" THE STORY OF OUR LIVES FROM YEAR TO YEAR,"—SHAKESPEAHE. ALL THE YEAR ROUND A WEEKLY JOURNAL. CONDUCTED BY CHARLES DICKENS. WITH WHICH IS INCORPORATED HOUSEHOLD WORDS.

N°- 101.] SATURDAY, MARCH 30, 1861, [PXIICE Id.

bell with an unsteady hand, I turned my back GEEAT EXPECTATIONS. upon the gate, while 1 tried to get my breath BY CHAKLES DICKENS. and keep the beating of my heart moderately ^ quiet. I heard the side door open and steps come across the court-yard; but I pretended not CHAPTER XXIX. to hear, even wlien the gate swung on its rusty BETIMES in the morning I was np and out. It hinges. was too early yet to go to Miss Havisham's, Being at last touched on the shoulder, I so I loitered into the country on Miss Havi- started and turned. I started much more na­ sham's side of town—which was not Joe's side ; turally tlien, to find myself confronted by a I conld go there to-morrow—thinking about my man in a sober grey dress. The last man I patroness, and painting brilliant pictures of her should have expected to see in that place of plans for me. porter at Miss llavisham's door. She had adopted Estella, she had as good as "Orlick!" adopted me, and it could not fail to be her in­ "Ah, young master, there's more changes tention to briug us together. She reserved it than yours. But come in, come in. It's op­ for me to restore the desolate house, admit the posed to my orders to hold the gate open.'* sunshine into the dark rooms, set the clocks I entered and he swung it, and locked it, and a going and the cold hearths a blazing, tear took the key out. " Yes!" said he, facing round, down the cobwebs, destroy tlie vermin—in short, after doggealy preceding me a few steps towards do all the shining deeds of the young Knight of the house. "Here I am!" romance, and marry the Princess. I had stopped " How did you come here ?'' to look at the house as I passed; and its seared " I come here," he retorted, "on ray legs. 1 red brick walls, blocked windows, and strong had my box brought alongside me in a barrow." green ivy clasping even the stacks of chimneys "Are you here for good?'^ with its twigs and tendons, as if with sinewy " I ain't here for harm, young master, I old arms, had made up a rich attractive mystery, suppose ?" of which I was the liero, Estella was the in­ I was not so sure of that. I had leisure to spiration of it, and the heart of it, of course. entertain the retort in my mind, while he slowly But, though she had taken such strong possession lifted his heavy glance from the pavement, up of me, though my fancy and my hope were so set my legs and arms, to my face. upon her, though her influence on my boyish " Then you have left the forge ?" I said. life and character had ^been all-powerful, I did " Do this look like a forge ?" replied Orlick, not, even that romantic morning, invest her sending his glance all round him with an air of with any attributes save those she possessed. injury. " Now, do it look like it ?" I mention this in this place, of a fixed pur­ I asked him how long he had left Gargery's pose, because it is the clue by which I am forsre ? to be followed into my poor labyrinth. Ac­ " One day is so like another here," he replied, cording to my experience, the conventional no­ "that I don't know without casting it up. tion of a lover cannot be always true. The However, I come here some time since you unqualified truth is, that when I loved Es­ left." tella with the love of a man, I loved her be­ "I could have told you that, Orlick." cause I found her irresistible. Once for all; I " Ah!" said he, dryly. " But then you've got knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not al­ to be a scholar." ways, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against Bv this time we had come to the house, where happiness, against all discouragement that could I found his room to be one just within the side be. Once for all; I loved her none the less door, with a little window in it looking on the because I knew it, and it had no more influence court-yard. In its small proportions, it was not in restraining me, than if I had devoutly be­ unlike the kind of place usually assigned to a lieved her to be human perfection. gate-porter in Paris. Certain keys were hang­ ing on the wall, to which he now added the gate I so shaped out my walk as to arrive at the key; and his patchwork-covered bed was in a little gate at my old time. When I had rung at the inner division or recess. The whole had a slo-

VOL V, 101 ^"" JIL Lll JUIlUIIL,.5raSB9T5W

2 [March 30, ISfil.] ALL THE YEAR KOUND. [Conducted by venly confined and sleepy look, like a cage for a a loss, "that you were so kind as to wish me to human dormouse: while he, looming dark and come and see you, and I came directly." heavy in the shadow of a corner by the \vindow, "Well?" looked like the human donnouse for whom it The lady whom I had never seen before, was fitted up—as indeed he was. lifted up her eyes and looked archly at me, and "I never saw this room before," I remarked; then T saw that the eyes were Estella's eyes. "but there used to be no Porter here." But she was so much changed, was so much "No," said he; "not till it got about that more beautiful, so much more womanly, in all there was no protection on the premises, and it things winning admiration had made such come to be considered dangerous, with convicts wonderful advance, that I seemed to have made and Tag and Bag and Bobtail going up and none. I fancied, as I looked at her, that I slipped down. And then I was recommended to the place hopelessly back into the coarse and common as a man who could give another man as good boy again. O the sense of distance and dis­ as he brought, and I took it. It's easier than parity that came upon me, and the inaccessibility bellowsing and hammering.—That's loaded, that that came about her ! She gave me her hand. I stammered some­ My eye had been caught by a gun with a thing about the pleasure I felt in seeing her brass-bound stock over the chimney-piece, and again, and about my having looked forward to it his eye had followed mine. for a long, long time. "Well," said I, not desirous of more con­ "Do you find her much changed, Pip?" asked versation, "shall I go up to Miss Havisham?" Miss Havisham with her greedy look, and strik­ "Burn me, if I know!" he retorted, first ing her stick upon a chair that stood between stretching himself and then shaking himself; them, as a sign to me to sit down there. " my orders ends here, young master. I give this "When I came in, Miss Havisham, I thought here bell a rap with this liere hammer, and you there was nothing of Estella in the face or figure; go on along the passage till you meet some- but now it all settles down so curiously into the

.7 old " "I am expected, I believe ?" "What? You are not going to say, into the "Burn me twice over, if I can say!" said old Estella?" Miss Havisham interrupted. "She he. was proud and insulting and you wanted to go Upon that, I turned down the long passage away from her. Don't you remember ?" which I had first trodden in my thick boots, and I said confusedly that that was long ago, and he made his bell sound. At the end of the that I knew no better then, and the like. Estella passage, while the bell was still reverberating, smiled with perfect composure, and said she had I found Sarah Pocket: who appeared to have no doubt of my having been quite right, and of now become constitutionally green and yellow her having been very disagreeable. bv reason of me. "Is he changed?" Miss Havisham asked ^ " Oh 1" said she. "You, is it, Mr. Pip?" her. "It is, Miss Pocket. I am glad to tell you "Very much," said Estella, looking at me. that Mr. Pocket and family are all well." "Less coarse and common?" said Miss Havi­ " Are they any vnser ?" said Sarah, with a sham, playing with Estella's hair. dismal shake of the head; " they had better be Estella laughed, and looked at the shoe in her wiser, than well. Ah, Matthew, Matthew! hand, and laughed again, and looked at me, and You know your way, sir ?" put the shoe down. She treated me as a boy Tolerably, for I had gone up the staircase in still, but she lured me on. the dark, many a time. I ascended it now, in We sat in the dreamy room among the old lighter boots than of yore, and tapped in my old strange influences which had so wrought upon "wajr at the door of Miss Havisham's room. me, and I learnt that she had but just come "Pip's rap," I heard her say, immediately; home from Erance, and that she was going to " come in, Pip.'^ London. Proud and wilful as of old, she had She was in her chair near the old table, in brought those qualities into such subjection to the old dress, with her two hands crossed on her beauty that it was impossible and out of her stick, her chin resting on them, and nature—or I thought so—to separate them her eyes on the fire. Sitting near her, with from her beauty. Truly it was impossible to the white shoe that had never been worn, in her dissociate her presence from all those wretched hand, and her head bent as she looked at it, was hankerings after money and gentility tliat had an elegant ladv whom I had n«ver seen. disturbed my boyhood—from all those ill-regu­ "Come in, Pip," Miss Havisham continued lated aspirations that had first made me ashamed to mutter, without looking round or up; of home and Joe—from all those visions that "come in, Pip, how do you do, Pip? so you had raised her face in the glowing fire, struck kiss my hand as if I were a queen, eh? it out of the iron on th-e anvil, extracted it Well?" from the darkness of night to look in at the She looked up at me suddenly, only moving wooden window of the forge and flit away. In her eyes, and repeated in a grimly playful a word, it was impossible for me to separate manner, her, in the past or in the present, from the "Well?" innermost life of my life. " I heard. Miss Havisham," said I, rather at It was settled that I should stay there all the Charlcf Dtcken?.] GPvEAT EXPECTATIOXS. CMarch 30, 1861.] 3

rest of the day, and return to the hotel at night, not minding in the least, made me cry again, and to London to-morrow. When we had con­ inwardly—and that is the sharpest crying of versed for a while, Miss Havisham sent us two all. out to walk in the neglected garden; on our " Y'ou must know," said Estella, condescend­ coming in by-and-by, she said, I should wheel ing to me as a brilliant and beautiful woman her about a little as in times of yore. might, "that I have no heart—if that has any- So, Estella and I went out into the garden by thing to do with my memory.'* the gate through which T had strayed to my en­ I got through some jargon to the effect that counter with the pale youn^ gentleman, now I took the liberty of doubting that. That I Herbert; I, trembling in spirit and worshipping knew better. That there could be no such the very hem of her dress; she, quite composed beauty without it. and most decidedly not worshipping the hem of " Oh! I have a heart to be stabbed in or shot mine. As we drew near to the place of en­ in, I have no doubt," said Estella, " and, of counter, she stopped and said : course, if it ceased to beat I should cease to be. " I must have been a sino;ular little crea- But you know what I mean. I have no soft­ ture to hide and see that fight that day: but ness there, no — sympathy—sentiment—non­ I did, and I enjoyed it very much." sense." "You rewarded me very much.'* What was it that was borne in upon my mind "Did I?" she replied, in an incidental and when she stood still and looked attentively at forgetful way. "I remember I entertained a me? Anything that I had seen in Miss Ha­ great objection to your adversary, because I visham? No. In some of her looks and ges­ took it ill that he should be brought here to tures there was that tinge of resemblance to Miss pester me with his company." Havisham which may often be noticed to have " He and I are great friends now,'* said L been acquired by children, from grown persons " Are you ? I think I recollect though, that with whom they have been much associated and you read with his father?" secluded, and which, when childhood is past, will "Yes." produce a remarkable occasional likeness of I made the admission with reluctance, for it expression between faces that are otherwise seemed to have a boyish look, and she already quite different. And yet I could not trace this treated me more than enough like a boy. to Miss Havisham. I looked again, and though " Since your change of fortune and prospects, she was still looking at me, the suggestion was you have changed your companions," said Es­ gone. tella. What teas it ? "Naturally," said L " I am serious," said Estella, not so much "And necessarily," she added, in a haughty with a frown (for her brow was smooth) as with tone, " what was fit company for you once, a darkening of her face ; "if we are to be thrown would be quite unfit company for you now." much together, you had better believe it at In my conscience, I doubt very m'uch whethet I once. No!" imperiously stopping me as I had any lingeiiug intention left, of going to see opened my lips. "I have not bestowed my ten­ Joe; hat if I had, this observation put it to derness anvwtere. I have never had any such flight. thing." "^ "You had no idea of your impending good In another moment we were in the brewery fortune, in those times ?" said Estella, with a so long disused, and she pointed to the high slight wave of her hand, signifying in the fight­ gallery where I had seen her going out on that ing times. same first day, and told me she remembered to "Not the least." have been up there, and to have seen me stand­ The air of completeness and superiority with ing scared below. As my eyes followed her which she walked at my side, and the air of white hand, again the same dim suggestion that youthfulness and submission with which I walked I could not possibly grasp, crossed me. My in­ at hers, made a contrast that I strongly felt. voluntary start occasioned her to lay her hand It would have rankled in me more than it did, upon my ai'm. Instantly the ghost passed if I had not regarded myself as eliciting it once more, and was gone. by being so set apart for her and assigned to What was it ? her. " What is the matter ?" asked Estella. " Are The garden was too overgrown and rank for you scared again ?'* walking in with ease, and after we had made the " I should be, if I believed what you said just round of it twice or thrice, we came out again now," I replied, to turn it off. into the brewery yard. I showed her to a " Then you don't ? Very well. It is said, at nicety where I had seen her walking on the any rate. Miss Havisham will soon be expecting casks, that first old day, and she satd, with a you at your old post, though I think that might cold and careless look in that direction, "Did be laid aside now, with other old belongings. I ?" I reminded her where she had come out of Let us mjUie one more round of the garden, and the house and given me my meat and drink, and then go in. Come! You shall not shed tears she said, " I don't remember." " Not remember for my cruelty to-day; you shall be my Page, that you made me cry?" said I. "No," said and give me your shoulder." she, and shook her head and looked about her. Her handsome dress had trailed upon the I verily believe that her not remembering and ground. She held it in one hand now, and with •.» " •• -^-•.r-r-.wr' •m—s^r^WR w V"«r

