The Nastiest Most Explicit Comedian Ever
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Friday, September 22, 2000 • Augustana Observer» 3 The nastiest most explicit comedian ever Jarmanese Torrance into the microphone and bad her package is bigger than mine," he Arts & Entertainment Editor make funny faces as if he sang. were having sex with her. Next, Lynch told the audience that UBOM said comedian Stephen The audience was grossed he was going to sing some unfinished Lynch would be raunchy, but I out, but people were laugh- songs. "There is a hair on my soap, and I Ccould not believe he was that ing anyway. think it's short and curly. And, I don't raunchy. The show got even sick- think its mine." By the look on every- Lynch, dressed in faded blue jeans er when he started to sing a one^ faces, the audience was disgusted and a black shirt and holding a shiny red lullaby written for his daugh- but in a good way. guitar, began his show by telling the ter about why her mother The "Doctor" song was about him audience that he would be on VHl's left. "Daddy likes pornos and becoming a gynecqlogist. "Let me see Storytellers. However, the audience robs liquor stores. Daddy what I can find. I love pu pushing should have known that he was lying. wants sex that involves myself to be the best." The first song he performed was mommy's rear...if Daddy The last song Lynch sang was the about his groin área. He sang, Tm a NAOMI GANYO/STAFF plays his cards right, he'll most repulsive thing I have ever heard. gambling man with no dice. I'm half a Lynch jams on his guitar. bring your new mommy It involved a homosexual male buying a man...can't fínd a cup that fits. I'm Siskel and that he actually had three balis. home tonight [from a strip club]." gerbil and what he did with it. Use your and Ebert without a thumb. I'm Tweedle His next song was about his first sex- The song "Hermaphrodite" was imagination. Dee without Tweedle Dee Dumb." The ual experience. He said, "She's the kind funny. "She's a boy. She's a girl. She has Lynch was a very funny comedian crowd went into crazy applause. Lynch of girl I'd like to wed because she is parts everyone can enjoy. When I try to and the best yet if you like a sick sense of went on to say that the song was not true already dead." He then began to groan please her, I get poked in the eye. Too humor. Cantare Duo: making Beethoven and Porter proud Jessica Ertmer Violin and Piano, by Vincent well with the two Persichetti. Persichetti is a modern contemporary StaffWriter composer who lived until 1987- The pieces creating r. Susan Stone and Dr. Mary Neil piece was last performed by the two in what Stone called combined forces on Tuesday, Geneva, Switzerland, and Neil said that a "framework for DSeptember 12 to create a perfor- "it brought back fond memories." The Beethoven." mance worth remembering. lyricism of the piece was remarkable; Stone and Neil Having been at Augustana for over "Andante Cantabile" seemed to set the had been prepar- 13 years, Stone, a violinist, and Neil, a stage for the talent to follow. ingforthe perfor- pianist, are sure to be familiar faces to The second piece, "Sonata in A mance over the any music student. Neil's résumé at Major Op. 47," No. 9 Kreutzer, was writ- summer, and the Augustana includes teaching piano ten by Ludwig von Beethoven. Stone hard work defi- lessons, piano class, music theory and stated that the sonata was a Standard for nitely paid off. the Foundations honors program. This violin and piano duo. Both instructors Along with year she will be teaching the seminar for last heard it performed by world class the audience, the junior/senior capstone experience performers at a Chamber Music Fest in both musicians in the music department. Menton, France, and knew they had to left feeling very In addition to being a violin play it. happy with the teacher, Stone instructs music theory This sonata was written for BRIAN MCCARRIN/STAFF performance. It and performance classes. Students not Rudolph Kruetzer, a teacher and violin- Dr. Mary Neil and Dr. Susan Stone. was the first time familiar with the music department may ist whom Beethoven admired after hear- either of them also be familiar with Stone because she ing him play. Beethoven wrote the piece Quincy Porter's "Second Sonata for had performed the Beethoven or Porter teaches a section of Art of Listening. in concerto style, leaving equal empha- Violin and Piano." Stone saw the Porter pieces, but you never would have Together the women chose pieces that sis on both parts. The style takes a lot of piece as a "fun way to end it." Neil com- known. "I thought