F()CUS EDITORIAL Martin McGrath writing ~career" is in the last chance cus Editor saloon...
REVEALING UES ~h~vn ~~:~~~~n how lies can sometimes reveal far more Focus is published twice a yor by the British Sciera fiction ='~'~~~~7:~0~~~~T:l~~ion NOTA BENE writing. Contributions, ideM and corr~eare all_kOf'M. Nina Allan reflects on her relationship with the writer's ~ic':-contact the edit(l( 'im if you intend to submit a lengthy essential companion - the notebook. Individual copyrights are the property of the contributors and MASTERCLASS4: DESCRIPTION edit(l(. Views.~ herein are not M(@SWIrilythoseofthe Another article and still we await the definitive advice on BSFA or 8SM committee members. Erron and omissions are the maps in fantasy novels. This time Christopher Priest fobs us responsibility of tl'le editor tSSN: Ol44-S60X 0 BSFA 2008 off with some guff about making "de5Crlption~ work. 8SFAInformlltion BEWARE OF THE INFO DUMP '3 President Stephen 8lltte. Gillian Rooke warns of the dangers of infodumping and VK;e~t how they might be avoided Chair Tony Cullen cMlr«Jshl.(o.uk KNEE DEEP IN THE SLUSH ,6 Martin McGrath offers some reflection on what he learned ~rt,nPotu in his first experience of slushpile reading as adminstrator 61 IYyCtottRoad, W¥ton. of the BSfA 50th Annive~ry Short Story Competition NrTamworth,l]9oJJ ~.co...
CONVENTIONAL WISDOM ,8 Membt'rshtp~es ~erW;lklmon Jetse de Vries makes the case in favour of writers attending (UK.ooEurope:) 39 Glyn Awnue. Newbmet. HeftS. EN.. ",J scien<:e fiction conferences. bsf~---'co.,* BSFA SHORT STORY COMPETmON WINNER .... No, I'm not going to tell you who it is here - turn to the UK_ U6 PII or (Unw~-(11 PII)· back page and find out for yourself. Go on, lazy sods... life mernbenhip Ten tlmtI atVlUal r.te (h60) Ouu'dtUK (l2 POETRY 5,7. '3 & '7 Jointff.milyrnem~ip Addhlotheabolotprices This issue we have six very fine poems from the pen of Adrienne J Odasso for your consideration. Cheques (Stltriing only) ~Id be midi P'Yabie to "8SfA Ltd" and sent to ~er Wilkins.on at the addrft'S aboYe or P'Y ..... Paypal on the 8SfA _bslteal_.bsfa.(O.uk. SubKribets from outside the UIC are invited 10 P'Y via the websrte. British so.nce ActIon AHodatlon Ltd. Registered in England and Wales. ComPllny No. 921SOO Registered addrft'S: 6, Ivy 8SFAWetKile _.bsfuo.uk BSFA Award< OonM Scott ~..(O.'* Orbiter Writing Groups: Terry JacluTOIIn tetrri«kmanetllUli.net OTHER BSfA PlI8UCATlONS; .....-n.aidaIl)gurMII....WA FHIl.nl.ediloriIlaletteR:NIalIHoItnson n SundtriandAvenue, OJJford.OX2IOT Production Anna~OaIDan --KariSptfring --19 Uphill RNd Cambridge (I, ]HX _.veetor·fnI9oIllne.co.uk -_.veetoredItOts.wortdpress.com ldItor I4nWl'latli finiangeaot.com w.Mltt http://mlltrlll--onli.....net AilQrlOORSlnlhisissuttoul1esyol'IIWIII.nullngnro.ne!unlessolllenris!aedited WHAT DO YOU CALL A WRITER THAT DOESN'T WRITE? Martin McGrath has had enough of his own procrastination ... n the jn5! five months I've I've betn puuing off for so long but rnafUged to write one A4 page which has incrasingly httn bauering I offierion - and ~n that W1lS at the from of my head demanding rubbish. and exit. h isn't that I'm suffering from Plus all the mon stories I currently -writer's block" - at leut nOI in the have nOtes for. sense thai I don't have idc.u ,h,lt The question is, can I do it? could form SlOries. And it isn't thaI And the answer I've come up with J don', have time -I seem to have is that, if I an', then it's time 10 lake found plenty of (ime to play Football a serious look at whethcr this pretcnce IHlIlIll'gtrand to mess around on ofbeing a writer is worth keeping up. the Wii and to slob in front of the "Writers arc ~ple who writc" television wau:hing rubbish - hell - people who talk about writing are I watched the whole series of!km, somcthing else altogether and should KicltfTJ. It isn't ~n a.s ifI'm nOI /lnd somelhing dse to do wilh their writing OIhcr stuff- in the s;amc time tarher than kidding Ihemsdvcs. period I've written a pik of ~i~. Too often I've been one of Ihose an essay on John Scalzi (ch«k out Ihis proplc who jusl Ia1ked about wriling. issue of \fnor) and a 1000d ofother So, it's lime to gird Ihe loins stuff. (whatever mat means) and face up to But I can'! Sttffi 10 make mysdfput Ihe f.l,a Ihat if I W WINTER 1008 F@CUS 3 THE LIES WE TELL TO SEE THE TRUTH Dev Agarwal refiects on the fascinating military career of Sargeant Steve Weddle and things that make characters really interesting magine this scene:: !l's 1993. You're a {WCnty one year old man, a I hothead. You've arguro. with yOUT family, ended your first relationship. You're angry 2nd confused. So you join the US Marine: Corps. You find what you wanted: order, discipline. routine. Your h:ard work is rewarded 2nd you make corpor.l! after DnAgarwal lWO years. Now you begin to play ,he has published army like a sysu"m. Wh:n once appealed short fiction is now tedious. You yearn for days off, Ina number for the discipline 10 case up. of magazines. One morning, your men are our in "Toys",_ (wo squ:.Ids. You've gol one; your friend storyfeatur' ingRebecca, Steve: Weddle is in charge of the other. one 01 the You're droppW al the base of a hill and main point 0' given a mission. Hike 10 (he lOp. set vllwdluac up a pcrimeu:r and defend il. Bur me lersofDeY's feeling (hal you're prnending 2nd it's novel.wiUbe pointless is rdcntless. forthcoming Congr.uularions, this is your first from Aeon exiSTential crisis at the age of twenty magazine. Is that Sgt Steve Weddl. playing ftIotbatl three. wlthhlsmarine",b",'d",di".,lN",'::..' -'- .... _ At the top of th~ hill, you g~t OUt a football and invit~ your 5 [0 fir a wider SIOry, writers s«k to rc:alname. iIIumina[c charaCier for the reader. These lies are: told for enlena.inmenl, buta!sowrcvealttulh -not actual, provable hisroric trulh, but the more dangerous concepl ofdramatic truth. I heard this S10ry many years ago in Sanla Cruz, California, when my friend Geoff introduced me ro SICVC. This was a funny story that StCVC r«OUnled. There: was, according 10 him, c:vc:n more: confusion and chaos in his life. Being a sc:rgeanl had rc:ally suaightenc:d him out. Steve was f>C'rhaps an archetypal E American. blond, Strong. easy going. 