WEEK 48, 2020 life &

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Nurturing Although vulnerability is a key factor in a good marriage, it is something that many women today struggle with, according to Marriage marriage expert Suzanne Venker. in Tough Times A conversation with marriage expert Suzanne Venker

Barbara Danza

ne of the many profound les- sons this challenging year has taught us is just how important our closest relationships are. For some married couples, dif- Oficult times may have forged stronger bonds; for others existing issues may have become magnified. I asked Suzanne Venker, a relationship coach and the author of five books on marriage, for her advice on nurturing marriage in troubled times. Here’s what she said.

The Epoch Times: Every married couple wants a good marriage. What do you believe are the key characteristics of a good marriage? Suzanne Venker: There are four main aspects of marriage that have the capacity to make or break the relationship. If a couple can agree on those, they have a great shot at a happy mar- riage. Those four areas are: money, parenting, religion, and in-laws. Money is the No. 1 source of marital conflict and divorce. This has always been the case, but the nature of the problems has changed. For one thing, men and women are bringing a boatload of student loan debt to the marriage and viewing this debt and “his” and “hers.” Nothing is your own after you get married; the entire purpose of marriage is to become one, or part of a team. If a couple’s monies are separate and if there’s no transparency, this is a huge indica- tor the couple is approaching marriage all wrong. To be successful at marriage, you have to work together. All income is joint income when you marry, regardless of who makes what—and both partners need equal spend- ing power. Bottom line: When it comes to money, if you and your spouse are adversaries rather than allies, your marriage will be rocky or will end. How to parent the children—or more spe- cifically, how to discipline them—is also huge. It is imperative that a couple be on the same page about how to discipline, otherwise the kids wind up in charge because they’ll use their parents’ disagreements to their advan- tage and wreak havoc on the marriage.

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Nicholas Hunt/Getty Images Why We Can ‘Believe’ in Maureen Mackey from composer Ennio Morricone. “I think that this was the best moment The Italian tenor’s new The great Italian tenor Andrea Bocelli for an speaking to the spirit,” said has delighted and amazed audiences Bocelli on Nov. 13 during the Facebook album shares joy and all over the globe with his stunning vo- Live launch of “Believe,” which was inspiration cal performances. Now, a new musical broadcast around the globe from his release continues that tradition. home in Tuscany. His latest album, “Believe,” show- “There are many different kinds of cases songs that have “inspired and music in this album,” he added. “We sustained Bocelli over the years,” ac- have music by Mozart, there is music cording to his publicity postings. by [Ennio] Morricone—somebody will The songs on “Believe” include Bocel- remember that he wrote ‘’— li’s rousing interpretation of the great and there is a song written by me,” said Italian singer Andrea Bocelli in concert Rodgers and Hammerstein “Carou- Bocelli humbly. at Madison Square Garden in New York sel” tune, “You’ll Never Walk Alone,” on Dec. 13, 2018. as well as a never-before-heard track Continued on Page 2 B22 | LIFE & TRADITION NOVEMBER 25–DECEMBERWeek 48, 1, 2020 NOVEMBERWeek 48, 2020 25–DECEMBER 1, 2020 LIFE & TRADITION |B3 3

