The Student Newspaper of Imperial College 25 October 1999 : Issue 1154

pass with Europlines

Sports Centre finally given Go-Ahead

GARETH MORGAN material for the sports hall, as well that the construction would cause. minimise the disruption to stu as other details to be confirmed ICU is also concerned about the dents and clubs using the facili The College's planned sports cen later. funding for the project. ties. Potential users of the sports tre development has finally These changes should not "Part of the cost is budgeted to centre are currently discussing received planning permission greatly affect the budget or time be paid for by the 'release' of their requirements for space and from the City of London and West scale of the building work, which Southside Gym [the reallocation time, with the aim of maximising minster Council. is due to start in Easter and last of the space], and there's also a the potential benefit of the new The plans, which include a approximately eighteen months. plan to 'rationalise' the sports facility to both students and soci large sports hall, climbing wall, There had been concern that grounds," Mr Trailor said. "That eties. aerobics gym and accommoda protests from residents would halt suggests that they [Estates] plan to Unfortunately neither Ian tion, all built on top of the existing the plans; this has been the fate of sell Teddington, but the figure on Caldwell, the Director of Estates, sports centre building, were several proposals in recent years. the budget is more than Tedding- nor Frank Murray, the Sports Cen approved at a planning meeting ICU's Deputy President (Clubs ton's value." tre Manager, were available to on 14 October. Approval was and Societies), Tim Trailor, was He added that the Union speak to Felix. We hope to bring conditional on several modifica pleased at the news, although he would "fight strongly" to maintain you up to date with their side of tions, including changing the roof was worried about the disruption the current sports' provision, and this story next week.

Union fiasco leaves expedition stores on the streets

SUNIL RAO authorities. The discovery of asbestos in The Union's plans for expansion some of the old South wing tun into the Beit Quad have opened nels meant an early pack-up for up yet another can of worms, it some of the clubs affected, but has been revealed. the fact that the move was to take The expansion has necessitat place at the start of the summer ed the handing over of the space holidays meant that those clubs it used to occupy in the South that were away on tour at the time wing of Beit, which, until the pro found themselves in a mad rush posed move, was primarily used getting the move organised - with as storage space by various clubs the equipment temporarily placed and societies for large and bulky at the front of Beit owing to the pieces of equipment. However, a discovery of asbestos in the South number of clubs have found wing area tunnels. The outdoor themselves placed at serious club returned from their trip to inconvenience due to the discover their stuff dumped in a bungling of the whole issue of relocation by the concerned Bessemer ready and waiting for equipment Photo: Jonas Contiued on page 3 2 News Felix . 25 October 1999

Millenium turns students into staf: The Big Issue RICHARD HOEY staffing and reduce the risk of prob might not be sufficiently staffed with ICU Deputy President Tim Trailor lems associated with the Millennium Wardens, and said she hoped that if gives us the low down on the Confusion surrounds the College's Bug. According to the Residences it came to it, the Wardens would complex issue ol sports mergers plans for housing students in halls Manager, Sharine Brown, those agree to work over the New Year. and asks: Where nexl? of residence over the Millennium plans have now been scrapped. The Residences Office is now period. Apparently, no decision will She admitted it would have proved under pressure to inform students of be taken until December, little time "a nightmare" for students and par their plans as quickly as possible. Union to inform those affected. Unsurpris ents alike, and agreed it would not The meeting of the Rector's commit ingly, the University has found it dif have been fair, since students have tee on student residences on Octo All the iatest news and information ficult to find hall staff willing to work paid for accommodation over the ber 1 3th was the last opportunity for horn the President, plus updates over the Millennium. There are also New Year period. But no alternative the University to liase directly with from on welfare and the RSM Union. concerns about possible effects of plan has been agreed. Mrs Brown Ihe ICU, but no decision was the Millennium Bug, with particular confessed "it will be a mammoth reached, and the next meeting is worries expressed about the effect task to sort something out". She not until February. The College's Columns of power cuts on lifts and fire alarm admitted the number of Warden Millennium Issues group will be systems, especially given that street and security staff that would be meeting in the next couple of weeks, MishMash stands alone this parties may make it difficult for the available had not yet been estab but according to Sharine Brown week, keeping his ear to the emergency services to reach stu lished, and did not rule out the pos they will be unable to come to any ground for ail the latest gossip. dents in trouble. sibility of asking post-graduate stu decision until they know how many Over the Summer, it was pro dents to help out. Natasha New students are planning to stay for the posed that all students wishing to ton, Imperial Coiiege Union Presi New Year. That will not become Feedback remain in University accommoda dent, said the Union had every clear until the results of a student tion over the New Year period confidence that the Residences questionnaire are known - a ques This week's mailbag suggests that should be moved into a single hall office will be able to sort this out". tionnaire that is not being issued the editor isn't exactly Mr Popular... of residence, in order to save on But she expressed concern that halls until the end of November.

Reviews

A dozen pages packed to the brim In Brief this week, with top new releases The 1999 from Nitin Singh and Disney. GATECRASHER Commemoration Ball The thrill of a night out in the Fiction Union was too much for one stu dent to resist on Friday 1 5 Octo the award winning Casper Von ber. The reveller attempted to Wrede returns with a provocative gain entry to the Union via the short story of a mans final hours. scaffolding surrounding Beit HOTEL RUSSELL Quad's entrance. The breach led to security officers scanning the Seven Days building with their canine compa Bloomsbury triots. When apprehended the Seven days presented at a glance individual was handed over to the thanks to 49 neatly drown boxes Union and it is believed college intend no further action. Wednesday October 27th

Crossword CYCLE CODING 7.30-2am

The crossword continues to get big In collaboration with the Coiiege ger. Where will it end? the Metropolitan Police are con Single tickets £50 tinuing their concerted effort (includes 4 course dinner) against cycle theft with another Competiffon opportunity to have your bike Limited number still available coded free. From 10am to 4pm

Win a one month, European wide, on Wednesday and Thursday and coach pass courtesy of Eurolines 10am to 3pm this Friday the Tickets available from the Union Office Police will be coding bikes in the Foyer of the Sherfield building, 9.30-5pm Sport & Societies the only information they require is your full postcode. For further iCV information contact the Chief Week two of the season sees spec Security Officer on 0 71 594 tacular victories for Hockey's Disco 8904. Squad, Rugby 2nds and ICSM footy. 25 October 1999 . Felix News 3 Rubbish filled rooms are societies only haven

Contiued from page 1 delay has already been long enough to affect the holding of rubbish filled Royal School of events and planned trips for fresh Mines Union Office. ers. As a matter of course, the Work ought to commence Estates division in College had tomorrow, and the (temporary) agreed to relocate the storage move ought to be complete once space temporarily, firstly in the the old equipment has been Bessemer building while the final hauled out and the new security temporary storage area allocated system set up. The only potential in the basement of the same problem is that the basement area building was to be got ready. is prone to flooding during heavy With problems ranging from key rain which could damage equip allocation to rooms resembling ment. bomb sites plaguing the move the Union sabbatical Ian Clifford, situation soon degenerated into a Deputy President (Finance and fiasco. Services), assures the clubs that if Similar problems have also equipment is stowed away proper plagued the removal of Felix into ly and not left lying around on the portacabins next to Physics. floor, there should be no problem. Despite having resided in this new Bessemer ready and waiting for equipment? Maybe not Photo: Jonas Although blame has not yet location for almost three months, landed on anyone's shoulders, the offices still have no network or temperature variations. area in the Bessemer building will buck passing by both the Union internet connections, no official As of now, it is expected that be ready soon - four weeks from and College seem to be at the signage and suffer from serious the temporary basement storage the start of term, however, this root of the problem.

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TIM TRAILOR Single Entry Background info have already asked the London ICU Deputy President (Clubs This is where IC and ICSM would At present the University of London division to review their entry proto & Societies) also be merged and for each universities are allowed to use the cols and to put forward a new sport IC would only field one set hybrid system because BUSA proposal, if that new proposal is For those of you who don't know of teams. All medics who play acknowledged the unique situa not sufficiently different from the anything about the British Univer sport would have to do so as part tion we were facing with lots of current one we might find it being sities Sports Association (or BUSA of a combined IC team. medical schools being swallowed rejected by BUSA. for short) it is the competition that up by the big colleges. However most of our sports clubs compete Dual Entry BUSA have asked us to come up in every Wednesday afternoon. This is where IC and ICSM both with another alternative by March The story so far Because IC merged with St Mary's enter completely separately and 2001. Back in December 1997, ICU and Charring Cross we have no medic can represent IC - Single entry has the advantage council voted to opt for single found ourselves with effectively instead they must play for ICSM. of increasing the sense of belong entry for the next season (1998- three lots of sports teams each of Where ICSM doesn't have a team, ing to IC within the medical com 1999). However, the following whom would normally enter medics cannot compete in BUSA. munity and will ultimately produce January an 800 name petition was BUSA. These have been combined stronger teams. It would also allow raised calling for an emergency into two sets of teams ICSM (con Hybrid Entry a team to be fielded in sports meeting. At this meeting ICU taining the old St. Mary's and This is the current situation. Both where neither IC nor ICSM could council's last decision was over Charring Cross teams) and IC. IC and ICSM can enter teams and field separate teams. turned and at the following Coun But big debates have been raging medical students can choose Only a limited number of cil meeting ICU agreed to imple over the past few years about how which side to play for (yes, medics teams from each institution can ment hybrid entry for the following we should proceed from here. At can play for IC even if ICSM has a enter any one event in BUSA every season, moving toward single present there are three main pos team). However, a non-medic year, (eg no one institution can entry for the start of the 2001 sea sible directions in which we could cannot elect to play for the med field more than three rugby teams son. proceed: ical school however. in BUSA). Therefore if IC and Since January 1 998 the rest ICSM were to be entered as a sin of the London division (University gle institution we would only be of London colleges) has decided able to field half as many teams to opt for Dual entry in September as we do at present. 2001. The situation is under con Dual entry would mean that tinual review and I am currently we would still be able to have the involved in ULU discussion forums same number of people partici on the matter. The ICU decision WANTED pating as we do at the moment. made two years ago is still the offi The standard would remain large cial ICU policy; this is a fairly fluid ly the same as at present but this situation and it is quite possible system could be divisive if used on that by September 2001 ICU will ICU REQUIRES a long term basis because IC and be supporting a different option. ICSM players would never get to Any decisions relating to the BUSA play together. Also where there is entry need to be taken through no medic team, medics would be ICU Council and thus if you are unable to participate in the sport interested in this topic you will UNION STEWARDS and vice versa; this is the case have your chance to have your even when the other institution is opinions heard. I will also state still able to field a team. quite clearly and openly that IF YOU ARE GOOD WITH PEOPLE, Hybrid entry would, in my should any such subjects be tabled CALM UNDER PRESSURE, ENTHUSIASTIC, view, be the idea solution. This for discussion at ICU Council I will would allow individuals that right do my best to make sure you know OUTGOING AND WILLING TO WEAR GREEN to choose and would result in when, where and how to give your some integration between medics views on the matter. THEN YOU COULD BE THE PERSON and non-medics. I believe that I am sure that any of you who over a number of years this would play sport have a view on this sub WE ARE LOOKING FOR. see a gradual strengthening of the ject and I would be interested in IC side as medics started to see IC hearing from anyone with anything as a viable team to opt to play for, constructive to say (especially if but it would also allow for recog they can come up with a fourth FOR MORE DETAILS CONTACT [email protected] nition of the history medic sport is option). If you would like to discuss OR RING 0207 594 8068 (48068) based on. This option would this, or any other clubs and soci ensure a maximum level of partic eties related, matter with me then ipation whilst not preventing a you are most welcome to come gradual positive shift in standard. and see me (I am at the back of INTERVIEWS WILL BE HELD WEEK BEGINNING NOV 1ST The downside to h\ybrid is simply the Union office every day from in that BUSA might reject it - they 1 0am onwards). 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hose of you that are new to We run a mens rugby team, two Dutch boys from Delft Mining Col CONTACTS the RSM will already have mens football teams - with the 1st lege. T realised that while it is the team in the ULU 1st division - as Our main social gatherings President, Matt Cockayne smallest College at Imperial, it is well as mens and ladies hockey occur at our barnights on [email protected] also the friendliest and most teams. All these teams compete Wednesdays in the RSM bar. social of them all. At RSMU, we annually against Camborne These provide a chance to meet Vice Presisdent, Ruth Easterbrook are renowned in College for the School of Mines, the other UK up informally with everyone from [email protected] high turnout at our barnights and mining college. However, the RSM and include: karaoke, other social events. We have just rugby match is the only match that piemaster, foreign students, and Rugby Captain, Segun Lawson had our Freshers Dinner, at which contests the Bottle, a 3ft high tin Halloween themed events and [email protected] everyone had a good time, bottle. If you are interested in games. although most of the freshers will playing for any of the teams, con The next barnight is: Wednes Football Captain, Nigel Milner have a somewhat hazy memory of tact the people listed on the right. day 27th October, in the RSM [email protected] the night. RSMU events this term include bar. It's Halloween (more or less), Mens Hockey, Henry Winfield-Chislett, RSM also runs highly compet the highlight of the RSM social so there's a special festive theme. itive sports teams, with the Bottle calendar, the Christmas Ball on If you have any problems or [email protected] Match (the second oldest varsity 4th December, which happens to queries, just pop into the office match in the world) as the high coincide with the Delft Match, a located on- the ground floor of Ladies Hockey, Karina Tarling light of the IC sporting calendar. social rugby match against the RSM. [email protected]

