bad ass beats and killer ness of leased tracks from her 'No. Is' album, rhymes and on 'I inally' they do the original. namely 'I Still Believe'. This is not that this to the max The final product The vocoder is great as a tune, its solid, but not out was even better than we could have back in full effect, its standing and quite simply doesn't expected considering the pressures that become Teddy's trade deserve a mention in this page, but we were on them to live up to their previous mark, and is used to wonderful need some excuse to put the pic classic sets. After the stupendous another 'No purpose in Yo Love' which is an up ture in so here it is. 'Another Level' they had Diggity' but rather than that, as Chauncey tempo that rocks in a similar way to the record com 'Black' Hannibal said "No, lets be differ 'Don't Leave Me', but is a bit more pany ordering ent again, like we were with No Diggity. upbeat. them to fets not go by those record industry Flipping on to the downlow side I have »' make sales. Lets make some new ones up." to mention my favourite track the beau On the first listen to 'Finally' its clear that tifully sultry duet between the Blackstreet the same swing beat flava is there but boys and the amazing Mary J Bligc. The the differences arc there to be heard. tune is easily the standout as far as I am Blackstreet have taken it to the next concerned, the actual words arc shit, level. The first single off the album is but the melody is phenomenal, its great already doing the rounds and is blowing and you got check it out. You also gotta up big time, a collaboration with lus check out the funky slowed down 'Think cious Janet Jackson called About You' which is Blackstreet at their 'Girlfriend/Boyfriend'. This destined to best, awesome harmonies backed with be a club classic. On 'Can You Feel Me' the usually phai bass lines. Lets not for Teddy has sampled the Jackson Five tunc get the sweeping ballad 'In A Rush' a col of the same name with some phat laboration with the daddy of soul the pyrotechnic beats, they rip it with a real number one geezer Stevie Wonder. party tune. The only drawback is that it I could go on and on about the quality is so reminiscent of awful Tampara 'Chim on this album, I haven't even mentioned

ney' song which also samples that Jack the bassey beat laden 'Don't Stop1 or son Five tune. Also included (probably Meshe Is the beautiful 'Black and White', but you just to sell the album) is the Rugrats tune the latest In a get the idea. This album is up to the usual 'Take Me There', not the original version long line of young Blackstreet standard and certainty will though, the remix which uses another britlsh r&b divas to one of the albums of the year but THt Jackson Five sample. This new version is appear on the scene. Her debut sin album of the year...I wanna wait for the a extremely funky, but doesn't have the gle is due out soon, and only time will tell If she can make In the big bad world. D'Angleo set first. Milen. 32 Arts 24 March 1999 THE RIOT Royal National Theatre, Cottesloe

Lets give them a good kicking and drive The overall performance was very them out of town. You get the idea? slightly marred by the occasional silent Things arc all going to plan, of hiatus, which no doubt was intended to course, until the paternalistic mayor and add drama but unfortunately looked as local Mr Big (Mr Bolitho) steps in and if the actor had forgotten her/his lines. tries to twist the situation to his own This is a minor gripe, however, and financial advantage. But whaddaya the play was superbly entertaining. But know, one riot, a stabbing, a hanging the playwright's laboured parallels with and one attempted public execution the current pre-millennial social situa down the line, things turns out OK for tion seemed a little banal. If you want to everyone, after all! have a good laugh then go and see this As you can see, the play piles on the play; but I certainly didn't buy the social farce. But at times I couldn't help but commentary flannel and neither should wonder whether they actually intended you. the performance to be some form of black-humoured social commentary. If William Burns social commentary was their aim, how ever, they failed. If on the other hand In repertoire until 28th April they were going for light satire and almost Shakespearean farce, Ihcy tri Nearest tube: Waterloo umphed. The fact that they received a Tickets: student standby available massive laugh for (the usually depress ing) events of a suicide and a brutal ornwall. What does this word con really is full of ye olde sea dogs, quaint stabbing is testament to this comic tri jure up in your mind? Is it rugged Dickensian capitalists and cheery ser umph. C scenery, thundering waves and vants who know their place. Or rather it Two performances stood out from the distant screeching of angry seagulls was one hundred years ago, when this the rest: Geoffrey Hutchings (Bolitho, and drowning surfers? Or maybe embit play is set. In truth, the play draws inspi pictured righl in main photo) and Emma tered trawlermen moaning about EU ration from a real historical event which Rice (Harriet Screetch). Hutchings, is an fishing quotas and dragnet infringe happened in 1896 in the town of New- ultra-experienced RADA graduate who ments in the Spanish Box? Or is it all lyn. A long time ago it may have been, starred as Michael Gambon's dim-witted those fibDem MPs that the Cornish but the story also has some obvious par sidekick in the MalQrci TV detective seem to love voting for? allels with the situation in Cornwall today. series. The grumpy persona of Mr Whatever your romantic (or patron This may be difficult, but shut your Bolitho had all the best jokes and Hutch ising!) preconceptions of Cornwall, this eyes for a minute and picture yourself as ings knew exactly how to ham them up. new play written by Nick Darke and per a Cornish fisherman. Outsiders are fish Emma Rice was an equally effective formed by the well-respected Kneehigh ing in waters you consider to be your comedian, playing opposite Bolitho as Theatre Company will surely reinforce own. And they do it on Sundays, damn the new servant who has the courage to many of them. Honest to God, Cornwall it, when you are all busy being religious! stand up to her employer. ICSO ANNIVERSARY CONCERT Great Hall

