ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT SPORTS page 13: Polo Interview page 6 New Mural GREAT OBSCURE page 10: Occupy Ithaca AUTHORS page 8 April/May 2012 • Estd. 1892 • Vol. 120 • No. 6• Published Monthly • www.ihstattler.com • Ithaca High School, 1401 N. Cayuga St., Ithaca, NY, 14850 • PRICELESS KOREANS TO LEPROSY STRikES IHS ROMNEY TO RULE IHS By LAZA RUS leading theory among investigators seems to be VISIT ITHACA that the cause is some microscopic form of life, By LIL’ KIM The transition from March to April has but again, that’s just a theory.” Despite hinting that brought with it a frightening illness to IHS: lepro- the causes were moral in nature, Powers did not Since the death of Kim sy. Known to humans for thousands of years but comment when asked if Newt Gingrich had re- Jong-Il, North Koreans have not typically seen in the developed world, the dis- cently visited the building. been fairly unhappy about ease is dangerous and capable of rapidly spread- Investigators poured into the school over the the weak leadership of his ing and potentially triggering a global crisis. Why weekend, in special spacesuit-like clothing that son, Kim Jong-Un. In order the outbreak happened at IHS is not currently protects them from infection. They spent several to restore the nation’s pride in known, but administrators were quick to point hours each day. Details of what they found are strict and violent dictatorship, out that “[because] it could kill hundreds, we have unclear, but it seems they spent most of their time citizens of North Korea man- to take precautions.” playing cards in the sweet air-conditioned halls PHOTO/PROVIDED dated that IHS South Korean The World Health Organization (WHO) has and offices of J-Building. students rule over IHS. classified the outbreak as 4.2 buckets (out of a Despite limited knowledge about the out- However, because South maximum possible value of 2π) on their “oh crap” break, precautions have been set up for those Korean students do not ap- scale, which means that the outbreak should be suffering from the disease. Activities has already preciate the brutality of the taken very seriously — it has the potential to be- been converted into a leper colony, and the old, Great Leader’s iron fist, they come a global pandemic, perhaps striking during soft, most likely diseased old furniture has been have declined to execute such a period when doctors and scientists are more brought back in an effort to make the building oppressive and violent meth- worried about variants of the flu virus. The aver- seem more homey. By MOR MONNE ods of running IHS. age rating given out by WHO is 2.7; the maxi- There is ongoing discussion about bringing Christina Seung ‘12 said, mum ever is 5.3, for the outbreak of ignorance in already-constructed colonies if the epidemic Ithaca is gearing up for Republican presi- “We definitely considered which has swept America in recent years. becomes more dire. The main idea currently is dential candidate Mitt Romney’s upcoming making AP Calculus BC Very little about any potential causes is known. to use airplanes to pull Spinalonga, a small island visit and speech on April 1st, at the IHS Kulp and AP Physics C required When consulted, Mr. Powers said, “We still have that is part of Greece, to dock in Cayuga Lake. Auditorium. Romney, known for his fre- courses for all students for not ruled out the traditional biblical causes — Spinalonga has been the site of an active leper quent financial gaffes that place him squarely graduation.” Nonetheless, gossip, theft, murder, and infidelity — but it is colony as recently as 1957, and may even still have in the 1%, admitted in a recent press release she announced that she and possible that there are other explanations, too. A some old nuns on it who can help care for the ill. that it may seem strange to be visiting a far- other South Korean students left Democratic stronghold in Upstate New had other alternatives. York, but “I’m committed to sharing my Starting on the first day views with the American people.” of school next year, all IHS GYM CLASS TO FEATURE NEW SCUBA Even stranger is the presence of Ithaca’s students will be required to fledgling Occupy Wall Street movement, dance to K-pop songs—es- DiviNG CLASS which is protesting against the very things pecially those by the nine- that Romney stands for: big business, corpo- member girl group Girls By SNORKE ELLE of widespread budget cuts, we istrators have plans to expand rations, millionaire CEOs. However, the can- Generation. All language must all sacrifice to make sure this to anyone interested. didate has made an effort to sympathize with curriculums such as Latin, The old-fashioned