4 [March 30, 1861.] ALL THE YEAR ROUND. [Conducted by

the other lightly touched my shoulder as we I bred her and educated her, to be loved. ^ I de­ walked. We walked round the ruined garden veloped her into what she is, that she might be twice or thrice more, and it was all in bloom loved. Love her 1" for me. If the green and yellow growth of She said the word often enough, and there weed in the chinks of the old wall, had been the could be no doubt that she meant to say it; but most precious flowers that ever blew, it could if the often repeated word had been hate instead not have been more cherished in my remem­ of love—despair—revenge—dire death—it could brance. not have sounded from her lips more like a There was no discrepancy of years between curse. us, to remove her far from me; we were of " ril tell you," said she, in the same hurried nearly the same age, though of course the a^e assionate w^hisper, "what real love is. It is told for more in her case than in mine ; but the Elind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, air of inaccessibility wliich her beauty and her utter submission, trust and belief against your­ manner gave her, tormented me in the midst of self and against the whole world, giving up your my delight, and at the height of the assurance I whole heart and soul to the smiter—as I did!" felt that our patroness had chosen us for one an­ When she came to that, and to a wild other. Wretched boy 1 cry that followed that, I caught her round the At last we went back into the house, and waist. Eor she rose up in the chair, in her there I heard, with surprise, that my guardian shroud of a dress, and struck at the air as if had come do^vn to see Miss Havisham on business she would as soon have struck herself against and would come back to dinner. The old wintry the wall and fallen dead. branches of chandeliers in the room where the All this passed in a few seconds. As I drew mouldering table was spread, had been lighted her down into her chair, I was conscious of a while we were out, and Miss Havisham was in scent that I knew, and turning, saw my guar­ her chair and waiting for me. dian in the room. It was like pushing the chair itself back He always carried (I have not yet mentioned into the past, when we began the old slow it, I think) a pocket-handkerchief of rich silk circuit round about the ashes of the bridal and of imposing proportions, which was of great feast. But, in the funereal room, with that value to him in his profession. I have seen him figure of the grave fallen back in the chair fixing so terrify a client or a witness by ceremoniously its eyes upon her, Estella looked more bright unfolding this pocket-handkerchief as if he were and beautiful than before, and I was under immediately going to blow his nose, and then stronger enchantment. pausing, as if he knew he should not have time The time so melted away, that our early to do it before such client or witness committed dinner-hour drew close at hand, and Estella left himself, that the self-committal has followed di­ us to prepare herself. We had stopped near rectly, quite as a matter of course. When I saw the centre of the long table, and Miss Havisham, him in the room, he had this expressive pocket- with one of her withered arms stretched out of handkerchief in both hands, and was looking the chair, rested that clenched hand upon the at us. On meeting my eye, he said plainly, yellow cloth. As Estella looked back over her by a momentary and silent pause in that atti­ shoulder before going out at the door. Miss tude, "Indeed? Singular!" and then put the Havisham kissed that hand to her, with a handkerchief to its right use with wonderful ravenous intensity that was of its kind quite effect. dreadful. Miss Havisham had seen him as soon as I, Then, Estffla being gone and we two left and was (like everybody else) afraid of him. alone, she turned to me, and said in a whisper: She made a strong attempt to compose herself. " Is she beautiful, graceful, well-grown ? Do and stammered that he was as punctual as you admire her ?" ever. " Everybody must who sees her, Miss Havi­ " As punctual as ever," he repeated, coming sham." up to us. " (How do you do, Pip. Shall I give She drev/ an arm round my neck, and drew you a ride. Miss Havisham ? Once round ?) my head close do^ai to hers as she sat in the And so you are here, Pip ?" chau\ " Love her, love her, love her 1 How I told him when I had arrived, and how Miss does she use you?" Havisham had wished me to come and see Es­ Before I could answer (if I could have an­ tella. To which he rcpUed, "Ah! Very fine swered sodiincult a question at all), she repeated, young lady !" Then he pushed Miss Havisham *'Love her, love her, love her ! If she favours m her chair before him, with one of his large you, love her. If she wounds you, love her. If hands, and put the other in his trousers-pocket she tears your heart to pieces—and as it gets as if the pocket were full of secrets. older and stronger, it will tear deeper—love " Well, Pip ! How often have you seen Miss her, love her, love her!" Estella before ?" said he, when he came to a Never had I seen such passionate eagerness stop as was joined to her utterance of these words. "How often?" I could feel the muscles of the thin arm round ^ "Ah! How many times. Ten thousand my neck, swell with the vehemence that pos­ times ?" sessed her. " Oh ! Certainly not so many." " Hear me, Pip! I adopted her to be loved. "Twice?" "/

Charles Dickens.] GREAT EXPECTATIOXS. [March 30,13G1.] 5

" Jaggers," interposed Miss Havisham, much my disadvantage. Three or four times I feebly to my relief; " leave my Pip alone, and go with thought I would start conversation; but when­ him to your dinner." ever he saw me going to ask him anything, he He complied, and we groped our way down looked at me with his glass in his hand, and the dark stairs together. While we were still rolling his wine about in his mouth, as if re­ on our way to those detached apartments across questing me to take notice that it was of no the paved yard at the back, he asked me how use, for he couldn't answer. often I had seen Miss Havisham cat and drink; I think Miss Pocket was conscious that the offering me a breadth of choice, as usual, be­ sight of me involved her in the danger of being tween a hundred times and once. goaded to madness, and perhaps tearing off her I considered, and said, " Never." cap—which w^as a very hideous one, in the na­ "And never will, Pip," he retorted, with a ture of a muslin mop—and strewing the ground frowning smile. " She has never allowed her­ with her hair—which assuredly had never grown self to be seen doing either, since she lived this on lier head. She did not appear when we after­ present life of hers. She wanders about in the wards went up to Miss Havisham's room, and night, and then lays hands on such food as she we four played at whist. In the interval, Miss takes." Havisham, in a fantastic way, had put some of "Pray, sir," said I, "may I ask you a ques­ the most beautiful jewels from her dressing-table tion?" into Estella's hair, and about her bosom and " You may," said he, " and I may decline to arms ; and I saw even my guardian look at her answer it. Put your question." from ujider his thick eyebrows, and raise them " Estella's name. Is it Havisham, or ?" a little, when her loveliness was before liim, I had nothing to add. with those rich flushes of glitter and colour '' Or what ?" said he. in it. " Is it Havisham ?" Of the manner and extent to which he took " It is Havisham." our trumps into custody, and came out with This brought us to the dinner-table, where mean little cards at the ends of hands, before she and Sarah Pocket awaited us. Mr. Jaggers which the glory of our Kings and Queens was presided, Estella sat opposite to him, I faced my utterly abased, I say nothing; nor of the feeling green and yellow friend. We dined very well, that I had, respecting his looking upon us per­ and were waited on by a maid-servant whom I sonally in the light of three very obvious and poor . had never seen in all my comings and goings, riddles that he had found out long ago. What I but who, for anything I know, had been in suffered from, was the incompatibility between his that mysterious liouse the whole time. After cold presence and my feelings towards Estella. dinner, a bottle of choice old port was placed It was not that I knew I could never bear to before my guardian (he was evidently well ac­ speak to him about her, that I knew I could quainted with the vintage), and the two ladies never bear to hear him creak his boots at her, left us. that I knew I could never bear to see him wash Anything to equal the determined reticence of his hands of her; it was, that my admiration Mr. Jaggers under that roof, I never saw else­ should be within a foot or two of him—it was, where, even in him. He kept Jiis very looks to that my feelings should be in the same place himself, and scarcely directed his eyes to Es­ with him—thaty was the agonising circum­ tella's face once during dimier. When she stance. spoke to him, he listened, and in due course We played until nine o'clock, and then it answered, but never looked at her that I could was arranged that when Estella came to Lon­ see. On the other hand, she often looked at don I should be forewarned of her coming him, with interest and curiosity, if not distrust, and should meet her at the coach; and then but his face never showed the least conscious­ I took leave of her, and touched her and left ness. Throughout dinner he took a dry de­ her. light in making Sarah Pocket greener and yel­ My guardian lay at the Boar in the next lower, by often referring in conversation with room to mine. Ear into the ni^ht, Miss Havi­ me to my expectations; but here, again, he sham's words, " Love her, love her, love her !" showed no consciousness, and even made it sounded in my ears. I adapted them for my appear that he extorted—and even did extort, own repetition, and said to my pillow, " I love though I don't know how—those references out her, I love her, I love her!" hundreds of times. of my innocent self. Then, a burst of gratitude came upon me, that And when he and I were left alone together, she should be destined for me, once the black­ he sat with an air upon him of general lying by smith's boy. Then, I thought if she were, as in consequence of information he possessed, that I feared, by no means rapturously grateful for really was too much for me. He cross-exa­ that destiny yet, when would she begin to be mined his very wine when he had nothing else interested in me? When should I awaken the in hand. He held it between himself and the heai't within her, that was mute and sleeping candle, tasted the port, rolled it in his mouth, now? swallowed it, looked at the port again, smelt it, All me! I thought those were high and great tried it, drank it, filled again, and cross-examined emotions. But I never thought there was any­ the glass again, until I was as nervous as if I had thing low and small in my keeping away from known the \vine to be telling him something to Joe, because I knew she would be contcmp- l_-*w^'%^"JJ^'"•'*'"-•'••* "*"*V*FW!»¥i!,'.|* J L"Jfll¥i."»'i^^H*!Wm.?

6 [March 30,1861.] ALL THE YEAR ROUND. [Couductedby tuous of him. It was but a day gone, and to exemplify our position respecting the varieties Joe had brought the tears into my eyes; they of food and its preparation. had soon dried, God forgive me ! soon dried. The Greeks were at all times less of gourmets than the Romans, In Homer's time their appe­ METAMORPHOSES OF EOOD, tites were no doubt heroic enough, and huge havoc was made on swine's flesh, when the chance THE stomach is a mighty magician. Into its was afforded; but even on princely tables universal maw are thrust the most varied ma­ nothing more recherche w^as found than bread, terials dravm from every corner and crevice of beef, mutton, pork, and goat's flesh, always pre­ Nature: solids and fluids, of stable and unstable pared in the same way. Nor even among the combination, animals and plants, minerals and later Greeks was there any great expenditure of salts, all of which are mixed and ground, moist­ ingenuity in cookery. Plain roast, with olives, ened and mashed, torn asunder, taken to lemons, figs, pomegranates, apples, pears, melons, pieces, and formed anew into a kind of broth, and a few vegetables seem to have made up their which is always, and in all men, the same broth, list of eatables; if we add to the roasts, an no matter how different may have been the ma­ occasional dog or donkey, and a rabbit or hare, terials from which it was formed. Nature, by the list stiU seems small. The Greeks took three the endless combinations of a few elements, meals daily—breakfast, dinner, and supper. The produces endless diversities of inorganic and or­ first was a very simple affair, consisting of bread ganic life. The stomach clutches these, and re­ dipped in wine. Supper, which answers to our duces their diversity to simplicity. Tiie world dinner, was the chief meal. The early Greeks is ransacked for food; and the food is made sat down to their meals, but the later Greeks into blood. Races and nations differ in the borrowed from the East the practice of reclining substances they feed on, and in the way they on cushions. They took off their sandals, and feed on them, but all these differences disappear washed hands and feet before commencing; a in the final result; the blood of one race and practice all the more commendable since they one nation is the same as the blood of all races. ate with their fingers, and wiped their fingers on So also the cow eats grass and turnip, con­ bread-crumbs. Our "silver fork school" would verting them into blood; the lion declines those have had its feelings painfully outraged at the succulent vegetables, but feasts upon the cow, idea of Pericles and Aspasia without a fork, and yet converts this food into nothing better using as such the crusts of bread, which crusts, than blood. when they became too moist, were thrown under It is the same with cooking. Wonderfully the table, and snapped up by expectant dogs* various are the means men have hit upon for Indeed, the fork is a modern invention; and preparing their food, to make it easy of di­ was not the product of English genius, though gestion, pleasant of taste. In these they have in England it has been carried to its greatest been guided by instinct, and occasionally en­ eminence. It arose in Italy, in the later half of lightened by knowledge. But all means point the fifteenth century. In the sixteenth century to the same end. Climates differ, modes of life it was introduced to the Erench Court as a differ, tastes differ, prejudices differ. The brilliant novelty; and only in 1608 was first Greenlander gorging himself with pounds of brought to England by Thomas Coryat. Yet it seal's flesh and train oil, would look with won­ is suspected there were gentlemen even among dering contempt on the Hindoo, distending those forkless persons. himself with rice and rancid butter. The Abys­ But this is a digression. The Greeks ate sinian who likes his stake raw, cut from the without a fork or spoon. Soup they managed living animal, would hardly comprehend the to drink out of bowls, as impatient juveniles Parisian's fancy for a stake stewed into strings, have been known to drink it in our own time; or and disguised in brown gravies. The Nea­ else they sopped bread in it. During the meal politan refreshing himself with juicy cocomero, no wine was drunk; but when the eating was might sniff at the German exhilarating himself over, and the hands had a second time been with sausages and raw ham. washed, wine, generally mixed with water, was How various were the articles of food, and the handed round. Water, wine, and milk were the habits which prevailed at meals, among ancient only drinks of the Greeks; other drinks were peoples, may be gathered from existing records; despised as barbaric. The sexes always ate and these have been put together by Dr. Reich, of separately. Bern, in one of those elaborately erudite treatises The Romans began, of course, as simple which only Germans have the patience to com­ feeders, but in process of time became such pose. The book is called " Die Nahrungs und gourmets as the world has not since seen. Genussmittelkunde," and has a pathetic interest Pulse, bread, fruit, vegetables, and only a few thrown over it from the fact that it was written meats, with wine and water, were the staple in years of such hunger, cold, and misery, that food of the early Romans ; then came beer ; and in closing the preface to the first part, the then, as the conquest of the world brought them author says he is on the brink of the grave, and more and more into contact with various may not survive to complete what he has so customs, the list of articles and the modes of laboriously commenced. Much of this work is preparation became longer and more various. meant for a scientific public only, but w^e shall Then came the search after rarities. The livers borrow from its more popular pages a few details of nightingales, the brams of flammingos, the Cbu-lAB Dickens.] METAJMORPHOSES OF FOOD, [March 30, 1861.] tender parts of peacocks, wild boar, oysters, feeders. Of cookery they had but the simplest blackbirds, deer, hares, spices from all countries, ideas: raw or roasted meat, with wme and and ingenious forms of pastry—these were mulsum, summed up their notions of a banquet. dressed up in a thousand different ways, so that The Lusitanians only drank water, and ate Apicius could leave ten books of receipts. The scarcely any flesh but that of goats. The Gauls Romans had three daily meals. The jeiitaculum, were equally indifferent to vegetable food. or breakfast, the prandium, or dinner, and the They preferred swine's-flesh, roasted, salted, or coena, or supper. The first consisted of bread smoked. They drank wine, milk, and a barley and salt, olives, cheese, dried grapes, and some­ drink; but wine was their especial favourite, times milk and eggs. The prandium was more because it intoxicated them. Maidens and like our meat luncheon. It consisted of warm youths waited at meals. The men sat on the or cold meat, the remains of yesterday's supper; skins of wild beasts. The ancient Germans and, in luxurious houses, of oysters, eggs, and were likewise mainly animal feeders, and huge sweets. The drinks were water, wine, and feeders. Wild boar, hare, deer, aurochs, black­ mulsum—a beverage composed of wine and cock, wild-goose, duck, pigeon, sheep, pigs, honey. The coena was an elaborate affair, oxen, and horses, with some flshes, were eaten divided into three courses: the first, gustus, or raw as well as roasted. When the flesh was promulsis, was something like the " whet" of a eaten raw, it was generally kneaded by hands modern French dinner, only of a more substan­ and feet, in the skin, until it was tolerably soft. tial kind: oysters, eggs, broths, light vegetables, They drank must, meth, beer, and wine, and especially lettuces, with piquant sauces, and drank it unstintingly. digestible fish. Only mulsum was drunk with The Jews made supper their chief meal, and this course. With the second course, or fercula, generally did not break their fast until after the the serious business began. A huge roast, say morning prayer. On the Sabbath no breakfast a wild boar served up whole, was placed on the was eaten. Before and after meals hands were table; then came hares, pigeons, peacocks, flam­ washed, and a grace was said. The meats and mingos, ostrich eggs, rare fishes, parrot heads, vegetables were handed round in dishes, and the and nightingale tongues. The wine was cooled guests helped themselves with finders and bread by snow. Besides wine, there were various crusts to as much as they fancied. In ancient other drinks—beer, camum, and zythum—what­ times they sat at table, but in later times the ever they may have been. Then followed the fashion of reclining on divans came in. Many third course, mensse secundse, consisting of fruit, meats were forbidden: for example, the flesh of sweetmeats, delicate dishes of many kinds. all animals which had died a natural death, Fingers, of course, were liberally soiled in eating which were killed by other animals, and which, of these dishes, and instead of wiping them on when killed by man, had not lost the greater bread-crumb, as the Greeks did, the Romans part of their blood. To cat blood, or meat with used napkins, each guest bringing his own. the blood in it, was to incur the penalty of The women ate with the men; but they sat, death. Pork, we need scarcely add, was not while the men, in later years, reclined on sofas. eaten, except, perhaps, here and there by a Jew Slaves carved the joints, keeping strict time to of a sceptical turn of mind. There were also the accompaniment of music. parts of the fat and flesh which were forbidden, The Egyptians brewed beer from barley, baked and no meat cooked in mdk was permitted. bread from the meal of the lotos-seed, and dis­ Hares and camels, donkeys and dogs, many birds, tilled oil from olives. The immense richness of all reptiles, and some fishes, were likewise for­ the soil, which in the Nile delta gave four crops bidden. a year, furnished abundant vegetable food, and The Hindoos were, and are, very simple in the Nile furnished abundant fish. Upon fish, their diet. The chief article was rice (in Sans­ lotos, garlic, melons, and dates, the poorer crit richa., in Persian rizehy in Greek oryzon), classes chiefly subsisted. Those who could from which they also made a sort of wine, which, afford flesh, preferred the quail, the duck, the however, was only drunk on festal occasions; goose, and beef; very often the meat was simply in general they drank only water. There was a salted, and eaten without further cookery. Not favourite dish called krishara, a sort of thick but what the Egyptian cooks displayed consi­ riz an lait, made of rice, milk, sugar, and carda­ derable ingenuity. Sir Gardiner Wilkinson's moms. Intoxicatingdrinkswereforbidden; never­ researches show them to have understood va­ theless, beer, meth, barley wine, palm wine, cocoa rious modes of preparing dishes, especially of milk, were secretly indulged in; and, in spite of pastry. The drinks were numerous. It was religious scruples, much wine was drunk. The the custom during a banquet to carry round a Persians, according to Strabo, fed luxuriously coffin, containing a painted corpse, made of on animal and vegetable diet; huge animals wood, which was shown to each guest, as a being roasted whole, and washed down with memento that he, too, must one day die, and copious draughts of wine; but we know nothing that the best thing he could do was to enjoy of the food of the people, it is only the banquets the present moment. The Egyptians sat at of princes, splendid with goblets and salvers, table, and used a wooden or ivory spoon to aid that have been thought worthy of mention. The their fingers. Dances and music enlivened the ancient Arabs were often named after the food meal. they ate; thus we hear of the rhizophagists The Iberians were almost exclusively animal (root eaters), kreophagists (flesh eatei^s), and