n emotional performance brim astically received by a capacity audience Prokofiev's Violin Concerto in D major. The final movement was characterised ming with flair and technical abil upon finishing a programme of Copland, Kahae, a fourth year student of physics by the haunting first subject, which led to the A ity provided a fitting Prokofiev and Mahler. and music, was almost effortless in her magical conclusion, as the flute and violin commemoration of fifty years of The concert began mastery of an extremely testing , played out the final D major tune. Round music by the Imperial Collegi appropriately, piece of music, and was ing off the night's entertain- Symphony Orchestra in the considering the greeted with a rous- %\ ment, a powerful rendition Great Hall on friday 12 day's sad news, ing recep of Mahler's Symphony March. The concert also with a thoughtful and tion. The j ^NT^X ^° ' in ®ma Pr- which marked the centenary melancholy piece - lyrical first fully tested the of the City and Aaron Copland's Quiet movement J/ 'p^^. resources of the Guilds Union City. The orchestral was particu t(>cW\ icso. who kindly (^r^ accompaniment was larly impres A full com- sponsored the thoughtfully phrased, pro- sive, as the plement of brass, event. tjyviding support to the violin almost \.) wind and percussion On a day highly impressive soloists, floated above the V\\^>^-''' ensured that the evening tinged with sad Daniel Elson and Stephen Hicks on sensitive accom ended at maximum volume, leaving ness for many music cor anglais and trumpet respectively, in paniment from the the audience to take to their feet in praise lovers - the death of the great violinist an accomplished and moving recital. orchestra. Indeed, Kahae made the violin and admiration. Here's to the next fifty years sing when required, without losing the Yehudi Menuhin was announced only Menuhin himself would have been of symphony music at Imperial College! ability to attack the music, as in the hours before conductor Richard Dickins proud to witness the ability of violinist Scherzo. lifted his baton - the ICSO were enthusi Kahae Han in a stunning performance of Bill Bows & l-lot Lips 24 March 1999 Arts 33 JACKSON POLLOCK Tate Gallery

self-destructive bouts of depression, floor, creating his pivotal Great Webs womanising and alcoholism. His sequence. This radical 'action paint untimely death whilst drunk often ing' - the application of paint by pour leads them to speculate furiously ing, splattering, trailing and basting - about the eventual course of modern earned him the humorous nickname art history had he survived the tragic of 'Jack the Dripper'. He also experi car crash, which undoubtedly fuelled mented further with this basic his icon status. Pollock <1 91 2 - 1 956) method by using enamel or alu was born in Cody, Wyoming (a town minium paints, adding sand to named after the legendary Buffalo enhance the texture and embedding Bill) and his career - regarded as an various diminutive objects in his com unconventional cowboy artist - position. thrived. His radical, revolutionary "Concerned with the rhythms of techniques launched the Abstract nature" and the "expression of con Expressionist movement of the mid- temporary aims", Jackson Pollock is twentieth century. an inspirational, if somewhat dis This major retrospective, organ turbed, tortured and intangible, fig ised by the Museum of Moderm Art ure. During a period of emotional in New York, is particularly fascinating crisis, his typically vivid and dynamic and insightful because it traces the canvasses arc suddenly replaced by evolution of his work from humble haunting series of monochrome net student imitator to virtuoso innovator, works, "nightmarish visions of from figurative realism and mytho doomsday aspect". The monumental logical imagery to suggestive abstrac scale of his mature designs is at once tion. He disputed accusations that intimidating and breathtaking; vibrant his approach was random. In fact, and glorious in the flesh, they must "he denied the accident" and defied be seen to be believed and entirely the horrified housewives of his time, appreciated. Well worth a visit during who claimed that any kindergartener the holidays. could do the same. Rather, his source was the unconscious. His eloquent Helena | ackson Pollock's frenzied paintings not you grasp his intended concept work has even been described as the are a feast for disturbed minds (if indeed one exists), each observer visual equivalent of jazz improvisa Until 6th June and overactive imaginations. When invariably forges his own instinctive, tions. Jou squint and stare at his animated original interpretation. During the late 1940s, Pollock dis Nearest tube: Pimlico swirls, the intricate patterns reveal a Critics revel in psycho-analysing carded the conventional brush and Opening hours: daily 10am - 5.40pm myriad of impressions. Whether or his troubled personal life, marred by laid his canvas down on the studio Admission: £7.50, concessions £5 MYRIAM MAKEBA Royal Festival Hall

The concert started on time her old beloved songs that everyone another. It really made my day. (something to shout about for a world sang along to and some new material In short, this kind of concert is music gig) and the minute she walked from her forthcoming album. It is what any music lover dreams of. All on stage, she won the audience's amazing that at 67, Makeba is still on the ingredients were there to make it heart. Most of the people present top form and continues to reinvent an unforgettable night: genius, laugh were fans and she virtually received a herself. ter and emotion. Makeba hadn't been standing ovation before even opening After a short well-deserved inter in London for years and was very her mouth. Then the magic began. val, the artists returned to offer us a touched to be back in the country She literally ripped the air - she has fantastic second half. The rhythms got that, in her own words, has helped one of the strongest voices I have faster and the musicians became South Africa so much. Hopefully she yriam Makeba, known as ever heard. The songs succeeded one more involved. The audience was very won't leave it so long until her next "Mama Africa", is the most another with tremendous ease and responsive to this and many people appearance. she entertained the audience won Mrespected living African stood up and danced. Makeba let all World music very is rarely covered derfully. She kept on chatting between singer because of her involvement in her musicians do stunning solos; they in mainstream press. It is time to do numbers. She was touchingly funny anti-Apartheid movements and her were all very talented, especially the something about this because there is and constantly sassy. Her musicians efforts for women's liberation. Her American saxophonist who was simply amazing talent around and the music were from all over Africa. She gave career has spanned over 40 years and breathtaking throughout. She then that is being created is very daring them all the time to show their iden she is still as popular today as she showed off her backing singers, and interesting. Please support these tity - they all introduced something was in the 60s. Her music is a mixture including one of her granddaughters musicians. They will open your hori from their own background and of typical South African sounds, with whose voice approached her cider's. zons and provide you with brilliant upbringing. This gave the concert an some xhosa - a very guttural African 'You could see that the artists were entertainment. language - singing. She adds a jazzy even more international and humane having a great time on stage. They and soul feeling to her songs. touch. She performed a mixture of were dancing and joking with one D. 34 Arts 24 March 1999 1999 PHOTOGRAPHIC EXHIBITION The Gallery, Sherfield Building