TRAVEL Andrea Bocelli at a Glance Why We Can ‘Believe’ Age: 62 Cowpens: The Battle for Land and Country Born: Sept. 22, 1958, in Lajatico, Italy RACHAEL DYMSKI by Lord Charles Cornwallis to In the midst of this fighting, field, my husband and I were Learned piano, flute, and destroy Morgan, Tarleton and Gen. Nathanael Greene split reminded that war is fought in saxophone as a child Cowpens Battlefield, located in his British troops pursued the This battlefield, his Southern Continental army the most ordinary of places. in Andrea Bocelli rural western South Carolina, Patriots and scouted Morgan’s and commanded Morgan to Bravery and heroism need no Diagnosed with congenital glaucoma surrounded by a at five months old; became blind at is a beautifully maintained army near the Pacolet River in take his troops into the Caro- special stage, and the weightiest PIERO CRUCIATTI/AFP VIA GETTY IMAGES age 12 after a soccer accident piece of history by the National South Carolina’s backcountry. variety of trees lina backcountry and wreak victories are often found where Continued from Page 1 Park Service. Complete with a Prior to Cowpens, the British havoc on the British in what- no one seems to expect them. Wife: Veronica Berti (m. 2014; mar- paved 1.2-mile battlefield trail, had been tearing through the and stunning ever way they could: cutting The victory on this unassuming “Then there are also some songs ried previously to Enrica Cenzatti) a picnic area, and a resources- South, capturing Savannah, supply lines, hampering opera- field changed the course and that I sang in church when I was packed visitor center, the then Charleston and Camden. scenery, is home tions, causing chaos. psychology of the entire war. Children: Amos, Matteo, Virginia a child. In my small village, I sang 845-acre park feels more like a They were convinced the war to one of the most The British army moved out of these songs, and not very much in Studio and live include nature preserve than a tribute was in their pocket and thought Surprise the Carolinas and into Virginia, tune” back then, he added lightly. “” (1995), “Aria: The to American history. the guerrilla warfare in the instrumental When Tarleton caught up to where they surrendered at York- Notably, during this most diffi- Opera Album” (1998), “Sacred Arias” And yet, this battlefield, sur- rural colony backcountry was battles of the Morgan, he expected an easy town in October 1781. cult year of COVID-19, quarantin- (1999), “Verdi” (2000), “Cieli di Tos- rounded by a variety of trees nothing to worry about. victory. He underestimated the In addition to a picnic area ing, and social distancing, Bocelli cana” (2001), “” (2002), and stunning scenery, is home In January 1871, the colonial Revolutionary way the men of Morgan’s army and battlefield loop, the park addressed his choice of the great “Andrea” (2004), “Amore” (2006), to one of the most instrumental population loyalties were split, knew their geography, and how also boasts a museum that con- song “You’ll Never Walk Alone” for “Under the Desert Sky” (2006), battles of the Revolutionary causing deep conflict and ten- War. hard they were willing to fight tains a reproduction 3-pounder “Believe.” “” (2008), “ Live in War. The Battle of Cowpens, sions between neighbors and for their land. cannon and an hourly view- “Many people know this song Tuscany” (2008), “” fought in January 1871, turned sometimes even families. Both Knowing Tarleton had little ing of the film “Cowpens: A (2009), “Concerto: One Night in Cen- from the soccer,” he said (it’s the the tide of the war and paved Patriots and Loyalists orga- Armies during the Revolutionary respect for the American Battle Remembered,” anthem for the Liverpool Football tral Park” (2011), and “Sì” (2018) the way for the Patriots to vic- nized militia, turning against War often fought on roads. The militia, Morgan orga- and a 3.8-mile auto Club). “But in this case, the song tory at Yorktown. one another with force and nized his troops into loop road that out- For his album “Passione” (2013), Battle of Cowpens was fought has another completely different We pulled up to Cowpens devastating their countryside. three lines on the rich lines the perimeter of collaborated with Jennifer Lopez and along the Green River Road. meaning for me,” said Bocelli. “In Battlefield in late September, pastureland meadow. the battlefield. Nelly Furtado NPS this album, it was important to admiring the many trees that He placed his artillery As we sat in the have a song speaking to the people For “Manon Lescaut” (2014), worked were just beginning to turn in the middle and his field, munching on alone—just to say, ‘Nobody is alone. with Placido Domingo and Ana Maria color. We parked our car and dragoons on either side. cheese and crackers, There is somebody with us who can Martinez unloaded our two toddlers, Lt. Col. William Washing- watching our girls as help in every situation. So be posi- wondering how much history ton’s cavalry surprised they collected fallen Website: AndreaBocelli.com tive. Be optimistic.’ This is the sense we could soak up with Tarleton and sent the Portrait of leaves and sticks, we of the song for me in this context.” children in tow. British dragoons scatter- U.S. general reflected on what might “Amazing Grace” is another de- The battlefield and park are ing. When Tarleton sent Daniel Morgan have happened in the lightful surprise on this new al- amazingly child-friendly. We his 71st Highlanders to- (1736–1802) war had the militia not bum. To perform this well-loved had a picnic lunch under some ward the line, Morgan’s by Charles been willing to step up Christian hymn, Bocelli collabo- large trees and open pasture troops reformed, devas- Willson Peale, and defend their land. A rated with country singer Alison (the name for the battlefield tating the British soldiers circa 1794. love of country, of place, Krauss. When came out of the surrounding in a double envelopment. PUBLIC DOMAIN and home led the army “Alison has a beautiful voice, very pastureland), and then walked In less than an hour, on a to fight so valiantly at Cowpens. sweet—and also, she’s a very spiri- I sing, I the self-guided battlefield scenic, unassuming meadow, a The National Park Service has tual girl,” Bocelli said on Facebook trail, dotted with plaques and decisive victory was won for the honored that love of land and Live about the Grammy-winning can take no informational boards about the Patriots. The British army suf- place by preserving it so well, Krauss. “For this reason, I really credit other battle. fered nearly 900 casualties (110 and making it accessible for oth- wanted to have this singer next to dead, more than 200 wounded, ers to explore and learn about it. me on this song.” than that of Serene Grounds and 500 captured), while the Bocelli said he loves all of the It’s hard to imagine that a place American army suffered less Rachael Dymski is an author, flo- songs he selected for this album, striving to so serene and peaceful marks than 100. rist, and mom to two little girls. for a variety of reasons. live up to the the ground where American She is currently writing a novel “Some songs have a big value as Gen. Daniel Morgan outwitted Stepping Up for Love about the German occupation of compositions,” he said. “Others instruments and overtook his enemy, Lt. Col. of Country the Channel Islands and blogs on have a beautiful memory for me that God has Banastre Tarleton. Commanded Visiting the Cowpens Battle- her website, RachaelDymski.com when I was a child. Every song is here in my heart.” given me. Bocelli noted earlier in a state- Andrea Bocelli ment that “the concept behind ‘Be- lieve’ is based on three words: faith, (who I’m physically attracted to, has and in it she outlines qualities that make hold chore such as mending. hope, and charity. These are the DEAR JUNE a job, and doesn’t drink or do drugs) a wife fascinating—mysterious and at- Also, I would try getting outdoors at three theological virtues of Chris- On Family and Relationships or that God shuts down my hormones tractive—to her husband and secure his least twice a day even if the second time tianity, yet—quite independently of entirely so that I’m asexual. Seriously. genuine love. The book also points out is not very long. This is good for your state any religious belief—they are also Italian tenor fullest, to live up to expectations of awards over the years and been For the record, before the COVID common ways in which women uncon- of mind, and as young boys thrive on the three extraordinary keys to giv- Andrea Bocelli (which increase as the years go by).” nominated for many more. He VIRTUES lockdowns, I was active in the church sciously push their husbands away. She vigorous physical play, it can help your ing meaning and completeness to sings during Bocelli’s new album is currently is considered the biggest-selling and have been since becoming a also wrote a version for unmarried wom- son maintain good behavior. You may the lives of every one of us.” a rehearsal the No. 1 bestseller in classical singer in the history of classical Christian 20 years ago. Even during the en called “The Fascinating Girl,” which I need to encourage him to do something In an interview last year with The on a deserted music on Amazon. It comes on music and is known as well for his worst times of my life, I volunteered. have not read but might also be helpful really physical such as running as fast as Epoch Times, Bocelli spoke of his Piazza del the heels of his “Music for Hope” crossover into pop. Loyalty: The Good, I also traveled when I could afford it, in your situation. One of the issues she he can to a certain point, rolling down deep faith and how it permeates his Duomo in performance this past Easter at the Of the new album, “Believe,” so it’s not a matter of “putting myself discusses is dress and has recommen- a hill, playing ball, or biking. Setting a music. “The presence of our heav- central Milan Duomo cathedral in Milan, which one Amazon reviewer wrote, “The the Bad, and the out there.” Moreover, I cook at home dations for how to be modest but also goal and admiring his efforts can make on April 12, enly father can be felt by all of us, millions of people around the world music is deeply spiritual and takes several times a week, have excellent feminine (stilettos and miniskirts are this a lot of fun for him, as you see him 2020, prior to hygiene, and only have about 15 definitely not required!). test his limits and become more skilled. everywhere, and at all times in our a livestreamed watched live. That event was one of the listener to a place of beauty and Mixed Bag lives,” he wrote via email. “God is performance the biggest live-streamed musical peace, two things I believe most pounds left to lose. I’m no supermodel, Also a thought about children: Even if You don’t need to do this for overly long, the miracle of love, he is the source during Italy’s performances of all time. of us need right now. The music As a virtue, loyalty is a double-edged but I work with what I’ve got. I say all you don’t want your own, how would you 15 minutes may be enough. of all that is good, he is synonymous lockdown. Bocelli also has announced an speaks of tenderness and faith in sword. of this because I have no idea why I’m feel about marrying a man who has chil- Also outdoors, if there are any physical with true beauty and the driving upcoming holiday event, “Believe every selection.” When we defend a son falsely accused still single. Is it because of my political dren? If you are willing to be a stepmother chores such as hauling or digging, let force of life itself.” in Christmas,” which he is sched- Another person shared this sim- of cheating on an exam, when we stick by leanings? (I’m a conservative.) My race? this might open up your dating field but him do as much as he can. And notic- He also said in that interview: “I uled to perform live from Italy’s ple grace note: “Great music.” a spouse who through a series of blun- (I’m black and have always been willing if the thought of children in the mix does ing what is taking place in the natural personally try to honor the talent Teatro Regio di Parma opera house ders has gotten us deeply into debt, we to date interracially.) That I don’t wear not appeal or you are unsure, it would be world can be an engaging and quieter that I have been gifted. And when on Dec. 12. The ticketed event will Maureen Mackey, a contributor to are acting with an admirable largesse short skirts/dresses and stilettos? (I good to be very honest about this. outdoor activity after he’s burned off I sing, I can take no credit other be streamed to fans everywhere The Epoch Times, Parade Magazine, of the soul. Such loyalty is a commend- Frustrated prefer ankle-length hemlines, kitten Lastly, until you find him, I suggest not some energy. than that of striving to live up to and will include musicians and and other publications, is a digital able virtue. heels, flats, sneakers, and jeans.) watching or reading romantic scenes as Another thing to consider is maintain- the instruments that God has given special guests. content executive, writer, and editor On the other hand, loyalty that wears a this kind of imagery will probably make ing a hobby or two, including ones that me. I always want to perform to the Andrea Bocelli has won scores based in the New York City area. blindfold is not only misdirected and ig- Single *sigh* your present situation more difficult. can be done in the presence of your son, norant, but also dangerous. This brand of I honestly don’t know why I’m writing Sincerely, such as knitting or baking. Hobbies can to you, but I hope that you reply anyway. give you something to look forward to. PIERO CRUCIATTI/AFP VIA GETTY IMAGES fealty brings into power oppressive dic- June tators in the public square and petty ty- Looking for —Frustrated Single Celibate, Maryland Dear June, You could also combine this with ac- rants in our personal lives. The drunkard I’m a young, stay-at-home mom, living tivities to connect with family, such as who can’t keep a job, insults his relatives Companion Dear Frustrated Single Celibate, far away from my family in Europe. It making gifts or writing letters. and friends, and belittles his children I think it is commendable that you have often gets very hard and lonely not hav- Community service can also be an up- while at the same time depending on remained true to your principles in a day ing family support around or to have lifting way to spend your time. his wife’s unfailing fidelity has not only DEAR JUNE and age when chastity is not valued—and grandparents for my son. Please what I also recommend creating a structure a spouse at his side but an enabler of his I was a virgin until I was 22 years is even scorned. I think this demonstrates you would advise to overcome loneli- to your day that includes times you fo- rotten behavior. old and entered into a 10-month integrity that a future husband would re- ness and create a loving home for my son cus solely on him. This can really help Loyalty can also be a mixed bag of relationship with a college classmate. ally value. even though it’s exhausting and lonely at keep things operating when you feel thoughts and feelings. In “Mother o’ When that relationship ended, I I also think that when we allow physical times. Thank you! lonely and not fully present. Celebrat- Mine,” Rudyard Kipling succinctly gave my life to Christ and returned urges to guide us to go against our values, —Engela P., New York ing holidays with traditions from your makes this case: to celibacy. Now, I’m 42, have never this can lead to feelings of failure, lack of childhood can help lend a structure to been married, am still celibate, self-worth, and depression. Conversely, Dear Engela, the year and also give you something to “If I were hanged on the highest hill, and finding it increasingly difficult when we overcome physical tempta- Caring for a young child all day can look forward to. Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine! to maintain sexual integrity. tion, our will becomes stronger and we certainly be lonely, especially this year And lastly, it might help to create daily I know whose love would follow me still, My own mother makes things worse are more capable of carrying forth our during lockdown restrictions, and video affirmations that remind you of what an Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!” because she is always telling me to “go mission in life. calls with family don’t replace their ac- important job you are doing. Such forgiveness and love are the by- find someone you have feelings for But it sounds like this is has been go- tual presence. Sincerely, products of loyalty. and do it,” after all, “God knows we’re ing on for a while and you are more than One idea to allow grandparents to in- June not perfect.” But Romans 6:1 warns ready for a husband! teract with your young son is to them In the 12 Boy Scout laws, loyalty comes me not to sin more so that God’s grace Have you tried signing up for any Chris- send photos of his books so they can read Do you have a family or relationship second with this explanation: “Scouts may abound more. And the Bible also tian dating sites? to him. This way, he will not be focused question for our advice columnist, Dear are true to their family, Scout leaders, says in 1 Corinthians 7:9 that if one Your politics and race might deter some on the screen and you can have 10–15 June? Send it to DearJune@EpochTimes. friends, school, and nation.” That concise burns with lust, get married. Well, men but certainly not the one you want to minutes of kid-free time to get some- com or Attn: Dear June, The Epoch Times, definition gives us the heart of fidelity. I’m on fire and God has not sent me a be with so I would not worry about this. thing done or just relax. 229 W. 28th St., Floor 7, New York, NY And unless that trust is betrayed, such man. I don’t even care about having Regarding dress and possible other I would also suggest spending time 10001. loyalty is a virtue worth practicing. kids; I just want companionship. shortfalls, I would recommend you take with friends and as much (and safely) Consequently, I’ve spent the past two a look at the book “Fascinating Wom- you can while still keeping things at June Kellum is a married mother of two and —Jeff Minick decades praying that He either sends anhood.” This book was published by a home in balance. It might help if you longtime Epoch Times journalist covering me a godly, marriage-minded man Christian wife and mother in the 1960s combine visits with some sort of house- family, relationships, and health topics.. B44 | LIFE & TRADITION NOVEMBER 25–DECEMBERWeek 48, 1, 2020 NOVEMBERWeek 48, 2020 25–DECEMBER 1, 2020 LIFE & TRADITION |B5 5