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8 [March 30,1861.] ALL THE YEAR ROUND, [Conducted by ichthyophagists (fish eaters), and more specifi­ cess of cooking, and in some respects they were cally of elephant eaters, crocodile eaters, ostrich right. In proportion as the food has been well eaters, locust eaters, &c. The fish eaters heaped cooked there is less labour thrown upon the fish upon heated stones, removed the backbones, stomach, which will have to grind and mash the mashed the flesh into a sort of cake, and dried food, to reduce it to a pulp and a liquid. For it it in the sun. Except the pig, which the Arabs is a fact worth bearing in mind, that only liquid regarded with horror on account of its dirty and food is capable of nourishinganorganism. Inhow- hideous person, almost all animals were welcome ever solid a condition the substance enters the to them. stomach it must be reduced to liquid before any We need not follow Dr. Reich in his exten­ of it can nourish; all that is not capable of sive researches into the food of all nations. The being made liquid, or of being held in solution, foregoing varieties suffice to indicate that the passes away as worthless. The caterpillar, for human stomach can be contented with very example, devours daily about twice its own simple food, and very rude cookery, and will weight of solid food, yet exact experiment has also master almost every variety of organic sub­ proved that a caterpillar which in twelve hours stance, and please itself with every combination voided from fifteen to eighteen grains of refuse, which ingenuity can devise. There are tribes only gained one or two grains in weight during which subsist entirely on animal food, and there that period, the fact being that it had only are tribes which subsist entirely on vegetable pressed out the juices of the leaves, and voided food, and there are those, by far the greater all the solid parts. Had its digestive powers number, which subsist on varieties of botJi. been more vigorous, it would have eaten less Much depends on climate and mode of life; not and liquefied more. The same thing is true of a little on custom and prejudice. If the labourer the higher organisms. In proportion to their in Benguela is satisfied with a handful of manioc power of liquefying food is the quantity of meal, and is kept in " condition" by this modest nutriment they extract from articles of food. diet, the labourer in England would show but And the reasons why food must be liquid shrunken muscles and feeble energy on such before it can nourish an organism are twofold: food; nor could either of them flourish on the first, the food has to be conveyed from the quantities of raw flesh and train oil eagerly stomach to the various parts of the body which devoured by the Esquimaux. Rice and pulse have to be nourished; and as it is conveyed in ca­ keep tlie sepoy in vigour, but the English nals which are everywhere closed—blood-vessels soldier, under the same conditions of climate, with no openings in their walls to let the food would languish on such food. It is a popular escape—it would be for ever carried to and fro error to suppose that in hot climates meat and by the torrent of the circulation (most accurate fat are instinctively avoided, and are proper phrase!); and the parts of the body through only for cold climates. There are numerous which this torrent rushes would be as Uttle tribes in the hottest parts of Africa which benefited by the food as if none were there. always eat meat when they can get it, and eat Secondly, supposing openings to exist, or to it gluttonously ; and the great carnivorous be ruptured, and the solid food to be de­ animals are mainly inhabitants of hot climates. posited on the organs, no nutrition could take The truth is, there is a certain adaptation place; because these organs are made up of in­ between the organism and its food which is numerable little cells or vesicles, every one of quite independent of temperature; and just as which must separately be fed, and no one of there are flesh-feeders and vegetable-feeders which has any mouth or opening for the food among animals (the food of both coming to the to enter. same thing after being digested), so there are Thus, the food has first to be carried away by races of men organised to flourish on different a vast network of closed vessels, through the kinds of food. It is in vain to say all men are walls of which it must ooze; and then it has to alike, and therefore must be equally adapted to ooze through the walls of the tiny cells consti­ digest the same kind of food. Alike they are, but tuting the individual atoms of each organ. It also different. Even among the same tribe, or race, is obvious that only liquid food can thus pass we find important individual difl'erences. One out of the blood-vessels and into the cells. It man cannot digest eggs, another cannot digest does so in virtue of a remarkable law—named milk, a third cannot eat mutton, a foui'th cannot the law of Endosmosis—by which a fluid moist­ touch butter, a fifth is made ill by tobacco, a ening one side of a membrane will gradually sixth by strawberries, and so on. Now, it is change places with a different fluid moistening purely a question of adaptability whether food the other side of this membrane. Outside the shall be nutritious or the reverse. We know blood-vessel there is a fluid, and with this the that cabbage will feed cows, monkeys, and men, blood sets up a process of exchange. The blood because cabbage can by them be digested; but thus oozed from the vessel now finds itself out­ it will not feed fish, cats, or vultures, simply side the membrane (cell wall) of the cells which because it cannot be digested by them. And contain liquid; and between these two a similar the cabbage which the monkey eats uncooked process of exchange takes place: the cell gets must be cooked for the man, because his di­ new food, and gets rid of wasted material. gestive powers are feebler. We here reach the final stage of the long All cooking is a preparatory digestion. The an­ history of cooking and digesting. All those cients used to consider digestion itself only a pro­ manifold efforts and stratagems by which food is Charles Dickens.] A PARCEL OF PREACHERS. [March 30. ItiGLj 9