8 He had a pasl, he had a fUIUre:: he was [raining 10 be a .social worker. He: WINTER 1008 F@CUS 5 NOTA BENE: THE ESSE WRITER'S COMPANION Every writer should have one, the writers' guides tell us, but the w~ Nina Allan talks about her relationship with notebooks he other night I sat down to I lenned to write. From an early age I WlI(ch Nick Ussa¥etCS'S film felt the need 10 'flx' things by wriling T Tht Nouboolt on Channd 4. them down. It ~ as ifeven at the age I thought it was 2 dreadful piece of of live or six I ~ afraid that if I did work. banal and sentimental. the worst not consciously ~membcr something kind of Hollywood schlock.. Within il would be gone fom-cr, ~ted, CUt half an hour of ilS beginning it had off from my present and ir~lticvable. I already joined the r;mks of my 'most ~ disturbed and upset by thc thought haled' movies, right up there wilh of this happening, by whole ponions Noning Hill and TIN Sound of Music. of my life and experience sliding I carried on watching. pardy out of a inexorably into the past. The best way of kind of horrified F.ucinarion and partly preventing this - and it was something I because [hadpfnllnrdto watch this film grasped intuitively, without being told and was damned if I was going 10 be seemed to be to write things down. If I cheated ou[ of my honestly earned TWO wrOte things down the memories would hours of R&R I was glad when il was remain uncorrupted, inviolate, and over and Ihc specific d«a.ils of Ihc plor therefore a living part of my prc::scnt. h..vc :.t.Iready slipped. from my memory. Noneofthcsce;lrly notebookssurvive BUI nonetheless it did ~t me Ihinking - thank goodness - bUI they wc:re viral aboul the mLSOn I had picked OUI Ihc bccalJ.\C they SCI the panem for my life. film in the first place - its r;tk- and Ihc I feel naked - incomplete - ifI happen power Ihat $«ffied to be connined in to le;lvc home without my notebook. If those rwo simple words. I rcalise tOO late that I've done this I'm I love nOtebooks. You might even say immediately chccking my bag to make I am addicted to them. Most writers' sure that I have at least somnhinx - the guides arc quick to suess the imporlance blank pages of a diary, the inside Rap of the notebook to anyone interested in ofa paperback - to write on if I should nonetheless a writing, and whilsl I'd agree with that at need it. nory problem once I'd also say that a lot of what has I once read somewhere about a or derail a -- bct-n wril[en on the subjcci seems to me group of school le 6 F<1>CUS WINTER 1008 NTIAL DEATH WOULD LIHE iter's notebook can be more than just a tool. TO SAY - ... . I heard the wail, that horror of wanting in every breath and cherished word that passed between them. Like secrets. the cadences of loving and losing are tough to mistake for a future. o tomorrow, then? I'll give you a past. show you the glass of chance and measure every slash and suture made to wounds that will not heal. ru play her (0 Lady of Sorrows, you'll pray) and lay him fast asleep in the unforgiving ground. There aren't words for that kind of sound. giving birth to rh~ best thing you have ever written ('the best thing that a'IJOlI~ has ever written: you whisper to yourself as you hand over the money). While it but I mysclfcannot usc them! [fell in is new, sweet-smelling, aching to be love with one once, a reponer's pad. I used there is always the possibility that purchasc:d it with hope in my h~tI only the work to come, for once. will be easy to abandon it a mere ten pages in. The: and inspired and trouble-free. Similarly, feint is tOO narrow - I don't like narrow the wrong notebook can be blamed for fein! because it forces me 10 write: lOO anything and everything, Once, when small. Plus iI's hard-covered -I don't a nory was going particularly badly, like: mal eithef. it feels tOO permanent, I slarted and abandoned thr~ new 100 impermeable. you can't try things nmebooks in me cou~ of a week. All our in a hardb:.Jck notebook wilhoUi of rhem were wrong; one bealusc it lKing constantly 2W2fC ofthe possibiliry was hardbacked, anorher bealusc ir was and cmb.rrassmcm of failure. Also it's narrow feint, and rhe Ihird bealusc its dose-bound - so dina. Ifyou rip a page cover was '100 frivolow: (I jest not.) OUt it shows. and everyone's going 10 I usc a WH Smim Red and Black A5 know you m:ade a mistak... (never mind spira.l~bound plasric~mJ nOlebook tholl you arc the only person that cvc:r wirh wide feim and a piece ofelastic 10 scc:s the thing in the fint place). kttp il closed when not in usc:. I've been I have me guilry h:lbit of buying wing mesc: now for )'"rs and tu.ve a 'spare' notebooks, just because I like mild phobia about mem suddenly be:ing I the look of them, juSt bcausc there is discominued. (How ptl"Ved, intrigued noming 10 c:qualrh(' notebook in terms and delighted I was when I read P.ilul of nwtiMl promise. A new notebook Awrer's wonderful novel Of/uk Ni:ht, seems to hold OUI the possibiliry of and found within the first len pages his WINTER 1008 F<1>CUS 7 narrator dcscribing a similar low-grade the question helps me lO discover lhe pleasure or profit little more than a kind fear! Of course the cover blurb had answer. This roo is a piece of advice: I of posthumous eavesdropping? already made the novel irresistible to me would hand on to anyone: you cannot He~ again I think the answt'r to by referring to a 'mysterious notebook,' ask yourself tOO many questions. The this question must lie with tht' writt'r. and Auster's heavenly dcscription of great thing about being the writer is I recently read a biography of the lhe st:l.tionery shop. the 'Paper Palace,' that you know you h.avc the answer writer Anna Kavan, in which her is worth the covcr price: by iudf to any somewhere wirhin you. Moreover there biographer Jeremy Reed pointt'd out in writer.