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Hello, how are we all? This week's By Natasha Newton, Imperial College Union President Council will, as always, be open to column is brought to you by the let ail, so come along and quiz! ters U, L and U and the number 50. tions are next year. A lot of you will mon good we will begin a structured Here goes with the latest from our automatically be registered for programme of kidnapping and - This Week's Union Meetings - University counterparts. where you are living this year....BUT assassination of all the rich kids so NOT IN TIME FOR THESE ELEC they don't skew the stats!! Monday 25th: 15.30 Trading London Transport TIONS, because the local councils (Union bars and catering) CCR Tuesday 26th: 13.00 Services ICU is now the only place in London are very slow with these things. If you IQ of 50 (minibuses and the office) CCR where students can buy LT discount want to vote, fill in a card. Has anyone, seen copies of London 13.00 A&E Treasurers' meeting cards over the counter. King's (who Student lying around the place? RC were issuing them from their registry London weighting They are supposed to come to Beit and not their Union) have now Loans, grants, whatever you get, are but for two weeks they have not 18.00 iCU Welfare stopped. Other ULU colleges are higher for those studying in London appeared yet! The oh so bright CAG soup run for the homeless reporting an absolute minimum wait than outside. BUT it's not enough. delivery man would appear to have (contact [email protected]) of 4 weeks for postal orders. So a £35 per week would rent a large missed the Albert Hall landmark. In Wednesday27th: big thank you goes out to the ICU house with living room in Notting the meantime mopping up vomit COMMEMORATION DAY office staff who have worked flat out ham, even more in the North. Lon outside the main stairway loos will Thursday 28th: 12.30 RCC Trea to issue over 3000 cards. The Union don weighting does not allow Lon have to be done with paper towels. surers' meeting (come get your has 'lost' £500 in extra staffing and don students to afford equivalent (Sorry, Mr Campbell, it's not that cheques!) RC more than £50 in postage, but then digs - we think we've done OK if we bad really!) 13.00 House (Union building) you lot are saving tons. only have 35 cockroaches for £80 CCR per week! The Presidents of the ULU Clinic at Council 1 7.00 Student Development (Skills Voting colleges have been ranting about The ULU President Matt Butt will be outside courses to up CV points) RC Voter registration slips are available this for ages. The big change is that at the next Council on November 18.30 Exec (Day to day Union from me on email there is now a permanent member the 9th (6.30pm UDH). He will be management) RC ([email protected]) and on post of staff from ULU who can research answering questions of al! natures Friday 29th: 15.30 Health and cards from the office (ICSMSU have the exact stats on how hard-up Lon relating to ICU in ULU, ULU and the Safety committee a bunch too). Coming soon to ICU don students are, which gets us a lot NUS, this years campaigns and the who's standing for what and the further when we are lobbying people infamous ULU strategic plan (plus CCR = Clubs Committee Room promises they are making. The elec- etc. So, in the interest of the com- anything else you want to know). RC = Resource Centre Welfare Update

Attack Alarms / Condoms By Kevin Butcher, Deputy President (Education & Welfare) Access Funds and Hardship Funds Money is always tight for students but Aerosol attack alarms are available sometimes it can get too much. free of charge (on production of a (Union Adviser), Kate Gummow (iCU Imperial College Health Centre of There are funds available though-out valid ICU card) from the Union Accommodation Officer) and myself your change of address if you are the year, all you need to do is apply. Office Reception in South Kensing can advise on a whole range of registered there. If you have moved The first round request for Access ton. The other campuses should be issues, including your rights as ten out of the registration area Fund applications will happen short getting supplies soon. Condoms are ants and help with any problems you (Nl ,5,6,7,NW1,3,5,8,SW1,3,5,6, ly. If you are a UK undergraduate stu available free of charge from IC may be having with your landlord. 7,1 0,W1,2,8,9,1 0,1 1,1-4,W1 2 dent then you can apply. Forms will Health Centre (Southside, South Common problems could include (College Hall ONLY), WC1 and be available in the next few weeks Kensington). Dispensing machines repairs not being done when asked, WC2) then you need to register with from Union Reception or Tony Cullen can be found in Halls, Union toilets harassment by landlords, disputes a doctor in your area. Correct regis (Student Finance, 335 Sherfield or they can be purchased from with co-tenants, problems with the tration covers your 24 hour care. Building). There is an IC Hardship Southside Shop or ICU Newsagent way rent is paid etc. These points However any student can still use the Fund available to all IC students and on the Walkway. There are plenty of need to be stated now as problems Health Centre during the day (as well CCU hardship funds available local chemists around the main cam happen throughout the year. iCU as students at the Royal College of (except ICSMSU) to students within pus sites. With a recent survey claim produces a detailed Housing Rights Music), whether registered at ICHC those CCUs. Advice on how to make ing 1 in 5 students are regularly hav Guide which is very helpful and can or not. applications to all of these funds is ing unprotected sex, it is important be obtained from the Union Recep available from Martin Thomson that you all stay safe. The Union also tion in South Kensington. Some of Student Support Scheme (Union Adviser) or myself. has a limited supply. the serious problems often arise from Again I would like to remind first simple ones left to fester. Advice is years who have not contacted the Accommodation just the other end of the line, so call Student Loans Company for whatev Union Roadshows Term having started and routines set and ask, however silly you may think er reason that if they do not apply for As part of the plan to roll out the tled into, this is about the time that it sounds. a loan then they WILL NOT BE ELI Union to where you are the first the Union notices that things are GIBLE for any future help, should Roadshow will take place at Charing going wrong with accommodation IC Health Centre Registration they try and apply in their second or Cross (Reynolds Building) on 3rd (either private sector or College). It is If you have moved recently (including third year. The trick is to apply, fill out November between 12 and 2pm. important to know that things can be out of Halls and into private sector all the forms and then request zero We will be there to help with Union done and that Martin Thomson accommodation) you need to inform pounds when the last form arrives. cards and ULU cards. 8 Feedback Felix 25 October 1999

BACK TO SCHOOL are not expected to attend lectures at strange cover of NewScientist proclaimed: "Cyberheart times of the night. - beats throbs and will change the face of med This term Kevin has been attending lectures at icine" the man responsible, Professor Dennis Charing Cross. One recent session began with Nobel, visited IC. Kevin attended his brilliant and the lecturer trying for two or three minutes to get WHY DON'T YOU... accessible presentation. It was disappointing that students to shut up and pay attention so he could although it drew many academics out of the start. Technicians, who have become used to Recently Kevin found himself sitting underneath a bowels of the BMS, Kevin did not see any under dealing with rowdy wannabe doctors, spotted huge dinosaur in the Naturai History Museum graduates present. Kevin suggests all students the problem and put out a loud high pitched listening to Patrick Moore speak about the pos- should make the most of the fact they are living beep over the speakers in the Lecture Theatre. in London, and become aware of what is going The beep persisted, drowning out conversations, on around them. until everyone had calmed down, and the lecture could begin. Kevin could not help seeing the sit uation as analogous to a school teacher blowing Mish MILLENNIUM BITES a whistle in a playground at the end of a lunchtime. Improvements in the library are not just cosmetic - behind the flat screens significant changes are taking place. The library catalogue system is TIME MANAGEMENT Mash being upgraded. The present telnet system is to be replaced by a web based service. This means A lecturer in the Biology department is currently A Mostly Harmless Column by the simple telnet terminals wiil have to be experimenting on himself. Dr Russell Foster is Kevin, a random entity who replaced with powerful PCs. Kevin was not sur conducting research which could have military knows nothing about nothing prised to learn that the improvements are not applications. He has succeeded in altering his being made just to improve the service provided body clock by the ingenious use of a specially sibilities of finding alien life. Kevin has also seen to students - Kevin has learnt that it is imperative adapted pair of sun glasses. The glasses are a video of a human hatching, courtesy of ICSM's the library's new system is up and running before apparentiy capable of artificially simulating the Professor Lord Winston, and learned of efforts to Christmas. The consequences for missing this effect of daylight. The lecturer claims to be living stop the leaning tower of Pisa toppling. There is deadline could be serious, as apparently the pres a 36 hour day, while being currently involved always a plethora of interesting events going on ent system has been bitten by the millennium bug. with undergraduate teaching. Kevin hopes he in and around IC. Yet even the most clued up has managed to organise his teaching commit student can find it difficult to find out what is on To comment or contribute: ments around his wacky day, and that students offer. Before the summer, a week after the front http://come.to/mishmash Marakon Associates STRATEGIC MANAGEMENT CONSULTANTS

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RIGHT TO REPLY needed to do it. When someone ical school, Prof Edwards, said that intentionally attacks my work I get the project was "something that no- ISSUE 1154 Dear Dave very offended and upset... I am here one is proud of" and that it's failure to represent you and if I should ever had been recognised and that con

Ok where do I start this? I guess stop doing that I am only too happy tractors had been brought in to rem Editorial Staff the best place is with something I for Felix to call me to account for my edy the situation. A time scale for learnt when I was very young - "with actions, but I must ask Dave Roberts these changes was put in place and every right comes responsibility"; this (the editor) to take seriously his role widely publicised, but once again extends into everything we do. For as editor and remember the respon only failure has followed. Last week, example with the right to vote comes sibilities that come with the right to only days before our finals, one of the responsibility to use that vote, or print a newspaper. I for one have our lecturers had to travel all the way equally the right to free speech been deeply personally offended by to Chelsea and Westminster to give should require the speaker to be an article which he knew was factu a lecture to 3 people there and 26 responsible for what they say. ally incorrect and I am disappointed people at St Mary's, just because her So far this term Felix has allowed with him both as an editor, and as a lecture could not be transmitted from it's writers to enter into a series of friend for allowing last weeks "break St Mary's. There are many more sto anonymous personal vendettas point" article to go to print unedited. ries of similar fiascoes - it is still not which seem to simply aimed at stir unusual for a lecture to be transmit ring up emotion within the IC student Tim Trailor ted without sound or picture or both. population. Indeed the editor of this Deputy President (Clubs & Socs) We hope that you will not pro newspaper openly admitted to me ceed with this award, and we look that he knew in advance of last forward to reading your response. weeks edition going to press that AN OPEN LETTER TO "break point" contained intentional THE RECTOR Signed by 13 fourth year stu ly placed gross factual inaccuracies. dents from ICSM (names available Writers Whilst the author (who's identity I do Dear Sir Ronald on request). know) should know better, it is the editor who is paid by you to keep you We are writing to you as a group informed about all matters related to of 4th year medical students from the UNFAR ANONYMITY? IC, and when that author allows arti School of Medicine. We have recent cles to be published containing ly completed our Obstetrics and [What follows was not sent to me for incorrect information simply aimed Gynaecology course at St Mary's publication, but I would like your at stirring up emotion, I (not as a and were shocked to read in IC feedback and have thus published it Reviewers sabbatical officer - but instead, as a Reporter that you had given the new anyway. Sorry for any annoyance Andy, Hardy student of this college) hold him to videolink lecture system an award for caused to the writer. ] account and ask him to explain his excellence. actions to you his readership. It is now a year since we were Dear Dave,

Since starting this job back in expecting our first interactive lecture July I have worked hard and I am still over the new system. We were prom I am writing to complain about trying hard to do well in a job, which ised that we would be able to view recent anonymous columns printed Photographers by its very nature is extremely difficult, lectures at the hospitals where we in Felix such as Breakpoint and Mish- and when the standard of my work were based, but we could not. We Mash. I feel that the anonymity of the and my motives are called into ques were promised that these lectures writers allows them to get away with tion by an article filled with lies... I would be videoed for a sort of edu writing articles that can be more ven- find that personally offensive and cation by correspondence course, dictive and untrue than those writers quite upsetting. Felix plays an impor but this did not happen for the whole who reveal their names. It allows 7? tant part in the democratic system of our third year either. Time after them to cause more upset to the sub here at IC, and part of that role time we have been let down by false jects of their articles without taking involves calling the sabbaticals to promises of a start date for the com any responsibility by revealing their check when they start to stray, how plete system. A small fortune was names. ever if Felix continues with this course spent in the last year by all-too-poor I feel that if these writers are

: : : : : of allowing it's writers to condemn medical students commuting to a given the opportunity to influence the e!i X: is prodoced:: fof ;and: behalf of Imperial Colie- the sabbaticals without any cause central location for each lecture. thinking of many students in the way Jmcn Media Group anc then when a sabbatical does actual It has been our experience that that felix allows, then they should be -inted at MCP Litho Lim ly require pulling back into line no- this system has repeatedly been an forced to reveal their identity and nits B2 & B3, Hatton Sqi one will be listening to you. The unmitigated disappointment and an take responsibility for the columns phrase "cry wolf" springs to mind. abject failure. How it can win an that they write. If they still wish for I'm sorry for those of you who award for excellence is beyond us. their names not to be published, have had to endure this rant but I in June, the Principle of the med then it should be possible for people

The deadline for letters intended for publication is Wednesday 12 noon - drop into the porta- cabins or email [email protected]. Letters may be edited for length but not grammar or spelling. 25 October 1999 Felix Feedback 11 to get the names of the anonymous researched comment on Coiiege writers from yourself on request. I am issues - don't just jump on the band not suggesting in any way that you wagon. Get rid of the pages and should reveal the names of the writ pages of reviews of music, games, ers of anonymous letters or your videos, nightclubs, etc. Focus on the sources of information, only the writ college and the students, make Felix ers of regular columns or articles in distinctive and worthwhile. Felix. I do believe in freedom of tion ot balance between ne speech, but I also believe in freedom Regards THANKS FOR THE LETTERS. reviews, in the form of Bart of information, especially in situa Barry Gale ter (left). Aside from apol< tions where a person's anonymity Physics UG4 for forgetting to print you diary would allow them great power over entry (sorry - ninety hour weeks others. tend to take it out of you I feel strongly about this, and will INTEGRATION: be refering the matter to ICU exec, if THE QUEST CONTINUES Firstly, sorry to Tim Traiior for there is a higher ratio or reviews you cannot remedy the situation any offence caused - I certainly to news and features than I would within the Felix team. Dear Sir, ideally like. However, alongside to slag him off or to suggest that it's role as a source of IC news Kind regards Is it me or has everyone missed he isn't doing his job properly. John Quantrell the point of integration? It is not The point of printing *he piece pus events, Felix is also a club for about Medics or non-Medics liking (which I must admit I disagreed people who want 'o write - and or disliking each other more or less. OUT OF BALANCE It is not about retaining or discarding tradition. Nor is it it about some evil important issue that needs to be