HOLLY MANDARICH/UNSPLASH CHEWY/UNSPLASH of wanting to start a family, having children first and platonically co- DEAR NEXT GENERATION: parenting them while looking for another romantic partner seems like a decidedly immature move. Let’s look at the story of Ander- Manners Matter son and DuVal again. They liked skipping the flirtation stage and ➜ Advice from our eration, but something has been jumping right into the deep ques- lost in that movement. Rudeness tions. They looked at each other readers to our young and incivility abound, and old- through the lens of “What kind people fashioned deference to women of parent would this person be?” is often met with hostility. Lost rather than, “What kind of sexual Today young people have an edge along with good manners has partner or soulmate would this in understanding technology bet- been polite speech, common person be?” ter than some of us grandpas, and courtesy, and respect for oth- These are the very questions ev- they are good at teaching us what ers. Without those, life itself ery person considering marriage they know. becomes ruder and cruder, and should be asking. In a strange I am 88 years old now and know anger becomes more common. sense, these people are return- there are some things a person People become more self-cen- ing to the original aim of mar- will not understand or think tered and community begins to riage—to live as partners raising about if he or she has not lived break down. Society as a whole the next generation, struggling through life experiences. also begins to break down and together to survive in a difficult These are a few of my thoughts political conflict grows more world. Yet because moderns have and findings from my life expe- widespread. made marriage all about love and rience: romance, these people are turn- ing away from that motive and 1. Respect other people’s focusing on forming families, opinions even if you disagree Without [good but without the sacred bonds of with them. This especially lifelong commitment. includes your parents. manners], life itself What people forget is that once 2. Don’t judge other people ... the sparks are done flying, mar- that’s God’s job. becomes ruder riage is more about who will do 3. Always be grateful for what and cruder, and the dishes, change dirty diapers, others do for you or give spend long nights walking the you. They do not owe you anger becomes floor with a colicky baby, or try anything. To show you are more common. to reason with a testy teenager. thankful is an important The underlying reality behind “platonic co-parenting” seems to be a bizarre As J.R.R. Tolkien once noted in a quality of a Christian. twist on traditional arranged marriages. letter to his son: 4. Be confident, not arrogant. The younger generations would “It is notorious that in fact hap- A thin line separates them. do well to learn and practice py marriages are more common It’s a slippery slope. good manners (even if they where the ‘choosing’ by the young 5. Don’t try to be someone else, seem dated); respect everyone, New Online persons is even more limited, by they are taken. You are the especially women and seniors, parental or family authority, as best YOU. Feel proud and until they prove they don’t de- long as there is a social ethic of good about that. serve your respect; do things in ‘Mating Sites’ plain unromantic responsibility 6. Don’t try to elevate yourself moderation and avoid extremes. and conjugal fidelity. But even in around others. If you are Obey the Golden Rule: “Do unto (Above) Make sure to than the problem? is hard for a generation who’ve been en- countries where the romantic comfortable with yourself, others as you would have oth- schedule time for dates with Never underestimate the power of couraged to be entitled, as though men Skip the Soulmate tradition has so far affected social are humble, compassionate, ers do unto you.” Live by the Boy your spouse—but also make attitude. It can make or break your suc- owe women for centuries of oppression. arrangements as to make people and a good listener to others, Scout motto: “Be prepared,” and Nurturing sure you have time apart, cess with anything, and it’s no different Not all women will say this is how they believe that the choosing of a mate they will elevate you in their the Boy Scout Law: [Be] “trust- with friends or alone. with marriage. think, but the way they talk to men sug- ANNIE HOLMQUIST it would convolute things.” is solely the concern of the young, minds. worthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, (Below) Author and relation- gests otherwise. The two jumped right into the only the rarest good fortune brings 7. Lastly, if you want to feel courteous, kind, obedient, Marriage in ship coach Suzanne Venker. The Epoch Times: We’ve been living Some of the other steps include: Master oomer parents are frustrat- fray, asking deep questions about together the man and woman who good, do good for others. cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, through challenging times. From what the art of respect; focus on what you ed by their lack of grand- parenting styles and past life ex- are really as it were ‘destined’ for For example, do something and reverent.” Be self-sufficient you’ve observed, how have marriages do have, not on what you don’t; and be Bchildren. Meanwhile, mil- periences. They spent a weekend one another, and capable of a very thoughtful, randomly, for as much as possible, but accept been impacted? vulnerable. lennials complain about the lack together, and by the end of it “they great and splendid love.” someone without expecting proffered help graciously when Tough Times Ms. Venker: Unquestionably they’ve Vulnerability is also a key ingredient of romantic partners. returned to their lives having In essence, Tolkien seems to be something in return. you need it, and then do the been strained due to spending so much of a good marriage; but it is something Never fear, technology has pro- found the person they wanted to saying that marriages founded —Steve Osborn same for others. time in close quarters with few opportu- many women, especially today, struggle vided a solution! No longer must parent with.” Some platonic co- upon practical concerns, such as The great western novelist, nities to get out due to everything being with. Not only are they distrustful millennials date to find the love parents use test tubes; Anderson family background and ideologi- I came of age in the 1940s and ’50s, Louis L’Amour, once wrote that A conversation with marriage closed. Plus with kids home on top of of men and marriage, they’ve been of their life, marry, and have chil- and DuVal did it the old-fashioned cal compatibility, may not have and etiquette was hammered a man’s honor was everything, expert Suzanne Venker that. It’s a lot. groomed to do everything themselves dren. Now they can shop online way, conceiving and giving birth the initial passionately roman- into us by every adult, it seemed: and if he lost it he would have COURTESY OF SUZANNE VENKER I’m a big believer that being apart from and to never “depend on a man”—not to find the perfect person to breed to their daughter within a year. tic scenes à la Romeo and Juliet parents, grandparents, aunts and nothing; he would no longer one’s spouse on a regular basis is impor- just financially but in any way. So the with before their biological clocks Anderson and DuVal did fall in (whose love story, by the way, end- uncles, sometimes even neigh- have friends, he could not bor- Continued from Page 1 tant for perspective and even for sexual idea of showing gratitude, or asking for run out, while leaving the door love, but judging from the article, ed in tragedy), but they are more bors. These are some of the rules row money, and he would be un- attraction. As Violet Crawley said on help, or admitting they’re capable of open to find another romantic the two have not married. Oth- likely to make for a happy, lasting we had to live by: able to find honest work. Honor Third, religion. This may seem less “Downton Abbey,” “Marriage is a long being hurt is very scary for them. Yet partner later on. ers who found their parenting union in which the next genera- is made up of all the things men- important these days, since religion has We’re all business.” Because of this, it’s important these are the underpinnings of a strong “Platonic co-parenting” is partner on Modamily.com have tion can be raised and launched • Children are to be seen tioned above—civility, manners, taken such a precipitous decline, but for couples to have time alone without marriage. what The Guardian labels the hooked up with the person they into the world. Those who desire and not heard. respect, kindness, moderation, when kids come along, it still matters. human, and the other person. When you have no emergence of so-called mating want to parent with, but are still to start a family would be wise to • Sit straight with both feet but above all, honesty. Being the same religion is obviously separation, the problems you encoun- sites online. This trend seems like open to finding someone else to pursue such a marriage, rather on the floor. —James Mulholland ideal, but as long as the couple agrees we’re no good ter can feel far less surmountable than a bold, pioneering move for a new be the love of their life. than sitting around waiting for a • Always say please and on whose religion to follow, being to anyone if we if you have time away from each other. Never underestimate technological era, but its underly- I scratched my head as I read this soulmate who may never come. thank you. of two different religions is fine. The Perspective is important. ing reality seems to be a bizarre story. On the one hand, it’s great If Tolkien were to speak to the • Always ask permission What advice would you like real problem, in my opinion, is when don’t take care the power of attitude. twist on traditional arranged mar- that people want