Elsewhere 6Wos

Home , Good Goodbye, Hate Me Now, I Was the One, The Delivery Man, You Stay

ELSEWHERE

by Adam Szymkowicz

Seth Glewen The Gersh Agency 41 Madison Avenue 33rd Floor New York, NY 10010 P: 212-997-1818 F: 212-391-8459 [email protected]

CAST OF CHARACTERS

CELIA------The younger sister, early thirties to early forties TEDDY------The visitor, late twenties to early thirties AMANDA------The older sister, early thirties to early forties

SETTING

A mid-sized house in a small town in New England. The living room, dining room, Celia’s bedroom, Teddy’s bedroom, the back yard.

TIME

The Present

(CELIA is on the phone in the living room. She may wander, play with knick knacks as she talks. Possibly she has a super long phone cord she gets wrapped in.)

CELIA (on the phone) Physics has a name for the things you can’t see. Elsewhere. Like if I’m transmitting something light years away, the time it’s in transmission, we lose it. During that time it’s elsewhere. It’s unknowable. Irrelevant. My sister used to bury my favorite toys when we were kids. It took me a while to figure out what was happening. I would get a new doll and I would tell everyone how much I loved its yarn hair and its jagged smile and before I knew it, it was gone. When I finally figured it out, I was able to unearth some of my toys. Never the ones I wanted most, but I found some, by digging all day long, day after day in randomly chosen places. Eventually the adults got involved and my excavations were shut down.

Maybe I should have become an archeologist. Are archeologists lonely? Do they stay up at night thinking about civilizations they wish they could have been a part of? You know, loneliness is the only thing I can’t get over. I accept that they’re dead. I accept that I’m terrified of leaving the house, but I can’t stand how much it hurts to be alone. It burns with lack. The emptiness. I could take all the rest if there wasn’t such an emptiness. Sometimes I order things I don’t want just so the delivery man will show up and talk to me for a minute. But he just hands me the package and leaves again. What about you? Is your job lonely? It must be nice talking to people all day. No, I know, but still. Oh, right. I’m sorry I wasn’t letting you talk. Oh, well I don’t have a car so no, I don’t need car insurance. Hello? Hello?

(A doorbell. CELIA opens the door. TEDDY stands in the doorway, dressed in a UPS uniform and holding a package.)

3 TEDDY Celia Monroe.

CELIA Yes, thank you. Would you like something to drink?

TEDDY No, thank you. Sign here please.

CELIA You sure? Maybe lemonade? Root beer? Coffee? Tea? Fruit punch? Ginger ale? Sarsaparilla? I have juice boxes. Orange juice? Beer? Wine? I have red and white. From bottles, not boxes. Ha! No? Iced tea? Apple cranberry? Cranberry apple? Carrot? Apricot? I have a juicer. I could make celery juice if you wanted. Or pumpkin. Or I have artificial juices if you prefer. People like that. Sugary. Or the kind without sugar but still tastes like sugar. Some people prefer that.

TEDDY No, thanks.

CELIA Water? A nice cold glass of water? I can’t send you out of here without at least a glass of water.

TEDDY I’m fine, thanks. Really. Please sign here.

CELIA Can I get you a cookie? Oh, milk! I have milk.

TEDDY No, thanks. Please just sign here.

CELIA Or crackers. I have the cheese ones and the ones that go well with peanut butter. Or brownies. Pie. I have lemon meringue, blueberry, apple, pumpkin.

TEDDY I have more deliveries. If you could just sign--

CELIA There?

TEDDY Yes.

4 (CELIA signs. She accepts the package.)

CELIA Do you like turkey?

TEDDY Have a nice day.

(TEDDY turns to go.)

CELIA Wait!

(TEDDY waits.)

CELIA Do you have plans for dinner tonight because I was going to make a feast but there is only me to eat it and if there was someone else it would make more sense to make a feast. Everyone else is busy tonight otherwise I wouldn’t impose on your social life but it seems a shame to eat a feast all by yourself, don’t you agree?

TEDDY Uh—

CELIA You could tell me what your favorite thing is and I could make it. I have lots of groceries. I get them all delivered. I can make anything. My freezer is gigantic. And the basement is just cans and cans and crates of food as far as you can see. So I never run out. I could make crème brûlée. Do you like crème brûlée? And I just got a shipment of Sicilian sausage. You brought it earlier in the week. I’ve been dying to try it.

TEDDY Okay.

CELIA Okay?

TEDDY I’ll come to dinner.

CELIA Really?

TEDDY I’ll see you then. But I got to go now.

5 CELIA Okay! Great! Yay! Okay! What do you want?

TEDDY I’ll eat whatever you make.

CELIA What will I make? What will I make?

(TEDDY exits. CELIA closes the door and puts on her apron. She prepares to make a feast.)

(TEDDY sits at the head of the dining room table. CELIA enters with one heaping platter after another. She sets each one down in front of TEDDY and then goes back to the kitchen to get more. It is indeed a feast. When she sits down finally, he is already eating.)

CELIA You’re such a good eater!

TEDDY (his mouth full) Thanks.

CELIA Is it good?

TEDDY Mmm.

CELIA Good. Try some of the potatoes.

TEDDY Mmm.

CELIA My fiancé was a good eater like you. I had to keep letting out his pants. He lived here with me for a while, longer than some, shorter than others. I don’t want to say there have been a lot of men, but-- We ate all our meals together, morning, noon and night. Sometimes two midday meals or a late night meal. Sometimes ice cream with every meal. He ate so well. I think he liked eating more than anything else. It was a defining character trait. Like some people are stingy or bossy. He was eaty. We were happy, I think. Sometimes he would leave for weeks at a time. He would come back emaciated and thin. I don’t know where he was going or why and he wouldn’t answer questions. But I set about feeding him right away and I would get his weight up and then he would disappear again. It made me so angry. So angry. He wouldn’t tell me where he was going and often wouldn’t say goodbye. I didn’t know if he was dead or not and then he’d come home like nothing had happened and if I asked questions, he’d just go mute, pretend he couldn’t hear. When he was here, he always kept the bed warm. I needed him here, you see. He couldn’t keep leaving like that. I wanted something more permanent. And he wanted to take off. He always came back, but I just couldn’t take the uncertainty. In the end, I put a stop to it.

TEDDY What happened to him?

CELIA He died.

TEDDY Oh.

CELIA It happens. Maybe not to everyone so young, but it happens. Better get used to it. The people around you die off one by one. The older you get, the more of them die. Then you die too. That’s how it goes. People always think it won’t happen to them. Not me, they say. That couldn’t happen to me. Or deep down they know everyone is the same but the irrational part of the brain says, “I’m special. By the time it’s time for me to die, they will have come up with a solution to the whole thing.” Like robots.

TEDDY Robots?

CELIA Like robots are going to be so advanced that we can be kept alive inside them, when really all they can do are build cars and vacuum the floor. Robots are not going to save you from death. How are the beets?

