It’s 6:07PM on the 10th of February 2020. I am about to watch Fool for Love Episode 7 of Season 5 for the twelth time. Don’t ask.

It’s been over 7 months since I watched this episode for the first time (and then watched it ten times in a row) and a lot has changed in my life since then. For one thing, I’ve actually seen the 5 seasons and 6 episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that precede this episode. It’s been tough getting to this point with many moments where I felt I might give up - but with a little help from some friends and a podcast I’ve finally made it to this point.

I have a lot of feelings about Buffy, and I don’t think I’ll be able to cover all of them in this zine. But I do want to revisit this episode with the new knowledge I have acquired and talk a little about what Buffy means to me through the lens of this very specific episode. Oh, also if you’re wondering why I’m not watching it for the eleventh time, I just couldn’t pass up watching this episode one more time. Also if you haven’t read my prequel zine ‘I’ve never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer until I watched episode 7 season 5 ten times in 17 hours’ this won’t make a lot of sense. WATCH 12:

We open with a ‘Previously How are you meant to fight on Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ vampires with an object that I honestly feel hurt swinging around your neck and betrayed by. In the lead like that? I mean, at least up to this episode in my she’s not wearing the chronological watch, I was miniskirts and high heeled waiting and waiting for Buffy boots from season 1. and Spike to kiss, have sex, When I first saw the opening maybe even date, but I was credits to season 5 it was sorely mistaken. What the hell like coming home to an old guys! You can’t show Spike’s friend. Their choices of what fantasy of kissing Buffy in to keep and what to add always the previously on as though amaze me - when I first watched it really happened and just the dream sequence episode at assume I know better? And then the end of season 4 it was follow it up with a shot of like deja-vu seeing all the Spike waking up in bed with a little parts they chose to blonde beside him? How was I use in the credits. The part to know that wasn’t Buffy at where Spike is posing and all but actually Harmony (who being taken photos of is an I wrongly identified as being amazing pick, and still makes Spike’s sister in my initial absolutely no sense. watch). Joss, you need to cast people that look less similar Also I still think that Marc from a distance. Blucas is a really dumb name. (But also do you remember that Watching Buffy running away episode where Buffy and Spike from this vampire with a get cursed into wanting to get stomach wound, like she is married? Good times) genuinely is worried for her life makes even less sense to Buffy’s baby blue sweater and me now, having seen exactly black scarf casually thrown how strong and resourceful around her neck in the opening this woman is throughout all scene still annoy me as much the seasons. I guess they as they did the first 11 times. were trying to lead up to I’ve seen some truly amazing the moment at the end of the and atrocious fashion over episode where Spike says that the past 7 months, but this she has a death wish, but isn’t really either of those I dunno, it seems a little - it just offends my practical inconsistent to me. I do like sensibilities. the moment where she says WATCH 12: CONTINUED she’s not going to go hospital I think he would have made for because her mum would get a much more interesting Riley, freaked out - I think this has but maybe I’m just desperate a lot more to do with Buffy for something other than Marc being afraid of hospitals! Blucas. Marc Blucas. What a Good to know that she and I stupid name. have more in common than just Joyce’s line “I’m fine, being capricorns. bordering on chipper and I feel like at this exact tomorrow planning on being moment in time I have obnoxious” genuinely gives completely lost my patience me traumatic flash-backs to for Riley’s shit. He is watching this 10 times. not super terrible in this It’s just so grating and I episode, but also he’s have no idea why. not really doing much in this episode. I just can’t Anyway, I love Kristine fathom why this man who is so obviously intimidated Sutherland, you’re my and upset by dating such favourite TV mum. I a powerful woman, doesn’t love how you’re always just walk away from their at the gallery and have relationship. Once again, Buffy is dating an older man no time for either your who is no good for her and real or fake daughter. they refuse to do what’s best for Buffy. But, he is only It was almost the end of in his late twenties, so I season 1 before I remembered can’t be as hard on him as that Buffy was meant to have a I am on Angel. sister (or so I thought from this episode) and it was a Did you know that weird shock but also a welcome Christian Kane, the change when Dawn arrived actor that plays - tick that off my list of things I took at face value Lindsey on Angel from watching one episode in (the evil very season 5 of Buffy. It’s super attractive lawyer), nice to see them getting on a bit better than in previous also auditioned for episodes! Riley’s role? Anyway, now it’s time for Anyway Buffy is hanging out Willow, Xander and Anya to go in Giles’ new magic shop with Riley to the graveyard. researching slayers, and I The first time I saw this still absolutely adore Buffy’s episode I thought that the line ‘Gotta love a girl with writing for this part was an anvil’. I’m so happy for super over the top and camp, Giles that his shop is working and yeah I still feel that out and I really wish he got way. This is a gang of tough more support from his friends demon-fightin college age kids, about his hat and cape get I dont think they wouldn’t up that he is wearing at the do any of this uncoordinated opening. shit? Unless we are to believe I’m a huge fan. that they just become more and Of Giles and the hat. more incompotent the further away Buffy is. When I first watched this episode I thought that Giles Also when the hell did Anya was Buffy’s biological father, become part of the patrol? and honestly it makes a lot If anyone’s girlfriend should of sense in the context of be coming along its probably all the seasons. Buffy does Tara. You know, the practicing genuinely look to him for witch? No wonder she feels so much fatherly approval, useless and not part of just another character in the group. the buffyverse with mild to Also, does anyone else severe daddy issues. I think it’s amazing the growth and think that Xander and work that Buffy has done to Riley have an amazing be sitting here reading about sexual connection? Slayer history, and really connecting with her book dad I get the vibe that Xander on so many levels. If Giles is going through the typical was my book dad I would tell thought pattern “Do I want to him I loved him every day. be them or do I want to fuck Unrelatedly, I still hate them?” Watch the episode and Buffy’s outfit in this episode. get back to me. And wow! Hey! There’s Spike! Also Cordelia isn’t even in One of my favourites and also this episode or this season! one of the most problematic I miss her so much I’ve been characters in Buffy! watching Angel!! INTERMISSION: HERE ARE UNRELATED DADS