niques like scoring and painting nega mark of a talented photographer. tives or manipulating them with a com The Old Man ofStorrby Ottilie Dyke puter? was a striking monochrome depiction Holiday photographers will tell you of a monumental rock tower. This could that you need foreground interest, back have been taken by the famous Cali- ground drama and something quirky to fornian landscape photographer Ansell attract attention. In this sense, abstract or Adams, who died 15 years ago. Adams still life photographs are difficult to do. made pictures of Yosemite and other Abstraction may be a dangerous game national parks and Dyke is clearly fol for amateur photographers to play, but lowing in his pioneering footsteps. Dyke it really is essential to take that risk occa obviously understands that capturing sionally. While I wasn't entirely sure of the grades of shadow is the key skill in dra originality and the point of Kelly matic black and white photography. Androutospoulos' monochrome images I was not entirely sure why Aimee by of human feet, at least they still remain Leonie Thompson (pictured) was cho in my mind. sen as the winning photograph in a com May Lee's Blue in all its shades also petition running alongside the exhibition. stands out. It was a dramatic panorama My winner would have been Sonu, made of misty cloudbanks over mountains. by Jagvinder Singh Chandha. This was a This was certainly beautiful and would poignant black and white shot of a young merit some computer enhancement to child peeping over a wall, into the lens realise its truly abstract potential. Indeed, of the camera. In the background, we hotographers set themselves an simply taking a picture and making a computer enhancement is so widely see an apparently Third World environ impossible goal - to truthfully cap photograph. used today by major young photogra ment of rubble and poverty. This is clearly P ture the shades, tones, moods and There are so many different subjects phers that it surprised me to see that no documentary art, but it is also photo textures of light. Many of the photogra and styles in this exhibition that it is one had experimented with it. If some journalism, dispatched from the frontline phers in this ICU Photographic Society largely an impossible task to compare one did use the computer, please forgive with an important story to tell. I recom exhibition come near to scoring while one photo to another. That said, every me for the oversight! mend you go and see this story, but others seem to be about as effective as single one of the pictures was safely Another tenet of insightful photog don't expect anything even remotely David Batty taking penalties. While all conservative. Disturbingly, you could raphy is to know something about your experimental. the photos in this exhibition are certainly hang any of them in the Rector's office subject. In this way, Grandma and Ma by interesting, this does not make them art without causing much of a stir (maybe Aki Naito worked. The photograph can Until 26th March - true art needs some sort of spark. This this was the ideal). Is no one out there didly captured a moment of intimacy Is the fundamental difference between experimenting even with simple tech and shared it with us. Such skill is the hall William Burns TROILUS AND CRESSIDA Royal National Theatre, Olivier

roilus and Cressida is the latest pro We join events at the point where the with Cressida's faithlessness, and the duction by the acclaimed Shake Greeks, in their camp outside the city's insanity of Troilus' sister, you could be for T speare director Trevor Nunn. This walls, are becoming demoralised and given for thinking that Shakespeare was epic play is not to be sneezed at, and with the Trojans are beginning to question not feeling particularly sympathetic to a length of almost four hours it is not light the legitimacy of their stance and their women at the time. entertainment, even though at times it is ability to endure the siege. The sense However, Cressida is by no means very comical. lessness of a war over one woman is tak unthinking or unintelligent and when Although one of Shakespeare's less ing its toll. first handed to the Greeks she defends frequently performed plays; it is regarded Despite being the namesakes of the herself entirely with her wit. Sophie as a brilliant satire on the state, and a skil play, the story of Cressida and Troilus is Okonedo's portrayal of her (pictured) ful deflation of the Greek heroes, por played down, while the emphasis is most gives her extra sass, perhaps adding a traying Achilles as a boastful coward and definitely placed on war and its (im)moral- slightly incongruous air of modernity. the eventual Greek victory over the Tro ity. Very little is seen of the pair falling in Despite occasional overacting the jans as essentially dishonourable. A com love and no sooner do they get together cast were, without exception, lively and edy, tragedy and history at once, since its than she must be handed over to the spirited and all turned in brilliant perfor first publication 1602 it has avoided defi Greeks. When Cressida breaks her oath mances. They succeed in making a very nite categorisation. of loyalty to Troilus, she is never really for long and potentially very confusing story The play starts during the siege of given, and no reconciliation (or even an interesting, and brought out the humour Troy, in the bitter and drawn out war over attempt at it) is made. You arc very aware excellently. that the whole play is part of a much Helen, daughter of the god Zeus and The costumes are elaborate and, larger picture, which can make it seem a owner of the original face that launched along with dramatic lighting, give a lavish little unresolved. a thousand ships. She has been snatched feel, despite the minimalist set. The by the Trojans from her Greek husband Despite being central to the plot, Olivier theatre really is a lovely place, and king Menelaus and the ensuing struggle Helen hardly appears and the single gets the atmosphere just right. for her recapture results in a war that has scene in which we sec her shows her dragged on beyond all expectations. almost oblivious to the whole affair. Along J. 24 March 1999 Books 35 THE WHOLE WOMAN by Germaine Greer

ermaine Greer is famous all over captivating. She is a natural speaker and on women's feelings towards their own lowed by a question and answer session. the world for one book, The seems very used to it. Her eloquence bodies. She then moved on to generalise This was even more compelling since G Female Eunuch. It was written 30 was inspiring and her intelligence just about how women are made to live in some people were trying to catch her out years ago and was a defining moment in radiated. She began by mentioning some- fear by clever marketing strategies and and were asking very difficult things. But the first steps of Feminism. Since then she she was ready for it and her natural flow has continued writing and teaching in was even more impressive. The exchange several universities, although she is now was very fruitful and included comments based at Warwick University. about transsexuals and disabled individ Greer has come to the conclusion uals as well as major issues that she raises that it is time to get angry again. She in her book. Greer showed that she was doesn't think that Feminism has indeed angry and that things had not answered all the questions and solved all changed all that much since the 60s but the problems. She therefore decided to she did warn women that they should not write a new book, The Whole Woman. It be in a "hurry". Feminism is still in its takes on a tremendous amount of topics, early stages according to her. To end the