Dear Dave insurgent movement of medics into Felix will continue to be a broad ICU, or ICSM being swallowed Imperial's sportsmen and women mix of news, reviews, sport, fea I am disappointed that you have whole by a load of apathetic IC stu tures and opinion. not printed our Chess Club diary dents. It is about economising. the future. And to be honest, I'll entry in the Diary of the current issue Why else would Sherfield quite happily print any reasonable of Felix (11 53, dated 18 October). It approve and adopt such a scheme? TAKING RESPONSIBILITY was submitted by email on Sunday ICU and ICSM should be more con columns represent people's opin 10th, which ought to give you cerned with improving the standard ions not facts) in the aim of open Ultimately, with power comes enough time. Twice last year I sub of student life at Imperial and the ing up the discussion. So, I chose responsibility, and although most mitted articles which didn't get into services provided. Not blaming each to print last week's BreakPoint of the College would probably Felix - overlooked, I suppose. If you other for their lack of co-operation. and, y'know what, this week a want clubs to write more for Felix, If they continue to fight amongst long queue of people went to ask role of Felix Editor "power", I'll please make sure you print what they themselves there will be nothing left Tim about the issue and he's con happily take all manner of abuse, send! to call "Student Sen/ices", with no sequently written a full explana blame and condemnation I am not a great fan of Felix and social activities outside of your own tion of the status quo, which you'll find little of interest in it these days. discipline, and I for one do not relish find on page 4. But, of course, Although it is "The Student Newspa the idea of a 9 o'clock lecture being I'm sure the two aren't related... However, whi'st it's all very per of Imperial College" I see it as the social event of the year! Next, you'll see that the abili well to moan to your friends mostly a condensed version of "Time Please, give up on the petty ty of anonymous writers to remain about the state of Felix or the Col Out". If I want to know what is hap squabbles and make college a place anonymous has been called into lege or the Union or whatever pening around college I have to people want to be. question by one of the Union consult "IC Reporter". Whenever Officers (note lhat the letter print Felix comments on College policy or Yours sincerely ed on the opposite page was not decisions, it is often badly A student deliberately written for puD-lica- researched and one-sided - and fol tion). The simple answer to this you've at least tried to make a dif lowed up next issue with an apology. point is that there is no way that ference. You don't have to change I would like to see Felix devoted AND FINALLY... the world, devote every waking exclusively to Imperial College. publication would deliberately hour to writing wrongs or come Don't duplicate what is already done Dear Sir, reveal the identity of an anony elsewhere. If I want national/interna mous source. I know for a fact just have to try a little. So, come in tional news I read a newspaper; if I If indeed the A&E Group Chair that it would irrevocably damage and pester me about articles you want to know what's on in London or (how appropriate) runs for a sabbat the ability of the writers to collect want to write about your pet proj on TV I look up "Time Out" or "TV ical position this year, we can expect information if their identity was ect, go and badger the sabbati- Times". Let us know what is going on his tenure to be as good as his trum known, and so it would seem around college - not only clubs/socs pet playing; i.e. poor quality, with decidedly unfair (as well as you in the Union, or get together events but also special guest lec splits all over the place. immoral) to reveal their identities. and irritate the helIlI

amongst a few other -h:ngs, is lems. Now, have we got a deal? All complaints should be addressed to the Editor. If no satisfactory what I'm getting paid for... reply is received, contact ICU Exec via the Union President Dave MONDAY STANDING ROOM ONLY: NEWCASTLE V DERBY 8pm DAVINCI' TUESDAY STA QUIZ NIGHT C/> WIN £50 CASH OR A CRATE OF LAGER. 8PM &*VW —G<^r— WEDNESDAY ly g Classic party tunes in dBs, Cocktail Bar & Chill out Room ; ^I^^P 9-1 (midnight bar) Free b411/50p after | STANDING ROOM ONLY: ARSENAL V FIORENTINA 7pm DAVINCI' CO THURSDAY oween

A NIGHT FOR SWINGERS. 5-11. - CO FRIDAY ,t**o With DAN ANTOPOLSKI, KAREN TAYLO u s 1111 & HOWARD READ in ***** Doors 8pm dBs £25°/£2 witn entscard n it includes free entry to Common Peopl Halloween P©p TARTS Dress to kill! PLUS COCKTAIL BAR & CHILL OUT ROOM. 9-2. £1 (ICU card holders)/£1.50 (others)/Free to entscards & b4 SATURDAY WORLD CUP RUGBY ON THE BIG SCREEN WALES V AUSTRALIA /CU IT'S YOUR UNION - BE PART OF IT IMI'kRIAL COI.LtXiH UNION 25 October 1999 Felix Reviews 13 Welcome to the reviews

This week in.

Bedrock frequency Skunk Anansie Nitin Sawhney

War Zone books East and West Fight Club

Tarzan Blair Witch screen Bowfinger

Lucio Fontana Van Dyk method A Triple Exposure

Driver on the PC Air Pad react © Fly! Music Felix 25 October 1999 frequency N/\ fw:fk

Right, frequency week three. Nitin Sawhney Nine Inch Nails Five pages, but somehow only one page of albums. Beyond Skin The Fragile Aaargh! I've got PR people on my back, and disppoint- (Outcaste) (Nothing) ed writers at my throat. Okay then, shut up James, There are some albums which are good. There are some albums The Fragile is the latest top- quality offering let the reviews begin... which are bad. Some are just okay. There are also albums which from Nine Inch Nails sole-member, Trent make you feel good or bad, provoking a reaction in some way. Then Reznor. It's subtitled Halo Fourteen, being Slick Sixty - Nibs and Nabs there are the rarest of all. Albums which are sublime. the fourteenth proper NIN release in Music that could easily Reznors peculiar numbering system, and for coerce you onto an empty This album was first sent to the frequency office as an album-sam your money you get two CDs with over two dance floor. Much better pler. It was my turn to open the mail that day, so I just put it on the hours of music. Further, the CDs come in a than good. pile with the rest, not expecting much. I had a cursory listen to the beautiful gatefold pack with the CDs laid Material - Intonarumori usual batch of lame indie tracks with no imagination and no soul. out next to each other imaginatively labelled Quite perhaps the future of Then I slipped the tape in. Within five minutes I had called the label left and right. hip-hop. Wicked. and demanded a full review copy, and selfishly hid the album to Spain - She Haunts My review myself. Yes, I know it's pathetic but I had to have this work of left begins with Somewhat Damaged, a Dreams art. powerful and chugging tune. Then there's a Perfect for a Sunday spent in couple more sonic delights, and the remain an armchair. Put it on repeat This isn't just an album of beautiful beats, elegent melodies and der weave into a clanking, grinding collage play and relax. painfully soulfull vocals - its also full of messages. Nitin talks about of tunes, with The Great Below providing a Juantrip - Balmy Under the many subjects close to his heart, the current political situation in graceful exit. Right is a little shorter but it Storm India and Pakistan, his parents move to London, their hopes and doesn't suffer in quality. More electronic Chill-out, funky and will fears for the future and the eventual integration of East and West. and distinctly less mainstream than Left, it appeal to those who like Air This album made me feel ashamed that I had not previously active rewards the listener's perseverance with and such like. ly sought out the huge amount of music coming from all the many some great tracks. Into the Void and Star- The Folk Implosion - One communities in the UK - and not realising how much we have to fuckers Inc. deserve mention for their pow Part Lullaby learn from each other - and how great it can be (and how good it erful beats and vocals. Ripe (with decay) is Lo-fi. Unhappy. Alright. can sound!), when everyone works together. as soulful as it is eerie. Shelby Lynne - I am... A fusion of a ridiculous num Back to the album. If I was forced to pick highlights, Letting Go, There's a distinct splitting of musical style ber of styles. Better than the Homelands and Nadia would be the ones I simply could not do with between Left and Right. Whereas Right Puff Daddy title suggests. out. Letting Co has Tina Grace sing an touchingly delicate and razor seems more in the tradition of NIN's style, Antenna - Installation sharp vocal over a subtle blend of Spanish guitar, various drums and Left sounds more like mainstream hard Australian, but not quite an increadiblu relaxing backdrop of crackly vinyl. A real heart ren- rock. As you would expect the production Kylie or Peter Andre. Okay I derer. Homelands has the entire 4hero string section helping out and and mixing is slick and you have to be lis suppose, but nothing to Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan's nephews chanting the main vocals. A spine tening with a very good sound system or shout about. shaking percussive menagery lifts you up and won't put you down. headphones to catch the clever subtleties Muse - Showbiz Nina Miranda of Smoke City leans in to with a refrain in Portugese inherent in the recording. This is an album Not as good as it should be. - 'Fragile is the land, and so are the minds of men'. Nadia means that should appeal to a wider audience than Lots of styles, but more mis The River1, the vocalist sings in the thumri style to help create a feel NIN's hardcore fanbase. Personally, I matched than fused. Leave ing of fluid movment - relentless junglist beats don't do any harm haven't listened to anything else this week. this alone. It's all gone a bit either. Any open-minded person unafraid of loud tasha really... and heavy music should take a good look Get this album today - you'll still be listening to it next year. at this. Is that alright? Bye Bye Joel Hardy ! 25 October 1999 Felix Music 15

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Jennifer Lopez Day One Honeyz Sound Buggy Waiting for tonight I'm Doin' Fine Never Let You Down Lovelord (Columbia) (Melankolic) (Mercury) (Double Nougat) Vocally similar to the American nasal The singer of Sound After the relative credi sneer of The Eels, it would be fair to say One of them left to be with Matthew Buggy's high falsetto bility of her hip-hop that the music is of their genre as well. Marsden and a clone was brought in, makes Jimmy Somerville flecked debut "If You Lush strings add a dark atmosphere to but it doesn't matter 'cos it wasn't the one sound like Lurch's big Had My Love" Puff this tale of the dangers of increasing who sings anyway. Their tightly pro brother in comparison. Daddy's favourite Puer access to information. This track would duced sound of syrupy R'n'B pop contin Once the shock has to Rican actress returns be ideally suited to an American film ues with this track. As ever, the chorus is worn off, Lovelord with a very different soundtrack, possibly played while the instantly infectious, the verses immedi reveals itself to be a track. Cheesy disco pop serial killer drives home as calm as ately forgettable. Maybe they should put ever, even though there's a half- happy, clappy little num is very much the order all their choruses together to make one butchered girl trying to kick her way out ber with the infectious of the day. Maybe she is great single. And then all leave to be a of the boot or the car. Get the idea? bounce of Air's Kelly trying to aim at the with an ex-soap star pop chancer. Watch The Stars. Come lucrative pre-teen mar the chorus, it's all change ket, but this is just pap as the gentle tones make way for some pogo rock.

Witness Hijacker You (Island)

Endless Verve-compar Monk & Cantella Little Mothers Probably one of the isons are hurled at this Enter the Monk EP Yes! more disturbing choons lot, which aren't entirely (Telstar) (Island) unwarranted. This is of recent times, with a softly-spoken, emotion- If you can get past the name, you'll Another entry into that worrying sub- very bitter and ironic drenched, acoustic gui find that this does bring the noise, genre "Songs that sound like 'Size of American crooning tar-led music, with but not in a way you'd expect, or a Cow' by The Wonder Stuff" (which over the top of some insightful lyrics. The particularly want either. Basically, it's you can file after that last Stereo- highly pleasant pop. tune however doesn't big beat with imaginative/silly sam phonics single). There are whispery Extra points for getting sound made up on the ples, guitars and some wideboy bits and subtler choruses but it's still little kids to chant spot. This is like the hoolie shouting. This lot can't stay annoying. The B-sides on the other 'We're so happy you Verve. Only far, far bet still - "My Style" starts as a singalong, hand sound plain evil, in an indie- failed'. Subversive. trip-hop collision kinda way, and are ter. bursts into Public Enemy-lite before consequently better. Jaunty. settling on British 70's cop-show ID theme. Random.

.Singles reviews by Ed and Kunal... Music Felix 25 October 1999 frequency NA

Add N to X Skunk Anansie Rico The Forum Brixton Academy Electric Ballroom 11th October 19th October 14th October

I'd never been to the Forum If you hang around in the Felix office for long enough, people give you Rico is making a name for himself as an before I went to see Add N things. Sometimes the flu'. In my case, it was a pair of tickets to see intense, uncompromising rock act. After to X and I can safely say that Skunk Anansie, in about two hours time. It's a hard life. Brixton Academy working with various bands, Rico went it's a very nice venue. None is huge - the biggest 'real' venue in London, and it was sold out. This solo, attempting to get what he wanted out of your Wembley Arena may have been the reason I was stuck up in the circle seating, but since of his music. Felix had a chat to him can't-see-a-damn-thing rub I had a review to write I didn't mind too much. before the gig and this is what he had to bish. No, this was a proper say... gig, with proper beer and Ewan McFarlene walked onto stage with only an acoustic guitar and a lots of people in black T- Scottish flag to cover his seat. He looked very small on the huge stage 'My music tends to be kind of my darkest shirts. Including the bald but his voice made up for that. He played three powerful, emotional moments, that's where I go to. I spend just one from Add N to X. songs, to a politely enthusiastic reception. Muse play fairly strange, noisy days kind of getting things out of me, so I indie, with a hard edge and some impressively bizarre guitar sounds. use it to get me through. But I don't know Seeing Add N to X was Their songs seemed fairly long, with some nice solos. Good vocals, even where it comes from. I'd say it comes from another first for me: I knew if I couldn't make out what they actually were. They pick up bonus points experiences and things that move you, a little of their music but I for the stand-up bass, although their lack of visual performance doesn't things that do something, they get under was keen to hear them live do them any favours. The crowd seemed to enjoy it though, with a few your skin, get inside you. You express after a friend of mine people bouncing away towards the end. them, you throw them back out.' labeled them "mentalists". 'Some people have put forward similarities Quite. Add n to x pro This was Skunk's homecoming gig after two and a half years away from between myself and artists like Nine Inch ceeded to thrash up the these shores, and they gave Brixton a show to remember. Opening with Nails and Tricky. I don't think I sound any stage for the next forty min Charlie Big Potato they treated us to an hour and a quarter or so of undi thing like them, and I think that Trent Reznor utes with a vast array of luted entertainment. The whole band are a frenetic blur of energy. Gui is a genius. I think people have to give out bleepy noises, vocoders, tarist Ace somehow manages to find the time between pogoing like a markings for people to gauge where it is thunderous drumbeats and mad thing and throwing rock star poses to manipulate the twenty or so before they've heard it. I suppose it can experimental sounds. I par stomp boxes in front of him. Cass's bass and Mark's drumming are tight, pish you off sometimes but it's quite flatter ticularly enjoyed the exten vibrant and energetic, and. they're both in constant motion. The star of ing cos I really respect them both. sive use of Theremin, but the night though is vocalist Skin. As if her soaring, evocative and pas 'I'm not into pop music at all. Music after the audience as a whole sionate voice wasn't enough in itself, she's a masterful frontwoman, teas a while as well gets so lethargic and so was unmoved, which is a ing and coaxing the crowd into a frenzy while using every inch of the kind of withdrawn... These boring bas shame because I am sure stage to its full potential. She spent a fair amount of time in the photo pit, tards strumming guitars with a little tune that if most of the crowd laying hands on the audience, and even, to the security's horror, man with words that are about nothing, and it sat down and listened to ages a brief stage dive. Al! the classics are played, with older songs such just really pissed me off. It's just like fuck them, they would really as I Can Dream and closer Little Baby Swastikka getting as good a off, don't bother. Get a real job. enjoy their distinctive response as more recent material from their new Post Orgasmic Chill LP sound. There's constant motion and a steady stream of crowd surfers, especial Okay then Rico, so you talk the talk well, ly for anthemic tracks like Twisted (Every Day Hurts) and Weak. The light but can you walk the walk? Thankfully, the Add N to X are not really a and shade dynamics are well-executed, and five thousand or so people following show is more than impressive. band suited to live per are baying for more as the main set closes. Rico's stage presence fits well with the bru formance, but they are def tal, industrial-tinged music, and his first sin initely one worth checking One of the most spectacular and impressive gigs I've had the pleasure gle, Attack Me, finishes the set in consider at home. of attending. Let's hope they're back soon. able style. One to watch, most definitely. Christian Gareth Gareth 25 October 1999 Felix Music