first secured, then prepared by the elaborate in­ other like demonstrations. Again, the sermons genuity of cooks, then digested by the elaborate of some of these preachers are in parts like a machinery of the digestive apparatus, and then Joe Miller, or Complete Jest Book, comprising conveyed to various organs by the wondrous ma­ many jokes and puns that can be repeated after­ chinery of the circulation—are set going to bring wards by the hearers wiih great success. Finally, a little liquid into contact with the delicate it is the custom of these gentlemen to represent membrane of a cell, visible only under the mag­ themselves as on terms of familiarity with the nifying powers of the microscope. Every organ Deity, which good understanding awakens a of the body is composed of millions upon millions strange complacency in the breasts of their ad­ of these cells, every one of which lives its sepa­ mirers, as if they partook in the distinction. rate life, and must be separately fed. To feed It is the object of the present paper to revive it, thousands of men dig and plough, sow and the remembrance of a few popular preachers, reap, hunt and fish, rear cattle and slaughter deceased. Those who are living speak for them­ them ; thousands act as mere agents and carriers selves; but it is noticeable how closely they of the food; thousands as cooks; and each has model themselves on the dead, and how very to satisfy the clamorous demands of liis own little originality is to be found among them. hungry cells. The simpler plants floating in One of the most remarkable of these was water, or the simple parasites living in the Rowland Hill, sixth son of Sir Rowland Hill, hquids of other animals, feed without this bother baronet, of Hawkstone. He first began to and this preparation. The higher organisms preach when he was at Cambridge, and he re­ have to devote their energies to secure and to ceived severe censure from his superiors for going prepare their food, because their simple cells about and preaching in the bams and farm-houses cannot secure it, and must have it. In man, of the villages near the University. When he self-indulgence and indolence often weaken the left Cambridge, and had been ordained, he used digestive machinery, which has therefore to to preach, sometimes as often as thrice a day, be stimulated into activity by condiments, to large congregations. He used to stock his by flavours, and by mental exhilaration: his sermons with queer phrases and odd illustrations, meal becomes a banquet. The stimulus of and often amused his congregation with jokes. festal excitement, the laugh and conversation of a joyous dinner, spur the lazy organs of On one occasion, when preaching at Wapping digestion, and enable men to master food, which to a congregation composed chiefly of seatiiring if eaten in solitude, silence, or sorrow, would lie men and fisherwomen, he greatly astonished his a heavy lump on the stomach. Eating seems a congregation by commencing the sermon with simple process, until a long experience has these words: " I come to preach to great sin­ taught us its complexity. Food seems a very ners, notorious sinners—yea, to Wapping sin­ simple thing, till science reveals its metamor­ ners." On another occasion, there came a heavy phoses. shower of rain, which compelled several persons to take refuge in the chapel; IIUI, remarking this, looked up and said: "Many people are A PARCEL OF PREACHERS. greatly to be blamed for making their religion a cloak, but I do not think those are much better THERE are, perhaps, no countries in the known who make it an umbrella." In 1803, the time world so fond of religious excitement as Eng­ of the first grand volunteer movement, he land and America. The phrase " religious ex­ preached to a large congregation of volunteers. citement" being here used as comprehending not Two psalms, of his own composition, were sung only revivals and other convulsive exhibitions of on this occasion; one of them was sung before that nature, but the headlong following of the sermon, to the tunc of "God save the preachers who, either by their religious writings King;" the other, after the sermon, to the tune or by their sermons, or both, attract great num­ of " Rule Britannia." It began: " When Jesus bers of disciples, both in person and pocket. first at Heaven's command." The causes of such success are numerous; fore­ HiU was earnest in manner, and imposing in most among them may unquestionably be set appearance. He was very tall, and had a loud down the intolerable dulness of regular sermons, sonorous voice; he would, seem to have been a which, in respect of composition, and in respect modest man, and to have particularly objected of delivery, are for the most part the very worst to being considered an enthusiast. Preaching discourses known to mankind. It must also be once at Wotton, he said, "Because I am in taken into account that the irregular preacher earnest, men call me an enthusiast, but I am generally preaches extempore, and that there is not; mine are the words of truth and soberness. a strong inherent disposition in the Saxon race When I first came into this part of the country, to listen to speeches ; then, his discourse is of a I was walking on yonder hill, I saw a gravel-pit fierce-flavoured, strong, and fiery kind, and it fall in and bury three human beings ahve. I was not Garrick alone who was best pleased by lifted up my voice for help so loud that I was the highest pepperer; then, the congregations heard in the town below at a distance of a mile; of eccentric preachers are not under the usual help came and rescued two of the poor sufi'erers. restraints, but may take an active part in the No one called me enthusiast then, and when I proceedings, and give vent to their feelings by see eternal destruction ready to faU upon poor groanings, meanings—and even sometimes occa­ sinners, and about to entomb them irrevocably sional rolliugs on the chapel fioor—and many in an eternal mass of woe, and call aloud on 10 [March 30,1861.] ALL THE YEAR ROUND. [Conducted by them to escape, shall I be called an enthusiast in his pocket, Wlien he arrived at Maidstone now ? No, sinner, I am not an enthusiast in he found that the box had been sent on by the so doing; I call on thee aloud to fly for refuge carrier, so he had to go back again without it. to the hope set before thee in the Gospel of He had spent his shilling, was very hungry Christ Jesus." and tired, and began to think that if he had William Huntington, the coalheaver, was a faith and prayed, he might have anything he strong contrast to Rowland Hill, and was immea­ wanted. Just then, the thought seized him that surably inferior to that really remarkable man he would go out of the footpath into the horse- in every respect. Huntington was born in the road ; he did so, and instantly saw a sixpence Weald of Kent; his father was a day labourer, lying in the road, and, a little further on, a earning seven or ei^ht shilhngs a week. Hun­ shillmg. He attributed his finding these, to the tington, in liis published sermons, tells several regard the Lord had for him, and to the effect anecdotes of his childhood, one of which shows of his prayers, and to his great faith. his inordinate conceit and vanity. He had a On another occasion, a heavy fall of snow great desire to go as errand-boy into the ser­ threw him out of work. In the night he prayed vice of a certain Squire Cooke ; but the squire the Lord to send the snow away. When he got already had an errand-boy, with whom he was up next morning, he found it all melted. No very well satisfied. Huntington bethinking doubt, if he had lived in the last gi^eat frost, he himself that if all things were possible with would have procured a thaw immediately. God, it was possible for the Almighty to send Some of this man's printed sermons are very him into Squire Cooke's service, and procure ludicrous. In one of them, he relates that, being the discharge of this unfortunate boy, asked greatly in want of a pair of leather breeches, the Almighty in an "extempore way" (his own he prayed very earnestly to God for this favour. words) "to give him that boy's place;" and He went to London to get a pair on credit at a made many promises how good he would be if shop belonging to one of his friends. Not find­ this request were granted. Some time after ing the shop, he called on another friend of a man came to his house, and told him that his, a shoemaker, who told him that a parcel Squire Cooke's boy had been turned away for had been left there for him. He opened the theft, and advised him to go and apply for parcel, and foimd that it contained a pair of the place. He did so, and (as a matter of leather breeches, which fitted him perfectly, al­ course) obtained the situation. The inference though he had never been measured for them. that the theft was committed for Huntington's In a letter he wrote to the unknown donor, he special behoof through Divine interposition, is declared that God must not only have put it into very shocking. the heart of that charitable personage to send On another occasion when this favoured gen­ him a pair of breeches, but must also have tleman was older, he was again in want of a situa­ given him his (Huntington's) exact measure. tion ; a part of his history which appears to us to One Sunday, as he was rising early to go be highly probable. He was informed that a cer­ to Moulsey to hear a popular preacher who was tain Squire Pool, of Charren in Kent, was in coming to preach there, there came a voice want of a servant. He went after the place, which he both heard and felt, saying, " You and, on the way, he prayed God to grant him the must preach out of doors to-day, and you must situation. When he arrived at the gentleman's preach from this text: * Go therefore into the house, he found a servant in the parlour, with highways, and as many as ye find, bid to the whom the gentleman had partly agreed; but the marriage.'" He went to the meeting. The squire immediately broke off with this man when preacher did not make his appearance, and he saw Huntington (very much to his subsequent Huntington got up and preached with such regret, we have no doubt), and engaged that effect, that a young widow fell down in a fit lump of conceit. Huntington ascribed this, of caused by " violent convictions," and was obliged course, to the great influence of his prayers, and to have a blister applied to her head. We the high regard in which the Almighty held him. stronglyrecommend this remedy for general adop­ He soon left this situation, too (through a want tion in similar cases. of appreciation on the part of simiers), and tried At the latter part of his life, Huntington to set up as a cobbler; failing that, as a gar­ preached several sermons, which were afterwards dener. He obtained a gardener's situation, and printed separately. Among them is The Coal- lost it (so he says) for refusing to work on Sun­ heaver's Cousin rescued from the Bats. In one days ; he then became reduced to the necessity of these compositions he says, in reference to of labouring as a coalheaver, and began to preach a gentleman having made him a present of ten in earnest. guineas, " I found God's promises to be the Huntington used generally to preach at Christian's bank-notes; and a living faith will Woking; but he also visited his friends, and always draw on the Divine Banker; yea, and preached in their houses. In his sermons, The the spiiit of prayer and the deep sense of want Bank of Faith, and God, the Guardian of the will give an heir of promise a filial boldness at Poor, printed with an account of his life, he the inexhaustible bank of heaven." He was mentions, as an instance of the Lord's care for also in the habit of calling the Almighty his him, that he had ordered a box of clothes to Bank, his Banker, and his blessed Overseer, be left at the Star Inn, at Maidstone in Kent, A very different man from Huntington was and that he went for it with only a shilling the Rev. William Dodd, LL.D. He is repre- Charles Dickens.] A PARCEL OF PREACHERS. [March 30, 1361.] H scnted to have been a man of elegant man­ With sympathetic pity give relief; ners and refined tastes; a lover of literature and Treat as a guest the sufferer they revere, a poet. Perhaps he \ras all these—an indif­ And make it even tranquil to be here. ferent poet he certainly was. He was bom in Great God of mercy ! if amidst my woes the year 1729, at Bourae in Lincolnshire. He A stream of such peculiar comfort flows ; was sent to Cambridge at an early age, and, in Flows full, flows only from thy care divine. May I not humbly, firmly, Lord, resign ! the year 1755, produced a translation of The And trust the issue to thy care alone ? Hymns of Callimachus, translated from the Yes, Lord, I trust, " Oh, may thy will be done!" Greek into English verse, with explanatory notes, with the select Epigrams and other This " revered sufferer" also had the coolness Poems of the same author. Six Hymns of to insert the following letter in the principal Orpheus, and The Encomium of Ptolemy, by newspapers : it is written quite as of course, Theocritus. In the same year he wrote several and more with the air of an injured innocent sermons full of Christian precepts and religious than with that of a squandering, unprincipled sentiments. He greatly interested himself in forger. public charities, and subscribed large sums of Dr. Dodd hegs leave to present his most sincere money towards the founding of the Magdalen and grateful acknowledgments to those many sym­ Hospital. He preached two or three times at pathising friends who have been so kind as to think Magdalen House before Prince Edward. Thus of him in his distresses, and to assure them, that he became acquainted with Lord Chesterfield, though his mind was too much engaged and agi­ who was so pleased with him that he confided tated with necessary and important business during to him the education of his eldest son. Dodd his confinement in Wood-street, to admit the kind bought a house in Southampton-row, where he favour of their proffered visits, he shall now be lived in a sumptuous manner. Wishing to ob­ happy, at any time, to receive their friendly and tain the living of St. George's, Hanover-square, Christian consolation. lie endeavoured to get it by offering a bribe to Perfectly at ease with respect to his fate, and the Lord Chancellor. An anonymous letter was thoroughly resigned to the will of God, he cannot but feel a complacency in the striking humanity also sent to Lady Chest erfield, offering a sum which he has experienced; and while he most of money if slie would procure Dr. Dodd the earnestly entreats a continuance and increase of that same living. It was discovered that the letter " spirit of prayer, which he is told is poured forth must have been wiitten by Dodd himself, al­ for him," he cannot omit to assure all those who, though he tried to throw all the blame on his by letter or otherwise, have expressed their solici­ wife; but this was not credited, and faUing into tude on his behalf, that, conscious of the purity of disfavour, his name was ordered to be struck off his intention from any purpose to do injury, and the list of Royal chaplains. To regain his lost happy in the full proof of that intention, by having reputation, he subscribed more liberally than done no injury to any man in respect to this un­ ever to schools and charities ; but continued to fortunate prosecution, he fully reposes himself on the mercies of his God, and has not a wish to live or live so extravagantly, that at last he was afraid die, but as life or death may tend to the glory of to go out of his house lest he should be arrested that God, and the good of mankind. for debt. However, being severely pressed by his creditors, he became desperate, and forged February 27th, 1777. the name of Lord Chesterfield to a bond for He was tried, found guilty, and sentenced four thousand two hundred pounds. The for­ to death; his fate created a great sensation gery was discovered, and he was arrested— among all classes. The lord mayor, alder­ taken from a gay convivial party—and com­ men, and commons of the city of London, mitted to Wood-street Compter, Public sym­ got up petitions beseeching commutation of the pathy was lavished on him in the most absurd sentence, and a monster petition, thirty-seven manner; everybody talked of "the unfortunate yards long and signed by twenty-three thousand Dr. Dodd;" and the following verses, supposed persons, was presented with the same obtject. A to have been written by himself, appeared in all young man named Joseph Harris, convicted of the newspapers : highway robbery, was sentenced to die with him; but the lord mayor, aldermen, and com­ Amidst confinement's miserable gloom, mons, did not present any petition praying for 'Midst the lone horrors of this wretched room, commutation of the younger and probably less What comforts, gracious Heaven! dost thou bestow culpable offender's sentence, nor was a single To sooth my sorrows, and console mj'' woe ? quarter of a yard of public sympathy unfolded A wife beyond the first of woman kind, in his behalf. However, the lord mayor, his Tender, attached, and e'en to death resigned. sagacious brethren, and the thirty-seven yards Dear youthful friends, in life's ingenuous hour of paper and the twenty-three thousand signa­ As children zealous, to exert each power; tures, could not save Dr. Dodd. He w^as hanged Men skilled in wisdom's most sascacious lore. with the low, unclassical, and altogether inele­ Solicitous to aid, to save—restore! gant Joseph Harris, Lawyers and counsellors, without a fee, Studious to guide, direct, and set me free! Orator Henley, another well-known preacher, Nay—from the men I falsely deemed my foes. was a member of St. John's College, Cambridge, The ready offer of all service flows, where he distinguished himself by his abilities While frratitude in guise unknown draws nigh, and perseverance. When tw^enty-two years of Says *' I was kind," and tenders his supply! age, he wrote a poem, entitled Esther, Queen of Above the rest, my keepers, soothed to grief, Persia; when he left Cambridge he began to

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13 [March 30, ISGl.] ALL THE YEAR ROUND. [Conducted by practise theatrical attitudes in his sermons, af­ but when it wdnketh, little knows the mouse fected oratory, and intoned his voice. Growing what it thinkcth." The next paragraph is a impatient from disappointment, he founded his satire on the Church. He says : " There is no "Oratory." The building is thus described in mention of cats in the Scripture ; mice are there a contemporary print :* " The place that Orator spoken of, therefore Church mice are common, Henley pitched upon for his Oratory is very re­ but many of them ai'e poor, for the Church cats, markable and befitting his noble institution: pretending only to play with them, starve the being a sort of wooden booth built on the mice." The rest consists of satires on the topics shambles in Newport-market, near Leicester- of the day, which would not interest the reader fields, formerly used as a temporary meeting­ now-a-days. house of a Caivinistical congregation." Henley sometimes prayed in a devout and Henley set himself up as a rival to the impressive manner, but sometimes his prayers Universities and the Church; indeed, he had were ludicrous and even blasphemous. In one some thoughts of forming a little project for the of his sermons, discoursing of the peoples abolition of the universities and the overthrow who would be damned, he prayed that the of the Church. He boasted " he would teach Dutch might be "undamned." In another of more in one year than schools and universities did his sermons, he undertook to prove that the in five, and could write and study twelve hours petticoat was worn by the ancients, and, in cor­ a day, and yet appear as untouched by the yoke, roboration, quoted that chapter of the Old Tes­ as if he had never borne it." Disraeli relates tament in which Samuel's mother is said to have that Henley was in his youth extremely modest, made him " a little coat"—obviously a " petti­ unaffected, and temperate—qualities which he coat." He usually hired a body of strong men certainly did not retain as he grew older, for he to attend his sermons and dispose of anybody burst into the wildest indulgences, and his inchned to discuss a point with him ; but bombast and self-conceit were absolutely wonder­ on one occasion, having challenged any two ful. His pulpit was covered with black cloth, Oxonians to argue with him on the superiority embroidered with gold; his creeds, vulgates, of his doctrines and teaching over those of the and liturgies were printed in red and black; he Church and the Universities, two Oxonians ap­ struck medals which he dispensed to his ad­ peared, attended by a larger body of prize-fighters mirers, representing a sun near the meridian, than he was provided with, and he slunk away with the motto Ad Summa, and the inscription, by the back door. Inveniam viam aut faciam (I will find a way or He had,on all occasions a particular aversion make it). His sarcasm is considered to have to the bishops; in a sermon preached September been keen, and he " went in" for brilliant jokes 6, 174^1, entitled, " The present war of the world in his sermons. He was a great enemy of Pope, in religion and nations," he says: " It might whose satire on him is well known: have been presumed, when Christ came, one Embrowned with native bronze, lo ! Henley stands, Lord, one Faith, one Baptiser, one God and Tuning his voice and balancing his hands, Father of All, that we might have been blessed How fluent nonsense trickles from his tongue! with unity. Quite the reverse. Peter, who How sweet the periods, neither said nor sung! denies his Lord with cursing and swearing, was Still break the benches, Flenley, with thy strain, the first who drew the sword; then quarrelled While Sherloch, Hare, and Gibson preach in vain. with Paul, and bequeathed his spirit to bishops, Oh, great restorer of the good old stage, who quarrel with all that think differently from Preacher at once and Zany of thy age! them." He might not have said this with the He usually chose a text from the Old or less reason, if he had lived in the edifying days New Testament, and adapted it to the topics of of " ESSAYS AND REVIEWS." He was very fond the day, or to a satire on persons personally of styling himself a "Rationalist." On his obnoxious to him; but sometimes his discourses death-bed the last words he uttered were, " Let resembled a kind of general oration rather than my notorious enemies know I die a Rationalist." a sermon. His manuscript sermons are pre­ With this important piece of information for the served in the library at the Guildhall, London; confusion of his enemies, we leave Orator Henley his handwriting is very irregular, and some of and the subject. the sermons are so much erased and blotted that it is not easy to decipher them. We see from his sermons that he was a good scholar. ADOLFUS, DUKE OF GUELDERS. FIFTEENTH AND SIXTEENTH CENTURIES. One of his Orations, preached October 21, ADOLFUS, Duke of Guelders, having died, 1730, is entitled, "A Sober Enquiry into the Was laid in state for men to see. Priests vied History and Adventures of Whyttington and Hys With soldiers, which the most should honour lu'm. Cat." The text chosen for this discourse was, Borne on broad shoulders through the streets, with "A cat may look at a king" (English Proverb). hymn It is chiefly a satire on governments and the And martial music, the dead Duke at last Church. He tells the story of Whittington and Reach'd Tournay. There they laid him in the vast his cat, and in pointed satire likens cats to the Cathedral, where perpetual twilight dwells, magistrates and judges. "A cat is a creature Misty with scents from silver thuribles ; extremely pohtical; it does indeed, like other Since it seems fitting that, where dead kings sleep, civil magistrates, look not only grave but sleepy; The sacred air, by pious aids, should keep A certain indistinctness faint and fine, * The Historical Register for 1726, To awe the vulgar mind, and with divine Cbvlei Dickeitft.J ADOLFUS, DUKE OF GUELUERS, [March 30,18-i.] 13