7 TEDDY Mmm.

CELIA I like your disposition. Are you always like that?

TEDDY I think so.

CELIA I like it. It makes me serene. It’s a breath of fresh air. So many things put me on edge all day long. I look out the window and I get nervous. I read a book and it drives me crazy. I turn on the TV and I have to turn it off again right away. I sit down, I stand up I sit down again. I’ve tried crocheting and knitting and sewing. I’ve played classical piano, made clay pots, built towers from popsicle sticks. But none of it helped. It all made me crazy. Cooking calms me. Especially cooking for someone like you. So serene. How do you do it?

TEDDY I don’t know.

CELIA Tell me, what is your secret life? What are the things you think that you never tell anyone? What do you do that you don’t want anyone to know about. What makes you different? What excites you? What makes you emotional? What makes you, you?

TEDDY Um . . . I don’t know.

CELIA There must be something.

TEDDY Well, I mean, well … I want to paint.

CELIA Really? How wonderful! An artist. I’m having dinner with an artist.

TEDDY No.

CELIA Don’t be modest.

TEDDY All right.

CELIA What do you paint?

TEDDY That’s the thing, you see. I don’t know yet. I haven’t painted anything. I just want to. Paint something. I’ll do it soon. It’s hard though. With my job. I always want to but then I come home from work and I’m so tired. I tried to get up early and do it but I was so tired in the morning too. So I don’t know when. But I want to do it.

CELIA Yes, that is a dilemma. I suppose you must like your job though.

TEDDY No, I don’t.

CELIA But you get to drive that truck all day long. Moving from place to place. Such freedom. Such purpose. You are the master of the road. You go somewhere and then you go somewhere else and somewhere else. You get to do that all day. I envy you. I stay here. Not because I want to. I have a hard time leaving. But you, you are your own master. And you get to meet all those people who are getting packages from all over the world. Someone in England puts something in a box for their friend and then you bring that box to them and put it in their hands. You bring people together. Your job is to connect people. Isn’t that exciting?

TEDDY No.

CELIA There must be something good about the job. Part of it you like.

TEDDY No.

CELIA Oh. Why do you do it then?

TEDDY Well, I have to.

CELIA I don’t understand.

9 TEDDY I need to pay the rent and buy food.

CELIA But why not some other job?

TEDDY Like what?

CELIA Well, I don’t know, a job you like.

TEDDY I don’t want a job. They’re all sort of equal. This one is just like another one. Benefits are good. Pay is okay so…

CELIA Ah. But if you didn’t have to …

TEDDY Then I wouldn’t.

CELIA And you could paint. All day long.

TEDDY Sure. Yeah. I guess.

CELIA Then it’s settled. You’ll live here with me. You’ll quit your job and you’ll paint.

TEDDY Um…

CELIA Don’t object.

TEDDY Okay.

CELIA You’ll do it then?

TEDDY Well . . .

10 CELIA Say yes.

TEDDY Yes.

CELIA Really?

TEDDY Well . . .

CELIA What’s stopping you?

TEDDY I don’t know. I just don’t know. I don’t owe anybody, you know.

CELIA You won’t owe me either. Every few paintings, you’ll paint one for me and we’ll be even.

TEDDY Yeah?

CELIA Oh, please say you’ll do it.

TEDDY Yeah. Okay. Sure. Okay. I just have to get my stuff.

CELIA Tomorrow then. You will move in tomorrow.

TEDDY Okay.

CELIA But now, let’s have dessert.

TEDDY Okay.

(TEDDY stands staring at a blank canvas, paintbrush in hand. He stands. He stares. He stands. CELIA enters, watches him for a second.)

CELIA How’s it going?

TEDDY I don’t know.

CELIA No inspiration yet?

TEDDY No.

CELIA You want me to pose for you?

TEDDY (thinking) No, I don’t think so.

CELIA Just let me know. (Pause. He tries to think of what to paint.) Isn’t it crazy? All this time you’ve been living your life and I’ve been living mine. We were oblivious to each other and now here we are together. I bet last week you never thought you’d be living here.

TEDDY No.

CELIA You were brushing your teeth maybe. I couldn’t know you were brushing your teeth, but now, I can hear you in the bathroom and all I’d have to do is open the door and see you brushing your teeth.

12 TEDDY Please don’t open the door while I’m in the bathroom.

CELIA What if you fall down?

TEDDY I mean on a day-to-day basis.

CELIA I won’t open the bathroom door while you’re in there unless you’re in peril or if you ask me to.

TEDDY Why would I ask you to?

CELIA I just want to leave that possibility open. Anyway, my point is, now we’re part of one another’s daily lives when before we practically didn’t exist. Out of sight out of mind. Do you believe that?

TEDDY What?

CELIA That things don’t exist when you’re not experiencing them?

TEDDY No.

CELIA No, they don’t exist or no you don’t believe that?

TEDDY I don’t believe that.

CELIA Right. Sure. I’m just saying. Who knows, right? Who knows what goes on that we can’t see. All sorts of things. Hey, maybe you could paint that.

TEDDY What?

CELIA Everything. All the things we don’t see.

13 TEDDY Maybe.

CELIA You want some lemonade?

TEDDY Yes.

CELIA I’ll be right back.

(CELIA exits. TEDDY stares for a long time at the blank canvas. He almost touches the paintbrush to the canvas. Then CELIA returns with lemonade.)

CELIA Here we are!

(TEDDY accepts the lemonade. They drink their lemonade.)

CELIA Listen, I was thinking. Do you like your bedroom?

TEDDY Sure.

CELIA I was thinking, if you wanted, you could sleep with me in my bed.

TEDDY Oh.

CELIA If you wanted. It’s so cold in my bed. I really miss having someone else in the bed with me.

TEDDY I don’t know.

CELIA Think about it. It doesn’t have to be tonight or tomorrow night, but maybe one day soon. Think about it. Keep it in the back of your head. Along with all those great ideas for paintings.

14 TEDDY Heh. Right.

CELIA You sure you don’t want me to pose for you?

TEDDY No, that’s okay.

CELIA Well, just let me know if you change your mind. I was a model, you know.

TEDDY You were?

CELIA For drawings.

TEDDY Oh.

CELIA In college.

TEDDY Oh.

CELIA Naked. I just liked to be the artist’s inspiration. Ohhh! Why don’t I try to think up ways to inspire you. I could play music, I could dress in bright colors, we could build a fort out of cushions or create a terrarium—

TEDDY No, you know what?

CELIA What’s that, Teddy?

TEDDY I think I just need to be alone for a while.

CELIA Oh.

TEDDY Sorry.

CELIA No, I understand. The artist’s temperament. I’ll go practice the tambourine in case it becomes necessary. But I’ll come back in ten minutes or so to see if you need anything.

(CELIA exits.)