} is no 'wrong' answer. It is simply a his introduction thar one of his main Not that my underlying faithfulness m.a.ner of finding the one ]0'" know is difficulties in assembling the book came to this one brand of nOlebook preventS right. from the faCt th:n Kavan purposely me from looking to sec Wh'll else is out I've often thought lhal the incipicnr destroyed all her notebooks, journals there. or even enjoying a brief flination m.agic of nOlebooks must have secpcd and diaries, with the express intention from time to time. I have a peculiar out ioro rhe wider world, nm jusr that she would remain 'the world's best fascination for the 'Paperblanks' series because there are so many of them in kept secret, one [hat would never be of notebooks, exquisite creatures with the shops .and in such temptingvaricry told,' metallic highlights on the cover and a surely not all ofthem are sold to writers? 1 felt divided when I learned of this. magnetic clasp. Tht'y are so bt'autiful - but also because there is a sub-genre On the one hand it seems .a tragedy it seems almost impossible to sully of the literary biography that might that we as readers and writers can nt'ver them with idle thoughts. I was given best be called 'The Notebooks Of.' learn precisely what drove this unique one for Christmas last year - it has Within lhis group we find, reproduced and uniquely troubled writer, that these smooth, slightly off-white pages and the on expensive paper and accompanied 'secrets' are indeed fOrever lost. glittering heads ofthrtt carousel horses by copious nOlCS and scholarly essays, On the other it is difficult to overstate parading across the covt'r. I've st:l.ned rhe facsimile pages of the working the appeal thar this posthumous control to make notes in it, for a future novel. nmebooks of not:l.ble writers, mists, of her own estate, this 'clean slare' The thing is useful to me as a repository historians and scientistS, laid out for approach has for me. Kavan wished for lhese ideas but I'm aware even as I all 10 sec complete wilh crossings- 5rIE. Tt-lRE:V ttE: ClOT 8 F0CUS WINTER 1008 www.xkcd.com MASTERCLASS No.4: DESCRIPTION We"ve dozed our way through Dream a maker of maps. but notl lear a Sequences. We've squinled at Pomtol maker of Maps for Fantasy Novels Vlew.We"vemarvelledatlnspirallon Those remain in Ihe future,afiner andilsc(osecotleague Observllhon. thing that will come with time. Always We have licked our fingers and keep the best to last. counted the Money_ Now we move on In the meantime, tel us to finer Ihlng5 concentrate on what mIght s.eem at InthlslnstalmentyouwlUmeeta first to be the unpromisIng subject 01 farmer, a bank In the red, an aimless descnpllon. seagull a man who knows where the drains are and a young lady remoYlng all her ctothes. Nothmg Like °h ever appeared In Focus n the old days Never Iel,t be said 'hat ttl "9S dont Improvewl~tlme ¥r-u ·'.ll even ",eel a .artograr er It was tIN IHginninl oflIutumn, lind tIN suamboJlt Gonrharov 1I.'iIS "mninl dou?! tIN now rmpty lll/&lI. Earl] rold sJWlls had srt in, lind OlIN" tIN t"tJjlooJs oftIN riwr's AsiJItir txpanu,.from its ,asum, almuly rnJdm,tI hanks. /I Jrtr:Jnl u'intl U'iIS blowinllJilrd lindfast IIlllinst it, pullinlon tb,flal al tIN sum, and on tiM /,1I1S. caps anti c10tlm oftltol' walking on t/)( d«k. uorinkling tI)(irJam, brating at rluir slmors and Iki",. 71)( luamboar was aerompani,d both aimlm', alld "diously by a sil/gir s,agu" -lit limn i/ UlVUitlfly i1/ an outward fUt1Jf. bllllking on sharp Ivings, right b,hind Ihr sum; lit rim" ir would Ilip away a( fUr angl, i1l/0 rhrdistanc" offto tI)( sidr. flJ if not knowillg wlJilr to do with inrlfill this wiJd"n,SJ oflh,grrar riwr alld thr grry autum/lal slry. ·This is a pie<"e of straightforwud Although [here arc: no ch.. racters in this worth commenting upon. Perhaps one descriptive writing that I think p.. ragraph. no plot developments, no would think that :I. descriptive: :l.biliry makesaquictlybrilliantopening hints of what the story is going to be is so bound up in the whole business to a shon story• .scuing the locuion. :l.bout, you become drawn in by this of writing fiction lhal it i5 a skill environment. mood and perhaps effe<"tjve opening and (in my case :1.1 indislinguishable from the test. rven the period with c:conomial but leut) eager to nnd out more. Even so. we know {he~ is good bc:autifullanguage. The story is 'CallingCards', written in descriptive writing and bad. so Ihe We learn immediately that we arc: on 1940 by Ivan Bunin, an imigri Russi:l.n usu.alliterary elements ofhean. ~ and a river-boar, tholt the river is the Volga. wriler then living in Cruse, France. [edmique must all be involved. (so we arc: in Ru.ssia). that it is frc:aing MOSl of Bunin's storics from this period oold beause of a wind from the cast. are SoCt in an imagined pre-revolutionary Description in ficlion is all aboul and that the fedings of aimlessness Russia. half real, half fanlasy. The observation. The author observes some and tedium arc: summed up by the faCt that Wt: ha= to read the SlOry in place. thing. evem. action, character, movements of a following se..gull. The translation from the origin..l Russian etc.• relevant to the Story. By describing bo..t is propelled by ste..m, so the story (by Hugh Aplin) only makes the skill of it the writer invitcs the reader 10 observe is nOllikdyro beset in theprcsent day. the storytelling more remarkable. imaginatively whal is happening. I All of this is stated, nOl implied, so as Descriptive text is of course at suppose you could say that the ideal you read through the paragraph your the heart of all narrative fiction, and descriptive passage would therefore be awareness gradually grows and you StoHl so much an ordinary pan of what a one in which the writer manages to co see and fed the scene as it develops. wriler dOCl; that it might seem hardly convey exactly the intended image. In \\1NTER IUUD F0CUS 9 effect, writer and reader would then 'sec' the image in an identical way. Ifthe re;lder doesn'l 'sec', or misundern;lnds, then the description must in some W;ly bedefleienl, The trUe observer of wh;llever it is th;ll's being described is in fact neilher Ihe writer nor Ihe re"der, bUI either ;I ehuaeter in Ihe nory or Ihe viewpoint Ihe ;luthor has ch~n, In bOlh ases, Ihe n;llure of Ihe ohscrver is irsclf an inBuence on wh"t is seen, and governs Ihe selection Ihat is made. To illusu';l.