Solemnities of silence* and soft glooms, The frost had fixt bis floors on driven piles), .... Inspire due reverence around royal tombs. From Grave to Buren, five and twenty miles. So, in the great Cathedral, grand, he lay. Therein a dungeon, where newts dwell, beneath The tower of Buren Castle, until death The Duke had gain'd his Dukedom in this way; Took him, he linger'd very miserably : Once, on a winter night,. .. these things were written Some say for months ; some, years. Tho' Burgundy Four centuries ago, when men, frost-bitten, Summon'd both son and father to appear Blew on their nails, and curst, to warm their blood, Before him, ere the end of that same year. The times, the taxes, and what else they could, . . . . And sought to settle, after mild rebuke, A hungry, bleak night sky, with frosty fires Some sort of compromise between the Duke Hung hard, and dipt with cold the chilly spires, And the Duke's father. But it fail'd. Bent, for some hateful purpose of its own. To keep sharp watch upon the little town, This way Which huddled in its shadow, as if there The Duke had gain'd his Dukedom. 'Twas safest, trying to look unaware; At Tournay^ Earth gave it no assistance, and small cheer Afterwards, in the foray on that tow^n, ('Neath that sharp sky, resolved to interfere He fell; and, being a man of much renown, And very noble, with befitting state, For its affliction), but lockt up her hand, Was royally interr'd within the great Stared fiercely on man's need, and his command Cathedral. There, with work of costly stones Rejected, cold as kindness when it cools, And curious craft, above his ducal bones Or charity in some men's souls. The pools They builded a fair tomb. And over him And water-courses had become dead streaks A hundred priests chanted the holy hymn. Of steely ice. The rushes in the creeks Which being ended, .... " Our archbishop" (says Stood stiff as iron spikes. The sleety breeze A chronicler, writing about those days) Itself had died for lack of aught to tease *' Held a most sweet discourse." .... And so the On the gaunt oaks, or pine-trees numb'd and stark. psalm, All fires were out, and every casement dark And silver organ ceasing, in his calm Along the flinty streets. A famisht mouse, And costly tomb they left him; with his face, Going his rounds in some old dismal house, Turn'd ever upward to the altar-place, Disconsolate (for since the last new tax Smiling in marble from the shrine below. The mice began to gnaw each other's backs), Seem'd the sole creature stirring; save, perchance These things were done four hundred years ago, (With steel glove slowly freezing to his lance), Adolfus, Duke of Guelders, in this way A sullen watchman, half asleep, who stept First having gain'd his Dukedom, as I say. About the turret where the old Duke slept. After which time, the great Duke Charles the Bold Laid hold on Guelders, and kept fast his hold. The young Duke, whom a waking thought, not new. Times change: and with the times too change the Had held from sleeping, the last night or tw^o, Consider'd he should sleep the better there, men. Provided that the old Duke slept elsewhere. A hundred years have roU'd away since then. Therefore,.... about four hundred years ago, I mean, since " Our archbishop" sweetly preacli'd This point was settled by the young Duke so, ... . His sermon on the dead Duke, unimpeach'd Adolfus (the last Duke of Egmont's race Of flattery in the fluent phrase that just Who reign'd in Guelders, after whom the place Tinkled the tender moral o'er the dust Lapsed into the Burgundian line) put on Of greatness, and with flowers of Latin strew'd His surcoat, buckled fast his habergeon. (To edify a reverent multitude) Went clinking up that turret stairway, came The musty surface of the faded theme To the turret chamber, -whose dim taper flame " All flesh is grass; man's days are but a dream." The gust that enter'd with him soon smote dead, A bad dream, surely, sometimes: waking yet And found his father, sleeping in his bed Too late deferred ! Such honours to upset, As sound as, just four hundi^ed years ago, Such wrongs to right, such far truths to attain, Good Dukes and Kings were wont to sleep, you Time, tho' he toils along the road amain, know. Is still behindhand ; never quite gets thro' The long arrears of work he finds to do. A meagre moon, malignant as could be, You call Time swift? it costs him centurie* To move the least of human miseries Meanwhile made stealthy light enough to see Out of the path he treads. You call Time strong? The way by to the bedside, and put out He does not dare to smite an obvious wrong A hand, too eager long to grope about Aside, until 'tis worn too weak to stand For what it sought. A moment after that. The faint dull pressure of his feeble hand. The old Duke, wide awake and shuddering, sat The crazy wrong, and yet how safe it thrives! Stark upright in the moon; his thin grey hair The little lie, and yet how long it lives! Pluckt out by handfuls ; and that stony stare, Meanwhile, I say, a hundred years have roU'd The seal which terror fixes on surprise. O'er the Duke's memory. Now, again behold! Widening within the white and filmy eyes With which the ghastly father gazed upon Strange meanings in the grim face of the son. Late gleams of dwindled daylight, glad to go; A sullen autumn evening, scowling low The young Duke haled the old Duke by the hair On Tournay: a fierce sunset, dying down Thus, in his nightgear, down the turret stair; In clots of crimson fire, reminds a town And made him trot, barefooted, on before Of starving, stormy people, how the glare Himself, w^ho rode a horseback, thro* the frore Sunk into eyes of agonised despair, And aching midnight, over frozen wold. When placid pastors of the flock of Christ And icy meer, .... (that winter, you might hold Had finish'd roasting their last Calvinist, A hundred fairs, and roast a huudred sheep. A hot and lurid night is steaming up, If you could find them, on the ice, so deep Like a foul film out of some witch's cup, f^ BE SE S&BE

14 [March 30,1861.] ALL THE YEAR ROUXD. [Conducted by

That swarms with devils spawn'd from her damn'd The marble monuments majestical charms. Go crashing. Basalt, lapis, syenite, For the red light of burning burgs and farms Porphyry, and pediment, in splinters bright, Oozes all round, beneath the lock'd black lids Tumbled with claps of thunder, clattering Of heaven. Something on the air forbids Roll down the dark. The surly sinners sing A creature to feel happy, or at rest. A horrible black santis, so to cheer The night is curs'd, and carries in her breast The work in hand. And evermore you hear A guilty conscience. Strange, too! since of late A shout of awful joy, as down goes some The Church is busy, putting all things straight, Three-hundred-years-old treasure. Crowded, come And taking comfortable care to keep To glut the greatening bonfire, chalices The fold snug, and all prowlers from the sheep. Of gold and silver, copes and cibories, To which good end, upon this self-same night, Stain'd altar-cloths, spoil'd pictures, ornaments, A much dismay'd Town Council has thought right Statues, and broken organ tubes and vents, To set a Guard of Terror round about The spoils of generations all destroy'd The great Cathedral; fearing lest a rout In one wild moment! Possibly grown cloy'd Of these misguided creatures, prone to sin, And languid, then a lean iconoclast, As lately proven, should break rudely in Drooping a sullen eyelid, fell at last There, where Adolfus, Duke of Guelders, and To reading lazily the letters that Other dead Dukes by whom this happy land Ran round the royal tomb on which he sat. Was once kept quiet in good times gone by, When (suddenly inspired with some new hate With saints and bishops sleeping quietly, To yells, the hollow roofs reverberate Enjoy at last the slumber of the just; As tho' the Judgment-Angel pass'd among In marble; mixing not their noble dust Their rafters, and the great beams clang'd and rung With common clay of the inferior dead. Against his griding wing) he shrieks : " Come forth, Therefore you hear, with moody measured tread, This Guard of Terror going its grim watch. Adolfus, Duke of Guelders! for thy worth Thro' ominous silence. Scarce suflicient match Should not be hidden." Forthwith, all men shout, However, even for a himdred lean " Strike, split, crash, dig, and drag the tyrant out! Starved wretches, lasht to madness, having seen Let him be judged! " And from the drowsy, daric. Somewhat too long, or too unworthily lookt Enormous aisles, a hundred echoes bark Upon, their vile belongings being cookt And bellow—" Judged! " Then those dread lictors all, To suit each priestly palate If to-night Marching before the magisterial Those mad dogs slip the muzzle, 'ware their bite! Curule of tardy Time, with rod and axe. Fall to their work. The cream-white marble cracks. And so, perchance, the thankless people thought: The lucid alabaster flies in flakes. For, as the night wore off, a much-distraught The iron bindings burst, th^ brickwork quakes And murmurous crowd came thronging wild to where Beneath their strokes, and the great stone lid shivers I'the market place, each stifled thoroughfare With thunder on the pavement. A torch quivers Disgorges its pent populace about Over the yawning vault. The vast crowd draws The great Cathedral. Its breath back hissing. In that sultry pause Suddenly, a shout. A man o'erstrides the tomb, and drops beneath; As tho' Hell's brood had broken loose, rockt all Another ; then another. Still its breath Heaven's black roof elismal and funereal. The crowd holds, hushful. At the last appears, As when a spark is dropt into a train Unravaged by a hundred wicked years. Of nitre, swiftly ran from brain to brain Borne on broad shoulders from the tomb to which A single fiery purpose, and at last Broad shoulders bore him ; coming, in his rich Exploded, roaring down the vague and vast Robes of magnificence (by sweating thumbs Heart of the shaken city. Then a swell Of savage artisans,—as each one comes Of wrathful faces, irresistible. To stare into his dead face,—smeared and smudged), Sweep to the great Cathedral doors ; disarm Adolfus, Duke of Guelders, .... to be Judged! The Guard; roar up the hollow nave; and swarm Thro' aisle and chancel, fast as locusts sent And then, and there, in that strange judgment-hall, Thro' Egypt's chambers thick and pestilent. As, gathering round their royal criminal, Troopt the wild jury, the dead Duke w^as found There, such a sight was seen, as now and then To be as fresh in face, in flesh as sound, When half a world goes mad, makes sober men As tho' he had been buried yesterday; In after years, who comfortably sit So well the embalmer's work from all decay In easy chairs to weigh and ponder it. Had kept his royal person. With his great Revise the various theories of mankind. Grim truncheon propt on hip, his robe of state Puzzling both others and themselves, to find Heap'd in vast folds his large-built limbs around. New reasons for unreasonable old wrongs. The Duke lay, looking as in life ; and frown'd A frown that seem'd as of a living man. Yells, bowlings, cursings ; grim tumultuous throngs; Meanwhile those judges their assize began. The metamorphoses of mad despair : Men with wolves' faces, women wnth fierce hair And, having, in incredibly brief time. And frenzied eyes, turn'd furies : over all Decided that in nothing save his crime The torchlight tossing in perpetual The Duke exceeded mere humanity, Pulsation of tremendous glare or gloom. Free, for the first time, its own cause to try They climb, they cling from altar-piece and tomb ; So long ignored,—they peeled him, limb by limb. Whilst pickaxe, crowbar, pitchfork, billet, each Bare of the mingled pomps that mantled him ; Chance weapon caught within the reckless reach Stript, singed him, stabb'd him, stampt upon him, Of those whose single will a thousand means smote Subserve to (. . , . terrible, wild kings and queens His cheek, and spat upon it, slit his throat, Whose sole dominions are despairs .,.,), thro' all Crusht his big brow, and clove his crown, and left XLIU^JJUWI