to have chil- young couples in The Guardian with a “May I...?” to give to the younger gener- one person is a believer and the other The Epoch Times: How can couples riages, in which practical concerns dren and that they realize their article, he would likely say they’re • At meals, always wait until ations? one isn’t—because that philosophical of ourselves. nurture their marriage, particularly dur- It can make or break prevail over romantic ones. biological clocks won’t last forever. headed in the right direction, but your hostess picks up a framework colors so much of what we Suzanne Venker ing times like this? your success with Highlighting several couples It’s also good that they recognize wading in the weeds instead of utensil before beginning We call on all of our readers to think and do. Ms. Venker: I wish I had an easy answer who have tried platonic co-parent- that the person who makes a fabu- walking the path. Marriage and to eat. share the timeless values that Finally, in-laws. This is tricky territory for this, but as long as COVID-19 is with anything, and it’s no ing, The Guardian paints a picture lous romantic partner might not family formation should put prac- • Never begin eating before define right and wrong, and pass and can be a big problem, especially if us, I can only say that this too shall pass, of individuals in their 30s joining always make the best parent. ticality first, worrying less about everyone has been served. the torch, if you will, through your the couple doesn’t agree on how often so be careful not to come to mistaken different with marriage. matchmaking services not for On the other hand, such a situ- romance and more about the • “Ladies (and girls) first” in wisdom and hard-earned expe- rience. We feel that the passing to spend time with the in-laws and es- conclusions about your marriage since Suzanne Venker romantic dates, but to find qual- ation is downright messy. It seeks character and suitability of the in- all things. pecially on how to set boundaries. If the they may be based on temporary cir- ity dad or mom material for their to give children a stable family, yet tended spouse as a parent. If these • Gentlemen open and hold down of this wisdom has dimin- couple views their home as a fortress, cumstances. future child. Jenica Anderson and in birthing them out-of-wedlock individuals find a person whom doors for women. ished over time, and that only with a strong moral foundation where people who can cause division Make sure you schedule plenty of The Epoch Times: Women, in particu- Stephan DuVal are just one exam- into noncommittal relationships they can see being a good father • Gentlemen walk between can future generations thrive. aren’t allowed in, they’re good to go. alone time as well as time with your lar, tend to carry the responsibility of ple. They connected on Modam- that are open to outside romantic or mother for their child, then it’s women and the street on Most of the problems with in-laws arise friends, and get out on “dates” with your maintaining a peaceful and nurturing ily.com, a website that provides liaisons, parents provide their off- time to do something about it: get a sidewalk (presumably to Send your advice, along with your when that is not the case. spouse where the pressure of children home for their families. What can wom- “a new way to family,” and talked spring with increased likelihood married first and then get started protect them from splashing full name, state, and contact In addition to the four items above, and running a household aren’t weigh- en do to alleviate the impact of outside about whether each would make of behavioral problems, lower aca- on raising that family. vehicles). information to NextGeneration I believe a key ingredient of a suc- ing on you. This can be as simple as stressors like those we face today? a good parent for their prospec- demic performance, economic in- @epochtimes.com or mail it to: cessful marriage is your attitude, or taking a hike or getting a quick bite at Ms. Venker: Take care of themselves! tive child. Marriage and romantic security, and other issues. The par- Annie Holmquist is the editor There were many more. Such mindset. Attitude is an undervalued whatever restaurants are open. Too many wives and mothers ignore fun weren’t on the radar, Ander- ents, meanwhile, increase their of Intellectual Takeout. This rules of civility and etiquette Next Generation, The Epoch attribute of marriage. How you think I would also encourage people to use their own wants and needs in favor of son said. “I really didn’t want a own emotional baggage. While article was originally published seem arcane these days in our Times, 229 W. 28th St., Floor 7, matters. If you’re invested in marriage this time to either escape with a novel or their family’s. I’m all for making the romantic connection; I thought their heart is in the mature place on Intellectual Takeout. brave new world of women’s lib- New York, NY 10001 as an institution, for example, you’re to take up a new hobby, or even a cause. requisite sacrifices on behalf of one’s far more likely to do what it takes to family, but not at the expense of your make it work. The way you think also The Epoch Times: Women receive own needs. Sure, sometimes this will affects your approach to problems. mixed messages these days about their happen—for husbands and fathers, too. Alluding to the touching gesture, lennials aren’t worth much, Mr. When a problem arises, do you assume roles in society and in their relation- But it can’t happen regularly or often A Discreet Act of Kindness Gets Noticed Jordan, who believes in helping Jordan showed that they are doing it’s fixable and keep your focus on the ships. In what ways can a wife contrib- without the bottom falling out. We’re all people in need, told WLWT-TV: “I amazing things and we might get problem itself? Or do you view it as in- ute to a “peaceful and passionate” mar- human, and we’re no good to anyone if wanted to help the guy. I saw that through these times and be OK,” surmountable and make the problems riage, as you put it in your book “How to we don’t take care of ourselves. 18-year-old grocery worker helps an elderly man short on cash he didn’t have the money for all the McCarty wrote. personal by attacking the spouse rather Be a Wife?” COURTESY OF BRIAN MCCARTY groceries that he wanted.” He further added, “You are a MILLES STUDIO/SHUTTERSTOCK Ms. Venker: There are so many things The Epoch Times: Do you have any DAKSHA DEVNANI Last month, as Jordan was dili- The 18-year-old has been work- good soul. The world needs more women can do to improve or to even final thoughts or advice to offer readers gently carrying out his task, he no- ing at the Kroger store to help his people like you.” fix their marriages! As for the skills I seeking to maintain peaceful, happy No matter how old you are, a kind ticed a senior citizen asking the ca- family and save money for a car. Since sharing the post, Jordan’s teach, by far women’s biggest hurdle is homes during challenging times? gesture can help make a huge shier at the store to put back some Jordan’s mother, Stephanie Bur- gesture has gone viral amassing being mentally ready to hear the mes- Ms. Venker: To keep in mind that this difference in someone’s life. A items as he didn’t have enough ton was very proud of her son’s ges- more than 7,000 reactions and sage since it’s so countercultural. For pandemic will end and have some humble teen from Kentucky is money to pay for all of his groceries. ture. “I’m overwhelmed with joy. some 10,000 shares. Many touched instance, step 1 in “How to Be a Wife” is grace in the meantime. Be careful not being praised for his heartwarm- “His total came to $133 and the You try to instill in your kids right readers took to the comments sec- “Don’t direct his traffic,” where I es- to make rash judgments about your ing act of helping an elderly man old man only had $100,” Brian Mc- and wrong, but you don’t know if tion, calling him “awesome.” sentially tell women to stop telling their marriage based on a temporary prob- who didn’t have enough to pay for Carty, who was standing in the they comprehend, so yes I’m very In an update, McCarty wrote that husbands what to do. Nagging and com- lem. It’s true that COVID-19 has high- the groceries at the supermarket line at the store that day, wrote in proud,” she said. some kindhearted people have plaining doesn’t bring out the best in a lighted for many couples problems they where the young man works. a Facebook post. McCarty hoped that more people reached out and wanted to donate man, and it won’t produce the desired may have been avoiding in their normal, Teo Jordan, a senior at Holmes However, just then, Jordan took could share his post of Jordan’s to a college fund for Jordan. “The Money is the number Teo Jordan with Brian McCarty. one source of marital result. everyday lives; but this can also be a High School, works at a Kroger in out $35 from his own pocket and good deed so that his family could school has set up a Venmo where conflict. It pays to be allies A better approach is to (a) not say any- turning point in causing people to focus Covington, Kentucky, in the eve- went over to pay the cash difference. old man,” McCarty wrote. “I don’t realize what a good man they are he will get all of the donated college rather than adversaries thing or (b) be soft and kind with your on what really matters. In short, per- nings after school, bagging gro- “He did it very discretely and even think the old man realized raising. funds” when he enrolls in college in financial matters. overtures. This requires empathy, which spective is sorely needed right now. ceries. didn’t bring embarrassment to the the generous donation by this kid.” “For those that gripe that mil- in fall 2021, McCarty added. B66 | LIFE & TRADITION NOVEMBER 25–DECEMBERWeek 48, 1, 20202020 NOVEMBERWeek 48, 2020 25–DECEMBER 1, 2020 LIFE & TRADITION |B7 7