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WARREN G

Warren G Tha Bomb - Phat Boy Thin Milen Is Back! Summer

I Want It All Tick, Tick, Tock Boom! What's UP! Tha Bomb is back after a long Sinters hard summer and we're gonna be bringing all of y'all back up to date (G-Funk/Restless) with the goings on and happenings of the R&B world. Last year Tha You didn't buys these? Bomb blew up big and hopefully we can keep that going with more ... Fools, these are the tunes The master of G-funk returns to the fray wax interviews and bad ass reviews, but till we can sort that shit out you of the summer and you not ing lyrical about the gangsta life. This eagerly gonna have to do with the latest news. let them pass you by!!! awaited album is the first cut from his new label G-Funk. The West side influence has First up the MOBOs, the Music Of Black Origin Awards were held just Missy Elliot - All N My Grill given his laid back flow a rougher edge. New round the corner from us at the Royal Albert Hall do we get given With a voice like this why label he might have but he's still down with his any tickets to go there and check it out....no. But rather than rant and does she rap at all? Missy old crew, laying down track after track with rave on their slackness on tickets I'm gonna have a go at the event. For Elliot is not an artist to be Nate Dogg. The two were the perfect com the second year in a row Mel B or G, you know Scan/, was hosting the ignored. plement back in the day giving us such Hip event, you'd think they would to learn from their mistakes no. Mel Nas - Hate Me Now Hop classics as Regulate, but time has seen was her usually truly scary self and was literally jumping out of her dress, Such a tune, you can't hate them evolve into different artists and now the yeah she decided to follow Geri's advice and let it all hang out. Wyclef this. Nas hit it LARGE with pairing can only produce the industry stan looked like he was on speed the entire time, but was at least funny and this one and it's one I love dard collaboration where random bodies would have done better with anyone else by his side. The worse person 702 - Where My Girls At from the same label flip lyrics over the mic. on the night was Patsy Palmer, you know that annoying thing from East- Tune nuff said Fortunately the single release off this album / enders, she was so fucking irritating I just wanted to slap her. Once Naughty by Nature - Want It All leaves us in no doubt Warren G again the music saved the entire event with the cream of British talent Jamboree can still operate in a hook-up, as he and doing their thang, Kele Le Roc rocked the place with the Honeyz and It's a jam, jam, jam and its Mack 10 flow through their takeover of the Beverly Knight stole the show. Those of you who where around last year naughty, naughty, naughty. material world. No doubt with his new label might remember that yours truly was able to scam an interview with Bev These boyz rock. alongside his new status he'll soon be getting erly and told her back then that she had to win some sort of award. A Wild Wild West - Will Smith "money, fast cars, gold chains and cham year afterwards it happens....I'm just too good at this! Wicky, wicky, wild wild! You pagne, shit every damn thing". have to love Mr Smith. The biggest news of the summer was the supposed break-up of Black- Destiny's Child - Bug A Boo Amongst others the G-master has summoned street. Since their third album dropped last year there have been Phat track, gonna be hot, Snoop, Kurupt and Slick Rick to the mic. The rumours floating about because of the way it was received, the thing Hot, HOT! So So Def connection is there in the form of sank like the Titanic. Teddy Riley was said to have been ready to jack it Gang Starr - Full Clip Jermaine Dupri who adds his clean cut lyrics all in after the label started getting on their backs about it. Then news Lyrics galore, you know the to Havin' Things. This tune shows off the G's broke that Chauncey 'Black' Hannibal was actualiy gay, more rumours score from the ghetto royalty production skillz as he blends some of the that Teddy had ask Chauncey to leave the band were denied by of the rap world. They put in Eastside's smoothest artists in a tune which Chauncey but never by Teddy. Interscope ended their relationship with a wicked performance at this describes his down-low approach to the Teddy Riley's Lil Man Records and Teddy has announced he's giving summer's Creamfields as music business. Just like the man says "ain't Blackstreet a break to work on the Guy Reunion project. The situation is well. nothin' changed", this album is much like his all in the air, but it's obvious that something's not right. The new Guy Mobb Deep - Quiet Storm previous cuts. A couple of the tracks such as joint is due out in November. Darker than black from the the tribute to his mother show how he has lords of hard hip hop. Mobb developed while we've all been waiting. Quick bit of news you all should have heard of Rodney Darkchild Deep hit it hard over the Rather than the re-birth Gangsta so badly Jerkins, the boy is probably the busiest, and definitely up there with the summer with their Murda needs, Warren G has refused to leave the old best, producers in the business. Everyone knows the Darkchild working Muzik album, and this was skool, rhyming about the dollars, the dope away on the new Michael Jackson album, but it has come to light that the top track. It's got a White and the dealers. That said, it's good to hear he's also working with our very own Spice Girls on their new joint. Oh Lines sample on it as well. to from the man who funked up hip hop. dear! This could be the worst decision of his life. Laterz. Nice. AWOL Miien Maja Music Felix 25 October 1999 frequency *A

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£3

home @ home Bedrock @ Heaven Recommended Clubbing

London has been waiting for a A night to remember.. Okay, you know the score. If you wanna new club to compete with the go clubbing then maybe one of these likes of Cream and Gate Thursday mid-October, it's mid afternoon and this lecturer is boring the lushous delights is for you... crasher for ages, only for two pants off me. Not only is his voice more boring than an episode of One to arrive more or less simulta Man and His Dog, but for some reason he seems to be walking up and Monday 25th October neously. With Fabric's delayed down in front of the board not unlike a pigeon nodding his head backwards Trash @ The Annexe; £4 opening the main question and forwards. Odd. However, because my mind is elsewhere, all this Don't know much about this one, but it's has been: can home possibly doesn't bother me. My foot is tapping, my knee is jumping and there's this got be good for it's for the launch of live up to its much hyped mad banging tune going round and round my head. The reason for this Meat Loaf's new book! Allegedly this will billing as "The superclub for is obvious. Tonight at Heaven, one of London's best clubs, sees the Bedrock be packed, so get there early or stay the the 21st Century"? The first birthday party. Spinning the decks will be Bedrock supremo John Dig hell away. answer, thankfully, is a weed and pals Sasha and Danny Howells, and I know it's gonna be large... Tuesday 26th October resounding yes. Rhum Pa'Ti @ Bar Rhumba; £3 Five hours later and I'm there, or at least I'm in the right place - staring at a Post salsa class knees-up fu!! of funky Despite its Canary Wharf like queue stretching round three sides of block, a heaving queue of like mind Anglo-Latin groovers. The tunes are as appearance and Leicester ed clubbers ready for a massive Thursday. Of course I work for well expected and if this is your thing, just get Square location, home was renowned music mag Felix and security are expecting me. One lax secu down the Rhumba. not full of tourists mistaking it rity check and I'm in. Despite the number of people outside it's already Avanti @ The Gardening Ckub; £3 for Equinox, thanks to a fairly packed and the dance floor is a sweaty mass of meat - it's heaven, it's gay £1 a drink Le Scandale alternative. It's strict door policy. Instead the and I love it. After a quick pit stop at the bar (a bottle of Red - to taste it is 40p more, but it's just as much fun. You dance floors were rammed to love it), it's time to check out my Heaven. The chill-out coffee bar is dead only have two optionsl with incredibly up for it club - no need to revisit here then. Upstairs in two seweresque vaulted cham Friday 29nd October bers enjoying a great set of bers are two strikingly dissimilar atmospheres. One is lit by smoky red Numb Nums @ Epping Forest Country hard house from American lamps playing funky music to which boozed up oldies (I'm only young me) Club; £12 special guest Danny Tenaglia, are going crazy. The other, a decidedly darker, grander room, is packed Leave your handbags at home, but get before Oakenfold took over with punters going crazy in an all together different kind of way. your dancing shoes on. With Matt Jam the decks at 1.30 (inducing Lamont and other superstars on the some serious hero worship But enough is enough. Downstairs on the main dancefloor is where the decks it'll be a big one. The venue's from most of the crowd). His action will be for the rest of my night in Heaven. Digweed, Sasha and How also been given a major refit and is a set was spot on, with loads of ells on the decks, one lady in a see-through dress and another going crazy perfect venue to strut your stuff in style. great tunes, ending with a bril with some light sticks - it's a night to remember. Then, suddenly there's Saturday 30rd October liant version of his own Planet Heaven Scent, next it's three o'clock and finally it's over. I could've stayed till fabric @ fabric; £12

Perfecto's 'Bullet In The Gun1. six, but I'll be back after a month of purgatory back in Heaven, back in After last week's launch, the guys at Fab Bedrock. See you there? ric provide another absolutely storming I would highly recommend Boycey line up. For a start there's Sasha and home - sure it's expensive, but Bedrock will be back at Heaven on 1 1th November. Derrick May, and as it's going on till it's a unique venue with a 7am it will definitely be another great great line up. Get there early, night. Shake it all over baby, and maybe as they're queuing round the ..Competition. I'll see you there? length of the Square, and make sure you know a little The Bedrock mix by John Digweed is out now on INC-redible records, To have your club added to this list just about dance music for the and you can win a copy by answering this simple question. What is the invite us along, we'll check it out and if doormen. I can safely say that address of London's Heaven nightclub? Answers on a piece of paper we like it we'll put it down Fabric has a lot to live up to. with name / dept into the box in the Felix office, or by e-mail to e-mail: [email protected] Max [email protected]. Nice. phone: 020 7594 8072 ask for James 25 October 1999 Felix books Book=s fly

War Zone, Alexander Stuart East and West, Chris Patten Fight Club,

This controversial book has just been repub Former Bath MR one-time Conservative Party chairman and Last British Chuck Palah- lished, complete with the obligatory film diary to Governor of Hong Kong, Chris Patten was, it seemed, headed for early tie in with the recent release of Tim Roth's film political retirement. But with a first-rate CV, Patten need not have worried niuk adaptation. too much about his future, and began to write about the five years (I 992- 1997) he governed Hong Kong. As things have turned out, Patten From the outset this novel has a shocking plot- shouldn't have worried at all - he is now European Commissioner for For For fans of the genre line. An apparently 'normal' middleclass family eign Affairs. Look out for his book on Expanding Europe in five years or pioneered by Dou has moved from London to tranquil Devon. Fol so. glas Coupland - Gen lowing a car accident, the mother gives birth on X angst - Fight Club is the car seat without anaesthetic in front of her From the outset, Chris Patten tells us that his book is NOT: a) an autobi a strong new addi voyeuristic family. The narrator of the novel is 1 5 ographical account of his life (I guess he will probably be doing that tion. The story of a year old Tom, a hostile, rebellious adolescent later), b) a detailed account of his Governorship of Hong Kong, c) a book young white collar who opposed the families' move by trying to exaggerating or belittling East Asian Tiger values, or d) an economic text worker who is fed up burn down his school. Tom unexpectedly wit book about East Asia. with his place in an nesses a possible sexual encounter between his overtly materialistic father and sister. After this discovery he is drawn So what is the book about then? That's what I had to read the book to society, Fight Club's into an obsessive sexual game with his sister find out in this new, updated paperback edition of East and West. The first characters answer is Jessie as he attempts to discover the truth about part is entitled 'Governing' and it tells the story of his five years as Gov not to sit around his family. This obsession eventually leads to vio ernor. We are introduced very quickly to Patten's central belief that the lamenting society's lence as the family gradually breaks down. In a Chinese government is totalitarian and uses despotic techniques to deal ills, but rather to wider context, this can be seen as an allegory of with its own people and foreign countries. We also become aware that as make the world a bet the materialism and greed inherent in far as Patten is concerned, the deceased British Empire was not an impe ter place via blowing Thatcherite England. rial force but an enlightening one. Further, we gather quickly that Patten up office buildings. sees liberal free market economics as the only way to go. The disturbing twist in this compelling story is A very interesting that Jessie is not a victim of incestuous abuse. In the second part, 'The View From Hong Kong', he essentially tries to read and a cool book On the contrary she is the instigator of the rela substantiate his argument that free economics should go hand in hand stylistically. Buy it, tionship, seducing her father for the sexual chal with free politics. He takes a moderate position on the successes of the read it, and then see lenge. "Incest is brilliant. It's scarier than shag Tiger economies, pointing out that it was inevitable that there would be a the movie. ging some Adam in a pub car park or stroking slowdown. We hop along from one East Asian country to the next while some girl's thigh in some Fulham cafe". Jessie is he describes the politics as well as the economics of each. Russell portrayed as a manipulative character, exploring the dark side of her own sexuality. Aspects of this Finally, in the third part, 'Looking to the Future', he outlines his vision of include a sadomasochistic lesbian lover in Lon the twenty-first century. Surprisingly, he paints a rosy picture of East catch don, with whom Tom loses his virginity and a ing up with West, with both sharing good standards of living. He insists 20% Off! local Buddhist boyfriend. The character of Jessie that for this to happen certain matters of lack of political freedom and is unbelievable and as such weakens the credi socialist economics must wind down Each of the books bility of the novel in my opinion. reviewed this week is Surprisingly, Patten writes well for a politician, he is honest, light-hearted, available from the This novel has amazing raw, visual imagery but and does not impress on us too much with flashy literary devices. It is his Waterstones book is often sensationalist and incredibly shocking. It underlying beliefs and ideas that come out clearest, which is a good store on Campus is a dark, claustrophobic novel with vivid thing. No wonder the China Daily wrote of his book: ".. .the portrait of a (beside the main descriptions. However the subject matter is truly narrow-minded, retired politician who vents his spleen over those who library) at a 20% dis disturbing so approach with caution. opposed his perverse actions - extremely provocative language". count.