[e Ihe poinl, imagine a Ir.lCt of countryside. Vuious differcnt prople sel ;lbout Ielling you wh;lt rhey find interesring abour it. A foumer, for insrancc, would see a certain quality in the land, ar.lble or pasrure, and tell you about thai, A canogr.lpher would be interesled in main fearures: W;llerways. roads. hills, dwellings, churches, and put rhose on the map, A borough surveyor would tell you where Ihe dr.lins and public services had been bid. Someone driving a car on a molOrway Ihat runs through it would hardly norice it at all, and perhaps remember only a truck thaI was annoyingly blocking the fasl lane. Someone who lives in a house in the " An of these people would convey some coumryside might be interesred in his garden and obsessed with noisy even believe they are describing every thin motorbikes that W;lke him up at nigh!. All of these people would convey ten you informs you as much about them something that maners 10 them, and consider how a creative artist - a painte might even believe they arc describing everything that you need to know. or a poet - might respond to the same so But what rhey tell you informs you a.s much about them as abour whar they're matters. They can also convey how the p describing, Also consider how" creative "nist - a p"inter, a photographer, " composer, a noveliSI or a poet - might respond to the same scene, They arc not nep of my definilion above, nol only that the author is relling us resuicred to practical matrers. They can But an omniscient viewpoim is still from his omniscient viewpoim aboul also convey how rhe place feels. a viewpoint, and the way the author the tedium, bUi thaI people on rhe Description does not jusl set " describes his scene is none the less boal are feeling it too: the only thing scene or depicI "aion. It also tdls you peppered with human impressions. happening oUlSide Ihe boat is this bird, somelhing about the choicc the wriler .... the now empty Volga' implies and even thaI is neither imercSled nor has made, Ihe viewpoint Ihar is being rhe voyage hu been going on for quile imeresting. used, and from rhere rhe actual selection a while, Ihal things have changed bUI Bunin's selection is economical bUI of images rhen becomes much more ,hal the journey continues. c:ffecti~. Evc.rything that follows in subtle. The scene i5 SCI, The reader finds ' frcczjng wind ,.. pulling on the the story (which includes a Sctne of out somelhing necessary about wh.J.I's Rag those walking on the deck, surprisingly naughty but chilly so:, in going on or where il is. The character wrinkling their faces' tdls us indirectly case you're: still undecided about finding (or the viewpoint) becomes enhanced. rhar this isn'l a pleasam voyage - you OUI what happens) dc:vc:lops logically That's when it's done properly. go on deck to escape Ihe confines ofIhe from the muted. subtle images he has Look back al the Bunin example cabin or woon, bUI iI's bloody cold out set out in his opening. above. The fim Ihing to uy is th;lt rhere Ihere, so you ha~ to suffer me wind As in so many areas of writing. we i5 no personal viewpoint in the passage: and are nOI likely 10 s12Y ouaide long. can lcam from OIher an-forms. Take rhe scene i5 described omnisciently, so it .... accompanied both aimlessly and pholography, for example. would appear to fall down al the second tediow.ly by a single seagull' suggests Aphorograph inrccordofsomething 10 f@CUS WINTER 1008 in misrrprcscnting the scene by ICOlving OUt mosl of ii, the tllle ~nce ofsome pan of it would be enhanced. And in making mat choice, once again Ihe painter rC'VCOlls somelhing of himself or hersd( Only IWO colours arr mentioned by Bunin in Ihal firsl paragraph: me 'grey' Roods of the river's expanse, me banks that air 'already reddened', Ihen 'grey' again in the description of Ihe sky. The monochrome effect is almost complete. Jml the reddening of the banks, unexplained in natural terms, so perhaps Bunin is using the colour in a gently metaphorical way ... the banks reddened by the cold wind, like the face of someone standing on deck. S1aring out across the river. Well, grey is a colour too. and colour is always an imporr-Illt conSlituem of description. Maybe you have been wondering what a SIOry by a dClld Russian c:xile has 10 do with Ihe more urgem needs ofSF/famasy. When J S1:med rCOlding SF, way back bcforr Ihe dawn of time, I was almost immediately struck by the way in which mosl writers invoked. colour. Herr arr thing that matters to them, and might a few alraets from one descriptive paragraph in Ray Bradbury's 11K Silvrr g that you need to know. But what they L«1lSff:. •... me blue hills ... pools of silver .as about what they're describing. Also water green wine canals ... bronze Rowers gold spiders ... lav.lo bubbled T, a photographer, a composer, a novelist silvery the brown Manian people .. ~ne. gold coin eyes ..... They are not restricted to practical Now J. G. Ballard, from the first page of Studio 5, (he Stars (one of his lace feels. " Vermilion Sands stories, a fact worth mentioning in the context ofcolours): '... broken skeins of coloured tape Sttn. But good pholOgraphers. like To ClpturC something more lasting, ... a vivid cerise bougainvillaca ... Red wri,,~rs. select what they shoot and make (0 tell a SlOry, a phmognpher (like rht' Beach ... a cloud of coloured lissues .. a statcffienl by doing so. That t!1lCI of farmer, the canogn.phcr, cle.) would her long Nile-blue hair ... an oval ice countryside 1mcmioncd: you could l2kc look around for some image thai white face ... bbck glass ftont door ..: a wide-angle landscape shot. showing seems to sum up what's important or A1gis Budrys, in one shon paragT2ph what the countryside aau;dly looks interesling. h might be an abandoned of~Mf1I)1r. IiI«.