TEDDY I need more than ten minutes. Celia? Celia?

(But she has gone. He stares at the canvas. Sound of tambourine.)

(CELIA in bed. A sound of a dog howling outside.)

CELIA Oh, Doggie, I hear you. I feel for you. I do. The nighttime is the hardest time. We regret things at night, don’t we? (The dog howls again.) Even if at the time, everything you do seems like the right thing to do. Even if during the day, you think all your decisions are reasonable at all times, at night you start to wonder. And then the cold seeps in, too, at night.

Oh, Doggie, how do you deal with the cold? Does howling help? (She howls. The dog howls. She howls. The dog howls. They howl together. She sighs.) I don’t think it’s for people, howling. People must be rational. We must not yelp like animals in cages. But what then?

What do other people do? I don’t see other people much any more. There’s Teddy sure, but everyone else I only see from a distance. They seem content enough, capable enough, out in the streets, buying groceries, saying hello, getting their newspapers.

But then if you turn on the news, everything they do is terrible. Maybe when they go in their houses and close their doors and shutter their windows, then they all do terrible things, things that can be discovered and reported the next day. It makes me feel better to think that. How about you, Doggie? (The dog does not howl.)

Now, you’re quiet. Maybe you’re asleep already. I wish I was asleep.

(A week later. TEDDY stands in front of a blank canvas. He is going to paint something. Wait. Wait for it. He touches the brush to the canvas and makes a small stroke.)

TEDDY Oh, darn. Darn! Oh, that’s no good. Oh, I ruined it. I can paint over. I can paint over it. I’ll whitewash it and start over.

(CELIA enters.)

CELIA You painted.

TEDDY Don’t look. That’s a mistake.

CELIA I need to talk to you.

TEDDY Please don’t look at the canvas.

(CELIA averts her gaze.)

CELIA Listen, this isn’t working out.

TEDDY What?

CELIA You here. It’s not-- Look—

(CELIA looks up.)

TEDDY Don’t look.

CELIA (Averting her gaze) Look, here it is. You have to sleep in my bed with me. It’s just too cold at night for me to continue to sleep alone. It’s a matter of comfort. So there. You have to come sleep in my bed. Okay?

TEDDY You said I could think about it.

CELIA I know what I said.

TEDDY I’m not done thinking about it.

CELIA I know but it got much colder out.

TEDDY You could turn the heat up.

CELIA I just can’t afford it now that I’m supporting the both of us.

TEDDY I don’t know.

CELIA No. There is no discussion. This is what happens now.

TEDDY I toss and turn a lot in bed.

CELIA That’s fine.

TEDDY Sometimes I wake up scared and I have to turn on the light. Then I turn on all the lights in the house until I settle down again.

CELIA I’ll hold you if you get scared.

TEDDY When I wake up like that, I can’t stand to have anyone touch me.

CELIA Okay. Not anyone?

TEDDY No.

CELIA Okay. So it’s decided. You’ll sleep with me.

TEDDY Well, let me think about it.

CELIA I see.

(CELIA exits to the kitchen. Silence and then the sound of a dish breaking. Then another and another. She’s throwing them against the floor. Or maybe the wall. TEDDY is visibly upset by this. He puts his paintbrush down. He looks at the front door. He thinks of walking out it forever. CELIA stops breaking dishes offstage. Another silence. CELIA re-enters.)

CELIA All the dishes are broken. Are you happy now? I’m going to have to have new dishes delivered. I liked those dishes, Teddy. Those dishes were my favorite dishes ever. I got them when I moved in here. They have sentimental value. I don’t know why you made me do that. Maybe you were unaware of the sentimental value of the dishes. You’re oblivious to my dishes, of course you are. But have you no heart? Each broken dish was a part of me. A part of me I can never get back. Whenever I eat on the new dishes, I will always remember this day and how you caused me to be cold at night even though there were things you could do to prevent it. When I’m dying of pneumonia, I will eat my last meal off these new dishes and I will remember you and curse you for your unfeeling nature. You are the devil. You are the worst creature to ever walk the planet. I will die. I will die of neglect unless you intercede. It’s your choice. I’m drowning. All you have to do is reach out your hand to pull me from the icy water. Do you understand? Either you sleep in my bed or you have to move out.

(A long silence. TEDDY thinks. It becomes unbearable to her. She is about to throw him out. Then--)

TEDDY Okay.

CELIA Okay?

TEDDY Okay.

(CELIA kisses him. He kisses back, sort of. It gets more intense. CELIA starts to undress him and herself.)

(The doorbell rings.)

CELIA Shhh!

TEDDY I’ll get it.

CELIA No, no. We don’t need to get it.

(CELIA goes back to undressing him. The doorbell rings again.)

TEDDY I should—

CELIA Ignore it! It’ll go away.

TEDDY Well--

(The door opens. AMANDA stands in the doorway holding a suitcase.)

AMANDA Hello!

(The dinner table. AMANDA and TEDDY sit eating. CELIA brings in plates.)

AMANDA And when I got there, it had burned to the ground. So, you know, no more job. I went to a café and I looked through the want ads, but it just seemed so overwhelming. I hate the interview process. Don’t you?

TEDDY Yes.

AMANDA So I thought, I’ll just show up on my sister’s doorstep.

TEDDY And so you did.

AMANDA And so I did. I went to the apartment and packed everything I liked, told my roommate I was moving out and I bought a train ticket. Time to visit Sis. I knew she’d be here. She never leaves the house. I don’t know if you know.

TEDDY I know.

AMANDA I didn’t expect to see you though.

TEDDY I just moved in.

AMANDA So you’re Celia’s new beau.

TEDDY No. No. No.

AMANDA Oh, so you’re . . .

21 TEDDY I delivered something to her door one day and she asked me to dinner and then at dinner she asked me to live here so now I live here.

AMANDA What a wacky sister!

TEDDY She is.

(CELIA enters with the last of the food and sits.)

AMANDA What a wacky sister. You’re wacky, sister.

CELIA Am I? How’s the dinner I prepared for you?

AMANDA Sprantabulous! Greetific! Knockintastic! I like to make up new words.

TEDDY Delicious-ishivish.

AMANDA Nice.

TEDDY Thank you.

CELIA (To AMANDA.) As long as you like it. I guess that’s all that matters. (Aside to TEDDY.) My sister’s always been a little off.

AMANDA Don’t go telling him stories. I was never off. I was always completely and utterly on. Tell him.

CELIA She’s always on.

AMANDA What does that mean?

22 CELIA How long are you staying?

AMANDA I thought I’d leave it open. For years I’ve been getting letters from her, weekly, daily even sometimes. “Visit me,” They would say. “I’m so lonely. When are you coming to visit?” So I thought, why not now?

CELIA Why not now?

AMANDA And so here I am.

CELIA Yes. Yes you are. Here. But now Teddy’s here.

AMANDA Is there nowhere for me to sleep?