Eleanor Ahmed Arts Felix 25 October! 999 method /±

Triple Exposure Remember This Candide

V&A National Theatre National Theatre

Free to Students - Till Jan 30 £7.50 for students throughout October In rep, final performance: Tue 25th January 2000 7:30pm Student Standby £10

"We are so lucky, we have three The new Stephen Poliakoff play at the National Theatre Musicals: most people think of soaring, romantic superb museums literally just sees him reunited with director Ron Daniels. The pair pop tunes, stunning dance routines and huge sets. down the road" I told my Mum worked together previously on, amongst other things, the Indeed, one starts to think whether these shows when I got here. Three years award-winning 'Blinded by the Sun', and Poliakoff himself would still be brilliant if the helicopters and barri down the line, I have managed has won numerous accolades for his plays and films. cades that we are all used to were taken away. The the Science and Natural History National's latest musical offering for its current rep Museums once and the V&A not Dealing with issues similar to those in his superb trilogy of season suggests that they most definitely would. at all. For the first time I popped films 'Shooting the Past', he tells the story of failed entre in, and inside I found the Canon preneur Rick (Stanley Townsend) who discovers that the Candide is based on the book by Voltaire, and pro photo gallery currently showing collection of wedding videos made during one of his motes unfailing optimism no matter how awful a sit the Triple Exposure exhibition. 'enterprises' in the late 70's are deteriorating into a series uation appears at the time, resulting in the notion of blotched images. He finds, via two Swiss archivists, that that "Everything is for the best in the best of all pos Triple Exposure showcases the the events of recent history are also being erased from sible worlds". John Caird's new version uses a basic work of three photographers of videos worldwide. Realising the possible implications of but ingenious set, designed by the master of musical the 1960s - Michael Cooper, this discovery he sees his last chance to make his fortune. set design John Napier, letting his cast give the tale John Cowan and Ronald Traeger. But the resulting events are unpredictable and not every a pace and life that never waives, even throwing in All three enjoyed brief, intense thing goes quite to plan. the odd Python-esque moment along the way. professional lives, untimely death claiming them just as their Despite impeccable staging and the very innovative use of Although more famous for musicals such as West decade faded to a close. These video and music, the play somehow just doesn't work and Side Story and On the Town, Bernstein's Operetta photographers between them leaves a strange feeling of listlessness. The characters are, Candide is probably the composer's most accom have worked with the Stones, the in the most part, true to life, almost to the point of being plished theatrical score. He chose Voltaire's book as Beetles, Kubrick, Twiggy and mundane and it is their familiarity that exposes the implau- it gave him the chance to attack the optimism that Mary Quant. In many ways they sibility of the tale. The. story doesn't quite ring true, nor prevailed in 1 950's America under Dwight D Eisen redefined fashion photography arouse much interest in spite of the actors often exagger hower's presidency, and his collaboration with a and yet there are also incredibly ated attempts to convince us otherwise. Our emotions are number of lyricists, including the legendary Stephen thoughtful pieces here. Cooper not stirred by the idea of losing a few videos, and this is the Sondheim, results in some of the wittiest lyrics I have photographed the cover for the play's downfall. ever heard on the stage. Sergeant Pepper album but his grainy shots of the Grovesnor With a maze of storylines, and an often jumpy format (the The real genius in Candide, however, is that it man Square anti-Vietnam riots better characters alternately relive the events and present their ages to be satirical and hilarious, but at the same capture the period. own retrospective monologues), the message is unclear. time asks those worldly questions that we all would Nonetheless, the play is at times very funny, with most of like an answer to. You will roll in the aisles, question Look at the world through these the humour coming from the two Swiss, who are merci your own existence and feel the hairs rise on your pictures and you look with the lessly parodied, and are in fact the only characters with any neck. If you don't like "Musicals", go and see this, it eyes of someone who was there real panache. A bit of a let-down really, as it could have might just change your mind. If you love musicals, and who was a part of the revo worked very well - a more gripping 'discovery' would have go and see this, but for once you won't have to look lution. made all the difference. through the set to see the real show.

an Tom Judy and Gillian Ben Pickersgill 25 October 1999 Felix method Arts 21

The writer of Shopping and Lucio Fontana was, without doubt, ahead of his time. Before the likes of Those of you who appreciate and enjoy Fucking returns. Mark Raven Damian Hirst and Sarah Lucas were a sparkle in their father's eye, early 1 7th century art, with all its stiff neck Hill is a thoughtful writer; Fontana was pushing the boundaries of what we consider art and lead collars and stern expressions, will love this intelligent but not heavy, con ing the Italian avant-garde, whilst later inspiring the likes of Andy Wahol exhibition, as Van Dyck is the unrivalled troversial but not contrived. and Henry Moore. It is ironic that such an influential sculptor is so neg king in this field. The core of the play rests on lected by the British public - something which this exhibition is trying to the balance between happi address. Over 1 00 of Van Dyck's portraits, religious ness and meaning. Let me and mythological works are on show, rang explain; on one side we have Born in 1 899, Fontana is best known for "slashing" his canvases. The ing from small sketches to massive 3 metre "Trash", all they do is drink, exhibition appears to anticipate the public's reluctance to accept this as tall paintings. The clothing in the portraits dance and...and not much art and confronts these preconceptions by putting his earliest work - tra are what steal the show - the detail, texture, else - hard core hedonists. ditional sculpture - immediately as you enter. The exhibition then presents folds and colours of the garments are fan They consciously try to a number of more 'classical' sculptures, beautifully juxtaposed with par tastic. However, don't expect the exhibition remove all meaning from adoxical pieces influenced from his work in a commercial pottery factory. to cheer you up as black is the most fre their sexual and otherwise quently used colour, and smiling was obvi relationships. On the other This sense of parody is always evident, although I am hesitant about some ously deeply untrendy in Van Dycks era. In side we have the Socialist, he of the pieces which seem more inspired by the work of under achieving fact, a fellow visitor commented, "He (Van has always believed in the four year olds rather than "Neolithic art", as I was assured! Dyck) has an incredible knack of making cause and never sold out or everyone look constipated!" compromised in any way, he However, the exhibition then moves upstairs and we are presented with the is - therefore - a tramp. He "Spatial concepts" (or cut up bits of paper as us phiiistines would have it). Personally, I am not a major fan of this type takes everything seriously and Since Fontana has already been proven to be an obviously skilled sculp of art and was inclined to write it off before finds difficulty having shallow tor it is hard to dismiss his work as mere pretentious shite. Even the most I saw it. However, if you take time to study friends and pastimes. Balanc hardened cynic finds themselves searching for an underlying philosophy, each picture you may well find yourself ing out these extremes lies the so evident in the previously seen pieces. inspired by them - especially as many of the ex-socialist, wannabe Labour pictures were drawn by Van Dyck when he MR who has sold out in the This is the exhibition's strongest point; we are led gently into confronting was only nineteen. eyes of the Socialists. They our preconceptions of art. We are gradually introduced to his more chal are all unhappy. lenging work, leading to a greater appreciation of the historical and philo I would recommend the exhibition to any of sophical influences in art. It highlights Fontanas' redefinition of sculpture you art fans out there, but for the rest of us All sound a bit obvious? Yup. in an age of nuclear power, television and space travel and questions the I would advise getting your cultural kicks at But this play is fast, witty and implications for mankind as well as the possibility for artistic development. the (free) Serpentine gallery and spending very funny, and most of all it the money you've saved on a few drinks at roots itself in a core philo I am still not 100% convinced by the whole Stanley knife and canvas thing. the Union! sophical question; what is the However, one thing is for certain; either Fontana is a genius artist - on the best balance between just liv cutting edge of art - or he is a genius con-artist, baffling a lot of pseudo- ing for the moment or living intellectual people into thinking that something which takes 2 minutes to Meegan for your beliefs? Something produce is worth £300, 000. Either way, respect is due. we would all like to find. If you would like to help with the Arts pages come along to the Felix office at Ben ID AllyPally 1.00pm on Friday. Games Felix 25 October 1999 react ©

i 111 1

Driver FLY! Airpad Controller (PC/PSX) (PC) (PSX)

Anyone who can remember I really love flying. In my time in the RAF cadets, I took to the air in Just like Michael J. Fox traded his skate the chase scenes from the everything from single prop Chipmunks to four engined Hercules trans board for a hoverboard, you can chuck film The Blues Brothers will ports and I loved every minute of it. Because of this, I also love flight your gamepad and get yourself an Air- formulate a pretty good idea sims - all the experience of flying without the expense and the smell of pad. as to what Driver is all aviation fuel. about. The fantastic music What is an Airpad? A revolutionary con that accompanies Driver Fly! is a serious flight sim, designed with real propellerheads in mind. troller that uses the natural movement of may be somewhat funkier Supplied on three CD's, it is certainly detailed. Maps of the entire the player's hand to direct the pad and than that in the film, but the world are included, although only five major US airports are mapped game in the direction you want to go. As image of a line of police out in much detail. With five planes to choose from, on the surface you move, the tilt-sensitive pad will cars on your tail bears this looks like a good game. transfer your movements into the game incredible resemblance to you're playing. Remember those rally the film. However, Fly! doesn't have much else going for it. The problem with games when you willed the car round releasing a serious flight sim like this is that there already is one - hairpin bends at incredible speeds by

Working on both sides of the /Microsoft Flight Sim - that's been around for ever, does everything you aggressively flinging yourself to one law, the player will be could want it to and has great graphics. In order for there to be any side? Well now instead of looking like a immersed in the faithfully point at all releasing your sim on the market, you have to offer either prat and crashing, you can look like a reproduced streets of several a better product, or one that does something entirely new and differ prat and actually make the turn. American cities. Whether ent. Otherwise you might as well not bother. you are running from the The Airpad has its own microprocessor police or working for them The most obvious problem is the graphics. Compared to other games and works with optical technology. This you'll need to thrash your car such as Falcon 4.0 or Flight Simulator, the scenery is sparsely detailed, lets it react instantaneously to your around in aggressive style the textures are blurry and the clouds are just plain bizarre. It's a bit like movements. The Airpad will be compat but without running it into flying a plane with a thin layer of margarine smeared on the cockpit ible with any game but will come into its own in driving, simulation and action the ground. Handbrake window. The whole point of a flight sim is to make the player feel like games, although it will be just as effec turns, high speeds and skid they are actually flying a real plane. If the graphics are so bad that tive with platform games. It also supports marks embrace the game you sometimes can't even tell whether the plane is moving or not, it's both analogue and digital modes, which play in large quantities, but not really simulating much at all. is good to hear. At the moment it will to fulfil the tasks set before only be available for the playstation you, you will need to learn The game also has more than its fair share of bugs and glitches. After where it will have the standard layout of how to handle these skills installing the game it took me an hour to get my network connection the playstation pad. The technical chaps with finesse and fine judg working properly again. Because I'm using a Voodoo-based graphics at Airpad are working on a PC and ment. It is these qualities card, I have to start flying, quit the mission and then restart in order to Dreamcast design for the future (no N64 that ensure this is one make it work. Minor things, maybe, but irritating all the same. unfortunately). The airpad will retail at remarkable gaming experi £19.99. I reckon it will be worth it ence. I have to admit that, despite my complaints, I did enjoy a few of the because you will get so much more scenarios included in the game - trying to land at San Francisco air gameplay out of the games, especially Sublime graphics, immersive port in a thunderstorm for example - but there are far better flight sims after forking out 40 or so precious sound, realistic car handling on the market. pounds for them. as well as originality and on- the-edge tension all make Basically, don't buy this unless one of the game's developers forces you this game shine. Brilliant. to at gun point. And even then, hang on to the receipt. Viv Mark 25 October 1999 Felix Games react

Goldeneye Traitors Gate Rug rats (N64 budget) (PC) (N64)

It's debatable whether Nintendo can real Playing Traitors Gate, you really have to wonder how the hell a group Chuckie, Phil, Lil, Angelica ly call a game 'budget' when the reduced of intelligent people could spend two years of their lives writing a game and the nappy gang pop retail price still weighs in at a hefty £30, that is quite so boring. into 3 dimensions to facili but at least N64 owners cannot grumble tate a not unslick weirdo about the quality of the titles available in The basic premise of the game is that you have to sneak into the Tower type board gaming flash this range - they are all unquestionably of London and steal the Crown Jewels without being detected. The back to my younger Christ- first-class, crowned by the classic Golden- gameplay style is similar to puzzle games such as Myst and Monkey mases. One has the oppor eye. The film was good, introducing a Island - the player walks around an essentially static landscape, solving tunity to force the little new Bond, a new era. The game, which puzzles and collecting objects in order to achieve your goal. blighters around 3 boards in is only available for the N64 (much to the the aim of performing such annoyance of the PC and Playstation The whole game is actually pre-recorded on the four game CDs - when tasks as hunting for treasure, faithful), is better. In fact it is quite superb. you click somewhere in order to move or interact with your environ scoffing cookies ('Part of Upon its release Goldeneye was hailed as ment, the game finds the appropriate movie file and plays it back for every square meal') or dig the pinnacle of the first-person adventure you. What this means is that you spend all your time moving the mouse ging up a short green shooter genre, if not the entire games cursor round the screen until you find something interactive like an dinosaur's stash of hidden market, and to this day there have been open door or an object, and then clicking on it to see what happens. candy. The 'fun' lasts few games to challenge for its title. This is certainly not my idea of fun. between 20 minutes and an hour, depending on board

Taking up 007's role from the comfort of I have to admit that I didn't actually play all that much of Traitors Gate and tolerance size, and up a warm room may sound encouraging, before writing this review. This was in part to do with a bug in the game to 4 gamers can be accom but sadly the perks of the job aren't includ that meant every so often when I saved a game I wouldn't be able to modated on the board at ed - you're out to complete missions, not interact with anything and I'd have to go back to my last saved game any one time without need earn bucketloads in casinos whilst sur or start again. But the main reason I gave up so early on was that Trai ing four controllers rounded by beautiful women. tors Gate is boring. The game pauses slightly in between each location, even if you disable the animated transitions, which is irritating to say the To be fair I can see that kids