we were faithful to were significant to them as musicians. technique, but that was no problem for mented, "The slow, middle movement of the spirit of the music," Neil said. That The opening piece was "Andante this duo. the sonata is also very lyrical and evoca- spirit is what made the concert unforget- Cantabile," from Serenade No. 4 for Closing the performance was tive." The program was organized very table. More reasons to watch TV before home work Kristin Spooncr (Thursdays, 9 P.M.) will begin life with- is hoping to provide additional solid rat- television: Buffy the Vampire Slayer StaffWriter out Nurse Carol, and Dr. Carter's char- ings for Fox; look for recently released and Angel (Tuesdays, 7 & 8 P.M.). This acter returns from a drug-rehab center. jailbird Robert Downey, Jr., to guest- season, Angel continues to make s if college students needed any On ABC, Oscar-winner Geena star in the season premiere. Ally's cre- amends for his centuries of bloody ram- more reasons to defer from doing Davis stars in the aptly-named The ator David E. Kelley introduces his latest page by helping L.A.'s most troubled cit- Atheir homework, TV networks are Geena Davis Show (Tuesdays, 8:30 creation, a drama entitled Boston Public izens; unfortunately, vampire girlfriend serving up an impressive crop of new P.M.) as a big-city gal who falis for a sub- (Mondays, 7 P.M.) that focuses on the Daria and suspicious policewoman Kate shows and returning some old favorites. urban dad-extraordinaire. André lives of the quirky staff at a Boston high continue to thwart the brooding hero's For those of you still suffering from Braugher, veteran of the late Homicide: school. Another newcomer takes over act of goodwill. On Buffy, Buffy acquires Beverly Hills 90210 withdrawal, fear Life on the Street, stars in ABCs new the 8 P.M. slot on Wednesdays: The a telepathic protege and attempts to jug- not: 90210 creator Aaron Spelling medicai drama, Gideon's Crossing Street, an hour-long drama about the gle midterms at the University of brings you Titans (Wednesdays, 7 P.M., (Wednesdays, 9 P.M.), as a doctor who days—and nights—of an extremely Sunnydale. NBC), a primetime soap opera guaran- doesn't just treat illnesses—he treats attractive teed to satisfy your need to watch impos- people. Then check out the gripping bunch of Wall sibly gorgeous and wealthy people lie, courtroom drama, The Practice Street stock- cheat, and sex it up on the small screen. (Sundays, 9 PM.). brokers. SPRINGBREAK 2001 Titans' impressive roster boasts former CBS is hoping one of the new Though Hiring On-Campus Reps Baywatch bombshell Yasmine Bleeth, shows on its fali schedule will take some the majority SELL TRIPS, EARN CASH, GO FREE!!! and hunky Casper Van Dien from of the ratings burden off consistent per- of students Student Travei Services Starship Troopers. formers Everybody Loves Raymond here at tech- NBC is also placing high hopes on (Wednesdays) and Touched By an Angel nologically- America's #1 Student Tour Operator The Michael Richards Show (Tuesdays, (Sundays). The Fugitive (Fridays, 7 P.M.) advanced Jamaica, México, Bahamas, Europe, Florida 7 P.M.), as Michael Richards from hopes to convert silver-screen success Augie receive 1-800-648-4849 Seinfeld does another Kramer-esque into a boob-tube hit by starring Tim only 2-4 www.gospringbreak.com turn as a bumbling detective. NBCs Daly as wrongly-accused and much- channels in rookie sitcom Ed (Sundays, 7 PM.) is beleaguered Dr. Richard Kimble. I, for the residence already generating enormous buzz. one, am just captivated by Dr. Kimble's halls, for Ratings champ Friends endless search for the one-armed man. those of you The Abbey Hotel and Abbey Station (Thursdays, 7 PM.) and recent Best On the Fox network, The Simpsons lucky enough are looking for part-time Comedy Emmy-winner Will & Grace (which never fails to get funnier) and to have access (Thursdays, 8 P.M.) anchor NBCs last season's rookie sensation Malcolm to the WB, I Bartenders and Banquet Servers "Must-See-TV" lineup. After a two-sea- in the Middle team up with The X-Files must throw in * Great Pay son courtship, Monica and Chandler to help comprise what is arguably a biased plug became engaged in last season's finale. Sunday nighfs best lineup. On the for two of the *Flexible Hours This season, expect a wedding during always amusing That '7Os Show most critical- For more information sweeps. NBCs The West Wing (Tuesdays, 7 PM.), look for Eric and ly-acclaimed (Wednesdays, 9 P.M.) continues to live Donna to turn the heat up in their rela- and entertain- Please apply in person or up to its Emmy accolades.