CliarlM DJckenB.] CENSUS CURIOSITIES. [MAichSO, 1861.] 15

Adolfus, Guelders' last own Duke, bereft period of five years, as it does at this day even Of sepulture, and naked, on the floor in English. The registers of the population, Of the Cathedral; where, six days, or more. when complete, were deposited in the Temple of He rested, rotting. What remain'd indeed, the Nymphs. After the rats had had their dailj'- feed, Of the great Duke, some unknown hand, 'tis said, No speculative use was made of the statistics In the town cesspool, last, deposited. obtained in a Roman census. They meant money and men, but nothing more, and the de­ fining of property qualification. Men spoke of CENSUS CURIOSITIES. the senatorial, and there was the equestrian, census; in later times, census dominicate and ON Sunday, the seventh of April, all the census duplicate were names of feudal taxes, people of Great Britain are to be counted ; and and this word " cense," used by old English as much knowledge about us all as can be asked writers, has become the " cess" of modem rate­ for with a hope of getting it, will be put in the payers. power of men who take thought for the condi­ Long before England had a census in the tion of the nation. Every ten years there is modern sense, the (iespotisms of the Continent, such a numbering, and there is effort to make for aid to their centralised administration and each, as to the facts it yields, more useful to the police, had many occasional numberings of dis­ public than the one before it. Conscientious tricts, provinces, and realms. Of the popula­ exactness in making the returns, is, in this tion of Great Britain there was only a very matter, the duty that every one owes to his rough guess to be made; and, indeed, of the neighbours. The census tells us how many population of any part of Europe before the mouths we have to feed, partly tells what we year eighteen hundred, nothing very accurate can provide for them, makes known what we all was known. live by, and helps to a knowledge of what must It was in the first year of the present century be done by the State to make it easy for u5 all to that the first effort was made to take a census live. of the people of Great Britain. Ireland was not More than two thousand years ago, Rome had included in that census of eighteen hundred and two magistrates called censors, whose chief duty one Helped by the zeal of Mr. Rickman, the was to take an estimate—in Latin, Census—of assistant clerk of the House of Commons, this the goods of the citizens, and to impose upon census proved to be no vain attempt to classify each, taxes proportioned to his wealth. They had the people roughly as well as to count heads. also authority to " censure" vice and immorality, There was a division into, first, persons chiefly and to expel an offender against public morals, employed in agriculture; secondly, persons even from the Senate. The first censors were chiefly employed in trade; thirdly, persons em­ created two thousand three hundred years ago, ployed in neither way. But nobody knew when the Senate of Rome observed that the clearly, how to class the women, children, and consuls were too busy with foreign war to attend servants; and when in the two next censuses to home politics, and the high responsibility of returns of the occupation of the head of each the office then created caused it to be reserved family was asked for, it was in very many in­ for men who had passed through the highest stances a question as to who was to be con­ grades of magistracy. It was thought overbold sidered the head of this family or that. Our in Crassus to aspire to be censor Avhen he had second census, that of eighteen hundred and not yet been either consul or prsetor. The eleven, made an unsuccessful attempt to include Roman census, or estimate of population, had Ireland in the returns. The third census, in regard only to taxation and conscription for the 'twenty-one, obtained the population of Ire­ service of the armies. It indicated the number land ; ten years later, came the fourth census, and the respective stations of all free persons, that of 'thirty-one, revised in Ireland three years their positions as husbands or wives, fathers or later, when it was made the basis of a system of mothers, sons or daughters. The freemen made national education. In the census of'forty-one, returns of slaves, cattle, and other property. It the use of the Irish constabulary force as a staff need not be said that for the keeping oi such of enumerators — and, in 'fifty-one, the addi­ a register, the censor had under him an office tional help of an ordnance survey then nearly full of clerks. The Roman had to present him­ complete—brought the statistics of Ireland into self; he was not visited at his own door and fur­ better order. In these two censuses, impor­ nished with a census paper to fill up and leave tant details of the state of Irish agriculture till called for. Every five years the taxable were secured. Roman, however poor, omitted the duty of pre­ senting a return of himself, his household, and The last of the censuses, that of the year goods, at the peril of a higher penalty than any 'fifty-one, was taken on the thirty-first of now enforced in Europe : namely, the confis­ March: the return being of the population as cation of himself to slavery. His goods were it lay on the preceding night, with note of the sold, and he was sold as the possession of the amount and distribution of the church and State. chapel attendance on the morning of Sunday the thirtieth. Every five yeai's, when the numbering was There is no such thing as exact truth to be done, there was solemn purification, which is, in got by the most carefully devised census. Many Latin, lustrum; and so lustrum came to mean a returns will be erroneous through stupidity, w^ iiittmmmmimimmmmmmmmmmmmttmmmf V

IG [March 30, 1661.] ALL THE YEAR ROUND, [Conducted by some will be erroneous through design; we may pared with the rest of the surrounding popula­ be pretty sure, for example, that the holders of tion, was found to be greatest in purely agricul­ overcrowded lodging-houses in the worst part of tural, and least in mining districts; greatest St. Giles's, and other such town districts, will in Cambridge, Huntingdon, Hertford; least in have an eye to the law in relation to their Northumberland, Durham, and Cornwall. Brew­ pockets, and will secure an under-statement of ers abound, and abound most at Burton. There, the numbers asleep under their roof. Then one adult man in every twenty-three helps to there will be errors through necessity. Per­ make beer. sons engaged in more than one occupation will As the brewers gather themselves together return only their leading occupation. Thus, about Burton, so do the shoemakers throng in many farmers are at the same time innkeepers, Northampton: where one man out of every three maltsters, millers, even shoemakers and black­ makes shoes. In the whole districts includ­ smiths; very many land-proprietors must be ing Northampton, Wellingborough, Thrapston, returned under other heads, and so forth. But &c., one in five of the men and one in eight of the rough estimate obtained—every man being the women are engaged in shoemaking. Next careful to give the truest return in his power- to Northampton comes Stafford, as t,he shoe­ is accurate enough for any useful purpose. At makers' own town. In the Stafford district the last census it appeared that there were, in one man in five and one woman in ten lived by England and Wales, apart from Ireland and shoemaking, and the proportion was high m Scotland, about two millions and a half of adjacent places, more especially in Stone and traders, two million engaged in agriculture, a Nantwich. In Norwich, again, one man in ten million and a half occupied in manufactures, a and one woman in foui'teen, make shoes. In million of servants out of a little inore than London there is a special gathering of shoe­ eight millions of workers: leaving out of ac­ makers in Shoreditch and Bethnal-green, count the more than nine milUon and a half of Very remarkable in this way is the straw hat unclassified women and children. The whole and bonnet making commonwealth of Luton population of England and Wales was at and St, Albans, but especially of Luton, where the last census something under eighteen md- one woman in every two or three was found to iions. be a straw hat and bonnet maker. Again, there In fourteen thorough farming counties, such is the noticeable gathering of clothiers in the as Bedford, Hertford, Suffolk, it was found West Riding of Yorkshire, and of patten and that nearly one in two. of the grown men were clog makers in Lancashire. As a general rule, engaged in cultivation of the earth. The county it appears that Englishmen are more ready to in which the proportion of men engaged in live with a short supply of tailors than of shoe­ agriculture is the smallest, setting aside London, makers. We need not comment on the fact is Lancashire, where not more than about one that nearly half the paper-stainers and paper- man in ten is occupied with agriculture. Fisher­ hangers of England and Wales live by their men were not found to be very numerous. trade among the houses of London. And in Penzance was the place at which they bore the London there are special trade districts. Cabi­ greatest proportion to the rest of the commu­ net-makers and chairmakers abound most in nity; but even there, not one in ten adult men Shoreditch, Bethnal-green, St. Luke's, Clerken- was a fisherman. At Yarmouth it was only one well, Pancras, and Marylebone (but the especial such man in sixteen who lived by fishing. seat of chairmakers is the Wycombe district, in Among traders, the bakers yielded curious Buckinghamshire); organ-builders are most nu­ returns. In many towns and districts every merous in St. Pancras ; leather-workers in Ber- housewife is her own bread-maker. So, we find mondsey, where their actual number is two the proportion of bakers in London (where thousand above the fifty which would be their there were about ten thousand) ten times number if they kept the usual London propor­ greater than that in all Wales. In aU Wales tion. We need hardly say that the returns of tliere were not five hundred bakers; in the milliners and washerwomen showed the direct Cardigan district there was not one. In pro­ influence of wealth and fashion on these callinofs-. portion to the numbers of the people there are The highest proportion of washerwomen found eight bakers in London for every one in Leeds ; in any town at tlie last census, was at Brighton: but confectioners, who live almost wholly in where every fifteenth woman was a washer­ towns, are more favoui'ed by the north than by woman. In Bath, of every fifteen women one the south. In proportion, again, to the popula­ was a washerwoman, and another a milliner. tion, if the number of pastrycooks be a true In North Wales, only one woman in a hundred sign, York eats five times as many tarts as is a washerwoman. Domestic washing days are Loudon. Again, illustrative of local reasons for the rule. In Leeds there is only one washer­ the flourishing of given trades, is the fact that woman among every fifty-two women. In Lon­ in all Wales there were only fifty greengrocers, don, of every twenty-two women one earned her while London employed three thousand three living as a washerwoman, and one was a mil­ hundred and twenty-five. But Wales, as com­ liner. pared with London, contained three times as Domestic servants form a very large class, many millers and maltsters. Of licensed vic­ and its distribution also corresponded of course tuallers and beershop-keepers, London had only to the distribution of wealth. In Batli, one an average proportion. The number, as com­ man in sixteen, and a fourth part of all the wo- Cbaries Dickens.] A VERY LIKELY STORY. CMarcU 30, ISfil.] J 7 men, were in service. In Brighton, the propor­ 2,302,236. The present population, therefore, tion was a little lower. In Cheltenham, the may not be many thousands short of three mil­ proportion of men-servants was higher—higher lion, for the pace of growth is quickened. even than at Cambridge—but not so high as at Oxford, where nearly a tenth part of the men are in service. In Liverpool, hardly more than A VERY LIKELY STORY. one man in a hundred is a servant. In London, taking old and young together, one male in A sPAnKXiNG April morning greeted me, as, seventeen, and one female in every three or four, after an unbroken absence of thirty years, I live by domestic service. The proportion of set foot once more on English ground, at Deal. men-servants in St. George's, Hanover-square, Circumstances that seemed fatal to my hopes was a fourth part of the male population of the of future happiness on earth, had induced me, at district. Of men and women together, three in the age of twenty-five—at which period I had five were servants; three were in waiting upon served eight years in the British cavalry — to two. On the other hand, in Bethnal-green sever myself from home and country, profession only one man in a hundred men, and five or six and friends. women in a hundred women, Kved in this way. I got into the train at Deal. There was only Of the professions in England and Wales (we one other passenger in the compartment: a stout need say nothing about their distribution), it appeared at the last census that one man in a middle-aged man, with a rosy good-natured face, hundred and eighty was a minister of religion, and a curious habit of pursing up and then sepa­ schoolmasters were in almost the same propor­ rating his chubby lips, with a kind of smack—as tion ; but there were not two-thirds of the num­ though he were kissing something. ber of medical practitioners, and of these only At first, I took this sound as the preliminary one man in two thousand five hundred was a to some observation, and turned, with proper physician. The artist, reckoning together pain­ politeness, to receive it, but nothing followed. ter and sculptor, proved to be one man in a On the contrary, my companion appcai'ed, as we thousand, or one woman in ten thousand. One proceeded, to retire more and more into himself. man in five thousand was an editor or journalist; He was immersed in gloomy meditation, the lively, one man in ten thousand was an author. In all not to say, humorous expression departing utterly England and Wales, the whole number of women from his face, until, at length, to my profound returned ten years ago as engaged in literature, astonishment, he suddenly threw himself back —a number yielding no appreciable proportion in the comer of the carriage, and bui'st into on the entire population—was but one hundred tears! and nine. There was something at once touching and These suggestive calculations we draw from absurd in the agitated workings of that jolly face, some papers founded on the bulky census returns the quivering of that chubby lip. His emotion of 'fifty-one,by Mr. T. A. Welton, read lately before mcreased; he sobbed aloud. It appeared abso­ the Statistical Society. Curious information is lutely incumbent on me, liis only fellow-travcUer, also given in these papers as to the degree of to offer some remark. thickness in the peopling of the chiefly agricul­ " You suffer, sir, I fear," I observed. tural, manufacturing, and mining districts, and " In mmd, severely, sir." (He made a mani­ the rates at which different parts of the country fest effort at self-control.) " I am smack ashamed grew in population during the ten years from of myself, I ask your smack pardon. Pew things, census to census. Thus it is found that during I may affirm, could have wrung from me an ex­ the fifty years of which the ten yearly census hibition of smack feeling such as this: an emotion has taken account, the population has been almost trebled in the twenty principal metal strong enough to have engaged the kind and manufacturing districts: while it has increased well-meant smack sympathy of a chance com­ only eighty per cent, or has not quite doubled, panion smack," concluded the traveller. in the rest of the country. In the ten years I murmui'ed some words intended to be con­ between the last census and that which preceded solatory, covered by the rumbling of the train. it, the increase of population in all England and " This," resumed my companion, " is the Wales was rather more than an addition of smack Ann " twelve souls to every hundred. The whole He clapped his handkerchief suddenly to his population rose, in round numbers, from sixteen eyes, and again his broad shoulders heaved with to eighteen millions. So that, for this part of the the violence of his agitation. United Kingdom, we may expect a return of I was not quite certain what he meant by more than twenty millions next month. The "Ann," and, having nothing to add to my former rate of increase varied much, as we have said, in observations, held my peace. different places. In Wilts, there was even de­ " Smack," said the traveller, at last; "this is crease. In Cambridge, there was very little the amiiversary of one of the most singular and more than the average increase. In Durham, mysterious events in the annals of English crime the increase was of above twenty-five; in Lon­ (I may add, also, in those of medico-chimrgical don, nearly of twenty-one on every hundred. science); one, my good smack, sir, that has been London had advanced, and the exact figures are the source of much smack suffering to a very old worth giving in tliis case, from 1,94;8,4;17 to and smack valued friend of mine. And, what is