-, :.lnd if you've got a good camera house, a pond. some woodland, a wind .... a tilting pbne of glittering blue and you get the shot lined up properly generator ... a doSC'-up shot wilh rrlcvant black ... two DCt'$ of coarse dull brown it will ~ an accur:ltc rcprCSI:ntation. detail, or someming ironic. rypical, ... cuna.ins ofgreen and white ... folds of However, there arc limitations on such beauliful, shocking, and SO on. Or cvc:n green and white ... Rickering red lighl .. a piclUK. It can only ever show wh;u anolher kind of landscape photograph, blue, grecn. yellow hC WINTER 1008 F@CUS 11 Watch what happens to the relationship one gains is of a meul boat moving of the colours to each other. InSlead of along a cold grey tiver under a dull sky. scrming n:nur.t.l, the colours suddenly "But try a Even the SC2gull (undescribed by Bunin uke on a much more imercsting, subtle in :l.ny det:l.i1) is likely to ~ grey. But is quality. Sometimes a son ofoverall hue similar experiment it a monochrome picture. an old b&w becomes apparem, not noticed while film, a 1950s tdevision set~ My own the colours wen: SI:l normally: actors' in descriptive subjective readingofIhal passage renders clothes look diffcn:m; areas of shadow il in colours: they are subdued colours, become monochrome. Other colours writing: make less a pallet of different greys, desaturated become surprisingly important, not but not denatured. Colour is presem, if noliced ~fon:, even though they an: to be more, use nOt presently in view. Meanwhile, grey less 'colourful' now. Turn it tOO far colour sparingly is a colour too. and you will end up with a black-and Here's Bunin's use of colour to white image, devoid ofall colour. but as to emphasize it describe the woman in the story, after soon as you stan reversing the process. she has raken refuge from the cold colours again become striking, even and make it stand weather in the man's chilly cabin. A5 though they arc grey-ish, muted. Keep she removes her clothes under his turning the knob beyond 'normal'. and out, try to find unwavering regard: you enter the n:alm of psychedelic, .... grey-lilac ... grey stockings ... little over-satutated colours, beloved ofNs exact synonyms bl~ck shoes ... the prominent triangle of in Chinese takea~ys and Dixons' showrooms, and hen: colour becomes for shades, pastels, I think I'll StOp there. abnormal and intrusive. Normal colour is fine. h's natur.t.l, tints. " expectable, unn:markable. Go on colours - blue, black, brown, grttn, • 'Calling Cards' is included in using it. Bur try :I. similar expcrimem while, red, blue, grecn, yellow, whizzing DRrk Avmun by Ivan Bunin, One in descriptive writing: m2ke less to ~ around almost at random - is about as World Classics, ISBN: 978-18474 more, usc colour sparingly 10 emphasize imercsting and evocuivc as a displ:l.Y of 90476. it and make it st2nd out, try to find disco lights. cxaa synonyms for shades, pastels, Back 10 Bunin. His use of colour tints. Budrys's f2t-a-rat of primary is minimal. and the o\'erall imorcssion Unidentified Flying Abject. 12 F0CUS WINTER 1008 BEWARE OF THE INFODUMP The infodump is atrap that can ensnare even the most experienced writers. Gillian Rooke offers some advice on how it might be avoided. i<:k dc:finition: Infodump when the: write:r de:Jibe:l':ltdy withholds onr Nicholtu Wrywnd &ntly Ftrdillalld is any C'xplanation or information. bur [ am not going to Storurr th~ yo"ng~r. ItnowlI lIS WlldlUra information, of whatcver discuss this here:. 10 hisfrit1lds ii/ rrlrbratiOIJ ofll rntlur length;Qt interrupu the Row of the Infodump is a very large: hurdle. (more rrdious lIalllrr I~cturr h~ hadbrt1l allouotd narr-nive. of:l Gl'1l.nd National fence really) which '"a nulxr misguid~d ftaclJrr 10 drlivrr ill So the idea is to introduce: explanations is at itS worst right :.at the beginning of tlu Ihinifonn. and brolr~ his n«lr. and omu info in such a way th:u it :.a book :.and continues for three or four [ .B. I wouldn'l run this through the docsn't slow up thc: re;lding and ~ in chapte:rs. He:re: is a simple: Example of gr.lmm:n ch«ker if I were: you. h'd the way or cvc:n look ridiculous. as il so uying to dump the: very finr necessary probably cra.sh your compuu:r.l ofi:t'n can. information- n:.ame :.and p WINTER 1008 F0CUS 13 Theigrodllmp ugleave anempl to SCI Ihe scene in a temporal bluing fire with his staff, and whisked Which brings me back to pan of Ihe feadefsfeelmg way. i.e. a potted history. This is always two comfortable arm chairs up close to definition "nccess;try or nOI." Necessary swamped WIth a had idea. If you have a long involved il. wriling, and il can be a single word or mformaoO/l hiSfory you need 10 either put it in a ~Come boy~ he said ~The lime has come three or four chaplers, is writing chat preface, or find places in the tCXt where to Iell you of your parentage... ~ fulfils a funclion. it is apposite, throughout Ihe firS! three This is about Ihe shortest intro you What are the functions ofwriting? chapters. The most obvious (I hope) and could get away wilh. In a good book 1 Advancing the plol. commonly used way of doing this is to it would be longer and more detailed. 2 Describing a person or scene have someone telling their hisloryor the Remember of course chat an aCtion 3 Making a poim or analogy which history of their people to someone clsc. sequence has preceded il. You couldn'l; is outside the confines of the Warning, il is a good idea if the person for instance, Sfarl a book Jike [his. book itself. or action, description, they arc telling it ro doesn't already or- Griselda studied herself in the voice. know il,- hurdle 1- also -hurdle 2 - that mirror. She hardly recognisro herself in History of course is usually part of the Ihey need ro know ii, and -hurdle 3 this ridiculous oUifir. Why did she have plot, ahhough it is also ocQSionally used Ihat [hey arc nOI shooling rapids while to wear a dress hundreds of years old~ as colourful description. You nttd to be fending off giam alligators with their Ikausc it has bttn handed down for cenain sure with history particularly, paddles, during the lelling of it. Hurdle how many generations~ Whal have we thou il is nCCCSS2I')' 10 the readers full 4 is a liltle morc difficult. There should to do now with ancestors