"women take all "it is time

the blame and to get angry have no control" again"

ranging from women's bodies to their evening, she did a book signing, which relationships with men, children and par lasted for ages. When we finally got to ents. The book is terribly interesting and her, the friend I was with asked a ques has a strong energy about it. The pro tion. It was great to actually talk to her and motion of the book may appear very share just a few minutes with her. mass orientated. Greer has done this Greer is an amazing orator and her deliberately - she has said herself that book is really worth the read. She has put there Is no other way to do it in this time Feminism back on the agenda, even and age. though some very good literature has On Tuesday 16 March, Germaine been published in the past few years. This Greer appeared at the Royal Geographi is the next step of the battle that lies cal Society to talk about her book and her ahead for women of the 21st century. ideas in general. The audience was thing that is very close to her heart - the how they "take all the blame and have no mainly composed of women, with the way women have been reacting to breast control". Her arguments were very con Published by Doubleday, £16.99 (hardback) odd man here and there. After being cancer and the lack of proper screening vincing and she is a pleasure to listen to. introduced, Greer started talking - it was for it. She also made general comments Her short talk (only half an hour) was fol D. with the help ofjabeen Jafferji SKIN AND BONE by Gareth Creer

rtie's sure that his wife, back his wife and break out of his situa Despite the possibly biased viewpoint Madelalne, is having tion. In his path are ties of blood and loy due to everything being seen through A an affair. He's also alty, and the sinister criminal activities that Artie's eyes, the other characters are struggling to keep his fish seem to involve everyone. I found it complex personalities with their own sto monger's shop going in hard to put down, right up to the some ries and motives. Artie himself develops town, although he's the last what abrupt and unexpected end. into an independent, intelligent and business left on the High It's a bit of a strange book, to be hon surprisingly heroic character, consider Street and property develop est, but well written and worth checking ing that he starts the book checking ers want him out. There's sim out. Everything is narrated by Artie, both Madelain's handbag and keeping a card mering gang warfare on the as it happens and as a seties of memo database of her possible lovers. estate where his mother lives, ries, recalled to illustrate a point. I'm not This is Gareth Creer's first novel, and and his friends are embroiled normally fond of first person, present it's pretty damn good. It manages to in it. Overall, he's not doing tense writing like this, but here it adds weave together the plot of a reasonable too well. Intimacy and enhances the reader's thriller with a tangled web of love and Skin and Bone is a grimly empathy with the narrator, without being deceit. Not a book to read to your chil realistic portrayal of urban annoying. The plot is fast-moving, intense dren (the usual graphic sex and violence degradation, obsession and and gripping. There's a sense of moral is a little more personal here), but one betrayal. On the other hand, ambiguity and an almost hopeless opti that'll make you think. It's surprisingly optimistic and mism, which give the book a slightly 'unusual feel. Artie is a sympathetic, if Published by Anchor, £6.99 flawed, character. The story The strength of the characterisation follows Artie's attempts to win is one of Skin and Bone's highlights. Gareth 36 What's On 24 March 1999 Your at-a-glance guide to what's on over Easter

Thsatxe Arts

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:; ||if:;i,.';;;-y^;;;::v :'X22,:- '2X}:i}V that the International Cannabis Coalition fore ixrf subject to availability Pftrij 21 lans is (hopefully) holding a march in london on Saturday May 1 Wore d< tall? ii first issue of next tc rm \lso, if anyone- went along to th< demonstration for Tibetan independent e on in March 13 and has got some good pho tos, i would like to hear from you Right that's Ihis space filled. to Igxxsapt

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iCU Reserve your tickets Today!I On-lin e or at the union office IMI'I RIAI (111 11(11 I Ml IK 24 March 1999 Sport 37