PUBLIC DOMAIN PUBLIC DOMAIN PUBLIC DOMAIN Norman Rockwell’s illustration “Freedom From Want,” appearing in the March 6, 1943, issue of The Saturday Evening Post (it was created in November 1942), has become emblematic of our Thanksgiving celebration. National Archives and Records Administration.

“Grace Before the Meal” (or “Mealtime Prayer”), 1885, by Fritz von Uhde. Old National “The First Thanksgiving at Plymouth,” 1914, by Jennie Augusta Brownscombe. Pilgrim Hall Museum, Gallery, Berlin. Plymouth, Mass. PUBLIC DOMAIN PUBLIC DOMAIN PUBLIC

PUBLIC DOMAIN

“Signing the Mayflower Compact 1620,” 1899, by Jean Leon Gerome Ferris. She was known as the “Mother of Thanksgiving” for having taken up Seeds of Liberty: Remembering the cause of making Thanksgiving a national holiday. Sarah Josepha the Mayflower Compact Hale, 1831, by James Reid Lambdin. The year 2020 marks the 400th anniversary of the arrival Richard’s Free Library, Newport, of the Pilgrims in the New World. It’s also the quadricen- New Hampshire. tennial of what came to be called the Mayflower Compact. Aware that they had landed far north of their intended destination of Virginia and were therefore under the jurisdiction of no government, the Pilgrims feared that their new colony might disintegrate without government of some sort. Moreover, not all of those who arrived with Thanksgiving Day them shared their religious beliefs, which they suspected gratitude usually might also lead to disharmony. And so, while still aboard the Mayflower, the leaders of involves expressing this group drafted and signed a short compact, a covenant our appreciation establishing a way to “enact, constitute, and frame, such just and equal Laws, Ordinances, Acts, Constitutions, and to some form of a Officers, from time to time, as shall be thought most meet higher power, even and convenient for the general Good of the Colony; unto which we promise all due Submission and Obedience.” for nonbelievers. These 41 men created an extraordinary document, an agreement in which the signers established their own government. Though the Pilgrims later became part of TRADITIONAL CULTURE the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the Mayflower Compact is the first written social contract in American history, the grandfather of our Declaration of Independence and our Constitution. By taking matters into their own hands, A Day of Light and Hope in Our Darkness and by committing themselves, their families, and their descendants to liberty guided by law, they paved the way for American republicanism. When we’re sitting down to eat our Thanksgiving Day dinner, let’s pause to give thanks to these early settlers for THANKSGIVING 2020 September 1863 letter from editor Sarah Josepha Hale to President Abraham Lincoln discussing the need for a national their wisdom and their vision. Thanksgiving holiday. Library of Congress.