Generally speaking, Goldeneye bowls least. Some different locations are actually identical to each other, will be amused by their you over not from any single aspect of its making it very hard to tell if you have actually moved anywhere or not. heroes for a while, but amazing game-play, but rather the pro Another problem is that despite the fact that all the locations are pre- wouldn't they be better off fessionalism and quality that endorses its rendered and pre-recorded, the graphics still aren't very good. It's kind learning how to read rather every detail. Each mission asks you to of like playing one of those early computer role playing games from than basic joy pad skills. A perform certain tasks that will not only about ten years ago. The puzzles themselves aren't bad as computer novel cutting edge experi require the pummelling of enemy guards game puzzles go, but the enforced linearity of the game is extremely ence for gamers? No. A gift but also the use oOf stealth and initiative. restrictive. for relatives between the age The huge variety of weapons come com of 2 and 8? Maybe. A set of plete with an aiming sight, often telescop The only possible reason I can think of for writing the game in a pre cult figures cashing in on a ic, allowing you to pick off targets from a recorded video format is that it's much easier to program. If it was writ so-so inane N-64 game? a distance with one shot to the head. ten using a decent 3d graphics engine, with an interactive environment Young impy brats will be the and the ability to walk where you want, it might have been much more judges. Such is Goldeneye's quality, it could well fun. Of course, this would have taken much more time and effort, but make you go out and buy the console for then that is what it takes to write a good computer game these days. As this game alone. After all, that's what I it stands, the game engine is far too annoying to allow the game itself Chris did... to be any fun whatsoever. Viv Ben 24 Films Felix 25 October 1999 screen iCU CINEMA

As promised here is the column that tells you Blair Witch Project Competition Tarzan all about our very own cinema - a great place to catch those almost new movies

Due to the kind courtesy of the promoters of Yet another animated movie churned out by This week ICU cinema is following a Mike 'The Blair Witch Project', Film Felix has a the movie-making machine called Disney - Myers theme starting with the groovy Austin goody bag to give away and (you've guessed but to be fair to them this movie is fabulous, Powers: International Man of Mystery and the it) all you have to do is answer a question. unlike the flops they have had in previous psychedelic Austin Powers II: the Spy Who The prize includes a Blair Witch rucksack years. After Mulan, they've rethought their Shagged Me being shown on Monday 25 containing a Blair Witch T-shirt, CD, book approach and they are finally getting back October. If you haven't seen this pair of films and badge. To own this scarily fantastic prize the magic that makes these films memorable before (Why not?), then now is your chance. e-mail the right answer to the following ques for all the right reasons. The animation is Both are spoof spy films with Mike Myers tak tion to [email protected] before Wednesday state of the art and completely breathtaking. ing more than one role and they also star Liz 26 October. Using a new technique called Deep Canvas Hurley and Heather Graham. Admittedly, the characters come alive and it is difficult at they both try the same jokes and sometimes And the question is times to remember that it is just a cartoon. At the gags are dragged out too long but it's last, Disney has got rid of the cheesy songs sure to make you laugh. Where did Ed Sanchez and and about time too. Instead, Phil Collins war Dan Myrick, the directors of bles in his distinctive tones as background Wayne's World and Austin Powers II are being The Blair Witch Project, meet? music and the effect works well. shown on Tuesday 26 October. Wayne's

World (in case you've forgotten) is about two As we only have one goodie bag to give away Most people know the story of Tarzan in one guys (Wayne and Garth) who produce a TV the kind folk of Odeon Kensington have also form or another and this time Disney has show from Wayne's house. They make it big donated five pairs of tickets for the runners stuck to the original story by Edgar Rice Bur time only to decide that it just isn't the same. up. In case you've forgotten the Odeon is at roughs. A shipwrecked family land in a Hilarious from being to end with a cameo the far end of High Street Kensington and is remote place, parents die and gorillas bring from Alice Cooper. Definitely one to watch showing The Blair Witch Project now so get up the human child as their own. Tarzan again and again and... your arse over there and see it! always feels that he doesn't quite fit in, which is no surprise since he's not a gorilla. That is In conjunction with RAG, ICU cinema is The winners of last week's American Pie" until one-day human explorers stumble showing Scream for Halloween (31 October competition are: across the gorilias' nest and Tarzan realises in case you're not sure) with all proceeds from the brutal truth for himself. Shock horror, he this showing going to RAG to help with their F Ramli isn't really a gorilla. charity work. Scream is an ace film about P Daplyn some one who has taken their love of scary E Mavrikas The characters are so deiiciously heart-warm films way too far. This film will make you A Georgilidakis ing and as for the evil baddie, Clayton, well laugh and jump. This is such a worthwhile S R Gunasekara you just want to boo him off the screen. The event that will leave you feeling good about voices supplied to these animations belong helping a charity so leave that piece of Make sure you watch this space next week for to, amongst others, Brian Blessed, Nigel coursework and gel to the Union. an exclusive interview with the directors of Hawthorne, Minnie Driver and Glenn Close. The Blair Witch Project. All of them provide a brilliant performance Make sure you check the posters on the walk especially Minnie Driver who ad-libs one of way for the exact times and details of ail the her speeches and the result is fantastic. When films being shown this week. you go and see this film (and you know you want to really!) make sure you watch out for familiar looking characters from previous Disney Classics.

Helen 25 October 1999 Felix Films 25

Bowfinger The Blair Witch Project

A comedy film starring Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy in the late There are posters on the tube, on the street, even in the union for The nineties does not bode well. Blair Witch Project. In fact there are posters any-where that you can put them and I bet you're thinking, "What the hell is it?!" Hailed as the

Both have seen their golden touches, after such films as Dirty Rotten scariest film ever, The Blair Witch Project is one film everyone should Scoundrels and Beverly Hills Cop, not so much desert them as con see. Do not let the fact that it is terrifying put you off going to see it. vince the average bloke on the street that they had packed in acting There is no blood or gore and everything you see appears to be so and were now sunning themselves on some far away desert island. The believable. Before you even decide to go and see it you should check last film Steve Martin co-wrote was Sergeant Bilko. What a good film out the mythology behind or it won't make much sense. So go to that was. I say that on the evidence that recently Martin confessed it www.blairwitch.com and read all about it. To sum it up there is a story was a comedy film that he himself didn't find funny. This coming from about a woman who was accused of witchcraft in 1 785. She was ban the man who co-wrote and starred in it. And what of Murphy? He ished from her village, Blair, and then all her accusers and half the seems to have fallen prey to the Hollywood sacrilege of relying on his children of the village disappear. The townspeople think it's a curse films special effects to mask an awful script - if it wasn't being horren- and flee the town. Thirty-nine years later Burkittsville is founded on the dously overweight it was talking to a variety of animals, all in a rather site of Blair and weird things happen. All the usual stuff, people go unfunny way. As I mentioned, the film, looking on the past form of the missing strange and spooky sightings - you get the idea. actors, and writer (Martin), looks like good cannon fodder for people with magazine space. In October 1 994 three young people decide to do a documentary on the Blair Witch and go out into the woods armed with a hand-held

I will therefore not totally disappoint. The film centres on Bobby video camera and a CP-1 6 film camera never to be seen again. The Bowfinger (Martin), a struggling movie producer-director. Almost tapes were discovered a year later and this film is the footage as it bankrupt, he hatches an ingenious way of making a film starring the happened. world's biggest star Kit Ramsey (Murphy). This is achieved by filming the star doing his everyday business and actors walking up to him and Shot in real-time the film is supposed to cover eight days and that's pretending that he is in a film scene with them. This simple concept is how long it took to shoot. Costing under $100,000 to make it has the basis of the film. As one can imagine, the comic possibilities for already grossed $140 million in USA so you can imagine how good such scenes are almost limitless and Martin takes full advantage of it is. The dialogue was improvised by the actors with only guidance these opportunities. Martin even expands on this idea by allowing from the directors and there was no opportunity to re-do scenes. In Murphy to do another of his "one film-two role" efforts, so he also addition, all the filming was done by the actors so make sure you sit plays the stereotypical dumb twin brother. You know, the one has been towards the back of the cinema when you go and see it otherwise forgotten by the more successful sibling and in serious films tries to stir you'll get travel sickness. Another piece of advice - trying to tell your up a bit of pathos. This pathos creeps unfortunately into this film self "It's just a film" doesn't work, so don't even bother doing it. momentarily in a way that makes your toes curl rather than pull on the heartstrings. There is a good reason for this as well. The vast majority The Blair Witch opens in fourteen cinemas across the West End on 22 of the characters in the film are not nice people. October including the Odeon High Street Kensington but I definitely recommend you go and see this on Halloween. If you dare!

Martin plays a character who is way below a bum; Heather Graham's character is a whore. They get all the equipment for making the film by stealing it from a film studio. You don't feel happy about what they Helen are doing and you certainly wouldn't want anything to do with them. "Lighten up!" I hear you cry "It's a comedy!" Maybe, but the non-com edy bits of this film ie the bits where they are not chasing Murphy about, make this film decidedly two faced.

Captain Nemo 26 Fiction Felix 25 October 1999 Night Swimming

he ocean carried on in all directions and dis He was expecting no one and tried to catch a appeared below the curve of the earth. Night glimpse of his visitor from the window but all he saw had fallen many hours ago and the Pacific was a flash of yellow material. A skirt maybe? He Twaters were smooth and silent, undisturbed by walked to the door and pulled it open. It was seven wind or creature. Above the stars shimmered brilliant o'clock in the evening. ly, undefied by human light. The moon too had risen, "Hi." Said the woman who stood on his doorstep. a thin sickle that shone with unaccustomed brightness, "CHRIS!" he a/most shouted it. "YOU! I wasn't its unlit portion being the only truly black piece of the expecting...! mean...! thought you were...you said... " sky — a dark oval amongst the countless pinpoints he lapsed into silence and a lame grin which made bis and milky smudges of the stars. cheeks hurt. Barely noticeable amongst the emptiness of the "I told you I'd call on you." She leant forward and ocean and the crowdedness of the sky there floated a pecked him on the cheek. Her smile dazzled: all per man. fect teeth except for her upper right incisor which was He is alive and conscious but he is losing these slightly too short so that you could see her tongue. two qualities slowly and surely. His eyes are swollen "You obviously don't take me very seriously. Look," almost shut and the whites have assumed the colour she gestured to something at her feet, "I've got it all of dark blood. His face is terribly burnt from the trop packed...now all I need is your contribution." ical sun and his lips are swollen and discoloured, sur On the ground was a massive basket, packed with rounded by a halo of crystallised salt. His tongue is so all manner of things. Right on top was a big bowl of thick that he cannot breath through his mouth. glistening lettuce, chopped onions and tomatoes. His name is Sean, and he was a research assistant "l...er...of course." Sean lapsed into his idiot's on a vessel which sank in a typhoon twenty miles to grin again. "You want some wine, right?" the east. He is almost certain that he is the only sur Chris nodded solemnly. "That was the agreement, vivor. Around his inert form is tied a frayed and faded remember? Me food, you wine." life jacket, the bulk of it being a large polystyrene "Yeah, me Tarzan, you Jane," said Sean and block which is attached to his chest, and the rest of it regretted it immediately. "Til just get it..." He said and a thick collar which just manages to keep his lolling fled into the house. He was muttering curses under his head above the water Attached to the main float breath as he entered the living room. On the big chest there is a small salt-water-activated light that had of drawers stood two bottles of wine, only there ceased its glow many hours ago, and a whistle which seemed to be four as they were right up against the is tied with a thin nylon cord and floats a small dis big mirror which reached to the ceiling. They were tance away. intended for his brother's birthday that Saturday and Only yesterday morning he had still been calcu were extremely valuable - they were from 1968, the Y lating how much longer he could survive without year of his brother's birth . Sean stood before the mir water but now even that had ceased to be of interest. ror and stared himself in the eyes. Slowly his hands Everything that is real is retreating into a diffuse mist reached for the bottles and a grin crept onto his face. of unreality: his terrible thirst, the pain from his eyes Forgive me, dear Brother, he said to his reflection. and his blistered face, everything is getting less impor Then he grasped the wine and ran back to the front tant somehow. He can still feel these sensations but door where Chris waited. they seem far away, belonging to another version of Triumphantly he presented her with both of the himself. Even his memories have grown dim: they are bottles. She took them and her brow creased as she sterile and dusty pictures in his mind, no longer emo read one of the faded and soiled labels. tive. It seems the whole course of his life is fading to "Monsieur," she said and her eyebrows rode black and white. Earlier he had discovered that he slightly, "I didn't realise that I meant this much too could no longer remember his telephone number but you". even that had failed to arouse any emotion in his "Oh!" Sean laughed, maybe a little too loudly. sluggish mind. "Think nothing of it, Madame. I always keep a little Still, one memory alone remains clear in his head something around for special occasions. Now come, / -one streak of colour amongst the shadows. It is am hungry." And with that he grasped the heavy bas strange that it should be this one episode in his life ket and they both walked towards the path that led to that is staying with him the longest, and yet in a way the sea. he knows it is inevitable too. It was one day from a Sean could not remember when he had first met summer five years ago..., no not a day, but one night. Chris. But he did know that he had seen her on more It began with a knock on his front door (there was that five occasions before she appeared on his no bell). Sean was in the kitchen, but what he was doorstep that summer's evening. He also remem doing before or what he had done earlier that after bered very clearly that she had rendered him totally noon he has no recollection of. speechless the first time he had laid eyes on her. She 25 October 1999 Felix Fiction 27 was quite simply the most beautiful woman that he across the water, towards the silhouettes of the hills on had ever met. the mainland, fog was forming and the air and sea Bizarrely, one of the first things that Sean thought appeared to be fusing into one. about during their first encounter was what she would Chris rummaged through the basket and pro look like in forty years time. Her features were so duced a bunch of long candles which she lit and strong that it seemed that old age would only touch attached to some of the larger rocks around them. them superficially. Nothing about her would ever sag Sean busied himself with opening a bottle of wine; or droop or melt or degenerate. Sean was totally cer thoughts of how on earth he would acquire another tain that she would look absolutely stunning until the one for his brother were strangely absent from his day she died. mind. Hers was not a conventional beauty, it was a Once everything was prepared they sat down side beauty that resulted from hundreds of small and com by side and began to eat, whilst the distant fog began plex interactions. Like the fact that all of her teeth were to roll towards them, a few lights from the opposite perfect except for that one incisor that was too small. shore occasionally breaking through. Sean had tried on many occasions to quantify exactly In his semiconscious state Sean was aware that why he found her so attractive but he had never man the straps that held him to the life-vest had been com aged to do so satisfactorily. She was tall and athletic ing undone gradually over the past few hours. But yet the most striking thing about her was her broad there was nothing he could do; he was too weak. shoulders. They were not thick or brawny shoulders, At ten o'clock they finished eating. They both left they were simply unusually wide for a woman. Her the comfort of the dying candlelight and hunted for arms, like her legs, were not muscular either but firewood along the water. It was always bark/ess and seemed to disguise a supple strength and litheness. It flat pieces of wood they found, bleached by the sun seemed like there was no fat on her body at all. Her and smoothed by the water and always bone dry. breasts were small but in Sean's eyes perfectly formed, Once the flames had taken hold they sat down again in all her whole body had a curious touch of mas - closer this time - and Sean opened the second bot culinity about it, yet in someway this seemed to make tle of wine. her more feminine Her mouth was wide and her nose Earlier Chris had become strangely silent when was very long and straight. Had her nose been on any something came up in their conversation. Sean other face, Sean imagined it would have been too explained that in two month's time he was going to long, yet on hers it was perfect. Her eyes were two Madrid to see a friend, and he lightly suggested that black wells in her deeply tanned face, which seemed she might want to come along. His imagination was to swallow everything they looked at. becoming lubricated by the wine and already he could As a personality Sean found her totally absorbing not envisage the shadow of another parting between too. From the first moment he first met her he felt that them. But she did not answer, and when the silence they could have discussed any topic in the world with between them grew and grew he had to look across at out inhibition She had that slightly cynical humour that her. She stared into the distance and somehow it he loved. She was passionate about music which seemed that her eyes were much larger and darker Sean found very reassuring: he had a fundamental than usual. Eventually she spoke. distrust of people who regarded music with disinterest. "Please take each day that we share as it She could make him genuinely laugh, and he could comes..." she whispered. Sean opened his mouth and do the same for her. During the short time that they was about to retort but she pre-empted him. "Please," knew each other there was never an awkward she repeated, even quieter this time. Sean agonised moment between them. for several minutes in silence and then decided to pur They walked down to the water's edge, but not the sue it no further. The moment passed and gradually sandy beach where Sean and the others usually their quiet murmuring and occasional laughter by the bathed. It was around the corner of the headland fire resumed. where they would be totally alone. There was no sand The fog had long since disappeared and they but only smooth pebbles, some the size of eggs, oth watched as the sun sank into the black hills across the ers were rocks the size of wheelbarrows. Beyond the pale water. Above them a thin ribbon of cloud that beach young birches crowded to the water's edge. stretched from north to south was dyed blood red as For the whole day it had been stormy and raining the day finally ended. heavily but now the sky was almost clear. Only far Half an hour later, the second bottle of wine was away to the north were there still dark stacks of cloud also drained and suddenly Chris leapt to her feet. and the occasional rumble of thunder. The air was "Do you know what we're going to do now?" She warm and but not humid and the wind had vanished said. Her eyes were bright with the alcohol. totally as if earth and sky were having a period of rest "Urn...no, but I dare say you're going tell me." and contemplation after the disturbances. Far away "We're going to swim." Caspar von Wrede 28 Fiction Felix 25 October 1999