that fought apprccialion of the plol. If it is nOI, il be a specific reason why someone is with swords for heavens sake...C1c is unnecessary. and Ihetefore infodump, being told Ihis hislory at this particular In chis ClJSI: you gel Ihe emotions and however succc:ssfully you have fined il lime. opinions of Ihe heroine interlarded in. And it is an annoying red herring Another way is [0 have someone with the hislory, and you learn how because people cxpect every piece of thinking about a stalus passage they prescm day mores dash wilh il. You ge[ information in a book to be used. will be going Ihrough, and Ihinking of an emotional scene in which you learn A prime example ofunnecessary history whal their ancestors would have done nOI only the hiS!ory buc how it conAiclS is found in Tolkien. Therc is a greal lome in similar circumstances. wilh present ideas, plus you also gel of Annals of Ihe Kings, but fonunately What is always important whalcver your character profile ofthe heroine. A for those ofus whoare nOllhat interesled way you introduce your history, is thaI scene like this has a triple function. in history, especially ficrional history. it the action must be slowed right down Every scene in your Slory should have is normally published separately. and the scene be set for this talc, or at least one function, and a good wricer speculation, or reminiscence. can usually find twO functions for any Description Of Surroundings Ex The cunains were drawn againsl che scene. Three chough is quice good. [ There is less of a problem with this cold dark nighl, and the wizard Jit a wonder whal the record is~ because it seldom constitutes infodump. 14 F@CUS WINTER 1008 Writers usually have the seIlS(" to 01" 'set' (he scene before the aClion 2 He uno::pecledly sees 12kc:s place, or 10 Stop Ihe acrion in himself in a mirror and WHERE TO order 10 describe something. The is muck for some (good) only dc:scriprions allowed during reason by his appearance. an action sequence are those 3 Another ,h2f2C1er sees and penaining directly 10 the action dc:scribe:shim. BEGIN itself. ex N blinkered by his visor. 4 He is described by another and hampered by his inability to char.lCler 10 a third turn his head in the helmet, didn't character. see the blow coming. This is OK, 5 He describes himself 10 but 'N was wearing a space suit, another chara"er in an WHERE TO BEGIN and blinkered by ...etc ' is not, email or similar, because ....'C' should have been 6 You, Ihe author describe The wonder 01 this is the grief that's with us, the wine told that he was wearing a space him, but this laner is suit righl at Ihe beginning of the rdlricted loa novel that's in us; blood of God and body of song. Even Troilus sequence. We couldn't 2C1ually which is aUlhor- narrated be told (h2t (he space suit .....ould throughout. knows how and when to make an end, regardless mm him vulne12ble in 2 fight, Unless you 2fC using aUlhor before Ihe fight happened; because n2l12lion you have 10 use \·5 for 01 love. rll find you as I"ve promised, remind you th2t would have been as much all your ch2t:l.cters because simply an infodump as reference 10 the describing a chaDCler for no rea.son our story is too true to make amends. rtt bind you aClUal space suit during the fight is always infodump, sequence is. Complicued? Well. So also is using pan of the as heroes must need become bound, I'll hide you the watchword is relevance, Every description during the a"ion for .....ord phrase sentence etc should be no good reason ex 'Her fa.ir hair downwind of here, outside this garden, My dove, relevant to the words and phrases flying around het had, she Slarted immediately around it, 10 run.' Worse is Ihe pUI for the untruss your burdened wings; we've run aground Think of2.scene as a suge set, Once whole 'The fa.ir haired ffim' or even the aCiion St2US you expecl Ihe set 'thc fa.ir head picked up [he luber.' where tight no longer gilds aspiring dust, Let's linger [0 be complete, You don'l expect Always 2void snippet descriptions just a while now, till the day's done, ere we move on to see back suge boys bringing in in Ihe texl unless they are dif'C'Ctly new SlUff while the cha12C1ers are relevafll 10 the 2ction. ex ' His nir engaged in a Steamy lovt scene. BUI ha.ir made him 2n ea..sy largel.' and apart. Sure. your grave's a deep one. Thafs a start. when that love scene suddenly turns I have often heard il said that into an accusation ofinfideliry, and reminders of people's physical one ofthe ,har-lClers jumps up 2nd appea.rance should be found grabs something from a rack on the throughout the book. I don't think wall, it is most unlikely that you this should ever be ne'essary. If will have remembered what the the description was properly done objttl was from your filSl cursory in Ihe fim place we should be appraisa.l of Ihe sel, although you 'seeing' the characler from Ihen on. would probably have noticed a Only if there is a clunge in their weapons 12ck. You namine Ihe 2ppe2t:l.nCe is mother description obtea in derail for Ihe fim lime, called for. only when he gelS hold of ii, md you see that il is mold fuhioned Making APoint blunderbuss. So the blunderbuss The wriler's voice should of would be described at this point, course always be implicil in their not as pan of the .scene selling at ,haraclers or plot silUarions. Ifit is the beginning, RelCV2Jlce. imended ro rise above (he contem of the book, it must be launched Description Of People by the plot and chara(;\ers, like a One of the moSt diffi'ult tridem missile erupting from the descriptions to get right is that of sea. Again, it must have complete [he hero himself, and this is a big relevance or it won't reach its problem n"en for Ihe seasoned largel, wriler, There are only a Iimiled Lastly, remember that a single number of possible ways 10 do this word can also be infodump. It is and so they all seem h2ckneycd.. 