PUBLIC DOMAIN JEFF MINICK the monument that now stands at wounds of the nation.” coction livens up the flavor of turkey grateful for America” is inexact in Americans together again. Given his Some of those liberties are under at- Bunker Hill. As a result, Sarah Hale earned the and dressing, and adds color to the his language. Exactly who or what angry rhetoric, the ongoing inves- tack, but when in our history was ost of us know some But one more jewel belongs in the nickname of the “Mother of Thanks- table. Sparkling cider is another does he intend as the recipient of that tigation into his corruption vis-à- this not the case? Like our ancestors, sort of barebones his- diadem of this remarkable woman. giving.” staple for this feast. gratitude? vis his son Hunter, the radicals like we must defend and fight for those tory about the origins We also gather before the meal, But to whatever god we may pray, Kamala Harris who surround him, rights; otherwise they will vanish. of Thanksgiving, that The Mother of Thanksgiving Traditions hold hands, say grace, and then go or whatever our circumstances, we and the anger of tens of millions of But on Thanksgiving, we can pause Mthree-day feast in 1621 at the Pilgrim For years, Sarah Hale, through ar- Many Americans share certain tra- around the circle with each person can find in the practice of gratitude Americans who believe he stole this to appreciate and treasure them. colony in Plymouth, Massachusetts. ticles and scores of letters, pushed ditions on Thanksgiving Day. Fami- sharing something they are grateful not only a remembrance of the bless- election, the odds of Joe Biden unify- Finally, we can use Thanksgiving It included some of the colony’s Na- politicians to make Thanksgiving a lies gather together, and turkey and for. Some of the little ones are too shy ings in our lives but also a source ing the American people are slim. Day as a teaching moment for our tive American allies from the Wam- national holiday. Though New Eng- dressing, green bean casserole, and to speak, but every year their older of consolation, hope, and strength. No—if we are to coexist as a people, children. Near the end of “1620: A panoag tribe and their chief, Mas- landers had long celebrated the oc- pumpkin pie are fixtures on the brothers and sisters shed light on Whether for large gifts like the birth we mustn’t depend on politicians Critical Response to the 1619 Proj- sasoit. Taught among other survival casion—the dates varied from state menu. Some watch televised football their lives and personalities by giv- of a child or a successfully treated to reunite us. Instead, individuals A rebuttal of the ect,” a rebuttal of the radical revi- skills how to plant corn by English- to state—Thanksgiving did not reso- games or the Macy’s Thanksgiving ing thanks in this way, allowing me cancer, or the small everyday plea- must bridge that chasm: America’s radical revisionist sionist history of our past published speaking Squanto (a member of nate with the rest of the country. Day Parade. The ongoing pandemic to get to know them better. sures of a cup of coffee and a biscotti, sons and daughters who can think history of our by The New York Times, professor the confederation of Wampanoag In 1789, George Washington de- has changed some of these activi- expressing our appreciation, even with their hearts, who can reach past called “The and author Peter W. Wood writes: tribes), the Pilgrims wanted to cel- clared a day of national thanksgiving ties, with governors in some states Gratitude just to ourselves, frequently lifts our out to friends and family members 1619 Project” and “A citizen should grow up know- ebrate both their survival and their “The First Thanksgiving, of Godey’s Lady’s Book, a women’s to honor the victory of the American issuing edicts about how Thanksgiv- Sometimes the trials of this long spirits and keeps us moving forward. who hold opposing viewpoints, and published by The ing we are a free people under the New York Times. successful harvest. 1621,” circa 1912 and periodical that she made into the Revolution and the passage of the ing may be celebrated, but for most and sometimes dark year we have To have set an entire day aside who are grateful to be citizens of the rule of law. A citizen should know But what about the 19th-century circa 1915, by Jean Leon most popular magazine in the coun- Constitution, and John Adams and Americans this holiday remains a endured—COVID-19 with its atten- just to express this thanks makes United States. that it is not some happy accident writer and editor Sarah Josepha Gerome Ferris. Private try. In addition to her editing skills James Madison did likewise during celebration of family and food. dant masks, social distancing, and Thanksgiving one of the best of but the result of an immense effort Hale? Ever hear of her in relation to Collection. Library of and business acumen, for 40 years their presidencies. But otherwise, And most families practice their closures, the riots and fires in many holidays. Let’s Make This over many generations. It was the Thanksgiving? Congress’s Prints and Hale wrote columns as well. American leaders showed little in- own special traditions. In a Reader’s of our major cities, a bitter election Thanksgiving Special work of courageous men and women Photographs division. Me neither. She was a staunch abolitionist terest in this celebration until 1863. Digest article, “34 Most Meaningful that has only deepened the already To Heal the Wounds of the Nation On this feast day, let’s take a few mo- who pursued principle even when but extolled the traditional roles of It was in that year—when the Thanksgiving Holiday Traditions,” ugly divide among the American Perhaps, as in that dark time of the ments to appreciate the blessings the situation seemed hopeless.” A Woman of Accomplishment women as wives and mothers, and country was engaged in a brutal Charlotte Hilton Anderson shares people—make gratitude seem in as Civil War, Lincoln’s hopes for that bestowed on us. We flip a switch, Let’s bear those thoughts in mind and a Defender of Tradition opposed women’s vote. Though criti- civil war—that Hale, who for 36 some holiday activities sent to her short supply as some commodities in first official Thanksgiving should be and a room lights up. We turn on a in the next few weeks and hope we In her own day, Sarah Hale (1788– cized as being too traditional in her years had pushed for a national day by her readers. Some play games on our grocery stores during the worst our hope as well for a country that tap, and hot water cascades from the possess the same valor and virtues 1879) was quite the celebrity. views, Hale’s position as editor and of giving thanks, wrote to Presi- this day, one family camps out in the of the pandemic. These days, being is almost as terribly and bitterly di- spigot. We pull a small device from of our predecessors. For one, Hale was a New England her writing made her, according to dent Lincoln about this idea and living room after the big meal and grateful often requires a summon- vided as America was then. our pocket and check out the latest Happy Thanksgiving to all! poet whose most famous work— the online Encyclopedia, “perhaps was finally rewarded with success. falls asleep watching television, and ing of the will, if we even remember Thanksgiving will occur this year news, laugh at a joke Aunt Rosemary “Mary Had a Little Lamb”—is still the most widely known and most In his proclamation to the nation, another features a “dinosaur hunt” to appreciate the good people and at a time when Democrats and sent us, and send a message via so- Jeff Minick has four children known and recited by American influential women of her time.” Lincoln declared the last Thursday for the young ones, hiding turkey things in our lives. Republicans are at one another’s cial media to our cousin in France. and a growing platoon of youngsters. She turned to writing Hale also championed restoring of November as “A National Day of bones around the house and hav- Moreover, Thanksgiving Day grati- throats, and when both parties show We drive to Grandma’s house for our grandchildren. For 20 years, and poetry as a means of income to or building various historical sites. Thanksgiving and Praise” on which ing the kids track them down. tude usually involves expressing our acrimony toward their own mem- meal in 30 minutes, a journey that he taught history, literature, and support herself and her five children Through her advocacy and her fund- Americans were to ask God to “com- In my household, no Thanksgiving appreciation to some form of a high- bers—the radical left versus liberals would have taken half a day or more Latin to seminars of homeschooling after her husband died in the ninth raising, for example, she helped pre- mend to his tender care all those meal would be complete without the er power, even for nonbelievers. We in the Democrat party, the Trump- just a century earlier. students in Asheville, N.C., Today, year of their marriage. serve George Washington’s home, who have become widows, orphans, “green salad,” more formally called can offer a “thank you” to a person, ists versus the Never-Trumpers in In addition, we still possess the he lives and writes in Front Royal, Hale’s literary accomplishments Mount Vernon, and worked tirelessly mourners or sufferers in the lam- “Pacific Lime Mold” or “Lime Cot- but the atheist who spuriously says the Republican. If he becomes presi- rights and liberties that are as natu- Va. See JeffMinick.com to led to her appointment as the editor soliciting money for the building of entable civil strife” and to “heal the tage Salad.” This tart yet sweet con- “I’m grateful for my children” or “I’m dent, Joe Biden has vowed to bring ral to most Americans as breathing. follow his blog. 8B10 | LIFE & TRADITION NOVEMBER 25–DECEMBERWeek 48, 1, 2020 TUESDAY,Week NOVEMBER 48, 2020 24, 2020 MONKEY BUSINESS IMAGES/SHUTTERSTOCK No More Excuses: FOR KIDS ONLY i s Tackling Our Failures Week in in Education History JEFF MINICK be sorely disappointed. In her interview with Ben Parents who have enrolled their Carson, Owens reports that he A Thanksgiving Poem