TEDDY You can sleep in Celia’s bed. It’s so cold in there alone, she says.

CELIA No.

TEDDY Unless you want her to sleep with me.

CELIA No.

AMANDA Excellent. I’ll sleep with you. It’ll be just like when we were girls and you would climb in with me in the middle of the night. She was afraid of the dark.

TEDDY I get afraid.

AMANDA We all do, Teddy. We all do.

CELIA I don’t.

23 AMANDA Maybe not anymore, but when you were a girl-- Now, you get lonely, instead.

CELIA Everyone gets lonely.

AMANDA Okay.

CELIA I also get cold.

AMANDA It is drafty in here. I have a sweater somewhere. Remember that blanket you used to drag around? Whatever happened to that?

CELIA You buried it.

AMANDA Did I? Why did I do that? Teddy, did she ever tell you how I used to bury her things? I don’t know what I was doing. What was I doing?

CELIA I don’t know.

AMANDA Well, anyway, I grew out of it, I guess. Or maybe they told me I had to stop. You probably played with all my toys then, cause yours were all gone so maybe that made me stop. I didn’t like to share.

CELIA You didn’t share. Not ever.

AMANDA Huh! I guess I was too busy digging in the back yard. What was going on with me? Could you imagine if I was doing that now?

CELIA You buried all my things. I had nothing.

AMANDA Crazy. I bet they’re still out there. We should dig them up.

24 CELIA No. This is my house.

AMANDA Our parents’ house, she means.

CELIA I bought you out.

AMANDA Yeah, well . . .

CELIA It’s my house now, filled with my things. I like them where they are. In case you were wondering.

AMANDA Dodo! I’m not going to bury your things. I’m civilized now. Teddy, tell her I’m civilized.

TEDDY She’s civilized.

AMANDA I even sleep in bed with other people without taking all the covers.

(AMANDA and CELIA in bed asleep. AMANDA has all the covers. TEDDY creeps in and goes to AMANDA’s side of the bed.)

TEDDY You’re here. I thought you were never coming. Please don’t wake up. I’ll talk quietly. I couldn’t bear if you woke up and heard me. Let me just look at you. I could look at you forever.

I thought I would be alone all my life. I thought, that’s my lot, so I should accept it. I could have been married by now, maybe, if I wanted, with kids but I’ve been waiting for

25 someone special, someone distinct, sparkling, crazy, bursting full of something--like you. And here you are. Even if I can’t have you. Even if you wake and spit in my face, I am glad to be here, right now, in the same room with you. Even for a minute. My life has reached its apex. I could die now if I have to or live as a monk now forever, because today you looked at me and talked to me at dinner and that was enough. Any more and— well I couldn’t imagine any more. But, maybe. Maybe more is in store for us. Can I hope? Can I wish? Can I look at you one more minute before leaving?

I hope you stay here forever with me.

(TEDDY leaves quietly. AMANDA does not stir. CELIA sits up. She looks where TEDDY went. She lies back down. She pulls the covers over herself.)

(TEDDY and AMANDA sit at the breakfast table. CELIA comes in, slams something on the table and walks out. AMANDA and TEDDY look at each other. He shrugs. She rolls her eyes. CELIA reenters, slams something else down and storms out.)

AMANDA I find it’s best to ignore her when she gets like this. Sometimes she’s just pouty and we should just pretend she isn’t.

TEDDY I don’t know if I can just ignore it.

AMANDA Try.

TEDDY Okay, I’ll try. Because you want me to.

(CELIA enters with a huge plate of something. She puts it in front of herself and begins eating.)

AMANDA I slept well last night. Celia, did you sleep well?

26 CELIA (Grunts.) mmnn.

AMANDA How about you, Teddy. Did you sleep well?

TEDDY I didn’t sleep much. Maybe two hours. No, maybe an hour and a half. I was up all night painting.

(CELIA looks at him.)

AMANDA You were?

CELIA I thought you were blocked.

TEDDY I was. And then I got unblocked. It was wonderful. I just painted and painted. I’m not even tired. I feel terrific! I feel like I could go back and do it for another twelve hours. Well, maybe eleven. I haven’t looked at them in the light yet. I don’t know if they’re any good. They might be trash. But it felt great!

CELIA What happened?

TEDDY (evasive) I don’t know. I just got inspired. (CELIA grunts.) After breakfast, I’ll go back and paint some more. Although I’m running out of cadmium yellow.

AMANDA I was thinking while I was here, Teddy and I could help you get your house in order.

TEDDY Okay!

CELIA What do you mean, “in order?”

AMANDA Maybe paint the walls. Put up some shelves. Fix that table leg in the other room. You know, little things. You might need a new roof.

27 TEDDY That sounds great! I have a tool belt I could wear.

AMANDA You do? I bet you look really good in a tool belt.

(TEDDY gets self conscious.)

CELIA I don’t think I need any work done, thank you.

AMANDA I don’t mind.

CELIA Yes, but I do.

AMANDA I’m just trying to help. She was like this all the time when we were girls. When are you going to grow up?

CELIA You know what? Why don’t you pack your bags and go.

AMANDA Don’t be like that.

CELIA I’m serious. I’ve already had my fill of you, so why don’t you go live your life somewhere else.

AMANDA Fine!

CELIA Fine!

AMANDA Write me every day and tell me how lonely you are and then when I show up, throw me out!

CELIA I will.

AMANDA I’m just trying to help.

CELIA I don’t want your help.

AMANDA Then I don’t want to give it.

CELIA Fine!

AMANDA Fine.

(AMANDA starts to storm off. TEDDY stops her.)

TEDDY Wait. Please. You’re sisters.

CELIA So?

TEDDY You’re all you have. You’re family. I never had any brothers and sisters and I always wished I could have some. And you have each other and you don’t care.

CELIA It’s not that.

TEDDY Then what is it? She came to see you.

CELIA I know.

TEDDY She wants to help.

CELIA Well--

TEDDY And you. Don’t be so quick to run.

AMANDA To run?

29 TEDDY Unless you never want to see me again.

AMANDA No. It’s not about you.

TEDDY Some people don’t want other people rearranging their houses.

AMANDA They don’t?

TEDDY No.

AMANDA Not even a little paint?

CELIA I guess it could use a little paint.

AMANDA I don’t want to stay if I’m not wanted.

CELIA You’re wanted.

AMANDA Do you want me to stay?

CELIA Stay. Paint if you want. Stay. He wants you.

AMANDA What about you?

CELIA You can stay.

AMANDA I’ll stay until I finish painting the walls. Okay? Then I’ll start my life over new somewhere else. I just need to figure a few things out.

CELIA Okay.

30 AMANDA Thanks for putting me up while I figure a few things out.

CELIA Sure. A guess a little change around here’s not a bad thing. It’ll be nice. A newly painted wall or two.

(They hug.)