X IS [March 30,1801.] ALL THE YEAE EOUND, [Couductedbf most remarkable, this very compartment of to the nearest station, made a most extraordinai-y this very carriage, number one hundred smack statement. and fifty-three, was the scene of the extraordinary "They affirmed that, at the moment of the occuiTence to which I smack refer." train's passing the recess, when, consequently, " You interest me extremely," I answered, the glare of their torches fell right upon the pass­ " and, were not the remembrance apparently ing objects, they beheld an old gentleman and a too painful, I should be tempted to inquire fur­ young lady engaged in a desperate struggle, each ther." makmg frantic efforts to force the other from the " So far smack, my dear smack sir, from suf­ carriage, the door of which swung open, fering in the recital, I find it my only real smack " No cries could be distinguished in the wild comfort," sighed the traveller; " especially when, roar of the train, but if any were uttered it was as in the present instance, I am smack certain of not by the female combatant, whose white reso­ such smack attention." lute face, glowing eyes, and set teeth, were per­ " You do me only justice, sir; I shall listen fectly, though but for an instant, revealed to the with the utmost interest. And I beg yon will not horrified witnesses. Her hands were buried in spare me the minutest detail," said I, settling the furs about the neck of her antagonist, much myseK comfortably in my seat. as a tiger might clutch a deer, and the man ap­ "Then here smack goes," rejoined my com­ peared in the act of succumbing to her superior panion, brightening up with amazing suddenness, force. A few yards more, and an object was and slipping his handkerchief into his pocket. distinctly seen to fall from the carriage. The Thus (for the sake of brevity, I omit the door swung to; the train whirled away. smacks) proceeded his narrative: " Hurrying to the spot where the body was seen " It was, as I have said, the Anniversary of to fall, the men commenced an eager search; this day, the very dawn of that changeful month strange to say, nothing could be found ! Some which, I have generally observed, however it may spots that looked like blood, were certainly dis­ end, almost invariably commences with a smile, tinguishable on the surface of the rail; some bits that two persons took their seats in this identical of rent fur, a glove; but where was the mangled carriage, number one hundred and fifty-three. and disabled body? They examined, as they The one was a man of sixty-four or five, tall and thought, every square inch up to the tumiel's dignified, his manner and bearing characterised mouth—perhaps a hundred yards—when one of by that kind of languid grace which betokens the party, who had returned a pace or two for the highest breeding. He was wrapped in a closer scrutiny, uttered a sudden shout, which coat lined with costly furs, and wore a travelling- brought the others to his side. cap with gold band, from which peeped forth " It was Michael O'Loughhn, who was standing, brown and glossy curls, 'the skull that bred with his torch uplifted, gazing with starting eyes, them in the sepulchre'—in fact, a wig. like a shying horse, at some object on the ground. " He was accompanied by a young lady of It was a woma7i^sfoot; afoot, small and delicately handsome, but, how shall I characterise them ? moulded, clothed in an open-worked silk stock­ determined features; large grey, searching eyes; ing, and a purple jean slipper with a rosette. a cold, fixed mouth, as if the teeth within were It was set firmly on the earth, protruding, in a state of continual clench; altogether, a as it were, from the dark side-wall of the tunnel. masterful aspect, which, allowing temper to cor­ Thus, coming suddenly into the light of the respond, would induce a person of moderately torches, it seemed as though the body to wliich weak nerves to prefer the society of a fine young it belonged, concealed within, had put forth its panther, and, which, ui the present instance, lower extremity in order to trip up the startled certainly suggested the idea of the old gentle­ seai'cher. man's being rather in her custody, than in her "' Why, blow me I here is a game V was the company. These two were, like ourselves to­ natural comment of Cornelius Podgerbot, '^ How - day, the only tenants of the compartment. ever did she get in there ?' " The train, sii', proceeded on its way, and, in "' Anyhow, it's a pretty little foot as ever I see,* due course, entered the Long Tunnel; in the remarked Llewellyn Jon^. middle of which three plate-layers were at the "He stooped to touch it, but jumped back in moment engaged in some work or inspection. horror, as a man might who had grasped a snake Their names (you asked for the minutest details) for a twig. It had come away in his hand! Sir, were Michel O'Loughlm, Cornelius Podgerbot, the foot had been cut clean off, about three and David Llewellyn Jones, O'Loughhn had a inches above the ankle. No blood was visible; wife and three childi^en; also an aunt, who suffered the vessels were clearly exhausted. There was from rheumatism. But these particulars, though scarcely any stain or discoloration, and the mentioned in deference to your wish, are, in severed organ looked more like an exquisite imi­ effect, not material to the story. tation of nature, than a limb tom with violence " The men I speak of, had plenty of notice of the from the parent trunk. train's approach, and retired, with their torches, "But where was the body? The walls were into one of the small recesses provided for such intact; there was no place of concealment, no occasions. Half an hour later, the three emerged excavation where such an object could by any from the tunnel pale and agitated, and, hurrymg possibility have escaped their scrutiny. After a Ch&rles Dickens.] A VEEY LIKELY STORY. [March 30,1861.] few minutes, the first excitement bavins; sub­ some rather effeminate-looking luggage, and sided, a feeling of superstitions horror began to attended by the porter-policeman, he was creep over the men. With one accord, as stricken smding, indeed, but there was an evident rest­ with a sudden fear, they hastened into the outer lessness in the glances he cast on every side, as day, cab after cab declined his signal to come and take "Pembridge Station was distant scarcely a mile, up. With the approach of Mr. Gimlett, how­ and less than ten minutes had elapsed before they ever, the unpopularity of the fare disappeai'ed. were breathlessly recounting what had happened " ' Here, one of you!' cried the inspector. in the ears of the astonished station-master. ^* Six cabs immediately di-ew up. He engaged There was no discrediting their narrative, backed the two first. by such awdtness as that which one of the party now "' What shall we do with the ladi/'s luggage^ produced, unrolling it from his handkerchief and sir ?' asked Mr. Gimlett, blandly. neckcloth. It was therefore resolved to telegraph "' The la—la ' stammered the traveller. at once to London, requesting that the police cc c Silk stockings, and sich ?' put in number might be on the look-out for the train, which ninety-two, officiously. would not be due at the terminus for nearly " His inspector rebuked him with a look, and another hour. repeated his question. " Quickly flashed the warning words along the "' The " lady's," my good friend?' said the dig- wire: nified traveller, who had regained his composure; " 'Police — stop—first-class—old gent—fur- 'I am alone.' brown wig—murder,' "' Very good, sir. Put the gentleman's two " It chanced that, at the moment of the train in bonnet-boxes on the roof, crinoline and parasol question being due, Inspector Gimlett, of the L on the box, parcel of shawls, satin mantilla, and division. Detective, was leaning idly against the reticule inside. Heavy baggage in the second station-rails. His eye, which seemed to sweep cab. Now, sir, all ready, please. If you wish to in everything, fell upon a tall pale person, in a set this little business straight, off-hand, we can furred coat and travelling-cap, who descended call on the coroner at once, you know, on our from a first-class carriage, taking a pinch of way to the—limn ' snuff. ce c If, by the hum, you mean your confounded " The trifling act I have mentioned sufficed to station, by aU manner of means,' said the tra­ awake Mr. Gimlett's general suspicions. Who veller, 'let us avoid that paradise. Besides, I on earth, even though active and sure-footed, have the pleasure of knowing the excellent co­ would select the instant of getting out of a rail­ roner, Mr. Smoothly Slirr; so come along. After way carriage hardly come to a stand, for taking i/ou,' a pinch of snuff? The inspector winked at a " 'No, impossible,'said the polite inspector, and subordinate near, who directly proffered his as­ followed the traveller into the cab; nmnber ninety- sistance to tlie tall gentleman, and strolled on. two taking charge of the luggage in the other, A hubbub that had first aroused Mr, Gimlett " That excellent public officer, Mr. Slirr, occu­ from his meditations had increased. pied a large mansion in the neighbourhood of " ' I tell you, fellow, you've mistaken your Russell-square. The day I am speaking of hap­ man 1' vociferated a burly individual, who had pened to be his birthday, and he was entertaining also a fiu' collar and a brown wig. 'I'm an a party of friends at dinner, when the cab drove alderman. I'm a magistrate. I'm Sir Tibbley up to the door, and Mr, Ghnlett sent up his card Winks, of Aldersgate and Einsbury-square, I'm and that of the traveller. —"Mui'der,"sir?' " In an instant, down rushed Mr. Slirr, his "' Very good, Sir Tibbley,' said a policeman, napkin in his hand. He shook hands warmly who had Ids hand lightly on the old gentleman's with the stranger, greeting him by the name of shoulder. 'Perhaps you'd walk into the office Lovibond, and begged hun to alight. for a moment.' "Mr. Gimlett, who was apparently a little hurt "' Office, sir ! I'll walk into my own chariot, at being overlooked, here interposed, and briefly and nothing else!' bawled the civic dignitary. explained that the main object of their visit was * There it is—them two bays—a waiting ' to request the worthy coroner to hold an inquest " 'Stop!^ said the steady voice of Inspector at once, in order that Sir Charles Lovibond Gimlett, who had wrought his way through the might either proceed to his own residence with­ throng, irresistible as the instrument whose name out further detention, or to the county jaU, as he bore, ' This gentleman is Sir Tibbley Winks, the case might be; thus avoiding the preliminary the active and worshipful city magistrate. It is annoyance of appearing before another magis­ altogether a mistake—Sir Tibbley will excuse it trate, who might worry the applicant with no —public duty—crowded station—hem ! See Sir end of questions, and, very likely, require the Tibbley's luggage taken to his carriage instantly. attendance of witnesses. Now, ninety-tw^o, follow me.' " Mr. SHrr admitted the force of the argument. " There appeared to have been some difficulty " 'But the jury,' he said, pausing; 'we mmi about cabs, as the tall traveller was stiU taking have a jury, eh, Gimlett ?' pinches of snuff, on the platform, as if he w^ere " Mr. Gimlett acquiesced in the desii'ability of firing minute guns of distress, SuiTounded by adhering to this popular form. / "V:; - 20 [March 30, ISSl.] ALL THE YEAR ROUXD. [Conducted by "'At this late hour, you see,' resumed Mr. " They drove direct to Oldgate. Slirr—'Ha! stay. By the most singular good "Although the apartment into which Sir Charles fortune, my dinner - party comprises exactly was inducted, was, in point of fact, one of the twelve. They will, I am sure, at my request, sus­ most luxurious in the prison, it so little satisfied pend politics for five minutes, and form them­ his fastidious taste, that, after partakmg of some selves into a friendly little jury.' stewed pigeons a la crapandine, and a few glasses "The good-natured coroner hastened back to of veiy tolerable Burgundy, he sent for the go­ his dinuig-room, and returned in a minute or so vernor, and inquired how long it was probable with the intelligence that everything had been he might be detained ? comfortably arranged; a jocular resolution having "The governor replied that the usual weekly moreover been hastily put and carried, that the assize would be held on Thursday. intended perquisition should last no longer than " On Thursday ! And this was only Monday! the new magnum just brought in." And Sir Charies had engaged himself to dumer to-morrow ! Could nothing be done to accelerate " But, really, my good sir," I interposed at the dilatory action of the law ? this point, " your narrative, though of remarkable " The governor felt all the hardship of Sh: interest, is hardly, let me observe, consistent Charles's position. There was but one remedy with those rules of jurisprudence such as, I —a royal commission. Good thought! The faintly remember, prev " Home Secretary was at that very moment a "Eorgive me," interrupted my companion; guest at Windsor. Supposing that the necessary " you have probably been absent some tune from forms could be gone through, and that the judges this country, and are consequently not smack were in town, the trial might take place to­ aware of the searching and much-needed reforms morrow, at the usual hour. He would at once that have taken place in our civil and smack set the telegraph at work. criminal code." " The amiable and zealous governor was as " Proceed, sir, I beg," said I, good as his word, and such success attended his " Mr. SKrr kept covenant with his lively jury. well-meant efforts, that everything was settled, He commenced the proceedings by reminding the bill was found, and the commission was them that the real—he had nearly said the only opened by ten o'clock on the following morning. duty incumbent upon them—was to respect the " The prisoner, who had passed an excellent feelings of the highly-popular accused: a gentle­ night, rose in high good humour, and dressed man society could ill spare, even for the few hours himself with unusual care. The papers of the they were about to employ in giving a fresh bur­ previous evening, in second, third, and even nish to his character; so much for that innocent fourth editions, had made this remarkable case person. He said, emphatically, 'innocent,' for the so widely kiio-wn, that, long before the opening jury knew, as well as he, the coroner, that evevy- of the doors, crowds besieged the different en­ hoijivas innocent, till, etcetera.—'Pass theclaret, trances. '-•'- Tipier.'—Secondly, he begged to deprecate most "The judges (Squall and Rumpus) took their earnestly the indulgence of any idle curiosity as seats with their accustomed punctuality. to the mere facts of the case, inasmuch as such " Counsel for the prosecution, learned Attorney- a proceeding might savour of an uncourteous dis­ General, assisted by Mr. Bullseye, Q.C., and Mr. trust as to the competency of that superior Owdyce. Part of the prisoner—Mr. Serjeant tribunal which was paid—and very handsomely Galantine, and Mr. Egbert Bee. paid—for looking into this sort of thing. " Mr. Bullseye apologised for the absence of "A juryman inquired, amidst some disappro­ his leader, who was engaged in nine other cases bation, where was the body upon which they of equal importance with that now about to be were, at the moment, allegorically seated ? submitted to their ludships. He himself had " Inspector Gimlett informed the court that the been engaged (at whist) till near six o'clock that body had not yet come to hand, but that one foot morning, but had had almndant opportunity, was confidently expected by the train at eight during breakfast, to look into the case, and found forty-five. Other members might follow. himself in a position to lay five to four with the "A short desultory conversation ensued, which learned judge (Rumpus) that he landed a verdict was stopped by the coroner's glancing signifi­ safe, before luncheon. cantly at the exhausted magnum, and suggesting "The court declined the bet, pointing out to that they had better consider their verdict. They Mr. Bullseye the serious public inconvenience immediately brought in, Murder. that might ensue, should the example be so ex­ " 'Murder, eh?' said the coroner to the fore­ tensively followed by the prisoner, jury, and man. 'All right, old fellow. There you are' others, as to call for the establishment of a re­ (he hastily recorded it), 'and here's the thing­ gular ring, before the commencement of each amy* (giving the warrant to Mr. Gimlett). case. ' Dine with me to-morrow, Lovibond, after the " Mr. Bullseye bowed acquiescence, and, resum­ trial ? Devonshire mutton.' ing his address, called upon the jury to banish "'With the greatest pleasure,' replied Sir from their muids all idea of the case before them, Charles, and, waving a farewell to the jury, with­ (Three jurors pocketed their fourth editions- drew. three others made a hasty note of the learned Charles Dickexifl.] A VERY^ LIKELY" STORY, [March 30, IS61.3 21 counsel's observation — the foreman simply They could not have hopped away upon the leg winked ) It would be but a brief procedure, he that was left. He had a theory. It was strange ! might add, not more than a 'foot' in length, It was startling ! But iU. would it beseem the wig but he did not expect them to appreciate his he wore, should he shrink from the promulgation little joke, until they had heard what was to of any theory, no matter how repugnant to follow. If, by chance, any individual of that common sense, that might serve his client, or useful and talented body, the reporters for the possess the very slightest chance of finding cre­ press, were present (a laugh, and tremendous dence with a British jury. scratching of pens), he would request them to " ' They had all studied natural history. Indid- record it, 'a foot.'—WcU, to the facts. gence in recreative science was a familiar cha­ "' On a lovely evening in early June, nine hun­ racteristic of that admirable class vdiich poured dred and seventy years ago, the ancestor of the into the British Jury-box its treasures of pa­ prisoner at the bar first landed on these shores. triotism, of wisdom, and of wit. This bottle' That he was a man of humane and gentle cha­ (holding up a small phial) 'contains a colourless racter, and refined tastes, is sufficiently proved liquid and invisible animalculse. The jury would by the fact that, in those turbulent times, no instantly recognise those curious nomads as mem­ record exists of his having burned a castle, bers of a deeply-interesting family, the infusoria. ravaged a nunnery, or broiled a Jew ! Might They were distinguished by the most complete it not be fairly expected that a man so gracious ^nanmiity of taste and touching harmony of pur­ would be the honoured father of a line of no less pose. Their whole time was passed in eathig scrupulous sons, wags, beaux, statesmen, poets, each other. queen's counsel; men whose ardent love of truth, "' Size, in the case of these happily-constructed and hate of blood, would embalm them for ever children of nature, seemed to be of no conse­ in the retentive memory of the land their virtues quence whatever. A sharp-set individual of the had adorned ? Alas! alas!' race has been seen to attack and swallow a friend " Mr. Bullseye would not detain the jury by as large as—nay, larger than—himself,\and to be tracing, through nearly nine centuries and a half, none the worse for his repast! They would bear the history of this remarkable family, but would this fact in mind.' ask them to look at once at him^ their miserable " Anthropapagy (Mr. Bullseye continued), pro­ descendant, cowering under the glance of the perly so called, had not flourished in England justice he had offended and defied ! for a very consider?vble period. He believed that " He would restrain his feelings, which had, there was no absolute record of the practice, since for a moment, got the better of him. 'The that case in which a gentleman of half-Highland, prisoner, gentlemen, entered the railway station half-negro extraction—Mr. Alexander (commonly at Deal, purchased two first-class tickets, and, called " Sawney") Bean—cut a very distinguished accompanied by a young lady of prepossess­ figm*e. Time, wdiich, according to the poet, eats ing appearance, got into a carriage, assisted in aU sorts of things (edax rerum), has, it must be doing so by a porter, to whom, in defiance of owned, revolutionised the whole science of gas­ the by-laws hanging up before him handsomely tronomy. But, though it has changed, it has not framed, he gave a fourpenny-piece. I mention abolished, iimocent and primitive tastes. Horses, this fact as showing that habitual contempt for all and, he believed, donkeys, were eaten in the pc- legal enactments which cropped out (to use a Kshed salons of Paris, Was it too much to in­ figurative expression) so fearfully a few minutes quire, if donkeys, why not iiieii? Again, let him later. ask, what becomes of the innumei'ablc letters of "' Before leaving, the prisoner desired to pur­ the alphabet advertised for day by day, and year chase a biscuit, and, finding none were to be by year, yet which never come to hand? 'What, had, expressed his dissatisfaction in language of for example, becomes of the friend for whom, in considerable strength. This apparently trivial difficulties, you advanced the sum of fifty pounds ? fact is of the highest importance. It wil be my Do you ever meet him again? Never. Is he duty to prove to you, gentlemen, that the pri­ dragged to some suburban shambles and eaten ? soner, on leaving, was in a condition of extreme Is he simply devoured by regret at his own inabi­ hunger! lity to come up to tune ? Your knowledge of the " The learned counsel went on to state that, on man precludes the latter theory- Then, by tho the train arriving at London-bridge, the young exhaustive process, it must be the former.' lady alluded to was missing. In the mean time "The learned counsel had little more to add. a telegram had been forwarded requesting the There was his theory. He did not ask them to apprehension of the prisoner, and tliis was accept it. It was theirs, to take or leave. He speedily followed by the arrival of three wit­ would conclude by a simple summary of Ms facts. nesses, who related what they (the jury) would He had sho^vn: presently hear, and brought with them a young " 1. That the prisoner, on quitting Deal, was lady's foot, with silk stocking and brodequin almost frantic with hunger. complete. No trace of the body had been dis­ " 3. That the young woman entered the tunnel, covered 1 The mutilated remains of the unliappy and never came out (at least, in her original girl were not to be found in the tuimel whose form). cavernous depths witnessed this atrocious deed. "3. That Anthropophagy cannot yet be classed