SEASON REVIEW: IC VI FOOTBALL HOCKEY: DISCO SQUAD It's the reigning men. Hallelujah! IC 6ths, what a season! Today's cancel Tom "the Doc" not quite enough to over lation by RAM and the three points come the three scored against us, ULU Reserve Cup Final Half time was full of fire and we picked up on Saturday on a mud bath of though "Big Al" was unlucky to see his Disco Squad 3 knew then that we were going to win. a pitch against GKT IV give us 31 points header strike a post near the end. ICSM II 1 The second half was tense. St. Marys this season, ensuring us of a top five fin So we were now free to concentrate somehow squeezed one past the mighty ish and possibly even greater. on the league, and a great run of seven We have gone all the way. What can you Tong with ten minutes gone and they This achievement did not seem pos victories out of nine has seen us climb say? What words can embody the joy of wete back in the match. Both teams had sible at the start when we were still with from nowhere to the heady heights we the disco squad. Class, style, skill, beers, good chances, but the Sundance Kids out a point after our first three games, now occupy, with the side developing all mates. Rezoole Inzuman-ul Haque, skilful runs were all to often ended by the fixtures computer matching us up the time, suggesting even greater things Tommy Cuntle, Cheesey, Bob Pyle lain blatantly unskilful barges, but our goal- against the eventual high fliers in our first are to come next year. Despite 14-1, 8- Pyle, El Capitano, Baps, Peter Tong, poast (of Joy) did its job and kept out a four games, and with such an inexperi 1 and 5-0 victories during the spring Chrissy Bull, Ashrafulah Haque, Marky huge St. Marys strike. We put together enced, injury hit team we found it hard term, game of the season has to be the Blackmore, Mad McAtar Murphy, Fabio, some moves that would have had John going. 4-2 smash and grab job down at Berry- Casanova (walks on water) and Jim Tay Travlota gaping in awe. With three min The first milestone for us was a point lands against the enemy that is Kings VI. lor. These are the names of a bunch lads utes to go, Fabio collected a rebound against the eventual champions (in all An unbelievable "backs-against-the-wall" who have just been raised to a higher and shot from the top of the D. Some of probability) and two games later the first display looked like it would secure a plane. The grass smells sweeter, the sky the crowd was on the pitch - they win followed, a 5-3 battle royale against well-earned point with the score at 2-2. looks bluer, beer tastes of the summer thought it was all over. As the ball flew Barts in which player of the season Tom That was until Tom and Spinning Top Roy sun. As I stand here on the balcony of into the Marys goal and the backboard Wilson secured his first hat-trick and next weaved their magic, one with an orbit- Motspur park bar the cool air of the disappeard in a cloud of dust and splin year's captain Mike Nikolich made his 6th entering lob over the keeper, the other evening flows past me and all is good in ters we all knew it was now. 'Nuff said. team debut. Before Christmas a further with a piss-taking run, the likes of which the world. DISCO. See you next year. three points was taken in a game man has never seen before, destroying The match Itself was full of drama. notable for the emergence of Alex as a the opposition, jaws dropping in awe as The Sundance Kid pulled a bit of magic Season review: DISCO SQUAD midfield superstar and a goal of the sea it finished 4-2. And we almost missed the out of his hat after 5 minutes: went We have all been part of the best season son contender from Supersub Raby. IC game thanks to Mike not liking cheese around 4 of the opposition and deftly that the DISCO SQUAD has ever seen. 6ths were finally upwardly mobile. on his Big Mac. planted the ball In the back of ICSM's net. We have won the Cup and dominated In the New Year spirits were raised, Apart from all this the season has This first goal put some of the fear of the the league, winning promotion If not the and following a tight 3-2 home win In the also seen a number of friendly games Sun Medallion into the medics and we league itself. league, our assault on the cup could played, mostly for a reserve team that will knew we couldn't have got off to a bet The key to understanding the DISCO commence. Despite the absence of the form the basis of a 7th team next year. ter start. St. Marys weren't the friendliest SQUAD is that although we're winners, defensive pillars that are Tom and Oz, Also, Tom bagged his 7th hat-trick of side we'd ever played, and the entire and we've gone all the way - we've the developing partnership of Booth and the season today, playing for the 5ths, opposition did a good impression of had a laugh doing it. Our success is due Wilson up front, together with the con and this should secure him the top- Nora Batty with PMT whenever the ref to team spirit rather than skill. That the tinental influence of Giret (having scorer's Golden Boot for the whole of the gave a decision our way. DISCO spirit has reigned throughout the returned from injury in midfield) inspired London League, his tally now having We kept on top of the game season is a monument to the founda a 7-1 victory over UCf VI, a team one reached 32, with an extra three in the throughout the first half and had a seem tions on which this team is built. league higher than ourselves, with Booth cup. ingly constant stream of short corners, The nature of our team-spirit build collecting a hat-trick and Williams and Apart from him, I would like to thank before fABIO clipped in a sweet strike ing In the showers after the game has Raval scoring their first goals for the everyone who has played for me this into the bottom left hand corner. been dubious to say the least - mainly team, the latter a superb team effort. year and has made it such a pleasure to Although we had but 6 supporters, their thanks to a certain Flltrum - who can The real test was in the next round captain the team. Roll on Sllwood Park chants were by now drowning out the spot a dropped soap at a thousand yards. against 4th division QMW IV. Stifling (Saturday) and see you all at the trials in teeming hoards of medics that had Who are we? Tossers? No. Wasters? No. the game in midfield, we almost pulled October. turned up to watch their side being We love hockey, we love beers and If we it off, two sublime breakaway goals from Rob Davenport shown what skillful hockey really looks met you, you'd probably love us. like. Hasta Luego - its been a good one.

C&G FOOTBALL-THE FINAL

A Very Civil affair! his name on the score sheet. The frus A few wild tackles and strongly the keeper and the brickies had the lead trated civils worded again. Heartened by this they rallied and Civ. Eng... kept the pres exchanges Brad had another - that makes 15 goals Elec Eng.. sure on so later, Elec Eng in three matches. Pretty good eh? much that took advan-. The electricals fought to the bitter end As the sun beat down on Hyde Park, two they forgot tage of a terri but the day belonged to the bridge teams of highly trained, ultra-fit sports about ble, but sadly builders. men faced each other across the muddy defence alto not atypical When we lifted the cup and read the pitch. This was it - the final, make or gether. Rocky defensive engravings we were continuting a thirty break, winner takes all. Tunde, the elec and Bassa error from lain year domination of this event by civil trical coach and referee for the day started some and grubbed engineering. It last ran from '69 to '72, tossed the coin; civils called heads and great breaks the ball over with civil teams winning each year. It won the kick-off. and panicked the line past must be rare In any sporting contest for the scrambling They lost no time in exerting pres the defence™ any team to have a 100% record for thirty John. Then it sure on the sparks' goalmouth. Alex on more than |p| years. If you ignore the 27 year uncon was halftime. 'Zachacrapalot' was viscious in attack, one occasion, tested gap. The game putting in some thumping shots, expertly but with John Thank you to the organisers (C&G could have gone either way. The sparks saved by some superb keeping. 'Lone between the posts the civils felt reason Union) and everyone who played and had their defence regimented, almost ranger' Druve was a rock in defence, ably safe. Eventually, though, pressure came out to support. It's been a success shoulder to shoulder. Suddenly, though, tackling hard and frustrating the best from Paul and Alex supplied Brad with a this year, let's hope it'll be even better out of the blue, Brad shot a rocket past efforts of Brad 'the Bucket' Baskett to get goal, not before time. next year. lain 38 /^|x^ Sport 24 March 1999