(The Living Room. TEDDY is painting on a canvas. He wears a tool belt. Many canvases of his finished paintings are spread over the room. It’s up to you if he’s a good artist or not. He need not be. But the paintings should be very bright, cheerful even. AMANDA is on a ladder, painting the wall with a roller. TEDDY looks at her. Sighs, smiles, goes back to his painting.)

(They paint in silence for a bit. Then she looks down at him, sighs, smiles and goes back to painting.)

(CELIA enters with sandwiches and lemonade.)

CELIA I brought a snack for the painters.

AMANDA Thanks, Sis.

TEDDY Thanks, Celia.

(They stop, take a break and have sandwiches.)

31 CELIA How’s it going?

TEDDY Good.

AMANDA Well.

TEDDY I’m making progress.

AMANDA We’re getting there.

CELIA It’s looking good.

AMANDA and TEDDY Thanks.

CELIA You’re both so talented. I’m lucky to have you both here. Talent like this could be anywhere.

TEDDY Nah.

AMANDA Thank you.

CELIA But I have it here in my house! A Michelangelo here and a house painter there! I’m boarding artists. That’s what.

TEDDY He he.

AMANDA I’m not just a house painter.

CELIA I knew we could get along. We decided on a color for the wall, didn’t we?

AMANDA I still say we should have gone a little lighter.

CELIA Well, I’m happy anyway. That’s what’s important. And you’re both here where I can keep an eye on you and you’re both working so hard that when night comes you just fall asleep, collapse even.

TEDDY I suppose so.

CELIA It’s good. It’s good to get your rest and then get up and work through the day and into the evening and then do it again. It’s like farmers. I think of farmers sometimes when I think about what life should be like. They do something vital. Not like the rest of us. What a perfect thing, to grow food for yourself and for other people. Course then they grow too much corn. It’s cheap so they put it in everything. The high fructose corn syrup. People like it, I guess, some of them, but our bodies weren’t made to digest that. They were made to eat corn right off the cob, boiled of course, and corn dogs, right off the stick. Also boiled. Maybe fried. Do they fry corn dogs or just batter them and boil them? No matter. Can you imagine, though getting up in the morning and milking the cows or plowing the field? Only you and the sunrise and then all day long, a big blue sky that’s all yours. And you work. You work. People don’t work like that except on farms. And you too, of course, both of you, right now, here in my house. Workers.

AMANDA I like painting.

CELIA Good.

AMANDA I could paint these walls forever.

CELIA I don’t think that’s necessary. We’ll run out of paint. When you’re done, you can go wherever you go. Disappear into that place you are when I don’t see you or hear your voice. But now, I have the pleasure of your company.

TEDDY I’m using a lot of blue now. I think I’m going through my blue period.

CELIA That’s good, Teddy. Go through all your periods. We’ll wait and see what you come up with with bated breath. Is that what we have? Bated breath? Is it baited? Like a hook with a worm on it? Are we luring you? No, I guess not. I think if my breath becomes baited, you two should say something and I’ll swallow a mint. (no response) Think about what you want for dinner. I can call the grocery store and have it delivered.

TEDDY Okay.

CELIA Both of you, think about it.

AMANDA We will.

(CELIA takes the tray of sandwiches away. TEDDY might grab one more sandwich as she goes. They look at each other. They smile and then go back to work, sneaking glances when the other isn’t looking.)

(TEDDY in bed. He sleeps. AMANDA enters his room. She carries a cup of coffee. She tries to wake him. She pushes and pulls but he won’t wake. Finally he wakes, groggy. She hands him a cup of coffee.)

AMANDA Here. Drink this.

TEDDY Whaa?

AMANDA It’s coffee. Drink it.

TEDDY Why?

AMANDA She’s grinding sleeping pills into our food. I think it was in the potatoes.

34 TEDDY Really?

AMANDA She’s always been a little unusual.

(TEDDY drinks the coffee. AMANDA watches.)

AMANDA There now. Do you feel better?

TEDDY A little.

AMANDA Want to go for a walk?

TEDDY Very much.

AMANDA Then let’s go for a walk out in the moonlight.

(AMANDA takes his hand and they put on their coats and go outside.)

(Outside. In the moonlight. They walk and look at each other and walk. Beautiful music comes up low and then a little louder. When they open their mouths, they are singing.)

TEDDY You’re so pretty in the moonlight.

AMANDA I think you’re pretty great.

35 TEDDY You’re so pretty in the moonlight.

AMANDA Do you believe in fate?

(She comes to his arms and they begin to dance as they sing.)

TEDDY It feels so right in the moonlight.

AMANDA I think the night is bliss.

TEDDY We should run off in the moonlight.

AMANDA We should run off in the moonlight.

TEDDY Kiss me in the moonlight.

AMANDA Kiss me in the moonlight.

TEDDY and AMANDA Kiss me in the moonlight.

(They kiss. It is long and they twirl as they kiss. And then there is a BLACKOUT.)

(The Living Room. TEDDY is painting on a canvas. There are twice as many paintings as last time. AMANDA is on a ladder, painting the wall with a roller in the same place we last saw her painting.

36 When she climbs down to get more paint, TEDDY is there to kiss her. They make out like teenagers. Then, the sound of footsteps.)

AMANDA Shh. Shh! She’s coming.

(AMANDA climbs back up to paint the wall. TEDDY goes back to his canvas. CELIA enters with a plate of sandwiches.)

CELIA You’re still painting that wall?

AMANDA It needs another coat.

CELIA I would have thought by now—

AMANDA It needs another coat.

CELIA You’ve been at it for over two weeks. I would have thought by now you’d be done painting.

AMANDA It just soaks the paint right up.

CELIA I just didn’t think painting would take this long.

AMANDA It’ll take a while.

CELIA Like a couple more days?

AMANDA I think it might be weeks more. Months even.

CELIA That’s not going to work. You know, I think you’ve done enough. Let’s call it painted. It looks painted to me.

AMANDA I want to do a good job.

CELIA I appreciate that.

AMANDA Like the farmers.

CELIA I think you did a good job. And it’s been great having you here. But it’s probably time for you to go now. Teddy needs to get work done and you’re distracting him.

TEDDY She’s not distracting me.

AMANDA I’m not distracting him.

CELIA You’ve outlived your welcome. There I said it. You may be my sister, but you need to go now.

AMANDA Oh.

CELIA I’m sorry. It’s just that my routine is all messed up.

AMANDA I’m not interfering with your routine.

CELIA You think you’re not but you are.

TEDDY I don’t want her to go.

CELIA Well, Teddy, I like you of course, but the world does not revolve around you. Sometimes, other people get what they want instead. I’ve gone out of my way to make you happy, but at the end of the day, she no longer belongs here. She has to go live her life and we will live ours here. It’s just the order of things. Things have to be ordered. And then, we’re all happy. It’ll be sad to see her go, but when she’s gone our happiness

38 will go up. We won’t even notice maybe, but we’ll wake up and we’ll think to ourselves, “I’m happy” and it’s lots of little reasons maybe but her absence will be one of them.

