Issue 9 GO SHAWTY, IT’S MA RUN for the BURFDAY
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Tuesday 4th March 2014 Issue 9 GO SHAWTY, IT’S MA RUN FOR The BURFDAY... TITBIT COVER. Meet the President It would have been quite forward to working with something had Ellen Judson college and the JCR on not been elected as JCR revising the Red Book”. The President given that she ran list of rules and regulations unopposed, but—as I take a look set to be reviewed in the seat in her favourite nook of near future. After that, the the café—I don’t sense that Benn Bursary is the next thing she’s particularly fazed by her on Ellen’s list. new responsibilities. Ellen claims to have “quite a Inevitably, the transition from different style from Davina”, mere mortal to JCR head although she hopes she can honcho isn’t all that easy. emulate her predecessor’s Ellen, though, seems assured ability to listen, communicate enough. The first couple of and energise. Student weeks have been busy with engagement in the most recent “meeting all the faces and elections was disappointingly getting to know who is low, and Ellen is keen to responsible for whom”. “I feel encourage more people to get like I’ve kind of got a handle involved next time around. on it now,” she says happily, “so now I can start to push She’s unruffled on the surface, further on the things I’m but Ellen is clearly aware of trying to improve”. the difficulties that lie ahead. When I ask her what the And she’s keen to get down to hardest part of the job will be, business as soon as possible: she pauses as a smile unzips “the welfare system is the the corners of her mouth. main thing I want to fix and “Just time management”, she improve”, she announces responds candidly. Knowing eagerly almost before I’ve how much energy to expend finished my question. Her on each project is something approach is practical and Ellen will have to learn—and Ellen Judson, the new JCR President, hard at work during professional. “We’re talking quickly. Procrastination Hour in the café. about getting tutor training at the moment,” she tells me, in A good JCR President, after all, makes sure that “stuff Ellen takes her pick... order to build a more trustworthy and helpful doesn’t either take over or fall Café or Jerwood? Café pastoral environment. by the wayside”. Such is the balancing act that Ellen will be Dining Hall or Marquee? Hall On the administrative side, performing throughout the Ellen is “really looking next year. We wish her luck. Cindies or Fez? Cindies THIS WEEK IN THE TITBIT Bill’s or Wildwood? Bill’s Union or ADC? Union Mystic Trouble Obituary: 1st year or 2nd year? 1st Medic darn t’Pit VIVA p.2 p.3 p.4 If you are interested in writing for THE TITBIT please contact Will Bordell (wb259) THE TITBIT 04/03/14 PAGE 2 RON overlooked again Trinity Hall was left stunned “It got to a point in the ‘60s Mystic Medic as the ever-popular RON was when I thought to myself, Horoscopes ahoy! Our mystic medic is overlooked yet again for the ‘Come on, RON, maybe it’s back with a whimper, and he’s here to tell JCR Ents and President roles. time to move on,” he stutters, you what’s in store for the coming weeks... Despite having been a though his voice is but a Architecture candidate for every position whisper. “But then I realised You came to Trinity Hall for its idyllic riverside over the past 97 years, Mr I’d done an English degree, charm, but admittedly architectural standards have RON has never won a JCR which meant I didn’t really slipped in recent years. A planned extension in front election. have any other career court fell to the wayside when the Master gambled prospects.” Never downbeat, Mr RON has away most of the college assets in a port-fuelled night vowed to persist in his quest People tell him he needs to at the Churchill Casino. Plans were scaled down and to make the JCR. He’ll usually start thinking about settling we had to make do with a tent. be found out and about down, but even at the age of You'll also be aware of the architectural masterpiece canvassing for votes, or 112, Mr RON doesn’t let that is BoHo. Design features include arrow-slit making flyers in the Jerwood’s himself think negatively. kitchen windows looking straight out onto a concrete IT suite. “One day, it will go my way;” wall 10cm away. he says defiantly, “one day”. Bespoke 10-week Agricultural Management Course Okay, so you didn't quite make it onto a Tripos course but you've still managed to ignite a debate over nepotism in Cambridge. Not