2nything, basically, thai doesn't fit I He can Ix thinking ofwh21 into Ihe Row of the rading, 2300 he looks like to somebody words. WINTER 1008 F@CUS 15 KNEE DEEP IN THE SLU EXPERIENCES OF A FIR Martin McGrath is normally on the other side of the desk when it CI rience - here he talks about what he learned from judging the BSFJ en I took on the (uk of into paragraphs or that Ihe story was then (usually about a third of the way running the BSFA's 50th immediately and obviously derivative through) look a sharp turn and go ~Anniffrsary Science Ficlion (e.g. stories Ihal were re'hashes of BIt1Jj down anOlher roule emirely. Shon Story Competition I had no or Star Trrk with Ihe names filed off). Too often stories began with long cxpcricnu of editing fiction - I'm a As this is my only cxperience of p4SUge5 of aposilion or complicated m~ne «Iifor in real life, but it's not being on Ihis side of me slushpile J can't dcscriplions of plaa and lime which. 16 F@CUS WINTER 1008 SH - NIGHT AIDING ST TIME EDITOR - ... Imes to being part of the slush sorting expe The company of the dead have been riding I Short Story Competition about in my sleep these past nights. asking favors. "Wilt you buy me some envelopes-" a fantastically energetic opening that characters JUSt watch what is going Ihr~w the re.adc:r right into the heart of on around them passive observers the SIOry with enormous momentum. you a1mOSI cerrainly haven'l written "-some paper? Some pins? And will you Mosl storic:s, hov.·~r. don't invest a Story. Ir is very difficult to make a slng- their o~nings with the grne S(~ worthwhile mrd from ffialerial where --for my daughter, my mother? Find my of urgency. A remarkable number of the prol2gonist is passive. stories mned with [heir prO!:l.gonisl ringT waking up (slowly) or lining back and Endwithabang I freeze by the windy roadside as they pass comfortably reminiscing about the One submission 10 the competition pa5t, openings which seem to me both genuinely did f1nish with the narrator overU5M :and basically Rawed in thaI waking up from a dream. No, thai HOry in a clatter of hooves and cloaks and shoes {hey lack inuinsic dr.ama. It may nOI didn't make Ihe shortlisl. Nor did Ihe from all times and places, their many pale always be possible 10 come up with the one where the prolagonisl uncovered faces perfect pithy line for your story (and it an alien inv:rsion and Ihen walked off m;ay not always be appropri;l.Ic) but you to live in a log cabin. drunk with dew and moonlight to behold should make rhe effort [0 make your Satisfying endings can be happy or me. opc:'ning as engaging;ls you can. heanbreaking, they can be violent or calm, they can be a surprise or Ihey can Tell a SIOry be grindingly inevil"able ftom the very If I wake, I wonder. will the grass This might sound painfully obvious but opening SCntence of the story but they be as green in the place where I stood :.lI remarkable number of submissions should ddiver an emotional pay-offand if I might find it? Or witll see [0 the BSFA Short Story Competition logical conclusion 10 the cvcnl$ you've ~rc:n'l stories. In SOffit cases dlis is set into aaion through the .story. ddibcn.tt - one of rhe mOSI intdlige:nt A number of unsatisfying endings the cloaks and the horses, the midnight and interesling submis.sions to recurred in the stories submiued. The gloom of the forest and the watch-fires the competition was a beautifully ~dtux tX machineM ending (where a written stream of consciousness thaI previously unhinted at force emerges of the hunt's master and his sentinels, encompassed ~erything from rock al the end to set everything right) music 10 philosophy and science, it was was disiressingly common, as was the who have no need of paper. pins. or sleep? ptrhaps Ihe most enjoyable thing I read bad guy pomificating aboul his plan during Ihe whole comptrition, but it before succumbing to some simple wasn't a story. trick Ihat turned Ihe IlIbles and SCnt In mosl cases, however, f.rilures of him into another dimensionllhe path plorwcren'tddiberateartisticstatemellis of a parricle beam/back in lime. Most but struclural flaws in lhe writing. In :a frustrating ofall were the endings where Story it is important thai things happen Ihe prolagonist discovers something to your proragonisl (this mayor may lerrifyinglamaz.ing and then simply nOI be your point of view chancter) runs away and does nOlhing about it. and Ihal the protagonist rtSponds in Again, mrJly good endings are hard a way Ihat makes things happen in 10 do bUI where a good opening will al the environment around Ihem. The least encourage Ihe reader (and editor) characler may begin as passive and slow to read everything you've wrillen, a toaCI (like. most famously. Hamlet) but good ending will leave lhem with a ultimalely Ihey have to do somelhing warm feeling about whal chey've jusl or you don't have a SlOry. And, for the read something worlh their time. uory to be really complete, their action has 10 change: something wilhin in ~ always, I make no claim 10 expertisc Ihem or in Ihe world around Ihem. in Ihis wriling lark and offer chese If you've written somelhing where observations withoul guarantee. WINTER 1008 FC1>CUS 17 CONVENTIONAL WISDCJ FOR ATTENDING SF COl Jetse de Vries reckons that neophyte writers can get far more fro juS! returned from the World rejecled. This happens all the dme, and discover Ihe nexl greal talent, and Ihey F:mtasy Convcntion in Calgary. as long as you behave as a professional, don't know yet jfyou arc that person. So I Normally my column is about you will get more chances. And if the how do you approach these people the writing (SF) ilSdf, but this lime I'll work is up to scr:arch, it will eventually right way? Here arc a few tips: talk about what a writer-a relatively sell. For example, an author we had .Attend a panel and even better. ask unknown one-might do actually get a published several times in Imerwne an imelligem question (normally higher profile in the publishing business met an agent at World Fantasy (a few a panel will lake questions from by :.I.uending cons. years ago), and on the menglh of his Ihe audience). Then righl after J.ts.d. So let's as!iumc you have just finished short story sales that :agent asked him ro Ihe pand closes, it is perfeclly Vries is: (or already published) several