ikes! Yikes, yikes, yikes! children in charter schools or pri- believed his mother’s refusal to by Paul Laurence Dunbar (1872–1906) MONKEY BUSINESS IMAGES/SHUTTERSTOCK And yikes again! vate academies must also keep a accept excuses for poor perfor- While I read his online watchful eye over what their child mance was what led to his suc- The sun hath shed its kindly light, Thy mighty hand o’er all the land Our harvesting is gladly o’er Hath still been open to bestow article “K-12: e Life and is learning. When sixth grade rolls cess. When he or his brother came Our fields have felt no killing blight, Those blessings which our wants demand YDeath of the Mind,” Bruce Price around and Johnny still can’t up with such excuses, she always In public schools, older methods of learning, such as memorization, have Our bins are filled with goodly store. From heaven, whence all blessings flow. pointed me to a video titled “Amer- recite his multiplication tables, said, “Do you have a brain?’” She been abandoned long ago. icans testing their knowledge.” For something is amiss. meant her sons should be able to From pestilence, fire, flood, and sword Thou hast, with ever watchful eye, 25 minutes, we watch as young In short, the  nal responsibility think their way out of any prob- E.D. Hirsch, Jr. who put together est in computer programming, We have been spared by thy decree, Looked down on us with holy care, And now with humble hearts, O Lord, And from thy storehouse in the sky people are ba ed by questions for a child’s education belongs to lem and take full responsibility this series, also created the Core get him together once a week We come to pay our thanks to thee. Hast scattered plenty everywhere. such as: “If you’re driving 70 miles the parents. With more and more for their actions. Knowledge Foundation—not with like-minded friends and

an hour, how long will it take you evidence of failing schools—writ- Like Mama Carson, parents to be confused with Common see if some adult with more ex- We feel that had our merits been Then lift we up our songs of praise PROSTOCKSTUDIO/SHUTTERSTOCK to go 70 miles?” “Can you name the ers such as Richard Mitchell, E.D. need to stress academic learning Core—which o ers all sorts of pertise than you possess would The measure of thy gifts to us, To thee, O Father, good and kind; seven continents?” “What year was Hirsch, and John Taylor Gatto in the home. We often expect too curricula and programs, many mentor the group. If Nora loves We erring children, born of sin, To thee we consecrate our days; Might not now be rejoicing thus. Be thine the temple of each mind. America founded?” and “Which were addressing this problem little of our children in this area, of them free of charge. Hirsch’s poetry and plays, assemble some is heavier, a pound of rocks or a more than 25 years ago—parents with the result that many of them Core Knowledge concept o ers of her friends, serve up some re- No deed of our hath brought us grace; With incense sweet our thanks ascend; pound of feathers?” Others are must stand in the gap and oversee come nowhere near their capabil- the perfect antidote to the lack of freshments, and help guide them When thou were nigh our sight was dull, Before thy works our powers pall; THANKSGIVING DAY asked to solve simple multiplica- their children’s learning. ity for learning. Too much screen knowledge displayed in “Ameri- through “Twelfth Night” or the We hid in trembling from thy face, Though we should strive years without end, MADE OFFICIAL tion problems and haven’t a clue Whatever your circumstances, time and social media account cans testing their knowledge.” work of Christina Rossetti. But thou, O God, wert merciful. We could not thank thee for them all. n Nov. 26, 1941, President Franklin D. Roosevelt as to how to do so. here are some practical tips to for some of this de ciency, but so Having understood that a shared signed a bill establishing the fourth ursday While the ignorance of these help your child learn in the home. too does an overabundance of ex- culture is one of the bonds of a What If? in November to be anksgiving Day. young men and women is ap- tracurricular activities. Piano les- well-ordered society, Hirsch gives Of Ben Carson’s triumph over ob- Of course, the holiday had been celebrated palling, we shouldn’t blame them. Taking Charge sons, dance, and soccer may  ll parents and teachers a core cur- stacles, Owens writes: “In consid- O for years before that—dating back to the original ey seem likable and intelligent, First, take the Mama Carson ap- up 13-year-old Mary’s afternoons, riculum of the basics all Ameri- ering Carson’s story, I can’t help WHY SHOULD YOU BE colonists of Plymouth and Massachusetts Bay. but they are a product of what we proach to education. When she but what are Mom and Dad doing cans should know. but wonder, what if? What if the In 1777, the Continental Congress declared a might at this point euphemisti- became aware of her son Ben’s to  ll up her mind? Mother and daughter team Jes- black community as a whole made It is right to be GRATEFUL national anksgiving after the Revolutionary War cally call our “education system.” poor academic performance, she sie Wise and Susan Wise Bauer’s the decision to let go of every ex- contented with what battle at Saratoga. George Washington proclaimed at it is possible to spend 13 put him and his brother on a daily “ e Well-Trained Mind” is an- cuse that we perceive to be hold- FOR THE anksgiving a holiday in 1789. It was Abraham years in a classroom and gradu- reading schedule, limiting their other excellent resource. Cover- ing us back? What if we taught we have, but never ROTATION Lincoln who later decreed anksgiving should ate so horribly uneducated should hours in front of a television and ing K-12, the book contains hun- ourselves to see only opportunity with what we are. fall on the last ursday of November. shock all of us. Our schools have their outdoor playtime. She also With more and dreds of resources, teaching tips rather than opposition?” OF THE EARTH?

SIR JAMES MACKINTOSH (1765 1832), In subsequent years, the exact November cheated these students. They had her sons write book reports on subjects as diverse as biology ose words are true for all of us. DAY! YOUR MAKE REALLY CAN IT ursday to celebrate varied until FDR made it have wasted years of their lives on their reading, delivered not to more evidence of to logic, and lots of encourage- What would all of America look SCOTTISH JURIST AND POLITICIAN o cial in 1941. ank goodness for that. sitting at a desk and closing out a teacher at school but to her. ment from these two veteran like if we put aside excuses, quit LZF/SHUTTERSTOCK PUBLIC DOMAIN their high school years unable to As Candace Owens tells us in failing schools, teachers. relying so heavily on a failed sys- identify in which war was fought “Blackout: How Black America parents must tem of education, and gave our the Battle of Gettysburg or which Can Make Its Second Escape Clubs and Friends children not only the knowledge By Aidan Danza, age 14 planet is closest to Earth. From the Democrat Plantation,” stand in the gap 4-H clubs o er all sorts of pro- they deserve, but also the wisdom So how can we change direction Ben’s mother was born into ex- and oversee their grams for students, ranging from to see that hard work and deter- and o er students a real education? treme poverty, married at age 13, agriculture to computers and mination will put them in charge had only a third-grade education, children’s learning. electronics. ough once asso- of their future? WATERFOWL IDENTIFICATION PART I: DABBLERS e Duty of the Parent and often su ered from depres- ciated with rural communities, Now these are some life-long First, we must stop hoping for sion while single-handedly rais- 4-H can now be found in towns virtues worth passing along to some enormous turnabout in ing her two sons. Two Great Tools and cities across the nation. Con- our children. our public schools, at least for the And Ben? Next, consider purchasing the sider checking out this amazing MALLARD AMERICAN BRANT WOOD DUCK present. Old ideas about educa- Ben Carson graduated third in Core Knowledge Series that be- resource. Several families I’ve Je Minick has four children and Mallards are the most common duck BLACK DUCK Brant are actually geese. They are These are the most beautiful ducks tion—memorization, for instance, his class in high school, earned gins with “What Your Preschooler known highly praise 4-H for the a growing platoon of grandchil- found, anywhere, at any time of the American black ducks are very similar dark dabblers, like the black duck, but ever to grace North America. Their of basic math facts and dates from an undergraduate degree from Needs to Know,” an eight-volume many gifts it has given to their dren. For 20 years, he taught year. Males are unmistakable, they to mallards, except they are mottled they have light bellies, brown backs, appearance is unmistakable, no history, or learning how to write Yale, attended medical school at set that runs through the sixth children. history, literature, and Latin t’s Novem- have a bright-green head and black black with brown feather edges, and long navy-blue necks with a white other male duck has so many colors! essays—have long ago gone out the University of Michigan, and grade. Here you’ll  nd everything Finally, if your children’s school to seminars of homeschooling ber, and you bottom; while females are beige and as you can see in the photo. Like fleck near the head, they’re also much Females are a soft gray-brown, with a I brown, with an orange-and-black bill. mallards, they dabble for food and larger than the black duck. You may prominent shining blue wing patch, like the window. Parents relying on a became a gifted pediatric neuro- from history and biography to sci- doesn’t o er much in the way of students in Asheville, N.C., To- know what that The females are a bit more di› cult see them grazing in fields with their a sapphire ring. They are quite di› cult school as a guarantee their chil- surgeon. Today he is our nation’s ence, from fairy tales and nursery clubs devoted to academics and day, he lives and writes in Front means! they share the same body plan as the dren are receiving a quality or Secretary of Housing and Urban rhymes to poems and folk tales for learning, consider starting one Royal, Va. See Je Minick.com to to identify sometimes, as most other mallard: large, muscular, sometimes short, stubby bills meant for that to find, living many in secluded, female ducks are brown, but the purpose. Note also their large, long, wooded swamps, but every once in a even an adequate education may Development. more advanced students. yourself. If Jeremy shows an inter- follow his blog. No, not turkey! In the bird a bit brawny. All other black-looking world, we will be seeing mallard is usually comparatively larger. ducks dive for food, so this is an deep-chested body plan. Whereas while they will show up in all sorts of large numbers of ducks Mallards “dabble” for food, which important clue for identification. They black ducks are like the small sheep places. means they will tip their heads and in the farmer’s field, geese, brant at our local lakes and often hang out in a mallard flock, necks into the water while sticking alone, or in a flock of their own, so keep included, are the cows. ponds, be it in the middle their rumps straight up. If you see a an eye out! of a city park or out in the duck dive, you know it is not a mallard! 10 Classics  at Should Be on Every Child’s Bookshelf wilderness.