TEDDY I think we should tell her.

CELIA AMANDA Tell her what? No, don’t!

TEDDY I’m going to tell her.

AMANDA No! It’s just not a good idea.

TEDDY She’s your sister. She’ll be happy.

CELIA AMANDA Happy about what? You don’t understand!

TEDDY Celia, Amanda and I—

AMANDA No! No. Stop. It’s over. I’ll go pack.

(AMANDA exits the stage in a hurry.)

CELIA You what? The two of you what?

TEDDY Nothing.

CELIA Has she done something to you?

TEDDY No, no.

CELIA Has she been touching you?

TEDDY What do you mean?

CELIA I want you to stay pure. Teddy, promise me you won’t let her taint you. She’s a bad influence, always has been. That’s why I make sure she’s asleep with me. I used to wake up and check on her but I sleep through the night most nights now. I’m not sure why. Maybe I’ve been eating right. It’s almost like when I was taking those—no. No. Is she drugging me? (TEDDY looks down.) She’s not coming to your room, is she? (TEDDY looks down.) When we were kids, my parents gave me the task of walking in on her with her boyfriends. I was to keep any trouble from happening. And I did for a long time. But then she rebelled. She had something on me. I forget what. But after that, I would walk in on the most disgusting things. Her body. She used her body in such ways. You couldn’t imagine. It was horrible. And the men didn’t care. Some of them liked it. They would come back for more. It would make me feel so strangely. It was so disgusting. I’d hate to think she’s getting up in the middle of the night and doing things like that to you. She’s not coming to your room, is she, Teddy?

TEDDY Uh—

CELIA She is?

TEDDY No, uh . . . well . . . listen.

(AMANDA enters wheeling in a suitcase.)

TEDDY The truth is that Amanda and I are in l/ove.

AMANDA (Coming in at the /) No. Don’t.

CELIA Is this true?

AMANDA Yes.

CELIA I don’t know what to say. What a surprise. It’s not the first time something like this has happened. Remember how I went on a date with Joe Milner in high school. He wore cherry chapstick. His lips were rough but gentle. It was a magical night and then he saw you.

AMANDA I didn’t mean for that to happen.

CELIA And of course there was Eric and Josh and Brian and Joey. Sam, Michael, David, Mark, Louie, Phil, Doug, Felix.

AMANDA Sorry about that.

CELIA Gerald. Stu. Evan. Steven.

AMANDA I didn’t mean for it to happen.

CELIA John.

AMANDA It never worked out.

CELIA No, no. I guess it never did. Petey.

AMANDA I forgot about Petey. I’m sorry that happened. All those times. I was supposed to marry some of them.

TEDDY You didn’t, though.

AMANDA No, I didn’t. Things happened. Weddings were cancelled. I don’t know what happened to them. Where they are now. No matter.

CELIA Martin.

AMANDA I’m sorry sister. But there has been love in your life.

CELIA Sure. I had love. You weren’t around. There were men.

41 AMANDA I’m sorry it had to come out like this.

CELIA No, no.

AMANDA But it’s true. He loves me.

TEDDY I do.

AMANDA And I love him.

CELIA Well. How wonderful.

AMANDA Really?

CELIA Isn’t it?

TEDDY It is. Hey, I was going to save this, but, well, um, hey. So—

(TEDDY gets on one knee in front of AMANDA.)

TEDDY Amanda Monroe, will you marry me?

AMANDA Oh, Teddy. Yes! Yes!

(AMANDA and TEDDY embrace. AMANDA screeches in joy.)

TEDDY I’m so happy!

(Pause)

CELIA Well, I guess a celebration is in order. (Pause.) I’ll get the champagne.

(CELIA, AMANDA and TEDDY sit at the table, drinking champagne.)

AMANDA Thanks for being so understanding.

CELIA I don’t know what you mean.

AMANDA Okay. Well thank you anyway, for having us here and feeding us and everything.

CELIA Of course.

AMANDA We’re really happy.

TEDDY We are.

CELIA And I’m happy for you.

AMANDA Are you? Are you really?

TEDDY Of course she is.

CELIA Of course.

AMANDA I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear you say that. You are, aren’t you? Truly happy for me? You’re the best.

CELIA Okay.

43 AMANDA Really.

CELIA Well, thanks. I guess you’ll both leave now. Get a house somewhere with a garden.

TEDDY A house.

AMANDA Yeah.

CELIA Have children and a dog.

TEDDY A dog. I’ll go back to work. I’ll bring home the bacon.

AMANDA No, I will. You have to paint.

TEDDY You’ll have to have babies.

AMANDA We’ll both work. You’ll paint, I’ll have babies. We’ll be tired, but we’ll be in love.

TEDDY That sounds nice.

CELIA It won’t be. You two can go live in a shack somewhere if you like. Did she tell you how she was living?

TEDDY No. How?

AMANDA I was poor.

TEDDY Oh.

AMANDA And I have bad credit.

44 TEDDY Oh.

CELIA Who knows. Maybe you’ll be happy someday.

TEDDY We are happy.

CELIA Good. Good. That’s all I want. Maybe I’ll visit your shack sometime. You’ll go soon, I imagine. It’ll be lonely at first but I’ve grown used to the loneliness. It seeps in at night, sticks to your bones, eats at your guts. But I’ll find a way to try to stay warm after you’ve left.

AMANDA What if we have the wedding here?

TEDDY Yeah!

CELIA Here?

AMANDA Would that be okay? I mean we met here and it’s kind of a special place for us. We could have a big party here and it would warm up your house.

CELIA Well—

TEDDY Can we? Can we have it here?

AMANDA I don’t want to put you out.

CELIA The thing is—

AMANDA Oh, I forgot. You don’t like weddings. You don’t like to see other people happy. It makes you upset.

CELIA No.

AMANDA You’ve changed though. You’re happy for me.

CELIA I am. It’s just--

AMANDA You know what, we’ll just elope.

TEDDY Oh.

AMANDA To Vegas.

TEDDY Vegas?

CELIA (a decision) No. No. You can have it here.

AMANDA Really?! Really! Thank you! It’ll be so easy. It’ll be a small gathering. You won’t have to do anything. It will be so much fun! And then your house will be warm when we go. Okay?

CELIA I said you could have it here.

AMANDA (raising her glass) To my sister!

(They toast)

(CELIA and TEDDY in her backyard at night. TEDDY is digging a hole. CELIA leans on a shovel but does not dig.)

TEDDY I thought you were afraid to go outside.

CELIA I was. I am. But this isn’t really outside. It’s my backyard. Anyway, it’s easier at night.

TEDDY Oh.