shOft send a synopsiS and first three: chapters acceptable to introduce yourself to alAttthni· storio, or howe S13rltd or finished your ofhis first novel. "lhis W2S turned down, panel members you wam 10 make cal speclal firs! novel hasically you have a product however with a thrtt-page rejection Isllon comacl with; 10 sell. Obviously, you should also do lener full offtt ~S Adrienne J Odasso nattending SF conventions than a hangover He said there were eyes in the trees, and roses in the bush, which might sting if I touch • Attend a reading, either oran bar. Or all of the above. Again. in their leaves. Upon the stone wall, which we author you greatly like, or of an the bar it's perfectly accepl'able to editor/writer you like to get in w;alk up [0 somebody you want m did not build, branches overladen curl touch with (and there are indeed see-as long as you don't disturb to the sky-persimmon, pomegranate, plenty of people who acc both the conversation they're having tOO nettle. wfiring and editing). Almost much, but it's fine m tactfully join nothing flatters an author more that conversation-and introduce than aucndingeithcr their signing yourself: I'll fight for the words, for the names, or their reading (or both); • Always inrroduce yourself, and which are mine, and I'll touch the rose • Go to the panies: every always wear your name badge. As convention will have a message Gordon Van Gelder quoted Alfred leaves board where mosl of lhl.' panics Bester m me at a recent IUllch: if I please. In my veins is the picture already, arc announced. There arc plenty "never assume everybody in the the chance of paint, the scraped hide, the of fan panies. but publishers field knows you'", In case you're throw parties. a!i well. Launch not stite ifyou already introduced eyes panics, or just panics to promote yourself, just do it again: people in the trees become eyes in the vines themselves. And make no mistake: will not be offended, Better one publishers want people to come to time tOO much than not at all; of the dance, of the blooming theirpanies. [threwan Interzone So, which cons should you go m? party at LACon IV, and helped Certainly it won't hun ifyou check out and the sting of remembrance that I Lou Anders throw a Pyr party a small local con before you go m the at Denvemion. and both of us big ones: I went to the BeneluxCon am the woman asleep had one big fear: that far roo before I went off the deep end to few people would show up. As attend Interaction in Glasgow (my first in the branches. it happened, both parties were WoridCon). h gives you a bit of the packed and a great success, h is feel of a con without rhe intimidation usually perfectly acceptable [0 of the big ones, Still, you will have to walk into a party uninvited: most face those eventually, as that is the place publishets want their panies to where the publishing industry people be well-attended and will rarely, will be gathering, Therefore, in the UK if ever, deny people access. They I strongly recommend EasterCon for will be packed with the people you SF, and FantasyCon for fantasy and want to meet, and nothing breaks horror. Inevitably, you should try at the ice better than a good dtink; least one WoridCon to see if it works • Go to the Con bar: conventions for you. The size-four to six thousand are always held in big hotels with people-might intimidate, but keep con facilities, and these hotels in mind that all these people are, like have a bar (at least one). Almost you, fans at hear!. But for the seriously everybody in the publishing networking writer 1 cannot recommend industry will be there one time World Fanrasy highly enough: this is or another: relaxing between the place to be if you really wam to panels, signings, presentations get in much with those at the heart of and readings; relaxing before or genre publishing. I JUSt returned frorn after a business meeting; having the Calgary one, and I can'l wait for the an ad hoc business meeting; next one, Actually, I already paid my relaxing before or after dinner, anendancefee. Be there! or actually having dinner there; getting warmed up for a party or JUSt partying there right in the WINTER 1008 F@CUS 19 SHORT STORY COMPETITION WINNER ANNOUNCED AT BSFA PARTY PUSH crick Gladwish, with the . ... Story "Neslbusrcr", won the !t"SFA's 50th Anniversary They say it works perfectly, this slab Short Story Competition. Roderick made of stone that may be the only thing (pictured opposite with plaque marking between us and the darkness. Deftly, his victory) received the news - and a cheque for £500 - from BSFA President Stephen Baxter. lift your hand and sign grief, brush the sand With 120 entries and an extremely from your eyes, and know that eternity high quality shortlist, the BSFA 50th Anniversary Short 5lOry Competition is a pivot-swing and a single step was a big success. lhc overall quality ofSfodes was very high and the forward if you would but place your palms selection of a final shortlist was extremely difficult. The distinguished against the blackness and pray for amends panel ofjudges (Stephen Baxter, to be made. You. standing there living Alistair Reynolds and Justina Robson) reached their final decision only after considerabledebare. and breathing, know that this threshold The winner and many of the mhcr sends shordisted entrants were present at (which will be included with the: next BSFA mailing) will be a hction special us to where the horses are running BSFA 50th Birthday Party - held :l.l the Melton Mowbray pub in Holborn feacuring Roderick's story and the hve and dragging us we are here waiting in December - to hear the winner other stories that made it OntO the announced. competition's hnal shortlist. Also in that issue will be details for death. for an answer, for the door- Readers of F()cUJ will be able to make: their own assessment ofwhether of the relaunched James While Short the: judging panel chose: the corrc:<:t Story Competition, which will in future: story as the next issue of this maga1.ine be administered by the BSFA. "The guyot the door wallts to Imow if we've all beell saved?"