"Are you mad? It'll be freezing." and he lived. "No it won't be. The water retains the heat from But now he was dying again, and this time he the day, in fact the water's warmer that the air right thought it was for certain. He suddenly felt the need to now. Look, it's even steaming slightly." urinate and was mildly surprised at how painful it was. Sean had to concede that the evidence was in her He realised that his body had no water left to flush his favour, and apart from that, he knew from previous metabolic toxins into the world. Slowly he retreated experience that she was perfectly right. back from reality again and into his thoughts. "Well, I'm going, even if you're not," she said and He watched Chris walking further and further into started to undress. Sean watched in disbelief as she the sea. The ground beneath her feet began to drop unashamedly pulled her dress over her head and cast away more steeply and the water rose quicker up her off her underwear. He got up, slightly self-consciously. body. Her long black hair touched the surface and They stared each other in the eyes, separated by began to spread out like an oil slick. Suddenly Sean maybe two feet. Sean was making a heroic effort to sprung into life. "HANG ON!" he shouted hoarsely, prevent his eyes from wondering below her chin to "I'm coming!" He began tearing off his clothes like a where her bare skin gleamed in the fire-light. He man possessed and finally stumbled into the water. cleared his throat but for once he could not think of a Chris was treading water further out, watching him. He single appropriate word to say. Was it his imagination ran into the deep water, eventually falling in with an or was she breathing slightly more heavily? undignified flop. It was amazingly exhilarating and "I'll be waiting for you," she smiled and turned to Sean had to make an effort not to whoop like an wade into the water. Sean was glued to the spot, still lunatic. Suddenly the alcoholic apathy was gone and speechless. he began swimming after Chris who had turned and "There's no stones out here," she called over her was moving through the water with the elegance and shoulder, "only sand." He watched as the waters grad efficiency of a panther. She carried on swimming for a ually inched up her legs, as her immaculate body rip whole ten minutes and Sean was painfully aware of pled with the rhythm of her strides. the gap that opened up between them. Yet his pride Sean was suddenly torn back into the present. prevented him from calling out and he struggled on Had he heard something? A gull? A horn? No, of doggedly through the sea. course not. He was alone, and the only human being Eventually she stopped swimming and turned to in five hundred miles. For some reason he was sud wait for him. He was panting when he reached her denly transported back to the shipwreck. How many and making a big effort not to think of fhe black abyss days ago had it been? that must have been yawning beneath them. Slowly It had been a reasonably large boat, 70 feet in she swam to close the remaining gap between them. ength with a crew of forty. Pacific Blade had been its "Stop swimming," she whispered, "I will hold name and now it wallowed in the mud at some you." And so he did and those long sleek arms unimaginable depth below the surface. Sean had enclosed him and he had never felt more peaceful or intended to enter a lifeboat like all the others once the secure before in his life. The last thing she said was water had begun filling the engine room. But barely the sea will keep its secrets." had he made it onto the deck that a wave had Sean never saw her again after that night. She snatched him away like a leaf in a hurricane. Thank said that she would leave in the morning and that he fully, he had put on a life jacket, but that was the last could not know why or where she was going, and that thing he contributed to his fate. Once in the sea his is exactly what happened. only mission became trying to find the next breath of Somewhere in the sprawling Pacific Sean knew oxygen in an ocean where the boundary between air with a sudden certainty that in the past five years he and water had long been lost. The waves had tossed had thought about her every single day. He had sin him around as if he had been merely a matchstick cerely thought that he had gotten over her but only and each moment he expected to be crushed against now did he realise how utterly wrong he had been the ship's hull or eviscerated on some serrated reef. Several hours later the moon sank below the hori Once only had he seen another shipmate, fleetingly at zon and a faint glow in the east was casting the stars the crest of a wave before they were torn apart again. from the sky. An empty life jacket floated on the water, Neither of them had communicated a thing, they had trailing behind it a whistle that was bound to it with a merely stared briefly into one another's' terrorised nylon cord. The ocean was totally silent, undisturbed eyes and understood perfectly that human life was by wind or creature. It carried on in al! directions and totally without consequence in a situation like this. disappeared at the unbroken horizon. It It would Nature did as nature pleased and man would watch always keep its secrets. and live or watch and die, with no influence on the outcome whatsoever. Sean was lucky. Somewhere in Comments please the Great Lottery of The Sky his numbers had come up Email [email protected] The End MS Why

If 11 C*J»

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reengineering the way you think Seven Days Felix 25 October 1999 25 October 1999 Felix Seven Days 31 Tasting Notes FELIX V N DAY Monday Tuesday I Wednesday I Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Next Week Week Four : Under the Grill

World Cup Rugby ' - :: P:g for The Basic Skill on a baking tray. Standing Room STA Quiz Night xs Bust-a-gut come- llbort, with the Cham- Grilling Grill for about 1 0 minutes. The Only Win £50 cash or Classic party tunes dy p!oiYs--Lev5vto i-5-cch- heat of the dish will cook the under Newcastle v Derby for the post-match Dan Antopolski, E >cg tha fr-,[: Jp-gs ol In the last three weeks, we've cov side, so there's no need to turn. Perennial strugglers party, plus cocktail Karen Taylor and i-ho G.-cuc. PYOPP PPC. ered boiling, frying and baking. aim to find security bar and chill out Howard Reed the :?ucb-'? \K ;o''z Cpp This week, we look at the last basic Advanced Tip N and the happy world 8pm dBs, £2.50. room. 9-1 am, dBs heading toward teh skill, grilling. By the end of the term, Spectacular cheese on toast of mid-table medioc this column will have covered rity. Standing Room Halloween Pop everything you need to cook a full I don't expect you to believe this 8pm da Vinci's Only Tarts Christmas dinner. There's still a recipe will work. When a friend Arsenal v Fiorentina Extreme cheese long way to go! made it, I was certain it would be a 7pm da Vinci's 9-2am, £1 after 9 When food is grilled, the liquid disaster, so I claim absolutely no within evaporates upwards. At the credit. It sounds strange, because it top it hits direct heat from the grill, involves grilling salad, but works Kung Fu Club Kung Fu Club and when this liquid caramelises really well. The end result is truly HamSoc Fencing Club CAG ABACUS (Wu Shu Kwan) [Wu Shu i //an) the food turns brown. Browned spectacular; real posh food on a 5 - 6:30pm Union Gym, 1 2pm Soup run, 8pm Boat Party. Contact: Southside Gym L'rsic.i'ov'm ':' food looks and tastes great. The flip budget. Union Bar Week's Basement a.liul @ii ac uk or 4:30pm - 6:30pm side is that grilling dries food out, Most people make cheese on Contact Simon Kahn Wine Tasting hsiow tan@ic ac.uk pppi:vgp.p'ppgppp: loosing flavour and roughening tex toast by slapping a big lump of 6pm, dB's RCS Motor Club ...... ^..... ture. cheese on bread, and grilling hard Dance Club Pumping Trip Many people cook food too until it is melted. The secret here is Canoe Club Freshers Halloween Jez will be taking a close. A good distance between the to use "a small amount of grated Archery Practice session, 7pm Party, 7-11, JCR. trip to Hampton to heat source and the top of the food cheese. The grill is used at a low 6-1 0pm, Porjectiie All welcome, £2 show off her pump is 10cm. You may want to move a heat for a few minutes only, until the Jail;{Sports Centre) P; Pimlico entry. Contact ing prowess. little closer if the food is very thin, cheese has mostly melted. Quiz Night, 7pm SCR [email protected] or further away if it is very thick. If Start with centimetre thick slices food is too close, you choose of good bread. Grill one side The Chariatans @ Sister Sledge @ Palla Eminem @ Astoria; between burning the top, and not briefly, until it goes hard, but barely Moby @ The Lynden David Hall @ Johann Strauss's Beth Orton @ Shep Brixton Academy; dium; £12.50 - £20 £14.50 cooking the middle. Too far away, brown. Turn the bread, and spread Scala; £8 RFH; £13.50 Birthday @ The Bush Empire; £12.50 £17.50 Let's go sledging!I! 8th November and the food will not brown. thinly with butter. Now, start to The David Bowie of Playhouse; £?? She should have won Why is soul brother : ^pe-sWaV, ; but vh-c- Yeah baby, these sis "Vv*hite: roppsr MciiS- Food should cook with a steady build. Your aim is to create some dance music, Mobyal- ig so Sounds a bit odd, but th Mercury Music Music "Kg§v.Cs'-irs'cL'rreriiv ters are the oldest ste: pg'hgifcpr; P; . p sizzle, and brown slowly. If the food thing which sticks up an inch above ways puts on a good it'll be interesting. ing music lovers' with prize, but she wasn't '.~x:-:3sfsr*s foesi swingers in town.! Srprp Kp> PPPPP. p is cooked too slowly, it will just stew the bread. Arrange a some green show. quite odd enough in its own juices, and you might as salad leaves on each slice, just well have used a sauce pan! enough to vaguely cover the whole Pushing Tin Final Cut Vampires slice. I normally use something with Tarzan Blair Witch Run Lola Run American Pie New air-traffic control Over indulgent self Latest John Carpenter Meal Suggestion a bit of flavour. Rocket, or water Classy new offer mg Everyone's talking about Latest offering Latest Euro-film smash set comedy with the portrait from Jude Law. slasher horror gore Spicy Fish cress are ideal. Whatever you it - you'll have to see it. must-see hit. ilhilltfi:; "ilisill: always brilliant John ABC Piccadilly flick makes up for plot choose, it has to look good. Virgin Chelsea Odeon Kensington Barbican .aad|H Cusack and Billy Bob 3.45, 8.45 ' and sophistication with I am a huge sea food fan. So far, Place a couple of bits of sliced Film 4.30, . 0 4.55, 7.05, 9.15 6.15, 8.40 4,10, 6:30, 8150 Thornton. Check local Virgin Trocodero extreme unpleasant- this column has avoided fish, so I tomato and maybe some mush UCI Whiteieys Virgin Fullham Rd Gate Cinema rion press for times. 1 1,10 (Fri/Sat only) thought I'd make up for lost time room, or red peppers over the 5.20, 7.20, 9.30 7.20, 9.10 now. Fish is expensive, but worth leaves on each piece of bread, then every penny in my opinion. This is add the cheese. You should either Bremner, Bird really simple, and tastes great. grate, or chop very finely. About Roger Cook's The 11 O'Clock Arsenal v 20th Century Stuff Have I Got News 1S©wf and Fortune Many people dislike eating whole 30g per slice is needed, and it p Fiorentina For You Greatest Hits L3C:, ':l:-4Prm C4, 9pm fish, or even fish with the skin on. could be almost anything. Combi ITV, 7:30pm BBC2, 9:00pm ITV, 8:30pm The latest acts show Watch the satirist's You can make this with almost any nations are great, so this is ideal for More Champions Cockney vs Toff back TV Compilation of the have "made this case their talents or rip the piss out of type or cut of fish. Best is a whole using up whatever you have about. confrontationary League action. century tick". Silly with sharp satirical Tony's People white flat fish, such as skate. Thick When your masterpiece is com sniffer's top stories. wit at its best. er fish will work, but you should be plete, stick it under a really slow careful to cook it well. grill. After a few minutes, the cheese Leslie Ash Foundation Jane Eyre If you are using whole fish, start should have melted enough to lie is