VOLLEYBALL One of the best in the country

After qualifying for the first time ever to realise we were there to win! What a dis finally, on Sunday (after some wild 'professional' side being beaten by a the final national BUSA tournament, ICU play of skill! We beat them by 2-0, smiled, partying during the night), semi-final bunch of engineering students). How Volleyball has once again made the col and went back to the hotel for some rest against Cambridge. By this stage, people ever, in the end, we couldn't pull-it off lege proud. It all started last friday, with (more like partying actually). were already asking us when we were and lost 0-2. Volleyball Is a team-sport and a train trip to foughborough, where the On Saturday we played De Mont- playing our matches since they wanted our top players could not make-up for the final tournament would take place. Upon ford University. They were a quality side to see our players in action. We started lack of high-level team-practice. At the arrival, we quickly realised that this tour and had beaten in the qualifying stages badly and lost the first set. But then, we same time, Carlo (aka Superman) had a nament was something more than 'just' the current titleholders. Again, we were putted on a gutsy performance and bad injury (or was there any Kriptonite the BUSA finals, since representatives of supposed to loose this one as well. But turned the match around beating the around?) and was not able to perform at the English national teams were there guess what? We proved them wrong! A opponents by 2-11 It was a fantastic feel his peak (he also spent 3 days distribut scouting for top athletes. Our team was fantastic team effort, with the usual sus ing! We were in the national final! What ing autographs, which must have tired greeted with a 'where are you from?' and pects Carlo and Nicos, showing every an achievement! At the same time, three him). 'do you actually know how to play vol body they were the best attackers in the of our players (Carlo, Nicos and Michael) We finished in the runner-up spot, leyball in London?' type of messages. tournament was enough to secure were invited to play for the National Eng with the notion that we went beyond We just smiled politely. We knew they another success, this time with a 2-1 lish University team. What an honour! everybody's wildest dreams. ICU Volley would have to swallow all of that in the score. With this result, we qualified auto The final was a big affair, with cam ball is now on the map and we'll try to end. We just knew it! matically for the semi-finals. Hence, the eramen on stand-by to record the show keep it in that way in the future. That's Our first match was on friday. We result of the last match was of no impor down, and reporters making interviews. where we belong, fighting for the played Sheffield, a sports university who tance, and some of the reserves came in Our opponents, Sheffield Hallam, were national title. We also have to thank to all call themselves Sports Elite Squad (yes!, to have some fun. We played Edinburgh, nothing less than the English School of our supporters who went along with us. that is actually what they have written on the weakest team in tournament, and in Volleyball Excellence. These are athletes Thanks guys, you were great! And finally, the back of their tops!). They were con the end, we lost the match 1-2. But no who get scholarships to go into a sports a special thanks to Ming, who played the sidered by everybody as the 2nd best damage was done, since 1st place in university and do nothing else but play whole tournament injured, and Panos team in the tournament and we got the the group was already secured. At the volleyball. They train daily, play in the (Sports Personality of the Year) for his impression they didn't come to this same time, we gained valuable support national premiership and half of them 'professional' organisation of the whole match as well prepared as they could for the 3 rd day since the loud Scots were are members of the English national thing. None of this would have been pos have done. Big mistake! IC started the pretty grateful for the fact that we didn't squad. We fought hard, very hard actu sible otherwise. game In an unstoppable fashion. Super play our first team and gave them a ally, and we had them scared at some man Carlo and Crazy Nicos were attack chance to fight for a result. Are we nice stage (the crowd was actually going wild ing powerfully, and made everybody people or what? with the prospect of seeing an almost

SEASON REVIEW: RIFLE CLUB FENCING

The year started well for the Rifle and Pis While all this was going on there was tol Club with an influx of keen new mem always the IC league to compete in; this Reading Novice Eppe Tournament bers who really made their impression on is the Clubs internal competition con the club. sisting of 34 cards to shoot. The standard The first competition of the year was this year was very high, reflecting the Despite some hitches in the morning We found ourselves trailing half way, the Southern Counties Archery Compe prestigious nature of the competition. when one third of our three man team however thanks to some aggressive tition. Three of our archers made their Excellent performances from Phil Golds, nearly didn't show, a glitch which would scare tactics from John 'needs a box' way to Brunei, and putting in a good per Andrew Eldridge and Sam Sharpe have have meant disqualification and an early Lung we managed to even the score. formance to set the trend for the year made it very tight; the final result is still bath for Imperial, we managed to make This was followed up by some classy came away with creditable scores, one pending. it to the Tournament just in time to face timing and a few choice moves by Alex of them Leonora Lang (soon after made February meant the BUSA Clay the City A team. With consummate skill 'One pint will hurt' Griffin meaning that archery captain) coming away with the pigeon championships, four teams from we saw them off with a sound thrashing we entered the last fight in the lead. All Bronze medal. IC made their way to Hull and shot well and then proceeded to do exactly the that was required was the deadly Not to be out-done by the archers on the day having a lot of fun, positions same with both Herts and Kent Univer patience and pin-point accuracy of John the Rifle team got set for the West Kent in the top half of the score table for two sity, ensuring that we were seeded an 'foreplay' Claeys to beat Exeter 45-42. unexpected but entirely gratifying sec League. This competition is entered by of the teams saw them go home happy. The final then was Imperial vs the Keele ond. By now the smell of victory was in the some of the very best shots in the More recently Leo Lang put in a A team who had won the foil the previ the air, so much so that we decided to country; the good news is some of those superb PB performance at the National ous day. The match started well with forgo our traditional lunch-time drink people are in our club. An excellent per Recurve Championships, winning the our team managing to keep level, how just in case our fencing skills were formance (including a maximum 100) BUSA trials, and coming third in the ever by now we were tiring and Keele impaired. by Andrew Eldridge saw him coming head-to-head competition. This set her just seemed to have the edge, despite fourth overall, although this was a closer well on the way to becoming a member Rested, we entered the direct elim a last spurt by 'Foreplay' we lost 41-45 result than it sounds, he was only one of the British Student Squad. ination round and quickly dispatched and just had to settle for silver. point away from winning, the result was Not aliens to the GB team them the City A team which pitched us up The whole event was. very enter decided on re-gauging! selves the Uf rifle team went to Sutton against Hull A in the quarter-finals. taining and we returned home and to As the year progressed the standard Coldfield for the Inter-University Small Despite their initial appearances Hull the pub clutching our medals with pride. of shooting increased steadily, several bore Championships. The team con proved no match for our combined Anyone interested in fencing should shooters from IC were called up to the tained 6 out of 10 IC members and as efforts and we found ourselves in the go along to the union gym at lunchtimes hallowed ranks of the UL Rifle Team, such the result was never in doubt - yet semi-finals. This was against Exeter and on Monday or Friday. notably Sam Sharpe only in his first year another win! turned out to be our first tough match. here. There were many fun shoots The year is not over yet, however; throughout the year, with our members the holidays see the start of the full-bore going to Bisley and various Clay-Shooting season where more Imperial victories venues - good times were had by all. are sure to be had. 24 March 1999 Sport 39