BARBARA DANZA ‘ e Chronicles of Narnia’ Velveteen Rabbit” will touch by C. S. Lewis the heart of any reader, young he best children’s This collection of seven en- or old. It’s full of love and a books are those that chanting books should be at unique spiritual quality that stand the test of time, the very top of your shopping list the reader doesn’t soon for- and that can be en- for the young people in your life. get. It is a quintessential read- SHUTTERSTOCK BY PHOTOS ALL Tjoyed by adults as well as chil- These are the stories you enjoy aloud storybook. dren. As C.S. Lewis famously over and over again. The audio- said, “A children’s story that can book version, narrated by actors ‘ e Wind in the Willows’ only be enjoyed by children is including Derek Jacobi, Lynn by Kenneth Grahame not a good children’s story in Redgrave, and Patrick Stewart, e timeless adventures of aMazing Escape Maze Happy Thanksgiving! the slightest.” of these stories is excellent. Mole, Water Rat, Badger,

Stocking a child’s bookshelf and Toad are deeply imagi- with such classic stories is a Aesop’s Fables native and entertaining for priceless gift and one that can The ultimate in classics, both children and adults. 1 2 3 4 Down enhance the lives of the entire Aesop’s Fables still delivers It’s a book the whole family 5 family. Here are 10 classics relevant and familiar moral will love. 1 American treat! (4) 6 that every child, young and lessons after more than 2,000 2 Supper (6) old, can enjoy. years. A collection of these J.R.R. Tolkien’s ‘ e Lord 3 Thanksgiving dinner dish? (11) traditional tales is great to of the Rings’ trilogy and 7 8 4 “God Bless ______” (7) ‘ e Secret Garden’ by enjoy over and over. ‘ e Hobbit’ Stocking AMAZING START Frances Hodgson Burnett ese Tolkien classics are 5 Baking dish (9) First published in 1911, this ‘Heidi’ by Johanna Spyri epic storytelling beyond a child’s 9 7 Early American settler (7) lovely story tells the tale of Johanna Spyri’s classic trans- compare, and no list of bookshelf with young, forlorn Mary and ports the reader to the crisp air classic children’s literature ESCAPES! 10 11 Autumn, typically (7) what becomes of her when of the Swiss Alps. e endear- would be complete without such classic 11 12 13 12 A sweet finish (7) she is sent to live with her ing tale of a young orphan, them. A bit heavy in battle lonely uncle in his manor on Heidi, and the beauty she content and a more chal- stories is a 13 Sweet potato (3) the moor. e audio version brings to the lives of all who lenging read than the afore- 15 Thanksgiving dinner (5) 14 15 narrated by Susie Berneis is know her, is delightful and mentioned books, these sto- priceless gift. USE THE FOUR NUMBERS IN THE CORNERS, AND THE OPERANDS 18 Turkey alternative (3) quite nice as well. appropriate for all ages in the ries are probably better for 16 (+, AND X) to build an equation to get the solution in the middle. There may be original, unabridged format. an older age group, but when more than one “unique” solution but, there may also be “equivalent” solutions. 17 18 ‘ e Trumpet of the Swan’ the kids are ready, dive in. For example: 6 + (7 X 3) +1 = 28 and 1+ (7 X 3) + 6 = 28 by E.B. White e Tales of Beatrix Potter 19 It’s hard not to smile while Beatrix Potter’s familiar tales Hans Christian Easy puzzle 1 Medium puzzle 1 Hard puzzle 1 20 reading E.B. White’s delight- of Peter Rabbit, Jemima Pud- Andersen’s Fairy Tales ful tale of Louis the trum- dleduck, Tom Kitten, and so No children’s library would

peter swan, his friendship many others are darling and be complete without selec- 6 10 4 18 25 36

T T N M U T U

with a young boy, and his pleasing stories that every tions from the master of A E V R A C S A

45 21 34Across S

E E H S A U Q

resourcefulness in  nding a generation should experi- fairy tales, Hans Christian S Across

H S I F V 3 Pre-entree course (5) E

3 Pre-entree course (5) 11 Thanksgiving is just one (7)

M S R E W O L F Y A

way to serenade the swan he ence. Potter’s love of nature Andersen. Whether gathered 1 6 4 5 11 34 M

A E E A T

loves. Centering on themes of shines through every page as as a compilation or enjoyed 6 November treat (14) I

Y A D I L O H A R 6 November treat (14) 14 One of the pilgrim’s ships (9)

O S T E L B I

courage, freedom, and love, her humorous and mischie- in separate books, familiar 8 What we have lots of on Thanksgivings (9)G

Y A D S R U H T O

and peppered with whole- vous characters come to life. stories such as “ e Snow + − × ÷ + − × ÷ + − × ÷ L 8 What we have lots of on 16 Unusual Thanksgiving dish? (4) C E P R

9 Thanksgiving always falls on this day (8) I Thanksgivings (9)

I S R E V O T F E L

some humor throughout Queen,” “ e Ugly Duckling,” P 17 One of the Three Sisters (6)

R S E N Solution for Hard 1 N

with prose only White could ‘ e Velveteen Rabbit’ by and “ e Nightingale” are a Solution For Easy 1 Solution for Medium 1 10 Turkey innards (7) 9 Thanksgiving always falls

E C U A S Y R R E B N A R

C 19 Thanksgiving honor (5)

− − − × − 36 11 + 25 + 34 1 10 + 6 6 5 4 + 4 + 18

M C W I

deliver so beautifully, it’s a Margery Williams fundamental part of our liter- 11 Thanksgiving is just one (7) O on this day (8)

A D A L A S D

C 20 Fall (6)

must-have. Speaking of rabbits, “The ary tradition. 10 Turkey innards (7)

3) ( ative n alter y e k r u T 8 1 14 One of the pilgrim's ships (9)

) 5 ( ner n i d g in v sgi k an h T 5 1

) 3 ( tato o p Sweet 3 1 16 Unusual Thanksgiving dish? (4)

) 7 ( ish n fi et e sw A 2 1

) 7 ( y all c pi y t , n m u Aut 1 1 17 One of the Three Sisters (6)

7) ( settler an c i er m A y Earl 7

9) ( sh i d g n Baki 5 19 Thanksgiving honor (5)

) 7 ( " ______s Bles d o "G 4

1) 1 ( ? h s i d ner n i d g in v sgi k an h T 3 20 Fall (6)

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Down B12 Week 48, 2020 NOVEMBER 25–DECEMBERLIFE & 1,TRADITION 2020 | 10

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