that your entry was at all related to your family patronage of the Technology School. Debates over admissions aside, my advice is to keep your wits about you. The university access team is baying for your blood. Economics For years people have mocked the noble art of astrology, claiming it has the predictive power of a weather forecast. Now someone has finally proved themselves even more adept at guesswork and destroyed the world economy in the process. Sandy Rushton In a ploy to avoid fulfilling heteronormative assumptions about college marriage, The TitBit reports on the Freshers’ A stag and hen story notorious stag and hen nights... ~ THE §TAGS ~ Fuelled by pumping bass and might be expected – in fact, with such an event, seeing it at alcopops, the Stag began. you might have been forgiven last for the mildly awkward, It was a dark and dusky night Crates of John Smith’s and for thinking that some of us ‘crate-escaping’, Master- in P staircase. All was quiet on bottles of Sainsbury’s sweet were actually looking forward baiting gathering that it really the Latham Lawn; all was at wine collected in the to tying the knot. Few was. peace. A faint thudding stairways. After what seemed feathers were ruffled; noise Back with the hens, began. It could easily have an infinitesimally short lingered around ‘gentle conversation was limited to been mistaken for a herd of amount of time, they left for clucking’ levels. reminiscing over our tourists. Cindies. At one point during the proposals (“beggars can’t be But no, this was the sound of Singing ‘Jerusalem’ gave their evening I was forced to choosers – it’s us or a convent” The Arrival. The arrival of celebrations a patriotic edge. venture into the midst of our was my heart-warming men, bestowed with beer and They had achieved their future other halves, and was contribution to this), the anticipation, descending from ambition of a final night to slightly gratified to see that concerning colour of a all corners of Tit Hall. remember, and what a night it the stags - having already ‘cocktail’ concocted in what All were heading to P for a was. exhausted themselves in all looked like a lunchbox, and single purpose… the Stag Do; Hux Norman the revelry - were if anything speculation over upcoming a celebration of the final days ~ THE HENS ~ more subdued than us. It RAG blind dates. A certain of freedom before the occurred to me then how irony in this, I thought, but monotony of (college) married The mood on N staircase the inappropriate it was for the then a backup plan never does life commences. night before the big day was majestic stag to be associated go amiss. not as ‘last-fling’-esque as THE TITBIT 04/03/14 PAGE 3 Horses for Courses Trouble darn t’Pit Shielded from the allures of ! 马年 – 新年好！ ten second videos and The Year of the Horse – Happy New Year! downing unsavoury drink combinations, a new craze is Since January 31st was Chinese New Year, I thought I’d try spreading through college like (from a lot of potentially flimsy internet research) to explain Fresher’s Flu on the what this year may have in store for you and the world in dancefloor of Cindies. general. As every good Yorkshireman The horse is part of a 12-year cycle of animals. At the same knows, “if yer not in t’pub then time, there’s also a cycle of 5 elements: wood, fire, metal, water yer might as well be darn t’pit”, and earth. That makes this year the year of the wooden horse. and with Tit Hallers taking this to heart Facebook and Horses are very popular in China, and are symbols for travel, Snapchat have been flooded competition and victory– which implies busy schedules this with pictures of the Jerwood’s year. They’re also associated with fire, heat and the colour red. newest attraction. Replacing A runaway CompSci leaves his Horses are social, red is romantic so look out for that lucky the more familiar, ontological cave to venture into the Pit. someone while galloping after your disappearing friends in ‘Pit of Despair’ frequented the latest method of Cindies. during the week-which-must- procrastination have been not-be-named, its location Wood and fire are key elements this year, and as wood helps unsuccessful, whilst picket remains shrouded in mystery lines have reportedly emerged fire burn, these fire energies are very strong. Watch out for to those as of yet volcanoes and gunfire in the Southern Hemisphere (take note across Latham Lawn in a unacquainted with its determined stand against the year abroad-ers!). spacious interior.