SEASON RV1EW: BASKETBALL BOAT CLUB RUGBY

This year has not been one of the most managed to preserve two competitive Ladies Head Surprise,surprise; IC successful years the basketball club has teams at a quite high level of competi had. This, however, is due to the fact that tion is a great success for our club, given Down River can play Rugby the club's standards have been rising that we are the only College in London continuously over the last few years. capable of doing so. Saturday 13th March was a windy, sunny A strong confident medics side were day for the 287 crews competing in the well beaten two weeks ago by a deter Men's Ists Women Women's Head of the River Race mined IC team whose skills and pace between Chiswick and Putney. The surprised the home team. Within 3 min

After a very successful first round Our women's team faced a great course is four and a quarter miles long, utes of the start the heavier pack had for the BUSA London Division the end of deal of problems this year, mainly due to and run in reverse of the Oxford vs. been pushed off their own ball by ICand which found us at the top of the table for the lack of interest at the beginning of Cambridge Boat Race. the ball was spun out for the left wing the first time ever, our performance the year and by some of the players dur IC had two entries with good start Andrew Mays to score an early try. Min started to drop. However, we easily ing the year. A couple of injuries later ing positions (determined by last years utes later Chris Dickinson had kicked a made it past Greenwich to the last 16 came to add to that.. The commitment finishing order). The first 8 began 4th, penalty and then followed that with a try beating them 71-58, only to get elimi of 5-6 girls, but mainly of Sandrine Bot- the first crew off not to be loaded with and conversion and the Medics never nated by Oxford Brookes, who were tinelli and Stephanie Vounou was what internationals, and the second 8 began really recovered. eventually third in the competition. kept the team together and now it 29th. Both crews had a good row. The A try from the Medic's outside half In the UL Cup, after a very easy first seems to be paying off. Finishing 6th (as first 8 slipped from 4th to 10th, finishing just before the interval and one by the round against LBS, we won two tough opposed to 1st and 2nd the two previous ahead of Cambridge but behind UL, a forwards about five minutes Into the matches against King's and against UCL years) in the UL League is not a failure respectable result, though disappointing second half brought the score to within and made it to the final. There, after a given those circumstances. In BUSA we to have dropped 6 places. The second one point but did not dent the spirit of very good match we lost the Cup to LSE made It to the Shield where we lost to 8 performed fantastically, finishing 18th IC. Two more penalty goals and a try by 64-57. Bristol. The very good news is that at the and overtaking 2 crews. This is the best Dave Gol won the game for Imperial Col end of the year the number of players result and IC second 8 has had for years, lege. Men's 2nds increased and almost all of them will be and they were unlucky not to win the Ferocious tackling by the visitors at College next year. This is indeed a very senior 3 pennant, coming second to a and a high penalty count for infringe It took us quite long to start playing promising young team. Cambridge lightweight crew. ments in rucks had denied ICMS conti some decent basketball, but eventually These results were especially pleas nuity. The ball was usually spilled in It happened. Playing in the Premier Divi Little by little our club has managed ing as '98-'99 is a difficult year for the contact when the Medics tried to use sion of the UL League against the first to represent Imperial in the best possi boat club, with no 'home' as the new their backs and IC forwards were quicker teams of the other London Colleges, we ble way both in ULU and in BUSA and boat house is being built. Also, the year to the breakdown either winning fought most of our matches and were this tradition is about to be continued began with an inexperienced squad that turnover ball or forcing their opponents finally ranked fourth. In the UL Cup we next year because we are full of people has come on leaps and bounds due to to concede a penalty while trying to progressed two rounds but at the end who love basketball and who love rep hard work, commitment and determi retain possession. fell to LSE (again...). The fact that we resenting their College! nation. Congratulations to everyone who Slick handling, pace and determined took part, and good luck to the boys support running enabled IC to make who will competed in the Mens Head of the most of their chances and to secure the River last week. a well deserved victory. SEASON REVIEW: CYCLING Peterjoyce

MOUNTAIN BIKING Highs and Lows IC MTBers make their mark at BUSA The past few weeks have seen mixed for On the night of 11th March, however, tunes for the cycling club. On Sunday these plans were thwarted in one care BUSA Mountain Bike Championships utes to move within a shot of the big 28th Feb, Tarik, Hedley and Colin took less moment. Colin and Tarik were Newnham Park, Plymouth, March 12th boys. Mechanicals stopped Scott and part in the Kingston Wheelers 14 mile knocked off their bikes when a hapless -14th Seb rising up the standings any further time trial. With opponents such as pre motorist flung open her car door as they First off, I gotta say how far we've come. Hey, we were looking good after tlx- first vious Tour de France yellow jersey holder were going past at 25 mph. Tarik got up A year on we're bigger than ever and round and respect to everyone fot qual Sean Yates and current National Hill climb relatively unscathed, with a badly that's thanks to the people who ride ifying. DH is becoming a lot more seri champion Jim Henderson on the start sprained ankle and a bruised wrist. Colin with us. So many jibbers and so many ous, less lard and more training and sheet, the competition looked tough on was less fortunate and suffered a fracture excuses but the hardcore are always out we'll see IC boys stomping all over the paper. Hedley excelled himself by taking across the cheek bone and a badly lac on the trails. podium. You gotta have a dream. 3 rd place, only 27 sees behind eventual erated nose. At the time of writing, he Bike dialling took up Friday morning Sunday was Cross Country. Scott our winner Henderson. Tarik came In 12th remains in Kingston hospital where he Is before we sectioned the downhill course only serious rider In the championship and Colin in 41st, with the trio missing undergoing surgery to pin the bones In and nailed all the technical stuff. The race. 16 miles through the mud, the guy place. The driver was charged on the out narrowly on the team prize. The fol course was a real tough technical one deserves a medal for Just making it spot when the police arrived and hope lowing weekend saw Hedley, Tarik and with bombholes, steep verts, log Jumps round. However a storming first two laps their Great Britain Duathlon squad buddy fully the extensive damages will be cov and a huge pair of doubles at the finish. and a solid run in to the finish brought jon taking 1st, 2nd and 3rd in the Thames ered by her Insurance company. All of us A few pedally traverses linked the tech him home before five of the six Birm Turbo Evans Classic Duathlon, In which In the cycling club wish Colin all the best nicals and sapped the power from your ingham Uni lads, which is all we care competitors had to run 5k, cycle 22kand on his way to a full recovery and urge legs. However it rained all night and by about. 'Nuff said. run a final 3k. These races were being everyone who rides In London to bear morning the course was a quagmire. Thanks to all the riders for a fantas used as a build up to the BUSA team this story in mind next time they cycle After the first round Seb was up in tic effort this weekend. We did ourselves time trial, BUSA MTB champs and the past parked cars. DONT TRUST THE DRI the top 20. Scott took to cyclocross and proud and made a masslye improve Powerman Guernsey Duathlon, which VERS TO SEE YOU. ran down the course finishing up in the ment on last year. Thanks to STOIC for is the National middle distance duathlon. top 30. All five IC riders finished in the top the handycam. Thanks Coventry for let 200 and managed to qualify for the sec ting us burn the ramp. Birmingham - we ond run. Awesome. caned ya. The second and final runs were all Tom T faster, especially Si who lost a full 2 min 40 Sport 24 March 1999 Imperial's Year of Sport Cup & League successes prove that IC IS the capital's best for sport