^ 22 [March 30, 1661.] ALL THE ITJAR ROUND. [Conducted by among the many extinct \dces of our virtuous "' Li the course of science, you have had occa­ land, sion to deprive such and such animals of a limb " 4. That, strange as it may appear, one creature or two, sometimes all/ repeated Mr. Owdyce, can consume another, bigger than itself, Avithout thoughtfully. 'Now, sir, let me ask you what greater inconvenience than may naturally result effect usually followed ?* from eating an over-hearty dinner. "' In the case of one limb (I speak of quadru­ "He left the matter, with the most complete peds),' said the doctor, 'lively, but spasmodic, confidence, to their decision. One word more. action in the remaining members; t?w limbs, The learned judge would, probably, tell them embarrassment in movement, weakness, agita­ that, shoxdd they entertain any doubt, the pri­ tion; three limbs, great depression of spirits, soner was entitled to the benefit of that doubt. accompanied with disinclination to rise; four He would, however, respectfully suggest that, limbs, generally death.* seeing how often prisoners had enjoyed such '"In respect to the biped—say, for example, pulls, it was high time justice had Iter innings. the human subject—does your experience enable He claimed the doubt on behalf of the crown. you to guess, sir, whether an individual deprived " Sundry witnesses were then examined, and of one foot, could hop away on the other ?* among others, of course, the three platelayers. "' That would depend somewhat on the nervous At the evidence of the latter the learned judge system, I take it.* (Squall) pricked up his ears. ' Suppose the case of a delicate young lady ?' "' But, surely, brother Bullseye,' said the judge, tc ' I should say, impossible.* ' your own witnesses contradict your theory! "The witness withdrew. They saw the body flung from the carriage. How " The prisoner, who had paid marked attention then could it have been disposed of in the way to the later testimony, and had been observed to you suggest ?* glance repeatedly at the judge (Rumpus), as "'I do not, my lud,* replied Mr. Bullseye, noting the effect of the evidence on the mind of 'usually deal in hyperbolic praise; but your lud- that eminent lawyer, here handed down a slip of ship wiU permit me to say that nothing short of paper, which was passed on to his counsel, Mr. your ludship's superhuman penetration, could Sergeant Galantine. The latter smiled, nodded have so immediately, and with such needle-like approvingly, and gave it to his junior, Mr. Egbert precision, touched the one weak point in our Bee, who crammed his handkerchief into his case! The witnesses may have been de­ mouth, and bent over his papers, with a suffused ceived- ' brow. But, really, your theory*- " 'If,* said Mr. Justice Rumpus,' the prisoner "'My lud, my lud,' responded the learned desire to make any direct communication to the counsel with some heat, 'if your ludship can court, we are ready to hear it.* find a better, I beg you will do so.* "'Hem,' said Mr. Serjeant Galantine, 'my " The little skinnish over, the name of Dr. lud, hem ' Chipham was called, and that distinguished phy­ "Counsel conferred together, and the paper was sician, surgeon, and comparative-anatomist, handed across the table to the attorney-general, entered the witness-box, and was examined by who had just come in, A smiling conversation Mr. Owdyce. ensued, and the judge, whose curiosity became After some prelimmary questions ; powerfully excited, again interposed : remarkuig CC £ You have, I believe. Dr. Chipham,' said Mr. that, as the paper in question had been submitted Owdyce, 'expended much inquiry into the pro­ to all parties, there could be no possible objec­ longation of vitality, under embarrassing circum­ tion to the court's participation in the ' secret.* stances ?' " Now, the slip, in fact, contained a simple, "'I have.* though masterly sketch, in the burlesque style, '" In the pursuit of this investigation, you have of the judge himself: full credit being given by experimented upon a large number of living the artist to the preponderance of nose and ob­ animals ?* liquity of vision which characterised the learned "'I have.* man, *'''May I ask how many?' "' Well, Mr. Attorney,* said the latter, impa­ "' About thirteen thousand.* tiently, 'is not that document to be handed up ?' " ' Of what species, doctor ?' " ' It—it isn't—excuse me, my lud—for yom* Cats, rats, bats, sprats, dogs, frogs, hogs, ludship's—hem—eye,' said Mr. Attorney. donkeys, monkeys, bab ' " 'My lud, there is an objection on the face of CC £ BaUes, sir ?' exclaimed Mr. Justice Squall, it,' added Mr. Serjeant Galantine. hastily. '' 'What is the objection ?* "*—Boons, my lord, racoons, and aU the "• 'Your ludshap('s) knows,* replied the learned larger and smaller British birds, especially the Serjeant. finch-fanuly,' concluded the philosopher. " Tlie judge threw himself back in his chair, "'What was the usual nature of your experi­ evidently disappointed, and motioned for the ments ?' trial to proceed, "' I generally cut off a limb or two, sometimes "Counsel for the prosecution announced their au: case complete. Charles Dickens/ A VERY LIKELY STORY. [March 30, isr,l.] 23

"Mr. Sei-jeant Galantine rose with a weight

^^ KiTBiffTifci ES sa OSSR^ZCZSS "<:: p^ 2i ALL THE Y^EAR ROUND [March 30,1861.] "No sooner had he regained his cell than the account (printed overaight) of his own trial, governor made his appearance. conviction, final deportment, execution, and '"I telegraphed this morning,* said the latter, posthimious confession. cheerfully, 'to our excellent functionary, C, "He had scarcely finished, when a carriage who is absent, professionally, in Kent, and I dashed up to the door. Next minute, a young have no doubt he will arrive in admirable time. lady, flying into the room, threw herself into his What will you have for supper?' arms. " Sir Charles declined to eat. He had been "' My dear, dear, odd uncle! What is all this ? swallowing carbon all day in that suflbcating What have you been doing ?' court, and thought he would lie do^vn for an "' My still dearer, and at least equally eccentric hour or two. niece, taking pleasure, in a manner suggested by " Late in the evening the governor returned. yourself.' " 'Here's a dilemma! C has got the mumps. '''l&ymer What on earth are we to do ?' "'When it pleased you to jump out of the "The prisoner intimated that that was the train, before it had stopped, at Caterham, and sheriff's business, not his. to rush off in search of your model (dropped, no "' C. has, indeed, promised to send a substi­ doubt, out of the carriage in the tunnel, when tute ; but can we rely upon him, do you think ?' you struggled to prevent my leaning out to secure asked the perplexed governor. that door)—when, I say, you left me thus, alone " Sir Charles replied, that, as a perfect stranger with your women's fidfads, an odd idea occurred to the gentleman in question, it would not be­ to me. Had any accident happened to you, you come him to offer an opinion on that point; and, wild thing, I might be accused of your murder! only requesting that he might not be called up to It was, really, rather to my amusement than sur­ no purpose, he bade the governor good night, and prise, that, on reaching London, I found such a retired to rest- suspicion absolutely on foot. But, never did I " It is unnecessary to dwell upon the scenes of imagine that that exquisite work of art—that that night in the vicinity of Oldgate Jail. The foot, almost as perfect, save for its want of actual crowd was estimated at about thirty thousand. flesh and blood—as that wliich supplied the The wooden barricades with which the police had model ' ingeniously interlaced the entire thoroughfare, "' Nonsense, uncle.* answered their purpose so effectually that nearly " ' Would rise up in witness against me !' six hundred ribs were broken before midnight. " ' But what is this about eating .^* "As the hour of eight approached, the excite­ " 'My love, what's the day of the month?' ment became terrific. It was nothing, however, "'The third of April.' in comparison with the anxiety that possessed "'Then the day before yesterday was the the worthy governor, as minute after minute Eirst of April.' slipped by, and neither C nor deputy appeared. ["And, my dear sir," added my travelling "The prisoner, who had been appealed to, to companion, "seeing that we have reached the get up, so as to be in readiness when wanted, smack station, that this is the anniversary of the positively declined. The governor was still en­ smack day to which I have alluded—that is to gaged in mild expostulation with him, when a say, the smack EIEST DAY OF APRIL—and Hiat, warder rushed in and announced that the deputy being past the meridian, the hour of foolery has had actually driven up to the prison-gate. But, expired, I beg to tha,uk smack you for your^kind in the act of passing from the cab to the interior attention, and to wish you a very smack good of the jail, his heart had failed him. He had morning."] dived among the crowd, and disappeared. The mob was becoming impatient. There was every MR. CHARLES DICKENS prospect of a disturbance. It wanted but a Will read on THUKSDAT EVENING, March 28th, at ST. minute and a half of the time. Here was the pri­ JAMES'S HALL, Piccadilly, his soner stiU comfortably in bed. There were but CHRISTMAS CAROL AND THE TRIAL two courses to pursue. Reprieve, or execution. FROM PICKWICK- Under the pressure of circumstances, the excel­ Tlie Reading will commence at Eight, and conclude about lent governor resolved to strain a point, and dis­ Ten o'clock. charge the prisoner on his own responsibility. On WEDNESDAY, 27th March, was puhlished, " Sh' Charles at once assented. The crowd dis­ price 5s. 6d., bound in cloth, persed, with a few groans; a fight or two, in which the police lightly intermingled, consohng THE EOUETH VOLUME them, in some degree, for the disappointment. OF The prisoner rose, dressed, and in half an hour ALL THE YEAR ROUND. was seated at breakfast at an hotel in Brook- Containing from Nos. 77 to 100, both inclusive, and street, Grosvenor-square, perusmg, in the Morn­ the Extra Double Number for Christmas. ing Anticipator, an accurate and circumstantial The preceding Volumes are always to he had.

The right of Translatiiig Articles from ALL THE YEAR ROUND is reserved by the Authors.

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