IHS that the quality of education at Statistics show that a person the problems of average people: “I should tell German, Spanish, French, swimming requirement is IHS remains top-notch.” can survive without food for a my story. I’m also unemployed,” he said last and Chinese will be elimi- receiving a much-needed Administrators at IHS, led few days, but they can only year in Florida. Technically, this may be true, nated and replaced with Ko- overhaul to bring it into the by Principal Powers, are eager survive without air for a few but his net worth is over $200 million, which rean classes. During lunch, 21st century. At the Board to start aligning instruction for minutes. “It makes sense to me unfortunately makes it hard to believe he’s in all students will be forced of Education (BoE) meet- the new scuba diving classes that voters in our community the same boat. to put Kimchi in their ham- ing last week, voters decided in gym. Administrators hope would choose this scuba div- Romney’s views on LGBT rights (“I op- burgers, pizza, and sand- to reallocate funds originally to receive the necessary equip- ing program over reduced- pose same-sex marriage…I have taken ev- wiches. North Korean party earmarked for reduced-price ment, which consists of 500 price lunches,” said Powers. ery action that I could conceive of within officials have even offered to lunches and transportation regulators and octopus gaug- “When we compare the need the bounds of the law to defend traditional fly over to IHS and moni- services to purchase a set of ers, fins, masks, and expo- for air to the need for food, it’s marriage and to stop same-sex marriage,” tor all students during lunch scuba diving gear as a part of sure protection cushions. “To a no-brainer!” he said in 2008) and abortion (his campaign periods to effectively enforce Superintendent Brown’s pilot complement our new Marine Now that Dr. Brown’s poli- website states that “As president, he will end this new law. In addition, ev- program. Biology course offering, our cies are taking effect, the stu- federal funding for abortion advocates like eryone is required to watch at The equipment is brand students will now be given the dents of IHS are being pre- Planned Parenthood”), as well as his health- least five Korean movies and new and includes a thermal opportunity to elect for scu- pared for all the challenges of care and economic policies, make it difficult three drama series and write suit, mask, and oxygen tank, ba diving instruction in lieu the 21st century. Students will to see how he’s going to appeal to a town a 7-page analysis on each of all professional grade. In addi- of one week of the standard receive training from the new- whose most distinctive population groups them. All of the changes will tion, it has internal compart- swimming curriculum,” said ly installed SMART Boards are socialist, yoga-loving aging hippies and take effect for the next school ments for iPods and iPads, Powers in a recent interview. and iPads to compete in the twenty-something college students. year. Each and every stu- allowing students to interface “This instruction will be taking new information economy. Nevertheless, it’s going to be an exciting dent will be required to ac- with their electronic devices place in our state-of-the-art fa- “Our goal is to put an iPad night—maybe we’ll hear one of the quotes complish dancing to K-pop while in the pool. “At IHS, we cilities, namely the deeper end in every student’s hands and an that make headlines the next morning, music, learning the Korean remain committed to provid- of our existing pool.” oxygen tank on every student’s such as this one from January: “I believe in language, watching Korean ing a safe and comprehensive Currently our pilot program back,” said Powers. “When the an America where millions of Americans movies and dramas, and eat- education to each student that only allows for four students sea levels rise and force every- believe in an America that’s the America ing Kimchi in order to grad- meets his or her needs,” said per class to take this option, one to high ground, there will millions of Americans believe in. That’s the uate. Dr. Brown. “During this time but Powers said that admin- be no child left behind at IHS.” America I love.” April/May 2012 HAIL TO THE ChiEFS IPADS ENHANCE IHS ICSD CENTRAL OFFicE REORGANIZATioN CLASSROOMS By ARYEH ZAX This year, there are 10 classrooms throughout ICSD that have re- ceived iPads. The Ithaca City School District’s “teaching and learning with technology” initiative has manifested itself in collaboration with the Ithaca Public Education Initiative (IPEI), which has brought these pieces of technology into the classroom.