HOCKEY RUGBY-Gutteridge Cup sponsored by Unilever Men's Firsts win captures cup; wins the double IC take on all Medics to win Cup final! ic ments to the ref. Superb link-ups from IC 15 reward came from a foul by GKT, which RHUL. Fluffy provided much enjoyment for the GKT.. .10 allowed Chris "Mega" Dickinson to slot crowd, unfortunately not so much for the in a penalty, making the score 10-5 to IC In keeping with the gods of sport who females. Tim's sliding tackle compli- Having beaten UCL, St Georges and the at the halfway mark. have been smiling on Imperial this year, mantcd a solid defence led by Hillbilly Imperial Medics on our way through the By now, both packs were really the hockey firsts have won the Premier Thorton, with skipper Maycock dishing UL Cup, we were finally to meet GKT in beginning to feel the heat. The furious League and the London Challenge Cup. out A-tcam style hassle to their roving for the final. We knew that they had put up running game of the first twenty minutes For the second year running, Hol wards. At halftime the scorelin rested an excellent fight against ICSM in the UH was lost as both packs settled down to loway duly showed for their token cup at 3-0. With the arrival of the original roc- Cup final and were definitely not to be a long, drawn out slugging match. The appearance. Immediate domination was keeter, B. Collen, the game pace dou underestimated. They'd won their first break for IC came twenty minutes into needed to put these boys in their place. bled, but our increasingly flowing division league and had thrashed the the second half, with openside flanker If short corners were sponges, we could attacking style allowed a slip in marking likes of UCL and Portsmouth. Dan I ligazi scoring a brilliant oppor have soaked up allthe beer spilt on Fri and two unlucky goals for the Beach The game started with Imperial tunistic try of the back of an opposition day night but our failure to convert them Boys. Not to be outdone, Sweater Har being, quite frankly, crap. Within 5 min scrum. The IC team could sense victory eased the pressure on Holloway. The ris ran, dived and danced his way into the utes, GKT had opened the scored sheet now, but there was still plenty of work to mighty Morrell opened the scoring with far D. In true JCB style, Trueman put a with a soft try in the corner. Dazzed and be done as GKT game back determined a direct penalty flick. Andy and Paul had finish to one such run and gave slight dis- confused, IC knuckled down to what not to go down without a fight. glorious games, running rings around all omfort to the queasy supporters with a was obviously going to be a fight to the With the referee playing way over and sundry. O'Dea's goal has already glowing white lard-free backside. And finish. Within minutes, some aggressive the 80 minutes normally allowed for a been snapped by the EHA for their next where would we have been without the play from the IC pack had put Imperial game of Rugby, GKT had put up camp in textbook. James kept a solid midfieid adaptability of Noddy Thomas, ably filling deep into the GKT half. The ball was the IC half. After a series of hard scrums, ticking over with Keylock laying it down in at left back due to injuries. Unboubt- shipped out to Andy Mayes, who's GKT finally managed to break our line to champagne style in their left channel. edly this has been the best hockey the strength showed as he penetrated their score the last points of the game. With Fluke and Mr. Mangles stifled a forward Harlington turf has seen in years. Con- line to score the first points for Imperial. the score at 15-10 to IC, and after 94 min play down their wing, resulting in the first gratuations to M Williamson for his Eng With the scoreline at 7-5 to IC, both utes, the referee blew the final whistle. injury of the day, and some irate com land call up; we got you there! teams fought with passion. The only Dave "Dynamic reporter" Pearce

Photos: Dave The trlumpant IC Hockey team with ULU Cup trophy (left) and the ULU Cup Champion rugby team with the trophy (right) IC ROLL OF HONOUR or "Time for a bigger trophy cabinet"

Men's Football Men's Rugby Men's Hockey ULU Premier League winners Gutteridge Cup Winners ULU League Winners ULU First Division Winners (ICSM) UH Cup Winners (ICSM) ULU Cup Winners ULU Cup Winners BUSA Southern Premiership Champions (ICSM) UH Cup Winners (ICSM) UH Cup Winners (ICSM) ULU Reserve Cup Winners Ladles Rugby

Fencing ULU League Winners Ladies Hockey BUSA Champions ULU Cup winners ULU Cup Winners (ICSM)

Volleyball Athletics Basketball BUSA Runner's-up ULU Competition Winners UL Cup Runners Up