WATCH 12: CONTINUED

The way I feel time, but revisiting it I about Spike is so actually love this so much. I guess now I know all about complicated. how Spike has been established up until this point. It must Like, I do love his hair be really amazing for first and his nail polish and his time viewers to see Spike terrible accent and his being bullied by 1880’s rich style and when he drinks people. I also would rather blood out of Giles’ ‘Kiss have a railroad spike through the librarian’ cup, but also my head than listen to Spike’s he’s so homophobic and sexist bloody awful poetry. and has unhealthy romantic relationships and thinks he’s This scene also makes me such a bad boy he doesn’t need really sad, makes me think to ask for consent. In this about how Spike has been episode he is portrayed to be rejected by every family he’s very sweet but his obsession ever had: his own society, with Buffy is not sweet, it’s then his chosen family, the unhealthy and secretive. He love of his life Drusilla, and has these fantasies that he now even the ‘good guys’ - his wants to play out, but he last resort. Also I love this doesn’t voice any of them or backstory of Drusilla seeing express it to Buffy, he just the potential love of her life thinks what he wants is what in this sobbing man, furiously will happen. SO deluded. tearing up poetry. Or maybe she just thought he was real Also I can’t believe I was so handsome? Also my here’s one deluded that I thought they of my favourite lines: “Oh were ex-lovers. yes... I mean no! I mean, Now it’s time for one of the mother’s expecting me.” greatest parts of the episode: Back to the graveyard and James Marsters lilting into I’m struck again by how Anya some wild deep american-south has literally no lines in accent to say “I’ve always this whole episode. She is been bad”, and then cut to easily my favourite part of 19th century Spike writing season 4 and so far 5, and terrible poetry. it is criminal that I didn’t When I watched this scene ten even know who she was on my times I genuinely didn’t think first ten watches! I love how I could watch it an eleventh powerful and stereotypically capricorn she is, and how she Irish accent everytime they doesn’t always get what she want to indicate its 1880. wants but she’ll darn well After some weird ‘sexual try. I have funnelled a lot tension’ between Buffy and of my missing Cordelia energy Spike (and I mean weird into loving Anya. because it’s mainly Spike And now Spike is lighting a being sexual and Buffy not match off a pool table in saying anything) we cut to the Bronze. The first time I the ridiculous fight in the watched this episode I didn’t middle of the Boxer Rebellion, know what the hell this place with the slayer going for was, and by the tenth I had every over the top flip she come to the conclusion it was can but totally neglecting to called ‘Ronz’, based on a actually kill Spike. And as weirdly framed shot towards usual, Spike ‘doesn’t speak the end of the episode. Chinese’ and then makes love Throughout the past 4 seasons to Drusilla inside a burning I feel like none of my building. So much of this show questions have been answered: is vampires totally forgetting they’re extremely flammable. what is with the wild David Boreanz looks so old in decor, why is there so this! I guess not having your much live music and are usual impeccable spiky hair they serving alcohol to ages you by quite a few years. minors??? I also think his face gets impressively wider as he gets I don’t know how the costume older? Let me know if that’s department came to the just a personal bias. conclusion that David Boreanz Now we’re back at Ronz and should wear that frazzled wig. Buffy is sex-shaming Spike Did they spend too much of for being turned on by death, their budget on the special which only brings to my mind effects make-up? They also pain and heartbreak: Faith. should have probably allocated I miss her. I miss her boob more of the budget to accent window top, I miss her leather training for David. If Darla pants that Buffy borrows in gets to have an American the episode ‘Becoming: part accent throughout all the 1’, I miss her dark lipstick flashbacks why does Boreanz and dramatic eyeshadow and her have to attempt this terrible chunky shoes, I miss her and WATCH 12: CONTINUED THE SUBWAY SCENE