CELIA The people aren’t around. I don’t have to look at them and they can’t look at me. It’s easier. That’s the hardest part about leaving the house. The other people. I am highly suspicious of others. And really, I think, everyone should be. The dark helps, but I’m nervous, Teddy. Can you feel my nervous energy?

TEDDY I guess.

CELIA Of course it could be expectation.

TEDDY Oh. Because of the wedding.

CELIA (lying) Yes.

TEDDY You sure I shouldn’t wake Amanda? I bet she’d like to be out here with us on a night like this.

CELIA She’s tired. She needs her sleep.

TEDDY She did fall asleep right away.

CELIA A lot happened today.

TEDDY Yeah.

CELIA And it’s not over yet.

TEDDY Yeah. I guess. I wish she was out here though. The stars are so bright. She’d really like to see them.

CELIA I guess she would like to see them. There will be other nights for her. Other stars, but yes, she’ll miss these, won’t she? She will be completely unaware of this night for the rest of her life, probably. But that’s fine. Everyone can’t be everywhere. Anyway, I want to spend some time with you by myself, Teddy.

TEDDY Okay. What am I digging for?

CELIA It’s your wedding present. I buried it here. Right here. I don’t want Amanda to know about it of course. It’ll be our secret.

TEDDY Okay.

CELIA It should be just a few more feet now. It’s down there. I know it is. This is the right place. I can feel it.

TEDDY Okay.

CELIA Can you feel it?

TEDDY I’m not sure.

CELIA It’ll be our secret place.

TEDDY Ha! It’s kind of hard to visit though.

CELIA You’d be surprised.

TEDDY You sure this is the place?

CELIA Keep digging.

TEDDY Okay. I don’t mind. I kind of like it.

CELIA That’s good, Teddy. I like a good digger like you.

TEDDY Thanks.

CELIA It’s easy to forget a person’s virtues. You know how sometimes you do things when you know you’re not supposed to?

TEDDY Sure.

CELIA I have that problem. There’s this thing I do that I shouldn’t do. And I don’t do it a lot but I’ve done it enough. Enough that if I do it again, it couldn’t be called an accident or a fluke. It’s almost a pattern at this point. And I know I should feel bad, but bad is not what I feel. I feel something else. Do you want to know what?

TEDDY Okay.

CELIA It’s hard to put in words. I’ve never spoken of it before. I guess what it is, I feel all this tension and when I do the thing I should not do, well, the tension goes away. I feel better, for a short time. I regret if after. I always regret what I’ve done after the fact, but never while I’m doing it. While I’m doing it, it seems like the best thing to do. So I ask you, what can I do about that?

49 TEDDY I don’t know.

CELIA Nor I. I guess it’s best to just not think about it. Enjoy the world around you and try not to think about what you’re doing wrong. There are so many right things in the world.

TEDDY Like the stars.

CELIA Yes, like the stars. It’s best, I think, to just assume that everything you do will work out. If you think too much about details, it’ll only make things more complicated. Just do what you do. Everything can be justified if you think hard enough. And once you have your justification, well, you can just hold onto it. It’s yours. It’s there to help you. Who cares if it’s true? As long as it makes you feel better. I feel the same way about love. Don’t you?

TEDDY I don’t know.

CELIA Well, I’ll tell you something. Consider it a parting gift. Love is . . . What love is, really, when it comes down to it, it’s the thing that makes the day bearable. It doesn’t matter if it abides by other people’s rules. It doesn’t matter if it involves a certain amount of sex or a certain amount of kissing or if someone gets hit. It doesn’t matter what the actual mechanics of the relationship are. At the end of the day, if it makes you feel better, then you should do it, everyone else be damned.

TEDDY Right.

CELIA I’m glad you agree. Because I want to show you what makes me feel better.

TEDDY What’s that?

(CELIA raises her shovel and hits TEDDY over the head. He falls, unconscious into the hole.)

CELIA Thank you, Teddy. I feel much better.

(CELIA begins to fill in the hole.)

(The morning. AMANDA and CELIA at the breakfast table. CELIA pours AMANDA some cereal and milk.)

AMANDA Is this the whole breakfast?

CELIA Every day can’t be bacon and eggs and flapjacks and strawberries and French toast and scones and muffins and waffles and crepes and bananas and grapefruit and sausage.

AMANDA Is there any juice?

CELIA There might be.

AMANDA What kinds?

CELIA I don’t know. You’ll have to look.

AMANDA Okay. I just wanted to say—It means a lot that you’re happy for my happiness. I think when we were children I was mean to you sometimes and I’m sorry about that. I was terrible. But you’ve forgiven me and I’m really happy about that and now I’m going to get married and we’ll get a house and jobs and we owe it all to you for putting us up and introducing us. And I’m grateful to you. Really grateful. Thank you.

CELIA Okay.

AMANDA No, really. Thank you for being so great.

CELIA Sure.

AMANDA Where’s Teddy? Hasn’t he come down yet?

CELIA Oh, right. He wanted me to give you this.

(CELIA hands her a sheet of paper.)

AMANDA What is it?

CELIA I don’t know.

(AMANDA reads it.)

AMANDA When did he give this to you?

CELIA This morning.

AMANDA He just left? How could he just leave?

CELIA I don’t know.

AMANDA Did you say something to him?

CELIA No. No. What does it say?

AMANDA Nothing. He needs time alone. He’ll get in touch when he’s found himself or some such rubbish. I don’t understand.

CELIA I don’t know.

AMANDA Why does this keep happening to me? Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? You saw us together. Did you think he was going to do this?

CELIA Well . . . no. But I find it believable.

AMANDA What’s wrong with me? Is there something wrong with me I don’t know about? I’m ugly.

CELIA No.

AMANDA Was I too pushy? Was I not assertive enough? Did I touch him too much? Should I have talked more? Could I have been wittier? More charming? I’m stupid.

CELIA No.

AMANDA Then what is it?

CELIA We may never know.

AMANDA There’s a pattern. I’m running into the same problems over and over. I’m doing something. But they don’t tell me what. They just leave and I never see them again. Am I the kind of girl men want to leave without saying why? Is there something about me that makes men propose one day and then disappear the next day?

CELIA There must be.

AMANDA What is it?

CELIA I don’t know. I guess they just decided against you. It probably wasn’t any one thing. They just got scared or looked at you and decided you weren’t the one. Some women just aren’t the one.

AMANDA I was always the one in high school. I was the one. Everyone wanted me. I was beautiful.

CELIA Sure. Back then. I don’t know. You also introduced them to sex. It’s like a drug for teenage boys and you were the primary dealer in our school. You can’t judge that time. They were all hooked on you and your vagina. Even if you had something back then, let’s say you did. Let’s say you were beautiful. Well, we all get older. Our looks go. I guess you’re just washed up.

AMANDA Am I?

CELIA Well, don’t ask me, ask him, if he ever comes back.

AMANDA They never come back.

CELIA I’ll let you know if he calls.