Three Sisters Almost Like A Faces of the Heiner Goebbels Tis a Pity She's a Behaving badly in her 3"Ktographs of all we Adaption of a classic by cutting several deep gashes in strands over everything. In this brief Whale Gentry "An explosion of Whore Pajama's? hear about on the by Polly Teal. each side. Mix a teaspoon of time, the salad leaves will wilt slight neKOv aaa ptea ay Steve Jones comes to Photographs o Music and fire works" Modern, witty rework. garam masala powder with a cou ly, but not enough to turn to mush. images from th met campus to talk about ple of tablespoons of olive oil per Finish off by sprinkling herbs Arts his new book. £12.50 Mat. Gate 13 (Liverpool Now booking at the fish. Rub this mixture over the fish, over the top, together with a twist of Lyric Theatre Ham- Young Vic Victoria Palace New Ambassador. then place in an oven proof dish, or black pepper. Guildhall Froe Waterstones, 6.30pm £3.Cone mersmith £10 £9 Cone. 32 Crossword Felix 25 October 1999 The Felix Crossword, BigWillyStile

Across be donkey (6) 40 Nice dent turns 2. Destroy tenth friend, unspeakable (8) FEB perhaps? (8) 6. Checks out the viewers. Down (6) 9. Ova codas? (9) 1 Arms go wild at climax 1 1. Lofty Greek (5) (6) 1 3. A bish confused Indi 2 Bowling duck (5) an Master (5) 3 Rank students (5) I 4. Stairs of tragedy (5) 4 Secure tracts of land (5) 16. Palindromic saint has 5 Birth to death on the zero "bullocks (5) stage of life (3,5,4,2,3) 18. Could be horrid bot 7 Irritating sea-food (5) tle (4) 8 Rip our pot into room 1 9. Whip the French piles freshener (9) into shape (7) 1 0 Chinese spirit vs Ital 20. Composer looks a bit ian wine (7) green (5) 1 2 Such ions whizzing 22. Understanding on the around provide softness floor: need more facto (8) ries! (17) 15 Shake Ali up for rice (5) 27. Without Imperial, this 1 7 Expensive sweet (4) crossword would be full of 21 Prance up to pastry dead people. (5) (5,3) 28. Begin the worker spirit 23 Dawn snaps Doris (9) with a hissy-fit (7) 24 Don't sing the chorus 29. In torest find impure (7) iron (4) 25 Tess becomes solid (4) 31. Bits of green for cars 26 Rugged and under (5) cooked (5) Answers to 1153 34. No, dear: sliced 30 Suit that I refer to as Across: disavows, macabre, equip, lacrimator, smartie, thrush, the united nations, degrees of peach (5) itself? (6) freedom, odours, essence, botticelli, whirr, entraps, meringue. Down: deep-set, sausage-dog, 36. In Perth I effortlessly 32 Worries about food (5) walked the streets, merchant of Venice, cumquat, botch, errorist, potent, outdancing, held up a bank (5) 33 Society the French adorable, see-saw, erotica, mcenroe, octet. 37 Headless chicken made a plinth for (5) swallowed growth (5) 34 Knot garlic? (5) I would like to apologise for any confusion over the spelling of k(c)umquat. Although cumquat 38 Burger farmer (9) 35 Celebrate the French is a valid alternative spelling, I feel it was unfair to use it. 39 Animal saint claims to tax mix up (5)

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Atlanta Amsterdam Beijing Boston Brussels Chicago Dallas Hong Kong Johannesburg London Los Angeles Madrid Mexico City Milan Moscow Munich New York Paris Rome San Francisco Sao Paulo Seoul Singapore Stockholm Sydney Tokyo Toronto Zurich 25 October 1999 Felix Sport 35 Ladies off to better start IC shoot to win Fencing Basketball

After what could be considered a win the epee too. King's 56 half a foot bigger than our oppo disappointing season last year, IC We were hopeful going into the Imperial.... 62 nents. As the game went on Ladies Fencing team got off to a epee, and Captain Katherine and though, certain players picked up good start this season, beating UCL Leucha each won their first fight, giv Traditionally, the first match of the their game, and made key contri 10-8. We were prepared for strong ing us a 2-0 start. Our excellent season has never been very good butions that kept us in contention opposition, having remembered fhe captain went on to win both her for the mens firsts, and today was for victory. team they had last year, but we also other fights, the last one securing no exception.. That wasn't because Of particular note were Adam, thought that we could be in with a the match before we'd even fin Kings played well, despite their new KK and Ellias from last year, as well chance to take the match. ished. Clare fenced well, but had talent, but because we were still as James and Franck who have First we fenced the foil, with rarely fenced epee before and didn't suffering from not enough practice joined us this year. They all played Captain Katherine winning all three manage to take a fight. Leucha won over the summer. We managed to exceptionally well, and helped us of her fights in excellent style. one of her other two fights and IC beat ourselves on several occa to pull away in the final minutes as Leucha won two of her fights, and took the match 1 0-8. sions, at one point being out- Kings fell apart. Our composure Annie put in a great performance, Rumours abound that there are jumped by a 3-ft point-guard on towards the buzzer was certainly a considering she hasn't fenced for 1 8 a couple of good fencers out there the Kings team. marked improvement on last year. months, but although there were a who haven't turned up yet, and also The game was pretty even The team still has a lot of work couple of close fights, she didn't that UCL would be our most difficult throughout, with Kings leading for to do before we can consider the manage to win a fight. That gave us match, so with the possibility of a most of the game. This was due dizzy heights of Oxford, but things a 5-4 lead going into the epee, stronger team later in the season, mainly to our inability to rebound are certainly looking good for the which meant that to avoid either los we face our next match with our the ball or put shots in, despite play-offs. With any luck, we should ing or drawing the match we had to confidence high. having an average height about have a very good season. Trip to Coleraine IN BRIEF

IC 29 on the side (hopping around on Sailing-June 17-20 1999 LSE 33 crutches) and telepathically by Underdown (at her deathbed).

An intrepid collection of sailors and whilst the wind started to drop in Last year's match against our old Tinky winky scored 2 goals within non-sailors massed in Southside on the evening. Some highly amusing adversaries LSE was a closely 15 minutes, and soon after Steph the evening of the 1 7th of June for spectator sport was to be had by fought battle, and this year was no brought the score to 3-0 with a the annual trip to the Coleraine 24 watching Sarah trying to steer a exception. The battlefield scene superb hit. The girls were pleased hour race in Northern Ireland. boat instead of a minibus, with Ben was given extra flair with visual at half time, having not experi Imperial has been entering the and her regularly swapping jobs effects provided by Union Fire enced the feeling of leading at half event for 27 consecutive years and and even more often to be seen Training who seemed to be cele time (or full time last season). In the our attendance is highly valued. swimming round the top of the brating Guy Falke's night early in second half all the girls were on top The format of the race is that a mast, untying soggy wet spin the basket ball courts directly form and 4 more goals were boat is kept sailing for 24 hours nakers behind court. Thanks guys. Ever scored, 2 by Katie, 1 by Jo and 1 from 2pm Saturday to 2pm Sunday During the night the wind wondered if it might have been an by half-pint. After the match the with pit stops for crew changes etc. picked up, Simon and Alex record advantage for us to breathe? So girls celebrated victoriously except as many times as required/wanted ed the fastest lap of the race, Oily having played the first half through for Karen who complained she got in that time. and various helpers sailed round in the smoke and against a back drop bored being goalie. With jugs a It was decided that we would lots of circles, with various of flames, the score was balancing plenty (2 for Tinky Winky, 2 for enter one serious(ishl) team and appendages stuck to their heads, on a knife-edge at 18 18. A lull in Katie, 1 for Jo and 1 for Steph) one really not very serious at all without actually completing a lap. the third quarter saw LSE take the we're off to party but we'll be back. team into the event this year. They must have then got bored lead 22-27 before the furious pace Finally the sailing started. The because the second team boat was returned and the match finished in first team had a good start but then seen to be pulled up on the beach LSE's favour 29-33. Definitely next Also Received lost a load by putting up their spin for an hour or so whilst some other year LSE (you were lucky!). Next naker when they'd forgotten how to people were woken up and per week St. George's - go girls! Cross Country - IC in 3rd, 6th, fly one. Can't remember about the suaded to sail. 10th, 23rd and 28th; IC Ladies second team. Right from the start it In the end the first team came 2nd, 7th, 1 7th was clear that our main rivals were second on handicap, despite com Ladies Hockey going to be a team of people from pleting more laps than ever com Rugby - IC Ists 52 - 0 Brunei Strathclyde who took it all far too pleted before and being genuinely IC I! 7 (played 13/10/1999) seriously. A rule was instigated brilliant. The second team didn't QMW II 0 where for the evening the second really rate in sailing terms at all, but Football - Goldsmiths 3rds 1 - 3 IC team had too take a four pack out they also succeeded in terms of Despite having 8 players, the 3rds III; IC IV 5 - 4 ICSM IV; IC VI with them, to be consumed whilst being gods, just in a slightly differ mighty girls showed their stuff and 4 - 5 Kings VII ; IC VII 1 - 6 RCS I sailing. The first team were racing ent, more hazy way. stormed into the match. Encour round in or near to first place, CD aged by their captains Chunderbird Sorry guys - run out of space! 36 Sport Felix 25 October 1999

Ay-caramba! Medics win Tries aplenty for seconds

ICSM Football Rugby

St .Bart's 1 1 half as the Medics put 8 goals past IC Ik... .65 to score. Soon followed more tries ICSM 1 10 the helpless SBLH keeper. Adam RUMS from Flo and Rich Seppings but a Humphries made a notable 1st lack of tackling ability let the medics The ICSM team lived up to its team debut on the left wing and After a poor start to the season last score with ease, leaving the score at billing as one of the favourites to John Williams made many pene week with a narrow win against half-time to be 31 -8 in our favour. win UL Division One with an trating runs from midfield. He was Brunei (I), the seconds soon hit top As the second half started, so the emphatic 1 0-1 away win in the first eventually fouled on one of these form. As the harsh winds of Har 2nds started playing exhibition game of the season against SBLH runs resulting in a penalty that the lington blew across the pitch and rugby with the backs playing golden 1 sts. The loss of several key players captain Ned Carabine put away kick off drew near, the tension and rugby, more tries followed as the left a somewhat depleted team with with aplomb. SBLH never posed anticipation soon rose. With the forwards secured good ball to allow a tricky away tie at Chislehurst any danger up front and any advantage of the wind the medics the backs to score almost every time against notoriously determined attacks were nullified by the ICSM went into an early lead as the new they gained possession. As the opposition. Once the game start defence and the impressive 2nds tried to gain some kind of score rose so did the 2nds aggres ed, however, there was little debate Eamonn Rabie. The SBLH goal shape in the forwards. Then as the sion, managing to reduce their as to which was the stronger side came at the death as a header was backs and forwards started to dom team to 1 3. After repeated pleas for and ICSM dominated. The amount deflected past the keeper. This, inate all over the pitch, the score mercy, the ref gave in and called of possession was not reflected in however, could not be much of a started to mount as the 2nds moved time with 20 minutes still on the the scoreline at halftime with ICSM consolation to them as the Medics up a couple of gears, the first try clock. In the end, "the gay icon" led only winning 2 — 0. scored goal after goal and hit the coming as Tim "the Gay icon" with five tries and Flo was just This was rectified in the second woodwork twice. Denyer burst through their defence behind with four. Mens Football Disco boys destroy GKT GKT 1 2 extending the lead, with another IC 1 4 header from Jamie's cross. Hockey - Disco Squad Whining Warren scored the The only phrase to describe this fourth after a move that involved performance would be aerial dom most of the team. By the time they IC III 9 scrabble the ball came loose to inance with 3 of the 4 IC goals scored their second, the game was GKT III 0 Prelapsed Bowel (lain Pyle) at the coming form our boy's bonces. won. top of the D. He entered the A new system was needed fol What can I say, another Wednes channel of Love. With palm sweat lowing the absence of Nak and UCL 1 2 day, another BUSA fixture, another ing and his shaft throbbing he Steve, and it took us a little time to IC 1 1 crushing victory. swung and shot his load into the adapt allowing GKT to score a It seems the Disco Lads barely goal. The back-board exploded sloppy first goal. However, this did Gutted! Absolutely gutted. IC missed their gallant heroic (and in a thriiling climax to the half and not knock us off track, as we start played like champs for most of the really rather attractive) leader as he milked the last drops of joy ed to pass the ball around well in game and took the lead after a Fabio, in what was a most decisive it was clear we were on to a win the midfield. The first goal came UCL defender steered in Warren's result. Tong the keeper was kept ner. from a nice move involving Juan header. We created a few other busy by the subs whilst the remain At the half we were up 5 to nil, and Dave and Alex nodded the ball half-chances, but failed to find the ing 10 men spent the entire game the tally, 2 to Mammers, 2 to Jesus over the stranded keeper. target. hacking the opposition to death in and 1 to the man of the match, After this it was all IC and we With 15 mins to go we were their D. Prelapse. The second half was took the lead before the break still in control when a forward was The disco short corner routine typical Disco. Not elegant but thanks to a storming header form allowed to stroll through the mid- is coming on well this season and brutally (yes, you Mammers) effi Tony. The ball was whipped over by field/defence and hit a lame shot of the 750 short corners so far, cient. Warren and Tony managed to head that squirmed through the bewil Mammers finally converted one to Four more beauties flowed the ball and take two defenders dered keeper. open his account. The first half from the stick of the sundance kid, and put them all in the back of the Things went from bad to worse was comfortable but highlighted none from a yard but who cares, it net. when another defensive mix up by one simple moment of utter was another moment of Disco In the second half the differ allowed them to get the winner with glory. glory so come on then, who's ence in class was obscene, Dan about 7 mins left. In the midst of a goal-line next.