Buffy being in love sorry I Laced leather pants, mean gal pals, I miss her so safety pins, spiked much! I’m glad to have seen some amount of resolution blonde hair, a tank for her in Angel season 1, top with sinewy arms but watching season 3 is so out and proud, and heart-wrenching - not once does Buffy offer to help her Buffy confronting move out that motel, or offer her death wish. for her to sleep in Summer’s guest room, or have her over It’s got to be one of my for dinner more than one time. favourite scenes of the It doesn’t take much to make whole series. It’s so well someone’s life a whole lot written and shot and edited, better Buffy. Maybe think and it makes me feel all the about it before you lose feelings, and James Marsters another friend from being so just absolutely nails the self-centred *cough* Willow ‘sexy epiphany’ tone. And to *cough*. top it all off, it ends with Spike genuinely thinking that Riley, the perfectly they are going to kiss and mediocre man, is totally misreading the vibe and then ending up crying walking in the dark on the ground clutching at with absolutely no Buffy’s crumpled money. expression on his face I just want to hold and he’s never looked him but also I know he more like a Ken Doll. deserves it! I am so Spike and Buffy are also in conflicted by you Spike! the dark, but with all the feelings and expressions. And now we’re back at Although Buffy has a serious Spike’s crypt with Harmony! stab wound, here they are I have really grown in my taking out their sexual appreciation for Harmony, tension in the only way she is such an interesting they know how: punching character, and I’m glad that and kicking. And now its her and Spike’s power dynamic time for... has kind of shifted to them both being terrible and using each other in different I’m trying to imagine how she terrible ways. I hope that one might try and explain this day she ends up with someone strange occurance to Willow, who deserves her and they can and I can kind of see why she do terrible vampire crime wouldn’t tell anyone. It’s together. I can’t believe that just all too weird. I thought Harmony was Spike’s Anyway that’s the end of my sister - can you imagine what twelve watch, which ended up a duo that would be! actually taking 12 days, as And now for my favourite it’s now 3:01pm on the 22nd flashback: Drusilla and the of February. I guess I really wet, wet Chaos Demon. I also didn’t want to watch episode love how Spike is pissed off 7 of season 5 of Buffy the but not jealous that Drusilla Vampire Slayer for the 12th is sleeping with someone else time, but hey - the things you - maybe that’s more a vampire do for love. tendency or practice from the amazing throuple that is Buffy is a really great Angel/Dru/Spike. series and I’m excited Once again, Buffy’s mum has to maybe finish it one mysterious brain issues and day, but for now I am I have no better ideas than proud of myself for before as to why. Except for maybe how her daughter isn’t getting to this point. real, but that could be a Hopefully there are no misdirect. Buffy cries it out ‘The Gentlemen’ level on the porch and has a special moment with Spike. The line episodes scheduled in from Spike ‘Is there something my future, I like to I can do’ is actually so wild sleep and feel safe. and out of character in a way I couldn’t have noticed Anyway, See you next time! before, and the fact he gently touches her back - I can’t tell from Buffy’s expression if she’s into it or if she’s just super shocked and confused by what is happening.

THE END Thanks for reading my ramblings about Buffy the Vampire Slayer “Fool for Love” (episode 7 season 5) If you ever want to chat very specifically about this episode or any that precede it, hit me up on instagram @dr.jesseggy But please, no Buffy spoilers.

This zine was created on the stolen lands of Wurundjeri people of the Kulin nation. I pay my respects to Elders past, present and emerging and acknowledge that sovereignty has never been ceded.