AMANDA Yeah.

CELIA I’m sorry this happened.

AMANDA I know you are.

CELIA Sometimes things happen beyond our control.

AMANDA Yeah, but I wish they weren’t always happening to me.

CELIA Yeah.

AMANDA I’m going to go pack up.

CELIA Why don’t you stay here a while. Maybe he’ll come back.

54 AMANDA He won’t.

CELIA Well then stay and keep me company.

AMANDA No, I should start over again. I’ve bothered you enough.

CELIA It’s no bother.

AMANDA No, I’m going to go. Maybe I’ll come visit around Christmas.

CELIA You sure?

AMANDA I got to get back on that horse.

CELIA I admire that about you. Man after man after man leaves you but you never let it get you down.

AMANDA Yeah, well. Thanks for putting me up.

CELIA Thanks for painting my walls. You want to take any of Teddy’s paintings?

AMANDA I don’t want to be reminded.

CELIA I might just burn them.

AMANDA No. Please don’t. Well, not yet. Let me know before you do.

CELIA I will.

AMANDA Thanks, Celia. You’re the best sister a girl could have.

(CELIA’s backyard in the moonlight. CELIA is digging. She drags TEDDY’s body out.)

CELIA I dug you up because I wanted to play with you Teddy, but you’re dead for good, aren’t you? Oh, what did I do? I’m so stupid. I knew I would regret it but I did it anyway, didn’t I, and here you are and anyone can see, you’re no fun anymore. In that back of my mind there’s always that voice saying you can dig him up again after, but I always forget that once I get you back, you’re not going to be any fun at all. I thought, maybe a little bit of fun. I could move your face around and pretend like we’re having a conversation, but I see you now and I just don’t want to. It seems pointless.

Teddy, we must live with the mistakes we make. That is the lesson here. Not for you, of course, but for me. You must live with the mistakes you make. So I’m prepared to live with and maybe learn from this mistake. I’m beginning to think some of my loneliness may be my own fault. Ah, but you would have left anyway, and when I saw you it would make me lonelier still. But lonelier than now? Perhaps not. I think nothing is lonelier than now. I guess I should put you back in the ground. I just don’t want to let you go. Let me look at you for a bit. That’s it. Don’t move. Just let me look at you.

(AMANDA has entered wheeling her suitcase, sometime while CELIA was talking. She stands horrified.)

AMANDA You.

CELIA How long have you been standing there?

AMANDA What did you do?

CELIA Shouldn’t you be on a train right now, or a plane?

56 AMANDA I noticed the way he dotted his i’s in the note. It’s the way you dotted your i’s when you were a kid. Part of me knew, I guess. Too many men have disappeared from my life with no explanation.

CELIA Sorry.

AMANDA No, I don’t think you are. Did you kill them all?

CELIA Well, not Harry.

AMANDA The first one.

CELIA He gave me the idea. One could just run away and never look back. Why not the next one and the next.

AMANDA I should kill you right now. I should take the shovel and bash your head in.

CELIA Do it.

AMANDA Or I should call the police and have them dig up your back yard.

CELIA No!

AMANDA How many bodies are there?

CELIA I don’t know. I think of them as individuals.

AMANDA Do you hate me this much?

CELIA Hate you? No. I just want you to stop taking my things.

57 AMANDA He didn’t belong to you.

CELIA He does now.

AMANDA You made me think I was hopeless. That no man could ever love me.

CELIA No. You’ll find someone on the train or the plane. That’s the way things are for you. But you had to come here and take my Teddy from me.

AMANDA He didn’t love you.

CELIA I would have made him love me!!

AMANDA You can’t do that to a man. You can’t make a man do anything he doesn’t want to do. Not in a sustainable way.

CELIA It would have worked. If you hadn’t shown up. He was going to sleep in my bed that night!

AMANDA You mean the night we fell in love at first sight?

CELIA Yes! Oh my god! Why couldn’t you have come a week or two later. By then we would have been married and it would have been too late.

AMANDA You couldn’t have controlled it. It would have happened even if you were married.

CELIA I hate you! I hate you!

AMANDA I know.

CELIA You going to have me arrested?

58 AMANDA I don’t know.

CELIA I promise I won’t bury any more. Teddy was my last.

AMANDA You won’t kill any more.

CELIA Okay. I won’t kill any more.

AMANDA I don’t want to look at your face.

CELIA Okay.

AMANDA I’m never going to call you or write you or visit you. You no longer exist to me.

CELIA But I do exist.

AMANDA Not to me.

CELIA Oh.

AMANDA A sister just doesn’t do that to a sister.

CELIA But when we were little—

AMANDA This is different. You do understand that, don’t you?

CELIA Yes. Are you going to call the cops?

AMANDA I don’t know. Don’t ever try to contact me. And don’t ever touch my men.

59 CELIA Okay.

AMANDA Okay?

CELIA Okay.

AMANDA Goodbye. Forever.

CELIA Wait, don’t go. I’m sorry.

AMANDA Are you?

CELIA I’m sorry you hate me now.

AMANDA I need you to be really sorry.

CELIA I’m really sorry.

AMANDA Good. Goodbye.

(AMANDA exits.)

CELIA Wait! Don’t go! Please. Come back! You can stay with me! As long as you’d like.

(But she’s gone.)

(BLACKOUT)

60 17

(CELIA’s living room. The doorbell rings. A Fed Ex guy, HAL, played by the actor who plays TEDDY stands there with a package.)

HAL Celia Monroe?

CELIA Oh good.

HAL Sign here.

CELIA What’s your name?

HAL Hal.

CELIA My, you’re a muscular one, aren’t you?

HAL Yeah. Please sign here.

CELIA Hal, I feel like we’ve bonded over the last couple months.

HAL Yeah?

CELIA Do you feel that way?

HAL Sure.

CELIA I’m going to tell you a secret. There are fifteen bodies buried in my backyard. I killed them.

HAL (unfazed.) Oh.

(CELIA takes the clipboard and signs.)

CELIA I’d appreciate if you wouldn’t tell anyone about them.

HAL Okay.

CELIA They were from a different time in my life.

HAL Sure. I understand. I did time.

CELIA I never did. And I’d like to keep it that way.

(HAL chuckles)

CELIA Would you like to come by for coffee sometime?

HAL Nah. I got a girlfriend.

CELIA That’s good. That’s real good. You hold onto her.

HAL I will.

CELIA I might try online dating.

HAL Yeah? Good luck, lady.

CELIA But first I think I’m going to see if I can go outside for a walk. Just a little walk. Nothing too far. I prefer not to run into too many people.

HAL Okay.

(Exit HAL.)

(CELIA opens her package. It is a vase of flowers. She puts them on the table and arranges them to her liking. Then she steps back and admires them. Satisfied, she puts on her coat and stands in front of the door. She reaches for the knob.)

(LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK)

(END of PLAY)